Popaballs, Vlogs & Songs About…

Sorry for the glittery absence of ‘written word’ from Wunna Land last night. I just needed to swirl in a merry chill, relax and enjoy the art of that good old ‘Friday Feeling.’ I’m Happy! I’m dancing to the kitty beat of my own tunes and well I haven’t really tinkered much on anything ‘social media’ over the last few days, yet only because at times, when you sort of ‘perform’ to an audience constantly, one that you’re growing…You need a moment of ‘just being away’ and firstly so you don’t get a stress rash, which my doll of a darling, chick wiggle ‘Firmonnell’ calls a ‘Dragon Rash.’ Secondly…so you can evaluate life and balance out all that is going on with *can can* kicks. Thirdly, so you can have a red berried wine. Fourthly…so everyone wonders where you are, has a panic and then upon your return you find that your engagements are a bustle 🙂 😉 🙂 I know! I’m EVIL! Mwahaha! (The fourth jiggle is called the ‘fear of loss.’ When people are used to doing, reading, or seeing something or someone habitually and you pull it away…they weirdly need it more because they feel like they’re losing it. 🙂 )

Why am I a bitch with boobies?

*Add Popaballs here.*

Image result for popaball logoImage result for popaball logo

(If you don’t know what Popaballs are you really aren’t living appropriately, as they are MY FAVOURITE little bursting fruit infusion balls, that you glamourously tinker into ANY DRINK, infact even food, to add a fun, sassy, yet extraordinarily juicy madness. They make great cocktail party gifts! The Wunna Babies have them in porridge. I’m a huge traditional ‘Bubble Tea’ fan. Ofcourse I’m a lady of the Orient, so obviously this is such a fresh modern development on one of my traditional faves! Try’em.)

Right where was I?

Okay, lets go. i’ll skim it.

Yesterday I learnt that my chick friends and I aren’t actually dirty ‘filth’ eaters at all. We just like to graze. So if there’s food in front of us…ANY FOOD, we’ll nibble it. The filth drawer turned into a £3 FRUIT BOWL! Well done us! I see waistlines in our futures.

My friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ definitely believes that you can..

‘Tell if a guy has a really big willy by the sound of his voice.’

That 90’s throwback song that goes…‘it’s godda be big’ was playing in the background and it had reminded her of willies…It does though doesn’t it!

So if you have a *piddley* voice, we’ll think your ‘nipper’ squeaks, because we’ve decided that, as women of the world, we can visualize what your ‘man part’ looks like, simply by listening to the tones that sound out of your mouth.

‘Double B’ doesn’t know if..

‘Pear drops are pear flavoured? ‘

Fairytale Blond, ‘Chrissie! Have you heard this, for your blog!!!’

Yet she DOES know!!! She just likes to be stupid in the name of hilarity. Yesterday she was all ‘SASSERILLA,’  & DIVA strutting about the place, armed with no working ears and her resting bitch face.

‘What? I’ve had my hair done. I’ve got hair over BOTH EARS now…I can’t HEAR things AND HAVE HAIR. FOR FUCKS SAKE.’

I also learnt that we girls are weird, yet a delightful species of course. Not all of us are weird. But there’s certainly that tiny little bundle of us, that are tapped. 🙂

When you’re older you’re flattered by boys and attention. yet you’re not in a swirl about the flattery unless you fancy them.

When you’re a young girl, fresh on the emotional track…with bundles of rubbish love life experiences still about to occur, you are CRAZY. I’ve been there. I’m high fiving ya! Lol. (Not really. i think you’re dickheads. 🙂 But yes, the young girls want male interest, yet when they get it, they can’t just LOVE it gracefully…they HAVE TO REFER to the poor guy as a…

‘UGH! GOD! HE’S TOTALLY STALKING ME!!!

Hahahha!

THEN like that’s not enough embarrassment, they further it on, by stretching out how appalling the gent is for even attempting to ask a question of ANY SORT. Lol.

‘What a stalker! Why is he asking that? Stop stalking everyone!’

Hahaha!

We had an incident occur where in which a handsome Sandy Blond male, cautiously strided into our bubble, to query if his ex girlfriend was with us. He had MISTAKEN his ex for ‘Firmonnell.’ (Who wasn’t there at the time and has been married forever with children, to the ‘Big D.’) So the Sandy Blond Handsome just wanted to ask a few questions in general…

OH LORD, have mercy on his soul…I am naturally social and charming… so I’ll be helpful…on any level…and was prepared to be…

But Feisty Gem, who is going through a really difficult time right now, in the love AND life department..TOOK THE REINS and well she currently thinks all men are massive TWATS, as she’s fresh off a bumpy love breakup…Let’s just say she made the executive decision to release her frustration on the Sandy Blond Handsome…

‘HE’S DEFINITELY A F****** STALKER! I’m not telling you where she LIVES!’

Then Double D (don’t get him mixed up with Double B) decided to stick up for ‘the boys’ with words of wisdom , that actually made proper sense…but being girls, we all just looked at him like he shouldn’t be speaking….EVER! LOL.

I like ‘Double D’ because you can say whatever you want to him and he’ll laugh it off. The other boy helper ‘Sellers’ has already been forced of the Island. I liked him too. He should’ve stayed. But life is life and it takes you to places…

I watched Steve Bartlett’s Vlog Last night. I watch it every night at 8pm. No matter where I am. I’m a massive fan and I watched a girl called Amelia Wood (is that her name?) Anyway, she has started her own business, or trying to…she’s still in the ‘hustle struggle’ phases of it all which is an honorable phase, and she showed up, to ask Steve’s advice….as she’s finding the money part hard.

From my experience when it comes to chicks or anyone in business….I think that it is SO important for you focus on the positive parts of the experience…and not on the hardships. The hardships are your ‘pity party.’ And I don’t mean that harshly. I mean it truthfully. The ‘pity paty’ gets you nowhere or drunk.

In life, I’ve been through SUCH A MUCH….I’ve experienced what felt like the poorest existence, where I’ve been literally homeless in New York. Not for long, as I had great LA friends. But what I remember from that time was finding it funny that all I had eaten for the entire day was a shot of coconut rum,that I got for free. Lol. During that time, I STILL waltzed into the business centres of various hotels and wrote my blog on their computers. Hahaha! DAILY! And I loved it! I had nothing! But my blog! That was my life! Yet, I must’ve had some sort of *glow* about me, because THIS RANDOM STRANGER saw me sat in a hotel lobby for hours..To this day, I have no clue who he was…but he was this black guy, rocking his ‘fro out. He was wearing beige, looked really normal. He walked up to me and handed me £200 in cash…and said,

‘You’re too beautiful to be going through whatever you’re going through…’ AND WALKED AWAY!

AS IF!! Yet at the same time i’ve experienced what people view as the WEALTHIEST lifestyle, where I have yachted and jetted and had assistants, upon assistants wait upon me in executive suites that only a Princess would find a bore…

That’s all I can tell you about that particular time, as obviously you can imagine, it was wonderful.

Yet at the same time, i’ve done the two jobs, kids and ‘trying to make it’ bonanza.

Yet during all experiences….I was always laughing. I was always happy. I was always positive and always blogging. I never stressed out. I never worried about money or ‘making it.’ I still went out and had fun and I don’t even know how. 🙂 I just got on with life…Happily…I never felt sorry for myself…I didn’t ask for help, because I wasn’t ready to ask for help back then…YET no matter what advice anyone gives you….The truth behind it all, is that you need to figure it out by yourself and once you do…people will come. They’ll notice you. I promise.

You can make your dreams come true. It happens every minute of every day.

More people help you, when you don’t ask for help…

 

 

Busy Times & Oriental Wives!

‘You’re quiet Chrissie?’

‘Why are you so quiet today?’

