Skating, Mate Dates & Winter Wonderland Banter

After a delicious Saturday of Christmas shopping and lunch with my two little babies, Ruby & Junior, on Sunday morning I found myself stood outside Westgate train station, at 10.14am, in a giant white faux fur jacket, jeans and rust coloured knee high boots (by JustFab.co.uk) waiting for David to arrive. (I’m just gonna call him David…because it’s his actual name and I can’t be arsed to type ‘Jonesez’ all the way through the blog.)

He’s late. (I hate late people.)  He’s been up all night, partying. (I’m too old for late.) He’d pulled random girls with his guys friends, the evening previous….and well he’d probably had about 2 hours sleep in total. Lol.

Me: ‘Where ARE YOU?’

David: ‘I’ve lost my house key! I’m coming…’

ME: ‘Hurry up. I look like a prostitute! I’m stood here and all these strangers keep talking to me…’

David: ‘I’m on my way…I can see you…When’s the train??’

ME: ‘In 14 minutes and no you CAN’T  ******* see ME! Don’t talk…’

David: ‘I’m here. I’m here…’

But yes, I was stood outside Westgate train station, with mini Prosecco bottles in my hand bag and stripey paper straws. It was freezing. People kept chatting to me…and by the time he got to the ‘I can see you, I only live 2 minutes away’ train station…We’d missed our train. He hadn’t even brushed his teeth, he was in black ripped jeans and a leather jacket….but he was ready to get his ‘skate’ on, in the name of Wunna Land.

Me: ‘You’re disgusting.’

David: ‘Shall we get coffee…?’

Anyway, David (who’s a friend i’ve known for ages now) and I had agreed to go Ice Skating, because well… i’m going to be learning to skate shortly and I just fancied having an ‘open air’ skate around, for jolly old kicks.

Our choice of ‘open air,’ skate around was ‘Yorkshire’s Winter Wonderland’ in York. So, we’re really excited.

It’s now 11am. He’s hung over. I’m drinking prosecco through stripey straws. It pretty much explodes on the train and well…on top of all that….. what we find is that WE ARE REALLY RUBBISH AT TAKING PUBLIC TRANSPORT.

Now, i’m super independent and usually pretty good at all this jizzle. With David…I’m not.

It honestly felt like we had taken 3 trains, 42 buses, a stroll, a boat and maybe a donkey ride… to get to the Ice Rink in York.

We couldn’t even find our way out of the train station.

‘Shall we ask that man?’

We’d both hadn’t been on a bus for decades,

‘What do we do?’

But we needed to get to the Ice Rink.

I must’ve asked every single stranger where to go and what to do? (David daren’t ask people things. He’s used to be ‘Mummied.’)

Then after chats about our love lives, a call from one of my other guy friends, who I can’t tell you about just yet, but like I said, you will be learning a lot about him in the New Year….

Other end of call: ‘Don’t worry…It’s not another shocking call. It’s good news. Not bad..I need your help…’

…We finally found ourselves 3 minutes away from Yorkshire’s Winter Wonderland.

Got off the bus. Should’ve drove. We couldn’t even find our way to the ice rink? But we did it in the end. David’s sweet, but he’s childlike. Usually if i’m with a guy friend, or even someone i’m dating,  the guy will usually take control of the ‘what toos,’where toos’ and ‘how tooos.’ Even when i’m with ‘The Girls,’ (we’re all feisty by nature,) we just sort things out.

Like I said, in the end…We got there …and once we did, the ‘trek’ didn’t matter…. we came ALIVE.

Shoes off, skates on…

Me: ‘Mine don’t fit me? They’re too big?? I’m not…’

David: ‘I’m shitting myself now. I’m not stable?’

(You always second guess yourself before you’re about to shimmie onto the ice.)

Then after a wait behind glass doors, we were lead onto the ICE, like figure skating champions. 🙂

OH MY GOSH! I cannot SKATE FOR TOFFEE! I was terrible!

Little ‘Twinkle Toes, Skating Champ’ David *zooms* off like he skates for beer tokens.

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I step onto the Ice Rink, looking like the QUEEN of all glamourousity and within THREE ACTUAL SECONDS, of just stepping onto the ICE, I FALL ON MY ARSE AND CAN’T GET UP! Hahaha!

Toddlers were skating around me, like I was the biggest loser and even the staff are giving me pointers on how to ‘get started’ because they felt sorry for Me.

David’s skating around like some ice born Hero. Like he’s ‘Torvil and Dean’s’ love child.

I’ve fallen down about 40 times. I’ve got a wet patch on my bun, I’m screaming and swearing all the way around the rink and David’s now pissing himself at the fact that he has to hold my hand and DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAG me across the ICE, simply so I can move.

I’m still screaming, swearing and falling over….and all of THIS whilst he’s trying to teach me ‘ice skating moves.’

David: ‘Try this on one leg…’

Me: On one ******* LEG!’

David: ‘My arms actually KILLS NOW, from hauling you around.’

Me: ‘Snapchat it for me… I’m not even trying now, because I know you’ll pull me around. Lol’

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, standing, shoes and outdoor Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, standing and outdoor

David: ‘You’re making ME fall over.’

Me: ‘My legs kill. I’ve had enough now.’

I cannot even TELL YOU how much my legs ACHED after forty five minutes of ‘learning to skate’ with David. How ANYONE copes with being a figure skater is beyond me???

 It is the HARDEST THING EVER.

I had to inappropriately get into another little Oriental girl’s ‘personal space‘ and make like I wanted to hug them WITH ALL OF MY WEIGHT, simply to be able to GET OFF the ice safely.

I fell into David and he didn’t know where to catch me, because he didn’t know of any ‘gentlemanly places’ to grab me, during my fall into him. Lol. He’s sweet, bless him! He really helped me around the ice.

‘I didn’t know what to do? I didn’t know what part of you I was allowed to catch…?’

How anyone does anything sporty or physically demanding for a living is beyond me.  I give them all the respect in the world.

Honestly, I  have NO CLUE how any single HUMAN… learns a routine, swizzles around smiling….and zooms by in lycra and sequins, lifting other human beings, above their head… on flipping  ICE????????

On ICE’ to ME, means being handed a frosted glass of prosecco….NOT SURVIVING a lap… on blades… with Bambi legs.

I’m definitely not a natural. BUT, I will be! (As of tomorrow night, i’m in training and I couldn’t be more excited! My entire body aches from the weekend.)

We definitely had fun at Yorkshire’s Winter Wonderland.  It’s great for a skate around. It’s definitely a good time. I mean life is about doing things, making memories and even though i’m a rubbish skater, at least I can now ‘tick’ that box, with a ‘Yeah Baby.’

I definitely can’t move today. But it’s definitely the most fabulous work out ever!

It was hilarious because the ‘open air’ ice rink was filled with happy skaters and beautiful families.

There was Christmas music playing. Rides! Lights! A Grotto! Penguins! Everything!

AND ALL YOU COULD HEAR from 2.17pm onwards…. was ME swearing and screaming, ALL THE WAY around the RINK! Then apologizing for swearing and screaming, ALL THE WAY around the rink, as David wee’d himself with laughter and my rubbishness.

Me: ‘I won’t even have to FAKE falling down for attention. I can’t even stay on my flipping feet!’

We didn’t last the full hour of skating. Fourty five minutes and I was done. I made him  go skate around by himself because I was too shattered. I needed wine. He was still brimming with a ‘puppy dog‘ energy. (I’m 13 years older than David, so everything he does…to me….seems boyish. But his soul is good. He’s sweet. He’s a good friend. He takes care of people well… It’s such a good trait. It’s honorable.)

We eventually got off the ice. We had a cosy vegetarian dinner (David fancies my chick friend who’s now Vegan…SO he’s trying to be a veggie to impress her.)

Then, as day turned to night, we discussed good and bad at sex…

‘Yeah but they don’t look like they would be good at sex.’

‘I know they’re not, because they don’t have it ever…’

I bought wine. He bought water. He taught me skating. I taught him life.

