Is it really that hard to find love?

Word up! My Pretties. How are you all? I’m kinda feeling over the moon today, because i’m trying to appreciate all that have, right now, rather than crave all the stuff that I don’t. I’m in the mood for a bit of Feng Shui, a wine and yesterday I made ‘love heart shaped’ toast….THAT BROKE IN HALF.

Even heart shaped toast, can’t stay fixed for me…

F*** I need wine.

It all sounds very Disney, I know. But don’t  be fooled. I swore like a gangsta all the way through the toasting…If you mixed Cruella De Ville, Jackie Chan, Mary Poppins, an angry gangsta and Paris Hilton into a pot…You would’ve got ME…making heart shaped toast.

For a Princess, I’m kinda ‘swag.’ I’m not prinny…I’m glammy…It’s a whole different ting, boo.

‘The Swirl’ once *paused* whilst he stood behind his kitchen counter, dishing out Nandos and said…

‘You’ve got a bit of swag to you, don’t ya…’

I don’t know why I felt the need to tell you that, but it’s my diary and my patch of cyberland, so I can if i want.

Why do I keep replaying it??

I even read a Vogue article about Victoria and David Beckham, this morning, in my pants, wrapped in flamingo sheets….Victoria gushed about how much  love they have for each other and how they couldn’t have achieved all they did without one another.

It was lovely. It made me beam.

I want that! I really want that…

What am I doing wrong? Surely I’m not that bad a pull!?! I’m such a happy singleton…Yet, i’m also great when coupled up? It’s like I only want to be with someone who I KNOW is my total soul mate…Someone who will really take care of me and guide his future family kindly and happily…Other wise I find it all a waste of my time?

So well done to The Beckhams and The Smiths, for doing love so so well, under much harder circumstances than most….

I love, their love…I love that kind of love…

I  almost nearly had that kinda love…a couple times…Yet, ALMOST HAVING SOMETHING…doesn’t count, does it? If you ‘almost‘ had something, you really never had it all..

Hit play.. (One of my favourite songs…)

Don’t get me wrong….I’m feeling pretty positive and fearless, right now….I watched Will Smith in this really great video on FEAR last night and it inspired me to be mighty.

I’m already mighty, so it properly turned me ‘COWBOY.’

Work wise…My moments gonna come. I can feel it in my water. This comeback & blog attention thing is hard…YET, i’ve been ‘slow and steady wins the race’ about it all. Once the ball starts a rolling, life will pick up speed.

Like I posted yesterday..

‘Chances are, your best kiss, your hardest laugh, your greatest day  are still to come…Don’t give up..’

..and it’s true.

People often give up, when the going gets tough, but it’s your struggles and failure that make you the person you are! More people need to find the swift ability to pick themselves up, every time they fail.. More people should embrace the things that feel right for them, disregard the things that feel wrong.. THEN find the courage to ALWAYS have faith in life and themselves….

It can be scary….

But never give up on the things that you are absolutely passionate about….Notice the things that makes you happy. Pay attention to them…

Recently, I’ve been spending all my time with those who truly love me, (Family & Babies) and simply because i’m wanting to break bad habits. Bad habits tend to get the better of me.

It’s only been a few days and I already feel more delish..

Plus, Ruby & Junior head back to school tomorrow, which frees up my time massively, for work. HOWEVER, GOSH, i’m gonna miss them being around me, all day. I know that sounds odd…because at the start of the holiday they drove me MENTAL. Now…it’s a really different story. Time just flew.

I’m half happy & sad…

They’re my little worlds and I’m grateful that I have two little ones who still LOVE hanging out with me constantly. Without each other, we’re nothing.

I’m like their favourite human, which always makes me feel ten feet tall.

Q & A wise…

I’ve been answering all your questions on my Insta story all day, but I got bored, because there were no juicy ones. They’re either normal, about marriage, or smutty. Nothing for me to get my kitty teeth into. So I chucked it in the ‘fuck it bucket‘ and laid it to rest…whilst my phone charges. 😉

Date wise…

I’m excited to meet the ‘gentleman’ guy on the 18th. I like how he moved his way forward. I’ve never met him and I haven’t spoken to him since the weekend, but it feels like an adventure.  I’m still fun and I’m still saucy ;).  I think I appreciate the fact that he didn’t just see me as ‘naughty,’ or ‘saucy.’ He saw a lot more to me than that.