‘She’s just stressed…’

‘No. Lol. I’ve just got a lot of work on, so i’m in the mode and not getting distracted by Tom Foolery. 🙂 ‘

I am currently tinkering in the busiest time that I have EVER experienced It a merry ‘work load’ and all at once. I’m good at being busy. So i’m not phased. I’m happy. I’m positive. But when I am busy, my mind is full, swift and flashing methodically. So I tend to go quiet, focus on the *hush hush* and get through whatever I need to, in my own little Wunna zone. Lol I obviously must be gobbier than I thought? As my quietness was questioned and noticed. 🙂 I didn’t even notice that I was being quiet.

But yes, it’s so busy for me right now, that there isn’t really time for me to enjoy too much of a giggle, throw a ‘pity party’ or bury my head in the sand. Everything needs to get done…So i’m doing it. And even though today was somewhat daunting. Tomorrow, I’ll SMASH IT because that’s what good girls do! *Wiggle…Wink.* Monday is always my ‘figure it out’ day. Tuesday…I’m usually ON IT! So I want you to know that, if you are also experiencing a super ‘fast paced’ dash of life…Be it in work, emotionally or romantically….All you have to do is grow ten feet tall, don’t bother wasting time on the ‘poor little me’ and just knuckle down, organize it all and in the best heels, get to being PRODUCTIVE….FAST! Sort it all out so it works in your favour. You’ll feel so good when you totter over that ‘finish line’ that you might even have a little champion ‘slut drop’ in the name of VICTORY. And we all know that the ‘slut drop’ is the pinnacle point of any worthy dance off.

That’s what ‘slaying it‘ is all about. (Guuuurls!) Shut off, focus on what YOU’RE DOING, forget about whatever everyone else is doing and get it done. It’s as easy as that. Do the things that you constantly put off…and you’ll feel EVEN MORE delicious when you finally get to the tunnel end!

I’M FEEEEEEEEEEEEEELING GOOD!

Away from that, I got in, kissed my Babies with love and swirled in that ‘Happy Mama’ glory. Then whilst pouring a fresh gin and tonic and scrolling through my phone…I accidentally got into the most hilarious banter with two of my LA guy friends.

When I was young and in West Hollywood, I used to date both of them. No. Not at the same time. But, during chapters of my life and not for very long. We were all friends, caught up in the sunkissed LA lifestyle, trying to ‘make it big.’ ANYWAY, and i’ve blogged this before…but BOTH GUYS (who I remember had these stunning hot blond girlfriends, followed by sexy brunette short terms…and…well you get the picture.) Both guys were models/actors and super sweet all at the same time. They’re hot! But everyone is in LA. I mean, it’s a town where you’ll be a dick, poor, a ‘no hoper,’ or challenged, but YOU WILL LOOK GOOD DOING IT. 🙂

They’re much older now, as am I. One is currently happily married and gushing about how much he adores his wife on Instagram and the other (who once SWORE TO ME) that he would never marry until he was 84 and when he did he’d be stonkingly rich and date a 23 year old Playboy bunny. Lol. That was his future.

Both guys….Now that they’re settled….have chosen to do ‘forever’ with smoking hot ORIENTAL CHICKS! YES! Hahaha! We are finally the BEST accessory! Honestly. It’s the newest thing in town! All chicks from the Orient are now your LA wives! I’ve obviously *slapped them * with ‘The Wunna Brush’ that there was no other choice than to pick a chick from Eastern lands, with those little kitten eyes. Lol

I did express that to them!

They pissed themselves text laughing…(they both know each other well) and agreed to state that they certainly picked ‘less annoying’ versions of me. 🙂

‘Less annoying! It was like trying to shake turd off a stick with you guys! 🙂 ‘

‘You took yourself off rotation…’

‘I don’t think I have ever been involved with a girl where so many people decided to be so interested in what was going on! It was madness.’

Then we wished each other well for ‘old times’ sake and I sat back, kicked off my kitten heels and enjoyed the most delicious G & T that a heavy work Monday could’ve ever treated me with.

Life is hectic. But it’s good right now!

I’m focusing on one thing at a time and doing it well. It’s not about the rush. It’s about doing things right…as when you do things appropriately…you’ll make a much better impact long term.

*Wink.*

 

 

 

Human Nature, Boyfriends & Positive Bits

‘What three things make YOU think that you’re such great boyfriend? Did you get any steak? Did you get any blowjobs? NO! Your girlfriend will definitely leave you…Lol’

….said the Little Burmese Glamour Puss, to ‘The New Arrival’ who’ll I think i’ll just name ‘Sellers,’ for now. He’s strutted into Wunna land and we all find him hilarious…YET, we don’t know him well enough to ‘title’ him with the magic…I enjoyed swinging back upon my chair, armed with wit and with my glasses down my nose, as I began questioning him about life…The great thing was that he actually found it SO easy to ‘chitter chatter’ AND make fun of us all. Lol.

‘Well…I’m loving, kind…and compassionate…’

‘What? So you’re just nice? They’re all in one category.’

‘Haha..No. She’d never leave me because i’m loving, I have a tongue like a lizard and i’m pretty much the bank….’

There was a *pause* and then laughter filled the bubble as we continued to singalong to any radio songs that would have us…;) We *push and pulled like a magnet tooooo….* 

I mean, we’ve got to give him some praise, the poor guy chilled in a girl’s ‘friend zone’ for months, before he managed to wiggle on in and be her Knight. It’s not that easy to shimmie your tunnel from ‘friend zone’ to ‘forever love!‘ So, well done him! The point is..HE DID IT!

‘And now you live happily ever after…with your girlfriend….and bunny… LOL’

Then ‘Double B’ turns to me, with a phone in her hand and shouts….

‘The King of the North wants to know why you aren’t returning his messages…. and are you wearing pants?:)

My version of life, although busy was great today. I’m feeling lucky….I’m grateful…

However, away from the tinkering and the jiggery pokery…I’ve sort of bumped into life today unexpectedly, which tottered me into a bundle of  people, you were tending to their versions of life…

It can be tough, right? We all go through the best of times, the worst of times…and just times in general. I’m lucky, as I’ve served my ‘worst of times’ early in life….and I survived them with a ‘bounce back‘ flag, sensible bells on and a smile. I mean GOD, there were times both here in the UK and in LA (where I did my 20s) and I just*looked around me* like a ‘no hoper.’  I didn’t even KNOW what I was going to do..? But i’m naturally a trooper. I don’t have to find it or force it.

I don’t even really need to TRY to be happy, or TRY to bounce back, or TRY to see the positive….It just happens. I find it really easy…

So basically, when I opened my tightly squeezed eyes and noticed that even though I had my *fingers crossed* the whole entire time through the ‘rough sails..’

I was always going to be alright in the end.

It’s like I say…My blog works because I tap into human existence. I do it my own way, by telling my own story, as I don’t necessarily believe that someone can tell you how to be YOU or live your version of life.

….WE’RE ALL DIFFERENT.

Yet saying that, I also KNOW that it doesn’t matter where you’re from, what you do, how rich or poor you are, how pretty people think you are…whether you’ve made all your dreams come true, or you’re nowhere near even trying….

We all FEEL the same way…We have ALL cried when we’ve felt hurt. We’ve all LAUGHED OUT LOUD when something’s tickled us. We’ve all been scared. We’ve all had a moment of bravery. We’ve all disappointed ourselves time and time again…Yet, we’ve all also done something great repeatedly and everyday! We’ve ALL had our heart broken at some point and we’ve ALL fallen in love before….

It doesn’t matter what walk of life you’re living…at some point you’ll meet these moments…and that is what I write about….So no matter where you are in the world? There is something in my story, that you can relate to. Click back through my archives and find it…

It connects us…

Today, my little sexy eyes had a tinker and what I learnt is that, it’s really important for people to feel appreciated. It’s REALLY IMPORTANT to not just have the heart and the talent to NOTICE the positive things in a situation, person or lifestyle…Yet also BELIEVE in those positive things….When you do…You should make sure your positive energy alive and then transfer it where needs be…

We like that as humans, don’t we? A bit of a love, a pat on the back…a smile of achievement…a cuddle….a rum….

