Drinks, Friendship, Sex & A Whole Lot of Love

So, a lot is happening right now emotionally & I’ve been stressed out because of it. Hence why there hasn’t been that many blogs over the last week. (I’ve read all your messages and yes the blogs are now a coming.) I’m now concentrating on work, as it’s the only thing that keeps me feeling powerful. So i’ve put away my fun gloves for a second and slipped into my girl boss stilettos.

I don’t like drama and I believe that drama is a brewing.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a foot in my face, after the best night ever of absolute impromptu fun. It was Antony’s foot, ( a friend of mine) and as I was the ‘little spoon’ to ‘Not so Ginger Brad,’ we all did ‘wake up,‘ on Katy P’s sofa.

Yet let me take you back a second…

Monday afternoon, after I lunched at Ego with my babies Ruby & Junior, we ended up at The Carleton, with friends, for afternoon drinks, as an ‘over the fence’ bonfire littered a beautiful ‘ash rain‘ over my ‘one Peroni down’ weave. (My favourite smell in the world is ‘bonfire,’ and I kinda actually enjoyed an ‘ash rainfall.’ There’s something about it, that’s sexy and I love everything’s that’s sexy, if it is delivered with the greatest beauty.)

Banter, fun and lots of love occurred. To the point where others joined the ‘good times,’ the babies had now been ventured home to bed, the girls had joined the boys and day had turned to night. (Which is also my favourite time of day.) 

I guess everyone in the world is going through something, right? Every single second of the day. It only makes us human, normal and alive.  Some of us take it better than other, some of us dwell on the muddle, then there’s the ones that *blank* it out.

And yeah, I’d say most people sat around our two tables, will have some kinda issue on their mind, right now. Yet, in that moment on Monday night, everyone just wanted to relax, have fun and find themselves an ‘escape.’

We all have a story. We all patter different walks. Yet, Monday was simply ours.

Everyone needs a blow out. A moment where you are entitled to feel free.

My table was filled with a Jordan, Tyler, Ginger Brad, Antony, KatyP, Hairdresser Claire, Canadian Lindsay, Daniella, Oli, Will, Ashleigh and J.D (who I noticed didn’t drink at all, all night?)

It began to rain, so we all clumbered under the shelter, under the stars and talked life, love and the world that we live around us. Nothing makes moments more magical, y’know.. when you’re sat with good friends, or new company, over a tipple, in Yorkshire, as the rain falls down around you. (IT IS shit, if you’re in the rain, yet when you’re sheltered, life ain’t so bad.)

The night *Zoomed* by because we were having accidental fun. I had a red wine and it didn’t even act as ‘truth serum’ which means i’ve evolved and just become ballsy anyhow.

Now, I don’t know what happened, but we tottered inside and we’re all buying drinks, each other drinks, getting to know each other better, creating new fun with old friends…then it all went tits up…and booze kicked in. Everything must have whizzed by us, as we all went from ‘zero‘ to ‘hero’ pretty fast.

Ginger Brad and I were actually meant to go on a date, but we opted for drinks with friends instead. (We’ve been on loads of little dates anyway, so it was fine.) But, I always do this thing where dinner has finished, yet I still want to drink forever. I never can because it’s already been last orders and let me tell you, nothing could be worse. I’m heartbroken, by this point. I love fun and I want it to last forever.

Long story short, people had paired off to have conversations. Yet the drunk kind, where nothing is ever really solved. It lead to people falling in love, strong words, impromptu lash outs, sibling fights, punching walls and accidental madness.

KatyP: ‘Right i’ve organized a getaway car, I need you to get everyone in it and be driven straight to mine.’

And just on cue, I did. Well, I got Brad, Antony and Tyler into a car, because fuck it, I’m not great at herding sheep. Saying that, it went pretty smoothly and with a blink and with  freshly bought ‘petrol station’ booze, we found ourselves at KatyP’s.

We all got comfy, more people arrived and we just chilled with drinks and sang Disney Classics, after a bunch of Carpool Karaoke episodes. It was a good time, because it couldn’t be more chilled.

Then shit went down. Lol..

But only after Antony had bounced up out of nowhere and performed the most miraculous ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ Carlton dance in the world ever. It was so good, it should’ve gone viral.

Then there were tears…after Ed Sheeran songs.

*Rolls Eyes.*

KatyP: ‘Chrissie. Just stay in here, with Lindsay and whilst I go in there and sort all this shit out.’ 

And just like that…

The next 20 mins, was crazy.

CRAZY!

I mean, you haven’t actually had a good night, if someone hasn’t punched a wall, cried, got mad and bollocked someone, and sang bits of the Lion King. Kate’s a good friend because when she feels that i’m not being treated well enough (lol) she will GO TO TOWN on the human, who has DARED to fuck with Wunna Land. Haha.

I love her for it.

I was listening into the fight, as Canadian Lindsay found a fascinator and was more concerned about wearing it, than my actual love life. Lol.

Linz: ‘Why do you guys, not do everything in a fascinator??’

(She’s worn it ever since. She’s eaten Domino’s in it and all kinds of shit.)

Me: ‘Can you care about my love life please! Cheers!’

Then I decided to do the ‘walk in,’ as it had all turned pally and chipper by this point…I was summoned forward for a ‘talk.’ Talks are not my favourite. They scare me. Yet, I didn’t mind this talk. The talk wasn’t so bad?

Anyway…

Talking lead to mini arguing, which led to staircase sex, with led to ‘little spoon/big spoon’ sex, which led to me waking up with a foot in my face.

It was actually a really good time….I actually felt really good.I felt great. Everything seemed all dandy.

Now (since then)… i’ve heard lots of versions, of lots of things…and I’m not one for versions…I just like truths. Quiet truths.

And technically, we’re not kinda not properly talking right now, because of ‘doo dahs’ and ‘dill dums.’

Me: ‘Are you okay? What’s up?’

Guy: ‘Not really, nah.’

One of the most important things to me ALWAYS, is someones true expressions. How they really feel! Be it good. Or bad. And I like to hear expressions from the horses mouth, because no one can really ask or answer questions for people, other than the two ‘parties’ involved, right? I like to know how people feel, because it’s only when people communicate honestly, that some kind of result is made.

I also agree, that everyone’s entitled to their own opinion…because we have a voice to use freely …I use mine and it’s great.

Yet, if i’m just getting a ‘not really, nah,‘ and nothing else….Then that to me isn’t expressive, it’s dismissive…

I’m not sure how this has turned into a conundrum? Yet, it sure as hell has…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Date Nights, Bush Fumbles & When Things Get Sexy

How are you? So much is happening. My chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ is back from Bali, where she managed to find ‘total enlightenment,’ and have her vagina blessed, after a series of shit dates and a break up with her longterm Mister.. ‘Buff Alex.’

Me: ‘I want my Vagina blessed.’

‘Yours should get cut off and sent to sea. Lol’

‘Firmonnell’ routed her way to the Doctors office, to merry herself a brand new arse hole. Yes! She’s got a new bum hole. It’s all shiny and delightful. (Not that i’ve seen it. But I can imagine that it glistens.)

Me: ‘I want a new arse hole!’

Firmonnell: ‘How did your date go? Hopefully he realised how shallow you are, and he’s rolling like Jay Z, and as vain as a Kardashian? Anyway, I’ve godda go to the Doctors for a bum operation.’

AND on Thursday evening, I went on my first ever DATE, in a LONG LOOOONG TIME, with the guy that I kissed in a bush! Lol. Well, we more than kissed. We let passion get the better of us and just went with feeling each other up…in this bush. But I couldn’t help it? He just kept turning me on. We kept turning each other on….and when you only live once, you might as well go for it.

Me: ‘What! It was YOUR idea!!’

Date: ‘Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it..’

Dudes are wanting to pat him on the back, like he’s some kinda studly muffin. Golfer Jonny suggested a plaque..by the bush, in memory and celebration of. It’s turned into a THING…and well…as least we made bush fumbles…COOL.

BUT, he asked me out to dinner…Thursday we went.

I never seem to go on dates, even though I love them. I never really seem to fancy anyone enough, to tinker my way, on a date. The last time I was on one, was more ‘chill time’ and ‘sex,’ and that was probably around Easter last year. I don’t know why I said ‘Probably,’ it WAS Easter, last year. (Yet, that was a good time, because I guess both of us had lived moments in the limelight, so just chilling behind closed doors, was our favourite kinda thing.)

Wait! NO! My last date wasn’t even EASTER! That’s a lie.

