Rebel Just For Kicks & True Love….

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Ooh, i’m a sassy one today! I’m feeling rebellious, cheeky….fun! I’m wanting to be a nuisance, just for the glorious sake off and although it always ends in tears…..I just can’t help myself. If you can’t have a bit of laugh, then what have you got left…but rum? Exactly!

Chicky Mazza: ‘You are far too feisty today Wuns!’

‘Aaron The Pap‘ has already bollocked me for being a ‘Word Thief.‘ Lol.

Aaron: ‘Hahahaha! Sassiness on you at this hour, WORDS THIEF.’

But technically, you can’t teach a girl to COPYRIGHT EVERYTHING, not copyright your own words…and then moan because I stole them.

The words I stole, from his Paparazzi hands…were…

‘…AND SHIT!’

🙂 No one’s swag enough to own those words.

Today. I basically decided to force Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) who we know if a really good friend of mine, to have a MASSIVELY GIANT, birthday party, because she turns FIFTY, next month. She’s having surgery, so it will kill her to party, but it’s all about ME really…and I need an excuse to drink more.

Yippppppppeee!

I thought it would take me ages to persuade her…(I didn’t, at all, I don’t know why my fingers are typing that… I’m highly persuasive and she loves a good time.)

It took 3 minutes.

It was literally as easy as peeing into a bucket. (Which is you’re a girl, is not that easy at all? Why am I chatting shit? Lol And why do I have this disturbing image of me sitting, doing a wee…on a giant orange bucket???) 

Anyway, I won’t rest until she jumps out of a cake…or if we have a Tiki party…a flipping pineapple. Xfactor Liam (Halewood) has suggested that all cocktail sticks are made out of sausages or something? Lol. Oh no, wait? He said pickled onions on sticks and that he likes ‘bangers.’ 😉 (My fingers keep lying.)

But you get it. Today, I’m a cheeky swine of a glamour puss! And I’m loving it.

Rebel me this. Rebel me that!

I met up with another good friend of mine ‘Big A’ yesterday. He owns the High Fashion & Culture Magazine ‘House Of Solo’ and we always have a pint and gossip, usually about our love lives….then we decide to work. We chose ‘Ego’ as our banter hideaway…because it’s basically the closest and I watched him put Issue 7 together…( I like watching people work.) He was deciding if he’s going to shoot Rita Ora and Zayn Malik for the cover. (Hard life.)

We got talking all sorts and I showed him the Tattoo that I have on my inner right arm, that reads…

‘March.’

Me: ‘It’s the last name of a guy in LA. Lol. He was my bestfriend. His last name is March.’

Big A: ‘WTF!’

Me: ‘Anyway, finish off ya story? What were you saying about that drama, cos I think, if a Dude has to reach for PLAN C, then he’s got no hope! What happened to Plan A & Plan B??’

Big A: ‘They didn’t work. It was crazy. How was Spain?’

Me: ‘I’m going to an event on Wednesday evening. Weaves & Waves. I’m waiting the new wig line drop…Love Island, ‘Emma’ is hosting it. It’s in Leeds. Why don’t you come?’

Big A: ‘Yeah, I’ll try to. I’ve got a shoot in London…But…*looks at his phone..* Yeah…I think I can do it.’

Me: ‘Why is *************** ruining everything!’

Big A: ‘I don’t know? He’s being such an idiot.’

Me: ‘It’s because he’s got a fairly new girlfriend and she’ll hate me. It’s flipping WORK. We’re mates! We don’t flipping date!!!’

He worked…I DRANK EVERYTHING! And I couldn’t really tell if I was drinking everything because I was stressed and hormonal, or just wanting to celebrate….ANYTHING? 

Anyway, well done to all of you who took my advice and decided not to be dull. Don’t be scared to embrace life and don’t let the art of what other’s think of you destroy your ‘good time.’ They’re doing their own version of life…and just because it’s different to yours, it doesn’t mean it’s better..FOR YOU. I love it when we appreciate the differences in others. I hate when people drivel on about ‘blah.’ (Kinda like I do…for a living. 😉 )

Chick Friend Tiger Stripes: ‘Is your new thing accents? I’m sure all the guys that you’ve fancied over the last few years, have all had accents…’

(I’m calling her ‘Tiger Stripes’ because she didn’t rub in her fake tan very well. 😉 )

Me: ‘I don’t have a *thing,* I just..I don’t know…? I like SOME accents. I like it when they’re going grey a bit. I’m not quite  sure I should be trying to preach anything *dating.* But i’m happy right now, with the way life is, so stop trying to make me feel shit. lol’

I guess, love to me is teaming up with a best friend, lover and  hero….through the entire ‘thick and thin‘ of it all and still over the years, no matter what, feeling crazy about them every moment of every day.  I didn’t get married every time because I was an idiot. I got married every time because I believed in love.

I remember a time when I was really upset,, years ago…but playing it ‘happy’ and my old school friend ‘Wazza’ (who can see through everything and hosts this blog,) stopped me and quietly said, in the middle of his own wedding reception..

‘Don’t worry about it Chrissie. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just trusted him…. and that’s okay because you SHOULD be able to trust your husband. Honestly… I’m picking ya next husband. Lol’

And in that moment, my heart broke into a million pieces, but being me, I smiled, laughed it off and wished him the most beautiful wedding day….

[Oh wait….One of the loveliest bartenders at the bar i’m at right now, has just sauntered up to chat…Once sec…]

……………………………………

…………………….

Okay! I’m back. he just wanted to know how Spain went! I love it when people *pause* for a bit of banter with me. It’s fun. Most people walk by pretending they haven’t made eye contact with me and then start giggling.

I got this weird message the other day, from a guy, who i’d regard as a friend, because he used to be WITH  a really close friend of mine, for years. He’s been really inappropriate and he’ll send me the most bizarrely suggestive messages. He doesn’t care if I ignore him or knock him back (EVERYTIME,) he just keeps going, like it’s all just normal and dandy.

It’s not. I’m a really loyal friend. I just think it’s incredibly wrong. Why do guys do that? I even responded with a…

‘No, I just don’t like you like that mate…’ (And I hate that because it makes me feel rude. But to be honest, he’s being rude…Men are meant to make other women FEEL like a million dollars…not weird and awkward.)

Tiger Stripes: ‘Y’know, you NEED a guy to step in and make YOU feel like a million dollars. I don’t think you’ve ever had that. I think you’ve always looked after men. In fact, I actually think, as sassy as you are, you’re actually too good to them…and they take the piss. I also think you push them away.’

Me: ‘I really need ice in my wine…I’m gonna go ask for ice.. I’m not talking dating with you right now. I can’t concentrate because your tan stripes are confusing me.’

I’ve just got another message from a Wunna Land fan..it reads…

Fan: ‘I want to taste your sweetness..’

It tastes like vodka.

Anyway, i’m off, I can’t be bothered to type anymore. I want my wine. Summer feels like it’s on it’s merry way and that alone makes me happy. I love it warm. If you can’t shake maracas and dance to the beat of bongos. …(In LA, I once climbed an entire wall, in an evening dress, at a house party, simply to reach the bongo players, who were placed in some designer wall cove. They got fired because of me. 🙁 They let me play their bongos.) 

…What i’m trying to say is…

JUST HAVE SOME FUN, EH! It’s APRIL!

Tiger Stripes: ‘Are you missing ‘The Swirl.’

