Panic, Sport, Sexting & Co Parenting

I’m definitely not at the Dior counter anymore,’ said the puzzled Asian Glamour Puss, to herself, like a lunatic, in the middle of Sports Direct, at Xscape, Yorkshire.

Right! So. This morning, I dropped the babies off at school. Well..just Ruby, because Keiran (my ex hubby) dropped Junior off. We saw each other but said nothing, because Keiran’s turned all weird.

Anyway, this term, in P.E (not my favourite subject) Ruby, has football and I’m loving this equality thing, because 20 years ago when I was in school, in the ye old glamour pussy days, girls would NEVER be playing a game of footy, would we? Ruby’s exactly like me, so she’ll hate every minute of it. Haha. But whatever, at least for others, there are now opportunities.

However I’ve decided I hate equality, when i’ve not read the memo and forgotten to buy her football boots, shin pads, socks…and well..everything, she needs for the day. Lol.

I had about an hour to dash off, find the goods and return them to school, so she could at least have a bit of a ‘footy’ go.

I walked around Sports Direct today, like I had been blown in from Kansas, to Oz, in a house that just squashed a wicked witch.

I was lost!

I just looked destroyed and confused.

Anyway, being the drama queen that I am, 😉 I must’ve done it well..because within seconds really helpful, sporty looking, life savers *popped* out of nowhere, to save my soul, from isles that I didn’t even know existed, like fairy godmothers, in tracky bottoms, with ‘happy to help’ name badges.

They probably thought I was stealing. Haha.

Anyway, I simply stated what I needed. My face looked forlorn and within minutes, they whizzed around and..

BOOM..

I paid and was not only out the door, but back at school, like a champ, with the goods, for the loin fruit.

If you were raised a Wunna, you would know that during moments of utter joy, you spank other Wunna’s on the booty, until it jiggles repatedly, out of love and excitement. She couldn’t really do that during playtime, in front of her crew and various teacher, but I saw the ‘Mama Spanky’ Glee, in her eyes.

In that moment, I felt VICTORY.

(Even though I did get distracted and buy breakfast at Starbucks mid rush.) 

The Babies adore me at the minute Being Mum feels great. It’s made single mumming it worth it. Ruby hasn’t been to her Dad’s in ages out of choice and it’s not his favourite, but he doesn’t force her to do anything she doesn’t wish to.

Junior just doesn’t like his dad. He loves him. But he doesn’t like him, because his Father is now a massive Jehovah’s Witness…and with that, comes all this ‘not fun’ stuff. With that comes having to lead a double like at five. With that comes learning how to lie & judge others. Learning how to hide things from his Dad. Learning how to….

You get it. I don’t like it and I don’t like it because i’m so laid back and open about life.

Keiran’s driving me mad with it all. Yet, at the end of the day, I’ll stand up for what I believe is right for my baby boy…He’s a good Father, he just gets lost in bullshit, before he wakes up and realizes, what he’s doing.

But anyway…I’m not here to go on about that…

So big thanks to Sports Direct, for saving my soul. I know nothing about football, at all. Well, maybe a couple things about footballers? Lol.

I’m feeling cheeky and outspoken right now. I’ve got a lot going on. I’m about to shimmie onto your telly. I have anxiety about a lil’ something that is about to happen and in 8 days I quietly celebrate something personal.

I definitely think I have a ghost in my house that cross dresses, because AGAIN, whenever the kids and I are out of the house, I come home and it looks like someone has tried on all my clothes and they smell like a boy’s locker room.

This happened to me before in LA! So I know something’s not right. I just don’t know what?

I’m a glamour puss, if I pick up another, freshly washed garment, that has been mysteriously worn and now smells of B.O, i’m going to go mental.

Anyway, this is just a quick one. All is well. I’m happy. I’m single. I’m living.

I’m still loving answering all your questions daily on my Insta story! It’s actually gone mad. So many people have tuned in and that makes me smile.

I always get asked about guys, dating, sex and all sorts in between and today I got asked about Sexting.

