Fights, Sulking & True Love…

I had such a stressy night. All was well. All was wonderful. The Babies and I were a delight. All was sound, as we gathered in our *comfies* and watched telly, by the Christmas tree, with snacks.

Junior got the ‘Special Mention’ at school, so was filled with happiness. Ruby was overjoyed that it was finally the weekend, so she could relax. They had survived their consecutive day, ‘School Accident Form’ doo/dah and life was simply BLISS. (Junior was cute because when passing, he heard teachers talking about Ruby in the office. She had just had a fall. He stopped and asked if he could go see her in her classroom. Once granted, he went in and hugged her, to make sure she was okay. Aww! Lol)

Bliss! Delight! Let’s Call Disney & Tell Them To Make A Movie!

THEN…

…my Mum pops around, we have a massive fight, and everything turns to shit. We’re both really strong headed, so it’s annoying, when we bicker. The thing about my Mum is that, she’s about to go on Holiday for 2 weeks. Even though she loves a holiday, (don’t we all,) every single INCH of HER worries about the babies and I, during her absence. She a proper family woman. A great mum. But she’s nuts.

After the sharp bicker, that played almost like a swift, yet verbal knife throw, I got so bored of sitting there awkwardly, (y’know when you just sit there, being silent and pulling faces, so everyone in the room KNOWS your mad, Lol) that I did the only thing I knew how to do, as a daughter.

That was stand up, storm out of the room, perform a giant, angry hair toss, fling my glitter shoes at a wall and strut upstairs, stomping on every step. Haha. I then wet wiped all my face OFF, took off all my clothes OFF and with a *HUFF* went OFF to bed!!

All. Lights.Out.

The art of ‘SULKING’ is exhausting. I hate it. I tossed and turned all night.

I’m such a Sasserilla, when I think i’m right, that my opponent has NO CHANCE.

Then I had this dream that I was high in the sky, amongst the clouds , but falling out of a plane, tied to Talique from ‘I’m a Celebrity.’ I’m not sure if it was a ‘losing control’ kinda dream or a sexy one? I can’t quite decide? Haha. But yes, I’ve woken up fine, but stressed…even though everything’s kinda gone back to normal. It’s made me feel unbalanced.

We do this, The Wunna’s….We have these ‘Blow Outs’ and then everything goes back to normal, straight away…and mainly because if not, I WILL SULK FOREVER. 😉 I’m a proper grudge holder, until I hear a sincere apology.

Honestly, I’m awful for a ‘sulk sesh.’ I’m not really good at it, but I FULLY COMMIT to it. I’m loyal and brimming with pride. I’m also vain, so I like to look good when I sulk. Haha. It’s great when you’re sulking, after a fight with a guy who’s attracted to you, because their willies kick into action and you always win the war.

I think there’s a problem with me because there’s no grey area. There’s no fuzzy, static channel. It’s all swift flying emotion, or nothing at all. That’s with BOTH happiness & despair. I’d sort it, if I could be bothered.  But there’s cocktails to sip and I kinda like who I am.

Anyway…

(I currently have ‘Thanku, Next’ playing in the background. How is Ariana Grande’s voice so beautiful? She literally sounds like a dream. She can take any song and swirl it with a sound of smooth, angelic empowerment. I wish I could sing. I wish I could ice skate.)

So, I got this strange Snapchat message, yesterday evening. No. It wasn’t strange. It was actually lovely. Really lovely. The kind of message that I adore.

‘You’re so beautiful. X’

I’m classing it as ‘strange’ simply because I didn’t expect it to pop up, (I had to double take) and then I couldn’t decide if it was friendly, suggestive, by accident, all of the above, or even correct of him? I already know the guy closely. I just didn’t expect it, because he’s not in the correct ‘relationship status’ box.

That’s not cool.

However, I understand what he’ll be going through right now, because i’m going through the exact same thing…So he could’ve just had a couple of gins and let a mixture of his memories, his heart and his ‘really big’ willy take the lead.

I saved the conversation on purpose to terrify him…Boys sometimes need to feel terrified. They can’t have their cake and eat it. Even if they think they can…

I’m fine with the message though. I’ve done the ‘ginned up’ message numerous times, through life. So, I get it. My messages are always tragic though, because I don’t have a willy. (I might grow one, for kicks though.)

I wish I could just *blink* and be having fun in a Leeds cocktail bar right now.

Why am I so grumpy today???

I’m missing ‘The Swirl.’

 

 

Girls Night, Flirts & Extra Big Gin Pours

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Hiya! I know it’s been ages since a blog. You’ve all had a moan at me. Lol. But I’m here! It’s been mental. There’s been all kinds of influencing, work and fun. The babies have been auditioning. I’ve been auditioning. We’ve been keeping our sparkle a float, booz!

I’ve just been enjoying myself really, with friends, family…andyone who wants to join the conga line of fun. The kids go back to school soon, so I wanna make sure I embrace my time with them, which is a tinker of a juggle, due to work and baby daddy exchanges. YET, completely worth it, worth it, worth it!

I’ve still been out and about, i’ve lunched, I’ve shopped, i’ve tippled and loved. Therefore, bit by bit, i’ll shimmie my story of the last few days out to you…because i’ve literally done SO much, that I wouldn’t even know where to begin?

I’ve been everywhere & always with a cocktail in my hand!

I think i’ve also ‘sassed up’ a little bit actually. My inner ‘diva’ seems to be swirling through my system right now. I’m strutting about like a ‘girl boss,’ without a care in the world. But there’s a smile in my heart…and a ‘dolly’ warmth, that you should absolutely be terrified of.

Anyway… *Rein me in*….I’ll start here…

Okay, so, the other evening I got to hang out with my ‘Firmonnell’ and ‘Hustle Barbie.’ We’ve been through so much together. I mean, we’ve watched each other laugh, cry, lie, win and fall. We’re all single. We’re all sexy. We’re all drinkers, thinkers and really good winkers. 😉 They’re now roomies (after hot little breakups)  and they’re a couple of my closest chick friends.

I adore them because whenever I hang out with them, a magic happens.  We’re alive, with no judgements, no fear…just fun! And just recently, when i’m not at work or with my babies, i’ve been feeling quite bored. I’ve been looking around me and yawning. I’m an exciting girl and I need adventure. So a girls nights with them, was a really good fix of fun. It reminded of me of who I was again…

Sling back that fruity gin & adjust that flipping wonderbra.

‘Are you in pants?’

Me: ‘Don’t be so stupid… It’s a night out. I never where pants.’

The good things is, whenever we’re out…the boys just seem to flock? (It’s a good mixture of boobies, banter, good looks and energy. Lol)

Firmonnell: ‘Well, fill me in then. I don’t  wanna talk about your work. Who are you dating? Who you sleeping with?’

Hustle: ‘I feel overdressed. Take a picture of me! A smiling one and a non smiling one. I don’t like that one. You’re shit at picture taking.’

Me: ‘I’ve drank all day since 12.01.’

Remember… ‘Firmonnell’ is literally my bestest, best friend EVER and she is probably the only human in the glittery world, who actually knows EVERYTHING about me. I tell her everything…without censor, or an ‘untruth’ tag, swinging from it.

Laaa Deee Daaa…

I always think, people sometimes assume they know a lot about me…But ‘Firmonnell’ with a* finger snap* and a *hip bump* ACTUALLY does!! Her red stiletto is firmly STAMPED in  the heart of Wunna Land…emotionally, physically and mentally. Plus, both Hustle and Firmonnell, are the kind of friends, who just make things easier on you, without drama.

Firmonnell: ‘I found a diary….’

Me: ‘Ooh, I love a diary…’

Firmonnell:….’ of when I lost my virginity.’

She couldn’t tell if she’d lost it or not…? Lol.  I mean does 2 minutes count? But honestly, does it? As I’m sure I could go back in time and start crossing boys off my list, if it doesn’t??

Losing your virginity is awful.  But the first time you do anything in life, (well, the things that people wrongly underline as a taboo).…You’ll always find is shit. Debauchery really is a habit, one that is created due to consistency…It’s a pastime i’ve nailed over the years.

Hurrah! Sinning for everyone!

