Blog Notes, Boobies & Inappropriate Banter

 

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna, smiling, standing

Had the most amazing day yesterday, but oh my gosh, my blog notes are atrocious. Hahah. However, I guess that’s always a sign of ‘good times.’ Like literally, the blog notes alone, could be a book in itself. Haha. If you don’t know what I’m on about, throughout a day, event or moment, I’ll always type in really brief *trigger words,* on my phone, in the ‘notes’ section. Just to help me ‘tap back‘ to a memory…a moment….a time. The next day, I read my ‘trigger words‘ and like a memory time machine, i’m *zapped* straight back to yesterday….

It’s as simple as that!

My blog notes from yesterday are SO inappropriate that I am DYING with laughter, just scanning them.

So, let’s go…

If you don’t know, Sunday afternoon is my FAVOURITE time to enjoy a tipple. There’s something ‘easy going’ about a Sunday, isn’t there. I usually kick back with my friends and let time pass by with calm, but chipper merriment.

I started off at The Carelton with KatyP. We ended up at The Rustics and as the sun shone down, we found ‘Hairdresser Claire’ and her lovely Hubbster Matt, and we just enjoyed sunny drinks, before being later joined by one of Kate’s work colleagues…who’s name is also ‘Claire.’ (She must like Claires…and also must learn some table etiquette, as i’m sure she stated that one of the Claire’s looked like her dog ‘Frank,’ after proceeding to tell the other Claire that she certainly resembled ‘Old Mother Hubbard.’)

Laughter, happiness, and inappropriate banter filled our table…Yet before we even got to The Rustics, there was a table of half topless Welsh men, topping up their tans, supping sunny drinks and asking Kate is my boobies were real.

KatyP: ‘Just ask her? She’ll be fine about it. She’s a glamour model..and…’

Me: ‘They’re not real. Lol.’

Welsh Dudes: ‘Well, I didn’t know if I could ask ya. But i’m a boob man.’

Me: ‘Stop staring at my boobs, you’re making them blush. I should draw smiley faces on them, as they’re certainly have their own audience today.’

Now, if you’re ME and you see shirtless Welsh dudes at a table…who are now bantering with you..You kinda just politely banter back, have a laugh, yet don’t really commit to a conversation. If you’re Kate…this happens…

KatyP: ‘You’ll all get sunburnt. I’ve got suncream if you want, from Tescos. I mean, I’m not rubbing it in for you, but you can have some. Haha.’

She sat there with a summer wine, in a bra less playsuit…

KatyP: ‘Have you seen my nipples… By boobs are good to say I’m not in a bra…’

Me: ‘Yeah, but you’re gonna have to do FULL ON, naked wee’s, every time to go to the toilet! Bagsy, not going to the toilet with YOU today!’

But anyway, she was enjoying life, with this random bottle of sun cream  on the table, that she decided to OFFER AROUND to people, like it was candy…whether they wanted sun cream or not.

Me: ‘Don’t touch me with that sun cream…I want baby oil, not sun block.’

KatyP: ‘But it smells like holiday!’

Basically, she was like a REALLY RESPONSIBLE…Erm…what’s the word? Oh yeah…

FUCKING ALCOHOLIC. 😉

It was just such a fun day. I mean, when we got to The Rustics and found ‘Hairdresser Claire (@clairedurowhairdressing) and Matt, life just sizzled. I love them, so much, because they’re just sassy and  hilarious. I mean, we have no censor, when it comes to foolish behaviour, just for kicks.

Matt: ‘Chrissie, look at my shirt? Just LOOK. THERE! What can you see?’

Me: ‘Cum stain? Claire obviously didn’t swallow…Lol’

Matt: ‘No. Lol. That’s bathroom sealant.

KatyP: ‘PVC?’

Matt: ‘Mr Grey will see you now…Haha. No honestly, Chrissie, just look at my shirt…Yeah…THERE…Tell me what you see?’

Claire: ‘He’s gonna say, *nothing but zero fucks * I’ve heard it a million times…’

Then when Kate left the table, Matt tried to break into her phone to send her new boyfriend ‘Golfer Jonny’ really needy text messages, to embarrass her.

Matt: ‘Fuck! What’s her phone passcode? What’s her date of birth? SHIT!’

Kate sort of waltzed back up to the table, after helping children find dock leaves and committing to fully naked wee’s..

KatyP: ‘Put my phone down. In fact, I don’t care. I’d be really shocked if you could actually work a phone…’

Claire: ‘I’ll help him. Lol Let’s call him rude and inconsiderate…Haha’

It was just one of those really amazing afternoons, where you had to be there, to *zap* into our moment, our fun…our Sunday. We pretty much made fun of each other…any one who walked by us , mainly made fun of Kate and then ‘Frank the Dog’ began licking Matt’s foot.

Claire (Franks owner) : ‘Sorry about that. I wonder what he can taste on your foot?’

Matt: ‘Psoriasis’

There were wishing wells, nettle stinks, kisses, tears, laughter, slow sipping, fast drinking, knuckle pumps, a suggestion of ‘communal poos,’ as we all held hands in a ‘sat down’ circle, rounds bought, praying hands, questions about sex skills, swallowing skills, whether I could prove that I wasn’t a ladyboy, boobies and ‘Asian Consent’…

Matt: ‘No I said AGE OF CONSENT!!’

KatyP: ‘Well if you said ASIAN, Chrissie’s won, cos she’s the only one in here… Lol.’

Me: ‘And I consent..’

I’ve also put ‘Vagisil‘ and ‘you’ve got to break a few eggs to make an omelette’ in my blog notes…but I have no clue why?

WELL DONE BLOGGER OF THE YEAR!

I guess, that must’ve have been from later in the day, when we were back at The Carleton? At that point dudes were just obsessing over my boobies, to the point where they were asking to sit at our table, sitting at our table, then glaring at my poor, defenseless boobies…like I no longer had a face.

HAHAHA.

There were even points where no words were even exchanged or spoken. Lol. They literally just sat there and and admired…quietly, like my boobs, (that were wrapped in my Justin Bieber top) were a hypnotic, mesmerizing force.

Dude: ‘I’m just so distracted by them..’

Can’t remember what else happened now? But I loved Sunday funday! It was brilliant! I’m just super blessed…and a bit of a twat, but gets away with being a swine, because I’m glammy. 🙂

Even the morning of yesterday was hilarious, because I was having a really early Snapchat convo with, what name should I go with… ‘Tats?’

Tats: ‘How come you’re up so early..’

Me: ‘I dunno..my eyes just opened..’

We actually early morning chatted for an hour or so, until I got ditched for sleep…Lol. But, OH MY GOD, I accidentally posted a really PRIVATE message…on my SNAPCHAT STORY, because I hit the wrong button. Hahahah.

Tats: ‘Get that OFF YA STORY!!! Lol’

Me: ‘OMFG!! AS IF I JUST DID THAT! SHIT! HAHAHA. Thank God you noticed. OH MY GOD!’

I nearly DIED. Hahaha But whatever, can you EVEN imagine!!

But I guess, that’s the beauty of being Lil’ Miss Wunna.

Thank you for following my life,

Chrissie x

Ps/ I’m in Blackpool tomorrow to celebrate my really good friend ‘Lisa Appleton’s birthday. See you there!

 

 

 

 

When You Think About ‘Swirls,’ Weddings & Life

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You’ve made it to Friday! Well done. I’ve just spent a quiet moment, stood by a giant roundabout, in the sun, just watching people do life. In a way, there was something that felt so FREE about it all. And I guess, that’s what life is about? Y’Know, only doing the things that make you happy, feeling both loved, yet free at the same time…and taking care of those hearts you have been made responsible for.

BOOYAH!

Yesterday was great. I worked all morning. Yeah, I was shattered, but I managed to fit in a quick drink with KatyP and Hairdresser Claire, before I *Blinked* and magically found myself immersed in the late afternoon, with my babies Ruby and Junior, who were filled to the brim with laughter, life and the giggles. They swung on swings, they told their tales and then we gate crashed KatyP & Golfer Jonny’s date (who I’m meant to be calling ‘JP’.)

Golfer Jonny: ‘Did I make the blog?’

Me: ‘Well yeah, I said you were a date, but I didn’t mention your name, in case you weren’t ready for it. Lol’

They dined, got cosy…as the babies and I ‘third wheeled it’ for them. (I’m awesome at ruining love. 🙂 ) Junior brought us daisies. Ruby made us watch her ‘monkey bar.’

Yet, the evening ended up being hilarious. So hilarious, that KatyP and I, for the FIRST TIME EVER, realized that we both have the exact same EVIL LAUGH. Its a hearty, evil, extremely loud,  belly laugh. If you know me, you’ll know that my voice and laugh is hideous. A tabloid once referred to it as ‘Chlamydia.’

(Which actually makes no sense, dickheads. 😉 )

Anyway, we have the same laugh. No clue why? But I loved it. We’re twinning. It kinda made me miss ‘Firmonnell,’ who is my other chick bestie.

