When Fishermens Friends Get Sexy?

David: ‘But have you had anyone ever go down on you with a Fisherman’s Friend in their mouth?’

We all just paused and looked at him with dolly shocked faces! One minute we were talking about girl shit and diets and the next minute our guy friend, who my chick friends and I refer to as our ‘Man bitch’ (he loves it, don’t worry,) flies out with a ‘whoop..dee.’

Me: ‘Eww no. Lol.’

David: ‘It’s meant to feel really good. Make it tingle. I’ve done it on a girl but with a Halls Soother.’

Mel: ‘That sounds like it would hurt.’

Fairytale Blond: ‘What if it got stuck in?’

Double B: ‘HAHAHAHA.’

I feel sorry for whoever his Hall Soother victim was. You poor girl. This goes to show how selfish boys can be. Lol. He would have healed his own sore throat and in the meantime given her a sore…£$&$£* (I’ll let you be creative here and fill in the blanks.) Try it! Blame him if it goes wrong.

Fairytale: ‘Hey up! We’ve actually got some Fisherman’s Friends in the drawer. Lol. Take some with you David!’

But anyway, away from all that. I’ve had a great week, but a dramatic week and mainly because I’ve been flirting with my hormones, ( love being a girl.) A lot of snazzy little changes and unforeseen developments have occurred in Wunna land. Great changes, nothing crazy or evil. Yet, they kinda got ‘paint balled’ at me from a good shot, from the skies and being a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, let’s just say… it’s been an ‘adventure.’ (I’ve got on with it boldy with a kitten stride of DIVA and a wiggly giggle…But it feels really good that all has settled now. I’m happy as can be and i’m smiling with excitement, whilst doing *can can* high kicks to Little Mix tracks.

Now, I’m good with changes, I meander them well and glamourously…with sex appeal. YET, this week, i’ve been in a swirl of magical emotion, that has made my little heart beam. It followed up with a SHOCK…and the reason i didn’t blog during that time was because I now refuse to write a blog until I have a clear head. Lol. Whereas before, I’d GO FOR IT REGARDLESS. I’d be brimming over with passion and i’d let that boat sail! But now, I’m officially a grown up now, a hot one. Lol. I’m officially making awesome decisions. Hot ones.

But I have a great support system, as I did need to have a big bestie VENT to ‘Firmonnell,’ because I knew that she was the chick friend who could balance me out and make me see things through rational, positive wine sips. And she did! I don’t know how she does it! Thank GOD for her and her Slimming World Self.

My Baby Cousin Natalia came up from London to spend her birthday with me and the family, armed with her boyfriend Matt. Such a great couple, such great times dining out…such wonderful awkward moments where ruby took it upon herself to force marriage upon them.

Ruby: ‘So, why are you two not married yet?’

Natalia: ‘He has to buy me a BIG sparkly RING before that happens Ruby.’

We’ve eaten everywhere. We’ve hit up some great spots. The service everywhere has been fantastic and I loved snuggling back up into my Flamingo sheets, after mojitos and messaging ‘nighty nights’ to a pretty amazing human. There might have been a selfie too. 😉

Shit, I  was going to tell you something about ‘Double B,’ but I can’t remember what the hell it was now? FUCK!

It’ll come to me? She’s all glam squad right now. All blond extensions and lip pumps. I’m loving it, because I am a chica who adores a bit of the same. I LOVE GLAMOUROUSITY. Yet, being Northern, we’re ace with it, as we don’t have rubbish sense of humours. I am the kitty queen of good times and banter winks. People think i’ll be all high maintenance and sassy…and I can be…LOL…yet most of the time i’m chilled…however, dazzled in fun.

‘Double B’ will just come out with THE MOST RANDOM bits of aceness…

‘Honestly, Chrissie. When does that point come when people just get fucking old and decide to go nuts. Literally, when is that point when they turn into a granny and just say… HEY…i’m going to be a bit mental now???’

Anyway, i’ve got to go. I’m in Doncaster all day today. I’m also popping into Malmaison Leeds later, for a business chatter. I love a hotel blog. I also adore their ‘Rock n Roll Suite.

I have a lot of exciting work stuff happening. I’ve been shooting…as in photo shooting. I’ve been auditioning and I’ve filmed a bit. I’ve promised myself that every day this week I AM GOING TO WRITE A BLOG.

Hope you have an amazing weekend!

Hope you stay away from Fishermen’s Friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Business, Bloggers & Dual Action W******

I’ve ‘quadroupley’ booked myself out. No! That’s a lie. I’ve ‘booked’ myself out six times, in one go. No SEVEN! And yes, that sounds great because it means you’re all glamourous, you’re doing well and popularity is tickling at your tender kitten toes. HOWEVER, it’s a little more complex than that! I mean,  HOW the absolute jolly BALLS am I going to be in or at SEVEN DIFFERENT PLACES, all across the nation AT ONCE??? It’s humanly impossible and certainly my own daft fault. Ofcourse! Yet, I don’t think boobies, cocktails shakes or charm is going to get me out of my predicament and more than anything that curdles away at my glittery soul. My charm should ALWAYS WORK, even when i’m dead. (And no, I’m not going to have a glamourous death. I’m just going to be 100 years old exactly, take a kip and rest peacefully. Knowing my luck, I’ll be tootling along, in my leopard print faux fur, on my granny mobile, in sunglasses at 100 years old, with a rum in my hand and some Morris Minor will come and run me over, outside a newsagents or something? My LA guy friend Ryan once said that i’d die by being ‘Savaged by Thieves!’ Lord knows why it thought it would be that exciting? I can’t even ‘book’ myself out appropriately for a weekend, let alone let thieves savage me to my death.)

