Is Cupid Really That Stupid…?

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Happy Day of LURVE , my Lovelies! Now, I’m a creature of ‘kitten’ who adores a good Valentines day. I’m addicted to romance and sweet whispers dipped in giddy. I swag it out, but I love it. Yet, let’s just say, even though i’m quite quite lucky, when it comes to grabbing the attention from boys…and the occasional girl…

..Cupid is also GREAT at pulling down my pants, pointing and laughing at me, with a..

GOTCHA!

Cupid is a bastard at times. We’re friends now though. At the end of the day, he’s not that bad. I always say you’ll meet someone one day and realise why it didn’t work out with everyone else. He trains you up for it. (Bastard.)

Like I said, in my last blog…There’s soooo many people who regards this day at a ‘Hallmark’ Holiday…And I think, yes…we’re meant to love and appreciate the person we adore EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, OF EVERY SINGLE DAY...but we don’t. We just don’t because we get caught up with our own lives, the stresses of it, or the ‘busy parts…’ I mean, guys will often straddle on Social Media telling random Glamour Pusses how beautiful they are, yet forget to tell their wife, on a morning when she wakes up…or when she looks lovely.

SO, if there is a DAY (and I say it all the time) to dedicate a moment, to the person you love, adore or appreciate…and TODAY has been labelled that day…then why not embrace it, celebrate it and show the person you love, that you actually care.

It takes one second.

(Text them now, order flowers or book in at your local restaurant.)

It doesn’t matter how you do it…It’s always the thought the counts and also the situation you are in. You may be apart, but if geography doesn’t get the better of you, your ‘ooh laa‘ should not only survive but last the distance. Chemistry travels through the Universe and back.

You may have busy schedules… But it only makes the moments you DO share together that MORE precious. You may live together and see one another EVERY SINGLE DAY, yet have never really opened up and showed love the way you wanted to…

You may fancy a ‘someone’ and just can’t find it in you to tell them.. You may want to turn a ‘Beneficial friend‘ 🙂 (aww, I put that so beautifully,) into a true love….? All sorts of situations…But there are ALL SORTS of Valentine Solutions.

No Excuses.

I only feel bad for those wanting to surprise a secret crush…as that to me is terrifying. I have everything crossed for you. Keep the romance alive! You have the ‘Big Balls.’

Hurrah! Love Heart Lollipops for everyone?

So yeah, being a LIVE LIVER…and someone who turned the diary of her life, into her business… I say..

GO FOR IT.

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(Even if your ‘Pants Down’ Cupid, by the end of it. I’m ballsy. I always always GO FOR IT.) 

I’m just reading through my news feed and I love how some guys palm off Valentines day with a ‘what I love you anyway…it’s just a day… YET, moan that we chicks don’t take Steak & Blowjob‘ day seriously.

Hahaha. Be Smart Fellas!

I actually want to know what ALL my chick friends got from their ‘Handsomes,‘ as i’m on my travels, so i’m hoping they Whatsapp me the whole entire, gossipy *shabbam.*

Over the last couple days, i’ve been busy on shoots and sorting out the business part of Wunna Land. So when there isn’t a blog, it’s because i’m either working, just chilling with the babies, or guzzling a massive WINE.

I will tell you that I HAVE BEEN FREEZING. Imagine being out in the fricking freezing cold, shooting, naked….

Yipppppppppeeeeee!

It’s hard to keep it sexy when you’re you’re freezing. It’s made me not fancy guys who do not put the heater on. I associate the cold with hatred. 🙂

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Okay, so I have a family day today, with Ruby, Junior, My Mum, Dad & Brother. Today is what I call ‘Treat Day,’ where we splurge on delights and do whatever we want. We treat ourselves. (Junior’s excited and filled to the brim with giddy burst of glee, that just bubbling through him. Ruby’s currently trying to choose 1000 toys to sell, so she can make extra money, because it makes her happy? She is every bit ME. Lol) 

We’re actually headed to The Frenchgate Centre in Doncaster today, to go ahead and celebrate their FIFTIETH YEAR, where we’ll be ‘LOCKING IN THE LOVE’ and placing our Wunna land padlocks on the giant Iron Heart in the centre…to show OUR LOVE and appreciation, as a family.

