Breakups, Puddings & Messages…

Last night was fun!! It started with work and quiet moments of blogging. I had half a Peroni, as my merry bit of company. I usually always order that if i’m at my local pub. I don’t even know why? It’s just easy. I’d worked all day. I’d juggled the kids. Mcdonalds got the better of me. (Who knew that they did ‘table service’ now?)

Then an hour zoomed by, at the speed of light.

My pink laptop slammed shut and as the late afternoon kicked in, I sat with friends and just let life take over. Sometimes, that’s all you need to do and I usually hate it when people try to ‘fight the feeling.’ It means they’ve lost their sense of child like ‘adventure.’

My favourite time, is when day turns to night….It’s even better over a tipple.

(I always want to be proposed to, when day turns to night. The reason for that, is simply because it’s such a sexy part of the day for me. It feels really real. It’s exciting, but chilled, all at the same time.)

So, I’m working a lot right now, so i’m making sure I fit in family, rest and fun with friends, whenever I can, really? Today was meant to be quite busy. Yet, I have the whole of Eat Leeds, next week…So I switched things around to chill with the babies today.

IT’S BEEN A STRESSY ONE & NO ONE IS THROWING ME A BONE.

But, next week I’ll be kitty tottering to almost every single swanky bar/restaurant in Leeds city centre. I’m certainly gonna need a good litter of energy for that.

I’m excited through! Who wouldn’t be!! I’m lucky.

Last night was a good time. It was filled with laughter. The bantery kind. Where people were put together to just have some fun! I’m having lots of good times recently. Leeds, last week, was a really good time. My moments of escapism, are always filled with pleasure.

It started off with KatyP and I rambling on to ‘Golfer Jonny’ about how we could never EVER be in a SEX LESS relationship. And I really couldn’t, I’d DIE. I’m no ‘nympho.’ I’m far more in control than that. Yet, when I fancy a guy, ‘Ooooooooooooooh’ do I fancy him…So if I ever have an ‘object of my desire,’ he is usually in for a treat. 😉

At 37, I LOVE a bit of nookie.  I’m a fully grown girl. I love my body and I love to give love and feel loved in return. So, if I had a partner and we’d decided to shimmie through life together, under a flag reading ‘FOREVER.’ I’d chose one with a ‘sexy disposition.’ I’d want him to be in to a bit of the ‘ooh laa.’

I was sat with a guy friend, who was waiting for his bets to roll in, as he showed me pictures of a cocktail, a salsa dancer and a bottle of wine , on his laptop.

Dude: ‘Did you think I did a good job?’

Me: ‘Yeah, yeah.’

Then Ms.Derry (who I adore) sauntered in, with KatyS, on the hunt for a pudding. Who honestly hunts for pudding??? Haha. The lost third course!! They crack me up!

I mean, they got their pudding, after searching MILES for a bit of cake.

‘We’re just three course girls and Electric theatre wouldn’t give us a pudding. We even went to Ego, but we were too late there. So we ended up here.’

(I love Northern girls. ‘Derry’ got chocolate cake and custard. Then fed it to my guy friend, who had initially mocked her pudding choice. I do love custard, but I hate a passing spoon feed, because i’m a total germaphobe. The worst thing anyone could do, is share a spoon. Lol It’s like when people suck a lolly and pass it on to another being for a suck. It’s awful. I’d die.) 

Ms.Derry’s  now fresh and single, after ‘pieing off’ a fifteen year relationship. But the great thing about her is,  that just like ‘Firmonnell’ and I…she’ll simply get on with the next chapter merrily, with a smile and a wink, without moaning.

She’s a fun one and she’s amazing and like we were saying last night, if you are a boy, who is ‘VANILLA,‘ dashed in bland, then we’re far too tasty for ya! Lol. Yet, it’s always the tasty girls, that the boys chase. 😉

My guy friend, sat and learnt about chicks pretty fast…

It’s weird, because this year…has been a year of BREAKUPS. I’ve kinda loved it, as NOW, so many new people are crossing paths and so many new people, now have the opportunity to give a fresh version of life, a go!

A new start is always wonderful!

(People who don’t like them are only scared.) 

Then just as ‘Derry’ was talking about my love life and saying..

Derry: ‘You’ll get it right, the next time around..’

Me: ‘Yeah! Yeah! I’ll definitely get married again, in the future. I’ll get it right, in the end.’

Derry: ‘You’re always so secretive about your relationships.’

…my phone *pinged* and ‘Firmonnell’ (who is my BEST chick friend of all time) starts a Snapchat banter. We enjoy to take the piss out of each other and like I always say, we’re not lame nor basic. We’re not chicks who cry into gin, take warm bubble baths to solve life problems and braid each other’s hair to Kylie tracks.

We’re successful, sassy hotties. Lol. When we chat…WE CHAT and it is GIRL BOSS BANTER.

Executive suites for everyone!

Unfortunately for me, my guy friend grabbed my phone, and started replying to ‘Firmonnell’ ….pretending to me.

People love to do that! But I don’t know why?? Lol

She knew it wasn’t me anyway, as soon as he referred to her as ‘HUN.’ (We would NEVER EVER, relate to each other as ‘HUN.’ We’re not dickheads. Lol)

Me: ‘You should’ve gone with Yo… BITCH.’

She knew when it WAS ME however, as whenever I mentioned a guy that I swirled with, she would give me her blunt sassy answers of ‘nada, no go.’

Me:’ He said he wanted to….’

