What I Need In A Guy….

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Life is flying at a million ‘WTF’s’ per hour. It’s crazy. There’s been kitten strokes, smoke alarms and utter madness, that has been *paused* by bits of calm. So much keeps happening to me and it’s a mixer of ‘all things dandy,‘ drizzled with trips ups. I ‘trip up’ well, so that doesn’t bother me. I can always brush myself off and wink my way forward with a *shrug.* When good things happen, I sort of fill myself with a kitten like’ excitement. Yet, I do get terrified.

But on the whole, I’m glad the clouds have hovered over Yorkshire this afternoon, (today is the Tour De Yorkshire,) as it pretty much keeps me out of trouble. I just can’t keep myself in when the sun comes out to play. Yet that’s what life is about. I’m all ‘Suns out, Wuns’ out. I’m enjoying good times, refraining from over thinking anything and trying to just have fun with everything. You’re a long time dead and well, usually, as the fairytale goes…it kinda all works itself out in the end, doesn’t it?

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON…

Over the last couple of days, i’ve spent quality time with my friends ‘Katy P’ and ‘JD’ and we’ve all just decided that our love lives (over wine) are shocking. They’re shit. Does it ever get better? Where’s my Prince, who comes trotting along on some stallion, with his one arm *scoop,* ready to sweep me away? Where is he? (Can you tell i’m Needy AF’ today. :))

Katy P: ‘I think it’s hard for you date. I mean, men get the wrong impression of you, because they don’t know you well enough. You’re sexy and they love sexy…yet they don’t see the softer side to you… I don’t know whether they don’t want to, or if they aren’t smart enough to?’

In love, I’m sassy and i’m quite the seductress…and I love that about me. I’m forward. More forward than the guys I’ve met. I wish guys WERE more forward with me. YET, at the same time i’m a hopeless romantic…and I can’t help that. After years of failed ‘love’ ..all the way around the world an back, (lol) i’ve learnt to appreciate the small things and treasure the simple things in life.

I do like to feel ‘impressed’ by a guy. I enjoy being chased. I love being ‘wooed.’ I’m not gonna say that I don’t adore the finer things in life, also. However, a guy could buy me a room filled with diamonds, upon diamonds, to show me how much he cares…and I’d appreciate the effort, whole heartedly. But i’d never appreciate that over a simple ‘love letter,’ as that’s something i’d hold close to my heart forever. I’m creative and I adore a creative gift. If i’m being honest, I’d adore a creative partner.

Anything ‘complicated’ or too difficult…is not something that I’m going to enjoy. If you have to try so hard to make someone want you, then it’s a ‘no go’ really, for me. They’re not that interested. They’re not that into you. I’m both unconventional and traditional all in one. Boys should chase girls. Always. If they don’t, then i honestly just think they don’t care. (And sometimes that isn’t the case, I know. But i need a brave man.)

Plus ‘Josh The Bartender’ once told me that when a guy loves a girl he’ll place her on a pedestal and that pedestal will be so high that no other girl will ever even come close to her. I’ve remember that and every time my paths crosses with another…I flashback to it.

I miss Josh. Where the fuck are you??

So, after a conversation with ‘Katy P’ about cougar loving, sexting and life… in a Justin Bieber top…

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Katy P: ‘Boys just seem to *go at* sex. Real men, can READ ya body better during sex and grown up women give better blow jobs. We must, because you’ll know, don’t they always looked astonished afterward, with a *where did that come from* face. Lol. But no, I never sext. I’m not good at it. I never know what to say?’

Me: ‘I love sexting. I can talk some filth via message. Lol. But i’m a writer..it’s a strength. Hahaha. But yeah, I know what you mean about the blow job thing. You do know that Toyboys are so in right now. Everyone’s doing it. Shall we get more wine?’

Katy P: ‘Younger men are attracted to the confidence that a WOMAN has… over a young girl. We just say it how it is and get on with it. We’re not naggy. We’re better in bed. We know what we want and if we don’t get it…We sack it off.’

