Next Time On First Dates….

Afternoony, my little trickles of glistening, tinsel torn, kitty wrap. (I don’t know what that means either? Just go with it.)  How are you? I’m great. But knackered. Family airport runs, kicked me in the ‘girl parts.’ I can’t open my eyes. At least if I had ‘goolies,’ it would cushion the blow. Infact, if I had ‘goolies,’ I wouldn’t WANT to open my eyes. I’m too awkward for ‘goolies.’

I love calling balls, ‘goolies…’ like the ‘Juicy’ velour joggers…I want to bring it back! 

I’m currently blogging from Ackworth Garden, by Baby Jesus and the 3 Wisemen. Hopefully some of their wisdom *rubs* off on me, (it’s usually other things that dudes try to rub off on me.)  But i’m feeling lucky!

I’m not too bothered about Baby Jesus, though? He’s been strapped down, by a beautiful chica named ‘Leoni’ who bakes reindeer buns and he now looks a little ‘bondage.’ If I glued studs onto him, he’d be winning at life.

Why am I trying to ruin Baby Jesus? He’s done nothing wrong? Can I get into trouble for that? I reckon i’ve done pretty well to not have already BURST INTO FLAMES, simply by being near ‘Godly’ looking characters.

UGH! I’m so tired!!

(And I’m already getting trolled by keyboard warriors. It’s only 17 minutes past noon. Gimme a break.) 

Okay. I’m gonna cut the crap.

*Slurps Americano.*

Last night, I stayed up to watch ‘First Dates,’ on Channel 4, because next MONDAY, 10pm, I’m on it and they always do the..

‘Next time on First Dates…’ thing, don’t they!

I actually love, that bit….Of course as well as the show! (It’s a great show because it combines, raw and real, surprise moments, with positive banter, dates and love.)

However, when it’s YOU, on the ‘Next time on First Dates…’ bit, it’s kinda surreal????

I haven’t been on telly, on a big show… in a really long time. In fact, it was almost 10 years. Time has flown!! As if it has been nearly 10 ENTIRE years, since I tried to be Paris Hiltons Bestie?? I must’ve got so old, without realizing.

They say that happens….

BUT, luckily,  i’ve managed to fit  a lot into that time. I’ve wiggled out two babies, had a marriage, a divorce, created a sex toy range, been on numerous dates, had a rubix cube of career changes, started a business and done everything in between.

It may not seem like it, but i’ve done alright. But more importantly, i’ve enjoyed it and also met so many wonderful people along the way.

I’ve  also ‘diaried’ it all out. ‘ALMOST’ every day. 😉 I’ve been hungover, busy, tired, scared or lazy, on the days that I skipped.

At least i’m still cocktailing….

You can’t win’em all…

But yeah, I’m much older. (37.) I’m much wiser. (NOT.) Yet, still just as annoying on the telly!! How can this BE!!!! At 20 something, I didn’t realize how annoying I was!!!??!!!  I thought I was ACE!?! Now, i’m like ‘WT *ACTUAL* F!!’

I’m going to take a ‘troll festival’ of online battering….

I usually never ever watch myself back, because like most people, I find myself SO CRINGE. I look different. I sound different But only to me and no one else?? Haha.

However, I can tell you this time, I couldn’t be more giddy, to watch life in the First Dates restaurant, as I strut in and try my hand at love, next Monday.

There’s just something about that place, that fills your heart with ‘ooh laa.’

There’s a magic in the air and it’s filled with goodness, life excitement and hope.

UGH! I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU, BUT I CAN’T!!!

Here’s the clip I saw, last night…

Me: ‘Why have you not told me that I have an annoying voice!?!’

Firmonnell (Chick Bestie) : ‘It’s not annoying. I love it. No one will be surprised by your voice, but YOU! Haha.’

Brett: ‘Your laugh definitely needs a bit of work..Lol…BUT your voice is just YOU!’

Sal: ‘She doesn’t have t tell you….Everyone else will have their cyber go at telling you…Lol’ 

Me: ‘No wonder men thing i’m weird!!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s not your voice…’

Me: ‘Can we blame my voice please…K’thanx..’

You need bits of banter to survive it…

(Your friends will have ya back, always! They’ll give you a good roasting, yet won’t let anyone else talk shit about you! Hahaha. The masses who might give ‘trolling’ a go, didn’t go through the what I did, what I have…Some of them, won’t ever have the opportunity to treasure such a moment…and a moment only has to last a second. That’s why it’s important to celebrate all that you are and all that you do…regardless!)

Anyway…

…even though i’m dashed with the ‘oh my goodness…’ reliving the moment will be nothing short of an absolute joy.

I mean that with all of my heart…

I’m the luckiest girl. ..and I love moments like this because you also get to actually SEE part of my life journey, in real life…instead of just in written word.

I mean, I talk about love, dating and all sorts, on a daily. You ask me questions about love, dating and all sorts on a daily, on my Insta Story.

That’s why it’s great to let you BE THERE AND SEE for yourselves, this time. Y’know, hear (Lord help you) and feel with me….It’s almost like letting a ‘book’ come alive! Letting words dance off a page…

If you follow this blog, you’ll get it. You will know how much LOVE means to me. It makes my heart flutter, my eyes glisten and my world go around in a ‘swirl.’

I’m never scared of hearing my heart break, because it’s broken and crunched so many times before, that it’s a trooper…It didn’t matter if I was here in the UK or in West Hollywood, my heart filled with glee and ‘ouchied,’ just as many times. 

But i’m still here smiling! I’ve always given love a go, whenever my heart tells me to, because I know how important it is. 

‘A life without love, is like a song without melody…’

What I’ve learnt about love, over the years is to take chances and that no matter what, your heart will always heal. Even if it takes years! It will always glue it’s pretty self back together and help you feel magic once more, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT. ONLY if you also LEARN from the bad times and stick at it. 