I’m a lot of things…A lot more things that people think! So I hate it when people skip the good bits, like….‘best friend, loving wife, wonderful mother, happy soul, decent human…’ and just go with a judgement of ‘probably good in bed….maybe high maintenance and a bit stuck up..’

I’m not that at all..

Well, I am good in bed. 😉

YIpppeeeeeeeeEEeeeeeeeeeee!!

I’m staying out of trouble…but need to go because Mama needs a vino.

Thank you for everything…

Head to my Insta Story @chrissiewunna and ask me Question…(A juicy one though.) Tomorrow, i’m answering your questions on my blog…

Boobie Pops, Adventures & Moderately Cunning Plans

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Life is to be LIVED, because you’re a LONG TIME dead and you hear people frisbee out the term ‘YOLO’ like Tequila in a Mexican brothel. Yet, after everything i’ve learnt, in my time so far, armed with my little bit of diary… I know that it is never ever the result that gives you complete happiness and that the journey and the memories you make, are the things that will actually make you BEAM….when you’re 82.

(The ‘Bush Story,‘ when I’m 82, will always be funny. It’ll always be hot, because it’ll always be alive. The ‘Cum Stain’ story in LA, which no one EVER let’s me forget..Haha…..at 82, will STILL be as tragic, yet even more hilarious.)

Don’t be afraid of adventure. Don’t be afraid to have a story. Don’t be afraid of anything.

It’s important that you embrace your story. Stop being dull. Go for the ‘adventures’ that life hands you over. The fun bits that just fill you with excitement and make your eyes smile. You may not be that lucky again and I’ll always say, that even though my life has been oddly ‘colourful.’ It took me away from Yorkshire and glittered me, all over the world.

I mean, SO MUCH has happened to me, that I only WISH you could peek into my head, or be a fly on the wall, during some of the most sketchiest moments EVER.

I’m not sure how I survived them. But  came out unscathed because I chose to be happy.

Yeah I’ve had my heart broken in numerous countries. Yet at the same time, I’ve fallen in love and laughed out loud, MORE TIMES, than any glamour puss, could ever wish for.

I’ve been really lucky, because I feel like i’ve done a lot and my soul is alive.

Be alive.

I managed to be exactly where I wanted to be, through hard work, charm, determination and my fingers crossed.

YOU ARE exactly where you’re meant to be, in life right now!

So if you’re happy? If you’re sad? If you’re tall… broken….successful…or stuck in a rut?  You’re MEANT to be there, right now. It’s for some random reason and you’ll definitely learnt why shortly. I’ve done it all before. Once all the elements of your life have been put into place….Just around the corner, I promise you, is ‘magic.’

I cannot even tell you how true that is!

I literally once had my giant leopard print luggage and an engagement ring THROWN out of a car, with me a following and a ‘Don’t come back sign‘ firmly in place…(lol) I was in my 20’s. I walked around the corner…with my luggage on wheels in tow..and a car pulled up to the curb.

I DID KNOW this person really well. He wasn’t a stranger. We were in LA. All he said was,

‘Jump in Lil’ Bit.’

It was like he knew where I was going to be, or what was going to happen? And when I did jump in…my life changed for the ABSOLUTE BETTER and FAST!! In fact was almost unbelievable.

So please do LIVE.

(Wait. My phones fucking pinging. One sec…)

Ugh. How annoying. It’s a guy I used to date DECADES ago, when I was 18, and he’s trying to tell me off for referring to him as ‘random.’ (Lol.)  Well, this is what he’s saying, because he’s now trying to re date me, which isn’t going to happen.

(It’s funny how when you’ve maybe done alright for yourself and you’ve grown up and got yourself a bit more pocket money, a little dab of tiny fame, a career that seems quite dazzling and you still look somewhat attractive…It’s funny how the exes that didn’t want to be with you, come running back as fast as they can. Yet, I guess, that’s what I like about me. The more powerful I feel, the better! Mwahahah!) 

Anyway, he’s saying this…

Guy: ‘Random! Who the fuck is RANDOM. We were together for FIVE years!’