Anyway, double gins were poured, I had Peroni’s, before wine because I wanted to line my tummy. I’d been at Clam & Cork in Doncaster (It’s a new trendy seafood & champagne bar, set in the market) and I’d  had oysters all day for lunch, before girls night! 😉 I loved the Clam & Cork by the way. You should all go! It’s such a clever little idea and literally the service and food was DIVINE.

There’s a coolness to it.

The oyster thing did kinda worry me though, because I know that oysters are meant to make you horny? I didn’t wanna do GIRLS NIGHT, feeling  like I needed to dry hump a lamppost. So I had a Guinness straight afterward, at the nearest pub because I thought it would cancel out any aphrodisiac. I don’t know why, I thought that? Haha. Welcome to my mind. It’s the same logic I use for Bloody Mary’s…

‘Techincally it’s food, because it’s got tomatoes in… You call it cocktail. I call it breakfast.’

(I’ve actually had hundreds of Bloody Mary’s for breakfast before, in my time.)

And chewing gum…

‘Technically, it’s a snack…You’re chewing…’

Back to girls night…..

Before you know it, we sort of went from 0 to hero in seconds, and surrendered to a innocent fun, that was dashed in ‘little girl’ excitement. We’re all so alive right now and young spirited. We’re flirty. Yes. But when were out, we’re kind of in own little bubble of fun, that we don’t really care about what’s going on around us. We’ll talk to everyone…and we did. We’ll sing, we’ll dance, we’ll selfie…we’ll laugh at each other’s pain.

Yet, these guys had shown up…

Hustle: ‘Ron’s coming with his mates… Can we all just be lovely and say nothing please…’

I LOVE HER.

(Hasn’t Hustle just had her Vagina BLESSED in Bali? I swear that makes it’s squeaky clean and innocent with a cherry on top? I’m sure the Bali Gods, erased all vagina history.)

Basically…’Hustle Barbie’ invited a guy, who she fancies...(which is always fun)…for drinks.

One minute he was called Anthony. The next minute his name was ‘Ron’ (because he’s apparently so obsessed with ‘Harry Potter.’)

Me: ‘Ewww! NO! I hate that! Don’t date a crazy Harry Potter fan.’

Firmonnell: ‘He’ll always be Ron and never Harry.’

Me: ‘That’s too much for me…

He was thoughtful though, because he tended to ‘Hustle’s’  vegan values. He  didn’t want her to witness his friends ripping chicken off the bone, with their teeth, like savages, during a late dinner…So he *paused* their rendezvous, until no drippy, ‘finger licking’ chicken munching, could be ever seen.  So romantic of him!

Thoughtfulness is the new sexy.

Last year, I kept trying to be vegan….Well, not Vegan…more veggie… with Hustle Barbie.  Yet I caved and had a bag of pork scratchings…. because i’m such a good support system. 🙂

TEAM GLAM SQUAD. That’s life!

Anyway, ‘Ron’ brought two mates with him….I didn’t know them? They were quite quiet.  ‘Firmonnell’ tried to make one of them guess her name…and he went with…

‘JANE.’

Me: HAHAHAHAHA!

Firmonnell: ‘Errrugh! As if you think I look like a JANE.’

Boy: ‘Sally?’

Firmonnell: ‘I like Autumn. Autumn Costello.’

Me: ‘You look like an Autumn!!! ‘

Hustle: ‘We look like Autumn, Summer & Winter. You look so Asian today Chrissie?’

Me: ‘I am Asian???’

Anyway, that guy got bored and left Firmonnell & I outside, after we told him how shit he was at name guessing… So we found new friends to play ‘banter’ with. ..and it was so much more good fun, than just sitting….and nodding…..around appalling name guessing games, tits, red lipstick and muscles.

It turned into the best time!

When it comes to guys, I like you to look good, sure!  YET, I adore a good solid bit of banter! Or someone who is smoooooth with the charm. I want them to care for me, look after me and make me laugh. A six pack can’t do that!

Hustle: ‘Why have you taken your hands out of your hand bag??? Keep them in there, bitch!’

(Just one of their sick, twisted roomie wife games.)

Me: ‘My wine’s gone straight to my head.’

Firmonnell: ‘Is that the guy who you went in the bush with??? The anal guy! Haha’

Me: ‘Yeah..’

Firmonnell: ‘Good! Let’s go talk to him…I love that I called him poor..’

Me: ‘Haha. Well, He shouldn’t go on my phone, if he can’t handle the banter..’

We all chatted, as Hustle began to sophisticatedly seduce ‘Ron’ in the distance, …then Firmonnell decided to call the bush boy ‘poor’ AGAIN…and after laughs, he stated that he was gonna ‘Piss on her house.’

Yippppeeeee!

Drinking, drinking, selfie taking….

Hustle: ‘Shall we go to Tap & Barrel?’

Boys: ‘Girls! Come!’

Me: ‘I’m not going into town..’

Firmonnell: ‘I’m not leaving yet!’

Boys: ‘We’ll go to that gin bar…’

Then Hustle and Ron decided to have private words of love over gin, in some corner…So we all went outside. Then ‘Firmonnell’ told Reece & Ben that they were being so boring.

Boys: ‘What! You left to go sit somewhere else!’

Firmonnell: ‘Yes….ON AN EMPTY TABLE BECAUSE IT WAS MORE FUN THAN YOU.’

Hahah. I love her.

Boys: ‘We’re not the boring ones.  HE IS, inside..’

Firmonnell: ‘You’ve just been sat there with ya muscles, being dull and square..’

Boys: ‘ Well, I’ll not train shoulders for a week then, so I look fun, shall I!!!’

Then weirdly, the stars twinkled above us and because ‘Firmonnell’ has a way of just knowing how to win people over….ALL of  sudden, the tight tshirted, muscle bound toyboys, were our besties??

They were laughing and bantering, flirting and shirting…and the world had taken a turn..

Reece: ‘Where’s Bruce?’

Me: ‘Who’s Bruce?’

Firmonnell: ‘We call him Ron… Don’t tell him though…’

Me: ‘Why is he called Anthony, Ron AND Bruce??’

Reece: ‘When he was young, he was really chubby and we called him Bruce because he had a stutter?’

I’m not sure how that makes ANY sense at all? Yet, they did then try to force us to call Ron, ‘Bruce’ and make him feel awkward, because then he would stutter.

AAAAAWWWwwwwwwww! Noooooooooo! I’m a NO BULLY ZONE.

We couldn’t be arsed…

Anyway, they all ventured to play ‘party’ on new razzly pastures…and ended up at the new cocktail bar, Mxyology. I stayed in the pub and chilled with a different Antony…who ended up with a red studded dog lease around his neck, before he tried to then go on to steal the actual dog. This was a lady named Marie told me thather husband where’s her under garments…

No. Wait…

Leggings. 😉

Happy Wednesday.

I had a good news phone call today!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flirts, Single Life & Custard…

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Yesterday was so much fun. Was it yesterday? Yeah…yesterday! I’ve literally been all over the land, working my merry tinker of a booty off and I’m feeling really lucky. I’m knackered though. God! It’s been trains, travel, bars, restaurants people, social media and deadlines…NON STOP. But i’m loving every second and I’m counting my lucky..stilettos?

They say, ‘Hard work pays off,’ and slowly, but surely, when it’s your turn to shine…it will. Everyone’s always in some kind of race…and you don’t need to be. You don’t need to compare yourself to someone else. They may be on Chapter 20, when you’re only on Chapter 1. ..and that’s fine. Just be inspired, hone your talent, enjoy every minute and push forward, whilst concentrating solely on what YOU’RE doing.

People will talk. LET THEM. 

Chrissiewunna.com ONLY became popular via people talking & gossiping about me. 😉

You’ll make your dreams come true, if you give the world something of value.

People never post their failures online…They tend to only talk about them, once they’ve made it big.  The good thing about this little blog, is that you live my triumphs and failures as I go along…

It’s human nature..

But preach over…Let’s chat…

I hardly slept at all yesterday. Ruby’s away on holiday with her Dad. Junior had an evening with his Father last night also.  I was all on my own, with my flipping meditation app and hated every second of not having the kids around me. (I like hearing them screaming in the background.) 

