Blend Out Bullying with Glamour Magazine

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I have the busiest October. But i’m SO happy. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I’m beaming. I’m brimming over with a ‘rushy’ swirl of glee. It’s not even cocktail infused. It’s bubbling from my lil’ kitten soul.

I have so much going on. I stiletto stepped out of a big audition yesterday. One that came out of nowhere, via an instagram message. (Do not underestimate the power of social media.) I’m influencing a lot. I’m leaving my *Wunna* glitter stamp, wherever I journey. I’m living. I’m loving. I’m still very single. My love life is unfortunate. I’m still the eligible bachelorette.  I’m feeling 37 and sexy. But most of all, I’m using my voice, now that I have a voice…to inspire.

The only reason why I write this blog, is to inspire other humans, via my own ‘colourful’ story. You’ll probably do things differently to me. Yet, you’ll feel my story, my journey…and remember.

I’ve documented my existence for 10 whole years on THIS website, (it started on Myspace, but got deleted by a grumpy,) via a diary. This year is my 10th anniversary. I can’t believe i’ve stuck it out.

So…Yesterday…

If you didn’t know, I’m a massive Glamour Magazine fan. It’s a delicious edit of work, that has been my companion on many a train journey, shoot, quiet moment or hotel stay. It’s a written ‘show’ of utter bliss and excellence, to me. It’s glamourous, yet comforting. A somewhat young & modern, *twist* of excitement, that not only makes you see, but FEEL. It’s a magazine that will take you from ‘girl dom,’ to WOMAN hood. It’s a glamourous ‘prep school, ‘ that will give you a solid, yet fun insight, as to ‘what happens next.’

I bought this month’s edition…

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I treasured it with my life, because it just felt so good, even before I turned a page. I skimmed through it, because that’s what I always do at first. I need it to ‘flutter,’ through my mind.

YET, mid ‘flutter,’ I *paused.* I stopped a second. I really did stop..and I absorbed.

The ‘Blend Out Bullying’campaign.

Okay, so we all know that i’ve lived a life. If I have nothing else, I have a story to tell. I’ve documented it all, from life as a model, living all over the world, Hollywood nights, being Asian, with a Yorkshire birth, marriages to actors, break ups, time as an actress, my failing love life, motherhood, my ups, my downs, m crushes, my stints on TV and well…my last 10 years has had you follow my existence…daily.

When this happens…people talk. I have my own lil’ patch of Cyberland…and yes, NOW, I have SO much support, it’s incredible. I mean, if ‘Sex and The City’ & ‘The Osborne’s’ was Asian and had a baby…it would be me.

I’ve ended up in newspapers and magazines, which again…made people talk. A lot of wonderful things have been said about me…However, i’ve taken a lot of *FLAK* over the years…and that ‘FLAK’ used to affect me massively, in my 20’s. In my 30’s, now that i’ve graduated to ‘WOMAN,’ it’s ‘shaped’ me beautifully and glamorously. I’ve never let myself be a victim of cyber bullying openly…but I have been ‘labelled’ and named everything under the glitter sun and back.

After the life I’ve lived…It’ll take a lot more than ‘a few words’ to get me down. 

But here are some of the NEGATIVE words that people have called me…

Fake. Fat. Ugly. Ching Chong. Gold Digger. Chubby. Old. Wannabe. Nobody. Disgusting. Talentless. Dumb. Bitch. Whore. Slut.

I’ve even received ‘death threats.’

‘You should DIE because you’re so ugly. I will kill you. You should get raped. ‘ 

All this was luckily mingled in with ‘I love yooou’s’ which made all the difference. It balanced it out for me emotionally.

I lost two close friends of mine. Both appeared on reality shows. Both took their own lives, because of cyber bullying.

I was just someone who ‘took it on the chin.’ I was surrounded by love. I hoped, I had a purpose. I still do. It kept me going. Infact being a Mum and having an audience…kept me going.

I heard…

‘You’re too old to do this…’

I’m not too old. I’m actually doing it. It’s like i’m in my prime.

I’m delicious.

I saw what Nabela had done. (Please DO make sure you’re reading your editorials in magazines. Being a blogger, I KNOW that they’re not JUST written for kicks. They’re there to INSPIRE you. You’d hate it if you wrote a piece, an article, a blog, or a diary and everyone said that, they ‘only looked at the pictures.’ )

Every inch of me wanted to be involved…

Just like that, (i’m a doer, not a talker…So many people have ‘talked’ at me and done nothing…I’m not that. I’m too ‘sizzle.’)

I JOINED THE ‘BLEND OUT BULLYING’ CAMPAIGN with Glamour Magazine, to help make a difference and strip all bullies of their power.Every day a ‘keyboard warrior’ reckons they’re getting the better of me, I almost become stronger.

How many of you bought Glamour Magazine, this month, read the article, thought it was great, but didn’t bother to do it? Y’know…take action?

JUST SAYIN’

No matter what, I honestly believe that every single human, has had someone, somewhere say something negative to them, or about them, at some point, that has hurt them emotionally. Right? Sometimes we bite back. Sometimes we can’t, or we don’t.

HELP DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I’m 37 and grown. I’ve lived a life, where i’ve heard  all sorts said about me. It bounces off me, like a bee sting…and ends in total glitter. I don’t even feel it anymore.

However, being immune to the problem, doesn’t make it better…does it?

Yesterday, I chose 4 hurtful words, that others had labelled me…and I wrote them on my face in concealer.

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Then I *BLENDED* them out…into my face.

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As I was doing it, I felt EMPOWERED, because I knew I was brave enough to ‘Middle finger’ the peeps who had ‘labelled’ me AND because I felt that I had the backing of my favourite magazine and of those who root for Wunna Land.

Hang on a second…

Right, so…

I’ve just this second, uploaded a video to youtube of my ‘blend.’

After all that, I then posted a picture of the result…Which was this…

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I never felt so beautiful. I don’t feel old. (I embrace my time and my age.) I don’t feel fat. (I’ve always felt good about my body.)  I don’t feel ugly (I love my lil’ Asian features,) and I’m certainly not fake. (There’s a whole lot of TV to prove it. Haha.)

To anyone who takes the time to red this blog..I firstly THANK YOU, as it’s not like a usual ‘cheeky’ Wunna blog. I have a message today. It’s kinda like ‘The Bible’ but bouji. 😉

It takes ONE MOMENT to simply write a word on your cheek and blend.

Join the ‘Blend out Bullying’ campaign today.

Make a difference…

You could even save a life.

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Thank you for following my life…

Chrissie,

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Scare Kingdom & Sex Dungeons

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You probably spent your Friday, planning out your cocktail mixers & putting together your outfits, for a jolly lil’ weekend of debauchery. A weekend of blissful safety, under a bouji umbrella of frosted prosecco pours. A weekend where in which you *winked* at strangers and placed your heart on your sleeve, as you stalked your ‘findings’ on Instagram.

Shush! We all do it.

I spent my Friday, doing a morning school run, (Single Mum Alert,) before hopping on a train to meet my gay friend Liam…Once I arrived, I found a Bacardi in my hand, as station security guards stood by my side. Then after a moment in a beauty salon, followed by wine in a Casino, at Blackpool, Pleasure Beach. I found myself getting changed in his living room, with more wine in my hand, after chatting to his agent Zoie and making a really poor shoe selection.

Liam: ‘Honestly, you need to wear trainers.’

Me: ‘I’ll be fine.’ 

Aaron & Kyle showed up and…

BOOM….

We were headed to Blackburn, where I pretty much had to…

RUN FOR MY ENTIRE F****** LIFE.

(I’m a glamour puss. I don’t run for anything, but diamonds. Sistas! I RAN! I ran SO fast, I tripped over my own feet, fell and rolled myself back up again. I felt like a rubbish Vin Diesel. Haha.) 

The UK’s Top Rated ‘Halloween Attraction.’

Yeah that’s where I ended up…

I was invited to Scare Kingdom, Scream Park, to celebrate it’s VIP press launch. It’s opening night. If you know me personally, you’ll know that I can handle, real life scary stuff. I’m good with all that.

But when it comes to fear, tight spaces,mind games, Halloween, horror, ghosts & goolies…(Wahey! 😉 I said ‘goolies’... )

..I am awful for it. I’m terrified of it all. I don’t even like to celebrate Halloween. I close my eyes and pretend it’s not part of the year.

OH MY LORD! 

I got there. It was fine. (I’d already fallen backwards, on my arse, in Liam’s living room, with a wine in my hand, because of my shocking shoe choice.) I was ready for anything… I already had a graze on my arm.

Liam: ‘I swear you’re getting pissed because you’re terrified!!!’

Once, in Blackburn…It started like this…

Which was fine. It’s always great to see ‘Aaron the Pap,‘ in action, who’s actually a really great friend of mine. I love Aaron. He was in our car up…with Kyle. (Who I THANK the GOOD LORD for!)

Next, came another drink…and then this…

Again. I can handle the creepy dude on the red carpet. I even asked him out on a Sushi date. He declined. He obviously has poor taste in women.

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Then…

OH MY ******* KITTENS!!!!

It was time to enter the creepy Scare Kingdom, farm land and go through the TERROR, that awaited our juiciness. We had to go first, because Liam (who’s a singer) had a ‘later on’ gig to get to…Which was delightful, because of course, if you go first, they’re all flipping energized and excited. Lol

Cheers love!

I mean anything that says…

‘Hold on tightly to the rope that guides you, it is your only hope of escape from the hooded hell hole, known as Flesh Market.’ 

Hmm…? Lovely. Something says i’m not at Angelica’s anymore? 

I couldn’t even walk up there because of my shoes. Haha. fell over twice, with Liam and Kyle holding me up on either side. It hadn’t even started yet!! 🙂

Aaron: ‘She’s off to a farm to be chased by zombies and she chooses to wear those shoes!!!’ 

We’re wandering around. All’s calm. It’s raining a little. I hate the rain. We head inside, things turn dark…and then absolute tight spaced, TERROR begins….

All I remember was forcing my friend Kyle, go first (lol), whilst holding his back, (Liam was behind me) and just ******* SCREAMING, FOR MY WHOLE LIFE, into his hood, because I needed my eyes to just stop seeing. Haha.

I don’t even know how Kyle was so brave!?! God, did not make eyes for what we were forced to see…Haha. 

Imagine being tipsy, being shoved into a tight, dark maze, then HAVING to get yourself through it all, simply for your own pride, whilst you wished for the torture & horror to stop.

Imagine doing all of that, on a dark farm in Blackburn (lol.) You knew awful things were about to happen, every time you were being greeted by creepy humans. Human’s that made you feel uncomfortable on every level. Imagine being chased THROUGH some death cage, by them…blind and…

..IN ****** heels.