Firmonnell: ‘He said that five years ago and still hasn’t…Lol’

Then she slagged my guy friend off, to my pretending to be me’ guy friend..because she knew my guy friend, was not actually me. (If you got that, you’re some kind of genius.)

It probably made him die inside a little.

I NEARLY DIED, a little. Lol

Me: ‘I really didn’t say that about you..Lol’

Friend: ‘Well at least I know the truth.’

Yet, let’s refrain from going on my phone and trying to tackle Big Girl banter, because YOU WILL get roasted!! Lol.

It was so much fun. Firmonnell messaged me this morning literally PISSING HERSELF, because she called my guy friend..

‘POOR, AND TOO MUCH.’

Hahaha.

OH LORD!!!

What is my life! No wonder I’m always fucking single!

So many options. Not one of them ever fits. Lol

But other than messing up a phone audition this morning, I don’t have anything else to report. I’ve just had fun with  my dad and the babies, today.

I’m annoyed that I messed up my audition, because it’s something that i’d really be good at. Something that I want. But I was sat in my car, half in pyjamas, half in a pin stripped shirt, whilst listening to an echo on the phone…and I just…Well, I could’ve done better than that!

Let’s hope, I get another shot!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

All four of us.

Text From Your Ex Boy

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I shocked myself up this morning, after the craziest dream. A dream that was filled, with almost every single ex or sexy fumble, that I could’ve ever encountered. Yet, they were all being lovely and in love with me, but showing up at my door? Then I picked one, who was being the opposite to how he has been of recent…and he decided to love me forever.

Why am I tapped? Who dreams shit like that!!

Then there was a knock at my door!

*Tap.Tap.Tap.*

I looked out the window and Keiran’s van (Junior’s Dad) had just pulled up outside. I’m half naked, so I have to throw together, the most random outfit, put on sunglasses and leg it to the door.

Ruby’s shouting..

‘Junior’s back already??’

I swing open the door. Keiran smiled with his eyes. Junior leapt into my arms, with glee and I just swung the door shut, with my sunglasses on, as Keiran laughed at my ‘just got uppidness.’ and walked away.

No words were even exchanged. Lol

Yet, it was hilarious. The moment was filled with warmth and humour.

Then I got a text from an ex…

‘I miss you.’

Hit play…

Why do exes always miss me? Why didn’t you just love me when you had me? Lol. It’s not that wacky a concept, is it?? This means that I must be the kinda girl that eventually grows on a guy..Y’know, when they’ve got over JUST thinking with their willies.

Always! Always! It’ll be months after..and then they’ll have a rethink, after it didn’t quite work out with some other chick, or they think they’ve made a mistake…Then they come to rekindle.

But it kinda makes me feel good, because it makes me feel empowered. Like I’m a treasure of a chicadee…

I’m not really a rekindler…

UNLESS..

They do it correctly.

I’m looking for a fun, emotionally stable, reliable…not a lost douche, who either thinks i hate men, i’m evil or …you get the picture. lol.

In fact, the other night, a guy kept saying that he felt weirdly starstruck, didn’t know what to say to me, had once read a blog and knew that I hated men??

Me: ‘I really don’t hate men. I love men. In fact if I was honest, if it wasn’t for men… I wouldn’t have built an entire career.’

I definitely feel like I WANT to be loved and adored right now. (Maybe, even a little pampered. 😉 ) Y’know, be someones ‘special chica.’

Yet, that will come, when it comes…I’m lucky enough, to have a pretty good life anyhow. A life that’s filled with love, regardless. I’m a picky girl and this time, I want to get it right. I want to make someone happy, but BE happy at the same time.

But I expect to couple again…

Right now, being single feels good, because i’m not having to sacrifice anything. It’s one less problem. I feel free. Yet, don’t ever get it twisted and think that I don’t like men. I just want to pick well…and I know that a pretty good, love life, is in the stars for me.

I can feel it in my little Burmese bones.

(Always trust your guy instinct. Nothing is more powerful)

Do I fancy someone right now?

Yes.

I’ll say my mind is on someone…Yet not much, in fact, nothing is happening.

It’s kinda making me feel a little deluded. Lol. Yet, wishes come true every single second, on this Earth ball and with all the luck on my side…

I reckon i’m gonna be alright.

I’m about to step into a really exciting time work wise and I’m really happy to have you come with me.

Every single moment, I truly appreciate you clicking on this blog. It’s only the story of my life in diary form..Yet ife is the only thing we have. Your job doesn’t matter. Your car doesn’t matter. Your outfit, house or really shitty girlfriend doesn’t matter. Without the ability to wake up every single morning…YOU HAVE NOTHING.

Please do treasure your existence. This is just MY story. But I LOVE YOUR story…and doing my LIFE, has taught me a lot about people and their own ‘bits and pieces.’ I’m never one to shun, disregard, or be unkind to anyone…I kinda just understand shit. I guess, that’s why I hate it when people refuse to understand, judge or take advantage of me.

I’d never do that. I’d never dream of doing that to someone.

(However, saying that..the 20 something version of me, in Hollywood, would’ve been JUST THAT. I certainly did that to others and learnt karma the hard way. Yet at 37 and a hell of a lot more successful and grown…I would never DREAM of treating anyone, with disregard, disrespect…or malice…unless, ofcourse…they deserved it. 😉 ) 

Chick friend: ‘Wunna’s a really good person..and it’s something people forget, because they so caught up in an image and a set of tits.’

I send you all my love.

