Sunshine, Booty Shorts & Events in Leeds Tonight!

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Suns Out! Guns Out! Strut. Wink. Trout Pouts! 

I’m in such a good mood because I feel like there’s a *sizzle* in the air, a little peeky of fun, seems to be a swirling around us today. Can you feel it?

(Try again. Close ya eyes. You can feel it now, right?)

The sky is blue. The sun’s meant to be out from this afternoon onwards. And well… in my world, this means that the only thing left to do, is to reach for your booty shorts, hair toss a ‘curly blow‘ and paint your kitten nails red!!!

Yeah! Yeah! Doll Faces!

(I’ve already actually done ALL of the above. I did it as soon as I woke up.. Then I reconsidered my outfit, because It read ‘Vegas,’ not ‘School run.’ I got changed, did a school drop off…and re visited ‘glamour pussing’ as soon as I swung back into my home. I wish I swung in on a chandelier. 

No such luck.

Whatsapp Msg

Miss. Murphy: ‘Do the boys wear long socks with shorts? I don’t think I have any!!’

Me: ‘Juniors just in trousers today…because I forgot to buy shorts. ;)’

Snapchat Msg

Firmonnell: ‘I need to call you on my lunch. I need to talk to you.’

I think we both cried last night? I’m not sure, if she did?  If you don’t know, ‘Firmonnell’ is my best chick friend…and I definitely cried to Hollyoaks yesterday…which I found really awkward. If that happened, I’m certainly sure, that across town, ‘Firmonnell’ was doing the same. We really do get ‘hormonally emotional’, around the same time.

Being a girl rocks.

Anyway, things are really busy in Wunna Land right now. My April is slammed. And like I said, I’m being a shitty ‘be there,’ friend, as one minute i’m here, the next minute i’m there…

Infact…i’ll tell….

It’s a train ride to London, a flight through to Spain, a school run check in, 3 meetings back in Leeds, whilst loving and adoring the kids, yet making an event here, not being late for an event there, learning lines for an audition on Skype, but showing up for an audition in person…sitting through a conference call…emailing back a tv company…and then getting through twenty five shoots…. in two days and a half days.

I wouldn’t have it an other way though. I feel really lucky right now. Not just lucky as in ‘blessed.’ Lucky as in ‘i’m rolling that dice and winning it baby.’

I’m sort of in the very early stages of what I like to call the COMEBACK ‘MAGIC.’ But for the first time….

I can actually FEEL IT…..

AND THAT *MAGIC* IS WHAT I WANT TO PASS ON.

I mean, you might think the above ‘busy’ paragraph is a nightmare. It can be. But to me, it’s perfect. It’s all I ever wanted to do, all I ever loved as a career and the one thing that keeps me balanced.

Keeps me alive. I get an incredible buzz off from it all.

People choose their own paths and I guess, I just didn’t want to be sat on my arse, in an office all day, for hardly any money, doing everything that I HAD to do, behind a pleasant fake smile, yet nothing that I WANTED to do…and as the yeeeeeears pass me bbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Time really does fly. Do not forget that!

To some people the ‘office, years pass me by‘ is their ‘awesome,‘ it’s ‘gangsta,‘ it’s a reason to crack open the champagne. And that’s great, because we all have different stories to celebrate.

To me…it’s DULL. I mean, I’d rather feed goats for 92 hours…and I hate farmyard animals, after once being head butted by a Billy Goat Gruff. Lol. 😉 I remember being so cross because it made me drop my Solero.

Don’t fuck with a Yorkshire Girls Ice Cream!

Anyway, I’m glad the sun’s out because i’m at an event this evening, in Leeds. It’s at the ‘Weaves & Waves‘ hair salon, on George Street, as they catwalk out their new line of wigs.

I love the local city events, in salons, or boutique stores. I think they’re kinda cool, because they’re usually all canapes and prosecco pours… over pleasantries….You’ll scan the room and it will be filled with popular city faces and littered with reality tv personalities, all taking selfies with one another and creating insta stories for kicks.

I love it. 😉

And out of everyone, I have THE BEST job, because I get to show up…do the Reality TV/ Modelly ‘ting’…But at the same time, get to scan, chat and absorb everything going down, for a BLOG.

So i’ll either zone in on one person…or do a little bit of everything. It depends on what happens really? But that’s the exciting part of the job….because you just never know…..until it’s actually happening to you. be It good for bad. Lol

BUT THE SUN IS OUT…WHICH ALWAYS MEANS RECEPTION DRINKS, FLIRTS AND REALLY GOOD TIMES.

No matter what, I’ll have a blast! Well…if my shirt dries. I forgot to wash it, so i’ve had to plonk it in this morning and dry it on a radiator. 🙂 (So glamourous.)

And i’m not going all ‘see through’ dressy. I’m doing a blue & white boobied, pinstripe shirt.. demin booty shorts and heels.

Bit of boob. Bit of leg. Suns totally out.

Knowing Yorkshire, the air’ll probably smell like barbeques. Lol. One bit of sun and everyone rocks down to Morrisons for bargain meat and cans of ale.

I think i’m getting my face done…and then Pitstop Rentals, the best chauffeuring service ever, will be picking me up and driving me to the event!

 

 

 

 

 

Rebel Just For Kicks & True Love….

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Ooh, i’m a sassy one today! I’m feeling rebellious, cheeky….fun! I’m wanting to be a nuisance, just for the glorious sake off and although it always ends in tears…..I just can’t help myself. If you can’t have a bit of laugh, then what have you got left…but rum? Exactly!

Chicky Mazza: ‘You are far too feisty today Wuns!’

‘Aaron The Pap‘ has already bollocked me for being a ‘Word Thief.‘ Lol.

Aaron: ‘Hahahaha! Sassiness on you at this hour, WORDS THIEF.’

But technically, you can’t teach a girl to COPYRIGHT EVERYTHING, not copyright your own words…and then moan because I stole them.

The words I stole, from his Paparazzi hands…were…

‘…AND SHIT!’

🙂 No one’s swag enough to own those words.

Today. I basically decided to force Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) who we know if a really good friend of mine, to have a MASSIVELY GIANT, birthday party, because she turns FIFTY, next month. She’s having surgery, so it will kill her to party, but it’s all about ME really…and I need an excuse to drink more.

Yippppppppeee!