We got through the first maze. Don’t know how?

I now couldn’t talk, after screaming so madly…We started walking towards the ‘next bit’ of utter terror. I fell over around 7 times, en route, because a mixture of bad shoe choices, wine and fear, kept making me.

Liam: ‘We can’t go through the next maze. It’s too scary and you’re falling over your own feet!’

My trousers were literally covered in mud. My shoes were battered. My makeup had smeared. I had tears in my eyes…I was laughing, in shock. But then I went with…

Me: ‘I can just take my shoes off and of through the rest of us…’

EH?

Liam: ‘Fuck off. You’re not allowed to do that…’

Kyle: ‘She can’t get through it…’

We get to the next maze (i’m determined to ‘muscle’ through, but then Liam, makes the executive decision to kindly ask the ‘greeting ghoul,‘ to call a manager, & get us back to the bar. She came and got us and we were walked straight OUT of the terror, to immediate safety….I had baby ‘panic & dash’ bruises all over me, my knees were covered in soil and yeah…I was still in my shit shoes.

I ruined everything. Haha.

(Saying that, both boys were filled with utter fear anyway. It’s not like, we were okay. Haha. We were drained of utter life and filled with complete fear…and I knew they weren’t okay, because they were trying to ‘swag‘ it out, like were we all safe and dandy.)

WE WERE PANICKED!!!

If ANY HUMAN, ran up to us, at that point (she could’ve been a flippin’ lollipop lady)…..I tell you, I would’ve probably passed out or opted for dying, because it would’ve been a less traumatic. Haha.)

But that’s what Scare Kingdom is about! It ain’t Disney Land….unless you’re a twisted F****.

We’re walked away to safety, back to the bar…which was now filled with ‘newly arrived’ celebs, ready to take on, the terror mazes.

(I just drank because I couldn’t deal with life, at this point.)

The gorgeous Marlie Weekender’ tinkers up to me. (I love Marlie, she makes me smile. I met her at an event in Leeds, in the Summer.) I feel a flick of my hair from behind and there she is, with her ‘Off Big Brother’ boyfriend Sam Chaloner, a cute blond girl, who I think was his sister and Callum Weekender, who’s about to hit our screens on ‘Celebs Go Dating.’ 

I think I was pissed by this point, as everything just seems to be in ‘flash back.’

I talked to the owner? I talked the bartender? I talked to Aaron? I saw tons of people from ‘Lucky7 PR,’ who I watch daily on Instagram …Like Sean Pratt, his girlfriend Jordi, Glamour Model Grace Teal…(He’s fit. They’re beautiful..) I saw Saira Choudry, who’s currently on ‘No Offence.’  I remember her from Corrie.

Then I flipping got pulled over, to what we all called ‘The inside sex dungeon.’ (It’s the epitome of terror, which overrides any terror you’ve experienced so far on the farm…Oh and it’s niche is twisted, psycho sexuality.) 

Kyle’s already headed in. (I love how brave he was. I love brave dudes.) He was the first one in…ever! All these ghouls, who you couldn’t see, where slamming shit and screeching…

‘Come in, little boy, we’re waiting for you…’

..behind a small metal door.

I’d ONLY agreed to go in IF I was able to be photographed/ filmed. Lol. I’m such a diva. Haha. But whatever…I was terrified.

Me: ‘It’s optional. I don’t really want to do it, for the good of my own health. I’m scared. I want a bit of ‘look at me.’

Staff: ‘Wait here…’

Of course, knowing my luck…It was all fine and dandy…and before you know it, i’m stood at the entrance of a horror, SEX dungeon.

Yipppppppppppeeeeee! Happy Friday!

All i could see were my friends stood behind a barrier. A metal doorway, with a flap that had been opened. I heard screams, screeches, evil voices, beckoning me in and saw a creepy looking barbie, human, was looked naked, but was wearing nothing but tights, a blond wig, with sewn on eyes, nose and lips…that didn’t move.

I was not okay. I F****** SHAT MYSELF.

I just stood at the entrance, with my hand over my face shouting..

I CAN’T DO IT. I’M NOT DOING IT. I CAN’T ******* DO IT. 

Everyone’s now *egging* me on…Liam’s shouting…

‘It’s NINE MINUTES CHRISSIE. ONLY NINE MINUTES TO GET THROUGH.’ 

Me: ‘Nine minutes. Nine minutes…’

I looked at Kyle…and said…

‘Was it okay…?’

Kyle: ‘No…It’s…’

Liam: ‘Don’t tell her that!’

Kyle: ‘9 Minutes… You’ll be okay. I did it. It’s harsh. But just do it..’

I’m causing such a delay, that the amazing staff had to tell some of the ‘horror actors’  to ‘calm down, back up and clear the door way…’

Yes, I was that pathetic. Hahah.

A lady then says…

‘You have a SAFE WORD (She tells me it.) You shout it out. Everything stops. We’re all watching.’

Don’t know how it happened?Yet, as life goes…I ended up on all fours, about to crawl through the entrance. (Yes, you had to CRAWL THROUGH IT.) I *paused* but they were already sick of me, I’m sure because I felt a *push* on my bum (lol) and that was it..

..the door *slammed shut* behind me…

The only way out, was to get all the way through the dungeon or shout my ‘safe word.’ (Which of course my northern pride wouldn’t let happen.)

Now, I’m not going to tell you what happened in the psycho, sex dungeon and Scare Kingdom. All I will say, is that I SCREAMED for my life, NON STOP.

Liam: ‘All you could hear for the first minute was Chrissie, screaming her head off, whilst trapped in that dungeon & I was outside.’ 

I went from room to kinky room, madly. Infact almost reluctantly. It felt so fast. So energized. Everything around me was ‘non stop’ and so real. It felt really real, like i’d been kidnapped. I fell over, TWICE.

It was intense. It played with my head. It was a nightmare and all I wanted was for the madness to end. I was in a torture chamber. I didn’t have a gin. My eyes saw the most terrible things…and when 9 minutes must have been up, I found myself running out of a curtain, back to safety…and finally without a mini sack over my head. 🙂

WTF! Hahah. OH MY GOD!!!

As soon as I ran out, I felt an entire RUSH of utter bliss flow through me. I could breathe I was free. It was like I had conquered the world, in 9 minutes. It was the best feeling of achievement. I faced my fear.

I flipping did it.

I could’ve done it again. Funny that? It was THE MOST TERRIFYING Halloween moment EVER, It was SICK. It was twisted. It was naughty! But that’s what it’s there for, so it in my mind, it was done INCREDIBLY WELL. It was created beautifully, by the kings of utter horror.

You just can’t miss this, you have to say you’ve done it….

As I walked out, I saw ‘Real Housewife’ Christine McGuinness (Paddy McGuinness’s wife) on the red carpet, doing her pap pictures, before the run… It ended up in the Daily Mail.

Something tells me, she was about to find out, that she wasn’t in Cheshire anymore…

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As soon as I got back to The New Osborne Hotel, in Blackpool, I drank a bunch of wine, chatted to a guy named Lee, drank loads at a Casino with Liam, Matt and his beautiful girlfriend…and then passed out, in my bed sheets.

That’s how my weekend started…

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Will you still love me….

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I had such a ‘drama’ Monday, after the most blissful & peaceful weekend of ‘family.’ I’ve got so much going on, that i’m filling myself with a delicious flourish of stress. It’s kinda topped up with that beautiful thing we call ‘anxiety,’ simply because i’m terrified. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me? So, i’m gonna go with hormones?

I’m back on the telly shortly…That’s worrying me. I’ve got a lot to organise with the kids…That’s worrying me. I have shoots galore and auditions coming out my ‘hooty..’ That’s worrying me. My love life is *whizzing* around me, almost madly…I don’t even know what’s going on? Yes. I get a lot of attention. Yes, I’m single.

However, I’m noticing that, if I ever begin to feel for anyone, I get stressed out, because giant *CAUTION* signs go up everywhere. I’ve always had a shit love life. So, it’s scary. Plus,  I’m absolutely emotional, so to me, it only means ‘danger.‘ I do not ever want to get my heartbroken again….EVER. I tread carefully. (Well…fuck that. I ‘stiletto.’)

I have travels and schedules and places to influence…Everything’s a juggle…Sometimes, I panic and I can’t even breathe. (Cue: Drama 😉 )

But the weird thing is, i’m HAPPY. I’m really happy and maybe being so happy, or so lucky, makes me worry because LET ME TELL YOU, my life hasn’t been so easy….Haha. It’s laughable.

Basically, I’m scared of everything right now, because i’m having to pinch myself…and I need to ‘Man up,’ count my blessings and get on with it, with panache.

Anyway…

At the weekend, I did Meadowhall with The Wunna’s and Ruby. (Junior was at his Dads.) We were pretty much treated like Meadowhall shopping royalty (and I thank you for that, because I don’t even know why?) It did feel wonderful though.

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We shopped and stopped at Wagamama’s. Then after cocktail refuels, toy stores, makeup counters, new hair (we all need those extra few inches,) and my brand new chakra beads…Life felt almost perfect.

Ruby: ‘Mum. You’re chakra beads are not working. You’re CRAZY. You’re still nuts. They don’t work.’

(She is right, though. Even though I told her to ‘shush.‘ At this rate, i’m gonna need to see Buddha and get blessed by monks, or something! Maybe i’m just not meant for ‘Total Enlightenment.’ Maybe, i’m meant to live this ridiculous life of pathetic glory, for your entertainment… Haha.)

I’m starting to believe that…

‘Hey Destiny…You’ve fucked me over. You’re off the Christmas card list! You’re chilling on the naughty list, with Cupid and a few Pretty Boy exes from 2004.’

This is how I feel right now…

Like I’ve drank 42 energy drinks, had a bottle of rum, taken all my clothes off, and then thrown MYSELF to the lions.

Then…because i’m not at all mental….

…I lost the car…I always lose the car…Oh! Wait!! I don’t mean?Ugh. I’m rambling. I didn’t REALLY lose the car! I kinda ‘misplaced’ it? Y’know, when you can’t quite remember where you left it? 🙂 My Mum, drove home, because obviously, I guzzled Aperol Spritzies…after The Disney Store.

Fair enough, there was lots of wine, brunches and fun over the weekend. I checked in with my friends…briefly. Got on top of work. Then just relaxed with the kids. However….one of my favourite moments of the weekend, was the ‘school mum..’ catch up…

(There was a kids birthday party over the weekend…)

Miss.Murphy: ‘What are you wearing!?! Lol. Who wears glitter shoes to a kids party..?? Haha.’