Bless ya!

Chrissie x

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ps/ I’m getting loads of messages about the @RubyandJunior instagram thing..and I’m gonna be addressing that tomorrow. I’ll tells you, what went down.

 

Friends, Wine, Gingers & *C* Bombs

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Morning! Gosh! It’s such a busy time. I’m running around like a topless 😉 chicken, trying to get everything dished, dashed and sorted. It’s absolute mayhem. But, what can I say, I’m loving it. (I never take for granted how lucky I am.)

There’s a lot going on right now and yeah, it can feel stressy and yeah, yesterday I felt like I didn’t have the positive support that I needed…But today’s a new day…I’m breathing, I’m smiling and i’m sat blogging this in a giant faux fur, knee high boots, diamante danglers and with heated rollers in my hair!

THAT MY BITCHES…IS GLAMOUR PUSSING. We’ll call it *EXTRA.* 😉

Anyway, that last Sunday, I ended up meeting ‘Poggy’ at The Carleton for a couple drinks…without my bank card. (I have it now. Life is bliss.) The guy she wanted to maybe go on a date with was busy, yet instead, a different guy had waited all night until his guy friends had each left, then approached her with a…

‘I was waiting for them to leave, so I could get to chat to you….’

They ended up on a ‘date.’ So, even though it’s ‘early days,’ I guess everything happens for a reason. You get what you’re meant to get…and life sort of times things correctly for you. You’ll be surprised at how many things do actually fall into place. It’s magical and like I always say, it’s a ‘magic’ we can’t control.

I never use timing as an excuse. You meet people because you’re meant to meet them..even if right away that second, you have no clue why? It’s always for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You’re paths will keep crossing, until all life elements are correctly in place, and you’ve figured out your connection.

Barmaid to Poggy: ‘He’s the kinda man who will kiss you when you need to be kissed and slap you when you need to be slapped.’

That Sunday night ended up being wilder than I thought? So much fun. Good friends, new memories and all around a table…as day turned to night.

There was laughter, wine and sarcasm as it’s finest…and as always, we definitely got carried away. You can’t get us started with banter, in the name of wit and ‘Being Yorkshire’ we go for it.

I went to school with ‘Poggy’ and she’s been a good friend of mine for years. We were actually laughing over the fact that our ‘careers teacher,’ stated that she would become a marine and that I would become a florist, after we answered a couple of personality questions. Lol.

Poggy: ‘How the F*** did they come up with that!!’

Me: ‘I must have just said I like flowers and pretty things and you must have said that you…’

Pet Laura: ‘Like to kill things…Lol. It’s like The Hunter & The Vajazzle.’

(‘Pet Laura’ is a Dog Groomer. She found herself at our table, wishing she was in Africa, bottle feeding tigers, or something? Then she had gin.) 

One gin down and she was naming our vagina’s after ‘Harry Potter’ spells. I distinctly remember looking up and for some reason ‘Poggy’ and ‘Pet Laura’ were doing these weird hand actions and refering to their ‘lady parts’ as..

HUNTER.

(Mine’s not a ‘Hunter,’ mines just tired. Hi, True love! Where are you? Please find me.)

Poggy: ‘I think that because you have such a busy life and a busy life online, you would always need a man who is chilled. Someone who gets on with it and takes that stress away…’

Me: ‘Yeah, I don’t like a stressy man. I don’t like them to come with a bundle of emotional issues… I don’t like things to be complicated. I don’t have time to unfold, mend or cry into wine anymore.’

Y’know, everyone always thinks i’m picky when it comes to love and I’m not picky as in ‘fussy,’ i’m just happy and when you’re happy….you sometimes wonder whether you need to invite another human in? But then I think, I’m gonna need someone to carry heavy bags and do the bins, aren’t I? 😉

So, yeah, I should probably team up with a fella and do ‘lifetime’ sometime shortly.

I just don’t want to invest in a ‘fling’ at 37. I can’t be arsed. I’m not excited by them. I’m too old for that I’ve ‘flung’ all the way through my 20’s, hoping that it would always be forever. Each time I got it wrong. Even after ‘I doing it’ three whole times!

What I’ve learnt, is that I don’t need to worry about it. YOU don’t need to worry about it either. Girls always worry about it. I never do.  I have absolute faith, that no matter what, the man who truly loves me, because he can’t help it, (banter, winks, diva strops and all)….will come get me. (I shouldn’t have used the word ‘get’ it makes it sound like he’s gonna kidnap me and throw me in the back of a van.)

But you get what I mean….innit! 🙂

All I have to do, is ‘sit pretty,’ get on with life…and wait. Cupid an I are mates now. He doesn’t mess with me. I don’t mess with him. It’s simples. Plus, Girls shouldn’t chase boys. We shouldn’t have to. I enjoy the traditional art of the ‘dude coming forward.’

Annnnnyway… (I totally got distracted…)

That Sunday…day turned to night and the bright blue skies, were slowly blanketed with a navy sheet, that almost swirled in a grey mist, littered with stars. (I don’t actually know if there were stars out?? Lol. I’ve made that bit up.)

‘Pet Laura’ had left and just as she did, the outside door swung open and out popped ‘Parsons.’ (She’s a friend of a friend, who is ace, because whenever she’s drunk, she gets really gobby and starts doing hand stands and rollie pollies everywhere.)

The tempo changed to that good old, loud, cracking, fast Northern, naughty, foul mouthed, BANTER.

IT WAS GREAT! (I cannot even repeat what was said.)