Doncaster means a lot to me…as even though I ventured off to do life in West Yorkshire, then well…Hollywood….It’s always been my birth place, always obviously will be my birth place…Lol…and I have the fondest childhoods memories there.

Happy Valentines Day from Wunna Land.

Love you.

Chrissie x

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Stupid Cupid…

GOD!!! If i’m that ‘beautiful’ or that ‘mind blowing’ or that ‘talented’ or that ’10’ you’ve always been looking for, then why the am I single?

I don’t get it? I’m the most loving, love bunny in all of the goddamn lovey land. I make an awesome partner. So, if my inbox is filled with ‘I think you’re amazing’s’…I mean JEEZE, random ‘Tom from Hertfordshire thinks i’m…(and this is an exact quote)

‘like some weird science project, where the perfect girl has been created…’

Honestly! If  am I THAT delicious, than why is Cupid fucking me over continuously…A dude in a diaper is fucking me over.

Chick friend: ‘Because you’re far too picky and far too shallow. 🙂 ‘

Hahaha! 🙂 Cheers!

If ANYTHING, I need to be FAR MORE picky and far more shallow. I love romance, treats, eye candy and the finer things in life, yet I will always judge EVERYTHING on ‘chemistry’ and all through my life to date, I’ve always got it wrong. I have never managed to find that perfect ‘chemistry’ with anyone…No…aside from one guy.

But i’m not bothered. I’m just having a ‘had gin’ rant because I can. I’m not gonna just date ‘the next guy’ simply because. I’m rather wait it out, even if he never finds me and I end up residing with 100 cats, in the most glamourous bachelorette pad.

I will say that I’m watching Mel, Fairytale Blond, Firmonnell, Double B, Hot Sarah and Lynne and noticing how they’re all VERY paired up and in love. And I adore watching them in their girly ‘love swirls.’

YET…It did sort of dawn on me today that I was super single and I don’t quite like it. Let alone GET IT?

I’m an ace human. I’m fucking brilliant. I’m that glittery slice of life that you wished you could spread on your toast. That ‘Mmm’ noise you make after your favourite bite of cookie.Why am I NOT loved up??

*Massive confusion alert*

‘Wunna! Obviously. People read your blog. Google search you. Come up with a version of you, a WRONG VERSION, that they think you are… and mess it all up…’

‘Yeah, and this whole confident, independant thing that you are… is off putting..It scares them…It means that they could lose you….hence why they put a ring on it a lot…’

‘And when they actually meet you, they are so in shock at how you actually are, that they create their own swirl, and they don’t actually know what to do & start acting like an unusual version of themselves.’

Lovely!

Where’s just all the normal humans? My Knight in shining armour? No more Twats in Tin foil please! Where are all the authentic ‘make my eyes smile’ men? This game of ‘hidey go seek’ is totally one sided?? I’ve counted to 10 and coming to find you and you’re no where.

My LA guy friends are like..

‘Just come back here, where we all love you…’

My British chick friends…’find it funny.’

Then one girl messaged me, who I went to school with..she reads my blog daily…

She said,

‘I think you’re going to find that love is about to creep up to you, find you and sweep you off your feet really, really soon…’

Hmm? Really?

How can my love life be so shite. Yet my work life be so wonderful? I have brands and collabo’s filling up my inbox like wild fire. I mean, GOSH, I’ve always wanted to work alongside ‘Onch Movement’ (who appeared in Forbes and designed for Sanrio…Hello Kitty,) casually Tweeted him this evening…and within a minute, he tweeted back, and within five minutes, we sorted out a collabo. He’s in LA and I’m in the UK.