Me: ‘Shut up. Lol. These are my driving shoes.’

Sam: ‘Does Ruby want Pizza?’

Me: ‘It’s like the Real Housewives of Yorkshire…’

Mum: ‘I got asked to be on Real Housewives of Marbella, a while ago, but I said no…I’m too boring, for it!’

Me: ‘You said NO! As if you said NO!! I can’t believe you said no. I would’ve moved to Marbella, to have done it. Haha.’

( I live for that show…It calms me, when I’m stressed. Yet, so does the occasional Jeremy Kyle episode…? So, yeah…I’m mental. Ignore me.)

Other Mum: ‘Oh yeah. I’m gonna be flying away with him.’

Miss. Murphy: ‘You’re actually going now! What about…?’

Other Mum: ‘Oh…he doesn’t know..’

Miss.Murphy: ‘You said he was fat and bald…But he’s not at all?’

Me: ‘How have I sat here for an hour and not known it’s your birthday today!!’ 

Miss. Murphy: ‘So, are you seeing your date again?’

I never thought i’d be a traditional ‘school mum.’ Yet, there’s just something about this group of Mamas, that is filled with the ‘sexy.’ They’re actually not traditional, school mums, in rain macs. They’re alive. They’re fun. They have designer shoes that read ‘LOVE.’ Louis Vuitton handbags and possible stables…’

They’re, what I call ‘Prosecco Mums,’ and I love them, madly. I’m like the tragic misfit of the bunch. The single, no husband, disorganized one, with a suggestive Insta profile…

We’re all really different from one another. Yet, w’re all great women. Confident women. Great mothers and well, I just really enjoy they’re company.

Then all our kids ruined everything and shoved tall plastic, slush palm trees, in our faces… 

At that point, the gossip got censored…

My inbox is * pinging,* almost every minute, with people asking me about my love life and my last date etc…

All I can tell you is that, the guy that I did the Manchester Airport date with, was wonderful. He says he wants to see me again, and I definitely will. I found him really sexy and confident. He’s smart and thoughtful. I liked him. I’find him interesting…I want to know lots about him…I’ll definitely be meeting him again. (I’m only one ‘meeting’ in. So it’s all ‘early doors.’)

I’m just treading carefully…Like I said, I’m not bothered about getting my heart broken, right now, when I have so much going on…

I eventually want to fall in love. I’m a true romantic. I want to be swept off my feet. Adored. Respected. And y’know, in that one meet up, my date was that! He was a REAL MAN, which made me notice that I’d not only been looking in the wrong place for love, but i’d wasted a lot of my time, on ‘little boys.’  At 37 years old, I don’t need to be doing that!

When it comes to love…

…this time..because obviously i’ve been married three times and had numerous flings and relationships..I want to PROPERLY fall in love. I want it to be stable and forever…with no stress. No drama.

And I do want to just say, that even though on paper, i’ve dated, romanced, flinged, loved, married, divorced, sexed..and well…just all sorts, with men, all over the world.

DO KNOW THAT….

… I never did all that because I was a floozy. That’s one of the biggest misconceptions about me. I’m a love bunny. There were options. I was young. A glamour model. Off the telly…Growing up in Hollywood…All sorts.

Yet, I never was and still not a man eater. I’m non judgemental. I’m modern. Yet when it comes to love, I’m quite ‘fairytale.’ I’m quite traditional…I’m a hopeless romantic, with a capital ‘H.’

I’m tragic…

So, every single time, I went into these encounters, with men, boys, gents, or misfits..

I always hoped (like any girl or woman,) that they would love me forever.

It just didn’t and still hasn’t quite worked out that way….

It’s actually only when I suddenly realise, that they guy i’ve been chatting to, or dating, only see’s me as  a ‘bed notch’ or someone they daren’t date… It was only THEN…at that point, when I HAVE to  file the encounter under ‘casual,‘ and ‘take it on the chin,’ without being embarrassed.

So i’m accidentally, a sassy, sexy, modern day woman.

The ‘Brand’ goes alongside that….and that’s fine with me, as it makes me very ‘now.’ It gives me the necessary ‘street cred.’ I’m swag. I’m cool…I’m…Blah, blah….

You get it…

Y’see, when it comes to WORK, I am that. I’m fire. I’m determined. I’m ambitious. I’m a glamourous, kitty DIVA, sprayed over, in solid steel, showers of glitter. Champagne pops around me and naughty winks, fill my walk way…

When it comes to love…I’m the opposite.

I’m not someone who really wants random casual sex. I love sex. But i don’t play a numbers game. I want to feeel a connection.

Plus, If i’m honest, I can have sex with anyone… I have an inbox full of offers…almost every few minutes.

That doesn’t make me feel mighty. It’s flattering. I appreciate the ‘adoration..’ Of course I do….

If anything it stresses me out, because I think, ‘how the hell can I have so much attention and not find Mr.Right. That ONE MAN, who will truly love and treasure me forever?’

I’m ready to fall in love…

I’m just scared to….

It makes me anxious…

Anyway…

Away from all that…Sunday morning was great because before Meadowhall, I got to chatter to Lil’ Sam Reece. I shouldn’t call him ‘Lil’ as he’s pretty grown. He’s a good guy.  I’ve referred to him as ‘Tats’ on this blog before.

I like waking up on a Sunday morning to a Reecy phone ‘ping.’ We’ll just have brief morning banter. ..then get on with life. We chatter in ‘spits & spots’ a lot. We both always have really shit love lives…We’re both ‘Yorkshire.’ We actually get on well. It’s easy. We wired the same way. We have the same banter.. This Sunday we talked ‘car bonnets/hotels and flat caps.’ 

I was actually gonna meet him for drinks..But I ended up doing Meadowhall instead and he ended up doing boy drinks…

But he’s a good guy. So I have a lot of respect for our Sam. He’s a good buddy…I’d see Sam as the kinda guy, i’d go for a drink with and kiss in the elevator when no one was looking. Haha!

(That hasn’t happened, by the way, before you all get excited. But i’d definitely kiss him in an elevator…It’d be a waste of ‘sexy’ people, if not. I don’t like to waste sexy people. You only live once.)

Right! I’m off!

Have a fantastic Tuesday!!

I love you.

Chrissie x

ps/ I’m about to step up my game…So strap in!

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All the F****

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PR: ‘I don’t know what the F*** you think you’re doing, with this whole impromptu *win a date for a dare* thing?  Lol…You can’t just go around doing his dares, if they aren’t….’

ME: ‘It’s fun! It just happened by accident on my *Ask Me Anything.* Don’t blame me! Blame Insta! Haha. He hasn’t done it yet! So far, it’s just banter. Relax.’

PR: ‘If he wins a date…’

Me: ‘He probably will, as I’d rather have a couple rums, than subject myself to disturbing Tom Foolery.’

PR: ‘Stop, fucking talking over me. Haha. If he wins a date…You’re taking security. You don’t even know him. I’m coming too.’

Me: ‘Ugh. It’s not a PR operation. *Oh! Hi, Winner! Meet my PR & this giant mountain of a man, who will head butt you, if you annoy me…Romance is alive.’ 

PR: ‘Does it look like he’s gonna do it?’

Me: ‘Yeah. He looks tattooey. He even sent me a picture of what he’s thinking about getting done! He looks like he gets inked every 2 weeks… 🙂 🙂 🙂 ‘

And with a roll of her eyes and wiggle from Wunna Land, laughter filled the room, after a three second *pause* of fear and worry.

People worry too much.

Don’t!! It’s STICKY.

I’m an adventurer. I’m a life spirit. Even though i’m much more sensible and tame in my old age…The flirty 30’s. The wild streak, is just something, you can’t scrub off with a loofah. No matter how hard to scrubble.

It’s these moments that bring ‘magic,’ back to your life. It’ll be a memory. A forever, memory! Plus, I think he SHOULD get rewarded for being so bold. Being so fun! I’m grateful for people like him.

I love excitement. I live for it….Of course, with a side of love and a ‘swing’ of a great handbag. 

To be honest…

..I actually, think i’ve been accidentally, CLEVER about all this. Yes, it happened by accident, but  I decided to EMBRACE IT. Lots of people don’t other. I try and engage and appreciate, ALL the time.

I’m an entertainer. But I’m an entertainer, a model, a blogger…of the NEW kind…FRESH SLIDES…

I’m the innovative kind, where YOU can actually come be a PART OF MY ‘SHOW.’ Be a part of Wunna Land. Do life properly and connect with me, as our life paths cross. This blog has literally turned into a written word, reality show. It’s interactive…It’s modern. It’s what I used to talk about 10 years ago..But now it’s kinda happening.

It’s cool…

That Psychic in West Hollywood..2004. At 7.19 pm. It was  Tuesday night in LA.

( I was in jeans and this shit read belly top, that read ‘Manteaser‘ on it, instead of ‘Malteasers. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I WEARING!! And why did I start the blog with a F***, if I was just going to go ahead and swear anyway? Haha. Why do I bother, trying to be decent?)

Psychic: ‘You will start to write something, that will be the something that will eventually put your name in lights. Big lights… Opportunities, are gonna come your way..’

‘I’m a model. But I want to be a Popstar. I’ve just recorded a song with Capital Records..and..’

‘That will never happen. You’ll stay a model. You’ll actually become an actress. That is what you’re naturally good at. You’re a good model, because you’re a phenomenal actress. You’re a talent. But you’ll start to write something…and that is what will make you.You’re going to be a star. All I can see, is your name in lights…Do you have a diary?’

‘No…Anyway, what about my love life..’

( I walked out feeling unfulfilled.) 

WHY DO I ALWAYS RAMBLE!!!???!

Right. So yes! Lots of work. Lots of attention on my social stories right now. I thank you for that and all your messages of support! I put a lot into them…and I know it all seems ‘banter,’ but I do work hard for a ‘like‘ or a bit of ‘look at me.’ 

Hahaha…

..and without you responding, I wouldn’t have a story to tell. That’s why I love my ‘Ask me anything‘ because everyday, I get to learn about YOU,  from your questions, as you learn about ME. I actualyl never feel lonely because of it…

I love people…

Plus, with me NOT being as ‘out and about‘ as usual, due to my 21 day thing, it helps to keep my juicy flow of banter… alive.

I’m on Day 13! It’s almost getting harder now.

21 Days!!! Just Breathe OUT, Wunna!

(Lots of messages about this. But I just want to do it privately, for now. Then I’ll make you applaud me, once I know I’m steady, on good solid ground. 🙂 Oh and don’t fret. It’s not anything crazy. I’m not a massive druggie or anything. It’s just a habit, a wee little habit, that I needed to kick.)

