Blend Out Bullying with Glamour Magazine

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I have the busiest October. But i’m SO happy. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I’m beaming. I’m brimming over with a ‘rushy’ swirl of glee. It’s not even cocktail infused. It’s bubbling from my lil’ kitten soul.

I have so much going on. I stiletto stepped out of a big audition yesterday. One that came out of nowhere, via an instagram message. (Do not underestimate the power of social media.) I’m influencing a lot. I’m leaving my *Wunna* glitter stamp, wherever I journey. I’m living. I’m loving. I’m still very single. My love life is unfortunate. I’m still the eligible bachelorette.  I’m feeling 37 and sexy. But most of all, I’m using my voice, now that I have a voice…to inspire.

The only reason why I write this blog, is to inspire other humans, via my own ‘colourful’ story. You’ll probably do things differently to me. Yet, you’ll feel my story, my journey…and remember.

I’ve documented my existence for 10 whole years on THIS website, (it started on Myspace, but got deleted by a grumpy,) via a diary. This year is my 10th anniversary. I can’t believe i’ve stuck it out.

So…Yesterday…

If you didn’t know, I’m a massive Glamour Magazine fan. It’s a delicious edit of work, that has been my companion on many a train journey, shoot, quiet moment or hotel stay. It’s a written ‘show’ of utter bliss and excellence, to me. It’s glamourous, yet comforting. A somewhat young & modern, *twist* of excitement, that not only makes you see, but FEEL. It’s a magazine that will take you from ‘girl dom,’ to WOMAN hood. It’s a glamourous ‘prep school, ‘ that will give you a solid, yet fun insight, as to ‘what happens next.’

I bought this month’s edition…

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I treasured it with my life, because it just felt so good, even before I turned a page. I skimmed through it, because that’s what I always do at first. I need it to ‘flutter,’ through my mind.

YET, mid ‘flutter,’ I *paused.* I stopped a second. I really did stop..and I absorbed.

The ‘Blend Out Bullying’campaign.

Okay, so we all know that i’ve lived a life. If I have nothing else, I have a story to tell. I’ve documented it all, from life as a model, living all over the world, Hollywood nights, being Asian, with a Yorkshire birth, marriages to actors, break ups, time as an actress, my failing love life, motherhood, my ups, my downs, m crushes, my stints on TV and well…my last 10 years has had you follow my existence…daily.

When this happens…people talk. I have my own lil’ patch of Cyberland…and yes, NOW, I have SO much support, it’s incredible. I mean, if ‘Sex and The City’ & ‘The Osborne’s’ was Asian and had a baby…it would be me.

I’ve ended up in newspapers and magazines, which again…made people talk. A lot of wonderful things have been said about me…However, i’ve taken a lot of *FLAK* over the years…and that ‘FLAK’ used to affect me massively, in my 20’s. In my 30’s, now that i’ve graduated to ‘WOMAN,’ it’s ‘shaped’ me beautifully and glamorously. I’ve never let myself be a victim of cyber bullying openly…but I have been ‘labelled’ and named everything under the glitter sun and back.

After the life I’ve lived…It’ll take a lot more than ‘a few words’ to get me down. 

But here are some of the NEGATIVE words that people have called me…

Fake. Fat. Ugly. Ching Chong. Gold Digger. Chubby. Old. Wannabe. Nobody. Disgusting. Talentless. Dumb. Bitch. Whore. Slut.

I’ve even received ‘death threats.’

‘You should DIE because you’re so ugly. I will kill you. You should get raped. ‘ 

All this was luckily mingled in with ‘I love yooou’s’ which made all the difference. It balanced it out for me emotionally.

I lost two close friends of mine. Both appeared on reality shows. Both took their own lives, because of cyber bullying.

I was just someone who ‘took it on the chin.’ I was surrounded by love. I hoped, I had a purpose. I still do. It kept me going. Infact being a Mum and having an audience…kept me going.

I heard…

‘You’re too old to do this…’

I’m not too old. I’m actually doing it. It’s like i’m in my prime.

I’m delicious.

I saw what Nabela had done. (Please DO make sure you’re reading your editorials in magazines. Being a blogger, I KNOW that they’re not JUST written for kicks. They’re there to INSPIRE you. You’d hate it if you wrote a piece, an article, a blog, or a diary and everyone said that, they ‘only looked at the pictures.’ )

Every inch of me wanted to be involved…

Just like that, (i’m a doer, not a talker…So many people have ‘talked’ at me and done nothing…I’m not that. I’m too ‘sizzle.’)

I JOINED THE ‘BLEND OUT BULLYING’ CAMPAIGN with Glamour Magazine, to help make a difference and strip all bullies of their power.Every day a ‘keyboard warrior’ reckons they’re getting the better of me, I almost become stronger.

