UUUuuuuuuuuuuuughh!

I might have gone out for cocktails in Leeds last night and made up a Daiquiri infused dance routine, that I performed to the masses, like I was Beyonce.

If you know me well, you will know this noise that I make…

‘UUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuGh!’

It’s the noise I make on a daily when i’ve hit the absolute shame button or *tinged* the ‘really bored’ bell.

Unfortunately, this time it was the shame button. And it wasn’t even to a rickety old song, where you get away with just being a tosser. I can’t think of one? Y’know, like Whitney’s ‘Wanna Dance With Somebody.’ That’s rickety and inncocent. Young girls and old biddies, get away with parading around singing that loudly like fools.

It was to SWALLA!

‘UUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!’

So, you can imagine what my Daiquiri infused dance routine of this song would be like….People were STOOD watching me in this fucking cocktail bar…and I kept performing it loads, like I thought I was really great…I hit The Liquroist, Ginos, Tattu…You name it…it was a glittery, swirl of the most glamoruous ‘boom boom’ flash backing. I can’t even tell you! That last minute swirl of ‘lets have some fun’ was MADNESS.

‘You didn’t go on your own did you? Hahah.’

Do know, that is normal behaviour for me. I go LOTS of places on my own. I really love my own company. I’m confident. I’m not someone that needs a tribe, I do like a tribe….but probably because I know I have a tribe. Makes alone time much more fulfilling.

But yeah, no such luck. Totally dragged ‘Lissy’ and ‘Ginge’ out with me. Lissy does makeup and is in charge of doing my face for the next shoot. Ginge…is a casting director. I have an audition today for a 4 Music show.

The last time I woke up (and I don’t feel rough, it wasn’t tipsiness that got the better of me, it was the wave of ‘good times.’ Told ya! I can drink cocktails all night and feel a million percent fine. I didn’t even stay out late.) Anyway, the last time I woke up and delivered the…

‘Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggh! What have I done!?! But no really, I can’t remember? What have I done? I dread to think’ spiel?

Was probably about 3 weeks ago? Was it three weeks ago? Probably around that time? Who knows? But you get it. When what boys called ‘Beer Fear’ creeps up on you. That’s what happened. Yet, much more glamourously, as that time, I woke up in the most decadent and bouji London hotel room. It was filled with melted ice wine buckets, with hair extensions on the floor and room service wandering around early in the morning, holding a silver tray, adorned with sausage sandwiches….whilst I was still naked and laid in bed. (There is a blog to come on that little Wunna Land moment…Yet, it won’t be out JUST YET. I’ve written it. I’m just having to wait. It’s a great story. You’ll love it. And you’ll also get to watch it. Well not that bit. Haha.)

So yeah, although that was on a much larger scale. Luckily, I was only ‘Robin’ to someone else’s even more foolish ‘Batman’ routine. Hahah! Plus, I didn’t skid on the dancefloor, which was covered in the booze of others, and fall on my booty, to the Kayne West ‘Gold digger’ track.. in sequins. So yeah…I’m still winning.

I just had a really good time. The Leeds crowd applauded me. The semi circle was formed. (We refer to a moment as the ‘semi circle.’ It is the moment of the night, each night, where my chick friends and I look up and see that a male semi circle has formed around us…all hopeful…all weird…all in tight tops….and all toyboys.) We left the semi circle. We always leave the ‘semi circle’ for the more needy girls, who aren’t so comfy in their love life situation, to enjoy. I can’t be arsed with the circle of ‘semi.’

Got home. Rested up. I feel great! I’m writing my book today and doing my 4 Music audition later, I have got LOADS TO DO and to ORGANISE.

I’m not sure how my yesterday ended that way? I mean, I’d literally indulged in the most ‘family’ day ever. I had Ruby and junior duties, other duties, family lunches, bouncy castles, matches, dinner at TGI’s, shopping sprees, innocent cocktails at Ego…All sorts. We had the BEST family day ever. I had a proper Mummy day and we loved every single little inch of it. They are my entire world. Ruby shouted out yesterday,

‘It’s like the other way around??? Our Dad’s don’t let us do anything bad. But mum just lets us have fun!’

*Rolls Eyes!* She could’ve worded that better.

Infact, whilst we were at TGI’s this guy, a dad, who was sat on his own started talking to me. He was lovely and so just easy to chat to. He looked at me….and just said,

‘You’ve done a really great job.’

‘Yeah,it’s much easier now that they’re  six and four and not two and newborn.’

‘I’ve never seen more independent kids. They can literally do everything. You’ve done well. They really respect you.’

‘I’m not sure about that. But thank you. That’s sweet.’

‘My daughters ordered a mocktail. When I was a kid, we just used to play out on our bikes…I love how it’s all changed.’

I’ve never heard anyone say how much they love the change in the world…so it made me like his manner, because he wasn’t someone that dwelled on the past, he was someone willing to embrace the present and roll with the punches, when it came to the future. He wasn’t even creepy. Just nice. He had a wife and everything. Sweet guy.

My mum always says, that those little conversations that you have with random people who stop you to chat, are people you’re meant to meet. They’re sent to you, to teach you something. Just for a second. And even though that may not be true. I just totally love the idea of it.

So yeah, my babies, might have a mocktail, eat a bunch of sweets, sass it out…and often get spoilt. All bad things really. YET, I could’ve dropped them both off at TGI’s and they would’ve known how to get a table, order their meal, pay for it with a card machine and get a taxi home. They’ve done it with me so much, that they just get. I make them learn it. If I dropped them off at a hotel, Ruby would know how to check in, commit to the payment process and find the room AND order room service. Lol. So there. I’m sure i’m teaching them survival tips. It might not be Bear Gryls. But fuck it, we’re living Wunna Land.

Shit, I got distracted….

The day turned to night….I whizzed off a message that read,

‘Off for drinks with the chicks…’

Then the world became my oyster….

Good times! Great fun! Always try and make memories. I don’t wanna be 80, look back and think..

‘Ah shit! I was really dull.’

Well…unfortunately that would never happen, as GOD, my life has been just SURREAL. Hahaha. I wish you could see into my head. I cannot even believe some of the stuff i’ve got myself into. Hopefully when i’m 80, i’ll also lose bits of my memory. Yeah, let’s hope rum steals those parts away from my brain.

Do what you want. Love what you do! Stand by what you believe is right for you! LIVE!

ps/ I’ve definitely just watched Hustle Barbie’s Snapchat story. Was she across town? She must have been? And whilst I was doing my Swalla dance routine? Everyone should move to Leeds. It’s the best. Anyway she’s stood next to a girl, who’s dressed as the Statue of Liberty, in a fast food joint and ofcourse she’s dressed as ‘Sandy from Grease’ and they’re pointing a TOY gun humans….Hahaha!

Seems like everyone had a great weekend AND it’s not even over yet!

Yipppppppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

Girl Banter, Wine & Dance Routines

Firmonnell: ‘I just love it. Whenever I hear it, it makes me feel like I want to make up some kinda dance routine. Haha.’

(We’re in our thirties…this is not normal.)

Me: ‘Lol. That’s exactly what I said, when I first heard it?’

(Because i’m just as immature.)

Double B: ‘What song is it…?’

And unfortunately for life, Firmonnell and I proceeded to perform the song..well attempt to sing it for Double B, just so she could get which song we were on about? We’d totally forgot what it was called? But it’s that ‘Instruction’ song by Demi Lovato.

Double B: ‘What song? I don’t get it?’

(Her 21 year old ears don’t even work.)

Me: ‘We’re not even singing it shit!!! GOD!!!’

She finally got it. Sanity was restored. The world became a shimmie and well she might have delivered the sentence…

‘Get on my tits’

…as she Sumo Wrestler, knee bended, during the ‘morning part’ of the day.

Then i wished we had prosecco. Kisstory played on in the background….and Russian Roulette was the only game that our phones would allow us play.

Nights out were reconfirmed. Liars were worshipped. Then the girls decided to imagine what i’m next wedding would be like. All the laughs. *Rolls Eyes.* 🙂

Firmonnell: ‘We would be in the SLUTTIEST bridemaids dresses that anybody would have ever seen!!!’

(Who said they’d be wearing dresses? I might make them adorn their crotches with fig leaves, or a single peacock feather. Naked isle strutting! Wahey!)

Double B: ‘I want you to walk down the isle and do an outfit change half way down…I want your first outfit to just slip off your body magically, to reveal your second outfit…Hahaha.’

Me: ‘Hahaha. It’s like the Britians Got Talent Bloopers! I wanna walk to the top of the isle, forget to look at my husband and strike a pose for a  selfie… just for ‘Insta’ likes.’

