Book Tours, Diamonds & Slay Games

‘Right!! The first one out of you two to get a *rock* on it….wins!!!’

Two of my delicious little chick friends are dancing in the ‘let this be forever’ stage of their relationships. A stage that no guy really knows about. Yet all their chick friends hear about!

‘Fairytale Blond’ does love via a Disney text book, so she ofcourse a ‘year in,’ she would be helplessly  hoping for a bit of official Prince Charming commitment. New love….New House…New Diamond.

Mel…is my unconventional, sassy, ‘I’m getting married in red’ sex machine. You don’t fuck with Mel. She turns red with anger and then eats Jelly Babies to calm her sore vulva.

Now, she’s already discussed ‘lets do forever’ with her Gary (who I saw yesterday but couldn’t look in the eye because my imaginative mind kept physically picturing all the rampant sex that he had been having with her…in porn form. All he did was walk past me and say ‘Hi‘ and my head imagined him eating Mel out, so I had to run and hide. Hahahah! Code for: I just sat there staring and imagined it.)

‘I just can’t look him in the eye now that I’ve heard all these filthy stories.’

Anyway, whether they’ve discussed ‘forever’ or not…I’ve decided to spice up their lives a little, by forcing them to play the ‘ROCK ON IT’ game. A casual game, where I watch them both secretly *fight* it out to get a proper proposal…for kicks. Hustle Barbie could probably play this too, yet she wants to start a glamour modelling career and marry D’Acampo. And well Double B….Hahaha…the game would be tooo easy. Jordan and his ‘Jackson Five’ penis would marry her in a wink.

Mel: ‘Yeah, but we’ve already talked about…’

‘Nope, it doesn’t count, until you walk into this room… with the rock on it. 🙂 You walk in, you say nothing, you hold up your left hand up in the air and bling it.’

‘That’s fine. I’ll just tell Gary that I need to win and send him to the jewellers. Lol’

Fairytale Blond was quiet, with her heart all a flutter and then decided that Mel would win. Lol. (But she’ll play it strategically, as ‘Fairytale’ is not soft. She knows how to get what she wants.)

Mel: ‘What about you! You’d probably win this…!! Lol.’

Me: ‘Hahaha. Please. I have a hundred more months of sending nudes before that happens. LOL.’

So yeah…game on! Let’s see who wins! I’ll come back to this blog when one of them struts in with the ‘BLING HAND’ in the air. There’s nothing more fun than a ‘fucking up everyones love life’ game. 🙂

Life is great right now. I’ve a busy kitty and I’ve got my Friday feeling! Work is great! I’m juggling. But I’m gonna try and take so time off to focus. I’m not a ‘here, there and everywhere’ kinda gal. It may seem like that. But i’m the opposite to wishy washy. I’m driven and sharp, so I just need a moment, after yesterday’s delicious ‘early night’ to bundle myself together and chill. Calm mind, Great results.

I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again…EVERYTHING IN THE FUTURE WILL BE SOCIAL. So all of you hoping to smash the big time ‘Dollar, Dollar, Fame Ball’ with a boobie bounce of victory….KNOW that you need to meander your career or lives down a Social Media path. If you don’t start it now…you’ll get left watching everyone else succeed.

I started my blog 10 years ago. I didn’t even know why? Five years in…nobody knew why I bothered doing it…But I at that point understood where everything was headed ‘socially’….A couple years after that….EVERYONE’S A BLOGGER OR A VLOGGER and it was in that moment where I accidentally smashed it, because all those previous years of blogging both honed my craft, built an audience (which is what you need) and made my STATS AMAZEBALLS!

And yes, it’s harder to start a blog/vlog now…as your competition is much much greater. Yet, if you don’t try and you wish to partake in a career of that fashion….you’re stupid. In years to come, no one will be watching tv…your shows will be online…Glamour Models are now Instagram Models. She’s now not a beautician, she’s a Beauty Blogger. You have Business Men starting everyday vlogs. Secret Footballers writing daily diary blogs. My inbox is literally RAMMED with the most amazing people or brands who are wanting to appear on this blog, which is literally just the story of my life. So yeah, blogging and vlogging are two different things. Find out what you’re stronger at and go for it.