It was ages ago. I don’t count that as a relationship because I was never in love at that point. I thought I was. I was a kid. I didn’t know what love was…I was sort of just going through the motions. Until I met the next guy, who was Mike, the actor…WHO I MARRIED. Fair enough, we’re divorced now. But, he was my first love and obviously… even now…there are times where I think about him because it was SUCH a chapter of my life. It’s when everything changed and success came. He was a guy who showed me how women should be treated….

But it was JUST a chapter…and like all good tales, the beat just goes on…

If that Chapter didn’t end….this whole ‘Chrissie Wunna’ thing would never EVER have happened. I would’ve been stuck doing the same old shit, with the same old people, with the same old life, for the same old years….

So I get it…

But a few years with the first boy and six years with Mike….(only 2 of those years were public and we WERE dating other people at the time, so we sort of kept something going, behind almost everyone’s back. Which I guess was bad. But ‘Yolo’ we couldn’t help it. So, if I added those two relationships up, it’d come to around 9 years…To me that doesn’t seem THAT LONG, when I hopefully have decades of life left to live.

So, I don’t know why the guy I dated when I was 18, in Yorkshire, is coming forward?

So much more has happened to me since then….

I was never scared to do anything, and I may have hurt people along the way or been hurt. But I’m still never afraid to enjoy anything, should I say. I have stories that will last a lifetime.

You’ve got one good shot at having the most fun, you could ever have and I hope to GOD, that you embrace that.

Right now, I’m having a REALLY different Summer, to any Summer I’ve ever had. I’ve felt really normal. I’m not sure how much I like that? Haha. But I’m having so much fun and hope the rest of 2018 delivers appropriately.

Last night was filled with laughter. It was a really great night and became with chills with Ian and Claire, by a dog named Frank.

Music came on…and it all turned wild.

I can’t even really tell you what happened, because not much did other than lots of ‘high fiving’ and good times? Why were we ‘high fiving’ so much? I hate ‘High fiving.’ Lol.

Dancing occurred. Singing at the top of voices echoed through. Drunk hugs and secret conversations littered the table.

Golfer Jonny taught me how to ‘Boobie Pop.’

WHO KNEW i COULD DO THAT!!!! I’M SO TALENTED! 🙂

Everyone stopped me to make sure I was okay? Lol. (I also appreciate all the messages I received. I cry once, blog about it and hundreds of people shimmie into my inbox with love. 🙂 Thank you, for that. You’re all kind. Much love in return.)

Then as always a PLAN was hatched.

My arm got pulled to one side for whispers.

KatyP: ‘Right…we’re going to try and make ************** happen.’

Me: ‘Really?’

KatyP: ‘Golfer Jonny is in charge of buying the next drink. You’re in charge of distracting Antony.’

(Antony’s foot, was the foot that was in my face when I woke up on Tuesday morning, after being the ‘little spoon’ to a piece of  lost gingerbread.)

Me: ‘I’m in charge of distracting you.’

Ant: ‘Well that’s not so bad for me, is it? Free drinks and you hanging out with me all night. Haha.’

He’s easily distracted and I enjoy those that just go with a plan. Things that are to hard to accomplish bore me.

Long story short, everyone (as always) got roped into the plan. Yet it all worked swimmingly, as I watched someone be lovingly *walked* out a pub, by the wrist…

‘I’m a little nervous..’

With a..

‘What? Everyone knows anyway!’

And that was the end of the night.

It was hot. I loved it. It was Girl Power at it’s finest. It was LIVING. It WAS life and more importantly didn’t involve ME, which meant it was ALL utter bliss.

I managed to STAY OUT OF TROUBLE…all the way home!! 

(Eww! But I saw Awful Ben at the pub last night, who I used to date years ago. I just hate him and we were stood at the bar at the same time, so I just did that really grown up thing that I do and IGNORED HIM. Lol)

All my chick friends: ‘I don’t know what you were thinking when you dated him!’

I guess, it’s part of the story. What a douche!

Anyway…

All i’m gonna say is that, whenever you wake up to a Whatsapp Group message that reads…

‘Team check. You all alive and okay?’

(The Group is labelled ‘Team Beer.’)

You know a ‘good time‘ has been had!

‘Pray for ****’

Right! I’m done now. It’s officially Sunday Funday!

I have two shoots, babies and influency things all week, so i’m excited!