Nothing is better than remembering someone, when laughter occurs. It means the person you remember, makes you happy, as that laughter, leads your mind straight to them. That alone is *magic.* Especially when people usually only remember me…when they’re drunk or hungover. Lol

It actually used to be a trick my LA Guy friends used to do, on dates…They used to given advice to make a girl laugh, because she’ll always associate you with good times.

Talking about missing folk…This morning and a lot of mornings, if i’m being honest, ‘The Swirl’ (who was a major part of my last year..and even kinda this year…He’s sort of sprinkled into Wunna Land sporadically as time has passed, over a few years ‘on and off’ in fact… ) Anyway, he was running through my mind.

He actually runs through it my a great deal, yet I kinda do nothing about it anymore and mainly because I certainly believe that I don’t run through his mind very much, at all.

Diva’s don’t like that. Lol.

But today, I realized how much I’d learnt from him…without him even really knowing and I always have great respect for those who teach me life, love or things about myself, Especially when they don’t one bit PREACH IT, yet instead simply cross paths with me and for a moment, ‘do life.’ They’re the people who make you reflect. They’re the people who make you grow.

So, the stuff I learnt about myself, enabled me to adjust appropriately. But one of the main things i learnt was how important it was to put ‘Career First,’ so you can make your entire dreams come true…and to let everything else come second, because once you have your career sorted, you’re also filled with this euphoric happiness and also then able to provide for..in my case, the babies. (Who are my world!)

That’s a good bit of advice, that I only learnt by crossing paths with him.

I love life and i’m powered by all things creative. I’m fueled by love, a little too much. I stop to ‘smell the roses’ a lot more, with a cocktail in my hand than I need to. There are phases where i get distracted easily. Lol.

But I’m running Wunna land, which is my actual business (some people never realize that?) My actual entire life, is now my actual business. Sometimes people don’t notice that? Lol. But being a blogger/influencer…in this day, is an extremely lucrative career. A lot of work goes into it…and you could find yourself working every single second and every single day, if ya lucky? However, it’s almost silly to me, when people think you literally do fuck all.

I work smart, not hard and have chosen a job that I LOVE, instead of working a mundane ‘someone elses dream.’

Yet, I learnt as a young girl in Hollywood, that in show business or entertainment, that the best talent always MAKE IT LOOK so easy.

But i’m loving it..and i’m lucky….I’ll always tell you how lucky I am.

I’m also very single. I’m not sure why people keep asking me if I am?? It’s like people think I have some secret boyfriend ‘hidden in the dressing room wardrobe’. I’m lucky, but I’m not that bloody lucky.

Haha.

I get a ton of messages about it every single day. Yes, i’m all for ‘Fourth time lucky’…Yet i’m pretty careful, when it comes to choosing ‘life partners.’

Well…NOW, I am.

Talking about weddings, I’m excited that our Prince Harry and Megan are about to get wed. I love a wedding and I love a Prince, so why not eh! Plus, we have some *bomb ass awesome* snapchat filters, to play with now, don’t we? 🙂

I’m not gonna watch it, cos it does ‘go on‘ for a bit, doesn’t it? Lol. The ‘dragging on ‘ of it all would bore me. I’m all about just saying ‘I do’ and getting on with the drinking. Maybe that’s my problem. 😉

But i’ll celebrate it, a hundred times over.

Plus, the next time i get married, and I will…..It’ll be a chilled, heart felt shindig. I don’t want it to be a production. I don’t want it to find myself stood in the swan lake gardens of The Hotel Bel Air again…with a wedding planning fanning me, as she screams down her headset, whilst she’s holding my trail…I just want it to feel peaceful….natural…and I want to celebrate a union, and celebate love,  the way it’s meant to be celebrated..

Then we’ll all just get pissed and just go wild with a madness, that could only label ‘JOY.’

But I’ll do it again, if my MR.Right can be bothered to find me…

FOURTH TIME LUCKY, all the way!

In the meantime, I’m pretty lucky….’Career First,’ love will find it’s way to you. 😉

 

 

When We Tried to Ruin Dates by Bearded Dragons

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna

Afternoon! I’m currently shattered, so bare with me. I’m in my specs, because my eyes sting that badly, lol….i’m starving and I’m rocking weird thigh tan lines, because I sunbathed in my shorts yesterday. It’s almost like wearing ‘forever’ stockings….that are made from skin?

However, anyway..life is wonderful and right now, this second, i’m blogging from ‘Ego’ in Ackworth.

So yesterday, I started work early, around 4.30am, to influence for a specific country, in an different time zone. I finished up at around 1pm, shot straight to The Rustic Arms, simply because I adore open spaces, peaceful surroundings and wasn’t in the mood to be bothered. Haha. I got in a quick drink, waited for my friend Katy P & Hairdresser Claire to arrive as I sunbathed and *SCREECHED* every 14 minutes, because chickens kept popping out of nowhere and pecking my feet. (The pub has chickens running loose around the gardens, in case you were unaware. I didn’t just imagine them. It’s actually kinda ace...IF YOU DON’T HAVE A DISTINCT, IDIOTIC FEAR OF THEM. 

JUST SAYIN’

If you know me personally, you will absolutely KNOW that I have an intensely tragic FEAR of any kind of FARM YARD animal…Even booze doesn’t calm me down.

Long story short, the girls show up, Claire had been doing Katy P’s hair for a hot date, that was gonna go down later that evening. Now Katy P’s not one to really openly *gush* about guys…She is known to be a bit of a Tom Boy. Yet, she can’t fool me. Girls are girls. I saw it in her eyes…She was anxious, giddy and excited….and it was actually SO lovely to see her that way. It made me BEAM.

I LOVE A BIT OF EXCITEMENT.

So, obviously, being the GREAT friends that Claire & I are, we had to MOCK HER, just to build up the anxiety. 😉 She was really worried because it was her first ‘He’s coming over and I’m COOKING TEA FOR HIM‘ date, (sorry i’m already pissing myself,) and she obviously wanted to make a good impression, as her date, had once stayed over, stated that she ‘lived like a student’ and found a fish finger, laying in her kitchen sink…

Her Date: ‘What the hell is this?’

KatyP: ‘Just a fish finger. Why don’t you bring it back to life, put it in a bowl and see if it’ll swim?’

Anyway, so she was planning to ‘spiralize’ veg, until it was six feet long and put some chicken with it…Then make like she was some domestic goddess. (I would’ve just done pizza and sex. Hahaha.)  

The whole time we were chatting life, love, guys, all sorts…I could tell her mind was thinking about the date….She was all excited. HE was all excited…then Claire invited us back to hers for the famous ‘one more,’ before the BIG EVENT.

Now, Claire and I get on really well. We’ve known of each other for years, but over the last few months, we kinda found out that we’re both ace and have the same rubbish sense of humour. Plus, she does hair and I like that. And we’re both easy going. We love a good time. However, when you add her partner Matt to the equation (who’s fyi…a fitty)….it seems we all love a good time TOO much and turn evil.

ALL THREE OF US ARE SAGITTARIANS, meaning that Matt, Claire and I are filled with love, life and charisma….However, we’re also dickheads just for a bit of banter and laughter…

DRINKS WERE POURED. EXCITEMENT WAS SWIRLING. MATT was dancing and singing. Claire was beaming with laughter.

It was a really good time, because it was a great combination of people, in the most magical place ever.

Honestly, it’s like I walked through their doorway, (which houses Claire’s Hair Salon, @clairedurowhairdressing) found myself upstairs on a magicalroof top terrace,’ with the sun beaming down, which boasted comfy sofas, fairy lit globes, drapes, music and a log burner. It was almost like an exotic kingdom of unconventional glamour, fun and life. It had it’s own world and I was living it.

I was drinking around two actual bearded dragons, which were placed on my boobs, before they chilled on a coffee table, two ‘ ‘skin looking’ cats (as I call them,) the ones that have no fur on them. One was black and called ‘Salem’ and she was the SEXIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. I sipped drinks and two tiny dogs appeared for cuddles…followed by a Staffy  named ‘Tilly’ and two tiny mice..that Claire casually  had in her hand.

IT WAS AMAZING…and the table was candle lit…and it was the MOST creatively magical space, I’d ever been it. It was also filled with love.

Matt (who I only met yesterday) and Claire are this amazing couple. They have a joy, a chemistry and a playful friendship that you would just DIE TO HAVE, with your partner. They’re do open about their love, that it’s refreshing.

Matt: ‘When I saw, I just KNEW she had to be mine…So i chased her.’

Claire: ‘As soon as he held my hand for the first time, I felt an indescribable chemistry…a chemistry that I had never felt before, I met him.’

Claire: ‘Matt what d’ya think about Chrissie?’