How many of you bought Glamour Magazine, this month, read the article, thought it was great, but didn’t bother to do it? Y’know…take action?

JUST SAYIN’

No matter what, I honestly believe that every single human, has had someone, somewhere say something negative to them, or about them, at some point, that has hurt them emotionally. Right? Sometimes we bite back. Sometimes we can’t, or we don’t.

HELP DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I’m 37 and grown. I’ve lived a life, where i’ve heard  all sorts said about me. It bounces off me, like a bee sting…and ends in total glitter. I don’t even feel it anymore.

However, being immune to the problem, doesn’t make it better…does it?

Yesterday, I chose 4 hurtful words, that others had labelled me…and I wrote them on my face in concealer.

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Then I *BLENDED* them out…into my face.

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As I was doing it, I felt EMPOWERED, because I knew I was brave enough to ‘Middle finger’ the peeps who had ‘labelled’ me AND because I felt that I had the backing of my favourite magazine and of those who root for Wunna Land.

Hang on a second…

Right, so…

I’ve just this second, uploaded a video to youtube of my ‘blend.’

After all that, I then posted a picture of the result…Which was this…

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I never felt so beautiful. I don’t feel old. (I embrace my time and my age.) I don’t feel fat. (I’ve always felt good about my body.)  I don’t feel ugly (I love my lil’ Asian features,) and I’m certainly not fake. (There’s a whole lot of TV to prove it. Haha.)

To anyone who takes the time to red this blog..I firstly THANK YOU, as it’s not like a usual ‘cheeky’ Wunna blog. I have a message today. It’s kinda like ‘The Bible’ but bouji. 😉

It takes ONE MOMENT to simply write a word on your cheek and blend.

Join the ‘Blend out Bullying’ campaign today.

Make a difference…

You could even save a life.

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Thank you for following my life…

Chrissie,

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Get me to ‘Doll House…’

Right, so in case you didn’t know, growing up through my entire life, I was a model. Not a fashion model (I’m only Five foot four)  or a commercial model (I have the weirdest ‘non commercial’ features,) I wasn’t an Influencer (we didn’t do ‘social media’ back then)….I was a glamour model.

I didn’t find IT. IT found me….as I was sat outside a coffee shop, on 3rd & La Cienega, by The Beverly Centre in LA. (Which is where I did my entire 20’s.)

And with being a model..when you DO grow up and become an ‘oldie,’ you kinda miss ‘glamorousity,’ madly and at the same time, you kinda lose your ‘va voom’ a bit. You look at your shoot pictures and think…‘I’m sure I used to look better than that!’ Lol.

I do still model. Yet it’s nothing It was ‘back in the day’ when I was living in Hollywood, on three flights a day, being booked, shot and dashed to different states, every few hours, simply for a bit of sexy picture taking. It was my job. I remember landing at airports and messaging my THEN husband, to see how his auditions or filming for the day had gone?

It was a dream.

When I was a little girl, it was was all I wanted to do. (Well, I wanted to be in show business…) and I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to. So, I’m grateful for that. I’ve lived the most wonderful life. I still am. I’m just in a different chapter. And I always say that I’m the luckiest girl in the world, because no one is more determined than I, to ENJOY LIVING, whilst making any dream I can.. come true, for both children and myself.

Literally, no one is MORE GRATEFUL than I, for every single piece of life, love, family and opportunity I’ve been given.

BUT WAIT…

Of recent, when it’s come to the writing, the blogging, the influencing, I’ve felt on top of the world, almost in a ‘hero’ excitement of ‘I’m smashing it.’ And it’s important to enjoy the moments that you’ve rightfully worked hard for. You can be humble all you want. Yet, I don’t believe that any successful human, doesn’t do a cheeky ‘happy dance,’ or boast a bit of a flaunt, in the name of celebration.

It’s natural. We need to hold on to and celebrate all happy moments in life. 

However, when it’s come to the modelling front, and I have shot recently….and i’m still shooting now….I’m kinda feeling a little insecure. I now have ‘wibbly’ bits that weren’t there before and that never used to bother me. Now..it does. Especially when young ‘just turned 20 year olds’ are wiggling on it and OWNING THEIR niche, rightfully. (Which I love. Yet it does make me feel OLD.)

You will have seen my posts recently and if i’m feeling this way, then I think many women are also! So i’m wanting to help the 30 something year old woman, celebrate her own WOMANHOOD. I’m wanting to inspire, bring confidence and encourage us 30 something chicks to not be afraid to ‘wave the flag’ in the name of ‘sexy.’

SO, in order to sort myself out (because I need to find my own internal ‘ooh laa’ and quench my thirst of glamour pussing, in front of a camera, i’ve been on a hunt. (And I fancy myself in front of a camera, so DO know I have HUNTED, to find something perfect.)