I do enjoy sexting, when i’m having a moment with a guy, that I really fancy. I think it’s hot, in that paticular moment. However, there’s only so much ‘sexting’ you can do, isn’t there? I don’t want them to be all ‘sext’ and no substance. I’m looking for a hero…not just a penis. I’m not just a piece of Oriental that only wants to get ‘pork sticked.’

True love, friendship and loyalty is what i’m looking for.

(Although, I did once cry over a penis, on a mattress in LA. But that’s a whole other story. Lesson learnt.)

Chrissie x

 

Danger Walks In Glitter Heels…

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This time yesterday morning I found myself driving to meet someone, that I technically shouldn’t have been meeting, but sometimes life, just guides you down a path, where possible flames, fire & fun, are there for the taking.

Good times, this way!

These days, when it comes to life, i’m a ‘play it safe,‘ but MY WAY, kinda gal. I’m concentrating on work and family. But as we know, my version of safe is never EVER ‘Vanilla.’ Like ‘The Gent’ that I went on the Manchester Airport date with, a month ago…had said….

‘You’re a dangerous girl. Guys love a dangerous girl.’

I guess, the glint in my little Asian eyes, will always give that away.

The real truth is, that I’m not very ‘dangerous’ at all. I’m actually just a bit foolish. Haha. I’m made up of so many ‘bits & pieces,’ that it would take a real genius, or the most patient male in the Universe, to actually begin to KNOW, how to figure me out.

(I met a guy whilst waiting at the bar yesterday, who was Autistic. He made me beam, because he was so smart, so quick and I could see his mind working, as it turned. He told me I was ‘beautiful‘ and I appreciated the love, because it was so real, raw and delivered with a bold quirkiness.)

Anyway, back to the story….

I’d been up working since five o clock in the morning. I did a shoot, around six o clock. A school run occurred in between. Yet, by 10am, my shoot was done.

I got in my car and I drove to meet a friend.

Best morning ever really. So much fun. I guess life just fancied a *TWIST* and that’s how I found myself sat there, smiling. A ‘Twist’ is good, because you always learn something from it. And through MY life…I’ve learnt A LOT. I see a ‘twist’ coming for me, before it even begins to tighten.

Some call it SKILLZ. 😉

I’ve known this person a while, but I’ve never got to hang out with them really. So it was great to just chatter, in a corner…away from drama, or stress. I need those moments. I’m needing them more and more.

It’s weird because it’s like my little Wunna boat has caught a decent wind now and gosh, we’re beginning to sail…

GLITTER SHOWERS EVERYWHERE.

‘I can’t stop looking at you.’

‘Aww! So sweet! Haha. What are you even looking at?’

‘You should probably do that top button up.’

‘I like it undone.’ 

‘Ah! You wore a skirt.’ 

‘Yeah. It’s warmer than I thought today, so I figured i’d give you that! Haha.’

‘You look ******* stunning…’

‘I look scrubbly. I’ve been on a shoot all morning.’ 

Banter, wine and chitter chatter. Sometimes, that’s all you need. It keeps your sane. It’s keeps you fresh. It keeps you excited about life, doesn’t it? And when you’re excited, you feel like you can conquer the world, in a day!

Sometimes, you can. Sometimes, you can’t. All that matters is how you FEEEEL.

(I’m finding it so hard to write this blog right now, because I’m in the warmest room ever, with a Mulled Wine headache. I guzzled mulled wine, like I was a bouji pirate last night, at Ackworth Garden Centre, by baubles. It was their Big Christmas reveal, yesterday evening. I had the most beautiful time. It was literally magical. Christmas is my favourite time of year. I’m a December born baby, incase you didn’t know.)

Anyway, he was sweet, humble and sexy. It was good to just sit and chatter, without a care in the world. Plus, he’s going to be working alongside Wunna Land soon, so it’s good for him to get to know me better, without any ‘censors.’ 🙂

‘It’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be hard. But i’ll do it.’

He kept starting a sentence, pausing…not saying anything at all, as his mind looked like it was racing….and then finishing his sentence, with a simple ‘yeah.’