‘Parsons’ enjoys to use the *C* bomb, which I always find hilarious. She’s such a free spirit. Such a wild, loud, laugh! In fact, she loves the *C* bomb so much, that she even delivers it in melody.

Everything at this point turned into a blurry, fun, wine drenched haze. And a red ‘outside heater’ glow, surrounded us. It nurtured us. It kept us safe. It obided to he rules of The Wine Gods.

Now, ‘Poggy’ and ‘Parsons’ got on really well…They have swimming in common. They want to swim everywhere together. They want to travel the world and swim through valleys.

It was like one of those moments when you first meet someone in a bar, but you’re both pissed, think you’re best friends and plan holidays together! 🙂

Me: ‘You’re definitely not going to swim together.’

Parsons: ‘Everyone thinks i’m fat. But i’m actually a really good swimmer.’

(Then she did ‘swimming arm’ demonstrations at me.)

Me: ‘I only do breast stroke with my face above the water, so it doesn’t ruin my face.’

Anyway, they had some unique ‘hoe’mance’ going on. They loved each other and mocked ‘Parsons’ ginger husband, who was definitely stood, pressing the ‘heater on’ button every 10 seconds.

Poggy: ‘He’s like The King of The Gingers.’

Me: ‘But he’s not even ginger? You can’t be The Ginger King…when you’ve got brown hair? Surely that’s not a title you can take?’

Parsons: ‘He IS ginger. I’ve got a ginger kid and i’m a brunette. I love you *Poggy,* you’re like a blond version of me… in a polo neck.’

(Now, i’ve just looked at my blog notes from that evening and I’ve typed ‘Fast pass to brown hair,’ after that piece of ‘polo neck’ statement. However, I have no clue, what that means now? Lol. All I remember was looking up and seeing the girls bickering over who had said the ‘funniest’ thing..)

‘Why have you put that down. I said something WAAAY MORE FUNNIER THAN HER and that SHOULD MAKE THE BLOG.’

All got really drunk. All had a lot of fun. I got stopped a couple times, that evening by the occasional Geordie and people who love my ‘Blog/Influencey’ stuffs.

I absolutely bantered with you all. But I was far too drunk to dish out advice, which is what everyone was asking me for. 🙂

I’ve received your DM’s though…So, i’ll try and swizzle in some time to meet and inspire. (I appreciate the love.)

Message me again, in case I forgot. There’s not such thing and reminding me TOO MUCH. I love ‘people reminders’ as I often get lost in work load and jiggery pokery.

Right, I’m off. I’ve got the babies and a lot to try and organize. Things have been so jam packed, that it’s been hectic. I fly to Spain in 7 days. Thursday morning.

I’m kinda really looking forward to getting away for a few days by myself, just to relax and finally get that ‘chill’ time in,  that I never seem to prioritize.

It’s been a busy first part of the year…and sometimes I feel like i’m running as fast as I can, but on the spot. Lol.

What I need right now, is to relax…a wine….and a result.

(Things are never that easy though, are they?)

Kisses,

Chrissie,

 

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Love Squeaks, Glamourous Charity Bags & Life

If you ever make a girl *squeak* you have made her happy.

Now, when I say *squeak,* I don’t mean a *squeak* for no real reason. Nor do I mean, a *squeak* out of shock, surprise or when someone squeezes your love handles without your consent. I don’t even mean it muckily…not that mouse noises are really a speciality in the bedroom for most.

When I say *squeak* I mean the moment where in which an adoring guy, tells an adoring girl something and it makes her SO happy, that it fills her entire soul with love and excitement, SO much to the point that in a split second, her world becomes a swirl, her emotions swizzle all the way up her body, and an uncontrollable, yet innocent euphoric moment of ‘happy dance’ occurs and *squeak*…There you have it….she beams.

I looked to my left today and watched ‘Firmonnell’ *squeak* and it kinda made me smile, as watching people during those moments makes the moment ‘live.’ It’s contagious. She was on the phone to ‘Big D’and he totally made her *squeak.* So gents, you know, if you ever make a girl happy, it’s that moment where her heart skips a beat, her hands delicately fist up and crunch against her mouth, her eyes smile because they can’t help it and she *squeaks* with simple excitement. I told you…it made me smile. (Even though I annoyed her all the way through the phone call.)

‘What’s he saying? What is it? Tell me NOW! No honestly..what??’

It made me notice that I haven’t *squeaked* over a boy in ages. Work, excitement and achievements have made me *squeak,* MORE than *squeak,*  yet it’d be nice to have some other chick, look to her left, whilst i’m on the phone to someone who adores me…and have her notice my *squeak* with smiles. 🙂

I’ve had a really busy day, but a great day! Again! I couldn’t be a happier being right now. I’m beaming and you can see it in my strut and my smile. Everything is slotting into place, as i’ve got it now, I have my balance and system SORTED.

Work is fabulous. Home life with the babies is a wonder. I’m emotional this week and definitely must be getting my period soon. (I think all my chick friends are. We must all be on the same cycle, as I noticed today that we were ALL on a very unglamourous HUNT for substance, in what we call the ‘FILTH DRAWER.’ The ‘Filth Drawer’ contains forbidden chick goodies, like sugary delights, sweets, chocolate, carbs, biscuits…you name it. It’s good dirty filth. It never ends, until the drawer is depleted of goodies. You couldn’t get us OUT of that fucking drawer today. 🙂 It was like it was filled with 100 dollar bills, diamonds and marriage proposals in it. Lol.)