We had a great day. I was surrounded by the best chick click ever. I’m so lucky. I love my girl besties. But we totally gave zero fucks today and laughed off all danger with sarcasm, lies and should i get that ‘coconut, chilli chicken salad today’ questions.

Sometimes in life, you just have to give zero fucks about things. Have fun. God! We’re a long time dead. If you can’t cut an atmosphere with a burst of good times, then you certainly are not living right.

Then ‘Hustle Barbie’ saunters in, all glamourous, hot and blond. She’s off to her fancy dress party tomorrow night….as ‘Sandy from Grease.’ Luckily she’s going as Sandy, when she’s all ‘skin tight leggings and hip wiggles’ and not the crying in a giant nighty version.

Do remember that in that movie… when Sandy’s all pure and demure,  ‘Zucko’ pretends to not give 2 shits, as he’s far too busy ‘pussy wagonning’ with the boys. Yet when she’s all Sassy and ‘look at me bitch’ he’s all of a sudden got ‘chills that are multiplying’ and a boner that will love only her forever. Interesting!!!

Anyway, back to the story….I got distracted! I’m not sure what happened, because I was just rocking from side to side on an orange swizzle chair and not listening to anyone in my turtle neck, but Double B, did state that ‘Hustle B’ would be totally fucked because see was certainly about to meet someone, where in which the ability to ‘sign language’ would be an absolute must….

Double B: ‘But you don’t know sign language, so you’re just gonna have to make it up. Lol. Is that a dictionary?’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Eww! No…It’s eyelashes.’

Welcome to my world.

Then as I continued to swizzle about on a chair and not listen to much, as ‘No Scrubs’ played on the radio and no one could find a pen… Firmonnell retold the story of the moment Double B sauntered in and looked…well she described her as this…

‘She came in like a 1920’s washer woman, no face on, her skin transparent…and with a messy top knot in. Hahaha. She looked like someone from Downtown Abbey…but who lived in the cellar!’

Hahahaha. I love that!!!!! You know you have great friends when you can refer to each other as cellar gremlins.Just a great day!

Not sure what else happened? Aside from Firmonnell deciding that she didn’t like her hubby ‘Big D’ in a vest…Apparently the only way she can get him to not wear one is if they have sex…

‘At least, he’d take it off then.’

Hahaha.

YES! I’m all for her ‘let’s have sex so you don’t fashion crime around me’ policy. Why is she not Prime Minister?

To be honest, my day ended up being a long one, a busy one, a stressy one…You know the score… I’m just glad it’s the weekend! I’m so excited for peace. I’m gonna chill, enjoy family time, have a wine and write the rest of my book. (It’s out in the New Year. I’ve had people read extracts and apparently it’s rude but okay.)

I mean, on the whole i’ve had a good day, it just ended mentally, which doesn’t help relaxation mode.. I just wanted to get home. I couldn’t wait to get home. But if we (the girls and I) didn’t see adult twins in matching outfits, the cast of Gangman style, a young wannabe ‘heart throb’ use our window as a ‘hair doing’ mirror and a weird dude in an S & M biker hat and nipple vest walk by…I don’t know what we would’ve done all afternoon?

As soon as I got home, I stripped down to comfies, adored my little babies, ordered in a ‘take out’ and watched a motivational video that my Mentor sent me.

Unfortunately i have a short attention span….I like short bursts, rather than long winded stories. Which is weird because I tell long winded stories on here constantly. Lol. But I kinda watched the beginning and fast forwarded it to the end.  🙂 That’s how impressively studious I am. It just got too dramatic and boring. I just don’t need a shouty American to tell me to be driven. I AM driven. I just do it my way…which is calmly… with a cocktail. My eye is NEVER not on the prize. Don’t get it twisted. I’ve not done that bad in life. 😉

I even sent the video on. have no clue why? I just felt like it. But it seems that if you’re already driven and already successful, you’re not too arsed about a motivational video because you don’t really need one. If I can watch it and be bored, then I must be in a good place.

Right…I need wine…

 

 

 

Fights, Willies & Wunna Land

Life is currently great! I am in THE BEST mood ever. Technically, last week I was a jazzy bit hormonal, however now i’m all roses and winks. I’ve surfed the wave, had a word with myself and now i’m  back on the winners track. Things are great! I’ve had a lot on my mind over the last few weeks. Those niggly things that need to get sorted, that you box and ‘pretty bow’ to the back on your head in merry ‘trying to not deal with’ storage.

‘I’ll deal with them later.’

After a chat, a sprinkle of finally taking my life by the reins again and committing to only doing the things that make me smile, I kinda felt like an entire burden had been lifted from me by ‘The Gods’ (hot ones in togas)…and it came as a shock, because I didn’t think that brief moment of chat or decision making would make me feel as happy as it did. I as kinda scared of it. Yet if anything, in that moment I PROVED that you should only do the things that you love. The things that you were made for. If you don’t or if what you’re doing doesn’t eventually lead or guide you to where you see your future…If it doesn’t help your future at all…then not only are you wasting your time, but you’ll never feel fulfilled. You’ll miss your happy place. I’M actually talking about work in this case, yet this goes for literally anything..be it work, love or life…which we all seem to take for jolly granted.

This year, I’ve committed myself to taking chances, doing what I love, focusing on work and falling in love. I’ve changed a lot and it’s been nothing short of amazing. It makes you feel powerful. And it’s that feeling of internal POWER that makes you successful. Why? Well, because you’re happy IN ALL AREAS of your life. If you don’t have the ‘snazzle’ of everything, in balance, then you are wibbly. And when you’re wibbly, you fall much faster. 😉

Let me take you back to Friday….

Me: ‘Who is she even messaging…?’

Double B: ‘Some guy…she’s stalking him…’

Me: ‘Why are you secretly stalking him…Lol? You’re literally rewatching his Snapchats lovingly, with gentle creepy smiles.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I can’t help it! Haha. He’s so…He’s just a baby though. Too young.’

Me: ‘What happened to funny Bald Dave or whatever he’s called?’

Hustle B: ‘No, i’ve gone off him now. He’s not being responsive! HAHAHAH!’

(It’s hilarious because Hustle Barbie is an extremely attractive blond. She’s hot. Guys fancy her. They buy her gin and lillies. And Funny Bald Dave…who she stalked for a bit because he was…well funny… DON’T ASK…in my mind… would be PUNCHING AND THEN SOME….So if Hustle Barbie was to send you a message…you’d probably respond immediately…Surely you would? I don’t get it Bald Dave. She’s going through this weird phase of internet stalking the lesser male. Hahahah.)

Double B: I had sex last night. First time in FOUR MONTHS.’

Me: ‘Look at you! Hahaha. You actually gave him some? Why? What happened?’

(Double B has been in this longterm 3 year relationship with ‘J’, who I think is hilarious. They are both so ideally suited, and part of a young ‘let’s spend thousands of pounds at *Ralphies* in 3 hours’ couple. Such a great match. She never gives him sex though…and he still adores her madly. EVEN THOUGH, he definitely wants a bit of nookie.)

Double B: ‘I dunno. I just felt sexy…’

Hustle Barbie: ‘…because we were all talking about sex yesterday.’

Double B: ‘ I wanted it , so just grabbed his willy. It’s put me in a good mood. I should do it more often.’

Me: ‘Why don’t you have sex with him?’

Double D: ‘Cos it usually lasts about a minute..’

Me: ‘Cos you never give him any…’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I always know when Alex wants sex, because he’ll come out the shower and leave his clothes off and then lay on the bed butt naked…It’s normal to not have sex when you’ve been together for a long time.’

Me: ‘No it’s not! Lol. The longer you’re with them, the better sex gets.’

Double B: ‘I’m definitely having sex more often. He’s just text me to tell me that he’s taking me out to dinner now.. Did you know that when men get older their willies get darker…!!’

Me: ‘No they don’t….Haha.’

Hustle B: ‘What dya mean darker? How old?’

Double B: ‘Like at 70…the older they get, the darker their willy gets.’

Me: ‘How do you know what a 70 year olds will looks like? They’re not white and all of a sudden have a big black willy. Lol’

Hustle B: ‘I’m snapchatting this…. Say it again…’

And she did…that’s what I love about Double B….she’s ever the showman…as am I!!!! She’ll perform in the name of humour and it’s GREAT!

Me: Ugh…I’ve got to try and build my Instagram following….’

Double B: ‘Is that why you’re posting so many selfies…Lol..’

Me: ‘Yes…Hahaha. Add me! Add me! Love me! Love me!’