Me: ‘…………….yeah.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hormones, Dull Folk & I Just Don’t Like Festivals

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I’m feeling amazing today! I’m back on work mode and it feels good. It feels ‘OOoh Laaa.’ Yet, because i’m an old bird, I  was quite terribly knackered yesterday, after being blessed with  a really EARLY work wake up call. So, I just chilled and enjoyed family time, after a bit of picture taking and a rather important meeting. But I couldn’t keep my little kitten eyes open. I kept nodding off, like a granny, then shocking myself up. Lol. Only a Desperado could help me. 😉 (Any excuse, I know.!!! In case you DIDN’T KNOW A Desperado, is my favourite ‘slum it and chill’ go to drink.)

Yeeehah!

I’m in an updo today, and it’s great because it’s making me look like i’ve had botox.

(Snapchat Msg)

Chick friend: ‘You’ve properly stepped up your game Wunna! Your holiday pics and this whole Wunna Land blah, blah, is on fucking FIRE! You need a hose down.’

Me: ‘I’m getting there. I’m a long way off yet. But cheers, Baby boo. Hose down? Sounds rude. I think i’ll just have a 9am wine.’

Anyway, last night, I popped into a ‘Go Local’ in Ackworth to grab the Desperado and two ginger beers. (Love it there.) I’m craving ginger beers at the moment. And I  just love them because they remind me of my childhood. My dad and I would drink them and dance around to UB40 songs. A moment filled with love. 🙂 I get my drinking habits and my creative talent from my Pops. I don’t think he had a ginger beer though? His moves were too good. 🙂

Walked in. Saw the back of a guy, who looked moderately attractive. I only saw his back and his gym bum. But he had a Essex accent and was bantering out loud to the two middle aged ladies behind the counter. When he left, I slowly walked up an isle with a smile on my face…

Me: ‘Look at the state of you two! You’re beaming! Calm yourselves down! Hahaha!’

Lady: ‘Here you! Lol.  Just because we’re old doesn’t mean we can’t see a good thing, when it’s in front of us!’

Me: ‘You look love struck. Lol. I’ve never seen you so happy!’

Lady: ‘He’s moving down here….’

Me: ‘What? With his beautiful wife & kids? Haha.’

Lady: ‘Well SHE (points at the other cashier) definitely knows how to pull’em. She was stood there, chatting to the hottie, eating a bloody Shepherds pie! Hahaha!’

Me: ‘HAHAHAH. You couldn’t even BE any more northern if you tried.’

I mean, what is life without a bit of gravy on ya face, eh!

Anyway, the reason why i wanted to blog about that moment, was simply because it made my heart warm. It was so innocent and flirty and showed me that no matter how old, how young, sassy, quiet, how rich, poor, small or tall….a lady is..? She STILL always has that giggly little ‘playground’ girl inside of her… when it comes to boys.

It was such a cute moment. Glad, I destroyed it with by sick witty banter…and a ginger beer in my hand. 😉

Then I checked through the magazines,and papers, to see who had made all the covers.

Anyway, everything’s great! I’m really busy. The kids are back at school and i’m gonna miss having them around me all the time.

Being a ‘lone parent’ and raising them by myself, and having to work SO hard to give them a great great life, has always meant that I haven’t really ever had the option of just chilling. Y’know, what I mean, I never could just stay at home with them, mummy them, make teas, etc etc…. I never even managed to do that when I was wife…and that was ANY of the times, I was a wife. Lol. My life has just never given me that apple to munch on…However, it’s been wonderful.

I managed it all with happiness and I managed to be a NORMAL mum over their Easter holidays from school…(Well as normal as Wunna Land gets, because I did audition a lot and then fly to Spain and do days and days of pap shots.)  Bottom line, I love being with them and the cheeky little ‘Coconuts’ (which is what I call them) love it MADLY.

I sort of fantasize about times like that. I’m gonna miss them heading back to school…for about an hour. 😉 I’ll just swish back into work mode then and probably do it in stilettos.

I’m trying to tell you what’s going on work wise right now, but I because there’s just so so much, going on.  I have auditions zooming out my ear holes, a bunch of modeling gigs, i’ve had to turn down another trip to Spain, due to being ‘booked out,’ and turn down a show, because I didn’t think It was the right fit for me. It’s not something that I thought i’d enjoy….and I didn’t think i’d make much impact on a show of that sort. Well…no, i’d make impact, but not benefit from it AND…It involved a lot more of Wunna land than just me.

So I just said no.

But regardless, I’m back on the telly shortly (I again, can’t tell you anything about it yet) and I’m unfortunately eating everything in sight….when i’m meant to be on a Herbalife plan.

I’m blaming it on the ‘You only life once’ line, because I have to blame it on something, right? But if i’m honest, I kinda feel sexy anyway, whether I have a shake OR a burger in my hand…and I think that’s what confidence and VA VOOM IS!

Shaking‘ was and IS great because it kinda made me realize that I’m happy anyway…. Plus, I did lose weight for my Spanish snaps, which helped me out tremendously. So, I’ll be back ‘shaking’ shortly. yet because my schedule is about to get tighter and when you’re on the go, it’s absolutely brilliant.

No Faff. Easy Going. Just the way I like things.

I think i might have a wine to celebrate!

I also think, it must nearly be my ‘time of the month’ soon, because I’m going through THAT week, where in which EVERYTHING annoys me. Lol. (You’ll only get it, if you’re a girl.) People are really annoying me right now and i’m being much sharper, much sassier…much more uncensored. 🙂 I seem to have put down my ‘rosie tinteds’ for a decent set of RAGING hormones.

I’m quite ‘tell it how it is‘ ..of course with charm…by nature. If people can’t take a bit of banter or the odd home truth, then they’re not yet comfy in their own skin. Right now, i’m finding everyone quite…….What’s the word??

Dull?

I keep reading people’s posts and listening to conversations and thinking…

WHY BE SO DULLSVILLE? WAKE UP. ENJOY LIFE.

And the thing about ‘The Dull’ ones, is that they’re ALWAYS the first humans, to get their slow moving, ‘JUDGEY *never pointed at fun* FINGERS‘ out…. They’re all..

‘I’m too good for this./I’m too good for that./I would never this…I cannot believe that…/I am the most boring, unexciting human in the entire flipping land. Let’s buy tins of magnolia paint and just watch it dry upon already magnolia walls.’

Lighten up. Chill out. You don’t have to be wild. You just have to switch the beige mindset, for a better one that’s swirled in LIFE, COLOUR…OR EVEN JUST RUM?

YOU BORING SODS. (Can you tell i’m hormonal? Lol)

I love being a girl. We’re bonkers. Staying sane, is our official life goal.

My news feed got so frustrating that I started looking at all the ‘festival fever because it’s everywhere, isn’t it. It’s all gone ‘Coachella mad!

Now, Coachella.. at least looks fun. It looks sunny and alive.  I just NOT a BRITISH festival kinda girl. I’m not one to want to camp in a tent, wee in a plastic cup and refrain from showering for days… in the name of anything. I’m a glamour puss. And i’m not really bothered about having Unicorn hair, rainbow glitter on my face and adorning my arm with endless wristbands, that aren’t made of diamonds. 🙂

I’m a kitten, who enjoys a ‘cocktail and a wink,‘ and yes I can slum it. I love to chill more than anything. I mean, chilling is my favourite thing. If you have ever dated me, ever…you will know that about me.

I’m too old to ‘festival’ or camp about.

I mean, Glamping in the forest , in my giant mansion of a cabin was about as far as my camping skills go…and even that had to include a massage, a hot tub, room service and the option of an ‘in house’ chef. 😉

My chick friend even once stated that..

