Massages, Kittens & Maybe ‘Nookie’ Please….

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Morning, my little licks of ‘love festival.‘ How are you? I truly hope life is treating you well and if not, I truly hope you have enough ‘dollar’ to buy yourself booze. If not…may ‘The Gods’ look after you, as I send you all my love, from the bottom of my heart…

Is a morning wine acceptable?

I’m calm. I’m at peace. I’m excited for the future. I’m casually stalking swirls online and I need a massage. I really need one. I mean, at this point, I’d date anyone who was good at a rub down, making cocktails and carrying really heavy things.

(I’d also like ‘nookie.’ That would be good too. But not just with anyone…because I’m just not like that and well nothing is worse than wasting your ‘nookie’ time, on someone who wasn’t worth it.) 

Hear me now…

(Why have I called it ‘nookie’ and not just sex? )

Yet, it’s 9.42 am. I’m naked in Yorkshire. I’m wrapped in flamingo bed covers…and i’m blogging on my beaten up pink notebook. (I spent last night doing my Goldfish impression on Insta, simply because  a mad amount of people, kept DM’ing me about it..So it’s anything for the ‘gram.’ Lol)

‘Rocco’ my kitten is sprawled out on the window sill, all comfy, like he’s Joan Collins. Ruby’s laid next to me…STILL ASLEEP, with all of her ‘half fro’ out. She’s looks like she’s out of some kind of swaggy nursery rhyme. She also keeps waking up, opening her eyes and whispering..

‘Instagram…’

(At least I can confirm that she’s mine.)

On a downer…Cos we all love a downer…

Lots of my friends have messaged me recently, all stressed out because their own version of life, isn’t panning out exactly the way they wished it to, right now.

Tough times are temporary. Tough people are forever. Learn from both.

Have faith that everything’s going to be alright. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be..

I mean, I know things can be difficult at times, and i’ve been through some shocking times of ‘ah dee dumbilies.’ Yet, I sent one of my guy friends a message the other day…simply because i hadn’t checked in on them in a while…

It went a bit like this..

Me: ‘Hey! Making sure you’re dandy. How are you, lovely?’

Mate: ‘Awful. Things are shit.’

Lovely!! Nice to see, the cheery juice got passed around.

(When people say that, I always think that their trauma must be over something bad, yet small, because when something BIG happens, something that has shocked your system, so utterly much, that you become kinda numb inside. Well, I’ve always noticed, that my friends, will usually respond with i’m fine.‘ I know I would.)

All on the same page then.

So, being the little beam of ‘warm hearted,’ positive ‘sass,’ that I am…I kinda ‘ducked,’ then ‘weaved’ and did that thing where I pretended that  hadn’t read the message.

And I know that sounds selfish. But it’s actually not.

I couldn’t be MORE compassionate. People develop when they go through testing times. That’s how I became tough. That’s actually glued together and filled world with love. 

Plus, I’m in a really happy place right now and taking on the stress of others, when that stress has nothing to do with me, is not how I got happy.

In the words of my beautiful friend Vicky:

‘Don’t burden yourself with other peoples crazy monkies. It’s not your Circus.’

Safety first.

Anyway, lots of wonderful things are currently happening. I’m obviously working a great deal right now. I’m filming. I’m feeling good. I’m loving being mum. Ruby & Junior make my world complete. However, I have so much whizzing around my mind that I can’t sleep at all.

It’s not a bad thing. I’m just like that.

I’m being asked to influence some of the most beautiful restaurants and exciting cocktail bars…and even though Wunna Land is still growing, I’m feeling pretty lucky. I’m hopefully on my way up.

Plus, I am back on your telly SOON.

You don’t have too long to wait now…

(I’ve just had this weird flash back of KatyP, on a dog lease, at a beer garden and Canadian Lindsey restraining her, from the neck.)

Me: ‘Hmm…cute. Anyway, I’ve had such a busy day.’

KatyP: ‘Wow, it took you literally seconds to make everything all about you.’

Kinky.

I’m also at ‘Singles Night‘ at Kitty Cafe, Leeds, on Sept 21st, in the city centre. You should all come and find love with me…whilst stroking the cutest kittens in all the land. I mean, f all else fails, i got to strut about for insta pics, with a kitten in my hand, right? 😉 Imagine, if I did actually find love there…I feel like I need back up…I need a chick to come with me…

Email: info@kittycafe.co.uk  (Or call them) 

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I had a really lovely ‘bump into,’ the other night. I bumped into old friend ‘Passionate Jaz and ‘Baby Arms Tom.’

Jaz is ace, because she’s warm and lovely, yet filled with a fizz of utter feistiness. (We actually refer to is as ‘passion.’) We’re kinda like cocktails that either smooth’ their way down, or BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE. Depends on how you shook us. 😉

Jaz: ‘I’m like a sinking ship. I’m hit or miss. One end of the ship survives, the other end always dies. Depends on how I wake up…as to what side you get..’

Tom, is like a blond Ken Doll…He is literally the NICEST, most POLITEST human, you will ever meet in your life. YOU CANNOT DISLIKE TOM. It’s impossible.

‘Do you know how hard it is to run to the pub in flip flops..!!’

Anyway…

He got really Peroni pissed, decided he couldn’t see, walked into a door, in the rain, stood in a doorway, pretending to call a taxi, forgot to call a taxi, I called his taxi and then he glazed over in a warm delight, of utter happy Peroni…. numbness?

He definitely slept on the sofa.

Saturday was great!

So much fun.

I can’t wait to do it again.

Heads up…

I have dinner at Teppanyaki & Gusto coming up shortly…I’m in the mood for cocktails…I’m all about Leeds right now (the service is getting better and better)…and well today is a Mummy/Ruby day, as Junior has tottered off to his Papa’s.

Just so you remember…

You are one decision away from a completely different life. Choose wisely. Live largely. Swirl in a buzz of excitement, always.

You really DO only live once. Do not fuck up the merry windows of opportunity that you are presented with…they can change your life…

When you do and that window closes, it is so much harder to crack it back open…

Please believe that anything can happen! All you have to is try….

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life…

Ps/ I must be really happy right now, because you know how I hardly ever eat a lot. I’m a swine for it. I DO eat…but only nibble ‘here and there’ really. I graze. I never fancy a big meal. Yesterday…was the first day, after a really wonderful day, that I actually turned around, looked at my mum (who had popped over to mine) and said…

‘I’m really hungry.’ 🙂

(She beamed.)

It’s literally been months! 🙂

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Gut Instincts, Fate & Lovey Bits…

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I’m really chipper today. There’s a skip in my step and a glint in my eye. Summer is no longer getting the better of me, which is making me feel productive, kinda like i’m back in control of the shizzle. I’ve been rushing around and enjoying every inch of work. My baby boy Junior is now back from his holiday with Keiran (his Daddy)..and even though I’m a single mum & we co parent extremely well, nothing fills my kitten heart with love MORE, than having both babies together….WITH ME. Lol. All is well, all has gone back to normal. The family is thriving and yeah there’s been a cheeky drink here and there, but most of all i’ve felt alive.

Today is a good day. I’m feeling confident, like I can conquer anything!

I’ve been using the Breethe App, on an evening and meditating before bed. (I know. You’d never have guessed, but I’m quite a bit of a spiritual tinker.) I had my Tarot cards pulled for me last night and everything about my cards, put a wee smile on my face. (It kinda made me giddy, and even though i’m far from ‘living my life by them’ and I just find it fun. Plus, when you hear great things, it just makes you feel good, doesn’t it? I love happy surprises.)

In life, I’m going with my GUT instinct. Everything I do, is based upon my gut instinct. I never listen to anyone. I will always stay loyal to what I believe is right. Nothing’s more powerful, than what your soul says. Regardless, as to whether you’re a glamour puss, a builder, an adult or a child. Even when at times, you don’t feel like you have 100 percent support. All bad things pass, because life goes on. It will always go on…so you might as well embrace it. You’ll always have moments of difficulty, be it in work or love. Yet as long as you never give up…your consistency will always come out on top.

Everything you deserve is coming your way!