Why am I talking about death, before 7am?

ANYWAY! Let’s get cheery!

So, yes this weekend i’ve said YES to everything, managed to get all my dates a muddled and now SEVEN DIFFERENT PLACES are expecting me to show up, this weekend. IT IS THAT BUSY!

I’m doing really well and people are ‘signing me up’ left, right and centre, to sexily tinker down to their event, new bar, office or restaurant, literally EVERYWHERE, where one can ‘Socialite’ to deliver my dainty little view of life from their glitzy venue. (This is definitely because I went to Gino D’Acampo’s new joint and didn’t wear knickers on the glass floor. It’s pushed me up that lofty ladder of ‘popularity’ overnight. Lol Now everyone wants me on their glass floors in bars. 🙂 )

But from a real point of view. It’s a really exciting time for me, i’ve worked really hard for this, I’m going for it. I’m feeling SASSY, ON FIRE, UNSTOPPABLE and moderately invincible. I kinda feel like I am the Queen  of ALL KITTENS. Y’know, totally ‘sought after’ now. The word on the street, via other infamous and rather successful beings in the same field or media is that….

‘Chrissie’s smashed this personal brand/influencer thing down this year.. She picked up the ball and ran with it…’

So there you have it, it’s amazing what a little bit of glamourous street game, a blog, the ability to express via written word, a rummy soul, a case of candid banter, good humour, boobies and a lifestyle can do! I’m not scared of it anymore. More than anything, I’m feeling at my most powerful and it’s only just the beginning. I have lots planned and i’m GOING FOR IT. So strap in… (I love it when i feel like this, it makes me want to bathe in champagne like a ‘Girl Boss’ and shout at people for no reason.)

But… honestly I can’t organise myself for shit. Lol. How am I going to be in SEVEN places at once. This isn’t including my normal ‘non worky’ social commitments. Unfortunately, they get put on the back burner. Lol. Such a great friend. But at the end of the day, you have one shot to grab a bit of ‘opportunity’ and if you drop the ball…well….you lose. The people that care about you, love you, understand what you’re going through, I think you’ll find will always be there.You’ll be in a mad rush, or battling your career, but you’ll pause weeks later, look to your right and their still there, smiling, supporting you and letting you know that everything’s okay.

I’ll sort it all out. I just need to prioritize and get my ‘rejiggle’ on. My guy best friend Theo, who I grew up with in LA, (he’s an actor, model and has created his own TV show. I Know.) Well, he’s coming to London, all the way from LA to see me this weekend, whilst he’s en route to Madrid, so he get’s a priority ‘tick.’ PLUS, I’ve missed him being my bestie. I’ve missed all my LA besties. Yet Theo takes the biscuit! He’s the only male human (and yes he is gay, but buff as hell) to THROW ME OFF HIS ACTUAL ASS IN A GYM, so he could lean on a counter and other gents could ADMIRE HIS BOOTY. Not sure why I was sat on his ass now?

But Theo and I have been through a lot together. In LA it’s hard to ‘make it’ but we did, we’re doing it. And that’s something you kinda treasure in your careers. No one can take that away from you.

Theo: ‘Just ignore her….she’s crying over a penis.’

That was his quote the time we both ended up following boys to other States of America because we thought they loved us. I went from LA to New York, for some hideous boy named ‘Tommy’ and He went from LA to …where the fuck did he go? Florida?? I dunno? But yeah, for some other hideous boy…named ‘Eric.’

We both ended up homeless and had to get flights back to Los Angeles immediately. Hilarious. It was all in the name of love. 🙂 Theo is the most manly gay man you will ever meet. He’s a DIVA, but he knows how to take care of you. Lol.

Can’t wait to see him.

Other than that, I have the British Style Collective in Liverpool, three restaurants, Issho, Leeds, Manchester…..and London….fuck! Just lots.

It’s not the busy part that catches me out. I thrive on it all as it’s exciting and fun. I just hate organizing the busy part. I just like to show up and do my thang…and do it well.

As if I’m Social Media’s Favourite (Kitten Esque ) IT Girl!

I’m accidentally building an empire via just being ME and writing about it. I must have learnt more off ‘Hilton’ than I thought! 😉

Anyway, I’ve godda go. I’m sat in Flamingo Sheets writing this with no bra on.. before work starts. I have ‘droopy boob’ fear.

I forgot to tell you, but I was The Carleton the other evening and ran into my old school friend Kate. We went through our entire schooling lives together at the private school in Ackworth…and as we were sat around a table, was the stars shone down on us and ‘Harrys Mum’ was feeling down trodden because her husband had cheated on her, ran off with the other woman and left her holding the baby. She was quite upset about it emotionally, because obviously, it’s not an easy thing to go through and it’s fresh. Breakups are always hard on the heart, when they’re fresh….Yet you do always end up finding the girl or guy of your dreams in the end….

So in her moment of desperate need and support….Kate turns around, completely ignores what she’s saying, fights over who is drinking who’s wine and says…

‘Wouldn’t it be great if all guy’s penises, were like dual action cigarettes and you could just CLICK a button on the side and all of sudden their cum would just taste of mentol, or strawberries.’

HAHAHAHAHA! I love my friends!

I honestly know the best humans!

Ps/ Go check out  one of my close LA besties Theo Breaux!