Matt: ‘She’s actually prettier than I thought she would be and yeah...*he then did a heart shape with his hands*’

..and then he told me that part of Louis Tomlinson’s family had actually match made his parents, who then went on to create HIM. Crazy! Innit.

Anyway, we’d only been their an hour and Kate was all nervous, but playing calm for her date. I was excited, because I just love, love. She had to rock off. We all hugged her, wished her luck, kissed her ‘good bye,’ because she was so filled with nerves and who doesn’t need support during those times…

She rushed under the white skull drape, we *waved* her off…as soon as she had left and we had sent her our blessings…Claire  says…(or was it Matt?)

Anyway…this happened…

‘WE ARE GONNA FUCK IT UP, AREN’T WE, JUST FOR A LAUGH, RIGHT!?!’

‘Obviously…’

It’s like we all thought the same thing at the same time….and this is why we shouldn’t drink, get excited and do it by bearded dragons….Lol.

We literally all *paused,* looked at each other and then pissed ourselves laughing, as we started to PLOT a story, so we could ruin her first date. Hahaha.

WHY ARE WE BASTARDS?

Here are some snippets…

‘Well should we say that I started hitting on Matt and it’s all got out of hand, and we’re now fighting?’

‘She doesn’t get jealous like that. She’s not gonna believe it.’

‘We need to say that there’s been an accident and she needs to take one of us to A&E, because we’re too drunk to drive.’

‘She’ll believe that I’ve fallen out with Matt.’

‘What about we say our daughters have had a fight, cos we never fight, she wouldn’t fall for it.’

‘He’s arriving in fifteen minutes..’

‘I’ve missed called her .’

‘Yeah, call her now, because she’ll be stressed, getting ready, spiralizing, and washing her privates.’

Anyway, Matt calls Kate, intentionally meaning to ‘miss call’ her…Kate picks up the fucking phone, so he panics and just says…

‘Who the fuck have you brought to MY house? It’s all going off.’

Then he hangs up, ABRUPTLY.

AND WE ARE PISSING OURSELVES!

We wait until her date gets to her house…and then Claire does the same thing…but the girl version of that sentence…

‘Call me, it’s all going a bit mental.’

There’s now all the wine being poured, bearded dragons and cats with no fur on, strutting around us and we are WEEING OURSELVES.

After 20 minutes…Kate sends a texting reading..

‘You’re dickheads…Hahahaha….’

Eww! So she didn’t even bite. So you’d reckon we’d give in at that point…

Me: ‘I’m not being defeated like that.’

Claire: Me Neither.’

Matt: ‘She won.’

He even texted  ‘I love you’ back.

Claire: ‘Eww! That’s lame.’

Me: ‘How annoying, Stop it.’

So we waited until their date had kicked in. They’re eating. They’re nervous. They’re getting to know one another…They’re flirting. It’s getting all cosy…It may even be leading up to a bit of ‘sexy sexy’… A bit of romance…

WE HAVE NOW DRANK SHIT LOADS…Claire had mice in her hands and Matt’s now dancing like he runs the world from his roof terrace and getting mad because we’re not listening to his song properly.

‘Don’t talk through it, just listen!

Then we just figured, no one could ruin it better than us. We needed ‘no story at all.’ We could just be US and ruin it…as that’s what friends are for.

So we call her…during her romantic date…

She actually  picks up…puts us on *Speaker*…and we attempt to RUIN LIVES in approximately 7 minutes?

I can’t even tell you what we said, because I can’t even remember…Lol…It was a rowdy blur of inappropriate, embarrassing banter. But I remember someone talking about the size of his genitalia? Can’t remember if he said he had a big one?

Kate’s now pissing herself because she’s a human, who’d find that as funny as we would. God knows, what her date thought? But he stayed over…so it couldn’t have been that bad.

Yet nothing was better than that moment. We were in hysterics. It felt so free and filled with love and all under the night stars. Sure, we were evil…But that’s what’s great friendship, is about. That’s what’s great about love. Magic. Freedom. Life.

The date went well. They got on merrily. Matt, Claire and I drank the night away and expressed our love for one another….like ya do. Lol.

Then I woke up this morning, to a text reading..

KatyP: ‘Does your head hurt? Lol’

Me: ‘Is he still there? Why are we dickheads? lol’

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing But The Truth & Petty Flippin’ Fight Offs

Yesterday started off ace. I got my quiet time, with a ‘Katy P‘ who’s a really close friend of mine and I managed to feel ‘real’ again and not like a ‘product’ or project. I’ve been really stressed. But i’m back now. I’m back.

I guess, it gets hard at times, because I write a blog..this blog…which pretty much documents my life….almost like a written word reality show….I started it in LA, because I loved ‘diarying’ my life…as I lived it…It was only a hobby, just my version of ‘doing life’ and mainly my therapy…as my day job at the time was ‘glamour model,‘ which then turned into ‘reality tv.’

The blog came first…they were just things that accidentally happened to me, on my journey.

Years later….this ‘hobby‘…turned into a business…and my life…turned into work…as people all over the world started ‘tapping’ into Wunna Land. It kinda became a ‘show.’

An what I’m gonna say is that every single inch of me, couldn’t be happier with the way it all panned out. It’s like a dream. I get to do what I love…and that’s certainly something I regard as so precious. I’m incredibly grateful for it all. Not a little piece of me, will ever complain about it. In fact, I want MORE.

YET….sometimes (and anyone in entertainment or any form of ‘show’ like occupation) will know, that it can all get too much at times…it gets busy, everyone thinks they know everything about you….and you kinda just need to check in with ‘the reals,’ as I call them. (Which are your closest friends…family…or just have a moment to yourself.) 

That’s what I did yesterday with Kate….

This is what happened…

So we meet up accidentally, Kate’s just come from Pilates, I’m blogging, she decides to clear out a giant green caravan, that ‘once ready’ will be serving gin. Nothing coming out this caravan looked GINNY. (Obviously, i just supervised in the sun with a drink. I always say I was build for pleasure, not tedious labour.) 

In fact, everything coming out of this caravan looked like it was the entire contents of ‘Argos.’

Kate: ‘We have a heat lamp, some boxes, cables…tinsel…another heat lamp.’

If the process went on any longer, I swear she would’ve even pulled out an elephant, maybe Elvis, an ex boyfriend, Baby Jesus, Lisa Appleton and hungry donkey.

Long story short, she sacked it off and we did sunshine, gossip and ‘keeping it real,‘ as we chatted ‘wills,‘ guys, stalkers, our love lives, how we’d get married, if we did ever get married again and just basic shit really…Hours were passing…and I was loving it because we were literally throwing our heads back with insane laughter and it’s those moments, away from everything and everyone, that matter to me the most.

Then she calculated an entire humans finances in about 3.2 seconds, because she’s a whizz like that…and proceeded to make fun of me, as she just got on with her ‘own ting.’ 

Me: ‘Erm…why are ignoring me??’

Katy P: ‘What I’m organizing letters into the correct batches and spelling shit.’

I mean WTF, i’m an attention whore at the best of times. Fob me off for large glasses of wine or hula dancing, not SPELLING and organizing.

Me: ‘What are you even doing!!’

Katy P: I’m spelling out your love life, but I can’t spell BEYOND….’

Me: ‘As if you’ve just calculated an entire humans finances but you can’t spell BEYOND. Lol. That’s disgraceful. Hahah.’

Katy P: ‘Don’t start… I’m dyslexic.’

…and technically I can’t do sums…So I’ll give her that…and let her mock away at my life, right in front of my little Burmese face.

Just a great day in general….It felt all calm, yet fun. ‘Zen’ like…yet sassy. (If there is such a thing? Lol) Then, ‘JD’ and some a guy named ‘Martin’ with a dog, had walked in. They looked at us, like we were foolish.

And we are…

Then all was lovely. Fantastic afternoon. Life was bliss. I’d refueled and filled myself to the utter brim with love.

THEN…

As soon as I got home…an awful ‘busy body.’ You know what I mean? They’re the people in life, who have nothing better to do, nothing going in their life, aside from the everyday, mundane, same old ‘one foot in front of the other.’They’re the nosiest people. The most judgmental folk…and people who can only focus on ‘the little things that don’t matter,’ because there’s not much more excitement going on around them.

I got into an argument with ‘the busy body.’ It was played like a back and forth‘ …..over a plank of wood.

But who the ****has time to moan or argue about a plank of wood?

Do you?

I mean something else had happened, which was much more important during that time….and instead of finding any compassion…they worried about themselves and their wood.

I don’t like selfish people. Open ya goddamn eyes! Open ya goddamn heart.

Anyway, the pettiness of it, made me FURIOUS…I was FUMING. And by nature, I’m a relaxed person, I’m easy going…I’m patience…I’m warm…I’ll never be really mad, unless I’m absolutely passionate about something and people never know that about me, unless they’ve met me personally…The just assume i’m a bitch.

Regardless…

I couldn’t have been MORE PISSED OFF…and you pick ya fights, ya verbal bickers… don’t you? But I’d had enough…so I  went for it.