Shit happpens! Lots of shit happens! And it’s the ones that fight through the shitty parts. in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel that win, because ‘The Big Dude’ up above will be terrified of you 🙂 but secretly proud of you. Honestly, I know this from experience, He will cut you some glittery slack and give you the life that you’ve actually worked hard for…Be it in love or business..

Find the good bits to every story, really focus on them. There’s always ‘good bits’ in every story..

…even if your world is smeared in ‘dodgy times.’ (That should be the name of an aftershave.)

THEN with a Malibu Pineapple in your hand…‘Edit‘ out the bad and the better you get at it, the quicker the process will become…

It’s like keeping that pair of shoes that ALWAYS without fail nip at your toes, rub at your feet and make you blister in absolute agony…You keep trying to bed them in‘ but they keep coming back with a *middle finger and saloon girl kicks.*

Just slap on an ‘edit/delete‘ tag, chuck the ‘naughties’ out and buy yourself a NEW pair that work better for you…

You have one life to live…Don’t waste it in ‘bad shoes..’

 

 

 

 

Booty Bum Bursts!

Today was the day when I must have *bent over* without a  kitty care in the world and the ENTIRE BACK SEAM of my dress *RIPPED* open, presenting the *WUNNA BOOTY* to all the land! 🙂

Hurrah! Booties for everyone!

As if i’ve managed to get so fat…Well I like to say ‘Playground’ because I heard it on ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ being used as a term for ‘Being Bootilicious’…But yes, now it’s official… I am absolutely TOO ‘BOOTY’ to wear a pencil dress. You want a Kardashian Bum? You go to Greggs and have a sausage roll and latte EVERY FLIPPING DAY and you’ll own a *booty,* SO BUSTING, that it makes like the ‘Incredible Juicy Hulk’ and glamourously *bursts* out of your pencil dress like it’s Beyonce.

I literally had my bum out all day, because I couldn’t be arsed (excuse my pun) to buy a new dress. I’ve done worse. A bit of bum cheek is fine. 😉 I was infact, the least shocked… out of the entire bunch..and it was MY ASS that was out.

Oh but let me tell you….

What did my ‘ride or die’ glammy chick friends do? Offer me support? Love? Remedies to my problem?

No…

They fucking pointed, laughed out loud, called me a dickhead and showed everybody my freshly ripped *booty peek* whilst snaphatting it!

Me: ‘What? I can’t see anything??’

‘Honestly! Chrissie! The back of your dress is flapped open… like a hospital gown! Hahahahaha!’

‘Is it THAT BAD? Have I got good knickers on?’

‘Yeah, they’re black lace. Hahah!’

I will say that Mel did offer me a moment of…

‘Safety pins? Shall we safety pin or staple you back up? Shit…I don’t have any? Sorry lol.’

Then just to keep things moving, I attempted to make fun of ‘Hot Sarah’ for no real reason really..and she shot it back with a..

‘You can’t make fun of my face when you’re in an ass out dress.’

‘Whatever! Everyone will be doing it tomorrow.’

I was totally like that ‘whatcha m’call her’ chick from ‘Mean Girls’ with the nipple shirt. I ROCKED my ‘ass out‘ pencil dress.

I mean, GOD ‘Webbo‘ and ‘The King of the North’ didn’t seem to mind and I used Webbo’s window as a mirror.

‘I honestly can’t see anything! Can you? Is my bum out?’

They invited such ‘jiggery pokkery’ into their world, with love, Bromantic ‘you’ll not have your Portugal body,‘ hugs and a bottle of Archers in their hands.

Then ‘the new boy’ started singing Ed Sheran songs and telling me that he has a pet bunny….(yes, you heard.) He then went on to explain that he saved his girlfriend from a dodgy life in Hull and dragged her to a dodgy life… just outside of Bradford. Lol.

Me: ‘A bunny? That’s…I’m pretending to be nice. That is actually really weird! LOL.’

All was dandy, all was well and then ‘Feisty Gem’ makes the executive decision to wear white ‘bowling shoes’ with her very dark tights…which caused me to panic a little.

*Panic.Panic.* It’s like acid to the eyes.*

Especially when i’m in my Specsaver Specs. (I’m waiting for my contact lenses to arrive.) Right now I have EXTRA DOUBLE STRENGTH VISION! It’s intense. But, *applause* to her, as  I did laugh at her naughty sassiness today, even though she committed to poor shoe choices.

‘You’re like the naughty rebellious one.’

Then ‘Double B’ piped in with a shake of ‘diva’ and a dazzle of  ferocity, as she was deliciously misheard by Firmonell…

Double B: ‘How rude was that guy! Don’t talk to me like that! GOD! I want to march down there and flick him on his fucking nose.’

Firmonnell: ‘Ewwwwwwwwww! You’re vile.’

Firmonnell thought that Double B had suggested she would *punish* the rude talking male by not ‘flicking‘ his nose, but ‘FUCKING’ his nose. Lol.

‘I said FLICKING!!!! WHY WOULD I EVER TREAT HIM TO THAT!’

As IF the ‘not flicking‘ would EVER be a treat!!! ABSOLUTELY DYING! Being a boy SUCKS. Being a girl is Wunnaful! (‘Wunnaful‘ is a state that surpasses the fine art of something feeling WONDERFUL.)

Then Mel started moderately describing a human, in her natural sassy downgrady but lovey‘ way, to the ‘King of The North,’ who is about to be forced off the Island….

Mel: ‘I mean, I’ve met her… She’s alright, but she’s just hard faced…Y’know, a bit abrupt, tells it how it is…She’s a bit grumpy…WAIT! I’VE JUST DESCRIBED MYSELF!’

King of the North, ‘Chrissie! Bend over again!’

Y’know, today was all about fun. It was bubbled with naughty laughter and was shimmied about in BANTER. You’ve got to have a charming wink of ‘chitter’ in your soul. It’s a weapon I mean, I ADORE a delicious ‘banter trifle,’ where humour kicks in and uncensored wording flies out.  It’s cheeky, it’s naughty. It’s flirty. It’s fun! More than anything it makes life so much more worthwhile. You need those moments in’life,’ as they help keep your spirit alive. Your spirit is that *magic* that radiates from you when you laugh out loud, or your eyes smile, or you surrender into a ‘love swirl.’ It’s your spirit that is attractive to someone like me. I like to feel a chemistry,

(‘Hot Sarah’ …who i now want to name ‘Hustle Barbie’ has just sent me a Snapchat. It’s of her… with her big fluffy cat…and with the ‘teddy leopard ear’ filter! Haha! Love it! Almost as hilarious as ‘Fairytale Blond’ with the  Yorkshire Terrier *plonked* on her head. Lol. Wow! It must be so weird being a blond! 🙂 )

On the whole…

I know some really great people and hopefully i’ll know them forever. Yet if i don’t…i’ll always remember this chapter of my life….

Lady Shizzle: ‘Something tells me that you’re moving onto better times Chrissie… I know it. This is your year…’

 

 

 

I TOTALLY SMASHED TODAY!

I SMASHED TODAY and I can’t even begin to tell you. Yes. I did working hard. But I threw away that *pity party* that I was throwing yesterday and instead chucked on my faux fur and *BOSSED IT.* There’s only so long you can whine about *drowning* before you actually grow up, grab a ‘floaty’ and start paddling. It sieves the weak from the ‘success stories,’ baby. I don’t like moany people. Even when I have a moan, I don’t like it. It’s unattractive. I don’t mind a vent or a rant. I love a vent and a rant. But those long winded moaners, who moan about ‘how hard done by they are’ when they’re not really trying to do much, just don’t have the *vajazzle* 🙂 to figure out a way to shore!

Let’s keep this moving! Let’s keep it sexy!

