cosmopolitan

What I Need In A Guy….

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Life is flying at a million ‘WTF’s’ per hour. It’s crazy. There’s been kitten strokes, smoke alarms and utter madness, that has been *paused* by bits of calm. So much keeps happening to me and it’s a mixer of ‘all things dandy,‘ drizzled with ‘trips ups.‘ I ‘trip up’ well, so that doesn’t bother me. I can always brush myself off and wink my way forward with a *shrug.* When good things happen, I sort of fill myself with a ‘kitten like’ excitement. Yet, I do get terrified.

But on the whole, I’m glad the clouds have hovered over Yorkshire this afternoon, (today is the Tour De Yorkshire,) as it pretty much keeps me out of trouble. I just can’t keep myself in when the sun comes out to play. Yet that’s what life is about. I’m all ‘Suns out, Wuns’ out. I’m enjoying good times, refraining from over thinking anything and trying to just have fun with everything. You’re a long time dead and well, usually, as the fairytale goes…it kinda all works itself out in the end, doesn’t it?

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON…

Over the last couple of days, i’ve spent quality time with my friends ‘Katy P’ and ‘JD’ and we’ve all just decided that our love lives (over wine) are shocking. They’re shit. Does it ever get better? Where’s my Prince, who comes trotting along on some stallion, with his one arm *scoop,* ready to sweep me away? Where is he? (Can you tell i’m Needy AF’ today. :))

Katy P: ‘I think it’s hard for you date. I mean, men get the wrong impression of you, because they don’t know you well enough. You’re sexy and they love sexy…yet they don’t see the softer side to you… I don’t know whether they don’t want to, or if they aren’t smart enough to?’

In love, I’m sassy and i’m quite the seductress…and I love that about me. I’m forward. More forward than the guys I’ve met. I wish guys WERE more forward with me. YET, at the same time i’m a hopeless romantic…and I can’t help that. After years of failed ‘love’ ..all the way around the world an back, (lol) i’ve learnt to appreciate the small things and treasure the simple things in life.

I do like to feel ‘impressed’ by a guy. I enjoy being chased. I love being ‘wooed.’ I’m not gonna say that I don’t adore the finer things in life, also. However, a guy could buy me a room filled with diamonds, upon diamonds, to show me how much he cares…and I’d appreciate the effort, whole heartedly. But i’d never appreciate that over a simple ‘love letter,’ as that’s something i’d hold close to my heart forever. I’m creative and I adore a creative gift. If i’m being honest, I’d adore a creative partner.

Anything ‘complicated’ or too difficult…is not something that I’m going to enjoy. If you have to try so hard to make someone want you, then it’s a ‘no go’ really, for me. They’re not that interested. They’re not that into you. I’m both unconventional and traditional all in one. Boys should chase girls. Always. If they don’t, then i honestly just think they don’t care. (And sometimes that isn’t the case, I know. But i need a brave man.)

Plus ‘Josh The Bartender’ once told me that when a guy loves a girl he’ll place her on a pedestal and that pedestal will be so high that no other girl will ever even come close to her. I’ve remember that and every time my paths crosses with another…I flashback to it.

I miss Josh. Where the fuck are you??

So, after a conversation with ‘Katy P’ about cougar loving, sexting and life… in a Justin Bieber top…

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Katy P: ‘Boys just seem to *go at* sex. Real men, can READ ya body better during sex and grown up women give better blow jobs. We must, because you’ll know, don’t they always looked astonished afterward, with a *where did that come from* face. Lol. But no, I never sext. I’m not good at it. I never know what to say?’

Me: ‘I love sexting. I can talk some filth via message. Lol. But i’m a writer..it’s a strength. Hahaha. But yeah, I know what you mean about the blow job thing. You do know that Toyboys are so in right now. Everyone’s doing it. Shall we get more wine?’

Katy P: ‘Younger men are attracted to the confidence that a WOMAN has… over a young girl. We just say it how it is and get on with it. We’re not naggy. We’re better in bed. We know what we want and if we don’t get it…We sack it off.’

Me: ‘They’re not forward though. They’re more terrified than anything, I think? I can feel them being terrified. I like forward. Not creepy forward. Just emotionally brave men. I don’t like them playing the *game* of love. It’s long. I don’t have time for that shit.’

Katy P: ‘You love eye candy though!!!’

Me: ‘Well yeah. I want them to be hot. Who doesn’t!! But i’m a personality girl. I mean, look at that Creepy Deadpoll guy, that follows you about. I only don’t like him because his personality is off. He’s strange. His social skills are wank.’

Then I found myself stood by hot dogs with one of my besties Jenna, as the Tour De Yorkshire *whizzed* by to cheers. I watched it for a bit and then sacked it off for a drink and a blog at ‘Ego.’ It was there and I supported the women’s race…but let’s face it...ROLL ON THE MEN IN SHORTS!!

Jenna: ‘We might as well become lesbians.’

Me: ‘Bagsy the *lipstick,* one, cos i’ll need you to put the bins out.’

Jenna: ‘You just need someone who’s cares so much, but is like FIRE. Someone who knows what they want…They want YOU and they’re not gonna let ANYONE ELSE FUCKING HAVE YOU. YOUR THEIRS.’

Me: ‘God, you’ve made that sound so hot. Haha. I love that. I’m looking for actions not words. What they DO. Not what they SAY their gonna.. and they need to be self less…I hate selfish people.’

But is that too much to ask for? No. So nowadays, I just do the ‘happy being single’ thing…until a Knight comes a striding in with his ‘one armed scoop.’ I’m someone that will feel it straight away…and i’ll finally be putting the ‘square peg, through the square hole,’ without complications…

Bethy G: ‘Do you want a biscuit. Men are shit, they’re all the same…’

🙂

Chrissie x

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Love, Dating & Papering Over The Cracks

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Happy Tuesday! It’s just a gorgeous day today, isn’t it! Well, it is in Yorkshire. I’m don’t know where you are? Lol. But I hope it’s wonderful and I hope life’s treating you really well. I mean, as humans, we can go through some really GREAT TIMES, can’t we? Times where we’re filled with a rush of uncontrollable excitement. Those great times are balanced out, by tiny sprinkles of shit, the hard times, that we either  REALLY TRULY heal from… or simply ‘wall paper‘ over.

How have I got this deep, so fast?

However, what i’ve learnt in my 37 years, so far…and it never mattered if I was in heels or flats, with a cocktail or a coffee, thin or fat, in LA or the UK 😉 IS THAT it’s THOSE of us, who can not ONLY get back up, EVERY SINGLE TIME we fall. Be it in work. Be it in love. They ALL play into one big pot, that we called ‘life.’

I mean, you hear people going on about how they ‘get back up each time‘…blah, blah, blah. We’re human, we all go through the same things. Tell the same lies. Share the same laughter.

(I mean, I shared laughter with good friends over wine yesterday afternoon, then lied to a random guy, I didn’t know, who’d approached me in a pub, with his number written on piece of paper, asking to date me and seeing if he could take me to London this weekend, to his friend’s birthday party? I didn’t fancy him. I didn’t want to date him. I admired his ballsiness…But I lied and said I was going to a Hen do and wasn’t looking to date. I lied out of politeness, because I didn’t want him to feel bad, when he had plucked up the gusto, to go out of his way and approach me.)

Kate: ‘You’re going to call him…April 1st of…NEVER, aren’t you?’

JD: ‘OMG! What a good time to call him! Call him on April Fools Day… before noon.’

Me: ‘Ew! Shush. Hahaha. Why do I have friends who are such BASTARDS? No. I’m not gonna call him. He knows that…But it was…’

Kate: ‘I hope you’re not referring to me, when you say bastard?’

Anyway, back to my chat, when it comes to ‘getting back up’  IT IS ONLY THOSE OF US, who can manage to do it with an open heart, no more fear, a true warmth and the ability to *carry on* in one whole, but HAPPY PIECE, that are STRONG… the ACTUAL life warriors.

The ones that ‘carry on’ a bit broken, aren’t strutting right.

People sometimes get that twisted. I mean, if you simply ‘paper over the cracks’ then you’re not MARCHING forward at all, you’re dwelling on something that’s done..and you can never move forward at that point. You’re kinda stuck. And, let’s face it, who likes being (in the words of Zara…) ‘sticky and vile.‘ 🙂

I reckon….

Winners find solutions to everything. They do it calmly, without stress. The hustlers work hard to get what they want, stressfully…via ‘the grind.’ The confident ones…have honed their skills so well, that they have the ability to feel the hurty bits, yet still develop, and get back to ‘happy’ quickly, because the not only have faith in life, but they have faith in themselves.

Call me Oprah!

The only reason why i’m going on about this today, was because I was chatting to a friend of mine yesterday, called ‘JD,’ who had said that they had had their heart broken THREE TIMES and two of those times REALLY HURT.

They hurt so much, a BIG OLD WALL OF FEAR...because that’s all it’s made up of…(People like to say, it’s a wall of protection, but that’s simply a good way of glamorizing it, so it sounds moderately mighty.  Hahaha. It’s really just fear. You’re a scaredy cat. Deal with it.)

Anyway, this is what happened…

JD: ‘I literally haven’t dated in years. I can’t do it. My hearts closed. But I want to find love.’

Me: ‘Well, obviously you’re never going to find love, if your hearts closed, you idiot. Love is an emotional connection. Where two hearts NEED to connect emotionally, in order to FEEL love.’