Right now, i’m feeling pretty whole, pretty powerful and pretty ‘goody goody.’ (Dare I say it?) I might reach for my gingham dress and start skipping around to nursery rhymes…with my ‘naughty eyes.’ 

(I just received a message from a guy, who simply responded to my ‘check in’ with ‘naughty eyes.’)

A bit of a flirt is always healthy!

But i’m working hard and not letting anything get in my way or get me down. At the end of the day, I’m really quite lucky!

Anyway…

I have a strong gut instinct about two things right now and one is about my career, the other about my love life. I won’t tell you about them, because I don’t want to jinx ether and I like to keep some things ‘shushy.’ I’m currently single. I’m very single. Yet, I’m always one to wait for the right guy. I’m not one to go on a million dates, or commit to a ‘numbers game.’ At 37, I can’t be arsed. I always know what or who I want…

When I say the right guy, it doesn’t mean that I haven’t already met him? I could’ve? Or I may not have? Yet, everything is about timing and when the time is right, I honestly believe that everything will fall into place, exactly the way it’s supposed to.

I always say, that when it comes to work and success, hard work pays off. You ‘muscle’ and charm your way to that part of your happy ending.

However, when it comes to love. The most powerful emotion in the world. Something just tells me that part of your happy ending is down to a ‘magic.’ There’s something in the air, that ‘The Gods’ already have planned for you. It’s something you can’t control..and that’s what makes it beautiful. It’s not practical. It’s spiritual.

I know, I’ll have my time and when I do, I will have learnt so many lessons in love by then, that I’ll be the happiest girl alive. 

Enough about all that though!

I managed to tinker into Ginos, Leeds the other day for a prosecco.  I do always go there and I’ll always be at the prosecco bar downstairs. It’s a place that makes me happy. I mean, whenever I totter through those revolving glass doors, i’m always greeted with hugs, warmth and love…and that’s from the moment I slowly ease through. That’s why it’s my favourite haunt in Leeds, because everyone around me, goes out of their way, just to be lovely, Italian and well mannered.

If you know me personally..you KNOW that I ADORE GOOD MANNERS.

After that I managed to beat the bustle at Leeds, train station, run out of chewing gum, miss all the right trains, post everything on my Insta story, but get home in one piece…where I surrendered to one more fruity gin, under the night stars, with friends.

The rest of the time has been work, meetings, influencing and just waiting now to get back on our telly boxes.

It’s been a long long wait.

I ended up missing ‘Bingo Bongo’ or whatever it was called with ‘Firmonnell’ because I didn’t get back from an influencing gig until much later than I thought.

I did get to see ‘Jonesez’ at the pub, who literally had the shakes and ordered a Fanta. I thought he’d be fine, because a snapchat earlier he was bouncing with children on a trampoline. But no…his bit of ‘Bingo Bongo’ certainly knocked him out.

He must’ve had a fun night, a hard night, or both? Lol. 😉 He’s one of my good guy friends. We chilled and watched the football (Leeds Vs Stoke) in the pub, as we caught up on life and he nursed himself back to health, before leaving.

Other than work, its been babies, babies, work, work…and I’m pretty much over the moon.

I don’t even have everything crossed anymore, because i’m not worried. I’m really confident, right now and because my gut is telling me ‘all is going to be okay,’ i’m leaving the rest to fate.

There’s always only so much you can do…The rest you MUST leave to magic.

I have a busy day tomorrow. I have meetings in Leeds and all kinds of jiggery pokery. I do have loads of people nagging at me, don’t we all? Yet, even though i’m polite and will listen, I think that as long as you KNOW, what YOU’RE doing and you have faith in your OWN ability, it’s certainly BEST to refrain from letting people who DO NOT KNOW, your world, TRY and take control.

Everyone’s different. Leave people to embrace their strengths and life knowledge.

Did that even makes sense? Haha..

Thank you for following my life.

Chrissie x

 

 

When I did Issho..

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I’m having the best time and living the best life, right now. I feel amazing, like my world is a marvel. Yet, it’s only because I’ve come a long way and when you do, you tend to appreciate the ‘good times’ a little more, don’t you? I’m just enjoying life, embracing it (the only way I know how) and when your work is cocktailing and city life, nothing could be more delicious.  I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I mean, we’re all doing our own version of life on this giant Earth Ball. This is just my story..and I chose to share it with you, via a diary.

Thank you so much for following it…

D’ya know what’s been great? I’m managing to fit in a lot of family time (schools out for Summer & I’m a single mum of two) and that alone, makes my little kitten heart melt. Ruby, Junior & I are SO close & even though we might not have everything, on a superficial level, we have everything that matters.

And that ‘everything that matters’ keeps us strong as a family. We wind each other up, but do everything with love.

So, I tottered into Issho, Leeds on Friday afternoon, simply because I fancied a wee bit of sake and a couple cheeky *winks* of Asahi on the roof terrace. (This was after a guy showed me the content of his Jack Willis rucksack…I actually can’t remember what was in it, other than ONE shoe insole. Lol) 

Dude: ‘I’m prepared for anything, me.’

Issho, is one of my favourite haunts. I do go there quite a lot. Yet, I love it because even though it’s certainly one of the most popular venues,  in the city, it’s still magnificently divine, as the art of Zen swirls around you, at the same time as a vibe of utter ‘coolness.’

The place is literally beautiful…and being a child of the Orient, I’ll go where the finest sake in all the land is delivered.

In my old age, 😉 I like peace and there’s certainly a peacefulness to the place. ..and if you know me personally, you’ll know that when I do decide to tinker my kitten self, for a couple of afternoon drinks…I adore nothing more than the finer things in life, yet total, calm, enlightenment. Lol

BLISS

To me, it’s a haven, where I can have a quiet, yet ultimately stylish drink (or 7) with friends…

Everyone watches my stories on my ‘socials’ and thinks i’m there alone. Just so you know, i’m never anywhere alone. I enjoy my own company, for sure…But there’s usually ALWAYS someone with me.

I love to share moments…It makes memory making come alive.

I tottered in around 12.30, I’d say..and as soon as I did, I was greeted by the warmest bar staff, a hostest, with a beam and the manager, who couldn’t have been more delightful.

I’m a service girl and it doesn’t matter where you go, or what you do, you want to feel special, don’t you? You want to feel remembered and you want to feel like the people around you at that time, are so happy to have you there. You want to feel appreciated. That is literally human nature. We want to feel special always, in general life and not only in bouji cocktail bars.

I got that immediately…and being the attention seeker that I am…It felt marvellous.

I got to hug ‘my boys,’ the bartenders, who couldn’t do more for me, if they tried. They’re so much fun and they deliver the finest warm banter, that I kinda feel like I know them so well.

The service all around was DIVINE. It was first class, top rate, and without any prompting on another level.

They went out of their way to make everyone feel wonderful and that alone is magic.

I always watch the staff at the places that I go, as I know they have it hard, their lives are ‘busy busy’ at work. I also watch the people around me and there is not a single time, that I have tottered up that Victora Gate spiral staircase, to Issho ( I actually took the elevator to the 3rd floor Lol)…where they haven’t gone above and beyond, naturally, without complaint, to make me feel goddessy.

They’re so friendly and so warm, they radiate an image of calm.

I like that. I mean, who wants to go somewhere ‘Zen,’ by blossom trees, if the staff are pulling faces lol. Plus, with the food being such a marvel and the venue nesting in the best part of the city centre, they tend to bring in some tremendous clientele. Ofcourse,  adore a place like that, yet you would too,  simply because of the way they make you feel.

(I will say that my friend DID get attached to a tree at one point. Lol. Yet, after a couple of Asahi’s, that happens anyway. 😉 )

Me: ‘Do you want some of my sake.’

Friend: ‘Noooo. I’m still hungover. That will knock me out.’

Great conversations happened that day. Y’know, the kind of conversations where you talk for hours, about every inch of your life. Then you laugh about your troubles, with no judgement.

I think we intended on having ONE drink.