‘Camping to Chrissie, is like staying in the worst room in some Five Star Hotel.’

I love that! I’m not a dick. I just don’t like things to be a struggle during my down time. I work really hard, even though it may not look that way. I work really REALLY hard. ALL THE TIME. My work ethic is incredible. I’m fun but i’m professional and most successful people are, I reckon? I simply play it like it’s all a jiggle and a winkl…because that’s what my job needs to look like…

I just prefer calm, easy going peace, or quiet luxury…that comes ready made with love..Festivals are a Wunna Land ‘no go.’ None of this waiting in line for a shower… in a tented field, filled with ‘drama’ boys, and girls with Unicorn hair because i’ve  paid extra pences and booked ‘Vanity.’

I’ll pass…

So, yeah, I enjoy fun. But a festival is just not my cuppa…gin.

I don’t have anything else to say….I’m off to meet ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Mag later I think….

I haven’t caught up with him in ages….

 

 

 

 

Fridays, Sex & Watermelon Ice Creams…

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Morning! Happy Happy Friday! How ya doing? I posted this picture on my ‘socials’ this morning and it’s caused my inbox to go *bonkers.* I’m not sure why everyone’s so excited? However thank you for the *hearts/likes* and everything inbetween, that i’ve received so far. I appreciate it, as it really does help when you’re trying to build some kind of blogging look at me empire..and I’ll always tell you that i’m grateful, because I’m not daft enough to think that I could do it without your attention.

I actually also got called ‘SO Incredibly DUMB’ by a Lady in Scotland, because I captioned the pic with a..

‘Does this count as my Five a Day?’

Lol. (I found it wedged between the love)

In my defense….I am aware that I’m holding an ICE CREAM and not a piece of fruit. Just in case you didn’t know that?  🙂

*ROLLS EYES.*

AND just because I served my selfie up with boobies, doesn’t mean my brain doesn’t actually work. In fact, quite the contrary… It worked an absolute TREAT for six o clock in the morning and completely sober.

Yipppppppppeeee!

However, I understand that it *rubbed* you up the wrong way… I get it, I mean, what could be more annoying than seeing me in a bikini top and a watermelon ice cream lolly, pining for ‘likes’ as soon as you wake up.

BUT JEEZE. LIGHTEN UP! IT’S FLIPPING FRIDAY! Stop being a Snooze Festival! It’s my JOB!

(A polite way of saying ‘Get lost.’ :)) 

You wore the floral blouse work. I wore the watermelon ice cream…It’s cool. Lol. We can all play nicely together, sing nursery rhymes and hold hands around Cyberland.

Glad we swept that under the glitzy bar table.

I’ve got a ton of phone calls to make today. A ton. Everything’s really busy and tomorrow it’s my gorgeous little girl’s BIRTHDAY, so alongside work, I’m planning her day of delight…as she turns SEVEN!!! I couldn’t be more excited. Family means everything to me. We’ll be headed to Sundown Adventure Land in the morning…and HOPEFULLY IT WON’T BE FLIPPING FREEZING, because the kids are gonna force me to ‘water ride’ this, ‘kiddie rollercoaster’ that….and every inch of me will be a ‘shiver.’

(The thought of it alone, has given me a runny nose.)

But yes, lots of work. Loving it. Very lucky. (I’m also trying to get back into shape, as I have shoot galore. Probably should’ve listened to the Scottish chick and not had an ice cream for breakfast.) 

I had ace banter with my chick friend last night, in regards to sex and how I guess all women do actually need it. As you sail into your 30’s you kinda enjoy a bit of ‘ooh laa,’ a great deal more than you ever did in your 20’s. I don’t know what happens?

I’m naturally sensual anyway and I never apologize for that. And I couldn’t be with anyone that I didn’t have great ‘bedroom’ chemistry with….as I couldn’t live with a lifetime of really shit sex. It’s an important part to a relationship and or even a marriage. The rest of the ‘happily ever after’ just seems to happen naturally. (In most cases. Lol)

Then this morning another chick friend of mine…

(Sorry, I’m just looking out my window because I have an 11am meeting to get to with ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Magazine and someones BLOCKED MY CAR IN….)

Anyway, one of my chicks friends is off on a Tinder Date. (I hate Tinder. But I do love that ages ago, a bunch of my guys friends had ‘liked’ so many chicks on it, that a message popped up on their phones stating that there were literally NO MORE CHICKS left for them to like.. in their area. They had ‘OUT LIKED’ Tinder itself.One of them was Nick…Who is back on Take Me Out tomorrow night…because he was one of the best boys to ever be on the show. Don’t forget to watch him.) 

But yes, one of my chick friends, who shall remain nameless, is off on a Tinder Date shortly and before this date she had to check in with me this morning to decipher if he was someone I actually knew, or just a ‘Wunna Superfan?’ ( I think he was on one of my friends lists? I don’t know. I have no clue who he is? Lol. If you have my Snapchat, or Insta you’ll know what she said… I can’t repeat it.. But it ended with…

Chick: ‘If he asked me to dress up as you, i’m leaving.’

She’s hilarious! I love her. She also quenched my ego and you’ve got to love that, as I’m certainly a big headed swine. I like to play like i’m humble at times, Lol…But I do now think, i’m quite an ego maniac. It’s disgraceful.

I love how weird dates can make you feel right? I always get nervous…I hope they fall madly in love….

Right, this is short but sweet, as I’ve got a lot of work to get through and a meeting to be at in 30 minutes.

 

Love you lots.

Thank you for following my life.

Chrissie x

See you on on ‘Socials.’ 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Can’t Park, Love & Birthdays…

 

I can’t park for toffee! Honestly. I drive around glamourously…

Jiggly Jill: ‘No, you don’t. You sing along to Little Mix and drive DIAGONALLY ACROSS car parks, to get to a spot, where there are lanes and arrows and all kinds of roady shit.’

Anyway…then when it comes to actually having to pull up and park, I just can’t get my head around ‘da moves’ and it all just goes wrong. I tried to do the school run this morning. The car park was so busy, filled with Mums, Dads, Nannies & navy blazers…But could I get in a spot and park up.

COULD I **** (I’ll let you put in a word of your choice there.)

I did some 40 point car shuffle, still didn’t squeeze into the spot, got flustered at myself, Ruby & Junior are laughing in the backseat because I’m getting angry at myself…so I had to reverse, drive off and find a side road…just to get the children into school on time. 🙂 It wasn’t even a tight spot. It was just a normal parking spot.

Me: ‘This is why I hate coming late! I need an empty car park in order for me to be able to PARK.’

Ruby: ‘You’re an idiot.’

(And that’s coming from the Heir to the Wunna Land throne. I mean, who creates a human, squeezes them out of their privates, loves them, nurtures them, feeds them, guides them…and then has to look at the back seat and hear them calling you a fool.  LOL)

One day i’ll just get driven, so I don’t have to park anywhere that has more than NO CARS around me. 🙂

Love is in the air right? I feel it. I feel it swirling through each one of us, as we ‘almost’  tinker on into February. Everyone’s getting engaged. Everyone’s falling for heros. Everyone’s girly giggling over crushes and it’s making my newsfeed feel delicious.

I Like it.

(Even though I don’t have a Valentine Date and will therefore have to order myself roses…which is code for ‘rum’ to make me feel better, OR just pretend it’s not happening…so I don’t feel as bad. Lol If in doubt. BLOCK IT OUT.)