Me: ‘What a girl will go for in a guy, is sometimes what she is missing from her own life… And also…I need to look at a guy and feel inspired by them….I’m impressed when i’m inspired… I respect them for it…’

Then we tinkered back onto the train and almost within a wink….we were both, on our way back home!

‘Are we in Leeds yet?’

‘I don’t know? I can’t see??’

No Phone, New Chapters & Ace Friends

My phones busted. It’s finally gone kaput and weirdly it feels like bliss. I dropped my phone ages ago at Leeds train station. The screen smashed, but it still worked like a champ for 9 more months. Tried to use it yesterday. It had had enough and gracefully waved *bye bye* to Wunna Land with a ‘Yo Sister. I’m out.

Called EE. My new phone gets delivered to me tomorrow. Infact, let’s give EE a shout out, as whoever dealt with my phone drama was a dream…

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with it? It just keeps deciding not to work, but it IS saying *hello* to me in every different language. That’s about it though? I’m sorry. I know this is the last call you want to deal with at 8pm on a Monday.’

Found out he was 44, single, had been divorced two times and blond. People just like to tell me stuff. I’m weirdly comforting, because i’m not one of those ‘drama’ beings, one of those ‘drama’ calls. I’m chilled and charming….My new upgraded celly glides into Wunna Land tomorrow…and after a stressful two days, it has felt almost DIVINE, to not have my handset, glued to  my palm. It’s been BLISS.

I just need a break. A bit of fresh air. A chill. I need to be surrounded by good vibes constantly, so my soul is giggling with winks and laughter.  I’ve got a lot going on and I’m wanting to cut away from a stressy static, a fuzz, a world that i’m plonked in and change it up,  to a free gallop of love, life and ease.

I can’t wait until it’s the weekend. It couldn’t come quick enough.

I’m feeling fun. I’m always feeling fun. There’s a shimmie to my strut and a smile that beams a gentle warmth, yet a sassy streak that that strikes out when necessary.

Mum: ‘Chrissie. You woke up with a kitten on your head.’

Me: ‘What could be MORE glamour puss than THAT! Should I have another wine?’

I’m looking forward to the future. I have a really exciting New Year. A really exciting 2018. I’ll finally get to concentrate on what I love, without the mundane jiggle of any ‘have toooos.’ You have one big old life to live and it’s too short to toss it all off on feeling unfulfilled. Live it. People always become a slave to the things that don’t matter. Why do we do that? The things that make your eyes smile and your heart blaze, are the things that are filled with the ‘good stuff.’ They empower you with an energy that makes you unstoppable. Happiness is what life is about. I’m filled with it and there’s not one inch of fear running through my glitter veins. Why are people so scared of everything? Be it change, love, life, work….circumstance….

Fear is the only thing that prevents you from moving forward. I am SO TIRED of people BEING SCARED OF EVERYTHING. It’s so unattractive in both girls and guys. It couldn’t annoy me MORE. More people need to Man UP! You’ll feel great afterward. And I don’t mean, ‘Wow, lets bungee, this cliff to show how brave we are.’ I’m talking about the little things. The little things in life that people are always so frightened of!!! It’s the little things that matter and make a bigger version of YOU. MAN UP. Get on with it. Enjoy embracing what you actually believe in.

*Add a wink here.*

I turn thirty seven in just under a month. WTF!!! I know. (But whatever, I still got it. 😉 ) And even though turning thirty seven soon…isn’t plastered on my ‘favourite’ list. I seem pretty chipper? I’m happy. I’m really happy. I’m still the luckiest girl alive…I mean all the changes that happened to me this year and all the new opportunities and people that I have gotten so close to, has made it all perfect. The ‘Wunna Glow’ is rubbing off on folk and it’s awesome. My kids are BEAMING with Mama love, i’ve cocktailed lots and my dreams are pretty much coming true…It’s really  bizarre? (But i’m going with it… You’ve godda, right?)

I’ve done a lot in my life….Yet it feels like it’s only just beginning. I feel young. It’s ACE. But it’s not just the big things, like ‘hey, the world is reading your blog now’ that makes me smile…

Firmonnell bought me a surprise cappuccino today without me asking and more than anything t hat made me beam. I love her. (I’d definitely not be straight for Firmonnell and Ellen Degeneres.)

Which reminds me, I think i’m headed to see Susan Woods on Thursday, who’s one of the most delicious psychics, for a bit of ‘future telling.’  I’m also meant to be off ice skating with ‘Jonesez’ shortly, but i’m refusing to go until he refrains from calling it a ‘date.’

We love him, but he always gets a proper bollocking from my chick friends and I…

‘It’s not a DATE!!’

‘Don’t eat near me…’

‘Why are you a dick…’

‘Stop trying to hit on everyone…. You’ve godda have more swag than that.’

He loves it really.

Even though i keep rambling on about exciting New Years, changes and New Chapters….part of me feels really emotional because  i’m truly gonna miss…well i’m gonna miss a lot of people, who have made my ‘almost’ last two years just wonderful.  That part’s hard and i’ll drink lots of prosecco at first….

But if you don’t take steps forward when opportunity is knocking at your door….then you’re the most foolish human in town…and THAT I am certainly not.

I’m filled with love. I’m ready to adjust my bra and strut forward.

 

Hear Me Now………

Let’s have some fun now, hey!

We’ve all worked really hard all year. We’ve made sacrifices. We’ve sweated blood, tinkered tears and danced out a few melodramatic tantrums. Things have gone right. Things have gone wrong. We’ve won. We’ve lost. We’ve learnt. We’ve all probably flirted a little. Fallen in love. Fallen in lust. Or even fallen straight down that jolly old plug hole.

*WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

We’ve made up. We’ve brayed up. We’ve found some new strangers, who have probably become really great friends. We got tans through the Summer. Tried to take up new hobbies. We’ve ALL been on a diet, at some point. We’ve earned a bunch of money. We’ve spent it all on rubbish. J Some dipped into their past. Some are looking forward to the future. Some put our stepping stones in place, to march boldy into 2018.

We’re in November of 2017. It’s been a great one for me so far (and yes it’s still going,) but it’s been a tough one. Not just for me, but for everyone. You’ve either made changes, or committed to non glitzy ruts.

Let’s have some fun now, hey!

I’m bored of being anxious. I’m bored of being stressed. I feel BOUJI AS HELL, right now. I feel like the world is my oyster. It all feels so glitzy, that I could even *wink* it as ‘magical.’ I am the luckiest girl in town.

For the rest of 2017, and we only have a few weeks, i’m just gonna commit to art of ‘good times.’ I’ve made all my appropriate changes now (I still have one left,) to guide me merrily into the New Year. I’m happy. I’m really happy. I’m excited. I have a new chapter a dawning in January. I’m just gonna fling on a jumper, slip on a pair of knee high boots, whop out a smile and with giant Skinny Prosecco in my hand, I’m gonna celebrate life and the 11 months that 2017 has brought me so far.

I’ve worked my arse off this year. No one can take that away from me. But, without balance, you’ve have nothing. The most successful humans have everything. Not just riches. Not just love. They have everything. They’ve stayed true to what they’ve always wished for and they got it. They’re HAPPY. They have their dream job and make money from it, handsomely. They’ve found their ideal partner, who loves them whole heartedly without condition. They have fun. Lots of it! They’re raising a family. They do everything and manage it ALL, SO WELL, that it’s actually MORE than BLISS. It’s EASY. They wake up every morning and feel ALIVE.

 That is SUCCESS to ME.

Anyway, let me cut the jigglies…

Wait…i’ve just got a Whatsapp Message from ‘London Business Man.’ He’s in Hong Kong. I think he’s been doing something crazy like five flights in four days. It’s great because we’re really good friends now and you would’ve never thought that because obviously I had ‘London Business Man’ drama a couple of years ago. We were never together. But at the time, years ago… I did want to be. He didn’t. He just fancied me, had just got out of a relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious.

Long story short…my life changed. I left him to it and I stopped speaking to him. We fell out. He dated someone else. They broke up. I fell for a completely new ‘swirl’ who had me head over heels, in excitement…for most of this year. That swirl calmed down… I don’t like that it ‘calmed down.’ I like the guy a lot. But what can you do? Just it’s life….