Friend: ‘I’m having this ONE, then I really have to go…’

Yet, as the story goes…we as humans, just love ‘good, good times’ and most normal humans will go ahead and embrace them, (even when we get grief for enjoying life) because gosh, we all go through so much stress on a daily, that if we don’t hold onto the lovely moments, we’d always feel stiff, narky and controlled on inside.

I love anybody that commits to the art of…

‘Shall we have one more..’

It shows me that you’re free…and freedom is sexy.

I talked about my love life. I peeked over the city, from the glorious roof terrace. I chatted with the bat staff and manager a little more. (I literally kept hugging everyone..and I’m not a usual ‘hugger.’ Issho just makes me feel warm…and when you’re SO gratetful for all that they do…You’re gonna glitter out a bit of Wunna Land love.)

The food is amazing, the drinks are wonderful, the service is IMPECCABLE. It is certainly on my list of favourite places and I’ve been all over the world for a couple afternoon drinks.

How something makes you FEEL, is literally what makes something worth it. We judge things based upon the way it makes us feel.

We value our feelings, more than anything, without even noticing. That’s how we KNOW we’re in bad situations, relationships…or anything in between.

Yet, on the up, that’s also how we know we’re happy! So if I could give you any advice today, it would be to pay attention to the things that make you happy, as they are key to your next life steps, and vital to your story.

Issho. I love you. I can’t wait to see you again.

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

Text From Your Ex Boy

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I shocked myself up this morning, after the craziest dream. A dream that was filled, with almost every single ex or sexy fumble, that I could’ve ever encountered. Yet, they were all being lovely and in love with me, but showing up at my door? Then I picked one, who was being the opposite to how he has been of recent…and he decided to love me forever.

Why am I tapped? Who dreams shit like that!!

Then there was a knock at my door!

*Tap.Tap.Tap.*

I looked out the window and Keiran’s van (Junior’s Dad) had just pulled up outside. I’m half naked, so I have to throw together, the most random outfit, put on sunglasses and leg it to the door.

Ruby’s shouting..

‘Junior’s back already??’

I swing open the door. Keiran smiled with his eyes. Junior leapt into my arms, with glee and I just swung the door shut, with my sunglasses on, as Keiran laughed at my ‘just got uppidness.’ and walked away.

No words were even exchanged. Lol

Yet, it was hilarious. The moment was filled with warmth and humour.

Then I got a text from an ex…

‘I miss you.’

Hit play…

Why do exes always miss me? Why didn’t you just love me when you had me? Lol. It’s not that wacky a concept, is it?? This means that I must be the kinda girl that eventually grows on a guy..Y’know, when they’ve got over JUST thinking with their willies.

Always! Always! It’ll be months after..and then they’ll have a rethink, after it didn’t quite work out with some other chick, or they think they’ve made a mistake…Then they come to rekindle.

But it kinda makes me feel good, because it makes me feel empowered. Like I’m a treasure of a chicadee…

I’m not really a rekindler…

UNLESS..

They do it correctly.

I’m looking for a fun, emotionally stable, reliable…not a lost douche, who either thinks i hate men, i’m evil or …you get the picture. lol.

In fact, the other night, a guy kept saying that he felt weirdly starstruck, didn’t know what to say to me, had once read a blog and knew that I hated men??

Me: ‘I really don’t hate men. I love men. In fact if I was honest, if it wasn’t for men… I wouldn’t have built an entire career.’

I definitely feel like I WANT to be loved and adored right now. (Maybe, even a little pampered. 😉 ) Y’know, be someones ‘special chica.’

Yet, that will come, when it comes…I’m lucky enough, to have a pretty good life anyhow. A life that’s filled with love, regardless. I’m a picky girl and this time, I want to get it right. I want to make someone happy, but BE happy at the same time.

But I expect to couple again…

Right now, being single feels good, because i’m not having to sacrifice anything. It’s one less problem. I feel free. Yet, don’t ever get it twisted and think that I don’t like men. I just want to pick well…and I know that a pretty good, love life, is in the stars for me.

I can feel it in my little Burmese bones.

(Always trust your guy instinct. Nothing is more powerful)

Do I fancy someone right now?

Yes.

I’ll say my mind is on someone…Yet not much, in fact, nothing is happening.

It’s kinda making me feel a little deluded. Lol. Yet, wishes come true every single second, on this Earth ball and with all the luck on my side…

I reckon i’m gonna be alright.

I’m about to step into a really exciting time work wise and I’m really happy to have you come with me.

Every single moment, I truly appreciate you clicking on this blog. It’s only the story of my life in diary form..Yet ife is the only thing we have. Your job doesn’t matter. Your car doesn’t matter. Your outfit, house or really shitty girlfriend doesn’t matter. Without the ability to wake up every single morning…YOU HAVE NOTHING.

Please do treasure your existence. This is just MY story. But I LOVE YOUR story…and doing my LIFE, has taught me a lot about people and their own ‘bits and pieces.’ I’m never one to shun, disregard, or be unkind to anyone…I kinda just understand shit. I guess, that’s why I hate it when people refuse to understand, judge or take advantage of me.

I’d never do that. I’d never dream of doing that to someone.

(However, saying that..the 20 something version of me, in Hollywood, would’ve been JUST THAT. I certainly did that to others and learnt karma the hard way. Yet at 37 and a hell of a lot more successful and grown…I would never DREAM of treating anyone, with disregard, disrespect…or malice…unless, ofcourse…they deserved it. 😉 ) 

Chick friend: ‘Wunna’s a really good person..and it’s something people forget, because they so caught up in an image and a set of tits.’

I send you all my love.

Bless ya!

Chrissie x

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ps/ I’m getting loads of messages about the @RubyandJunior instagram thing..and I’m gonna be addressing that tomorrow. I’ll tells you, what went down.

 

Babies, Soul Mates & Welcomes into Wunna Land

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Lots has been going on! I’ve kinda plummeted into a super busy time and Wunna Land has now picked up speed. I’m sorry there hasn’t been a blog daily, yet hopefully you’re all following my ‘socials,’ which kinda takes the pressure off a little. Lol.

I’m almost back on your telly. I’ve started all my PR shenanigans. I’m influencing like the crackers (which I’m actually really grateful for.) I’m currently filming ‘Welcome To Wunna Land’ which is my new IG series, my new IG show and I’m actually really looking forward to having you truly peek into my world.

IT’S INSANE.

But yes, It’s not as easy as everyone thinks. It’s actually quite a bonanza, as I juggle my career, my business, life as a single mum, film new shows, shoot in bikinis, audition with everything crossed, try to handle a social life, maybe handle a love life and let previously filmed shows air…

ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

The babies, Ruby & Junior, are now (after being offered bits of opportunity) are now ALSO filming through Summer and also at the very beginning of their ‘influencey’ careers. (I’m really proud of them,) so in TRUE Wunna Land style, PLEASE DO, take a moment to show them some love and FOLLOW their instagram page..

@RubyandJunior

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@RubyandJunior

I’m feeling a new chapter. I can feel it in my bones. Luckily, i’m great at new chapters, so I’m filled with utter excitement.

I will say that I’m getting hit on left, right, centre and inbetween…and from every angle, that an boy may come from. I’m flattered. Yet, not that easy a pull. Plus, I think everyone ‘chats me up’ in the wrong manner. You have to know me really well, to know what will make my loins tingle, or my heart strings tuggalug. Lol.

It’s kinda been same lines, different faces…

I’m kinda pretty schooled, when it comes to the dealing with the advances of gentlemen. So it internally makes me giggle, as I watch them struggle their way through the process. 😉 I’ll always be lovely. I’m that way inclined. Yet, I have heard every single line, and witnessed every single approach ever. You’ll know if I fancy you, because I WILL just flipping tell you. Lol.

It’s as simple as that.

The best way to approach me, is by being forward…If you ‘dance’ around me i’ll just get bored or merrily zone out.

Plus, I look for a man who isn’t afraid to move forward, because it shows emotional security and confidence and fucking hell, he’s gonna need it.