So right…

Yes, as normal ‘Double B’ told me to ‘Fuck off.’ It’s a daily greeting now and this was before she told me some story about how some guy relative of hers bought her a ‘Well Ridden’ top when she was 11 because he liked bikes? LOL. Wait, or was it horses? I can’t remember the story? *Pours Prosecco.*

Anyway, away from that I’m currently on Whatsapp chatting to my chick friends about ‘steak and blowjob’ day and proposals. I’m not sure you’re allowed to propose to someone on ‘steak and blowjob‘ day as it’s not real. 🙂 It’s like an ‘I love you’ during sex. It doesn’t count! Haha! Yet, I hope a lot of you gents managed to snag yourself some red meat and a treat. If not…well you should’ve been better boyfriends. 🙂

I smashed today!

I always say that I never know what’s going on..but today I used my time wisely. I had spaces where I *zoomed* out those proposals, press releases and replied to the brands and companies who are wanting to work with me. (As if this is happening. I remember being really young, armed with a blog and my fingers crossed, as I *tapped* on the door and no one cared and now my inbox is FULL of requests from…literally….everyone and everything, with a hope to get Wunna Land on board. And yeah, it sounds boasty. But I’ve honestly worked really hard and to me, yes i’m proud, but it’s only just the beginning.

I got my work done. I met and chatted to everyone I needed to and I *nailed* it. In fact, i didn’t quite nail it, as 2 people said ‘no’ …very nicely. Yet the big brand, that I thought would not be bothered said ‘YES’ and the rest were requested, so I skimmed through all the *oohs and the arrs’  to see if they were the right fit for me…and I must’ve done more leg work through life than I thought…as people who i’ve known for years, who are now in better positions are peeking into Wunna land with a ‘hey, let’s team up.’

AS IF I GET TO CHOOSE  WHICH BRANDS I’D LIKE TO WORK WITH NOW! As if! I honestly can’t believe it!

I’m swirling around in a magically kitty confetti shower of life because once again Perez Hilton, who I adore ‘liked’ a bit of chrissiewunna.com. We go a long way back, as I used to scan him into Crunch gym every day in LA, the one on ‘Sunset’ and give him a towel, before he was the GREAT ‘Perez Hilton’…I’ve told the story previously, lots of times. But let’s just say, there couldn’t be a better bloggers mentor. I love that guy!

Away from the brands and the ‘work with me Wunna’ requests, as that’s quite normal these days , it makes me feel lucky…Over the last 2 weeks, i’ve had lots of different Social Media Agencies  or digital companies, ask to meet with me as soon as possible to actual ‘partner up’ with chrissiewunna.com, after taking a look at my ‘business.’ Crazy stuff! And I guess it must be because I went down to visit Steve Bartlett at Social Chain, as each of the other companies have *popped* out of nowhere and straight away, after a quick ‘Wunna Search’  have asked to schedule in meetings. I have one on Saturday and one at the beginning of April…and these are for business partnerships.

AS IF! *She takes a pouty selfie and adjusts her tiara*

Everything’s great! I’m feeling the love. I’m getting this whole thing now and feeling empowered. I will suggest that you refrain from leaving your personal numbers on my Facebook comment’s area, as you WILL get pranked called by all my lovely friends…and because even though we’re glamourous, we are ofcourse actual dickheads, who find great humour in being foolish 🙂 Plus, like I stated…I would be more impressed if you GUESSED my ‘digits.’ Lol (Reminds me of being young in LA where you could give a guy a specific fake number at a club. When he called the number the next day, it would play him a sad love song. Lol)

*Hair toss.. Hip Bum.*

(You won’t get this part unless you’re one of my actual LA friends, but I totally did that to the ‘Furniture Date’ dude, named Ofear! Hahahaha! The most handsomely weird, possibly terrifying, sun tanning, secret ‘S & M’ guy ever. Even my ex hubby would laugh about it with text messages reading, ‘Ditch the Zero and Get with a Hero.’ Lol.)

Ooh! I’ve just got a message in from Abeiku Arthur at ‘House of Solo’ magazine…

‘WE NEED NANDOS, DRINKS AND A GOSSIP NOW!’

I literally have so much to tell him, I could burst. Things have just developed greatly in a week! I can’t even believe it and i’m feeling much better now as I’m getting on with it, i’ve managed to just get stuff done, with a shimmie and wink.

So, do know that anything can happen at any point…and yeah it’s hard work, but it’s mainly about your attitude towards situations…How you deal with them emotionally and mentally. Especially when life gets tricky. I mean, you need to be able to turn a shit brick into a glitter ball with panache, because until you can, the people who DO are light years ahead of you.

You can do anything, if you believe you can and I don’t mean that in a cheesy cliched ‘silver lining’ kinda way. I mean it in a ‘because someone somewhere in the world has already done it before you..’ kinda way. MEANING that it is achievable.

‘You do know that you don’t actually need to partner up with anyone Wunna, as you could just do things by yourself. You’re  doing pretty well at it… You’re the personal branding Queen. Lol Infact, you’re a chip off the actual Hilton brand..’

‘I’m not the Queen of personal branding. I will be though. Lol. I just know ‘attention’ well 🙂 and yeah i got lucky and had to live with and learn personal branding from a girl, who at the time was the world’s most sought after Socialite. You don’t get better training than Paris Hilton. No one has better life training than me at this. Lol.’

‘Well are they wanting to build YOUR brand or getting you to build their brand?’

‘I don’t know? I’m gonna take my meetings…and see what’s on offer…I know what i’m dong. 😉 ‘

*Pours More Prosecco*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every Second Counts….

So, there I was on Sunday evening, about to fly off an email to Social Chain and JUST BEFORE I hit *send*….almost on some weird *cue* my phone *winks* at me with a Twitter DM.

Now, I’m on my phone a lot, yet when i’m working or blogging, I sort of ignore it and check it occasionally, because as right now, it’s kinda like a revolving digital, never ending, screen fountain of Instagram picture ‘likes,’ Twitter ‘favourites’….Messenger notifications..You know the score…

Anyway, at this precise moment, before I hit *send,* I just so happened to look to my right, down at my phone. It was laid on my bed next to me. I had Juvenile ‘Slow Motion’ playing in the background and I was sat in my bra, wishing that I didn’t EAT my way through February…and with a…

‘Hi Chrissie,

Just came across the work you’re doing! Love it.. You in London much…Let’s set up a date for you to come over to the Yourfeed offices in London..Drop me a note and we can set up…I’ll have my executive assistant have a car sorted from the train station to the office for you. Looking forward to it!’

And just like that…another life ‘side street’ was presented to me.  You never know what’s going to happen at any point. I’ve learnt this always through life. Good things. Bad things. All things! I have opportunities coming from everywhere right now. Some are *zapping* in from above at the speed of light, some are some moving like a tango, other’s are friendly and easy going and there are the ones who are to the point, without ‘faff’ and direct. It’s all money, brands, meet me’s and ‘work with me’s.’

I don’t know what’s happening? Yet the Chrissie Wunna glitter train is no longer *chugging* along on steady yet rickety tracks . It’s now being picked up by giants, sprinkled over with opportunity and flown to the stars like magic…fueled by this little thing called hard work. Well I say ‘hard work’…yet it feels like fun. My previous boss once told me to ‘WORK SMART NOT HARD.’ That stuck with me…The idea is to utilize yourself appropriately to make the most impact.

AS IF THIS FLIPPING ONLINE DIARY HAS GOT THIS CRAZY!

I remember being a kid in West Hollywood, walking into that bookstore every morning, on La Cienega and 3rd, talking to DK who made me coffee every morning and telling him about what I’d got up to the night before. He told me to start a blog on Myspace..and i refused to because I didn’t know what one was…Lol. But I did it…and 10 years later…I’m apparently a ‘sensation.’ 🙂

LORD FUCKING KNOWS, HOW I’VE MANAGED IT???

Yet, the great thing about me, even though i’m really aware of all that is ‘going on’ right now in my career…is that i’m STILL just that girl, who started to write an online diary because some dude at a coffee shop told me to.