Why have I gone on such a massive rant…?

Basically…’London Business Man’ says he misses me.

Firmonnell (My best chick friend): ‘You need to not bother…He just likes the chase..and it’s not like you’re actually going to chose to be with him now.’

I have a busy next year and I think on the whole, he maybe wouldn’t understand my work commitments.

Inadequate Chris: ‘That’s why people in entertainment, usually date people in entertainment.’

Yet i’m not one to judge. I sometimes ACT needy, because i think it’s how i should act, but in real life, i’m quite the independent chica. Don’t get it twisted. I’m tough as bricks.

So yeah, I actually don’t know him romantically. He’s just a good friend. But i’ll definitely do cocktails with him next time i’m in London. The rest of the year’s about fun right. I have a lot to fit in. I mean my BEST LA Baby Brother, Ronnie is flying in from LA to see me in December. (It’s so cute, because when we were young we’d play ‘doing photoshoots’ and tell each other everything. We both ended up being real life models. I got on the telly. I started this blog. He ended up leaving the catwalk to become a Celebrity Chef in LA, and have his own show.

To this day…we are still the best of friends and all from us working part time, in a gym together, when he was 19, in West Hollywood. We have so many memories. But I’ll tell you about them when he arrives.

(I’m currently trying to find my Lypsal, as my lips are dry as hell! Are yours?)

Anyway, I’m currently writing this whilst sat on my bed in a faux fur. I’ve completed the school run with Ruby and Junior. I didn’t have an early start. I’m off to find coffee and because this afternoon, I’ll be at Trinity Leeds, with Candy Mechanics. They’re gonna turn me into a chocolate lollipop today for their live launch, as their super robotic, modernised candy making stall, opens up in Leeds, in a couple weeks for Christmas. If you’ve been at events…You may have found their novelty stands, as entertainment and gift favours. If not….you can order online and be turned into chocolate yourself. I’m so excited. I really honoured that they wanted me to go down and take a peeky. The kids were mean to go, but they’re in school today, so I promised to take them down when the Pop UP officially opens.

Love you lots.

I need coffee…

Cue: Random Tune that I ADORE

 

Have a great FRIDAY!!!

 

We’ve Made It To Thursday….

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I’m feeling great! I mean there is STILL part of my life that is lulling in the ‘dull ‘ zone, however soon that ‘grey’ will be dashingly done and dusted. The rest of my life is ‘ooh laa.’ It’s magical.

Right….Many great things are happening to me right now and I can’t even believe it. My friends can’t even believe it.

Firmonnell: ‘I cannot actually believe that you’re going to be doing that! Lol.’

Me: ‘I know, it’s CRAZY.’

I guess opportunity has come a knocking and it’s certainly come threefold. Opportunity didn’t use to knock. I’d chase and chase and it still never knocked. For some reason now…it’s not only knocking, but i have a ‘bell’ that buzzes you straight into Wunna Land with automatic glitter doors, as big beefy security jiggles through the masses to pick the best pieces to the ‘Chrissie Wunna’ jigsaw.

I’d like to say it was luck, but to be fair, i’ve worked really hard, not as hard as I could’ve done, but come the New Year, i’ll now have that time to smash it. Work hard for what you want. It happens. And girls…please don’t feel downtrodden by others…be it men, life, the way you look etc..Normal chick issues. You can do anything. You really can. I am living proof of that. If i could empower every women in the entire  world, i’d be a happiest glamour puss in all of the land.

At the same time as hard work, I’m a big believer in fate. You get what you’re meant to get. You miss out on the things that aren’t right for you. You learn lessons along the way. No meeting is ever worthless. You encounter and cross paths with the people you’re supposed to. And If something’s meant to be, it will always come to you, or find its way back to you.

HOWEVER, if you don’t try to pursue the things that make you feel magical in life, then you’ll never get anywhere. You’ll always find yourself sat in your ‘why am I here’ rut. I’m Wunna Land. That’s not how I play drinking games. 🙂 A fire doesn’t start without a spark. And if anyone can spark a ‘gusto’ it’s moi!

Feel empowered. Be excited. Only do the things that you LOVE. Take the reins of your existence and shimmie it with everything that you stand for. Be the very best version of YOU.

A guy stopped me yesterday, as I was walking down a top flight of stairs with a Pot Noodle in my hand. (It was beef and tomato.) He’s Geordie, he tells ‘grandad’ type jokes and dresses up as 101 Dalmations at parties. Anyway, he stopped me and simply said,

‘The only thing that dissolves fear is ACTION. There’s something about you Chrissie. Something tells me you’re gonna be in a great place and never look back.’

Me: ‘Yeah. I’m not scared. I’m ready now. I actually feel held back.’

He smiled, like he was proud…and then I tottered off to eat my Pot Noodle. Yippeee!

Around Wunna Land, other shit was happening. ‘Hustle Barbie’ had decided to send suggestive messages to girls, from our guy friend Jonesez. She never learns that you don’t prank Jonesez because he lives for revenge and his excitement for it, is hardly ever punctuated. He don’t give no ‘hoot in hell.’ Bottom line…you’re fucked. So as she sat all smuggly, with her ‘i’ve sent messages’ head up in the air. He went to her car and smeared moisturiser all over the door handle of her car. She thought it was bird poo. I watched the snapchat an thought it was hummous….and what is honestly worst than innocently trying to get into your car and having your hand dolloped and smeared in a gooey, unknown substance. I’m a germaphobe, so to me…that is devastating. Hustle Barbie’s a vegan…She just got on with life.

I’m getting loads of love from ‘da ladies’ right now. My inbox is usually filled with messages from gentleman, who fancy their chances at adoring a glamour puss. Lol. Right now and because i’ve recently done one f the most uplifting interviews, that you’ll all see shortly, I have a jolly…if jolly meant ‘sexy’ bundle of chick ‘yahoos.’ Girls are naughty. Some have gone beyond the ‘you’re such a queen, I love you.’ To ‘I can’t even tell you what i want to do to you. *Devil face emoji.*

It’s hot. I love it. And it’s all because I said, that my Girl Crush (and if you know me or read this blog, you should  already know) that my GIRL rush is ELLEN DEGENERES. No one loves this women more than me…and I do mean sexually and not just in a ‘fan girl, oh yeah she’s funny’ kinda way. I need Ellen in my life! She’s my perfect woman.

Obviously….I’m straight. (I have an unfortunate and somewhat colourful history that pin points this. I’ve romanced a lot of gentleman. 😉 ) Yet. OH MY GOD, I properly fancy Ellen Degeneres with even inch of my heart and loins…that I don’t think that I could live without stalking her Instagram, every second. J This crush hasn’t recently occurred. This crush occurred in my mid 20’s whilst I was living in LA.

The quote from my interview, which comes out shortly is…

‘I could meet any guy in the entire world and not feel a single piece of the nerves. If I meet Ellen Degeneres. Like she was just right there infront of me, I might possibly DIE and then try and snog her after cocktails.’

Now, cos they do….all my real life chick friends are trying to steal my crush.

Hustle Barbie: ‘I think i’ve stolen your girl crush.’

(Then she posts a screenshot that tells me how Vegan Ellen Degeneres is. Do know that ‘Hustle’ has gone from ‘I really fancy a sausage sandwich to the absolute height of VEGANISM. She’s recruiting. Be warned.)

So yeah, now she fancies my Girl Crush, because my girls crush doesn’t eat animals in any way shape or form.

Hustle Barbie: ‘She’s mine now.’

Me: ‘I will only become a Vegan if Ellen tells me to. Back of Blondy, she loves me not you. Lesbians love me, even though I eat bacon.’

Me to Firmonnell: ‘Hustle is trying to steal my girl crush. Ellen’s vegan.’

Firmonnell: ‘Ha..ha..Does she fancy ALL vegans now????’

It’s weird how when we love something we try and make everyone else love it to. Hustle with her ‘don’t eat meat’ club. Me with my ‘Live life like you have nothing to lose’ thing. Keiran with his ‘I follow Jehovah….now you should too.’ All the girls with ‘Let’s go to the gym and eat healthy.’  It must be passion, or this sincere need to be *pom pommed* onto a more positive path.