I’m back on your telly shortly…and that’s my 2018 ‘Out of Summer’ plot twist.

Hope you have yours…

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life. Thank you for tinkering through my ‘socials.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boy Banter, Exes & Dating

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So, i’m sat in The Mallard AFTER additional Christmas shopping at The Frenchgate in Doncaster, as Ruby breaks up from school on Friday and her teachers all deserve gifts for educating a Wunna Baby. (I’m buttering them up, as they are *zapped* with another Wunna Baby in September, as Junior struts in with a ‘teach me, teach me’ shortly and like i’ve always said Junior is the product of Keiran and I…meaning he is filled with…how do I say it? I’ll go with… ‘UMPH.’)

This is my second pit stop of the day, as i NEED wine breaks wedged into the madness of a Christmas shop, mainly because i’m an alcoholic in training, glam and an alcoholic in training.

In front of me is a gypsy couple. The wife is really quiet and the husband is all ‘barky’ loud. The kids have run off and the staff at The Mallard have done that polite ‘just so you know your child is at’ conversation, which as we know all means ‘CONTROL YOUR KIDS.’ They’re doing their own version of ‘Happily Ever After’ which to me seems a bit tense, unhappy and controlled.

There’s a dude in a giant neon jacket, with a pint, playing on a bandit. Ofcourse not winning (OH SHIT AS I’VE SAID THAT, THE BANDIT HAS LITERALLY JUST DROPPED AND HE’S WON LOADS OF QUIDS. I’M A DICKHEAD. LOL.) And there’s a bunch of boys, 20 something Donny boys chatting about chicks…

20 something boy banter is weird, it’s all about ‘but did you shag her or did you not?’ Well , it is to these boys anyway and it’s making me do cross eyebrows (I can do them now my botox has worn off.)

Part of me does find it funny, but only because it’s not happening to me. Lol. I’m a sassy girly girl, i’m not ‘cherry pie.’ I’m bantery  and fun. I adore boy chitter chatter. I’m a champion at it, as when I grew up in LA, aside from a precious handful, all my friends were gay and straight guys. They kinda rubbed off on me, which now after listening to these fellas, probably wasn’t a good thing. Haha.

‘Yeah but Dean only works at fucking Sports Direct and he says he’s got FOUR BIRDS on the go!’

(I did notice that some things never change. Men associate having love or ‘loads or birds’ with being a successful money making machine. Not true with all men, before you all start. Yet, it’s us girls that have done that to you. Well, not me, as i’m a ‘pay my own way’gal. But i get it. Dean surely couldn’t get all the birds with a Sports Direct wage to guys. Lol. DYING!!!) 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I AM NEVER MAKING FUN OF A BANDIT GUY AGAIN. HE’S JUST WON AGAIN. THE MACHINE HAS DROPPED AGAIN. He’s on the other machine now. I might start eyeing him up. 😉

Anyway, there i was thinking it was hard being a single thirty something, when i’ve just realised that it’s much shitter being a single ‘looking for love’ 20 something year old chick.

20 something year old chicks hardly ever, if never have conversations that begin with ‘I totally let him sausage me.’ That’s single 30 year old talk. Hahaha.

So right now, i’m kinda feeling pretty happy that i’m all being 30, doing well and riding solo. I did do breakfast with Keiran and the kids on Sunday morning. It’s kinda turned into a Sunday morning thing now and it’s actually lovely, like nothing’s really changed from years ago?

We were sat at the coffee shop at Ackworth Garden Centre, just being a family and i never ever thought that i would ever say this…but if you could see how giddy the kids were about it, you’d think it was a good idea. (I know, I need to stop.)

I’ll focus on the fact that he said i had a belly! (Whatever, i’m due on and had two kids. One of them his. I don’t have a belly. I look good for almost being a hundred years old in a couple weeks and birthing humans.) Do note, he was joking. But i’m not joking about this giant weird beard that he’s grown. It’s terrifying.

Happy Monday!

 

 

 

 

 

Day 3, Hornballs & Texts

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Day 3 and i’m not looking forward to it. I had such a great night of chill, lol…that i’m sure that i’m eternally doomed for today. Yesterday got the better of me, work wise…so today i’m not expecting it to be good at all. I dread Day 3…DREAD IT! (Shit loads more days to go, on the ‘stretch.’)