I thought it would take me ages to persuade her…(I didn’t, at all, I don’t know why my fingers are typing that… I’m highly persuasive and she loves a good time.)

It took 3 minutes.

It was literally as easy as peeing into a bucket. (Which is you’re a girl, is not that easy at all? Why am I chatting shit? Lol And why do I have this disturbing image of me sitting, doing a wee…on a giant orange bucket???) 

Anyway, I won’t rest until she jumps out of a cake…or if we have a Tiki party…a flipping pineapple. Xfactor Liam (Halewood) has suggested that all cocktail sticks are made out of sausages or something? Lol. Oh no, wait? He said pickled onions on sticks and that he likes ‘bangers.’ 😉 (My fingers keep lying.)

But you get it. Today, I’m a cheeky swine of a glamour puss! And I’m loving it.

Rebel me this. Rebel me that!

I met up with another good friend of mine ‘Big A’ yesterday. He owns the High Fashion & Culture Magazine ‘House Of Solo’ and we always have a pint and gossip, usually about our love lives….then we decide to work. We chose ‘Ego’ as our banter hideaway…because it’s basically the closest and I watched him put Issue 7 together…( I like watching people work.) He was deciding if he’s going to shoot Rita Ora and Zayn Malik for the cover. (Hard life.)

We got talking all sorts and I showed him the Tattoo that I have on my inner right arm, that reads…

‘March.’

Me: ‘It’s the last name of a guy in LA. Lol. He was my bestfriend. His last name is March.’

Big A: ‘WTF!’

Me: ‘Anyway, finish off ya story? What were you saying about that drama, cos I think, if a Dude has to reach for PLAN C, then he’s got no hope! What happened to Plan A & Plan B??’

Big A: ‘They didn’t work. It was crazy. How was Spain?’

Me: ‘I’m going to an event on Wednesday evening. Weaves & Waves. I’m waiting the new wig line drop…Love Island, ‘Emma’ is hosting it. It’s in Leeds. Why don’t you come?’

Big A: ‘Yeah, I’ll try to. I’ve got a shoot in London…But…*looks at his phone..* Yeah…I think I can do it.’

Me: ‘Why is *************** ruining everything!’

Big A: ‘I don’t know? He’s being such an idiot.’

Me: ‘It’s because he’s got a fairly new girlfriend and she’ll hate me. It’s flipping WORK. We’re mates! We don’t flipping date!!!’

He worked…I DRANK EVERYTHING! And I couldn’t really tell if I was drinking everything because I was stressed and hormonal, or just wanting to celebrate….ANYTHING? 

Anyway, well done to all of you who took my advice and decided not to be dull. Don’t be scared to embrace life and don’t let the art of what other’s think of you destroy your ‘good time.’ They’re doing their own version of life…and just because it’s different to yours, it doesn’t mean it’s better..FOR YOU. I love it when we appreciate the differences in others. I hate when people drivel on about ‘blah.’ (Kinda like I do…for a living. 😉 )

Chick Friend Tiger Stripes: ‘Is your new thing accents? I’m sure all the guys that you’ve fancied over the last few years, have all had accents…’

(I’m calling her ‘Tiger Stripes’ because she didn’t rub in her fake tan very well. 😉 )

Me: ‘I don’t have a *thing,* I just..I don’t know…? I like SOME accents. I like it when they’re going grey a bit. I’m not quite  sure I should be trying to preach anything *dating.* But i’m happy right now, with the way life is, so stop trying to make me feel shit. lol’

I guess, love to me is teaming up with a best friend, lover and  hero….through the entire ‘thick and thin‘ of it all and still over the years, no matter what, feeling crazy about them every moment of every day.  I didn’t get married every time because I was an idiot. I got married every time because I believed in love.

I remember a time when I was really upset,, years ago…but playing it ‘happy’ and my old school friend ‘Wazza’ (who can see through everything and hosts this blog,) stopped me and quietly said, in the middle of his own wedding reception..

‘Don’t worry about it Chrissie. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just trusted him…. and that’s okay because you SHOULD be able to trust your husband. Honestly… I’m picking ya next husband. Lol’

And in that moment, my heart broke into a million pieces, but being me, I smiled, laughed it off and wished him the most beautiful wedding day….

[Oh wait….One of the loveliest bartenders at the bar i’m at right now, has just sauntered up to chat…Once sec…]

……………………………………

…………………….

Okay! I’m back. he just wanted to know how Spain went! I love it when people *pause* for a bit of banter with me. It’s fun. Most people walk by pretending they haven’t made eye contact with me and then start giggling.

I got this weird message the other day, from a guy, who i’d regard as a friend, because he used to be WITH  a really close friend of mine, for years. He’s been really inappropriate and he’ll send me the most bizarrely suggestive messages. He doesn’t care if I ignore him or knock him back (EVERYTIME,) he just keeps going, like it’s all just normal and dandy.

It’s not. I’m a really loyal friend. I just think it’s incredibly wrong. Why do guys do that? I even responded with a…

‘No, I just don’t like you like that mate…’ (And I hate that because it makes me feel rude. But to be honest, he’s being rude…Men are meant to make other women FEEL like a million dollars…not weird and awkward.)

Tiger Stripes: ‘Y’know, you NEED a guy to step in and make YOU feel like a million dollars. I don’t think you’ve ever had that. I think you’ve always looked after men. In fact, I actually think, as sassy as you are, you’re actually too good to them…and they take the piss. I also think you push them away.’

Me: ‘I really need ice in my wine…I’m gonna go ask for ice.. I’m not talking dating with you right now. I can’t concentrate because your tan stripes are confusing me.’

I’ve just got another message from a Wunna Land fan..it reads…

Fan: ‘I want to taste your sweetness..’

It tastes like vodka.

Anyway, i’m off, I can’t be bothered to type anymore. I want my wine. Summer feels like it’s on it’s merry way and that alone makes me happy. I love it warm. If you can’t shake maracas and dance to the beat of bongos. …(In LA, I once climbed an entire wall, in an evening dress, at a house party, simply to reach the bongo players, who were placed in some designer wall cove. They got fired because of me. 🙁 They let me play their bongos.) 

…What i’m trying to say is…

JUST HAVE SOME FUN, EH! It’s APRIL!

Tiger Stripes: ‘Are you missing ‘The Swirl.’