I’m so lucky right now, because I never feel alone, because of them. However, I dread to think what life would be like, when i’m really really old, if I stayed single and alone forever? I’m just not that kind of person. I don’t want that.  I don’t deserve that. I want to feel love and give love always. I’m just not willing to settle for ‘Mr.Anyone,‘ for the sake of ‘just because.’ I’d rather be alone than ever be with someone who wasn’t right!

I want that magic. That unconditional love that swirls through two people, who can’t help BUT be soul mates..

And i’m sure i’ll find it…It’ll pop out of nowhere, when I least expect it to…But like I said, I’m in no race. I’ll do my own story, at my own pace…I have absolute faith in my own version of life. I never know what’s going to happen to me in the end, I just know it’s going to be something wonderful…

I bumped into Passionate Jaz, Baby Tom & No Knicks yesterday afternoon, at the pub.

SUNDAY FUNDAY!

It was ace. Passionate Jaz, was hungover and needing carbs to survive another hour of life. She had fallen asleep on a really comfy bin, in town, enticed ‘Baby Tom’ with her sexiness..

‘You’re definitely *getting some* when we get home. 😉 ‘

Baby Tom, IMMEDIATELY orders a taxi (woo’ed by the debauchery.) He gets them home, straight away, at the speed of ‘I definitely have a boner’ light.  Then ONCE HOME,  Jaz, tells him off….

‘If you dare come near me or in this room…’

(Hahahah)

..and so he ends up just sleeping on the sofa, cuddling a bottle of Jack Daniels. Lol.

I love them. They’re my favourite couple. I love hanging out with them…and watching them eat nachos.

Jaz: ‘I do like custard?’

Me: ‘I like custard..’

Jaz: ‘I like rice pudding with jam on me..’

Tom: ‘Oh yeah. Her ship was leaking..Lol’

Jaz: ‘I was definitely on the sinking ship. His friends didn’t like me…’

Me: ‘I don’t  like Ben because he lied about me..’

No Knicks: ‘My ex cheated on me..’

Jaz: ‘Stop dating people you work with!’

Me: ‘It’s never really a good night if someone isn’t hysterically crying for or kicking off..’

Tom: ‘Owt for Nowt..’

Me: ‘There’s literally A MILLION SINGLE MEN in they city of LEEDS, ALL looking for love. Why can’t you find ONE, that DOESN’T work with you??

Tom: ‘I’ll have a pint of Peroni please..’

Jaz: ‘I want a Jam Roly Poly now…’

No Knicks: ‘I hate that i’m single…Please tell me that it’s going to be okay, because i’m 29, never been married with no kids.’ 

She’ll be fine though. I mean, ’29, never been married with no kids,’ is a much easier sell, than..

‘Hi. I’m Chrissie. I’m 37. Been married 3 times, oh and I have two babies… to two different guys.’

That is my first date banter…because I always feel like I need to get it out in the open STRAIGHT AWAY. I let THEM take it from there..Lol

I remember being sat in ‘The Swirls’ (do I still call him ‘The Swirl’ or should I call him ‘T Bone?) Anyway, it wasn’t this Easter, but the Easter before and I was sat on his sofa, after sex…in his apartment in Ipswich, with ‘Dinner Date’ on as telly background and to our right, was a GIANT canvas picture, with a half naked, abstract artsy lady painted on it. The canvas was LEMON and the lady seemed to be dancing? She looked all FREE….

T Bone: ‘That’s not mine. It was already here when I moved in.. Lol.’

Anyway, I told him the 30 something, married loads of times, two babies, to two different daddies spiel…

I did my usual *pause* afterward…(I always do it, to scan their face…)

The 30 something thing, didn’t bother him. He’s a younger 30 something than me. And even though he did look, a little taken a back, by my story…for a second…

He paused, tried to say something humourously sensible at me…Then pointed at the tv….in fact at Kim Kardashian, because an E Network Advert had come on…and said..

‘It’s only like her. She’s been married a couple of times…I think you’re great girl. I think you’re lovely.’

Smooooth. 😉  It was sweet of him to refrain from being judgemental. The less judgemental a guy is, the more i’m going to fancy him.

Me: ‘Well, it’s my story. I can’t help my story or my past. There’s nothing I can do about it, so people kinda just have to either love me for it or lump it..’

Anyway….

How did I get so distracted???

The rest of the yesterday, I sat with a table of guys…who were all on the gin after the races. A really good set of lads. Some were better at banter than others.. Then ‘Stringer’ sang ‘Hero’ by Enrique Iglesias, IN SPANISH…lovingly, into his fruity gin…

He was actually AMAZING…

He sang EXACTLY THIS…into his gin…whilst ordering Dominos.

Then we talked about Stag Do’s. How I was accidentally on HIS stag do. KatyP came back from a BBQ, with Golfer Jonny, the MOST PISSED I had ever seen her...Lol.

‘Holy shit! What happened to you, in that time???’

I hugged everyone…Then it was home time…I got home. Stripped down naked. Turned out the lights and online stalked the people I fancy, in bed… after Peroni’s. (Haha. Tragic. 😉 )

This morning I woke up from a Snapchat message from Big Brother 9’s Rex Newmark, who’s actually really good friend of mine. He pretty much said my outfit made me look like I was headed to a ‘rodeo’ 🙂 and then we mutually agreed that I looked like a hooker..

Rex: ‘Both good choices. Never a wives favourite though. Haha.’

Me: I’m NEVER a wives favourite!’

Rex: ‘When are you back in London. I want you to visit some of my restaurants…?’

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Nothing But The Truth & Petty Flippin’ Fight Offs

Yesterday started off ace. I got my quiet time, with a ‘Katy P‘ who’s a really close friend of mine and I managed to feel ‘real’ again and not like a ‘product’ or project. I’ve been really stressed. But i’m back now. I’m back.

I guess, it gets hard at times, because I write a blog..this blog…which pretty much documents my life….almost like a written word reality show….I started it in LA, because I loved ‘diarying’ my life…as I lived it…It was only a hobby, just my version of ‘doing life’ and mainly my therapy…as my day job at the time was ‘glamour model,‘ which then turned into ‘reality tv.’

The blog came first…they were just things that accidentally happened to me, on my journey.

Years later….this ‘hobby‘…turned into a business…and my life…turned into work…as people all over the world started ‘tapping’ into Wunna Land. It kinda became a ‘show.’

An what I’m gonna say is that every single inch of me, couldn’t be happier with the way it all panned out. It’s like a dream. I get to do what I love…and that’s certainly something I regard as so precious. I’m incredibly grateful for it all. Not a little piece of me, will ever complain about it. In fact, I want MORE.

YET….sometimes (and anyone in entertainment or any form of ‘show’ like occupation) will know, that it can all get too much at times…it gets busy, everyone thinks they know everything about you….and you kinda just need to check in with ‘the reals,’ as I call them. (Which are your closest friends…family…or just have a moment to yourself.) 

That’s what I did yesterday with Kate….

This is what happened…

So we meet up accidentally, Kate’s just come from Pilates, I’m blogging, she decides to clear out a giant green caravan, that ‘once ready’ will be serving gin. Nothing coming out this caravan looked GINNY. (Obviously, i just supervised in the sun with a drink. I always say I was build for pleasure, not tedious labour.) 

In fact, everything coming out of this caravan looked like it was the entire contents of ‘Argos.’

Kate: ‘We have a heat lamp, some boxes, cables…tinsel…another heat lamp.’

If the process went on any longer, I swear she would’ve even pulled out an elephant, maybe Elvis, an ex boyfriend, Baby Jesus, Lisa Appleton and hungry donkey.

Long story short, she sacked it off and we did sunshine, gossip and ‘keeping it real,‘ as we chatted ‘wills,‘ guys, stalkers, our love lives, how we’d get married, if we did ever get married again and just basic shit really…Hours were passing…and I was loving it because we were literally throwing our heads back with insane laughter and it’s those moments, away from everything and everyone, that matter to me the most.

Then she calculated an entire humans finances in about 3.2 seconds, because she’s a whizz like that…and proceeded to make fun of me, as she just got on with her ‘own ting.’ 

Me: ‘Erm…why are ignoring me??’

Katy P: ‘What I’m organizing letters into the correct batches and spelling shit.’

