Bush Frolics & Secret Kisses

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So, not last night but the night before, I kissed a boy, in a bush… at around midnight. 🙂 I haven’t kissed a guy in ages, so I’m not sure what i’m gonna go with, other than the fact that in that moment, I felt really ‘passionate,’ I felt really turned on and I wanted him to be mine.  Haha. (I cannot even believe, i’m writing this. ‘Firmonnell’ my chick best friend, who formed the group ‘No Boys, Just Dicks‘ the other evening, after we decided that all men were a waste of our delicious time, has found every inch of this story HILARIOUS.)

Firmonnell: ‘Wow. That sounds like a dick voice to me?’

Y’see! You can’t form a group with rules and then expect me to stick to them. I’m a rebel without a cause. Cupid likes to **** me over. The last rule, I was told to stick to, was one in LA, where my  good friend DK challenged me to be celibate for a month. I lasted under 24 hours. And yes…again….that time HE pissed himself with laughter.

(Rule breaker. Love maker. 😉 )

In fact, I got shoved into a bush twice, whilst having under the stars banter with Ginger Brad and J.D, outside The Carleton , Pontefract. I made a guy cry at a bench, as day turned to night. I nearly cried. I managed to also get pissed off and *blank* people, for hearing a ‘true story,’ that didn’t come from directly from the horses mouth. I was filled with passionate. Filled with sass. Northern Soul & Reggae Vibes, have been playing in the background and after many a toilet talk, with Katy P. (If we ever go to the toilet together, we need to discuss, gather, gossip or go mental.) We are independent chicks, that don’t wee together. If we go to the loo as ‘one’…then you should know that something is going down.

So yeah, on Sunday I felt lovely…Then I felt feisty. The afternoon before, my babies broke up from school…and I tinkered to feel some World Cup action. Pretty much felt like the only chick in a dress with boobies, immersed in a lovely drunken ‘sausage fest.’

To be fair. It was fun for the first few hours. I selfied. I giggled. I chattered with old friends, made new friends and everything in between. People were making do video calls with their mates, trying to feel me up every 2.3 seconds…and well Little Ollie tried to schedule sex for Sept 21st?

But ‘Football’s Coming Home‘ and all that. So in the name of fun and debauchery, it was alright. It was fine. I probably got hit on, every 3 steps, I took. I mean, the night was great. Will ended up dancing on tables. Little Sam Moore showed up and did his usual ‘Lady Boy’ pic. Then someone tried to set my nipple on on fire, so I *tapped* out and after stating…

‘I just need a wee..’

I legged it out the front entrance and went home.  I was done. It was tiring. It was sort of like being booked on an appearance…but without the jollies of a paycheck. Lol. Yet, i’m not bothered. It’s funny and well it certainly doesn’t do my ‘socials’ any harm.

THEN I got a shitty whatsapp message from someone who should absolutely be a great deal more understanding. 

Sunday was drama and when I pick boys, friends and everything in between….I need to always make sure, that all is at peace, well and stable. Meaning, I am a NO DRAMA ZONE. So, on Sunday I felt lots of things needed saying…so being me…

I SAID THEM…OUT LOUD.

(I might have even hair tossed a little… in anger. I just don’t like to hear things that I should know first, from other people.) 

Ended up kissing in a bush though didn’t I! I had bush foreplay. And to make it even worse…You’d think bushes were great hidey places, right? But no, not at all…because of course, a mutual friend walked by and saw everything.

‘Don’t worry! I haven’t seen anything! Haha.’

(The next day.) 

Katy P: ‘OMG! I’ve just heard. What was it like?’

Hahaha.

It was fun. I’d definitely do it again. 🙂 I mean, gosh, you only live once, so you might as well make your story worthwhile. Well, that’s how i’ve accidentally made an entire living.

Everything just seems to have whizzed by…?

A few days ago, I was sat with Sheffield Greg, who was acting out the Yorkshire Version of ‘Ex On The Beach.’

Sheffield Greg: ‘I’d just sit there, with my 20 empty tins of lager around me and a pile of bricks.’

Lol. He said, he’d be sat on a deck chair, in his swimmers, with a 20 pack of Carling and a pile of bricks by his side. As his exes came of of the sea, he’d just lob bricks at them and tell them to *SWEAR HERE* and get back in the sea!

Hahahahaha.

The Yorkshire Version is so much more fun and BY FAR less ‘pansy.’

Then I did drinks with Ashleigh and Antony. Ashleigh introduced herself to Golfer Jonny, as a ‘raging homosexual,’ and Antony…Well let’s say Antony enjoyed my ‘HOSE DOWN’ post. He even gained me a leg stroke…and a ‘You’re Beautiful.’ (All leg strokes appreciated, now that i’m an oldie.) Unfortunately, I was waving at some other guy, mid leg stroke….which was hilarious.

‘Haha. How awful is that! I’m accidentally waving at some dude, as you’re leg stroking! Lol.’

We both just pissed ourselves.

The other day, I remember sending Firmonnell voice notes, because I knew if she heard my voice, she’d love me..and she did! I miss her madly. I can’t wait to see her again over booze. She’s just my perfect human. She’s irrepressible and nothing I do disturbs her. She adores me anyway! AND has no problem telling me!

Love you!!!!!!!

Katy P and Golfer Jonny, have pretty much spent the entire time being smitten. They’ve galloped ahead leaps and bounds and it’s just really great to see them both so happy.

I’ve been having a flirty old time. Yet..ofcourse and as always, there’s an ‘issue’ with my ‘flirty old time.’

WHY IS THERE ALWAYS AN ISSUE!?!

There’s been sudden smooches on patios, heated moments, smooches outside, leg feels, hand holds, little bits of all sorts….A good build up really, to a frolic in a bush.

I’ve kinda joked this off a bit, in the ‘write up,’ of it all because that’s what I do. Yet, it hasn’t really felt too jokey. It’s felt pretty real.

But, I’m just watching and waiting to see what occurs. Obviously, we’ve talked a lot about it. Obviously, everyone has there own version of events. Obviously, there have been faces of astonishment. Yet, I’ll see. When stuff occurs, I’ll either move appropriately or not at all. 

Anyway, i’m off now. I’ve been at Ackworth Garden Centre, doing Brunch with the babies all morning, teaching them how to Influence. Lol. All they kept doing was trying to kiss each other. 🙂

But, hey, at least they weren’t in a bush.

‘I’m devastated by how unglamourous this all sounds…’

‘Does sound mad sketchy. Haha.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 8 Hour Panic

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Right! Gosh! Yesterday was a jolly little nightmare. 🙂  Today, I was gonna go on about, how much of a nightmare it was. I don’t think I had ever been as stressed, in quite a  little while? I felt deserted and I was SO utterly stressed because i’m SO FAR up my own arse, it’s unbelievable.

However, it’s weird how when you sleep on something…as in close your eyes and let the world take a turn. It’s weird how, you can wake up, rub those fresh kitten eyes and see the funny side to it all. Be okay again.

I lived to tell the tale..and when you’re a blogger, who chats about life… that’s all that matters. 😉

So, all i’m going to say is, don’t get a lift somewhere and then leave your handbag, which holds everything you will need for the day, in someone else’s car by accident. It was my own fault, (even though I did initially try to blame my mistake, on everyone else.)

My purse, my money, my ID, my phone, my laptop, my life, any form of communication..my everything….went on a merry trip without me. I was left stranded, without being able to get a hold of anyone, with nothing at all, but the clothes on my back…

For a good 8 hours..

(And like I said, I struggled because I was SO UP my own arse.)

However, I know it doesn’t seem that bad, right? It isn’t that bad….until you LIVE IT and without notice.

For the first 2 hours, I was FUMING. It sucked balls. I was LIVID. But once you’ve done something, you can’t back track and make it right, can you!?!  You just have to deal with what’s going on, in the ‘right now.’ I mean, people saw me THUNDERING DOWN STREETS, in a mist of Wunna rage. Lol.  I couldn’t get a taxi, I couldn’t message anyone for help. I couldn’t make a phone call. I couldn’t buy myself out of trouble. I went to the library, to try and use their internet. I didn’t have fifty pence, to be able to use the computers. Lol.

I didn’t even have anything on me, to make myself look less ‘on my own’ and like I had a purpose. (This is what I found the hardest, because i’m someone who will always try to look fine, in the heat of trouble.) 

I was embarrassed.

I didn’t know what time it was? I didn’t know, how I was eventually going to get found? I threw a silent pity party…But I must’ve not wanted help, because people did stop and offer TO help…They stopped to help me a million times over. However, every single time they did, I refused it, with a..

 ‘no, no, no…i’m absolutely fine.’

I WAS NOT FINE.

It was a nightmare. Lol. I went from park bench, to park bench, to long pointless walks, to little sit downs, at each local…for 8 hours straight. There’s only so much you can find to do, without looking like a lost soul. I even made a daisy chain to kill time.

It was kinda like being homeless, yet with the comfort of knowing it was all nearly over and you did actually have a home to go to. (In fact, I never got complimented MORE, than I did yesterday.)

