Wunna Dolls, Rum & Banter

My kitty eyes shot open at 2.47am this morning. YES! At 2.47am…THIS MORNING! I’m totally gonna feel it later when work kicks in and my brain decides to not work. I need a morning mimosa. *Gimme Gimme* Ugh! Cupboard is bare! πŸ˜‰

When you can’t sleep, you have a troubled mind. That’s exactly what I have. There’s SO much swirling around it, that I pretty much swear that my forehead is ready to curl forward and *boink* the imaginary panic button. Hurrah!

It’s good, because everything is about work & opportunity..and there’s a lot. Yet, bad because i’m obviously not ‘on top‘ of it all. This blogging malarky isn’t as easy as I thought..when it turns into a business. I can’t even sleep. I think i’m gonna go with the ‘i’m a genius and can’t sleep’ line, yet really i’m just human and right now I THINK I ‘can’t do this all by myself ‘ line. BUT I CAN. I mean fuck it. I’ve done everything else by myself…including raising children.

I got up at 3am and worked. I worked. I whopped out my little pink laptop and worked. I planned my entire week and month out, to set Wunna Land into confetti hero showers. Now I just need to execute and not worry. Yet, I’m a creative and what i’ve learnt is that creatives need to JUST BE creative and have someone else deal with the harsh reality of business and building. Their two different things. Two different skills. I want to just be creative and tell my sassy little story. Plus, I learnt from one of my previous bosses ‘The Mighty’ that when one person does too many things, they fuck it all up and give a ‘lot of things 20 percent,’ instead of one thing a juicy 100 percent. IT’S TRUE!

Anyway, enough of all that. It’s boring me. I’ll quit being a walking ‘Sad Act‘ now. (The words of ‘Double B.’)

Yesterday was an ace day, Β filled with good times, friends, work and sass. It made Monday less shit. I didn’t even have time to curl my hair in the morning and it didn’t even matter! πŸ˜‰ I know! Wow wee! Β *Wink*

We decided that I should create ‘Chrissie Wunna’ dolls, so that Firmonnell can give them to her children.

Firmonnell: ‘As soon as the Chrissie Wunna doll comes out, I’m buying them for my kids.’

But honestly, how fabulous would my ‘Chrissie Wunna’ doll be!! It’d have boobies and be all glamourous and when you pressed it’s stomach, it’s shout things like…

‘Fuck it!’

‘Where’s my prosecco…’

‘This is bouji!’

Firmonnell, Double B and Hustle Barbie literally DIED over this idea for a good…well minute… πŸ™‚ , as then we got distracted because Mel started sauntering in with her ‘stress face’ asking our advice on tidying…Don’t know what happened but…

Mel: ‘How the HELL have I started a conversation about how to find the time to clean my house properly and it’s turned into a conversation about THRUSH???’

Me: ‘I’ve never had thrush.’

Double B: ‘I’ve had thrush and that thing where you have to drink cranberry juice.’

Firmonnell: ‘Y’know you can get nipple thrush from breast feeding.’

Me: EWW!

Mel: ‘Whatever Chrissie. I would’ve thought you would’ve had a a cocktail of STD’s in your time.’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I’ve had thrush in my belly button..

Me: ‘Lovely’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did Prince Jonny put it in the wrong hole?’ Haha’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I need to take these shoes back, I bought them for Monte Carlo tomorrow..’

Me: ‘I wish my belly button looked more SHOCKED and less smiley.’

Firmonnell: ‘Yeah mine looks like it’s just chilling…

Then ‘Double B’ decided to remind me that her beau’s willy looked like..

‘…one of those fun scrubby things you can get to clean dishes with, y’know in your sink….with a fuzzy afro on top.’

He never gets a blowie and she really doesn’t care. Lol. She’s just laughs in the face of blow jobs, adjusts her bra and asks for a pork pie, as she tosses her blond extensions everywhere.

‘Taylors Butchers was shut. I tried to get a pork pie there yesterday!’

Then I’m not sure what happened…But we started taking about old people and how weird it would feel to be a granny and how if I was ON MY OWN and 80, i’d be alright because, I’d

‘…definitely smell of rum and sex.’

