30 Something Sexiness….

Woke up to the most beautiful message from one of my old LA guy friends ‘Raffi,’ who I adore more than anything, because he’s always filled with Wunna Love. He produces music and when I was a mid 20 something year old girl, in West Hollywood, we recorded a couple tracks together, that his brother had whammed up.

His brother was working with the likes of Britney Spears, N’sync, R.Kelly, Michael Jackson…His grandfather, worked with Elvis. So, let’s just say producing beats runs through his soul. He’s a ‘brother,’ and he’s swag.

But all that to one side…We had the most amazing friendship. We’d hang out all the time. He’d come around to my condo, after being at the studio and we’d just sit in his car, chill and chatter, under the LA night stars. It was great!

When he was a young 20 something he looked at me and said,

‘I’d be so happy, if I woke up to you every morning…But at fifty, you’d probably piss me off. Haha.’ 

Then he drank a Red bull, it gave him wings and he drove over my wheely bins, en route to drop by ‘Neyo’s. (Yeah…the ‘So sick of love songs’ Neyo.)

 Raffi’s always been such a good friend to me. In fact ALL of my LA friends are to this day, SO SO close to me. We tell each other how much we love one another, literally all day long and that’s because growing up…we went through SO, SO MUCH together, in one of the toughest towns emotionally, to try and make it in showbusiness.

This morning, I woke up to an insta DM from ‘Raffi’ after i posted the above picture…All he said was…

‘You are so beautiful.’

So 13 years on, and now on entirely different sides of the world, he is still so utterly lovely and goes out of his way to try and make a glamour puss smile. 🙂

(Thank you for that! I love you so dearly. May the night stars guide you bro.) 

Right. Okay…

I’m still filled with anxiety and panic and I have no clue why, really? I’m getting on with it though. I’m good at that. I’m doing it with a ‘100 watt’ smile and hoping it’s just hormones.

What am I terrified of?

This morning I posted the above pic, because I always thought that growing up a model and one that sold ‘sexiness‘….I always thought that I wouldn’t feel ‘sexy’ when I grew older.

The opposite has happened and at 37, I probably, right now, feel at my SEXIEST. It’s so crazy? I don’t know whether it’s because I’m more comfy in my own skin, or i’m just laid back with my natural ‘Va Voom.’ I’ve got nothing to prove now. I’m cool.

But again, my LA guy friends the other day, were saying that they hung out with me, as a young 20 something year old and back then they thought i was ‘Ooh laa…Ferocia.’

Yet now, almost 20 years on..(they fly in to visit me on occasion,) they’ll just look at me and say,

‘We still cannot believe how beautiful you are. It’s like you’re getting hotter and hotter.’ 

AWWW!!!

How nice is that!!!! Everyone needs to hear it. It’s positive and positive vibes are contagious. I’m so lucky to have such wonderful friends…Real friends. Real ‘life soldiers.’ Hopefully, that will put me in good stead for the future. Hopefully, you’ll take a moment today, at some point, just to tell someone that they’re beautiful.

It makes their day….

Everyone should embrace and adore their beauty. Both inner and out.

But y’know, there’s just something about being older, that FEELS SEXIER, than being young. I find, that, when you’re older your ‘SEXY’ comes from your soul, your life experience. It’s in your eyes. It’s your beauty. Your story.

Everyone has a story, even when you’re young. You just ‘own it‘ better when you’re grown.  When you’re really young, your ‘sexy,’ is still only pinned, glued and stuck on. It’s not real yet. Even in your 20’s, when you think you’re grown.

That’s what i’ve learnt through my 30’s. I’ve also realised that you mellow out, and grown emotionally. You become a wiser human and that alone is SEXY. 

(A young friend of mine sent me a message yesterday, and it put me off them, because… well he used a very young, 20 something year old term, to describe a group of people…in a derogatory fashion. He referred to them as ‘beggy’ and I don’t like that because I think it’s rude. I think it’s judgmental and something that a 30 something would never ever say..Lol. And I guess that’s that’s the difference, between being young and old.)

I’ve learnt so much about people and myself in this last 2 weeks. 

Anyway!!

All sorts has been happening to my friends. I have some finding their ‘bouji,’ and others clinking prosecco glasses. ‘Hustle Barbie’ (who’s Vegan) actually stole a PIG. A REAL PIG from a Butcher, because she didn’t want it to get slaughtered. Shenamed it ‘Elvis’ and it’s now in her house. Lol.