The last time I went on a date, was in August of last year…and I can’t really tell you anything about that just yet. You’ll actually get to know all about it soon. In fact, you’ll even be able to watch what went down, on your telly. It was all so surreal. Yet, it was the best experience ever and like I said to the guy, (he messaged me yesterday, with this bizarre ‘out of nowhere’ penis excitement? Then sent me a photo of his ‘hard on’ in a pair of jeans?) I laughed it off and well, I guess he remembers me fondly or isn’t getting his end away. The only stupid thing about his ‘hard on’ pic  is that he’s not even single. After sending me all those messages AND his penis pic, he then proceeded to post happy ‘weekend away‘ snaps of him and his girlfriend… in Brighton.

Why do guys do that? If you’re not happy, don’t bother being in something, that doesn’t make you glow!

SOMETIMES THE ‘NOT SO SINGLE MANS’ DREAM. I DON’T LIKE IT, BECAUSE IT’S NEVER FAIR ON ANYONE. They’ll have a girlfriend, but still take a shot at the ‘Glamour puss’ regardless, so to speak. 

Anyway, back to my date. 7.30pm. I’m at Ego. (I was there anyway, earlier for drinks, so he asked if I fancied some ‘scran.’)  We really wanted some time alone together, where we could go on a proper date and get to know each other better, away from everyone, we know.

I do know this guy anyway, as a mate. We get on really well. He’s funny. He just seemed to have turned my head and I guess, he was in some kind of situation, where in which his head got turned. I fancied him, once I hung out with him, over drinks amongst friends, so he’s certainly worth a date and it’s kinda just something that happened out of nowhere?

We’ve hung out lots before. We’ve got got to know each other. We’d already been on a night out, an adventure and I loved it. It was a really good time. I’ve actually seen him since our Thursday dinner date, the other evening, for quick drinks. And I like that he’s attentive. He’s loving. He’s sweet to me and he tries really hard to make sure i’m okay. He’s not scared to love me, well care about me. He’s expressive. He doesn’t play a game and maybe this is exactly what I need. He’s funny. But a gentleman.

Friend: ‘Hes not what she would normally go for, at all. But she likes him and I think she’s grown up enough now, to pick someone who will actually care for her.’

I’m usually quite shallow.  But there’s just something about him, that I like a lot.

Firmonnell: ‘Until she gets bored…Lol’

He was nervous. (It was cute. In fact, I liked that he was open enough to say that, y’know, admit that. He’s not emotionally macho, he’s expressive.)  He didn’t know what to wear. He didn’t want to look shit. (So I sent him a video of what I was wearing, so he could adjust appropriately Lol.) It was the first time, we’d actually hung out, under a ‘date like’ circumstance and it was amazing.

We get on so well.

He apparently got a pep talk from his brother, mid journey to his date. I wasn’t nervous at all. I felt great! I mean, it’s much easier when you already know someone. The last date I went on was ‘blind.’ (Not the person, the date circumstance. Lol) 

Without getting into it too much, we talked life, love, relationships, friendship, work, careers and us, amongst starters, cocktails, rare steaks and chicken salads. The service was amazing. It was fun. The staff there are always such a laugh. They’re alive. They’re a delight. They always treat me & whoever I’m there with, ever so well…and it was kinda like they were part of the action, the banter.

I’m always really worried because when a guy lives a completely different kinda life, I sometimes think he doesn’t exactly know what he’s letting himself into….when entering 😉 (we haven’t had sex) Wunna Land.

I’m very worried about that and I’m also worried because…I well…

Friend: ‘He’s not going to be able to give you the full blown Princess treatment Wunna.’

‘He’s gonna really struggle, with having you, as HIS, if it went that way.’

‘I feel like he’s going to have to step up his game…’

I’m pretty good and weighing things up….So we’ll see. I never listen to anyone. I’m always gonna go with what I think, is right.

We had so much fun. Such a good time. He was so, SO lovely to me and it’s an evening i’ll always remember. I like that we can discuss anything. I like that I can trust him. We have a strong friendship.

We’ve never had sex, but got ‘sexy.’ (More than in a bush. Lol.) The chemistry between us is great and I like that no one seems to know anything about it. I don’t think they could even imagine the conversations or moments that we’ve had when no one was watching. The ones that may guess, or have seen….are certainly more shocked than anything. Lol.

Katy P: ‘It’s like the Bush Tucker Trials. Bear Grylls, will be impressed with what you’ve eaten in that bush! Haha.’

Everything’s been great. The evening was AMAZING. We got a little tipsy maybe?

Date: ‘I’m not used to drinking spirits.’

THEN, we had a situation….A situation where I tottered off, he thought I wasn’t coming back. I WAS coming back. I called him a million times in a row, to tell him that I was coming back. He just didn’t pick up because his phone had died. When I did return, I saw him in a taxi!

He leaps out of the taxi and dashes to me, shouting my name. But it’s was dark by this time, I couldn’t really see or hear much. Lol. Ego’s now closed and almost with utter relief in his voice, he rushes up to me, grabs my hand and just flipping breathes.

He puts my hand on his heart and tells me to feel how stressed he was, because he thought I wasn’t coming back? Lol.

Then my phone dies, so now we have no way of calling a cab, so we just did what we had to do and that was WALK 8 MILES, all the way from Ego, to Pontefract, at midnight. I was in heels and it took TWO HOURS. Haha. The streets where dead, the night was calm and like the little troopers we were, we just got on with life, under the Thursday night stars.

I actually loved the walk. It was a really good way to accidentally get closer to him. Get to know him better. Fair enough, we did have a sexy fumble, which prolonged our walk a little. At one point, we WERE actually LOOKING for a field, or bush. Haha.

2am in the morning, we get to Data cars, we get taxi’s home…and life goes back to normal…

Like I said, we’ve done drinks since…So we’ll see what happens next…

Date: ‘I need to tell you something…When I called you earlier, I said * I love you* at the end of the call and you said…

Me: ‘I didn’t hear you?’

Date: ‘Well what I wanted to say, was that I didn’t mean it…I just said it, but I didn’t mean it…’

Me: ‘Lol…Cheers…’

Chrissie x

 

 

Summer, Tears & Beer Gardens…

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‘Why are you getting changed whilst we’re walking? You look straggly.’

‘I’m using time wisely. Lol. Keep walking. Why is everything stressy? I’m taking my arms out the dress, to even out my tan!! Where is this place? We’ve got 12 minutes to get there…’

Sassy Latina Marissa has spent her morning keeping me on time, as I venture from place to place convincing folk that Wunna Land, is the place to be! I’m SO stressed, I could explode into glitter fire. It’s one of THOSE days, where you need to look great, but look 2nd rate, where to need to be on time, but you’re running a step too late. If i want to get changed on the street, mid strut…

I FLIPPIN’ WILL.

Watch me now….

(And now i’m getting whatsapp’s from the School Mum’s group, because of a ‘Big String thing’ that I didn’t know was happening? Lol )

If you see me today, at any point feel free to just come up and KICK ME. I’ll probably like you more if you bring me booze, but if you don’t, a kick is just fine.

I NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.

But before I get into today…let me take you back to Tuesday, where life felt so much easier…

(I hate that i’ve run out of foundation. Remind me to get some.)

Right, so Tuesday was about a magical mystery tour and after errand, on top of errand, Golfer Jonny and KatyP picked my sorry (but glammy) arse up from Ego, in Ackworth, celebrated life with a ‘shall we just grab a quick drink’ and after that little ‘swifty,’ we then *swoosh* our way to The Carlton to pick ‘Ginger Brad’ up. (He works with KatyP.)

I get on with ‘Ginger Brad.’ I find him really funny. But ‘Ginger Brad‘ doesn’t want me to call him ‘Ginger Brad’ because he thinks Wunna Land is all about his little Gingery self.

‘You can’t make Asian girl jokes, when ya Ginger… We’re meant to be a team. We’re the minorities. Lol.’

Basically, he has a mini Ginger beard…and I think referring to him as ‘Ginger Brad‘ is quite appropriate. Do you? Thought so..

We found him at the bar…

‘As if you’re late, because you picked the ******* queen up… I nearly walked there…’

..then in the sun, we enjoyed another swift drink, around shirtless men, in diggers. Before leaving to our next ‘magical’ stop…The Rustics…Lol…I like to go there at times, because I find it peaceful. Plus, we just didn’t fancy any Tuesday afternoon drama. (And drama tends to follow me these days, like…I dunno? Toyboys? 🙂 I’m like the Pied Piper of the Toyboy Town.)

Yippppeeeee!

At this point, everything felt so sensible. It felt warm and pleasant, like a delicious cherry pie. I hadn’t posted all day. We’re finding the right kinda of shade, the suns out, we’re discussing swear words, relationships, we’re making polite pleasant banter about dumplings, business plans, footballing brothers, bedroom olympics, how orgasms cure ankles and the beautiful art of ‘fisting.’ Sun scream is squirted. My sunglasses are fixed. Then Golfer Jonny and KatyP, get all cuddly by juicy pints of Carling…

THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED….?