Let’s just say there’s been a lot of ‘dancers’ (and i’m not used to that, as growing up in LA, the boys just went for what they wanted) and when you ‘dance,’ it makes me think you’re a wee bit afraid (which is fine, I get scared too and it’s shit.) But worst of all, it may make me think you’ve already judged me. (Oooh!)

ME NO LIKEY. I don’t like that at all.

The GREAT thing is that i’ve managed to hang out with my bestie ‘Firmonnell.’ That girl is my soul mate. I nearly died and cried, when I saw her, because she just means so much to me. She is the ONLY PERSON that I tell EVERYTHING TOO…without censor. (And there’s always the truth and then there’s the REAL truth, isn’t there. lol)  No bullshit, no drama, just truths and so much love. We will never ever judge each other, along any part of the way…and when living in my current world, she is exactly what I need.

I love you.

(So, if you are wanting to grill me, and i’m fine with that, most of the time….JUST kidnap her instead, as she probably knows more about me, than I even know myself. Lol) 

She’s going to be my Giuseppe…one day.

(You don’t get that. But we do, so it’s dandy. 😉 )

I literally got THE BEST snapchat messages from Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie, Double B and Jonesez last night….and it made me die with glee.

I think Hustle sat in a bin and Jonsez got his nipple out? Double B looked hoochie by a BBQ.

MY FAVES

I LOVE YOU.

A great deal of drinks have been consumed. (I’m a good time girl and I enjoy spending my free time with friends…over drinks.) Yet, when i’m on my influencing and filming travels, it’s great because I am handed a nutritionist, a therapist (incase I go mental) and a dude who shoves people out the way, if need be. Lol. I always wanted a Sumo Wrestler security…Yet, no such luck. One day when I’m riding a better list…I’ll have one.

I fucking will!

There’s been lost of noise, lots of secrets, lots of laughter and an evening in a graffiti park at 3 o clock in the morning.

I’ve kinda felt alive and that’s all life is about.

I don’t stress the small shit. I ignore them and conquer the big shit with grace, privately.

Today, I feel like i have the best life on the planet. I feel like i’m living and feeling… I feel like I’ve met some really great people over the Summer, and those people I hope to treasure over the years.

I guess everyone crosses paths with someone for a reason…

When you find that reason…You actually BLOOM. It’s about figuring it out…

Anyway, i’ve godda dash. But I love you all madly. Thank you so much for following my life. It genuinely means so much to me.

Everyone’s asking me about my love life….I receive messages about it daily, almost every single minute of every day.  Lol. I will tell you that I’m a happy singleton, looking for love. The real kind. The truest kind. A proper little Hero.

TBONE: ‘She’s the kinda girl, you meet and you never ever forget. You really do try to at times. Yet, you kinda find yourself right back there, without realizing..and I guess it’s that impact, that makes her so magical. It’s an impact that she doesn’t even know she has.’ 

Pretty nice thing to say about me right?

Love you all lots.

Chrissie x

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Date Nights, Bush Fumbles & When Things Get Sexy

How are you? So much is happening. My chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ is back from Bali, where she managed to find ‘total enlightenment,’ and have her vagina blessed, after a series of shit dates and a break up with her longterm Mister.. ‘Buff Alex.’

Me: ‘I want my Vagina blessed.’

‘Yours should get cut off and sent to sea. Lol’

‘Firmonnell’ routed her way to the Doctors office, to merry herself a brand new arse hole. Yes! She’s got a new bum hole. It’s all shiny and delightful. (Not that i’ve seen it. But I can imagine that it glistens.)

Me: ‘I want a new arse hole!’

Firmonnell: ‘How did your date go? Hopefully he realised how shallow you are, and he’s rolling like Jay Z, and as vain as a Kardashian? Anyway, I’ve godda go to the Doctors for a bum operation.’

AND on Thursday evening, I went on my first ever DATE, in a LONG LOOOONG TIME, with the guy that I kissed in a bush! Lol. Well, we more than kissed. We let passion get the better of us and just went with feeling each other up…in this bush. But I couldn’t help it? He just kept turning me on. We kept turning each other on….and when you only live once, you might as well go for it.

Me: ‘What! It was YOUR idea!!’

Date: ‘Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it..’

Dudes are wanting to pat him on the back, like he’s some kinda studly muffin. Golfer Jonny suggested a plaque..by the bush, in memory and celebration of. It’s turned into a THING…and well…as least we made bush fumbles…COOL.

BUT, he asked me out to dinner…Thursday we went.

I never seem to go on dates, even though I love them. I never really seem to fancy anyone enough, to tinker my way, on a date. The last time I was on one, was more ‘chill time’ and ‘sex,’ and that was probably around Easter last year. I don’t know why I said ‘Probably,’ it WAS Easter, last year. (Yet, that was a good time, because I guess both of us had lived moments in the limelight, so just chilling behind closed doors, was our favourite kinda thing.)

Wait! NO! My last date wasn’t even EASTER! That’s a lie.

The last time I went on a date, was in August of last year…and I can’t really tell you anything about that just yet. You’ll actually get to know all about it soon. In fact, you’ll even be able to watch what went down, on your telly. It was all so surreal. Yet, it was the best experience ever and like I said to the guy, (he messaged me yesterday, with this bizarre ‘out of nowhere’ penis excitement? Then sent me a photo of his ‘hard on’ in a pair of jeans?) I laughed it off and well, I guess he remembers me fondly or isn’t getting his end away. The only stupid thing about his ‘hard on’ pic  is that he’s not even single. After sending me all those messages AND his penis pic, he then proceeded to post happy ‘weekend away‘ snaps of him and his girlfriend… in Brighton.

Why do guys do that? If you’re not happy, don’t bother being in something, that doesn’t make you glow!

SOMETIMES THE ‘NOT SO SINGLE MANS’ DREAM. I DON’T LIKE IT, BECAUSE IT’S NEVER FAIR ON ANYONE. They’ll have a girlfriend, but still take a shot at the ‘Glamour puss’ regardless, so to speak. 

Anyway, back to my date. 7.30pm. I’m at Ego. (I was there anyway, earlier for drinks, so he asked if I fancied some ‘scran.’)  We really wanted some time alone together, where we could go on a proper date and get to know each other better, away from everyone, we know.

I do know this guy anyway, as a mate. We get on really well. He’s funny. He just seemed to have turned my head and I guess, he was in some kind of situation, where in which his head got turned. I fancied him, once I hung out with him, over drinks amongst friends, so he’s certainly worth a date and it’s kinda just something that happened out of nowhere?

We’ve hung out lots before. We’ve got got to know each other. We’d already been on a night out, an adventure and I loved it. It was a really good time. I’ve actually seen him since our Thursday dinner date, the other evening, for quick drinks. And I like that he’s attentive. He’s loving. He’s sweet to me and he tries really hard to make sure i’m okay. He’s not scared to love me, well care about me. He’s expressive. He doesn’t play a game and maybe this is exactly what I need. He’s funny. But a gentleman.

Friend: ‘Hes not what she would normally go for, at all. But she likes him and I think she’s grown up enough now, to pick someone who will actually care for her.’

I’m usually quite shallow.  But there’s just something about him, that I like a lot.

Firmonnell: ‘Until she gets bored…Lol’

He was nervous. (It was cute. In fact, I liked that he was open enough to say that, y’know, admit that. He’s not emotionally macho, he’s expressive.)  He didn’t know what to wear. He didn’t want to look shit. (So I sent him a video of what I was wearing, so he could adjust appropriately Lol.) It was the first time, we’d actually hung out, under a ‘date like’ circumstance and it was amazing.

We get on so well.

He apparently got a pep talk from his brother, mid journey to his date. I wasn’t nervous at all. I felt great! I mean, it’s much easier when you already know someone. The last date I went on was ‘blind.’ (Not the person, the date circumstance. Lol) 

Without getting into it too much, we talked life, love, relationships, friendship, work, careers and us, amongst starters, cocktails, rare steaks and chicken salads. The service was amazing. It was fun. The staff there are always such a laugh. They’re alive. They’re a delight. They always treat me & whoever I’m there with, ever so well…and it was kinda like they were part of the action, the banter.