I guess, the ace thing about growing up in West Hollywood, is that everyone I know growing up… as a young one, is now super successful in the career that they chose to dabble in. Makes it all a little easier. I mean Little Raffi, who used to wish to be some giant producer…whilst dreaming about success, with Red Bulls, outside my condo, after reversing into my wheelybin every night…before he went to go hang out with ‘Neo’ for kicks. He ended up producing for R Kelly, working with Britney and even Michael Jackson. All of them, ended up doing so well and because they were all so driven.

YET, they’ve all managed to sustain loving long term relationships…AND IN FRICKING LA, where FOREVER means TEMPORARY.

I’m weeing myself laughing, but I have no clue why?? Lol

Cupid and I will be mates one day. But just not today.

(Now, I want you to all go back and read this through with an Irish accent. My chick friend, ‘Double B’…will always force these ‘accents’ that she does, upon us without fear and no matter where you’re from…be you black, white, Japanese, cockney, Jamaican or American…She will do your accent and it will be IRISH. Lol. She can’t even help it. It will sound nothing like you…but she’ll go for it… 🙂 )

‘You still sound Irish???’

‘Oh? That was my granny voice??’

OOh, Two Whatsapp…

Firmonnell: ‘I’ve started drinking through the week now.’ (HAHAHA! Yes! I hope she’s on the rum!)

London Business Man: ‘I know you’re busy and doing all this cool stuff, like going out and getting papped, having fun etc…I get it. You’re busy. But don’t you want to just get real for a minute and come see me? We’ll go out and about…and…’

I guess, the fact that I haven’t managed to find the time to go see him yet, means that my heart isn’t so bothered. Work comes before him…and when I fall in love….I want to feel as though i’m in a magical uncontrollable ‘happy swirl,’ where all is dandy and I’ll never have to compromise my journey…my ambitious, yet loving quench for success..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All The Cock*****, Baby Jesus & Some Lovey Bits

Me: ‘Why are you mixing a witches potion…?’

Double B: ‘Why does the water cooler jacket smell like it’s been out for a cheeky cig?’

(Note, that’s actually much better than it’s natural smell of B.O.)

Utter ‘pissing ourselves’ occured…

Then ‘Double B’ follows up with a..

‘I need to go to Boots to get a scrub, my hands look like they’ve got gonorrhea. I have gonorrhea hands!’

(She had what I call ‘fake tan tiger hands.‘ But they still looked ‘bling.’ But yes, they needed a scrub. And even WORSE I got left having to mop up a bright blue floor. *Major Weeps* I’m a glamour puss. We should stick to our strengths in life. My forte is standing in cocktailed, spikey heels ON bright blue floors. I’m not blessed with the ability to MOP THEM UP effectively. *Wiggle…Wink.*Lots of swearing occurred at this point!)

Today was an easy day, where work was accomplished and it just sort of sorted itself out. I quite easily knuckled down and got on with it merrily. There was laughter, tears, and just a devastating amount of luxury biscuit scoffing. I even had to take my fucking waist trainer off to let the biscuits have a home. Get in my belly!

You do know Chrissie, that you’re only supposed to Waist Train for a couple of hours a day. Not 100 hours in one go.’

Fuck it, i’m an all or nothing girl.I’ll pour every inch of Wunna Land into everything, or do nothing with it at all. Lol.

It’s been making me grumpy and certainly ouchy. I’ve got scars and weird toilet habits now. But because it’s squashed my entire insides, I haven’t been able to eat properly at all, meaning i’m skinnier. Lol. Hurrah! Hurrah! Give me gin!

I popped that thing off privately, like Speedy Gonzales, in a frosted glassed windowed loo and then *breathed* for our Queen and Country. In the words of ‘Double B’…

‘Thank Baby Jesus and the orphans!”

I love Waist Training, but sometimes a girls godda kick back and eat a..

Mel: ‘Do you want some of my rice and curry for lunch?’

Me: ‘I can’t I’m waist training.