I guess, I can say, we just hit the top of the happiest slippery slope in all of the land…Disney couldn’t have created a better ride.

JUST LIKE THATBOOM! I film my first Insta Story of the day (no one’s shy about it now, so it makes everything easier) and with a..

*BLINK*

(…as as the ‘life volume‘ turns itself up to 10…)

…Kate and I found ourselves shoulder rolling and singing to The Backstreet boys, decorated in Snapchat filters and as ‘Ginger Brad’ fiddled with Golfer Jonny’s buttons.

Brad: ‘I hit the wrong thing, but it kinda worked out.’

[Hit Play. Sing Along.]

Ginger Brad’s the new bantery edition to ‘Team Beer’ (which has been created by ‘KatyP’ and the name of our little Whatsapp group.) ‘The Ginge’ has stepped in with full force. But he’s fun and I like fun…and he’s having a ‘Golfer Jonny’ bromance. So ‘Team Beer’ it is!

Wahey! Let’s play!

Backstreet Boy shoulder rolls. Followed by Aerosmith love songs. We’re happy drunks, so we’ll have a tipple or 10 and commit to songs of romance. Kate and I have beautiful voices. If you put Aerosmith, a football match, Alvin & The Chipmunks, the XFactor bloopers and UTTER excitement (lol) into jiggly bag…YOU would have an idea of what our back seat performance was like.

I don’t know how we fitted it all in, because the ride was literally only around five minutes or so?

It got so intense that the boys started kissing each other lovingly…to this…

Well Golfer Jonny, went in for the kiss (it was a cheek peck before you all start) and ‘Ginger Brad’ tried to style it out, because he’s such a lady. Lol

We’re not all sat in a car park, INSIDE A STATIONARY VEHICLE, with people glaring in from other cars. We have a love song are playing on full blast…We’re SINGING AT THE TOP OF OUR GODDAMN VOICES. The boys are cuddling and shit….Kate & I are pissing ourselves, as i’m filming it all for my Insta story.

Then all of a sudden I snapped out of it…looked around, hit my mental *pause* button, and as I flung my car door open, with a giggle…I moved us along with a…

‘Right, i’ve had enough of this now…’

The rest of the afternoon was enjoyed in the sunshine. We chatted life. We committed to laughter. We tippled and tinkered like the world was our oyster. (I can’t even remember what we were talking about? But at the time it seemed really interesting? Lol)

Then Kate switched our drink to wine…and I don’t know what happened exactly, I just know that ‘Golfer Jonny’ brought up a story…Which turned into tears, mini bickers, daggers, hand holding and all sorts of that good stuff.

I mean as if Kate and I were sat at a table crying. Haha. You know it’s a good time when that happens.

So, a situation was brought up…(one of those situations that you only bring up when you’re drunk.) We all get on really well, but we’re all really different. We all have different opinions on this particular subject…(haha, sorry, i can’t type because i’m finding it too funny..as if we cried.) We’re all really good at VOICING our opinions, standing our ground and then panicking when it goes tits up. We’re all trying to get our point across…

So, I’m shouting at Kate, then cuddling her. Then 3 minutes later, i’m shouting at her again, then cuddling her. Brad’s eating Nachos and watching the show, whilst ‘hand holding.’ Golfer Jonny’s accidentally saying all the wrong things, at all the right times. Kate’s shouting at me, because I make everything about ME. (Which is true.) The boys are panicking. Kate and I are now cuddling and crying. Jonny’s disappeared at some point and returned with a bottle of wine in his hand…

(It was great because in this moment, I saw how each one of us tries to solve a solution…)

Jonny went with ‘buy Kate wine.’ I went with say my piece, cry and cuddle. To be honest, Jonny & I were really rubbish at consoling her.  Haha. He thought changing tables would make it better and it did, because it got us out the way.

So we tinker off and sit on the table next to us, as Nacho eating Brad, actually went in as the ultimate problem solver and CALMED the ENTIRE situation down, with some deep ass, LIFE TALK.

(Haha, sorry i’ve made ‘deep ass‘ sound like he did something completely different. HAHAHAHA. I should’ve said ‘heart felt.’) 

And just like that they come and sit at the new table. Sanity is restored. We’re all tipsy, exhausted but happy….We all blamed the sun. Kate and Jonny tinker home. I get picked up and hit the sack. Brad walks home and drinks and entire bottle of Baileys. 🙂

The following day, we created ‘Team Beer’ and just quietly sat at a corner table, with the occasional glass of water, glaring at each other like wounded soldiers, laughing about the day before, yet sitting quietly as men roamed around us on diggers.

I’m kinda looking forward to the END of Summer. Lol. When do we get to do ‘jumpers & dumplings’ and not turn *wackadoo* because we’ve had a wine in the sun?

I can’t cope with Summer 2018. It’s too much ‘good time‘ for me to handle. You can’t put great friends, heatwaves, football, Love Island and all day beer gardens into ONE LITTLE SUMMER and survive it unscathed.

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What I Need In A Guy….

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Life is flying at a million ‘WTF’s’ per hour. It’s crazy. There’s been kitten strokes, smoke alarms and utter madness, that has been *paused* by bits of calm. So much keeps happening to me and it’s a mixer of ‘all things dandy,‘ drizzled with trips ups. I ‘trip up’ well, so that doesn’t bother me. I can always brush myself off and wink my way forward with a *shrug.* When good things happen, I sort of fill myself with a kitten like’ excitement. Yet, I do get terrified.

But on the whole, I’m glad the clouds have hovered over Yorkshire this afternoon, (today is the Tour De Yorkshire,) as it pretty much keeps me out of trouble. I just can’t keep myself in when the sun comes out to play. Yet that’s what life is about. I’m all ‘Suns out, Wuns’ out. I’m enjoying good times, refraining from over thinking anything and trying to just have fun with everything. You’re a long time dead and well, usually, as the fairytale goes…it kinda all works itself out in the end, doesn’t it?

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON…

Over the last couple of days, i’ve spent quality time with my friends ‘Katy P’ and ‘JD’ and we’ve all just decided that our love lives (over wine) are shocking. They’re shit. Does it ever get better? Where’s my Prince, who comes trotting along on some stallion, with his one arm *scoop,* ready to sweep me away? Where is he? (Can you tell i’m Needy AF’ today. :))

Katy P: ‘I think it’s hard for you date. I mean, men get the wrong impression of you, because they don’t know you well enough. You’re sexy and they love sexy…yet they don’t see the softer side to you… I don’t know whether they don’t want to, or if they aren’t smart enough to?’

In love, I’m sassy and i’m quite the seductress…and I love that about me. I’m forward. More forward than the guys I’ve met. I wish guys WERE more forward with me. YET, at the same time i’m a hopeless romantic…and I can’t help that. After years of failed ‘love’ ..all the way around the world an back, (lol) i’ve learnt to appreciate the small things and treasure the simple things in life.

I do like to feel ‘impressed’ by a guy. I enjoy being chased. I love being ‘wooed.’ I’m not gonna say that I don’t adore the finer things in life, also. However, a guy could buy me a room filled with diamonds, upon diamonds, to show me how much he cares…and I’d appreciate the effort, whole heartedly. But i’d never appreciate that over a simple ‘love letter,’ as that’s something i’d hold close to my heart forever. I’m creative and I adore a creative gift. If i’m being honest, I’d adore a creative partner.

Anything ‘complicated’ or too difficult…is not something that I’m going to enjoy. If you have to try so hard to make someone want you, then it’s a ‘no go’ really, for me. They’re not that interested. They’re not that into you. I’m both unconventional and traditional all in one. Boys should chase girls. Always. If they don’t, then i honestly just think they don’t care. (And sometimes that isn’t the case, I know. But i need a brave man.)

Plus ‘Josh The Bartender’ once told me that when a guy loves a girl he’ll place her on a pedestal and that pedestal will be so high that no other girl will ever even come close to her. I’ve remember that and every time my paths crosses with another…I flashback to it.

I miss Josh. Where the fuck are you??

So, after a conversation with ‘Katy P’ about cougar loving, sexting and life… in a Justin Bieber top…

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Katy P: ‘Boys just seem to *go at* sex. Real men, can READ ya body better during sex and grown up women give better blow jobs. We must, because you’ll know, don’t they always looked astonished afterward, with a *where did that come from* face. Lol. But no, I never sext. I’m not good at it. I never know what to say?’

Me: ‘I love sexting. I can talk some filth via message. Lol. But i’m a writer..it’s a strength. Hahaha. But yeah, I know what you mean about the blow job thing. You do know that Toyboys are so in right now. Everyone’s doing it. Shall we get more wine?’

