Naked Snacking, Castings & Hormones..

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This is how glamourous I am. I mean, everyone thinks that I wake up on a morning, throw on my diamante encrusted robe and get carried to breakfast, in nothing but heels, by half naked Greek male models in togas, with six packs.

I WISH!

Last night, I sat on my bed at around 1.30am, because I was too excited to sleep, with a ripped open packet of prawn cocktail crisps, a ripped open packet of salt and vinegar crisps..a raw green chilli as a side, as I swigged a mini red wine, out of the bottle, in front of my bedroom mirror.

Dirty Nicole: ‘You’ve kinda made that sound glammy?’

It was sort of like the Matrix, if you were snacky and it was a budget porn. Instead of the pills, I chose crisps. Instead of the creepy phone call…I swigged wine. Instead of black cape like coats…I wore nothing.

So basically…nothing like The Matrix, at all?

Hahaha! Hey! Ho!

Wednesday turned out to be a dream, in the end, after a dodgy start. I’ve been influencing…yes. But i’ve been going on a lot of Castings. There’s a lot of new shows coming out and I’ve basically, been on the audition rounds…with everything crossed.

But i’ve got really excited again. I love it so madly.  That’s why I couldn’t sleep. I was on the phone to America, about some show n the early hours of the morning.

I’m an entertainer at heart…nothing makes me happier.

However, I was kinda really stressed, for moments yesterday, but because i’m hormonal. I must be getting my period soon. I can tell because I’m enjoying eating everything I can and I would never EVER do that… in probably a zillion years.

Plus, I wanted one of those ‘Crying to Sam Smith’ baths, that ‘Passionate Jaz’ suggested. She apparently, gets into a RED HOT bath, and with the door closed, plays Sam Smith tracks, alone…and then CRIES. Lol I love it!!

Yippppppppppeee!

‘Yoooooooou SSSAAAaaaaaaY, you love meEEEEee…’

(..as you glug under..)

I decided against having one. I had an ace time with my babies instead. We had a great night. I’m loving being Mama. Ruby & Junior are literally the funnest people I know.

I’m not kidding, when I say that…

Some of my grown up friends aren’t even NEARLY as emotionally stable or confident as they are. Let alone as ACE! Probably because my mates didn’t have the delight of having ME raise them. 😉

Miserable swines.

Then I got called ‘Stuck up.’ (Dull.) At least i’m not ‘Vanilla.’ I’d rather be the absolute WONDER that I am, than a plain old Ryvita. It’s always the people with no excitement in their life, that hate on the ones, that have a GUST in their sails, a GIGGLE  in their wink.

I’m FAR FROM stuck up. You’d know that if you met me.

(Don’t get me wrong, I’m feisty…but what glamour puss isn’t. In fact i’m more polite, than I am feisty always!! Yet, I’m a lot of fun!)

I’m more big headed than I am stuck up. Maybe you got it mixed up? But that’s the truth. I’m humble and kind, yet I don’t think there is anyone, in any form of entertainment, that ISN’T a little big headed and ‘LOOK AT ME.’ 

IT’S OUR JOB.

There’s another Insta Question, that’s come in also, rambling on about my past and whether i’m ashamed of it!!!???!!!

‘Rolls Eyes.’

WHAT!! 

I’ve done really well for myself!!

Ashamed? Why would I EVER be ashamed of my past! I’ve had the most colourful, wonderful experiences so far…If anything I’m grateful, that i’ve been alive! It’s all part of my story and i’m proud of what I’ve achieved, how I’ve developed and glad that I’ve documented every single moment. I lived life with bells on and got up to all kinds of naughty. But I don’t care, because it has all contributed to who I am and what stand for today!!!

Rant Over.

(Techincally, I did say ‘Ask Me Anything.’)

 

Tony Boney: Y’know, there’s this new bracelet out that holds wine…’

Me: ‘It reminds me of a She Wee.’

Toney Boney: ‘Eh???’

Lucy: ‘You drink out of it, from your wrist…Not piss into it, from your vagina..’

Bottom line, it’s shocking and reminds me of She Wee, but for your mouth? I don’t know why? I’m just creative.  I mean,  I’d like booze on my wrist…if it was bouji. But really how much wine could you actually fit into, a WIDE wrist bangle.

Not enough for any normal human, Jesus or Ru Paul! 

Plus, it’s not very dainty is it? It’s just…alcoholism at it’s finest.

‘I’ve run out of wine…’

‘Here… there’s some on my fucking wrist.’

Gross!

But stop press!

Did you know that i have blogged for about FIFTEEN YEARS and that CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM has been going for TEN WHOLE YEARS,THIS YEAR! 

It’s my 10 year Anniversary and later on in the year, i’m going to be celebrating it…and THANKING all those who have helped my story come alive. (The first five years of my blog, I wrote in LA, on Myspace, on other people’s computers. Lol) 

Anyway, I’m going, I need to do my face, take a few Insta pics and then grab a quick drinks. I’m gonna make ‘Golfer Jonny’ (KatyP’s boyfriend,) feel my specs up and mould them to my face.