Junior was so cute last night. he wanted to sleep in my bed with me, because he missed me when he went to his Dad’s.

‘Mum, i really need a snuggly something.’

‘I don’t have your blankey.’

‘I REALLY NEED A BLANKEY. Get me one of your jumpers. A snuggly one, that smells like you.’

I produced my thin peach jumper, the one that has a swan on it. I’d just chucked it in my wardrobe so it radiated a mummy glow.

He rolled it up into a ball and with utter bliss in his eyes, cuddled it like his life was now complete!

Why can’t all guys be like they were when they’re young and still adorable??

Saying that my first husband used to do the same. I was living in LA working. He’s an actor, but was living in New York at the time, before he was making his move to LA. We were  moving in together, and had just met. During that time, we had to be apart. It wasn’t bad at all really. We were fine. I’m used to living apart from my counter male. Schedules, careers and busy times usually prevail. Anyway, he’d always grab an item of my clothing, like a tshirt or a nighty and take it with him, to sleep with, whenever he left to be back in New York? (I’ve just made that sound creepy. But it was actually really innocent. Hahaha.)

Anyway, I’m off. I have a really exciting next couple of weeks, where i’ll be meeting some amazing faces, who will tinker into Wunna Land. I’m going to be in Leeds, London and then Liverpool.

I’m working all day, but my next thing is tomorrow.

Tomorrow i’m be celebrating with Candy Mechanics at Trinity Leeds, as they magically turn me into a chocolate lollipop. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to be there. It’s the big old live launch, for the ever so magical pop up stall that will open in Leeds later

Shocking Phone Calls, Sex & Life

What is going ON! Honestly! What IS MY LIFE!

So today, probably one of the most boring days ever. No. Boring’s the wrong word. ‘Frustrating’ is a better choice of ‘ding dong.’ Work happened. I did the majority of Thursday with ‘Fairytale Blond.’ She wasn’t the frustrating part. I mean THANK GOD she was part of my Thursday, as LORD KNOWS, what I would’ve done, without her.

Let’s just say, it was one of those days where in which you are doing the things that you HAVE TO DO, rather the things YOU WANT OR LOVE TO DO! You know, how much I hate that. That’s not how I live my life. It even gave ‘Hustle Barbie’ an itch. UGH! It was so frustrating. I almost BEGGED to for freedom or excitement.

Oh yeah..I did…Didn’t I!!!

Midday, I look down at my phone. It’s flashing at me and a name popped up on my screen. I always keep my phone on silent, so it never EVER rings out loud. I’m always alerted by a simple ‘pop up’ of a name or a notification.

11.48am My phone flashes at me… There’s a name flashing at me, as they call into Wunna Land.

I couldn’t answer it because I was on another line and busy. But I saw the name and wondered why they were calling?

11.49am. My phone flashes AGAIN…and the same name pops up?

This isn’t someone who would really ever call me in such a manner. I was kinda puzzling. But didn’t think too much of it. I simply text back stating that i’d give them a call back because I was busy. They then explained WHY they had made the calls. Again. Didn’t think too much of it.

I just got on with my day…

I watched ‘Hustle Barbie’ revive her ‘Bald Dave’ (who’s a virgin, but funny) crush.

Fairytale Blond: ‘No. I’m not feeling it.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘WHY!!’

Fairytale: ‘He’s just an escape route. I felt that when I was with James. I was kidding myself. AND it’s weird that he’s a virgin. Like would you really go around telling everyone that you’re a 30 year old virgin. Lol’

Hustle: ‘It’s not like he has it on a tshirt and tells everyone. Lol. It’s not like his introductory welcome. I know people, who know him, who tell me.’

Me: ‘Hi, I’m Bald Dave. I’ve never had sex and i’m 30. Yay!’

Me: ‘You can’t judge how good he is at sex, until you’ve had sex with him. Some people look great and are rubbish in bed. Others look rubbish at it, but are AMAZING. Plus, you can’t let him disobey God for you. You might not fancy him afterward. Lol Then he’ll be heartbroken.’

Jonesez: ‘I hate bad sex. The more you feel for someone the better the sex is.’

Me: ‘That’s not ALWAYS true!!!’

Then I relived a ‘YEARS AGO’ Ben story and ‘Fairytale’ just pissed herself laughing and stamped it with a…

‘Chrissie! I honestly don’t know what you were even THINKING! HAHAH!

Laughter & Banter filled the air, and talks on how good people were in the bedroom occurred.

Then life went back to dull and as frustration and boredom kicked back in, I once again scanned the room for any form of excitement!

Everything DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG, until I had a six ‘o clock rant with Jonsez. We needed a vent. A rant off. He then invited me to potential Tuesday night ‘beer and bowling,’ which I won’t be going to, as I’ll be doing Halloween with Ruby and Junior.

Jonesez: ‘It’s half price beer and bowling.’

Me: ‘I hate bowling, I can’t lift the balls. I’d go, if I wasn’t doing Halloween with the babies.’

Then as we both walked over cobbles in different direction to our cars…I remembered to pick up my phone and make that call.

OH MY GOSH!!!

I can’t even TELL YOU! I really cannot even tell you. I flipping asked for excitement all day, didn’t I? Well…I got it. I got the shock of my LIFE.

And y’know, the shock actually had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t a nasty shock. It was a shock, shock. A‘happy for someone else’ kinda shock. It was simply weird, because I kinda didn’t expect, but DID expect to hear it, all at the same time. I mean, it was only the other day when I turned around to ‘Firmonnell’ and said that this would happen. Said that it should happen.

I wish I could tell you ALL ABOUT IT. I really wish I could. But right now, there’s a reason why I can’t. HOWEVER, in a couple months time, I’m gonna refer you back to this blog and you’ll not only remember this call, but you’ll finally know what was said.

I will tell you that the other end of my phone was a guy. I can’t tell you anything about this guy. He’s just a friend. Not anything more. It’s not anything like that. Yet we met under really weird circumstances, which again… I will have to tell you about in a couple months time.

I cannot believe it.

I can tell you how the phone conversation began though…

Me: ‘Hey. What’s up? It’s me. Calling you back?’

Guy: ‘Hi. How are you. I’ve got something to tell you…’

(NOT THIS AGAIN. WHAT IS MY LIFE!! I knew it had to be something BIG, because he’s so honest. But i’m good with the big things, so I strutted onward to my car and again, thought nothing too much of it.)

Guy: ‘I needed to call you because I didn’t want you to think I was a knob.. I’m not a knob…I just…’

Me: ‘I don’t think you’re a knob…’

Guy: ‘But anyway…yeah…There’s a reason why I haven’t been able to….Well..I’ve gone and…’

He then blurts out the most shocking news!! (If I could tell you something about this guy, it would be that he is definitely one of the most open and honest humans EVER. That’s a trait that no matter what, I always find honourable. It takes balls, BIG BALLS to make a call like that into WUNNA LAND… because he didn’t have to. But he did, just to be well mannered, in the most disturbing way. Lol)

Now, I don’t know how he thought I was going to react? I reacted well. I’m not irrational. I admire the brave and the honest!  I mean even though it was shocking, I did actually expect it. So the news was sort of…not too bad, really. I weirdly keep thinking about it though. It’s crazy. It’s really crazy. It’s disturbingly good? Not for me. Lol. But for him.

Anyway, we chatted then for a good fifteen minutes as he unfolded the entire tale and I swung my car door open.

The funny thing about this phone call, is that it completely underlines the fact that everything happens for a reason and he could’ve actually accidentally repeated history, now that I think about it. Lol. And that would’ve have been good. Infact, if I was honest the news was lovely for him. It’s what he wanted. (But i’m telling you too much. You’re gonna have to wait to find out.)

OH MY GOSH!

(If this was a show and you heard that phone call, you’d all faint in shock.)

What IS MY LIFE!