JD: ‘Yeah. I know, but it’s awful. It’s scary..’

Me: ‘God. Don’t be daft. I’ve been through three marriages and tons of relationships. I got married so many times because I believed in love. And I still do, even though NONE OF THEM worked out. I’m not scared to be hurt. I heal quickly and I’m SO filled to the brim with love, that I find it easy to adore someone. Really easy.’ I love, being in Love. ‘

It’s not hard. It’s simple. Ain’t no one coming through the door, if it’s shut. Lol.

Just so you know. My doors FULLY OPEN. 😉

So, if you suffer from the same old ‘JD’ dilema, sort it out, because in this world, where people are deluded by fame and money, or drenched in fear. All the things that don’t mean shit through life….you’ll end you having nothing.

Love and happiness go hand in hand, because they’re both build around positive emotion and not ‘stuff’ or terror. Lol. You won’t have experienced the fullest life by ANY means, if you never ever surrender to the *swirl,* or the magic, of love. To me, it’s the ONLY THING…that makes the world go around.

(Says the single 37 year old. 😉 )

And that’s the truth, as even though i’m someone who is always pre judged…ALWAYS. Which is nuts, but I get it…and yeah, i’ll admit that  I’ve found it hard to date. I mean, a guy can meet me, then go straight onto my blog, (and I do like it when they read the blog,….I do!)

However, I don’t like it when they read about my entire life for the past 10 years, only to JUDGE me for it (Hahahah)  because I would never dream of judging them on THEIR SECRETS, let alone the things they were actually open about. I’m sassy, but you kinda have to get to know me personally to ‘feel’ the correct presence.

I’m light. I’m warm. I’m fun. I’m banter.

And yeah, I do have the type of career that is immersed around people who want fame, money and all sorts…When I was a young 20 year old in Hollywood, I wanted the exact same thing. I sold myself short, many a times for it. And I don’t regret that. I love show business. I love it with all of my heart. I absolutely STILL want to do well…

But when I was 20 something I was really selfish and I never cared about inspiring. Now, everything’s different…because I got to experience everything, that I ever dreamt of experiencing….Therefore now BOTH Inspiring people and having recognition for doing something that I love, makes me smile. It’s actually really important to me. Even if I ‘humour’ it out.

I guess, the 37 year old version of me, is someone who can still enjoy it all, yet at the same time have a really great grasp of life in general, MY life, separate the world of ‘show,’ from the ‘real world’ and pretty much hold my own stance morally. I’m really comfortable with who I am and what I represent. Much more comfortable than some of the people that you will BELIEVE are comfy.

I’m in this industry simply because I LOVE to entertain, whether i’m on a show, writing out my life, acting, modelling, or being ‘social,’… whatever….Just in general just LOVE being an entertainer…a court jester. It’s fun. It’s a buzz to me and it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, since being a little girl. So, to me, i’ve had all my dreams come true! I’ve even managed babies and have a couple of loving parents…What’s left for me to do, other than the thing that I can’t seem to conquer…and that’s my LOVE LIFE!

What have I rambled on about now? I’m meant to be telling you about my friend’s shit love life and Mel’s birthday drinks!

I’ll have to tell you it all, in the next blog.

But what I can say right now…is to all of you who have found yourselves accidentally  or deliberately *scrolling* or *clicking* on a piece of me, that lead you right here…in Wunna Land…I thank you SO much. I truly do. I kinda turned my life into a business and I couldn’t have done that without YOU.

I don’t know people read this blog? BUT I’M FUCKING GLAD THEY DO!

HAHAHA.

Billions of people are doing life every SINGLE second, of every SINGLE day…this is just MY version of it.

Don’t paper over the cracks. Be you. Embrace everything that’s WONDERFUL about you. Give no hoots about those who don’t agree with the way you strut your swag. LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. But most of all… don’t be frightened of anything….

Chrissie x

When I did Creator Hair….

So, the clock struck noon and after a morning of work in Doncaster, (the jolly town that birthed me…) I kinda *blinked* and found myself on a corner of 210-214 West Street in the middle of Sheffield, City Centre…outside a bouji glass door. A glass door, that would tinker me straight into Creator Hair. 

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I said previously, I’d met Sam, Zara and ‘Flat Capped D,’ at an event in Leeds, last Wednesday night…and after adoring the balls of them..quite madly, which was followed by a few ‘back & forth‘ whatsapp messages …I’d booked myself in, with the ever delicious, Sam, who agreed to give my hair, a good ‘glamour pussy’ seeing to.

‘Hiya! It’s me. I’ve got a noon appointment..’

They already knew. They already had it sorted, and as a lady took my faux fur from me, for ‘hang up,’ I kinda eye scanned the place quickly, but simply because it’s habit.

Creator Hair is literally brimming with style. It’s so well designed, with a modern, classy twist. It’s spacious, it’s open, there’s an absolute vibe of coolness. It’s busy. It’s alive. The service is impeccable. The staff couldn’t be friendly (which automatically flourishes you with comfort) and well how can I describe it? The sight of the place and the sound of the place, almost gives you a ‘FEEL.’ It makes you feel like you’re in a bouji hotel, or an executive suite. It plays with your senses….if you just relax and let it.

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And thank GOD for IT, because straight away always makes me feel safe. Lol. If you don’t know me personally. I’m bubbly and quite confident, yet I ALWAYS get anxious, whenever I first walk into a place. I have no clue why? It just happens. Yet, after a few minutes of me *yakking,* to disguise the fact that i’m terrified…I was okay again. 🙂

Me: ‘It’s bouji in here. I love it. It’s beautiful.’

Sam: ‘Hey..How are you? D’ya wanna come sit over her..’

Me: ‘I’ve got a whole bunch of clip in’s in. Shall I take’em out? I had this updo in that I didn’t like, so I switched it out, at the last minute, in Doncaster.’

Sam: ‘Yeah, what d’ya want doing?’

Me: ‘Whatever you want boys…. 😉 ‘

Flat Capped D: ‘I’m thinking, BIG, CURLY, VOLUMED, yeah…?’

Me: ‘Yeah, I love it! Like delicious and glamour pussy.’

Sam: ‘Have you ever had your hair curly before? Oh and it’s jacket..’

(He was holding out the ‘hairdressy gown.’)

Me: ‘Yeah, back in LA, I had it HUGE because I was an old school glamour model. Lol Oh? Thanks.’

So, as he smiled with his eyes, he walked me through the salon for a wash and a bit of glamourous banter.

Sam’s really easy to get along with. I find him really down to earth. There’s parts of him that are sassy. But he’s fun. He’s witty. He has a good sense of humour. He’s helpful. He’s creative. He looks composed. He won’t take nonsense. Yet, there’s a delicateness to him. A side that you just want to mother.

He’s quite easy to read. He’ll sometimes say nothing, but I can watch his face and know what he’s thinking. He’s layered, but he’s fun loving. He’s a gentleman…it’s just certainly swirled in sex appeal. I love him. He’s ace. I actually never knew he was in Yorkshire.

Sam: ‘So Zara & I read the blog, we were in..’

Me: ‘Aw! Good. I’m glad. The one where I made you sound amazing. Lol.’

Sam: ‘Haha…yeah…’

But then I couldn’t concentrate, because he was innocently ‘massaging’ my head,…and flowing water through my hair, just doing normal ‘hair washy’ things….Lol….but  OMG, it felt like the most EROTIC THING EVER. I couldn’t even cope. If he had touched, massaged or just anything a moment longer, he would’ve had no hope. I would’ve *pounced* on him.

My loins nearly burned away. Hahaha.

I had to sort of keep calm by making ‘pleasant,’ normal conservation… about dating and makeup shit, so I could pretend that I was all *swag* about it. Lol.

Poor guy. Haha.

I mean, Thank God, Zara showed up at that point and came to sit down, for girly chatter, because I NEEDED to be FULLY DISTRACTED from the ‘Reecey’ head massage. She must have felt my womanly pulse, from afar. Lol.

I love Zara, she just fills me with life, because I find her so vibrant.’ She’s funny and when she calmly bursts into my life path every now again, it couldn’t be more refreshing. Her personality is a really good balance of everything! I love that in people.

Zara: ‘Gosh. You look so glamourous.’

Me: ‘Aww. Thank you. YOU look amazing.’

Zara: ‘Oh Hi Sam. I haven’t spoken to you all morning.’

Then with a *blink* I was sort of sat back in the chair, being pumped upward, in front of large mirrors, wishing I had a wine.

Sam: ‘You know we sell wine. Like you can buy drinks here. You want one?’

Me: ‘Yeah. God! I want wine!!’

And he passes me a mini drinks menu…and before you know it, I had a wine in my hand…

Sam: ‘Hmm…Starting early, are we?

Me: ‘As if. 12.06 is a perfectly acceptable time to have a drink.’

Sam: ‘Before noon you’re an alcoholic. Zara’s bringing it over.’

I’m a sucker for a good time. So I went with ‘fuck it.’ 🙂 Well… in fact, I ended up having two wines, because…let’s put it this way…One of the reasons why I adore Sam, is because he can naturally recognize when my glass is almost empty…and sort out the problem.

‘You want another wine? It’s really hot in here. I’m boiling me. Are you?’

It means he’s aware of the little things, the small things…aware of his immediately surroundings…and also knows that I NEED WINE, without me having to prompt him. 🙂

That’s an attractive quality. It apparently means he’s quite nurturing. (So there you go Ladies, ‘NURTURING‘ has been plonked on the list.)