Katy P: ‘Younger men are attracted to the confidence that a WOMAN has… over a young girl. We just say it how it is and get on with it. We’re not naggy. We’re better in bed. We know what we want and if we don’t get it…We sack it off.’

Me: ‘They’re not forward though. They’re more terrified than anything, I think? I can feel them being terrified. I like forward. Not creepy forward. Just emotionally brave men. I don’t like them playing the *game* of love. It’s long. I don’t have time for that shit.’

Katy P: ‘You love eye candy though!!!’

Me: ‘Well yeah. I want them to be hot. Who doesn’t!! But i’m a personality girl. I mean, look at that Creepy Deadpoll guy, that follows you about. I only don’t like him because his personality is off. He’s strange. His social skills are wank.’

Then I found myself stood by hot dogs with one of my besties Jenna, as the Tour De Yorkshire *whizzed* by to cheers. I watched it for a bit and then sacked it off for a drink and a blog at ‘Ego.’ It was there and I supported the women’s race…but let’s face it...ROLL ON THE MEN IN SHORTS!!

Jenna: ‘We might as well become lesbians.’

Me: ‘Bagsy the *lipstick,* one, cos i’ll need you to put the bins out.’

Jenna: ‘You just need someone who’s cares so much, but is like FIRE. Someone who knows what they want…They want YOU and they’re not gonna let ANYONE ELSE FUCKING HAVE YOU. YOUR THEIRS.’

Me: ‘God, you’ve made that sound so hot. Haha. I love that. I’m looking for actions not words. What they DO. Not what they SAY their gonna.. and they need to be self less…I hate selfish people.’

But is that too much to ask for? No. So nowadays, I just do the ‘happy being single’ thing…until a Knight comes a striding in with his ‘one armed scoop.’ I’m someone that will feel it straight away…and i’ll finally be putting the ‘square peg, through the square hole,’ without complications…

Bethy G: ‘Do you want a biscuit. Men are shit, they’re all the same…’

🙂

Chrissie x

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Rebel Just For Kicks & True Love….

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Ooh, i’m a sassy one today! I’m feeling rebellious, cheeky….fun! I’m wanting to be a nuisance, just for the glorious sake off and although it always ends in tears…..I just can’t help myself. If you can’t have a bit of laugh, then what have you got left…but rum? Exactly!

Chicky Mazza: ‘You are far too feisty today Wuns!’

‘Aaron The Pap‘ has already bollocked me for being a ‘Word Thief.‘ Lol.

Aaron: ‘Hahahaha! Sassiness on you at this hour, WORDS THIEF.’

But technically, you can’t teach a girl to COPYRIGHT EVERYTHING, not copyright your own words…and then moan because I stole them.

The words I stole, from his Paparazzi hands…were…

‘…AND SHIT!’

🙂 No one’s swag enough to own those words.

Today. I basically decided to force Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) who we know if a really good friend of mine, to have a MASSIVELY GIANT, birthday party, because she turns FIFTY, next month. She’s having surgery, so it will kill her to party, but it’s all about ME really…and I need an excuse to drink more.

Yippppppppeee!

I thought it would take me ages to persuade her…(I didn’t, at all, I don’t know why my fingers are typing that… I’m highly persuasive and she loves a good time.)

It took 3 minutes.

It was literally as easy as peeing into a bucket. (Which is you’re a girl, is not that easy at all? Why am I chatting shit? Lol And why do I have this disturbing image of me sitting, doing a wee…on a giant orange bucket???) 

Anyway, I won’t rest until she jumps out of a cake…or if we have a Tiki party…a flipping pineapple. Xfactor Liam (Halewood) has suggested that all cocktail sticks are made out of sausages or something? Lol. Oh no, wait? He said pickled onions on sticks and that he likes ‘bangers.’ 😉 (My fingers keep lying.)

But you get it. Today, I’m a cheeky swine of a glamour puss! And I’m loving it.

Rebel me this. Rebel me that!

I met up with another good friend of mine ‘Big A’ yesterday. He owns the High Fashion & Culture Magazine ‘House Of Solo’ and we always have a pint and gossip, usually about our love lives….then we decide to work. We chose ‘Ego’ as our banter hideaway…because it’s basically the closest and I watched him put Issue 7 together…( I like watching people work.) He was deciding if he’s going to shoot Rita Ora and Zayn Malik for the cover. (Hard life.)

We got talking all sorts and I showed him the Tattoo that I have on my inner right arm, that reads…

‘March.’

Me: ‘It’s the last name of a guy in LA. Lol. He was my bestfriend. His last name is March.’

Big A: ‘WTF!’

Me: ‘Anyway, finish off ya story? What were you saying about that drama, cos I think, if a Dude has to reach for PLAN C, then he’s got no hope! What happened to Plan A & Plan B??’

Big A: ‘They didn’t work. It was crazy. How was Spain?’

Me: ‘I’m going to an event on Wednesday evening. Weaves & Waves. I’m waiting the new wig line drop…Love Island, ‘Emma’ is hosting it. It’s in Leeds. Why don’t you come?’

Big A: ‘Yeah, I’ll try to. I’ve got a shoot in London…But…*looks at his phone..* Yeah…I think I can do it.’

Me: ‘Why is *************** ruining everything!’

Big A: ‘I don’t know? He’s being such an idiot.’

Me: ‘It’s because he’s got a fairly new girlfriend and she’ll hate me. It’s flipping WORK. We’re mates! We don’t flipping date!!!’

He worked…I DRANK EVERYTHING! And I couldn’t really tell if I was drinking everything because I was stressed and hormonal, or just wanting to celebrate….ANYTHING? 

Anyway, well done to all of you who took my advice and decided not to be dull. Don’t be scared to embrace life and don’t let the art of what other’s think of you destroy your ‘good time.’ They’re doing their own version of life…and just because it’s different to yours, it doesn’t mean it’s better..FOR YOU. I love it when we appreciate the differences in others. I hate when people drivel on about ‘blah.’ (Kinda like I do…for a living. 😉 )

Chick Friend Tiger Stripes: ‘Is your new thing accents? I’m sure all the guys that you’ve fancied over the last few years, have all had accents…’

(I’m calling her ‘Tiger Stripes’ because she didn’t rub in her fake tan very well. 😉 )

Me: ‘I don’t have a *thing,* I just..I don’t know…? I like SOME accents. I like it when they’re going grey a bit. I’m not quite  sure I should be trying to preach anything *dating.* But i’m happy right now, with the way life is, so stop trying to make me feel shit. lol’

I guess, love to me is teaming up with a best friend, lover and  hero….through the entire ‘thick and thin‘ of it all and still over the years, no matter what, feeling crazy about them every moment of every day.  I didn’t get married every time because I was an idiot. I got married every time because I believed in love.

I remember a time when I was really upset,, years ago…but playing it ‘happy’ and my old school friend ‘Wazza’ (who can see through everything and hosts this blog,) stopped me and quietly said, in the middle of his own wedding reception..

‘Don’t worry about it Chrissie. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just trusted him…. and that’s okay because you SHOULD be able to trust your husband. Honestly… I’m picking ya next husband. Lol’

And in that moment, my heart broke into a million pieces, but being me, I smiled, laughed it off and wished him the most beautiful wedding day….

[Oh wait….One of the loveliest bartenders at the bar i’m at right now, has just sauntered up to chat…Once sec…]

……………………………………

…………………….

Okay! I’m back. he just wanted to know how Spain went! I love it when people *pause* for a bit of banter with me. It’s fun. Most people walk by pretending they haven’t made eye contact with me and then start giggling.

I got this weird message the other day, from a guy, who i’d regard as a friend, because he used to be WITH  a really close friend of mine, for years. He’s been really inappropriate and he’ll send me the most bizarrely suggestive messages. He doesn’t care if I ignore him or knock him back (EVERYTIME,) he just keeps going, like it’s all just normal and dandy.

It’s not. I’m a really loyal friend. I just think it’s incredibly wrong. Why do guys do that? I even responded with a…

‘No, I just don’t like you like that mate…’ (And I hate that because it makes me feel rude. But to be honest, he’s being rude…Men are meant to make other women FEEL like a million dollars…not weird and awkward.)

Tiger Stripes: ‘Y’know, you NEED a guy to step in and make YOU feel like a million dollars. I don’t think you’ve ever had that. I think you’ve always looked after men. In fact, I actually think, as sassy as you are, you’re actually too good to them…and they take the piss. I also think you push them away.’

Me: ‘I really need ice in my wine…I’m gonna go ask for ice.. I’m not talking dating with you right now. I can’t concentrate because your tan stripes are confusing me.’

I’ve just got another message from a Wunna Land fan..it reads…

Fan: ‘I want to taste your sweetness..’

It tastes like vodka.