No, but honestly, it’s just lovely seeing you all so happy and being so open about being happy and in love! It’s a wonderful thing expression and it’s just great to finally have a newsfeed filled with people saying,

‘This girl though…’

‘Honestly, have the most beautiful wife…’

‘Soooo in love…’

‘Couldn’t be without her…’

‘I’m the luckiest girl in the world…’

‘She said *YES*’

It’s like i’m peeking through a giant glass window, looking on in at you all, from my sassy Wunna Land throne…as the Butler, who is obviously, half naked and in a Greek Toga pours me another Prosecco into my frosted iced chalice. I imagine him being from an exotic land and has been taught to only respond to Wunna Land commands…

‘More Wine.’

‘I said BOUJI!!’

I’m never worried about my love life….The right guy will always find you and make you his, if he wants you that badly enough. You meet when you’re meant to. It’s timing. Life timing. Plus, it’s a guys natural instinct.  All boys are Heros really. We girls are just able to tend to being heroic, without the use of a prompt. 🙂

So, if you’re single and can’t seem to mingle…Don’t worry. He’ll find you. He’s coming for you. (Hopefully, he’s not creepy. I totally made that sound creepy, instead of lovely. 🙂  Firmonnell sent me a creepy cartoon picture of herself yesterday, in a hole….like a mole….It was our ‘Miss You Monday,‘ day. We have a chick cyber banter every Monday afternoon.)

Firmonnell: ‘Maybe we can have real life Monday Meet Up’s Wunna! Lol’

Me: ‘We’ll do next Monday!’

(Do know, that she’s just being needy, as I did see her almost every single DAY of 2017. Lol When she’s not needy, i’m like ‘HELLLLOOOO, WHY ARE YOU NOT NEEDING ME!’ When she IS needy…I have to point it out, but secretly love it! 🙂 )

I had a quick meet up with *Big A* from ‘House of Solo’ magazine yesterday afternoon. He was running late, so I ended up having drinks with my old school friend Kate, Jodie and a dog, by a fire place. Apparently one got ‘lost down a puddle‘ and the other had ‘no face on.’

When *Big A* got arrived, he was all stressed out. Obviously he runs a Fashion Magazine. He owns it. With owning things…comes STRESS.  I mean, he’s working with some of the biggest artists an models globally right now, so it’s mayhem.

He’s a creative, so he’s good at all the ‘creative shit.’ But when it comes down to the ‘nitty gritty,’ the business, the being organized …He  lets it overwhelm him, buries his head in the sand and maybe hides a bit. Lol. Which we all know is fun!

(I literally had a day in LA, it was a Wednesday, where I woke up, read something shitty, had hundreds of emails bombard me at once, thought my life was going to be horrific and still naked, just laid back down in bed, pulled the duvet over my head, and hid… from Wednesday, until around 3pm. And I only got up then because I had an audition at 4.30pm in Burbank.)

So, I emotionally organised *BIG A* and forced ‘do work’ upon him, mid chatter. He’s a sensitive soul, so if you send him a grumpy email, he gets grumpy. I’m insensitive when it comes to things like that. I don’t absorb it. I read a grumpy email…and reply with charm and kindness. I do it all the time.

Like, ‘Big A’ I’m a creative, but when it comes to Wunna Land, I’m good at all the ‘little bits’ as i’m quite organised and i’m used to hearing people moan at me, i’m used to feeling under pressure and well the art of business, PR or attention.

Luckily for me, I don’t OWN a Fashion Magazine (Yipeeee.) I just run my own land…

HURRAH!

I turned ‘living my normal every day life’ into my job, because it was the only thing I loved, the only thing I knew how to do and did well. Plus, it’s easy…and I like things that are easy. 🙂 Slogging away at things that don’t wanna ‘give,’ causes wrinkles…causes stress.

I’m ZEN. I’m like a stress free zone…Apart from when i’m parking.

Big A: ‘I have five shoots this week in London and one in New York. I have to organise them all and I have. But Sony have changed the shoot from New York, to LA…and now back to New York at the last minute. It’s stressful!’

Me: ‘Lol. You just need to get on top of it all. Do you want a drink?’

Big A: ‘No. I’m dieting. How’s all your stuff going…’

Me: ‘Yeah…You’re gonna hate to hear it…But really well. It’s really easy, right now. Lol’

Anyway, I’ve godda fly. I’ve got a ‘doer upper’ that i’m doing doing up. It’s a massive job and a ball ache. I kinda just want to *blink* and it look like a magical fairyland filled with style and class. The result is glamourous, but the ‘grind behind the glamour’ is hard as **** (Use your own word.)

I messaged ‘Happy Birthday’ to someone who I’ve got to know more closely over the last year. I like him. He’s ‘Good People.’ Good soul. Funny guy. Works hard. Interesting. Attractive. But funny. I like funny.

He’s another year older, but ‘still feels young.’ He seems pretty happy, so that’s all that matters. If I flashback through snippets of time and messages….It’s actually been a blast!

Like I remember being sat at a bar, as we were messaging back and forth and then receiving this Snapchat filter from him, of him singing along to The Voice, with the ‘bunny ears’ filter on. Lol.

I opened it, watched it and then my phone flipping DIED on me…so he didn’t get a response until 20 minutes later when I had got the bartender to charge my phone for me, behind the bar. Lol. So, he would’ve totally thought I shunned his comedic popstar operatics. When really I was pissing myself out loud. Even at the moment and that was ages ago…I adored him.

Good Memory.

An example of being young at heart…

I guess we all still feel young underneath it all, don’t we? We’re all just these kids that had to grow up. Haha.

I think those with young spirits always feel fresh. He’ll be 80 and still feel 20. I’ll be 80, dressed like a slapper at the bar, still thinking i’m hot, flirting with 19 year olds, who obviously think i’m hideous…Yet, I’ll be loving it anyway!

Have the most WONDERFUL Tuesday Everyone!

ps/ Happy Birthday Dude. 😉

 

 

 

9am Prosecco Rules, Trench Coats & Photoshoots

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Good morning my delicious Cherry Pies! How are you? I’m feeling great. I’m feeling productive and i’m finally getting my priorities straight. I sometimes wander off that little path of ‘focus,‘ when ‘adventure’ gets the better of me.

But today, i’m all ‘Career First.‘ (I’m always ‘Family’ so that goes without saying.) But, I guess what i’m saying is, that boys…come secondary to that.

BOOYAH! *AIR KISSES HERE.* Girl Power!

Sammi P: ‘You’re almost there. Don’t mess it up right now, by getting emotionally entangled in things that distract you from staying focused.’

Me: ‘Can we have Prosecco at 9am? Is that reasonable?’

Sammi P: ‘Yes. We’ll have to hide.’

Me: ‘We can’t hide, because that’s so *alcoholicy.* We have to own it and embrace it, like it’s completely fine. I want a 9am prosecco by a roaring fire place….Where can I do that?’

Sammi P: ‘I wish you weren’t such a love bunny. Man up! YOU ARE ALMOST THERE. Anyone that truly cares about you, will understand that, understand you and will always be there.’

Me: ‘I’m 37 not 19. I know that, you plank. Shit, I can’t do Prosecco. I’ve got a brand phone call thing in an hour and I told *Big A* from ‘House of Solo’ that i’d meet him for coffee after I’ve blogged.’

Sammi P: ‘You can do it at 1pm.’

Me: ‘Audition..’

Sammi P: You have no time for me ‘Hollywood.’

