Tats, Dates & What I Fancy…..?

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Hiya!!! We’ve made it to FRIDAY!

FRINALLY, Baby!!!

(As my five year old son, Junior..would say. ๐Ÿ˜‰ )ย 

Grab ya best nipple tassles and get ya *shimmie* on point!! (Ruby, my daughter, would probably say that.)

It is THE WEEKEND!! (Well, almost.) But it’s important to have a weekend mentality, before it kicks in, because otherwise, you’re not only dull, like the broken custard cream at the bottom of the biscuit tin. You’re also not embracing the excitement, to come and that alone, in Wunna Land…

is a SIN!!

I love Fridays. I don’t know why, because it’s not like I have a Monday to Friday kinda job? I reckon I just enjoy celebrations of any kind. So fuck it. It’s FRIDAY! I’m in. I’m there!

Shake ya…*I’ll let you fill in the blank.*

I’m on rest today, due to my body being on the mend. I know, from my Insta story, it looks like I rest all the time. Hahah. But believe me, they’re just snippets of moments, that are filmed for YOU, either on the spot, but more often than not, FILMED PREVIOUSLY. ๐Ÿ˜‰ A lot of work is going on behind the scenes in Wunna Land right now, with the old glammy career and the jazzy business of life.

That is my business…LIFE.

(..ofcourse done glamourously, with a dash of wit and showbusiness.)ย 

There’s telly, there’s modeling, running a company and influencing. Now that the babies are beginning to do their ‘ting,’ it’s doubley busy…But by the end of the month, they should be signing up to an agent, which will take a lot of pressure of MOI!

I have so much to do and I didn’t even have my morning GIN!!

‘It’s not like you to do a morning school run, without a wine in your hand, Chrissie. Haha..’

‘Wow, you parked like shit…’

Anyway!!!

Lots of you already know from following my ‘socials..’ But recently, there was a Wunna Fan, that wanted to get my attention, so offered up a game of dares, on my insta story, during my daily ‘Ask Me Anything’ thing. I went in all ‘Big Balls’ and dared him to get my initials tattooed upon him…

Yesterday morning, I found out that HE ACTUALLY DID IT. Hahah. I saw a video sitting in my inbox the evening before. I think it was Wednesday. I didn’t dare even look, so I left it until Thursday morning. Lol.

YESTERDAY, was actually a really good day. I felt really fun! I felt really sexy! I felt really appreciated by everyone. My Insta stories are getting really popular now, because i’m being more playful and putting my back into it, a little more.

Being ME

And as the tale goes, it seems the best thing you can do, is be yourself. I know that sounds cliched. But like I always say, no one in the entire world can do it better. Plus, at 37, I don’t want to be someone who’s always so worried about saying the wrong thing, or censoring the juicy bits, that make me who I am. Some brands don’t like it. Some do.

Therefore, I’m full blown committing to just letting loose and well, knowing what I’m doing. I don’t think people should tell people HOW TO influence something…They already know what works for them, their niche and their audience.

Fuck! I was meant to tell you about the Tattoo guy.

Yes! He wanted to win a date with me…and totally got my INITIALS tattooed on his thumbs!

Chick friend: ‘You literally have the best life…I can’t get my own husband to do the fucking dishes, let alone a stranger TATTOO ME on his thumbs!!’

Hahaha! Love it! Well done, Boy!

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So, now I can either go on a date with him, or subject myself to a dare. (One that he has already given to me, as an option.)ย 

I don’t ever learn do I? Fun, just gets the better of me…and that’s it. I’m a swine. But, to me, that’s what life is about. No one does it quite as well. Hahaha. I showed Ruby his tattoo and her face just dropped! ๐Ÿ™‚ Junior said…

‘Why is he nuts?’ ๐Ÿ™‚

Haha…

But, I think, it’s amazing. I was talking to my friend Liam about it yesterday. He’s just come off ‘The Extreme Diet Hotel’ show. I was doing the school run, with my phone to my ear in the playground, waiting for the kids, as I was telling him.

He was telling me about how he met some guy (he’s gay by the way,) in Bristol, bar labelled ‘OMG…’

Liam: ‘Chrissie, it was called OMG! for fucks sake! I saw this guy, he looked young, had a lip ring, so I ordered a jager bomb to be down with the kids and all that. I had to walk off afterward, because when I kissed him, all his friends cheered and I thought gosh, how young is everyone in here? He wasn’t even my type.’ย 

Chrissie: ‘You need a man…not a kid. I like A MAN. I’ve dated too many,ย  not grown yet…..boys…’

Liam: ‘Put it this way, he wasn’t worth jeopardizing my type for…Hahah. I love youย  guys, Chrissie…*Well, he’s not really successful and he definitely doesn’t look like he’s stepped off the cover of GQ magazine, but he seems lovely…* Hahahah!’

