Today I’m talking Love…

It’s Summer right! Let’s have some fun now. We’ve sat in rain. We’ve worked hard all year. We’ve hustled. We’ve loved, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried. Some of us have fallen in love. Some of us and have had our merry hearts broken. Some of us have made our dreams come true and some of us just forgot to try.

Clean slate it!

People get so stressed out about shit that doesn’t matter. Don’t get stressed out about shit that doesn’t matter. One life to live, with nothing to lose. LIVE IT. I’m watching the whinners have a moan about life and the winners just get on with it. Wunna Land is a ‘no sulking’ zone. So if you’re feeling down…cheer up. If you’ve fallen down…get back up. If you’ve got a bikini, throw it on. If your Prosecco glass is empty.. pour a fresh bubbly one, as see it as half full.

The sun’s out now! Let’s have some fun! Fuck it! It’s Sunday!

So far, i’ve actually had a chilled one. I’ve worked hard all week and darted here there and everywhere. My first day into my days off, are always about family time and chill. It’s like the big old recoup after a jolly, but tough game. Plus, I treasure the time that I have with Ruby and Junior, as there’s just me (yes, I have a lot of help, that I appreciate greatly.) But I have to work quite madly in order to provide and ‘Boss it’ for them. (I haven’t been lucky enough in love to hold onto a proper ‘this is mummy…this is daddy…and we’re together forever’ lifestyle…YET. What? I’m hopeful. 🙂 ) Secondly…I have to share them with their Daddies (who I get along with quite wonderfully) and that alone is healthy for them, because they’re immersed in love continuously…However it makes me treasure my time with them. I love being a Mum.

We shopped, we sang, we danced, we face painted, we kicked balls in parks, we had mini manicures, we did family Wunna Lunch at Ego in Ackworth and I winked it all off with cocktails, an ‘at home’ dance off and then treated myself to an early night.

Ponte Races happened! Thousands of people went. I definitely didn’t, as it looked far too busy. But, some drunk chick with crimped hair got so blasted and used MEL’S HEAD to regain her wibbly balance. Hahahaha! When that text came in, I almost DIED. If you know Mel…YOU DO NOT EVER USE HER HEAD to find your balance. You don’t ever use her ANYTHING, without her consent, to find any form of anything! Hahaha! Especially if you chosen to crimp it up. Don’t crimp. It’s bad for you. It makes you look more drunk.

Double B has started going to the gym. I’m shocked, as she doesn’t look gymmy, but she is. I’m noticing that she’s water drinking, fruit eating and now signing up to gym memberships? It’s confusing me? I liked it better when she refused to eat potatoes unless they came in ‘smiley face’ form, or ham, unless it was served with a Billy Bear face on it.

Firmonnell is BACK and thank the fucking LORD. How dare she dash off to Tenerife with her family and leave me to my own lonely devices with no evil text banter to fill my much needed void. I’m so losery, that I even messaged her when I knew that she was on plane and couldn’t text back. But she’s BACK…and YES, I FINALLY FILLED A VOID.

Not sure what’s happening right now, but my inbox is filling up with men? They’re all tapping at my messenger waiting for some kind of response? I’m not good at responding, i know….but it’s because I don’t like lots of pressure from people that I don’t think really know me. It makes me run away, (yipppppeee) as I always believe that they have judged me on a picture and have an incorrect idea of what i’m actually like.

I’m quite traditional when it comes to love..and I have a one track mind. So if i fancy someone, I only really focus of them…that’s something that half of my inbox would never really guess? My persona is flirty, but my soul is loyal. (A bit deep for a Sunday. Lol) So Yes, I did once say that I prefer men to be forward but….

Well..to be honest I have to….

Whatever….Lol I am utterly flattered. So thank you. The lovely messages (and I do read them all, even though I don’t manage to reply) made me smile.

*Runs away and hides.*

Lots of people always ask me about my love life…and well I’m not an easy person to date and I reckon that I match well with other ‘not so easy to date’ people. In entertainment or any career where in which you need to both focus and promote yourself, work hard, be away, or hustle…it’s more difficult to find love. You have to rely on the loving stable other, to just ‘get it’ and understand…..it’s never easy. You yearn for something or someone to ‘get it‘ or for your relationship to just run easily. So when you have it, you grab in both hands and try to hold onto it forever. You treasure it. MADLY.

In LA, it’s really easy, because everyone’s doing the same thing. Everyone’s career focused. That comes first. They achieve everything imaginable and make all their dreams come true. THEN they do love, build a family and do the rest of it….properly. No one is living a normal life over there. Love is unconventional. But everyone gets how it is.

In England, it’s not as simple as that for successful men or ‘boss it’ kinda girls. It’s harder and it’s not a bad thing, as people are more ‘togethery’ in Blighty. They do forever. They love hard. They meet when they’re teens and stay together through eternity. They know what they want and it’s lovely….and i’m understanding it more and more, as days go by…in Hollywood…none of that existed when I was a 20 something. But I don’t dislike that. I loved my time in LA. I love who I am and what I stand for and I love that I never ‘just settled’ for whoever or whatever.

The next time I get married, I will be marrying the most amazing man alive.

The idea is to keep it simple. When you complicate something as pure as love…it dashes it with negative salt shakes, that can often make it meander inappropriately.

Anyway, i hope you all have the most delicious bank holiday weekend!

I’m off on my travels!

I’ll check in later.

Thank you for following my life.

ps/ Exciting things are about to happen.

 

 

 

 

Cocktails, Banter & Love History

Double B: ‘Yeah but you’re always hung over on a Saturday…’

Firmonnell: ‘I still come in and DO WORK. Anyway, fuck off!!! YOU CAN’T TALK when you’ve once walked into work looking like a 192o’s DISHWASHER!!!!’

Double B: ‘Chrissie? Is this YOUR passport?’

(Shows me a passport of a young Chinese man…)

‘…just thought it was you without your weave in…’

Me: ‘LOL. Why are you ALL dickheads??? Anyway, shut up, i’m texting… Potter says he’s *got me sussed…?* What is he even on about?? Got me sussed? Like i’m some kind of …’

Double D: ‘Look at you. You just love all the attention. You need it now that you’re old..’

Me: ‘What the actual fuck! Leave me alone. Leave me in my granny corner to be old and quiet.’

Double D: ‘It’s just banter… GOD!!’

Me: ‘Hmmm…well I don’t like it. I’m sensitive…’

There is a *PAUSE*

Then as I peeked at Firmonnell via my little kitten eye..we literally burst into a hysterical, mid blowing belly chuckle! A chuckle so hard that we literally flung our heads back and maybe did LITTLE WEES in our Ann Summers/Bridget Jones frillies.

I have the greatest chick friends…they sort of worship me and ground me all at the same ‘abusive’ time. 🙂 You need your life soldiers. Ya chicks in heels. We support each other to the moon and back and even though we banter away with inappropriate humour, sassy tongues, tears or tantrums at times…. (It’s just what ‘us northerners’ do…) Alongside that, we build each other up so greatly, that there’ll never be a page in our diaries that reads, ‘I just never felt good enough..’

This chapter of my life is the changing chapter, yet it is currently a GREAT ONE. I’ll always remember it…Sort of like I remember my first ever LA chapter…when I arrived at LAX with nothing but a suitcase and my fingers crossed, as the warm air hit me. I also remember that in that time…I fell in love…It ran through my mind as I drove home yesterday after work. I haven’t spoken to Mikey (who was my first husband, when we were kids in LA, trying to be future success stories) and i’m someone who’s always really great with my exes. I’m apparently always ‘the one that got away.’ *Rolls Eyes.* I’m joking…Lol…I’m good friends with a lot of my exes and I do mean JUST FRIENDS. Not all of you though. Some of you I really do think are utter planks. 🙂 You know who you are…*POINTS FINGERS.*

Anyway, I thought about that time merrily because it was such a pure time before the birth of ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ so to speak. I was so innocent then and in that time I couldn’t have met a more perfect ‘team mate’ to do life with. So even though we don’t speak…and I there’s a HUGE STORY to tell…There’s years worth of stories that no one will ever know about and I don’t tell the stories because it kinda overlaps with certain things, that were going on in my life at that time…and well I respect him enough to keep it bundled as a silent ‘memory bubble,’ that we’ll both have.  We didn’t quite get the correct closure…I’d say. One day, when I see him.. I’ll get that. During that time, if we didn’t go our separate ways, he certainly wouldn’t have become the success he is today…and well…neither would I. We were young and to be honest it’s kinda the Hollywood way….

