The Bigger The Hoops, Love & Cocktails

Woke up this morning feeling not so snazzy. I think i’m gonna go with ROUGH. Yeah rough. I hated it. Feeling rough is just not me anymore. Lol.

I kinda just ran a bath, immersed myself in it, cosied my soul with a delicious bubbly comfort and then dried myself off, before opening ALL the windows, EVERY window in all of the land (I always need to feel free when i’m a pile of roughage) and then I just laid there, butt naked…still on my bed, on top of my flamingo sheets, with my eyes closed, as I let the coolest dancing breeze, slowly and sexily *whooooooosh* on in and tinker all over my rough kitten body. BLISS! It was fucking BLISS!

Junior was at his Dads, Ruby hadn’t got home from her holiday yet and there I was…doing life…butt naked on flamingo sheets, wondering why I had ventured out into Pontefract for drinks. Lol. I am far too old for such Tom Foolery. My body needs all kinds of a rest…and not ‘songs from the 90’s’ madness.

I woke up with a navy blue dot on my hand. It was done in felt tip. We all had one. This is what happened…I went to The Carleton, for ‘just one,’ as the saying goes. I was about to leave after my ‘just one,’ however, as I was getting my bag together, someone tapped me, I looked up and with a…

‘Hey yup…What you doing here…’

…everything turned from a ‘nothing’ to a shimmie.

It was Mel. She decided to smash a bit of ‘Bank Holiday’ Sunday with ‘Fairytale Blond,’ who had also arranged to meet up with ‘Hoops’ for a bit of a local razzle dazzle. Now, I hate going out in Pontefract. I hardly ever do it. I’ll do a village pub and enjoy it, but trendy little cocktail bars in Leeds is my forte. Such a forte now, that they invite me and pay me to show up at them, simply to cause glamourous blog havoc. And I love it. It’s the story telling afterward that I love the most.

Outside drinks where had in the sun, giggles, chats about our love lives….I think they tried to give me love life advice, yet I never listen to advice because I’m stubborn and secretly always know what i’m doing. Haha. I should probably take advice. (I never take advice. My gut instinct is too good.)

But i’m honest, so i’ll always tell the girls what I directly feel about something or anything really. Yet, it’s important to make sure you listen to advice, but then just do what you want, because I’m different to ‘Fairytale,’ who’s so different to Mel, who’s really different to ‘Hoops’ and well…. you get the conga line that i’m trying to form. And we all have different destinations in life.

The reason why i’m saying this is because later that evening ‘Hoops’ (who I adore) had a chat with me, in the dark, under the stars. She told me all these secrets about her own love life. The ‘oohs’ the ‘laa’s’ the naughty bits…and the bits inbetween. 😉 The time she’s going through kinda reminded me of my LA days, so like a magnet, my soul stood by hers.

Then we went back inside…(Oh we ended up getting a taxi into town, even though i tried to refuse the journey)…and after jugs of cocktails, more drinks, chitter chatter, packed bars, and really good times, with really good friends….(I love Fairytale, when she’s drunk, she just turns WILD!) But anyway, ‘Hoops’ decides she’s going to open up and tell everyone the story….Lol

‘Well I told Chrissie, because I knew she wouldn’t judge me…’

Ooh. I felt honoured. Everyone did a supportive *shocked* face. It was literally hilarious. I wasn’t necessarily shocked as ..well i’ve done a lot worse than that in my life. Lol. But I did scan the table and notice that, we as girls are pretty great because we’ll always tell you want you want to hear and wave the flag of support, even if it’s something we would never do ourselves. We’ll understand you and hold ya hand with ‘cocktail smiles.’ Sometimes you need that! It’s not always the best thing, yet sometimes you just need that.

Hoops: ‘The bigger the hoop the bigger the…’

Fairytale: ‘Willy?’

Hoops: ‘No…! Hoe! Hahaha.’

Me: ‘I love that she didn’t get that… I love drunk Fairytale! I love a big hoop! It’s ghetto fabulous.’

Fairytale: ‘Have you seen that granny at the bar….I want to be HER when i’m 80!!! She’s loving it. I AM her!!!’ When I’m 80, i’m gonna rock up to the bar.’

I look away…

Me: ‘Are you okay?’

Hoops: ‘I’m the HAPPIEST i have ever been.’

 Me: ‘Good just checking…Make sure you never let anyone judge you. All the lessons you’ll learn… you’ll learn. I lived a naughty one…and well i havent’ done too badly for myself. Lol. Just enjoy it.’