I sailed into the weekend…The suns out….It’s now Sunday, but I sorted another little ‘niggly’ mind box out before the weekend sprung…and again felt much better for it. I’ve made loads of decisions, ‘cut and dry’ ones over the last 2 days…and It’s made me BEAM because i chose to stay loyal to what I believe is right.  I’m quite composed and I’ll never really let people see what’s going on when they’re around me if i DO have ‘niggly’ bits going on in my head. That’s why I find it easy to write things out, because you can’t actually see me. Lol. In person i’m fun loving, laid back and pretty much always positive…I’m a laugh…Yet, I never left people see me ‘not okay.’ But one of the great things about me, is that I make decisions quickly. I always know what i want and when I know, I will whole heartedly commit to it.

Saturday morning felt wonderful. I was gleefully wallowing in the happiest of moods. I felt glamourous. I felt powerful. I felt like I had everything under control. I had a meeting, went through the Wunna Land plan. I never tell you my plans, as I always think you shouldn’t…as in a ‘Social’ climate you have to be able to meander and change plans accordingly at a drop of a stiletto. I’m fluid like that. But I’ve been patient and i’m not always too patient. I’ve learnt to be. I now don’t strike before i’m ready. I’ve spent a good amount of time ‘building’ Wunna land and make sure, I’m mot steady on my heels, but SOLID on them, so I stay on my feet. I sipped a couple cocktails. I’ve concentrated on what I’m doing and not what anyone else is doing…

Meeting: ‘Who else do you know…that you can name off the top of your head, literally off the top off your head, who is doing what you’re doing…as well as you’re doing it…..right now?’

Me: ‘Well…

Meeting: ‘And I don’t mean bloggers and all sorts…There’s tons of people trying their luck at it all …and I don’t even mean people who are different to you, who are doing it extremely well…I mean IN YOUR NICHE…’

Me: ‘Well no one…I can’t think of anyone at the top of my head. I mean there must be someone? I just haven’t really searched for a rival of sorts. I’ve just been zoning in on what I’m doing, not what they’re doing…and the shit thing is, I don’t read anyone else’s blog. That’s not true, I read one and i’ve been reading a whole bunch of memoirs. But there’s room for everyone…it’s Cyberland…There isn’t just one good blog about this one thing…on the whole of the internet.’

Meeting: ‘In Cyberland….in life in general….that’s true. In business….and you’ve turned your life into a business…IN YOUR NICHE…there is only room for ONE. You’ve done it the exact same way, that I did, you found your own way…again in a niche that is unique to yourself. You’ve made something old school, like diary writing.. MODERN.  In business, there’s room for one…there’s always a Bride and a Bridesmaid.’

Luckily, I’ve been a Bride millions of times…Lol…so I think I have this down.

A great meeting with my mentor. He is a very successful person, a very famous person, I knew them personally waaay before anyone did, when they began their own little blog, that they turned into a multi million dollar business. It’s good to have someone who has done what you’re , believe in you madly. Not only does it make you feel guided, but it makes you strong.

Then I got dressed, sent a Whatsapp message to ‘The Swirl’ wishing him good luck and better ribs…I like him. I find him really interesting….I’m hooked…..and with a stroke of my new baby kitten Rocco, I ventured into the world…to live!

It’s now Sunday. I watched the Mayweather/McGregor fight. I rooted for Mayweather all the way. I love a champion and I kinda didn’t want his Champion title to get smudged. He’s really the only one that had anything to lose. McGregor is good at what he does, they’re both great at what they do. Yet he’s not a boxer and well he was GREAT PR when it came to getting folk excited. They both made a shit ton of money and life is still great.

I love the Live  Celeb quotes from the fight that night…Like 50 Cent who watched McGregor cuddling Mayweather from behind, for a moment, was like, 

‘What the fuck is going on…..Haha….Okay Floyd, just knock this fool out.’

I like that he went in for a bit of a cuddle. He’s hard out there in that ring. Lol. Wait…I’ve made that sound rude by accident.

But even better, Jamie Foxx (who once gave me advice in LA on ‘how to handle boys, now i was bouji’ lol) posted an ace Instagram video about his choice of Fight Shoe, which was a  Gucci Fur Slipper. Lol. You need to watch it. It’s hilarious and fricking FOLLOW ME, whilst you’re at it.

Bloody hell. 🙂

 

Love, Lattes & Chicks Who Tongue Dogs…

Woke up this morning with the blistering sunlight shining through my window, with all a calm breeze and peace as my bestie…I stretched…I kitty yawned and just like that BOOM! Bustle, door knocks, headsets, clipboards, fidgets, schedules and that darling bit of happy ‘rush rush.’ (Which i hate. I hate RUSHING. When you rush, you mess things up. I’m a glamour puss. I like to do things in an orderly glamourous fashion.)  It only lasted a good jolly moment…then once again everything went back to calm, back to normal and I could continue sipping my green tea latte. (Which is my favourite latte in all the land. I used to get one every morning in LA, on 3rd and La Cienega, unless I was on a diet, then i’d flirt with an Americano with skimmed instead.)

Sorry….i’ve just got distracted after watching a snapchat of a guy (i know his sister closely) line out 20 chicken nuggets on his mates drive for hangover kicks and type out a mini news report afterward. Lol I’m enthralled. I love it! Hahah. But anyway…

You all zoned in on the fact that I stated that my love life wasn’t rubbish yesterday, didn’t ya! I scrolled through messages galore from people all over the world either cheering me on, or tinkering for me details? When it comes to love, I’ve never got it right, have I? Yet, that’s because i’ve Mambo’ed into everything head first, twirling madly, in red dresses and sequins, with ‘cha cha’ arms (don’t actually know what arms they are) and with everything crossed. And don’t get me wrong, it’s always great to feel ‘crazy’ about someone (that’s what passion is and if you don’t have it, your soul needs a tequila to wake you up and smell the limes,) yet the ‘crazy’ is what you feel initially….We all love the ‘swirl,’ the initial attraction…the ‘ooh laa’ as I like to call it….Yet, the real love comes after….when time has passed, you’ve learnt about one another and you’ve only just realised how much time you’ve invested in a person because it’s breezed by so merrily…

Real love comes (that love that people say has been written about for centuries) when a true friendship has been formed, one of loyalty and trust, that has been built upon slowly, where you share laughter, secrets, respect and support. When you can look at that person and know that no matter what they’ll always be there…because they always have. To me…that’s what real love is. A best friend…that you do ‘non friend zone‘ like things with. 😉

Having gotten love wrong for so many glamourous decades…YIPPPEEEE (again doesn’t make me a hideous person, it’s simply just my story, it’s actually empowered me more than I ever thought it would,) I THINK, that no one in this entire world understands love more than I do, right now. I do get nervous. I do get frightened. I do things wonderfully. I do things badly. It’s normal. I’m certainly not all sass, i’m quite an affectionate soul…and yeah like anyone, I don’t fancy feeling love in order to maybe get hurt, right? Especially not at thirty something. That doesn’t make us weak, it kinda just makes us human. It’s not the right way to move forward. So I’m always open hearted regardless…as my confidence out weighs my moments of terror…and just incase i have to encounter a sassy bit of heartbreak again in the future …I KNOW THAT I CAN HANDLE IT. 🙂 Plus, I have loads of great alcoholic chick friends who will buy me cocktails to make me feel better..and then make fun of me for being a tool.

I’m an life soldier…but a happy one. And I am 100 percent confident that one day (even though i’ve had decades of being unlucky in love) i’ll make someone really happy forever. Forever being the key word…as I have made people briefly happy… Lol. I actually said this to my chick friend Lana (she’s strange and tongues dogs)..

Me: ‘What! I’ve got it in me….’

Lana: ‘What, like silicone?’

Me: ‘Yes. Actually. Please stop tonguing that dog near my Gucci Bamboo Top Handle.’

Lana: ‘It’s weird because you’re a sweetheart but everyone who doesn’t know you thinks you’re a dickhead. Hahaha. I know you’ve got it in you…’

Me: ‘Well, I wouldn’t say it, if I didn’t know it was true. It’s not like i’m sat here saying, hey yeah…i’d make a really great roller booting astronaut…cos i’d know i’d be shit at that.’

Lana: ‘There’s no such thing as that, idiot. What if Mr. Whoever has a shit willy..’

Me: ‘He doesn’t have a shit willy. Stop tonguing that fucking dog!! Honestly. It’s sick. No wonder you’re divorced.’

Lana: ‘You can’t talk…You better get used to having to tongue pets now that you’ve got Rocco…’

Me: ‘Eww! Rocco’s bouji. He’s not average like your pet. Lol. He’s an ‘IT’ kitten. He’s swag. He’s part of Wunna land. I have a whole online patch of land. You’re living it right now & you don’t even know. It’s like a glittery Matrix.’

Lana: ‘You’re such a big headed twat.’

Right, I need to head off quickly…and enjoy the rest of my chills. I have the Yorkshire chills to get back to and enjoy…I’m slightly confused at how grown my children have become. It’s weird. How the hell have I managed to raise them?