But yes, as I drove home yesterday early evening, I smiled because during that early LA chapter, I kinda looked back and thanked him for making me feel like the most loved girl in the entire world. He respected and treasured me. Some girls go through their entire lives never getting to feel that…I mean GOD, I don’t even nearly feel like that right now…But it was so important that it popped into my head because it reminded me of a very happy LA chapter (as it did go a bit dodgy from that point, but that dodginess was essential to my making 🙂 ) and it also reminded me that in life anything can happen when it comes to love…and sometimes it can just ‘Jack in a Box’ you out of nowhere. If you’ve felt true love, you can feel it again….and if you ARE single, be you young, in your 20’s, fourties or an aging, independent thirty something glamour puss 😉 know that there’s this AMAZING guy, who will pop out of nowhere and treasure you. One that you’ll actually fancy! I know!!! No, I haven’t had rum! You don’t have to wait it out..you just have to get on with being your fabulous self…and that imaginary Knight will gallop on in and sweep you off your fucking budget Louboutins.

I don’t know why i’ve gone on about all that, because that’s not at all what I wanted to chat about?? I was gonna tell you all about how important blogging was and how organised and feisty I am now and how I’ve become so focused. How I’ve decide to work with some amazing new brands. I needed to do my Laura Bartlett blog. ( I loved her.) How so much is happening and it’s all very exciting…work wise.

I mean, it all goes back to that meeting that I had with Jack Parsons. It put me in ‘check’ and organised me mentally. He has been one of the most inspiring people i’ve met so far this year, because he actually helped me. I need some help. Lol. ALL THE HELP. But no, right now, when it comes to my brand/business, I’m in a powerful place where I’m gonna need mentoring and at the same time so ‘big boys’ to step in and make Wunna Land MASSIVE. Jack is going to be good at this. I can feel it in my sassy bones. He’s on his way up to the stars and still has the ability to remind me that I can smash it. I’ll remind him of that when we’re both ‘chilling it’ on the Forbes list. 😉 At least he has an office. I want a fucking office!

But i’ll tell you all about work some other time. I guess my mind just wanted to tell you a love story instead?? FFS.

Hope you’re having an amazing weekend. I’m enjoying a really chilled one with my babies ‘Ruby & Junior.’ They rinsed me at the toy store, we’ve lunched and mocktailed at Ego, in Ackworth. (I go there a lot. It’s local to me.) I’m loving my weekend, as usually i’m dashing about having to ‘jump on a train‘ this…or ‘leap to the next platform‘ that. There’s not been much ME time or…well it’s all been fucking stressful. 🙂

Feeling chilled is my favourite…Maybe because by nature my soul is so WILD. When it comes to the days that I choose peace, I treasure them like those red flavoured fruit pastels. I’m happy. My kids are happy. Everyone i’m working with is happy. I’m doing well and now on a ‘not so ropey’ success ladder. I’m strutting up it like i’m Fred Astaire in tap shoes.

*Throws you a wink and a pout*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Chrissie Met Jack

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Friday morning of the Blog Awards and I threw everything into an overnight bag, from a toothbrush to a giant turquoise, sequinned  mermaid dress (I always pack light, because during my time in LA, I moved constantly. I hated having to carry everything with me and learnt to leave things behind, whilst always knowing that the lighter you packed, the quicker you could get away if you needed to. 🙂 )

Anyhow, I dashed to the train station and went from Doncaster to Kings Cross. It literally was a *whizz* of a train, but I’m used to travelling at a moments notice and what could be better than doing so with a much appreciated free gin and tonic and the Geordie announcement man, who kept telling really shit, yet excellently inappropriate jokes, that could’ve got him fired.

‘If you’re getting off at Peterborough…and GOD KNOWS why any of you would want to be getting off or going there…’ 🙂

Lol. Fuck it! You only live once!

That’s why I love travelling Virgin. It’s always so fun and you don’t actually have to be a virgin to the ride it. Who knew? 😉

So, most of the fellows who were headed to the UK Blog Awards that night, only had the Blog Awards to tend to. Lucky. I had two phone meetings on a train, a hotel business proposal, some guy trying to make me sign up to a reality show that I don’t want to do and then my delicious meeting the CEO of Yourfeed UK, Mr. Jack Parsons. (Look above. That’s him.)

So, let me tell you about Jack…Jack Parsons had asked to see me. The summons had come via Twitter and I was excited about it all, from the get go. It was a week after I had spent some time with Steve Bartlett at Social Chain (I was on the Everyday Steve Vlog) and after we fizzled through *busy* schedules, Jack and I managed to ‘diary in’ Friday April 21st for a meeting. I was kitty pumped. He’d read a lot about me and i’d read a lot about him…so I knew that tinkering through the busy London streets in my burnt orange (which was salmon) dress, my tippy tappy Gina heels, Little Mistress Faux Fur and rose gold clutch…was worth it. I had such an easy ride up there, so I knew that the meeting was going to be AMAZING. (I always judge how well my meeting will go, by the physical/emotional ‘temperature’ of my journey to it.  I couldn’t have had an easier journey AND my body was absent of wine. 🙂 )

I LOVE THAT DURING THIS BLOG MY LITTLE BURMESE MOTHER HAS WALKED INTO MY HOME, DASHED UPSTAIRS WITH EXCITEMENT AND JUST HANDED ME A PEN…

‘Look!!! Have you seen my SPERM PEN!!’

Lol. It’s a biro that has pretend sperm swimming in it, with the words ‘Happy Swimmers‘ printed upon it. And you all wonder why I’m might be mentally fucked? Haha! I love it. In her defense, she IS a sexual health Doctor…meaning a pen of that sort really is ‘the norm.’ Kinda like a diamond encrusted ‘bullet’ would be a regular fixture in my version of Wunna land. (Sorry, I’m getting a flashback of ‘Double B‘ telling me the story of how she once bought a ‘bullet’ got so excited and used it so incredibly madly, that she got ‘all the thrush.’ Lol. DYING!)

Shit. I’ve got distracted. I arrived in London. Platform 4? Everyone kept glaring at me. I checked into my hotel and took the easiest journey to 247 Tottenham Court Road to see Jack at Yourfeed UK, on what felt like the loveliest, most unstressful day ever.

Jack is one of the youngest and most inspiring CEO’s in Britain. (I seem to be meeting a lot of them recently, don’t I! You meet everyone for a reason)

He’s only 23…

Jack: ‘But I look fifteen…’

So Jack is currently being hailed as ‘The Prime Minister of The Millennials’ and a ‘Young Richard Branson.‘ Dashing titles aren’t they? Not bad for an inspiring, non smoking, non drinking, easy going, 23 year old CEO. But yes, he is on a big mission to connect 2 million young people to opportunities by 2010. It’s a HUGE challenge, but he’ll do it. I’ve never met a more SAVVY guy, who’s only 23 flipping three! And i’m not joking. I would never just say it. This guy knows everything he needs to know…and goes for it, with passion, skill and this confidence that proceeds him, yet it’s sponged in a humble kindness.

This Summer he is also doing a big ‘on the road’ Pledge tour…I want to be part of that! I’m in the mood to inspire…He totally said I could be. Booyah! *Wiggle Wink.*

Yet, at 1pm as I sat in what looked like a fun waiting room, with MTV playing on a wall mounted TV screen behind me, all the snazzy coffee machines infront of me, business reads on my lap, a ‘table footy’ thing to my right and variously placed giant cacti, surrounding a sign that read ‘HAVAS MEDIA GROUP..’ by lifts…there was a peace, a calm…a really positive, qiuet energy.

‘Hey, I’m Jack.’

(Holds out his hand.  Confident. Positive. Direct. Warm. I look up, stand up, shake his hand with a smile and follow him walking…)

‘Nice to meet you. Do I sound really common?’