I’ve literally been searching our delicious world wide web, for the absolute BEST photog to shoot me, and get me back to feeling beautiful again. I feel sexy. I don’t feel beautiful. It’s taken me months to find someone to help me celebrate my WOMANHOOD, and I was looking for a FEMALE photographer.

I’m about to venture back on the telly and I don’t want to sail through all the PR… looking rubbishy.

Two weeks ago when I came across ‘Doll House Photography.’

If you didn’t know, I adore ‘old school’ glamour. A proper boudoir shoot. A glamourous, luxury themed shoot. A picture that tells a story. Be it cheeky, or delicious. It’s kinda hard to find these days. But it’s my favourite type of glamour shoot and that’s what I wanted to do. That’s what I’ve been looking for…And I’m stubborn, so if that’s what I want …that’s all I do. 🙂

*Wink, Wiggle*

I went through their ‘socials,’ their pics, their lives, their everything…I’m awful for it…Haha. Plus, of course, I absolutely loved that the infamous Chrissy Sparks was the photographer. If you aren’t aware, Chrissy is mind blowing. She’s award winning. She knows how to get the shot out of you. I looked through the results and thought they were out of this world.

The women looked divine, yet, classy. So SO sexy. They oozed a swirl of magic. They dripped empowerment and a decadent luxury. I loved it. I wanted it.

NOW! 🙂 

*Pass me my Prosecco!*

I then read that if you shot with them, you had the full range of dressing rooms, filled with wardrobes and wardrobes of lingerie, corsets, which is any glamour pusses dream. They have pieces to delight everyone,  IN ALL SIZES, waiting there for you, to shoot in. (I like that. I hate having to take everything with me. I hate luggage on wheels.) Whilst you’re there, you get the absolute five star treatment. You hardly get that on a shoot. 😉 Behind the scenes of modelling is a lot less glamourous than you think.

But the thing that moved me the most, whilst looking at the ‘results,’  was the fact that ‘Doll House’ didn’t service models. (You’d  assume that ONLY models alike would be shooting with ‘Doll House’ photography. You’d assume that you’d have to be a size 8, or some kind of Pageant Queen, to be shooting with Doll House Photography. That can often can be intimidating.)

Yet no…I looked online and found a ton of before and after pictures of real women, of all ages… who wanted to do or feel the same as I!

Take a look…

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They had their hair & make up done. They had help picking out their outfits and they were shot by one of the best female  photographers on set, in the UK.

The women are given control of their ‘ooh laa.’ Their shoot. Yet, directed appropriately by the best of the best!

That’s what sold it for me. The simple fact that firstly it was fun. Happiness makes girls look hotter and the fact that the studio went out of their way to empower women. Y’know, make us FEEL beautiful. (How something makes you feel is all that matters.)

That’s what I want. That’s what i’m looking for.  I mean my love life has been shocking of recent. I’m not bothered about feeling or looking *blah* right now. Haha.

Give me GLAMOUR.

I’m stepping up my game…

But honestly…

…sometimes, when you’re a chick and when you’ve been through all sorts…Y’know, ‘walked a life.’ Be you young or old….Sometimes you just NEED THAT MOMENT, where you kinda feel feminine again, alive again, beautiful again, POWERFUL AGAIN….

And that ONE moment alone….acts as a graduation of your kitten soul, from little girl to WOMAN, as you embrace all that is YOU…and show the world what you’re made of.

I’ve shot with so many people, all around the world and I have never  met an actual company that goes out of their way to personally celebrate women, on a ‘one to one’ level, from the moment you walk in terrified to the glorious picture result! They represent women represent SO WELL and they pretty much take a girl, who is still hiding in her cocoon, onto her next ‘BUTTERFLY’ level.

So if you’re looking to be that ‘butterfly,’ or need a bit ‘ooh laa’ in your life…. I’ll tell you right now, I’ve found you the most beautiful place, to celebrate being a woman!

It’s a Wunna Land pick!

Look at some of these result pics, where real woman found their  ‘magic’ and celebrated their pwn version of WOMANHOOD.

Get me to ‘Doll House!’ 

DOLLHOUSEPHOTOGRAPHY.CO.UK

See you there…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trips to Manchester, To Find Love….

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Did my hair, did my face, did my lips, did my pout, slipped into heels and got myself to the train station, which would delicately deliver me to Manchester airport, in one glamourous piece, ready for my ‘date,’ my ‘meet up.’

Before, we start, I’ll let you know I had the most amazing time. It was almost wonderous. I  wrongly thought that my date was in Liverpool, but it was actually in Manchester. Good job, he reminded me, before I arrived in the wrong city. Lol. He actually FLEW IN for work and then the date… (Bouji, innit. 😉 I like that about him.)

But why am I  so shocking!!!! I couldn’t even get the city right?