So, ofcourse, I felt sorry for myself…and I was actually more annoyed that I couldn’t work (which is something that I find comforting.) I couldn’t write the book, (after finally feeling motivated.) Yet, as time went by and the wind swirled around me…I realised how shallow I was being. I grew up a little. (This week, so far, has been horrific. The Gods, are trying to make me learn lessons, or something? It’s shit.)

But yes, people go through my yesterday…on a daily…Without being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I actually went through this in my 20’s in New York, remember? It was weird because during that time, which was much much harder, I never actually ‘pity partied’ once. Yet, that was because I was genuinely terrified. There was no time to waste of ‘worry.’ I had to find safety.

Yesterday, was great because it made me realise that I wasn’t actually in touch with real life, anymore. Which is something I harp on about all the time, right?

Knowing about something, is different to FEELING something. The text book version of an event, never offers you the same kind of value. You have NOT experience something AT ALL, until you yourself have lived it, walked that particular path and worn the shoes. No one is in a position to judge anyone, until they have actually experienced what it is like, to be them.

And as the saying goes and i’ve seen this posted a million times over, by some of my friends…

‘You only know my name, not my entire story. You know what you’ve heard, not what i’ve actually been through. If you were to walk in my shoes, you’d absolutely trip at the first step, mate.’ 

Not really too relevant to my ‘yesterday,’ as that was nothing. However, it’s always a great life lesson to learn.

My Mum found me nine hours later.

That’s what I love about Mums.. and to be honest the last few hours were completely fine. It was ace. I had the greatest banter, with the most hilarious people. We talked bloomers with Jill, who is so happy all of the time, she looked like she could be married to Santa. Then I talked about ‘boys holidays’ and how a ‘pants only’ party in Zante was probably not a good idea, with dudes called ‘Sam.’

Sam: ‘Well Todd says, he’s throwing a ‘Pants Only’ party in Zante. But he hasn’t thought it through, has he? I mean, what chicks are gonna show up to that? None. It’ll just be a massive sausage fest…. just a group of lads..’

Me: ‘..in speedos and tight undies.’

Sam: ‘He’s Southern though, in’t he! He’s soft. Haha.’

I loved it!

When my Mum did actually find me and I had every faith that she would! You’d think she’d ‘baby’ me and treasure my sorry ass soul.

TOUGH LOVE MUCH!

Mum: ‘I don’t feel sorry for you. (Cheers!)  I knew you’d be okay. (Oh! Dandy!) You always are. (Today was shit.) I never have to worry about you. (Please do worry. I’m even worried.) You’re resourceful, once you’ve had your initial DIVA strop. (I’m fuming.) I’ve always said, I could catapult you to Timbuktu (please don’t) and you’d still find your way back home, or make a life for yourself there, with bells on.. But hurry up, i’ve got to pick up your brother (my darling, adored, little brother…) He needs me.’

I nearly exploded, like  a RAGING, CONFETTI GLITTER BOMB. But I didn’t. I’m swaggier than that. I’m coooool. I took life on the chin and ordered a cocktail.

Got home. Enjoyed every single second of, just being MUM. Let it all go. I posted a couple of ‘pity party’ Insta stories, to make myself feel better. After baby bed time. I cracked open a giant bottle of wine, got into the comfiest of comfies and flicked on ‘Love Island.’

That was yesterday.

Today, I’m meant to start my book. Instead the kids have Sports Day.

This week, is a nightmare.

 

Doing Life, Ambition & Stress

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Hope you  ALL had the most beautiful day with your Fathers, or celebrated ‘fatherhood’ in any way you felt necessary, be they still here with you, away with life ‘dandies,’ or even if you’re a father yourself. I hope it all went well. If it didn’t, never mind, eh! As long as you’re positive or honest, about your situation, you’re always gonna be okay. 😉 That can take time. But once you’ve got it, you’re sailing!

Yippppeeee!

I had a big old ‘lunch off’ and family day with my delicious Pops. The Wunna’s are a really close family and well, i’d say that i’m the ‘apple’ of my little Daddy’s eye.

(He once visited me in LA, many years ago and told my lawyer/party boy roommate to look after me, because if anything happened to his ‘Pride & Joy’ he would hold him directly responsible. Lol Yet, on the softer side, when I returned home ,after a huge Hollywood spell of ‘almost decade,’ he burst into tears because he was so happy I was safe and well.)

Y’know, my Dad, has never ever shouted or raised his voice at me once. He’s either talked me through things, so laid back that he’s horizontal,  or just pretended that the bad things have never happened….I can’t decide which one? My Mum, on the other hand, makes up for his lack of ‘shouty.’

I really ‘lucked out’ in the ‘Parent Department.’ I know that. And every single minute of every day, even when we wind each other up, i’m truly grateful for them. I dread to think of a life without them! They’re my little ‘ninja’ parents..My absolute rocks. It’s the same with Ruby & Junior. ( If you follow this, you’ll know I’m a single mum. But I LOVE being a single mum. It makes me feel powerful and I like to feel MIGHTY. Both babies spent the day with their Daddy’s. Junior was somewhat reluctant to shimmie over to his. Ruby, however adored it.)

I missed them both…MADLY. (The babies, not the daddies. Haha.)

Just so you know, I’ve bloody worn tiny shorts and no sleeves today, with ‘sunnies,’ because my phone told me that it was going to be a SCORCHIO. I’m sat on a bench, in a park, with a pink laptop on my knee, pretending to be nice to dogs that look like sausages, in the freezing, windy cold! I can’t even style it out. I look like a rebellious and somewhat constipated Geisha, that’s been dipped in Hawaiian Tropic and got caught up in a casual Hurricane.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Why can I never get it right! I hope for sun soon. I’m far too exotic and scowly today, for even an occasional GUST of wind. It’s so windy, I could DIE of shivers.

Okay,  i’ll cut crap…

So, yesterday, you’d think.. with all my free time, I’d spend the day attempting to write that book. I keep rambling on about. The one that I only have 2 months in total, to complete. I didn’t do it, did I? I know it’s there and has to be done. Yet I keep pretending it’s not ‘PENDING’ away…If i’m honest, I have NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING. I even have a Tutor and been threatened with a ‘Writers Colony.’ J It’s not like I don’t write, or haven’t written a book before?? I just can’t find my *swing.* I can’t find my *swagger.* Maybe I left it at Issho, after table sake?

But ah well…Even bit of me is confident that I’ll find it. HONEST.

Instead, I took selfies, (agent’s nightmare.) Went on walks. Almost bought ceramic unicorns. Stared at a pond. Shunned the advances of boys. Added to my Insta story. Dropped my  phone on my face, mid selfie, (it caused me to bust my lip a little.) I scrolled Twitter for ‘Love Island’ updates. I swung garden chimes, with my Mum, simply because we were bored. I baked a cake (did I **** bake a cake…haha.) Rode a donkey (that might have happened) and THEN BALANCED half a can of Fosters ON MY LITTLE BURMESE HEAD!!

I KNOW!  Skillz! How am I single!!

This was totally inspired by my good friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ who decided to send me a *Snap* of her balancing a PINEAPPLE on her head. (Cos’ we’re normal like that. I mean, for such so called ‘pretty girls,’ you’d think we’d have better things to do, like ignore DM’s from shirtless boys. 😉 ) But no. During HER free ‘still single’ time, she dedicated it to Tom Foolery.

However, being the competitive swine that I am, I didn’t watch and adore, with simple giggles. I decided that I could do it too.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO IT…..TIPSY.

I flipping, did it though! 13 minutes later, my ‘socials’ were filled with videos of me balancing a Foster’s Can, on my head, like a champion. (I did send ‘Hustle’ a personal video. I don’t respond to my real life friends via public story. Honest! lol..Well, unless, it’s by accident, a bit rude and maybe involves a Toberlone.) I had a Toberlone ice cream yesterday and it ruined my life, because my head was dazed with Katy P’s, MADE UP ‘Duty Free Toberlone’ story, that involved my vagina.

Every bite made me gip. You can still enjoy one though because your mind is CLOUDED with filth.

Hustle: ‘We’re like the perfect girls. We have boobs AND we’re good at balancing things..’

Me: ‘Well..sort of..’

Later through the evening, ‘Firmonnell’ sent me a video of ‘Hustle,’ on her sofa.. attempting to balance a FULL wine glass of GIN, equipped with floating berries… ON HER HEAD. The video was SO worrying, that I was tense with anxiety and screaming…

DON’T YOU DARE SPILL THE GIN….

..at my phone. (She always has to take it one step too far. I don’t think I can be her friend anymore? ‘Almost’ spilling gin, is as foolish as the art of ‘always telling the truth.’ It breaks the Wunna Land code of conduct. It’s not cool and it’s certainly not ‘gangsta.’ ‘Ere me now.)