‘Haha. No. I’m from Essex…’

‘I love Essex, It’s so bouji now. 😉 ‘

And that’s how it began…

He walked me to through the offices, whilst offering me a drink and led me to HIS office,

‘This is my gaff..’

…which had a fun brick wall, the word YOURFEED written in emojis and a naked Homer Simpson picture in the corner. Was he naked? Can’t remember? 🙂

A cuppa tea and a water were brought in…and life was great!

Straight away without fear, he sits back in his chair, grabs a black note book and pen and starts asking me direct questions, about my life…as he takes notes…and I loved that about him. He got straight to it. We’re both very different. Yet both dynamic and inspiring in our own special ways. He’s a lot more business savvy than I am. He’s real, he’s insightful, he’s inspirational and honest. He doesn’t wear a watch, he keeps things simple, knows how to work a crowd, build a crowd and is the most down to earth human ever.

HE LITERALLY KNOWS EVERYONE. All the most important people in all the land and they respect him for all that he has achieved and all that he is continually doing. He’s someone who CARES about what you’re doing…He’s a ‘tell it as it is’ kinda guy and is the first person in a REALLY LONG TIME, when it comes to business, to turn around, give up his time and offer to help me because he believes in me, finds Wunna Land interesting and just felt like helping someone…and for nothing in return, other than sharing his knowledge.

That’s special isn’t it! You don’t get that these days. Trust me. I know! Not only is that kind, but it’s also very clever…;)

Jack: ‘Now, I read that you don’t like really long winded stories…so I’m gonna cut it down and just hit the bullet points.’

( I liked that!)

He asked me about my story and we talked about my time in LA.

Jack: ‘What did you learn from living in LA?’

Me: ‘I learnt to hustle. It’s a town packed with the most determined and ambitious people in the world…and you have to figure out a way to get noticed, be talented and be able to get what’s yours! YET still be emotionally strong. I learnt everything I know about anything…in Hollywood, because I lived it.’

(And I did! I stiletto pounded that pavement. I worked. I hustled. I bustled. I modelled. I acted. I fell in love. Out of love. I lived!! Oh did I LIVE! But I began MY BLOG and wrote simply out of the love of expression…which 10 years later…would MAKE ME.)

He smirked. Sat back and with an..

‘I like you…’

He threw his his note book down on a desk..

‘I’m not taking notes anymore…’

and told me his story, where it all began, where it was now and where it was going to be headed, as he soon heads his passion Stateside, after championing the UK.

And from that moment on we just bonded, we just got along and work wise it felt great. It was a laugh. We chatted about everything. His work. My work. The work of other people. We laughed about it all. Laughed about ourselves. We told each other stories and HOW I DIDN’T TAKE GEORGE SAMPSON’S VIRGINITY and I called him ‘Royal’ as that’s how I expected him to be..

‘Royal? What do you even mean?’

‘Like a member of the Royal family! lol’

We pissed ourselves laughing.

But I was ASTOUNDED by how much this young guy knew about his world and business. I LEARNT SO MUCH IN AN HOUR AND A HALF  and i’m really not joking. It was genuinely one of the most helpful and inspiring meetings that I have had in…EVER! He’s that good! You would be astonished. I liked how savvy he was. I liked that he just looked at me, pissed himself…and liked me anyway. Lol.

But yes, he’s running Yourfeed UK. He has started a really great Vlog also. It’s real, it’s fun and simply excelling. I’ve started to really love Vlogs as they’re the future reality tv shows. I film the advert for my Vlog shortly…and can’t wait to start mine.

Jack: ‘Right, book back in my diary for again and i’ll help you…’

I’ve never met a more helpful business guy? I love people who I can learn from and we in that hour and a half, discussed so many ways where in which we could develop and improve chrissiewunna.com, into the ‘big time.’

He’s one of those business guys who follows through on his word. He stressed that to me confidentially.

‘If i say something to you. I will follow through with it… ALWAYS.’

I was bamboozled by how smart Jack was….and I respect him for that.

That was a great fucking meeting…I absorbed so much. I want to go on his Summer Tour.

Jack: ‘Can I just ask you something?’

Me: ‘Yeah…’

Jack: ‘You know you bought Steve that Gucci hat….

Me: ‘Yeah it was cool because i had written a blog about how it got to him and then he did a vlog, which showed the gift arriving on his desk..in real life…’

Jack: ‘Did you get you anything back, like he said he would…?’

I’d never really thought about it until then…but it stuck in my mind, as I left the office, *cuddled and cheek kissed* Jack a farewell…and then dashed back across London, back to my hotel to chill for a few hours, after a few drinks and a Mexican late lunch. I watched Real Housewives of New York and was reunited with my passion for Bethany Frankel. (My FAVE housewife of all time.)

Then I watched ‘Dinner Date’ which reminded me of my ‘Swirl.’ I can’t seem to watch it effectively without wanting to hear his banter beside me.

I used my chill time wisely, before slipping into my dress and heading to the UK Blog Awards…

I look forward to my next meeting with Jack…It was a really useful and insightful time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actual Crazy, Hollywood, Amaze Balls…

I am have the most smashing LIFE time EVER! I’m feeling GREAT! I’m sort of just taking a chill from all things too ‘social media,’ yet not for long, as I live and breathe it…I mean a couple of days…However, it’s enough for me to take a second to just get on with the ‘norm’ of my daily work and secretly CELEBRATE. 🙂

Yes! You heard! I am about to head into the most DELICIOUSLY AMAZING APRIL EVER and what i’ve learnt from life, is that before the sexy storm begins, you just have to take a moment and enjoy a victory *wiggle wink.* JUST SAYIN’! And that..I am!

I’m still busy. But i’m beaming.

I can’t tell you much about my April. But I can tell you, that I have some of the most wonderful events coming up, some divine brands ready to be *winked* in Wunnaland AND the UK blog Awards next month, which if you didn’t know…I’m a finalist of. I won’t win it. But i’ll certainly be there. It’s such a great honour and it’s almost one tick on my ‘dreams come true’ list. I’m SO grateful for all the support I have from ym friends and family. I mean, GOD, my Mum is always very..

‘You don’t have to win it, to win in the end…and ya Dad and I KNOW that you win in the end..’

HOW SWEET! How Lucky am I!!

But do also know, that Wunna land is not silly enough to not go, as it will be the greatest networking event ever. I might not win the trophy, but i’ll smash the ‘social’ banter…

More exciting news…*Wait whilst i take off my waist shaper and air throw/ mouth catch a few *Popaballs* (Google them) I start a Vlog shortly…AND IT’S AMAZING. I’m still blogging, as that’s what I do. And it seems i must do it well? Yet now, you will be TREATED to real life episodes of chrissiewunna.com. And Wunna Land is SO fun that you’ll either piddle with laughter or die with shock….which is a ‘stunned’ way of creaming embarrassment.

HOWEVER WAIT! Due to me coming from a Reality TV background, it seems that if I truly wanted I could actually sample my hand at Vlogging, by just skipping it and whipping Wunna land life out on the actual telly. I KNOW! This is where ‘who you knows’ matters! So make you connections But prove yourself. I was obviously years ago on ‘Paris Hiltons British Best Friend’ on ITV2, and one of their focal characters. It s the same people who read a Tweet, where in which I said,

‘Looking for Videographers/Editors’

…who immediately shimmied into my inbox.

I will also so, that hundreds of Videographers filled my inbox…and i’m still going through you all, yet I pretty much know who i’m going to use,

Yet, it’s great. As i’m still doing an episodic vlog and it certainly won’t be lame. 🙂 And I’m feeling so *pumped* about it right now, as one of my LA besties, has just got his movie commissioned and it is currently, this second being produced and filmed….and this is no low budget ‘try out…’ it’s a big ass movie and IT HAS MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY IN IT. He sent me a snap of his ‘Directors Chair’ today. It made me smile. 🙂 He was GIDDY! It’s Matt!