So yeah, i’m happy. But I’m taking deep breaths because EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN THREES they say! One more shock and then it’s fun for the rest of the year! Please say, it’s fun for the rest of the year!

Christmas and The New Year, can’t come quick enough! My new year is amazing, but life better not think it’s going to mess with me for the rest of 2017. Lol.

Everything happens for a reason!

What is my life!!!

Love Lists, Glamour Pussing & Does Size Matter?

Things are wonderful!

Monday was *chocca..blocked* with work. It was a busy one and there were no fruity cocktails in sight. You could’ve kicked me and a bundle of ‘to do’ lists, would’ve fallen out of my system and you know things are crazy when life throws you that ‘non juicy’ bone. As SURELY when people kick me, only fruity frizzles of Martini, *squirts* out of me. No such luck.

Right now i’m hopeful. I’m working hard and with my fingers crossed…I don’t expect anything, I just hope for the best really. I hope I get sent a whole bunch of luck, to go with my whole bunch of hard work and a whole jolly bunch of decent peoples, to man the Wunna Land fort. Something tells me that my next year is going to be great! I’m lucky. I’m really lucky. Please make it be great…Or this blog posts makes me look foolish. 😉

Today, I’m gonna talk about the art of PONDERING.

I’m a doer, not a ponderer. I make decision FAST. Good ones. People waste a lot of time on the simple art of pondering, don’t they? I used to. I don’t any more. I’m a grown up now.  Sometimes we ponder far too much about the things we can’t AT ALL control. You can’t control them. It’s not like you don’t know that? You do and try to anyway. Don’t waste that energy. It’s always what you DO that matters. And further from that, it’s all about how much IMPACT you MAKE from that little piece of ‘doing.’

I’m the kinda girl who will do everything I CAN, I’m a positive person on all levels, but THEN I’ll leave the rest to that good old ‘life magic.’ I believe in fate and destiny. You’ll end up where you’re meant to be. For me, these days, life usually goes great, but when it doesn’t, I just slip on a different set of stilettos and dolly march forward. When you can quick change your heels and still strut forward with a whole heart and a gallop, you’ve got it!

I spent the day with ‘The Girls’ yesterday. (As in my chick friends…not my bosoms. I spend enough time with my chest and let’s face it, they’ve served me well in the past. Lol)

Little Innocent ‘FairyTale Blond’ couldn’t have been more little and innocent yesterday. Everything from trapping fingers, seeing how fast she could run down the stairs, eating fruit, making fairytale cups of tea and hopeful Disney Love occurred in her world. ‘Double B’ strutted in with her Sasserilla scowl, her weave, her bag flung over her ‘had sex last night’ shoulder and with a hangover that could… AND DID… give her tonsillitis today. (She was absent from Wunna land adventures this Tuesday. I knew she should’ve have had sex. Something always goes wrong.)

Mel had decided that her body was so smart, that during the Winter months, it naturally knew how to create an extra layer of warmth, that was made via the fine art of eating things out of the ‘filth drawer.’ (Which she can now do, as she’s a proper full fledge gym goer now and loves it. She also found a dead rat, on the tip of her leopard print shoe, whilst she crossed a road in Doncaster.) Hustle Barbie is still a Vegan and shouting at Jonsez over mangoes. Firmonell sent me a love song, about Chinese people and stated that she was really good at pretending to be a Lesbian. Lady Shizzle definitely agreed that ‘five inches’ was not a good ‘willy size’ and considered being an alcoholic…

Shizzle: ‘Five is SMALL. Six or Seven Inches is AVERAGE. Eight or Nine is BIG.’

Me: ‘Anything else is…pointless.’

Then we went through our personal lists of what our DREAM MAN or partner requirements were. Again..for no real reason. It’s just for kicks innit. 😉 Love being a girl! I’m not gonna say who said what…But here are some snippets of our convo…

‘Stylish…they’ve got to be stylish.’

‘You can give them style!’

‘No you can’t!’

‘Funny. I love funny.’

‘Sexy IS SO IMPORTANT.’

‘They’ve GOT TO BE GOOD AT SEX! I hate bad sex.’

‘Rich.’

‘Rich isn’t on my list.’

‘Rich is on MY LIST!’

‘Oooh no…you’re wrong. Attractive. Handsome.’

‘I like good teeth.’

‘I just like kind.’

‘Generous. It’s alright saying rich, but if they’re tight…’

‘Good manners. A gentleman.’

‘As long as i’m not repulsed by them then i’m okay.’

I was actually JUST telling my guy friend about the above conversation and he was astonished at the fact that not ONE OF US, mentioned ‘Loving, faithful, loyal or respectful.’

We didn’t mention any of the above, because WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO MENTION ANY OF THE ABOVE, it should go without saying. OBVIOUSLY, we’d expect anyone we’re with, or dating… to naturally come to us with a bundle of loyalty, love and respect. Surely they’re not things that boyfriends, husbands or potential partners, or even girlfriends, and wives should need to TRY TO BE. We’re women not kids. Our fun personal lists, were just for bonus points. (Ooh. I need to add ‘Hero’ onto mine. I love a Hero. Can’t believe I forgot that.)

I can’t remember what else I was gonna tell you now?

I’ve got a lot of organizing to do, so i’ve got to get going.

Thank you for following my life.

The amount of you, all over the world, reading this, is crazy and let me tell you, I couldn’t be more grateful. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.THANK YOU.

FYI/ Nothing topped my weekend off than Miss Gemma Collins, falling through a hole, on a stage, that delivered Love Island cast members, at some Radio 1 TV Awards thingy. Lol. OH my GOD. HOW I LOVE ‘THE G.C.’ She stole the show. She’s literally the funniest girl on British TV right now. And yeah, it’s such an awful thing to have happen and I hope she’s not hurt, but GOSH, she filled us ALL UP with sincere laughter and good vibes. She took it like a champ! (Definitely heard that she’s suing them now. 🙂 )

 

 

Leeds, Life & Cocktails

My weekend’s been great! Right from the ‘get go,’ it’s been filled with life. I feel like the luckiest girl alive and to be honest, I have no clue why? There’s just such a buzz that’s swirling around Wunna Land that is nothing short of ‘juicy.’ It’s contagious. Good luck seems to be pouring in (I almost typed ‘pouring gin,’ ) my confident is soaring and…well i’m just feeling great about myself right now. Just like anyone, I go through the ‘ups the downs’ and the dodgy parts that I find the WORST…which i label the ‘inbetweens.’ I’m ALL or NOTHING, always SOMETHING and never chilling in ‘grey.’ When I feel stuck in a rut, (and i’m talking about work) I make positive changes with ease. I don’t find changes, especially positive ones difficult…No one should. So many people are so scared to indulge in the things that they adore? Doing that goes against human nature. It goes against the natural grain of what your soul is made for. Right now…I’m feeling on top of the world and boy, I hope you are toooo!

Right, so Friday night is usually my chill night. I love my ‘Chill Friday,’ as I’ve usually Frisbee’d off a stunningly busy work week, making Friday all about home life, relaxing and refuelling to rubbish telly and take out, in over sized frillies and tshirts, with the kids.

This Friday, straight after work, I ventured off into Leeds with one of my girl besties ‘Hustle Barbie’ to enjoy a chick ‘Mate Date’ at Issho, where we delighted in the finest sushi and raw salmon cuts of ‘over ice’ sashimi, with large delicious ‘prosecco pours’ with bamboo mats, wasabi winks and really magical lighting in one of the most glamourously trendy new spots in Leeds.

I love Issho. It’s always great! Through the day, on an evening. It’s wonderful. The food is divine. The vibe is peaceful, sophisticated, yet stylishly cosy. And as the staff tinkered around us, pouring us fresh bubbles, and making sure our dinner was delightful, we chatted about life, love and where we thought we were headed over the next few months….I adore a good chick dinner out. A bouji one that is. 😉 It was great because I’ve never really hung out with JUST ‘Hustle Barbie,’ over dinner before. There’s always been everyone there. And when you hang out with someone on a ‘one to one’ basis, a layer of them peels away…and you become much closer, share secrets, enjoy laughter and learn about them away from ‘the show’ of life.