Right now, i’m taking ALL the opportunities that I can…because it’s really just the beginning. I hope to build an empire. Did I always think it would happen? Honestly…Yes. Did I doubt myself…at times..yeah. But this year is the actual year where in which I have in my hands…I have it here…in my hands..I can feel it..and it’s happened because at the end of last year I began to knuckle down and focus…I spent my last year chasing boys and after selling myself short, realizing that there was a whole career that I wanted to pursue…and that I was wasting time on things that I didn’t really WANT…my mindset changed…I grew 10 feet tall…I hair tossed, I got my *game face* on, I slipped on a sassier set of heels and I fucking WENT FOR IT.

I’ve only knuckled down for about 3 months and so far SO MUCH HAS CHANGED. In six months….it’ll be even better…by the end of the year…even YOU’LL be shocked. Just so you know, I’m always shocked. I mean I stood infront of my chick friends today with an egg sandwich..

‘Ewww….as if you got egg that’s disgusting. You’re disgusting!’

…and with a shake of my head in confusion, in my faux fur, I just looked at them with a…‘I don’t even know how this has all happened’ face?

I feel lucky. Thank you for following my life. Thank you so much!

Everyone’s asking me about the UK Blog Awards. They’re in April. I’m going to them…OBVIOUSLY. Yet not one part of me believes that I will win it. They’ve already picked the winner…and I don’t know…something just feels like it’s not me. Infact, i had a conversation about this with Abeiku Arthur the other day, after getting back from Manchester that time we did Nandos and went for ‘after chicken‘ cocktails.

Big A: ‘You’ll win it.’

Me: ‘I won’t. I know I won’t.’

Big A: ‘I’m going to the Awards y’know. Are you staying over?’

Me: ‘Yeah. You do know that you’ll have to spend your awards evening listening to me BITCH at you repeatedly because I haven’t won. ..and i’ll be dripped in champagne.’

‘Yeah…and I’m fine with it. Lol. You’ll win it.Why don’t you think you will?’

‘Well…because everyone else’s blog is a serious factual, advice type blog…and well mine is just the story of my life…it’s a diary…’

‘That’s why you’ll win it. There’s not many chicks who just write a  diary that people all over the world READ every day…’

‘If I thought I was going to win it…I’d tell you. I’m not like that. I just know I won’t. But I deserve to. 😉 ‘

So, what i’m saying to you all is to hope for the best yet EXPECT nothing…because from what I’ve learnt in life so far, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN at any point. I’ve almost become immune to under feet ‘rug pulls.’ Embrace changes. Don’t be scared of them. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Look around you…Take a moment to look around you. Do you have everything the way you want it? Is this how you want to spend the next few years of your life? Do you want it to develop? Are you selling yourself short? Obsessing over the wrong things?Are you working your perfect job? In love with the right human? Are you being you? Do you feel AMAZING!!!?!!

If you do ANYTHING tomorrow, I want you to just take that *moment* where in which you *pause* look around you and monitor if you’re living life the way you utterly wish to be…

If you ARE…You’ve nailed it! 🙂

If you’re not…than things can only get better…YOU ARE the driving FORCE behind that change…Commit to it. Go for it! Make your dreams come true! Every second of everyday, someone, somewhere has had a dream come true. Why can’t it be yours?

Okay preach over….

Have rum and splash it in victory winks!

I love you.

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

Double B’s & Love Messengers

‘Chrissie, this is the funniest thing EVER. So my chick friend saw this Silver Fox in Sherwood Forest & sent me a photo of the sighting and 10 minutes later she sent me this message…’

‘This random Silver Fox has just caught me trying to Snapchat him!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’ve had to awkwardly explain myself to him ….Shit Dies with me…I’m smashed. xxx’

THIS is the message that I woke up to this morning. Technically, I wasn’t quite fully awake, but I needed to tinker up and tango with a ‘might need a wee at five o clock in the morning’ dance off. I looked down at my phone…and there she was my ‘I need to stop having blond friends’ chick friend, who has been missing both her Handsome Prince (he’s dashed off on a Stag Do in Spain to Celebrate being ‘not the groom.’ Lol.) She’s also been missing ME, as ofcourse what is life, without a Wunna in it.

I’d say, this is the first time that her ‘handsome’ has been away and she has suffered a case of the ‘missing him’ bug. It’s very HER. It’s VERY sweet and well also very as mushy… Everyone, but ME is building their white picket fences. 🙂 I’ll build mine out of true love and diamonds when I find him.

But fuck that….let me tell you about my random Silver Fox hunt.

Right, so ages ago, I used to fancy Silver Foxes. ANY Silver Fox, from Phillip Schofield to… the newly silver George Clooney? I can’t think of anymore now that i’m on the spot. Hahah! Infact, more than anything it was a joke that got carried away and my friends and I would spot these ‘foxes’  all of the time and point them out..for kicks and because I AM THAT CREEPY. (When I’m talking silver foxes…I am talking MEN, not actual animals in the woods. This is Wunna Land. You’re in the wrong place. :))

Anyway, I’d see these silver foxes everywhere by accident and then decided that I’d do this ‘I heart Silver Foxes’ thing. Where i’d always try and spot one. (Apparently, i’ve had conversations hundreds of them? I can’t for the life of me remember then, as cocktails stole my memories. Yippeee! )

Anyway, this ‘Silver Fox’ game has ended up turning into a dirty version of ‘Where’s Wally.’ Lol. Now, whenever anyone see’s a ‘Silver Fox,’ they stalk him them and report forward to Wunna Land. Lol. It’s so ace, it’s almost got out of hand.

You can literally spot a fox ANYWHERE! They appear like magic, with their short silvery do’s!  Lol.

So my chick friend, received a message from HER chick friend, who jollied off to the woods to play ‘Robin Hood’ for a day and randomly...right there on the ‘i’m smashed‘ Earthly woodland floor, she spots a random SILVER FUCKING FOX! Hahaha! A SIGHTING! A SIGHTING!

The sighting processes through her head..Then after gin…makes it’s way from her phone, to my blond’s friends phone and then into Wunna Land…Where it was picked up at five o clock this Sunday morning by the Glamour Puss herself. Moi! *DYING*

The actual THOUGHT that she had to stand there, IN THE FUCKING WOODS, and explain herself to a random SILVER FOX is HILARIOUS. LITERALLY MAKES ME WEE MY INSIDES WITH LAUGHTER!

‘Hi, I’m sorry Sir. I’m just hunting Silver foxes. I’m a lunatic…yes. I’ve had gin….Selfie?’

AS IF the ‘Silver Fox’ game, has GOT SO FUN, that she got CAUGHT trying to Snapchat one and had to make up BOLLOCKS, so that she wouldn’t get shouted at….IN THE PEACEFUL WOODLANDS.

Now, don’t get it twisted. These days, I don’t actually fancy ANY Silver Foxes at all… I’m a cougar now….Times have changed. Lol. But the invention of the game has made my life worthwhile, for the brief phase that it has lived. IT’S SO FUN after a whisky. It’s flirty after three…There have been times where in which I have literally BOBBED DOWN and HID BEHIND PEOPLE/CARS…all sorts… and then SPIED TO SEE WHAT ‘A FOX’ WAS DOING. I never got caught..and like The Blondie…I would’ve just talked BOLLOCKS to get myself out of trouble. Technically, I have boobs.. GOOD BOOBS! So GOOD that they’re in the Boobpedia…(lol) SO I don’t have to say anything, just do a ‘Whoopsie* face and *wink.*

(Now, before I get all told off. I’m not promoting stalking. If you stalk people you will go to jail and Hell and stuff. It’s a joke. It’s fun. I’m not a real stalker. Just a real idiot. Remember, I said that! 🙂 )

Okay. Sensible part over. 😉

I have great chick friends. I mean the other night Mel stopped to talk to me for half an hour after working a really busy day…(when people do that they love you and want to express) and like I said, it was just lovely to see her *beam* with love. She’s in a magically, romantic swirl and as she stood there and said,

‘I only have eyes for HIM…’ 

It made my heart smile, because at the same time as me adoring to watch her ‘magic’..It sort of brings hope to those who truly feel that they will never find their ‘love.’ I’m someone who is great at being Single. I’m a busy girl and I’m a happy girl.