I mean WTF, i’m an attention whore at the best of times. Fob me off for large glasses of wine or hula dancing, not SPELLING and organizing.

Me: ‘What are you even doing!!’

Katy P: I’m spelling out your love life, but I can’t spell BEYOND….’

Me: ‘As if you’ve just calculated an entire humans finances but you can’t spell BEYOND. Lol. That’s disgraceful. Hahah.’

Katy P: ‘Don’t start… I’m dyslexic.’

…and technically I can’t do sums…So I’ll give her that…and let her mock away at my life, right in front of my little Burmese face.

Just a great day in general….It felt all calm, yet fun. ‘Zen’ like…yet sassy. (If there is such a thing? Lol) Then, ‘JD’ and some a guy named ‘Martin’ with a dog, had walked in. They looked at us, like we were foolish.

And we are…

Then all was lovely. Fantastic afternoon. Life was bliss. I’d refueled and filled myself to the utter brim with love.

THEN…

As soon as I got home…an awful ‘busy body.’ You know what I mean? They’re the people in life, who have nothing better to do, nothing going in their life, aside from the everyday, mundane, same old ‘one foot in front of the other.’They’re the nosiest people. The most judgmental folk…and people who can only focus on ‘the little things that don’t matter,’ because there’s not much more excitement going on around them.

I got into an argument with ‘the busy body.’ It was played like a back and forth‘ …..over a plank of wood.

But who the ****has time to moan or argue about a plank of wood?

Do you?

I mean something else had happened, which was much more important during that time….and instead of finding any compassion…they worried about themselves and their wood.

I don’t like selfish people. Open ya goddamn eyes! Open ya goddamn heart.

Anyway, the pettiness of it, made me FURIOUS…I was FUMING. And by nature, I’m a relaxed person, I’m easy going…I’m patience…I’m warm…I’ll never be really mad, unless I’m absolutely passionate about something and people never know that about me, unless they’ve met me personally…The just assume i’m a bitch.

Regardless…

I couldn’t have been MORE PISSED OFF…and you pick ya fights, ya verbal bickers… don’t you? But I’d had enough…so I  went for it.

Literally ALL THE SASS and i don’t even care. I can’t stand narrow minded people. I was furious.

Anyway, I got myself into a merry tizzy and I was so cross, I filled up…and cried. Yipppeeee! Lol. However, I only did the crying part behind closed doors, as later on my mum came over and sat with me, just to make sure everything was okay.

Mum: ‘Just ignore her. She’s got nothing better to do. I know you feel like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders…but just relax and know that everything’s going to be okay. ‘

Me: ‘I don’t need another lecture, right now…’

Mum: ‘This isn’t a lecture! I’m your mum!! No one in this entire world loves you as much as I love you…and no matter what, I’ll stand by you. But you need to listen to me…

Me:’ I am…’

(I’m crying by this point…lol. But doing the pretending like i’m not thing…) 

And in that moment, as she went through everything, and I told her every inch of how I was feeling….a ‘magic’ swirled around us, a ‘magic’ that was build from unconditional love…and even though I felt like a little girl again…..within a *flash* I grew back up into WOMAN.

Always share strength….not weakness….and her strength is motivated by love…

In that moment, she made me realize how lucky I am…

(Oh shit, my phone’s ringing….)

 

Business, Swirls & Bouji Gin

So, I thought I was gonna chill & be quiet, yet this inner need for noise and bustle got the better of me, after *peace* had been  successfully’ticked’ off my ‘To do’ list. I found myself sending my bored friend Abeiku Arthur (who owns House of Solo Magazine..which I shot for) and by 7.30pm I as sat, in my faux fur, outside at a table with a red red wine at The Carlton, In Pontefract. It’s a local pub that I used to go to all the time, almost every time…Lol…almost racking up open tabs of hundreds of pounds time…Yet now I just peep in for a ‘kick back’ gin and tonic and jolly chilled banter with good friends.

I got there early so I just sat by myself, ‘House of Solo’ got there shortly afterward and after moaning that he wanted a burger and with a shandy in his hand, we pulled up a wooden chair and we started to talk work.

So, I’m running my blog, this blog..Wunna Land and he’s running his high fashion magazine…and every so often we catch up, to see how the other’s business is going on and chat shit about everyone basically. Lol. We loved chatting shit so much yesterday evening over wine that an old Yorkshire man, who was stood with his wife, stopped us and shouted across the outside ‘smokers’ patio…

‘Can I just say, you two look REeeeeEEEALLY HAPPY.’

Me: We’re talking about strip clubs and he’s moaning about £20 for a 3 minute dance, prices of them….HAHAH.’

The wife smiled, apologized for her husband, when she didn’t really need to… and said,

‘Aww, they’re just mates. Y’can tell…Especially if they’re taking about strip clubs, I’d whack you one..’

Everyone burts into laughter and the Yorkshire man finished off by shouting,

‘Bloody hell…Sorry. i didn’t realize. I just thought you looked happy, like you were gonna run off and plant daffodils or something.’

HAHAHAHAHA! I love people. I love funny strangers. He properly made my evening. Then he left.

But yes, after ‘House of Solo’ moaned about dodgy strips clubs in Wakefield.

Me: ‘As if you’re so stupid that you don’t know anything about strip clubs…They don’t just walk around fucking naked you idiot. You have to pay for that! Lol. That’s the WHOLE POINT!’

House of Solo: ‘Where’s my burger???’

Me: ‘Hahaha! You look like a zero swag dickhead, having to hold a basket of condiments with you, wherever you go!!’

Anyway, we then got talking about our careers. I was telling him about the stuff that I had going on, my collabos, my meetings, the investment deals, showing him my social stats and where I wanted to be headed this Summer career wise. And he’s always really positive about it with me, but at the same time keeps it real…Kinda like I am. I’m the same way. We’re straight talkers. However, i’m far more charming.

‘It’s only because you’re a girl…that’s why you have MAD followers…It’s harder if you’re a guy.’

Then I started talking about some of the recent Vlogs I’d been watching and Blogs people had or hadn’t been writing and how I thought they were doing, as personal brands. Some people get it? And some people JUST DON’T. I mean GOD! I love talking about other people’s blogs and vlogs…and gobbing my opinion of them as a brand. I get away with it, because my patch of cyberland is sassy. It gives me a the ‘green light’ to swear about other people’s patches all I want. 🙂

If you’re gonna be blogger or a vlogger that intends to *jiggly wiggly* into the world of personal branding, then you pretty much should be able to EXPRESS yourself PERSONALLY. If you can’t, or don’t..and I can always see through those that are uncomfortable or faking it…Your personal brand will just never work. It’ll just be boring, unauthentic…and like everyone elses. *SNOOZE* The idea is that you are true to who you are…YET, even if you are true to your voice in cyberland, you’ve got to have that ‘something, something’ that is simply captivating…Without that, in a business of ‘show’ you’re fucked.

I should have a ‘Swear tin’or something? Every time I SWEAR i’ll tinkle some change into a tin and when it’s full, I’ll give all the dodgy made money to charity. That’d be awesome. ‘Wunna swore for Guide Dogs’ or something? I could save lives and everything…Shame i’m not in the right heels. 😉 I’ll have to book in into next season’s diary. 🙂

Anyway, ‘House of Solo’ got his burger, I got a posh berried gin, as he showed me his front over ideas for the next edition. He’s doing four separate covers…and one of them I ADORE. It’s a shocker. I’m gonna PR the balls out of it for him and just because I think it’s SOOOO ‘out there.’ It’s gonna open eyes. (And no, it’s not a Wunna crotch shot…as really…that wouldn’t be too shocking to most,and my crotch isn’t that ‘High Fashion.’ Lol. Who knows, we could plonks some Burberry on it and whip it down a runway?)

Long story short, we quit chatting about our work…and just drank a bunch of gin with berries in.

House of Solo: ‘I want a fruity gin..’

Me: ‘When did The Carlton start doing bouji gin..?’

I love how all bars are now going on this ‘Gin is all BOUJI and new’ thing. IT’S BEEN GOING ON FOR DECADES. Y’know ‘Mother’s ruin’ and all that! But i’m not complaining. My drink was delicious and served to me by my old school friend ‘Pogson.’

Me: ‘Are we the last ones in here, cos you’re turning the lights off?’