So, he’s curling my hair with his wand 😉 and we’re chittering…We’re chatting about EVERYTHING… his life, my life, his story, my story…what makes us tick, what we don’t like…We’re laughing at the shit things, good things, bad things… telling tales about all sorts and we’re chittering on about meditating…

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Sam: ‘I do meditate…and I write three positive things down after each day.’

Me: ‘You should write a diary.’

Sam: ‘Inspire me.’

Me: ‘Every day, just write out pieces of what happened to you that day….and only focus on how someone or something made or makes YOU FEEL. Like it has to only be based on private emotion. It’s honestly a form of therapy. Once you get started and look back on it, it’s like magic.’

(And it really is!  Expression is the simpliest form of keeping a healthy soul. That’s why I love to keep a diary. SO many people are SO internally messed up because they feel far too emotionally trapped, and cannot find it in them to just express in general. It’s unhealthy.)

He won’t start a diary. Lol.

Anyway, long story short, he’s kitten curling away. (I don’t know he put up with me, *yakking* on at him for that long. I must’ve drove him nuts.)  I’m drinking wine, ‘Flat Capped D’ is giving me back my ‘clip ins’ because they just wouldn’t curl…and I guess we both started talking about our love lives…But that was after this…

Me: ‘OMG. I have such a low pain threshold. Don’t let that wand get my ear..’

Sam: ‘Haha. I’ve never burnt anyone yet. I mean, I do this weird thing with the hair dryer sometimes…But I won’t burn you. Haha.’

Me: ‘Good, cos you don’t want to end up with a crying crazy Asian lady on your hands.’

Sam: ‘Hahaha….Have you ‘eard this…(*He’s Yorkshire, like me…but definitely doesn’t sound it*) She said if I burn her, she’s gonna turn into a crying, crazy asian.. Lol.  I’m hungry now…I’ve got my pack up downstairs. Oh, I did actually burn myself by accident, the other day with the wand.’

‘I WILL cry SAM! I’m emotional. I’m filling up now! Lol.’

Then we’re talking about holidays. He’s off to Ibiza on a stag do shortly. I love stag do’s..cos they’re much more exciting than hen dos. I don’t like ‘cheaty’ ones though. Like what’s the point in ‘I doing it‘ if ya gonna have a cheeky ‘ bend over’ before the big day. Lol.

I went on about my marriages. But luckily for me…Sam is just as unlucky in love, as I am. It’s like the Good Lord swizzled our paths at a crossing, and plonked the two most unluckiest people, who Cupid hates….in front of a mirror, to play ‘hairdressing.’

(I believe you meet everyone for a reason. I don’t yet know why i have to meet him? But I’ll soon find out soon enough… life’ll chuck a welly at me.)

Me: ‘Yeah. But i’ve been married three times..’

Sam: ‘What!! Lol.’

(Everyone always does a face at me whenever I say that. But I don’t know why? It’s just my story. I’ve done it now. I’m a love bunny. I’m positive. I’m all FOURTH TIME LUCKY. 🙂 ) 

Sam: ‘I can’t even hold a girlfriend down, let alone a wife. Haha. But i’m happy with single life right now. But you do definitely need a girlfriend when ya hungover. Lol. I want someone who KNOWS what they want and not too far away.’

Me: ‘Yeah, but love isn’t about geography. It’s about chemistry.’

Sam: ‘It’s a ball ache though innit.’

Me: ‘Hahah. Yeah.’

I’m not really gonna tell you anything else, because I adore an air of mystery.  I love being open, yet at the same time, I love keeping parts to myself. He seems really happy and he’s just concentrating on work right now.

But I had such a great time. It was so much fun. I mean my HAIR LOOKED AMAZING. It was delicious. He’d did such a great job…and i’m really really picky. I’d say, if I didn’t like something.  But I just loved it. I felt glammy.

How HE or any of the other stylists, have the actual patience to stand there ALL day and do people’s hair, is beyond me? It’s really hard work.

Me: ‘I’d start someone’s hair and just be like…BLAH…i don’t wanna do the rest. Lol’

I was really impressed all around, with everyone in the salon. The actual service and absolute quality of their work is  simply outstanding.

‘Flat Capped D’ came to have a look…and take a couple pics.( I like ‘Flat Capped D,’ I always want to cuddle him. He wasn’t actually in a flat cap, that day, but when I met him he was.) 

Zara popped back for sofa chats with me and I just really adore her. I’m really glad to have met her. I’m really glad to have cross paths with them all.

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She actually sent me a message that read…

‘Can’t wait til we next meet. You’re just a whirlwind, a wonderful, bubbly whirlwind’

How nice is that! It made me beam. I love it when people make me beam. It’s heart warming. I tottered through the city streets with a smile on my face.

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Then with hugs all around, I finished my wine and left the building to do a couple drinks in Sheffield…by myself.

My time at the salon was almost like a calming bubble of protection. It kept me safe from the real world. Lol. It was bliss. I’d go everyday, just for wine. Lol

Hours later, I get harassed by what I call ‘perv central’ to the point where I’m scrambling to leave and Sam has a really BIG car crash…and breaks his flipping hand. Lol.

Whatsapp msg:

Sam: ‘Sorry, i’ve just got home, was in a really bad crash earlier…just got back from A& E. Hope you loved your hair!’

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And that…. is what I call…

Life…

 

 

 

‘

Blogging, Firmonnell & I’m in the MOOD for a Date

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Morning, my little pieces of ‘love festival.’ I’m feeling great today. There’s a beam around my soul, a tingle down my spine…a glint in my wink…and a sizzle of excitement in the air. I never know what life has in store for me? Who does? Yet, I just know that it’s going to be something wonderful.

(Even though I spent part of yesterday dressed as a Mermaid and that was somewhat alarming on all levels. Yet, a girl’s godda eat…so if work says ‘today you’re mermaid, start pouting for pics,‘ i’m there. I mean, it could be worse, I could be locked in a cellar, with zero chances of  prosecco and without the ability to selfie. Oh & just so you know, the picture above was taken by Insta: @AaronPix.Celebs & I’m pictured with Simone Reed, who has a new boyfriend, who’s apparently friends, with my friends.)

*Ramble Over.*

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So, what are you up to today? Owt or Nowt?

I’m going through quite a busy time right now, (where everyone wants a piece of me,) but like I said, it’s an exciting time, filled with opportunity, so i’m enjoying it. It actually feels like a really lucky time for me, so we’ll see what arises from the glitter pool. I’ll just keep everything crossed in the meantime and try and stay out of trouble. I’m so sorry to all the friends that I’ve had to cancel plans with for work. But honestly, it’s truly quite busy…I’ll come drink with you, always when i’m free.

*Always remind me.*

Who knew that writing a little life blog, could actually place you on some kind of ‘tippy tappy’ pedestal? I’m kinda in shock, but so utterly grateful. Never get that twisted!

I mean, who knew that, when I started typing out my life in LA, almost 10 years ago and simply because ‘D.K’ a middle aged barista (who kept a diary of everything he ate, because he had an eating disorder) told me to…Who knew that masses of people globally, literally on every continent of the world, were soon to be tuning into my life, as I ‘diaried’ along.

It’s nuts.

But what I love about the blog, is that it’s something that people just ‘discover’ out of nowhere, whilst they’re tinkering through their OWN existence. During that time they accidentally cross paths with MY existence…and ‘just like that’ they find THEMSELVES in this story.

It’s magic.

But I must’ve met a lot of people, because i’ll tell you, I’m bloody knackered.

I have an audition this morning, then I might head over to Gino’s Leeds for a quick prosecco to chill. You all know how much I adore that place. It’s certainly my hideaway and they never fail to treat me like  Queen. (Which I adore. Lol)

Remember last year, I got to speak to Gino and got to watch him work, as I became part of the madness during his stage show and launches…I had such a great time. I always go to the Leeds spot, yet when I did Harrogate, I cocktailed and played table football with, Adam Clayton. I don’t know who he plays football for, but he had his girlfriend’s Chanel bag dangling from his neck, who was also playing table footy with us.

There’s just a great spirit in that restaurant…I do drinks there all the time…and in the Summer, you should too! It’s a fun lunch spot.

Anyway, tomorrow, I’m at ‘Creator Hair’ in Sheffield. This time last week..(as if it’s been a week,) I bumped into Sam & Zara at the ‘Weaves & Waves’ event…You all know who Sam Reece is anyway and I love Zara, because she’s sassy and fun. No one does a better ‘resting bitch face.’ I love her for it.

Long story short…and after a few Whatsapp messages…I’m booked in at Creator Hair, (creatorhair.com) tomorrow at noon and Sam is gonna give me a ‘blow.’ 🙂

I just love saying *blow*

I don’t even know what’s gonna happen to my hair, (Hahaha) I just want to see them all again!! I’m excited. It should be fun. I’ll be blogging about my bouji bit of time there and I’ll try and get some really great pictures for ya’ll to see.

I had this mad phone call with my chick bestie ‘Firmonnell’ last night.

(Snapchat Msg)

Me: ‘Omg. When you’re free tonight, fucking call me. I’m stressed. All this shit has happened…and I don’t know what to do!’

It’s hilarious, because when we have a problem, one of us’ll send the other an ’emergency text’….and you can FEEL the ’emergency‘ in the message. We don’t do pleasantries. We just get tot he point.