Literally ALL THE SASS and i don’t even care. I can’t stand narrow minded people. I was furious.

Anyway, I got myself into a merry tizzy and I was so cross, I filled up…and cried. Yipppeeee! Lol. However, I only did the crying part behind closed doors, as later on my mum came over and sat with me, just to make sure everything was okay.

Mum: ‘Just ignore her. She’s got nothing better to do. I know you feel like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders…but just relax and know that everything’s going to be okay. ‘

Me: ‘I don’t need another lecture, right now…’

Mum: ‘This isn’t a lecture! I’m your mum!! No one in this entire world loves you as much as I love you…and no matter what, I’ll stand by you. But you need to listen to me…

Me:’ I am…’

(I’m crying by this point…lol. But doing the pretending like i’m not thing…) 

And in that moment, as she went through everything, and I told her every inch of how I was feeling….a ‘magic’ swirled around us, a ‘magic’ that was build from unconditional love…and even though I felt like a little girl again…..within a *flash* I grew back up into WOMAN.

Always share strength….not weakness….and her strength is motivated by love…

In that moment, she made me realize how lucky I am…

(Oh shit, my phone’s ringing….)

 

The Day I Got Played, Threesomes & Raps…

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Chick Friend: What you up too?

Me: ‘I’ve been working since 4.30 this morning.’

Chick Friend: ‘But what you up to now?’

Me: ‘I’m sprawled on my goddamn bed, in a sequin bikini, trying to influence a necklace..’

Chick Friend: ‘Get to the pub please…I need to speak to ya..’

Afternoony, my ‘Cheeky Cheekies!’ How are ya! Great weather again. Life is grand. I’m feeling hormonally imbalanced….but on the whole good. I’m stressing over nothing, as per usual….but i’m getting the hang of letting my mind rest. There’s a lot I have to do, or feel like I need to accomplish right now…and that is twirling through my head. Probably why, I’m pouring that extra glass of vino. 🙂

Anyway, yesterday I got to hang out with a new friend of mine, ‘J.D,’ who’s actually ‘Katy P’s’ mate…over a quick iced wine. J.D’s always great to just sit and chat with, in the sunshine (yes only in the sunshine, I don’t have friends in the rain,) because he’s like Buddha. Lol. He’s all calm, but fun..yet insightful. He always has a really shit love life, however really great at giving honest love life advice.

Honesty, maybe a week ago, he told me to send a guy a message, that i would never have sent…

JD: ‘He’ll definitely respond to that…He’s waiting for you to show interest..and if he doesn’t…He’s not worth ya time..’

I listened. It worked and now Katy P, J.D and I always do afternoon wines, when free.

So, yesterday, I was rambling on about how the people in LA are far less judgmental and far more open, than they are here in the UK. I mean growing up in West Hollywood..anything goes! No one judges anyone, on anything and mainly because everyone in that town is in entertainment, be you a model or an actress…and on a daily basis, as you are going from audition to audition, at Warner Brothers, Disney, Paramount…some casting office….you are being heavily JUDGED constantly….for work.

There’s also the fact that so much shit goes on, that we’ve kinda seen, been and heard it all. The things that would be seen as taboo over here, is taking with a pinch of..well…tequila over there. Lol

And ofcourse, because i’m a plank, the example I used was this…

‘Well one day, a chick friend of mine came into work, looking all glamourously worried and she kinda  just whispered to me that she had had sex with a co worker (we all worked in a celebrity gym at the time Lol) AND HIS MATE…at the same time….the night before.’

I described the incident in more graphic detail for JD. 🙂 Let’s just say…she as BUSY. Hahaha.

Infact, let me take you back about 14 years….(as if it’s been that long, ) this is how the story went…We’re at Crunch Gym, on Sunset, West Hollywood….checking in for a shift…

Chick: ‘Omg. So I had accidentally had a threesome last night with Rob and his mate…What the fuck…I’m like working with him later…’

Me: ‘Omg. NO! Hahah. After work… the night before, he asked me back to HIS…AND I had sex tooo! Not with his mate though. Lol. Shit. I sent him that needy as fuck text…Haha. I send him the needy as fuck text…when you were giving him a blow job. Hahaha.’

Chick: ‘Hahaha. He’s totally done us over.’

And yes, you may think this is all rather slutty etc etc…blah…But it’s life and well in Hollywood….being a young 20 something….Shit like this DOES NOT MATTER. It doesn’t even nearly graze the surface, of what you’ll actually go through.

So me, being me…and I’ll about ‘airing and sharing,’ I decided to wait until Rob came on his shift, so I could confront him. 🙂 We’re girls. We like to see a boy squirm.

It went like this…

Me: ‘Yo Rob…’

Rob: ‘Hey..’

Me: ‘You totally slept me with and then had a threesome with ******* the next night. I sent you that needy text…Just make like that didn’t happen…’

And you know what he did…because a BRITISH BOY, would have gone white with panic, tried to figure out some kind of last minute excuse, admitted it sheepishly, pretended that he hadn’t heard you, or just be all cocky because he’s been caught out.

Rob *paused* then PISSED HIMSELF LAUGHING. Lol. Literally laughed SO LOUD, in my face that he almost teared up and cried. He found it that funny, that he managed to play us both.

And because’re we’re LA…and he had just shouted out a ‘YES’ with an air pump… I started laughing…then my chick friend, who was unfortunate enough to have the threesome started pissing herself…and just like that….it was forgotten about, taken so lightly, filed under ‘life’ and today we’re all STILL (14 years on) the best of friends. It’s such a great story…

But what I’m saying is, that if the same story happened here, with some of my UK chick friends…it would’ve been drama…for weeks, months, maybe even years…

So I guess doing my 20’s in LA, kinda made me open minded, open hearted and a hell of a lot more relaxed. Like you can’t shock me..at all.

I mean, even when all three of us were laughing, my roommate walked by, who also worked at the gym, (who was a super popular male model)..looked over, said this..

Justin: ‘What you laughing at?’

Me: ‘Rob had a threesome with ****, but slept with ME the night before.. I sent him a needy text…whilst **** was giving him a blow job…lol That’s how lame I am.’

Justin…’Uh….Do you wanna get lunch…?’

Like that is how much IT SHOCKED Justin…my roomy, because he was SO LA. Infact, i think he was actually dating a really famous Pornstar at the time…because she was always in our condo, watching ‘Jackass.’ Justin & I were really great roommates because we did everything together…and had the same friends. The only time we ever argued, was once when he marched up to the top floor (which was my floor) of our condo…utterly wasted and decided to throw a tantrum because I refused to have sex with him. Hahaha.

Long story short….Rob’s laughing and making fun of me didn’t end there…

He then proceeded to write and PERFORM  RAP, that he had dedicated to ME called..

‘I hit, but I quit, because I found a better girl.’

Hahaha

He performed it with such vigor and even beat boxed it at me. Lol. I mean WHO DOES THAT…EVER…

Hahahaha.

But it’s such a hilarious memory….Plus, we were both models at the time and often we would get interviewed and asked how we knew each other and if we had any stories to share…

And being perfectly PR’d…we’d both just smile…make up a lame story, say we used to work together and hug…

Hahahaha.

I must have delivered my story in one whole breath, because I paused, looked up and JD….who is utterly SAINTLY. I mean, he’s such a gentleman, a bit wet maybe, some would say? Yet, such a good human. He looks out for people, selflessly…

I looked at him and he had thrown his head back in absolute hysterics, laughing SO LOUD and so hard that he was crying! 🙂

It was almost as if, in that moment, I made this little saint of a friend…feel ALIVE…(fair enough, at the expense of my dignity Lol)…But what i’ll tell you, is that THAT is not only a gift, or a talent…Yet it is always why or how this little blog works….

Love ya,

Chrissie x

Ps, I’ve just got an Insta DM from one of my best LA guy friends Theo…and all it reads is..

‘I miss you.’

How sweet. 🙂

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Life, Drinks & Mexican Blow Jobs

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Happy Bank Holiday! Suns Out! Funs Out! Let’s get playing! (Can you tell i’m doing shit at this ‘staying in and not drinking when it’s sunny’ thing? But who cares? I had a chilled one yesterday and let’s face it, I’m hear to live with my full face on, not twiddle thumbs in a knitted cardy.) Its important that we stick to our strengths.

If you’re in LA! (And a lot of my closest friends are! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.) Hope you had an AMAZING ‘CINCO DE MAYO!’ Any excuse to enjoy a tipple, even if we do it in sombreros and celebrate the fact that I invented the ‘Mexican Blowjob.’ (You need to ‘back track’ blog for that information. But it’s totally flipping worth it.)

It’s basically, the art of giving someone a blow job…yet at the same time HUMMING the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance.‘ And before you all get narky. I’m allowed to say this, because *many moons ago,* I had a Mexican Husband, and that’s when I decided to invent this treat…So THERE. I’m not a floozy. Just a great ‘at the time’ wife? Yay! Divorce!!!  Lol. (Good Save.)