Everyone apparently loves the pig. Yet, I am not a piggy fan. I find their snouts intrusive. Lol. Yet, I admire her love and conquest. She’s filled with utter compassion.

Plus, I adore that she’s going to go out, get drunk, bring back a hot dude, forget she has a pig named ‘Elvis’ and suddenly remember he’s there, when he pops onto her sofa, mid ‘sexy time.’

If a pig came near me during sex, I would DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’d grab my boobies and RUN FOR THE HILLS…NAKED.

I am terrified of animals of the farmyard variety.

TERROR SCREECHES THROUGH MY SOUL.

But on the up, there’s also been new love. My gay friend Liam, (he’s just tinkered off ‘The Extreme Diet Hotel’ show on Channel 4.) Anyway, he recently broke up with his beau and has hit the dating scene with his heart on his sleeve and it’s good to see him happy. He called me before his last date, with a beautiful looking man. They met at ‘Velvet’ in Manchester, for the date and he saw him sat outside drinking a latte.

Me: ‘A latte!!!! On a date!!!!’

Liam: ‘I didn’t want it to be a slaggy date. We’ve  spoken loads & really like him. It’s a non drinking date.’

(I don’t do ‘non drinking’ dates. 🙂 I get so nervous. I need to drink.)

He called me before his date because he was a little nervous. But dates are kinda like that, aren’t they?

Liam: ‘I’ve dressed really casual. is that okay??’

I’m glad, that I was his ‘make me not nervous‘ call. I’m good in those moments.

But they had the most beautiful time. I actually saw a picture of his date, whilst on the train to MY OWN date in Manchester. He was ‘sizzle.’ Really handsome. Really well groomed.  They loved their time together. It was all chatter and leg strokes. Cuddles over calamari. It was a classy afternoon date. But then they had to rush off home, because ‘twinges’ and testosterone kept kicking in…If the date went on any longer….the pleasantries would’ve been X Rated.

I always think that chicks sometimes get offended when a guy wants to ‘sex you up’ on the first date. Yet, you shouldn’t. (I know, it makes you think that they only want sex.) Yet DO KNOW, that they can’t help it. If they fancy you, the WANT, WANT, WANT you. It’s how they’re wired and they don’t mean it offensively. Their willy pops up and that’s it. They go ‘boz eyed’ and need to ‘jab for goals.’

So you can IMAGINE, what it must be like if you’re two GUYS on a date…and you fancy one another!

Hahaha….

‘I’ll have that latte to GO, Bitch.’ 

 

 

 

 

Nothing But The Truth & Petty Flippin’ Fight Offs

Yesterday started off ace. I got my quiet time, with a ‘Katy P‘ who’s a really close friend of mine and I managed to feel ‘real’ again and not like a ‘product’ or project. I’ve been really stressed. But i’m back now. I’m back.

I guess, it gets hard at times, because I write a blog..this blog…which pretty much documents my life….almost like a written word reality show….I started it in LA, because I loved ‘diarying’ my life…as I lived it…It was only a hobby, just my version of ‘doing life’ and mainly my therapy…as my day job at the time was ‘glamour model,‘ which then turned into ‘reality tv.’

The blog came first…they were just things that accidentally happened to me, on my journey.

Years later….this ‘hobby‘…turned into a business…and my life…turned into work…as people all over the world started ‘tapping’ into Wunna Land. It kinda became a ‘show.’

An what I’m gonna say is that every single inch of me, couldn’t be happier with the way it all panned out. It’s like a dream. I get to do what I love…and that’s certainly something I regard as so precious. I’m incredibly grateful for it all. Not a little piece of me, will ever complain about it. In fact, I want MORE.

YET….sometimes (and anyone in entertainment or any form of ‘show’ like occupation) will know, that it can all get too much at times…it gets busy, everyone thinks they know everything about you….and you kinda just need to check in with ‘the reals,’ as I call them. (Which are your closest friends…family…or just have a moment to yourself.) 

That’s what I did yesterday with Kate….

This is what happened…

So we meet up accidentally, Kate’s just come from Pilates, I’m blogging, she decides to clear out a giant green caravan, that ‘once ready’ will be serving gin. Nothing coming out this caravan looked GINNY. (Obviously, i just supervised in the sun with a drink. I always say I was build for pleasure, not tedious labour.) 