Me: ‘They’re not forward though. They’re more terrified than anything, I think? I can feel them being terrified. I like forward. Not creepy forward. Just emotionally brave men. I don’t like them playing the *game* of love. It’s long. I don’t have time for that shit.’

Katy P: ‘You love eye candy though!!!’

Me: ‘Well yeah. I want them to be hot. Who doesn’t!! But i’m a personality girl. I mean, look at that Creepy Deadpoll guy, that follows you about. I only don’t like him because his personality is off. He’s strange. His social skills are wank.’

Then I found myself stood by hot dogs with one of my besties Jenna, as the Tour De Yorkshire *whizzed* by to cheers. I watched it for a bit and then sacked it off for a drink and a blog at ‘Ego.’ It was there and I supported the women’s race…but let’s face it...ROLL ON THE MEN IN SHORTS!!

Jenna: ‘We might as well become lesbians.’

Me: ‘Bagsy the *lipstick,* one, cos i’ll need you to put the bins out.’

Jenna: ‘You just need someone who’s cares so much, but is like FIRE. Someone who knows what they want…They want YOU and they’re not gonna let ANYONE ELSE FUCKING HAVE YOU. YOUR THEIRS.’

Me: ‘God, you’ve made that sound so hot. Haha. I love that. I’m looking for actions not words. What they DO. Not what they SAY their gonna.. and they need to be self less…I hate selfish people.’

But is that too much to ask for? No. So nowadays, I just do the ‘happy being single’ thing…until a Knight comes a striding in with his ‘one armed scoop.’ I’m someone that will feel it straight away…and i’ll finally be putting the ‘square peg, through the square hole,’ without complications…

Bethy G: ‘Do you want a biscuit. Men are shit, they’re all the same…’

🙂

Chrissie x

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Blogging, Firmonnell & I’m in the MOOD for a Date

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Morning, my little pieces of ‘love festival.’ I’m feeling great today. There’s a beam around my soul, a tingle down my spine…a glint in my wink…and a sizzle of excitement in the air. I never know what life has in store for me? Who does? Yet, I just know that it’s going to be something wonderful.

(Even though I spent part of yesterday dressed as a Mermaid and that was somewhat alarming on all levels. Yet, a girl’s godda eat…so if work says ‘today you’re mermaid, start pouting for pics,‘ i’m there. I mean, it could be worse, I could be locked in a cellar, with zero chances of  prosecco and without the ability to selfie. Oh & just so you know, the picture above was taken by Insta: @AaronPix.Celebs & I’m pictured with Simone Reed, who has a new boyfriend, who’s apparently friends, with my friends.)

*Ramble Over.*

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So, what are you up to today? Owt or Nowt?

I’m going through quite a busy time right now, (where everyone wants a piece of me,) but like I said, it’s an exciting time, filled with opportunity, so i’m enjoying it. It actually feels like a really lucky time for me, so we’ll see what arises from the glitter pool. I’ll just keep everything crossed in the meantime and try and stay out of trouble. I’m so sorry to all the friends that I’ve had to cancel plans with for work. But honestly, it’s truly quite busy…I’ll come drink with you, always when i’m free.

*Always remind me.*

Who knew that writing a little life blog, could actually place you on some kind of ‘tippy tappy’ pedestal? I’m kinda in shock, but so utterly grateful. Never get that twisted!

I mean, who knew that, when I started typing out my life in LA, almost 10 years ago and simply because ‘D.K’ a middle aged barista (who kept a diary of everything he ate, because he had an eating disorder) told me to…Who knew that masses of people globally, literally on every continent of the world, were soon to be tuning into my life, as I ‘diaried’ along.

It’s nuts.

But what I love about the blog, is that it’s something that people just ‘discover’ out of nowhere, whilst they’re tinkering through their OWN existence. During that time they accidentally cross paths with MY existence…and ‘just like that’ they find THEMSELVES in this story.