However, life is there to be played with. It’s such a wonderful thing, even the bad times. They say the bad times, make you tougher. They keep you in good stead for whatever lies ahead. You never know what’s gonna happen to you? However, be it good or bad, if you ‘skill’ yourself up emotionally, you’ll be able to handle your next step, your next chapter, with the vigor of RuPaul.

Even if it’s utterly harsh, the quicker you feel it, get back up and then proceed to be play, with the tough times… the better. As soon as you enjoy life, understand life and don’t let it suck the *b’jeebies* out of you…The sooner you’ll find your ‘happy.’ Your strength.

‘Hustle’ actually posted a quotey paragraph yesterday. (Y’know how people do. I posted ‘Lovers Gonna Love’ on Saturday. My gay friend posted ‘Soup of the Day is Tequila.’ Blah. Blah. Jollies.)

Well Hustle, posted a paragraph. It stated that our own development as a human, is what made us happy. How we progress as a human. How we actually learn life. That’s what makes us proud of ourselves, in the end. It also suggested that we not place our happiness in the hands of others. People do it all the time…don’t they? I have, at times. Y’know, whether they’re waiting for a proposal, a job acceptance letter, trying to impress the masses, worrying about being judged, or pining for simple praise, or attention from a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent…Anything!

When you do that…you no longer have control of your happiness. You pass it on, like a parcel, yet the music never stops.

Now, I always ‘twicker’ on about how POWERFUL I feel. And like I said earlier, I’m someone who loves to feel powerful. Yet, that power, doesn’t come from anything material. ( I do love the finer things in life, yet I don’t LIVE FOR THEM. I’m actually a girl who loves the simple things, just as much. I couldn’t be more in touch with the real world.) I mean,  I could also make tons and tons and tons of money. (It wouldn’t make me feel powerful at all. No matter what, I’ll always get by. I work really hard.)  I could be so in love. (I’m single…and still, I couldn’t be happier.) Or so so successful,l that I couldn’t even nearly shake fame off me. (What i’ve learnt from life is that recognition for your talent and hard work, feels great. That isn’t ‘FAME.’ That’s personal accomplishment. The ‘fame game’ brings you more problems than it’s worth, at times… unless you play it well, use it wisely and benefit from it financially. Even then, you’ll still go through shit.)

I feel powerful because at 37, I feel like a successful human. I wasn’t always a successful human. Yet, that’s the point. I grew…and Karma IS a bitch. But Boy, have I DEVELOPED. I’m really happy with who I am now. I feel comfy, in my own skin. What I like what I am and what I stand for! I chose my own ‘happy.’ No one can take that away from me and because of that FEELING, I can walk into a room and RADIATE, almost GLOW of an energy, that swirls through the souls of others, like magic.

I understand people. (I’ve been people.) I understand life. (I’ve experienced so many different walks of it.)  I really LOVE being me and truly LOVE every piece of my world, because I picked it myself. I’m an alright person. I can see loneliness in others, even when they have that ‘100 watt’ smile on. (I’ve been there. We all have.) I can see kindness in people, when the masses have ruled them out as a ‘villan.’

I understand that… no matter what….I’m still just this tiny little dot….on a GIANT EARTH BALL of gazillions, doing this ‘shimmie’ called life. I always see the bigger picture and when you TRULY do, you quit letting the ‘niggles’ stress you out.

So if I could leave you with two lil’ tings of what I know about life right now, it would be to make the most of your time, WITHOUT WORRY…BEFORE you have no time left. We can worry about anything, everything, can’t we? It literally makes NOTHING better, at all. It creates stress. Both my folks are Doctors and even THEY say, you can break every bone in your body and nothing hurts more than a broken heart, a broken soul, or being lost in a fuzzy gather of stress.

And if you DO anything today…..Be the reason somebody smiles…

The smallest things, make people BEAM.

( I tried to teach Ruby that yesterday…But she kept ignoring me and telling me she was going to be a psychic.)

ps/ I live for ‘Love Island’ this year and i’m so excited by the ‘fresh girl meat’ and thrilled with my personal winner Adam Collard!

ALL THE FIRE! Let’s play love!

 

 

Banter, Love, Fights & Sexiness

Why don’t people talk anymore? Why are we stuck in a time warp, where people are unable to communicate effectively without fear? Maybe it’s because we’re all so ‘social media’ these days, that we haven’t even realized we’re cutting ourselves away from real life interactions? I love a bit of ‘social’ and I hate it when people are so behind and don’t use it. Yet, I’ve godda admit, part of me is super traditional, and it’s important to still touch, feel, see and smell people.

I’ve made that sound creepy, by accident. Yipppee!

I’m a chatter. (In case you didn’t notice.) I’m a talker. (In case you couldn’t hear me boos.) I like to EXPRESS because I think it’s healthy (oooh, healthy, healthy chop chops) and i’m not AFRAID of anything …except sausage dogs. (They’re creepy as ****) I’m a problem solver, not a deliberate creator of ‘hiccups.‘ 😉

Hurrah!

Yet, what i’m noticing more and more, is that less and LESS people, of THIS generation, areface to face’ chatting, or even making a simple phone call to talk things through. People are really quick to throw each other away these days, without giving something, or someone….(that was once a treasure, a great find,) a real shot. I don’t like it. Everything that’s worth something, takes a little work…and with a little love, a delicious bit of nurture….you could really create something beautiful.

(Do know when I’m talking about the ‘throwing away‘ bit, instead of nurturing. Nurturing only counts if the position you’re in, is worth it. Otherwise, your ideal bet, is to REFRAIN from making the best out of a BAD BARGAIN. )

Right, I’m gonna quit being Mother Teresa right now and get with it.

Let’s SHIMMIE YO…

I’m in a mood today, because i’m tired. I woke up at 3am and I couldn’t get back to sleep. My mind was just ticking away… ticking away. I don’t know what’s wrong with me? But I can’t wait for a nap.

Love Island needs to spice itself up right now. Nothing’s happening? I only watch it to perv on Adam. And everyone on Twitter is having a go at him for snogging ‘New Girl Rosie,’ (oh the drama) when he’s with Kendal? 🙂 (Dying)

Darlings, it’s a GAME, on the TELLY. It’s not REAL. He’s not really with Kendal. They’ve known each other 3 days. He can smooch whoever he wants. I say ‘GO FOR IT.‘ In fact, it’s weird because ALL the girls in there are not being really affectionate, or handling things with a sexy disposition. Maybe because they’re 20 something??? Apparently they don’t ‘spoon’ on the first bed share. Lol. Errrugh. How dull. Moving on. Stop being ‘Vanilla.’

*Rolls Eyes.*

What else? I had another audition yesterday. A last minute one. So hopefully that went okay and i’m at a wedding tomorrow. I don’t usually like going to weddings, (I’m always a Bride and never a guest. Hahah.) Not this time though! Thank Goodness! Yet i’m looking forward to it. I’m in the mood to watch love being celebrated. I reckon, I can handle it before weeping into my gin, right?

‘Hey! Have a sip of mine It comes with TEARS!’

Plus, weddings are great because everyone drinks far too much and flirts with everyone It causes chaos. I love chaos.. in frocks.

What now?

‘The Swirl’ who i’m going to actually rename. What can I call him? Since we’re no longer ‘swirling?’ I’m gonna call him ‘T.Bone.’ No? Yeah. That’ll do for now. Anyway, he sent me a message yesterday…a boring one, not a fun one…in regards to listening to some business call. I ignored the message at first, because I kinda didn’t find it interesting. Lol. Then hours later, I felt bad, so I did what the message said and tuned it.

When I say ‘tuned in,‘ I logged into the call, put it on loud speaker, placed my phone to one side, because that was even duller than the initial message and just watched Love Island instead. Hahaha.

But at least I tried. I just didn’t find it very motivating. It was boring.

People are motivated in different ways…lectures are not mine. I’m really ambitious, yet i’m alive and motivated when i feel passion and that comes via love, money, entertainment, or creativity. You can’t BORE me to death and expect me to be excited.

Away from that, you know i was telling you all to go stalk my mate ‘Trigg’s’ instagram (@SimonTTrigg) because he’s easy on the eyes and a treat for the grown up gal. He’s 42, handsome, ex pro footballer and now works in property investment. I *tagged* him in my Insta post yesterday, and I always do tag my friends in, when I’ve mentioned them openly…and if they don’t have a ‘secret nickname.’ Like ‘T Bone.’

Anyway, he sent me a message straight away, after reading the blog, saying…

‘I fancy you so so much. But I’m no comparison to Adam! Lol’

(As in ‘Love Island Adam.’ Haha. )

It made me smile because I like a bit expression. Especially when it’s lovey or sexy. (Yet respectful.) It’s like giving someone a ‘green light‘ to manoeuvre…. if they so wish.

It’s hot.

Older guys do that well. Much better than the young, don’t they? I think it’s mainly because they’re not as terrified. They’re braver. They’ve lived a little more and can’t be arsed to be messed about. I’m like that. I hate to be messed about.