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YET HE TOLD ME THIS…

‘Chrissie…you’ve got it. Don’t let anyone out there make you think that they’re better than you in your niche, because they’re NOT. You’ve got ‘it’ MAJOR, you grew up LA style and the cream always rises to the top. I’ve known you forever, as friends, as…y’know..;) …I read ya blog every day….and something just tells me that you’re on to smashing great things..’

‘Can I be in you next movie dude?’

‘As if you thought you even had to ask. 🙂 ‘

But yes, it may seem that I’m on a chill, yet it’s actually quite the opposite. i’m just celebrating life with the people that I *heart* and on a day to day basis getting my very normal ‘work’ on. *Pout.*

I’ve had some ace conversations today. So ace that now i’ve had nearly a bottle of red wine, I can’t remember them? Here are some snippets…

‘Yeah it’s much sexier if you say your girlfriends from Mauritius and not Hull.’

‘The filth drawers getting empty…’

‘Did you know that the fried eggs from Haribo are actually meant to be UFO’s’

‘Shut up dickhead. They’re fried eggs. That makes no sense, as why would they make UFO’s fried egg coloured.’

‘Just be awful to me Chrissie, I can’t stand it when you’re nice to me. It makes me blush and feel awkward. I’m the youngest of six. I come from a piss take family. We don’t do compliments…’

‘I’m losing the will to live here..’

‘I need a filling!’

‘Are these pear drops apple?’

This year, I am going to smash it…and for the first time in ages, I feel as though i actually know what i’m doing.

For the first time in ages, I actually KNOW that I know what i’m doing and i feel juiced!

So yes, I’m gonna work, cocktail and enjoy life for the rest of this merry March and then….

Oh Dollies…Wunna Land is going to *rev* shit up…and smashed the most glamorous ‘bastards’ out of ya’ll. *Giggles*

Kisses…

Chrissie x

ps/ I’m leaving you with this song, as it is firstly my 3 year old son’s CURRENT FAVORITE SONG and because Maroon  5, used to be my ‘across the balcony’ neighbours. They told me one night, when we were all really pissed, that their band would make it big. 🙂 🙂 🙂 I got trashed on tequila and cried over a boy as the drummer carried me to my apartment….

 

 

 

 

Busy, Prosecco, Stress Winks

Today was BUSY! Like so busy, that I just let myself blissfully *drown* into the hefty depths of ‘work load,’ that was dragging bundles of ‘catch up’ and was smeared in a sticky gloss of have to‘ instead of ‘want to.

YIPPEEE! Hugs for everyone! Mondays! Yeah! Yeah!

I definitely had moments where waving a flag of *surrender* seemed jolly, easy and satisfying. Lol. Wait? Did I use ‘blissfully’ earlier?’

*REWIND* No really…Back up 

Oops, I did. I take that back…Sorry..I meant, ‘shit.’ 🙂 However, now, that I’ve gracefully guzzled a glass of gifted Prosecco..I will say that, i’m finding it funny. Funnier that it was during the moment?

I think i’m just someone who likes to be on top of everything. So if i’m feeling a little behind, or a little…well whatever…. i’m rambling on…Let’s just say, my mind is currently full of other things right now. Things that I love. It’s bubbling over with a sexy creativity. I’m juiced. I’m excited. But sort of feeling as though muddling through the ‘have to,’ is cutting down the time that I need to dedicated to the ‘want to.’  Like, I have 3 press releases and a bunch of brand proposals, that I need to type up and send off and it’s been A WEEK so far and I STILL haven’t managed to find the time to do it! UGH! I’ve got a goal and i’m gonna get there…I’m gonna get there…

Rant over. *Pours another prosecco.*

But, I’m feeling positive. I’m looking forward to the future.

Y’know, I watched an old acquaintance literally FALL out of a bar at 4pm today, with a drunk face of ‘lost’ imprinted on her soul…

‘Heeeey. Chriiiisssssie….How are you…?’

I just smiled, watched past and got on with life. My head was too busy at that point. Plus, when i was her age, I was in LA, trying to make a dream come true, whilst working a ‘full timer’ at a big talent agency. I was never  actually the ‘falling out of the bar‘ girl. I guess, I’m just seen ‘wild,’ as I’ve obviously decorated my past with bucket loads of poured all over ‘colour’ 🙂 …but i’m honestly a lot more together than you would imagine. I’m charming. I’m clever. I’m more FUN, than I am lost. They are two very different things. I’m a girl who knows my way and where i’m headed. (Even when pissed. 😉 )

My fun streak is punctuated and glittered in a cheeky sophistication. So yeah, it made me feel bad when I saw her tumble out of a bar in the middle of the day…But honestly not too bad, as I just fucked it off and walked by without a care! LOL. *So loveable.*

Today was so busy, I didn’t even get to banter with my chickadees. I mean, I don’t know what’s going on with Mel and her ‘love swirl.’ It’s almost ‘Firmonnell’s’ birthday and I don’t even know how she’ll celebrate it. ‘Fairytale blond’….How’s Prince Jonny?? It’s getting ‘cray cray’ like that. And I’m one to think that if you’re around people closely…you should know about their lives and what’s going on with them. I mean, we can’t even schedule ONE evening out because…

‘I can’t do the 3rd…

‘I’m away that weekend…’

‘I’ve got drinks on the 18th…’

‘I’m at a baby shower then…’

Yet, it’s great because at least we’re busy women of the world. We’re all very different, but we’re glamourous chicks, who are making our lives worth it…We all want to do well and you’re in good company when you all have diary pages filled with ‘full,’ yet are still really close regardless. That’s magic.

But I’m definitely sure ‘Double B’ told me to ‘Fuck off’ again after slaying out *daggers* for kicks. I love her *daggers* they’re stroppy and delightful all in one. She’s literally the most hilarious human know.

‘I need to stop washing my hair in Purple shampoo & have you seen that picture of us all…my legs are darker than Chrissie’s.’

‘You look pale today…’

‘Yeah I just like to surprise you all, by being completely pastey and then POPPING UP out of nowhere with a crazy Chrissie tan..’

I’m sure she then forced me to talk to Chinese strangers and agreed that she liked me in my  kitten curled specs..

I liked it but ignored her to make fun of ‘Hot Sarah’ for once almost  being forced to dedicate her time to performing to the art of ‘Being Britney Spears,’ by some weird guy, who had pink satin sheets and dressers filled with Chanel.

‘As if you’re not wearing the headset! Wear the fucking headset!’

‘Why am I *Hot Sarah* in your blog? I want a different name…’

Away from all the Tom Foolery… *Pours another prosecco*

I want to go see SPOOKY SUE! She’s our local psychic and well MEL (who had to bags of jellies) says that she was rummaging through old ‘at home’ paperwork and she came across a scrap piece of paper that had things scribbled down on it, from one particular reading. She mentioned a few things, but on this paper she had written the name ‘GARY’ and underlined!

A year on…(and remember that Mel’s been single for three whole years with no ‘love swirl’ at all..) LET ME TELL YOU…the guy she is currently dating is actually called ‘Gary.’ WTF! Can you even believe that.!!!! I wanna see Spooky Sue! Get me booked in, with bells on!

I don’t have anything else to tell you really, other than I’m watching ‘Lady Shizzle’ drink off a stone with her new Aloe Vera diet, ‘Firmonnell’ wants new brows…I want excitement but i’m feeling fat. I am  also however feeling AMBITIOUS…

The kids? Junior has found a Ladybird and is certainly forcing it to be his new pet. He’s even read it a bedtime story.

‘I love my ladybird mum. I want to break it’s wings so it will never fly away and leave me.‘ LOL. Christ!

Ruby’s in a huff because I won’t let her start a Vlog.

‘I want to start a Vlog and I want Chrissie Wunna in it!’

‘You’re six. Chrissie Wunna?? I’m you’re MUM!’

Anyway, I’m off to wink at my mirror image.

Hopefully tomorrow will be dashed with love and fun!

 

Cue Tune!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stupid Cupid…

GOD!!! If i’m that ‘beautiful’ or that ‘mind blowing’ or that ‘talented’ or that ’10’ you’ve always been looking for, then why the am I single?