We all laughed. We all loved. We had moved to another pub by now. We were literally wallowing in rounds and rounds of drinks. Then Mel requested…’The Snake,’ which was much better that fucking Steps. (And I love a bit of Steps. Don’t get me wrong. I just wasn’t in the mood to Root Scooting baby’ it.) But i went with it anyway. Fuck it. I’m fun. I love a good song, a love a good dance. I am great on a night out. You can rely on that! I’m made for good times.

Cue song: (Just so you can feel like you were there. This was on in our background.)

Literally pub, to pub, to pub, to pub. Dance off with ‘Hoops.’ Love life chats with Mel and Selfies with ‘Fairytale.’

Fairytale: ‘Take a picture of me and Chrissie. Noooo…another one.’

Each time we left a pub I SWORE that I was going home. They MADE ME go to the next bar..honest!! They MADE ME.

‘You’re staying out Wunna!’

‘I just need to go home.’

‘No. Just come to one more pub..’

We all ended up with blue dots on our hands. That’s what happens when you stay out.

Mel: ‘What the fuck are these?’

They were literally the height of glamour. NOT! I can’t be a Glamour Puss and walk around with a felt tip dot on my hand.

It was such a good time. An accidental, spontaneous blow out. Which is odd, as i’m a girl who enjoys routine. I like to know what i’m doing and when i’m doing it…with a plan. But mainly because I grew up with my entire life scheduled. Even from being a kid, as I was getting pulled out of school to audition for this, model for that, do a dancing competition here, another audition there. Everything was a schedule. Then in LA, my job, acting and modelling…was all completely scheduled to a ‘T.’ It had to be.

Last night was so much fun!

‘Double B is gonna be so pissed off that she’s missed this!’

I left early…I left them all at the Tap & Barrel and some new Gin Bar. I know when i’m done and by then I was done. I needed a sleep and…well…just a sleep. However, during my walk to the cash machine to pull out money for the taxi, I just wanted to *blink* and be home! People kept shouting my name at me. Everyone was out…and I just remember waving at people I didn’t know, wishing that I was home. Hahaha. I’m great when surrounded by people, yet not necessarily when i’m drunk, tired and on my own. I like my bubble. I love Wunna Land. I love my own friends. But I did actually say ‘hello’ to everyone and took the time to chitter with them. I’m good like that. My manners are pretty decent. Even when knackered. I hate bad manners.

I finally got home…and within seconds, after  a bag of crisps, I fell asleep immediately. I could’ve slept in the taxi home, but weirdos were in it with me.

Good night.

My chick friends and I always seem to be there for one another…regardless….even as time passes. That’s what i’ll miss the most, as obviously i’m headed into a new chapter…which will sort of pluck me away from them…They’ll always be a major part of my life…Yet I guess I won’t see them as much. It happens all the time to me, so i’m used to it. Yet life is made of new chapters. I’ve lived so many that I know how important it is to embrace them. Everything happens for a reason. The people you meet, the situations you end up in. Even where you are. They’re important. They’re your ‘stop offs,’ the places where you need to be in order to learn something, before you get delivered to your HAPPY final destination…You might not know why you’re there or how you’re there…But you’re meant to be. You land there to gather a certain piece of life info. You do that at every stop. When you get to your final bit of forever…The last chapter of ‘happiness….’ you appreciate it so much more. You’ll find you’re in the right place, with the right person, doing the right kind of life.

So yeah, I might have felt like death but i’m actually fine now. It was worth it. I’ll feel better. I’ll recover and be right as rain. I’ve made memories…and I’ve ALSO managed to find my way to Ego in Ackworth to cushion my soul with the ‘hair of the dog.’ Yippeee.

‘I need a Fosters. I’m rough.’

To be fair…I’ve done an interview AND A SHOOT this morning. ‘Ego Hannah’ is currently making a ‘Game of Thrones’ themed cocktail and i’m sat at the bar with my pink laptop on my knee…blogging…by a half of Fosters, watching strangers order Pornstar Martinis. (I’ve got really into drinking a Foster’s now. I’d usually Bloody Mary it to recover. But now it’s all about a Foster’s recovery. I still prefer a Bloody Mary, don’t be getting it twisted.)

Wait…They’re making me look at a drawing of a dragon, on a chalkboard….Lol. One second…..

Luca: ‘I love Game of Thrones…It’s all tits and dragons..’

I will tell you that last night before all the madness shimmied my way, I remember sitting at the The Carleton which the girls sat around me and sending a message to ‘The Swirl.’ I think about him a lot. All the time, to be honest. I can’t get him out of my head. It’s a happy ‘lull’ that I feel for him. I can’t really help it. It’s something that’s been built upon and it’s well balanced. It’s a bit of everything…it can be wild, general, loving, funny, sexy, work mode or just normal.