Chrissie: ‘This is why i’m always single…’

Liam: ‘Shit! You have that date next week, don’t you!?!’

And YES, I DO. But i’m not gonna call it a date, because I don’t know him? In fact, like HE first suggested…It’s a ‘Friendly’ meet up. Makes it sound lovely and less intense. You never really know, until you meet them, do you? A personality is KEY to me and it’s something that you can’t hide in person…even when you try to.

Can’t believe i’ve only just caught this clue…Lol.

I’m a personality girl now, in my old age. Lol. Yes, i’m still shallow. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Yes, I LOVE ROMANCE. However, as long as I find them sexy, i’m good. I’m always gonna go on, how well someone treats me. How they make me feel. He’s been great, so far…He’s really humble and really ..decent to me…

(T Bone, IGNORED my last two messages. Cute. Lol. He keeps posting photos on his ‘story’ …of views. I’M A REALLY GOOD VIEW!!!! Open your eyes! Open your heart! Open…ANYTHING! HAHAHA. ๐Ÿ™‚ )ย 

But whatever…

Tuesday will be fun! It’s like an adventure and i’ll be heading to Liverpool.

‘The Gent’ (as i’ve been calling him,) has been quite attentive. He sent me a couple voice notes yesterday simply saying that he was looking forward to seeing me. Then he and caught me up, with what he did during the day with his son. (Awww.)

All good! Roll on Tuesday.

I’m in Doncaster all day tomorrow with Ruby & Junior…at The Frenchgate Centre. Hopefully, i’ll be seeing you there!

Ps/ Ruby saw a ‘sexy’ photo of me online this morning, by accident. It was just the one I posted this morning on my Instagram…She I only had stockings and a white faux fur on…and she said…

It’s like…

Thank you for following my diary. Be you. Live it! Do you! Be happy!

Chrissie x

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Ears, Anal & Sassy Nails

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Today’s been ace! I now have glitter gel nails. My nail ‘doer’ (and I go to Starnails in Doncaster) was hungover and had only had 3 hours sleep. Yet I loved her for still managing to show up to work and get shit done, even if she did need to puke, so it made me smile ย and appreciate her AND let me tell you, my nails are ‘da bomb.’ I’m like their customer because I don’t treat them like shit. There is this one girl named ‘Amy’ who took my ‘nail doer’ out on the razzle with a ‘yeah, yeah get drunk, i’ll come work with you in the morning.’ Not only did she not show up,but she didn’t even wake up! Hahahaha. I adore a live for the moment girl. Amy rocks. (Unless, it’s happening to me ofcourse.) I’m the get pissed and show up girl. No matter what unless i’m SO ill, i ill be at work. I’ll storm through jungles flights if i have to. I once filmed an entire show that was going out to nations, after fighting in a kebab shop in London for my at the time Manchester boyfriend who wasn’t good at sticking up for himself at 4am in the morning. I got picked up by a bouji carย from my apartmentย at six o clock in the morning and was on set filming by 7.30am. ๐Ÿ™‚ I WOULD NEVER DO THAT NOW. I’D DIE. I don’t have it in me. Lol. But then…i aced it. He’s gay now. I think he just dated me because he was confused and thought i was more ‘fabulous’ than anything, at the time, as i had just freshly zoomed of a tv show and he wanted to be famous. He did write me a love note once, whilst i was in a taxi to Kings Cross from Camden reading,

‘I know it doesn’t seem like it, but when i’m with you my heart lights up with joy.

I remember reading that as my taxi drove me to the station. It made me cry. I loved it. ๐Ÿ™‚ But yeah, totally not straight. We’d actually get along well now, as time and then some has passed. But he certainly turned into a using little bastard in the end. But he lives with Wunna guilt and that makes me giggle a little. ๐Ÿ™‚ But i will say that he was fun and any chance that he had to stick up for me he would. But that’s the northern in him. And that’s me reaching for some kind of silver lining i think? Lol.

My ears have been popped all day. I’ve felt like i’m under water and talking really loudly at everyone. I did a catch up coffee with my Mum, which ended up being hilarious, as we’re both quite gobby and expressive, but the things we normally talk about are usually seen as ‘taboo’ with other humans, so nothing was funnier to me than the word ‘ANAL’ being repeated continuously, during our conversation in Costa. I have an ace Mum in the sense that i can say anything to her and she’ll laugh it off. We’re like besties. So when you sit down and watch a movie with YOUR Mum that’s maybe a ‘Rom Com’ or something a bit more ‘net curtains.’ MY Mum and I’s favourite film to watch together is ‘The Hangover’ Hahahah….because of the naked Chinese man that jumps out of the boot of a car and humps things and drunk hot men. LOL.