Much better option over moth balls. You either smell of Marks & Spencers, Cats, Toffee, Wee or Moth Balls when you’re a granny. That’ll be me one day and I’m gonna make sure I smell of rum whilst being wheeled down the corridors to…. (I have no clue where i’d be wheeled to? Lol) I’m gonna be a RUMMY granny.

Anyway, ass…ass? Lol. AS!!!

As much as I love you, I do need to dash. I have school runs and a full day of work to jolly onto. I have great boobs and a wink in my think, today. I’ll definitely be knackered later on. I swear this blog is like therapy for me. One day you’ll be covering my meltdown…BUT JUST NOT TODAY.

Work hard. Do well! Love lots!

Oh and follow me on everything, so I feel extra adored. Lol.

Snapchat: chrissiewunna1

(I don’t know who chrissiewunna is..but it’s not me and i’m sure she is far more naked or chatty…lol So do make sure you add the right one.)

Tweet me: @chrissiewunna

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Lawyers, Grannies, Blow jobs and Slut Drops

 

Yesterday, I taught a bunch of young, suited, booted, well educated, 20-something lawyers….to ‘Slut drop.’ If you are unaware of such a move, then you just don’t have swag, or haven’t had the opportunity to be around indecent women. πŸ™‚ It’s a sudden booty drop to the floor, in the name of sexy whilst you’re dancing, with a *ping* back up like you’re a vixen, with an uncontrollable sex drive. Stupid really. yet drunk men can’t get enough of it. Any man that you can pull, after performing this move, is not husband material. πŸ™‚ Now, I might be aware of the art of ‘slut dropping,’ yet I don’t ever have to pull one out of my bag of tricks…and well simply because…I’ve had 5 minutes on the telly, then a few more minutes in a Lads mag… and then of course, the trusty old faithfuls… boobs. *Applaud here.*

I was sat in an office, a big one, listening to young lawyers throw themselves bit of a pity party, due to the fact that they want ‘proper girls, who went to school, who have a good job and who haven’t thought it was amazing to spent part of this Summer in Ibiza.’ (Men love a pity party, don’t they?) I just looked at them, smiled and with a ‘Yeah, life must be really hard for you all, being so intelligent, successful and wealthy. Chick must hate you. πŸ™‚ I completely understand your pain,’Β I had won them over with charm and two seconds later, when ‘going home‘ time had almost occured, BA BOOM…I taught them how to ‘slut drop. (If you still don’t know what that is, just Google it because I can’t be bothered to baby step you through indecency. I’m not Madonna in the 80’s. I’ve just spent too much time in Hollywood. πŸ˜‰ )

Anyway so, yesterday ended up being one of those amazing ‘GOOD NEWS’ days. I never really get so many of them, so I was shocked. However yesterday was the day, that I was to be showered with non-stop GREAT FLIPPING NEWS! I couldn’t be happier, because it kept streaming in like the beavers forgot to build the dam! Β I’m positive that I deserve some kind of reward, right? *Bounces up-do, with hand.* So, instead of being modest, i’m just going to celebrate with champion arms and maybe do an ‘in you face’ shout of ‘Yahoo!’ πŸ˜‰ I’ll tell you more about it next week, as right now it’s still too fresh for me to deliver. However, it’s good to feel excited and I certainly do feel that.

Oh…then I got a random text from a manager asking me if I wanted 10k to be cast in a small film, as the main chickola, who’s a business woman or something? Then came the ‘But there’s a fully nude sex scene in it, sort of like the one off Basic Instinct,’so you would have to be comfortable with that. Interested?’

Now, due to me having a past of nudity, people always want to roll me over a ‘look at’ when it comes to roles that require the art of sexy. Yet, even though I wave the flag for the celebration of the human body, I need to make sure that it is actually an ACTING JOB…and not some kind of dodgy PORN. I was married to and have dated a gzillion actors, so I completely get nudity and sex scenes in the name of film and telly…However, if it’s not an actual acting job and just a dodgy porn, then it’s an absolute NO GO. This is obviously something that, I will have to make sure of. So, i’ll fill you in on the hokey pokey of it later. Ten thousand pounds isn’t bad though. πŸ™‚ Cha-ching!