I much prefer a guy who is brave, bold and direct. Y’know, one who is able to express how he feels fearlessly and waits to see what will happen as a result…

It’s sexy.

And if a guy’s not direct, i’ll just think that he’s not interested in me and instead found someone else that he much rather be with. But that’s why I always say, I much rather chat something out, as I hate playing the ‘guessing game.’ To me friendship and love is about making people feel happy or comfortable and not about keeping them on edge.

[Sorry I got really distracted and started watching ‘old school’ Jersey Shore episodes on my phone. It was one of my favourite shows ever. Every bit of me loves it. Americans do reality tv, so much more panache because they do the job they’re hired to do and they don’t waste time worrying about what people will think. And you would for $100,000 per episodes. I know! Good dollar!]

Where was I?

Whatever, I’ll just leave you with what my fave Jersey Shore clip..It actually kinda calms my soul…Which is weird on all levels. It gets good. Hit Play!

Thank you for following my life!

Chrissie, x

 

 

Let’s Get a Bit Inspirational….& Pervy :)

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I’ve just got out of an audition, so I’m all pumped and juiced. I love auditioning. I find it really fun. When I was a kid in LA, I used to be terrified, when it came to ‘audition’ day. Yet, after only a few weeks, my friends and I found that we were on around 4 auditions a day, all over LA, for all different shows. I remember, I had The OC, ER, Charmed & A Glamour Magazine, in one day. My other friend had Will & Grace, What I like about you, The OC & CSI. And we’d be dashing through Hollywood, with our ‘sides’ (that’s what you call your audition script) making sure we were prepared and not late. I didn’t really have time to be nervous anymore. Nerves were a waste of time. I had one shot. One read. That read could end up booking me that job. It could change your life. And it did.

I’m back in the UK though now. Have been for years and I’m loving it. The last audition I went on. I booked it. That will air shortly. I did one this morning and loved it, so we’ll see how that goes.

You’ve godda give it you’re all. And I never care what anyone thinks. I’ll go for it.

I mean what’s the point in moaning about getting work, staying in work or whatever else it is you can muster, if you can’t be arsed to put in the effort.

Anything can happen at anytime. More people need to believe that.

If you don’t think so ,you’ve lost FAITH IN YOURSELF. and you shouldn’t because you’re beautiful. No one can do YOUR VERSION of life better than you. I say it all the time. Don’t look over your shoulder at what everyone else is up too. Concentrate on your life, your game, your passion, your strut and go back and get everything that they said you couldn’t have!

I was so excited to perv on Love Island, Adam last night, that my excitement got the better of me, I ran out of excited energy and fell asleep after an exciting garden wine. I’m so shit at being a perv. I mean , If I can’t even do that, then Lord Help my rotten soul. Being a perv is such a brilliant ‘old school’ past time. It’s easy.

Couldn’t do it for toffee though could I!

I’m actually loving Dr.Alex now on Love Island, because I’m feeling really bad for him. I hate that people keep treating hi shitty. But i’m sure the magical world of TV has something up their delicious, no scripted lol, sleeve.

WHOOOPPPPEE!

Whatelse? Oh yeah, some maungy girl, sent me an evil message today and insulted my boobies. Don’t bother. Be smarter. Pick anything but the boobies, because they’re obviously such a ‘Chrissie Wunna‘ strength. A weapon. They’re lethal, with googly eyes on. They drink shots and hypnotize folk. Do your boobs do that? No. Exactly.

So, be smart enough to say I have shit feet or something. It would’ve made me cry, into my prosecco, for a good half a second.

YAWN!

I’m at a wedding on Saturday, so I’m really excited for that. Definitely don’t have a dress. Definitely going to end up leaving it to the last minute. But I fancy wearing lemon. Not A LEMON…as that would just be awkward.

‘Chrissie, why have you come as a piece of fucking fruit?’

In Summer, lemon is my favourite colour. I also like boys who can totally rock pink. But do it so well, that it makes all the girls dribble.

I hope my audition went well? I need something to eat now.

My friend ‘Trigg‘ sent me a message yesterday, apologizing for working so much etc etc…People don’t need to say sorry for doing life or their choices. But when you’re a grown up and working so much, you’re loaded with stress by the buckets on occasion and it’s hard to make time for people isn’t it?

I totally get that. I have the same problem. And our lives are manic. We’ll get around to a catch up.

Yet for those of you, who maybe don’t run busy lives or careers, DO KNOW to ALWAYS remember that someone’s effort is a reflection of their interest in you.

We as girls, and guys (at times,)we always make excuses for people, don’t we? But only when it comes to love. You’re love life is such a big thing isn’t it? It’s important. It motivates you. It makes you feel alive. But like i said in my last blog, I’m happy being single, yet i’m open to finding love. I’m just NOT BOTHERED about ‘coupling up’ with someone, who isn’t my going to be hero, my best friend or potential life partner/buddy/chum chum…whatever else you can bung in there.

I’m not arsed about the game of love. I want a man who’s not scared to chase love, show love, be loved. I like a man who knows how to get what he wants. It’s sexy. I want all boxes ‘ticked.’ And we all deserve that.

I mean, when you’re older. You know what you want. When you’re younger. You make excuses for all sorts and don’t really know as much as you think you do.

Well that was ME, anyway. It might not be you? But probably.

Right i’m off. I need to find a dress….

 

When I did Kuckoo, Sheffield…

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As soon as I walked into Kuckoo, Sheffield, I felt sexy. It feels sexy. The entire place is ‘red lit’ and oozes a devilishly inviting warmth. I guess, I’d describe it as mischievously glamourous. Plus, every human in Sheffield, mid totter had stopped me and told me that ‘the cocktails there are really great.’

Luckily,  and because I am Wunna Land.. 😉 I had a freshly shaken, BEAUTIFUL cocktail waiting for me, it looked so fresh it glistened, yet of substance tasted divine. (Do note/ I hate shit tasting cocktails, because it’s almost like meeting a really  REALLY pretty girl, but she has a personality of a fallen asleep donkey.)

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This cocktail (and your first one has to be a strong one,) was DELIGHTFUL and well let’s face it pretty much saved a kitten’s life. I did notice that ‘AG‘ (who’s just a good friend of mine, before you all get excited) had had it prepared, but had already downed two cocktails previous…Haha. To me, that means he was scared to see me, or simply stressed the fuck out.

He went with ‘stressed’…I went with ‘scared’…and after greetings, banter and a quick ‘AG’ catch up, (he’s in uni for engineering) the cosy red lighting and absolute *buzz* that swirled around the bar, must have got the better of me…better of us.

We then proceeded to drink almost every cocktail on the menu. I did this before at Relish in Doncaster and ended up trashed.

And you know you’re an idiot, alcoholic or just plain old fun, when you literally make up ridiculous excuses as why we should have another…

AG: ‘Shall I tell them you want the Eastern Promise, just cos it’s Oriental like you…. They’ll bring it over…?’

[See what I mean…]

Me: ‘Yeah, just whatever. I love that I’m now drinking drinks to match my flipping ethnicity!  Then I want a beer tasting one after because i’m dehydrated and want a BIG drink.’

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I know…no sense. But at the time, 3 cocktails in, whilst wiggling about in my orange dress, immersed in red lighting…it ALL made really great sense.

So shush.

Then I don’t know what happened…Shit just got wild. The music got louder, the bar started slowly filling up with groups of excited Sheffield boys, the bartender called me cute…

Bartender: ‘You look great. Who have you come with?’

Me: ‘A friend…that one over there..’

Bartender: ‘Well, you’ve come to the right place.’ *Wink.*

[That’s a sexy little old thing to say, innit! It was like a glammy Coyote Ugly, but with guys.]

..and within what felt like moments….the place LIT WITH EXCITEMENT and the crowd went BONKERS! 

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Y’know, the good thing about Sheffield is that everyone out there is really down to earth, aren’t they? So they’ll all go out, not care and have a great time….with anyone. It’s not a ‘drama‘ city. It’s fun. They’re laid back.

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It went NUTS. I had a better time that Sunday night, than anyone on EARTH!

Cocktails were dashing, the bartenders were stood on the bar, with live fire and singing at the top of their voices, like nothing else in the entire world mattered at that point. The crowd where mad, but radiated a madness that could only be labelled as..

 ‘HAPPINESS.’ (Hard thing to find right?’)

I noticed that, when I scanned the room….there were so many people, from all walks of life, just LIVING…They were singing and dancing and beaming with strangers. They had no care in the world…I loved it. It was the best night EVER.

And well I…so happened to bring in a crowd. 😉 Boys in Sheffield, love boobs!!!

Now, we all know that I adore, a good time so after dancing about in my booth, I decided to go through the crowds and meet everyone. I do it all the time and apparently I shouldn’t?

AG was dancing in the middle of the floor by now, about 12 cocktails in, half on his knees, like the merriest dude in the city, so I figured he was fine…Lol. He loved being on my Insta story and I can’t at all remember what conversations we had, because we both surrendered to good times. I know his birthday is bonfire night, he comes from a family of policemen, loves being up north, because he’s from Croydon and he’s stressed with Uni.