Me: ‘…………….yeah.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hormones, Dull Folk & I Just Don’t Like Festivals

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I’m feeling amazing today! I’m back on work mode and it feels good. It feels ‘OOoh Laaa.’ Yet, because i’m an old bird, I  was quite terribly knackered yesterday, after being blessed with  a really EARLY work wake up call. So, I just chilled and enjoyed family time, after a bit of picture taking and a rather important meeting. But I couldn’t keep my little kitten eyes open. I kept nodding off, like a granny, then shocking myself up. Lol. Only a Desperado could help me. 😉 (Any excuse, I know.!!! In case you DIDN’T KNOW A Desperado, is my favourite ‘slum it and chill’ go to drink.)

Yeeehah!

I’m in an updo today, and it’s great because it’s making me look like i’ve had botox.

(Snapchat Msg)

Chick friend: ‘You’ve properly stepped up your game Wunna! Your holiday pics and this whole Wunna Land blah, blah, is on fucking FIRE! You need a hose down.’

Me: ‘I’m getting there. I’m a long way off yet. But cheers, Baby boo. Hose down? Sounds rude. I think i’ll just have a 9am wine.’

Anyway, last night, I popped into a ‘Go Local’ in Ackworth to grab the Desperado and two ginger beers. (Love it there.) I’m craving ginger beers at the moment. And I  just love them because they remind me of my childhood. My dad and I would drink them and dance around to UB40 songs. A moment filled with love. 🙂 I get my drinking habits and my creative talent from my Pops. I don’t think he had a ginger beer though? His moves were too good. 🙂

Walked in. Saw the back of a guy, who looked moderately attractive. I only saw his back and his gym bum. But he had a Essex accent and was bantering out loud to the two middle aged ladies behind the counter. When he left, I slowly walked up an isle with a smile on my face…

Me: ‘Look at the state of you two! You’re beaming! Calm yourselves down! Hahaha!’

Lady: ‘Here you! Lol.  Just because we’re old doesn’t mean we can’t see a good thing, when it’s in front of us!’

Me: ‘You look love struck. Lol. I’ve never seen you so happy!’

Lady: ‘He’s moving down here….’

Me: ‘What? With his beautiful wife & kids? Haha.’

Lady: ‘Well SHE (points at the other cashier) definitely knows how to pull’em. She was stood there, chatting to the hottie, eating a bloody Shepherds pie! Hahaha!’

Me: ‘HAHAHAH. You couldn’t even BE any more northern if you tried.’

I mean, what is life without a bit of gravy on ya face, eh!

Anyway, the reason why i wanted to blog about that moment, was simply because it made my heart warm. It was so innocent and flirty and showed me that no matter how old, how young, sassy, quiet, how rich, poor, small or tall….a lady is..? She STILL always has that giggly little ‘playground’ girl inside of her… when it comes to boys.

It was such a cute moment. Glad, I destroyed it with by sick witty banter…and a ginger beer in my hand. 😉

Then I checked through the magazines,and papers, to see who had made all the covers.

Anyway, everything’s great! I’m really busy. The kids are back at school and i’m gonna miss having them around me all the time.

Being a ‘lone parent’ and raising them by myself, and having to work SO hard to give them a great great life, has always meant that I haven’t really ever had the option of just chilling. Y’know, what I mean, I never could just stay at home with them, mummy them, make teas, etc etc…. I never even managed to do that when I was wife…and that was ANY of the times, I was a wife. Lol. My life has just never given me that apple to munch on…However, it’s been wonderful.

I managed it all with happiness and I managed to be a NORMAL mum over their Easter holidays from school…(Well as normal as Wunna Land gets, because I did audition a lot and then fly to Spain and do days and days of pap shots.)  Bottom line, I love being with them and the cheeky little ‘Coconuts’ (which is what I call them) love it MADLY.

I sort of fantasize about times like that. I’m gonna miss them heading back to school…for about an hour. 😉 I’ll just swish back into work mode then and probably do it in stilettos.

I’m trying to tell you what’s going on work wise right now, but I because there’s just so so much, going on.  I have auditions zooming out my ear holes, a bunch of modeling gigs, i’ve had to turn down another trip to Spain, due to being ‘booked out,’ and turn down a show, because I didn’t think It was the right fit for me. It’s not something that I thought i’d enjoy….and I didn’t think i’d make much impact on a show of that sort. Well…no, i’d make impact, but not benefit from it AND…It involved a lot more of Wunna land than just me.

So I just said no.

But regardless, I’m back on the telly shortly (I again, can’t tell you anything about it yet) and I’m unfortunately eating everything in sight….when i’m meant to be on a Herbalife plan.

I’m blaming it on the ‘You only life once’ line, because I have to blame it on something, right? But if i’m honest, I kinda feel sexy anyway, whether I have a shake OR a burger in my hand…and I think that’s what confidence and VA VOOM IS!

Shaking‘ was and IS great because it kinda made me realize that I’m happy anyway…. Plus, I did lose weight for my Spanish snaps, which helped me out tremendously. So, I’ll be back ‘shaking’ shortly. yet because my schedule is about to get tighter and when you’re on the go, it’s absolutely brilliant.

No Faff. Easy Going. Just the way I like things.

I think i might have a wine to celebrate!

I also think, it must nearly be my ‘time of the month’ soon, because I’m going through THAT week, where in which EVERYTHING annoys me. Lol. (You’ll only get it, if you’re a girl.) People are really annoying me right now and i’m being much sharper, much sassier…much more uncensored. 🙂 I seem to have put down my ‘rosie tinteds’ for a decent set of RAGING hormones.

I’m quite ‘tell it how it is‘ ..of course with charm…by nature. If people can’t take a bit of banter or the odd home truth, then they’re not yet comfy in their own skin. Right now, i’m finding everyone quite…….What’s the word??

Dull?

I keep reading people’s posts and listening to conversations and thinking…

WHY BE SO DULLSVILLE? WAKE UP. ENJOY LIFE.

And the thing about ‘The Dull’ ones, is that they’re ALWAYS the first humans, to get their slow moving, ‘JUDGEY *never pointed at fun* FINGERS‘ out…. They’re all..

‘I’m too good for this./I’m too good for that./I would never this…I cannot believe that…/I am the most boring, unexciting human in the entire flipping land. Let’s buy tins of magnolia paint and just watch it dry upon already magnolia walls.’