I had a really great time and I hope I do a hundred more sushi dinners with her, over prosecco, in great lighting.  I love getting to know people more closely and yeah…Friday was brilliant. We’re more similar than we ever knew and I admire her for it. She’s a really smart, ambitious yet gentle girl. She’s impressive because she’s thoughtful, fair and kind, yet someone who seeks more from life. She wants her happy ending…and we all deserve it! ( I mean GOSH, I even got to see her boudoir. She has a boudoir..

‘You’re making it sound like I own a brothel!’

Her home is spotless, almost like a ‘show home.’ As soon as her front door opens, it smells DIVINE and radiates style and simplicity. There was definitely a point where she came out of the shower however and thought I was sat on her cat Lol. I was knelt in her boudoir, bronzing my face in her big mirror, with my mini fur bag laid by my side. She walked in wrapped in a towel and thought I was sat on Rufus. Lol. Rufus is her glamourous ‘fur ball’ cat. )

Anyway, back to Leeds….

We had a whole bunch of gin in cocktail form, looked down at our phones and saw that ‘Firmonnell’ had found herself into Leeds with her chick friend bestie. She had no clue where she was, so kept sending us selfies and photos of her whereabouts and signs, after giving ‘train prosecco’ to a homeless person out of kindness.

So Hustle and I tinkered out of Issho, walked through the bouji Victoria Gate…and after the delightful elevator gentleman let us out to play under the Leeds night stars…(He couldn’t possibly imagine us walking up or down stairs, so demanded that we took the lift. Yet, i enjoy that there’s an elevator to the entrance of Issho, it just keeps life elegant…and easy. After gin, you want shit to be easy.)

Then we went to find ‘Firmonnell.’

Finding ‘Firmonnell’ was like an episode of The Crystal Fricking Maze. It was like the Matrix, where we were following photographed signs and voicemails across central Leeds, in order to be delivered to her whereabouts. And yeah, okay, we may have taken detours like a cheeky delicious Manahatta stop off, where we ordered Pornstar Martini’s, appreciated attractive humans and danced for Snapchat to the best tunes in all the land.  That might have happened, on our journey to find ‘Firmonnell.’  And we might have tried to stop of at the new ‘Neighbourhood’ bar, yet couldn’t because it was reservation night only. But in the end, we found her….at ‘The Roxy’ where the lager is poured and the beer pong is a played.

My feet KILLED by this point, THEY BURNED LIKE WITCHES GROINS and when we finally got there, turned around and saw her at the back bar all smiles and drunky, all innocent and light…it was almost a relief.

‘OH MY GOSH! FINDING YOU HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE. MY FEET KILL BECAUSE I’VE TOTTERED AROUND THE WHOLE OF FLIPPING LEEDS TO FIND YOU!!!!!’

We danced, we drank, we laughed, we giggled. Hundreds more people showed up. I think ‘Hustle and I’ tried to go dancing with ‘Firmonnell’ who ended up staying for Beer Pong.’ The Roxy is cool. I’m just a Victoria Gate girl. My feet stuck to things and we didn’t have change for the photobooth and I saw all these empty red plastic cups, all squashed and squished all over a beer drenched ping pong table, that might have had stains on from 1992. It kinda made me gip a little, so ‘Hustle and I’ went off to do dancing….and agreed to meet ‘Firmonnell’ later.

We never ended up meeting. But I knew that would happen. I know ‘Firmonnell’ well and I adore her because we just do our own thing. Lol. We’re ace and just get on with it. It’s how good friends are! Phone tig occurred and ‘Fibre’ was Hustle and I’s choice of jiggle. We had a dance we let loose for a bit, I remember some guy coming up to me because he had me on Snapchat. Then whilst ‘Hustle Barbie’ I were sat downstairs in the cave like toilets, across from giant walled mirrors, we knew Friday was done. She simply said, ‘shall we go?’

Just like that, with our feet a killing, a missed all from ‘Firmonnell’ and earlier than expected, we were in a taxi home. ‘Hustle’ got dropped off first and then my Taxi driver, who ha dno clue where he was going tried to drop me off IN BARNSLEY!

‘You needed to get off at Junction 32!!! WHY ARE WE AT JUNCTION 38!!!’

I got home. I crashed. I woke up the next morning bright and early and spent the entire day shopping, lunching and hotel nighting with my gorgeous little babies Ruby and Junior. They had an audition for a commercial, which they absolutely loved. They loved it as much as I loved chilling in Prosecco Pit Stop waiting for them to finish. J It made me smile. It seems ‘The Wunna Babies’ are actually a ‘thing’ now and like I’ve said before they’re getting offered a lot of opportunities, that I am NOW letting them enjoy. You only live once! Embrace everything that comes at ya! Plus, I believe that NOTHING is better than doing things with the people you love. So whilst I have ‘Opportunity Central ‘ going on in Wunna Land…which i’m really truly grateful for, they actually have THEIR OWN THANG going down….which I guess, on the whole, makes us lucky.

HOTEL NIGHT was wonderful. The kids LOVED IT! I loved it.  I mean, all we did was dinner, chill in our undies, snuggle in our beds and watch telly as a family, but it was BLISS. It was amazing. It was PERFECT! Almost a novelty because I treasure ‘down time.’ Time where in which I can all chill and relax without any worries, or stress. Time where no one can bother us or know what we’re doing. The kids loved it so much. That night, we had the best sleep EVER.

‘I love you mum.’

‘I love you tooo.’

Then as sod’s law kicked in, my phone rang, schedules were put in place. I had a last minute Sunday audition, They had a last minute Sunday audition.

We had to wake up at 7am, for Junior to get picked up by 8.30am…and Just like that…everything went back to normal…..

 

Tuna, Chicks & Bedroom Banter

Mel: ‘I love how you’ve all been sat laughing and joking and spent ya day filled with absolute banter, but as soon as I come out here, to give you five minutes of my precious time, everyone shuts the fuck up, stops talking and starts being all quiet and boring, like they’ve got so much work to do!!’

Thursday was great! It was the most relaxed, easy going, good time kinda day that every kitten needs in their life. No pressure. No drama. Just laughter, banter and hard work. And that hard work that seems so easy because everyone is just having a really good time. I laughed a lot today and it made my soul smile…and GOD I was pathetic and feeling all unloved through half of it, yet when you have great friends, good company and chicks who can take the utter piss out of you for kicks…life is just wonderful. It doesn’t take that much to make someone smile…It’s contagious…and once the happy macarena train starts…it bounces from being to being, until the entire room is filled with glee.

I’m not gonna go through everything that happened through the day, as I want you to just feel it…Instead i’m going to give you snippets of all that was said…

‘Does that say drop arses everywhere?’

‘You’ve spelt my name wrong.’

‘She showed me a hamster, on acid in the meeting…’

‘It was a guinea pig.’

‘I just don’t eat things in tins.’

I’m a veggie now…’

‘You fucking had KFC.’

‘Why is everyone palming me off.’

‘Don’t be jealous because I have a Facebook spiritual advisor and you don’t.’

‘She’s sniffing out the cheese.’

‘Fucking speccy eyed cock.’

‘Why doesn’t he love me!’

‘I don’t have bush! My mum does though!’

‘Honestly how many times can someone say TUNA in the space of 3 minutes.’

‘Yeah we’re on a mate date tomorrow. That’s why she’s getting her hair done.’

‘I love spam.’

‘You’re vile.’

‘I only use *not tested on animals* Body Shop Makeup.’

‘Well i’m pretty sure your bronzer is *tested on animals* MAC’.

‘I love that the advent calendar is fucking upside down.’

‘You’re like my wife AND mistress.’

‘No. I’m not having sex with you.’

‘Stop trying to trick me into a date.’

‘I’ll let you dip it in.’

‘She honestly has a clump for a hand.’

‘We’ll show each other our boobs just to piss you off, cos you’re not there.’

‘I fucking have standards. I sleep with hot girls.’

‘Why do guys always only boast about the HOT ONES they’ve slept with and forget to discuss the munters.’