But my day has just been getting better and better! I mean to say it started of shit at 7am, whilst Keiran (Junior’s Dad) came to pick the littlest up and decided to moan at me because ‘I’m a woman’ and I don’t know how to appropriately De Ice a car. *I roll my eyes.*

I shouted at him because he was lingering and I was in a rush. I had places I needed to be and school runs before that.

‘What? I’m just trying to be helpful??? I’m sorry you’ve taken it that way.’

‘I don’t think just being stood there, doing nothing and simply being critical is the art of being helpful.’ (Add Wunna scowl here.)

Surely being helpful involves helping? Lol. Don’t stand there and moan at someone because you know a better route to success, yet without you being bothered to help.

I De Iced my car MY WAY. I got in it. I dashed off with a pout, a hair toss and  with my glammy first born in tow. SO THERE. 🙂

Yet, from that point on….my day turned wonderful. 🙂 Yes, again..it was BUSY. Yes, again…felt a little nagged by naggers. (I don’t like naggy folk, they give me a rash. I’m focused, yet laid back and find naggy types ungraceful.

Chill. Listen. Get it sorted. Boss it out. Then smile. Peace

However, anyway, I ended up leaving the office today with a giant white plastic bag with Leukemia Care printed on it in red,

‘I don’t know why I gave you a Leukemia bag, as I don’t know anyone with Leukemia,’ said ‘Double B.’ Lol

(She was super tanned today and rocked the top knot once more. She got confused by South Africans and still doesn’t know how to spell ‘poach.’ However today she gifted me with an ENTIRE STACK LOAD OF Ah i just don’t want them House of CB dresses to wear..

‘Well they’re better for you to wear and get papped in, then me to wear in Wakey. If you don’t like them just bin’em.

What?? Now, you always have to becareful with ‘Double B’ as her warped sense of judgment can get the better of her. (‘Firmonnel, Fairytale Blond, Hot Sarah’ and I were all super skeptical over a cup of tea that she was potentially going to make, earlier on in the day)

But once I got home and had a peek in my Leukemia bag…What I literally FOUND was the MOST AMAZING House of CB dress choices, IN THE WORLD EVER. And i’m not even joking.

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It was literally every single dress choice that I would’ve picked. Sequins, and lace, dark green, pink and boobie sexiness. In fact, I already own one of them…so now I have two. *COULDN’T BE HAPPIER.* As if she was going to take them to the tip. As if she just gave them to me, to give them a glitzier life. Lol. As if they came in a leukemia bag, like they were ill. Haha.

‘There’s £100 dresses in there that I haven’t worn…you can have them… I’m having a clear out..’

WHAT?

Utterly the sweetest chica ever…Under layers of orange tan. (Thank you 🙂  I loves you mucho! (I honetsly have the greatest chick friends! They buy we flowers, cakes with my own face on, booze, bake me cottage pies, gift with me leukemia bags filled with House of CB dresses! Your ‘300 days of the year’ friends are  shit in comparison to mine. Lol.)

Then to top it all off, when I first arrived home, I had a postman card wedged through my letter box,

‘Parcel left with neighbour at 17.’

So, I leave Ruby inside at door step, to beable to peek at me, yet mainly to make sure she’s safe and warm and then I totter off to number 17, which was only 2 doors away (I make it sound like i’m off on an adventure) in my *clippety cloppety* heels and giant grey and black faux fur. I ‘Catwalked’ it there.

I ring the door bell, wait and a tiny, little, grey haired granny, with the warmest smile and green pinny on looks up at me, with my parcel in her hand. Awwww!

I thank her ever so graciously, she makes sure I know that it was ‘no problem at all Chrissie,’ and I saunter back with the funnest baby pink and black, package known to mankind? It was filled with ‘Girl Power’ quotes saying things like ‘Girl Gang’ and ‘Boys are shit.’… LOL…and well…

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…there was a note….

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Surely I’m not so lucky to get TWO surprise girly parcels in ONE DAY! AND ON A TUESDAY! Nothing fun ever happens on a Tuesday!!

But yes…My little Missy Empire treats arrived on my door step today! Can’t wait to show you want Wunnaland ordered! 🙂 I think they deserve a weekend debut!

Inbetween the ‘Double B’ gift bag of House of CB and the Missy Empire door step knocks was a moment…and it was a moment where in which Ruby and I simply sat across a table from one another in a restaurant having a casual dinner…Nothing big, nothing fancy…but just special. The one on one time that I have with both bambinos matters to them massively. Ruby was filled with glee and I just watched her..I wondered with warmth what she would be like as a 20 year old, what she would become, who would she date, what job would she had. It was the first time I really looked at her and saw just how grown she was becoming.

She saw me glaring at her and cheekily said,

You know…I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world.’ 🙂 

‘That’s strange, because I KNOW YOU’RE the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world.’ 🙂 

‘I love you Mum.’ 

‘I love you Baby.’

‘Mum…we’re all living different worlds, but doing it in one big world.’

As if that came out of my five year old! I was so proud! How amazing! It made me quietly and internally *squeak.* 🙂

Then we ate sweet potato fries and giggled the night away.

Now if you were to slowly zoom up and away from us, until we were only tiny little *dots,* on this BIG GIANT Earth ball, surrounded by zillions of other tiny little dots…ALL doing life…Living ‘Our world’ in one ‘big world.’

Tonight you’d see that  we were the HAPPIEST TINY DOTS in the ENTIRE Glittery Universe.