Lighten up. Chill out. You don’t have to be wild. You just have to switch the beige mindset, for a better one that’s swirled in LIFE, COLOUR…OR EVEN JUST RUM?

YOU BORING SODS. (Can you tell i’m hormonal? Lol)

I love being a girl. We’re bonkers. Staying sane, is our official life goal.

My news feed got so frustrating that I started looking at all the ‘festival fever because it’s everywhere, isn’t it. It’s all gone ‘Coachella mad!

Now, Coachella.. at least looks fun. It looks sunny and alive.  I just NOT a BRITISH festival kinda girl. I’m not one to want to camp in a tent, wee in a plastic cup and refrain from showering for days… in the name of anything. I’m a glamour puss. And i’m not really bothered about having Unicorn hair, rainbow glitter on my face and adorning my arm with endless wristbands, that aren’t made of diamonds. 🙂

I’m a kitten, who enjoys a ‘cocktail and a wink,‘ and yes I can slum it. I love to chill more than anything. I mean, chilling is my favourite thing. If you have ever dated me, ever…you will know that about me.

I’m too old to ‘festival’ or camp about.

I mean, Glamping in the forest , in my giant mansion of a cabin was about as far as my camping skills go…and even that had to include a massage, a hot tub, room service and the option of an ‘in house’ chef. 😉

My chick friend even once stated that..

‘Camping to Chrissie, is like staying in the worst room in some Five Star Hotel.’

I love that! I’m not a dick. I just don’t like things to be a struggle during my down time. I work really hard, even though it may not look that way. I work really REALLY hard. ALL THE TIME. My work ethic is incredible. I’m fun but i’m professional and most successful people are, I reckon? I simply play it like it’s all a jiggle and a winkl…because that’s what my job needs to look like…

I just prefer calm, easy going peace, or quiet luxury…that comes ready made with love..Festivals are a Wunna Land ‘no go.’ None of this waiting in line for a shower… in a tented field, filled with ‘drama’ boys, and girls with Unicorn hair because i’ve  paid extra pences and booked ‘Vanity.’

I’ll pass…

So, yeah, I enjoy fun. But a festival is just not my cuppa…gin.

I don’t have anything else to say….I’m off to meet ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Mag later I think….

I haven’t caught up with him in ages….

 

 

 

 

What a weekend, Secrets & Cougars

I need two extra days added onto my weekend please! It’s just been a ‘runner.’ Once of those ‘smash out of work on a Friday’ shindigs, that has glamourously led me into a weekend of ‘go, go, go.’ Schedules! Meetings! Babies! Madness! I’m shattered. I’ve lost my voice. I’d like Greek ‘Handsomes,’ in Toga’s to massage me back to good health. I’ve dropepd my phone and smashed my screen. (UGH!) AND, I’l tell you that I’ve accidentally got a dandy bit awesome at this whole ‘game of business’ malarky! To be fair, everything’s gone wrong this weekend. So technically, I could’ve just chilled it with Ruby and Junior in my comfies the whole time. Infact ‘wrong’ is the incorrect term. I’ll say it went ‘not as smoothly as it could’ve.’ But that’s because I spend so much time working hard throughout the week, that when it comes to the ‘weekend work,‘ I’m not remotely organised enough for it. I’ve learnt a lot. IN TWO DAYS. Over the next couple of months. I’m going to SMASH IT. *Cue: Beyonce Helicopter Hair Whip* Fuck it! Add *Lambrini shower sprays* to it also!

I’m just gonna skim it all, as I need time to chill, before Monday kicks me in the *hoo haa.*

Saturday was rushy. I did breakfast and shopping with the babies and my mum, as I magically *whirled* through the dash of life, in heels, big hair and whilst snatching last minute ‘needs’ to prep me for the weekend. I had to go pick up the car from Mercedes. I fitted in an important partnership meeting.

Me: ‘So what it is that you want me to help you with?’

Company: ‘*&&)($£”!$$£&**£, so how much?’

Kinda made me feel all powerful for a millisecond!

*Hands were shaken on this.*

Then, I grabbed my Gucci canvas bag and with the wind in my hair *dashed* quickly across town, in my faux fur to Cosmo’s. Where I enjoyed ACTUAL lunch, equipped with a wine drizzle, with my Mum, Dad, Brother, Ruby & Junior. We’re a really close family & it’s great because it makes my world always feel bubbled over with support, trust and that good old unconditional love. I am never emotionally starved or lonely. Wunna land is filled with LIFE. I always remember to *pause* and enjoy those moments with the people I love. Work is work. Even if you love what you do. Yet if your world isn’t balanced, you’ll find, in time that your soul will never be fulfilled. I ‘smell the roses’ and I smell’em good! 😉

Then I had to rush off, grab an outfit, constantly clock watch, as I treated The Wunna Babies to anything their hearts desired, make phone calls,  organise train times and get home as soon as I could. IN MINUTES, I  showered, tanned, did my hair, face and *pout.* I slipped on the tight gold pencil dress, quickly but delicately buckled on my rhinestone Gina Shoes (the ones that Paris Hilton gave me for getting naked. The poor sods have been dashed through life like glistening, burlesquesy….Wunna land…slaves.)

Kissed everyone ‘Goodbye,’ skipped into a waiting car, flung myself to the train station to get on the next ‘choo choo’ to Leeds for 7.30m, for my 8pm Business meeting, at ‘Mumtaz’ Leeds.

It kinda all went wrong from that point on…

I was texting through my journey, fully done up in a casual corner train seat, listening to the guy infront of me, tell the guy infront of him that he was..

‘Off to an Engagement party…’

‘Oh? I’m off to see some bird. Been talking to her for 2 weeks..’

Abeiku Arthur (who owns the High Fashion magazine ‘House of Solo‘ that I AM CURRENTLY IN) had messaged me, as he had two contributor meetings in Leeds also. We’re really good friends..really good friends and we always piss ourselves at life, our own businesses and at the same time wind each other up playfully, with our natural competitiveness. I WIN EVERYTHING!

The Leeds Skyline draws in, it’s now night and the sky is littered with stars, around me there is a bustle if excitement. I took the fun train to Leeds. That train where everyone is dressed up and ready for a night of cocktailing around the city. The boys with their shirted entourages, the girls in their heels and tight dressed winks.

I looked glamourous, BUT I had business to tend to…

Yet! OH WHAT DRAMA.