Anyway, i’m off, I can’t be bothered to type anymore. I want my wine. Summer feels like it’s on it’s merry way and that alone makes me happy. I love it warm. If you can’t shake maracas and dance to the beat of bongos. …(In LA, I once climbed an entire wall, in an evening dress, at a house party, simply to reach the bongo players, who were placed in some designer wall cove. They got fired because of me. 🙁 They let me play their bongos.) 

…What i’m trying to say is…

JUST HAVE SOME FUN, EH! It’s APRIL!

Tiger Stripes: ‘Are you missing ‘The Swirl.’

Me: ‘…………….yeah.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When guys are like…………

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I’m in such a GOOD MOOD today!!! I’m like a juicy little bubble berried  with excitement. You could just *squeeze* me and I’d *POP* confetti, with *squeaks* of laughter and shrieks and ‘ooh laa.‘ Then champagne showers would simply start roaring out of nowhere, as let’s face it it’s Wunna Land. Glasses would be poured.  ‘Handsomes‘ would be winking…. and I would just strut forward, knowing that my version of life just seems to be getting better!

To be fair, after that really shit 2013…or was it 2014? I’ve blanked out deliberately. Lol. One of those years was SHOCKING. After that point…MY LIFE, just changed and I became the luckiest chick ever.

Then at the beginning of 2017 my mentality changed…new people entered Wunna Land. I became closer to people who I never knew I would be so close to….Then my life changed again…and Right now,because I whopped out that sassy Wunna ‘Gusto’ and decided to just  do the things that made me happy, without fear…2018 has ended up (so far) being one of the best years of my life….

YIPPPPPPPPeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE!

I’m in the most wonderful mood, for no real reason and it’s fantastic because I feel ALIVE! I’m ‘happy go lucky’ by nature. I’m the frill in ya twisters. The *pop* of that champers spray. I’m giddy…I’m great. I’m like a little girl, that’s filled with charm….I’m celebrating life and no one can stop me. And the most wonderous thing about my Tuesday, is the simple the fact that today…I have NO PRESSURE! I’m freeeeeeeeeeee!

So, I’m feeling like a Winner! ( Chicken! Chicken! Dinner!)

To me ‘balance’ is one of the most important things that I measure when it comes to success. (I nearly typed ‘ ‘when it comes to sex‘ then. Lol. How ‘Cougar‘ of me. I can’t wait until my ‘Cougar’ days kick in. I CAN REALLY. I’D HATE IT. After financially and emotionally looking after every single man in the entire world, that Cupid has FORCED me to date…or Life has MADE me cross paths with….A little lost boy, with no job, is not gonna make my wish list. Ever. And I don’t even care. Lol. I can like what or who I want….

At this point in my life, I very much want to be taken care of emotionally, mentally, physically and by a grown up man that I don’t have to pay for. That’s always good, isn’t it! And i’ve noticed that the more successful I’ve become, the more ‘lost little boys, with no job‘ come a knocking.

‘Meal tickets are the other way…Nope…No…Wait…Turn around…A bit to the left…Oh yeah and keep on walking darling…Don’t look back now, you cheeky little thing. Wunna land’s door is FUCKING SLAMMED….beautifully shut. 😉  Oh the kids are swearing at you, from the rosy tinted windows.’

What has happened to men?

I mean, the ‘Little Lost Boy’ aside….It doesn’t take much to value your girl, guy, wife, partner or fancy piece and treat her with both respect…AND like a Princess! 😉

ITS NOT THAT HARD!

I mean my guy friend, the other day was moaning about how  we chicks are all ‘trying to be independent’ now….(He took a chick out on a date, made her pay for THEIR meal and then ‘boned’ her in the back of a car.)

Romance is alive….Shakespeare couldn’t have written it better himself.

We girls have always been independent. Not only have some of us wanted to be. But we’ve also HAD to be.

I’m adventurous and fun by nature. I moved to LA by myself as a kid to chase dreams. That’s my ‘WANTING to be’ independent streak. But my ‘HAVING to be‘ independent streak is still utterly alive, because i’m a lone parent of two little babies…I’m Mum, I’m Dad, I’m Love, I’m Money. I’m everything!

At first that wasn’t by choice. Yet now….It’s great and it’s made me feel powerful… and if I love anything, I love feeling powerful. Lol.

It’s a turn on. (Sick I know.) But I go for that in guys also? I have no clue why, other than sickness? However, yes, I’m totally turned on by it….BUT ONLY IF THEY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL AND RESEMBLE A DELICIOUS PIECE OF EYE CANDY. 🙂 (Meaning not some big grizzle, ancient years older than me, evil pervert, with 22 beer bellies and a boner.)

I like a well rounded, fun, loyal, loving man. The ‘power’ things is only a sexual turn on. I don’t want you to get it twisted. Lol. It’s not an essential trait that they need. Lol. In the bedroom…I’d find that REALLY SEXY. But like I said, they have to be of the ‘handsome’ variety…You can call me ‘shallow’ for that….and…well..I won’t care. Lol. It’s what I fancy.

Everyone loves eye candy. Some people just like to look at eye candy. I like to find eye candy, with an amazing personality, that would make a good hubbster …and just make him MINE. 🙂

Italiano: (My LA Friend..) ‘She pretty much grew up in Hollywood around a bunch of guys. We were all roomates. Models, actors, lawyers, agents… But it was definitely ALL guys and Chrissie…So she kinda picked up a Hollywood dudes mentality when it comes to dating… And it’s fucking awesome. She was the best roomie I ever had!’

(We all just had so much fun. I cannot even begin to TELL you the stories. But they’re scattered throughout my blog… through the years….I loved that at 20, we could just show up to an audition, do really bad at it and then simply say ‘Fuck it’ go to The Standard, order 4 poolside strawberry margaritas and make ourselves feel better, before our next audition.)

I’ve gone on a flipping tangent!

What was I even on about? Balance? Or things I like i guys? I forgot about it all, because I was too busy *bobbing* away with cocktails at ‘The Standard.’

When it comes to men…their spirit needs to play well with mine. I want them to be my best friend. They have to be a family man. I have kids. They are part of my package. I love a laugh. I love a thoughtful person. I love sexy. I LOVE SEXY. Smart. Vain. I love ‘good times.’ But I love to chill and even if I fancy treating myself to utter glamour pussy, dressed ‘to the nines’ luxury, (which I adore,) I also love to just slum it and banter in my comfies…with a takeout.

When it comes to ‘balance’ true success to me, is when someone has everything…Happiness, health, wealth, a career they love, their dream partner, maybe even a family…and it’s all easy and all beautiful.

When I see a man who has that…I see him as ‘Successful.’

(I mean, what’s the point at winning at ONE thing, if during that time, you managed to lose everything else….?)

I learnt that early on in life in LA, when I was about 23. It was a very hard ‘learn.’ Hahaha. I cried a lot for a while…then cried over useless wilies….;)

Throwback convo….Do it in your best American accent….

Christine: ‘What the fuck is up with her…?’

Theo: ‘It’s fine, leave it. She’s crying over a penis…’

I can’t be bothered to write anymore…I need an afternoon tipple…Or an adventure with friends! I met my good friend ‘House of Solo’ Magazines, ‘Big A’ yesterday. He’s on a diet and with an orange juice, showed me all the people he was booking for the front cover of his magazine. This was at Ego…(which is like my local bar.)

BUT…

I’m excited, because I’m actually at Ego this evening for dinner and drinks, with all the Mum’s of Ruby’s class/year…whatever you want to call it. It’s great because we’ve never really hung out with each other before. We only ever see one another in passing…So, it will be really lovely, to just sit down, eat, drink and be merry, and get to know some faces that I pretty much see everyday!

That’s tonight!

Kisses,

Chrissie. x

 

Influencing Lip Balms, Nudey Balloons & I Fainted

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Mornings make me happy and they’re such an important part of the day because each time you wake up, (whether you’re fresh as a daisy, off to work, rolling some eye candy out of our bed, hungover, happy, worried, or dashing off with the kids,) you get another shot at doing life! It’s a whole new start! It feels good! We kinda take it for granted.

Just like that… everything could stop…So it’s important to remember to treasure and enjoy the things that you have… while you still have them.

Only do the things that make you happy, fall in love, take your chances, look good whilst your doing it and make your wishes and dreams come true. Build your career, build your family, never feel judged by what people think or say and live it with every inch of your soul.

(Why am I trying to sound like some life guru right now? 🙂 Let’s be real, I fainted last last whilst on the actual toilet at around 1am in the morning. Lol. Am I the only ‘glamour puss’ to ever do that?)

Now, before we all start getting in a tizzy and ringing all these panic bells. It was a comedic faint, not a ‘Call the Doctor’ faint.

My drunk chick friend had been snap chatting last night, before ‘shut eye’ and charger ‘plugins.’ 