Let’s have some fun now. We’ve all nearly got through January, which is always a rubbish month. But I actually recieved some really great news last night before bed…so I’m technically quite chipper! Therefore I need you to be too!

I love good news before bed….You sleep like a baby.

But really how are you all? How’s Monday? Is not as bad as you think! I used to hate Mondays. I love them now. Monday’s rock with bells on.

But d’ya know what doesn’t…trying to find a trench coat, red heels and the right foundation. (I’m an Estee Lauder ‘Double Wear’ user…I just like foundation options.) Anyway, that was yesterday’s mission. I didn’t find a trench coat or GOOD red heels. It’s for a shoot, that i’m directing MYSELF. And I love the ones that I direct myself because they’re always sooo ‘tell a story.’ 

Obviously, if you’ve been on my ‘socials’ of recent. You will have witness the fact that there are quite of a few ‘sexy,’ some may say ‘suggestive’ pictures, that i’ve either taken myself, had taken, shot…and posted up.

Everybodies engaging with them. They’re getting a of interest from the gents…The odd bit of interest from the Ladies… But I just wanted to make sure that the pics don’t make you girls feel odd. They shouldn’t because i’m evil, i’m not remotely ‘slappery’ and if anything, i’m all about embracing your body, enjoying the way you look, expressing confidence, without arrogance and more importantly, embracing and expressing the way you FEEL. It’s the way I see beauty, it’s my version of it….I’m a ‘creative’ by nature…so I kinda see it as ‘being arty.’

So, don’t let it feel weird, as I love all your feeds, all your pics, I love looking into your lives…But I get it. because the other day, the most beautiful Italian model ever, appeared on my newsfeed, fully naked, rolling around in a wine cellar. I adored the photo. I loved it. I loved her. But it did make me feel…’

*Waaaaaaaaaa.*

I guess, she tested my emotional security level a little? Lol. She’s beautiful. What a girl. I want to roll around naked in a wine cellar and look like that! It was a GREAT shot. I actually shoot with the same photographer shortly for a popular magazine and i’m quite nervous…because I feel like he’s shot some of the worlds’ most amazing models…and they’re models of the ‘glamour’ variety…and well I don’t want him to think i’m shit.

Photog: ‘You’re a strong model, a popular model and a TYPE. We’ll shoot Monday. I fly into London at the weekend from Vegas…I’ve booked you in. If i thought you were shit, I wouldn’t waste my time..’

So yes, lots going on…

But i’ve got to dash….Please follow all my ‘socials’ and stories! I have got some career surprises coming up for you next month!

Twitter: chrissiewunna

Instagram: chrissiewunna

Snapchat: chrissiewunna1

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/chrissiewunnadotcom

Right, i’ve got to go. I’ve got a meeting with ‘House of Solo’ Magazine.

Thank you for following my diary!

Kisses,

Chrissie

Gino’s, High Fashion Mags & Loading Bays

Gino’s was great on Friday. It was the perfect treat to celebrate my soul, after a trip to Candy Mechanics. As soon as I pushed through that magical glass entrance and into the stylish, baby blue, sanctuary of Italian life, light and love…I was immediately greeted with warmth, a gust of ‘part of the family’ and a distinct zap of (what I call) ‘boujiness.

‘Hi Chrissie! How ARE you! Great to see you again!’

(Almost like i’d never left.)

The beautiful hostess beamed with ‘Wunna’ delight and stylish Italian manager came over, for hugs and ‘welcome back’ kisses. I always feel at home, whenever I walk through those doors. There’s no place like it for me. It’s cosy and immaculate, yet filled with a fun, sophisticated, Italian vibe. Whenever I go, I’m treated so well, that all that’s left to do is to enjoy a freshly frosted glass of prosecco. It’s m perfect. ‘relax after a busy work day’ haunt.

Me: ‘I’m just gonna grab a drink, if that’s okay? I’m on my own.’

Hostest: ‘Do you need me to take your coat?’

Me: ‘No, no, i’m fine thank you. I’ll just head down to the Prosecco bar.’

She smiled like I knew my way…(and I know my way to any Prosecco bar…blind) and as I sauntered down the stairway, I cheekily glimpsed around the restaurant.

It was all a bustle, almost every table filled with good times, families and friends. Infact, it was really quite busy for 2pm on a Friday! I couldn’t see an empty table. Even when I got down to the Prosecco bar for a quiet drink (the prosecco bar was peaceful, I was the only one sat at the bar) the downstairs restaurant was also full. It was filled with a party of handsome, excited, stylish young men. Guys! The boys! They looked like they were celebrating something? But who knows? They had fun! They ordered THE BEST of everything in the entire place! Their bill actually came to a shocking amount and the great thing about them, was that they didn’t care one bit because they had spent it on ‘good times’ and memories.

I looked over at the lady behind the bar, who had already asked me what I’d like..and with a wink and a smile…my frosted glass of prosecco was right there in front of me.

*Looks down at phone.*

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where you at? I’m in Leeds.’

Me: ‘Ginos. You coming? I’ve only got 7 percent battery life…My phone’s gonna die.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Yeah. Cool. Stay there. Be there in 20 mins. No. 30 mins.’

Incase you’ve forgotten, Abeiku Arthur is one of my good, good friends. He owns the high fashion magazines, ‘House of Solo’ and ‘Pentagon.’ I love our impromptu catch ups, as we always end up talking business, work and banter. We have these personas of swag, style and grace….(well my ‘grace’ is dipped in moderate SASS,) yet if you were to actually sit in, on one of our conversations, you’d probably DIE of actual ‘holy shitness.’ Nothing is more OPEN than our conversations. He brings the ‘gangsta’ our in me.

Anyway, i’m sat at the bar, sipping prosecco by myself, happily taking selfies and snapchatting life at Gino’s. I’m running out of charge because of this Tom Foolery, and if i HATE anything, I truly dislike running out of charge. (If you know me personally, you will know that I ALWAYS carry a charger.)

Luckily, whilst I was sat at the bar, I noticed a guy sat at the end of the bar, on a laptop, that had a wire that mysteriously disappeared under the bar.

I followed the magical wire with my eyes…and BOOM, I ungracefully plonked my head rapidly under the bar and OH MY LORD, HAVE ALL THE MERCY, to my absolute DELIGHT, under the bar, was charger point HEAVEN. Hundreds of sockets. Life! Light! My heart may have skipped a beat. I plugged in and charged up…Yet weirdly I did it sneakily, because you do don’t you for some reason, when you’re charging your phone in public places? There’s a sense of ‘am I meant to be doing this’ about the whole situation. But you do it anyway?

Abeiku Arthur shows up, with some vintage camera that he’s bought from some vintage store, and takes photos of me to adjust his flipping focus.

We talk work. We talk life. We talk banter. We have some many stories that would shock your soul, it’s almost hilarious. We’re both hustlers. We’re both determined. We both have businesses that have accidentally done well. I love ‘House of Solo’ because I know how hard he works and how bad he wants success. Were both hustlers by nature. I do it glamorously. He does it dipped in a swaggalicious dash of ‘high fashion.’ He loves ‘Wunna Land’ and chrissiewunna.com because, who flipping doesn’t? 😉 But really, to him, i’m amazing because i’m honest. I’m real. We always have these bets on with each other and there has NEVER been ANYTHING SO FAR that I have SAID i’m going to do, that I haven’t done YET! Well..apart from ONE THING.

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where’s my money! You ain’t done that at all!’

Me: ‘Fuck off. It isn’t Christmas yet. I said CHRISTMAS! Anyway, I have a tab open, order a drink if you want.’

