Doing Life, Ambition & Stress

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, standing

Hope you  ALL had the most beautiful day with your Fathers, or celebrated ‘fatherhood’ in any way you felt necessary, be they still here with you, away with life ‘dandies,’ or even if you’re a father yourself. I hope it all went well. If it didn’t, never mind, eh! As long as you’re positive or honest, about your situation, you’re always gonna be okay. 😉 That can take time. But once you’ve got it, you’re sailing!

Yippppeeee!

I had a big old ‘lunch off’ and family day with my delicious Pops. The Wunna’s are a really close family and well, i’d say that i’m the ‘apple’ of my little Daddy’s eye.

(He once visited me in LA, many years ago and told my lawyer/party boy roommate to look after me, because if anything happened to his ‘Pride & Joy’ he would hold him directly responsible. Lol Yet, on the softer side, when I returned home ,after a huge Hollywood spell of ‘almost decade,’ he burst into tears because he was so happy I was safe and well.)

Y’know, my Dad, has never ever shouted or raised his voice at me once. He’s either talked me through things, so laid back that he’s horizontal,  or just pretended that the bad things have never happened….I can’t decide which one? My Mum, on the other hand, makes up for his lack of ‘shouty.’

I really ‘lucked out’ in the ‘Parent Department.’ I know that. And every single minute of every day, even when we wind each other up, i’m truly grateful for them. I dread to think of a life without them! They’re my little ‘ninja’ parents..My absolute rocks. It’s the same with Ruby & Junior. ( If you follow this, you’ll know I’m a single mum. But I LOVE being a single mum. It makes me feel powerful and I like to feel MIGHTY. Both babies spent the day with their Daddy’s. Junior was somewhat reluctant to shimmie over to his. Ruby, however adored it.)

I missed them both…MADLY. (The babies, not the daddies. Haha.)

Just so you know, I’ve bloody worn tiny shorts and no sleeves today, with ‘sunnies,’ because my phone told me that it was going to be a SCORCHIO. I’m sat on a bench, in a park, with a pink laptop on my knee, pretending to be nice to dogs that look like sausages, in the freezing, windy cold! I can’t even style it out. I look like a rebellious and somewhat constipated Geisha, that’s been dipped in Hawaiian Tropic and got caught up in a casual Hurricane.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Why can I never get it right! I hope for sun soon. I’m far too exotic and scowly today, for even an occasional GUST of wind. It’s so windy, I could DIE of shivers.

Okay,  i’ll cut crap…

So, yesterday, you’d think.. with all my free time, I’d spend the day attempting to write that book. I keep rambling on about. The one that I only have 2 months in total, to complete. I didn’t do it, did I? I know it’s there and has to be done. Yet I keep pretending it’s not ‘PENDING’ away…If i’m honest, I have NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING. I even have a Tutor and been threatened with a ‘Writers Colony.’ J It’s not like I don’t write, or haven’t written a book before?? I just can’t find my *swing.* I can’t find my *swagger.* Maybe I left it at Issho, after table sake?

But ah well…Even bit of me is confident that I’ll find it. HONEST.

Instead, I took selfies, (agent’s nightmare.) Went on walks. Almost bought ceramic unicorns. Stared at a pond. Shunned the advances of boys. Added to my Insta story. Dropped my  phone on my face, mid selfie, (it caused me to bust my lip a little.) I scrolled Twitter for ‘Love Island’ updates. I swung garden chimes, with my Mum, simply because we were bored. I baked a cake (did I **** bake a cake…haha.) Rode a donkey (that might have happened) and THEN BALANCED half a can of Fosters ON MY LITTLE BURMESE HEAD!!

I KNOW!  Skillz! How am I single!!

This was totally inspired by my good friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ who decided to send me a *Snap* of her balancing a PINEAPPLE on her head. (Cos’ we’re normal like that. I mean, for such so called ‘pretty girls,’ you’d think we’d have better things to do, like ignore DM’s from shirtless boys. 😉 ) But no. During HER free ‘still single’ time, she dedicated it to Tom Foolery.

However, being the competitive swine that I am, I didn’t watch and adore, with simple giggles. I decided that I could do it too.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO IT…..TIPSY.

I flipping, did it though! 13 minutes later, my ‘socials’ were filled with videos of me balancing a Foster’s Can, on my head, like a champion. (I did send ‘Hustle’ a personal video. I don’t respond to my real life friends via public story. Honest! lol..Well, unless, it’s by accident, a bit rude and maybe involves a Toberlone.) I had a Toberlone ice cream yesterday and it ruined my life, because my head was dazed with Katy P’s, MADE UP ‘Duty Free Toberlone’ story, that involved my vagina.

Every bite made me gip. You can still enjoy one though because your mind is CLOUDED with filth.

Hustle: ‘We’re like the perfect girls. We have boobs AND we’re good at balancing things..’