‘You didn’t say anything…’

‘I do that a lot..’

Haha. And you lot think i’m crackers!!

Then as the clock struck 1pm, he walked me to my car and we just got on with our own little versions of life…

If I could describe the walk,i’d say it was..

DANGEROUS.

It was a ‘Danger Walk.’ 

(But I least I did it in gold glitter kitten heels.) 

The rest of the time I spent with Ruby and Junior, before we headed to Ackworth Garden Centre, to shimmie in Christmas. The kids love it there. They’ve literally grown up, in that Garden Centre. Lol. But last night was beautiful. It was filled with happiness. It was filled with famillies, close friends and great memories.

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I love family. It’s so important to me. Ruby & Junior are so important to me. We’re this little threesome and we’ve been through such a tough time and there are moments, like with all families, where in which, we still do.

Yet 90 percent of the time, we’re WONDERFUL!

I have much more balance right now and hopefully (with everything crossed) something tells me, that we have the most magical future ahead of us.

I’m just leaving life to fate…and well…writing my diary as I go along.

ps/ I don’t think being 37 and Single is gonna be too difficult after all.? Haha. Right now, guys seem to be offering themselves over to Wunna Land, with a hop, skip and a…willy.(I’m keeping myself out of trouble though.) 

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Ears, Anal & Sassy Nails

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Today’s been ace! I now have glitter gel nails. My nail ‘doer’ (and I go to Starnails in Doncaster) was hungover and had only had 3 hours sleep. Yet I loved her for still managing to show up to work and get shit done, even if she did need to puke, so it made me smile  and appreciate her AND let me tell you, my nails are ‘da bomb.’ I’m like their customer because I don’t treat them like shit. There is this one girl named ‘Amy’ who took my ‘nail doer’ out on the razzle with a ‘yeah, yeah get drunk, i’ll come work with you in the morning.’ Not only did she not show up,but she didn’t even wake up! Hahahaha. I adore a live for the moment girl. Amy rocks. (Unless, it’s happening to me ofcourse.) I’m the get pissed and show up girl. No matter what unless i’m SO ill, i ill be at work. I’ll storm through jungles flights if i have to. I once filmed an entire show that was going out to nations, after fighting in a kebab shop in London for my at the time Manchester boyfriend who wasn’t good at sticking up for himself at 4am in the morning. I got picked up by a bouji car from my apartment at six o clock in the morning and was on set filming by 7.30am. 🙂 I WOULD NEVER DO THAT NOW. I’D DIE. I don’t have it in me. Lol. But then…i aced it. He’s gay now. I think he just dated me because he was confused and thought i was more ‘fabulous’ than anything, at the time, as i had just freshly zoomed of a tv show and he wanted to be famous. He did write me a love note once, whilst i was in a taxi to Kings Cross from Camden reading,

‘I know it doesn’t seem like it, but when i’m with you my heart lights up with joy.

I remember reading that as my taxi drove me to the station. It made me cry. I loved it. 🙂 But yeah, totally not straight. We’d actually get along well now, as time and then some has passed. But he certainly turned into a using little bastard in the end. But he lives with Wunna guilt and that makes me giggle a little. 🙂 But i will say that he was fun and any chance that he had to stick up for me he would. But that’s the northern in him. And that’s me reaching for some kind of silver lining i think? Lol.

My ears have been popped all day. I’ve felt like i’m under water and talking really loudly at everyone. I did a catch up coffee with my Mum, which ended up being hilarious, as we’re both quite gobby and expressive, but the things we normally talk about are usually seen as ‘taboo’ with other humans, so nothing was funnier to me than the word ‘ANAL’ being repeated continuously, during our conversation in Costa. I have an ace Mum in the sense that i can say anything to her and she’ll laugh it off. We’re like besties. So when you sit down and watch a movie with YOUR Mum that’s maybe a ‘Rom Com’ or something a bit more ‘net curtains.’ MY Mum and I’s favourite film to watch together is ‘The Hangover’ Hahahah….because of the naked Chinese man that jumps out of the boot of a car and humps things and drunk hot men. LOL.