Anyway, away from that! I’ve been doing shoots. This morning, I’m excited to see some of the new pics that Claire Pritchard has shot for me, for her Fallen Angels Brand. I can’t wait to show you them, and you will be seeing them shortly, as I tease your little tinglers, with a slow release of online Wunna ‘look at me.’ Claire is one of the most amazing photographers, so I can WAIT shoot with her again shortly…as we have a Playboy/Kitchen shoot to do…this time i’m taking Prosecco. I love her so much. So yes, if YOU wish to be a Fallen Angel please shimmie on down to ..

clarepritchardphotograpnhy.com

The pics will be on my blog over the weekend.

I have a book out this year. It is the relaunch of ‘Diaries of a Glamour Puss,’ yet i’m rewriting it, it’s being rebranded and ofcourse shot for again. I love a shoot. It now will be called ‘Dear Diary…’ and it’s taking you back to Volume 1 of my life…So it’s Chrissie Wunna (the naughty years. 😛 ) It’s a silly, but sexy bit of ‘all out there’ book. I’m sorting it all out now…and i’ll also be going on a signing tour, so you can get to meet me, have a chitter and well…if i’m being honest…just buy the flipping book. Hahahaha!

The eyelash line is also relauched at Christmas and I have a cheeky little secret that will popping up soon. (NO. IT’S NOT A BABY! LOL)

Ruby slept in my bed last night, as she does when Junior’s at his Daddy’s. I watch her when she sleeps and can’t believe how beautiful she is. We’ve come a long way. I’ve worked so hard and this is the first time in my life where I feel like i’m actually smashing it for them both. She’s six and waited until I had gone to sleep, just so she could sneak out of bed and stay up all night playing pretend pool parties.

‘What? I pretended to be asleep, so YOU would go to sleep and so I could get up and pretend Justin Bieber was at my pool party! I thought you said that we only live once!’

Ruby IS a terrifying MINI version of me.

Although, i’m celebrating a THANK FUCK it’s FRIDAY thing. Saturday i’m headed to London to meet with a Mr Kenworthy, in regards to a new project that i’m hoping to tinker with. Which reminds me, I need to finish off those questions. I’m trying to fit everything in, in blips. It’s not easy….sober. 🙂

But nonetheless, I can’t wait for the meeting and hopefully i’ll saunter out of it with a new business *notch* on my brand cycle..

Work hard. Get what’s yours. YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN. If you do it fucking well!

Take a shortcut…you’ll get cut short. Half ass it…you get a calm stream instead of a gushing river. Have a fall back plan? YOU’LL FLIPPING FALL BACK ON IT.

 

 

 

 

 

Get all the guys with my *Strut & Peep*

Morning! I have committed to indulging in a weekend of utter fresh delights of naughty cleanliness and luxury. It has been a PAMPER WEEKEND.

After feeling like I had just worked the hardest and busiest, longest and ‘always at workest’ week of my life…It was a great week, but it was a busy one…I kicked off my kitten heels this Friday gone, drank a bottle of prosecco…threw in a few strawberry Popaballs and with a ‘that’s it…’ committed to treating myself to luxury. Everyone has a different version of luxury. Mine is to cut away from an audience, whilst still keeping an audience :), being with Ruby and Junior… just doing ME and then dipping myself in that diamond dripped bliss of absolute five star ‘de luxe'(which we all know is my favourite) and simply because I’ve earned it! Holla! Women always forget to treat themselves. Especially hard working mums. Don’t feel guilty to spoil yourself rotten. It makes you glow and when you glow, you’re better at everything.