By nature, we’re both sassy. We’re not lame…So it’s not like we’re all ‘come over to mine, drink tea, do a face mask and we’ll plait each others hair.’ 

It’s more like ‘fuck this, get gin, come now and sort my life out.‘

Then we’ll have a big verbal *THRASH OUT* where I’ll usually witter on about shit my love life always is, and she’ll solve all my problems, kinda like she’s Oprah, but drunk…

Once solved, she’ll then deliver her mountains of problems.

I never solve her problems. Lol. I’m too selfish. 🙂 Plus, I’m really shit at giving advice. Hahaha! She’s not someone that needs help. She likes tough love. And i’m good at that! 🙂

Witter. Witter. Banter. Banter. Moments where we *pause* to appreciate how wonderful are, in comparison to everyone else is. Lol.  I go bananas! Then we start accusing people of being ‘DULL’

‘Why are they the DULLEST PERSON IN ALL THE LAND. They definitely have shit sex. They’re SO DULL.’

Once that’s been said….

… it always ends with..

‘Well it’s their loss not mine. So I win!’

(Lol. Yesterday’s *Thrash out* was all about the art of ‘WINNING,’ when it’s mixed with this dodgy thing called ‘feelings.’)

Then it’s like we both just hang up on each other, like we don’t care.. Hahaha. Until the next time, my sweet!

I love ‘Firmonnell’ because I can be absolutely, truly 100 percent honest with her. I tell her EVERYTHING. And I never tell people anything! It’s like there’s nothing I can do WRONG, in her eyes…Even when I’ve really sinned and vice versa, there’s nothing SHE CAN EVER DO wrong…without me finding it funny. 🙂

Why can’t I just find a guy like that?

I’m in the mood for a date….Why is no one taking me on a date?

It’s sunny for crying out loud!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taxis to Angelica, Sam Reece & Curly Blows…

So, I walk out the ‘back room‘ door, now armed with a pink vodka… I thank Gemma, for my ‘back room’ shindig…and Sam Reece walks out of the loo door, at the exact same time. He’s in a hat, skinny jeans….and let’s face it, he’s a much talked about ‘handsome’ that the ladies can’t help but adore…They all love a bit of ‘The Reecey,’ because he *oozes* a charm that is almost magnetic.

All the charm. All the *ooze.* All the hats?

Yet, I needed to go find Sophia…because I’d been meaning to speak to her all night. So, I had to totter off, by the now performing dancing ‘Gatsby Girls,’ who were body popping with ‘ooh faces,‘ tassels and winks galore.. and the poor kittens had to do all that ‘jiggery,’ to  a crowd of Reality TV faces…

Me: ‘Hiya! I wanted to come say hello. I JUST missed you in Spain. Literally as you were just getting onto Spanish soil, I was getting into a taxi back to the airport!

Sophia: ‘I know! I wish I had seen you! It was a good time. I wish I would’ve shot with you too!’

Me: ‘I know. Great combo. I love you. I’ve been watching ya stories.’

Now, in case you didn’t know. I adore Sophia. She’s young and currently on this series of ‘Ex on The Beach’ on MTV. She’d just had a drink ‘swilled’ in her face on the telly the evening before and she reigns by the last name ‘Filipe.‘

‘I’m Portugese.’

She’s a DREAM. After speaking to her, she is LITERALLY one of my favourite chicks ever. I just love her. So, I need to drink with her again…and will absolutely stalk her until she’s free. 😉

We chatted for quite a while and for someone who’s brand new to all this ‘on the telly,’ entertainment marlarky, she is the most savvy, together, and hilarious girl i’ve met. She’s quick witted. She’s fun. She’s smart. She’s a glamour puss, yet… like moi, (even if I do say so myself,) she’s one of the most ‘down to earth‘ chicas, you’re ever gonna run into. I could’ve chatted to her all night. Yet instead we pissed ourselves.. at OUR OWN rubbish sense of humours, giggled with ‘Marlie Weekender’ and bantered with the super sweet Joe Angus, (who is set to be the new ‘Scotty T.’)

Me: ‘Have to told Scotty that!’

Joe: ‘Yeah…Haha. I saw him in a club.’

Joe was actually really sweet…I don’t know how to describe him? He seemed sweet like ‘apple pie.’ He’s Geordie and sensible, but still giddy and fun. He’s one of the good guys…all responsible, all ‘on time‘ and shit… and offered to drive people everywhere….because he’s kind like that. Lol. He even brought a hoodie, to keep himself warm and normal. 🙂 If you grew up in LA, he’s like what we used to refer to, as the ‘Good Midwestern Boy.’ But he’s British…and from Newcastle.

Get it? Good!

Long story short…The night at ‘Weaves & Waves’ was coming to an end…We’d all at so much to drink. We’d all embraced a bit of an event…and just now needed MORE, MORE MORE….As per usual…everyone fancied going for a few more drinks around Leeds. So fuck it…we did. Everyone always pretends like they’re deciding, and just goes anyway. 😉 (That always happens at events.)

I was chatting to ‘Marlie Weekender..’

Marlie: ‘My Mum is literally the best photographer.Honestly, you don’t even know. She’s like…pose like this. Pose like that…. I don’t know if I like the guy that I brought? I mean he’s hot, but he’s not that social.

Me: ‘She’s like your Momager. Lol. Which guy? Oh him? He’s hot. Why do I feel like a drag queen right now?’

Karl: ‘I like you. You make me laugh…Why don’t you come over here?’

(We start walking over to his crew of ‘friendlies.’)

People started getting into taxis, left, right and centre to….

‘Shall we meet at Angelica’s?

But I followed Karl, because he was gay and that’s what happens, in my world…

Anyway,  I start chatting to his friends Zara, a guy in a cool flat cap (i’m so sorry, I forgot your name) and Sam…(as in ‘Reece.’) They’re all hair stylists and work at a salon in Sheffield…I think it’s called ‘Creator.’ They came as a ‘crew.’

Banter, giggles, whispers and those moments when you don’t know the person you’re conversing with too personally, however you’re liking them, BUT still sizing them up.

‘Why does that dude, look like he’s poured himself into that shirt?’

Me: ‘Hahaha. I like that. His jeans are too skinny though! God!’

Karl: ‘Haha. I love you.’

We all decide to go for ‘one more’ at Angelica’s…But Sam can’t fit me in his car…

Sam: ‘I don’t have enough room in the car.’

Zara: ‘Meet us there…’

Me: ‘Can’t I just fit in the boot? I’m Asian. I’m fine with that.’

Then as everyone kept passing me shit loads of cocktails, to try and ‘finish up,’ and Weaves & Waves were on a ‘Key Hunt.’

‘Why is the key in Manchester???’

I jumped into a taxi with Rick (who organised the event)..

Rick: ‘Chrissie. I like you. It’s funny. I didn’t expect to. Did you win the Paris Hilton Show…’

…and the sexy Emma Woodhams…Who had definitely decided mid journey that she maybe hated all men and that she was definitely Beyonce in her ‘Destiny Childs’ days…

‘Look at me. I am.’

(Notice how everyone doesn’t expect to like me….Lol.)

We couldn’t find Angelica’s for ages. I asked everyone. Rick ran up and down escalators the wrong way, Emma danced and we maybe found Lego Land, whilst singing. I’ve been to Angelica’s 1 million times…so the fact that I couldn’t find it, means cocktails stole my soul.

Me: ‘This is like following the yellow brick road…TO HELL. How have I ended up with you too?’

Then a random helpful dude, pointed at a neon sign above, like it was a sign sent from the Gods…it read…

‘ANGELICA.’ 😉

And after what felt like a marathon, three trip ups, another escalator, a donkey, 42 piggy back rides, a ‘tuk tuk’ wave down… and 42 lifts… We got there…

Me: How the FUCK, do we get to that SIGN…!! Are we…?’

Random Lady (as the elevator door opens):…’Yes, you’re here..’

Prosecco was poured. I spotted Sam, Zara and ‘le crew’ over at a table…we ‘eye clocked..’

But Rick had decided to order us all prosecco, so under the stars, on the roof terrace, we all chatted life, as we pondered our existences.

Me: ‘Right, I’m gonna snapchat the table, so if any of you are doing or saying things you don’t what people to hear…DON’T.’

Everyone laughed…then stopped sinning, for exactly 10 seconds.

NO Filter.

After banter, I decided to go back to chat to Sam and crew….

‘I’m off over there now…’

…who decided to shimmie onto the roof terrace anyway.

Zara: ‘We’re going after this one.’

They ended up staying…and it ended up being really fun. I love to chill and just drinky sip, as I chitter….It’s like the perfect scene for a bit of Wunna Land.

Zara: ‘So have you two known each other for ages?’

Me: ‘No.’

Sam: ‘No…We’ve just met tonight. In fact, I don’t even know you’re name…What is it?’

Zara: ‘Oh? I thought you two had known each other for years…’

Sam: ‘So you’re a blogger, right? Are you in Leeds, cos i’m just in Sheffield? I really like Leeds.’

Before conversations and sitting down on the evening rooftop terrace began, he had to REMOVE the pure sheepskin throw that was laid on his seat…He did so by just chucking it on the floor, in a good old lothario fashion…

Sam: ‘It might have bugs in it… Haha.’

Me: ‘Don’t tell me that, when I’ve got half my arse on it..’