(Sorry, i’m writing this and half watching Jersey Shore clips on Youtube. So, i’m getting distracted by their naughtiness. I used to get loads of mail from people who thought that I may have the same kind of personality as Snooki. πŸ™‚ Oh Lord, have mercy! Now, I love Snooki a lot and I think she does a great job at entertaining the young masses. Β However Snooki, probably isn’t even like Snooki in real life. I assure you that I AM the EXACT OPPOSITE. Remember when I was on that talk show and Dom Jolly said I reminded him of her! Evil twat! πŸ™‚ I was pregnant tooo! I think I was raised much better that people can imagine. Lol. I had love and everything. I promise. But i’ll get to that later. Here’s what I’m watching…)

 

Okay, away from that! One of my new favourite shows to watch is obviously ‘Educating Yorkshire.’ I’m a Yorkshire girl, I currently reside here and well it’s good that we’re on the telly. However, it’s bad that we’re shown in such a dodgy light! Lol. I adore the show because it’s obviously hilarious, but OH MY GOSH, as I Tweeted last night, I don’t remember school being ANYTHING LIKE ‘Educating Yorkshire?’ It was nothing like that at all! It was sort of completely and utterly..absolutely different. I mean, even the way the teachers talk to the pupils, shocked me. Pahaha! ‘You’re a pain in the arse you!’ WTF?

But yes, @Wazza (who hosts this merry site and all of my Cyberland, hoo-haa) and I (as his beautiful ‘other half’ Hannah stated last night, went to ‘Posh School,’ so we never really got to experience ‘Georgia’ type characters and we never really even talked in class or even thought to be disrespectful to our teachers or even one another. πŸ™‚

Wazza was in fact the class clown, the sort of ‘bully-in a funny way’ type of jolly when it came to school and well he’s nothing like the boys on that show. He’s probably the nicest, funniest gentleman, you’ll ever meet. Lol. So, it’s really interesting for me to watch. I’m loving it and now extremely grateful that my parents PAID for me to learn my ‘A,B,C’s.’ I would’ve got my head kicked in! I would’ve been terrified to go to school. I think going to ‘Posh school’ is something that you appreciate more when you’re older and when you witness what it may have been like if you didn’t. πŸ™‚

Now, I don’t want to come across as a snob (even though I am a bit of a snob,) as it really doesn’t matter where an individual schools, as successful people Β have sprouted from all kinds of rural beginnings…Some of them didn’t even make it to a school, in the first place. Yet I will say that the environment and the people are extremely different in a private school. It’s sort of made easier on us, because we don’t have to be as self motivated in order to have a good education, as everything around us is catered and groomed to give us the best shot at being successful in life. And the environment is only of that manner, simply because our parents paid for it to be that way. It’s sort of like a business. A snotty business that keeps your children around good other children, who come from successful families..in order to help them to excel or simply be decent grown ups.

Ugh! I feel like this is all too boring and political. I need to bring in the ‘Dancing Girls,’ for a ‘snap back’ to fun!

*Can-Can Here*

I almost put up my Christmas decorations at home yesterday. I go through these zany moments of needing to throw everything out in order to feel free. Once that was done, I sort of looked around and noticed a distinct lack of warmth. πŸ™‚ The only thing that could’ve cured it would have been red and gold tinsel. Luckily, I ran out of baby formula, so I had to dash off to the supermarket to get some before the nursery run.

When I got there, the granny that i’ve adopted, (an old lady who I always talk to because her husband died and she feels lonely) told me to ‘bugger off’ because I had a sore throat and get this…if she ‘was going to have a sore throat,’ she would want aΒ ‘bloody good reason for having one.‘ Then she performed the dirtiest of LAUGHS, known to mankind. Grannies and blow jobs. HOLY INAPPROPRIATENESS! I truly love it! Everyone needs to adopt a lonely granny. They’re hilarious and all inappropriate, when you least expect it.

She then told me that I had given her a new lease of life. Although it brought a big warm smile to my face, that meant I no longer needed tinsel…I still told her off for insinuating that she wanted to give ‘head.’ *Wiggle-wink*

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