If you’re weird and you don’t know the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance‘ IS… Hit *Play* bitches now…  🙂 And yes…I did!

Okay, so i’ve been whining on about my love life for a bit now, and I do want you to know that it IS actually deliberate..and you’ll find out why shortly. However, our  Love lives, be you a girl or boy.. is such an important thing to us, isn’t it? Even if we play it down. I always find it strange when guys or even girls don’t have the time or ability to love. Maybe because i’m the opposite way. But I just couldn’t live a life with someone who was numb to emotion or FUN.

DON’T BE DULL. LIVE. BE FUN. HAVE A LAUGH. I MEAN I DON’T WHY PEOPLE TAKE THEMSELVES OR LIFE SO SERIOUSLY AT TIMES? RELAX. ENJOY IT. I’m someone who just KNOWS how to LIVE…and i’ll go to my grave happy because of it.

*Throws you a life line. Boomerangs you a chance*

Yesterday was super sunny, but I had a chill day kinda day, dedicated to family. I was in INSTA JAIL for the majority of the day and it was fine at first, until i got frustrated, sweaty and ran out of gin…then it wound me up. I’m going off gin. It doesn’t give me the gusto,t he spunk, the ‘Ooh laa’ that I need. Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy’ who I adore, (i’m starting to adore her madly,) sat with opposite me with a..

‘*Like* something and let me screenshot it.’

‘WHEN AM I OUT OF INSTA JAIL. Like i have shit to promote through the week!!’

‘ Miss. Murphy’ does PR for a living, in Leeds but our kids go to school together and what I adore about ‘The Murph’ is that I see her in snippets and when I do, I literally tell her everything, without her permission…sort of like she’s confession box. Whatever that is? 😉 My heart lights up when I see her, because I’ll either get to repent, or she’ll join in with the verbal Tom Foolery, without judgement.

Today, I want drinks and i’m certainly gonna get them. it’s me time. I’m choosing ‘The Carleton’ as my haunt…and well I’ll know everyone there, so I’ll only need to rock up with a smile and bump into EVERYONE. I’m sorted!

Life is great. It’s almost like i’m trying to pretend that.. NOT MUCH is going on, when A LOT of really serious stuff is occurring. I don’t know why i’m doing that?  Maybe i’m worried and I don’t like you to know that? Or maybe I just can’t believe my luck..and i’m absorbing it quietly? Or Maybe I just want you to think life can be easy? I dunno? Yet, it seems to be working. Haha.  So ‘whatevers.’ You’ll hear about it soon, so don’t worry. I’m really excited and like I always say, I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

THINGS ARE CHANGING. NEW PEOPLE ARE SHIMMINING IN..New opportunities are occurring…

(Hahaha. I can’t at all concentrate because ‘The Mexican Hat Dance’ song keeps playing on my laptop and I can’t turn it off. How do I make it stop? It’s putting me off!! Lol Plus, that Husband once through me across a restaurant by accident in LA..so he didn’t even deserve my treat. Don’t get all stressed. He picked me up when drunk and attempted a baby fling…but I FLEW ACROSS TABLES, because I’m light like that? 😉 I was in a tshirt that read ‘I break hearts on a daily basis’ I was 20 something, crying lol and then some other dude called ‘Mickey,’ who has now passed away, tried to comfort me in a strip club. Hahaha.) 

I’m really missing my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell’ right now. You need a good chick team, don’t you and she’s certainly one of THE BEST girls I know. In a world where you live your life publicly online, there’s actually always secrets and well… she certainly knows all mine. She’s the only person I tell EVERYTHING TO, honestly, without censor.

Me: ‘I don’t even know why he didn’t  evenlove me?’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s been done for a long time. It was good FOR the TIME…THAT time…but just move forward. He’s so dull.’

I kinda felt free…

The reason why I love a bit of ‘Firmonnell’ (who needs a better blog name) is because when I don’t tell her the truth, she sees right through me…Yet, she doesn’t make me feel bad for it. Lol.  I messaged her the other day, because I was feeling ‘needy af.’ I just needed advice…this is what she said…

Firmonnell: ‘Find someone who takes your breath away, who can look after you, who makes you laugh, who makes you shine and doesn’t hold you back.’

And from different sides of the city….that’s all I needed to hear. Two chicks, from two different walks of life, threw each other a life line, because they saw the world through the same eyes…

I’d love someone to take my breath away, yet I want them to be bantery and fun, at the same time. I love a ‘handsome’ cheeky chappy. One that can make fun of you, but love you madly. Lol. But to be honestly, i’m pretty happy, because I don’t have to really look…they’ll step forward. It’s what men do.

Anyway, i’m off for breakfast with my daughter, before I drop her off at her daddies…and tinkle down to a beer garden for Bank Holiday. I’m like it’s 9.17am? Is the pub open yet? Hahah.

But enjoy it. Do, DO LIVE!!

It’s Summer right! If you follow this blog religiously, you’ll know that I usually regard Summer time, as a season where people just ‘fling.’ They never seem to fall in love…they ‘crush’ and ‘fling’…as Winter is when the ‘coupling up’ happens., people are more lonely during that time and Christmas kinda fills hearts with merriment and all that jazz. Lol

This Summer is different, because this Summer i’ve grown into a woman. So as you’re drinking out of coconuts (because honestly how many more people can I see on my newsfeed, drinking out of coconuts this year. Last year it was the ‘flamingo/unicorn inflatable..’ Lol) I’m gonna find me some REAL FUN, that fun that LASTS a lifetime…

Chrissie x

Thank you for following my life…

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What I Need In A Guy….

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Life is flying at a million ‘WTF’s’ per hour. It’s crazy. There’s been kitten strokes, smoke alarms and utter madness, that has been *paused* by bits of calm. So much keeps happening to me and it’s a mixer of ‘all things dandy,‘ drizzled with trips ups. I ‘trip up’ well, so that doesn’t bother me. I can always brush myself off and wink my way forward with a *shrug.* When good things happen, I sort of fill myself with a kitten like’ excitement. Yet, I do get terrified.

But on the whole, I’m glad the clouds have hovered over Yorkshire this afternoon, (today is the Tour De Yorkshire,) as it pretty much keeps me out of trouble. I just can’t keep myself in when the sun comes out to play. Yet that’s what life is about. I’m all ‘Suns out, Wuns’ out. I’m enjoying good times, refraining from over thinking anything and trying to just have fun with everything. You’re a long time dead and well, usually, as the fairytale goes…it kinda all works itself out in the end, doesn’t it?

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON…

Over the last couple of days, i’ve spent quality time with my friends ‘Katy P’ and ‘JD’ and we’ve all just decided that our love lives (over wine) are shocking. They’re shit. Does it ever get better? Where’s my Prince, who comes trotting along on some stallion, with his one arm *scoop,* ready to sweep me away? Where is he? (Can you tell i’m Needy AF’ today. :))

Katy P: ‘I think it’s hard for you date. I mean, men get the wrong impression of you, because they don’t know you well enough. You’re sexy and they love sexy…yet they don’t see the softer side to you… I don’t know whether they don’t want to, or if they aren’t smart enough to?’

In love, I’m sassy and i’m quite the seductress…and I love that about me. I’m forward. More forward than the guys I’ve met. I wish guys WERE more forward with me. YET, at the same time i’m a hopeless romantic…and I can’t help that. After years of failed ‘love’ ..all the way around the world an back, (lol) i’ve learnt to appreciate the small things and treasure the simple things in life.

I do like to feel ‘impressed’ by a guy. I enjoy being chased. I love being ‘wooed.’ I’m not gonna say that I don’t adore the finer things in life, also. However, a guy could buy me a room filled with diamonds, upon diamonds, to show me how much he cares…and I’d appreciate the effort, whole heartedly. But i’d never appreciate that over a simple ‘love letter,’ as that’s something i’d hold close to my heart forever. I’m creative and I adore a creative gift. If i’m being honest, I’d adore a creative partner.

Anything ‘complicated’ or too difficult…is not something that I’m going to enjoy. If you have to try so hard to make someone want you, then it’s a ‘no go’ really, for me. They’re not that interested. They’re not that into you. I’m both unconventional and traditional all in one. Boys should chase girls. Always. If they don’t, then i honestly just think they don’t care. (And sometimes that isn’t the case, I know. But i need a brave man.)

Plus ‘Josh The Bartender’ once told me that when a guy loves a girl he’ll place her on a pedestal and that pedestal will be so high that no other girl will ever even come close to her. I’ve remember that and every time my paths crosses with another…I flashback to it.

I miss Josh. Where the fuck are you??