‘Why do you always go for the flashy ones Chrissie? Why don’t you go for the cute geeky one?’

‘A cute geek like you WOULD go for the cute geeky one Mum. But a glamour puss like ME, would always go for the flashy vain one. Hahaha.’ 

‘But the flashy ones might have herpes, want a dolly bird and even worse… want anal!’

HAHAHAHAA…I won’t even go on! DYING!!!!

Anyway, away from that i tried to unpop my ears by drinking Prosecco (any excuse) holding my breathe and swallowing. It hasn’t worked as one ear is still *popped* in. I’ve even danced to hip hop and done a Burlesque show for myself in order to unpop the madness, yet it hasn’t worked? (I’m not sure how i’m coming up with my remedies? Lol. But whatever, i don’t think any guys would mind. ‘Oh your ears have popped, let me burlesque for you!’)

You’re all asking about my love life. I’m not talking about it so much until i have something solid. Then i’ll natter to you a bit more. But it’s not so bad. There’s this great guy and i hope he thinks i’m great to. And that guy’s ‘Eton Mess.’ But we’ll see….

Anyway, i have takeout to order and a Desperado to drink. Y’know, right now, i’m really happy and i feel as though i have THE BEST LIFE EVER. It’s radiating from me and more than anything i hope it’s contagious. I couldn’t feel better if i tried. 🙂

Have a fun Sunday!

Thank you for following my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Catching up…

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So, i’ve been spending a whole lot of time with the babies and nothing has felt better. They’re growing up to be the most  amazing little Wunna babies ever and I couldn’t even be more proud to say that they’re mine. I love being ‘Mama,’ more than anything in the world.

I’ve shared giggles and lunches with Baby Junior..

…TGI’s, Crazy Golf..

and Barnaby Bear moments with Ruby…

They’ve adored one on one time, with me and shared ‘sibling moments,’ as I call them, with one another. They’ve had moments with just me. Moments with Ben and I. Moments with their Daddies and very special Grandparent moments. So right now, (especially for Baby Ruby) things are pretty whole, wonderful and swirled with magic.

It feels really great to have better priorities, balance and this ooze of unconditional love sponging through my system and constantly. I feel alive! Now i just need the sunshine and to move into my million pound mansion and i’ll be overjoyed. 😉 *Giggles, Hair toss.*

(They’re both in my bed right now, simply because they didn’t quite get why they should be sleeping in their own beds, when they could cuddle me in mine. I’m soft…so they both got the ‘thumbs up’ and a boost into ‘Mama’s’ sheets.)

Work. I’m working. Same old. Busier today, so much better. My ankle is fucked though. I swear down. I couldn’t even tell you how Hillbilly, I feel with my dud ankle. I want a new one. One that isn’t busted on the left and toes that don’t ache simply out of old age.

The simple fact that I found myself Googling ‘comfy, wide fit shoes,’ devastates me! It’s a slippery slope. I never ever EVER wear flats or trainers. Like EVER. But now, it seems that a lifetime of glamour pussing, has put a delicious strain on my ‘barkers’ and left dodgy, but still sexy ankle…and if I don’t want to hobble around like a ‘troll’ when i’m older…then i’m going to have to do something about it.

I know! HEELS JUST FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS!! Kill me!

I’ve definitely missing Ben. Just so you know, we haven’t broken up. Lots of people seem to think that? But I promise you we haven’t. In fact we couldn’t love each other more. He’s spent the last weekend with me and the children and it couldn’t feel more special. The change in residence, really is simply about finding balance and making sure we’re both doing the best we can to make our relationship last the long haul. I still very much wish to be his wifey and I can’t wait to seem him next. Emotionally nothing has changed. We’re really really happy. Little adjustments can be smart. And if anything, more than anything, right now, we’re being smarter than ever.