I’m also missing all my girls! Firmonnell, Fairytale, Hustle Barbie, Double B, Mel and Lady Shiz. I did actually wake up, thousands of miles away from them, look down at my phone and read a stream of whatsapp messages that kinda really upset me. Lots has happened and it was kinda weird because it’s not really something that I would be upset by…Yet reading the stream and realizing how much of a team we were, no matter where we were in the world or what we were doing….or whatever shit life through at us…kinda made me smile! I love being part of a team. We have each other’s back no matter what. I always wonder what we’ll all be doing in the next five years…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Talking Chemistry…

‘If a guy is madly in love with a girl, he will put her on a pedestal, to the point where no other girl in the entire world, comes even NEARLY CLOSE to her… that’s how we as guys, know we’re in love…’

…said Josh the ‘Ego’ bartender to the little Burmese Glamour Puss. He had just been cheated on by his girlfriend, who he had been loyal to for YEARS. It hurt him. He cried in a car. But he’s now dating someone else…and I guess he’s just taking it steady, yet merrily, with his heart on his sleeve. The above statement occurred after I decided to express my views on loyalty and ‘guys with wandering eyes.’ 

Me: ‘If a guy is looking at other girls and seriously actually wanting a piece…then the girl he’s with, can’t be his big love. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with anyone looking at all, yet I know that when I care about a guy i’m with, i always care for them with every thing that I am, so my eyes would NEVER wander. Not ONE piece of me would care for anyone but the guy i love. I’m all fire for them…’

I learnt a lot this weekend…and yeah I may have learnt stuff whilst sipping on the occasional ‘Pornstar Martini.’  However, still the weekend was great. Even Friday rocked. It was fun. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got stressed and the rest of the girls (including myself) just invested in the best time ever and shimmied around her to Kisstory tracks, during the middle of the day. How good is Kisstory on a Friday afternoon!!!

Anyway, I’m having a chilled time and when I say ‘chilled,’ it’s not chilled in the sense of ‘still,’ as a LOT of work is going on behind the scenes in Wunna Land right now. (I have a lot of exciting things happening to me, that I’m unable to tell you about yet. No one even knows about it all except myself and one other human.)  When I say ‘chilled,’ I guess, I mean that my heart is warm and i’m feeling pretty at peace…pretty together. It’s a good feeling because all sorts of madness has swirled around me, over the last couple days…. in the lives of others, in the lives of those close to me and I was kinda able to simply smile, keep myself out of the drama and enjoy my own version of life. Cut away from it all positively. I’m a lucky girl. A really lucky girl. Right now, my life is WONDERFUL. I’m at peace.

But HOLY SHIT. I had friends, who got cheated on, dumped, ditched, pied…and lied to. Yet great things happened like..

Emily: ‘Mark asked me to marry him! I said YES! WERE ENGAGED!’

(Not bad to say they met on the hell hole that I call Tinder. I hate Tinder. I’m not on Tinder. I’d never online date anyone with a swipe. Everything to me is all about a real life connection. Yet flipping heckers…Tinder certainly worked out for them! They even had a long distance relationship and LOOK how well it went! He looked at her, knew he wanted to make her his wife…and he did. NOTHING IS SEXIER THAN THAT MOMENT. It’s hot. It’s when a boy turns to man. And he got her the blingiest rock ever!)

I’m seeing really bad couples and really great couples all all around me. The bad couples will learn. The great couples will be filled with love.

Away from all that, I committed to making rude words out of sequinned arts and crafts. I pictured it and whatsapped it to the appropriate person…followed by a photo of…well i don’t really think i can say what the picture was, without everyone having a go at me for having a rubbish sense of humour, that always gets me done. (See! I’m learning. 😉 ) Lots of good times, lots of fun, time with the babies and maybe a moment when some girl told me a story of how she ‘rimmed’ a guy and punched a guy, before I found myself sat in what looked like an accidental, illegal dungeon, with my old school friend Kate.

Odd moment, but still a good time. I felt really tired though, so I ventured home immediately for bed. I love bed time. As soon as my kitten head hit that pillow, i was ZONKED.

Then I decided to stress out because I couldn’t find the perfect dress. I need the perfect dress for Friday and when you need a good dress…you can’t fricking find one anywhere, can you??? (I have one now. I ordered it today at 7am. I love early morning spends.) I have a big week this week….If i’m being honest, I was kinda nervous for it, until I moaned at ‘Firmonnell.’

Me: ‘I’m nervous. I’m shitting myself. What am I even doing!! Lol’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s too late for this shit now…’

It kinda made me pull glitzy little self together, laugh and get on with it. Lol. You can’t really go hurtling off a glitter cliff and then think ‘oops’ mid soft landing.

I have great friends. Fair enough some of them might be odd like ‘Hustle Barbie’ who has dreams of bald men named ‘Dave’ just because ‘they’re funny.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘You know he’s a virgin…He comes from a really religious family…’

Double B: ‘FUCKS SAKE! THIS STORY IS JUST GETTING WORSE!!! HAHAHA!’

Me: ‘As if he’s an actual real life virgin! You can’t take his virginity. It’s wrong. Hahahaha.’

It’s bizarre because guys love virgins and girls think guy virgins are just weird. Hahah. Apart from ‘Hustle Barbie’ who has completely lost her mind. (I asked her for dress advice and she sent me a picture of some giant rainbow coloured, Cinderella ball gown. Hahaha.)

I think sex is a really big part of a relationship/marriage. I whole heartedly respect ‘Bald Dave and his ‘no sex before marriage’ thing. It’s lovely. But imagine if you married him and you had really shit sex together forever. I’d hate that! I love ‘the bedroom.’ You really do have to have sex with someone before you marry them. Test the goods and all that! Lol. Even if you never have sex again and then decide to wait until the ‘i do’s’…at least you know that the ‘winky winky’ part of your love is AMAZING. That sounds like a ‘tick box’ to Me!

Honestly…’Hustle’ is properly crushing on him. DREAMING about him and everything. Hahaha!

I don’t even know if I can tell you what Mel did at the weekend…I think i might need to ask her permission. It even flipping SHOCKED ME. Lol. She tinkered to Liverpool and had a bizarre Portaloo moment. It is the most hilarious story ever. I’m too scared to tell you it.

Y’know, I don’t even know what to tell you because so much has happened!

But this weekend, I learnt a lot about love. I learnt a lot about myself. It solidified what i wanted by listening to the shit stories of others. Hahaha. It’s strange because to look at, people always guess me wrong. I don’t know what they’d think i’d be like? Yet, it’s certainly not what I am. Lol. When it comes to love, I believe in true love. I believe that sometimes people ‘make do’ with partners. Yet,i’m not that girl. I honestly think there is ONE PERFECT person out there for you, for everyone. You’re perfect person will always find you. They’ll love you. Your chemistry will be magic. Your love will come so easily it will be effortless. You’ll be happy.

I’m a settley down kinda girl. I’m allowed to have a cheeky side. It doesn’t make me unable to love. Lol. It makes me ace. I want ‘forever.’ I’d do ‘forever’ for with my perfect man. But I guess anyone would once they had found their life bestie? It’s just how true love goes….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With a little bit of luck….

Hilarious day! I love the days when you find yourself crying with unexpected laughter, to the point where everything pauses and your insides just crease with absolute piss take! If you know me personally, you’ll know that I have a really inappropriate  sense of humour. I find really awful things funny. But luckily, so do my chicks friends. I can’t even tell you how Mel greeted me this morning, as it is far too racist and wrong. But we laughed. We laughed like besties. And good besties can say anything to one another and find it funny. It’s weird and inappropriate, yet filled with love.

Then I found myself sat in a kitchen with ‘Firmonnell’…and lets just say we can’t be trusted together. We tend to have these lunches where everything goes tits up. I don’t know what happened, but after various snapchat filters and talks about my vagina, she decided that the BEST IDEA EVER, was for me to…well this is what she said,

‘You should definitely take a picture of your vagina and do the bush filter that trims itself into a heart! It’s HILARIOUS.’

Me: ‘Please don’t make me do that… EVER. HAHAH. I’m not snapchatting my vagina.’

Firmonnell: ‘And the funniest part is the fact that you’re gonna have to open bits to make the bush start trimming itself into a fucking heart! HAHAHAH! I’m dying!!’

Ofcourse i’m not an idiot and therefore her request was denied. But I will tell you that she totally stole someone’s VIP booth at the weekend, when her ‘totally not called Jen’ friend pretended to be someone totally called ‘Jen,’ who had apparently won some radio competition, where the prize was a VIP booth and booze.