All I sent was…

‘Thinking about you…’

He replied quickly with ‘Kissy Face‘ emojis.

Then i got back to the girls, who would have no clue that I ever sent anyone a message. Lol.

That was our check in. We’d chatted through the day. But that was when we were we zapped out of current worlds, just for a moment, to check into each others….

Thanks for following my life…

We Should All Move To Manchester & Do ‘The Robot’

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YOU HAVE 34 DAYS LEFT OF 2016! Yes you do! Yes you do! And it is SO important that you make the MOST of these last 34 days that we have. If you’ve worked hard all year, embrace the last jolly days of the year with fun, silliness and rummy cocktails. Give yourself a break. If you’ve been a total waster all year :)…take this time to maybe put together a better and more productive plan for the year ahead. If you’ve suffered from breakups, enjoy love. If you’ve been loved up…commit to independent good times. WE WILL ALL START NEW CHAPTERS in 34 days!

But more importantly, YOU ALL HAVE MY BIRTHDAY TO SAVE UP FOR, 🙂 so start emptying those piggy banks and gathering those coppers, as i have me a list that could roll out and blanket half the entire universe with glitter. Lol. (The fact that i’m actually kidding hurts me. If ONLY life was as simple as a ‘get me’ list. It’d make things so much easier. I guess i don’t focus as much on ‘stuff.’ Don’t get me wrong, I do love ‘stuff.’ I have a lot of stuff and i adore it all. But now that i’m in this certain position that i’ve found myself in life, experiences are important to me, as they create memories, thoughtfulness i always find sexy, so you can go far with me with that one…and well the things that i actually want or need for my birthday, if birthdays were magical and THEY ARE, are things that people wouldn’t be able to buy for me, as they are things that i’d have to work for and find….myself.) BUT DO SEND ME STUFF. I LOVE STUFF. It makes me think you care.

I’ve done so much this weekend that i don’t even know where to begin. Swung out of work on Friday, after we all decided that we all have everything else, in life be it babies, love, or whatever it is that ‘tree huggers’ harp on about, that matters…and that the only things we all have missing is SHIT LOADS OF CASH. I work really hard and i’m grateful for the little things, the big things, family, love, life and all sorts, but don’t you get me wrong, i am a girl who strongly BELIEVES that money matters. It makes life better. Not just easier. Yes you need balance. But with the money that you’ve made, you can do all of the things that you WANT to do in life. You can LIVE without having to make sacrifices. And in this current day and age…being able to do that, is down to an accumulation of dosh. IT MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE. Then i remembered that i promised a girl that i’d be her lesbian girlfriend, if i didn’t find love by 40 and left to start the weekend on a high note.

Anyway. This weekend i was in a random bar in Manchester, (i’ve been going to Manchester a lot, spend almost half my time there. ) I can’t even to this moment remember what this bar was called? It wasn’t one of the usual popular cocktail bar haunts, that i’m quite the fixture at, yet just some place that you run into to stay out of the cold, for one quick one, before your get to your bouji destination.

Now, i don’t know what happened? But one drink ended up being loads and my chick friend seems to be able to guzzle drinks down like some kind of booze baboon. Everyone was around us, everyone wanted to chat to us, it was like a fun, Christmas blur of the best good times ever. People, laughter, music ATTENTION. 🙂 I’d been explaining to her that she wasn’t an alcoholic, because my friend Sarah and I had come up with the conclusion over salads, that even though we have a drink every night, we are DEFINITELY NOT alcoholics, because i once met a guy who opened his door to me in cold sweats, pj bottoms, looking like he was about to die, with his ENTIRE BODY SHAKING from withdrawal symptoms, to the point where he couldn’t speak for shaking and she once saw a guy falling about drunk at 8am one morning, who then went on to take off his shoe and puke in it. I’ve never puked in a shoe, or shook in pj bottoms in a sweat…Means i’m not an alcoholic. 🙂

Long story short, i let my rubbish tool of a personality and good times get the better of me and before you know it i had gotten myself involved in this comedy dance off, with some random dude who was trying to make me commit to such foolery. The way my friend tells it is like this:

‘She sort of just started giggly moon walking backwards into a crowd, with her boobies and BOOM she turned around, the crowd had parted and she found herself involved in this bizarre Manchester dance off. YET unlike a normal human being, she didn’t just politely walk off with a smile, SHE FUCKING COMMITTED TO IT. And i couldn’t piss myself more.’