Y’know, right now, I feel like the luckiest person alive 🙂 and it’s not even down to me, it’s simply down to the people that I’m accidentally surrounded by. It’s funny how  your surroundings can completely change your *beam.* If you do anything after reading this blog, make sure you try to make someone *squeak.*

Love you,

Chrissie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breast Milk Pancakes?

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‘Yeah, but honestly i was mental. I was involved in some kind of group, where all my friends came over and made things like breast milk pancakes,’ said ‘Firmonnell to the Little Burmese, ‘just got back into work after shimming at The Clothes Show, with the likes of Joey Essex’ Glamour Puss.

(It felt good to be back to normality.)

Hahaha! What the actual FUCK! I literally know the BEST humans alive. Nothing, (and I do mean this honestly) made my life worth living today, as much as that statement. Not even my own children. Lol. I mean, who is ACE enough to have actually joined a group where in which women, (who had just had babies) squirted milk out of their post preggo boobs, added eggs and made pancakes with it. I AM DYING!!! HAHAHAH. We all actually know a ‘Preggo Princess’ right now and let me tell you, nothing would make me happier, than the reassurance of knowing that she also, followed the likes of ‘Firmonnell’ and made breast milk pancakes with odd, other post birth chicks and simply for kicks. Hahahaha. The evil breast feedy *force* groups terrify me. They’re like smiley, angelic looking HITLERS. They all need to get kicked when the knock at your door…with Louboutin heeled DIVA feet. I bet they all have husbands. Husbands who never get sex. See! This is where i’m going wrong. All the relationships I end up in… include sex. I’ve been a wife THREE FLIPPING TIMES…and they all took a U Turn. I need to ban sex from my love life and start forcing men to breast feed. Pancake groups for everyone!

Then the focus went onto talks of how i keep taking slutty pics in Disney/Primark Onesies and posting them all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. 🙂 In the words of Lisa ‘The zippers seem to have broken off them all.’ Lol.

I didn’t explain myself too well…as i always figure you never have to explain yourself really, when you’re Me and you have charm and winks that speak for themselves…But the actual story behind the slutty onesie pics is this…

I was shopping with my kids around Doncaster. Ruby really wanted me to look like a Kangeroo and a Fox, so we bought the equivalent Onesies from Primark. I wore them at home. The kids loved it, as it was like i was a fun toy. They went to bed. I had a whole bunch of Prosecco…the zipper came down and BOOM, that was the birth of the ever so popular ‘slutty onesie’ Wunna pics. It should trend. You all should do it. When i take them, i really do think i’m some kind of Burmese Pamela Anderson.

Is this why i’m single? Why am I a tool?

Even Keiran (Junior’s Dad) text me the other night with a casual ‘How’s Junior’ and he followed it up with an ‘I thought you’d be keeping busy posting half naked pictures of yourself.’

Blah! I don’t take playful criticism from people with giant beards. I simply stated that i looked great, hundreds of people agreed…(I WILL GET OVER MYSELF,) he ‘monkey emoji’ed’ me and then we laughed it off. At least we can have a laugh.

I mean, ‘The Mighty’ even said ‘It’s just funny because you’re doing it in a Disney, Monsters Inc Onesie.‘ Hahaha.

Prosecco made me do it girls. They should give it to people in church. (Have i officially offended everyone now? Lol)

(Oooh, i’ve just rushed to put my pink laptop on charge, as it’s running out of juice and the best smelling swirl has just danced under my nose. I’ve got this bag stuffed with bath bombs, like i’m some kind of greedy LUSH thief. They’re for Ruby’s teachers. We couldn’t think of things to get them, so we just went with bath bombs. SHIT LOADS OF BATH BOMBS.)

Lots of gents are hitting on me right now and i’m feeling so ‘whole’ that i’m not really bothered by it? It’s weird because i’m looking for love, my Mr Right. Yet, I can’t be really as I just seem to be all happy as i am and not concerned with it, until it smacks me in the face and I get swept off my feet.

In life there’s only been ONE guy that has swept me off my feet romantically. The rest have liked me, but not really. Infact, no Mikey Ray my first hubby loved me. I’m glad he’s gone on to do so well in life. He’d be dead proud of me now. But we don’t speak.

Talking about ‘no speaky!’ Get this, ‘Eton Mess’ and I aren’t even talking anymore. He hasn’t messaged me to say ‘hi’ or anything in a couple weeks. How weird. I haven’t messaged either yet girls shouldn’t have to. Boys should do the leg work and they nly do it if they’re truly into you. (And yes, i do get that lots of you are hitting up my inbox with ‘leg work.’ But, with girls, we have to properly fancy you in the first place to appreciate. We are SWINES like that.

I’ve said it before. It’s sweet getting messaged lovely ‘advances’ (at times,) when you’re not being pervy. I’m flattered. Utterly flattered. Especially as i’m smashing into thirty six on the 19th of this month. It makes me feel fanciable and i appreciate that. HOWEVER, we as girls wait for that one message fro that guy that we adore…and it’s when we get THAT message that our kitten hearts skip a beat.

I do mean that in general, as i’m totally single. There is no apple of my eye. I reckon i’m the most eligible Bachelorette going. 🙂 But i would wouldn’t I, because i’m a glamourous… plank.