Yet, before I even got there, I shat myself with nerves, in my little Missy Empire pink dress. (Thank you for the dress. It was devilish. The little pink dress, is the NEW little black dress.) I stopped off, got two wines at The Mallard, in Doncaster, as @kingkenny1985 (who works there, and loves a Wunna Land insta story) had to *pause* and do a ‘double take..’ with a…

‘I just had to double check to see if it was you…You WILL get yourself into these situations…Lol’

I got to Platform 3B, which takes me straight to Manchester airport, kinda in a jiffy and that was after ‘The Draughtsman Ale House’ handed me a ‘half’ a tipple, to calm my nerves, because they were so excited about my little adventure! (Thank you for that! 🙂 )

(It fell out of my hand on the train, whilst I was messaging Miss.Muprhy and ‘drop poured’ into my OPEN, overnight bag. 😉 )

YIPPPPPPPPEEEEEeeeeeeee!

Everything just stank of ale! 🙂 All you could hear was this random Oriental, faux furred, big haired… idiot, SWEARING under her breath, like an angry, porny looking…ninja.

‘I can’t help it, i’m just drawn this way….’

My date was excited, messaged me the whole way through, to keep me in check, with his whereabouts. He did admit he was a little nervous.

Date: ‘Wow! I’m almost nervous to meet you…Lol.’

(I was ‘dropping fucking drinks’ nervous. But it always scares me when they’re nervous, because I don’t want them to think i’m some kind of goddess, because they’ll only be disappointed when they meet me, i’m sure.) 

Chick friend: ‘Not so adventurous and brave now, are you Wuns! Haha.’ 

Me: ‘Fuck off. I’m STILL l doing it. I’m STILL headed there. I never said I don’t actually feel the fear! Haha.’

He’d organised everything, so perfectly to a ‘T.’ Rooms were booked, everything has been scheduled, sorted and planned out. Almost wonderfully. All he wished for ME to do, was show up,’relax and enjoy.’

It’s almost like I had forgotten, that men like him…actually still existed. 

He’s a miracle. You wouldn’t even believe it. Before I even went on the date….and remember I had never ever met him in person….He had already managed to make me feel like a Princess…That’s the wrong word.

He made me feel appreciated, respected, beautiful and of absolute worth. 

All that ever matters to me, is how someone makes me feel… He didn’t even do it, with intent to manipulate or be showy….He did it, because he’s just built that way, he’s kind. He’s so much fun, but a proper old school gentleman.

I LOVED IT. It makes a guy so so sexy!

I arrived at the airport. I was driven to the hotel…It was raining so heavily outside, which I kinda love, when I know i’m INSIDE. There’s an evening comfort to it.

He arrived much earlier and had to dash off to work. I had school runs etc, so arrived in the evening…I had an envelope with my name upon it, with my room key ready and waiting for me…and with a smile, a wink and shake off of the rain, I was headed up the elevator, into my room…as the rain poured down, over Manchester Airport.

I got settled, took selfies, did lunges (lol) and went down to the bar for a white wine spritzer. The staff couldn’t have been more delightful. I was at The Clayton Hotel. right by the airport. I tottered in with my wink and pink dress…and Life was pretty much sorted from there.

He had just got done at the match….and was en route to meeting me.

The whole way through, he made sure I was utterly comfortable. He’s really organised, so he was telling me the plan, every hour. Lol.

Date: ‘Just order anything you need to eat or drink on the room, when you arrive. Don’t worry. Honestly, just enjoy…I’ll see you soon…’

I got my own drinks at the bar..whilst I waited.  I actually met loads of fun people, who were all off on sunny adventures. The gents loved me in that bar, but the chicks didn’t…and I hate that, because I’m lovely. Lol.

(Girls shouldn’t SCOWL at girls, they do not know. When you do, you lose your swag, your beauty & your level of confidence becomes very visible. Even if you feel it…don’t do it. I’m not there to steal your man, i’m on a flipping DATE!) 

But what can I say…My lil’ pink dress was ‘killer.’

Anyway…

Long story short…

He arrived…I was upstairs in the room…and when the door opened and I saw him…I filled with terror, smiled, (because you just godda charm that shit out) and then just told him that I was nervous.

He smiled…looked at me. He actually *paused* and looked me in the eye. I didn’t know whether to be happy for terrified. Did he think I was hot? Or did he think I was not? Yet, then when I snapped out of my few seconds of utter, charming *panic,* I then looked at HIM…and a calm, warmness sort from him…

Date: ‘Wow, you look great. You’re dressed like that and i’m dressed like this..Lol.  I’ve ordered food to the room…I’ve had such a stressful day, i need a drink. Lol. I’ve also ordered you another wine…’

(He already knew what i’d been drinking at the bar. I like that. It impresses me.) 