AG: ‘D’ya know what album cover that is?’

Me: ‘Do I look as though I know?’

It felt like adventure. And I’m so glad I tinkered out into the crowd, because I literally met everyone! Yet, I don’t know if I was blind, or what, because like I said earlier…. I was surrounded by dudes? It was GUYS, GUYS… EVERYWHERE, GUYS?? I felt like I was on the BEST STAG DO IN THE WORLD and I love a Stag Do.

(I’ve always said, if I ever get married again…I would only ever have a stag do. So much more fun than a Hen do. I mean, who wants to drink out of penis straws, moan about boys and plait hair.)

AG: ‘No..It’s just crowds of guys around YOU everywhere. There ARE girls here. Lol What did that bartender say to you?’

It was magic and the entire bar partied the night away MADLY, almost like the were ‘besties’ lol…and in a swirl of sexy red lighting. It was pretty much Heaven…Well if Heaven was as fun as Hell. I could go there EVERY NIGHT. I wanted to do it again at 9am the next morning! People were so happy there that night, that it was almost like an addiction.

[Life note: People are addicted to happy people and places.]

I drank my body weight in cocktail. I lost my voice. I might not have been able to see at one point. I filmed everything. I danced until my heels hurt. The staff in that place couldn’t have been more gracious. They were wild and fun, yet I  looked after me, like I was a Queen.

The atmosphere was dripping with a delicious, wild escapism. Everyone around me, was ALIVE. They were BEAMING. It was such a fun night!

I can’t even describe how great my night was.

AG walked me back to my hotel, just so I didn’t get accosted by strangers. I like a gentleman. All my guy friends are gentleman. Usually when guys offer to ‘walk you back’ they always try to get their ‘end away, don’t they? It’s like they want a treat for ‘being a gentleman.’ Haha.  No such luck. You’ll know if I want to sleep with you, because i’ll just tell you. But i’ll only green light it once…then leave the chase to the gent….

Then as the automatic lobby doors, close up on him… with a..

‘Thank you….Byeee…..’

I was immediately immersed back at The Novotel, which was filled with absolute peace. All sound shut down, other than the sound of the calmness of the pool.

All by myself, I walked back up to my suite, took off all my clothes and just tumbled into bed with one big ‘yeehaa’ roll.

So sophistcated.

Life was great! I woke up the next morning, naked at The Novotel in Sheffield…a phone interview in an hour and literally no voice to even speak.

I smashed my interview, was ready to go to my next spot,  then got caught by ‘Stalker Bruce,’ who (if you don’t know)  is a professional ‘celebrity stalker.’ He finds where you are, catches you and makes you do a million endorsement messages, for his clients. Lol. He’s caught Russell Brand, Robbie Savage..Loads of people…He & his wife ‘Sally’ found me, ..so Fuck it, my next stop was Ego, Sheffield and well they came along also.

It actually made me feel so happy, to have made two people ‘beam.’ They seemed really grateful that I was even sat there with them and I find that odd, because we’re all just human. Yet at the same time, my heart filled with love for them, as they couldn’t lovelier peoples.

More cocktails, more drinking, more banter. I was actually hungover, but loving life. They walked me back to the train station, because by then, we’d all had enough. I was like..

‘Get me out of the city!’

That’s when I got on my train at Sheffield, fell asleep, missed my stop and ended up in fucking Newcastle.

I had work the next morning in Leeds…so I had to get my sorry arse back home…and arrived safely, in 42 pieces lol…at around 1.27am.

 

 

Nothing But The Truth & Petty Flippin’ Fight Offs

Yesterday started off ace. I got my quiet time, with a ‘Katy P‘ who’s a really close friend of mine and I managed to feel ‘real’ again and not like a ‘product’ or project. I’ve been really stressed. But i’m back now. I’m back.

I guess, it gets hard at times, because I write a blog..this blog…which pretty much documents my life….almost like a written word reality show….I started it in LA, because I loved ‘diarying’ my life…as I lived it…It was only a hobby, just my version of ‘doing life’ and mainly my therapy…as my day job at the time was ‘glamour model,‘ which then turned into ‘reality tv.’

The blog came first…they were just things that accidentally happened to me, on my journey.

Years later….this ‘hobby‘…turned into a business…and my life…turned into work…as people all over the world started ‘tapping’ into Wunna Land. It kinda became a ‘show.’

An what I’m gonna say is that every single inch of me, couldn’t be happier with the way it all panned out. It’s like a dream. I get to do what I love…and that’s certainly something I regard as so precious. I’m incredibly grateful for it all. Not a little piece of me, will ever complain about it. In fact, I want MORE.

YET….sometimes (and anyone in entertainment or any form of ‘show’ like occupation) will know, that it can all get too much at times…it gets busy, everyone thinks they know everything about you….and you kinda just need to check in with ‘the reals,’ as I call them. (Which are your closest friends…family…or just have a moment to yourself.) 

That’s what I did yesterday with Kate….

This is what happened…

So we meet up accidentally, Kate’s just come from Pilates, I’m blogging, she decides to clear out a giant green caravan, that ‘once ready’ will be serving gin. Nothing coming out this caravan looked GINNY. (Obviously, i just supervised in the sun with a drink. I always say I was build for pleasure, not tedious labour.) 

In fact, everything coming out of this caravan looked like it was the entire contents of ‘Argos.’

Kate: ‘We have a heat lamp, some boxes, cables…tinsel…another heat lamp.’

If the process went on any longer, I swear she would’ve even pulled out an elephant, maybe Elvis, an ex boyfriend, Baby Jesus, Lisa Appleton and hungry donkey.

Long story short, she sacked it off and we did sunshine, gossip and ‘keeping it real,‘ as we chatted ‘wills,‘ guys, stalkers, our love lives, how we’d get married, if we did ever get married again and just basic shit really…Hours were passing…and I was loving it because we were literally throwing our heads back with insane laughter and it’s those moments, away from everything and everyone, that matter to me the most.

Then she calculated an entire humans finances in about 3.2 seconds, because she’s a whizz like that…and proceeded to make fun of me, as she just got on with her ‘own ting.’ 

Me: ‘Erm…why are ignoring me??’

Katy P: ‘What I’m organizing letters into the correct batches and spelling shit.’

I mean WTF, i’m an attention whore at the best of times. Fob me off for large glasses of wine or hula dancing, not SPELLING and organizing.

Me: ‘What are you even doing!!’

Katy P: I’m spelling out your love life, but I can’t spell BEYOND….’

Me: ‘As if you’ve just calculated an entire humans finances but you can’t spell BEYOND. Lol. That’s disgraceful. Hahah.’

Katy P: ‘Don’t start… I’m dyslexic.’

…and technically I can’t do sums…So I’ll give her that…and let her mock away at my life, right in front of my little Burmese face.

Just a great day in general….It felt all calm, yet fun. ‘Zen’ like…yet sassy. (If there is such a thing? Lol) Then, ‘JD’ and some a guy named ‘Martin’ with a dog, had walked in. They looked at us, like we were foolish.

And we are…

Then all was lovely. Fantastic afternoon. Life was bliss. I’d refueled and filled myself to the utter brim with love.

THEN…

As soon as I got home…an awful ‘busy body.’ You know what I mean? They’re the people in life, who have nothing better to do, nothing going in their life, aside from the everyday, mundane, same old ‘one foot in front of the other.’They’re the nosiest people. The most judgmental folk…and people who can only focus on ‘the little things that don’t matter,’ because there’s not much more excitement going on around them.

I got into an argument with ‘the busy body.’ It was played like a back and forth‘ …..over a plank of wood.

But who the ****has time to moan or argue about a plank of wood?

Do you?

I mean something else had happened, which was much more important during that time….and instead of finding any compassion…they worried about themselves and their wood.

I don’t like selfish people. Open ya goddamn eyes! Open ya goddamn heart.

Anyway, the pettiness of it, made me FURIOUS…I was FUMING. And by nature, I’m a relaxed person, I’m easy going…I’m patience…I’m warm…I’ll never be really mad, unless I’m absolutely passionate about something and people never know that about me, unless they’ve met me personally…The just assume i’m a bitch.

Regardless…

I couldn’t have been MORE PISSED OFF…and you pick ya fights, ya verbal bickers… don’t you? But I’d had enough…so I  went for it.

Literally ALL THE SASS and i don’t even care. I can’t stand narrow minded people. I was furious.

Anyway, I got myself into a merry tizzy and I was so cross, I filled up…and cried. Yipppeeee! Lol. However, I only did the crying part behind closed doors, as later on my mum came over and sat with me, just to make sure everything was okay.