Chick friend: ‘I’m only on 11 percent battery life now. I’m pissed. Mof sleep.’

Me: Don’t you dare wake me up, start all this *look at me, look at me, pay attention to me* thing and then just be like, fuck it i’m off to sleep, once i’m here! Lol’

I was laid in bed, fast asleep…happy as can be….and then my stomach started to kill….It hurt SO much, that I was trying to ignore it. I tried to pretend that it wasn’t actually happening, because ofcourse, when you do, and you close your eyes, whilst hiding under the duvet…it’s not! 🙂

IGNORANCE IS BLISS!

When I was 19, the guy that I was dating cheated on me and I’d walked into his home and seen him in bed with a girl…that he had ‘boned’ all night.

Yippppeee!

At the time I was devastated…OFCOURSE! But now, at 37 and after doing moderately well in life, 😉  I look back on that memory fondly, like it’s a juicy, yet comedic little burst of Wunna life memory because HE DID the ‘close your eyes, hide under the duvet and pretend it’s not happening’ thing…and in that moment, he must have REALLY shat himself. Poor sod.

He went on to try and win me back. I moved to Hollywood and married a ‘movie star.‘ 🙂

Hurrah!

How have I got this distracted!?! I’m meant to be telling you about my flipping tummy ache.

Hurt so bad (like that cramp you get in your leg that is uncontrollably painful, but just like ouchy bits of life, you have to go through it anyway…Lol.) I was trying to *swag* it out. When you *swag* something out, when no ones watching you, it’s really awkward and uncomfortable. 🙂

Got up, did a giant naked SPRINT to the loo, sat on the toilet and I don’t know what happened, but my whole body did this hot, cold, flush thing, all these yellow blurry dots, *fuzzed* over me, and I kinda just remember keeling over for a moment, losing m mind and feeling all hot and sweaty…

I woke up on the floor, after about a minute or so, right as rain, like i’d just watched a bit of telly, or had a ham sandwich…

Then I ‘naked’ walked back to bed and immediately fell asleep.

Why am I so WEIRD! THAT IS NOT NORMAL. No wonder I’ve been married so many times!!!

Dear Future Husband,

Please just love me anyway…

Look!! I look really good half naked with balloons….

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OOoooh Balloons…

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Sold? Good! Thought so! *Wiggle Wink*

But away from all that….Yesterday was a great day!

I was at a catch up meeting with ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Magazine, minding my own business, rambling on about my life, going on about how i’m going to be getting this new amazing body….

…and as I scrolled through my email, I received a message from ‘Amy’ in regards to the Lypsyl Mirror Compact Lip Balm, that I had loved and therefore ‘influenced,’ on my socials.

I loved it so much and like I always say, when you’re an influencer you receive and try out a lot of things, be they products, places, or people….and it’s hard to fit everything into your socials….

However, I genuinely loved my mirror compact madly and was so grateful to Lypsyl, that I basically featured it on my Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and Facebook immediately…

ALL MY SOCIALS (which you should all be following)

Yesterday….My Lypsyl Mirror Compact and I were featured in The Sun…and Fabulous Magazine…

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How good is that! I literally *SCREECHED* in the middle of Ego, at my meeting….

House of Solo, ‘Big A’ kept doing these ‘being jealous’ faces at me. Lol.

But it felt really GOOD, to have teamed up with Lypsyl (which is a huge glorious brand,) influence something and then to see it in the national press…

It felt really good!

(They’re such a wonderful team…)

I was jumping around a cocktail bar, they were jumping around their office.

Everyone was filled with excitement…

I felt like the luckiest girl in the world….and when I’m excited, i’m like a little girl. I beam!

I WILL tell you, that things in my life right now, are kinda wonderful, in ALL areas…..I know! Can you even believe it?  And whether I am or not, right now, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world…

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Friendship, Fights & The Backroom Leeds

Just the most amazing time in the city last night. I cherished, good times. No! Great times…with the people who I will always regard as my absolute closest . (Until I’m a superstar and never speak to them again. 😉 We’re like family and I’ve honestly had a great 2017 because of them.

I love the little swines and i’m really really lucky. I mean, not many people, in my position or way of life have a close bundle of friends, that the can trust and rely on. I do! We’re all really different from one another, yet each add a certain spice to the pot. If you have a problemo, a secret, a love….you’ll know which friend in the group to turn to…and in their own magical way, over cocktails, a cuddle, a whatsapp message, a warm dinner, a new set of heels, or a tissue….they’ll be right by your side, picking up the pieces.

I’m currently in Ego, Ackworth, sat infront of a huge mirror, with a half of Fosters, writing this blog….

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I adore a good mirror seat. One where it looks like I have my back to you, but I can see EVERYTHING.  My vanity gets the better of me. Yes. I’ll admit that. However, I also love the stories that mirrors tell. I’ve watched women with party hats and light up Christmas jumpers wander behind me. Business men. Families. Lone Rangers with quiet pints. Grown adults in weird Elf hats. Girls all a gossiping. And awkward humans on first dates. I love a mirror in the midst of a ‘busy bustle.’ It’s always so magical. Always so glamourous.

But anyway, last night I was out in the city…

As the story goes, the day turned to night. I had had a somewhat stressful day of ‘rushy.’ I HATE RUSHING. I’m a glamour puss. I do things in my own manner, with my own panache and at my own pacing. Not yesterday though. Fuck. I dashed to three cities, running errands, doing meetings, making sure Ruby & Junior were enjoying every inch of their Christmas holidays. I had a deadline. I needed to be ready. Then after the fastest totter, a warm bath, placing my phone on charge and a slip into my silver sequinned dress from the Kourtney Kardashian line for Pretty Little Thing….I dashed out the door, twinkled through the night sky, jumped in a taxi..

Driver: ‘I’m sure I’ve driven you around before. I remember your voice.’

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And Whatsapped ‘Double B’ with a…

‘I’m 3 mins away from yours…’

We drank wine out the bottle, all the way to ‘Firmonnells,’

Double B: ‘How many people do you reckon you’ve slept with?’

Me: ‘Why are they like cardboard cut outs?’

Double B: ‘They’re just Vanilla..’

(I once referred to one of my exes as ‘vanilla.’ He was in a boyband and I’d just come off a tv show for ITV2.  To this day he says I apparently broke his heart? However, surely if you say ‘I don’t want us to be together anymore Chrissie because I’m gay’ that would mean that no hearts were broken in the process. Well, maybe my heart? 😉

He said he loved me madly, yet never messaged me when we broke up because he didn’t know what to say. I just took that as ‘oh he doesn’t care’ and I was fine with that. You can’t MAKE someone love you. You can MAKE someone care about you. Yet ‘true love’ is a whole different potion. If they feel you in their spirit….they will always find their way back to you.

Yiddley Doooooooo!

Anyway, Double B and I apologized to the driver for making him listen to our sexy girl banter AAALLLLLL the way to ‘Firmonnells.’ Yet he assured us he LOVED IT.

Driver: ‘It’s made my night girls.’

We were joined by ‘Fairytale Blond’ and a bit of ‘Mama Sally.’ We did wee’s, drank prosecco, borrowed jackets, exchanged gold clutches and found ourselves on our way to Leeds city centre…our city….yet via THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING train station ever. I’ve never travelled from Garforth before. THEY SERVED BOTTLE PROSECCO, IN BOUJI PLASTIC CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, THROUGH A WINDOW ON THE ACTUAL PLATFORM!!! I know!!! It’s absolute BLISS! All you have to do is buy a bag of crisps with it (because you are only allowed booze with food) and you’re plain sailing and en route to Leeds, with a happy prosecco jiggle.

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With our drinks, in our dresses, with our heels in place and whilst the girls decided to MAKE FUN of my WONDERFUL peacock phone cover.

Double B: ‘What the fuck is that!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s fucking horrible.’

Me: ‘SHUT UP! The loveliest phone man gave it to me FOR FREE today, for a selfie, you dicks! I love it!!’

(It’s a golden peacock with diamante studs and multi coloured gems scattered throughout its tail. Lol I actually really do LOVE IT. They despise it and think it looks tacky, because they’re ‘haters’ and can’t handle my glamourisms. They even made a guy on the train tell me that he hated it too! Haha! What dicks)

Anyway within a second we pulled into Leeds, they’re all running like wild women to meet the rest of the group, and i’m trying to catch up, as i’m spilling my prosecco all over me and some guy in a hat with chatting to me about…can’t even remember really? If Santa was a chimney sweeper, it would be him. He was lovely!

Long story short. All met up at a train station bar…who wouldn’t let everyone in because they had reached capacity. It was THAT BUSY. The rest of the girls joined the group and the boys joined us also. Then through the busy city streets, we all walked up ‘hand in hand’ to Backroom Leeds, as ‘Firmonnell’ and I tried to decide if we were actually lesbians?