‘She’s not a fucking empath, she’s a fucking weirdo Chrissie,’

‘Stop being sad now. He does love you. ‘

‘You’re so impulsive you need to stop.’

‘My mojo is on POINT.’

The strangest banter occurred. I mean there was a point where we were just naming all the things a human could possibly make with tuna, simply because Mel had a water infection and bought some from Tescos. Then Hustle Barbie showed me a guinea pig in shades, that definitely looked like it was wankered during an executive power point meeting, which was before she dribbled a banana down her face, which ended up dollop plonking itself, from her tight banana ‘willy’ hand clutch.

There may have also been a moment where in which all the girls LAUGHED OUT LOUD at the fact that we’ve certainly more than 10 times each pretended to love sex when you ‘can’t actually at all feel his willy because it’s so THIN.’ (We’ve all been there girls. 😉  Give them the show.) Don’t have shit willies and if you do, be extremely wonderful in other ways in the sack. I’m in my 30’s…Women in their 30’s are in their actual sexual prime. I own my bedroom time and rock my sheets. As a 20 something I will have pretended you were great. As a 30 something, I take control of my sheet time with a guy. My kingdom. My way! Yet, each one of my chick friends and I at some point in life, on numerous occasions, have pretended sex was great…during sex…because it’s good manners. I did that a lot in LA or when I was young. No one likes bad sex. I hate bad sex now that i’m a grown up. And bad sex comes around more than you think. When you have good sex…keep it.  If looks, personality and actual love comes with it….MAKE IT YOURS FOREVER.

Then some random conversation about sex lists happened…

Who knew that people were organised enough to keep actual lists of how many people they slept with? Lol. Everyone seemed to pop out some sex list that had been written in either biro or text into a phone note section. Lol. I mean GOSH, one of my guy friends had typed in every single girl he had ever slept with, next to a number and the country they were from.

‘When will you ever need that list dude!!!!!!’

‘Well who knows, I could end up with some infection and this way it’s much easier because I can just copy& paste one message to each girl, in one go! Hahaha.’

‘Do they count on the list if you don’t remember actually having sex with them?’

‘You should marry number fifty cos you can’t finish on an odd number. I wouldn’t like that me.’

‘You can be my 48’

‘You can be my 117.’

‘Did you know that the average sex partner number is six.’

‘What! Who the hell has only slept with six people??’

‘Well i’ve only been in two long term relationships. I married the second girl.’

‘As if you’ve actually put their nationality on your list.’

‘You’re so well traveled…sexually.’

‘How many guys have you slept with Wunna?’

 

Now, I don’t keep a list. There ain’t no list happening in Wunna Land. We all know I have stories from my delicious Hollywood youth. But I kinda just keep the in my brain for me to treasure and for you to not ever find out. Lol. I love being a grown up and I love sex, but if i’m going to be honest, I kinda just pleasure myself more than I do anything else these days and I love it. This year, I’ve only slept with one person, The rest of the time…I’ve absolutely rode it solo sexually Lol.

I will tell you though that I don’t judge a girl or guy on any list, simply because I would hate for someone to judge me on mine. 🙂 AND because I’m secure enough to not be bothered about someone’s past, I just look forward to the future. 😉  The future is always way more exciting…and people have different types of chemistry in the bedroom. It just takes that one girl or one guy to sweep you off your feet and like I always say, add true love and you can’t help it….you’re hooked.

It’s almost fricking magical.

I’m done now!

Have fun!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life, Marriages & Think They Knows

It’s a funny old thing this life marlarky isn’t it? One minute you can be on the top of the highest mountain ‘star jumping’ to the sound of absolute delight and then all of a sudden, and just like that, The Gods can come and pull that rug from under you and send you off into a spin…a downward spin where you lose your grip.

I’d say i’m quite good at life. I’ve mastered the creative art of it…. In most areas. When I say ‘mastered’ I simply mean that ‘I get it.’ I’m not saying i’m some kind of life champion, I’m just saying that I’m the QUEEN of living my OWN life the way I want to and happily. Even though my love life, seems like it’s been so shit over the years…I can tell you, on the whole, i’ve been quite lucky and been really happy. Happier and luckier than most. It doesn’t seem that way, but I have. Whenever I wasn’t chipper…I changed it, or dealt with it. Made It better. And yeah, there are moments where in which I wish I could ‘moonwalk’ backwards and do things a little differently, simply for closure. Closure that I never received. Yet the fact is that you can’t…so you might as well pull your ankle socks up and get on with it, with a smile. (It doesn’t matter if it’s real or fake…you kinda just have to get on with it. Bad moods, or bad times are really only temporary and people ALWAYS forget that. And yeah I may be coming across as a little ‘Rainbow Brite,’ yet I don’t care because by nature i’m a person who will focus on what is positive about a situation or person, rather than give power to the parts that are negative. Yeah, it can make me look a fool at times. I’ve had my heart and trust broken because of this delicious little manner, a zillion times over. In business and work i’ve trusted people that I shouldn’t have. The shit talkers. J Yet, if you stay true to who you are and stay loyal to what you believe is right…then fuck it….the things or people that ‘stick’ or even more so MAKE THE EFFORT to ‘stick’ are the things and people that are right for you.

(I’m getting this weird flashback of being 24 in LA and running outside in the dark by wheely bins, after an argument with my first husband Mike. It was street lit and the stars were above me. Everything around me was quiet. It wasn’t a big argument. It just felt big at the time. He’d always chase me whenever we fell out, because I would always rush off and leave the room. Only if it was filled with people. It looked to others that ‘the rush off’ was because I was a ‘such a DIVA.’ But really, the ‘rush off’ was always because I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. He always knew that. So as soon as I made an exit dash…he would rush after me. I’ll always take myself away from a negative moment or environment in order to find some kind of positive. He stopped me and turned me around, after chasing me down the street shouting ‘CHRISTINA.’ He never called me ‘Chrissie.’ Infact, his only other nicknames for me were ‘Shorty Doo Wop’ or ‘Baby.’ Anyway, he held my wrist gently and said,

‘INTENT is EVERYTHING and I didn’t intentionally mean to hurt you. I love you. I’ll make it right. INTENT is EVERYTHING CHRISTINA, EVERYTHING. Just stop, a second. Don’t forget who I am!!!!’

It sounds weird him saying that, I know. Lol. Yet this argument was at a time when we were both newly doing very well in our careers, he was on a big US TV show, money and ego has been pouring in and what he meant, or what he needed me to remember in that time, was who he was, on the day we first met, in that acting class….when life was really simple. We were so innocent and he was so happy because we’d been put in the same group. He turned around and whispered to his best friend Tyler, who had come from New York with him and said…on that day…’I’m gonna marry that girl.’ I remembered and he knew that I’d remember. So when I stopped dashing….I just stopped….and just like that…we were okay. Later down the line, we weren’t okay. No one knows why but him and I. Everyone thought they knew why. But they didn’t. Everyone said they knew why…but they didn’t. Neither him and I to this day, ever told anyone why, because we respect one another. Everyone made fun of that time, like it was ‘blip’ of a little marriage…that only lasted around a year. When the truth is, what you saw only lasted a year…it went on for 4 more years behind closed doors. It only ended because I suddenly had to move to England. I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t tell him because I didn’t have chance. Everything was just so quick….He thought I had just changed my number. It was a really traumatic time, that he never forgave me for. We’re ten years on from that time now….Completely different people, with completely different lives, both a success in our own rights. We live in different parts of the world. We’re both the happy with the paths that we chose. The time we were both together was simply a life a chapter. A ten years ago chapter. I learnt, no…we learnt…a lot from one another, in that time. And the best thing about it ALL, is that we could both be in the same room, full of people, look back and with blissful memories, laugh and take the piss out of that time! One of the greatest things about Mike, is that even though he’ll secretly flashback the bad bits, to me he’ll only ever remind me of the good bits.