Thye got all scared whilst pretending to be ‘Jen’ the VIP booth competition winner, but then after booze…

‘We better drink fast, incase she shows up’

…It seems they did not care one bit for ‘Jen’ and instead, they were quite prepared to offer to ‘Out Jen’ Jen, if Jen came.

‘I’m the better Jen. I’ll have a Jen off with her.’

I obviously choose my friends wisely. I was no part of this. I’m just proud of her. Lol.

Then I decided to share my new Cougar Cosmetics ‘Perfect Pout’ in Mulberry with the girls, alongside a smear of Volume lip pout. You know you have great friends, when you can stop shit for bit and just add a bit of ‘Volume Gloss’ to your lips. We all quit work for a few minutes simply to *pout* in our new lips.

‘My lips are stuck to my water bottle.’

Great Company! Great cosmetic line. Love that it’s called ‘Cougar.’

I had really great news today! Really great news! Again I can’t tell you about it yet. But it made me beam. If I could give you nay advice, it would be to do what you are good at. It doesn’t matter what it is, yet as long as you’re great at it, you will excel, because it will come so naturally to you. When you do the things that you’re great at…good things happen, because you put value and talent out there…and in return life throws you a glitter bone and slides you down a trophy. YEAH BABY! (I actually only told one person about it…and that person made me feel good, because they just understood  it all, got it all and replied with a ‘Ur on flames babe. ‘ Made me smile.)

But yes, I seem to have a lot of wonderful things happening to me in all areas right now. I can’t really believe it, but it’s all flipping great! I mist have wished upon a star sometime after wine and had all my dreams come true.

With the right wiggles, the correct winks and my fingers crossed in hope…all should be be panning out perfectly.

I guess some dreams come true….hard work, a lot of love and the best support around is what gets you where you need to be.

I’m early nighting it tonight.

Love you,

Chrissie

ps/ I’m still waiting for three more ‘good news’ calls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m in a SWIRL….

I’ve had the most AMAZING weekend. To be fair aside from a shoot cocktails and chilling with family and friends…It’s been pretty chilled. Yet it’s how I’ve FELT this weekend, that has glitter glided Wunna land with ‘ooh laa.’

I’m in, what I call…’a swirl.’ 🙂 🙂 🙂 A Wunna land ‘swirl’ is that slow motion moment of absolutely glee that you experience, when you’re radiating happiness, a beam from your heart and you just can’t stop smiling and all because of a current ‘romantical’ 🙂 encounter. A swirl is always in the present, it is a ‘moment’ of now and that is what makes it magical. (Oh! And I have new flooring down in two rooms, after late night workabees with tool boxes came and sorted it all. I cocktailed under the evening stars, to get out and let them get on with it. I came home to new floors. SOOOOOOOOOO GRATEFUL. That’s made me smile also…Lol.)

But i’ll cut the crap.

There’s this guy…

I don’t even know how to tell it or say it, as my ‘swirl’ has got the better of me? I’m a kitten, it’s what happens. But i’ll try my best, right? Obviously, my weekend of fun had to get postponed to next weekend due to ‘circumstance’ yet bizarrely, I have had the most surprisingly fulfilling time of ‘chitter’ with this guy, that has helped us to get to know each other, so much more closely. It’s crazy.

I WILL tell you that I woke up Saturday morning and accidentally smashed my face on the corner of a wall…Lol…I’M THAT GLAMOROUS. There was blood everywhere and it was all very dramatic for a good 3 minutes. 🙂 Then wet wipes and Estee Lauder came to my rescue and *POP* I looked brand new…fresh out of a glamour pusses rescue box. Then swarmed with a Glitterati Army, a glam squad, beauty brushes flying and fresh white dressing robes…I shot for a new campaign for one of my favourite brands, that you will all here about shortly.. because what I do is tell everyone about it. 🙂 I guess that’s why i’m such a trendy cyber tool for brands right now…KEEP THEM COMING! I’m loving life!

Anyway, all morning and right until the last part of the night, where we both committed to  ‘shut eye’…the guy in question and I had been back and forth messaging all day. We got on with our own version of life, whilst inviting the other in…This guy is really attentive, so like myself really, if you message him he’ll message back straight away, he’ll remember to check in always and without being prompted. He’s hilarious. He’s sweet. He’s sexy…but he’s loving? I say it with a question mark, because i’m surprised. He’s extremely expressive, which is what I adore in people. I’ll tell everyone exactly how I feel always and I’ve always found it hard to find gents who do also. Not with this one…he’s on it. I tell him everything. It’s almost like having a ‘bestie’ that isn’t remotely in friend zone because I want him so badly sexually.

Then he had a few hours where he had to concentrate on the ‘football’ part of his life. (Stereotypical isn’t it. 🙂 One went to a glammy shoot, the other went to play footy.)

I tottered out to grab early dinner and keep myself busy with cocktails at ‘Ego’ in Ackworth. my fave local spot and mainly because yesterday when i tottered in, the bartenders there all looked so happy and busy. They were having the most hilarious time ever, making fun of each other, laughing out loud…the energy was good and with a..

‘HEY CHRISSIE…Cocktails?’ *Wink*

I felt right at home. They love me there. I love them there. It’s how it works and I Tweet my love for them always. Lol. I sat at the swanky bar and laughed along with them…next to some middle aged guy and his milfy wife. They were great! I loved her. Milfy wives are usually evil, but she was sweet and funny. I find that sexy, so i ordered another drink to celebrate…

‘I want something that’s not crazy boozy..?’

‘I’m making you a Miami Ice tea…Lol…’ (The most boozy.)

He just kept pouring this mixture of shots in an trying to disguise it all with ‘fruitiness’ and smiles. We were all pissing ourselves.

‘WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT! WHAT ARE ALL THOSE SHOTS!!! What is that mystery *no label on it* bottle? Haha. Why does that look like man juice??’

‘If you don’t like it, you don’t have to pay for it. it doesn’t have ruffies in it! Lol’

‘Here’s a free strawberry daiquri Chrissie..’ said another voice and a hand that poked around the bar. JEEPERS.

The cocktail was delicious…So once again THANK YOU EGO for making me cocktails that tasted like deliciously fruity, sex without protection….:) You’re may favourite bartending team. I’d give you an award if I could be arsed. 🙂

So it seems that I was so in the Ego cocktailing moment…but I wasn’t. I swept away in my swirl.

The guy had finished up and got home and we were chatting the whole time…as I was finishing my drinks…and let me tell you, we literally just beamed and laughed out loud the whole time. There’s a buzz about us. A chemistry. But not an irrational ‘all over the place’ chemsitry. It’s more a well balanced, lively, yet sexy chemistry that is sponged over with a friendship and a cuddle blanket of peacefulness..a happy. 🙂 I don’t think we can actually believe that we on so well. and it’s just great because like I said to him…

‘Everyone would think, that we’d be out being absolute total knobs, when really we’d be home watching The Voice in our slippers..I love a good sing song show! Lol.’

‘Haha…Me too! I know!!! I love it! You’re stunning y’know. You’ve got me smiling, we get on so well..I can’t wait for Date Night…a nice meal a few drinks.. I’m hooked..’

We’re quite misjudged people…so it’s lovely to know each other personally.

I literally tell him everything…I sat back on my bar stool, comfortably against the wall, in my knee high boots..absolutely beaming and I said..

‘Look at us two!!! Lol. We should’ve done this earlier. But i guess, you end up talking to people when you’re meant to. I’m hooked too…I’m sprung. I obviously want you. Madly. I’m SO attracted to you and at the same time I love that we get on so well. You make me happy. We’re going to be THE BEST. It’s perfect.’

‘You are making me smile from ear to ear here! 🙂 🙂 You’re gonna make me a happy man. This is worth the wait. I want to make you feel like a million dollars. x’

‘You already do.. I want you to wake up every morning and feel like the greatest man alive.’

Then…..as the ‘look at us being lovey’ swirl, had obviously taken flight and magically ‘Gone fucking Ape’ around our two lives…

He sent me a Snapchat… Not a naughty one. But a Bunny Eared, Voice Changer one of him singing along to The Voice intensely…

HAHAHA! See! That’s why he’s ACE! Dying!

Not only did I die with laughter, but as soon as I opened up my *snap* and watched it, my PHONE FUCKING DIED, so it looked really bad like I hadn’t responded. Lol. So I had to get random people to charge my phone for me, just to reply.

I got home. We chatted all night. My floors were finished. (Thank you so much!) I showed the boy..in my voice changer, bunny ears.

Then the rest of it is far to dirty for me to tell you about…:)

What? We’re sexy people? We’re both that way inclined and just crave each other all the time..I’m sprung.

Therefore, like he responded with Bunny Ear songs…which makes him ace. I responded with ‘send nudes’ material. Lol. I really did…and a flipping ‘let me just have this wine first’ video..which in his world…makes me ACE. LOL.