I’m always really worried because when a guy lives a completely different kinda life, I sometimes think he doesn’t exactly know what he’s letting himself into….when entering 😉 (we haven’t had sex) Wunna Land.

I’m very worried about that and I’m also worried because…I well…

Friend: ‘He’s not going to be able to give you the full blown Princess treatment Wunna.’

‘He’s gonna really struggle, with having you, as HIS, if it went that way.’

‘I feel like he’s going to have to step up his game…’

I’m pretty good and weighing things up….So we’ll see. I never listen to anyone. I’m always gonna go with what I think, is right.

We had so much fun. Such a good time. He was so, SO lovely to me and it’s an evening i’ll always remember. I like that we can discuss anything. I like that I can trust him. We have a strong friendship.

We’ve never had sex, but got ‘sexy.’ (More than in a bush. Lol.) The chemistry between us is great and I like that no one seems to know anything about it. I don’t think they could even imagine the conversations or moments that we’ve had when no one was watching. The ones that may guess, or have seen….are certainly more shocked than anything. Lol.

Katy P: ‘It’s like the Bush Tucker Trials. Bear Grylls, will be impressed with what you’ve eaten in that bush! Haha.’

Everything’s been great. The evening was AMAZING. We got a little tipsy maybe?

Date: ‘I’m not used to drinking spirits.’

THEN, we had a situation….A situation where I tottered off, he thought I wasn’t coming back. I WAS coming back. I called him a million times in a row, to tell him that I was coming back. He just didn’t pick up because his phone had died. When I did return, I saw him in a taxi!

He leaps out of the taxi and dashes to me, shouting my name. But it’s was dark by this time, I couldn’t really see or hear much. Lol. Ego’s now closed and almost with utter relief in his voice, he rushes up to me, grabs my hand and just flipping breathes.

He puts my hand on his heart and tells me to feel how stressed he was, because he thought I wasn’t coming back? Lol.

Then my phone dies, so now we have no way of calling a cab, so we just did what we had to do and that was WALK 8 MILES, all the way from Ego, to Pontefract, at midnight. I was in heels and it took TWO HOURS. Haha. The streets where dead, the night was calm and like the little troopers we were, we just got on with life, under the Thursday night stars.

I actually loved the walk. It was a really good way to accidentally get closer to him. Get to know him better. Fair enough, we did have a sexy fumble, which prolonged our walk a little. At one point, we WERE actually LOOKING for a field, or bush. Haha.

2am in the morning, we get to Data cars, we get taxi’s home…and life goes back to normal…

Like I said, we’ve done drinks since…So we’ll see what happens next…

Date: ‘I need to tell you something…When I called you earlier, I said * I love you* at the end of the call and you said…

Me: ‘I didn’t hear you?’

Date: ‘Well what I wanted to say, was that I didn’t mean it…I just said it, but I didn’t mean it…’

Me: ‘Lol…Cheers…’

Chrissie x

 

 

Life, Love & Sports Day

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, standing

Morning! Morning! I hope you’re all well. Thank you so much for taking the time to click into Wunna Land. I appreciate it madly. It makes a little oriental chick, from Yorkshire smile. When you make someone smile, they say it comes back to you threefold..with love. (Sometimes, it comes back to you via gin. Either way…you’re looking at a bonus.) 

Over the last couple days, i’ve been pretty stressed. Just wallowing around in it for attention. Lol.  I could hand pity parties out of my pocket right now. 🙂  I’ve laid awake in bed, staring at my ceiling at 2am, because that solves everything, doesn’t it. 😉 I’ve downloaded a meditation app, (the ‘Breethe’ app…) which I do actually think is great. I’m quite a spiritual little swine. (I’m not ‘hippie/save the trees‘ with it though. Just in tune with my tender kitten soul… and all that.) I have quite a busy mind and it needs to be calmed. Maybe that’s why i enjoy a good drink. It quietens the mind madness for a while….well, before I start drunk messaging. 😉

If i’m being honest, I’ve been feeling under pressure because of this book i’ve got to write. My fear of writing this book is so immense that i’m kinda letting everything bundle on top of me, which is an odd way for me to deal with the situation, as I really don’t like the art of bundling. It’s clumsy. I’m sharp. Why am I buffooning about?

But away from that…(as she pretends it’s not happening..)

Yesterday I learnt how precious LIFE is. How important LOVE is. How vital it is to make sure all the people you care about, all the people you love, all the people you forgot to show love to KNOW, HOW MUCH they mean to you.

Life’s really short and within a *blink* it whizzes past you, or even worse get’s taken away from you, without your consent. Basically, if the only problem I have, is the fact that i’m stressing over writing some book, then on the whole i’m pretty lucky lady. I need to pull myself together. I’m being a baby.

Let’s frisbee back to positive…

Life’s pretty great at the moment. I’m happy. I’m not skin to the wind ‘buzzing,‘ but i’m certainly grateful and filled with ‘ooh laa.’ I feel pretty strong and even though I seem to have prioritized work over my social life, I’ve prioritized my family, as in the babies, over everything right now and it’s made me feel really powerful.

I love to keep things simple and loving unconditionally is the easiest thing in the world to me. When I operate in such a way, i’m magic.

Wednesday was great. The kids had Sports Day and I got to catch up with the school mums. (We’re all busy women, who hardly ever get to check in with each other and they’re such a lovely bunch, so it’s always really awesome.) Our kids go to a local Private school in West Yorkshire. I never used to be able to show up to things like Sports Day, or any of the school ‘dilly dallies,‘ due to work.

Yet now, I can. I now never EVER miss anything they do, at all…EVER!!! It means so much to me. More importantly it means SO much to them.

It makes my entire world go around.

Unfortunately, I showed up with some dodgy giant umbrella…It was the size of my entire body…and blue. Urgh! (I don’t like blue, it’s my least favourite colour. My favourite colour is yellow. I like a yellow rose.)

Anyway, when anyone lends me an umbrella, they can never give me a normal flipping shot at life…The last umbrella I borrowed had giant happy PIGS on it and no one can *BOSS* that out, even when the pigs look moderately chipper.

It was the sunniest, most humid day ever. Didn’t even rain. Lol. Don’t know why I thought it was gonna rain, must be the optimist in me? 😉 Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy‘ showed up with a dense floral blanket, which kinda lightened the blow..

Miss.Murphy: ‘I think i’ve illegally parked, in front of some gates??’

Me: ‘It’ll be ‘right.. Lol.’

We rocked up, everyone was already there and well I thought we were moderately organised…

Me: ‘We’re fine, between us we have a giant umbrella, a floral blanket and a faux fur..’

(What more could you need in life?) 

The other Mums had brought things like…. fold up chairs, happy faces, husbands, snacks… and ‘Bobby’ (who had spent the morning filming ‘Victoria’) even brought a flipping POP UP TENT, like we were at Creamfields!

Bobby: ‘Get in it then..’

Me: ‘Nah…You’re alright. Lol.’

She’s a nutter, but I love her. She makes my eyes smile. She’s ACE. I think she may have asked to lick ice creams and told lonely fathers that she was spending the rest of the day…nude.

(I’d never seen a gentleman beam as much.)

The day was great. It was just filled with that good old, real life excitement. I mean, Miss Murphy, Bobby and I may have brought the worse accessories, between us. However our *yells* of competitive encouragement , surely made our style misfortunes, okay?

Let’s just say we weren’t about the ‘taking part‘ and all about THE WIN. Hahaha. (Which is fine if you’re ‘Murphy’ and you’ve birthed some five year old sporting champion. Junior spent the day holding his teachers hand and making her run races with him.) 

Mumma P: ‘To make the Wunna Babies TRY to win anything, you have to have a modelling contract, gifts, or a selfie opportunity at the finish line, so they can at least make it worth their while. Lol’

Me: ‘Yeah..Lol. Ruby did ask me what she would get if she won the races and when I said house points for your team, she just looked at me like I was an idiot. Haha.’ 

BBQ’s, Ice creams and good clean fun occurred and you need spurts of good clean fun, don’t you? I’m kinda loving life right now. I’m feeling all grown up. I’m no longer selling myself short. I’ve got my career on track and I’m chipper.