 

The way I see it is that THIS YEAR, more than ANY year in my entire life and BOY HAVE I DATED ALL OVER THE GLOBE. Hundreds of times. Lol. I’ve romanced many a man. (That’s the problem, it should be the other way around.) But this year, i have had the honour of meeting some of the greatest guys, that i’ve ever gone on dates with in my life. Such handsome, fun, sweet, sassy gents. I’ve had a great time.

But now i’m headed for better times. Times that i deserve!

Come at me life!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Alberti Twins ‘Dating Tips’

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So, I’m a blogger…a lifestyle blogger…you get that, you read it and i couldn’t be more happy. But i am a kitten who also takes the time to read the blogs of others…be they large, small, chipper or dark. I enjoy it. Obviously. It’s what i do, my ‘thang’ my world…literally.

Today, I definitely decided that The ALBERTI Twins are amazing. I’ve sort of chatted to them anyhow in little bits and bobs and If you don’t know what i’m on about, they were on last years ‘Love Island’ reality show on ITV2, which had us all hooked…I was even going to plonked in it, but i didn’t in the end.

Anyway, they were my favourite…and i fancied one of them..and well they thought i was quite easy on the eyes…I think one of them once messaged me saying that they wished i was trapped on ‘Love island’ with them. It’s all very friendly…but i’m sure that i have this massive crush on John Alberti…without me knowing…or knowing…or well i do after reading his blog…Lol.

We follow each other on Twitter and like each other’s work, pictures (mainly lol) and lives…I mean, yesterday he liked my ‘Prosecco/Clough’ blog…but you get the picture…I was reading all his Tweets anyway…and then i came across this…which MADE ME SWOON.

The Twins, have a blog and they’re my kinda guys, as the’re smart, they’re stylish, they’re romantic…they enjoy the finer things in life and know how to treat women well….

John Alberti…

What a gentleman…

There i was…looking through blogs and i bump into this little treat, The Alberti Twins ‘Dating tips!!’

Read!!

www.thealbertitwins.com

https://t.co/QttUDrUm58

Infact, i’ll post you a snippet to get you juiced…

After reading this, how can you not fall madly head over heels for a bit of John Alberti…If HE gets how to be for a lady…then how come others don’t?? I want a date….I’m impressed…

This is what he suggest to you fellas!

“Every Girl deserves a guy who can make her smile even when she doesn’t want to”

1: First Impressions Count

Always look your best and dress to impress. When you see her she should be blown away by how amazing you look. Dressing well is a form of politeness and it shows her you are interested and made an effort.

2: Be Confident 

Confidence is key! Show her you mean business and you’re not here to play games. Say what you feel and be yourself. Walk with your held high and with confidence.

3: Be Yourself 

Be YOU… And by this we mean, if you’re shy, be shy, if you’re loud and talk a lot, be loud and talk a lot. By being yourself you have nothing to worry about and can relax and show her the real you. If she loves it, amazing. If she doesn’t then at least you were yourself and wasn’t acting fake or different around her.

4: Be Romantic

You can never be too romantic. Compliment her, on her hair, what she is wearing, how beautiful her eyes are etc. Tell her she is beautiful, but more importantly make her feel beautiful. Show her you like her and fancy her but you mean business and are not a push over😉 Show her there are gentlemen still around and romance her. Be romantic, every girl wants to be swept off her feet whether she admits it or not, so open her eyes and let her know that romance isn’t dead. Flirt with her, be confident and tease her. Girls love to laugh and if you can make her laugh you can practically make her do anything.

5: Take Control

Book the best restaurant in town. Show her you’ve thought about this and made an effort. Let her know when to be ready and pick her up, be the man and take control. Organise the date, tell her where you’re taking her or sometimes don’t, make it a surprise. No girl wants to hear “I don’t know, whatever you want to do” NO!! They want to hear, “I’ve booked a table for 8pm, be ready”.

6: Be a Gentleman 

Pick her up, get out of the car and knock for her, kiss her on BOTH cheeks when you greet her. That’s what she has two cheeks for, a kiss for each one… Italian style. Open the car door for her and be a gentleman. Pull the chair out for her at the restaurant. Make her smile, when she is happy it should make you happy. Always pour her wine for her, a lady should never pour her own wine. Be a gentleman and respect her and treat her like a Princess.

7: Listen

You might think you are listening while you are looking her up and down when she is talking, but be present in the conversation, listen to what she is saying and respond. Keep eye contact and show her that you are interested and someone she can have a real conversation with.

8: Avoid the ‘ex’ conversation at all costs 

Never bring up the ex conversation, ever. Nobody wants to hear it, especially on a date. It will ruin the mood of the date and will actually make her think of her ex instead of thinking about you!! Stay away from this conversation at all costs and talk about her, get to know her and what makes her tick, make the conversation interesting.

9: Sweep her off her feet 

Be the Prince she’s always wanted. Show her how you’re different, that all men aren’t the same and that there are some real gentlemen left in this world. Be romantic, be confident, be yourself and sweep her off her feet. No girl goes on a date NOT wanting to be swept off her feet and be treated like a Princess.

10: Always, always pay for the meal

Always pay for the meal. A gentleman never lets a lady pay. She may offer, but this is only out of politeness, she expects the man to pay and rightly so.

How can I not ADORE! ADORE!

It’d be interesting to actually go on a date with John, just to see if he stuck to his tips…I fancy a cross promotional blog promo…

Dating, Older women, Love & Newness

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Morning my gorgeous little jiggle bums! Don’t fret, it’s a term of endearment, before you all start on me, or feel the need to reach for the juicer. My Bum jiggles and it’s hot because it shimmies without me even telling it to. (My LA bestie Theo, once THREW ME off his bum in a gym, because he was purposely leant over the front desk so his THEN crush could see his freshly worked out booty. HAHAHAH. I adore my peeps. I love how deliciously warped all us ‘doing our 20’s in LA’ folk are.)