Then just like that, we sat down, we relaxed and we just started talking. He sat on the sofa and I sat a little away from him…But I noticed that I’m much more guarded now. I had my arms folded, to accessorize my smile. When I was on my first date with ‘The Swirl’ ages ago…I wasn’t like that, I was all cuddly and kissy…and…banter.

I was guarded that night. Open, friendly…yet nervous about potentially getting my little kitten heart broken…in the future. Yet, that’s not the way to go…You don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future…So, i relaxed, enjoyed by time, the moment and him.

He was alive He’s smart. He’s fun. He’s non judgemental. He knows a lot about people and life. He’s excited by me. He’s a family man. Someone who knows what truly matters to him, in life…

HE DIDN’T EVEN FLINCH, WHEN I TOLD HIM HOW MANY TIMES, I’D BEEN MARRIED ETC… He’s not terrified of me….He’s impressed by me?

He laughed and said…

‘I love that about you…At least I know you’re not scared of commitment, If i ever need to ask….Lol’ 

Then he said,

‘Datings always hard isn’t it…because you can meet a really pretty girl and she has an awful personality, or has no grasp on real life…You’re not like that, at all. I saw that you were a Mum and I loved that about you… I knew that you had real responsibilities and experienced real love…real life…’

OH MY GOD! DREAM!

(He’s also a Father… and I love a family man, don’t I! I also love that he’s bouji, but real. He’s not caught up with bullshit. He’s solid, stable, loving, sexy and a HAPPY singleton. He’s open to love….But would rather be on his own, than be with someone who wasn’t right! Just like ME!!!)

But the more we spoke, the more I relaxed I became. He was so interesting…so calm….

Date: ‘How old are you? God! You don’t look it at all…’

Me: ‘Everyone says that, but I don’t get it. It’s cos you didn’t know me when I was 20.’ 

Then we started eating and sipping our drinks…We started talking about footballers and glamour models and how they kinda have the same sort of job/lifestyle, yet one has the boy version and the other had the girl version…. of the shindig.

Date: ‘I guess, that’s why they always date?’

Me: ‘I just think sporty boys are filled with more testosterone, really. Lol’ 

Date: ‘Hahah. No, but when it comes to our lifestyle etc….Us guys, want to date an exciting girl. A *dangerous* girl. A beautiful girl…A.. ….’

Me: ‘Someone that gets ya juices flowing… I get it… Someone who isn’t Vanilla..’

Date: ‘Yeah. You’re that. You’re dangerous...(he had a smirk on his face, when he said it.) But you’re not just looks, like most…So, i’m almost sat here, hoping you want to see me again…I need to get shower… Hang on…’

Me: Why have you turned the lights off…?’

Date: ‘So I don’t scare you… Lol’

(Only a true vixen isn’t scared in the dark Haha. It’s the light that makes her feel unnerved.)

The rest of the evening was divine. We relaxed. We shared stories. I needed to relax a lot more than he did, if I’m honest. He was confident, caring, he knew life. He’s one of those ‘good at everything,’ guys… But so so humble.

Me: ‘There isn’t anything you can’t do? What are you rubbish at?’

Date: ‘I can’t dance well. I’m an athlete, so I can move…But I just don’t find it easy to dance. Hahaha. ‘

Then because he felt I was tense, he walked his fingers up my back and pushed on parts that he felt were tense.

It was literally the most gentle thing, and it felt SO good.

He was GROWN. He was full MAN. Like, he raised the bar, on what being a true man is! He’s an  actual ‘great at everything,’ guy, with a successful career, who’s a wonderful father/family guy. Someone who’s loving, sexy… and truly truly knows how to take care of a woman…on every level.

He walked his fingers up to the top of my back, just under my neck and pushed his fingers down to release tension….I looked at him, through a mirror…and we smiled…

That was the part where I trusted him…and he massaged me….

The next morning, I woke up at The Clayton Hotel, by Manchester Airport…after the most wonderful time, with the most thoughtful man I had every met.

It couldn’t even be real. It was like a dream….He was IMPRESSIVE. I like to feel impressed, don’t I? And Cupid properly threw in a gem, this time around….It’s like The Gods are trying to show me my options…

I swear…

I literally haven’t met a more generous, or more thoughtful man ever, who is dripping in sex appeal. He’s not even wet with his kindness. He’s charming. But not fake. He’s real. He’s someone you never need to prompt, because he’s always waaay ahead of you. I love that! He’s really intelligent.

(‘Well, we were only working a couple hours a day. There was a lot of free time. In that time, I got a degree…so I could use it later…Most of the guys don’t think to do that. I even speak five languages now…and run two companies…’) 

There’s a sophistication to him, that’s delivered with punctuated fun. He’s not a lose cannon. He’s stable. His feet are firmly on the ground. Yet, at the same time, he’s not ‘vanilla.’