Right before I met this person, I was to print off a ‘non disclosure’ form, sign it and bring it to my meeting, to make sure that nothing discussed DURING the meeting was repeated. I didn’t have time to do the form. I couldn’t find a printer anywhere. Life was mayhem. We were messaging back and forth as HE couldn’t find a printer either…and then suggested that we push the meeting BACK to 9pm, instead of 8pm, so he could go and BUY A PRINTER, to print off the form and have me sign it before the meeting.

So, I had to chill for an hour with a wine, by station luggage trollies, in my golden dress and my faux fur, as strangers kept popping up to me and telling me that ‘loved the blog.’ All drunks love this blog. That makes me smile. 🙂 I don’t thing i’ve selfied with as many trashed people in my life. I should’ve charged.

Now, I was Snapchatting EVERYTHING! Thank you to those who were watching all this in action. And Abeiku Arthur was also watching my pain and PISSING HIMSELF LAUGHING.

So after he smashed his last meeting at 7pm, he messaged me to tell him to..

‘Meet me out the back..’

And there he was, with his smug little African face, pissing himself that CHRISSIE WUNNA, QUEEN OF GLAMOUR PUSSES, was stood on her own, by luggage trollies, looking like a dickhead, because unlike his finely polished meetings, MY MEETINGS WERE going tits up!

He sauntered out of his car, walked up to me and PISSED HIMSELF LAUGHING, demanded KFC and said,

‘It totally looks like you’ve been stood up! HHAHAHA!’

‘DUDE. I’m waiting for the guy to print off the non disclosure form before he speaks to me…’

”THAT’S FUCK UP. LOL. That’s not how you conduct business. You’re waiting by trollies I want a KFC.’

‘You know ********* is at ****** right now.’

‘Can’t you just fuck off your meeting and we’ll go there to see them…and then you can just get a ride home with me.’

‘No. I’ve got to be there in fifteen minutes..’

‘Surely people meet YOU because they want EVERYONE TO KNOW what they’re doing??? It’s backwards.’

Time flew with company…company that I was SO GRATEFUL for and it seemed that I was all dressed up with somewhere to go finally! Y’see, the thing about Mr. ‘House of Solo’ is that he’ll always pop up and keep me company…even if he’s performing a piss take.

He drove me to my meeting to make sure I was safe…

‘Right, i’ll wait here for five minutes, so text me….then i’m gone…’

I was fine. I mean, GOD. I’m the most independent chick that The Earth has ever birthed. But that was really sweet of him. He sang and danced all the way in the car, to ‘Boss it‘ hip hop jams, as he drove me, through the city streets.

My meeting was still..

‘I’m en route and running late….

So I stood on the bridge at The Leeds Docks, over the canal, watching the stillness of the night, as the lights of Mumtaz reflected onto the water and with mood lit, skyscraper buildings surrounding me. Tipsy 20 somethings.. in suits, who had been at the races all day staggered by in good spirit. There were couples, couples, everywhere couples. All in love. All excited. All in lust…and for the first time in ages…it bothered me. I wondered where my ‘counterpart’ was? Am I just going to be single forever? My life partner is currently roaming around the Earth…trying to find me. If you see him…GIVE HIM A FUCKING MAP, A LIFT, CALL HIM AN UBER, GET HIM HERE. 🙂

Then my meeting came walking across the bridge, by the Royal Armouries. (Which is where I did the Leeds Lifestyle Awards.’ He shook my hand under the evening stars…as he introduced himself…

AND I CAN’T TELL YOU ANYTHING MORE BECAUSE OF A NON DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT LOL. 

I got home at midnight. I had early morning breakfast with the babies. We all went to a shoot at noon, yet we had to push it back to Saturday, so I can sort out better styling etc…These shots are going to be AMAZING and we all agreed that we wanted them out there exactly right! (So I’ll be telling you all about it….next weekend.)

I then did lunch with my Mum at my Favoruite Local spot Ego, in Ackworth. What is better than Sunday Dinner and cocktails. The kids love it. I love it.

AND….

I SPOTTED A REAL LIFE COUGAR IN THERE TODAY. I always talk about cougars and joke about how i’m one in training. (I’m not joking. I AM one in training. I always date younger than me.)

But I hardly ever see a real life ‘Cougary Couple.’ TODAY! I DID! And it made me feel moderately awkward. Lol. She didn’t OWN her Cougarness…She infact looked really insecure. Hahaha! Like whenever he looked away, at just ANYTHING. A glass, a light switch…a hot Burmese Oriental chick. 🙂 She threw ‘daggers’ at him with her eyes. I can’t tell if he’s going to get loads of blow jobs tonight, so she wins him back over, or if he’s going to get none for just looking around him?

When i’m a cougar. I’m going to BOSS IT! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changes, Heels & Life Paths

‘I need to thank someone. Can I send them nudes of you?’ Said Double B to the freshly ‘one layer’ of Skinny Tanned Burmese Glamour puss.

‘Yeah sure. 🙂 ‘

Then we started talking about Chinese Burns and how it was the answer to all our playground troubles back in the day.

‘I’ll give you a Chinese Burn…’

Double B’s ‘beau’ still gives her Chinese Burns when she buys Rapunzel hair for £300. 🙂

‘I should get shoes next time. 🙂

‘Have you made that phone call?’

‘I can’t be arsed with Monday.’

‘Where’s the diary?’

Monday was hard for me today. I don’t even know why? I just had to write it off with a *wink* because I spent the day on an ‘off’ beat, and in the words of Cher, the beat always goes on…so if you’re knocking about on the ‘off’ beat, you’re fumbling. 🙂

Monday and I were not even nearly friends. I’m more friends with my waist trainer than I was with this Monday. …and I hate ‘Veronica’ my waist trainer. I keep trying to lose her. But like a shitty relationship, she keeps tottering back. (The bitch. 🙂 ) SEND NUDES.

I found it really hard to get my freshly pampered ‘weekend’ self up and rocket dash into today and I think it’s because I’m focused, but my mind is all over the place. I’m trying to concentrate, as I have a massive week, I have a lot going on…and I have a lot of things in the ‘pending’ part of my brain box, which is always awful because you don’t have control of them. Yet part of my ‘this year’ is to let go of the things you can’t control and simply leave them to good old destiny….and evening wine pours.