Awesome night with Ruby. Awesome morning with Ruby, Spent most of last night texting from my bed sheets. (No, not that kind of texting. I’m far too old and busy to be bothered to ‘sexy text,’ But Ben and I have been trying to chat things out..and we have…and it’s been better. We’ve opened up about the things that we did wrong and the things we feel sorry for…and sorted through, the ‘what, where’s and why’s?’ It’s good for me, as i think that Ben’s a lot more closed off expressively than I am…so to actually hear him express makes a difference. Yet there’s been no real conclusion. I’m still questioning…and well when you just send a bunch of text messages…it’s not the same is it. It still feels a little awkward to me, and i don’t know why? I guess he really hurt me, which makes it hard for me to trust him…with my heart. Yet, he’s not doing anything to sort of help me to trust him..as i did notice that once again, I’m the one that’s beginning the ‘bridge build.’ He doesn’t initiate anything. But cares…)

Ugh! I hate Day 3. I don’t even want to do it. (You can tell that i’m moody about it all today, already.)

The Spanish Doctor’s been more attentive. I don’t know if he reads my blog or not, as he’s doesn’t really do social media…he’s 38 and has no children to stalk…so he feels no need to ‘snapchat’ or Facebook much.

He restarted sending me lovely, lovely messages…and like i told you, he’s great at telling me he’s thinking about me every  single day, be it long winded, or brief. He’s a very passionate soul…and gets really excited by the thought of ‘one day’ hitting the jackpot with me and getting me in his little Spanish bedsheets. As guys do…be they 19 or 109.  I think he’s great, but before all that…i need to get to know him much much better first. As I don’t really treat sex as sex, now that i’m a biddy and a mum and i firstly i don’t have time for play the field really, lol, nor tango with hook ups. I can please myself. 😉 REALLY WELL. (I’m not bad in the bedroom with boys and certainly not bad in the bedroom with myself.)

But yes, We’re both very busy and i understand his excitement and dazzle of testoterone…but he sent me a message basically saying that he couldn’t wait to ‘devour me’ (that could just mean *kissy kissy* I could be jumping the gun) and that i wouldn’t ‘escape this time. 😉 ‘ If i want to…..i will. 🙂 I’m like Catwoman, if i want to escape. I will and with trophies and a pina colada in my hand. I mean God, i’ll gallop off on a near by donkey if i have to.

But on the whole, i’m not judging him…(remember I am a girl that has sort of lived this life where i’ve had men be excited to bonk me, simply from looking at a picture, that plays to their willies) so i always get *urked* out when boys try and force sexy time  on me, without it happening naturally…which is when i want. Lol.

He’s just excited. He likes me a lot…and I get that. And i’m not intimidated by him nor am I of anything sensual. I just don’t like the romance to be taken out of things, I think? And replaced with a hornball. I like them to balance out,

So i’ll still do my second date, when i’ve done my 10 day stretch and recover as i’m off after that! Frrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee! And i’ll see how i’m feeling about the Doc. It’s almost as if i need to see him again in order to know how i feel…You always get lost in the magic on your first date. Your second date is more real. Yet i love that our dates are chill dates, because like i told you, he’s sooooo smart that we can literally sit in a room and chat all night, without the show of a dinner date, or even a dress up occasion, if i’m honest. And i like that as it skips the false part of ‘new dates’ and keeps it’s real. If i can just chill with them at home, then it helps me see a future…If i can’t…then it makes me feel like a trophy.

He’s a good guy, just needs a little bit of a cold shower. Lol He’s funny.

I watched Patti Stanger, do her Millionaire Matchmaking last night, with Sonja Morgan and Perez Hilton! That must have made rating fly through the roof. So many successful people are single! It’s strange and means it’s harder to find love the more successful you become. When they Flashbacked Sonja’s past relationship with the really young 23 year old, hotter, than hot, hot hotty…(she’s fifty something)…I sort of thought, ‘Your’e so amazing, why would you do that, as you’re worth so much more…and it was obviously not going to work out!’ But then I looked at myself and realised that’s exactly what I would probably end up doing. I’ quitting bad habits.) The Doctor looks better all of a sudden…lol.