Pogson: ‘Nooo, i’ve poured myself a Peroni, you’re fine.’

Anyway, we ‘House of Solo’ and I quit talking about work and started chatting about our love lives. (This is after we had politely slagged everyone off…Lol)

‘What? Chrissie! She just bums you..’

‘Yeah. I like it when people do that! Lol.’

But, yes…he was telling me about his happily tragic love life and I was telling him about mine…yet….in snippets…as believe it or not i’m always quite private about mine, so i’ll let you tell me everything and i’ll tell you bits…the unimportant bits, to keep you happy. I’ve been getting loads of messages from guys over the last few weeks (because i’m a chick with boobies) rambling on about if i’m ‘single, single, single‘ and then being in a mood because I won’t reply, which makes me ‘ignorant.’ Lol.

BLAH.

I’m not ignorant. I’m just busy and i’m not someone who’s gonna waste your time, or mislead you. I think that’s wrong, as you can never get your wasted time back. But I read all your messages and i am very flattered. Don’t think I’m not…and don’t call me ignorant, just because I don’t reply. Lol. Use a different word like ‘swine‘ to get my attention. It’s rude and has reference to booze in it. It’s a winner!

If i’m being honest…There’s obviously someone i’m in a swirl about I think he’s awesome. I really fancy him. He’a a great guy. And when it comes to things like that…as in ‘swirls,‘ I’ve kinda got a one track mind…Meaning, if i’m in a swirl, or I like a guy…it’s pretty hard, for you to get me, to like you more…unless the swirl has…well…swirled off. Lol

Anyway, I gave ‘House of Solo’ love life advice and he gave me guy advice…We gave each other advice, on how important it was to refrain from ‘playing it cool’ …cos sometimes you can plays something SO COOL, that nothing gets done…He moved forward with his mode of action and if i’m being honest, over the past week, I’ve really thought about ‘my swirl‘ a lot. I’ve been busy and working…but…

Whatever…in that moment I felt all inspired, we both did…So we reached for our phones..

Unfortunately for him, his phone died and ran out of charge..Lol. WHAT A BALL ACHE. It ran out of charge RIGHT WHEN HE NEEDED IT.

Mine phone didn’t…

And with a. ..

‘I’m thinking about you…I’m kinda missing ya lots…’

… at around 10.22pm

Everything in that moment felt wonderful.

 

 

 

Gucci Gifting To Bartlett’s Desk

Thank GOD it’s the weekend! I feel like i’ve just rolled off, the busiest week of work EVER and I don’t know what’s hit me. This week was stressy? Is that the right word? I don’t know why? But I was happy that Friday came. I needed to kick back and chill on my throne 🙂 and just watched the world go by for a second.  *Wiggle…Wink.*

I can tell the temperature of my stress, by the amount of wine consumed, once my work week has hit ‘see ya!’ I drank a whole bottle of red to myself, laughed, loved a little, performed a few pretend music videos in my bedroom mirror (you know you’re happy when you’re doing that and you know you’re obviously the fifth member of ‘Little Mix’ when your ‘across from you’ neighbour stops to tell you, that he watches you perform them drunk… from his window. Lol.)

‘Honestly, Chrissie! It’s the highlight of my evening. I love that you see me and don’t even care that i’m watching!’

‘I don’t see you? I’m pissed..’

‘Oh?’

‘Hahaha…now you sound like a pervert. LOL’

Anyway, I’m not here to tell you about my drunk window, ‘Little Mix’ performances.

RIGHT NOW, I’m here to make you rewind a second…

Remember that I visited Social Chain, about 2 weeks ago. I loved it. Didn’t I! I spread the news to everyone like wildfire. I was on my favourite Vlog , with Steven Bartlett…Who is certainly my favourite human.

Remember? Got it? Good!

A week later, I organised and ordered glamourous, fresh cut flowers to be sent to Katie Wallwork at Social Chain, by  ‘Bloom & Wild,’ who are my favourite luxury flower delivery service and she received them on ‘International Womans Day,’ as a ‘Thank you for having me…’ I loved Katie! So I wanted to make her smile.

By nature, i’m quite well mannered (apart from that one time when I threw my wine in this hideous girls face, because she thought she was the cast of ‘Kung Fu Panda’ and was a bit niftier than I with her very manly fisticuffs. A waste of a good, full bodied red, really :))  However,  I’ll also tell you that I DELIGHT in being courteous and even though i’m one of those ambitious ‘Boss It’ kind of ‘Chick festivals,’ with an image that is showered in glitteratti, diamond glares and luxury tinkers…I also LOVE (more than anything) creating moments where in which, even if it’s just for a second, i’ve made someone’s eyes smile and by surprise.

It makes me happy! What? I’m a decent human! Give me trophies (UK BLOG AWARDS. 😉 )

ANNNNYWAY, I ALSO  sent Steven Bartlett a surprise ‘Thank You’ gift…and that gift, I had decided had to be Gucci? (Obviously! Lol.)

Gucci is my favourite luxury brand, because it oozes a timeless, stylish, sophistication, combined with a fun, modern, twist of ‘ooh.’ I ADORE what they’re delivering right now…and HEY, I’m currently appearing in the pages of the ever so High Fashion  Spring Edition of ‘House of Solo’ Magazine, as ‘Social Media’s Newest IT Girl’…Therefore, surely what I say,…goes? 😉 LOL.

But yes, I’m a decent gift giver and so I chose to buy Steve THIS SEASONS ‘Original GG Canvas baseball hat with the traditional webbing design’ in black….BY GUCCI. The cost of it didn’t really matter to me…as once i’ve decided on doing something, I have a one track mind, be it in work, love, ‘Thank You Gifts’...anything really…  that’s it…I’ll commit to it fully and go for it.

So, I told my chick friends that I had bought and ordered the gift from Gucci, as I knew I was on the busiest work week ever…and that I needed it to arrive at his office in Manchester…for AFTER he returned from doing his ‘4 stages in 3 days’ speaking tour. (Like any successful, non creepy chick, 🙂 I stalk his Vlog, so I pretty much have the semi, low down on his work life…Which is obviously super handy, when stalking schedules.)

Now, it was important to me, that it landed on his desk, AFTER the speaking tour, so it felt like a ‘treat,’ after a busy, rushy, ‘he must be shattered’ stretch and at the SAME TIME…It’d make him smile because (like Katie’s Flowers) it would deliver a moment into someones’s world, where in which they knew another human cared enough about them, to be thoughtful. I love ‘Thank you for having me’ gifts…They are my absolute FAVOURITE. And you can’t go wrong with Gucci, as everyone loves a little bit of luxury…I mean I personally picked out what I thought was a great gift for Steve…and yeah, if you know me personally, my choice is VERY ‘Wunna.’

He gets a lot of gifts. But let me tell you about gifts. The most thoughtful gifts, are the gifts that you send people, for NO OTHER REASON, than to TELL THEM that they nare appreciated. You should choose things that YOU THINK they would personally love. I also choose things that I LOVE, as it’s such a good energy to pass on to another.

So, this hat, during my busiest week ever, didn’t just come from the local ‘in your area, if you’re lucky’ Gucci store. Oh no…that would be far to easy…THIS CAP…(and my chick friends will tell you) was FLOWN HALF WAY ACROSS ITALY…through THREE DIFFERENT ITALIAN CITIES, THREE DIFFERENT AIRPORTS, GUARDED BY SECURITY (who I called’ THE GUCCI CAP POLICE’)…DELICATELY SCANNED AT EACH AIRPORT, on arrival and departure AND because I needed to know WHEN this bit of luxury would end up gifted upon Mr Bartlett’s desk…GUCCI gave me HOURLY EMAILED REPORTS of the cap’s whereabouts and journey! Lol.

How amazing is that!! It’s the boujiest ‘tracking service’ ever. I felt like part of an FBI Glam Squad.

I kept chatting to people, but checking my phone, before looking up and then laughing with ‘Hot Sarah…’ and ‘Feisty Gem…’

‘THIS CAP HAS A BETTER LIFE THAN I DO! LOL!’

I’m not evening kidding…IT HAD SECURITY!

But let me give you a picture of events…

Gucci where giving me updates like this…

‘7 March/04.34pm Arrival for Original Scan in Firenze, Italy.’