My bum cushioned that flipping sheepskin. It probably thought it’s Mama was back for a nuzzle.  Sam can make ‘throwing sheep’ off chairs look sexy. I just sat on mine…I’m a glamour puss, but sometimes my arse just needs to chill…  then had to pull tables across….. so everyone could fit.

We’re all talking. I’m getting to know everyone. I’m warming up to Zara, because she’s a ‘tough crowd’ when she’s around idiots and bullshit. She doesn’t like it. She’s straight forward, direct and actually lots of fun. I loved her. She’s northern, like moi and will literally just ‘tell it how it is.’

Zara: ‘I just can’t deal with bullshit…and they’re bullshit.’

Me: ‘She’s cool though. The rest of them seem really young.;

Sam: ‘Yeah, I like her. She’s banter like a lad…’

By this point, a gaggle of girls had surrounded the table, all giggly and young, they were oozing with absolute delight, BUT WEIRDLY trying to pretend that they didn’t know who Sam Reece was…Yet, knew his name was ‘Sam Reece’ because the fucking said it enough. 😉

This is all you could hear for the next 10 minutes…

‘Are you Sam Reece?’ Sam Reece? It’s Sam Reece. Is it Sam Reece? Sam Reiss? No, Sam Reece. Sam Reece! What do you do? I thought you meant Reiss? As if it’s Sam Reece…Are you Sam Reece…’

Then everyone asked for a ‘Curly Blow.’ 😉

Sam: ‘It just sounds so naughty. Hahah.’

Me: ‘I know. I love it. Hahaha. I want a curly blow.’

Zara: ‘I don’t know how he deals with that…’

(Some girl was tossing her hair in Zara’s face and sat in her seat…so it was all awkward and hysterical, to watch.)

But let me tell you about Sam. The most politest, almost calm, bit of gentleman…served in the style of ‘male model,’ NOT sat on sheepskin, easy going…down to earth…God of all sex appeal. He’s confident, he’s not afraid to try and win a lady over….even though he’ll do so with swag. It’s delivered with a handsome banter… a chilled directness….almost a determination, that doesn’t make him look foolish. He likes to get what he wants, but his soul is good. He’s definitely one of the good guys, yet there’s an ambition in his eyes…Easiest person to talk to…Northern..

You can’t help but like this guy… I mean for someone who’s quite prejudged…and i know how that feels….he’s extremely likeable…

And I only know all this, because well all accidentally had to become his ‘wing man‘ and we were all shit at it. No. I take that back. i’m really good at being ‘wing man.’

We all ended up going home after a few more…We definitely didn’t let anyone get in our elevator… A girl was screaming for us to wait to get into our lift…and it looked like she’d be ages and have 40 friends and Elvis with her…

Sam: ‘I can’t be arsed with that….shut the doors… Haha.’

Then everyone decided to wait for me, on Boar Lane, because my car had got lost…and I couldn’t describe where I was appropriately.

‘I’ve just walked out Trinity and now i’m by Mcdonalds and Nandos…on the corner…’

Zara: We’re waiting because we want to. Don’t be silly. I’m not leaving you here. Shut up, you.’

Me: ‘I’m fine. Just go..’

And because i’m obviously shite at directing anything, Sam takes my phone out my hands…and like some tattooed ‘all together’ hero, starts chatting and solves my first world….’where is the driver’ issues..

‘Is it that Range Rover? It’s here.’

Everyone gets kisses, everyone makes sure I get home safe….THEY go on to Fiber…I get my sorry ass home.

I’m actually at their salon on Thursday….And I’m really excited to see everyone again.

The reason why I loved the ‘Weaves & Waves’ event so much, was that it was actually filled with people, who I loved. That hardly happens….And, it was great because everyone there was ‘alive’ and everyone their was filled with personality. They were all open and easy going…which makes a blog really fucking easy. 😉

 

 

Spring Cleans, Hollywood & Really Dodgy Fetish Parties ;)

I’m feeling all boated and knackered today, but i’ve got in the bag. My ‘Va Vooms’ on fire and because I feel like the busiest bee in all of the beautiful land…(Bee’s never look that busy to me, they just look like they try and SOUND busy, yet really they just fly around stinging people, whilst being stripey…) However, yes…I am busy with ‘the niggly bits’ the bits I despise. The bits where it comes in really handy, if OTHER PEOPLE do them for you. 🙂

*PLEASE HELP! HELP AWAY!*

And because I hate all things ‘niggly’ and it’s not wine o clock yet….I stayed really focused and distracted myself 🙂 by not concentrating, Googling bikinis and instead cleaned three rooms of my home from top to bottom, listening to ‘Little Mix’ in pyjama bottoms and a bra, and making work calls.

If I ever decide to clean my home that intensely from top to bottom…You know that I must be trying to bury my head in the glittery sand. I once threw out a pan and bought a new one simply because I couldn’t be arsed to clean it. 🙂

It’s like the most boring distraction in the world ever. It’s lame. Don’t do it. Sleeping with Greek men in togas is a good distratcion…Seeing what Michelle Keegan looks like in a bikini is a distraction…Cocktails…Friends, Banter….ANYTHING.

However, Scrubbing and hoovering is NOT! It’s shit. I only did it to burn extra ‘cos i’m bloated’ calories. But now i feel like I need 20 wines…

I have a really busy next 2 weeks…maybe 3 weeks…It’s jammed and at the same time i’m armed with The Wunna Babies. (Ruby squeezed all my Johnsons Baby Lotion of the pink bottle and and filled it up with water. That was fun. That was great! What a beautiful child. Didn’t at all make me want to RIP MY **&&*&*$$£”””” hair out. 🙂

Like the time when my LA guy roommate kept trying my clothes on in secret, when I was younger. I’d lay them all out, ready for a night on the razzle. I’d come back, after skipping off to buy wine, to find them inside out, worn…and smelling of sweaty boy. Lol. But much better than the time, I walked back in after late night Hollywood drinks…and found 7 grown up males, in pretend NAPPIES/DIAPERS, drinking beer and dancing in the living room….

I walked in with my best friend, who’s now a really successful film producer..(Good switch from ‘Party Boy’) and all I could hear was them panicking and shouting…

‘FUCK!!! DUDE!!!!! SHE’S FUCKING BACK ALREADY! DON’T LET HER GO UPSTAIRS.’

But me being Me…It weirdly didn’t bother me. Lol. I found it really funny..Plus, nothing is WORSE than having a secret fetish party and having a human, (who’s not part of the fun) *surprise* walk in…Let alone ‘surprise walk in’ and ALSO make you feel SHITTY… (Yet they were in diapers? Lol. I’m ridiculously laid back , when it comes to ‘taboo’ behaviour. I’ve seen so much…that that wasn’t anything really.

Me: ‘My feet hurt, are there anymore drinks…Why are you pretending to be an octopus? I’m going upstairs…’

Random Nappy Dude: ‘That’s Chrissie W’…’

Roomie: ‘Wunna…Yeah. She’s my roommate.’

Random Nappy Dude: ‘AW! FUCKSAKE DUDE!!!’

Roomie: ‘Don’t let her go upstairs! Oh! Hi, Matt!”

(That was my bestie.)

‘Chrissie, you’ve got some mail and that dude you went on a date with…that weird Bodyguard one…dropped your stuff back… Like a belt?’

Me: ‘Does it say *DIRT* on it? Is it that diamante one? He hasn’t even fixed the *Y* on it, has it…What an idiot. I hate dates… I’m just not gonna speak to him..’

And this was all when i was in my mid 20’s, and whilst my roommate was in a pretend diaper…and he was a lawyer. 🙂

HAHAHA. (Sorry, I’m just pissing myself….. My friend Matt & I did so much better for ourselves…Lol)

Upstairs was awful. Lol. Even I was shocked. I’ve told the story before and it IS embedded in this website…

But yeah…Lol…What I was actually going to say, is that now i’ve told the story…I noticed that the whole random fetish party didn’t bother me at all, yet the guy who decided to try on my clothes, whilst I was out, behind my back, BEFORE I HAD EVEN WORN THEM……

PISSED ME OFF.

So, it must be the little things that wind me up.

But anyway, thank you everyone for reading my blog! I’ve received so many inbox messages from literally all over the world, from ladies, men, girls, guys and saying that they’re loving it, hooked or have just had a first time ‘peek.’

Like ‘Trigg’ had a first time peek yesterday, because he couldn’t follow quite obvious instructions. Lol.

Trigg: ‘I didn’t know I could swipe up?’

Me: ‘What? Even though it says SWIPE UP??’

And a guy from Vienna messaged me this morning saying that he read yesterdays blog and loved it and that HE actually used to work right by me in LA, by The Grove. He has this wonderful Youtube channel about his travels, so I’m gonna check that out today.

Plus, I love that all Ladies, love a ‘school mums’ blog. Unfortunately, I went with diaper ridden fetish party today…But hey…It’s all about balance, right? 😉

I had a moment yesterday, where I stopped a second after being rushed out of a meeting and into a car, where I *paused* and got to chill for a moment….

I sent this message…

‘Missing ya.’

They replied with a..

‘Miss u to xx’

Then life scuttled us along…..

I’ve got lots going on, shoots, influencey things, I’ve got to fit in the time to commit to filming, flights to Spain, meetings, Motherhood…and my friends….