I woke up Saturday morning (as I Tweeted) feeling in a sashimi, freshly shook cocktail, massagy, kind of crisp sunshine, mood. And I stuck to it. I lavishly swirled around Wunna land, treating myself to quick stop pedicures, mint leaf grazed gin cocktails, full body massages, I got my eyebrow on point, My Mum and I went to jewellers to pick out precious gems to turn into jewellery, I purchased makeup, I tanned, had a facial, bought new hair…THE WORKS! It was all bliss. All girl power. All deserved and all about me. If you’re a busy women, these moments matter because you never ever get time for them.

Inbetween those moments, I lunched with my babies,  we went to a nearby fair, we danced, we laughed, we loved, we bought everything. We felt whole. Everything was just so cut away from work, yet so positive, that everything felt SO utterly balanced. I’m radiating today because of it. You can feel that Goddess glow. I couldn’t be happier. And my toe nails glitter! That has made the world complete.

Right, now the good stuff.

Everyone keeps rambling on about my love life to me. I’m single. There is no love life going on. But I’m open love. It’s Spring soon. So why not! I’m not one to look through the ‘ex’ bucket, or one to just date someone for the sake of dating..I don’t need to ;). I’m a forward mover, so the next gentleman that I date, will be the right one, as I will be able to handle his world and he will be able to deal with mine. Sorted. But i’m warm I’m not at all jaded or broken, I love, love and romance and find it magical. I’m positive. I’m beaming. There’s a glint in my eye as i’m writing this with smiles. I told you, as soon as I meet him i’ll know and he’ll know. He’ll find me. There’s no need to worry. I don’t see my future as a singleton. I love relationships when they’re right. Yet at the same time, I don’t stress out about them. In my life, so far, I’ve learnt to not ‘just date’ for the sake of and make sure that the next human I team up with is correct. No one that I have met in person so far,  who i’ve smelt and touched is correct…some of them have been great, some of them need a good kick in the balls, some of them need to gain confidence.

Guy friend: ‘The strongest man alive will end up married to you…as he’ll have a lot of outside influences and almost a  *show* to contend…and you’ll know it’s him because he’ll love it and take it in his stride, almost like it’s easy.That’s why you have to date someone who matches that or someone who is already doing the same sort of thing Wunna. Look around. (Points around Pontefract) The man of your dreams isn’t even close to being near here. Let’s up it in footie terms and men you fancy. You’re a chick that is Ronaldo and not just Ronaldo’s bitch.:) ‘

Then we both pissed ourselves laughing, I sorted my bra out, as it was digging into me in all the wrong places and we bought salads from Marks & Spencers, as we planned my April events.

I then got a message from one of chick besties in West Hollywood.We grew up together out there and she always reminds me that I’m amazing. So I like her. Lol

‘You do this thing that gets guys.’

‘What thing? Blow jobs. Lol? ‘

‘Yes. Hahah. No fuck face. It’s the Wunna equivalent to the *bend and and snap* it’s the *strut and peep.* You do it all the time. It’s won you hearts through the decades. Lol.’

‘Are you still going on about that Karaoke guy?’

Many moons ago, we were in a bar (ooh what a surprise) in LA, just hanging out after a long day of auditions and we went to Barney’s Beanery (lol) to go have a few drinks. It’s not glamourous. It’s like a frat house. So there were lots of poor, but handsome ‘trying to hustle, in order to be famous’ guys in there, no hustle on that game and let me tell you, NO ONE DOES IT BETTER THAN THE ANGELENOS….but yeah, they were randomly doing kareoke.

The chicks and I have walked in, we were all poor too, and we’ve ordered drinks to kick it after a long day. I notice this guy. My friend notices another guy. He has not noticed her. And so far, my guy has not bothered to notice me.

Hollywood Chick friend:

‘Why has my guy not even noticed me yet! I’ve made eye contact and he’s just looked away…casually. That other guy is looking at you..’

Me: ‘I’m not bothered about that guy. Where’s my drink? I’ve found one.

Chick friend: ‘Hasn’t come up to you yet?’