Me: ‘Well..sort of..’

Later through the evening, ‘Firmonnell’ sent me a video of ‘Hustle,’ on her sofa.. attempting to balance a FULL wine glass of GIN, equipped with floating berries… ON HER HEAD. The video was SO worrying, that I was tense with anxiety and screaming…

DON’T YOU DARE SPILL THE GIN….

..at my phone. (She always has to take it one step too far. I don’t think I can be her friend anymore? ‘Almost’ spilling gin, is as foolish as the art of ‘always telling the truth.’ It breaks the Wunna Land code of conduct. It’s not cool and it’s certainly not ‘gangsta.’ ‘Ere me now.)

However, life is there to be played with. It’s such a wonderful thing, even the bad times. They say the bad times, make you tougher. They keep you in good stead for whatever lies ahead. You never know what’s gonna happen to you? However, be it good or bad, if you ‘skill’ yourself up emotionally, you’ll be able to handle your next step, your next chapter, with the vigor of RuPaul.

Even if it’s utterly harsh, the quicker you feel it, get back up and then proceed to be play, with the tough times… the better. As soon as you enjoy life, understand life and don’t let it suck the *b’jeebies* out of you…The sooner you’ll find your ‘happy.’ Your strength.

‘Hustle’ actually posted a quotey paragraph yesterday. (Y’know how people do. I posted ‘Lovers Gonna Love’ on Saturday. My gay friend posted ‘Soup of the Day is Tequila.’ Blah. Blah. Jollies.)

Well Hustle, posted a paragraph. It stated that our own development as a human, is what made us happy. How we progress as a human. How we actually learn life. That’s what makes us proud of ourselves, in the end. It also suggested that we not place our happiness in the hands of others. People do it all the time…don’t they? I have, at times. Y’know, whether they’re waiting for a proposal, a job acceptance letter, trying to impress the masses, worrying about being judged, or pining for simple praise, or attention from a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent…Anything!

When you do that…you no longer have control of your happiness. You pass it on, like a parcel, yet the music never stops.

Now, I always ‘twicker’ on about how POWERFUL I feel. And like I said earlier, I’m someone who loves to feel powerful. Yet, that power, doesn’t come from anything material. ( I do love the finer things in life, yet I don’t LIVE FOR THEM. I’m actually a girl who loves the simple things, just as much. I couldn’t be more in touch with the real world.) I mean,  I could also make tons and tons and tons of money. (It wouldn’t make me feel powerful at all. No matter what, I’ll always get by. I work really hard.)  I could be so in love. (I’m single…and still, I couldn’t be happier.) Or so so successful,l that I couldn’t even nearly shake fame off me. (What i’ve learnt from life is that recognition for your talent and hard work, feels great. That isn’t ‘FAME.’ That’s personal accomplishment. The ‘fame game’ brings you more problems than it’s worth, at times… unless you play it well, use it wisely and benefit from it financially. Even then, you’ll still go through shit.)

I feel powerful because at 37, I feel like a successful human. I wasn’t always a successful human. Yet, that’s the point. I grew…and Karma IS a bitch. But Boy, have I DEVELOPED. I’m really happy with who I am now. I feel comfy, in my own skin. What I like what I am and what I stand for! I chose my own ‘happy.’ No one can take that away from me and because of that FEELING, I can walk into a room and RADIATE, almost GLOW of an energy, that swirls through the souls of others, like magic.

I understand people. (I’ve been people.) I understand life. (I’ve experienced so many different walks of it.)  I really LOVE being me and truly LOVE every piece of my world, because I picked it myself. I’m an alright person. I can see loneliness in others, even when they have that ‘100 watt’ smile on. (I’ve been there. We all have.) I can see kindness in people, when the masses have ruled them out as a ‘villan.’

I understand that… no matter what….I’m still just this tiny little dot….on a GIANT EARTH BALL of gazillions, doing this ‘shimmie’ called life. I always see the bigger picture and when you TRULY do, you quit letting the ‘niggles’ stress you out.

So if I could leave you with two lil’ tings of what I know about life right now, it would be to make the most of your time, WITHOUT WORRY…BEFORE you have no time left. We can worry about anything, everything, can’t we? It literally makes NOTHING better, at all. It creates stress. Both my folks are Doctors and even THEY say, you can break every bone in your body and nothing hurts more than a broken heart, a broken soul, or being lost in a fuzzy gather of stress.

And if you DO anything today…..Be the reason somebody smiles…

The smallest things, make people BEAM.

( I tried to teach Ruby that yesterday…But she kept ignoring me and telling me she was going to be a psychic.)

ps/ I live for ‘Love Island’ this year and i’m so excited by the ‘fresh girl meat’ and thrilled with my personal winner Adam Collard!

ALL THE FIRE! Let’s play love!