Mum: ‘Just ignore her. She’s got nothing better to do. I know you feel like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders…but just relax and know that everything’s going to be okay. ‘

Me: ‘I don’t need another lecture, right now…’

Mum: ‘This isn’t a lecture! I’m your mum!! No one in this entire world loves you as much as I love you…and no matter what, I’ll stand by you. But you need to listen to me…

Me:’ I am…’

(I’m crying by this point…lol. But doing the pretending like i’m not thing…) 

And in that moment, as she went through everything, and I told her every inch of how I was feeling….a ‘magic’ swirled around us, a ‘magic’ that was build from unconditional love…and even though I felt like a little girl again…..within a *flash* I grew back up into WOMAN.

Always share strength….not weakness….and her strength is motivated by love…

In that moment, she made me realize how lucky I am…

(Oh shit, my phone’s ringing….)

 

Being A Bit Northern & Vents…

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Hope you survived the Bank Holiday! Lol. I’m actually SO glad it’s over, because after a week of ‘good times’ with friends and drinking, meshed in with having a job, where in which you are ‘booked out’ to blog at venues….which involves ‘good times‘ and drinking….followed by adding a lot of sunshine (which is always the devil, when it comes to prosecco pours..) and a flipping 3 day weekend for celebrate a day off work….THINGS CAN GET PRETTY MESSY. 🙂

*Reaches for her Bible, Rosary Beads and Holy Water…*

*Makes the Holy Water her mixer, wears the beads for insta likes and places the cocktail on the Bible.*

Tuesday is absolute BLISS. The sun is still out. Everyone else is back at their day job, i’m all on my own and loving every inch of RELAXING. I feel all calm and fabulous.

It’s days like this that you’re glad you’re a blogger and not having to check into on office for a shitty 8 hour shift. Pick a job you love and you’ll always be happy. Pick a partner you love and you’ll never feel lonely.

(Saying that, i’ve already done Barnsley and Sheffield this morning and it’s not even 10am. And I had to go the ‘side streets’ way, which annoyed me, because nothing is more boring that having to figure out 42 roundabouts. But i’m home now…and i’m all about easy work and chills.) 

So okay, I can’t remember too much of the Bank Holiday, not because I was trashed, because I wasn’t, it’s simply because so much seemed to happen, in such short space of time…that it’s all become one happy sunny blur.

(Oh and since my last blog where i stated I was looking for a handsome fun partner….I have been inundated with snapchat pics of guys showing me how fun they are Lol…or ones where they’re waking up in the morning…in bed? I appreciate the pics, even though I haven’t chosen to reply. Lol. And they’re great for perving on, when lonely. Yet, i’m such a hard person to try and snag….because i’m never gonna recieve a pic from someone i don’t know and think ‘Hey yeah, lets go out..’ ever…)

Anyway, I met up with my friend ‘Katy P,’ I went to school with her. We’ve known each other since we were 11…and well we talked boys, life, love…(she had a Yorkshire pudding wrap half way through it all)…and then we drank...EVERYTHING. 

Me: ‘Why you videoing me?’

KatyP: ‘Well why not?’

Me: ‘Your wrap looks suggestive and delicious.’

Katyp: ‘I love food that looks like a penis.’

The sun shone down upon Yorkshire, the beer gardens were filling up with boys in shorts, couples with wine and tables of girls.

A group of Ladies…so fun, looked like WAGS, definitely fabulous, definitely glamourous, came and parked their pretty selves at our table..and from that point, it happily went ‘down hill’ as we swept ‘being sensible‘ under the rug and just went with..

‘Who needs a prosecco…’

I loved these women because they were so down to earth, yet they’d taken the trouble to look AMAZING. All pouty lipped, with great hair, little dresses and full faces and glam. They were great! I mean we all got on so well, we were pissing ourselves, solving the world’s problems and then I started going on about how one of their friends hated me and once started a fight with me at the pub.

Me: ‘She just hates me and thought i fancied her man….But she totally went for me..She WENT FOR IT…and now she’s here…sat over there.’

A few drinks later, a wink and a secret natter, Claire (one of the ladies at our table) came strutting back up to the table, hand in hand with the girl who HATES ME and wanted to punch me for being a ‘patronizing bitch,’ and just like that…In a moment…everything got solved with a…

Girl: ‘Look, i’m really sorry…I was just upset..and well…’

Then we hugged. Then we hugged again because everyone kept making us…Then her lip started bleeding, because I have that effect of humans…and the ever glamourous Claire, came up to me, put her hand in mind and with a wink, (after I thanked her) whispered….

Claire: ‘Don’t be silly. No. You don’t need to thank me.  It’s alright though now..’

And how great was that! I love problem solvers. I was really grateful, because nothing’s more shit than feeling awkward around people.

Dawn: ‘I’m so glad you’ve hugged and made up because I tell ya, I’m related to her and if she touched you….she’d have me to deal with.’

I loved Dawn because she’s so glammy, yet still Yorkshire. She’s one of the most caring women, wrapped up in prosecco pours and sassiness. She’s insightful…and loves a good time. I mean she brought her son’s girlfriend ‘Hannah’ to the bar with her…who looked DIVINE ALSO and she couldn’t have been a better Mother in law. She’s someone that looks amazing, however is not one bit AFRAID of protecting what’s hers, voicing her opinion and standing up to someone, when her heart wants her to.

And I like that. It’s sassy!  Nothing is worse to me than the people who back down.

But the great thing about being a Northern girl, is that yes, we’re all ‘big hair, don’t care,’ tiny dresses and no coats in the winter…Lol….But you don’t mess with us. We’re the most down to earth girls on the map, but  we’ll turn around and tell you you’re wrong…when you’re wrong…without fear…and it will be delivered in it’s rawest form.

Then the lady sat next to Kate found a giant chunk of GINGER in her gin.

Lady: ‘It actually tastes lovely… But it does look like I have a massive potato wedge in my drink, Lol. I could save that, take it home and make a curry with it. Shave it into my tea. Here get me another, so i can make a full on meal with it. Hahaha.’

The sun shone, we started talking about the blog. I was encouraging little ‘Hannah’ to have more balls. I mean, if you looked like her and had her talent…You’d GO FOR IT. I never seen a more terrified hottie.

Me:’You’re not gonna get ahead with this beauty influencing or blogging thing, if you don’t put yourself out there. It’s about being ballsy. It’s about not caring what the haters thinks and it’s about building attention..’

Hannah: ‘But, I swear I used to come home from school covered in blood from being bullied every day… It’s my actual friends that hate on me…’

Me: ‘Use it as your motivation… because it doesn’t get better. You just learnt to cope better and you’ll go through a phase that is filled with *haters.* Yet I haven’t yet seen or heard a ‘hater’ that’s doing BETTER than the person they are hating ON. It’ll switch. Plus, there’s always a sense of class to those who end up being the successful…All the friends who hated on you, will one day turn around and tell everyone how they knew you….’

More drinks happened…Life took a twirl and we all had fun in the sunshine…getting drunker…and drunker…

Then something happened to ‘Katy P’ in the meantime…

Me: ‘Whats up? You look..’

Katy P: ‘I’m fucking furious…’

Me: ‘Well let’s go outside and talk about it.’

It was now the end of the night and day had turned to night and we sat on outside patio tables, in a silent air, as people ordered taxi’s into town.

And in that moment SHE VENTED. She had a ‘GO FOR IT’ vent. And having known Kate for such a long time, since being a kid at school, it was hilarious to watch her be furious. Lol.

Katy P: ‘STOP LAUGHING. YOU’RE NOT GETTING IT. Why are you taking someone else’s side..’

Me: ‘I’m not laughing. Haha. You just look cute…I can’t help it. I’m fully on your side… I’m just telling you what was said…because no guy has ever said that about me before and I think it’s sweet that…..

KatyP: ‘It’s not about sweetness, it’s about privacy and trust. I’ve known YOU since you were 11. I know everything about you..and I would never DREAM of betraying YOUR PRIVACY, or YOUR TRUST…Wouldn’t you just DIE, if you woke up one morning and found stuff all this crap in the papers…that you didn’t want people to know about. That’s how I feel. That’s what he’s done!’

Me: ‘You just need to relax. Lol. You’re angry and I get it. I get it. Haha. You just look cute…when you’re angry…’

(She started to giggle a little…because I was lightening the anger. I tend to always do that, unless I’M cross, then it’s all anger…….But then…hahaha.) 

Katy P: ‘NO. I AM JUST FURIOUS…AND NOW WE’VE RUN OUT OF FUCKING WINE. AND i’ve lost my fucking BANK CARD!’

Me: Just go get wine…I owe it you anyway…

I mean what are friends for if you can’t vent over ‘El Pico.’ Lol.

Then we chilled, we laughed, we giggled, we guzzled, we bantered, and just like that, girl magic was restored…

Now, i’m feisty..but I’m calm. Yet, the reason why I was trying to de..sizzle ‘Katy P’ down was simply because we’re grown up girls….and we’re thunderous….We’ve been through lots, we know who were are, what we want…and what we stand for….But we’re good people. We’re fiercely loyal by nature…meaning trust and privacy, when requested is SO IMPORTANT to us.

So I understood..

However, the person who was in her firing line….isn’t emotionally grown yet…and the last thing she needed to do was….