Other than that, i think i’ve become addicted to online shopping. Ever since Jenna told me that I can get things delivered to a pick up locker, via Amazon, 1 minute away from my workplace, that has been it. I’ve squandered my fine earned pences on instant fixes and all sorts. (Even decent flat shoes, that i’ve chosen in the form of fur rimmed boots by ‘Ella.’ 😉 ) I’m making the executive decision to quit it…but just not yet. It’s retail therapy, so whilst the babies are happy, I’m getting my shopping fix on, to fill my ‘i miss Ben’ void. Lol.

Nick (‘Take me out’ Nick, as i call him on here and his new girlfriend ‘Jasmin’ came over the other night for pizza, a meet and greet and wine. ) I adore Nick…as does Ben, these days…they’re sort of like brothers…so it was really great to see him and even greater meeting ‘Jasmin’ (who’s not only hot but also referred to as ‘Princess’ by Ruby.)

We chatted, ate drank, watched ‘The Kardashians’ and gossiped. I had a cocktail umbrella in my hair…and life was pretty good. (This is after Ben and I had done a whisky sour at Ego and stopped off to see his parents for a glass of wine and a ‘catch up.’ SEE! Everything’s normal.)

I love Ben and Nick hanging out because even though they on occasion bump heads, they seem to make each other happy. PLUS, that night, it was great because I can honestly say that i have never really seen Nick so happy with his choice of girl. He looked all ‘like he wanted to impress her’ and whole. I liked it. It made me smile.

(I ended up taking Ruby to bed, after she forced everyone to watch her bath her plastic, weeing dolls and accidentally fell asleep. Ben woke me up and Nick and Jasmin has already left. Lol. Total ‘oldie.’ )

I’ve filmed a new Vlog. Infact 3, in one day. I know. (Thanks to Benny.)

 

I’m off work all next week, so hopefully, i’ll smash out a bunch of them. Excuse m hair. I’m shit at doing my own hair. That’s why it’s always usually fake. But I’m looking forward to getting back into Vlogging. It’s simple, easy and well, I never seem to have time to blog, but loads of time to spurt out a little video. Probably because i have to use my brain more.

Anyway, I’m off. I have exciting auditions. My normal day job, Mummying and Benny, all spinning right now. I’m going to sort out the lash line when i have time and found a better ecommerce site and although pancake day was dandy, and the upcoming ‘Valentine’s day’ seems silly…i’m doing really well. Unfortunately my upcoming ‘time of the month’ is making my hormones, force me to pull faces. But i’ll get over it. Lol. I have a wine.

Love you!

Chrissie  x

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I DO Disney

 

‘Why would you find it weird that I might want to go to Disney land Paris? I’ve been to the Florida one millions of times…‘ said the beautiful little glamour puss to her delicious Gay Adam.

Well..it was just the thought of you in the Happiest Place of Earth. I just can’t imagine it!’ 🙂 

Hilarious!

My England gays always have this image of me that projects a ‘Diva-rish’ strut of sequins, vixen and scowl. I do DO, Disney. I’ve done it ALL MY LIFE. At one point, I knew the entire Orlando Disney World, as well as I knew Meadowhall and I know that place blindfolded…backwards… and with jumbo cherries on top.

It was only a passing thought, but for a moment I paused and figured Disney Land Paris, could be a Christmas vacation option…with me now being a Mummy. So, I immediately Tweeted my gayest Gay Adam for some big old advice and simply because he ventures there at least 40 times a year! How he doesn’t have Mickey Mouse ears sprouting from his genitals, I don’t know!?! I’m not kidding. He pretty much lives there, when he’s not living in Barclays bank. He’s told me so many stories about that place (Disney Land Paris, not Barclays, as I’d hate to get him fired) that I have now officially been creeped out. Yet, when I brought up Prince ‘bondage’ Charming (read ye olde blogs to remember him,) he simply assured me that all would certainly be well and that I should probably take a sword. 🙂