 

 

 

 

Policemen, Ben, Dates & Doctors

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Good day, on the whole. Worked well. Listening to Lydia’s tragic love life,which pretty much matches my own, until i’m one day settled forever. (This proves that no matter how old, or how young, or no matter what walk of life you’re tottering upon…we’re all the same when it comes to love. We want to love and be loved.)

I’ve tried to eat healthy, however, i’m now on this weird ‘high iron’ diet, because of my recent delicious circumstances…so I’ve been instructed to chow down on silly things like black pudding, greens, steak, liver (my mum actually grilled me the best liver ever) and to drink a can of Guinness (YUK) A DAY, and in no time my iron levels will be on top form..and i won’t be anemic anymore. Yipppee! Hats off to that! I’ve never had a can of Guinness in MY ENTIRE LIFE…so you can imagine the confusion, that my body came to when it had to convince itself that this kind of booze was delicious and good for me? I should’ve jabbed a cocktail umbrella in it. Please! Save me from tragedy.

I’ve felt good today, but had to push at the *swirly* feeling. I’ll tell you about that later. However, the good thing is that as soon as I got into work and set up…smack bang, on time, straight from his time off work, entered Lee my favourite policeman…He struts straight up…in neon… says his ‘hello’s’ and what nots ( I hadn’t seen him in a few days, so it was good to have him pop in again.) We make our usual general convo, we get on well…I pretty much tell this guy everything… we have really great banter. Within a minute into our chitter chatter, he glares at me with what I told him were ‘disapproving father eyes’ and IMMEDIATELY brings up my date with the Doctor. He definitely looked like it wasn’t his favourite. Lol. So we chattered about it…and it was good because he snapped me back to reality. (*Whop there goes gravity.*) You can’t scowl at me when you’re in neon. LOL.

Lee’s been really good to me, attentive, kind, caring..a really good friend and well with him (like I said we have a brotherly type of banter) his life timing is rubbish. That’s all i’m gonna say. Lol. But he gets it… I get it…and it’s funny…ish! 😉 If he wasn’t getting married, he’d be a good catch, right?

But snapping back to reality was good. I’m less on Cloud 9 now and more normal, more real about it all. The Doctor is on Cloud 9..and I like it. We’ve messaged a lot all evening…and he’s every bit the romantic and wishes to ‘make me his.’ He ‘can’t wait.’  I’m looking forward to getting to know him…and enjoy a date night with him. He seems like an absolute dream of a guy…and goes out of his way to make me smile. He puts in a lot of effort into letting me know that he likes me..and thinks i’m worthwhile. His messages are literally every girls dream.

Work was great. The light evening and sunshine made it easy.

Today was a bit more difficult when I got home…and probably because I had had a Guinness and I haven’t drank in WEEKS. Lol. This is why you should only do booze when your mind is fully stable. It was difficult because when I do relationship cut offs, I get a delayed reaction…and I missed Ben. I kinda missed him being around…I was bathing the babies and they kept going on about how much they missed him…so that on it’s own was hard. Yet, i’m aware that I am going to miss him, as you can’t just do a break up and *can can* down the street with streamers on…I just always get that weird delay in emotions, as i’m a blocker outer. I’ve deliberately not been out, (I’ll be out as the weather gets nicer. I’m an exotic glamour puss…you’ll never see me out in the rain or cold) because i’m not really ready to just bump into him…because i haven’t spoken to him and i’ve kinda been through an ordeal…with the whole hospital thing…and he hasn’t said anything to me. We had a fun year…so i guess i miss his company…? This is why we don’t drink Guinness.

However, Lee my favourite policeman visits are good, as it takes my mind off all that and keeps me sane, moving forward and moving onward. My first date with the Spanish Doctor will be lovely…because all kittens need to have someone who openly tells you how wonderful you are and appreciates everything that’s great about you. He’s lovely and always tries to make everything work.

Jenna at work is good because she’s quite the realist and I love her for it. Today whilst she built pretend decking, and after I had just shown her toy money, she accidentally reminded me that happiness is what mattered in relationships over EVERYTHING. Sometimes we ladies can get lost or should i say a bit off track. Jenna is good at putting you back on track…without her even knowing.

I’m happy…i’m a little fuzzy…but i’m actually feeling more confident than ever.