I don’t get it? I’m the most loving, love bunny in all of the goddamn lovey land. I make an awesome partner. So, if my inbox is filled with ‘I think you’re amazing’s’…I mean JEEZE, random ‘Tom from Hertfordshire thinks i’m…(and this is an exact quote)

‘like some weird science project, where the perfect girl has been created…’

Honestly! If  am I THAT delicious, than why is Cupid fucking me over continuously…A dude in a diaper is fucking me over.

Chick friend: ‘Because you’re far too picky and far too shallow. 🙂 ‘

Hahaha! 🙂 Cheers!

If ANYTHING, I need to be FAR MORE picky and far more shallow. I love romance, treats, eye candy and the finer things in life, yet I will always judge EVERYTHING on ‘chemistry’ and all through my life to date, I’ve always got it wrong. I have never managed to find that perfect ‘chemistry’ with anyone…No…aside from one guy.

But i’m not bothered. I’m just having a ‘had gin’ rant because I can. I’m not gonna just date ‘the next guy’ simply because. I’m rather wait it out, even if he never finds me and I end up residing with 100 cats, in the most glamourous bachelorette pad.

I will say that I’m watching Mel, Fairytale Blond, Firmonnell, Double B, Hot Sarah and Lynne and noticing how they’re all VERY paired up and in love. And I adore watching them in their girly ‘love swirls.’

YET…It did sort of dawn on me today that I was super single and I don’t quite like it. Let alone GET IT?

I’m an ace human. I’m fucking brilliant. I’m that glittery slice of life that you wished you could spread on your toast. That ‘Mmm’ noise you make after your favourite bite of cookie.Why am I NOT loved up??

*Massive confusion alert*

‘Wunna! Obviously. People read your blog. Google search you. Come up with a version of you, a WRONG VERSION, that they think you are… and mess it all up…’

‘Yeah, and this whole confident, independant thing that you are… is off putting..It scares them…It means that they could lose you….hence why they put a ring on it a lot…’

‘And when they actually meet you, they are so in shock at how you actually are, that they create their own swirl, and they don’t actually know what to do & start acting like an unusual version of themselves.’

Lovely!

Where’s just all the normal humans? My Knight in shining armour? No more Twats in Tin foil please! Where are all the authentic ‘make my eyes smile’ men? This game of ‘hidey go seek’ is totally one sided?? I’ve counted to 10 and coming to find you and you’re no where.

My LA guy friends are like..

‘Just come back here, where we all love you…’

My British chick friends…’find it funny.’

Then one girl messaged me, who I went to school with..she reads my blog daily…

She said,

‘I think you’re going to find that love is about to creep up to you, find you and sweep you off your feet really, really soon…’

Hmm? Really?

How can my love life be so shite. Yet my work life be so wonderful? I have brands and collabo’s filling up my inbox like wild fire. I mean, GOSH, I’ve always wanted to work alongside ‘Onch Movement’ (who appeared in Forbes and designed for Sanrio…Hello Kitty,) casually Tweeted him this evening…and within a minute, he tweeted back, and within five minutes, we sorted out a collabo. He’s in LA and I’m in the UK.

I guess, the ace thing about growing up in West Hollywood, is that everyone I know growing up… as a young one, is now super successful in the career that they chose to dabble in. Makes it all a little easier. I mean Little Raffi, who used to wish to be some giant producer…whilst dreaming about success, with Red Bulls, outside my condo, after reversing into my wheelybin every night…before he went to go hang out with ‘Neo’ for kicks. He ended up producing for R Kelly, working with Britney and even Michael Jackson. All of them, ended up doing so well and because they were all so driven.

YET, they’ve all managed to sustain loving long term relationships…AND IN FRICKING LA, where FOREVER means TEMPORARY.

I’m weeing myself laughing, but I have no clue why?? Lol

Cupid and I will be mates one day. But just not today.

(Now, I want you to all go back and read this through with an Irish accent. My chick friend, ‘Double B’…will always force these ‘accents’ that she does, upon us without fear and no matter where you’re from…be you black, white, Japanese, cockney, Jamaican or American…She will do your accent and it will be IRISH. Lol. She can’t even help it. It will sound nothing like you…but she’ll go for it… 🙂 )

‘You still sound Irish???’

‘Oh? That was my granny voice??’

OOh, Two Whatsapp…

Firmonnell: ‘I’ve started drinking through the week now.’ (HAHAHA! Yes! I hope she’s on the rum!)

London Business Man: ‘I know you’re busy and doing all this cool stuff, like going out and getting papped, having fun etc…I get it. You’re busy. But don’t you want to just get real for a minute and come see me? We’ll go out and about…and…’

I guess, the fact that I haven’t managed to find the time to go see him yet, means that my heart isn’t so bothered. Work comes before him…and when I fall in love….I want to feel as though i’m in a magical uncontrollable ‘happy swirl,’ where all is dandy and I’ll never have to compromise my journey…my ambitious, yet loving quench for success..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get all the guys with my *Strut & Peep*

Morning! I have committed to indulging in a weekend of utter fresh delights of naughty cleanliness and luxury. It has been a PAMPER WEEKEND.

After feeling like I had just worked the hardest and busiest, longest and ‘always at workest’ week of my life…It was a great week, but it was a busy one…I kicked off my kitten heels this Friday gone, drank a bottle of prosecco…threw in a few strawberry Popaballs and with a ‘that’s it…’ committed to treating myself to luxury. Everyone has a different version of luxury. Mine is to cut away from an audience, whilst still keeping an audience :), being with Ruby and Junior… just doing ME and then dipping myself in that diamond dripped bliss of absolute five star ‘de luxe'(which we all know is my favourite) and simply because I’ve earned it! Holla! Women always forget to treat themselves. Especially hard working mums. Don’t feel guilty to spoil yourself rotten. It makes you glow and when you glow, you’re better at everything.

I woke up Saturday morning (as I Tweeted) feeling in a sashimi, freshly shook cocktail, massagy, kind of crisp sunshine, mood. And I stuck to it. I lavishly swirled around Wunna land, treating myself to quick stop pedicures, mint leaf grazed gin cocktails, full body massages, I got my eyebrow on point, My Mum and I went to jewellers to pick out precious gems to turn into jewellery, I purchased makeup, I tanned, had a facial, bought new hair…THE WORKS! It was all bliss. All girl power. All deserved and all about me. If you’re a busy women, these moments matter because you never ever get time for them.

Inbetween those moments, I lunched with my babies,  we went to a nearby fair, we danced, we laughed, we loved, we bought everything. We felt whole. Everything was just so cut away from work, yet so positive, that everything felt SO utterly balanced. I’m radiating today because of it. You can feel that Goddess glow. I couldn’t be happier. And my toe nails glitter! That has made the world complete.

Right, now the good stuff.

Everyone keeps rambling on about my love life to me. I’m single. There is no love life going on. But I’m open love. It’s Spring soon. So why not! I’m not one to look through the ‘ex’ bucket, or one to just date someone for the sake of dating..I don’t need to ;). I’m a forward mover, so the next gentleman that I date, will be the right one, as I will be able to handle his world and he will be able to deal with mine. Sorted. But i’m warm I’m not at all jaded or broken, I love, love and romance and find it magical. I’m positive. I’m beaming. There’s a glint in my eye as i’m writing this with smiles. I told you, as soon as I meet him i’ll know and he’ll know. He’ll find me. There’s no need to worry. I don’t see my future as a singleton. I love relationships when they’re right. Yet at the same time, I don’t stress out about them. In my life, so far, I’ve learnt to not ‘just date’ for the sake of and make sure that the next human I team up with is correct. No one that I have met in person so far,  who i’ve smelt and touched is correct…some of them have been great, some of them need a good kick in the balls, some of them need to gain confidence.

Guy friend: ‘The strongest man alive will end up married to you…as he’ll have a lot of outside influences and almost a  *show* to contend…and you’ll know it’s him because he’ll love it and take it in his stride, almost like it’s easy.That’s why you have to date someone who matches that or someone who is already doing the same sort of thing Wunna. Look around. (Points around Pontefract) The man of your dreams isn’t even close to being near here. Let’s up it in footie terms and men you fancy. You’re a chick that is Ronaldo and not just Ronaldo’s bitch.:) ‘

Then we both pissed ourselves laughing, I sorted my bra out, as it was digging into me in all the wrong places and we bought salads from Marks & Spencers, as we planned my April events.

