Blending Out Bullies, My Love Life &The Future….

Afternoon, My Cheeky Little Treats!

This morning, I woke up all stressed and anxious.I don’t even know why. Then little bits of life, that respond to the names ‘Ruby & Junior’ filled my world with giggles…At that point, everything was okay again.

I’m having one of those days. One of those days when you need to crawl back into bed, speak to no one for a second, have a moment, y’know…a ‘word with yourself’ and start it all over again.

SIGHS….

However, life is rooting for me, because after the early school run, I looked down at my phone, as I watched my petrol station Costa coffee, trickle out the machine and waved at one of the Dads I know.

Anyway….I saw this on Glamour Magazines Twitter ‘Moments.’

..and it reminded me that not only did I have a purpose, but doing pretty alright at inspiring and standing up for love, myself and for others, who may not quite yet have the balls to ‘sing out loud.’

I’m really proud of the ‘Blend out Bullying‘ campaign and I’m so glad that I joined Glamour Magazines crusade to wave ‘Cya’ to Cyber bullies.

That made me smile. I skipped away from the gas station…(Sorry! I mean .PETROL station. I still think American, for some reason.) Anyway, I skipped away like the happiest bunny in all of the land, because they reminded me that no matter what, in life, I did something that helped make a difference, to someone, somewhere.

(I’d like to see MORE people ‘Blending out Bullying.’ You’re the STAR of YOUR OWN SHOW. Make a difference. See love, not dollar signs.)

As if my favourite magazine is showing Wunna Land some love…and AS IF, I appear on my favourite tv how in a couple weeks.

I’m having to pinch my kitty self…. (Ooh…Vodka spurted out. 😉 ) 

Anyway…

Last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote a blog, in the dark, whilst in bed. I’m utterly CRINGING at myself, right now. YET, I promised myself that I would flipping post it, because it’s how I truly felt, at that particular moment…at that precis time…

AND SINCE THAT’S WHAT I’M ABOUT…

*Rolls eyes…*

Here’s what I wrote…

(Rewind to last night…)

 

I’m literally sat up in bed writing this, because I can’t sleep. It’s only early. I guess around 9.30pm? But everything around me seems so still. So quiet, I feel really calm, yet my mind (as always) is fluttering. It’s busy. It’s racing. I’ve poured a wine, which is sat on my bedside table. I’m typing in the dark. I have no clue why, I couldn’t be bothered to switch a light on? I can’t see my keys, so I feel like I’m typing blind. But it weirdly feels amazing. It kinda feels really real. How all my writing should be done.

I can’t stop thinking about my life tonight and I don’t know why? I want to succeed and make all my dreams come true. Y’know, just do really well, because when you do well at the things you love…you glow and no feeling is better than that. That’s not what i’m thinking about though. I don’t even know why I typed that out?

I’m thinking about my love life.

I know! Surprised right?

I’ve just got back from a late night trip to the supermarket…to buy wine. An elderly lady stopped me. I’ve seen her around a lot. I do know her a little bit. But It usually makes her day when she sees me, because i’ll always stop and chat to her. I love making time for her. I love making her day.

Anyway…

She always tells me how much she loves me because ‘it’s good to see a girl BEING a girl…’

Tonight she told me, that I was pretty…’a beautiful girl,’ but then added…

‘You’d think a girl as beautiful as you, would’ve found someone to be with, by now.’

I smiled, I thanked her. She was so cute and I adored every minute of seeing her.  I love the elderly, because they’re wise. Even the rude ones are wise. I always respect their words and absorb what they have to say. Times and things may have changed, yet how people FEEL haven’t. You can always, always learn a life lesson from an old lady or gent.

However yeah…

‘You’d think a girl as beautiful as you, would’ve found someone to be with, by now.’

She’s right!!

Don’t get in a tizzy, as i’m never one to really listen to what others think…But she’s left my mind ticking. She must have. I’m sat up in bed, in my bra and glasses, typing the dark because I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about what she said?

Now, i’ve never really felt lonely. I never feel alone because my world, the world I created ‘Wunna Land,’ is filled with love. I’m surrounded by life. I have a close family, who stand by me. Ruby and Junior, my babies…Their hearts are filled with utter joy for Mama. I have some great friends. Good company at times. I have a mini sized audience, and most of all…I have me.

(I’ve always been my own best friend. I’ve always been really comfortable being ME and i’m happy with what I stand for. Yeah. I’ve disappointed myself loads, through the years. But on the whole…I’m more than happy with who I am. Who i’ve become.)

Right now, I don’t feel lonely. But why don’t I? I should, right? But I don’t…(Even the little old lady feels bad for me, now and she shouldn’t! Haha.)

I almost feel like i’m bubbling over with this exotic life force of happy juice?