Kinky.

I’m in Leeds, tomorrow, meeting Blackhouse and then I’m headed to Tattu.

Have a great Wednesday.

If I leave you with anything…I’ll tell you that it only takes 21 DAYS to break ANY HABIT! 

All my love,

Chrissie x

Ps/ I’ve just got a DM from my friend Kyle…

‘How many thirsty guys popped up to that photo?’

(The one above. Lol)

Awww…and Firmonnell’s sent me a morning Video snap, saying she misses me. Why can’t guys be just like her!!!!

 

Get all the guys with my *Strut & Peep*

Morning! I have committed to indulging in a weekend of utter fresh delights of naughty cleanliness and luxury. It has been a PAMPER WEEKEND.

After feeling like I had just worked the hardest and busiest, longest and ‘always at workest’ week of my life…It was a great week, but it was a busy one…I kicked off my kitten heels this Friday gone, drank a bottle of prosecco…threw in a few strawberry Popaballs and with a ‘that’s it…’ committed to treating myself to luxury. Everyone has a different version of luxury. Mine is to cut away from an audience, whilst still keeping an audience :), being with Ruby and Junior… just doing ME and then dipping myself in that diamond dripped bliss of absolute five star ‘de luxe'(which we all know is my favourite) and simply because I’ve earned it! Holla! Women always forget to treat themselves. Especially hard working mums. Don’t feel guilty to spoil yourself rotten. It makes you glow and when you glow, you’re better at everything.

I woke up Saturday morning (as I Tweeted) feeling in a sashimi, freshly shook cocktail, massagy, kind of crisp sunshine, mood. And I stuck to it. I lavishly swirled around Wunna land, treating myself to quick stop pedicures, mint leaf grazed gin cocktails, full body massages, I got my eyebrow on point, My Mum and I went to jewellers to pick out precious gems to turn into jewellery, I purchased makeup, I tanned, had a facial, bought new hair…THE WORKS! It was all bliss. All girl power. All deserved and all about me. If you’re a busy women, these moments matter because you never ever get time for them.

Inbetween those moments, I lunched with my babies,  we went to a nearby fair, we danced, we laughed, we loved, we bought everything. We felt whole. Everything was just so cut away from work, yet so positive, that everything felt SO utterly balanced. I’m radiating today because of it. You can feel that Goddess glow. I couldn’t be happier. And my toe nails glitter! That has made the world complete.

Right, now the good stuff.

Everyone keeps rambling on about my love life to me. I’m single. There is no love life going on. But I’m open love. It’s Spring soon. So why not! I’m not one to look through the ‘ex’ bucket, or one to just date someone for the sake of dating..I don’t need to ;). I’m a forward mover, so the next gentleman that I date, will be the right one, as I will be able to handle his world and he will be able to deal with mine. Sorted. But i’m warm I’m not at all jaded or broken, I love, love and romance and find it magical. I’m positive. I’m beaming. There’s a glint in my eye as i’m writing this with smiles. I told you, as soon as I meet him i’ll know and he’ll know. He’ll find me. There’s no need to worry. I don’t see my future as a singleton. I love relationships when they’re right. Yet at the same time, I don’t stress out about them. In my life, so far, I’ve learnt to not ‘just date’ for the sake of and make sure that the next human I team up with is correct. No one that I have met in person so far,  who i’ve smelt and touched is correct…some of them have been great, some of them need a good kick in the balls, some of them need to gain confidence.

Guy friend: ‘The strongest man alive will end up married to you…as he’ll have a lot of outside influences and almost a  *show* to contend…and you’ll know it’s him because he’ll love it and take it in his stride, almost like it’s easy.That’s why you have to date someone who matches that or someone who is already doing the same sort of thing Wunna. Look around. (Points around Pontefract) The man of your dreams isn’t even close to being near here. Let’s up it in footie terms and men you fancy. You’re a chick that is Ronaldo and not just Ronaldo’s bitch.:) ‘

Then we both pissed ourselves laughing, I sorted my bra out, as it was digging into me in all the wrong places and we bought salads from Marks & Spencers, as we planned my April events.

I then got a message from one of chick besties in West Hollywood.We grew up together out there and she always reminds me that I’m amazing. So I like her. Lol

‘You do this thing that gets guys.’

‘What thing? Blow jobs. Lol? ‘

‘Yes. Hahah. No fuck face. It’s the Wunna equivalent to the *bend and and snap* it’s the *strut and peep.* You do it all the time. It’s won you hearts through the decades. Lol.’

‘Are you still going on about that Karaoke guy?’