Me: ‘He just hasn’t seen me yet. I need the loo…’

Now, I’m cool as a cucumber when it comes to guys and this was me when I was a little one in LA…still growing. I was still cool then. Lol. Plus, it was easier then, as no one could Google search me and come up with all these incorrect conundrums about me. I’m the girl that wrote my number on Joseph Fiennes tracksuit bottoms receipt. I’m not remotely terrified. But i’m cool. Plus, his response was,

‘I’m so glad you did that, as i’ve been pretending to buy sweat suit bottoms for ages, to try and chat to you…’

Then he went on to win an Oscar 🙂 after piggy backing me down a Sunset Plaza escalator and telling me he was Irish, mid piggy back.

Anyway, I’ve got distracted.

I’m in a red top and jeans. The Barney’s Beanery guy is playing pool. He’s not an Oscar winner. He’s just mixed raced and hot. So I’ve spotted him OBVIOUSLY and I walked past him, not making any eye contact with him at all, like I haven’t even nearly noticed…I’m just on my way to the loo…casually..

I walk straight past him and by this point, I already KNOW that I’ve got his attention. I could feel it, even with my back turned and making no form of communication…

So as I’m casually Wunna strutting to the loo….(Passed the guy in question with no attention let out)…before I reach the toilets…I *pause,* I stop immediately and I mean completely in my tracks and I then SLOOOOOOOOOWLY, swing the top half of my body around and peep. Well look…but *peep* sounds cuter.

And JUST AS SCHEDULED…*BOOM* eye contact made. He was already lent over the pool table, glaring at me and in that moment he *paused* and we *clocked each other.* I smiled. He did these charming eyebrows and smiled…Then I walked straight into the loo like a *winner, winner.* 🙂

Loads of really fast grooming went on in the loo, then I came out and he was already stood there waiting for me, asking me if I wanted a drink. So I took that drink and we chatted and then as I went back to sit down with my chick friends, after the *strut and peep* (YOU NEVER WANT TO LET THE GIRL WALK AWAY AND GO TO HER CHICK FRIENDS, without gaining some kind of contact information. Lol.) His friends had dragged him off, as their song was up. My chick friends had text me over, as they wanted to know where I was…

We were young, so just like that *spiltsville.* When you’re older, gents and chicks know the code.

Anyway, i’ve cosied back up with the girls, with my boy bought drink and he’s now up and stage with his friends about to smash out a bit of karaoke.

And before he begins his song….he shouts out, down the mic…

‘THIS SONG IS DEDICATED TO THE GIRL I’VE JUST MET IN THE RED TOP… AT THE BACK…’

(He didn’t even get my name, let alone a form of contact. Thats always backwards. I mean GOD. I remember Mike From Chicago, who shouted across an LA street at night, with the words, ‘Shout me out your number. I’ll get it. I’ll call you.’ I did and he did get it. He did call me. That’s impressive.)

Anyway, then to make it worse, after he’s given me that lovely karaoke shout out, my chick friend shouts back (and just to be funny…)

‘SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOOOOU..’

Hahahah!

Anyway, he was lucky, because we ended up stayng, so he got to chat to me afterward (‘Why were you slow dancing with that guy, Chrissie,in the middle of a bar?? Lol) We actually dated for a bit, but he was too emotionally young for me because he just kept doing stupid ‘little boy’ things and kept trying to film us having sex…and even though I was young, i was super ambitious and not at all stupid. 🙂 I had just come out of a divorce with a guy that we had constructed some massive Hollywood career with and we were still close, still friends and sort of still being single but seeing each other. So, we were very grown and savvy, when it came to Hollywood. We learnt fast because we had to go fast, via the fine art of ‘plunged into the deep end.’

I remember that he had annoyed me so much that I once walked out my car saying,

‘You better draw a picture of this moment and treasure it dude, because you’re never gonna see me again.’ 

HAHAHAHA!

But yeah, the *Strut & Peep* works all the time…I do it all the time without realizing.

Yet be warned…your picking skills need to be on point. Lol. I’m shit at that bit. (The great thing about it, is that I learnt at a very young age how to gain people’s attention….which has obviously helped the thirty something version of me…with the life that I’m living now. 🙂 )