‘You ARE going to make me a very happy man… I’m just beaming!!’

Shush you lot. We’re grown ups.

Then back in snapchat bunny ears and jumpers…

‘As if you’re just laid their in your jumper after i’ve done all that shit!!LOL’

…we chatted some more and laughed the rest of Saturday away…

‘Hurry up Next Week!’

And as Saturday was over, but not yet turning into Sunday…we chilled out and tuned out…

‘Night. Night Wifey xx’

‘Love you Hubbster… xx’

The thing about life is that it’s there to be lived and it’s the moments like my Saturday night, that make you feel alive…It’s those moments that you should treasure…as it doesn’t matter if that moment is temporary or forever…it’s ALIVE and it’s NOW! It’s always about how someone makes you FEEL. Everything is about how you FEEL. When someone MAKES me feel great…I always treasure them.

And so no matter what…on Saturday April 2nd…I felt alive….because of this guy…

Hope you had the most AMAZING WEEKENDS!

Thank you for following my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Swirls, Boots, Trumps & Business

‘OMG! Chrissie! Look at these boots! Just look at these boots. Wait! Let me try one on and show you. It’s such a good boot. LOOK! (Holds it up to face and strokes it lovingly, like it is kitten blessed with divinity.) These are the kinda boots that you’d wear to The Carleton on a Friday night with skinny jeans! AND I GOT THE BAG, because you can’t do boots, without a matching bag! (Pulls it out) LOOK!!’ 

I smiled. It made me happy. I love girls, embracing BEING a girl and to watch this chick friend of mine, swirl with happiness in a girly boot frenzy, after having such rubbish luck with men in the past, with three years (apparent) no sex 🙂 , yet just recently bumping into a NEW guy, who has taken her fancy and let’s say made her *beam* more than usual…It’s kinda lovely. AND it’s funny because by nature, I don’t think she would put herself across as one to get caught up in a girly ‘love swirl.’ There’s a sense of bravado about her. Yet, I have watched her talk about this new guy in general and when she does, she smiles, almost giddily…and that’s how I know, she’s catching the love bug. She’s happy. I can tell. And I love it.

Be it boys! Or be it Boots. I know new love when I see it. It must be exciting for her. I want to be caught up in a ‘love swirl.’ I swirl so well in heels! 🙂

So yes, Louboutin/La Boy Ton. Same difference. They both make a girl smile. *Wiggle/Wink.*

Anyway, what can I tell ya!

I have so much to organize, do and get diddled. Things are busy, yet enjoyable. Even when I’m tottering to my car to get to the next part of my day, i’m having to email across some proposal, or reply to some text, or Snapchat my moment or…well you get the picture.

Last night, as I dashed out of the office, I was on a video call with a girl named Vikki, from the office to my car, over cobbles, as the day was turning to night, trying to discuss how I would appropriately slot into an event. I love events. I do them well. Yet this one would be very ME, but very different to what I’d normally access. So i’m genuinely excited. I’m chatting away and strutting through alley ways, in heels, in the cold, with a smile on my face… and ofcourse in the heat of the moment…MY PHONE DIES. FFS!

I couldn’t even charge it until an hour later, which annoyed me more than anything. Yet what can I say, I sent apology emails and well I can’t really get narked off with myself, when things that are out of my control, in any moment.. occur. So I had a wine and enjoyed the rest of the night with Ruby and Junior.

Oh! This morning when Keiran came to pick Junior up at 7.30am to look after him, whilst I dashed off to get some work done…He knocked on the door and once it swung open handed me over a can on De..Icer with a smirk.

That was his way of saying,

‘Don’t ever call me unhelpful on your blog again.’ :)

Then we got on with life….separately.

I’m really lucky right now because I feel as though I have so much opportunity. I’m doing really well and i’m working, alongside some great brands and great people, like I always say. However, i’m most happy not just because i’m enjoying and feel so lucky, yet because i’m HANDLING IT NOW, i’m ‘bossing’ this shit down with twinkly lights, cheeky winks and victory air punches. I’m getting this. I’ve got this. I’m pretty, pretty organised. I just feel balanced and when you do, you don’t really miss a beat, do you? Your fluidity becomes sexy and ‘together.’ You’re in control and in the driving seat. Instead of being the passenger…. screaming…as the car goes around that track, too fast for you.

Everthing’s great and I have a lot of exciting things happening. New things great things. A book out at the end of the year and more than anything, i’m looking forward to the UK Blog Awards, that I’m a finalist in, after a giant public vote. AS IF THIS LITTLE BLOG ended up ranked in the top 8 ‘most voted for’ in it’s category and AGAIN, AS IF PEREZ HILTON (who i’m following a lot recently because I enjoy his Donald Trump rants  on Twitter) keeps liking the fact that my blog is doing so well. I adore him, because for me, he put the art of blogging on the map. He made it a ‘glory’ and not just a creative talent. AND we both think Trump is a tool, which creates a pretty decent bond of  cyber ‘high fiving.’ Having grown up in LA and having spent a decent decade all over America, I will tell you, that I couldn’t think of a more worse being to run the USA. Glitzy political rant over. I’m sure i’ll get over it.

My favourite human Steven Bartlett put his Vlog up, which made my world complete.  I awaited the arrival of this new vlog like my life depended on it. I must’ve checked to see if it was up, 1000 times, between phone calls, meetings, emails, work stints, lunch breaks…all sorts. Lol. I don’t think i’ve been so hooked on a being’s life EVER. (Well, a beings life that wasn’t MY OWN or my childrens… EVER.)  But, being lucky little me, I actually saunter to Social Chain at the end of February to have a good old ‘P’ for *peeky,* so no doubt that will be awesome. I genuinely can’t wait.

I’m a busy little ‘bossing it’ right now and it feels amazing. If I could tell you all that was going on, I would. I just can’t remember it now that I’m on the spot. But there’s lots and i’m feeling on top of the world. I’m getting there anyway! 🙂 I’m beaming. Right now, I feel so good that nothing could go wrong, that I couldn’t fix. I’m certainly maybe in the mood for the excitement of ‘love,’ as after watching the boot ‘love swirl’ today, and seeing a happy glint in a sassy girl’s eye, it made me radiate a warmth and it’s that warmth that I makes any girl more attractive. It’s when we feel most like a woman and at our most powerful and when we do, we make great partners.

I’ve always said that when girls feel weak they make rubbish partners. Or they date incorrect people for all the wrong reasons, in order to pull a warmth that they see from that human onto themselves. I’m not that girl. I’m a busy girl, i’m an ambitious girl, but i’m a fun girl and I’m loving piece of chica. I hope to find the love of my life by accident. But i’m only going to be able to ‘jigsaw piece’ with a guy who is similar to the above traits that I seem to wave the flag for or a guy who has the same sort of career/future as I, otherwise they’d just never understand or get what Wunna Lands about. Or even see it’s potential..which would be the worst thing ever.

Yet, I can’t find love when it’s cold. I can’t do anything when it’s cold. It’s fucking freezing and being of an exotic nature, I’m not finding this COLD AS ICE weather a blast! It makes everything rubbish, cocktails not as fun and gives me ‘breasticles.’ I think the freezing cold just goes against my natural grain of ‘ooh laa.’ My Mum, Dad and Brother are currently sunning it up In Burma. (I’m Burmese in case you didn’t know, so that would make sense.) They get back on Saturday and I can’t wait. I think i might throw myself at my mothers feet and kiss them in admiration. NEVER LEAVE AGAIN. Childcare and busy work schedules has been INSANE. Lol

I need a wine. *Pours a red.*

I will however say that I want you to take a look at my Quick Fire interview that I did for MMB Magazine, which is all about working Mums in business. If i’m anything, i’m that. And yes, it’s great fun waking up on the odd morning and seeing a pap picture in The Sun or the Daily Mail, yet it’s important to me to inspire, when it comes to matters that are close to m heart.

It’s never easy having dreams, being busy and trying to manage and be a great single mum of two, with not much help…

So i’m jumped at the interview with love in hope to inspire other Mum’s in the same situation.

Never let anyone tell you, you can’t have it all. You can if you try. Have your dream job, be a great mum. You can make it work, if you want it bad enough. Set great examples for your children…

Here’s the link to my interview…

Enjoy…

Interview With Chrissie Wunna

Have a great Thursday.

It’s felt like such a long week hasn’t it!!!

In the next blog I’ll be telling you how you can be part of this blog, via my cocktail tour and come spent the day with me. 🙂

I know!!!

 

Welcome to Wunna land.