‘Why do you always go for the flashy ones Chrissie? Why don’t you go for the cute geeky one?’

‘A cute geek like you WOULD go for theย cute geeky one Mum. But a glamour puss like ME, would always go for the flashy vain one. Hahaha.’ย 

‘But the flashy ones might have herpes, want a dolly bird and even worse… want anal!’

HAHAHAHAA…I won’t even go on! DYING!!!!

Anyway, away from that i tried to unpop my ears by drinking Prosecco (any excuse) holding my breathe and swallowing. It hasn’t worked as one ear is still *popped* in. I’ve even danced to hip hop and done a Burlesque show for myself in order to unpop the madness, yet it hasn’t worked? (I’m not sure how i’m coming up with my remedies? Lol. But whatever, i don’t think any guys would mind. ‘Oh your ears have popped, let me burlesque for you!’)

You’re all asking about my love life. I’m not talking about it so much until i have something solid. Then i’ll natter to you a bit more. But it’s not so bad. There’s this great guy and i hope he thinks i’m great to. And that guy’s ‘Eton Mess.’ But we’ll see….

Anyway, i have takeout to order and a Desperado to drink. Y’know, right now, i’m really happy and i feel as though i have THE BEST LIFE EVER. It’s radiating from me and more than anything i hope it’s contagious. I couldn’t feel better if i tried. ๐Ÿ™‚

Have a fun Sunday!

Thank you for following my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Percent are You?

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You know how all these Celebrity guys are all stating that they are 20 percent, or 32 percent gay? How are these percentages being calculated? Lol. Like Olly Murs. Everyone loves Olly Murs. I certainly love Olly Murs. Be he gay, be he straight, be he both! But how has he decided that he’s 20 percent gay? Why 20? Like is he just gay on Wednesdays and Sundays or does he sometimes look a guy, think he’s buff and gets a boner on occasion? Lol. I don’t get it? This whole being gay malarky is getting more and more complicated and I must know a glorious bundle of absolutely gay friends…However not one of them has ever thrown me a percentage?? I might make them now! ๐Ÿ™‚ It seems so ‘on trend.’ Lol

Other than that I’m excited for the new Mariah Carey reality. No being is more of a Glamour Puss than her. I used to love it when MTV Cribs used to visit Mariah, her home was always divine and her sense of humour was always HILARIOUS. It’ll be a great watch! Plus, it will be sad to see the Bruce Jenner, ‘I am Cait’ reality show come to an end and get cancelled. It seems that hes apparently not that fun to watch, or doesn’t have much going on, other than the sex change or something? Now that everyone’s gotten over the shock, we’re all like ‘now what?’ Aren’t we bastards. Lol.

I guess girls can just do things better than boys…as The Kardashians and their show flies on as strong as ever! I’m a massive Kardashian fan..and I would be wouldn’t i! But no matter what anyone sort of says about them…they continue to do well always…and even when they finish off and wave good bye to telly, they still would’ve made their ZILLIONS. It’s a win, win…and it’s just easy to watch. I’m a sucker for all that! I’m an ITVbe Queen. I love all the ‘Real Housewives..’ episodes, Jerseylicious, The Bachelor, (I want to be The Bachelorette,) The Kardashians…Dance Moms. Don’t be Tardy…the lot! I love it! Gimme! Gimme!

I’m definitely missing bumping into Lee the policeman. But I only ever bump into him when i’m at work. So although i miss his brotherly banter…It feels great to not have to be working today. ๐Ÿ™‚

Junior’s currently being a horse and at the same time eating me out of house and home! We’ve both just done lunch. I’m enjoying the weather. Disturbed by needy people. Looking forward to seeing my Mum this afternoon. And still haven’t gotten out of my pyjamas. Bliss. x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I DO Disney

 

‘Why would you find it weird that I might want to go to Disney land Paris? I’ve been to the Florida one millions of times…‘ said the beautiful little glamour puss to her delicious Gay Adam.

Well..it was just the thought of you in the Happiest Place of Earth. I just can’t imagine it!’ ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

Hilarious!

My England gays always have this image of me that projects a ‘Diva-rish’ strut of sequins, vixen and scowl. I do DO, Disney. I’ve done it ALL MY LIFE. At one point, I knew the entire Orlando Disney World, as well as I knew Meadowhall and I know that place blindfolded…backwards… and with jumbo cherries on top.