If you’ve been following any of my ‘socials,’ you’ll know that I received a bunch of messages the other day, from a couple of beings who kept branding me as ‘fake.’ 

I’m polite. But I’m not fake. I get why you may think that though. Yet, let me tells you… I’m literally the warmest little piece of Burmese bunkin’ you’ll ever really run into. It’s only because you haven’t had the delightful pleasure of meeting me in person. 🙂 If you did know me personally, you’d go with ‘immature.’ 😉  You might even add in a ‘beautiful.’ 😉

My chick friends go with ‘dickhead.’ Firmonnell (who is one of my closest chick friends,) called me a ‘dickhead’ at least 9 times in the space of 4 messages yesterday. She had a needy Thursday. 🙂 I love her. I love it when she’s mad at me. Nothing pleases me more. And she can’t just shout at me once, she has to Snapchat Filter shout at me, 40 times in a row and I just can’t take it seriously…All I do is piss myself laughing…which winds her up more.

Then I bumped into ‘Hustle,’ who needed a wee at ‘Ego.’ She walked past me, whilst telling me that her love life was shit and her last date ‘pied her off’ after stealing money out her purse. To make it even better…She actually saw him again and went on another date. I love that about ‘Hustle’ like me, she’s resilient. (Code for: Were both so, so foolish.)

Oh wait? No. He didn’t pie her off. The ‘Date in the woods’ dude, did? (Hahaha…and she’s gonna kill me for saying this…) But she thinks he didn’t want to speak to her again, because she may have accidentally pooed her pants. Lol.

HAHAHAHAHA. I’M DYING. That’s disgusting. Lol.

I love how she wonders why he stopped messaging? It’s only funny because she’s so beautiful. I’m so delighted she may have excreted in her own jeans.

We always get pied.

With me, I’m a ‘grower.’ I’m someone who may catch your eye initially…Then you’ll judge me and decide to not like me…..Then you’ll have a little think, date far less awesome chicks and realize i’m actually the girl of ya dreams. 😉

God! How long was this blog? Lol. Sorry!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning Life as I go along & a Cactus

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, smiling

Aww! Today I was gonna *boast* about how happy I am! How free I’m feeling! How *dipped* in independency and swirled in ‘doing my own, diddly do,’ I am. How lucky that little old ‘life dice’ has been rolled, for me. How great my ‘Talking Heads’ 😉 ¾ hairpiece is making me look, to say I didn’t have time to wash my hair, this morning.

Then *chugga,chugga,chugga* the left back wheel of my car decides to not turn and *yippadeedoo,* I’m all broken down again.

Hurrah! *Can Can* kicks all around. And ‘balls’ to it. Let’s throw in a jazzy conga line.

Away from that, exciting things are happening. Breaking down was actually fine. It forced me to have to take a wee little stroll, distant from work, whilst delivering an opportunity to actually ‘smell the roses.’ I forget to. I OFTEN do. And I’ve noticed that at times, I’ll sort of live in the past. I’ll look back and have a cosy ‘dwellathon,’ instead of marching forward. (I have the word ‘MARCH’ tattooed on my inner right arm & yes it is the last name of a boy I met in LA, who I never actually dated J..However, now, whenever I look at it, it reminds me to stride forward.) You shouldn’t look back, you might trip over feelings. You can do that when you’re 80, because by that time, ‘looking back’ and memories, will be all you have.

OR YOU COULD BE ORDERING 102 CATS LIKE MOI, SO YOU CAN SIT AND CRY IN A LONELY BEDSIT.

I’ve also notice that when you CRAVE an outcome, a result, that you can’t actually control and you do it without patience. It can be in work, in love…or anything? (Do know that I am not naturally a patient person. I’m certainly someone who wants, what I want…and kinda wants it NOW. Lol I don’t like things that are too hard to get and I’ve only LEARNT to be patient of recent, because I’m a child. J ) When you find yourself doing that…You’re living in the future and although i’m a stickler for dreaming and turning dreams into a reality. Y’know ‘grafting the grind’ to get to where you want to be…It’s just not a healthy shimmie of ‘ooh laa,’ is it? It sprinkles a shower of stress, on your merry kitten soul, which absorbs through your system before..

 EATING YOU ALIVE!!

CALL THE DOCTOR!

So, I guess…. RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, THIS MOMENT.. is ALL that matters. It’s the people who can appreciate where they currently are, with an utter comfortable happiness, that stay balanced, emotionally well and therefore get the opportunity wiggle their hand, over that juicy little ‘success button.’

It’s hard, innit? But it’s true. And the clichéd.. ‘You could walk out onto the street today and get run over by a bus,’ thing, is a saying that we’ve all heard people chirp out. ..every chirpy day. We hear it! We never really absorb it! We don’t really think it would happen! So  we don’t at all care!

But STOP PRESS… it could..

So, if I could teach you anything, from how I’m feeling about my life right now, at a jolly 37 years old..It would be, to make sure that you DO TRY to appreciate the present..This little minute. It’s good for the soul…and makes Pina Coladas be a delicious act of merriment, rather than a reason to drown those sassy sorrows.

I shouldn’t go on walks should I! Haha.  I sound like flipping ‘Dolly Do Gooder.’

Spreading cheer, every day! Where’s the RUM??

Anyway, like I said, lots of exciting work things are happening. I always say that, and stop.

I’ve put my love life on hold, because it never seems to be my forte. It never makes me happy, because I never find my ‘Hero,’ do I? I’m not ready to! I’m happy as I am and I’m fully concentrating on work…on Wunna Land. MY Land. I feel quite fulfilled. But I feel like I have my hands full, already!

Guys, never make life easy on you, do they? Plus, let’s face it, I don’t really fancy a dollop of heartbreak, right now. It only sends me to the nearest bar, to cry into a cocktail afterward. I’ve got used to being SO unlucky in love, that it doesn’t even make me cry anymore. Which is a positive. Haha. It doesn’t even bother me. I can now, quite happily, read a message, hear a ‘no,’ feel a ‘nah, babe’ and casually move it along, whilst Salsa Dancing.

AND THAT MY DOLLS, IS SUCH A DELICIOUS SUPER POWER.

I’m back on your telly shortly. I’m auditioning. I’m working really hard. I’m currently doing a lot of waiting…That’s why I rambled on about patience earlier. Lol. I’m not a good ‘waiter.’ I’m a GO GET IT, with BZINGA, kinda girl.  I’m writing a lot for people.  I’m lucky, because i’m getting to ‘article’ and express for all kinds of brands, in diary form, which is just something that I was kinda born to do. I think, i’d like a really popular column one day. Saying that, I have a popular blog, a space in cyber land, already, which is serving me pretty well. I’m still watching Love Island, yet it’s getting a bit ‘vanilla’ now. I only like it when there’s ‘drama, drama, drama,’ eliminations and a ‘What has Adam done now,’ episode. That definitely means i’m sick. But I love that about me. I’m the squeezed lime in your Corona.

Influencing is going well. But I’m putting time to one side, because i’m actually currently writing a book. I’m writing it myself and I’m never gonna hit the deadline. It’s had to be pushed back and pushed back, sooo many times, that my agent is fuming and ‘shitting all kinds of literary bricks.’ The funny things is, it’s only a re release and redition of my previous book, so you’d think i’d have it easy. I must like to make things…I’d prefer to say ‘tings,’ hard for myself. I enjoy working under pressure. Leave me to my own devices and I’ll just go off, have a rummy cocktail, chat to friends, take the babies to the zoo…literally anything but sit and write the goddamn book. J

I’ve just taken a picture of a cactus. I have no clue why? But I’m currently blogging from Ackworth Garden Centre, at their coffee shop. In case you didn’t know, a CACTUS, is actually my favourite thing to buy a date….early on in ‘the tango.’