It doesn’t matter what you do, provided you don’t harm others, or yourself and you are happy with your official life choices, right?

I know that i’m single and i’m aware that i’m knocking on a bit now. I feel young spirited, yet glad to be a 30 something, as I accidentally brought wisdom and dignity along with me, on my little journey.

God knows how???

I CERTAINLY thought, i’d lost BOTH at one point. I was positive I left them in some bar in LA, when I was 24. Yet, they found me. (And whenever I say God, I am always referring to ‘Bacchus’, The God of Wine.)

Yipppppppeeeeeeeee!

I know, I must NOT be scared to be alone…as I still seem quite happy to go through life picking through boys, and walking away from marriages, because they hurt my soul.

They just weren’t right, because I compromised my heart, myself, or I just wasn’t thinking….

I said ‘YES’ to those marriages impulsively, because I’m a hopeless romantic and I fall in love, when I FEEL excited and I do it so madly…so deeply.

But I  haven’t felt like that in ages.

The last guy that made me feel like that was ‘The Swirl.’ (Who i sometimes name ‘T Bone.’

When I don’t feel excited, I find it really easy to ‘shrug’ the moment off, with a ‘he’s just not the right guy.’

But I like that about me. I know how I feel and i know what love and excitement feels like. When it hits me again, I’ll notice. Yet this time i’ll be ready.

I don’t think there’s an age, when you SHOULD find love. I don’t say anything, but I hate it when I hear chicks, say, ‘I need to be married by 30.’ Or, ‘I need to find Mr.Right by the time i’m…’

You really don’t.

Love to me is always about chemistry…

I’ll find it, but this time I want the real deal.

THE REAL DEAL …

and i’ll wait forever, until I find it.

Until I feel it.

The next time I marry, (if I marry, I can’t decide if it’s an old school concept? I might be ‘blah’ about it because i’ve done it so many times and it hasn’t been right?) I’ll marry the most exceptional man. He’ll be a GREAT MAN. An incredible man…and I DO intend to one day find the man of my dreams. I fully intend on doing that…

Yet, if I don’t…I’m fine with that also. I don’t know why? I guess, I’m like this because i’m happy, right now? Maybe, it’ll kick in when i’m 80 and seriously alone, with all my cats and no one to love.

Knowing me, I’ll still feel fine and pour a rum, for everyone else, in the old peoples home, as I wink at Jeff, with the dodgy back.

If i’m being honest, unlike work, where I create my own opportunities, I kinda expect HIM (The man of my dreams)  to find ME. (Lazy, I know. Lol) I find that far more romantic. I’m traditional like that. Old school romance just gets me going…I’m finding i’m both. I love the art of old school romance, mixed with a modern day twist of unconventional, yet unconditional love.

(Mouthful much!)

I might have already crossed paths with him? I might not…Who knows? I’m just not worried about it and if you’re in the same situation as me, you don’t need to be worried about it either.

DON’T WORRY!

So, yeah….

*SLURPS WINE*

Let’s just go with he’ll find me…

Every single part of my kitten soul, says he’ll find me.

He’ll come get me…

But he’s not as pathetic as I am, so he won’t be slurping wine out the bottle, typing in the dark, in a bra and glasses. 😉

He won’t be sat awake typing a ‘Dear Diary….’ post, because a lovely old lady in the supermarket was worried about his well being.

YET…

..he’ll see the beauty in it…and think, SHIT, that’s exactly the kinda girl I both want and NEED.

I like to feel needed….

I’ve noticed that… (I get that from my Mum.)

Cheers! Hurrah! Sadness for everyone! Haha.

But yes..

There’s a single guy, somewhere in the world right now, who is utterly MADE to be my life buddy, my other half, my ‘bestie, bestie’…my soulmate…my  guy.

And I completely trust that LIFE (you jolly old thing) will have my back and send him my way, with bells on…but when the timing is exactly right.

He may already know it, or he may not? He may have no clue? He may have never ever heard of Wunna land, or even ever met me yet…?

OR, he may already be in my phone contacts…

Who knows…?

But i’m excited…Are you?

(ps/ I don’t even know if i’m gonna post this, because I usually wake up in the morning and cringe at what i’ve ‘tipper tappered.’ My mind goes wild and my keyboard fingers get all excited!! Yet, no matter how cringe, I feel, I’ll promise myself NOW, that I’ll just post it anyway… I mean **** it. It’s exactly how I felt at 9.30pm, on Nov 14th, 2018, right? And that’s what this story, this diary, my lil’ version of life, is all about.)

I messaged Toby back last night, because he had thanked me for writing the blog about him. He was quite the gentleman about the blog…He’s a utterly real being. He’s not dashed in fakery, from the brief bits I know.