‘7 March/ 06.32pm Departure Scan/Firenze, Italy.’

‘7 March 07.30pm Arrival Scan,/ Bologna, Italy.’

I recieved updates the entire way through and Wunna Land had got so involved in the ‘Life of Steve’s Gucci Cap’ that monitoring it’s whereabouts became a full time show. THE CAP needed it’s OWN VLOG! *Like & Subscribe here.*

So I KNEW when Steve was going to probably be back at his Manchester office and I also knew when Katie had received her flower delivery as ‘Bloom & Wild’ told me. 🙂 And I tried to schedule them appropriately. So they’d get there at the sameish time.

I was swimming in Wunna land, talking to brands, organizing shoots, verbally abusing my friends in good humour….AS HE was travelling from one event, to the next event, doing interviews , vlogging from taxis and meeting fans, as he tended to his own version of life. We were both going through really busy times….

AND THIS CAP….AS WE WERE DOING LIFE…WAS FLYING THROUGH THE SKIES ABOVE US…. (It’s was like a ‘Social’ James bond Movie.)

Then finally, I scrolled through my phone, as Gucci had alerted me at five o clock in the morning, to let me know that the cap had LANDED at East Midlands Airport in England and was headed to Manchester Airport, to get picked up by the courier and delivered to the Portland Street…by 11.34am. LOL.

I’m NOT JOKING. It was the most BOUJI ‘Charlie’s Angel’s’ operation of absolute glamourousity… EVER!

I mean ALL DAY I was working, working, working and then  plate spinning my own piece of Cyberland, but I constantly had this CAP’s journey churning through my mind. Lol. As soon, as I got the..

‘The Courier has successfully delivered your parcel in Manchester at 11.34am, to 127 Portand Street, for Steven Bartlett.’

There was Wunna land cheering, relief and a suggestion of wine and therapy.

Gucci is SO INCREDIBLY SLICK, they’re amazing. I mean GOD, those updates were DELICIOUSLY FABULOUS…yet SO ‘High Fashion’ intense. 🙂

‘THANK GOD, THE HAT HAS F****** ARRIVED!!!’

I needed 42 GINS after following the panic of it’s journey.

‘Well you would go for the flipping Gucci Hat….FROM ITALY, Wunna!’

‘The flowers were such an easier transfer of appreciation…I should’ve just got him butch roses..’

‘Are you happy?’

‘YEAH!’

‘Cos it’s finally there?’

‘Well…yeah. Ofcourse. BUT it’s mainly because I know that he’ll open the box, see it, not have a clue who it’s from, yet notice that it’s bouji…and his face will light up…He’ll beam…It’ll make him smile…Then he’ll find out that it’s from ME to say ‘Thank you’ and it’ll shock him. That again, will make him smile…But this time HIS EYES WILL SMILE… AND YOU TELL ME WHAT ON THIS ENTIRE EARTH IS BETTER than sending someone a bit of  luxury love, just to say  THANK YOU. It’s classy, with a wild streak. It’s fun. It’s shocking…It’s ME. It’s thoughtful! And thoughtful is the new sexy!’

Now, I don’t know whether you watch Steve’s Vlogs OR if you have managed to cross path’s with Social Chain and all that they do…

But here… Watch the Vlog when my gift from Wunna Land…(and it WAS the biggest operation of luxury cap travelling EVER….) landed on Steve Bartlett’s Manchester Desk…

His Eyes Smile! (Told you. 🙂 Makes me happy!

PLUS, the AWESOME THING ABOUT IT ALL, is the fact that I have a BLOG and he has a VLOG….and this real life ‘Thank You’ gift, travels from my patch of Cyberland to HIS channel of ‘Social’ AND YOU ACTUALLY GET  TO TRAVEL WITH IT….AS WE ACCIDENTALLY DELIVER TWO HALVES OF ONE STORY! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hotel Nights, Manchester & Wine Drizzles

God! I didn’t have chance to blog last night, as I had made the executive decision to have a few ‘fun gins.’ FUN gins, are different to PROPER ALCHY gins because you’re smiling as you’re doing it and performing pop songs in your bedroom mirror like YOU ARE ‘Little Mix’ and not rocking slowly, in some lonely corner listening to sad love songs…crying. Now that I’m wiser, I never blog after ‘fun gins.’ 🙂 So i just did the obvious….and with privacy on my mind, I gracefully posted a selfie on EVERY social media platform available to me (lol) and then went to bed.

I’m quite knackered, but again feeling all positive about it, as I’ve had an eventful week. I can’t even believe it’s Friday today! It’s flown by and ofcourse it’s been filled with excitement. My Manchester trip to see Steven Bartlett at Social Chain has seemed to have caused excitement in your ever so ‘social’ lives. I have ‘Thank you for having me’ gifts headed their way…because honestly…my time there was phenomenal, yet i’d also like to thank YOU for taking the time to watch the Vlog, read my post …and ‘like’ everything about it. It’s YOU that make our Cyberland world’s ‘worth’ anything.

But gosh, anyway, after my meeting, I headed back to my hotel for a quick drink to calm my excitement. I was in the hotel bar, chilling in my faux fur…people were glaring at me, apart from this couple you were laid on the bouji sofa booths of this hotel bar, snogging and feeling each other up. Lol. I accidentally made eye contact with the female counterpart of this team and GOD, with a 42 year old stagger and a wine bottle in her hand (note…she was a 42 year old, who looked 27) she took it upon herself to come see me. Lol.

She was THE MOST DRUNK GIRL, I have ever met. Yet, there was something lovely about her and that ‘lovely’ was simply the fact that she kept shouting out loud, around the bar, in her very Scouse accent

‘You’re so beautiful! You’re boss you. I love you! Y’know, I love you! You look like JLo.Can I sit with you! Can you fuck your next meeting off so we an go to the toilet and do…’

It kinda got a bit ‘loooong’ even though she was trying to be lovely and in those situations, I’m soft…so i’ll watch and laugh along and get that she’s drunk….BUT I had people coming to meet me…so I kinda waited until they got there and slide off without her realizing. The great thing about that lady, was that she made me feel so squeaky lean and sober. Lol. She ended up losing her coat and her ‘fella,’ who she had been dating for 4 months after meeting him in Benidorm. To be fair, they were both hot….but just pissheads.

The night ended up being magical and very Manchester, as I swanned off to Neighbourhood (a bouji celeby haunt) for red, red wine and Spicy Tuna Hand rolls. TEAM ASIA.

My world was moonlit by this point, it was chilly but ‘wine’ warm. I felt like letting a little lose as I had such a surreal afternoon, that I needed a drink. I was joined by Cheshire Liz, who had emailed me months ago, I think in November, to get to meet me and I never got around to it. SO, (and this is what I love about her) she took it upon HERSELF to find me and meet me. I like that! She was just so much fun! She was glamourous, she started a blog last year, she loves a bit of Chrissiewunna.com, so she also has excellent taste and she’s ballsy. BUT SHE WAS DRIVING… SO HAD WATER! Lol Water! Water! Everywhere water! *Weep here*

As we walked into Neighbourhood it was..

*PAP, PAP*, PAP,PAP*, …as ‘Aaron the pap’ was waiting outside, to catch celebs on their way out.

So we ‘picture took’ and then he joined us for food. Sat behind us was a couple of drunky ‘Real Housewives of Cheshire’ chicks and THEN some random guy, who we thought was someone famous….

Aaron swears it’s the guy that Chesire liz has on her phone…so being the ‘big balls’ that she is, she struts straight over and asks him if its him, because she was going to the charity football match that he was playing in…AND IT FUCKING WASN’T.

HAHAHAHAH! I nearly died with laughter. I am not ballsy at all when it comes to things like that. I’d DIE before i would pluck up the courage to go up to a stranger or celeb and chat to them, because they’d reject me and i’d hate that. Lol. I only lie it when people come up to me and adore me. 🙂

She tottered back to the table to eat her mushrooms with an

‘I HATE YOU…LOL!’

HAHAHAHA!!!

Then Xfactor Liam Halewood came in with his lovely boyfriend. (They were about to head to America, but thought they’d stop by and do a wine with Wunna.) I love liam,he’s always so gracious to me and he looked damn fine.