Mel: ‘Fine, I’ll just have to eat this big portion to myself then.’

Then we pissed ourselves laughing because ‘Firmonnell’ keeps getting a raw deal when it comes to the blog mentions.

‘Why am I the chick who has worms and privates that smell of fish!!!!!’

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway, along with hard work, it seems love is in the air. Not for me. I told you, Cupid is a dick. But ‘Fairytale Blond’ is in the ‘steady away’ part of her relationship…where they’re doing the ‘looking for a house’ thing, yet it has to be fairytale perfect. She’s working hard and going through a lot of changes and will probably have twin boys because we’re forcing her to. (It’s part of the Fairytale.)

Mel’s swooning about with smiles and wine and tulips from Gary ..

Fairytale Blond: ‘Does that just happen why you’re older, cos I don’t get tulips!’

Me: ‘Don’t worry, I don’t either..’

Even Lynne (who’s in her sixties) after a bit of an office weep today, turned around and said,

You know, if I broke up with Tony, i’d never be able to start again, because there’s no one that could ever compare to my Tony.’

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW! HOW SWEET IS THAT!

‘My Tony.’

I want to feel that flourish! I want to wake up every single morning, look to my left (I always sleep on the right hand side now,) see the guy I’ve chosen to be with and say, ‘No one could ever compare to my….*whatever his name is…* Lol. I’ve ruined the moment haven’t I? I never thought i’d want that feeling so much, until I sat and saw her entire soul light up, having been with her husband since she was 17. She’s now sixty and you could see the love  that she had for him*oozing* from her like magic….even when she’s crying.

Now, I feel bad for saying *BLOW JOB, BLOW JOB, BLOW JOB* at her on repeat, whilst trying to describe a Valentines card poem, that I read. :

‘Yes Chrissie, I know what one of those is… I’m not that old!’

Mel pissed herself and went back in her cupboard.

Today I noticed how close we all were. We will literally tell each other everything.  We’re in this magical bubble that’s ‘just us’ and we can laugh, cry and swear at each other knowing that everything will be okay.

It was of those days were in which you just needed to add posh tapas and Sangria. (And maybe handsome Abercrombie and Fitch models.)

On the ‘entertainment’ front. I have a lot to be excited about. This Saturday I have an audition. I finally completely my interview questions for one of my favourite digital magazines. I woke up this morning to a Twitter DM from another editorial/magazine, (a big one) who told me that the editor would be getting in touch with me shortly, as they would like me to feature.

‘Can I have the cover?’

The great thing about each of these articles/editorials is that they couldn’t be MORE DIFFERENT from one another. They have very different audiences, they’re all doing really well… YET weirdly, I appeal to each one of them and their markets. Crazy isn’t it! And the tag lines to each of them are all quite ‘social’ yet all very different from the other. I’m excited for you to read them all. I can’t even believe how much my life is changing. If i do it well, I’ll champion 2017. I’m taking fruitful and somewhat glamorous baby steps.

‘You’ve got this on lock down right now girl!’

PLUS, I’m in the Spring Issue of ‘House of Solo’ magazine which you can pre order now. Its out next week! So I get to be all ‘high fashion’ at the same time. Even though i’m naked in it. Hurrah!

I’m looking forward to the events I have coming up and I have a few and also a bundle of ‘live blog’ spots that I’m going to be winking in, yet with wit, boobies, charm, love and intellect. After seeing all the pictures this morning, from the bloggers preview, that happened last night for the upcoming ‘Cocktail Experience,’ in Leeds, I couldn’t be more excited!!! I was excited anyway to be trying the finest, most creative concoctions in all the cocktaily land. I’m a cocktail SNOB. Don’t get it twisted. Shaken not stirred? I’m all ‘Shimmied with a hair toss, please.’

I know that some of you went to the preview last night and were wondering why I wasn’t there? Well, I never go to a preview of an EVENT. I’m there for the action, the show. It’s the atmosphere that gets my juices flowing. Plus, they’d prefer me to be at the actual event. 🙂 It IS something that I  do ask organisers.