Okay, to my love life…

(There’s literally not enough hours in the fucking day. I keep running through, all the things that I need to do, before the school run!! Utilize time! Utilize, time!  

So! Remember that I told you that I was going to meet ‘The Gent’ on the 18th, for a ‘friendly’ meet up. Well, it’s kinda like a date…but without the rigid formality. My chick friend wanted him to stand me up, because she wanted me to delusionally pine over ‘T Bone.’

I sent ‘T Bone’ a message yesterday. He opened and maybe with a shrug of disinterest, he didn’t respond. He had better life ‘tings’ to do. Haha.. He usually replies…Briefly. So he’s either just focusing on work, doesn’t fancy me anymore, busy, or is with someone…

Simples…

Break it down, Chicks!

*Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…*

‘The Older Gent’ who sent me his first message a couple weeks ago, got in touch with me over the last few days and has no intention of ‘standing up’ Wunna Land. In fact, he seems pretty organised. He seems pretty ‘together.’ Pretty stable and grown. He seems reliable. He works hard. He kept his word. He’s a father. Ex Pro Footballer. Retired. Now a pundit.  But most of all, he seems to care about my potential ‘maybe’ needs? He’s attentive. He’s nurturing. He’s really intelligent, without being boring. He’s flying in for work, from a different nearby country.

He seems lovely…

…and that’s refreshing, because the guys I meet, usually care about themselves FIRST, before anyone..Well any chick, that is. Or maybe, it’s just me? I’ve never really encountered any decent gent, (aside from one) who knew how to care for me, or look after me, without a prompt. Or without reading from the ‘Charm Script.’

Maybe that comes with age?

No, that’s wrong. I’m not ageist. It comes from life experience. Being lovely and respectful is just something you are. It’s not something you do because of an age.

T Bone is actually ALSO, lovely and respectful. But, right now, he needs to do him…and IS. I can’t knock him for that. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind dying a legend. Deservedly. However, what he doesn’t realize is that he already will. A great deal of people, including myself, respect what he’s already achieved in his life. I’m inspired by him.

(He’s occupation is also…football. He’s moved to the other side of the world, right now.) 

Anyway…That’s T Bone…aka The Swirl.

Back to ‘The Gent’….

On the 18th,  I’m going to meet The Gent in Liverpool, after he’s flown in and worked. I’ve never met before? I don’t know him?

Me: I need a new outfit and new hair!

Lizzie P: ‘Why do you need to spend so much money on looking good, when he’s only going to treat you badly, in the end? They always start off being lovely. T Bone was FILLED with loveliness and excitement at first.’

Me: ‘Hi. I’m Chrissie. I’m a glamour puss. You know that! I don’t live LIFE, like that! I want to look nice. If it goes well, then great. If it doesn’t then..Hey I looked fabulous! He’ll remember that! Haha.’ 

Lizzie P: ‘We’ll see…’

Then she shakes he head at me and walks off. Lol.

So much is going on? Real Dates. Old Flames. New Habit Breaks. Tattoo challenges.. Insta Love. All the work. Good friends. Family. Babies…

All sorts…

I kinda need a vino…

Chrissie x

Ps: Miss. (Does PR) Murphy, was on a late night train from Yorkshire to Essex last night, after approximately ‘seven wines’ and got excited about my MadLipz, Voice Over App. An app where you can put your own voice and words, over famous movie & tv scenes. I’m addicted. Mine have been ACE.  She downloaded the app. on the train, last night,en route to Essex, after a…

‘WTF is this??’

It ended like this…

‘Shit! I just opened it on the train and it was some violent swearing scene! Hahaha.’

I’m sure she was fine. Everyone loves a ‘seven wines and swearing’ combo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Dates, Mates & Old Flames…

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LA Bestie: ‘How the hell are you still alone’

Me: ‘Haha. Wow! Cheers. Stop saying ALONE at me. I’m fine. FFs.’

LA Bestie: ‘I actually meant ALIVE. Lol. I really did.’

Me: ‘Oh? That…I definitely don’t know! Just lucky aren’t I. 😉 I need a fresh orange juice..’

LA Bestie: ‘What?? Honestly. What has happened to you?? Dead to me. Orange juice?’ 

Me: ‘IN MY MALIBU, you idiot. I don’t order juice.’

How’ve you all been? I’ve had to take a few days off blogging, because work, auditions. socializing, surprises, shocks and single mum life sped into a WHOLE different lane and I was pretty much slow jogging in stillettos behind. If i didn’t hit *pause* I would’ve lost the plot!

I like to keep on top of things. I’m not one to lag behind with ease… 

I hate not managing things appropriately. It stresses me out.

So yeah, right now, my life’s not easy.  I’m happy. But it ain’t easy. It’s a really hard juggle, to be honest. But THANK GOD, i’m back to ‘tipper tappering’ at my laptop, because I swear, it’s my saving grace. (Well, once I get my ‘swing’ back, anyhow. At first it’s shit and definitely feels like it needs rum cocktails pouring all over it.)

RUM TING PLEASE…

I’m just gonna jump the gun and tell you that I got this voice note, the other day, that followed a message. Remember I told you that a few weeks ago, a guy, a lovely older gentleman, had tinkered into my DM’s.

I’ve hardly ever been on a date with anyone older than me…I don’t know why? Maybe because my surroundings are always young. The last older guy, that I actually went on a date with…was Matt Dillon..whilst I was in LA. 

Crackers innit!

(Wait, I’ve lied. both ‘London Business Man’ and ‘Eton Mess’ were older than me. Yet, only by a couple years…They kinda seem boyish in comparison to the ‘voice note’ guy Yet, they’re both happily in relationships now…& I’m happy for them, as they certainly weren’t right for me. I can be treated better than that.) 

ANYWAY….The Gentleman..

He initially messaged me with a picture and then a couple voice notes…and I liked it, because hearing someones voice makes a difference. (Not my awful voice though.) But it’s true…A voice or a video helps a connection… doesn’t it?

I felt that he was SO polite and gentle, yet sweet and fun. He was really respectful. He wasn’t smutty. He led with his romantic foot forward. And I am ever so used to hearing smut, or the game of charm.

I mean, remember that also a couple weeks ago, a German footballer, slid into my insta DM’s…and was pretty much the opposite. He started with the usual ‘you’re beautiful’ stuff…then led it straight to the land of Smut.

I get that…it’s fine…However…

..at that point, I just ignored him…cos whatever…I’m too old for that shit.

Anyway, the other guy, who I always label a ‘gentleman.’ (I say label, because I haven’t actually spoken to him much and I’ve certainly never met him.) Back to the point..He sent me a message at the weekend…Was it Friday? AGAIN, followed by a voice note.

I like a surprise voice note..or video.

It helps me connect faster…(I’ve said that already, haven’t I?) 

Weeks ago, and I did blog this, he had asked if I’d like to go on a ‘friendly dinner,‘ with him, to ‘say hi, properly.’ He doesn’t live in the country, yet obviously he ventures to the UK quite a lot with work. His occupation…Pundit. He’s a retired footballer.

I should balls and a nets for my yard of milkshake, as it seems they’re the only guys that want to play Wunna Land, right now? They find me..

So, I get this message, at the weekend, saying that he’ll be over here on 18th…for work and it would be lovely to meet me.

Wow! Impressed!

I get asked out quite a lot…(that isn’t meant to sound conceited…it’s just the truth and we love a bit of truth in Wunna Land.) I always say ‘no.’ Or just ignore the message. I mean, I must be a sucker for eternal loneliness, because I definitely would love to find my Mr.Right, yet I ignore everyone who DM’s me. Lol.

It’s because i’m a happy singleton.

I’m never miserable about single life. I enjoy life. I still enjoy love. I’m just one of those chicks, who is sure my Knight will saunter up out of nowhere…one day, when he’s had his tea and ready. 

Fate will force him to…

Anyway, I haven’t ignored this ‘gentleman.‘ I need to give him a nickname, don’t I? That’ll come. Yet, bottom line…I’ve agreed to go meet him for ‘friendly dinnering,’ simply because he was so utterly and sincerely sweet to me via voice note. He treated me really normally, yet like a lady. He sounded nurturing and I love nurturing ‘I’ll keep you safe ‘ kinda men.

So, we’ll see what happens…I’m open to it..

I feel like i’ve had this really fun Summer of debauchery and irresponsible, sunshiny behaviour. We’ll all remember Summer ’18. It was fun. Yet, I kinda miss focusing on what i’m doing. Glamorously, of course.  I love what I do and I love what I have…and I’m really lucky, to have the mini opportunities, come my way…Hopefully, one day, the mini ones, will turn into BIG ones.

If i’m being honest…

I kinda started to feel stifled, over the last couple weeks and I’ve been on the search for excitement and adventure. A new chapter, with more balance. You’re a product of your environment..I was becoming one…and not being a chick to enjoy the ‘same old ting,’ I got my balance sorted.

I found me a new chapter..

(…and it took nothing but determination.. Something I am oozed in.)

I’ve been with my family. (My strength.)  I’ve been with the kids. (My world.) I’ve worked hard, (my passion)… auditioned lots (my challenge)..and still managed to cocktail my way to happiness, whilst being over eyelashes, boobied and fully lipped. (Just who I am.)

Let’s *clink* wine glasses to that!

Summer 2018, was really important to me, because I learnt a lot about myself…and I was actually a little broken hearted, through it. Hence why I celebrated, enjoyed and drank a lot. Well, I say broken hearted…but I began with a solid stance. Then emotionally ventured to ‘all over the place,’ which led me to naughty fun (because of course I’m that way inclined..) and was left with my eyes open...WIDE open…my ears a listening (they could hear everything once more)…and as I screwed my head back on, bundled up my heart strings, back into my hands, ready for the next round of blissful, romantic tugging…I realized that my mind, my gut…my body…my everything…just kept lulling back to, reflecting back to…and utterly missing….(back to…lol)…..

..The Swirl.

(Who I renamed ‘T Bone.’)

So, I know that i’m not gonna to go through life, without encountering ‘T Bone’ again…I mean, I might do? But I doubt it, because we get on so well…

My gut just tells me…

Yet the timing of it all…. ‘our ting,’ has always been off. Life has never cut me some slack with that old timing shindig. But I’m willing to see and willing to wait on it.

Right now, he’s no where near me, he recently moved to another country for work…and he’s pretty focused on that and doing his version of life out there.

So, now that i’ve done my Summer of ‘heartache’ (lol…a heartache, that I didn’t realize was happening…) I’m pretty ready to explore…and let my little kitty eyes, take a peeky and who else, of DECENT POTENTIAL…that i’m attracted to… is a knocking?