For once, I got to feel like a girl. I got to feel so precious. I got to feel ‘taken care of,‘ instead of ‘having to take care of…’ I know so many women (including myself) who never get to feel like that!

He’s a good person…

Date: ‘I hope you want to see me again…I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I hope so. I’ll message you as soon as I get home…’ 

I can’t honestly have been that lucky?

Haha…it felt so ‘Pretty Woman.’

What is happening in my life right now?

If i don’t see this guy again, I will officially be the stupidest girl in the world. What a gentleman. What an amazing man. I don’t think i’ve ever been treated that well!!

I’m stunned…

I took the 10.53, from Platform 3A at Manchester Airport, back home, with my Red Bull…so I could arrive in time for a school run. 

Cashier: ‘You know it’s £2.90…’

Me: ‘Yeah…but fuck it, I need it..’

 

On my train home…

(After some chick gave me daggers and rammed her luggage on wheels into me. Lol. You can’t *ram* me after i’ve just been Princess treated!)

Miss. (who I love) Murphy: ‘The guys in the office who follow you avidly want to know which………he is? Liam has worked out that… Hahaha. This is hilarious!’

Firmonnell: ‘Did you fancy him? He sounds so perfect. How did it go!!!??!!! He’s sexy!’

Laura Grace: ‘Tell me everything…’

Halewood: ‘What happened!!!! You lucky bitch!’

Man sitting next to me: ‘I feel like i’ve seen you before….? Oh shit! I follow you on insta. How was the…’

Bartender Girl: ‘How was it then!!?!’

King Kenny: ‘How did it all go?’

Sarah T: ‘Who is this guy!!!!’

Big Brother Rex: ‘Must’ve been a good… with ya hair like that! 😉 Hahaha. ‘

 

3.30pm…

Ruby: ‘I’m glad you’re back Mum. How was he?’

 

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Just a Quickie, Weddings & Love Island

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Morning all! Right! I’m up early and getting ready. I’m off to my friend Vicki’s wedding today and I’m really excited to see a lady who deserves the world, finally be blessed with unconditional love, sprinkled with ‘I do’s.’ The ceremony’s at Selby Abbey.

Hopefully, i won’t walk in the joint and immediately burst into flames, or get swallowed up my the ground and shot straight to hell. But if I do…at least my dress made my boobs look good. (I have to wear an inappropriately ‘boobied’ dress because the one I wanted to wear I accidentally destroyed with hair dye. Yet, on the plus, it’s not THAT inappropriate. yeah it’s ‘boobied,’ but it’s not like i’m rocking up in a wedding dress myself. See! There are worse sins.) 

I’m meeting everyone at 10am sharp, at Rogerthorpe Manor. So I really need to be getting *glam squadded,* instead of writing this blog. The reception etc, is actually at Rogerthorpe this afternoon.

But GOD!

How good, was Love Island last night. I’m hooked. I told ya. But JEEPERS. I don’t think i’ve ever got bollocked by celebs and viewers MORE, for having an ‘Adam Collard’ crush. Strangers, Celeby DJ’s, Reality Stars and Athletes for Great Britain lol, were all tweeting me scorning me for being so foolish…. Lol

GB Alex: ‘Cos he’s a prick.’

Benny: ‘Adam is the guy that texts girls at 3am, saying *YOU UP BABE.*

Hahahah. (Remind me not to talk to those boys.) 

But, me being the delightfully stubborn bit of kitten, that is swirled in Summer crushing…doesn’t care. To me…He’s amazing.He’s slick. He’s smart. He’s hot. Plus, I love ‘snakes’ 😉 (that’s what everyone’s calling him) and he loves cougars…(that’s me,) so it’s basically a match made in Heaven. I don’t at all get, why everyone hates him, right now?? He’s absolutely THE BEST Islander.

YOU HEARD IT HERE. Lol. I’ll date ya boy!

Even ITV2 followed me at one point, because I crushed so badly. Hahah. I’m so sad, it’s delicious. He’s literally the only one doing anything worth watching. So balls to ya all.

TEAM ADAM ALL THE WAY.

The good thing is that more dudes will be strutting in and giving him a run for his money. It’s literally the Adam show and he’s done really well to OWN IT.

Y’know, the reason why I adore Love Island, is that is actually brings people together, the NATION together as one big juicy whole….and anything that does that, is wonderful, wonderful thing. It makes people communicate, feel…and because LOVE is the number ONE thing that matters to everyone in the enter world.

Right, this can only be short, because I really do need to sort myself our and get myself ready and Junior’s running around in nothing but pants hurtling tea sets through walls and shit.

I’m really looking forward to relaxing and letting my hair down a bit today. I hope she doesn’t mind that my dress is all ‘tits out.’

Love you,

Godda run,

Chrissie x

Yellow Rubber Glove Wanking?