It was only a passing thought, but for a moment I paused and figured Disney Land Paris, could be a Christmas vacation option…with me now being a Mummy. So, I immediately Tweeted my gayest Gay Adam for some big old advice and simply because he ventures there at least 40 times a year! How he doesn’t have Mickey Mouse ears sprouting from his genitals, I don’t know!?! I’m not kidding. He pretty much lives there, when he’s not living in Barclays bank. He’s told me so many stories about that place (Disney Land Paris, not Barclays, as I’d hate to get him fired) that I have now officially been creeped out. Yet, when I brought up Prince ‘bondage’ Charming (read ye olde blogs to remember him,) he simply assured me that all would certainly be well and that I should probably take a sword. ๐Ÿ™‚

Firstly, how is everything ‘certainly well’ if I have to take a SWORD! Secondly, I must be THE ONLY person, in the entire world who has to TAKE A SWORD, to the french version, of the Happiest Place on Earth. However, I’m not confused. There’s going to be no ‘Je voudrais du ‘bondage’ fromage, I am Prince Charming & need you sexually’ near ME!! Well, not without me wafting some wibbly sword about in a panic, as I guard my children from his leather strapped, ‘Did I hell marry Cinderella’ ways. (I have no idea why my sword is ‘wibbly.’) ย Saying that, here I am calling HIM a weirdo, when this morning, during the nursery run, I looked like a proper, hardcore odd ball myself. I couldn’t find a single space to park my car, so I had to drive around the block, about 40 times, at snail pace, which circled a Primary school, like a creepy old man, with 100 bags of sweets and a couple puppies in the back. I even had SClub7 playing for Ruby. I’m taking a sword. Whatever. Disney Land, Paris is already inappropriately creeping me out.

It’s like those crappy seaside ‘Haunted Houses’ that make you run through some run down dark box of a building, where actual human beings, with odd masks on, who try to firstly scare you, then attempt to FEEL YOU UP, in the dark occur. I actually feared for utter MY LIFE, the last time I ran through one. I PAID to get felt up, in the dark, by men in budget ‘scary’ masks and against my will. I mean, who has that as a DAY JOB! (‘See ya love, I’m off to be a weirdo at a haunted house now & feel up strangers, after a Zombie walk. Kiss the ids for me.’)

I looked at the man who took my money after my seaside, ‘Haunted House’ experience… (I had to walk all the way around the outside of the building to get to him, because the ‘Exit’ is always a down some dismal alley like road, that seems so far away from where you ‘Entered,’) and informed him that the next time I was ever foolish enough to dilly dally in such a location…I would totally take knives. You walk in a virgin and come out of that place a slag. ๐Ÿ™‚

But yes. I do ‘Happiest Places on Earth.’ It’s only my UK gays that think I don’t. My LA gays, think i’m super ‘bimbo’ happy. I’m like Asian Barbie to them. Still sequins, light and strut…but with a bubbly, infectious, giggle of maybe what they saw as ‘man eater.’ ๐Ÿ™‚ I never ate men. I used to ‘hobby’ boys in my 20’s simply because i needed love. At the time I thought I was having the best emotional time ever, when really I was simply getting over my first divorce and doing it via the fine art of partying. It’s never a good combination…a break up…and then a party recovery. Michael(my first hubby) never did that. Hence why he’s rich and famous now. He never went out, he never partied, he just worked, worked, rested and worked, stating that one day he would be where he wanted to be and could then have all the fun he wanted. It worked.

‘Successful people have successful habits.’ย 

(OMG, I totally have the worst flu ever and i’ve taken an antibiotic and two Beechams powder capsules. I now feel all high and weird. Never good when in public and staring at a computer screen. I need bed, cuddles and that Santa onesize that I saw at a local outlet store.)

But yes, beside the point. I do Disney. ๐Ÿ™‚ Ask one of LA bestie’s Ronnie Woo, who is now ‘The Delicious Cook.’ www.deliciouscook.com

He’s now a celebrity chef that cooks for the people of LA, on the telly. He used to drive to my condo in the morning and simply shout of of his car window, ‘GET UP. LETS DO DISNEY TODAY.’ When we got there, I was in the same outfit as a 5 year old girl…like literally. We were both short frilly skirted and polka dot head banded, in the exact same pink and white. ๐Ÿ™‚

So there, I don’t just rock up the cobbled Yorkshire streets, in the cold and with nipple tassels on… scowling. I do happy, Disney stuff also. Plus, I was only ever scowling because I was COLD. I’m exotic. I need heat. In the cold, I just stand in one solid spot and freeze, until i’ve turned into an impressive, yet moody ice sculpture, where I’m picked up as one whole, giant object and plonked on someone’s buffet table at a wedding. ๐Ÿ˜‰ My imagination is far too vivid. It’s the pills. Don’t get the flu folks. It sucks and forces you to indulge in gibberish.

Anyway, last night I happy hugged under a budget chandelier and in life when that opportunity occurs, you know you’re going to be okay.