‘Nah, it’s cool. I’ll get mine.’

‘You do know, i’m getting a cocktail after this…’

‘You’re not, i’ve parked in a loading bay, so we’re on a timer. You have to come with me to see this chick, who’s got  some camera lights that I need to look at…Oh! I have PR now.’

‘Really who…?’

We finish our drinks, we chat about our next career stop offs. We snapchat and get annoyed at the fact that the double ‘bunny ears’ filter, only commits to one. ME! 🙂  It plays with you doesn’t it?

One face ALWAYS has the ‘bunny ears’ and the other face has to tilt and meander in order to get a ‘look in.’ But it lies to you and tells you that you can BOTH ENJOY ‘bunny ears’ at the exact same time with EASE. There’s no ease about it. You end up in the most awkward head alignment, for absolutely no other reason, than showing people that you’re in a place, with someone or no one, with ‘bunny ears’ on your head…and even worse, we only use a filter because it makes us look better!

Abeiku Arthur: ‘MAN! Where are my bunny ears!!!!’

Me: ‘Ugh! Are we really gonna do Autumn Leaves now…!!’

(He’s doing really well right now. I mean, from Interviews with ‘The Script’ and the guy who sings the ‘She my Bestie, Bestie, she may Bestie’ song 🙂 , dashed with Gucci, Prada, Vogue writers, and Fashion week galore. He could’ve done a lot worse or himself. Lol.)

Abeiku Arthur: ‘And you’re the girl that’s managed to turn the story of her life into big bucks.’

Me: ‘As if you’ve parked in a loading bay.’

Life was great! All was great! I felt really positive all weekend. It was bliss.

The rest of my time was filled with family and baby love. I took the kids out. We had the best time of merriment. We bought toys, played out. We just swirled in Wunna land love. Our brunch of choice was at Patisserie Valerie in Doncaster and simply because Junior need banana pancakes and Ruby needed poached eggs. (It is the only place that does both.)

We met up with my Mum and had the best family weekend ever. Family’s really important to me. Growing up we were always close and throughout my 20’s due to work, I lived away in LA for years and years and years…but we were still REALLY REALLY CLOSE. We tell each other everything. Were a really open family. It’s filled to the brim with loyalty and love. Almost anything goes….and I just feel really lucky to have them.

I mean even this morning, I had to have a business meeting with my mum before I set off to work and she just looked at me, beamed and said,

‘ I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t believe in you. I believe in you more than anyone…’

(And she’s not soft like that is my Mum. She’s real. She’s ‘tough love’…But she has a kitten soul. She’s a ‘tell it how it is,’ kinda gal. J I love her more than life.)

She teaches me how to be a GREAT Mum and that I am. I mean look at this…Over the weekend…Ruby finds graffiti on the wall that reads the letters ‘BT’

Ruby:  ‘Mum? What’s that??’

Me: ‘It’s just graffiti babe..’

Ruby: ‘It’s like Ted Baker, but backwards.’

YES! MY CHILD ROCKS! BOOYAH! ALL THE TROPHIES!

We ended up doing a quick dinner at ‘Ego’ and then just enjoying Bonfire night, as the skies were littered with bitty burst of colour and excitement. I love everything about driving through the streets on bonfire night. The skies celebrate your existence and the airs smells of a warm, burnt whisper. It soothes any fire sign with comfort.

Saturday night I slept like a baby…

Then Keiran text me, at the crack of dawn, to see if I could drop Junior off at 8.30 am on Sunday morning….

One day, when i’ve chimed my ultimate success bell…I’ll be able to enjoy those blissful ‘good times’ and those glorious moments of ‘lay in’ without being suddenly woken up by ‘life alarms.’ I mean, I hate nothing worse than ‘alarms.’ Be it metaphorical or literal. I can’t stand waking up every single morning to the *bleep bleep* of my phone. It’s bad for my soul and sort of ‘off starts’ my day, because it forces me to get  up against my will. Surely my body should wake whenever  it wants to?

The only alarm I ever adored, was when I slept over at Samuel’s apartment in London, (I was on the Paris Hilton Show with him, back in the day.) He’s gay and his ‘Wake up’ alarm song was the ‘Part of That World’ by ‘The Little Mermaid.’ J

Now, i’m a Sasserilla and i’m not remotely ‘Disney’ by any means, but let me tell you, TO THIS DAY, (and do note that I have  been woken up by MANY an alarm, all over the WORLD… in a zillion hotel suites, a bundle of odd people’s bedrooms, my own personal delicious bed sheets and homes across the mighty globe..) DO NOTE, THAT TO THIS DAY, that SONG has been THE BEST ALARM WAKE UP CALL, I have ever had the pleasure to rise to! You really should try it! It’s bliss!

2009 Throwback Convo: (After we had returned from an evening out with Paris at Jalouse.)

Me: ‘You actually have Ariel has your wake up alarm.’

Sam: ‘Yeah obvs! What do you have?’

Me: ‘Usually just some guy telling me he’s not looking for a serious relationship. Lol’

 

 

 

 

 

What a weekend, Secrets & Cougars

I need two extra days added onto my weekend please! It’s just been a ‘runner.’ Once of those ‘smash out of work on a Friday’ shindigs, that has glamourously led me into a weekend of ‘go, go, go.’ Schedules! Meetings! Babies! Madness! I’m shattered. I’ve lost my voice. I’d like Greek ‘Handsomes,’ in Toga’s to massage me back to good health. I’ve dropepd my phone and smashed my screen. (UGH!) AND, I’l tell you that I’ve accidentally got a dandy bit awesome at this whole ‘game of business’ malarky! To be fair, everything’s gone wrong this weekend. So technically, I could’ve just chilled it with Ruby and Junior in my comfies the whole time. Infact ‘wrong’ is the incorrect term. I’ll say it went ‘not as smoothly as it could’ve.’ But that’s because I spend so much time working hard throughout the week, that when it comes to the ‘weekend work,‘ I’m not remotely organised enough for it. I’ve learnt a lot. IN TWO DAYS. Over the next couple of months. I’m going to SMASH IT. *Cue: Beyonce Helicopter Hair Whip* Fuck it! Add *Lambrini shower sprays* to it also!

I’m just gonna skim it all, as I need time to chill, before Monday kicks me in the *hoo haa.*

Saturday was rushy. I did breakfast and shopping with the babies and my mum, as I magically *whirled* through the dash of life, in heels, big hair and whilst snatching last minute ‘needs’ to prep me for the weekend. I had to go pick up the car from Mercedes. I fitted in an important partnership meeting.

Me: ‘So what it is that you want me to help you with?’

Company: ‘*&&)($£”!$$£&**£, so how much?’

Kinda made me feel all powerful for a millisecond!

*Hands were shaken on this.*

Then, I grabbed my Gucci canvas bag and with the wind in my hair *dashed* quickly across town, in my faux fur to Cosmo’s. Where I enjoyed ACTUAL lunch, equipped with a wine drizzle, with my Mum, Dad, Brother, Ruby & Junior. We’re a really close family & it’s great because it makes my world always feel bubbled over with support, trust and that good old unconditional love. I am never emotionally starved or lonely. Wunna land is filled with LIFE. I always remember to *pause* and enjoy those moments with the people I love. Work is work. Even if you love what you do. Yet if your world isn’t balanced, you’ll find, in time that your soul will never be fulfilled. I ‘smell the roses’ and I smell’em good! 😉

Then I had to rush off, grab an outfit, constantly clock watch, as I treated The Wunna Babies to anything their hearts desired, make phone calls,  organise train times and get home as soon as I could. IN MINUTES, I  showered, tanned, did my hair, face and *pout.* I slipped on the tight gold pencil dress, quickly but delicately buckled on my rhinestone Gina Shoes (the ones that Paris Hilton gave me for getting naked. The poor sods have been dashed through life like glistening, burlesquesy….Wunna land…slaves.)