Don’t get me wrong, for sneaky fashion previews…I’ll go and have a tinker. Yet events are all about THE NIGHT aren’t they. The prepping for it is stressy and jumbled and something like the Cocktail Experience is better for me to experience in the moment. I want to be around the bustle. The charm. The mood lighting. The fun. I might even take a Plus 1. IT COULD BE YOU! Sometimes bloggers get so caught up in the ‘going to the preview’ that they forget to have fun, live and write a decent, real blog, that’s filled with emotion and juice.

I’m not a review site. I’m simply a girl who tells the story of my life and that is all….I’ll do a moment of my life at your event, bar, office, in your world…And yes, i’m in a great position now, where people are filling up my inbox, with ‘come to ours’ emails…Yet their world is mixed in with my world..(like a cocktail) and that’s where the magic happens. I love it! And that’s what makes a good lifestyle ‘diary’ type blog.

I love that I had unfortunately *cropped* a picture today, so instead of it saying how much I was LOVING all the ‘Cocktail Experience’ preview pictures it read,

‘LOVING ALL THE COCK’

HAHAHAHAHA!

Obviously the story of my life.

I need to quit drinking red wine and listening to hip hop at the same time because it makes me do Wunna *tings* that get me into glamourous trouble!

*Take that rewind it back.*

(We learnt that the next bit was..

‘Lil Jon got the beat to make your booty go (clap) ‘)

Ryan in LA always used to say that red wine was my ‘truth serum.’ I wondered why he was always plying me with it! Lol. I need to stop, it’s making me feel foolish in the mornings.

Night kittens. x

 

 

Bukaki, Life & Dating

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‘A what?’ 

‘Bukaki..’

This is how my day began!

Infact, it’s probably why I’m single, as I am totally not up with all the porn lingo that the young 20 somethings are sizzling out with!?!

Did YOU know what ‘Bukaki’ was? Or am I just frigid? (Getting a flashback of when Andrew Thomas dumped me in Chemistry, in the middle of a private boarding school for being frigid via the fine art of a scrunched up ‘pass around the class’ note. Lol.)

Anyway, there’s me, thinking I was some Hollywood, ageing sex symbol, who was British Besties with Paris Hilton for the telly,  some Goddess of a chick who was dashed in all kinds of ‘Ooh laa!’ (Totally waited in a Greggs queue, in Pontefract, for a sausage roll at 8.32am this morning, like my life depended on it. Yes. That’s how glamourous I got! You better call Ronaldo and tell him you’ve found him a wife.)

BUT I had NO CLUE what ‘Bukaki’ was and this is how it was explained to me…

‘It’s when a bunch of boys stand around a girl and all *&*!$£”* off around her until one of them cums. The first one to cum IN HER FACE and hit the target WINS!’ 

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE……!!!!! Lol. That’s how 21 year old ‘Double B’ explained it to me.

I wasn’t the only chick to be alarmed, as ‘Fairytale Blond’ frowned and pretended her beautiful ears did not hear such evil. Haha. The others either *winced* or swore a little. I began to look puzzled, as I do enjoy knowledge and do also try to be understanding when it comes to matters of ‘play…’ Yet ‘Firmmonell’ turned around, looked her female soldiers in the eye and said…

‘What? It’s just a game!’

JUST A FUCKING GAME!  Hahaha! This isn’t a round of ‘Guess Who’…well maybe? 🙂 What happened to romance??? (She has a ‘Sex Step.’)

I mean, it must be weird being knelt there on your knees, in the middle of someones living room, with an odd male semi circle of knobbly knees surrounding you…as you kinda wait around until ‘SPLAT’ you’re a target! Hahaha. Who does that???? HAHAHAHAHA.