Yet, I’ve always told you that i’m open to bumping into love. I just want to make sure that the *bump in* is worth it and a great match for me…Nothing is worse to me than just settling for just ‘someone,’ when you can have the guy that you REALLY want eventually…if you just wait for the right match. I’d rather go without… than settle. I will marry, who I regards as the GREATEST MAN ALIVE.

Mel is the same way …AND she is in her mid FOURTIES. (She’s a hot mid 40’s. Crew Wunna land, IS in general hot! Hahah! I mean, we’re both life warriors, and agree that we as the female species are quite QUITE…manipulative….We both never really focused on love too much…But out of nowhere, here she is…after 3 years of an absolute single life, serious about not being in another magical ‘love swirl’…. simply on the lookout for just fun…AND BOOM…There he was…  her ‘Handsome’ sat in a car, with Tulips in his hands, telling her that he loves madly. 🙂 See! There’s hope for us all! ( I hope mines holding diamonds. Lol)

Then ‘Double B’ told me off for not listening to some story about God Knows what with Firmonnell…

‘GET INVOLVED YOU ORIENTAL BITCH.‘ Hahaha!

We LOVE ‘Double B’s insults as they are always so weird…I mean, she’ll pick out the littlest things about you and turn into the most evil, yet hilarious phrases…

‘You orange lipped bastard…’

‘You tight ponied, red headed.. scrubber…’

I mean, the other day she did something shit to Firmonnell, but knew she only had seconds before Firmonnell’s *dragon rash* could begin riding up her face, so  ‘Double B’ burst into a chorus of…

‘Oh my Single Ladies. Ooooooh my Single Ladies.’ Lol….

….and just as a distraction from getting told off. IT  FUCKING WORKED! Hahahaha! (She chews paper now because she wants to form a paper mache art piece, inside her body, that she can present at The Hepworth in Wakefield. Lol.)

Anyway, away from that…

I’m currently at Prosecco Pit Stop in Doncaster, blogging from the comfy chairs. The Power table.

I’m loving all the messages you’re sending me, they’re very sweet…and I couldn’t thank you enough for caring enough to drop me a ‘swiggedy’ send…(Don’t know what that means?)

I particularly like this one.. I got it today… This guy sends me messages often and I hardly ever get to reply, but I do always thank him for the message…

‘Thanks for everything you have said to me. It does mean something to me and makes me stop and think. I just can’t stand single life and I’ve gotta admit. It does drag me down at times. How you’re single is quite unbelievable. But I think with you it’s more choice…which is the way it should be. I have no doubt one day I will read your all sorted and you totally deserve the best. Whoever it is you fall for, which ever lucky devil, gets a chance to be with you, will not know what hit him. I think it’s pretty amazing! Keep doing what your doing xx

Ps That was a few too many gins message hope your ok x

Chat conversation end.’
 What I love about you all is that you’ll send me messages about YOUR LIFE and even though I come across as an ego maniac…I’m really the most thoughtful person you could know…it often winds people up, as they want me to be evil…Lol…Yet, I also have a natural interest in the lives of others…so my advice to the above is to feel the shit part of the change, as the quicker you feel it, the quicker you get over it. Once that’s done…forget it, scrub it out and look forward to enjoying your next life chapter…You may have wanted the previous chapter to be your final joy…yet you’re LUCKY ENOUGH, to be given a fresh new side street, that I think you’ll find..in time..once you choose to walk it… will make you smile!

 

 

 

 

Birthdays, Chill Mode & Manchester on Monday

I think i’ve just let my body embrace ‘chill mode’ and this isn’t any normal kind of ‘chill mode,’ this is the ultimate, soft landing, let your world sink into deep relaxtion, as a release mode.

I feel like i’ve just jollied in from the LONGEST work week ever. I can feel it all in my back, all tense. All knotty. It was just one of those work weeks that just kept going and going, with early mornings, late nights…and not even nearly enough wine.

When my body is still ‘running’ it does the job and gets on with it. YET, there was just a moment, on Friday night, where in which I tip toed away from the bustle. (I’ve worked A LOT over the last week, but i’ve felt it? Friday was also Ruby’s birthday…She’s now SIX :)..so even at home, it’s been ‘go, go, go.’ People, plans, giddiness, all sorts.) But yes, I looked around me, at the bustle and I snook away for a second, to have a chill, just a little old lay on my good old bed. (Total Granny. 🙂 ) And as my utterly glamourous head, hit that extra soft, feathery pillow, almost as if it had happened in slow motion, my ENTIRE SOUL felt a strong *clench* relax and slooooowly release me from a lofty height of tense stress. It was BLISS. From that moment on, I was in a euphoric state of kitty chill and I think you just need those moments to recoup. It’s the balance. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about relaxing. If you work hard, you deserve it.

I have Ruby’s birthday weekend to delight in for the rest of the weekend…and to be fair the babies have been wonderful. Their little faces are lit with glee. Ruby’s so happy to be six and Junior’s so happy to skank extra pressies, because it’s his sisters birthday and he’s the baby, so we can’t leave him out. Lol.

All sorts happened last week. ‘Fairytale Blond’ and I pissed ourselves laughing, as we ventured out to what I’d call ‘foreign lands,’ lands that I had never been a part of before to collect awards. TWO AWARDS. Lol. We won the lot! Yet, we had to ‘copper up’ to afford to buy booze, because they didn’t accept card and we didn’t have any cash on us. Well, we spent the cash on being charitable, which although lovely, and Little Miss Fairytale won Daffodil biscuits :)…kinda annoying when it comes to feeding my alcoholism. ‘Lady Shizzle’ who went with us, (I did vino with her, the red sort, before the event,) had to leave us to it, to journey home and dumped a handful of 20 pence pieces in my hand, which i was tremendously grateful for, as I could then afford a Sol. Lol. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got a CUPPA TEA at the pub before and then a JUICE Lol…at the event thing. I was filled up with wine, probably up to my little squinty kitten eye balls.

The rest of my chick friends, are all on ‘time of the month‘ vibes, so everything is all a little stressy or a littler tender. It’s delightful. It’s all hair extensions, blond bits and grumpy faces, with stress.

We’re all eating out of that FILTH DRAWER like desperate chimpanzees on the look out for….(Lol…sorry, just giggling at the time Firmonnell kept carrying around this banana with her, like her utter LIFE depended on it, like it was her weird BEST FRIEND. HAHAHA!)

‘Why do I constantly have this fucking banana in my hand?’

‘What’s that on my desk?’

‘Firmonnell’s banana!’

I am eating like a fat Oriental pig. It’s disgusting. I mean, you KNOW you’re not in Hollywood anymore, when you’ve gone out of your way to HIDE a fucking BACON SANDWICH from Greggs, in a drawer, that you can easily access, with one, left hand swing, if you fancied a bite. I’m not even left handed, so it’s my emergency arm.

I DID that!! That is what I have become! Waist trainer? I’ve probably eaten it, with a side of pork dumplings? 🙂

And there’s me thinking, ‘Ooh, I have a bunch of events and shoots that start in March, so I’ll get in shape, eat well and get skinny for them…’

Oh yeah, totally smashed that goal…

I mean I head to Manchester in Monday to go have a cheeky peeky behind the Social Chain walls. I snapchatted Steve…Steven Bartlett and asked if i could go…and he agreed. So I get to meet him to! Couldn’t be more excited for Monday! Can’t wait to meet everyone. Can’t wait to blog about it all….BUT I’M GONNA BE THE CHUBBY VERSION OF MYSELF. GREAT! I’m mean to be some crown wearing glamour puss for crying out loud!

I bet they don’t hide bacon sandwiches in drawers! No! They’re decent human beings….all creative and hard working….all….

I hope they have cocktails?

