Yesterday started off ace. I got my quiet time, with a ‘Katy P‘ who’s a really close friend of mine and I managed to feel ‘real’ again and not like a ‘product’ or project. I’ve been really stressed. But i’m back now. I’m back.
I guess, it gets hard at times, because I write a blog..this blog…which pretty much documents my life….almost like a written word reality show….I started it in LA, because I loved ‘diarying’ my life…as I lived it…It was only a hobby, just my version of ‘doing life’ and mainly my therapy…as my day job at the time was ‘glamour model,‘ which then turned into ‘reality tv.’
The blog came first…they were just things that accidentally happened to me, on my journey.
Years later….this ‘hobby‘…turned into a business…and my life…turned into work…as people all over the world started ‘tapping’ into Wunna Land. It kinda became a ‘show.’
An what I’m gonna say is that every single inch of me, couldn’t be happier with the way it all panned out. It’s like a dream. I get to do what I love…and that’s certainly something I regard as so precious. I’m incredibly grateful for it all. Not a little piece of me, will ever complain about it. In fact, I want MORE.
YET….sometimes (and anyone in entertainment or any form of ‘show’ like occupation) will know, that it can all get too much at times…it gets busy, everyone thinks they know everything about you….and you kinda just need to check in with ‘the reals,’ as I call them. (Which are your closest friends…family…or just have a moment to yourself.)
That’s what I did yesterday with Kate….
This is what happened…
So we meet up accidentally, Kate’s just come from Pilates, I’m blogging, she decides to clear out a giant green caravan, that ‘once ready’ will be serving gin. Nothing coming out this caravan looked GINNY. (Obviously, i just supervised in the sun with a drink. I always say I was build for pleasure, not tedious labour.)
In fact, everything coming out of this caravan looked like it was the entire contents of ‘Argos.’
Kate: ‘We have a heat lamp, some boxes, cables…tinsel…another heat lamp.’
If the process went on any longer, I swear she would’ve even pulled out an elephant, maybe Elvis, an ex boyfriend, Baby Jesus, Lisa Appleton and hungry donkey.
Long story short, she sacked it off and we did sunshine, gossip and ‘keeping it real,‘ as we chatted ‘wills,‘ guys, stalkers, our love lives, how we’d get married, if we did ever get married again and just basic shit really…Hours were passing…and I was loving it because we were literally throwing our heads back with insane laughter and it’s those moments, away from everything and everyone, that matter to me the most.
Then she calculated an entire humans finances in about 3.2 seconds, because she’s a whizz like that…and proceeded to make fun of me, as she just got on with her ‘own ting.’
Me: ‘Erm…why are ignoring me??’
Katy P: ‘What I’m organizing letters into the correct batches and spelling shit.’
I mean WTF, i’m an attention whore at the best of times. Fob me off for large glasses of wine or hula dancing, not SPELLING and organizing.
Me: ‘What are you even doing!!’
Katy P: I’m spelling out your love life, but I can’t spell BEYOND….’
Me: ‘As if you’ve just calculated an entire humans finances but you can’t spell BEYOND. Lol. That’s disgraceful. Hahah.’
Katy P: ‘Don’t start… I’m dyslexic.’
…and technically I can’t do sums…So I’ll give her that…and let her mock away at my life, right in front of my little Burmese face.
Just a great day in general….It felt all calm, yet fun. ‘Zen’ like…yet sassy. (If there is such a thing? Lol) Then, ‘JD’ and some a guy named ‘Martin’ with a dog, had walked in. They looked at us, like we were foolish.
And we are…
Then all was lovely. Fantastic afternoon. Life was bliss. I’d refueled and filled myself to the utter brim with love.
As soon as I got home…an awful ‘busy body.’ You know what I mean? They’re the people in life, who have nothing better to do, nothing going in their life, aside from the everyday, mundane, same old ‘one foot in front of the other.’They’re the nosiest people. The most judgmental folk…and people who can only focus on ‘the little things that don’t matter,’ because there’s not much more excitement going on around them.
I got into an argument with ‘the busy body.’ It was played like a ‘back and forth‘ …..over a plank of wood.
But who the ****has time to moan or argue about a plank of wood?
I mean something else had happened, which was much more important during that time….and instead of finding any compassion…they worried about themselves and their wood.
I don’t like selfish people. Open ya goddamn eyes! Open ya goddamn heart.
Anyway, the pettiness of it, made me FURIOUS…I was FUMING. And by nature, I’m a relaxed person, I’m easy going…I’m patience…I’m warm…I’ll never be really mad, unless I’m absolutely passionate about something and people never know that about me, unless they’ve met me personally…The just assume i’m a bitch.
I couldn’t have been MORE PISSED OFF…and you pick ya fights, ya verbal bickers… don’t you? But I’d had enough…so I went for it.
Literally ALL THE SASS and i don’t even care. I can’t stand narrow minded people. I was furious.
Anyway, I got myself into a merry tizzy and I was so cross, I filled up…and cried. Yipppeeee! Lol. However, I only did the crying part behind closed doors, as later on my mum came over and sat with me, just to make sure everything was okay.
Mum: ‘Just ignore her. She’s got nothing better to do. I know you feel like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders…but just relax and know that everything’s going to be okay. ‘
Me: ‘I don’t need another lecture, right now…’
Mum: ‘This isn’t a lecture! I’m your mum!! No one in this entire world loves you as much as I love you…and no matter what, I’ll stand by you. But you need to listen to me…
Me:’ I am…’
(I’m crying by this point…lol. But doing the pretending like i’m not thing…)
And in that moment, as she went through everything, and I told her every inch of how I was feeling….a ‘magic’ swirled around us, a ‘magic’ that was build from unconditional love…and even though I felt like a little girl again…..within a *flash* I grew back up into WOMAN.
Always share strength….not weakness….and her strength is motivated by love…
In that moment, she made me realize how lucky I am…
(Oh shit, my phone’s ringing….)