Right?

September 18th…’Friendly dinner,’ here I come…

Ps? I keep getting a Flashback of Ms.Derry, being sat on the  ‘door wide open’ loo, with her leopard print shorts down by her ankles, as she wee’d, told me she fractured her hand, because she fell, whilst flamenco dancing down the pavement. She was in those shorts, that night too.

Then she wiped up, jumped up, pulled this make up stamper thing, out of her hand bag and stamped my hand with a tiny, black love heart.

It was beautiful. Made me smile.

Be beautiful always…

Girls Night, Flirts & Extra Big Gin Pours

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Hiya! I know it’s been ages since a blog. You’ve all had a moan at me. Lol. But I’m here! It’s been mental. There’s been all kinds of influencing, work and fun. The babies have been auditioning. I’ve been auditioning. We’ve been keeping our sparkle a float, booz!

I’ve just been enjoying myself really, with friends, family…andyone who wants to join the conga line of fun. The kids go back to school soon, so I wanna make sure I embrace my time with them, which is a tinker of a juggle, due to work and baby daddy exchanges. YET, completely worth it, worth it, worth it!

I’ve still been out and about, i’ve lunched, I’ve shopped, i’ve tippled and loved. Therefore, bit by bit, i’ll shimmie my story of the last few days out to you…because i’ve literally done SO much, that I wouldn’t even know where to begin?

I’ve been everywhere & always with a cocktail in my hand!

I think i’ve also ‘sassed up’ a little bit actually. My inner ‘diva’ seems to be swirling through my system right now. I’m strutting about like a ‘girl boss,’ without a care in the world. But there’s a smile in my heart…and a ‘dolly’ warmth, that you should absolutely be terrified of.

Anyway… *Rein me in*….I’ll start here…

Okay, so, the other evening I got to hang out with my ‘Firmonnell’ and ‘Hustle Barbie.’ We’ve been through so much together. I mean, we’ve watched each other laugh, cry, lie, win and fall. We’re all single. We’re all sexy. We’re all drinkers, thinkers and really good winkers. 😉 They’re now roomies (after hot little breakups)  and they’re a couple of my closest chick friends.

I adore them because whenever I hang out with them, a magic happens.  We’re alive, with no judgements, no fear…just fun! And just recently, when i’m not at work or with my babies, i’ve been feeling quite bored. I’ve been looking around me and yawning. I’m an exciting girl and I need adventure. So a girls nights with them, was a really good fix of fun. It reminded of me of who I was again…

Sling back that fruity gin & adjust that flipping wonderbra.

‘Are you in pants?’

Me: ‘Don’t be so stupid… It’s a night out. I never where pants.’

The good things is, whenever we’re out…the boys just seem to flock? (It’s a good mixture of boobies, banter, good looks and energy. Lol)

Firmonnell: ‘Well, fill me in then. I don’t  wanna talk about your work. Who are you dating? Who you sleeping with?’

Hustle: ‘I feel overdressed. Take a picture of me! A smiling one and a non smiling one. I don’t like that one. You’re shit at picture taking.’

Me: ‘I’ve drank all day since 12.01.’

Remember… ‘Firmonnell’ is literally my bestest, best friend EVER and she is probably the only human in the glittery world, who actually knows EVERYTHING about me. I tell her everything…without censor, or an ‘untruth’ tag, swinging from it.

Laaa Deee Daaa…

I always think, people sometimes assume they know a lot about me…But ‘Firmonnell’ with a* finger snap* and a *hip bump* ACTUALLY does!! Her red stiletto is firmly STAMPED in  the heart of Wunna Land…emotionally, physically and mentally. Plus, both Hustle and Firmonnell, are the kind of friends, who just make things easier on you, without drama.

Firmonnell: ‘I found a diary….’

Me: ‘Ooh, I love a diary…’

Firmonnell:….’ of when I lost my virginity.’

She couldn’t tell if she’d lost it or not…? Lol.  I mean does 2 minutes count? But honestly, does it? As I’m sure I could go back in time and start crossing boys off my list, if it doesn’t??

Losing your virginity is awful.  But the first time you do anything in life, (well, the things that people wrongly underline as a taboo).…You’ll always find is shit. Debauchery really is a habit, one that is created due to consistency…It’s a pastime i’ve nailed over the years.

Hurrah! Sinning for everyone!

Anyway, double gins were poured, I had Peroni’s, before wine because I wanted to line my tummy. I’d been at Clam & Cork in Doncaster (It’s a new trendy seafood & champagne bar, set in the market) and I’d  had oysters all day for lunch, before girls night! 😉 I loved the Clam & Cork by the way. You should all go! It’s such a clever little idea and literally the service and food was DIVINE.

There’s a coolness to it.

The oyster thing did kinda worry me though, because I know that oysters are meant to make you horny? I didn’t wanna do GIRLS NIGHT, feeling  like I needed to dry hump a lamppost. So I had a Guinness straight afterward, at the nearest pub because I thought it would cancel out any aphrodisiac. I don’t know why, I thought that? Haha. Welcome to my mind. It’s the same logic I use for Bloody Mary’s…

‘Techincally it’s food, because it’s got tomatoes in… You call it cocktail. I call it breakfast.’

(I’ve actually had hundreds of Bloody Mary’s for breakfast before, in my time.)

And chewing gum…

‘Technically, it’s a snack…You’re chewing…’

Back to girls night…..

Before you know it, we sort of went from 0 to hero in seconds, and surrendered to a innocent fun, that was dashed in ‘little girl’ excitement. We’re all so alive right now and young spirited. We’re flirty. Yes. But when were out, we’re kind of in own little bubble of fun, that we don’t really care about what’s going on around us. We’ll talk to everyone…and we did. We’ll sing, we’ll dance, we’ll selfie…we’ll laugh at each other’s pain.

Yet, these guys had shown up…

Hustle: ‘Ron’s coming with his mates… Can we all just be lovely and say nothing please…’

I LOVE HER.

(Hasn’t Hustle just had her Vagina BLESSED in Bali? I swear that makes it’s squeaky clean and innocent with a cherry on top? I’m sure the Bali Gods, erased all vagina history.)

Basically…’Hustle Barbie’ invited a guy, who she fancies...(which is always fun)…for drinks.

One minute he was called Anthony. The next minute his name was ‘Ron’ (because he’s apparently so obsessed with ‘Harry Potter.’)

Me: ‘Ewww! NO! I hate that! Don’t date a crazy Harry Potter fan.’

Firmonnell: ‘He’ll always be Ron and never Harry.’

Me: ‘That’s too much for me…

He was thoughtful though, because he tended to ‘Hustle’s’  vegan values. He  didn’t want her to witness his friends ripping chicken off the bone, with their teeth, like savages, during a late dinner…So he *paused* their rendezvous, until no drippy, ‘finger licking’ chicken munching, could be ever seen.  So romantic of him!

Thoughtfulness is the new sexy.

Last year, I kept trying to be vegan….Well, not Vegan…more veggie… with Hustle Barbie.  Yet I caved and had a bag of pork scratchings…. because i’m such a good support system. 🙂

TEAM GLAM SQUAD. That’s life!

Anyway, ‘Ron’ brought two mates with him….I didn’t know them? They were quite quiet.  ‘Firmonnell’ tried to make one of them guess her name…and he went with…

‘JANE.’

Me: HAHAHAHAHA!

Firmonnell: ‘Errrugh! As if you think I look like a JANE.’

Boy: ‘Sally?’

Firmonnell: ‘I like Autumn. Autumn Costello.’

Me: ‘You look like an Autumn!!! ‘

Hustle: ‘We look like Autumn, Summer & Winter. You look so Asian today Chrissie?’

Me: ‘I am Asian???’

Anyway, that guy got bored and left Firmonnell & I outside, after we told him how shit he was at name guessing… So we found new friends to play ‘banter’ with. ..and it was so much more good fun, than just sitting….and nodding…..around appalling name guessing games, tits, red lipstick and muscles.

It turned into the best time!

When it comes to guys, I like you to look good, sure!  YET, I adore a good solid bit of banter! Or someone who is smoooooth with the charm. I want them to care for me, look after me and make me laugh. A six pack can’t do that!

Hustle: ‘Why have you taken your hands out of your hand bag??? Keep them in there, bitch!’

(Just one of their sick, twisted roomie wife games.)

Me: ‘My wine’s gone straight to my head.’

Firmonnell: ‘Is that the guy who you went in the bush with??? The anal guy! Haha’

Me: ‘Yeah..’

Firmonnell: ‘Good! Let’s go talk to him…I love that I called him poor..’

Me: ‘Haha. Well, He shouldn’t go on my phone, if he can’t handle the banter..’

We all chatted, as Hustle began to sophisticatedly seduce ‘Ron’ in the distance, …then Firmonnell decided to call the bush boy ‘poor’ AGAIN…and after laughs, he stated that he was gonna ‘Piss on her house.’

Yippppeeeee!

Drinking, drinking, selfie taking….

Hustle: ‘Shall we go to Tap & Barrel?’

Boys: ‘Girls! Come!’

Me: ‘I’m not going into town..’

Firmonnell: ‘I’m not leaving yet!’

Boys: ‘We’ll go to that gin bar…’

Then Hustle and Ron decided to have private words of love over gin, in some corner…So we all went outside. Then ‘Firmonnell’ told Reece & Ben that they were being so boring.

Boys: ‘What! You left to go sit somewhere else!’

Firmonnell: ‘Yes….ON AN EMPTY TABLE BECAUSE IT WAS MORE FUN THAN YOU.’

Hahah. I love her.

Boys: ‘We’re not the boring ones.  HE IS, inside..’

Firmonnell: ‘You’ve just been sat there with ya muscles, being dull and square..’

Boys: ‘ Well, I’ll not train shoulders for a week then, so I look fun, shall I!!!’

Then weirdly, the stars twinkled above us and because ‘Firmonnell’ has a way of just knowing how to win people over….ALL of  sudden, the tight tshirted, muscle bound toyboys, were our besties??

They were laughing and bantering, flirting and shirting…and the world had taken a turn..

Reece: ‘Where’s Bruce?’

Me: ‘Who’s Bruce?’

Firmonnell: ‘We call him Ron… Don’t tell him though…’

Me: ‘Why is he called Anthony, Ron AND Bruce??’

Reece: ‘When he was young, he was really chubby and we called him Bruce because he had a stutter?’

I’m not sure how that makes ANY sense at all? Yet, they did then try to force us to call Ron, ‘Bruce’ and make him feel awkward, because then he would stutter.