Okay, I have another day of work, as per usual. I’m up with the babies, who are delightfully happy. I’ve had a boy moan message me (already bad, I don’t like moaners…one of the reasons why Ben used to be annoying, because he’d moaned about EVERYTHING, or be really girly and dramatic about most things…when I notice that…then you MUST have a problem. LOL.) But yes, before I get distracted. Apparently, there’s never any time to try and get to know me or date me because the ‘inbetween’ relationships time is too short, so ‘the boy in question’ never gets a look in.

Firstly, i’m still single. I’m not yet taken. I’m going on a ‘first date’ on Sunday. I’m not getting married. (But I do ADORE MY SUNDAY DATE!!! I CAN’T WAIT. 🙂 🙂 *BEAMING.*) Secondly…obviously that means you’re either already defeated before you’ve even tried. (Not sexy.) OR, you’re far too slow off the mark because as you’re thinking up your cunning plan to win some girls heart, some other, really confident boy, has swooped on in with his heart pounding out of his chest, grabbed the girl, swung her over his shoulder and galloped of into the distance…(whilst you’re still sat in The Carleton pondering life, in your computer games t shirt, with a face of terror.) I’m brave for a girl, so my standard of a boy being brave is set higher. Yet i’m still a girl and there’s still an element of shy to me or the need to be woo’ed, chased and spoilt. Be she a good girl, bad girl, a rich girl, a poor girl…whatever kind of girl, every girl has the same basic thread running through her…and that is for a guy to treat, love and adore us confidently, openly…always..and forever. So you can’t sit there thinking, she’s a tom boy, sh’es not going ot be bothered by romance or me showing her that I love her. WRONG! Or she’s loaded, so she can buy everything and pay for my future. WRONG! All girls are different, yet with the same running thread. You HAVE TO get your shit together and be able to love, protect, provide and cherish…and she will too.

I also got asked if it’s harder to date when you’re older. Not really. It’s actually much easier, as provided you’re a doll of a woman internally or externally…you have the pick of the bunch, be they 19 or 109. Lol. The only thing that’s better or worse is that by the time you’re much older. I’m thirty five, you’ve already gathered so much experience in the love and dating department, that you are far more secure (not always, but in my case,) you’re much more mellow and you know EXACTLY what you want, how you need  to be treated, how to treat your lover, you’re ready to settle down and have you’re on stuff…(house, car…babies.) I’m still sat here with ‘L’ plates on because I pick badly. YET, it seems it’s the only lesson that I keep failing to learn in life. I go for the sad, puppy dog story, which will automatically make me need to care for them, or a weaker male because it makes me feel powerful? That’s bad.

TODAY, the story changes…and I’ve taken the advice from friends who are my own ages to sixty years old and…this time it’s absorbed and i’m getting it right.

My Doctor date i’m excited for because he’s gorgeous, he’s exotic, he’s so romantic and confident and takes charge. He works hard, does well and talks to me like i’m a dream…I love that.  I like him because he’s fully invested in this date, his heart is a pounding…as is mine. (As you will have guessed.) He’s my age…a year older than me, as usually they’re always younger by accident. I never get why, as when i was younger my boyfriends were always older. I keep getting it muddled. Lol. But it will feel great to just go on a date with someone who’s in the correct age bracket. Lol. I see Lydia today, so i’ll get a good gossip, as Natalie and I couldn’t gossip properly yesterday as we were being watched and having to work. If you’re a Mum (and my mum told me this) when you’re dating or in a relationship, you have to step back from the situation, briefly analyse it and see if the situation you’re in, would be a situation that you would want your own daughter to be experiencing in love. IT WORKS!

I’ve changed a lot of things this year…and all for the better. It’s moving fast, but i’m fast. It’s exciting. It’s all new. Bad habits kicked. Fresh better ventures..taken on. I’m loving the children more than ever. I have more work. I’m concentrating on it and it’s going well. I’ tending to new love..(oh and those who think i’m being mildy insensitive because o the Ben situation..I’m not. When i had announced that I was over it…we’d hadn’t even been speaking for weeks. He’s fine, i’m sure. So you don’t need to feel bad for either of us. Plus, surely it’s more insensitive to not text your girlfriend to make sure her ‘procedure’ went okay. Lol.)

I’m really grateful for all your messages, I’m reading them all and replying to the ones that I can.

Here’s one that was sent to me yesterday, by an amazing girl with awesome taste in bloggers! 😉 I had just finished work and it made me so happy so i replied immediately.

Hi Chrissie – I’ve followed your blog since our brief meeting at the Ann summers thing – I’ve laughed cried cringed and hoorayed along the way. I might not have always chosen the routes you have but then everyone has their own style don’t they. Anyway I decided to message you because I think with everything you’ve had going on in the last few months/weeks etc wowzers you’ve done it with glitter and dazzle and that’s inspiring to any girl or boy not to let the sucky bits of life dull your shine good luck with your doctor date!

Awwwwwww that’s such an uplifting and inspiring message! Thank you sooo much for it and for following my blog. It means so much. You’re an amazing person. Made me smile!!! I’m so nervous for my doctor date xxx

Thank you so much,

Chrissie x