We all tottered in from different directions…Double B drove in, in her gangsta green Mercedes. ‘Fairytale Blond’ rocked up, with her posh Tweed over coat, after stepping out of her fairytale Mini. Firmonnell had just done the mad dash over, after doing the child minder drop offs, in her reliable, she ‘loves it’ Ford Focus. Mel sauntered through the door, wrapped in her stylish red coat…and I strutted in with my Little Mistress faux fur, after a casual drive, a quick trip for a latte and a saunter up, from the posh part of Ponte. 🙂

The ‘King of the North’ even dashed by me, blue suited and booted with a hundred red files in his arms…and as he passed, with his positively perfectly groomed hair, (his wife does it for him every morning) he looked to his side and gave me a cheeky, ‘welcome to the dark side’ morning smile.

I had Skinny Tanned, so even though I was on my ‘off’ beat, I was still feeling fabulous because my legs were now a it more glowy. It quenched my ‘why am I not sat with a cocktail in my hand, in a sunny, sunny land, on a inflatable flamingo, bobbing around a glamourous pool side’ thirst?

Firmonnell: ‘Oh your legs look Asian today, cos usually your face is Asian, but your legs are white…’ 🙂

Monday’s are rubbish for everyone, but we did it, we got on with it…and well everything seems to be evolving…or should I say changing..?

I went through a ‘last year’ of massive changes and even though they terrified me because they took me away from that comfy soft pillowness, that made me feel safe and not necessarily UTTERLY happy…I knew that life was about change, developing and doing what your heart is loyal to. You have one life to live…embrace it. But i’m not someone who will make the best out of bad bargain. I’m someone who will FEEL, decide… and after a little thought… react. I don’t over think things, I just casually weigh up the ‘doo daahs’ and quickly make a decision.

We’re all going through changes right now, be it in love, work, home life…location…all sorts.

New chapters are everything because when you choose an alternate side road, you MAY find, that it was a road that you were MEANT to take. In the long run, you’ll see why…

I had the BEST old chapter…and I LOVE MY NEW CHAPTER…but my world…my life…well it’s still developing. However, for each and every one of my chick friends (and we all rode in from different parts of town, we’re different parts of ladies, but it’s that bundle of  difference parts that makes us so close..) Well we’re all going through really big life changes…without us actually realizing…and we’re doing it together…

Some are falling in love, some are in a swirl over new commitments, some have brand new fairytale homes to look forward to, some have bright futures, safe present times, or really big decisions to make. Some of us have new career paths, new opportunities laid out in front of us…some of us are heartbroken & snogging strangers, whilst some of us are stable…Some of us prefer the old ways, some of us embrace the new…

Yet, what i know about life, is that it’s all about chapters and GOD you’re a long time dead. I always say that, you have 100 years to do whatever you want in life, so go for it, fall in love, have your heart broken, live, laugh, dance in the rain…You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. and a decade from now, you will look back on this exact moment and either giggle at how funny you were, shake your head with regret, or be glad that you took that side road.

Where you LAND is what matters and even though you may leave a lot of happy memories behind you….It’s those happy memories that you’ll always HAVE to treasure. So when you GET to the age, where in which you’re on that shitty rocking chair with your knitting needles in tow and you tell your doughy eyed grand kids the story of your life….You glow because it STILL IS and ALWAYS WAS so wonderful…

Don’t be afraid to take new steps…even if they’re baby ones. Be loyal to what you believe is right for you, embrace changes and just fucking go for it…

I have never once in my life got ANYWHERE, without taking that side road….

If you’re scared of love, be brave enough to trust yourself and your choices and FALL IN LOVE without fear. If a new opportunity has sprung out of nowhere and it makes you eternally smile…move with it, enjoy it, it doesn’t come around often. If you’ve always been on the move and you finally have something stable…LOVE BEING STILL.

No matter what you do…It’s your story…and no one on this Earth CAN DO IT better than you. Button up, zip up, hold your head high and strut.

We all left each other today, in our Tweed jacket, Faux fur, Rapunzel hair, Red coat… heels and handbags…to ‘tango’ our usual paths home….

However, I looked down at my phone to read a message…and with a Wunna *smirk* I knew at that point…that everything was about to change…

 

 

 

But a second hand emotion…

‘You’re know you’re only doing a ONCE A MONTH meet up! That’s ONLY TWELVE choices for the year…’

‘Oh…’

‘So, I suggest you quit saying yes to everyone…and take a look through all your messages and pick wisely. It’s like you’ve signed yourself up to 12 a fricking DAY!’

Thank you for all your messages, inboxes and comments. I’m reading them ALL and I can’t even actually believe how many of you responded. I’ve said yes to a lot of you, so I will find time for you. Lol. Yet, I agree, because as I’m busying up, picking 12 of you gradually, to ‘do life’ with, is probably a bit wiser.

I WILL SAY that the majority of you sent me lovely messages, that I actually felt inspired by, as I sipped on an evening Prosecco in my pink polka dot pyjamas, watching you all ‘Like/Like/Comment/Comment.’ There have been some really great finds, so I can’t wait to meet you…soon.

But OH MY GOD, let me kindly add that these aren’t WIN SEX WITH ME ‘meet ups.’ Lol. I’ve had boys send me, some of the oddest messages, offering me booze, a ‘boning’ and/or they’re bodies.

It’s about crossing life paths, the experience of it all and the art of written word story telling… in great shoes, with great hair and at a great venue.. 🙂

So something on the lines of this…

‘Babe, I should win because I just really need to get laid. Where you at?’

Isn’t going to score you a ‘Wunna Meet Me’ day? Lol. But I thought you’d get that?  I should be sending you guys ‘boobie’ prizes..and not the good kind. *Slaps in boxes* is what you require.

In fact, if I’m really honest, in the most stuck up manner (and I AM NEVER STUCK UP, OR TOO PROUD FOR ANYTHING,) I looked at my chick friend, as she lip glossed and selfied and with a slow motion hair toss, I ACTUALLY said,

‘Who does he think he is!’ Lol.

I haven’t said that phrase, out loud….in YEARS! I don’t even know why I felt so offended???  It’s not like I haven’t heard or seen worse?? (AND BOY HAVE I HEARD IT.)