It’s magic.

But I must’ve met a lot of people, because i’ll tell you, I’m bloody knackered.

I have an audition this morning, then I might head over to Gino’s Leeds for a quick prosecco to chill. You all know how much I adore that place. It’s certainly my hideaway and they never fail to treat me like  Queen. (Which I adore. Lol)

Remember last year, I got to speak to Gino and got to watch him work, as I became part of the madness during his stage show and launches…I had such a great time. I always go to the Leeds spot, yet when I did Harrogate, I cocktailed and played table football with, Adam Clayton. I don’t know who he plays football for, but he had his girlfriend’s Chanel bag dangling from his neck, who was also playing table footy with us.

There’s just a great spirit in that restaurant…I do drinks there all the time…and in the Summer, you should too! It’s a fun lunch spot.

Anyway, tomorrow, I’m at ‘Creator Hair’ in Sheffield. This time last week..(as if it’s been a week,) I bumped into Sam & Zara at the ‘Weaves & Waves’ event…You all know who Sam Reece is anyway and I love Zara, because she’s sassy and fun. No one does a better ‘resting bitch face.’ I love her for it.

Long story short…and after a few Whatsapp messages…I’m booked in at Creator Hair, (creatorhair.com) tomorrow at noon and Sam is gonna give me a ‘blow.’ 🙂

I just love saying *blow*

I don’t even know what’s gonna happen to my hair, (Hahaha) I just want to see them all again!! I’m excited. It should be fun. I’ll be blogging about my bouji bit of time there and I’ll try and get some really great pictures for ya’ll to see.

I had this mad phone call with my chick bestie ‘Firmonnell’ last night.

(Snapchat Msg)

Me: ‘Omg. When you’re free tonight, fucking call me. I’m stressed. All this shit has happened…and I don’t know what to do!’

It’s hilarious, because when we have a problem, one of us’ll send the other an ’emergency text’….and you can FEEL the ’emergency‘ in the message. We don’t do pleasantries. We just get tot he point.

By nature, we’re both sassy. We’re not lame…So it’s not like we’re all ‘come over to mine, drink tea, do a face mask and we’ll plait each others hair.’ 

It’s more like ‘fuck this, get gin, come now and sort my life out.

Then we’ll have a big verbal *THRASH OUT* where I’ll usually witter on about shit my love life always is, and she’ll solve all my problems, kinda like she’s Oprah, but drunk…

Once solved, she’ll then deliver her mountains of problems.

I never solve her problems. Lol. I’m too selfish. 🙂 Plus, I’m really shit at giving advice. Hahaha! She’s not someone that needs help. She likes tough love. And i’m good at that! 🙂

Witter. Witter. Banter. Banter. Moments where we *pause* to appreciate how wonderful are, in comparison to everyone else is. Lol.  I go bananas! Then we start accusing people of being ‘DULL’

‘Why are they the DULLEST PERSON IN ALL THE LAND. They definitely have shit sex. They’re SO DULL.’

Once that’s been said….

… it always ends with..

‘Well it’s their loss not mine. So I win!’

(Lol. Yesterday’s *Thrash out* was all about the art of ‘WINNING,’ when it’s mixed with this dodgy thing called ‘feelings.’)

Then it’s like we both just hang up on each other, like we don’t care.. Hahaha. Until the next time, my sweet!

I love ‘Firmonnell’ because I can be absolutely, truly 100 percent honest with her. I tell her EVERYTHING. And I never tell people anything! It’s like there’s nothing I can do WRONG, in her eyes…Even when I’ve really sinned and vice versa, there’s nothing SHE CAN EVER DO wrong…without me finding it funny. 🙂

Why can’t I just find a guy like that?

I’m in the mood for a date….Why is no one taking me on a date?

It’s sunny for crying out loud!