AAAAAWWWwwwwwwww! Noooooooooo! I’m a NO BULLY ZONE.

We couldn’t be arsed…

Anyway, they all ventured to play ‘party’ on new razzly pastures…and ended up at the new cocktail bar, Mxyology. I stayed in the pub and chilled with a different Antony…who ended up with a red studded dog lease around his neck, before he tried to then go on to steal the actual dog. This was a lady named Marie told me thather husband where’s her under garments…

No. Wait…

Leggings. 😉

Happy Wednesday.

I had a good news phone call today!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I did Tattu, Leeds

‘Hi! Are you eating? Or are you just drinking today?’ 

(It was delivered to me with such panache. There was a stylish warmth. A professional flirtiness. A kindness. A gentleness. A sensual classiness. Yet, a charm that beckoned you off, the busy city centre streets and brought you straight through a mysterious glass door and into the enchanting, yet seductive world of Tattu.)

It was almost calming….

Me: ‘Oh! I’m just drinking. I reckon cocktails.  I’m doing the afternoon alcoholic thing. 😉 ‘

As soon as I strutted into Tattu, after dashing from place to place, meeting to meeting, around the city of Leeds, I was literally lost in a wonderous swirl of ‘ooh laa.’ A cosy sophistication, that ‘oozed’ me with mood lighting, as I found myself surrounded by giantly draped cherry blossom trees and a majestic oriental Zen, that filled my wink with sensuality.

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Will: ‘That’s the thing about this place…It plays with your senses. Everything you see is carefully aligned. Everything you touch feels real and raw. Everything you taste…Everything you hear…’

It was sensuous. It was sexy…and it made me feel sexy. It took me away from the every day bustle. It’s a world of it’s own and there was a calm allure in the air. It was beautiful and the beauty was so intense, that it was almost like the mistress that you crave to be your wife. With secret spot lit, glossy corridors, mood lit stairways and a secluded private dining area…It’s a certainly what I’d call magnificent…

It was literally a life saver… Plus, I needed a sexy pitstop…to ease me into Friday. I ventured in just after 12 noon…

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So, I’d been to Tattu, in Manchester before. I knew what to expect. However, I was still blown away. I actually went on a date there, with a guy that I named ‘Eton Mess,’ years ago. He loves a blond now. 😉  I blogged about it and we made cocktaily memories under the golden elevated rope tied anchors, in Manchester… We managed to get lost in the magic, which is what life is about.

Anyway…Back to the point…

In front of me was Will…(@thehumblebartender,) shaking up a cocktail storm. He did it with a delicate flair. Another gentleman beamed & greeted me, who oozed a helpful managerial charm. (I liked him. He seemed so polite & pleasant.) To my right, was @drewtattu. He was sat to the side of the bar, working away on his silver laptop. I saw the tops of his tattooed hands tippering away on his keyboard.

By this point, I’d already flipped open the bright red cocktail menu, ordered a ‘Skull Candy.’ (I don’t mess around.)

Manager: ‘If you choose a cocktail on this page, they’re the most Instagrammable.’

I mean, how clever is that! It’s not JUST the most beautiful place to drink, dine and escape mundane life, in Leeds. But there is also a sincere amount of innovative detail that goes into the ‘business’ that is Tattu. These boys aren’t silly, they’re WAY ahead of the game. They’re on another ‘genius‘ level of knowing how to promote their business and that alone is sexy. The reason why it’s sexy is because it’s utterly thoughtful and anything that is thoughtful, is fueled by love.

Anything fueled by love is powerful. It’s passionate.

I mean, you don’t have the likes of David Beckham and Justin Bieber, casually walk through your restaurant doors, if you’re not doing something delicious…

Me: ‘It’s alright if I walk around and take a few videos of the place, right?’

Manager: ‘Yeah, yeah…take a look upstairs, have a walk around.’

The service was impeccable. Each member of staff couldn’t have been more invested in the person sat in front of them. They made you feel good. They made you feel special. I scanned the place quickly with my little kitten eyes and I noticed that the busy lunchtime had tinkered in a huge variation of clientele. There were older couples who just fancied a delicious lunch. Young professionals, who had slide in after work. Mothers and daughters,after a busy shopping day. Old friends. New friends….and dates. 😉

(Tattu IS the IDEAL date spot!! It is literally on another mystic level. Any gentleman who takes his lady to this restaurant, will forever be adored. Will definitely hit ‘the jackpot’ lol and because the place evokes such a magic.It;s stimulating. It’s the perfect place to fall in love.) 

My ‘Skull Candy (which was served to me IN a smokey glass skull) was delicious. It bubbled with absolute passion. It was almost like a pink candy potion, that could set your wink on fire. It makes you feel alive and is certainly a ‘must have’ cocktail.

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Wait…let me show you…

I mean, the guys WILL suggest cocktails for you, that they believe you’d enjoy…based upon your vibe. Their job starts as soon as you walk through the glass door. It’s almost like sorcery. 😉 You’ll feel stimulated… immediately.

I love them for that!

It’s literally a ‘kittens’ paradise. I mean what better way to spend an afternoon, when you’re 37 and single.

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Then after conversations with the boys…

‘I’m a blogger…an influencer…

‘We’re opening a Tattu in Edinburgh…

‘Which show are you going on?’

‘My partner works in television..’

‘This place is going to take over the world…’

‘Why don’t you try The Cherry Negori..?’

‘I’m a professional bad influence..’

(..he said that as he sliced lemons.)

And almost like magic, I had a ‘The Cherry Negori’ on order… 😉

Now, the reason why I ordered The Cherry Negori, is because Tattu is the ONLY bar in the entire nation, that serves cherry blossom vermouth. No other bar in the country ARE ABLE to serve it, because Tattu bought THE ENTIRE stock…Therefore it’s a signature, only at Tattu cocktail…and we all know I love a bit of that! 😉

Will: Here, I’ll let you taste the vermouth. It’s a little bitter, but I love it. I think its…’

Me: ‘It’s amazing…’

So, as we bantered..

Will: ‘I’m gonna be launching my own youtube channel soon..’

…he began hand twirling a drill through the top of a giant ice cube, which was placed into a chilled & swilled glass.

I don’t know where he kept getting these appliances from? Lol…Giant ice cube, smoking tube, hand drill? It’s almost like they appeared, like magic, out of nowhere.

Then he tinkered to an old school treasure chest, and pulled out a tiny cherry blossom tree…which he gently caressed through the giant ice, after fresh pouring my negori, for serving.

‘You’ll really like it.’

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(It’s now my favourite drink in Tattu. For some reason I want to try every drink on the menu.. I can’t tell if it’s alcoholism or just the pour beauty of the place. I like that it makes you feel naughty. Lol)

Like I said, it was a really busy lunch, because of the ‘Taste of Tattu’ menu ….and as I sat at the bar, I watched cocktail, after cocktail be made and I was literally  mesmerized

Me: ‘What’s that?’

Will: ‘The Smokin’ Aces…’

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Yet, as always, I have my two drink ‘glamour pussy’ try out, don’t I? If I can go into a bar on my own and have two good drinks and not feel alone, bouji or awkward….then I know that the atmosphere is delightful.

So, after my cocktaily tipples and mainly because I had a meeting that I needed to get to…I could’ve stayed there all day…

I waved the boys off with a…

‘Thank you so much. You guys were great…’

..and calmly strutted out the glass door, back onto the city streets of Leeds. Yet, I was kinda filled with a soulful buzz, because they had made me feel so special.

I can’t wait to go back. It’s hands down the most breath taking restaurant/bar in Leeds.

If I was to describe it in a sentence….

‘Oriental mysticism, with a modern and creative, eastern decadence.’ 

Get booked in!!!

Can someone please take me on a date here plleeeease!!??!!!

Lisa’s Blackpool Birthday!! Part 1..

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So, i’ve just got back from the *Maddest* time in Blackpool. It’s been nuts. I was there to celebrate Lisa (as in ‘Appleton’s) big old birthday. Lisa’s been a really dear friend of mine, for a long long time now…and having spent the last 3 years being in the press every single day and being judged for her delicious stunts of ‘ooh laa.‘ I can tell you, that you’ll never meet anyone more loving, more warm or less judgmental.

She’s literally one of my best friends. I adore her madly and I’m so glad that I got to be there on her birthday, as my schedule can get pretty tight. I’ve not been a great friend to any of my friends this year, due to work.

But let’s get on with it, yeah…

STRAP IN! (Not on. 😉 )

I checked into The New Osborne Hotel, in Blackpool. It was arranged for me by the darling that is Liam Halewood and well I always stay there, simply because, I love the suites, I love the staff, the service is impeccable and it’s pretty much in the middle of everything. I’m a service girl. And I adore Matt who owns The New Osborne…I mean he even picked me up from the station.

So, as soon as I got in, I didn’t even go to my room or even see Lisa, because she was getting her hair & face *did* at a nearby salon, he *cracked* open a bottle of prosecco and we sat and drank in the restaurant/bar with great banter, inappropriate laughter and literally for a good couple of hours.

MATT’S ACE!

(I knew Lisa would take FOREVER doing her face. I always think that MUA’s always take forever, don’t they? Lol. Yet, when it comes to ‘getting ready’, it literally only takes me about 10 mins. So i just chilled with Matt and Lisa’s friend ‘Sharon’ over gin and prosseci’s!) 

[Phone Call]

Aaron The Pap: ‘Chrissie, I’m papping at this salon. She wants you to go get her mate Sharon out the room and get her to drink with you…lol’

Anyway, long story short, it’s almost time to get ready. Liam’s all in a panic over the  buffet. He wants everything to be perfect, so all the organizing obviously stresses him out. But, to me, he’s a dream. How thoughtful of him, to put it all together.

Liam: ‘Where is EVERYONE! I’M FUMING! You’re all meant to BE HERE by 7.30pm.’

Me: ‘She’s still getting her face done. I’m not even ready yet. She’ll be another hour. I’ve just spoke to Aaron. We’re not even gonna be there until 9pm.’

I’m chilled by nature…but I understand the stress, because even though it was her birthday, it was still actually work and we certainly had a schedule to stick to. That’s why I don’t like to organize, things. I only like to SHOW UP and drink, without responsibility.

An hour passes, Lisa & Aaron are on their way back to the hotel. Ryan (Ryan Mira) who is my agent, at The Celebrity Management Company is ‘training’ it in from London, because he’d just been doing the ‘Good Morning Britain‘ & ‘Loose Women‘ rounds with Daniella ‘The Westie’ Westbrook. He had to get himself to Blackpool for Lisa’s birthday event. BUT he had to bring giant loads of luggage with him, because the next morning, he had to fly out to Thailand…

STRESSY RIGHT!