 

 

The Bigger The Hoops, Love & Cocktails

Woke up this morning feeling not so snazzy. I think i’m gonna go with ROUGH. Yeah rough. I hated it. Feeling rough is just not me anymore. Lol.

I kinda just ran a bath, immersed myself in it, cosied my soul with a delicious bubbly comfort and then dried myself off, before opening ALL the windows, EVERY window in all of the land (I always need to feel free when i’m a pile of roughage) and then I just laid there, butt naked…still on my bed, on top of my flamingo sheets, with my eyes closed, as I let the coolest dancing breeze, slowly and sexily *whooooooosh* on in and tinker all over my rough kitten body. BLISS! It was fucking BLISS!

Junior was at his Dads, Ruby hadn’t got home from her holiday yet and there I was…doing life…butt naked on flamingo sheets, wondering why I had ventured out into Pontefract for drinks. Lol. I am far too old for such Tom Foolery. My body needs all kinds of a rest…and not ‘songs from the 90’s’ madness.

I woke up with a navy blue dot on my hand. It was done in felt tip. We all had one. This is what happened…I went to The Carleton, for ‘just one,’ as the saying goes. I was about to leave after my ‘just one,’ however, as I was getting my bag together, someone tapped me, I looked up and with a…

‘Hey yup…What you doing here…’

…everything turned from a ‘nothing’ to a shimmie.

It was Mel. She decided to smash a bit of ‘Bank Holiday’ Sunday with ‘Fairytale Blond,’ who had also arranged to meet up with ‘Hoops’ for a bit of a local razzle dazzle. Now, I hate going out in Pontefract. I hardly ever do it. I’ll do a village pub and enjoy it, but trendy little cocktail bars in Leeds is my forte. Such a forte now, that they invite me and pay me to show up at them, simply to cause glamourous blog havoc. And I love it. It’s the story telling afterward that I love the most.

Outside drinks where had in the sun, giggles, chats about our love lives….I think they tried to give me love life advice, yet I never listen to advice because I’m stubborn and secretly always know what i’m doing. Haha. I should probably take advice. (I never take advice. My gut instinct is too good.)

But i’m honest, so i’ll always tell the girls what I directly feel about something or anything really. Yet, it’s important to make sure you listen to advice, but then just do what you want, because I’m different to ‘Fairytale,’ who’s so different to Mel, who’s really different to ‘Hoops’ and well…. you get the conga line that i’m trying to form. And we all have different destinations in life.

The reason why i’m saying this is because later that evening ‘Hoops’ (who I adore) had a chat with me, in the dark, under the stars. She told me all these secrets about her own love life. The ‘oohs’ the ‘laa’s’ the naughty bits…and the bits inbetween. 😉 The time she’s going through kinda reminded me of my LA days, so like a magnet, my soul stood by hers.

Then we went back inside…(Oh we ended up getting a taxi into town, even though i tried to refuse the journey)…and after jugs of cocktails, more drinks, chitter chatter, packed bars, and really good times, with really good friends….(I love Fairytale, when she’s drunk, she just turns WILD!) But anyway, ‘Hoops’ decides she’s going to open up and tell everyone the story….Lol

‘Well I told Chrissie, because I knew she wouldn’t judge me…’

Ooh. I felt honoured. Everyone did a supportive *shocked* face. It was literally hilarious. I wasn’t necessarily shocked as ..well i’ve done a lot worse than that in my life. Lol. But I did scan the table and notice that, we as girls are pretty great because we’ll always tell you want you want to hear and wave the flag of support, even if it’s something we would never do ourselves. We’ll understand you and hold ya hand with ‘cocktail smiles.’ Sometimes you need that! It’s not always the best thing, yet sometimes you just need that.

Hoops: ‘The bigger the hoop the bigger the…’

Fairytale: ‘Willy?’

Hoops: ‘No…! Hoe! Hahaha.’

Me: ‘I love that she didn’t get that… I love drunk Fairytale! I love a big hoop! It’s ghetto fabulous.’

Fairytale: ‘Have you seen that granny at the bar….I want to be HER when i’m 80!!! She’s loving it. I AM her!!!’ When I’m 80, i’m gonna rock up to the bar.’

I look away…

Me: ‘Are you okay?’

Hoops: ‘I’m the HAPPIEST i have ever been.’

 Me: ‘Good just checking…Make sure you never let anyone judge you. All the lessons you’ll learn… you’ll learn. I lived a naughty one…and well i havent’ done too badly for myself. Lol. Just enjoy it.’

We all laughed. We all loved. We had moved to another pub by now. We were literally wallowing in rounds and rounds of drinks. Then Mel requested…’The Snake,’ which was much better that fucking Steps. (And I love a bit of Steps. Don’t get me wrong. I just wasn’t in the mood to Root Scooting baby’ it.) But i went with it anyway. Fuck it. I’m fun. I love a good song, a love a good dance. I am great on a night out. You can rely on that! I’m made for good times.