In this Chapter, my newest one…I am being a really shit friend. I went from having all the time in the world, to having no time…Or having to prioritse my time. Plus, I have ‘powers above’ who make me hinder to sacrifices. But I just have to do it. It’s work and i’m building…

But this weekend, it’s my chick friend ‘Fairytales’ birthday drinks…So I’ll be celebrating it with her at The Electric Theatre….

I actually almost forgot, because I had fittings and flights and all sorts of busy mayhem…But Mel reminded me on Monday….I love ‘People Reminders.’ And just like that…I’ll be there!

The Career’s going really well. I’m feeling really confident right now…

I’m gonna SMASH IT.

Cue: FIRE

Auditions, Daffodils & He’s Nothing Like Mary Poppins…

Image may contain: one or more people, outdoor and close-up

I’ve a busy day today, so I’m gonna have to keep this sassy, brief and delightful! I’m auditioning and it’s stressful and mainly because I make it stressful. Lol. I put so much pressure on myself because I’m a lunatic. 🙂 (Code for: ‘I just want to do well and have all my dreams come true.’ We all do! But that’s the problem..In my world…everyone wants the same thing.)

Yipppeee!

But, you get what you get and you don’t get what the ‘The Gods’ believe isn’t right for you. I’m actually feeling quite good right now after Whatsapp messages to someone I hold in my highest regard.

I was all pathetic and nervous and trying to sort out my mindset… I’m honest, so i’ll tell anyone exactly how I feel about everything….and he swooshed on in with motivation at the exact right time.

He’s like Mary Poppins…but not nothing like Mary Poppins, AT ALL? Lol. (Bare with me…I’ve gone insane???) What, I’m trying to say is that he spoon fulled me the ‘truth sugar,‘ from one of the most positive angles and in order to gear me up for a ‘smash it,’ bonanza. He did it briefly and real. Not fakey and flourished. (It’s an attractive trait. Kinda made me want to ‘tickle his fancy.’ I love motivational people…not the ones that go on and on… for hours, but the ones that are real and tell you stuff from their own actual life experience…It’s sexy. It always makes me think they’re also really organised…and in the future….I imagine my Knight in Shining Armour to be dead organised….That way they can organise my scattiness.)

ANYWAY….. ( I got distracted…)

Just like that, I felt MIGHTY. The motivational medicine went down a treat…and sometimes it’s all you need…. and with a…

‘Good luck babe…you will smash it…’

I was sorted.

(Why am I currently getting a flash back of Junior misguiding his standup wee?)

‘GET IT IN THE LOO!!! It’s spurting on the floor!’

Monday was great because I got to hang with my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell.’ Miss you Monday turned ‘real life’ and we got to catch up and chat about our world’s combined, as people played with blue and white balls around us and other’s decided to ski.

I always miss her madly, so when we talk, we talk….We get lost it in with a passion. There was a moment where in which we had gotten so ENTHRALLED in our conversation, whilst stood up by a coffee counter…that we forgot we were stood up by a coffee counter and were suddenly awaken by the Barista with a…

‘Do you want chocolate sprinkles on that?’

‘Eh?’

‘Oh shit! Yeah..’

‘Why are you not using the sugars I got you?’

‘I thought they were yours?’

‘What…EIGHT OF THEM.’

‘Let’s sit down..’

Good catch up…Then our other friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ tried to steal my Bestie from me, by presenting her with Daffodils and kindness.

Firmonnell: ‘Hustle’s my new bestie now! She bought me this..’

(Produces photo of daffodils and other loving thoughtful stuff.)

Me: EWW! Why is she stealing my bestie! How dare she be thoughtful. That’s fine. you two can go have a really delightful Vegan time together. I’ll make new friends, with like… Olivia off Love Island.’ Fucking Daffodils.’

Firmonnell: ‘What you buying me?’

Me: ‘Don’t you dare try and game me with the *WHAT YOU BUYING ME’ trick.’

(I’m scarred! It’s not like I haven’t already been on the flipping telly… where I was put through HUGE challenges every single moment of every single day, with a camera in my face…in the name of ‘Hilton.’ Touchy subject, a friendship battle..innit.) 

Anyway, great day with ‘Firmonnell.’

‘See you next week? I’m parked over there…’

Me: ‘Can you at least MAKE LIKE YOU NEED ME…’

‘Miss you Monday’s‘ are the best!

I’ve actually really super dooper need to go! Shit! My hair needs doing. Just wanted to say..

THANK YOU SO MUCH..

To everyone who is engaging with Wunna Land. My ‘Socials’ have been a delight and i’m grateful. It kinda makes me feel all appreciated. Thank you to those watching my ‘Garden gallop’ video gram. So many people have messaged me asking if it was my actual garden? Random question?

But…yes…I’m not going to gallop, open shirt topless in someone else’s garden. Lol. Well? I might? Depends on where life takes me?

Just quickly, I’ve also noticed that people are getting into ‘banter spats’ on my Facebook Fan Page….Just so you know…regardless. I adore y’all! If it wasn’t for your engagements…this land would not be worth it..and I never take that for granted.

It’s pretty rubbish weather today. It’s almost like the skies can’t decide what to do? I want Summer, or at least Spring to shimmie on in now. I don’t like this inbetweeny weather. I’m not grey. I’m not a fence sitter. I need a choice. It effects my outfits. 😉

Before I tinker off…The other day, after a shoot, I stopped to have a chitter with one of my good friends Scott…It was a phone interview and I was sat in my car, at night, in my pyjamas…. But please to click below and take a listen….We’re talking celeb gossip, my time on the Hilton show, ‘behind the scenes’ glamour modelling and my dating life..

I’ve godda go!

Thank you for following my life….

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flat Caps, Prosecco & What I Think About Love

I’m totally sat in a quiet bar filled with gentlemen in tweed flat caps and it’s amazing. You know you’re in full blown Yorkshire when that happens and you know that the ‘flat caps’ aren’t bothered about Wunna Land. They just get to tending to their simple, happy, daily routine….Oriental girls who take selfies in dressing rooms, don’t matter, unless she’s buying them an afternoon..

‘Pint of Johns, please..’

I’ve been thinking about love recently. Probably because I’ve been chatting to all my friends, be they near or far… and most of them have chosen a really different existence to mine. I adore that. I love it when people own THEIR VERSION of life.

Everyone’s starting new chapters or relighting old ones, shaking off baggage, for more suited loves and no ones seems to be going ‘solo.’ Everyone seems all loved up. It’s everywhere. It’s everywhere I look…and yes, i think it’s wonderful…BUT…

I’M JEALOUS.

(Bad way to be…)

I love, love…but here I am, sat amongst the ‘flat caps’..in a corner on my laptop…alone…with my prosecco. I’m happy…I am. Who wouldn’t be with a morning prosecco? 😉 But GOSH, i’m ready for a bit of ‘cosy,’ dream come true, perfect kinda love now. I’m 37. Whop on that piece of armour, jump on that stallion and hurry yourself to Wunna Land.

Guy friend Fox: ‘You chose a different kind of life…and well you’re just too picky..’

Me: ‘You probably shouldn’t refer to yourself as not THAT picky when you’re just got engaged. lol’

Chick Friend Tess: ‘You’re picky…I think you’re picky. But I guess…’

Me: ‘No, but obviously I get a lot of love from my socials…but that’s not real…and well, whenever I like someone…they never like me back. Or if I do, we date and then something goes wrong…’

Guy Friend Fox: ‘Do you fancy someone now…?’

Me: ‘Yes…’

Guy Friend Fox: ‘Would they know that….?’

Me: ‘Yes…’

Chick Friend Tess: ‘Then what’s the problem…’

Me: ‘ No problem…I love that you’ve assumed that he must obviously adore me…’

Chick Friend Tess: ‘He must, or he’s blind, his bits don’t work or he has no sense of humour…’

(Lol…You can always count on your girls to make you feel mighty!) 

I kinda like ‘Firmonnell’ more, because she’ll tell it to me straight with a…

‘Cry me a river and all that, Now shut ya face and crack on.’

Yet is exceedingly supportive in all that I do. All of the girls are, Double B, Fairytale, Hustle, Mel, Lady Shizzle…the lot….

But back to lurve…

To me, there are three stages to love (and i’ve nicked this off Ellen Degeneres, my girl crush, who is happily married) …there is ‘HAPPY,’ followed by ‘LOVE...,’ followed by ‘COMPLETION.’

What stage are you at?

We’ve all been happy, we’ve all been in love….yet i’m at a stage where i kinda fancy being someones ‘completion…‘ I fancy that. Doesn’t everyone…? But isn’t that saying we can’t be happy or ‘complete’ by ourselves?

Wait, i’m being ‘negatory.’

We all want different things. We all have a different’ version of ‘completion.’ It’s such a lovely phase. I definitely don’t want to be 72, alone…with all my cats…and no company..and that’s coming from one of the most independent girls, who LOVES HER OWN company.

I’m one to just happily wait around, doing life merrily, making a name, making some money, loving my kids…under the conception that fate will simply throw ‘my hero’ at me… he’ll ‘roddle‘ up from his fall, look toward me and think..

‘AAAAH BLISS. COMPLETION. The only girl I could ever share my entire life with!’

Guy friend Fox: ‘I love how you’ve just read out ‘someone’ like it can be anyone….’

Me: ‘SHUT UP LOL. I’m writing my blog! Get me a drink..’

Chick friend: ‘Do CAREER FIRST Wunna… You could’ve been a star right now, if you didn’t waste previous time on dickheads from 2000 and something past. Total planks. You’ve never been treated well enough.’