The funny thing about all this, is that when I made my Gino’s appearance, remember that blog….at the end of last year….I had made a bet at the Prosecco bar with House of Solo Magazine owner Abeiku Arthur….I had started watching Steve’s Vlogs every night and getting into them and then began Tweeting about how much I loved them. ‘House of Solo’ Abeiku Arthur then decided to Tweet Steve…and I correctly predicted that he wouldn’t get a reply, yet Steve would ‘like/favourite’ my Tweet.

What I didn’t tell you, was that I also predicted that I would be IN THAT OFFICE in a couple months. 🙂 Lol. AND *BOOM*….Monday, I check in!

Like, I said, I’m really excited. I can’t wait to tell you about my time there…I go on Monday and I even kept my Diary completely empty for Tuesday, whilst I’m still in Manchester, so that I can blog it all accurately…when it’s fresh….

Facebook Msg: (PE teacher from Malta) ‘Heeyyyyyyyyyyy, not out living the high life this evening? *Add kissy face emoji’s here.*

Whatsapp Msg: (London Business Man)

‘Your obviously too in demand these days x

It’s so bizarre, because both of those guys are from my ‘last year’ and they both decided against pairing up with  ‘Wunna land…’ I hadn’t spoken to them….Just got on with doing life….It all *zoomed* into the beginning of ‘dreams come true’ and then just like that, they’re back *tapping* on my Cyberland door. Both lovely humans. I wouldn’t date either of them. But they make good friends. Men must like women when they are headed to success? Well no…it either makes me more attractive to some OR makes other guys just feel defeated, like there would be no point in trying I’d never go for it….

But right now….I’ve got to go back and tend to organizing the rest of Ruby’s birthday weekend…

Love you all!

Chrissie

 

 

.

 

Stupid Cupid…

GOD!!! If i’m that ‘beautiful’ or that ‘mind blowing’ or that ‘talented’ or that ’10’ you’ve always been looking for, then why the am I single?

I don’t get it? I’m the most loving, love bunny in all of the goddamn lovey land. I make an awesome partner. So, if my inbox is filled with ‘I think you’re amazing’s’…I mean JEEZE, random ‘Tom from Hertfordshire thinks i’m…(and this is an exact quote)

‘like some weird science project, where the perfect girl has been created…’

Honestly! If  am I THAT delicious, than why is Cupid fucking me over continuously…A dude in a diaper is fucking me over.

Chick friend: ‘Because you’re far too picky and far too shallow. 🙂 ‘

Hahaha! 🙂 Cheers!

If ANYTHING, I need to be FAR MORE picky and far more shallow. I love romance, treats, eye candy and the finer things in life, yet I will always judge EVERYTHING on ‘chemistry’ and all through my life to date, I’ve always got it wrong. I have never managed to find that perfect ‘chemistry’ with anyone…No…aside from one guy.

But i’m not bothered. I’m just having a ‘had gin’ rant because I can. I’m not gonna just date ‘the next guy’ simply because. I’m rather wait it out, even if he never finds me and I end up residing with 100 cats, in the most glamourous bachelorette pad.

I will say that I’m watching Mel, Fairytale Blond, Firmonnell, Double B, Hot Sarah and Lynne and noticing how they’re all VERY paired up and in love. And I adore watching them in their girly ‘love swirls.’

YET…It did sort of dawn on me today that I was super single and I don’t quite like it. Let alone GET IT?

I’m an ace human. I’m fucking brilliant. I’m that glittery slice of life that you wished you could spread on your toast. That ‘Mmm’ noise you make after your favourite bite of cookie.Why am I NOT loved up??

*Massive confusion alert*

‘Wunna! Obviously. People read your blog. Google search you. Come up with a version of you, a WRONG VERSION, that they think you are… and mess it all up…’

‘Yeah, and this whole confident, independant thing that you are… is off putting..It scares them…It means that they could lose you….hence why they put a ring on it a lot…’

‘And when they actually meet you, they are so in shock at how you actually are, that they create their own swirl, and they don’t actually know what to do & start acting like an unusual version of themselves.’

Lovely!

Where’s just all the normal humans? My Knight in shining armour? No more Twats in Tin foil please! Where are all the authentic ‘make my eyes smile’ men? This game of ‘hidey go seek’ is totally one sided?? I’ve counted to 10 and coming to find you and you’re no where.

My LA guy friends are like..

‘Just come back here, where we all love you…’

My British chick friends…’find it funny.’

Then one girl messaged me, who I went to school with..she reads my blog daily…

She said,

‘I think you’re going to find that love is about to creep up to you, find you and sweep you off your feet really, really soon…’

Hmm? Really?

How can my love life be so shite. Yet my work life be so wonderful? I have brands and collabo’s filling up my inbox like wild fire. I mean, GOSH, I’ve always wanted to work alongside ‘Onch Movement’ (who appeared in Forbes and designed for Sanrio…Hello Kitty,) casually Tweeted him this evening…and within a minute, he tweeted back, and within five minutes, we sorted out a collabo. He’s in LA and I’m in the UK.

I guess, the ace thing about growing up in West Hollywood, is that everyone I know growing up… as a young one, is now super successful in the career that they chose to dabble in. Makes it all a little easier. I mean Little Raffi, who used to wish to be some giant producer…whilst dreaming about success, with Red Bulls, outside my condo, after reversing into my wheelybin every night…before he went to go hang out with ‘Neo’ for kicks. He ended up producing for R Kelly, working with Britney and even Michael Jackson. All of them, ended up doing so well and because they were all so driven.

YET, they’ve all managed to sustain loving long term relationships…AND IN FRICKING LA, where FOREVER means TEMPORARY.

I’m weeing myself laughing, but I have no clue why?? Lol

Cupid and I will be mates one day. But just not today.

(Now, I want you to all go back and read this through with an Irish accent. My chick friend, ‘Double B’…will always force these ‘accents’ that she does, upon us without fear and no matter where you’re from…be you black, white, Japanese, cockney, Jamaican or American…She will do your accent and it will be IRISH. Lol. She can’t even help it. It will sound nothing like you…but she’ll go for it… 🙂 )

‘You still sound Irish???’

‘Oh? That was my granny voice??’

OOh, Two Whatsapp…

Firmonnell: ‘I’ve started drinking through the week now.’ (HAHAHA! Yes! I hope she’s on the rum!)

London Business Man: ‘I know you’re busy and doing all this cool stuff, like going out and getting papped, having fun etc…I get it. You’re busy. But don’t you want to just get real for a minute and come see me? We’ll go out and about…and…’

I guess, the fact that I haven’t managed to find the time to go see him yet, means that my heart isn’t so bothered. Work comes before him…and when I fall in love….I want to feel as though i’m in a magical uncontrollable ‘happy swirl,’ where all is dandy and I’ll never have to compromise my journey…my ambitious, yet loving quench for success..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get all the guys with my *Strut & Peep*

Morning! I have committed to indulging in a weekend of utter fresh delights of naughty cleanliness and luxury. It has been a PAMPER WEEKEND.

After feeling like I had just worked the hardest and busiest, longest and ‘always at workest’ week of my life…It was a great week, but it was a busy one…I kicked off my kitten heels this Friday gone, drank a bottle of prosecco…threw in a few strawberry Popaballs and with a ‘that’s it…’ committed to treating myself to luxury. Everyone has a different version of luxury. Mine is to cut away from an audience, whilst still keeping an audience :), being with Ruby and Junior… just doing ME and then dipping myself in that diamond dripped bliss of absolute five star ‘de luxe'(which we all know is my favourite) and simply because I’ve earned it! Holla! Women always forget to treat themselves. Especially hard working mums. Don’t feel guilty to spoil yourself rotten. It makes you glow and when you glow, you’re better at everything.