I then got a message from one of chick besties in West Hollywood.We grew up together out there and she always reminds me that I’m amazing. So I like her. Lol

‘You do this thing that gets guys.’

‘What thing? Blow jobs. Lol? ‘

‘Yes. Hahah. No fuck face. It’s the Wunna equivalent to the *bend and and snap* it’s the *strut and peep.* You do it all the time. It’s won you hearts through the decades. Lol.’

‘Are you still going on about that Karaoke guy?’

Many moons ago, we were in a bar (ooh what a surprise) in LA, just hanging out after a long day of auditions and we went to Barney’s Beanery (lol) to go have a few drinks. It’s not glamourous. It’s like a frat house. So there were lots of poor, but handsome ‘trying to hustle, in order to be famous’ guys in there, no hustle on that game and let me tell you, NO ONE DOES IT BETTER THAN THE ANGELENOS….but yeah, they were randomly doing kareoke.

The chicks and I have walked in, we were all poor too, and we’ve ordered drinks to kick it after a long day. I notice this guy. My friend notices another guy. He has not noticed her. And so far, my guy has not bothered to notice me.

Hollywood Chick friend:

‘Why has my guy not even noticed me yet! I’ve made eye contact and he’s just looked away…casually. That other guy is looking at you..’

Me: ‘I’m not bothered about that guy. Where’s my drink? I’ve found one.

Chick friend: ‘Hasn’t come up to you yet?’

Me: ‘He just hasn’t seen me yet. I need the loo…’

Now, I’m cool as a cucumber when it comes to guys and this was me when I was a little one in LA…still growing. I was still cool then. Lol. Plus, it was easier then, as no one could Google search me and come up with all these incorrect conundrums about me. I’m the girl that wrote my number on Joseph Fiennes tracksuit bottoms receipt. I’m not remotely terrified. But i’m cool. Plus, his response was,

‘I’m so glad you did that, as i’ve been pretending to buy sweat suit bottoms for ages, to try and chat to you…’

Then he went on to win an Oscar 🙂 after piggy backing me down a Sunset Plaza escalator and telling me he was Irish, mid piggy back.

Anyway, I’ve got distracted.

I’m in a red top and jeans. The Barney’s Beanery guy is playing pool. He’s not an Oscar winner. He’s just mixed raced and hot. So I’ve spotted him OBVIOUSLY and I walked past him, not making any eye contact with him at all, like I haven’t even nearly noticed…I’m just on my way to the loo…casually..

I walk straight past him and by this point, I already KNOW that I’ve got his attention. I could feel it, even with my back turned and making no form of communication…

So as I’m casually Wunna strutting to the loo….(Passed the guy in question with no attention let out)…before I reach the toilets…I *pause,* I stop immediately and I mean completely in my tracks and I then SLOOOOOOOOOWLY, swing the top half of my body around and peep. Well look…but *peep* sounds cuter.

And JUST AS SCHEDULED…*BOOM* eye contact made. He was already lent over the pool table, glaring at me and in that moment he *paused* and we *clocked each other.* I smiled. He did these charming eyebrows and smiled…Then I walked straight into the loo like a *winner, winner.* 🙂

Loads of really fast grooming went on in the loo, then I came out and he was already stood there waiting for me, asking me if I wanted a drink. So I took that drink and we chatted and then as I went back to sit down with my chick friends, after the *strut and peep* (YOU NEVER WANT TO LET THE GIRL WALK AWAY AND GO TO HER CHICK FRIENDS, without gaining some kind of contact information. Lol.) His friends had dragged him off, as their song was up. My chick friends had text me over, as they wanted to know where I was…

We were young, so just like that *spiltsville.* When you’re older, gents and chicks know the code.

Anyway, i’ve cosied back up with the girls, with my boy bought drink and he’s now up and stage with his friends about to smash out a bit of karaoke.

And before he begins his song….he shouts out, down the mic…

‘THIS SONG IS DEDICATED TO THE GIRL I’VE JUST MET IN THE RED TOP… AT THE BACK…’

(He didn’t even get my name, let alone a form of contact. Thats always backwards. I mean GOD. I remember Mike From Chicago, who shouted across an LA street at night, with the words, ‘Shout me out your number. I’ll get it. I’ll call you.’ I did and he did get it. He did call me. That’s impressive.)

Anyway, then to make it worse, after he’s given me that lovely karaoke shout out, my chick friend shouts back (and just to be funny…)

‘SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOOOOU..’

Hahahah!

Anyway, he was lucky, because we ended up stayng, so he got to chat to me afterward (‘Why were you slow dancing with that guy, Chrissie,in the middle of a bar?? Lol) We actually dated for a bit, but he was too emotionally young for me because he just kept doing stupid ‘little boy’ things and kept trying to film us having sex…and even though I was young, i was super ambitious and not at all stupid. 🙂 I had just come out of a divorce with a guy that we had constructed some massive Hollywood career with and we were still close, still friends and sort of still being single but seeing each other. So, we were very grown and savvy, when it came to Hollywood. We learnt fast because we had to go fast, via the fine art of ‘plunged into the deep end.’

I remember that he had annoyed me so much that I once walked out my car saying,

‘You better draw a picture of this moment and treasure it dude, because you’re never gonna see me again.’ 

HAHAHAHA!

But yeah, the *Strut & Peep* works all the time…I do it all the time without realizing.

Yet be warned…your picking skills need to be on point. Lol. I’m shit at that bit. (The great thing about it, is that I learnt at a very young age how to gain people’s attention….which has obviously helped the thirty something version of me…with the life that I’m living now. 🙂 )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pooey Pants, Christmas & Whole Hearts

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The other day, I watched a really drunk man wee and poo himself in public, at six o clock in the evening outside Action Cars, which is a Taxi company, in Pontefract. He slurred on into the taxi joint, covered in poo, with wee stained dark green cord trousers and asked for a cab. It was kinda like watching the ‘old drunk man’ version of the Nativity, being played out before my very kitten eyes. There was certainly no room at the Inn…

‘No one wants to take you mate, cos you’ve pissed yourself.’

That is literally all he got as response. Helllooo Yorkshire! I certainly wasn’t in LA anymore.

So even though his situation was sad, it kinda made me feel better about my own life! Lol. Evil, I know! But it’s true, you need moments like that to give you perspective over your own shit. (Literally. 🙂 ) I might have had a hard day at work, dashed in minor stress, but it didn’t end in me weeing ‘my frillies’ on a public road, between a taxi joint and a fried chicken shop. Haha. Life wasn’t that bad.

Moving on! IT’S DECEMBER! WE’VE MADE IT! IT’S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS! You all should be embracing it now. I mean, God, today I heard a middle aged dude MOAN because ‘it just wasn’t Christmas yet’ and it made me roll my eyes. Let’s not be Scroogey dickheads of negativity. I’m a Christmas Baby. I have a birthday IN NINETEEN DAYS. (Helping you remember. *Wink.*)  IT’S DECEMBER THE FIRST. There’s nowhere else to go on this, but with ‘it’s Christmas.’ So cheer up, pour a mulled wine, start buying your gifts and whop the Christmas CD. Why do people’s always have to fight the feeling? Miserable sods. I swear they’re people who just don’t get enough ‘nookie.’

Whatelse? I’ve been working a lot….steadily. The pace hasn’t been ‘race car.’ Everything felt ‘samey’ and my mind got a bit lazy I had to crank it up a notch to feel alive again and like the brain cells were being exercised…. and with help, it worked. I’m just a person that loves to be busy, it makes me feel as though i’m putting myself to use. I’m always one to work hard, i’m not slow nor am I a doss pot and at the same time, i’m one to be out and about with my friends, a date, or the babies. I’m not a sitter arounder…and someone who likes to be doing things. Yet not because I get bored. I love everything that I do and have. I just like to feel like i’m experiencing, living and like i said before, putting myself to use. It makes me as a human feel of worth.