So, after a conversation with ‘Katy P’ about cougar loving, sexting and life… in a Justin Bieber top…

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Katy P: ‘Boys just seem to *go at* sex. Real men, can READ ya body better during sex and grown up women give better blow jobs. We must, because you’ll know, don’t they always looked astonished afterward, with a *where did that come from* face. Lol. But no, I never sext. I’m not good at it. I never know what to say?’

Me: ‘I love sexting. I can talk some filth via message. Lol. But i’m a writer..it’s a strength. Hahaha. But yeah, I know what you mean about the blow job thing. You do know that Toyboys are so in right now. Everyone’s doing it. Shall we get more wine?’

Katy P: ‘Younger men are attracted to the confidence that a WOMAN has… over a young girl. We just say it how it is and get on with it. We’re not naggy. We’re better in bed. We know what we want and if we don’t get it…We sack it off.’

Me: ‘They’re not forward though. They’re more terrified than anything, I think? I can feel them being terrified. I like forward. Not creepy forward. Just emotionally brave men. I don’t like them playing the *game* of love. It’s long. I don’t have time for that shit.’

Katy P: ‘You love eye candy though!!!’

Me: ‘Well yeah. I want them to be hot. Who doesn’t!! But i’m a personality girl. I mean, look at that Creepy Deadpoll guy, that follows you about. I only don’t like him because his personality is off. He’s strange. His social skills are wank.’

Then I found myself stood by hot dogs with one of my besties Jenna, as the Tour De Yorkshire *whizzed* by to cheers. I watched it for a bit and then sacked it off for a drink and a blog at ‘Ego.’ It was there and I supported the women’s race…but let’s face it...ROLL ON THE MEN IN SHORTS!!

Jenna: ‘We might as well become lesbians.’

Me: ‘Bagsy the *lipstick,* one, cos i’ll need you to put the bins out.’

Jenna: ‘You just need someone who’s cares so much, but is like FIRE. Someone who knows what they want…They want YOU and they’re not gonna let ANYONE ELSE FUCKING HAVE YOU. YOUR THEIRS.’

Me: ‘God, you’ve made that sound so hot. Haha. I love that. I’m looking for actions not words. What they DO. Not what they SAY their gonna.. and they need to be self less…I hate selfish people.’

But is that too much to ask for? No. So nowadays, I just do the ‘happy being single’ thing…until a Knight comes a striding in with his ‘one armed scoop.’ I’m someone that will feel it straight away…and i’ll finally be putting the ‘square peg, through the square hole,’ without complications…

Bethy G: ‘Do you want a biscuit. Men are shit, they’re all the same…’

🙂

Chrissie x

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Love, Dating & Papering Over The Cracks

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Happy Tuesday! It’s just a gorgeous day today, isn’t it! Well, it is in Yorkshire. I’m don’t know where you are? Lol. But I hope it’s wonderful and I hope life’s treating you really well. I mean, as humans, we can go through some really GREAT TIMES, can’t we? Times where we’re filled with a rush of uncontrollable excitement. Those great times are balanced out, by tiny sprinkles of shit, the hard times, that we either  REALLY TRULY heal from… or simply ‘wall paper‘ over.

How have I got this deep, so fast?

However, what i’ve learnt in my 37 years, so far…and it never mattered if I was in heels or flats, with a cocktail or a coffee, thin or fat, in LA or the UK 😉 IS THAT it’s THOSE of us, who can not ONLY get back up, EVERY SINGLE TIME we fall. Be it in work. Be it in love. They ALL play into one big pot, that we called ‘life.’

I mean, you hear people going on about how they ‘get back up each time‘…blah, blah, blah. We’re human, we all go through the same things. Tell the same lies. Share the same laughter.

(I mean, I shared laughter with good friends over wine yesterday afternoon, then lied to a random guy, I didn’t know, who’d approached me in a pub, with his number written on piece of paper, asking to date me and seeing if he could take me to London this weekend, to his friend’s birthday party? I didn’t fancy him. I didn’t want to date him. I admired his ballsiness…But I lied and said I was going to a Hen do and wasn’t looking to date. I lied out of politeness, because I didn’t want him to feel bad, when he had plucked up the gusto, to go out of his way and approach me.)

Kate: ‘You’re going to call him…April 1st of…NEVER, aren’t you?’

JD: ‘OMG! What a good time to call him! Call him on April Fools Day… before noon.’

Me: ‘Ew! Shush. Hahaha. Why do I have friends who are such BASTARDS? No. I’m not gonna call him. He knows that…But it was…’

Kate: ‘I hope you’re not referring to me, when you say bastard?’

Anyway, back to my chat, when it comes to ‘getting back up’  IT IS ONLY THOSE OF US, who can manage to do it with an open heart, no more fear, a true warmth and the ability to *carry on* in one whole, but HAPPY PIECE, that are STRONG… the ACTUAL life warriors.

The ones that ‘carry on’ a bit broken, aren’t strutting right.

People sometimes get that twisted. I mean, if you simply paper over the cracks’ then you’re not MARCHING forward at all, you’re dwelling on something that’s done..and you can never move forward at that point. You’re kinda stuck. And, let’s face it, who likes being (in the words of Zara…) sticky and vile.‘ 🙂

I reckon….

Winners find solutions to everything. They do it calmly, without stress. The hustlers work hard to get what they want, stressfully…via ‘the grind.’ The confident ones…have honed their skills so well, that they have the ability to feel the hurty bits, yet still develop, and get back to ‘happy’ quickly, because the not only have faith in life, but they have faith in themselves.

Call me Oprah!

The only reason why i’m going on about this today, was because I was chatting to a friend of mine yesterday, called ‘JD,’ who had said that they had had their heart broken THREE TIMES and two of those times REALLY HURT.

They hurt so much, a BIG OLD WALL OF FEAR...because that’s all it’s made up of…(People like to say, it’s a wall of protection, but that’s simply a good way of glamorizing it, so it sounds moderately mighty.  Hahaha. It’s really just fear. You’re a scaredy cat. Deal with it.)

Anyway, this is what happened…

JD: ‘I literally haven’t dated in years. I can’t do it. My hearts closed. But I want to find love.’

Me: ‘Well, obviously you’re never going to find love, if your hearts closed, you idiot. Love is an emotional connection. Where two hearts NEED to connect emotionally, in order to FEEL love.’

JD: ‘Yeah. I know, but it’s awful. It’s scary..’

Me: ‘God. Don’t be daft. I’ve been through three marriages and tons of relationships. I got married so many times because I believed in love. And I still do, even though NONE OF THEM worked out. I’m not scared to be hurt. I heal quickly and I’m SO filled to the brim with love, that I find it easy to adore someone. Really easy.’ I love, being in Love. ‘

It’s not hard. It’s simple. Ain’t no one coming through the door, if it’s shut. Lol.

Just so you know. My doors FULLY OPEN. 😉

So, if you suffer from the same old ‘JD’ dilema, sort it out, because in this world, where people are deluded by fame and money, or drenched in fear. All the things that don’t mean shit through life….you’ll end you having nothing.

Love and happiness go hand in hand, because they’re both build around positive emotion and not ‘stuff’ or terror. Lol. You won’t have experienced the fullest life by ANY means, if you never ever surrender to the *swirl,* or the magic, of love. To me, it’s the ONLY THING…that makes the world go around.

(Says the single 37 year old. 😉 )

And that’s the truth, as even though i’m someone who is always pre judged…ALWAYS. Which is nuts, but I get it…and yeah, i’ll admit that  I’ve found it hard to date. I mean, a guy can meet me, then go straight onto my blog, (and I do like it when they read the blog,….I do!)

However, I don’t like it when they read about my entire life for the past 10 years, only to JUDGE me for it (Hahahah)  because I would never dream of judging them on THEIR SECRETS, let alone the things they were actually open about. I’m sassy, but you kinda have to get to know me personally to ‘feel’ the correct presence.

I’m light. I’m warm. I’m fun. I’m banter.

And yeah, I do have the type of career that is immersed around people who want fame, money and all sorts…When I was a young 20 year old in Hollywood, I wanted the exact same thing. I sold myself short, many a times for it. And I don’t regret that. I love show business. I love it with all of my heart. I absolutely STILL want to do well…

But when I was 20 something I was really selfish and I never cared about inspiring. Now, everything’s different…because I got to experience everything, that I ever dreamt of experiencing….Therefore now BOTH Inspiring people and having recognition for doing something that I love, makes me smile. It’s actually really important to me. Even if I ‘humour’ it out.

I guess, the 37 year old version of me, is someone who can still enjoy it all, yet at the same time have a really great grasp of life in general, MY life, separate the world of ‘show,’ from the ‘real world’ and pretty much hold my own stance morally. I’m really comfortable with who I am and what I represent. Much more comfortable than some of the people that you will BELIEVE are comfy.

I’m in this industry simply because I LOVE to entertain, whether i’m on a show, writing out my life, acting, modelling, or being ‘social,’… whatever….Just in general just LOVE being an entertainer…a court jester. It’s fun. It’s a buzz to me and it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, since being a little girl. So, to me, i’ve had all my dreams come true! I’ve even managed babies and have a couple of loving parents…What’s left for me to do, other than the thing that I can’t seem to conquer…and that’s my LOVE LIFE!