So yes, I’m a sensual being by nature…and I get it…I get that…I mean GOD I helped design an ENTIRE sex toy range for Ann Summers and spent a merry chunk of my existence as a Glamour Model. I get it!  YET, there are ways to say things, so choose your words wisely. Lol. Being a gentleman, or taking the humorous approach into Wunna land, will never serve you wrong.  I enjoy bluntness, yet if it isn’t wrapped in charm, wit, cleverness or just good manners…you’re fucked. (And I don’t mean the good kind. 🙂 )

I’ve had the busiest day EVER and I know you’re sick of hearing it, because i’m SICK of saying it. But it’s true and i’m lucky to be busy. Yet, you know when you just need more hours …Those hours were needed…and are still nowhere to be found.

The great thing about it all is that I managed to laugh, smile and order wine at the end of it… with *can can* kicks. I’m a positive soul…When it gets like that you just have to have fun, work hard, go with it and hope for the goddamn best..with laughter! It’s amazing how contagious laughter and a great energy can be. That is ALSO how I pick my partners.

Right now, it all just feels like the beginning of something exciting (you all know that feeling and sometimes we forget to feel it) and it FEELS so good because i’ve accidentally and slowly been building a baby sized Wunna Empire AND I’ve managed to drink rum cocktails  all the way through it. 🙂 Hurrah!

I’ve just been through a jolly load of ‘ups & downs‘ in both work, my love life and jeeze, even in my life in general and you’ve followed it. To this day…I have no clue why??? Some day, that I’ve done it glamourously? Some say that I apparently reach out to such a diverse range of people, that there are pieces to me that everyone, no matter what age, life, gender or path they are, live or walk can relate to? Some say I’m ambitious? Some say I’m an ego maniac? Some say ‘i’m off the telly?’ Been naked? Talented? Just pretty? Expressive? Smart? Dumb? A writer? A business woman? A model? A mum? An attention whore? All sorts. I’m just one of these beings that managed to featured in The Times AND the Boobpedia on the same day. Lol. I don’t get it either? But all that matters is that it’s working and it’s working because of you. So I thank you every day, for reading this.

(Why am I currently having a flashback of my ex hubby Keiran forcing me to prize off my engagement ring because I had chosen to go do a shoot? I remember that day clearly and again, I have no clue why I do? We’re both good friends now we’re separated. Yet that day, now I think back, I remember him being so annoyed in the kitchen and he reluctantly drove me to my shoot in Leeds, that was for an appearance, for my book launch…He THREW my pink leopard print suitcase out the car, after he had cried to a Katy Perry song, I was feeling all heart broken and confused but being silent about it and then after picking my suitcase up from the side of the street, walking around a corner and being greeted by Jamie the organizer, with a smile on my face like nothing had happened, I walked in, got changed, went through a brief prep and shot this picture…

That’s why I always use this photo. It reminds me of a time where in which I could’ve chosen to be weak, but I chose to be strong. Makes me feel empowered. After that shot, I sauntered off to the side and privately reached for my phone…of course. Girls are girls. I tried to call him, as I had no messages and he deliberately didn’t answer to make me feel uncomfortable. I was in the loo, but had to quickly leave a message because of the girls had come in and I didn’t want her to know what was going on.)

The GREAT thing about that moment of my life, was that IN that toilet, IN that empty club, through the day, in Leeds, at MY book launch shoot, I vowed to NEVER EVER be like him (well how he was then) with ANYONE and to never TRY to get in the way of someones dream/career.

Why have I just remembered that? Weird?

Definitely need a wine now. Lol

I’ve just received an email from a clothing brand who’d like to meet  with me and I also have a whatsapp message…

London Business Man: ‘You totally HAVE forgotten me…’

 

The 30 Something Single Life….

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I’m a tiddly bit lucky. Life is being kind to me right now and even though I’ll go through blips where in which i’ll forget how lucky I am, (it’s human nature, we throw pity parties until we get over ourselves…Mine only last milliseconds, or a cocktailed up evening with good friends..Some people draaaag there’s on and on…and being someone who hates having to ‘heave ho’ pull anything, be it an opportunity that won’t release, mega sized luggage…I always travel light….or a guy/girl who isn’t quite on the same page as you in the ‘Book of Love,’ it’s a trait that i find unattractive. Pity Parties are never sexy, be you in the new Sophia Webster signature heels or designer barber stubble. Rewind it back, sort yourself out and get a new mind set…then have a mojito. They go well after a Pity Party.

Now i’m getting a flashback of my first husband Mikey, on our wedding night. He’s American and a good soul. He cried when i walked down the garden isle, by a lake field with swans, because i looked so beautiful. I found him later that night, PASSED OUT 🙂 IN A BUSH, in the outside restaurant area OF THE HOTEL BEL AIR, in NOTHING BUT a pair of pulled up Guinness socks and a FEDORA. Hahah. Nothing else! And as a new young 20 something year old bride, in my cream vintage designer gown, with the real life Julia Roberts chilling, as she had her dinner on a nearby table, i had to DRRRAAAAG lol my new husband, out of this bush, away from the restaurant and into our bridal suite. I even had a lace fan in my hand. Haha. I still dragged gracefully even though it was a ball ache….literally…and he was shouting out things, that might suggest he was a  rummed up pirate 🙂 Didn’t bother me, i found it funny. And even though we’re divorced now…and have been divorced for a decade…he’s a good guy. Weird and funny…but a good soul. I learnt a lot from him and respected him. We were just too young to be able to figure out how to make the pieces of our jigsaws fit. We were so different..and even today we still are.

Just because you’ve ended up in a relationship with someone for a while and you love them and you’re very fond of them…it  doesn’t necessarily mean that they are your Mr or Mrs Right. It can do and you can live happily ever after. But it doesn’t necessarily. They are there to journey you though a certain chapter, as you are for them. You’ll know when you meet your match, as you will feel it IMMEDIATELY, like electricity, chemistry, it will terrify you and you won’t believe it or even know what to do. If you try and fight it, ‘The Gods’ will be positively walking your life paths back into one another’s world, out of what YOU think is nowhere, yet the stars suggests is fate. That girl or guy will be so aligned with you, that they admire & respect everything about you positively and you will not be able to help but fall in love with them emotionally, mentally and on levels of both friendship and sexuality. Long lasting relationships like good music need to have soul, otherwise you’re just ‘playing’ a game of ‘couples.’