 

A whole bunch of readers today accidentally found themselves in Wunna land today by searching the term, ‘Yellow Rubber Glove Wanking.’ I mean, what is wrong with you all!! 🙂 You dirty monkies, who oddly seem domesticated. Itr’s interesting to see how people find my sight. You could be one of my friends, a victim of my anger, a fan, a work colleague, an aquaintance, someone who just loves a blog, or a stranger who Googles ‘Yellow Rubber Glove Wanking’ to find www.chrissiewunna.com pop up joyfully on their list of suggestions…before you know it *POW* you’re here, you’re willing and there ain’t no rubber gloves in sight. 🙂 The rest of you simply Googled ‘Chrissie Wunna’..which is the smart way to find me. I’ve achieved great eye shadowing this morning, so i’m happy. My eyes are overdone and draggy. Still glorious and just how I like them…which to mean ‘perfect for the nursery run.’ I need dramatic glitzy eyes and simply so I don’t feel like an Asian goblin and well I can charm my way out of trouble. All you need in life is a good set of peepers….and I don’t mean tits. I mean ‘peepers,’…eyes….windows to the soul. Not only for sight, as I am of the unfortunate bundle of  beings who have to buy their own sight from Specsavers every 3 months…so I believe sight is over rated at the best of times. Some of the best Wunna decisions have been made half blind. (NOT.) You need big eyes to flutter and wink. It helps persuasive tool of ‘ooh laa’ that can get you anything you want. Eye contact, dramatic sparkle…a smile and *KAPOW.* (I can’t believe ‘Sophie the Token Asian’ on The Apprentice got ‘Fired’ yesterday. Come on ‘Team Asian.’ I loved her because she had a great tan. Keiran loved her too. But if you’re going to squeak instead of shout when you’re in an elimination room, then you’re in trouble. You have to fight you’re corner and pull out all the glitzy, ‘on the telly’ stops. It’s a show at the end of the day and a war. I’ve been in an eliminaton room many a time and well the more aggressive and clever you are…and the better telly you are…the higher the chance you have of staying in…Provided you’re good at what you do. I’d be shit at The Apprentice. But I was ace at attempting to be Paris Hiltons BBF. Stick to your strengths innit. I do like that quirky posh boy on the show though. He’s hilarious without knowing how hilarious he is. I adore him. He’s my favourite. I want him to be a STAR. The producer on PHBBF told me that I was going to be a ‘star’…i’m not one yet. Eww! Gimme! Gimme! It’s alright me ranting on about ‘Apprentice Sophie.’ I NEED to step into my feist and play the fame game aggressively.

Thank God i’m finally having my first coffee of the day. We ran out of milk this morning because none of us could be arsed to buy more. It’s rubbish in the morning when you realize that refraining from being lazy would’ve been a better plan. The hubbilicious, who looked DIVINE last night. He was all shirtless and sexy and sprawled on the sofa on top of quilts. I was impressed. He scored points. That’s what I like about him. One day he can be ‘baby boy, ‘ another day a hopeless romantic and the following day pop into the ‘sexy sexy man god’ role…It’s fun. I’m quite like that. I’m ready for my bump to squeeze his way out now. This stretch is too long and i’m too preggo now. I’m not even overdue yet. I just feel ready now. We have new beds and wardrobes a coming next week…so i have to duck tape my privates up until then or just keep my legs crossed. Then i’ll be free to go into the labour trot of fox. My body feels far too tense right now and not at all relaxed. It’s when my body eases into that euphoric state of relaxation that he’ll get his groove on and make his move out of my womb and into the world. But for now, i’m sit here blogging and laughing at the fact that people actually search ‘yellow rubber glove wanking’ on a daily basis. I once was forced to Google ‘fat eating chicken porn’ by a work colleague, who didn’t have working internet. I was like ‘Great! How am I supposed to explain that on a history search.’ But like I said, peppers get you out of everything. But only a good set of them and only when you’re working for a man. It doesn’t work on women, They just hate you for them, unless they’e completely secure. Then they’re all for it.