Me: ‘But I really DO fancy Ellen Degeneres.’

Firmonnell: ‘But what about when you need a penis in you after they’ve…’

The Backroom was great! It’s a small decadent, ‘speakeasy’ bar on Call Lane. Plays the best music. Has a private outdoor terrace. And we had the whole downstairs floor/bar, to ourselves, as our own. It was just for us, our whole group and that was that.

The night was AMAZING.

Slowly but surely, everyone we knew trickled in, piece by piece, a wink at time, the boys in shirts, the girls in short dresses and heels. We love to glam it up…so each ‘trickle’ was dressed to the nines, straight to the bar and with ‘good time’ glint in their eyes. It’s always great when it’s just us, because anything goes, no one will judge and we can all pretty much surrender to the art of celebrating life, the year and friendship….. in the most pissed fashion, forget to eat the yummiest finger food and with all the free drinks that our tokens will allow us.

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We danced, we flirted, we booty popped, we ‘dutty wined,’ we let loose, we turned wild, we snapchatted, we kissy cheeked, we all thought we were sexier than we probably were and we DRANK….we fucking DRANK! Hustle Barbie fell on the floor AGAIN…took ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Double B’ with her. Lol

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Hustle Barbie: ‘It’s my new thing.’

Cuddles and kisses and sequins and hip hop tracks.

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Mood lighting, shots, hair tosses and fresh air terraces.

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Gossips, lies, drama and whispers….

At one point i think my whole entire top fell down for a second, due my excessive booty dance routine. I have no booty, so I have to really work at the back shimmie. Caused boobies to fall out because my dress was too big…Nobody cared. They loved it.

Me: ‘What! It’s because i’m a VEGGIE NOW. I’ve lost weight, but it’s come off my FLIPPING BOOBS!’

Webbo & Jonsez & Dipper & New Boys! They were all really lucky, because we chicas has already hit ‘good time’ and wine bottles, so like props we used the boys for flirts and dance floor swizzles. Hot new faces kept appearing out of nowhere. I backed up and a hot face was behind me. I walked forward and another new hot face greeted me. I even got a cheeky bum grab. (I love a bum grab at 30 something. It’s naughty. It’s fun. It’s a good way to get me to notice you….and he was REALLY HOT. Super handsome.)

Lots of ‘Hollyoaks’ style drama occurred last night. It went from whisper to whisper, to confrontations, to verbal fights. It went from learnt lessons, to hearts breaking, to no judgements and personality clashes. It went from stories told, to secrets revealed and tests of friendships and truth telling.

‘You can sleep with who you want to sleep with. I don’t give a shit! Own it.’

‘Why is she blanking me. I haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘This is ridiculous!’

‘Yeah…I already knew that. We all did!’

‘I just love her and I don’t stand a fucking chance.’

‘Just stay away from me. Don’t come near me. What do you think you’re…’

‘Who told you that??’

‘You need to man up…’

‘You else do you fancy?’

‘He’s done now…’

‘I’m leaving. This is fucked up.’

‘If she comes up to me again, whilst i’m trying to talk to you…I’m gonna..’

‘Don’t judge people on shit…Whocares..’

‘I can’t deal with this. Do you want a shot?’

‘She won’t even speak to me now.’

‘I don’t care what you’ve done…’

‘You’re beautiful. Am I stalking you?’

‘This is the last time i’ve ever going to get to dance with you…’

‘You’re new. You’re hot. Are you on Insta?’

‘Who does she think she is!!!’

‘How is this ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.’

[Echo….Echo…Echo….Echo….]

*STOP*

And even though all of the snippets above occurred, this is what I noticed…I noticed that  every single one of us were close. That every single one of us chose to prioritise ‘good times’ over drama. We danced, we laughed, we gave zero fucks. I noticed that in the end, enjoying our friendships with each other, is what we chose to make matter…and THAT is what makes us a family. (Moderately dysfunctional…but s….we’re fly. 😉 )

The clock struck 3am. Time flew by us. We didn’t even realise how fast it has flown!

‘AS IF IT’S 3AM!!! WTF!’

‘Don’t leave…come back..’

‘Come to Fibre with me…’

‘Get in my Uber.’

‘Don’t leave me..’

I had stayed in the private section at Backroom ALL NIGHT, so I didn’t actually realise how busy the place has got upstairs. I walked up to the open air terrace holding Double B’s hand…and it was RAMMED. It was MENTAL.

A guy stopped me with a,

‘Are you Chrissie Wooonaaa?’

‘Yeah…yeah…why?’

‘Do you remember me…?’

‘Jake?’

(I didn’t know if it was Jake… 🙂 )

Yet the crowd took us into different directions and as I sat on the terrace, chatting to ‘Double B,’ under the night stars…(I’m doing a lot of the night stars of recent, aren’t I..)

I watched Jonesez look at me, with all the heartbreak of the world in his eyes…as he stood up off, from the side of the terrace and walked away slowly, with his head all a muddle….

It snowed today…which means there’s magic in the air….

All I know about life is that there are MORE UPS, than there are downs. More GOOD TIMES, than there are bad. And that ANYTHING can happen in a moments wink of an eye….Dreams come true. Life is only has hard as you make it.

It’s the ones of us who can ‘surf that crest.’ The ones of us who stand by what we love and believe is right, for OUR OWN VERSION of existence that get the most out of the world and what’s on offer.

I’ll remember these people for the rest of my life….

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In FIVE DAYS….FOR ME…..

EVERYTHING CHANGES…..

Chrissie x

 

Wunna Land Gossip, My Diary, My Life

This last week has been swirled with a gooey glitter splurge of insanity. It’s been madness!! I can’t even tell you, but i’ve done it with grace and a smile on my little oriental face. There hasn’t even been time to blog. I’ve spun plates, on all levels, like some Hero of femininity. Unfortunately for me, I’m not ‘some hero’ at all, i’m simply managing my life in order to get the best out of it.

Yeah, I’m a single mum of two with a mighty career load…but so are a lot of chicks. All I can tell anyone in my situation is to NOT GIVE UP. You can do it, get through it and see the results that you want. You’ve just godda keep at it and not feel sorry for yourself.

I remember sitting in this acting class in LA as a 22 year old and the guy who owned the school came in to give us some ‘life lesson’ lecture. He told us that the majority of people DIDN’T MAKE THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE, simply because they GAVE UP. I held onto that. It’s true. So when you prioritize, work hard, don’t get distracted and rest when you can, you’ll smash it. You’ll even get better at it. Everyone that adores you, will always be there, when you come out of that tunnel.

I probably worked 19 hours of each 24hr day last week, continuously, until it was time to sleep. Lol. My diet got glamorously flung out the window. I wanted to get skinny for no reason, so i looked great for filming. I don’t even feel fat. I feel great. I love my body..even the wibbly bits. So, it wasn’t a priority. It got flung. Everything was..

‘I’d like a bucket of chicken wings with hot sauce, onion rings and a Pina Colada, please.’

The Pina Colada is essential. I can’t do anything without a cocktail by my side. It’s less about the drinking and more about the fact that they make me smile when they’re near me. 😉  I also like luxury. I can slum it with the lasses. But I don’t prefer to. It doesn’t make me feel comfy. Lol. I’ve added the requirements onto my ‘DIVA list.’ My Diva list is the list of ‘Wunna Must Haves’ that is produced when I’m going to appear somewhere, be it business or pleasure…Y’know, like Rockstars would ask for shit like Green M & M’s.

My requirements are now, PHONE CHARGING FACILITIES, WIFI, LUXURY WHEREVER IT CAN BE APPLIED & TWO WELL MADE COCKTAILS. (I’m used to doing the 2 for 1 cocktails at Ego now. Hence why two drinks are an absolute necessity.)

My chicks friends have been dandy. Mel’s been gyming it, Fairytale Blond is having a phantom pregnancy, Hustle Barbie is stroking dead pigeons, Jonesez is pretending to be a Vegan so Hustle fancies him, Double B has heightened her ‘Sass’ levels and Firmonnell and I have turned up our life mode to the art of  ‘C’est La Vie.’ I think both Hustle and Firmonnell had agreed that they’ve either made up or blocked their childhoods out for no real reason and the PE teacher that I used to chat to, about 2 years ago…has been hailed the ‘Hottest Teacher in The World’ by the Daily Mail. I knew it had to be press for something, so I checked and he’s going to be a new fitness presenter for the BBC. He was actually on that really ace reality show ‘Last man Standing’ years ago. He deserves a break because he’s worked really hard for it. We’re good friends, i know him well, so if he manoeuvres all his work correctly, he could actually be a huge star!