EAT HIM ALIVE. Vent on me..not on him, because he’s not gonna be able to take it, a real life verbal battering of home truths.

So yeah…i was sparing him. I let him run free, before he got eaten by the lions. 

The evening ended up being lovely and true friendship was made more solid over wine.

Messages were then sent to the appropriate people…and life went back to normal…

I did however, look to my left and see a grown boy cry….(I’m soft, so i’ll always feel sad when I see a boy cry. Kate’s not. She’s tough love…so if you’re crying, you’re crying for a fucking reason…hahah.)

Me: ‘Please don’t cry…’

Guy: ‘I’m not..it’s hay fever…

Me: ‘Erm…I’m not an idiot. I know you’re crying.. Hahah.’

Guy: ‘I haven’t cried like this in six years..’

Me: ‘Aww…yeah, but it’s good to get it out..’

KatyP : ‘They’re off to a house party…You might as well go with them…..’

 

 

 

 

What I Need In A Guy….

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, outdoor

Life is flying at a million ‘WTF’s’ per hour. It’s crazy. There’s been kitten strokes, smoke alarms and utter madness, that has been *paused* by bits of calm. So much keeps happening to me and it’s a mixer of ‘all things dandy,‘ drizzled with trips ups. I ‘trip up’ well, so that doesn’t bother me. I can always brush myself off and wink my way forward with a *shrug.* When good things happen, I sort of fill myself with a kitten like’ excitement. Yet, I do get terrified.

But on the whole, I’m glad the clouds have hovered over Yorkshire this afternoon, (today is the Tour De Yorkshire,) as it pretty much keeps me out of trouble. I just can’t keep myself in when the sun comes out to play. Yet that’s what life is about. I’m all ‘Suns out, Wuns’ out. I’m enjoying good times, refraining from over thinking anything and trying to just have fun with everything. You’re a long time dead and well, usually, as the fairytale goes…it kinda all works itself out in the end, doesn’t it?

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON…

Over the last couple of days, i’ve spent quality time with my friends ‘Katy P’ and ‘JD’ and we’ve all just decided that our love lives (over wine) are shocking. They’re shit. Does it ever get better? Where’s my Prince, who comes trotting along on some stallion, with his one arm *scoop,* ready to sweep me away? Where is he? (Can you tell i’m Needy AF’ today. :))

Katy P: ‘I think it’s hard for you date. I mean, men get the wrong impression of you, because they don’t know you well enough. You’re sexy and they love sexy…yet they don’t see the softer side to you… I don’t know whether they don’t want to, or if they aren’t smart enough to?’

In love, I’m sassy and i’m quite the seductress…and I love that about me. I’m forward. More forward than the guys I’ve met. I wish guys WERE more forward with me. YET, at the same time i’m a hopeless romantic…and I can’t help that. After years of failed ‘love’ ..all the way around the world an back, (lol) i’ve learnt to appreciate the small things and treasure the simple things in life.

I do like to feel ‘impressed’ by a guy. I enjoy being chased. I love being ‘wooed.’ I’m not gonna say that I don’t adore the finer things in life, also. However, a guy could buy me a room filled with diamonds, upon diamonds, to show me how much he cares…and I’d appreciate the effort, whole heartedly. But i’d never appreciate that over a simple ‘love letter,’ as that’s something i’d hold close to my heart forever. I’m creative and I adore a creative gift. If i’m being honest, I’d adore a creative partner.

Anything ‘complicated’ or too difficult…is not something that I’m going to enjoy. If you have to try so hard to make someone want you, then it’s a ‘no go’ really, for me. They’re not that interested. They’re not that into you. I’m both unconventional and traditional all in one. Boys should chase girls. Always. If they don’t, then i honestly just think they don’t care. (And sometimes that isn’t the case, I know. But i need a brave man.)

Plus ‘Josh The Bartender’ once told me that when a guy loves a girl he’ll place her on a pedestal and that pedestal will be so high that no other girl will ever even come close to her. I’ve remember that and every time my paths crosses with another…I flashback to it.

I miss Josh. Where the fuck are you??

So, after a conversation with ‘Katy P’ about cougar loving, sexting and life… in a Justin Bieber top…

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Katy P: ‘Boys just seem to *go at* sex. Real men, can READ ya body better during sex and grown up women give better blow jobs. We must, because you’ll know, don’t they always looked astonished afterward, with a *where did that come from* face. Lol. But no, I never sext. I’m not good at it. I never know what to say?’

Me: ‘I love sexting. I can talk some filth via message. Lol. But i’m a writer..it’s a strength. Hahaha. But yeah, I know what you mean about the blow job thing. You do know that Toyboys are so in right now. Everyone’s doing it. Shall we get more wine?’

Katy P: ‘Younger men are attracted to the confidence that a WOMAN has… over a young girl. We just say it how it is and get on with it. We’re not naggy. We’re better in bed. We know what we want and if we don’t get it…We sack it off.’

Me: ‘They’re not forward though. They’re more terrified than anything, I think? I can feel them being terrified. I like forward. Not creepy forward. Just emotionally brave men. I don’t like them playing the *game* of love. It’s long. I don’t have time for that shit.’

Katy P: ‘You love eye candy though!!!’

Me: ‘Well yeah. I want them to be hot. Who doesn’t!! But i’m a personality girl. I mean, look at that Creepy Deadpoll guy, that follows you about. I only don’t like him because his personality is off. He’s strange. His social skills are wank.’

Then I found myself stood by hot dogs with one of my besties Jenna, as the Tour De Yorkshire *whizzed* by to cheers. I watched it for a bit and then sacked it off for a drink and a blog at ‘Ego.’ It was there and I supported the women’s race…but let’s face it...ROLL ON THE MEN IN SHORTS!!

Jenna: ‘We might as well become lesbians.’

Me: ‘Bagsy the *lipstick,* one, cos i’ll need you to put the bins out.’

Jenna: ‘You just need someone who’s cares so much, but is like FIRE. Someone who knows what they want…They want YOU and they’re not gonna let ANYONE ELSE FUCKING HAVE YOU. YOUR THEIRS.’

Me: ‘God, you’ve made that sound so hot. Haha. I love that. I’m looking for actions not words. What they DO. Not what they SAY their gonna.. and they need to be self less…I hate selfish people.’

But is that too much to ask for? No. So nowadays, I just do the ‘happy being single’ thing…until a Knight comes a striding in with his ‘one armed scoop.’ I’m someone that will feel it straight away…and i’ll finally be putting the ‘square peg, through the square hole,’ without complications…

Bethy G: ‘Do you want a biscuit. Men are shit, they’re all the same…’

🙂

Chrissie x

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, outdoor

 

 

 

 

Taxis to Angelica, Sam Reece & Curly Blows…

So, I walk out the ‘back room‘ door, now armed with a pink vodka… I thank Gemma, for my ‘back room’ shindig…and Sam Reece walks out of the loo door, at the exact same time. He’s in a hat, skinny jeans….and let’s face it, he’s a much talked about ‘handsome’ that the ladies can’t help but adore…They all love a bit of ‘The Reecey,’ because he *oozes* a charm that is almost magnetic.

All the charm. All the *ooze.* All the hats?

Yet, I needed to go find Sophia…because I’d been meaning to speak to her all night. So, I had to totter off, by the now performing dancing ‘Gatsby Girls,’ who were body popping with ‘ooh faces,‘ tassels and winks galore.. and the poor kittens had to do all that ‘jiggery,’ to  a crowd of Reality TV faces…

Me: ‘Hiya! I wanted to come say hello. I JUST missed you in Spain. Literally as you were just getting onto Spanish soil, I was getting into a taxi back to the airport!

Sophia: ‘I know! I wish I had seen you! It was a good time. I wish I would’ve shot with you too!’

Me: ‘I know. Great combo. I love you. I’ve been watching ya stories.’

Now, in case you didn’t know. I adore Sophia. She’s young and currently on this series of ‘Ex on The Beach’ on MTV. She’d just had a drink ‘swilled’ in her face on the telly the evening before and she reigns by the last name ‘Filipe.

‘I’m Portugese.’

She’s a DREAM. After speaking to her, she is LITERALLY one of my favourite chicks ever. I just love her. So, I need to drink with her again…and will absolutely stalk her until she’s free. 😉

We chatted for quite a while and for someone who’s brand new to all this ‘on the telly,’ entertainment marlarky, she is the most savvy, together, and hilarious girl i’ve met. She’s quick witted. She’s fun. She’s smart. She’s a glamour puss, yet… like moi, (even if I do say so myself,) she’s one of the most ‘down to earth‘ chicas, you’re ever gonna run into. I could’ve chatted to her all night. Yet instead we pissed ourselves.. at OUR OWN rubbish sense of humours, giggled with ‘Marlie Weekender’ and bantered with the super sweet Joe Angus, (who is set to be the new ‘Scotty T.’)

Me: ‘Have to told Scotty that!’

Joe: ‘Yeah…Haha. I saw him in a club.’