Firstly, how is everything ‘certainly well’ if I have to take a SWORD! Secondly, I must be THE ONLY person, in the entire world who has to TAKE A SWORD, to the french version, of the Happiest Place on Earth. However, I’m not confused. There’s going to be no ‘Je voudrais du ‘bondage’ fromage, I am Prince Charming & need you sexually’ near ME!! Well, not without me wafting some wibbly sword about in a panic, as I guard my children from his leather strapped, ‘Did I hell marry Cinderella’ ways. (I have no idea why my sword is ‘wibbly.’)  Saying that, here I am calling HIM a weirdo, when this morning, during the nursery run, I looked like a proper, hardcore odd ball myself. I couldn’t find a single space to park my car, so I had to drive around the block, about 40 times, at snail pace, which circled a Primary school, like a creepy old man, with 100 bags of sweets and a couple puppies in the back. I even had SClub7 playing for Ruby. I’m taking a sword. Whatever. Disney Land, Paris is already inappropriately creeping me out.

It’s like those crappy seaside ‘Haunted Houses’ that make you run through some run down dark box of a building, where actual human beings, with odd masks on, who try to firstly scare you, then attempt to FEEL YOU UP, in the dark occur. I actually feared for utter MY LIFE, the last time I ran through one. I PAID to get felt up, in the dark, by men in budget ‘scary’ masks and against my will. I mean, who has that as a DAY JOB! (‘See ya love, I’m off to be a weirdo at a haunted house now & feel up strangers, after a Zombie walk. Kiss the ids for me.’)

I looked at the man who took my money after my seaside, ‘Haunted House’ experience… (I had to walk all the way around the outside of the building to get to him, because the ‘Exit’ is always a down some dismal alley like road, that seems so far away from where you ‘Entered,’) and informed him that the next time I was ever foolish enough to dilly dally in such a location…I would totally take knives. You walk in a virgin and come out of that place a slag. 🙂

But yes. I do ‘Happiest Places on Earth.’ It’s only my UK gays that think I don’t. My LA gays, think i’m super ‘bimbo’ happy. I’m like Asian Barbie to them. Still sequins, light and strut…but with a bubbly, infectious, giggle of maybe what they saw as ‘man eater.’ 🙂 I never ate men. I used to ‘hobby’ boys in my 20’s simply because i needed love. At the time I thought I was having the best emotional time ever, when really I was simply getting over my first divorce and doing it via the fine art of partying. It’s never a good combination…a break up…and then a party recovery. Michael(my first hubby) never did that. Hence why he’s rich and famous now. He never went out, he never partied, he just worked, worked, rested and worked, stating that one day he would be where he wanted to be and could then have all the fun he wanted. It worked.

‘Successful people have successful habits.’ 

(OMG, I totally have the worst flu ever and i’ve taken an antibiotic and two Beechams powder capsules. I now feel all high and weird. Never good when in public and staring at a computer screen. I need bed, cuddles and that Santa onesize that I saw at a local outlet store.)

But yes, beside the point. I do Disney. 🙂 Ask one of LA bestie’s Ronnie Woo, who is now ‘The Delicious Cook.’ www.deliciouscook.com

He’s now a celebrity chef that cooks for the people of LA, on the telly. He used to drive to my condo in the morning and simply shout of of his car window, ‘GET UP. LETS DO DISNEY TODAY.’ When we got there, I was in the same outfit as a 5 year old girl…like literally. We were both short frilly skirted and polka dot head banded, in the exact same pink and white. 🙂

So there, I don’t just rock up the cobbled Yorkshire streets, in the cold and with nipple tassels on… scowling. I do happy, Disney stuff also. Plus, I was only ever scowling because I was COLD. I’m exotic. I need heat. In the cold, I just stand in one solid spot and freeze, until i’ve turned into an impressive, yet moody ice sculpture, where I’m picked up as one whole, giant object and plonked on someone’s buffet table at a wedding. 😉 My imagination is far too vivid. It’s the pills. Don’t get the flu folks. It sucks and forces you to indulge in gibberish.

Anyway, last night I happy hugged under a budget chandelier and in life when that opportunity occurs, you know you’re going to be okay.