What have I rambled on about now? I’m meant to be telling you about my friend’s shit love life and Mel’s birthday drinks!

I’ll have to tell you it all, in the next blog.

But what I can say right now…is to all of you who have found yourselves accidentally  or deliberately *scrolling* or *clicking* on a piece of me, that lead you right here…in Wunna Land…I thank you SO much. I truly do. I kinda turned my life into a business and I couldn’t have done that without YOU.

I don’t know people read this blog? BUT I’M FUCKING GLAD THEY DO!

HAHAHA.

Billions of people are doing life every SINGLE second, of every SINGLE day…this is just MY version of it.

Don’t paper over the cracks. Be you. Embrace everything that’s WONDERFUL about you. Give no hoots about those who don’t agree with the way you strut your swag. LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. But most of all… don’t be frightened of anything….

Chrissie x

When I did Creator Hair….

So, the clock struck noon and after a morning of work in Doncaster, (the jolly town that birthed me…) I kinda *blinked* and found myself on a corner of 210-214 West Street in the middle of Sheffield, City Centre…outside a bouji glass door. A glass door, that would tinker me straight into Creator Hair. 

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I said previously, I’d met Sam, Zara and ‘Flat Capped D,’ at an event in Leeds, last Wednesday night…and after adoring the balls of them..quite madly, which was followed by a few ‘back & forth‘ whatsapp messages …I’d booked myself in, with the ever delicious, Sam, who agreed to give my hair, a good ‘glamour pussy’ seeing to.

‘Hiya! It’s me. I’ve got a noon appointment..’

They already knew. They already had it sorted, and as a lady took my faux fur from me, for ‘hang up,’ I kinda eye scanned the place quickly, but simply because it’s habit.

Creator Hair is literally brimming with style. It’s so well designed, with a modern, classy twist. It’s spacious, it’s open, there’s an absolute vibe of coolness. It’s busy. It’s alive. The service is impeccable. The staff couldn’t be friendly (which automatically flourishes you with comfort) and well how can I describe it? The sight of the place and the sound of the place, almost gives you a ‘FEEL.’ It makes you feel like you’re in a bouji hotel, or an executive suite. It plays with your senses….if you just relax and let it.

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And thank GOD for IT, because straight away always makes me feel safe. Lol. If you don’t know me personally. I’m bubbly and quite confident, yet I ALWAYS get anxious, whenever I first walk into a place. I have no clue why? It just happens. Yet, after a few minutes of me *yakking,* to disguise the fact that i’m terrified…I was okay again. 🙂

Me: ‘It’s bouji in here. I love it. It’s beautiful.’

Sam: ‘Hey..How are you? D’ya wanna come sit over her..’

Me: ‘I’ve got a whole bunch of clip in’s in. Shall I take’em out? I had this updo in that I didn’t like, so I switched it out, at the last minute, in Doncaster.’

Sam: ‘Yeah, what d’ya want doing?’

Me: ‘Whatever you want boys…. 😉 ‘

Flat Capped D: ‘I’m thinking, BIG, CURLY, VOLUMED, yeah…?’

Me: ‘Yeah, I love it! Like delicious and glamour pussy.’

Sam: ‘Have you ever had your hair curly before? Oh and it’s jacket..’

(He was holding out the ‘hairdressy gown.’)

Me: ‘Yeah, back in LA, I had it HUGE because I was an old school glamour model. Lol Oh? Thanks.’

So, as he smiled with his eyes, he walked me through the salon for a wash and a bit of glamourous banter.

Sam’s really easy to get along with. I find him really down to earth. There’s parts of him that are sassy. But he’s fun. He’s witty. He has a good sense of humour. He’s helpful. He’s creative. He looks composed. He won’t take nonsense. Yet, there’s a delicateness to him. A side that you just want to mother.

He’s quite easy to read. He’ll sometimes say nothing, but I can watch his face and know what he’s thinking. He’s layered, but he’s fun loving. He’s a gentleman…it’s just certainly swirled in sex appeal. I love him. He’s ace. I actually never knew he was in Yorkshire.

Sam: ‘So Zara & I read the blog, we were in..’

Me: ‘Aw! Good. I’m glad. The one where I made you sound amazing. Lol.’

Sam: ‘Haha…yeah…’

But then I couldn’t concentrate, because he was innocentlymassaging’ my head,…and flowing water through my hair, just doing normal ‘hair washy’ things….Lol….but  OMG, it felt like the most EROTIC THING EVER. I couldn’t even cope. If he had touched, massaged or just anything a moment longer, he would’ve had no hope. I would’ve *pounced* on him.

My loins nearly burned away. Hahaha.

I had to sort of keep calm by making ‘pleasant,’ normal conservation… about dating and makeup shit, so I could pretend that I was all *swag* about it. Lol.

Poor guy. Haha.

I mean, Thank God, Zara showed up at that point and came to sit down, for girly chatter, because I NEEDED to be FULLY DISTRACTED from the ‘Reecey’ head massage. She must have felt my womanly pulse, from afar. Lol.

I love Zara, she just fills me with life, because I find her so vibrant.’ She’s funny and when she calmly bursts into my life path every now again, it couldn’t be more refreshing. Her personality is a really good balance of everything! I love that in people.

Zara: ‘Gosh. You look so glamourous.’

Me: ‘Aww. Thank you. YOU look amazing.’

Zara: ‘Oh Hi Sam. I haven’t spoken to you all morning.’

Then with a *blink* I was sort of sat back in the chair, being pumped upward, in front of large mirrors, wishing I had a wine.

Sam: ‘You know we sell wine. Like you can buy drinks here. You want one?’

Me: ‘Yeah. God! I want wine!!’

And he passes me a mini drinks menu…and before you know it, I had a wine in my hand…

Sam: ‘Hmm…Starting early, are we?

Me: ‘As if. 12.0is a perfectly acceptable time to have a drink.’

Sam: ‘Before noon you’re an alcoholic. Zara’s bringing it over.’

I’m a sucker for a good time. So I went with ‘fuck it.’ 🙂 Well… in fact, I ended up having two wines, because…let’s put it this way…One of the reasons why I adore Sam, is because he can naturally recognize when my glass is almost empty…and sort out the problem.

‘You want another wine? It’s really hot in here. I’m boiling me. Are you?’

It means he’s aware of the little things, the small things…aware of his immediately surroundings…and also knows that I NEED WINE, without me having to prompt him. 🙂

That’s an attractive quality. It apparently means he’s quite nurturing. (So there you go Ladies, ‘NURTURING‘ has been plonked on the list.)

So, he’s curling my hair with his wand 😉 and we’re chittering…We’re chatting about EVERYTHING… his life, my life, his story, my story…what makes us tick, what we don’t like…We’re laughing at the shit things, good things, bad things… telling tales about all sorts and we’re chittering on about meditating…

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Sam: ‘I do meditate…and I write three positive things down after each day.’

Me: ‘You should write a diary.’

Sam: ‘Inspire me.’

Me: ‘Every day, just write out pieces of what happened to you that day….and only focus on how someone or something made or makes YOU FEEL. Like it has to only be based on private emotion. It’s honestly a form of therapy. Once you get started and look back on it, it’s like magic.’

(And it really is!  Expression is the simpliest form of keeping a healthy soul. That’s why I love to keep a diary. SO many people are SO internally messed up because they feel far too emotionally trapped, and cannot find it in them to just express in general. It’s unhealthy.)

He won’t start a diary. Lol.

Anyway, long story short, he’s kitten curling away. (I don’t know he put up with me, *yakking* on at him for that long. I must’ve drove him nuts.)  I’m drinking wine, ‘Flat Capped D’ is giving me back my ‘clip ins’ because they just wouldn’t curl…and I guess we both started talking about our love lives…But that was after this…

Me: ‘OMG. I have such a low pain threshold. Don’t let that wand get my ear..’

Sam: ‘Haha. I’ve never burnt anyone yet. I mean, I do this weird thing with the hair dryer sometimes…But I won’t burn you. Haha.’

Me: ‘Good, cos you don’t want to end up with a crying crazy Asian lady on your hands.’

Sam: ‘Hahaha….Have you ‘eard this…(*He’s Yorkshire, like me…but definitely doesn’t sound it*) She said if I burn her, she’s gonna turn into a crying, crazy asian.. Lol.  I’m hungry now…I’ve got my pack up downstairs. Oh, I did actually burn myself by accident, the other day with the wand.’

‘I WILL cry SAM! I’m emotional. I’m filling up now! Lol.’

Then we’re talking about holidays. He’s off to Ibiza on a stag do shortly. I love stag do’s..cos they’re much more exciting than hen dos. I don’t like ‘cheaty’ ones though. Like what’s the point in ‘I doing it‘ if ya gonna have a cheeky ‘ bend over’ before the big day. Lol.