Matt shows me to my room… Suite 3. Lisa was in 1. (I think Sharon & I were already a bit pissed by this time 🙂 I loved Sharon, because she’s sassy and direct, but warm, once you get to know her. Plus, she likes the finer things in life, so obviously I adore her.) 

I loved my room, because it was actually a lot huger than I thought it would be. The bathroom was all glittered, modern and utterly ‘darling.’ So in my suite, I had TWO separate bedrooms, but if you walked through the suite, the additional room had two beds in there. Bunk beds…because it was a family suite… There was just me in it though.

All got ready really quickly. Ryan (my agent) showed up in the nick of time, with all of his luggage, that he had to leave in my room. he gets ready. We’ve sozzled all the drinks, in all of the land by this point, as Lisa & I are…

DRINKERS!

Then in a *blink* we all arrive at Peeka Booze, In Blackpool, where we’re greeted by the lovely Liam, who is now all a smiles and probably because he had a drink in his hand.

The place is filled with people, all happy, all fun. Drinks are a flowing, there’s a private VIP area, filled with the yummiest food,  for us all.  Karaoke is going wild. There’s cake. There’s chicken. Lol. There’s loud, loud, madness, that all resonated as..

ONE BIG OLD GOOD TIME.

Now, Aaron (who if you don’t know… is a Pap. A really successful pap & he’s only young. Only 18.) He’s become a really good friend of mine and he shoots me, Lisa, and pretty much everyone…a lot. He was picturing the whole birthday shindig, to sell off to the papers.

Anyway, like I said, drinks were a FLOWING And there was a point where I saw Aaron, put down his camera and with a ‘F*** it* and in the name of fun, joined us, did drinks with us and just celebrated a good old time, in the name of Lisa!

I mean, Lisa’s like I am. She’ll let everyone have fun with her. She’ll love you forever. The door is always open. I mean GOD, when we moved onto ‘Revs,’ she even let a homeless guy (who actually looked quite smart) come sit at the table and drink ginny cocktails with us.

WHICH I THINK IS LOVELY!!!

Manager at Revs: ‘Chrissie, is he bothering you?’

Me: ‘No, not at all.’

Manager at Revs: ‘Lisa… is he harrassing you..’

Lisa, ‘NO!! We’re quite have him sit here with us, thanks. *Points at smart homeless guy* Here drink these cocktails.’

In that moment, he felt really dignified and that’s what I love about Lisa! We’re the same. I don’t care what kinda life you’re walking…I’ll never judge anyone…and neither would she. And we are BOTH SO JUDGED!! 

At the end of the day, we all FEEL things the same way. We all cry. We all laugh. And he was so kind and much older. He deserved dignity. He kinda looked like a homeless Richard Gere/Clint Eastwood.

The bar manager didn’t like him sitting with us though, because obviously he’s running a business and believes it deters others people from wanting to come.

We’d all moved to Rev’s (the next bar) by now, because everyone fancied cocktails.

I’d been hanging out with Ryan (my agent) all night, and between drinks, karaoke songs, pap shots and hugs, we even managed a sit down and a career chat, lol by cocktail sausages, cake, and chicken wings…

Ry: ‘What part of it are we gonna focus on? You choose what it is that you WANT to be, because there’s just so much that you are. I need a contact for ****names a show**** and I’m wanting to fly you off on holiday again, for pictures, in the Summer…You need to choose someone to go with you.’

Me: Where?

Ryan: ‘Anywhere you want. I’ll sort it. So with these pics that Aaron’s done, are we waiting on them…

Me: ‘Yeah, I want them held until the times right…’

Ry: ‘Cool.’

Ryan’s really busy right now and really savvy, but also a really great friend, because he’s such a good time. He’s so happy and so fun! I love that! He’s ace…and now in flipping Thailand!

JEEPERS!

Anyway, cocktails, laughter, birthday wishes…But if you know me personally, you will know that I’m an early leaver. Lol. My best chick friend ‘Firmonnell’ always says it’s my new ‘trademark.’ Lol

I’ll never stay out until the crack of dawn. Once i’m done, i’m done. I have a good time. I love a good time. I’ll live it. I’ll love it. But like ‘Cinders’ herself, by a certain time, i’ll flee..

Because i’m lame, like that…

Keeps me out of trouble. By this time, I wanted a chill. In fact, before I left my hotel room, I’d send ‘Tats’ a whatsapp message, telling him to ‘stay up.’ At midnight I got a…

Tats: ‘You doing?’

And he got a screechy and bustled voice note, that went a bit like this…

‘I’m just getting my last drink at the bar, then i’m off straight back to the hotel.’

The manager of Rev’s was now annoyed that we had the Richard Gere lookalike, homeless dude (lol) sitting with us, ‘Chrissy The MUA’ (yes, the makeup artist had my name, it confused me all night, but she was great), was now calling the manager a ‘stupid b****’...because the manager didn’t like the homeless guy…and well let’s just say, it was fueled by ‘Gin & Juice.’ Lol

They’re all wanting to GO OUT & Stay out and party the night away, in the name of birthdays’ Aaron’s sat with Lisa, they’re both on the cocktails. They’re literally having the bestest of best times…and at this point, seemed pretty soberish? Lol. Matt (who owns The New Osborne hotel) and his beautiful girlfriend Natalia, (who owns her OWN different hotel) had joined us for drinks also…

Ryan had already sloped off to find fun…

Ry: ‘Chrissie, leave me the key, because i’m ff to a club, and my luggage for Thailand is you room. And you always leave early, without telling anyone.’

I looked at Sassy Sharon because she looked like she wanted her comfies on too….and we got a taxi back to Matt’s hotel (he stayed out and gave us the full run of his hotel, whilst he was out,) and by midnight, I had flung until my suite, Room 3, stripped off fully naked and got into bed…

My Premier taxi didn’t turn into a pumpkin…I didn’t lose a glass slipper…and my dress I chose to fling on the floor…

Picked up my phone, had a chill, a quick flirty chat with ‘Tats,’ occurred..but everything was really dark, so i creeped myself out.

Then before you know it,around 1am and with my phone still on my chest, my kitten eyes closes and I drifted off to sleep…

4am

Lisa & Aaron The Pap...come BURSTING INTO MY ROOM….

 

 

 

Being A Bit Northern & Vents…

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Hope you survived the Bank Holiday! Lol. I’m actually SO glad it’s over, because after a week of ‘good times’ with friends and drinking, meshed in with having a job, where in which you are ‘booked out’ to blog at venues….which involves ‘good times‘ and drinking….followed by adding a lot of sunshine (which is always the devil, when it comes to prosecco pours..) and a flipping 3 day weekend for celebrate a day off work….THINGS CAN GET PRETTY MESSY. 🙂

*Reaches for her Bible, Rosary Beads and Holy Water…*

*Makes the Holy Water her mixer, wears the beads for insta likes and places the cocktail on the Bible.*

Tuesday is absolute BLISS. The sun is still out. Everyone else is back at their day job, i’m all on my own and loving every inch of RELAXING. I feel all calm and fabulous.

It’s days like this that you’re glad you’re a blogger and not having to check into on office for a shitty 8 hour shift. Pick a job you love and you’ll always be happy. Pick a partner you love and you’ll never feel lonely.

(Saying that, i’ve already done Barnsley and Sheffield this morning and it’s not even 10am. And I had to go the ‘side streets’ way, which annoyed me, because nothing is more boring that having to figure out 42 roundabouts. But i’m home now…and i’m all about easy work and chills.) 

So okay, I can’t remember too much of the Bank Holiday, not because I was trashed, because I wasn’t, it’s simply because so much seemed to happen, in such short space of time…that it’s all become one happy sunny blur.

(Oh and since my last blog where i stated I was looking for a handsome fun partner….I have been inundated with snapchat pics of guys showing me how fun they are Lol…or ones where they’re waking up in the morning…in bed? I appreciate the pics, even though I haven’t chosen to reply. Lol. And they’re great for perving on, when lonely. Yet, i’m such a hard person to try and snag….because i’m never gonna recieve a pic from someone i don’t know and think ‘Hey yeah, lets go out..’ ever…)

Anyway, I met up with my friend ‘Katy P,’ I went to school with her. We’ve known each other since we were 11…and well we talked boys, life, love…(she had a Yorkshire pudding wrap half way through it all)…and then we drank...EVERYTHING. 

Me: ‘Why you videoing me?’

KatyP: ‘Well why not?’

Me: ‘Your wrap looks suggestive and delicious.’

Katyp: ‘I love food that looks like a penis.’

The sun shone down upon Yorkshire, the beer gardens were filling up with boys in shorts, couples with wine and tables of girls.

A group of Ladies…so fun, looked like WAGS, definitely fabulous, definitely glamourous, came and parked their pretty selves at our table..and from that point, it happily went ‘down hill’ as we swept ‘being sensible‘ under the rug and just went with..

‘Who needs a prosecco…’

I loved these women because they were so down to earth, yet they’d taken the trouble to look AMAZING. All pouty lipped, with great hair, little dresses and full faces and glam. They were great! I mean we all got on so well, we were pissing ourselves, solving the world’s problems and then I started going on about how one of their friends hated me and once started a fight with me at the pub.

Me: ‘She just hates me and thought i fancied her man….But she totally went for me..She WENT FOR IT…and now she’s here…sat over there.’

A few drinks later, a wink and a secret natter, Claire (one of the ladies at our table) came strutting back up to the table, hand in hand with the girl who HATES ME and wanted to punch me for being a ‘patronizing bitch,’ and just like that…In a moment…everything got solved with a…

Girl: ‘Look, i’m really sorry…I was just upset..and well…’

Then we hugged. Then we hugged again because everyone kept making us…Then her lip started bleeding, because I have that effect of humans…and the ever glamourous Claire, came up to me, put her hand in mind and with a wink, (after I thanked her) whispered….

Claire: ‘Don’t be silly. No. You don’t need to thank me.  It’s alright though now..’

And how great was that! I love problem solvers. I was really grateful, because nothing’s more shit than feeling awkward around people.

Dawn: ‘I’m so glad you’ve hugged and made up because I tell ya, I’m related to her and if she touched you….she’d have me to deal with.’

I loved Dawn because she’s so glammy, yet still Yorkshire. She’s one of the most caring women, wrapped up in prosecco pours and sassiness. She’s insightful…and loves a good time. I mean she brought her son’s girlfriend ‘Hannah’ to the bar with her…who looked DIVINE ALSO and she couldn’t have been a better Mother in law. She’s someone that looks amazing, however is not one bit AFRAID of protecting what’s hers, voicing her opinion and standing up to someone, when her heart wants her to.