From my point of view, i knew i was going for it mid moonwalk, as fuck it, we need silly fun times to feel alive. I only have 34 days left of the year. 😉 I just didn’t realize how intense my opponent was. Lol. I thought it was going to be a laugh! Not the flipping ‘Britains Got Talent’ finals. Then my Pride kicked in and i couldn’t be shit, even though i was laughing it off…so i went for it. I went for it like a dickhead who over tries on the karaoke, when they can sing a bit, but  can’t actually sing that great, however, they think the can. That was me…in some bar…in boobs…in my House of CB dress…in Manchester.

He was popping and locking and busting and thrusting. He was all over it, but kinda shit too. So it made my job easier, as the crowd focused on looks and the funnest being and i totally won that war. 😉 I went for it. Then i had him, because there’s only a point where in which a guy an actually contain himself, around a girl who has all her focus upon him and is BEING EXTREMELY SEXY & FLIRTY TO WIN infront of him, in the form of gyratey dance moves. 🙂 After that point, testosterone kicks in and all sorts happen to their ‘parts’ and their minds and BOOM they become weak.

I could see him thinking it through mid body pop…

‘Does she fancy me? Would i actually be able to get my end away? Nooo, she just wants to the win the dance off? Wait? Does she fancy me?’ 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

He lost his cool, he ended up falling to pieces, I WHOPPED OUT ‘THE ROBOT!’ Yes, i didn’t even know i could DO ‘The Robot’ but i committed to the basic yet fulfilling art of it, like a demon.

Everything *paused* and like i was Rocky Balboa, the crowd cheered and I won the Dance Off. He even offered to buy me a drink afterward, but I smiled, patted him on the back and tottered off. Then I tickled away to Tattu as it was so much better than hooligans and boners in bars. LOL. I’ve done lots this weekend. I’ve been everywhere, Manchester, Doncaster, Leeds. I hit The Botanist the other evening in Leeds with friends. I feel like i’ve lived a little.

It’s weird, as even though there’s this very apparent ‘up for a laugh’ adventure streak in me…there’s an odd swirl of sophistication that dances around with that…I’m a hard chick to read. Most people get it wrong. But i hope you don’t.

The next morning i was back with the babies, doing Santa’s Grotto’s at The Frenchgate shopping centre in Doncaster, we did Toy R Us, lunches, we did the Prosecco Pit Stop 🙂 , lights, rides, fun, CHRISTMAS and I pretty much gave them the most wonderful weekend that we have probably ever had as a family, in a really LONG time. I spoilt them rotten. I let them have whatever they wanted, do whatever they wanted and just live. (They’re not crazy, so it wasn’t so hardcore.) But they loved it so much because they’re eyes beamed when they smiled at me and their little Wunna hearts beated with excitement. You could just SEE that they felt so special, which made so happy.

The evening was spend in pj’s cuddling up, by the Christmas tree, watching telly and eating popcorn. BLISS! Even though i’ve been out and about, i’ve been blessed with so much of the very best family time.

This morning, i had ‘Daddy drop off’s.’ Like I’ve always said, Pete, Keiran and I co/parent so well with one another. We have our ups and downs, but the thing we have in common is the one thng we focus on and that’s the love of our children. I mean this morning, Ruby, Junior, My Mum, Keiran and I did breakfast at Ackworth Garden Centre, which was a place that was filled with love and Christmas. The kids LOVED IT. I loved it as i got to banter with old friends. And Keiran loved it as he felt part of a family. There was something about him today that made me want to care for him, as i guess when you’re the Dad part of the ‘separated parents’ malarky, Christmas isn’t as fun. On my end, it’s busy and joyous, exciting and wild. The babies are everywhere and we’re enjoying it loudly with bells on. Today he was happy, we got along great, but he had something missing from his soul…and that was everything that i had…The family. He misses it. I know him better than anyone…he misses it. He’s watching the kids grow up and that’s hard on him. He’s watching me grow…and that’s hard on him. He’s not a bad guy, bless him.

Always one to make people cheery, with smiles and laughter I looked at him and said,

‘Gosh! You’ve got to put a tree up Keiran. You don’t hate Christmas. You LOVE Christmas. You love getting gifts! You have Ruby and Junior! You can come spend Christmas with us. It’s not just another day. You’re not alone!!’

After that we laughed, chatted, played with Ruby and Junior and did the baby exchange. Then Ruby, my mum and I, met my dad and brother for lunch together at The Mallard. Where i did wine. Yipppeee!

Right now, i’m in a Fox Onesie and i don’t even know how that’s happened?? I was moderately moany about it at first…Yet now that my boilers broken and not getting fixed until tomorrow, the Fox onesie is a marvel.