Kissed everyone ‘Goodbye,’ skipped into a waiting car, flung myself to the train station to get on the next ‘choo choo’ to Leeds for 7.30m, for my 8pm Business meeting, at ‘Mumtaz’ Leeds.

It kinda all went wrong from that point on…

I was texting through my journey, fully done up in a casual corner train seat, listening to the guy infront of me, tell the guy infront of him that he was..

‘Off to an Engagement party…’

‘Oh? I’m off to see some bird. Been talking to her for 2 weeks..’

Abeiku Arthur (who owns the High Fashion magazine ‘House of Solo‘ that I AM CURRENTLY IN) had messaged me, as he had two contributor meetings in Leeds also. We’re really good friends..really good friends and we always piss ourselves at life, our own businesses and at the same time wind each other up playfully, with our natural competitiveness. I WIN EVERYTHING!

The Leeds Skyline draws in, it’s now night and the sky is littered with stars, around me there is a bustle if excitement. I took the fun train to Leeds. That train where everyone is dressed up and ready for a night of cocktailing around the city. The boys with their shirted entourages, the girls in their heels and tight dressed winks.

I looked glamourous, BUT I had business to tend to…

Yet! OH WHAT DRAMA.

Right before I met this person, I was to print off a ‘non disclosure’ form, sign it and bring it to my meeting, to make sure that nothing discussed DURING the meeting was repeated. I didn’t have time to do the form. I couldn’t find a printer anywhere. Life was mayhem. We were messaging back and forth as HE couldn’t find a printer either…and then suggested that we push the meeting BACK to 9pm, instead of 8pm, so he could go and BUY A PRINTER, to print off the form and have me sign it before the meeting.

So, I had to chill for an hour with a wine, by station luggage trollies, in my golden dress and my faux fur, as strangers kept popping up to me and telling me that ‘loved the blog.’ All drunks love this blog. That makes me smile. 🙂 I don’t thing i’ve selfied with as many trashed people in my life. I should’ve charged.

Now, I was Snapchatting EVERYTHING! Thank you to those who were watching all this in action. And Abeiku Arthur was also watching my pain and PISSING HIMSELF LAUGHING.

So after he smashed his last meeting at 7pm, he messaged me to tell him to..

‘Meet me out the back..’

And there he was, with his smug little African face, pissing himself that CHRISSIE WUNNA, QUEEN OF GLAMOUR PUSSES, was stood on her own, by luggage trollies, looking like a dickhead, because unlike his finely polished meetings, MY MEETINGS WERE going tits up!

He sauntered out of his car, walked up to me and PISSED HIMSELF LAUGHING, demanded KFC and said,

‘It totally looks like you’ve been stood up! HHAHAHA!’

‘DUDE. I’m waiting for the guy to print off the non disclosure form before he speaks to me…’

”THAT’S FUCK UP. LOL. That’s not how you conduct business. You’re waiting by trollies I want a KFC.’

‘You know ********* is at ****** right now.’

‘Can’t you just fuck off your meeting and we’ll go there to see them…and then you can just get a ride home with me.’

‘No. I’ve got to be there in fifteen minutes..’

‘Surely people meet YOU because they want EVERYONE TO KNOW what they’re doing??? It’s backwards.’

Time flew with company…company that I was SO GRATEFUL for and it seemed that I was all dressed up with somewhere to go finally! Y’see, the thing about Mr. ‘House of Solo’ is that he’ll always pop up and keep me company…even if he’s performing a piss take.

He drove me to my meeting to make sure I was safe…

‘Right, i’ll wait here for five minutes, so text me….then i’m gone…’

I was fine. I mean, GOD. I’m the most independent chick that The Earth has ever birthed. But that was really sweet of him. He sang and danced all the way in the car, to ‘Boss it‘ hip hop jams, as he drove me, through the city streets.

My meeting was still..

‘I’m en route and running late….

So I stood on the bridge at The Leeds Docks, over the canal, watching the stillness of the night, as the lights of Mumtaz reflected onto the water and with mood lit, skyscraper buildings surrounding me. Tipsy 20 somethings.. in suits, who had been at the races all day staggered by in good spirit. There were couples, couples, everywhere couples. All in love. All excited. All in lust…and for the first time in ages…it bothered me. I wondered where my ‘counterpart’ was? Am I just going to be single forever? My life partner is currently roaming around the Earth…trying to find me. If you see him…GIVE HIM A FUCKING MAP, A LIFT, CALL HIM AN UBER, GET HIM HERE. 🙂

Then my meeting came walking across the bridge, by the Royal Armouries. (Which is where I did the Leeds Lifestyle Awards.’ He shook my hand under the evening stars…as he introduced himself…

AND I CAN’T TELL YOU ANYTHING MORE BECAUSE OF A NON DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT LOL. 

I got home at midnight. I had early morning breakfast with the babies. We all went to a shoot at noon, yet we had to push it back to Saturday, so I can sort out better styling etc…These shots are going to be AMAZING and we all agreed that we wanted them out there exactly right! (So I’ll be telling you all about it….next weekend.)

I then did lunch with my Mum at my Favoruite Local spot Ego, in Ackworth. What is better than Sunday Dinner and cocktails. The kids love it. I love it.

AND….

I SPOTTED A REAL LIFE COUGAR IN THERE TODAY. I always talk about cougars and joke about how i’m one in training. (I’m not joking. I AM one in training. I always date younger than me.)

But I hardly ever see a real life ‘Cougary Couple.’ TODAY! I DID! And it made me feel moderately awkward. Lol. She didn’t OWN her Cougarness…She infact looked really insecure. Hahaha! Like whenever he looked away, at just ANYTHING. A glass, a light switch…a hot Burmese Oriental chick. 🙂 She threw ‘daggers’ at him with her eyes. I can’t tell if he’s going to get loads of blow jobs tonight, so she wins him back over, or if he’s going to get none for just looking around him?

When i’m a cougar. I’m going to BOSS IT! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Mess With A Brother & His Chicken

‘Hey? Are you by yourself? Lol. What you never know? So what’s the plan today?’

The next morning in Manchester had sprung and before I had even managed to roll over in my fresh white Macdonald  Manchester Hotel sheets and rub my kitten eyes…my phone was already throwing Tuesday at me with a ‘Hurry the glamourous fuck up…’

It was snowing outside my executive suite windows, in Manchester that day! I nibbled on ‘Welcome Chrissie’ chocolates that had been left in my room, I dipped into the warmest most bubbliest bath…I LOVE A BUBBLE BATH in hotel rooms, as it’s means I must have ‘chill time.’ Showers are for rushy times and even though ‘rushy times’ are great, because they wave the flag for ‘busy,’ which means opportunity is in the palm of your hands…Nothing to me is better than those moments where you look after yourself….in bubbles…with massages….with love…or with a fresh cocktaily treat. That one moment sorts you out for the rest of the ‘dash.’