‘Remember that time, when you came to New York and you were stood shouting outside the bakery at 3am because you needed more bread and I gave you that twig as a gift because I couldn’t afford anything else.’ )

As if i went on that big a tangent.  I’m hormonal right now. I’ll blame the hormones. Just go with it….Where were we? Oh yeah…life…

More than anything, yeah I’d say I’ve lived and it’s all been a very colourful time, with people ‘oohing’ and ‘arring’ at me. (And that doesn’t bother me because at least i’m not DULL. At least i’ve lived some kind of life where in which people have had the chance to ‘ooh’ and ‘arr’ at me, which is what I wanted and therefore it has made me happy. Life is about being happy. Like ‘Diddy’ said, ‘Happy is the new rich.’

But don’t be dull.

Nothing is WORSE TO ME, THAN PEOPLE WHO CAN’T STOP BEING DULL. You know who you are! Don’t do it to me. It gives me a rash. Whenever, I see dull humans, it makes me feel as though they have no grasp of the art of living. And when I say don’t be dull, I don’t mean you need to be hurtling yourself off a cliff on a bungee rope for insta likes. That can still be dull, if you’re dull. It can be anything, from those that daren’t speak their mind. Those that let people walk all over them. Those that can’t stand up for what they believe is right. Or those that try to be ‘goody goody’ and judge others for being fun. AWWWWWWWWWWW! Don’t be dull. Lighten up. It’s the worst.

Know that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. You’re certainly one decision away from a completely differently life…They are quotes that I’ve read that I believe. So, no matter what, even though there is magic in the air, you are ALWAYS in control…..and if I hate anything, I hate a loss of control. You’ll never find me doing anything, that I do not have a handle on. Even as a child I was that way inclined.

Right now, i’ll tell you, that my life feels so filled up. I can’t find space to relax. I can’t find time to do the things I want to do. Just a moment of silence. Just me. Just ‘sshh.’ The kids have put ‘Wannabe’ on repeat, which is sounding out the upstairs of Wunna land, like it’s some kind of 90’s disco. I’m surrounded by people constantly that aren’t relaxing me! Lol. Everyone constantly wants me to do things for them. And I don’t want anyone to come near me unless they’re either going to massage me, deliver good news, love me or peacefully pour me a prosecco.

Tomorrow…will be a good day. I need a chill before it all gets busy.

I have a shoot to organize, infact THREE to organise, an advert to film, a book to write, four auditions to go to….and i’m meant to be in London next week but I just can’t find the time to get there.

Everything will be okay right? Everything will be okay….

Shortcuts, Interviews & Prosecco

‘Are you Chrissie?’

‘Yeah…Hi…’

(I gave her that ‘100 Watt’ Chrissie Wunna beam. 😉 )

‘You write that blog! My daughter reads it. She loves bloggers. She’s mad on them. She’s just bought that book on..what’s his name? Someone.. Dawson?’

‘Aww…yeah…’

(I was polite, because I didn’t exactly know who that was…Yet, neither did she, so I was on safe ground. Lol)

‘Anyway, i’ve started reading your blog. Thank you so much for coming back…’

‘Oh no…I love it here. The kids even love it here…’

The glamourous lady, all tanned and dark haired, with the perfectly pouty lips, sits down in my stylish yet comfy Prosecco Pit Stop booth. (I love Prosecco Pit Stop in Doncaster. It is a frequent afternoon haunt of mine. I used to go all the time when Shaun Applegate owned it, yet since he’s tinkered off to open up a new cocktail bar in the Victoria Gate, Leeds, which I can’t wait to visit once open, I believe this new sassy lady, is the brand new Pit Stop, ‘Boss Lady.’ I love her.)

‘I’ve just called my husband and said *Chrissie’s Here.* He told me to keep you here until he arrives. Lol. I love that blog, the one where your friend goes down on a girl with a Fishermans Friends. Lol. It’s just so hilarious. My 14 year old daughter showed me the post and asked me what it meant! Hahah!’

‘He actually went down on her with a Hall Soother.  ‘

Then we *paused* before a glamorous ‘girl on girl’ belly laugh and as my children returned back from a toilet trip with Grandad….we all, as a family enjoyed our Brushetta Brunch at our favourite little Doncaster Pit Stop.

‘Be good to me…’

Let’s be honest….She literally has nothing to worry about. I mean, if you’re a glamour puss and you own a Pit Stop that serves my body with Prosecco, then I’m probably going to adore you with every delightful inch of my kitten soul. Even if I tried, I couldn’t find a reason to dislike any human of that calibre.

But annnnyway…..

It’s a busy time in Wunna land and I know I keep harping on about how busy things are right now, but it’s pretty much the truth. My world is currently quite scheduled out and I’m feeling really lucky because I seem to have the best help at hand. I’m enjoying all my work, meetings, shoots, afternoon cocktails (I was at Ego yesterday afternoon) and just life in general. Early nights have been my favourite and yeah, i’m slowly but surely, getting everything built up and ready to take the next stiletto steps upward, upon that glitzy ladder of success. (When I say ‘Success,’ I don’t mean diamonds, riches and golden baths of wealth…Even though that really does sound like one of the most delicious plans. Why am I so stupid? That really is a great plan! Success to me is HAPPINESS. Finding your ‘happy’ and achieving it. Doing something that you love and yeah…having other people love and recognise what you do, feels good. I’m not gonna lie. It feels really good.

I write my blog to inspire. I inspire by telling my story. My own version of life. Everything else… comes from that….A really smart human once told me that if you give the world something of VALUE and simply because you LOVE doing it, you bizarrely get ‘Life Love’ back… threefold. It just comes to you. (That’s the ‘Candy Floss’ version of it. Yet, for shortcuts….having a great PR Team, also works just as well. 😉 I learn everything the hard way, so 10 years of tapping out my life as proved to be beneficial. I don’t know why I didn’t ‘shortcut’ the journey? I should’ve shortcutted the journey. Yet, good thing about missing the shortcut, is that fact that it made me SOLID in what I do.

You can say a lot. All that you want…but I’ve hit every road bump with a *BAZINGA.* Lol. Wunna Land is now one slick operation because of it. No one can take that away from me. I know my life. (Sounds weird, but some people still don’t know where they’re headed and that’s completely fine. You don’t have to know. You just have to be comfortable in the unknown zone. Just appreciate all that you have going on RIGHT NOW. Work hard. Have faith. Listen to your gut instincts and you’ll get there.) I don’t actually know what I’ trying to say, other than, if I can do it, ANYONE CAN. Don’t put yourself on a timer. It happens when it’s meant to happen. People…opportunities…everything finds you when it’s mean to. I’m only saying that because I always used to put myself on a timer.

Shortcuts are great. They’re great. But only when you’re ready. And i’m ready now…I’m all stable and filled with Va Voom. Yet with anything in life, be it in work or love…if you wish for longevity and not a short glittery *pan flash…* it takes the leg work.

Talking about my Va Voom, it’s certainly on point right now. Lol. I definitely heard ‘Firmonnell’ accidentally call me her ‘partner’ instead of her ‘colleague’ and my 20 something year old work colleague  ‘Jonesez’ kept sauntering around me and blushing…because he has some weird Asian girl fetish.

‘Why are you being weird and fancying me right now?’

‘Have you heard ya’self!!!

‘Is it the boobie thing?’

‘Hahah. No it’s the Asian thing.’

He hates feet though.

I have a busy week ahead. Junior’s loving school. Ruby’s loving life. And on Friday I have the Diversity in Media Awards. I’m up for ‘Blogger of the Year.’ I still haven’t bought a dress and I’ve completely run out of foundation. I forgot to go on my diet and had buckets of Piri Piri chicken wings and bread all weekend. But whatever….having bread wasn’t cheating on my diet. Trying to EVEN BE ON A DIET during the weekend, is surely cheating on BREAD.

I actually had so much other stuff to tell you today, but i’ve forgotten to *tap* it all out. Haha! Yipppee! It’ll have to wait until the next one. This blog has gone on too long today.

Yesterday there was a Chrissie Wunna Q & A in Inscriber Mag…. thanks to Kind Publishing. Incase you missed it…

Here’s the link for you to go and check it out…

http://theinscribermag.com/glamour-girl-burmese-beauty-q-and-a-with-glamour-model-author-and-blogger-chrissie-wunna/