My love life? I guess, if i was being honest, i’d tell you that there are great guys, telling me great things about myself and potentially seeking a date? Yet i’ve just been so busy doing life and enjoying it that i’m kinda not even looking that hard for love right now. I’m enjoying work, friends, colleagues and family. I feel fulfilled and whole. It’s almost as if feel as like I don’t even need a man right now? Which is odd, as i’m a love bunny. So i either feel whole, like i could have a guy if i wanted, safe, or like i have a plan? Who knows? Away from the romantic side of it all, I have some really great guy friends and I also have Keiran and Pete (my Baby Daddies.) So i have all the corners sorted really. I actually never feel that alone. I’m happy. So when my Prince rocks ups…i’ll wink and we’ll all live happily ever after.

I’m just one to let life take it’s natural course in love now, as GOD i’m tired of trying so hard all the time and getting zero ‘tryers back’ in return. Chicks should never have to do the leg work. When we do….we respect a dude less. We all want a ‘man.’ All girls want to be swept off our feet.

I’ve got lots going on. I’m at The Clothes Show live tomorrow, so i will be travelling to Birmingham in the morning. I’ll blog all about it when i wake up. I have a gin and tonic here, right now, so it’s probably not the best time for me to promo. 🙂 I have every Monday and Friday off work in December, i’ve never really done that ever before. Well not in YEARS. So I’m kinda really excited.

I’ve started to buy my Christmas presents. I love buying gifts. Yet i can’t stop, which is the issue. Lol. At Christmas time, money just falls through my fingers. That’s why i always have to work hard and make money, as i’d die if i couldn’t just walk into a store one day and buy my babies, myself or anyone i cared about something that they wanted or even worse needed or deserved. Buying gifts has made me smile. You can tell when someone’s loving because they have a glow around them when they’ve done something thoughtful and all my gifts are thoughtful as they come from my cold, evil, heart. 🙂

It’s hard to work during the Winter, when it’s old, innit? It’s making me miss LA and my besties out there. We’re all really close even to this day and we all met at Crunch Gym, working little part time jobs to make a buck, as we tried to be models and actors in a town named Hollywood. We used to scan Nicole Scherzinger in before she was a Pussycat Doll and Perez Hilton before the blog. It was so much fun. It was the best job i ever had. All i had to do was scan people in and hand them a towel. I even asked Joseph Fiennes to marry me at Crunch. Lol. SO MUCH FUN. Miss it. Not the wage. Just the experience of it all. 🙂 

Junior’s at Keiran’s tonight and i’m really proud of how close they’ve become. Junior’s a straight up ‘Mummy’s Boy’ so it’s nice to see him and his Dad loving and learning from one another. Even though i miss him. *Sad face.* Ruby is writing Christmas cards and asking me how to spell everything for her. She loves a creative mission does Ruby, so she’s rushing around like she’s some kind of Executive Christmas Card writer, with a Kardashian work schedule to conquer.

I thought i was going to be all mad and fun for Christmas, but i’m kinda enjoying just working, chilling and winding down. Lol. It must be my age. Hahaha. Fucks sake. Don’t get me wrong, i’ll have a cocktail any time. But I think i’ve worked pretty hard all year and i deserve a bit of a chill festival. I’m going on my events and working towards goals, yet at Christmas there’s nothing like warm alcoholic beverages, love and family.

I’m going to really enjoy it.

Best get some rest. I’m up for The Clothes Show in the morning.

Ps/ One of my old guy friends messaged me the other day saying how trustworthy I was and how much he respected me for it. It made me smile, as it made me feel warm. Then on the flip side ‘London Business Man’ messaged me to tell me about his ‘on and off’ romance with a girl. The thing about ‘on and off’ romances is that the story is interesting at first, yet if you are still moaning about it, yet continuing to throw yourself into it, then it all gets a bit boring. If you don’t like something, change it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Motivation, Drive & Sambuca Shots

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Made phone calls from my Manchester hotel suite, on the upper level on my room, naked, yet cuddled up in thick white duvets and surrounded by burnt orange cushions and brick walling, over looking a wooden spiral staircase. Set my phone alarm to ‘early o clock,’ tried to keep quiet as that annoying drunk guy was in the suite next door. I only knew that because he was boasting about how he was in one of the BEST SUITES of the hotel, on the BEST FLOOR. I said nothing, but i was in the one next door. (So there you go ‘Pimp Daddio.’ Wunna land rocks.)

I wouldn’t have really minded him if he wasn’t such a douche. I mean, i’m the most friendly human. I’ll chat. And he was someone who although insecure, did actually want to achieve.

‘I want to own Manchester. But do it the dodgy way!’ (I don’t know what that means?)

However, i do know that you don’t EVER poor your sambuca shot in my cocktail. HAHAH. I’m still not over that yet, am I? Based on that and the the array of bad manners  displayed…I stiletto’d away from his life path, making sure that it didn’t entangle with mine. I must have taken a wrong turn. I could swear it was the roof terrace bar?)

But yes, a guy who wanted to succeed and i know all about drive and ambition and the will to want to succeed. It glitters through my system like gold. I’m a grafter, delicately whirled in eyes from the orient, heels and a sparkly wink. I’ve  experienced and achieved SO much, i’ve lived, loved, worked with some GREATS, been homeless, had richer than riches and been dead normal. I’ve done all paths. I’m a single mum of two and i work every hour that I can, whilst keeping a happy home and slamming money in that bank account and whilst making a name for myself and accidentally building an empire.  Hollywood. I lived in the hardest city to survive in for ‘want’ and i graduated it, on my level, with flying colours,  a few bits of heart break and the best Tequila dance moves. So i might look like some dizzy little girl sat at a bar with her pink french martini…but that dizzy little girl is thirty five and she has LIVED and is about to go for it mega time.

I listened to him talk all about ‘want’ for a good 20 minutes and it was in that 20 minutes that I saw him. He was young and he was naive and had not one inch of ‘umph’ that i think people need in order to succeed and only because of his lack of ‘brain using.’ He reeled it off like a spiel from a movie, like he didn’t even know what he was saying. He was a 20 year old boy that needed someone to tell him that he could do it, if he tried. He needed to feel of worth. And although i think he’s a drunky douche, I hope i bump into him 7 years from now and see how greatly he’s developed as a human. If i don’t…I wouldn’t be too bothered. 🙂 Don’t pour sambuca into my cocktail.

As if i’ve got that distracted.

Woke up at the crack of dawn, got ready in a jiffy, sort of missed home in a weird way and jumped into a cab (when it still looked like night time) at around six o clock in the morning. I found a good luck charm in my handbag that Ruby (my biggest) had made me for good luck. It was meant to be Rudolph but his nose had fallen off. I loved ever inch of it and held it all the way to Piccadilly.

The awesome thing about that time was the simple fact that the train station was filled with grafters. People who had been up since five o clock in the morning, to travel to work on time. Busy people. Calm people. Stressed people. All tottering around, almost peacefully as the morning skies were still dark. These were the money makers. One with a laptop, another who worked at a store, another who said she was a cleaner….all on their own line of graft. I kinda felt comfortable,

Got on my train, was messaging with ‘Eton Mess’ or the majority of the time that I  traveled back to Pontefract. I got there in a jiffy, stepped out of my ‘at the other end’ cab, it was now a bright, crisp Friday morning…and as i was greeted by a colleague, who as walking up just at the same time, i headed straight back into work….early! 🙂

The weekend with the children has been nothing short of AMAZING. I had them both in my bed Friday night and as I went to sleep with Juniors head wedged onto my shoulder…i kinda just felt WHOLE, like they were the only things that mattered to me, in this entire world. I’m really lucky.

My path is fun and positive and so well balanced these days that it makes me as a human feel radiant, bubbling with love and understanding. I ‘want’ but i still know what matters and well let me tell you,  you can really do both. You can do ANYTHING and the people that love you, will support you through it, taking away drama and not adding stress. They’ll wait for you until the end of the earth and back, to make sure that you get to where you want to be.