Learning life as I go along..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blackpool, Celeb Makeup Masterclasses & Life

Literally living the most amazing chapter right now, that is sprinkled in hard work, sponged with laughter, dashed with great friendships and glitter snowballed into good times. The energy in Wunna land is currently so positive it’s *beaming.* I’m feeling on top of the world. And yes, i’ve been busy and there have been moments where in which i’ve thrown myself a tiny ‘pity party’ in order to vent out my due shatteredness. And yes, i’m doing ‘baby step’ well and I’ve had to make certain sacrifices for it. However, as long as you’re always loyal to your own kitty beliefs, be it in love, work or play…they you’re always doing well. It’s your life. Live it and do it the exact way you want to. Know that there are consequences to everything action you make when it comes to the art of ‘making impact,’ or ‘living’ and as long as you can either *shrug* them off in Versace or handle them with a *wink,* then Dolly you are dandy. Go for it!

So, what have I been up to?

I still haven’t fallen in love or managed to go on a date. I’ve had ‘London Business Man’ message me, yet I haven’t had time to reply. I will go catch up drinks with him, as his soul is good. But like i said, ambition has got the better of me and work has zoomed into the ‘Priority lane.’ I’ve had a guy that I was talking to before, months and months ago now, who is the hot PE teacher from Malta (also had a moment where he shimmied on the telly, I used to chatter about him before briefly, yet ‘Eton Mess’ got the better of me and well the PE teacher didn’t like me that much anyway then.) He send me a message last night. Again, i haven’t had time to reply. I’ve noticed that the better I do in work and the more attention i gain, more boys who are dipped in ambition come tapping at my inbox. However, the better I do…the less needy for love I become. Lol. Catch twenty two and absolute GIRL POWER is occurring. Like I said my dream man will find me and just like that…he will. We’ll meet. We’ll feel something. Then with a *click of the gel nailed fingers* well decide to do ‘team.’ For me..that’s how it works. I am turned on by action, and anything that is a long drawn out process in love bores me. Yet i’m traditional by manner, so i’d expect him to make the initial move. I mean, how hard can it be to just say,

‘Hey, d’ya wanna grab a drink?’

I’m a functioning alcoholic. I’ll drink with you any time. 🙂

So away from that! I’ve been spinning plates. My parents are away doing Burma for my Mums birthday. I’m on constant daily work mode, yet at the same time travelling around for appearances, events and blogs…I’m also, at the same time organising Ruby and Junior to make sure i’m still doing the school runs and that they’re feeling emotionally adored. And they are! My life isn’t easy. But i love it. I’m the chick that gets things done and right now my hard work is paying off. Once i’m sitting in a ‘pretty kitty’ position where I can breathe, chill by my pool, with my morning mimosa and slow motion *hair toss* on cue, as Wunna land works for me and realise that ‘I’ve come a long way’ then I’ll have a bit of a rest. 🙂

In entertainment, marketing or the business of ‘show,’ people work HARD. So do not underestimate how HARD the industry is. Yet the positive ones with plans, are the ones who cultivate those great relationships and stability. Yet it’s also important to keep your eye on the prize. Even though i’ll go out and maybe get *papped*(which, i’m not gonna lie HELPS to gain attention)…I know where my work is and that’s here on this blog… I don’t let the brief moment of *pap…pap* get the better of me. I’m here to tell the story of my life…and in this chapter…showbiz seems to be part of it. Lucky really, as it came out of nowhere. (After I had planned it. 🙂 )

The other day, felt like the busiest day of my life. I almost lost my swiggedy…which is my word for ‘swag.’ I did the nursery and school runs. I then had a Viking Fm blast and promoted a bit of Gino D’Acampos new restaurant chain, I then rushed over to go hang out with ‘Take Me Out’ Nick Knight, who I know anyway, infact I’ve him known for years. We chattered at his home about EVERYTHING and after we judged people, talked about his weird fascination of saucy ginger chicks, we laughed out loud and I watched him almost do a sick after smelling a fresh cat poo. Then after work chatter…he did the washing up and I left to venture off to Blackpool, via Manchester.

(During this middle time, I did an audition also. But that’s a secret.)

I was already running late and trying to get ready. I was dashing about madly in heels, squeezing into leather skirts, spraying hair and trying to do up pinstripe shirts over boobies. (Pinstripe shirts are my favourite thing to wear.) Swearing and no wine happened at this point and i think that if i had wine…i wouldn’t have been so fucked off. Lol. I’m a glamour puss, I HATE TO RUSH. I like to do everything gracefully and ON TIME. I don’t like being late to anything, it winds me up. But rushing around without a plan, devastates me.

I Snapchatted all the stress, if you haven’t added me, you should, as I seem to *snap* stuff more than anything right now, but yes I swore a lot, but got on that train…ON TIME! 🙂 With an Echo falls train wine. 🙂 I was also forced to do a wee in a grubby train loo and nothing makes me weep more, simply because I stand by the fact that toilets ANYWHERE in ANY ENVIRONMENT even Zoo’s should be kept sparkling. Train loos are yucky and whilst you’re sat down on then with your thong down by your ankles, you’re terribly unstable and sort of unsteadily wibbling along…Grubby train loo’s are Hell on Earth.

I finally got to Leeds, then to Blackpool via Manchester and in that time I was still rushing about as I seemed to have so much to organise. It’s literally non stop. My inbox was filling up with meeting opportunities, brands that wanted to collaborate an dick pics. Then i realised that I hadn’t turned my notifications off…and I don’t like to incase someone I might fancy 🙂 or want to meet for work sends me a message. Lol. I had over 40,000 new, unread messages to my inbox, that i hadn’t managed get through so far. That was my train journey.

So, the reason why I was headed to Blackpool was because I had been invited to attend the Celeb Makeup Masterclass with Sean Maloney at House of Halteres. I was headed there to meet Liam Halewood, who I’ve spoken about before…he had a stint on the Xfactor.Xtra Factor as Tranny Minogue and I was also meeting the gorgeous Celeb Blogger Ryan Mira and Lisa…as in Appleton, who we know has the press all over her right now.

Now, i know Lisa and God she’s great fun. We’re both great fun and when we get together we almost have to attempt to ‘rein in’ being idiots, for a bit of the ‘look at me.’ It’s not easy. But what an I say, it’s hard for fun girls to be gracious at times, as we’re loosely moralled about most things and too cheeky to be too serious. Fun girl. I hope she gets everything she wants.

I will say that when she walked around the corner, of an Italian restaurant where she had been doing pasta with Ryan, to meet Liam and I in the car (and note Aaron the ‘Pap’ Photographer was already there waiting, I had already been *papped,*) that was the first time i looked at her and said out loud to Liam,

‘GOD! SHE LOOKS LIKE A STAR!’ And she did. That night, there was a *GLOW* about her, like she’d taken the next step up the ladder and she’s going through a lot right now that most wouldn’t know about. Fun girl, great laugh, so soft, yet ambitious. However again, do not underestimate how hard she has to work. All anyone sees is a picture of her taking out the bins in her undies in The Sun and straight away the comments fly with judgement. YET, if you were to actually know her, you would adore her. I think she’s great anyway, however from a work, showbizzy side, I get it and I understand how it all, which means i understand her and really that’s all it takes. I’m actually pretty impressed at how far she’s come. When we had a chat later over Prosecco, she looked at me and said,

‘I know why Paris would like you. You’re very tell it how it is. You’re very fun.’

Meaning…there’s a mutual respect going down.

So, we get to House of Halteres and we’re a bit late, which we all hate, none of us like lateness. Britain’s Got Talent had been going on all night in Blackpool and we’re getting *papped/papped/papped* outside by Aaron the celebrity photographer. We’re playing up to it, we’re loving it and we’re eager to get inside and see what makeup tips Sean Maloney has to teach us, as BOY do I need makeup tips. The busier i’m getting the less time i’m having to primp. IT KILLS MY SOUL! Lol.

Fabulous night filled with champagne flutes, canapes, good bags and celebs. At first we were in a back room because we were being noisy and well…we were really hungry. I hadn’t managed to git in eating all day. So we thought that we’d let the people who were taking the masterclass, do it undisturbed at first, as lets face it, we’re distracting and I’m a fidget bum.

In a back room we all Tweeted, Snapchatted, videoed each other and caught up on the gossip. Ryan and I are by nature naughty, so we’ll just do whatever we want…and did, hence why our Snapchat videos were on point. I kept chanting

‘Ryyyyaaan, ohohoh…..RYAAAAaaaaaAAAN!’ (Whilst slut dropping)

And he kept singing,

‘W’w’ You Wunna.. Wunna…W’w..You Wunna Wunna?’ (Whilst slut dropping.)

Then we all slagged people we didn’t like off, ate some crisps, Liam took selfies, Ryan and I played and wink, Lisa had work messages to tend to on her phone and then we all went in to be part of the Celeb Makeup Masterclass.