I went on about my marriages. But luckily for me…Sam is just as unlucky in love, as I am. It’s like the Good Lord swizzled our paths at a crossing, and plonked the two most unluckiest people, who Cupid hates….in front of a mirror, to play ‘hairdressing.’

(I believe you meet everyone for a reason. I don’t yet know why i have to meet him? But I’ll soon find out soon enough… life’ll chuck a welly at me.)

Me: ‘Yeah. But i’ve been married three times..’

Sam: ‘What!! Lol.’

(Everyone always does a face at me whenever I say that. But I don’t know why? It’s just my story. I’ve done it now. I’m a love bunny. I’m positive. I’m all FOURTH TIME LUCKY. 🙂 ) 

Sam: ‘I can’t even hold a girlfriend down, let alone a wife. Haha. But i’m happy with single life right now. But you do definitely need a girlfriend when ya hungover. Lol. I want someone who KNOWS what they want and not too far away.’

Me: ‘Yeah, but love isn’t about geography. It’s about chemistry.’

Sam: ‘It’s a ball ache though innit.’

Me: ‘Hahah. Yeah.’

I’m not really gonna tell you anything else, because I adore an air of mystery.  I love being open, yet at the same time, I love keeping parts to myself. He seems really happy and he’s just concentrating on work right now.

But I had such a great time. It was so much fun. I mean my HAIR LOOKED AMAZING. It was delicious. He’d did such a great job…and i’m really really picky. I’d say, if I didn’t like something.  But I just loved it. I felt glammy.

How HE or any of the other stylists, have the actual patience to stand there ALL day and do people’s hair, is beyond me? It’s really hard work.

Me: ‘I’d start someone’s hair and just be like…BLAH…i don’t wanna do the rest. Lol’

I was really impressed all around, with everyone in the salon. The actual service and absolute quality of their work is  simply outstanding.

‘Flat Capped D’ came to have a look…and take a couple pics.( I like ‘Flat Capped D,’ I always want to cuddle him. He wasn’t actually in a flat cap, that day, but when I met him he was.) 

Zara popped back for sofa chats with me and I just really adore her. I’m really glad to have met her. I’m really glad to have cross paths with them all.

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She actually sent me a message that read…

‘Can’t wait til we next meet. You’re just a whirlwind, a wonderful, bubbly whirlwind’

How nice is that! It made me beam. I love it when people make me beam. It’s heart warming. I tottered through the city streets with a smile on my face.

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Then with hugs all around, I finished my wine and left the building to do a couple drinks in Sheffield…by myself.

My time at the salon was almost like a calming bubble of protection. It kept me safe from the real world. Lol. It was bliss. I’d go everyday, just for wine. Lol

Hours later, I get harassed by what I call ‘perv central’ to the point where I’m scrambling to leave and Sam has a really BIG car crash…and breaks his flipping hand. Lol.

Whatsapp msg:

Sam: ‘Sorry, i’ve just got home, was in a really bad crash earlier…just got back from A& E. Hope you loved your hair!’

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And that…. is what I call…

Life…

 

 

 

Blogging, Firmonnell & I’m in the MOOD for a Date

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Morning, my little pieces of ‘love festival.’ I’m feeling great today. There’s a beam around my soul, a tingle down my spine…a glint in my wink…and a sizzle of excitement in the air. I never know what life has in store for me? Who does? Yet, I just know that it’s going to be something wonderful.

(Even though I spent part of yesterday dressed as a Mermaid and that was somewhat alarming on all levels. Yet, a girl’s godda eat…so if work says ‘today you’re mermaid, start pouting for pics,‘ i’m there. I mean, it could be worse, I could be locked in a cellar, with zero chances of  prosecco and without the ability to selfie. Oh & just so you know, the picture above was taken by Insta: @AaronPix.Celebs & I’m pictured with Simone Reed, who has a new boyfriend, who’s apparently friends, with my friends.)

*Ramble Over.*

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So, what are you up to today? Owt or Nowt?

I’m going through quite a busy time right now, (where everyone wants a piece of me,) but like I said, it’s an exciting time, filled with opportunity, so i’m enjoying it. It actually feels like a really lucky time for me, so we’ll see what arises from the glitter pool. I’ll just keep everything crossed in the meantime and try and stay out of trouble. I’m so sorry to all the friends that I’ve had to cancel plans with for work. But honestly, it’s truly quite busy…I’ll come drink with you, always when i’m free.

*Always remind me.*

Who knew that writing a little life blog, could actually place you on some kind of ‘tippy tappy’ pedestal? I’m kinda in shock, but so utterly grateful. Never get that twisted!

I mean, who knew that, when I started typing out my life in LA, almost 10 years ago and simply because ‘D.K’ a middle aged barista (who kept a diary of everything he ate, because he had an eating disorder) told me to…Who knew that masses of people globally, literally on every continent of the world, were soon to be tuning into my life, as I ‘diaried’ along.

It’s nuts.

But what I love about the blog, is that it’s something that people just ‘discover’ out of nowhere, whilst they’re tinkering through their OWN existence. During that time they accidentally cross paths with MY existence…and ‘just like that’ they find THEMSELVES in this story.

It’s magic.

But I must’ve met a lot of people, because i’ll tell you, I’m bloody knackered.

I have an audition this morning, then I might head over to Gino’s Leeds for a quick prosecco to chill. You all know how much I adore that place. It’s certainly my hideaway and they never fail to treat me like  Queen. (Which I adore. Lol)

Remember last year, I got to speak to Gino and got to watch him work, as I became part of the madness during his stage show and launches…I had such a great time. I always go to the Leeds spot, yet when I did Harrogate, I cocktailed and played table football with, Adam Clayton. I don’t know who he plays football for, but he had his girlfriend’s Chanel bag dangling from his neck, who was also playing table footy with us.

There’s just a great spirit in that restaurant…I do drinks there all the time…and in the Summer, you should too! It’s a fun lunch spot.

Anyway, tomorrow, I’m at ‘Creator Hair’ in Sheffield. This time last week..(as if it’s been a week,) I bumped into Sam & Zara at the ‘Weaves & Waves’ event…You all know who Sam Reece is anyway and I love Zara, because she’s sassy and fun. No one does a better ‘resting bitch face.’ I love her for it.

Long story short…and after a few Whatsapp messages…I’m booked in at Creator Hair, (creatorhair.com) tomorrow at noon and Sam is gonna give me a ‘blow.’ 🙂

I just love saying *blow*

I don’t even know what’s gonna happen to my hair, (Hahaha) I just want to see them all again!! I’m excited. It should be fun. I’ll be blogging about my bouji bit of time there and I’ll try and get some really great pictures for ya’ll to see.

I had this mad phone call with my chick bestie ‘Firmonnell’ last night.

(Snapchat Msg)

Me: ‘Omg. When you’re free tonight, fucking call me. I’m stressed. All this shit has happened…and I don’t know what to do!’

It’s hilarious, because when we have a problem, one of us’ll send the other an ’emergency text’….and you can FEEL the ’emergency‘ in the message. We don’t do pleasantries. We just get tot he point.

By nature, we’re both sassy. We’re not lame…So it’s not like we’re all ‘come over to mine, drink tea, do a face mask and we’ll plait each others hair.’ 

It’s more like ‘fuck this, get gin, come now and sort my life out.

Then we’ll have a big verbal *THRASH OUT* where I’ll usually witter on about shit my love life always is, and she’ll solve all my problems, kinda like she’s Oprah, but drunk…

Once solved, she’ll then deliver her mountains of problems.

I never solve her problems. Lol. I’m too selfish. 🙂 Plus, I’m really shit at giving advice. Hahaha! She’s not someone that needs help. She likes tough love. And i’m good at that! 🙂

Witter. Witter. Banter. Banter. Moments where we *pause* to appreciate how wonderful are, in comparison to everyone else is. Lol.  I go bananas! Then we start accusing people of being ‘DULL’

‘Why are they the DULLEST PERSON IN ALL THE LAND. They definitely have shit sex. They’re SO DULL.’

Once that’s been said….

… it always ends with..

‘Well it’s their loss not mine. So I win!’

(Lol. Yesterday’s *Thrash out* was all about the art of ‘WINNING,’ when it’s mixed with this dodgy thing called ‘feelings.’)

Then it’s like we both just hang up on each other, like we don’t care.. Hahaha. Until the next time, my sweet!

I love ‘Firmonnell’ because I can be absolutely, truly 100 percent honest with her. I tell her EVERYTHING. And I never tell people anything! It’s like there’s nothing I can do WRONG, in her eyes…Even when I’ve really sinned and vice versa, there’s nothing SHE CAN EVER DO wrong…without me finding it funny. 🙂

Why can’t I just find a guy like that?

I’m in the mood for a date….Why is no one taking me on a date?

It’s sunny for crying out loud!