Everyone thinks that because i’m single and I always have a shitty love life  and i’ve been married and divorced a jolly bunch of times and I’ve maybe picked not so ideal partners in my past, that I may know what love is. But I DO. I know exactly what i want. I’m not that silly. After years of selling myself short, I’m in a place now, where i can sort of ‘hold out’ for the one. I feel loved. I experience it every single day with my babies and even though people claim it’s not, to me it’s the same kind of feeling as having a partner…as whoever i end up with, will become part of my family, or we will become part of his.

The reason why i told you the story of the drunk guy, wasn’t to make him sound like a douche. (Even though that night he was one.) It was to let you know that no matter where you are in your own version of life right now, anything can happen. If you feel the same as that guy, know that the less you chat and the more you place things in line, to get where you want to be, the more you will benefit. I was tired of hearing ‘my Mum owns this../my Aunty owns that.’ What about you? What do you do? What do you want?

I don’t come from a bad to do family…they’ve done pretty goddamn well. But i was the kid who broke away from the comfort of it all to seek my own adventure…and now i write it out for you daily…and it seems that it’s going to serve me well. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boys, Life & Pervy Sandwich Boards

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A ‘scruff bag’ with a giant yellow sandwich board hungover him and a plastic bag that looked like it has been dragged through a swamp full of toads… tried to chat me up today, in Pontefract, outside The Red Lion. I get all the best guys. Now, i’m not one to judge a ‘scruff bag’ as remember…well you won’t remember because you weren’t there lol) but in LA, on 3rd and La Cienega, when i was about 24…a gaggle of handsome Hollywood ‘pretty boys’ all hung themselves out of a black Hummer, whilst driving and as normal started whistling at me and shouting out ‘diddly doo daa’s’ at parts of my anatomy. That was their version of romance. Their version of ‘hey you’re hot.’ (Just so you know, that’s normal in LA…the boys are really open, confident and shouty about it. I mean GOD, in Pontefract a guy would die if he actually plucked up the courage to wave at you, if you had boobs, a glint in your eye or were the object of his actual desire.) Anyway that’s not the point.

At the same exact time as ‘The Hummer Boys’ incident, i heard a whisper to my right and sat on a wall was a pretty hardcore homeless guy. He was dressed in ‘olive’ and with a hat on!. I stopped because he was beckoning me over and not even for dollars. Once he had my attention and let me tell you,  he was properly scruffy, but in the blistering afternoon LA heat (he smelt awful and was so layered it was crazy.) Yet he simply and calmly smiled at me, looked me in the eye and gently said, ‘You’re laughter is like a butterfly.’ And when he said ‘butterfly’ he did this funny little, finger flitter, like his hand was flying.

Now we all know my laugh is nothing like a ‘butterfly’, it’s like a fucking FOGHORN. I have the evilest, most torturous laugh in the entire world. I can’t help it. I was created this way. 🙂 I’m known for my shitty laughter. HOWEVER, to this homeless guy, who doesn’t get a lot of love, nor attention, to him…my laughter sounded so beautiful that it was like a ‘butterfly.’ Aww! SO THERE! It was sweet of him to take a moment out of his world to stop me for a second, just to say that. He was so  poetic and this was as the hot ‘Hummer Boys’ were screaming out horny noises at my booty, with salivary kisses and thrusts. So i never judge a book by it’s cover.

Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t make me want to DATE the flipping homeless guy as i’m much more shallow than that. 🙂 🙂 🙂 AND i probably saw all those ‘Hummer Boys’ at the club later that evening…Lol. But yes, i’m never one to judge, i literally have time for everyone and anyone…my hearts in the right place i guess? I’m warm by nature.

So, TODAY it wasn’t the fact that the ‘scruff bag’ was a ‘scruff bag.’ That wasn’t what turned me off, nor was it the fact that he was wandering around with giant yellow sandwich board around his body ( i found that fun)…nor was it the fact that he was a massive perv…(I can handle a pervert with ease), it was the simple fact that in giant red letters, upon his yellow sandwich board read the words, ‘THY GOD IS LOVE.’ Made me think he was a weirdo, so i ditched him on the cobbles and got myself back to work.

Why are people so odd? And why are 9 year old boys riding around the streets on rubbish bikes asking glamourous, Burmese. older chicks, in business attire, for a blowjob? Who raised you all? And there i was thinking ‘The Wunna babies’ were bad. Yet now i’ve realized that they’re far less ‘raw and gobby’ and far more ‘charming and slick.’ I did an ace job. Haha. I should write parenting books… NOT..SNOOZE… *Cue: EVIL BUTTERFLY LAUGHTER.*

Today we learnt not to hit on girls, with a message from GOD on your sandwich board. It’s off putting. Yknow, I don’t even think the the ‘scruff bag’ was single, as he soon waddled off to whop out the charm on some toothy, drunk lady in pink leggings. We were both lovely to him, yet i was polite and she was flirty…and darling there’s a difference. 😉 Hahaha. At least show some form of loyalty. You’re the voice of GOD!

I don’t have anything else to tell you, other than i’ve just had the most amusing conversation with one of my guy friends this evening. At least HE wants to talk to me and not fob me off for a no tooth chick in leggings. He’s less Godly and more mates with The Devil.. and yes it is ‘London Business Man.’

We’re hilariously good friends now, by accident. Infact, it’s funny how life  can windle an alternate connection between two people, when in the beginning 😉 it  initially got the form of connection wrong. We thought we were headed for ‘Loversville’ but instead we got to the finish line as friends. Good friends. He’ll tell me about all his dates and moan about his love life. I’ll tell him nothing about mine and offer spiffy advice when it comes to his glueing his world back together.

At least he goes out of his way to natter to me these days. It’s ace because with him, i’m always right and like Mystic Meg I’ll predict things that are going to occur in his love life so accurately. There’s a softer side to him than i initially thought. He’s great because he’s sometimes really together, yet sometimes really lost in his own sense of being because of ‘the crazies’ that he chooses to date.

He is currently dating and loving it, which makes me smile, but he can’t decide if he’s a good guy or a bad guy and he’s actually confused me so much, that now i can’t decide. Hahaha, But again, i’m glad that he comes to me for general happy or moany banter. I feel like his therapist, or this secret friend that he has for comfort. OH MY GOD! I’m his comfort blanket! Hopefully i’m a sexy one and not one drenched in dribble and woe. He’s a great guy. We’re similar and different all at the same time. I’m the more balls, much better female version of him. 🙂 As i’m loyal to my own feelings. He misjudged my greatness at first. I’m a tough cookie.

But I’ve also noticed that he adapts himself to every single person he meets. For example, he tells me i’m right all of the time. But he only repeatedly tells me i’m right all of the time because he knows i LOVE being right. 🙂 Very clever.

I don’t know how we got from him chasing me for years on Facebook, to finally chatting and adoring each other’s wit, to sexy cocktails at the GNH in London, to first kisses, want and lust….to chatting to each other like grannies about our rubbish love lives, via whatsapp?

I do also want to *stamp out* there that contrary to popular belief, there isn’t some kind of conga line of suitors waiting to be mine? A gent i know suggested that they’re could be last night and i assured him that it really wasn’t the case. I don’t know what people think or how they perceive my love life….but you certainly don’t have it right, as i don’t have much going on right now…The way people talk about my love life is like i own some Toyboy Warehouse.

I don’t have this super long list of guys that i chat to. I’m too old and too busy to be personally entertaining hundreds of males. I’m not like that. I don’t spread myself thinly. I put my energy where i feel good energy coming from..y’know where it matters. I’m super focused at everything that i do…so there will always just be ONE GUY that i like and that will be it, as my mind is too straight forward  and pin pointy to stray. I’m not looking to get casually ‘boned.’ I’m looking for the man of my entire dreams. I’m a relationship oriented girl…and i’m glorious enough to stick it out and wait until I find the right match. I’ve wasted a lot of my time in the past. It’s made me a smarter more comfortable adult.

So if i like a guy, i’ll tell him via the ‘Green Light.’ If nothing happens from that ‘Green Light’ and i’d say i’m patient, but really impatient all at the same time…Then i’ll usually and merrily reapply my energy elsewhere, or just focus on my own life, work and good times, until they pop up with adoration and if a guy likes you, he will always pop up.

I’m an exciting girl. I love exciting times. If things fall into ‘grey’….i never ever like it.