AND to make it worse it ORIGINATES from the Orient! (My own KIND!) I mean, yes it was meant as some form of torture and punishment, but porn has turned it into some kind of Wednesday night ‘sex game.’ This is like the conversation I had with Lisa Appleton in a giant birdcage at Menagerie last month…’PORN RUINS EVERYTHING.’ It’s NOT real. No chick I know, would enjoy ‘playing’ Bukaki’ after tea. Lol. Play Poker! I mean yeah, there’s still a lot of sitting around for ages, but at least you won’t have to make deliberate ‘ooh ‘ faces on demand and pretend that you’re having a GREAT TIME! Hahaha! (I shouldn’t find this funny, it’s disgraceful. 🙂 )

Up until this point, I had thought my Facebook inbox was terrifying. Yet, Bukaki has made it look ‘Disney.’

In fact, talking about my inbox, i’m giving it a bad wrap because it has actually completely cleaned it’s merry act up. Bizarrely and quite fortunately it has *bloomed* and gone from being a series of men, attempting to *woo* me via genitalia, before they even thought to just say ‘Hi,’ TO NOW being an inbox filled with messages from absolute gentlemen who simply want to politely compliment me. It’s lovely! My inbox has grown up and therefore that must mean I have! I feel quite proud! Lol. *You can applaud here.*

But yes, other than that, I’ve had a busy day! We as a nation have officially been *drop kicked* back to reality and even though I’ve MISSED WORK like crazy, it seems that after you’ve had a bit of a break, bucket loads of Prosecco and all this quality time with your loved ones, it’s really hard to adjust back to ‘work mode,’ isn’t it! Lol. However, it’s only difficult initially, as after Day 1…you kinda get over yourself and smash it. Humps don’t last forever!

I will say that getting loads of messages right now from people congratulating me in regards to the UK Blog Awards (there’s more to come on that in the next blog…YES…I made the final 🙂 🙂 🙂 ) and I’m also getting asked about my love life….A LOT!

I don’t remember saying that I was going to go on more dates this year? But GOSH give me some time, we’re only on DAY 3 of 2017. Hahaha! You all got so excited with the Wunna Land swirl of break ups, make ups, Spanish Doctors, London Business Men, Sexy PE Teachers and ‘Eton Messes’ of last year, that you’re twiddling your thumbs and trying to frisbee me into Cupid. I’m EXHAUSTED! And now I think about it all and reflect, I kinda sold myself a bit short at times, during last year with men. I’m quite loving and giving when it comes to the ‘love bug.’ I’m thoughtful. I’m fun, but i’m gentle. I was NEVER in LOVE last year by any means and never in a relationship. But i do quite happily fall in love with people all the time. I’m not emotionally restricted.

Yeah, the guys I met last year we’re great (as friends) yet if i’m being honest, they didn’t really respect or treat me as well as they maybe could’ve of. Of course and as always a couple of those gents are now trying to ask me out again. However, now that i’ve sat back and reflected upon it all (and now that i’m doing well and work is going great 😉 ) I kinda just see them as distant mates.

However, don’t get it twisted…Cupid and I are NOT MATES! His aim is shit. I’m a Glamour puss. I can most certainly fire a flirty, glitter arrow at a ‘Handsome’ better than some dude in a nappy. I’m like a stubborn SHOT PUT in the game of love. You TRY and throw me anywhere against my will….and you’ll put your own back out.

Right now my focus is on career…..and I think i’d kinda like to date a guy who’s focus is on his career also. I want to date someone who’s my best friend, someone I’m madly in love with, yet someone who I can ’empire build’ with. Someone i’m going in the same direction as. To me…that’s the sexiest thing EVER and surely it’s not too much to ask? I just wish that guys of that manner weren’t too shy to approach me, as sometimes they can be really bold in the career department and somewhat less brave when it comes to ‘The Ladies’ and trying to form actual loving relationships.

However, for the time being, i’m just gonna concentrate on work because i’m ever so happy with everything right now. I’m feeling lucky I’ve had this AMAZING start to the year…and like I always say to you…I’m not worried….He’ll find me.