AMAZING. SEAN IS AMAZING. I need to have him with me constantly! I don’t know how he does what he does, but he could make look like a gem with a few quick brush flicks. HE IS GODLY!

I was actually explaining to Lisa that Paris has a makeup artist by her side constantly called Fredrick. He’s little, Asian and amazing. He literally covers up any tiny imperfections as she simply does…existing. Lol. I took Fredrick out to GAY once in London, during free time on a massive glamour puss, piss up. He needed it, he works hard.

THAT WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER!

But yes, House of Halteres was filled with bright glamourous makeup studio lights, top brands, good bags, life and crowns. A girl was there who won a Miss Teen competition and everyone (as in from our bunch) kept grabbing her crown of her and posing in it. The poor little Miss Teen was so stressed out, because if this crown actually broke, she’d be in MASSIVE TROUBLE. (Couldn’t even get it off Ryan and Lisa’s heads. Lol)

I didn’t try it on. I don’t need a crown to tell me i’m a QUEEN. 🙂

Now, my evening was fabulous but short lived, as I had been working all day, at the Celeb Makeup Masterclass all night, I had travelled, I had taken mental blog notes, made sure the kids were fine, messaged all my work contacts and pouted and posed for Paparrazzi shots. WHICH IS VITAL, when you are in entertainment and you have something to promote.

 Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, people standing and night

Image may contain: 11 people, people smiling, people standing

However, i had to get straight back for work in the morning. I had already MISSED the train I needed to be on. So as we left and Lisa, Ryan and Liam headed off to see a fortune teller and as Aaron *papped* them, I was dropped off at the train station to make my journey home. It was hilarious as at one point there was Lisa Appleton, Ryan Mira, Liam Halewood and I all rammed into the a little red corsa. I loved it! Hahahaha.

Then HOLY FUCKING NIGHTMARE

I’m there looking line a glamour puss in Blackpool, as every single train got cancelled and the one i eventually got on, broke down.

I FINALLY ENDED UP at Manchester Piccadilly Station about 2 hours later..from BLACKPOOL.. which isn’t very far at all…ON MY OWN, at midnight, with a bunch of angry people and a bunch of ‘getting arrested people’ as I waited for my next train, which was at ONE O CLOCK IN THE MORNING. I know!  So whilst you were all tucked up in bed. I was stood, in glamour bits, at Manchester Piccadilly FREEZING my lashes off. 🙂 *Cue Pity Party.*

When the train drama died down, as everyone was cross that they hadn’t managed to get on a train home and had to ‘bus’ it. The train station was quiet, empty, almost like a shell and there was just me. I had an hour to kill and lonely Platform 14. Everything had closed. There were literally just security guys and cleaners were around me, making sure i was okay every 3 minutes. The place was deserted and it’s in that time, when you’re on your own that you think.

I’ve been working really hard and i’ve not necessarily  been keeping it balanced. I’ve had a lot of fun. Yet it’s still work. To get to where i want to be, I have to thunder forward. But i don’t like boring train stations at 1am in the morning that are empty. It makes you feel empty. I kept looking at tall Manchester apartment buildings and wondering what the people who still had their lights on were doing? Everything went from so busy to DEAD. It was bitter sweet.

My train came, I got back to Leeds at 2am. A good friend of mine ‘Christian’ (as i’m ace at cultivating relationships) came to pick me up at 2am from Leeds train station to make sure that I got home safely and so i didn’t have to take a dodgy taxi. I couldn’t thank him enough. It really did take off a lot of pressure. It was the kindest thing ever. I appreciated it massively. I mean who would do that for someone? Well..I would.

I got home at 2.19am…Fell asleep at 3am.

Got up for work the next morning at 7am.

HOWEVER, I AM STILL THE HAPPIEST CHICK ALIVE.

Watch this space! Here I come.

Next morning,

We were in the…

 

Image may contain: 3 people, people standing, night and text Image may contain: text

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Busy Times, Balance, Good News & Stress

Busy day, so busy that it sort of border lined on the edge of stressy. I stayed positive through it all because let’s face it, I don’t have it bad and nor do I ever partake in letting stress get the better of my kitten self. However, on the whole, I just believe that things should be dealt with positively, as stressy manners are ungraceful. It can turn ‘pretties’ into animals with a quick dash. When it comes to love or life, taking educated baby steps seems to always work and keep you out of trouble. So, to those of you who are fumbling through mayhem, be it physical, mental, emotional or financial…work smart and not hard, that is the key to all success. Yet makes sure that everything you are giving is of value…then of course have a rummy cocktail and share the positive glow with others. I mean, fuck it form a joyous conga line and you know how much I hate conga lines. They always seem so awkward at the end, when the fun is drizzling out and people don’t know if the ‘conga’ part of the line is still going or has come to an ‘everyones gone to the bar instead’ end? Plus when your eyes follow down the line, you will notice that everyone isn’t really having fun. They’re sort of just ‘going through the motions’ and pretending that good times are occurring. Honestly, watch one closely, it’s only the one at the front of the line that is actually have an ‘arms up and everything’ blast.

A lot has happened today, people suffered from ‘Blue Monday,’ other’s bought rose gold candle holders, some thought that chicken and bacon toasties lessened in calories if they were microwaved and my other chick friend, who is of an extreme girly nature, was FORCED TO DRIVE a giant yellow ROOFING VAN to work, after reading a note that said,

‘I’ve gone to work without you, but left you the van.’ 

All i heard as she burst through the door was..

‘Chrissie! It’s digusting! I’m driving a giant yellow van and it’s filled with bits of food, cigarette buds and all kinds of crap. I’M HAVING TO DRIVE THAT AROUND.’

I pissed myself laughing simply because it’s not every day you get to make like you’re a glammy roofing service.

‘Hey, I wear heels and can fix roofs and shit.’

However, I will tell you that I am a GERMAPHOBE! I would’ve literally DIED if I had to drive in a ‘bits of food everywhere’ van. I’d have to close my eyes and not touch anything, which would be rather awkward when trying to operate a moving vehicle. The van and I would have to contemplate one another’s existence and it’s a simple fact, we just wouldn’t get along.

‘Drive me!’

‘You’re mucky!’

Okay, away from that, I am mentally busy as well as physically busy. I’m going through ‘ups and downs’ that i’m choosing to worry about. Yippee! Lol. I need to chillax a bit instead of stressing my glamourous self out. I’m hoping for the best and expecting nothing. But yes, I need to worry less about the things that I can’t control. Once you’ve batted that glitter ball out of the ball park, you’ve just got to let it fly until someone jumps and *catches* it.

HOWEVER, along with the stress, i’ve blessed with a balance of really great news. I’ve received some wonderful emails today, that have again ‘shimmied me up rung’ that little bit higher. And to be fair, there was more great news, than ‘blue’ news…so on the whole, I’ve done pretty well. I always think it’s important to notice your personal ‘achievements’ (and it’s hard when you’re highly ambitious) because your goals are so far stretched. But if you can’t *pat* YOURSELF on the back once in a while, then your soul is never satisfied and to me… that’s highly unattractive. Be ambitious, but smell the roses.

I have a few things coming up this week. I’m setting up for a Chrissie Wunna ‘Cocktail Tour.’ There’s more about that later and you’ll hear about it, because i’ll force it upon you. 🙂 but basically there are now so many places that are inviting me over to ‘tinker’ that I might as well go on tour. But i’m not stupid, at least it’s a tour where I can get …pissed. 🙂 The good thing about this tour,  is that you will have the opportunity to join me…as days out with moi, are going to be up for grabs.

I have a few interviews with magazines that ‘wave the flag’ for the things that I love and represent. I’m getting booked up and i’m getting booked up fast and for some reason i’m not able to keep up with my social media? It’s hard, as when you’re busy, finding time to constantly post ain’t easy. You’re my audience and my current success has been frisbeed from both the ‘social’ world and all things Cyberland. I owe you everything. I never take ti for granted. So yes, I need to post more socially.

On Wednesday I’m headed to a Celebrity Makeup Masterclass and I’m going to be finding time to hang out with the lovely Lisa Appleton and Liam Halewood, who I did Blackpool with last week, as we comitted time to Mexican cocktail

Lisa’s just got back from Spain, after holidaying with my other buddy Mark Byron. (I’ve just seen the pictures of it all in the Daily Mail today and it just makes me giggle. Lord knows what those two got up to, on Spanish soil as they are literally the funnest people that I have ever encountered. If they see a ‘good time,’ they will go forth and embrace it.)

But yes, I have a lot to tell you however I can’t do it now.

Life has changed fast.

I love you…I’ll chat tomorrow.

(I’ve just recieved a whatsapp message…?’ )

London Business Man: ‘You’ve forgotten about me.’