Many moons ago, we were in a bar (ooh what a surprise) in LA, just hanging out after a long day of auditions and we went to Barney’s Beanery (lol) to go have a few drinks. It’s not glamourous. It’s like a frat house. So there were lots of poor, but handsome ‘trying to hustle, in order to be famous’ guys in there, no hustle on that game and let me tell you, NO ONE DOES IT BETTER THAN THE ANGELENOS….but yeah, they were randomly doing kareoke.

The chicks and I have walked in, we were all poor too, and we’ve ordered drinks to kick it after a long day. I notice this guy. My friend notices another guy. He has not noticed her. And so far, my guy has not bothered to notice me.

Hollywood Chick friend:

‘Why has my guy not even noticed me yet! I’ve made eye contact and he’s just looked away…casually. That other guy is looking at you..’

Me: ‘I’m not bothered about that guy. Where’s my drink? I’ve found one.

Chick friend: ‘Hasn’t come up to you yet?’

Me: ‘He just hasn’t seen me yet. I need the loo…’

Now, I’m cool as a cucumber when it comes to guys and this was me when I was a little one in LA…still growing. I was still cool then. Lol. Plus, it was easier then, as no one could Google search me and come up with all these incorrect conundrums about me. I’m the girl that wrote my number on Joseph Fiennes tracksuit bottoms receipt. I’m not remotely terrified. But i’m cool. Plus, his response was,

‘I’m so glad you did that, as i’ve been pretending to buy sweat suit bottoms for ages, to try and chat to you…’

Then he went on to win an Oscar 🙂 after piggy backing me down a Sunset Plaza escalator and telling me he was Irish, mid piggy back.

Anyway, I’ve got distracted.

I’m in a red top and jeans. The Barney’s Beanery guy is playing pool. He’s not an Oscar winner. He’s just mixed raced and hot. So I’ve spotted him OBVIOUSLY and I walked past him, not making any eye contact with him at all, like I haven’t even nearly noticed…I’m just on my way to the loo…casually..

I walk straight past him and by this point, I already KNOW that I’ve got his attention. I could feel it, even with my back turned and making no form of communication…

So as I’m casually Wunna strutting to the loo….(Passed the guy in question with no attention let out)…before I reach the toilets…I *pause,* I stop immediately and I mean completely in my tracks and I then SLOOOOOOOOOWLY, swing the top half of my body around and peep. Well look…but *peep* sounds cuter.

And JUST AS SCHEDULED…*BOOM* eye contact made. He was already lent over the pool table, glaring at me and in that moment he *paused* and we *clocked each other.* I smiled. He did these charming eyebrows and smiled…Then I walked straight into the loo like a *winner, winner.* 🙂

Loads of really fast grooming went on in the loo, then I came out and he was already stood there waiting for me, asking me if I wanted a drink. So I took that drink and we chatted and then as I went back to sit down with my chick friends, after the *strut and peep* (YOU NEVER WANT TO LET THE GIRL WALK AWAY AND GO TO HER CHICK FRIENDS, without gaining some kind of contact information. Lol.) His friends had dragged him off, as their song was up. My chick friends had text me over, as they wanted to know where I was…

We were young, so just like that *spiltsville.* When you’re older, gents and chicks know the code.

Anyway, i’ve cosied back up with the girls, with my boy bought drink and he’s now up and stage with his friends about to smash out a bit of karaoke.

And before he begins his song….he shouts out, down the mic…

‘THIS SONG IS DEDICATED TO THE GIRL I’VE JUST MET IN THE RED TOP… AT THE BACK…’

(He didn’t even get my name, let alone a form of contact. Thats always backwards. I mean GOD. I remember Mike From Chicago, who shouted across an LA street at night, with the words, ‘Shout me out your number. I’ll get it. I’ll call you.’ I did and he did get it. He did call me. That’s impressive.)

Anyway, then to make it worse, after he’s given me that lovely karaoke shout out, my chick friend shouts back (and just to be funny…)

‘SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOOOOU..’

Hahahah!

Anyway, he was lucky, because we ended up stayng, so he got to chat to me afterward (‘Why were you slow dancing with that guy, Chrissie,in the middle of a bar?? Lol) We actually dated for a bit, but he was too emotionally young for me because he just kept doing stupid ‘little boy’ things and kept trying to film us having sex…and even though I was young, i was super ambitious and not at all stupid. 🙂 I had just come out of a divorce with a guy that we had constructed some massive Hollywood career with and we were still close, still friends and sort of still being single but seeing each other. So, we were very grown and savvy, when it came to Hollywood. We learnt fast because we had to go fast, via the fine art of ‘plunged into the deep end.’

I remember that he had annoyed me so much that I once walked out my car saying,

‘You better draw a picture of this moment and treasure it dude, because you’re never gonna see me again.’ 

HAHAHAHA!

But yeah, the *Strut & Peep* works all the time…I do it all the time without realizing.

Yet be warned…your picking skills need to be on point. Lol. I’m shit at that bit. (The great thing about it, is that I learnt at a very young age how to gain people’s attention….which has obviously helped the thirty something version of me…with the life that I’m living now. 🙂 )