Joe was actually really sweet…I don’t know how to describe him? He seemed sweet like ‘apple pie.’ He’s Geordie and sensible, but still giddy and fun. He’s one of the good guys…all responsible, all ‘on time‘ and shit… and offered to drive people everywhere….because he’s kind like that. Lol. He even brought a hoodie, to keep himself warm and normal. 🙂 If you grew up in LA, he’s like what we used to refer to, as the ‘Good Midwestern Boy.’ But he’s British…and from Newcastle.

Get it? Good!

Long story short…The night at ‘Weaves & Waves’ was coming to an end…We’d all at so much to drink. We’d all embraced a bit of an event…and just now needed MORE, MORE MORE….As per usual…everyone fancied going for a few more drinks around Leeds. So fuck it…we did. Everyone always pretends like they’re deciding, and just goes anyway. 😉 (That always happens at events.)

I was chatting to ‘Marlie Weekender..’

Marlie: ‘My Mum is literally the best photographer.Honestly, you don’t even know. She’s like…pose like this. Pose like that…. I don’t know if I like the guy that I brought? I mean he’s hot, but he’s not that social.

Me: ‘She’s like your Momager. Lol. Which guy? Oh him? He’s hot. Why do I feel like a drag queen right now?’

Karl: ‘I like you. You make me laugh…Why don’t you come over here?’

(We start walking over to his crew of ‘friendlies.’)

People started getting into taxis, left, right and centre to….

‘Shall we meet at Angelica’s?

But I followed Karl, because he was gay and that’s what happens, in my world…

Anyway,  I start chatting to his friends Zara, a guy in a cool flat cap (i’m so sorry, I forgot your name) and Sam…(as in ‘Reece.’) They’re all hair stylists and work at a salon in Sheffield…I think it’s called ‘Creator.’ They came as a ‘crew.’

Banter, giggles, whispers and those moments when you don’t know the person you’re conversing with too personally, however you’re liking them, BUT still sizing them up.

‘Why does that dude, look like he’s poured himself into that shirt?’

Me: ‘Hahaha. I like that. His jeans are too skinny though! God!’

Karl: ‘Haha. I love you.’

We all decide to go for ‘one more’ at Angelica’s…But Sam can’t fit me in his car…

Sam: ‘I don’t have enough room in the car.’

Zara: ‘Meet us there…’

Me: ‘Can’t I just fit in the boot? I’m Asian. I’m fine with that.’

Then as everyone kept passing me shit loads of cocktails, to try and ‘finish up,’ and Weaves & Waves were on a ‘Key Hunt.’

‘Why is the key in Manchester???’

I jumped into a taxi with Rick (who organised the event)..

Rick: ‘Chrissie. I like you. It’s funny. I didn’t expect to. Did you win the Paris Hilton Show…’

…and the sexy Emma Woodhams…Who had definitely decided mid journey that she maybe hated all men and that she was definitely Beyonce in her ‘Destiny Childs’ days…

‘Look at me. I am.’

(Notice how everyone doesn’t expect to like me….Lol.)

We couldn’t find Angelica’s for ages. I asked everyone. Rick ran up and down escalators the wrong way, Emma danced and we maybe found Lego Land, whilst singing. I’ve been to Angelica’s 1 million times…so the fact that I couldn’t find it, means cocktails stole my soul.

Me: ‘This is like following the yellow brick road…TO HELL. How have I ended up with you too?’

Then a random helpful dude, pointed at a neon sign above, like it was a sign sent from the Gods…it read…

‘ANGELICA.’ 😉

And after what felt like a marathon, three trip ups, another escalator, a donkey, 42 piggy back rides, a ‘tuk tuk’ wave down… and 42 lifts… We got there…

Me: How the FUCK, do we get to that SIGN…!! Are we…?’

Random Lady (as the elevator door opens):…’Yes, you’re here..’

Prosecco was poured. I spotted Sam, Zara and ‘le crew’ over at a table…we ‘eye clocked..’

But Rick had decided to order us all prosecco, so under the stars, on the roof terrace, we all chatted life, as we pondered our existences.

Me: ‘Right, I’m gonna snapchat the table, so if any of you are doing or saying things you don’t what people to hear…DON’T.’

Everyone laughed…then stopped sinning, for exactly 10 seconds.

NO Filter.

After banter, I decided to go back to chat to Sam and crew….

‘I’m off over there now…’

…who decided to shimmie onto the roof terrace anyway.

Zara: ‘We’re going after this one.’

They ended up staying…and it ended up being really fun. I love to chill and just drinky sip, as I chitter….It’s like the perfect scene for a bit of Wunna Land.

Zara: ‘So have you two known each other for ages?’

Me: ‘No.’

Sam: ‘No…We’ve just met tonight. In fact, I don’t even know you’re name…What is it?’

Zara: ‘Oh? I thought you two had known each other for years…’

Sam: ‘So you’re a blogger, right? Are you in Leeds, cos i’m just in Sheffield? I really like Leeds.’

Before conversations and sitting down on the evening rooftop terrace began, he had to REMOVE the pure sheepskin throw that was laid on his seat…He did so by just chucking it on the floor, in a good old lothario fashion…

Sam: ‘It might have bugs in it… Haha.’

Me: ‘Don’t tell me that, when I’ve got half my arse on it..’

My bum cushioned that flipping sheepskin. It probably thought it’s Mama was back for a nuzzle.  Sam can make ‘throwing sheep’ off chairs look sexy. I just sat on mine…I’m a glamour puss, but sometimes my arse just needs to chill…  then had to pull tables across….. so everyone could fit.

We’re all talking. I’m getting to know everyone. I’m warming up to Zara, because she’s a ‘tough crowd’ when she’s around idiots and bullshit. She doesn’t like it. She’s straight forward, direct and actually lots of fun. I loved her. She’s northern, like moi and will literally just ‘tell it how it is.’

Zara: ‘I just can’t deal with bullshit…and they’re bullshit.’

Me: ‘She’s cool though. The rest of them seem really young.;

Sam: ‘Yeah, I like her. She’s banter like a lad…’

By this point, a gaggle of girls had surrounded the table, all giggly and young, they were oozing with absolute delight, BUT WEIRDLY trying to pretend that they didn’t know who Sam Reece was…Yet, knew his name was ‘Sam Reece’ because the fucking said it enough. 😉

This is all you could hear for the next 10 minutes…

‘Are you Sam Reece?’ Sam Reece? It’s Sam Reece. Is it Sam Reece? Sam Reiss? No, Sam Reece. Sam Reece! What do you do? I thought you meant Reiss? As if it’s Sam Reece…Are you Sam Reece…’

Then everyone asked for a ‘Curly Blow.’ 😉

Sam: ‘It just sounds so naughty. Hahah.’

Me: ‘I know. I love it. Hahaha. I want a curly blow.’

Zara: ‘I don’t know how he deals with that…’

(Some girl was tossing her hair in Zara’s face and sat in her seat…so it was all awkward and hysterical, to watch.)

But let me tell you about Sam. The most politest, almost calm, bit of gentleman…served in the style of ‘male model,’ NOT sat on sheepskin, easy going…down to earth…God of all sex appeal. He’s confident, he’s not afraid to try and win a lady over….even though he’ll do so with swag. It’s delivered with a handsome banter… a chilled directness….almost a determination, that doesn’t make him look foolish. He likes to get what he wants, but his soul is good. He’s definitely one of the good guys, yet there’s an ambition in his eyes…Easiest person to talk to…Northern..

You can’t help but like this guy… I mean for someone who’s quite prejudged…and i know how that feels….he’s extremely likeable…

And I only know all this, because well all accidentally had to become his ‘wing man‘ and we were all shit at it. No. I take that back. i’m really good at being ‘wing man.’

We all ended up going home after a few more…We definitely didn’t let anyone get in our elevator… A girl was screaming for us to wait to get into our lift…and it looked like she’d be ages and have 40 friends and Elvis with her…

Sam: ‘I can’t be arsed with that….shut the doors… Haha.’

Then everyone decided to wait for me, on Boar Lane, because my car had got lost…and I couldn’t describe where I was appropriately.

‘I’ve just walked out Trinity and now i’m by Mcdonalds and Nandos…on the corner…’

Zara: We’re waiting because we want to. Don’t be silly. I’m not leaving you here. Shut up, you.’

Me: ‘I’m fine. Just go..’

And because i’m obviously shite at directing anything, Sam takes my phone out my hands…and like some tattooed ‘all together’ hero, starts chatting and solves my first world….’where is the driver’ issues..

‘Is it that Range Rover? It’s here.’

Everyone gets kisses, everyone makes sure I get home safe….THEY go on to Fiber…I get my sorry ass home.

I’m actually at their salon on Thursday….And I’m really excited to see everyone again.

The reason why I loved the ‘Weaves & Waves’ event so much, was that it was actually filled with people, who I loved. That hardly happens….And, it was great because everyone there was ‘alive’ and everyone their was filled with personality. They were all open and easy going…which makes a blog really fucking easy. 😉