My chick friend is stressing out today because her boyfriend keeps pointing out chicks that he fancies. Never good. Go back to ‘Romance Camp.’ I mean, what the hell has happened to that boy’s GAME. You’re shit at the art of wooing. Girls just see it as disrespectful and men need to learn that it is. Yet the fact that they need to learn such an OBVIOUS rule is beyond me. Use your brains. Anyway, like that wasn’t bad enough, not only was he naming people he fancied (Lord know why) each girl that he was pointing out looked NOTHING LIFE my chick friend. So my chick friend’s mixed race, she’s gorgeous and caramel. Delicious and exotic. So what does this boy do…point out a ton of blond, tanned girls that he fancies. If that’s who you fancy then why are you with an exotic girl telling her you love her so madly. I simply stated that he was only doing it to make her feel insecure. It’s a method of control and manipulation and shows how insecure HE IS. I said, just point out a bunch of boys that YOU FANCY…and make sure they’re all steamy hot, look nothing like him and the key to make him feel worse is RICH! 🙂 Men hate it when you tell them you fancy a rich man…yet only a boy that is poor. 🙂 He even stopped pointing out celeb crushes and started just pointing out regular girls that he fancied. Why bother? Is he thick? Men can never do that to me because I’ll either go ninja and give them a lecture on respect. I’ll play them at their own game…and well i no longer have any celebrity crushes because i’ve dated every single one of my actual celebrity crushes, to now be 32 and realize that people are just people, (it actually took me a long time to learn that 🙂 ) and that rich boy, poor boy, happy boy, sad boy…boys are boys, there’s good ones, bad ones and you just need to find the GREAT ones. *Helicopter nipple tassle here*

(Currently watching Towie and they’re going on about Ricky Martin..who is a being I adore. I always remember that he tried to hide the fact that he was gay from the press, because he felt it would hinder his career. To be honest Ricky…it wasn’t that much of a shock. When he finally came out he expected everyone to be in uproar. Big red flags…no long term relationships with girls and when he decided to become a father, he chose a surrogate mother to birth his child for him…that he didn’t have to sleep with. Heaven forbid, would he have to go near a vagina. 🙂 I don’t blame him, mine’s a bitch and has a mind of her own. If you were Ricky Martin and NOT gay, you’d take those snake hips and you’d bonk and impregnate every single female that took your fancy one by one in sexy hotel rooms to your own sound tracks, wouldn’t you. You wouldn’t pay a lady that you didn’t have to sleep with, to have your child for you.. I love that Ricky Martin’s gay. It’s hot. We’re all a little gay.)

Thursday’s are good…always good. My mun usually texts me to ask me to ‘do lunch’ with her on Thursdays. I fancy a rest day because i’m feeling like roughage. She hasn’t text me yet, so maybe i’m not favourite child anymore. But i’m hoping that she does as I need some good old mummy time. I feel like I haven’t hung out with her in ages…and it’s only been 4 days. During my entire pregnancy, I hid away. I always do, I don’t know why? Yet when it comes to the final slog, the last part of the relay, when i’m about to pop and I have 2 weeks until the big day, I kinda fancy a bit of ‘oohing’ and ‘awwing’ at me, until of course I want it to stop. 🙂 I need my mum and my hubby and my Ruby. Rubes is always there for me, which I adore. But Mum and Keiran are busy working, working, working. He’s headed off in a suit today getting ready for the security companies summer. It’s a big one. I don’t really like it when he goes into the event security phase of Summer love and simply because my home fills up with bin bags and cardboard boxes filled with boy’s stuff and I hate it. I’m trying to the whole house up and i’m not gonna be able to do that when we have giant boxes of radio mics and wires and god knows what in the kitchen. Bundles, bags and more boxes of uniforms, bomber jackets and whatnots in the living room. I’m looking at a bin bag filled with coats right now AND the delivery man has just dropped a big blue box off at my patio door. UGH! His stuff needs to go in the van or in the attic. But not around the home. It’s too cluttery and not good girly clutter, like boring boy clutter. (I can’t believe the delivery guy, made me CARRY the giant blue box myself. Hellooo 9 months pregnant much. MANNERS! Ooh, i hate bad manners.)

I’m starving now, so i’m gonna go.

Have fun, at least it’s good weather and when i say ‘good weather’ I simply mean ‘looks like it’s warm, but it’s actually freezing.’

Kitten kisses,

C x

PS, Can you believe that Keiran  stated that he wanted me to have full on ‘Miss World’ hair ALL OF THE TIME, yesterday. I looked at him and said, ‘What even when i’m at home, washing dishes.’ He was not joking at all. he smirked and said, ‘YES.’ I actually love the Miss.World look, it humours me, so i’d be dying to get that hair sorted 24/7, but when preggo, you can’t be arsed. I still look FINE though. I look ‘Glamour Puss,’ for crying out loud. 🙂 So, he can moan and say that he wants me to have ‘Miss World’ hair all of the time because he likes it much better that way. I want him to pull in Donald Trump like cheques ALL of the time. 🙂 You don’t hear me complaining. You can’t win’em all boy.

PPS/ AS if a Miss World curly updo could disguise the fact that i have a giant 9 month preggo belly. I’d look like a Roly Poly…who’s had too many Smarties. Not very world peace and bubble baths.

‘Hi, I’m Chrissie! I enjoy long preggo waddles in the park, useless baths filled with bubbles where i can’t see my own ‘hoop-dee’ to  shave it…. and world peace…when i’m not hormonal. Oh and my boobs have milk in them!’

It just doesn’t have the same ring to it.