So, not last night but the night before, I kissed a boy, in a bush… at around midnight. 🙂 I haven’t kissed a guy in ages, so I’m not sure what i’m gonna go with, other than the fact that in that moment, I felt really ‘passionate,’ I felt really turned on and I wanted him to be mine. Haha. (I cannot even believe, i’m writing this. ‘Firmonnell’ my chick best friend, who formed the group ‘No Boys, Just Dicks‘ the other evening, after we decided that all men were a waste of our delicious time, has found every inch of this story HILARIOUS.)
Firmonnell: ‘Wow. That sounds like a dick voice to me?’
Y’see! You can’t form a group with rules and then expect me to stick to them. I’m a rebel without a cause. Cupid likes to **** me over. The last rule, I was told to stick to, was one in LA, where my good friend DK challenged me to be celibate for a month. I lasted under 24 hours. And yes…again….that time HE pissed himself with laughter.
(Rule breaker. Love maker. 😉 )
In fact, I got shoved into a bush twice, whilst having under the stars banter with Ginger Brad and J.D, outside The Carleton , Pontefract. I made a guy cry at a bench, as day turned to night. I nearly cried. I managed to also get pissed off and *blank* people, for hearing a ‘true story,’ that didn’t come from directly from the horses mouth. I was filled with passionate. Filled with sass. Northern Soul & Reggae Vibes, have been playing in the background and after many a toilet talk, with Katy P. (If we ever go to the toilet together, we need to discuss, gather, gossip or go mental.) We are independent chicks, that don’t wee together. If we go to the loo as ‘one’…then you should know that something is going down.
So yeah, on Sunday I felt lovely…Then I felt feisty. The afternoon before, my babies broke up from school…and I tinkered to feel some World Cup action. Pretty much felt like the only chick in a dress with boobies, immersed in a lovely drunken ‘sausage fest.’
To be fair. It was fun for the first few hours. I selfied. I giggled. I chattered with old friends, made new friends and everything in between. People were making do video calls with their mates, trying to feel me up every 2.3 seconds…and well Little Ollie tried to schedule sex for Sept 21st?
But ‘Football’s Coming Home‘ and all that. So in the name of fun and debauchery, it was alright. It was fine. I probably got hit on, every 3 steps, I took. I mean, the night was great. Will ended up dancing on tables. Little Sam Moore showed up and did his usual ‘Lady Boy’ pic. Then someone tried to set my nipple on on fire, so I *tapped* out and after stating…
‘I just need a wee..’
I legged it out the front entrance and went home. I was done. It was tiring. It was sort of like being booked on an appearance…but without the jollies of a paycheck. Lol. Yet, i’m not bothered. It’s funny and well it certainly doesn’t do my ‘socials’ any harm.
THEN I got a shitty whatsapp message from someone who should absolutely be a great deal more understanding.
Sunday was drama and when I pick boys, friends and everything in between….I need to always make sure, that all is at peace, well and stable. Meaning, I am a NO DRAMA ZONE. So, on Sunday I felt lots of things needed saying…so being me…
I SAID THEM…OUT LOUD.
(I might have even hair tossed a little… in anger. I just don’t like to hear things that I should know first, from other people.)
Ended up kissing in a bush though didn’t I! I had bush foreplay. And to make it even worse…You’d think bushes were great hidey places, right? But no, not at all…because of course, a mutual friend walked by and saw everything.
‘Don’t worry! I haven’t seen anything! Haha.’
(The next day.)
Katy P: ‘OMG! I’ve just heard. What was it like?’
It was fun. I’d definitely do it again. 🙂 I mean, gosh, you only live once, so you might as well make your story worthwhile. Well, that’s how i’ve accidentally made an entire living.
Everything just seems to have whizzed by…?
A few days ago, I was sat with Sheffield Greg, who was acting out the Yorkshire Version of ‘Ex On The Beach.’
Sheffield Greg: ‘I’d just sit there, with my 20 empty tins of lager around me and a pile of bricks.’
Lol. He said, he’d be sat on a deck chair, in his swimmers, with a 20 pack of Carling and a pile of bricks by his side. As his exes came of of the sea, he’d just lob bricks at them and tell them to *SWEAR HERE* and get back in the sea!
The Yorkshire Version is so much more fun and BY FAR less ‘pansy.’
Then I did drinks with Ashleigh and Antony. Ashleigh introduced herself to Golfer Jonny, as a ‘raging homosexual,’ and Antony…Well let’s say Antony enjoyed my ‘HOSE DOWN’ post. He even gained me a leg stroke…and a ‘You’re Beautiful.’ (All leg strokes appreciated, now that i’m an oldie.) Unfortunately, I was waving at some other guy, mid leg stroke….which was hilarious.
‘Haha. How awful is that! I’m accidentally waving at some dude, as you’re leg stroking! Lol.’
We both just pissed ourselves.
The other day, I remember sending Firmonnell voice notes, because I knew if she heard my voice, she’d love me..and she did! I miss her madly. I can’t wait to see her again over booze. She’s just my perfect human. She’s irrepressible and nothing I do disturbs her. She adores me anyway! AND has no problem telling me!
Katy P and Golfer Jonny, have pretty much spent the entire time being smitten. They’ve galloped ahead leaps and bounds and it’s just really great to see them both so happy.
I’ve been having a flirty old time. Yet..ofcourse and as always, there’s an ‘issue’ with my ‘flirty old time.’
WHY IS THERE ALWAYS AN ISSUE!?!
There’s been sudden smooches on patios, heated moments, smooches outside, leg feels, hand holds, little bits of all sorts….A good build up really, to a frolic in a bush.
I’ve kinda joked this off a bit, in the ‘write up,’ of it all because that’s what I do. Yet, it hasn’t really felt too jokey. It’s felt pretty real.
But, I’m just watching and waiting to see what occurs. Obviously, we’ve talked a lot about it. Obviously, everyone has there own version of events. Obviously, there have been faces of astonishment. Yet, I’ll see. When stuff occurs, I’ll either move appropriately or not at all.
Anyway, i’m off now. I’ve been at Ackworth Garden Centre, doing Brunch with the babies all morning, teaching them how to Influence. Lol. All they kept doing was trying to kiss each other. 🙂
But, hey, at least they weren’t in a bush.
‘I’m devastated by how unglamourous this all sounds…’
‘Does sound mad sketchy. Haha.’