Me: ‘Get me a drink.. Ooh, my agent’s Whatsapped me.. And shush, I AM DOING CAREER. I’m loving career. *&&*&*****$£$!!’

Away from all that. I’m excited about life. More good work news came today and I’ve just signed up to THREE MORE collabo’s which you don’t have to worry about, because you will know when WUNNA LAND has shimmied into their world. I also have two more auditions. Good ones….

I currently have my

‘MAKE WUNNA YOUR SCREENSAVER..’

..competition going on. Mainly on my Facebook fanpage. You save me as your phone or laptop screensaver…inbox me the shot and you will recieve a personally photographed and signed photo from me…to you…that no one else will have…

IF YOUR SCREENSAVER MAKES TOMORROWS BLOG…

You will also WIN a VIDEO MESSAGE FROM ME.

I’m loving all the screensavers that are coming in! They’re great and i’m rubbish at running comps and being able to deal with it all. But i want to interact with you all more and bring you into my world. My diary. This diary.

I’m getting lots of SOCIAL LOVE. It is so hard to keep up with all the replying, but i’m trying my best and only replying to my ‘comments’ or any current screensaver inbox pics.

Replying is so difficult when it comes in MASS LOADS, cos part of me can’t find the time…without being on my phone all day…yet that is kinda my job. …so what am I moaning about? Then I don’t want anyone to feel ‘left out,’ so I don’t want to only reply to some and not them all…It’s all very tragic. Lol…

Kinda makes me need prosecco.

But I appreciate the love…

Here are some of the pics you’ve missed, if you haven’t been following my Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram…

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One of my good guy friends, who plays,..’London Business Man‘ in this merry little blog, is currently messaging me and giving me a lecture on ‘nudity.’ Followed with a..

‘Listen, I think you look mind blowing. You know that.I completely fancy you.  So I’m not judging you…but…/Don’t even give me the, i’ve got a jumper on line…’

I don’t need a lecture. I’m a grown up. I think my pics are great. I wave the flag for womanhood and for women being MORE CONFIDENT, in ANY WAY WE CHOOSE….And technically, if you can’t see a jumper, then SIR, you are simply BLIND.

LECTURE OVER.

FYI/ Dear any future friends or  ‘Completions…’ You have to be okay with Wunna Land, or I will rebel and not like you.

Hurrah!

Happy Tuesday!

Chrissie! x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friendship, Fights & The Backroom Leeds

Just the most amazing time in the city last night. I cherished, good times. No! Great times…with the people who I will always regard as my absolute closest . (Until I’m a superstar and never speak to them again. 😉 We’re like family and I’ve honestly had a great 2017 because of them.

I love the little swines and i’m really really lucky. I mean, not many people, in my position or way of life have a close bundle of friends, that the can trust and rely on. I do! We’re all really different from one another, yet each add a certain spice to the pot. If you have a problemo, a secret, a love….you’ll know which friend in the group to turn to…and in their own magical way, over cocktails, a cuddle, a whatsapp message, a warm dinner, a new set of heels, or a tissue….they’ll be right by your side, picking up the pieces.

I’m currently in Ego, Ackworth, sat infront of a huge mirror, with a half of Fosters, writing this blog….

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I adore a good mirror seat. One where it looks like I have my back to you, but I can see EVERYTHING.  My vanity gets the better of me. Yes. I’ll admit that. However, I also love the stories that mirrors tell. I’ve watched women with party hats and light up Christmas jumpers wander behind me. Business men. Families. Lone Rangers with quiet pints. Grown adults in weird Elf hats. Girls all a gossiping. And awkward humans on first dates. I love a mirror in the midst of a ‘busy bustle.’ It’s always so magical. Always so glamourous.

But anyway, last night I was out in the city…

As the story goes, the day turned to night. I had had a somewhat stressful day of ‘rushy.’ I HATE RUSHING. I’m a glamour puss. I do things in my own manner, with my own panache and at my own pacing. Not yesterday though. Fuck. I dashed to three cities, running errands, doing meetings, making sure Ruby & Junior were enjoying every inch of their Christmas holidays. I had a deadline. I needed to be ready. Then after the fastest totter, a warm bath, placing my phone on charge and a slip into my silver sequinned dress from the Kourtney Kardashian line for Pretty Little Thing….I dashed out the door, twinkled through the night sky, jumped in a taxi..

Driver: ‘I’m sure I’ve driven you around before. I remember your voice.’

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And Whatsapped ‘Double B’ with a…

‘I’m 3 mins away from yours…’

We drank wine out the bottle, all the way to ‘Firmonnells,’

Double B: ‘How many people do you reckon you’ve slept with?’

Me: ‘Why are they like cardboard cut outs?’

Double B: ‘They’re just Vanilla..’

(I once referred to one of my exes as ‘vanilla.’ He was in a boyband and I’d just come off a tv show for ITV2.  To this day he says I apparently broke his heart? However, surely if you say ‘I don’t want us to be together anymore Chrissie because I’m gay’ that would mean that no hearts were broken in the process. Well, maybe my heart? 😉

He said he loved me madly, yet never messaged me when we broke up because he didn’t know what to say. I just took that as ‘oh he doesn’t care’ and I was fine with that. You can’t MAKE someone love you. You can MAKE someone care about you. Yet ‘true love’ is a whole different potion. If they feel you in their spirit….they will always find their way back to you.

Yiddley Doooooooo!

Anyway, Double B and I apologized to the driver for making him listen to our sexy girl banter AAALLLLLL the way to ‘Firmonnells.’ Yet he assured us he LOVED IT.

Driver: ‘It’s made my night girls.’

We were joined by ‘Fairytale Blond’ and a bit of ‘Mama Sally.’ We did wee’s, drank prosecco, borrowed jackets, exchanged gold clutches and found ourselves on our way to Leeds city centre…our city….yet via THE SINGLE MOST AMAZING train station ever. I’ve never travelled from Garforth before. THEY SERVED BOTTLE PROSECCO, IN BOUJI PLASTIC CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, THROUGH A WINDOW ON THE ACTUAL PLATFORM!!! I know!!! It’s absolute BLISS! All you have to do is buy a bag of crisps with it (because you are only allowed booze with food) and you’re plain sailing and en route to Leeds, with a happy prosecco jiggle.

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With our drinks, in our dresses, with our heels in place and whilst the girls decided to MAKE FUN of my WONDERFUL peacock phone cover.

Double B: ‘What the fuck is that!!’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s fucking horrible.’

Me: ‘SHUT UP! The loveliest phone man gave it to me FOR FREE today, for a selfie, you dicks! I love it!!’

(It’s a golden peacock with diamante studs and multi coloured gems scattered throughout its tail. Lol I actually really do LOVE IT. They despise it and think it looks tacky, because they’re ‘haters’ and can’t handle my glamourisms. They even made a guy on the train tell me that he hated it too! Haha! What dicks)

Anyway within a second we pulled into Leeds, they’re all running like wild women to meet the rest of the group, and i’m trying to catch up, as i’m spilling my prosecco all over me and some guy in a hat with chatting to me about…can’t even remember really? If Santa was a chimney sweeper, it would be him. He was lovely!

Long story short. All met up at a train station bar…who wouldn’t let everyone in because they had reached capacity. It was THAT BUSY. The rest of the girls joined the group and the boys joined us also. Then through the busy city streets, we all walked up ‘hand in hand’ to Backroom Leeds, as ‘Firmonnell’ and I tried to decide if we were actually lesbians?

Me: ‘But I really DO fancy Ellen Degeneres.’

Firmonnell: ‘But what about when you need a penis in you after they’ve…’

The Backroom was great! It’s a small decadent, ‘speakeasy’ bar on Call Lane. Plays the best music. Has a private outdoor terrace. And we had the whole downstairs floor/bar, to ourselves, as our own. It was just for us, our whole group and that was that.

The night was AMAZING.

Slowly but surely, everyone we knew trickled in, piece by piece, a wink at time, the boys in shirts, the girls in short dresses and heels. We love to glam it up…so each ‘trickle’ was dressed to the nines, straight to the bar and with ‘good time’ glint in their eyes. It’s always great when it’s just us, because anything goes, no one will judge and we can all pretty much surrender to the art of celebrating life, the year and friendship….. in the most pissed fashion, forget to eat the yummiest finger food and with all the free drinks that our tokens will allow us.

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We danced, we flirted, we booty popped, we ‘dutty wined,’ we let loose, we turned wild, we snapchatted, we kissy cheeked, we all thought we were sexier than we probably were and we DRANK….we fucking DRANK! Hustle Barbie fell on the floor AGAIN…took ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Double B’ with her. Lol

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Hustle Barbie: ‘It’s my new thing.’

Cuddles and kisses and sequins and hip hop tracks.

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Mood lighting, shots, hair tosses and fresh air terraces.

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Gossips, lies, drama and whispers….

At one point i think my whole entire top fell down for a second, due my excessive booty dance routine. I have no booty, so I have to really work at the back shimmie. Caused boobies to fall out because my dress was too big…Nobody cared. They loved it.

Me: ‘What! It’s because i’m a VEGGIE NOW. I’ve lost weight, but it’s come off my FLIPPING BOOBS!’