Me: ‘I’d wondered what he had been doing all of this time??’

Firmonnell: ‘Sit ups….OBVIOUSLY!!’

Firmonnell and I actually going to see a clairvoyant together on Wednesday, Susan Woods. I’m really excited to blog about it all. It feels juicy. Plus, we’ll be delighting in Prosecco all the way there, so i’ll take any bad news with glee and a prosecco dripped happiness. It’s glamour pussing…honest. *Yayur*

I messaged her yesterday complaining because she wasn’t with me whilst I was trapped, in some kind of ‘Countries of the World’ drinking Disney Land. Not that I could ever feel TRAPPED in a place of such absolute wonder. I mean, I could’ve had Sake in the Japanese hut, Rum in a reggae chill zone, Austrian Ale in some log cabin and vodka in an iced mountain den. A Disney Land for total alcoholics.

Firmonnell: WHY AM I NOT THERE! SEND ME PICTURES NOW.

I had Baby Junior, as Ruby had opted for doing the Blackpool Illuminations with her Dad. Junior convinced me to purchase his poor little ‘hard done by’ self  a DRUM KIT. Massive ROOKIE ERROR! What was I thinking!!!! So yeah. No fun in the Disney Land for boozers for me. I HAD TO CARRY A DRUM KIT AROUND WITH ME…(glamourously..of course.) Then he demanded that we go to Ego for drinks and a bread board. So we did…..I definitely got tricked, rinsed and by my own loin fruit. My own darling creation. (He filmed this morning and DEMANDED that his drum kit was in every scene and that everyone heard him smash out irregular drum beating to JINGLE BELLS …continously. After filming he got sent off for his usual Sunday ‘Daddy Day’ with his Jehovahs Witness Father.

I’m currently having to write this from the back of my Mum’s car, as she drives us all to lunch. That’s how i’m having to utilize my time now. The rest of The Wunna’s are actually doing well also. They will be welcoming themselves to entertainment shortly….both with me and without me. ((I know! I can’t believe how everything’s panning out!)

Mum: Well Chrissie’s been writing the blog and it’s turned HUGE by accident & so  she’s getting plunged back into TV. Now… because of the blog, we’re ALL getting asked to do all sorts. She always said you only live once….and I guess right now….we’re going to have fun as a family, yet under extraordinary circumstances. People must be inspired by her? I mean, she’s my own and even I look at her sometimes and think gosh I don’t know how she does it!!??!!’

(Aww… I have an ace Mama!)

The great thing is that by the end of December, everything changes for me and I step into a new chapter. Things will be much easier for me. I’m someone who embraces new chapters with ease, as they seem to have happened to me a lot in life…both good and bad. I focus on the good. I told you. I don’t waste my time on the bad. I have so much to be happy about and a future that feels charmed, right now. I don’t have anymore auditions this week, so I can concentrate on the blog, which is what I love the most! I’ve signed up to some really exciting collabos and brand deals and I can’t wait for you to see the fun!

Right we’ve pulled up. The cars stopped. I’m off to lunch.

Happy Sunday!

Cocktaily Happiness & Chicken Chow Wunna?

The best weekend ever. Just filled with everything that I’ve wanted to do and nothing that i’ve HAD TO DO. Bliss! I feel like a proper life solider right now, as its taken a long ass time to get to this point of ‘just feeling great.’ I’m really happy. I’m looking around me and feeling as though everything that I stand for, everything that I am, everything that I’ve accomplished or everything that I love is just great and I might not have everything in the world, but what I have is so good it’s priceless. It feel juicy and that *juice* is magical.

It’s weird because I always feel like I’ve achieved a lot. Career wise. Emotionally. All sorts. I’ve set myself goals throughout life and pretty much smashed them with a wink and maybe a bit of a wiggle. Yet, I guess, it important for people to not compare themselves to other people. A lot of people do that. The whole, ‘I don’t have what they have’ syndrome. But the real fact is, that you have what’s ours and you can create your own future. You’re always a decision away from that. Yet, it’s when you look around yourself and you see how great you’ve done, when you appreciate the good things in your life and flush away the shitty bits…it’s then when you start to feel good.

Do your life. Your way. Enjoy it. Do it the way you’ve always wanted. Say what you want. Life the way you’ve always wished. It makes you feel good and when you feel good….good things happen to ya. Simples!

People screw themselves over with the picture in their head of how their life is supposed to be. Absolutely be inspired. I’m really dynamic by nature. I’m someone who is naturally ambitious, but just not a dick. Get what you want. Work hard for it. But all the while you’re forgetting to smell the roses, know that you’ll never get to your happy place.

I had a busy Friday, yet it lead me into an awesome Saturday. I did a quick Friday night drink at Ego before home. It was cute because I was pissed off with work stuff and therefore expressed my pissed offidness to Bartender Josh. Yet I peeked to his side, one of his other young bartendery companions, was all blushy …but macho because a girl, a hot one that he really adores had walked into the restaurant. It’s cute to watch how guys react to a girl they actually really adore. Not a shabby one. One that they actually fluster for. It changes them. It’s weird. They worry about how they’ll come across. They don’t want to mess it up. Yet at the same time, even though their heart is all a flutter, they always try and play it cool. It was cute. I hope she adores him. (And me being a girl…I know she does. 😉 )

But  yes, i’ve had the best ‘lay in’s all weekend. I spent my Saturday with Ruby and Junior (My babies, The Wunna Babies.) We just did life, loved it and laughed through it. We shopped, we played, we lunched, we picked out our design for this years Christmas tree. We read to each other. We had a dance off. But more than anything we just loved. I’m SO lucky. I never take anything for granted, at all ever and it disturbs me when people do.

Yes, i’m sassy. Yes, I’m a bit of a swaggalicious bad ass. 😉 I’ll tell it how it is and i’ll do it with banter and glamorousity. But my soul is good. There’s a light hearted warmth to me. You’ll only ever know that if you’re near me, because you’ll feel it. I treat people well and I treat them well when i have the upmost respect for them. I treat them well even before that. That’s why I hate bad manners and people who treat others, or especially myself 🙂 shitty, because no one likes it, no ones deserves it and it doesn’t go well with a cocktails. I’m not trying to sound ‘Rainbow Brite’…it’s dull and not real, because let’s not get it twisted, if you were to push my ‘ DIVA’ button,

HA H’HAA!

You’d hate it.

Firmonnell and I have been texting all day. Big D (her Hubbster)  is sick, so she was looking for a ‘Motherly’ companion to do life with…away from getting the lergy. Ruby & Junior do Sunday’s with their Daddies..so this Mother has dresses to buy and cocktails to drink. 🙂 I’m at a charity event tomorrow in Blackpool, so I had to do last minute ‘dashing,’ writ this blog and then treat myself to booze afterwards. My night will be filled with dress fittings, warm baths and tanning. Yeah Dolls!

Firmonnell: ‘I’m in a shit play area.’

Me: ”I’m off to do cocktails.’

I’m getting loads of messages right now. I’m reading the good ones and frisbeeing away the bad ones. Anything that comes into Wunna land with a naggy tone of ‘eww’ or bad news get’s frisbeed. All that’s good….get’s embraced with kitten kisses.

Mel’s tripped over a hoover and cut her head open. Rocco my kitten is enjoying life in Wunna land. I’m excited for Christmas. I’m excited for the New year. I’m keeping things simple and not opening doors that don’t want me to open them. Good things feel like they’re coming. You know when you can just sort of feel it in the air? I can feel it, they’re coming.

Next Year…the career takes a step up. It’s an exciting time.

But all in all, what can I say, other than I have ACE guy friends. So Reuben, I’ve known him for millions of years. Since I was a teen. Normal people, would just have a Sunday roast and get on with their day. He could’ve had banter with his Baby Ramona. Made love to his girlfriend. But no…Reuben decides he’s going to create this picture…

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…and post it on my Facebook wall. It’s meant to be ‘Chicken Chow Wunna.’ Hahaha.

I was driving about. I had no clue what was going on. Pulled up. Looked down at my phone. DIED when I saw that Reuben had posted something on my wall…and then saw the above picture. LOl.

Luckily for Reuben, we share the same sense of humour  and weirdly, in that moment I sat in my car, outside of Junction 32 PISSING MYSELF laughing at it for a good 4 minutes, like a nut job, in my faux fur and knee high boots.

Hahaha.

It’s ace. It properly made me smile. Now my Facebook wall is filled with all sorts. A dildo, some dirty knickers or something? I can’t keep up.

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I dread what he’ll do to my pics from tomorrow evening’s event, as one of his favourite’s will be there. It makes him really creative. Lol.

Me: ‘Is this gonna go on all day?’

Reuben: ‘Just until I have something to do…’

But I guess, it’s the small things….

It’s always the small things…

Chrissie x