I once bought a boy one, during a ‘hotel night’ date. It was our third date.. It looked like a penis and he loved it so much, he left it there. Haha. I prefer it when they save the Cactus and treasure it forever. It’ll remind them of their prickly time with me. He was a douche anyway and I’m never one to ever say someone is a DOUCHE, unless they really are one. (You know who you are.) That was years ago by the way. I’m like a Villan who leaves ‘Cacti’ across lands, whilst evil laughing.

Right, i’m off now. I’m hoping my car’s fixed soon. I’m SO GLAD IT’S THE WEEKEND and I’ll be spending it ALL, with my little ‘charms,’ my babies..Ruby & Junior. When I was driving them to school this morning, I shouted out…

‘Ruby…Junior…I love you both SO MADLY.’

They paused….’Freaky Friday’ was playing in the background and they just BURST INTO, the most joyous fit of laughter…Then told me my boobs look like ‘coconuts.’

Then we broke down. Haha. I wouldn’t have it any other way.  😉

Thank you for following my life…

 

 

I’ll Tells You What I Fancy In GUYS…..

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sunglasses

Hope you’re having the most beautiful Thursday! Going well for you? I truly hope so. You all deserve a bit of love, luck and happiness. And thank you so much for finding you way to Wunna Land. It’s utterly much appreciated.

I’m quite dandy today and I don’t really know why? But i’m kinda brimming over with the ‘joy joys’ and I love it when that happens, because it’s such a great feeling. It fills my sorry ass soul with light.

You won’t know this, but every morning in Wunna land, Ruby, Junior  (my babies) and I are woken up by a hand picked song, that plays and fills each room in the house. I believe it puts us all in a good mood. I’m a huge music lover. And even if you’re hungover, it’s ace, because it makes you think the party is still going on.

Today’s choice was by my five year old, Baby Junior and it was this…So i’m gonna put it on for you, so you can feel today’s vibe…

*Hit Play Now.*

Then KatyP sends me a whatsapp message stating that we should pack up boxes of super strength dildos, make sure the boxes are labelled ‘SUPER STRENGTH DILDOS‘ and drop them outside each of our friends doorsteps.

KatyP: ‘Claire would expect it to be full. Lol.’

Me: ‘It’s fine, we can just chuck in a couple of kitchen knives and say it’s bondage or summat.’

KatyP: ‘We’ll put a soap on a rope in there too..’

Me: ‘And a teddy to cuddle, for after the ordeal.’

Then she gave me a list of Adult Cereals that went along the lines of ‘Fifty Shades of Grain/Special D/Porn Flakes/Rice Friskies’ that I could consider munching, as  I’m actually a breakfast skipper. (I just do coffee and selfie taking and yeah lol…it’s really bad for your system. You should always have breakfast.) My favourite was ‘Cheery Hoes.‘ So if I do ever consider eating before 9am…

They’d be my first choice of delight.

Away from that, I loved Love Island last night. I still fancy Adam. I don’t know why some people don’t. He’s far too attractive to not adore and his personality, to me… is on point. Like I don’t care if he’s sweet, but egotistical, kind, but cocky…In general, I love that in a guy. I love a guy with ‘gusto.’

Y’know, when they know what they want and how to get it. It not only means they’ve used their brain, yet also learnt along the way of life…and studied girls with a sly carefulness. I don’t mind a guy who fancies himself as a bit of charmer, but only when it’s executed well.  I like ‘smooth’ not cheeky. Cheeky is young. ‘Smooth’ is grow ass man. I like a soft gentleman, mixed in with a delicious roaring swag. I go for sexy. I love sexy.

It’s hot.

I still fill as though the Doctor is gonna get pied off by Rosie, ‘The Solictor’ though. I mean, she used date Jordan Weekender…which means she’s gonna swoop on in for MY ADAM. Haha. Hurrah!! Poor Alex.

I had ace chats about this with my chickadee Zara (who works at Creator Hair in Sheffield) late last night. I think we decided we loved each other and then decided that all men were twats.

Why are they though? We’re proper catches!

Then we talked about cougars and how every young guy goes through his ‘cougar phase.‘ I’m not agest by any means. I can’t afford to be emotionally. Lol.

However, I’ve always ended up with a toyboy. I don’t know whether that’s because i’m the oldest girl in the world, living a young life or because I’ve never found an older man, (apart from ONE..who is my mate ‘Trigg’ who i find extremely attractive. I mean, for 42, he’s a looker. You should stalk his Insta: Simon T Trigg. It’s a grow up girls treat.)

Me: ‘I don’t think a 20 something guy would ever really  seriously consider being with a 30 something yr old girl…long term..’

Zara: ‘You’d be surprised…’

Me: ‘I just don’t think, they’d look to settle down with someone quite a bit older, in the end…It’s just a phase for them. Yeah, we’re by far better women, all grown up, no drama and better in bed…

Zara: ‘When you’re in Sheffield at the end of the month. I know you’ll already have somewhere to stay, but feel free to stay at mine. Oh shit. Wait. And that’s not because you’ve just said you’re good in bed. Hahahahahahaha. 

I love Zara. She’s ace. When she first met me, (at the Weaves & Waves event in Leeds, she came with Sam etc) she didn’t like me and was certainly unsure, then hours in… she thought I was okay and finally, at the very end of the night, she decided she did. I literally love her.  I find her funny, she makes my evil soul fill with laughter. She’s a good find. Aw! Yeah and I saw that Sam BURNT HIS HEAD with straighteners today on his Insta story…

‘Mr. Assured Chrissie Wunna, that HE NEVER BURNS ANYTHING, whilst doing hair.’  

All he did was emoji piss himself at me…then got on with life.

(Ooh, i’ve just got a message in from ‘Firmonnell.’ She’s one of my chick besties,  but she’s in France..camping. Once sec, let me see what she’s got to say, because I miss her…)

It was a snapchat of her face with flower filter ears, Lol…with text reading..

‘Thought you might miss my face…’

Why can’t guys be as thoughtful as girls? Why are we girls all so attentive with one another, yet when we date, the guy’s we’ve chosen (aside from KatyP, who has the most romantic ‘Golfer Jonny’…even though she’s *six day* sore..) are FAR LESS so…? Why are relationships always hard work? They shouldn’t be. But maybe it’s me. That’s why I’M single…always. Lol.

I do love, love and i’m a hopeless romantic. But honestly, where is he? I know we’re not meant to have a perfect man in our heads. But I’m quite happy being single until that man rocks up..I don’t think i’m a bad woman. I think i’m a great woman. And my imaginary perfect man, isn’t made up of a list like most girls, it is all based upon how he would make me FEEL. That’s all I care about. Alongside handsome, sexy and stable.

I love eye candy. It’s always been a part of me that’s been really shallow.

I will always want to be with a really attractive man, provided his personality matches up to his looks. So technically, I’m balanced. 😉

Someone’s just sent me a link to read. I click on it, and all it does is unfold me really really slloooowly, then it states as a headline, ‘Paris Hiltons British Best Friend, slips a nips during photoshoot.’ 

Thrilling news…

Love you,

Chrissie x

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Stress, Love, Boys & Dickheads

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Oh my GOD! I’ve been having the most stressful time. Lol. It’s been hideous. I kinda just want to hide under my duvet for months, until life turns ace again! Right now, i’m on ‘rest’ and I’m never going on ‘rest’ again. I’d rather burn the candle at both ends, than be anything near, this jolly term of EVIL, that my superiors have labelled ‘rest.’ It literally only gets me into trouble. I swear on my life, it’s been crackers. I don’t do crackers. Well…unless their prawn. 😉

Resting should never be done and only fine when placed in front of the words ‘bitch face.’

The good thing however, is that Junior’s had a birthday. My Baby son, who (alongside Ruby) is my world, has officially turned FIVE. I love him so dearly, that i oculd fill up, right now,  even telling ya. Unfortunately, (as there’s always got to be a party pooper,) his father (who’s a previous ‘party boy,’ now turned Jehovah’s Witness,) and I, do NOT see the world through the same EYES. Let’s just say, I’m in Dior sunnies and he’s….. obviously BLIND. 🙂 But we co parent Junior. We share a son.