Then there was mad grooming, hair clipping, pouting, slefies, (…I mean selfies…) snapchats, last minute room checks, the gathering of goods and as I shot down out the door, down FIVE flights of stairs (I didn’t take the elevator), with a warmth, a smile and a ‘Thank you so much, you guys have been amazing,‘ I checked out my the Macdonald Manchester, swung through the revolving glass doors and WALKED to the train station (that’s why I stay there, as you can chill in bed longer and take warm baths, simply because it is moments away from your train…) and before you know it…BOOM, I was headed back to Leeds…followed by a train to Xscape, to meet good friend Abeiku Arthur (who owns the High Fashion ‘House of Solo’ Magazine) to grab lunch… and well fill him in on a  quick mountain of gossip…that I KNEW he was going to try and cleverly drill out of me.

So, I was stood outside Xscape in Castleford, it was Tuesday…and I saw him strolling up, so with the biggest smile and the loudest shout and maybe even a joyous booty dance, to not rub MY ACE LIFE in his face… I glamourously yelped…melodically ofcourse,

‘I SAW STEVEN BARTTTTTTLEEEEETT! I SAW STEVEN BARTTTLLEEET.’

Related image   Image result for steven bartlett social chain

He grinned with pride…we sort of *knuckled punched* a greeting and ran into Nandos to chow down on a bit of Peri Peri Chicken (Extra Hot) with a side of ‘catch up’ banter.

Big A: ‘Are you getting extra hot?’

Me: ‘Dude, I’m ethnic. I do extra hot.’

Now, in life…I’ve swanned around some of the most glamourous lunch spots that the world has to offer, with tiny plated savory treats, that is misted with flavours of  five star dining…BUT sometimes a chicks just got to sit with a brother and smash a bit of grilled chicken with hot sauce.

‘So, go on then…what happened at Social Chain…’

‘Everything they’re amazing. I was there for about an hour and a half…and yeah I definitely want to work with them.. I definitely fancy Steve and Katie is great…’

‘What’s Steve like then? Is he really all that or is it..?’

‘I’ve got a blog coming on this…’ (That moment where you don’t tell you friends things so that they HAVE to read your blog. :))

‘Do you want chips?’

‘Yeah, Peri ones…I’m getting a wine too…’

‘Aww, grab us a cider…You know that I met that chick from Vogue at Fashion week right…So what’s Steve like then….’

Then we smashed Peri Chicken and chips, guzzled wine, laughed about life and how it makes paths cross. (Remember at the end of last year, I told ‘House of Solo’ that I would get to meet Steve at Social Chain…AND I DID IT. Lol) We talked career, business, the future. I told him where I was headed with Chrissiewunna.com, he’s developing ‘House of Solo’ better than expected now. I mean GOD, you can buy your copy in the Eurostar VIP section, as you’re travelling to Paris fashion week…that’s a great new step. (And I don’t mind rambling on about it because I’M IN IT. BUY THE SPRING EDITION NOW! Lol)

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Then I suggested that we roll on to Burgers & Cocktails and grab a few drinks. Well I said ‘just one…’ But we know how that nifty slogan pans out…:)

Plus, I Love ‘STILL DAYTIME’ cocktails. They often feel funner than nighttime cocktails and we had a lot to chat about.

Lord knows what happened. But I ended up smashing 4 …’with sixty percent proof’ bits…’Flaming Mon’s,’ that had flamed flying out of my passion fruit and all sorts. I’m surprised naked dancing man didn’t pop out of my drink and slap my booty. It was a fruity tooty show piece.

I guess, people are similar to the cocktail that they choose to drink, or it depicts your mood. ‘House of Solo’ had a shandy. A Red Stripe Shandy. (An improvement on the ‘evening before’s’ company who simply drank water. Lol. Yet, Come on now…let’s jazz this up a bit…FUCKING RED STRIPE SHANDY with a ‘Can I have more lemonade please.’

We got the best seat in the house, which if you are following this blog, you will know that the BEST seat is wherever I’M sitting 🙂 and it’s referred to as the ‘Power table.’ Lol. In this case, it was AWESOME because we chose to not face each other and instead have seats that where onlooking the passerbys through a big glass window. We watched every single one of you and made up our own renditions of how your life goes..:) and mainly because we’re bastards. Lol. But whatever, I had had a bunch of cocktails by this point and was sneaky phone charging, so the staff couldn’t see.

We BELLY LAUGHED at life, he talked fashion, I talked Social Chain…He stupidly believes that there are actually still VIRGINS over the age of 20 in Castleford. *DYING WITH LAUGHTER HERE*

‘What the fuck are you on about? She’s not a virgin. Virgin’s are like UNICORNS…they don’t really exist…only in your deluded mind.’

Big A: ‘When I was in college in Castleford, this girl asks me out, and I thought it was weird because she asked if she could *start seeing me* and I didn’t know what that meant…cos in Africa, well…we’d just…’

(Then he does a mucky face with laughter. Lol. Do note that ‘Big A’ is African…and moved fresh from those exotic lands to Castleford. Lol.)

‘So why is it that men of the African Variety like chicks with booty?’ (As in a good bum and curvy bits…not as in what Pirates find in treasure chests.)

‘Well it’s all we see there and yeah I love a curvy girl. A big girl. That’s why it’s weird that I do High Fashion, as I have to see creative beauty in chicks that I don’t fancy at all…’

‘Why are guys scared to approach me..?’

‘Cos you’re Chrissie Wunna…’

‘No I mean really? Like really… You KNOW ME…Would you personally be scared to ask me out, if you fancied me…?

‘YES.’

Then we both PISSED OURSELVES LAUGHING, I recieved zero love life help and then out of the blue like the world had popped ‘crazy pills’ of joy, ‘House of Solo’ JUMPS UP with excitement and screeches, in his Big Black man voice…

‘Nando’s has liked our Tweet!!!!’

Honestly, it was like the world had decided to fuck up and chose us to be The Gods, for the rest of your time here on Earth.

I looked at him *blank*…not quite getting why he was that excited?

This is a guy who has VOGUE ‘like’ his work and that doesn’t phase him. Yet Nandos’ likes ONE TWEET..and he’s up in arms, screaming and shouting at how Nandos is so much bigger than Vogue and he needs to screenshot the ‘like‘ and post it everywhere. Lol.

Now, not to blow my own pink trumpet or anything 😉 But, I’m quite used to brands ‘liking’ stuff that I do. 🙂 I’m just this little kitten, who writes some blog and it’s all got carried away and now i’m (cue: Tabloid Titles:

‘..Making blogging cool again/ I’m the best thing to happen to Cyberland/ I’m the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw, / I’m Social media’s Newest IT Girl/ I’m an Sassy Inspiration..I’m everything, they say I am. 🙂 Honest!

So Nando’s ‘liking’ a Tweet, is GREAT (if you want to work with me 🙂 ) But until then…it’s kinda just a ‘like.’

Get it? Good!

Me: ‘You have three more trips to Nandos, three more posts, 3 more ‘likes’ and a Retweet until you get some Nandos attention. Let alone a flipping Black card dude.’

‘You have Black Cards to every glammy venue ever, but you don’t have a Nando’s Black Card..’

‘Yeah. They’re not going to give ME  one. People like David Beckham get them..Ed Sheran has one…I’m just this chick who writes a blog..’

‘We need one…’

‘Don’t put YOU needing a Nandos Black Card on ME. Lol. Okay, fine…let’s do Nandos every day.’

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He *beamed* with happiness….and as time flew and life went on…(I had a busy work day the next morning, so I had a lot to prep for), I waved ‘bye’ and he hung out of a window and shouted…

‘YOU DON’T MESS WITH A BROTHER AND HIS CHICKEN’

 

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