Cue song: (Just so you can feel like you were there. This was on in our background.)

Literally pub, to pub, to pub, to pub. Dance off with ‘Hoops.’ Love life chats with Mel and Selfies with ‘Fairytale.’

Fairytale: ‘Take a picture of me and Chrissie. Noooo…another one.’

Each time we left a pub I SWORE that I was going home. They MADE ME go to the next bar..honest!! They MADE ME.

‘You’re staying out Wunna!’

‘I just need to go home.’

‘No. Just come to one more pub..’

We all ended up with blue dots on our hands. That’s what happens when you stay out.

Mel: ‘What the fuck are these?’

They were literally the height of glamour. NOT! I can’t be a Glamour Puss and walk around with a felt tip dot on my hand.

It was such a good time. An accidental, spontaneous blow out. Which is odd, as i’m a girl who enjoys routine. I like to know what i’m doing and when i’m doing it…with a plan. But mainly because I grew up with my entire life scheduled. Even from being a kid, as I was getting pulled out of school to audition for this, model for that, do a dancing competition here, another audition there. Everything was a schedule. Then in LA, my job, acting and modelling…was all completely scheduled to a ‘T.’ It had to be.

Last night was so much fun!

‘Double B is gonna be so pissed off that she’s missed this!’

I left early…I left them all at the Tap & Barrel and some new Gin Bar. I know when i’m done and by then I was done. I needed a sleep and…well…just a sleep. However, during my walk to the cash machine to pull out money for the taxi, I just wanted to *blink* and be home! People kept shouting my name at me. Everyone was out…and I just remember waving at people I didn’t know, wishing that I was home. Hahaha. I’m great when surrounded by people, yet not necessarily when i’m drunk, tired and on my own. I like my bubble. I love Wunna Land. I love my own friends. But I did actually say ‘hello’ to everyone and took the time to chitter with them. I’m good like that. My manners are pretty decent. Even when knackered. I hate bad manners.

I finally got home…and within seconds, after  a bag of crisps, I fell asleep immediately. I could’ve slept in the taxi home, but weirdos were in it with me.

Good night.

My chick friends and I always seem to be there for one another…regardless….even as time passes. That’s what i’ll miss the most, as obviously i’m headed into a new chapter…which will sort of pluck me away from them…They’ll always be a major part of my life…Yet I guess I won’t see them as much. It happens all the time to me, so i’m used to it. Yet life is made of new chapters. I’ve lived so many that I know how important it is to embrace them. Everything happens for a reason. The people you meet, the situations you end up in. Even where you are. They’re important. They’re your ‘stop offs,’ the places where you need to be in order to learn something, before you get delivered to your HAPPY final destination…You might not know why you’re there or how you’re there…But you’re meant to be. You land there to gather a certain piece of life info. You do that at every stop. When you get to your final bit of forever…The last chapter of ‘happiness….’ you appreciate it so much more. You’ll find you’re in the right place, with the right person, doing the right kind of life.

So yeah, I might have felt like death but i’m actually fine now. It was worth it. I’ll feel better. I’ll recover and be right as rain. I’ve made memories…and I’ve ALSO managed to find my way to Ego in Ackworth to cushion my soul with the ‘hair of the dog.’ Yippeee.

‘I need a Fosters. I’m rough.’

To be fair…I’ve done an interview AND A SHOOT this morning. ‘Ego Hannah’ is currently making a ‘Game of Thrones’ themed cocktail and i’m sat at the bar with my pink laptop on my knee…blogging…by a half of Fosters, watching strangers order Pornstar Martinis. (I’ve got really into drinking a Foster’s now. I’d usually Bloody Mary it to recover. But now it’s all about a Foster’s recovery. I still prefer a Bloody Mary, don’t be getting it twisted.)

Wait…They’re making me look at a drawing of a dragon, on a chalkboard….Lol. One second…..

Luca: ‘I love Game of Thrones…It’s all tits and dragons..’

I will tell you that last night before all the madness shimmied my way, I remember sitting at the The Carleton which the girls sat around me and sending a message to ‘The Swirl.’ I think about him a lot. All the time, to be honest. I can’t get him out of my head. It’s a happy ‘lull’ that I feel for him. I can’t really help it. It’s something that’s been built upon and it’s well balanced. It’s a bit of everything…it can be wild, general, loving, funny, sexy, work mode or just normal.

All I sent was…

‘Thinking about you…’

He replied quickly with ‘Kissy Face‘ emojis.

Then i got back to the girls, who would have no clue that I ever sent anyone a message. Lol.

That was our check in. We’d chatted through the day. But that was when we were we zapped out of current worlds, just for a moment, to check into each others….

Thanks for following my life…