I woke up Saturday morning (as I Tweeted) feeling in a sashimi, freshly shook cocktail, massagy, kind of crisp sunshine, mood. And I stuck to it. I lavishly swirled around Wunna land, treating myself to quick stop pedicures, mint leaf grazed gin cocktails, full body massages, I got my eyebrow on point, My Mum and I went to jewellers to pick out precious gems to turn into jewellery, I purchased makeup, I tanned, had a facial, bought new hair…THE WORKS! It was all bliss. All girl power. All deserved and all about me. If you’re a busy women, these moments matter because you never ever get time for them.

Inbetween those moments, I lunched with my babies,  we went to a nearby fair, we danced, we laughed, we loved, we bought everything. We felt whole. Everything was just so cut away from work, yet so positive, that everything felt SO utterly balanced. I’m radiating today because of it. You can feel that Goddess glow. I couldn’t be happier. And my toe nails glitter! That has made the world complete.

Right, now the good stuff.

Everyone keeps rambling on about my love life to me. I’m single. There is no love life going on. But I’m open love. It’s Spring soon. So why not! I’m not one to look through the ‘ex’ bucket, or one to just date someone for the sake of dating..I don’t need to ;). I’m a forward mover, so the next gentleman that I date, will be the right one, as I will be able to handle his world and he will be able to deal with mine. Sorted. But i’m warm I’m not at all jaded or broken, I love, love and romance and find it magical. I’m positive. I’m beaming. There’s a glint in my eye as i’m writing this with smiles. I told you, as soon as I meet him i’ll know and he’ll know. He’ll find me. There’s no need to worry. I don’t see my future as a singleton. I love relationships when they’re right. Yet at the same time, I don’t stress out about them. In my life, so far, I’ve learnt to not ‘just date’ for the sake of and make sure that the next human I team up with is correct. No one that I have met in person so far,  who i’ve smelt and touched is correct…some of them have been great, some of them need a good kick in the balls, some of them need to gain confidence.

Guy friend: ‘The strongest man alive will end up married to you…as he’ll have a lot of outside influences and almost a  *show* to contend…and you’ll know it’s him because he’ll love it and take it in his stride, almost like it’s easy.That’s why you have to date someone who matches that or someone who is already doing the same sort of thing Wunna. Look around. (Points around Pontefract) The man of your dreams isn’t even close to being near here. Let’s up it in footie terms and men you fancy. You’re a chick that is Ronaldo and not just Ronaldo’s bitch.:) ‘

Then we both pissed ourselves laughing, I sorted my bra out, as it was digging into me in all the wrong places and we bought salads from Marks & Spencers, as we planned my April events.

I then got a message from one of chick besties in West Hollywood.We grew up together out there and she always reminds me that I’m amazing. So I like her. Lol

‘You do this thing that gets guys.’

‘What thing? Blow jobs. Lol? ‘

‘Yes. Hahah. No fuck face. It’s the Wunna equivalent to the *bend and and snap* it’s the *strut and peep.* You do it all the time. It’s won you hearts through the decades. Lol.’

‘Are you still going on about that Karaoke guy?’

Many moons ago, we were in a bar (ooh what a surprise) in LA, just hanging out after a long day of auditions and we went to Barney’s Beanery (lol) to go have a few drinks. It’s not glamourous. It’s like a frat house. So there were lots of poor, but handsome ‘trying to hustle, in order to be famous’ guys in there, no hustle on that game and let me tell you, NO ONE DOES IT BETTER THAN THE ANGELENOS….but yeah, they were randomly doing kareoke.

The chicks and I have walked in, we were all poor too, and we’ve ordered drinks to kick it after a long day. I notice this guy. My friend notices another guy. He has not noticed her. And so far, my guy has not bothered to notice me.

Hollywood Chick friend:

‘Why has my guy not even noticed me yet! I’ve made eye contact and he’s just looked away…casually. That other guy is looking at you..’

Me: ‘I’m not bothered about that guy. Where’s my drink? I’ve found one.

Chick friend: ‘Hasn’t come up to you yet?’

Me: ‘He just hasn’t seen me yet. I need the loo…’

Now, I’m cool as a cucumber when it comes to guys and this was me when I was a little one in LA…still growing. I was still cool then. Lol. Plus, it was easier then, as no one could Google search me and come up with all these incorrect conundrums about me. I’m the girl that wrote my number on Joseph Fiennes tracksuit bottoms receipt. I’m not remotely terrified. But i’m cool. Plus, his response was,

‘I’m so glad you did that, as i’ve been pretending to buy sweat suit bottoms for ages, to try and chat to you…’

Then he went on to win an Oscar 🙂 after piggy backing me down a Sunset Plaza escalator and telling me he was Irish, mid piggy back.

Anyway, I’ve got distracted.

I’m in a red top and jeans. The Barney’s Beanery guy is playing pool. He’s not an Oscar winner. He’s just mixed raced and hot. So I’ve spotted him OBVIOUSLY and I walked past him, not making any eye contact with him at all, like I haven’t even nearly noticed…I’m just on my way to the loo…casually..

I walk straight past him and by this point, I already KNOW that I’ve got his attention. I could feel it, even with my back turned and making no form of communication…

So as I’m casually Wunna strutting to the loo….(Passed the guy in question with no attention let out)…before I reach the toilets…I *pause,* I stop immediately and I mean completely in my tracks and I then SLOOOOOOOOOWLY, swing the top half of my body around and peep. Well look…but *peep* sounds cuter.

And JUST AS SCHEDULED…*BOOM* eye contact made. He was already lent over the pool table, glaring at me and in that moment he *paused* and we *clocked each other.* I smiled. He did these charming eyebrows and smiled…Then I walked straight into the loo like a *winner, winner.* 🙂

Loads of really fast grooming went on in the loo, then I came out and he was already stood there waiting for me, asking me if I wanted a drink. So I took that drink and we chatted and then as I went back to sit down with my chick friends, after the *strut and peep* (YOU NEVER WANT TO LET THE GIRL WALK AWAY AND GO TO HER CHICK FRIENDS, without gaining some kind of contact information. Lol.) His friends had dragged him off, as their song was up. My chick friends had text me over, as they wanted to know where I was…

We were young, so just like that *spiltsville.* When you’re older, gents and chicks know the code.

Anyway, i’ve cosied back up with the girls, with my boy bought drink and he’s now up and stage with his friends about to smash out a bit of karaoke.

And before he begins his song….he shouts out, down the mic…

‘THIS SONG IS DEDICATED TO THE GIRL I’VE JUST MET IN THE RED TOP… AT THE BACK…’

(He didn’t even get my name, let alone a form of contact. Thats always backwards. I mean GOD. I remember Mike From Chicago, who shouted across an LA street at night, with the words, ‘Shout me out your number. I’ll get it. I’ll call you.’ I did and he did get it. He did call me. That’s impressive.)

Anyway, then to make it worse, after he’s given me that lovely karaoke shout out, my chick friend shouts back (and just to be funny…)

‘SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOOOOU..’

Hahahah!

Anyway, he was lucky, because we ended up stayng, so he got to chat to me afterward (‘Why were you slow dancing with that guy, Chrissie,in the middle of a bar?? Lol) We actually dated for a bit, but he was too emotionally young for me because he just kept doing stupid ‘little boy’ things and kept trying to film us having sex…and even though I was young, i was super ambitious and not at all stupid. 🙂 I had just come out of a divorce with a guy that we had constructed some massive Hollywood career with and we were still close, still friends and sort of still being single but seeing each other. So, we were very grown and savvy, when it came to Hollywood. We learnt fast because we had to go fast, via the fine art of ‘plunged into the deep end.’

I remember that he had annoyed me so much that I once walked out my car saying,

‘You better draw a picture of this moment and treasure it dude, because you’re never gonna see me again.’ 

HAHAHAHA!

But yeah, the *Strut & Peep* works all the time…I do it all the time without realizing.

Yet be warned…your picking skills need to be on point. Lol. I’m shit at that bit. (The great thing about it, is that I learnt at a very young age how to gain people’s attention….which has obviously helped the thirty something version of me…with the life that I’m living now. 🙂 )