Webbo & Jonsez & Dipper & New Boys! They were all really lucky, because we chicas has already hit ‘good time’ and wine bottles, so like props we used the boys for flirts and dance floor swizzles. Hot new faces kept appearing out of nowhere. I backed up and a hot face was behind me. I walked forward and another new hot face greeted me. I even got a cheeky bum grab. (I love a bum grab at 30 something. It’s naughty. It’s fun. It’s a good way to get me to notice you….and he was REALLY HOT. Super handsome.)

Lots of ‘Hollyoaks’ style drama occurred last night. It went from whisper to whisper, to confrontations, to verbal fights. It went from learnt lessons, to hearts breaking, to no judgements and personality clashes. It went from stories told, to secrets revealed and tests of friendships and truth telling.

‘You can sleep with who you want to sleep with. I don’t give a shit! Own it.’

‘Why is she blanking me. I haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘This is ridiculous!’

‘Yeah…I already knew that. We all did!’

‘I just love her and I don’t stand a fucking chance.’

‘Just stay away from me. Don’t come near me. What do you think you’re…’

‘Who told you that??’

‘You need to man up…’

‘You else do you fancy?’

‘He’s done now…’

‘I’m leaving. This is fucked up.’

‘If she comes up to me again, whilst i’m trying to talk to you…I’m gonna..’

‘Don’t judge people on shit…Whocares..’

‘I can’t deal with this. Do you want a shot?’

‘She won’t even speak to me now.’

‘I don’t care what you’ve done…’

‘You’re beautiful. Am I stalking you?’

‘This is the last time i’ve ever going to get to dance with you…’

‘You’re new. You’re hot. Are you on Insta?’

‘Who does she think she is!!!’

‘How is this ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.’

[Echo….Echo…Echo….Echo….]

*STOP*

And even though all of the snippets above occurred, this is what I noticed…I noticed that  every single one of us were close. That every single one of us chose to prioritise ‘good times’ over drama. We danced, we laughed, we gave zero fucks. I noticed that in the end, enjoying our friendships with each other, is what we chose to make matter…and THAT is what makes us a family. (Moderately dysfunctional…but s….we’re fly. 😉 )

The clock struck 3am. Time flew by us. We didn’t even realise how fast it has flown!

‘AS IF IT’S 3AM!!! WTF!’

‘Don’t leave…come back..’

‘Come to Fibre with me…’

‘Get in my Uber.’

‘Don’t leave me..’

I had stayed in the private section at Backroom ALL NIGHT, so I didn’t actually realise how busy the place has got upstairs. I walked up to the open air terrace holding Double B’s hand…and it was RAMMED. It was MENTAL.

A guy stopped me with a,

‘Are you Chrissie Wooonaaa?’

‘Yeah…yeah…why?’

‘Do you remember me…?’

‘Jake?’

(I didn’t know if it was Jake… 🙂 )

Yet the crowd took us into different directions and as I sat on the terrace, chatting to ‘Double B,’ under the night stars…(I’m doing a lot of the night stars of recent, aren’t I..)

I watched Jonesez look at me, with all the heartbreak of the world in his eyes…as he stood up off, from the side of the terrace and walked away slowly, with his head all a muddle….

It snowed today…which means there’s magic in the air….

All I know about life is that there are MORE UPS, than there are downs. More GOOD TIMES, than there are bad. And that ANYTHING can happen in a moments wink of an eye….Dreams come true. Life is only has hard as you make it.

It’s the ones of us who can ‘surf that crest.’ The ones of us who stand by what we love and believe is right, for OUR OWN VERSION of existence that get the most out of the world and what’s on offer.

I’ll remember these people for the rest of my life….

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In FIVE DAYS….FOR ME…..

EVERYTHING CHANGES…..

Chrissie x

 

Ups & Downs & Those Jiggly Bits of Doo Daa

Things have weirdly turned out great! I’m feeling good. I had a rough weekend. It wasn’t rough as in ‘drinky,’ just rough as in tough. I was kinda ‘down beat,’ feeling low, like the wind had been taken out my sails a bit and I needed to pull my kitten socks up, wake up the next morning and feel wonderful. The great thing about those moments, where you’re swirled in a case of ‘da blues’ is the simple fact that they’re only temporary. I’m a positive chick. I’m good with life, because i’ve fought so hard to make it my bestie. We’ve shared some times! We’ve done it over rummy cocktails. I’m confident enough to say that  The Gods have now cut me some slack and i’m really lucky…always really lucky. But jeeze, have I noticed that when you’re down….all kinds of shit happens to you, in a dodgy ‘domino’ fashion. At one point I just stood there, pissed myself laughing and hoped some granny would just run over me with her wheeled machine.

Everything kept going wrong. Everything! One after the other. I couldn’t wait to get home and just be with the kids. I mean almost got beat up my some strange, feisty woman in a bar, who declared me a snotty ‘patronizing bitch.’ She wanted to gracefully, ‘rip my head off’ or something….and simply because she had lost her mind and insecurity had got the better of her. Delicious! I wouldn’t look good without a head. How inconvenient of her. After my boobs, it’s my best bit!  (We’re all girls. We’ve all been there. Some of us handle it better than others.) If you’re going to attempt to be a Goddess…Don’t be a crazy one. It makes you look stupid….really really stupid. It makes you NOT a Goddess. Not one at all. But in a way I was pleased, because in that moment, I couldn’t have LOOKED MORE sophisticated. I looked like I was dipped in champers and served on a silver tray. If you’re going to do FEISTY. Do  it with charm. Do it with a class that’s smug, yet direct. I assure you, the rough, ‘elbows, loud shouty, knees to the ears‘ thing….is…Well….It’s HILARIOUSLY tasty in the most disgraceful manner.

Yipppeeeeeeee!

Anyway, once I got home and spent loads of time with the babies and just focused on doing the things that I love…I slept well and bizarrely, when I woke, I felt okay. I felt delicious.

I spent my busy Monday surrounded by my chick friends, who are just GREAT. I mean, yeah they definitely pissed themselves at me nearly getting beaten up and then shared their own stories of weekend debauchery….trampolines, gin, Leeds games, birthdays, forgotten loin fruit, and vaginas that look like pork pies that may come with a gelatine layer on them. (That was actually a comment that ‘Double B’ made a week ago… about imaginary ‘pork pie’ vaginas. Lol. I forgot to mention it, so I shoved it in for kicks. I love her.)

Double B: ‘Honestly, I think her vagina is a pork pie and comes with a gelatine layer.’

And today was just ‘GOOD NEWS’ Tuesday! I mean, I was bright as a button. Beaming with ‘ooh laa.’ I had something in the back of my mind. I can’t really tell you what, but I guess like all girls, I really care for someone and I don’t…Well….blah. I’ll leave it at that.) I didn’t let it get to me. I glamour pussed onward with a smile.

Now, the great thing about my weekend was that I CHOSE to be really PRODUCTIVE. So I pulled myself together, and didn’t surrender to ‘da blues’ and instead set myself up for opportunity. Work opportunity. I told you, I’m writing a book, I’ve got a bunch of auditions and shoots etc…But at the weekend, I tried hard to turn dreams into reality….

…because of that ‘GOOD NEWS TUESDAY’ OCCURED.

You can do anything. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. Good things happen to good people.

I got a phone call today…a good one. It was work related and it shocked me so much that I couldn’t even believe it. It made me squeak. I haven’t squeaked since August! I looked at ‘Firmonnell’ and literally squeaked with excitement at her. I’m at my best when i’m that happy!!! I get on such a buzz that I feel on top of the world. And it felt good because it was something that I really wanted and really went for. I found my inner fearless and well I just knew… It made me giddy!

From that point on, I was A QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!  And again the weird thing was, that when i felt SO WONDERFUL, just filled with excitement and kitty cat beams…ALL THINGS GREAT STARTED TO HAPPEN TO ME, one after the other! It was crazy. I could’ve tripped up and FOUND a pot of treasure at my feet, I felt that lucky. All sorts happened. More opportunity. More great phone calls. Good news. My best gay friend Theo in LA randomly messaged me to tell me he was sending me a surprise gift! I received a ton of really positive messages from blog fans and more and more good news kept pouring in. I booked shoots and jobs and everything. It just made my day wonderful!

This was one of the messages I got today from a Blog Fan…

‘Hey Chrissie, just to remind you this morning; you’re powerful beyond measure. So be that girl who wakes up with a purpose and intent, who shows up and never gives up, who believes anything is possible and willing to work for it. I hope this week will be ridiculously amazing just like you. I’m so inspired by you. Thank you.’ 

How lovely is that!!! Makes me smile! It means a lot.

Everything is changing. I’m headed into a really lovely and super exciting chapter. It’s all new and spangly and I…well i’m looking forward to it.

(Do know that when i’m trying to be wonderful, my delightful chick friends are currently Whatsapp grouping me and calling me ‘shit’ because I apparently can’t remember birthdays…and that’s some kind of duty of mine. I hope ‘Hustle Barbie’s hair goes wrong on Thursday. I told her it was her next big prank. 😉 )

Hustle Barbie: ‘Don’t fucking say that to me! I’m already anxious!’

Anyway, I’m off. I have a bath ready and it needs me. I spent all night Googling this season’s ‘Jimmy Choo’ shoe line yesterday. It’s exhausted me with utter pleasure. 😉

I hope you’re all feeling lucky. Work hard at what you love. Chase what makes you happy. Don’t give up. Love boldly. It’s the most powerful force in the entire world and go get whatever is YOURS! You deserve it!