In fact, everything coming out of this caravan looked like it was the entire contents of ‘Argos.’

Kate: ‘We have a heat lamp, some boxes, cables…tinsel…another heat lamp.’

If the process went on any longer, I swear she would’ve even pulled out an elephant, maybe Elvis, an ex boyfriend, Baby Jesus, Lisa Appleton and hungry donkey.

Long story short, she sacked it off and we did sunshine, gossip and ‘keeping it real,‘ as we chatted ‘wills,‘ guys, stalkers, our love lives, how we’d get married, if we did ever get married again and just basic shit really…Hours were passing…and I was loving it because we were literally throwing our heads back with insane laughter and it’s those moments, away from everything and everyone, that matter to me the most.

Then she calculated an entire humans finances in about 3.2 seconds, because she’s a whizz like that…and proceeded to make fun of me, as she just got on with her ‘own ting.’ 

Me: ‘Erm…why are ignoring me??’

Katy P: ‘What I’m organizing letters into the correct batches and spelling shit.’

I mean WTF, i’m an attention whore at the best of times. Fob me off for large glasses of wine or hula dancing, not SPELLING and organizing.

Me: ‘What are you even doing!!’

Katy P: I’m spelling out your love life, but I can’t spell BEYOND….’

Me: ‘As if you’ve just calculated an entire humans finances but you can’t spell BEYOND. Lol. That’s disgraceful. Hahah.’

Katy P: ‘Don’t start… I’m dyslexic.’

…and technically I can’t do sums…So I’ll give her that…and let her mock away at my life, right in front of my little Burmese face.

Just a great day in general….It felt all calm, yet fun. ‘Zen’ like…yet sassy. (If there is such a thing? Lol) Then, ‘JD’ and some a guy named ‘Martin’ with a dog, had walked in. They looked at us, like we were foolish.

And we are…

Then all was lovely. Fantastic afternoon. Life was bliss. I’d refueled and filled myself to the utter brim with love.

THEN…

As soon as I got home…an awful ‘busy body.’ You know what I mean? They’re the people in life, who have nothing better to do, nothing going in their life, aside from the everyday, mundane, same old ‘one foot in front of the other.’They’re the nosiest people. The most judgmental folk…and people who can only focus on ‘the little things that don’t matter,’ because there’s not much more excitement going on around them.

I got into an argument with ‘the busy body.’ It was played like a back and forth‘ …..over a plank of wood.

But who the ****has time to moan or argue about a plank of wood?

Do you?

I mean something else had happened, which was much more important during that time….and instead of finding any compassion…they worried about themselves and their wood.

I don’t like selfish people. Open ya goddamn eyes! Open ya goddamn heart.

Anyway, the pettiness of it, made me FURIOUS…I was FUMING. And by nature, I’m a relaxed person, I’m easy going…I’m patience…I’m warm…I’ll never be really mad, unless I’m absolutely passionate about something and people never know that about me, unless they’ve met me personally…The just assume i’m a bitch.

Regardless…

I couldn’t have been MORE PISSED OFF…and you pick ya fights, ya verbal bickers… don’t you? But I’d had enough…so I  went for it.

Literally ALL THE SASS and i don’t even care. I can’t stand narrow minded people. I was furious.

Anyway, I got myself into a merry tizzy and I was so cross, I filled up…and cried. Yipppeeee! Lol. However, I only did the crying part behind closed doors, as later on my mum came over and sat with me, just to make sure everything was okay.

Mum: ‘Just ignore her. She’s got nothing better to do. I know you feel like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders…but just relax and know that everything’s going to be okay. ‘

Me: ‘I don’t need another lecture, right now…’

Mum: ‘This isn’t a lecture! I’m your mum!! No one in this entire world loves you as much as I love you…and no matter what, I’ll stand by you. But you need to listen to me…

Me:’ I am…’

(I’m crying by this point…lol. But doing the pretending like i’m not thing…) 

And in that moment, as she went through everything, and I told her every inch of how I was feeling….a ‘magic’ swirled around us, a ‘magic’ that was build from unconditional love…and even though I felt like a little girl again…..within a *flash* I grew back up into WOMAN.

Always share strength….not weakness….and her strength is motivated by love…

In that moment, she made me realize how lucky I am…

(Oh shit, my phone’s ringing….)