When i’m in love, I’m alive.  We all are….Even when we pretend we’re not! Even when we pretend we don’t need it. Sometimes, we fool ourselves….

(Wait! I just need to check to see how Baby Jesus is doing?)

I wish I had more sleep?

I wish I could tell you everything, now! But no can do! I have weeks of blog stories!!!

Why do I look like I rolled around in a pig sty of bronzer, whenever i’m on the telly… ? I look like an Asian Miss.Piggy! But I weirdly love it! It’s me. I’m me. I mean, fuck it, i’ve done it now, haven’t I!

Anyway,

My Inbox is now FULL of guys, asking me out on Dates?  It’s mental. It’s like a spaghetti junction of lost penis.

One guy’s sent me this…

‘Let me take you on a date next week…Lunch and then a random activity.x’

Random Activity?? Hahaha. I’m terrified!  Isn’t that just the same as ‘Netflix and Chill?’ 😉

Code for:

‘Hey Baby, let me give you snacks, then bone you…’

I will tell you that my friends are filled with utter glee, by the simple fact that i’ve actually gone this far to find love….Hahaha..

‘I can’t believe you’re actually on it!!!’

‘I cannot believe you’re doing a First Dates!!’

‘I feel so sorry for your date!! Haha.’

‘I am so excited, because there is no actual way, that you don’t make a dick of yourself! Haha!!’

‘As if, you went on a blind fucking date on the telly! Lol!!’

‘I love this!!!’

‘Can’t wait for this! So low key of you! Haha’

‘Your annoying voice, has just filled my living room.’

‘There’s no way, he’s asked for a girl like you.. Haha.’

So yeah….

Monday, 10 pm, Channel 4….You get to watch me, strut into the ‘First Dates’ restaurant in hope to find true love…..

Wish me luck…

Chrissie, x

ps/ A guy has just sent me this message…

‘So, what ya saying babe…3 pics of ya tits, 2 of ya ass and i’ll transfer £400 to you…’

THEN sent me a screenshot of a bank transfer to a girl who had said ‘yes’ and agreed..

Where have all the good men gone?? 

 

Goolies, Newspaper Interviews & Peppa Pig

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Dolls! Gents! Kittens!

Happy Wednesday! (Well, I think it’s Wednesday? Is it Wednesday?)

I’m currently en route to work and i’m already as busy as a bee. My days are filled with work and my nights are filled with babies, and in between i’m blogging, vlogging, filming bits, errand running, auditioning and interviewing. It’s a lot, but i’m loving it. And, i’m getting lots and lots…and LOTS of messages from all of you, with your own fabulous Blogs, Vlogs and internet shows, who are wanting, well politely asking me to ‘share’ and Retweet, your links to Wunna Land followers…and I will, don’t worry….I’m just being busy and spending my free time with the babies…. (Plus, this week, i’m on promo for my New Vlog and this blog also) so it’s hard to wedge it all in. However, I haven’t forgotten…just so you know. )

Thank GOD, i did wine last night!

So, yes, I worked all day. Ben and I have pretty much gone onto work and promo mode, where we’re filming our own little things, constantly, editing and plonking them up for you to enjoy. *Add children. Add day job.*

But, no matter what two nights ago, he still managed to find the ‘executive’ time to find Ruby’s blue balloon pump, sit crossed legged next to me and in the name of ‘his own sense of humour,’ wedged it by my nipple and pretend *pump* up my boobies. I’d never seen him so flipping happy. Lol. I’m quite well humoured by such, so it was actually a hilarious moment. Until, and like boys do, (they take it too far) and well he started pumping up my *Lady part* (I don’t have a willy) at that point…laughing hit *pause.*

Then he got shouted at.

Yesterday, most of the day was dedicated to winding people up with Danielle, for kicks. It worked. We ended up accidentally making people cry for being bitches. (We think we’re funny. But we’re obviously just evil.) But whatever, they cried by champagne truffles, so life can’t really be that bad. Then smores (that got messed up) were made and the world turned back to ‘rosy.’

The late afternoon, was dedicated to talking about goolies and how some boys may have a ‘smelly set.’ It must be odd being a boy, and strutting with a pair of *hangers* in between your legs? When we reached the part of goolies, being stuck to legs, the conversation had to stop and we returned to being lovely once more..and continually smelling of ROSES.

(This was even sober talk.)

Great night with Junior last night. He’s such a gem. I adore him. Ruby is my Mini Double and although she waves the flag for ‘Diva Independence,’ she’s still my bambino and i couldn’t love her any more than I do.

Whatever happened on Celebrity Big Brother last night, must have been a hoot, as everyone was talking about it, but i missed it as Junior was watching ‘Peppa Pig.’

All I know is that Tiffany and David Bowie’s Ex Wife, Angie..we’re Tv Gold. I need to *Plus one* it and see it all over again. (Gay Adam sent me snippets of it, to my phone. Love Gay Adam.)

But yes, I actually did a interview with ‘The Sun (if you’re not British and you do not know,w hat that is…it’s a Popular, UK newspaper.) They text me, whilst I was at work yesterday and asked if I’d do one of their features. I agreed. It’s only tiny…but i’m happy.

When I got home, I was stood in the kitchen, doing my ‘Sun Newspaper,’ interview, as Ben watched ‘Peppa Pig’ with Junior upstairs.. Then once I was done…and it only took half an hour in my kitchen, I rushed upstairs to watch ‘Peppa Pig’ with Junior, whilst Ben thundered downstairs, to quickly film the rest of his Vlog, so he could upload it that evening.

Madness! But we did it.

See, how productive, we’re being this year!

Anyway, have a great Wednesday! You’re all pretty sexy! x