Toby: ‘You’ve captured me pretty well in your blog..’

Me: ‘I’m either a really good judge of character, or just really good at stalking. Lol’ 

Thank you for following my life…

Chrissie x

 

pps/ I’ve got a school mums dinner tonight and i’m excited. I’m meant to be at a film premiere…But I opted for the Mamas, over the red carpet. 😉

 

 

Decent Humans, Corset Sex & Ponies

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So, we’ve all fallen off the tracks, a bit. I have a friend, on a diet, who today decided that they needed a cheese toastie because of ‘fuck it.’ Lol. I have another who was so passionate about writing a really pervy book about the story of their life, who now…has lost her ‘gusto’ about it all. I’ve been really shit at saving, (you’d think that I would’ve been good, but when you’re the head honcho of a family, money just seems to sieve through your fingers…plus, i’m still not over wasting dosh on my rubbish night out in Ponte Lol ) and well if nothing else, this is the time, when we should all get back on our broken down ponies and shimmie back on track with *Victory.*

Now, I’m a girl who oozes determination. I’m never one to stop in my heels, simply because somethings gone wrong and i’m certainly never one to give up on anything. Things have to be really bad, or the situation has been utterly, utterly negative for me to pack up my luxury pink suitcase, throw in my diamante towel and call it a day. I’m just not of that nature and as humans, we’re either people who fight, or people who give in. So, now, i’m just gonna do what I do best, in moments when my friends, loved ones, or myself feel weak, or have come across a minor hiccup…which is FIGHT. Yes, in kitten boxing gloves…but still…armed with a smile, a warm heart made of ‘lioness’ and a wink. You can’t get anywhere in life if you give up all the time.

Okay, one of the good things that happened was a moment. There was a moment today, a brief one, where in which a friend, who was feeling rather emotional, decided to hit *pause,* simply to tell me how much they appreciated my existence in their life…and moments like that, even though i may laugh them off, or deliver a response with sarcasm….mean so much to me. Y’know…they sort of looked at me with tears in their eyes, after saying lovely things to me, about myself (always good Lol) and said, ‘So yeah, if I was to describe you in three words…this is what i would say…’

I’m really great at listening…so I only can remember two. Hahaha. But one word was ‘uplifting’ because they felt that in times of trouble, i was the person who managed to pick you their pieces and glue them back together… (I do this alot, but without being mushy. It’s all charm, kindness, dashed in wit and humour.) The second word, they used was ‘Positive.’ By nature, i’m always positive. Even when i’m grumbly…i’m soul is pretty much still positive. I’m not a dark ‘deep place’ person. I’m light…and it’s the light in me that others weirdly find inspiring?

I can’t remember the third word, but it was a good one. Hahaha. Yet, just in that moment, seeing their eyes fill up and their confidence be able to say this to me, made my day worthwhile. The conversation ended with a ‘Okay, i’l stop being gay now,’ and then we had bacon butties, to steam roll over this odd, emotional moment. 🙂 (That’s a very ‘Yorkshire’ thing to do.)

Later on, during my day, I found myself giving another lovely advice on, what I call ‘corset sex.’ HAHAHA. Now, ‘Corset sex’ is pretty self explanatory, and GREAT if you’re a girl who may feel insecure about being fully naked, during sexytime. Boys dig corsets. Corsets make your boobs look bigger. AND more importantly…they hold in your wibbly bits, that we all have, when we’re being bent over in uncompromising positions, that only boys seem to find sexy. So, if you’re a little terrified of showing of that tum tum, do sexy time in a Corset. (I have a red one that I whop out in emergencies. Ben loves it.)

She looked up at me, all doughie eyed, beautiful, whilst eating something cakey Lol…and said, ‘But i can’t wear a corset ALL THE TIME.’ Yes, you can! Grab a variety of them, focus on your best bits and go for it!

Feeling sexy is the most important part to sex. When i don’t feel sexy, I just don’t put out…Simples!

So, there you have it….today you learnt how to be sexy with your wibbly bits, how to express kindness and also get back on that pony, when you feel as though you’re about to swirl down that plug hole. Do it all glamourously and you’re set for another month. We’ll come up with another plan at the end of Feb. Lol.

On the whole, by nature, i’m gobby, smiley, expressive, loud and opinionated. But I enjoy it when the people who truly know me, or the people who don’t manage to see the good bits about me…’uplifting, positive, inspiring.’ 🙂 I mean, you don’t have to walk around fully covered up, with a Bible passage in your hand and a gummy label, glued to your shirt saying ‘I’m kind,’ to be a decent person. I come in boobs, an Oriental wash, ten layers of fake tan, over eyeshadowed peepers, sarcasm and big hair. Someone once bought me a Bible and I lost it, but I still know how to be a pretty alright human being.