Basically, I wanted to make sure my son celebrated the day he was born, as LIFE in general, is SO deliciously important, in my mind and well Keiran, (his Papa)…is utterly against such apparent ‘Tom Foolery’ (due to God and stuff) and informed Junior that if he did not chose to work for ‘Jehovah,’ when he grows up… when he DIES,  he will not go to paradise?

EH?? He’s FIVE. What’s Paradise? Issho on a Sunday? That’s bonkers. Let us pray for YOU, Daddio.

Anyway, I won..and we flipping celebrated my baby son’s birthday for FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT.

Wunna:1

Jehovah: 0

I’m certainly exhausted, but whatever, it was worth every PIECE of glitter ball energy. No one loves a shindig more than my boy.

Now, when I co parent, I don’t always know what’s best for my son? We as parents always just do the best we can, with what we know, right? But I know what really ISN’T right and I know what doesn’t sit well with me. And I will say, that the great thing about Keiran and I, is that we both love our son, madly. However, the MAJOR difference between us, is that I prefer to ask & listen to Junior’s needs and go with what he tells me he loves….instead of telling him what he HAS to do, or force a religion upon him and basically because i’m not….. *swear here* deluded.

Rant over. Back to fairytales.

It’s just hard because I’m so glad that I’m no longer with Keiran or married to him anymore. It’s been years and it’s been so wonderful being free. And he’d say the same. Yet my son, who I love more than life itself….has to hang out with him…. twice a week and recite the Bible. Surely that confuses his soul?

*Rolls Eyes.*

Anyway…moving on….No… shit does not… end there…

Like it couldn’t get any worse… life wanted to pull the rug from right under me AGAIN…

Cheers! Wahey!

..and one merry thing, after another merry thing, all decided to lose its mind and venture it’s way ‘tits‘ up. FRIDAY, was literally the worst day ever. Lol. I got so stressed, I could’ve exploded. But hey, exploding is better than imploding.  The cat ran away (and i’m not surprised. Haha. I can’t find Rocco anywhere, and each one of us is devastated.) I was then embarrassed and shouted at in the middle of Ego’s garden area, by a dude who called me a ‘Bad Mum.’

Jenna: ‘As if you were embarrassed. You’re never embarrassed. i should video this..’

Infact,  this is what he said…

‘Right, i’m gonna be honest with you….EVERYBODY LISTEN….I’ve been off my face on cocaine for the last three days and I could kidnap your *points at me*  kids if I wanted to.’

LOVELY!

Then he loses the plot on me….and after a wee ‘DOO DAA,’ (and I’m labelling that lightly…)

..It all kinda went wrong for him….I think? I mean, the beautiful staff at Ego, sorted his sorry arse out…and saved my delicious honour.

Kim (Ego): ‘He’s been asked to leave…’

I literally had to turn around to Ruby, who said,

‘Mum, he told me he knew you, he said he was your friend because he knows you off Instagram.’

‘No Ruby. If someone knows me off Instagram. They aren’t always my real friend. He doesn’t know me at all… What did he ask you?’

‘My name. Where I live? What school I go to? How old I was? He said I looked just like you…’

‘Please, pleeeease, don’t talk to a stranger ever again. Sometimes, it’s not safe.’

And in that moment, I kinda realised that everything was changing…and for the first time ever, I had to teach my daughter to distrust, because of my career choice. This IS a NEW chapter and that moment with the crazy dude, AT FIRST.. made me never want to go out again, or have to talk to ‘strangers’ that I didn’t know, during my free time. Like it wasn’t or isn’t worth the drama.

Then my friends gathered around me and stood by with utter support...(I have wonderful friends,  family and support. I’m so lucky, it’s unbelievable.)

And just like that….I slept on it and once again, I felt moderately mighty. Don’t call someone a bad parent, when  you’re a ‘self confessed’ druggie father. It’s not how it works. Don’t think you know everything about me, when you’ve only seen a handful of pictures on Instagram. Don’t embarrass me in front of everyone, simply because it makes you feel less weak.

Don’t do it in front or around my children….EVER. I try to keep them balanced and away from panic. You didn’t have my permission to invade our personal time or space. Don’t show up to a party that you’re not invited to.

Common etiquette.

On Friday, I either wanted to get back to work, or to jet off on a sunny holiday. (Code for: A glamourous way of burying my head in the sand.)

It kinda made me feel more exhausted and a little weary of people and that’s not a good combo of fun, is it? I hate that. I’m a positive soul and that’s all wrong. I want to protect what’s mine and have no one mess with that ever. I only want to be around those who know me truly and nowhere near those, who really don’t. I’m tired of being judged. But accept that I always will be.

And yeah  this may sound really grumbly, but I’m actually super okay about it all now. I just needed to vent it out loudly. So, from the bottom of my Pina Colada heart, I thank you ALL for listening. ..

Being ‘on rest’ has tired me out more than anything. Lol. I’m stressed out, because of it. But, I’ll shush, cos it’s only temporary. But GOD! How many shitty things can happen to someone in 24 hours. It’s been shocking. Being at work, keeps you focused.

Keeps you out of trouble.

Today’s a new day and I just need a moment to ACTUALLY relax. Actually chill. I could nap all day. But I won’t, will I? Instead i’ll galavant.

Infact, I went for a couple of drinks last night to destress and I loved it. It helped so much. KatyP is now back from her forest cabin trip. Thank God. Before she left, she began a saucy rumour about a DUTY FREE SIZED TOBERLONE... and my vagina. (Hahah.) We laughed so much, we cried…then she f***** off to Norfolk. (I don’t even know if that’s where she went? Lol)

Claire: ‘I’m glad you get what a Mars Bar party is Chrissie…Anyway, I heard about you and Duty Free Toberlone. Haha’

Me: ‘Haha. That honestly, never happened…It’s Kate’s fault. I’m gonna start a rumour about HER, for when she comes back.’

Last night was fun because I was surrounded by friends….Julie, Scotty, Claire, Ian, Golfer Jonny, His mate Barney, KatyP.. and a whole lot of faces that I kinda knew anyway, were scattered throughout the bar. It got me back to normal and I needed that. I really needed that. I’ve just been knackered.

I’m excited to go again and get back to work. I’m only on ‘rest’ because when you have a job that entails continuous drinking, partying, late nights, early mornings, and travelling, you run your body down quite quickly. But you also run yourself out mentally…Yet, your mind needs to be sound, because you have to write it all out and influence every little bit, as you go along.

The thing that I hadn’t been doing is eating well. I shouldn’t say this, but I’ll tell you the truth… I haven’t sat down and had a full proper meal, in weeks. Everything’s been a snack here, a ‘graze’ there…a nibble…or nothing at all, and my system has been flooded with work, cocktails, fun and life.

I’m really close to my family and  both my parents are doctors…So, whenever I do a big work stint…we all check in, with my agent and make sure i’m healthy, replenished and dandy, before I shimmie off again. It’s like being a sportmans, but when your sport is LIFE.

It’s nothing like being a sportsman! Haha. It’s way less sweaty.

Anyway, everyone keeps asking me about my love life? I haven’t talked about it for a while, because it’s ‘dead air.’ Lol. No one fancies me. No one’s talking to me. Lol. Everyone’s ‘pieing‘ me off. 😉 Nothing exciting is happening, at all.

Yesterday, I was all ‘love needy.’ Today, I’ve grown up…and I can’t be arsed with the drama of a potential relationship. I’m happy. I’m really happy and it’s gonna take a really great MAN, to walk in, step up and share a life with me….as under no circumstances ever, will I give up my own happiness, JUST TO ‘couple up,’ if he’s not my soul mate.

 I know what I want and I’m refusing to sell myself short.

Plus, when it comes to love, even though, I write my life out for the world to read….this isn’t ‘SHOW,’ where I NEED to fall in love for ratings…It ain’t  ‘Love Island,’ this is REAL LIFE, where grown ups reside, feel and live. It’s not ‘story boarded’ or perfectly produced….it’s written per stiletto step, as I go along….

I never know what’s going to happen to me…I only know that no matter what, in the end it will be wonderful.

Chrisse x

ps/ Do not settle for something your soul does not deserve.