‘I’ve had botox, my hair and my makeup done!’

I love that! Lol. He looked amazing!

But we chatted about work, life, a possible tv show and then as Cheshire Liz left…we talked about my day…over more wine.

FINALLY DRINKERS!

It’s weird because when i drink, i like people to drink with me. But if you’re a massive drunk like that 42 year old and intruding my space…I hate it. Lol. I think it’s based upon, if i invite you to play ‘being drunk with me’ or not.

The ended on a delicious note and I got into a cab…where the driver was SURE I was famous, so asked me my name and flipping Googled me (THE DREADED CHRISSIE WUNNA GOOGLE SEARCH LOL ) whilst he was parked up…and then the whole way back to the hotel..he was filled with gle…which made me smile.

So being the glamour puss that I am..I took the requested selfies, but refused to give him my number…as he offered to DRIVE ME BACK TO LEEDS FOR FREE. Lol. Nothing comes for free. Hahah!

Got back to my room, stripped off, bundled into my sheets, sent a few whatsapps, took a few selfies, did a bit of snapchat, opened a Sol, (that I didn’t drink,) ate a banana and then went to sleep in my glammy little executive suite at the Macdonald Manchester…like the happiest little girl in the world.

My eyes opened at 7.30am….

 

Jeffrey! Jeffrey!

‘Jeffrey! Get them OFF our land!’

‘Jeffrey! Jeffrey! Set the DOGS on them! The Hooligans!’

(Hope you did that in your poshest British twang.)

Oh my LORD, did Firmonnell and I PISS ourselves laughing at the fact that we were going to send our friends, our glamourous dainty ‘Hot Sarah’ (who looks like a posh Barbie) friends, to places where in which they were either going to be quite heavily verbally abused, shot at OR eaten by  actual hound dogs!

HAHAHAH!

So funny! Nearly died! I love Firmonnell. It was just the moment when we looked at each other, flung back our heads with utter glee and OUT LOUD  uncontrollably SCREAMED with LAUGHTER at the fact that our friends could potentially be EATEN BY DOGS because we had guided them to the exact incorrect places. LOL! ND JUST FOR KICKS!

Then we got interupted by the ‘King of the North,’ which we didn’t mind, as we al love a bit of boy banter..

Firmonnell: ‘You should sit with us more often.’

ANYWAY, the ‘King of the North,’ is young, very stylish and happily married with 12 chihuahuas gent….and when he gets home, after his long day of ‘doing his hair‘ his WIFE has a red wine AND a gin and tonic freshly prepared FOR HIM, INCASE he fancies a drink. Being a guy, he apparently never wants EITHER and only ever asks for a ‘PEACH CORDIAL.’

HAHAHAHAHAH!

Firmonnell: ‘A PEACH FUCKING CORDIAL! THAT IS THE CAMPEST CHOICE OF CORDIAL EVER!’

We all pissed ourselves laughing WITH him, not at him and then Hot Sarah and I (as girls do) discussed his marriage…But not infront of him…as we’re far more polite than that. 🙂 Totally behind his back. Lol.

Luckily for him, it was in utter admiration. So let’s not get it twisted.

After a brief debate we came up with the fact that…’Hot Sarah’ thinks it’s cute that he has a beautiful wife, who waits for him, longs for him and serves him appropriately.

I think it’s a CLEVER that he picked so well…I mean, who has a wife that is that doting??? Who has a wife that yearns for their husbands arrival?  Well done him for picking well, blagging how great he is, or training well. LOL.

Then we both *paused* and after I shouted..

‘BUT I SAID PEACH CORDIAL GODDAMMIT…’

…we realised that INSTEAD of wishing that we were The King of the North’s WIFE, we both looked at each other and said,

‘I wish I had a guy that looked after ME that well.’ Lol.

I’ve decided..This is an executive Wunna Land decision…

I’m gonna pick WELL next time.

I mean JEEZE, us girls by nature always end up being all lovely and sacrificey and it’s cute because it’s in our nature to nurture.

However, to the ones of us, that are constantly working busy days, long hours, or building empires…we kinda want a guy to step in, sweep us off our feet and simply look after US for once. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!

I’ve never dated a guy that has been able to do that…aside from one…(Oh! And London Business Man would, if I chose to be with him. Yet, I’m not so sure that I could bank on him being there for the long run.)

HOWEVER, when it comes to love, I’m more traditional than most tend to believe. The only thing that is different, is that I work hard and have ambitious goals.So someone who understands my world, my passion, will win me, won’t they? And I know that sounds one sided but it’s not, as I’m a girl who understands the work load, ambition and love of ANY guy. So in that area emotionally, I KNOW, I’m sorted, as I know me well.

I mean gosh, I used to have these actors boyfriends who had to fly away for months on end to film movies, for work. I get it. Yet, with chicks, it’s weird. GUYS never get it, we either compromise greatly, or have to drop a zillion *hints* before they tune in. Lol.

But yes, I’m looking for a team mate to do forever with, more than I am ‘just some guy.’

Mel was hilarious today, as I found out that she finally gave her Valentines Day card to her new ‘love swirl’ who is still making her *beam* with excitement.

It was hilarious, because she bought him TWO cards, one sweet, one mushyish, exactly like she said she would, a week ago….She’s certainly ‘swirled’ over and cares about him madly. Yet she didn’t want to come across all ‘lovey dovey’ via Valentines cards just yet, so she bought a funny ‘i like you’ kinda card. 🙂

‘Chrissie. Honestly. I thought the card was BLANK on the inside. But i’ve opened it, to write it and it said….I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!’

We both pissed ourselves laughing at her distress. But any normal girl would just go with it. But no…Mel (lol) went with…

‘I thought about covering it up, sticking something over it, cutting it out…ALL SORTS. Even just crossing it out!’

HAHAHAHA!

‘Mel, you can’t just send someone a Valentines cards and CROSS OUT, the *I LOVE YOU* part! Lol. I love that you thought that was acceptable!’ HAHAHAH!

By this point, I was literally dying with laughter, as she ate millionaires shortbread and continued telling me the story via whispers.

Anyway, she came up with a solution, where in which she ever so romantically wrote him a fairytale, about how they met…using the ‘I LOVE YOU SO MUCH’ words on the card (it basically went through their love story and stated that she was a twat for picking a card that ended up being so mushy Lol) and when she told me the story, I looked at her and she was beaming.

It’s always about how ‘beaming’ this guy makes her feel. It’s magical and even more so, because by nature Mel is NOT someone who is openly ‘wooey.’ Yet you get little snippest of her softness, when you watch her and she thinks your not looking. Her daughter Alex walked by me today, all pretty, sassy and hilarious and Mel was the sweetest Mum ever…yet dashed in fun. It was great.

But today showed me how romantic she was, how happy she was and how fucking HILARIOUS she was!

YOU can’t CROSS OUT ‘I love you‘ in a Valentines card, because you’re not ready to say it yet. LOL

Men should always say it first. (If you do, that’s your quickest route to extra blow jobs. Be smart.)

I would be the smoothest guy on the planet. God! I mean you hear these horror stories of guys who just don’t get it! Love isn’t that hard, it’s just two compatible people who promise to take care and look out for one another, because their ‘magic’ can’t help it.

Everyone keeps asking me about my love life. I’m still single, nothing is happening…and i’m CASUALLY on the look out.

I was talking to these little tiny boys in a dark alley way tonight, who were being all sweary at passing by folk and trying to ‘play naughty’ when people walked by them.

It was funny because when I actually stopped to stand by them, as it was chucking it down and I didn’t want to get wet. I started talking to them and 3 minutes after their naughty ‘get ya tits out, fuck this ‘ banter had stopped…and I gave them ‘Wunna’ advice…they were hilarious and sort of sweet.

I was asking them what they wanted to be when they grew up and teaching them that chick hate it when you talk shit to them, when you really mean something else. You’d think by looking at the scruffs, that they’d be total dickheads, but they weren’t, they were actually super soft and all lovey dovey. Lol.

Then I walked off because I got bored and the rain had stopped…:)

They told me how ‘sexy’ I was as I left. Then tried to make me bum them cigs. I just looked, laughed, reminded them of how old they were…and then said,

‘Look…if I was sixteen and wanted a cig, I would’ve already managed to bum one myself. Quit trying to make other people get you what you want, because you’re too scared to try.’ 