And I like that. It’s sassy!  Nothing is worse to me than the people who back down.

But the great thing about being a Northern girl, is that yes, we’re all ‘big hair, don’t care,’ tiny dresses and no coats in the winter…Lol….But you don’t mess with us. We’re the most down to earth girls on the map, but  we’ll turn around and tell you you’re wrong…when you’re wrong…without fear…and it will be delivered in it’s rawest form.

Then the lady sat next to Kate found a giant chunk of GINGER in her gin.

Lady: ‘It actually tastes lovely… But it does look like I have a massive potato wedge in my drink, Lol. I could save that, take it home and make a curry with it. Shave it into my tea. Here get me another, so i can make a full on meal with it. Hahaha.’

The sun shone, we started talking about the blog. I was encouraging little ‘Hannah’ to have more balls. I mean, if you looked like her and had her talent…You’d GO FOR IT. I never seen a more terrified hottie.

Me:’You’re not gonna get ahead with this beauty influencing or blogging thing, if you don’t put yourself out there. It’s about being ballsy. It’s about not caring what the haters thinks and it’s about building attention..’

Hannah: ‘But, I swear I used to come home from school covered in blood from being bullied every day… It’s my actual friends that hate on me…’

Me: ‘Use it as your motivation… because it doesn’t get better. You just learnt to cope better and you’ll go through a phase that is filled with *haters.* Yet I haven’t yet seen or heard a ‘hater’ that’s doing BETTER than the person they are hating ON. It’ll switch. Plus, there’s always a sense of class to those who end up being the successful…All the friends who hated on you, will one day turn around and tell everyone how they knew you….’

More drinks happened…Life took a twirl and we all had fun in the sunshine…getting drunker…and drunker…

Then something happened to ‘Katy P’ in the meantime…

Me: ‘Whats up? You look..’

Katy P: ‘I’m fucking furious…’

Me: ‘Well let’s go outside and talk about it.’

It was now the end of the night and day had turned to night and we sat on outside patio tables, in a silent air, as people ordered taxi’s into town.

And in that moment SHE VENTED. She had a ‘GO FOR IT’ vent. And having known Kate for such a long time, since being a kid at school, it was hilarious to watch her be furious. Lol.

Katy P: ‘STOP LAUGHING. YOU’RE NOT GETTING IT. Why are you taking someone else’s side..’

Me: ‘I’m not laughing. Haha. You just look cute…I can’t help it. I’m fully on your side… I’m just telling you what was said…because no guy has ever said that about me before and I think it’s sweet that…..

KatyP: ‘It’s not about sweetness, it’s about privacy and trust. I’ve known YOU since you were 11. I know everything about you..and I would never DREAM of betraying YOUR PRIVACY, or YOUR TRUST…Wouldn’t you just DIE, if you woke up one morning and found stuff all this crap in the papers…that you didn’t want people to know about. That’s how I feel. That’s what he’s done!’

Me: ‘You just need to relax. Lol. You’re angry and I get it. I get it. Haha. You just look cute…when you’re angry…’

(She started to giggle a little…because I was lightening the anger. I tend to always do that, unless I’M cross, then it’s all anger…….But then…hahaha.) 

Katy P: ‘NO. I AM JUST FURIOUS…AND NOW WE’VE RUN OUT OF FUCKING WINE. AND i’ve lost my fucking BANK CARD!’

Me: Just go get wine…I owe it you anyway…

I mean what are friends for if you can’t vent over ‘El Pico.’ Lol.

Then we chilled, we laughed, we giggled, we guzzled, we bantered, and just like that, girl magic was restored…

Now, i’m feisty..but I’m calm. Yet, the reason why I was trying to de..sizzle ‘Katy P’ down was simply because we’re grown up girls….and we’re thunderous….We’ve been through lots, we know who were are, what we want…and what we stand for….But we’re good people. We’re fiercely loyal by nature…meaning trust and privacy, when requested is SO IMPORTANT to us.

So I understood..

However, the person who was in her firing line….isn’t emotionally grown yet…and the last thing she needed to do was….

EAT HIM ALIVE. Vent on me..not on him, because he’s not gonna be able to take it, a real life verbal battering of home truths.

So yeah…i was sparing him. I let him run free, before he got eaten by the lions. 

The evening ended up being lovely and true friendship was made more solid over wine.

Messages were then sent to the appropriate people…and life went back to normal…

I did however, look to my left and see a grown boy cry….(I’m soft, so i’ll always feel sad when I see a boy cry. Kate’s not. She’s tough love…so if you’re crying, you’re crying for a fucking reason…hahah.)

Me: ‘Please don’t cry…’

Guy: ‘I’m not..it’s hay fever…

Me: ‘Erm…I’m not an idiot. I know you’re crying.. Hahah.’

Guy: ‘I haven’t cried like this in six years..’

Me: ‘Aww…yeah, but it’s good to get it out..’

KatyP : ‘They’re off to a house party…You might as well go with them…..’

 

 

 

 

What I Need In A Guy….

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Life is flying at a million ‘WTF’s’ per hour. It’s crazy. There’s been kitten strokes, smoke alarms and utter madness, that has been *paused* by bits of calm. So much keeps happening to me and it’s a mixer of ‘all things dandy,‘ drizzled with trips ups. I ‘trip up’ well, so that doesn’t bother me. I can always brush myself off and wink my way forward with a *shrug.* When good things happen, I sort of fill myself with a kitten like’ excitement. Yet, I do get terrified.

But on the whole, I’m glad the clouds have hovered over Yorkshire this afternoon, (today is the Tour De Yorkshire,) as it pretty much keeps me out of trouble. I just can’t keep myself in when the sun comes out to play. Yet that’s what life is about. I’m all ‘Suns out, Wuns’ out. I’m enjoying good times, refraining from over thinking anything and trying to just have fun with everything. You’re a long time dead and well, usually, as the fairytale goes…it kinda all works itself out in the end, doesn’t it?

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON…

Over the last couple of days, i’ve spent quality time with my friends ‘Katy P’ and ‘JD’ and we’ve all just decided that our love lives (over wine) are shocking. They’re shit. Does it ever get better? Where’s my Prince, who comes trotting along on some stallion, with his one arm *scoop,* ready to sweep me away? Where is he? (Can you tell i’m Needy AF’ today. :))

Katy P: ‘I think it’s hard for you date. I mean, men get the wrong impression of you, because they don’t know you well enough. You’re sexy and they love sexy…yet they don’t see the softer side to you… I don’t know whether they don’t want to, or if they aren’t smart enough to?’

In love, I’m sassy and i’m quite the seductress…and I love that about me. I’m forward. More forward than the guys I’ve met. I wish guys WERE more forward with me. YET, at the same time i’m a hopeless romantic…and I can’t help that. After years of failed ‘love’ ..all the way around the world an back, (lol) i’ve learnt to appreciate the small things and treasure the simple things in life.

I do like to feel ‘impressed’ by a guy. I enjoy being chased. I love being ‘wooed.’ I’m not gonna say that I don’t adore the finer things in life, also. However, a guy could buy me a room filled with diamonds, upon diamonds, to show me how much he cares…and I’d appreciate the effort, whole heartedly. But i’d never appreciate that over a simple ‘love letter,’ as that’s something i’d hold close to my heart forever. I’m creative and I adore a creative gift. If i’m being honest, I’d adore a creative partner.

Anything ‘complicated’ or too difficult…is not something that I’m going to enjoy. If you have to try so hard to make someone want you, then it’s a ‘no go’ really, for me. They’re not that interested. They’re not that into you. I’m both unconventional and traditional all in one. Boys should chase girls. Always. If they don’t, then i honestly just think they don’t care. (And sometimes that isn’t the case, I know. But i need a brave man.)

Plus ‘Josh The Bartender’ once told me that when a guy loves a girl he’ll place her on a pedestal and that pedestal will be so high that no other girl will ever even come close to her. I’ve remember that and every time my paths crosses with another…I flashback to it.

I miss Josh. Where the fuck are you??

So, after a conversation with ‘Katy P’ about cougar loving, sexting and life… in a Justin Bieber top…

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Katy P: ‘Boys just seem to *go at* sex. Real men, can READ ya body better during sex and grown up women give better blow jobs. We must, because you’ll know, don’t they always looked astonished afterward, with a *where did that come from* face. Lol. But no, I never sext. I’m not good at it. I never know what to say?’

Me: ‘I love sexting. I can talk some filth via message. Lol. But i’m a writer..it’s a strength. Hahaha. But yeah, I know what you mean about the blow job thing. You do know that Toyboys are so in right now. Everyone’s doing it. Shall we get more wine?’

Katy P: ‘Younger men are attracted to the confidence that a WOMAN has… over a young girl. We just say it how it is and get on with it. We’re not naggy. We’re better in bed. We know what we want and if we don’t get it…We sack it off.’

Me: ‘They’re not forward though. They’re more terrified than anything, I think? I can feel them being terrified. I like forward. Not creepy forward. Just emotionally brave men. I don’t like them playing the *game* of love. It’s long. I don’t have time for that shit.’

Katy P: ‘You love eye candy though!!!’

Me: ‘Well yeah. I want them to be hot. Who doesn’t!! But i’m a personality girl. I mean, look at that Creepy Deadpoll guy, that follows you about. I only don’t like him because his personality is off. He’s strange. His social skills are wank.’

Then I found myself stood by hot dogs with one of my besties Jenna, as the Tour De Yorkshire *whizzed* by to cheers. I watched it for a bit and then sacked it off for a drink and a blog at ‘Ego.’ It was there and I supported the women’s race…but let’s face it...ROLL ON THE MEN IN SHORTS!!

Jenna: ‘We might as well become lesbians.’

Me: ‘Bagsy the *lipstick,* one, cos i’ll need you to put the bins out.’

Jenna: ‘You just need someone who’s cares so much, but is like FIRE. Someone who knows what they want…They want YOU and they’re not gonna let ANYONE ELSE FUCKING HAVE YOU. YOUR THEIRS.’

Me: ‘God, you’ve made that sound so hot. Haha. I love that. I’m looking for actions not words. What they DO. Not what they SAY their gonna.. and they need to be self less…I hate selfish people.’

But is that too much to ask for? No. So nowadays, I just do the ‘happy being single’ thing…until a Knight comes a striding in with his ‘one armed scoop.’ I’m someone that will feel it straight away…and i’ll finally be putting the ‘square peg, through the square hole,’ without complications…

Bethy G: ‘Do you want a biscuit. Men are shit, they’re all the same…’

🙂

Chrissie x

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