You should go where life suggests you go….because it’s suggested for a reason. You don’t need a plan nor do you need to over analyse it. You just need to strap in and go with it. That’s what those who are loyal to their own sense of happiness do.  The rest just remain…still…stuck..or even worse…unhappy. Unhappy people at cocktail bars, always look shit. I always see them, wonder why they came out to cocktail anyway and kinda just wished they just went back to their hotel penthouse and watched a bit of porn.

Incase you didn’t realise, i’m quite the champion at knowing what i want, what’s right for me and going for it. I do it with ease and without fear. I’m expressive. I’m comfortable. I’ve got the right glitter heels on for it. I understand life and love and people. I’ve taken the time to be interested in it. I can smell out the strong from the weak and be gentle to those who need love or a bit of motivation. (Provided they don’t drag on about it. 😉 )

I’m thirty five and single…but i’m lavish and i’m fun and filled with this radiating yellow gust of excitement. I’m sassy but i’m warm. I’m playful, yet i’m far from foolish.

And i will say that if you are a thirty something single girl or guy (and it’s a really difficult age to date at,) you don’t have to panic. Decades ago being single used to mean that no one wanted you, or that there was definitely something wrong with you. Like you’ve been left on the shelf. Whereas now, it’s pretty goddamn sexy and there’s a stamp of emotional power that goes with it. A strut that says that you are able to take your time, enjoy your life and decide who you want to spend it with. IF that’s something you decide to do. No one says you have to couple up. I am certainly someone who will, as i prefer to share good times. But you don’t have to!

Friend: ‘Chrissie, The Bible says we have to find partners like Mary and Joseph found each other.’

Me: ‘The Bible doesn’t fucking say that. The Bible says MARY fell PREGNANT & didn’t even have SEX. The Good Lord ‘blessed her’ with 9 months of waddling around in agony, whilst being rode around on a donkey and she didn’t even get to do the fun part.’

Friend: ‘You should definitely teach religious studies in schools.

 

Inflatable Willies, Twittiness & Gift Buying

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I don’t even know what’s happening to me but i’m evolving into the most awesome human ever, that I don’t think I can even handle it. *Waaahoo!* Haha!  I feel like ‘Captain Jack Sparrow.’ I came to this executive decision this after i dedicated part of my life to picking out potential ‘Secret Santa’ gifts! Now, I don’t even know if i’m having  ‘Secret Santa’ at work, which quite possibly means that i’m a lunatic. Yet, i’m going to go with ‘just giving.’

Anyway, Holy Shit! I’m amazing. I’ve picked out the best potential ‘Secret Santa’ gifts ever and i know i’ve done well because I feel extremely SORRY for anyone who has the unfortunate unlucky streak of having me pull their name out of a tub. I’ve gone with…

  

…and because i love how LONELY the man in the penis suit looks, like he has no friends and life is always awkward and well…the emoji ‘middle finger’ cushion…is just a luxury that every respectable human on the planet needs to have. I’d love to spoon it on lonely Wednesdays.

Now, away from the comedy gifts. I’m a generous chick. I love to buy gifts for others and always do. It makes me smile and if i actually know you well, i’m usually an alright gift giver.  If i don’t, i’ll still get you something ‘general/glammy/or thoughtful’..If i date you, it will usually be something that you’ve yearned for or something super expensive…You’ll only know that if your life path has smashed, danced, lived or casually winked into mine. But yeah, someone’s definitely going to get the ‘lonely’ penis suit. I love it.

Everyone seems to have gone shopping today. I’ve heard of ‘blazers’ being bought, ‘New Canada Goose Jackets’ being purchased and i received my THIGH HIGH ‘off orange’ rust boots from Just Fab today after i ate eggs. I love a it of ‘buying for Winter’ so i’m so impressed with peoples fashion choices.

I need to get myself to the new Victoria Leeds, and to the Bubble Tea store for ‘checking it outs.’ I’ve actually got a bunch of outings that i need to accomplish, a whole lot of events and along with normal favourite stuff like all the Christmas markets and ice skating in city centres under the night stars with friends.

Everything’s all exciting. I’m watching the Xfactor, whilst being sat next to a pumpkin, with a fire engine being run up and down my back. I don’t know why everyone didn’t like ‘Five After Midnight.’ I thought the were all upbeat, fun and ace. Lol. I like the light hearted entertainmenty stuff. The ballards are all very well sung, but they aren’t half dull. I zone out and mainly because i’m not a singer. I can appreciate a decent ‘vocalist.’ But i’m Jesus…I’m Jesus? I mean JESUS! I love stuff that’s upbeat, sassy or alive. Something that’s fun or so hilarious that I die.

That’s just made me remember that when picking a life partner, I need to make sure that they are funny, or have the same sense of fun (I hate dull boys,) or humour as I…otherwise they’ll just think i’m a twit. (And i’m gonna try and get away with disguising my tittiness…tittiness? HAHAHA. I meant ‘TWITTINESS,’ and i guess now…with TITS. Lol.

Have a great night!

Get the look…..

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Here’s another ‘Wunna Look’ for you! I do this one ALL OF THE TIME. It’s my casual, day to day, look!

Do it with a mini denim, or with tight jeans or jeggings!

I love a statement, slogan tshirt!!! I love them! And i tells ya…a pair of sexy heels is great with a slogan tshirt, if you choose the ‘tight jeans,’ option. I prefer comfy boots, with a ‘mini.’ (A bit of leg, but not too much.)

Perfect for going into Spring, whilst we’re still a bit chilly, yet wanting to feel sunny.

YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH WEARING SUNGLASSES NOW, SO DO IT! Giant ‘Diors’….MY FAVOURITE!

                            

   

 

LOVE YOU,

CHRISSIE X

 

Glammy Casual! My Look for Winter!

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Hey Dolls!

Check out my favourite ‘Glammy Casual,’ Winter look!

 

                                                                                   

                                             

Nothing is more fun that a great tan in Winter. Especially when near snow.

Dangly diamante earrings (really great for insta ‘GLAM’ and twinkling in crisp white sunlight in the wind.)

Hot pink shoes (of any variety)

A warm ribbed jumper. (I enjoy bright colours that clash with your shoes. Makes people think you’re happy. 🙂 )

Giant, white, up to the waist, faux fur coat (Lots of these in the sale right now.)

A solid Mac lipstick. (I’m currently loving ‘Velvet Teddy’ and ‘Honey Love.’

Enjoy!