‘He fancies you…’

‘Doesn’t everyone..’

HAHAHA! And that’s how I left it. Lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Global Chinese Whispers & YOU

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I asked for excitement and I got it. Boy it I get it! I got a whole ‘diddly doo’ dollop of it this week. I’ve pretty much been at work and kinda almost non stop. I feel like i’ve been at nothing but work and i adore work, I do, as I think it keeps us alive…yet this week was long, even my burst of Chrissie ‘Blue Tick’ Wunna excitement, sent me on a bit of a merry shock of a swirl, as behind the scenes (because i haven’t really out loud spoken about it..) in a week,  everything in my life changed.

Now, i know i’ve worked hard for everything, with a glittery wiggle and a whip of sauced up charm. I’m not a lazy human by nature. My energy levels can almost be annoying at times. (I’ve just made myself sound like a weirdo, honestly, during weekends…i’m normal.) What i like to say is that I’m ‘ALIVE’ and when you’re around me, you feel it. Yes, It gets annoying.I mean, at the beginning of this year (feels like yonks ago now) I remember being sat on the end of a gentleman’s bed, as he yawned, looked knackered and uttered the words, ‘Are you always this spritely?’ Hahaha. Even ‘Eton Mess’ said that i pretty much ‘talk his ear off.’ I even called his phone from my kitchen last month, knowing that he wouldn’t pick up, simply to leave a comedic message on his voicemail, that ended in an evil laugh. I just can’t shut up. YET, IN THE END, it will SERVE ME WELL. 😉

Basically, this week i went from being at home eating a KFC, sat in my bra, on my own with Ruby throwing diva strops and Junior trumping in my bed sheets..to  waking up the next morning, living life as per usual, (which is glamourously, don’t get it twisted 🙂 ) with my new ‘blue tick’ on show and by noon, having all these big brands, all these little brands, all these bars, venues, businesses, events and people, all wanting to work alongside me and sign me up to simply..well… ‘show up.’ A day went by and then Kerry Katona and David Walliams (alongside others) sent me Twitter love and talent agencies and tv shows began scheduling in to meet with me and leaving my celly voicemails. (Notice how the fun, drunk, funny or misfitty celebs follow this blog. 🙂 ) 

Anyway, I went about my normal week…normally..not saying anything, knowing that all of this was going on…and replying to the emails, still in basic kitty shock. I’ve been having a laugh about it all really with friends and drinking a lot of ginny cocktails with my spikey red nails. I did have a moment of being an ego maniac, and then i fully got over myself and went on a diet. 🙂

Like i said, i’ve worked really hard for everything and it’s been slow..Yet when something *pops*…and it *pops* well…then like lightening it *ZOOMS* madly. It’s kinda like someone’s caught me, shoved me in a pink glitter cannon, (good luck trying to shove me in anything in real life :), ) lit fire to it’s arse and with a giant *BURST* i’ve shot out…boobs, wit and everything, immersed in a giant cocktail coloured smoke of cyber land followers. Lol.

My blog has been like this cheeky little game of global Chinese Whispers…where someone who has crossed paths with me, has heard about it,or appeared in the blog,  read it and passed it on to a friend…kinda like the lergy…a yawn, or…. herpes? You don’t even have to read it all the time, as whenever you choose to pop in, it’s still here…whittering away like a sassy online cyber cocktail bar, that you go to when bored.

It’s certainly killed my love life off though. I mean gosh yes i’m focused, yet i still have time for lurve. My inbox is dead, as now all boys are definitely terrified…OR just don’t fancy me. (A concept that i just do not understand. 😉 ) 

Anyway, i’m off, i have a busy weekend. I’ve been decorating the house for Halloween with the babies, simply because i promised them a bit of a party party, after a shopping day tomorrow. (I’ve needed this chilled out family time, to balance me out after my mad week. The kids, although insane, mean everything to me. I love’em and because….there’s sort of just us, doing life together.)

I’ll be at the Frenchgate Centre in Doncaster , most of Saturday, doing my do. They love it when i show up there with the babies. I don’t know why? Maybe because it’s where i started life? 

Doncaster is my place of birth!

Hurrah! Team Donny! (And no we’re not all slags.)

…and then Sunday i’ll be headed to Leeds, to go check out the brand, spanking new, delicious looking Victoria Leeds AND pop into Bubble Tea.

I’ve been messaged a lot over the last couple months by you, yes you, asking how YOU can appear on the blog…and the answer to that is to….simply cross paths with me.

The blog is based upon my real life, none of it is fabricated…everyone and every story is real. So if you totter across my path even for a second and make some kind of impact…then the next day i’ll be sat here writing about you…but after rum, so be warned. 🙂 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Morning, Alchy’s & Plate Spinning

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Morning my Pretties! You’re all gorgeous! So enjoy life today because you deserve to!

You may think life is shitty, mundane or grey right now, because the weather in England is pretty much keeping us in a mode of ‘dull.’ However, if you just look around you, see the positive things that you have going on about your life, look, world or bubble….you’ll find that you’re doing okay!! So many people talk ‘down’ about themselves, instead of up. I mean, yeah, it’s annoying when people ‘up’ talk too much. But i guess what i’m saying is that more people, should talk HONESTLY about themselves…the good and the bad openly. If you’ve done well, celebrate it. If you haven’t….notice it, just say and amend it. It’s fine! Let’s love who we are, what we stand for and what we represent!

If you’ve broken all your New Years resolutions….Nevermind…you tried. If you haven’t! Well done!!! I mean, God knows how anyone is doing Dry January, I would DIE without a wine on an evening. (Which probably plonks in some box of alcoholism. Lol) In my world, there should be a task for charity where in which you DRINK MORE…I’d ace that one, with bells on my nipples! But like I said, if you’ve given up a bad habit, or taken on good ones for the New Year, CONGRATULATIONS, you’re a star!!!

I’m about to set off for work. And although i’m shattered…HAHA. I’m feeling wonderful because I’m working hard, i’m doing the things that i love, I’m balancing it with Mummyhood, I’m working on my business of Lashes (My site is down right now because i’m trying to switch to a different eCommerce site) and i’m strutting it all with a full time day job and a love life.

Technically, I feel as though i now have everything right now, as most people have one or the other. So, if i just balance it all out, smile a bit more, get on with it without moaning (I’ve moaned a lot this week because i’ve been on my period) I’ll be more than okay! Things are about balance…and having the ability to smile and relax whilst you’re spinning those plates, instead of panicking, stressing and letting them smash on the floor, due to the art of feeling defeated! We can do ANYTHING! We’re humans…that’s what were designed to do. (We’re also designed to annoy each other.)

I’m missing the babies. They did Daddy nights last night, so I can’t wait to see them this evening after work and adore them madly, with every inch of my kitten soul. YAY!!! I try to give them a regular existence, and a normal sense of reality, so if i’m filming something, shooting something for a tv show, interview  or a magazine…I don’t really have them around it. When they come home, they come home to Mum, after day job, in her comfies, making Yorkshire Puddings. (That I microwave. 🙂 ) Yipppeee!

I have left them both watch clips of ‘Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend’ on Youtube before. Ruby just got bored and wanted to watch herself!! HAHAHA. She is SO ME. Junior, was confused and wondered how I got inside the laptop…but then couldn’t be arsed and wanted to watch ‘Peppa Pig.’ I LOVE THAT! 🙂

If i’m doing something ‘family’…and i will be on my Vlogs, I’ll let them be part of it, if they want to, as it’s just home videos. Yet the boujiness, I sort of keep away from them, because at 4 and 2, they don’t need to be swamped in executive suites, camera snapping for features of any kind…But that’s only my choice. I’m sure when they’re teens, their Wunna gene will kick in and they’ll rinse me, with ‘I want luxury and 3.2 minutes of fame.’

I need coffee. That is what I need.

See! If i was a real alcoholic, i’d want a gin! (Do, i want a gin? 🙂 ) I did see this ace post on Facebook the other day, which read this…

‘I’m not an alcoholic because alcoholics want a drink…and i already have one!’ HAHAHA

Shit…I better get to work.

x