I’ve had the entire weekend off to just be ‘Me,’ do nothing and enjoy being Mum. I’ve worked so hard and over so many hours over the past month, that just taking a full weekend off where you’re just you and you’re not in a dash to get to your next train, or over thinking your next marketing plan, or running off to meet with the next human, who you’d like to work with, makes all the difference. I don’t need to do it all the time. I just need to do it now. 🙂 Keeps you sane doesn’t it. Plus, it gives me that *pinch* of reality, as sometimes when you’re working so hard, everything becomes a *dash* and you begin to feel like a commodity (which is something you’re actually trying to create for business) and less like an actual human….(which is something that you truly are.) In fact, this also goes hand in hand with love…Often my inbox (mainly my Facebook Inbox and Website email account) will get jammed up with hundreds of messages from guys either being lovely or being dirty, or just being…mainly trying to trick me into chatting to them 🙂 …and in those moments it does make me feel like a commodity and not an actual human being. I mean GOD, if you actually truly liked a girl and wanted her to be yours and you had one shot to make an impression via an inbox message, would to really begin your introduction with…a penis. Even if you simply wanted to *bone* her…the approach you use is vital. A dick pic will never ever work, unless it has been requested! Hahaha! I never request, so don’t get excited! Honestly, all we’ll do is show all our chick friends and laugh at it. (I don’t even have time to do laughing at it! Well I did once, last Summer with ‘Double B’ on a bench in Pontefract. Hahaha. I can’t remember who’s willy it was? Prince someone?) Plus, you’re also a tool if you try to do the charming whoosh of banter, or loveliness, yet with the intention of only wanting to *poke the pie* so to speak. I’m Chrissie Wunna, I don’t fall for that at all. I’ve been there, heard it all, learnt the hard way and charmed my way back all over again. Just be you. The more real you are, consistent you are and the more reliable you are…the more we will *heart* you. To me…thoughtfulness is sexy. (Oh and I guy with an impressively working brain will win over an ‘i’m in the shower’ shot. Don’t get me wrong, I love eye candy…Yet I can’t build an empire with ‘six pack.’ And if you don’t know how to ‘woo’ me, it’ll make me think you either don’t want me bad enough or you’re brain hasn’t been able to creatively figure out an approach. Lol) Shit! I’m harsh! No wonder i’m single. But it’s true! Hahaha. Be in love or work…There’s a lot of things we palm off with an ‘I don’t have time for…’ Yet in real life if we really really wanted to do it…we’d make time for it. ALWAYS. When we do, in regards to work, we move further up the ladder. When we do, when it comes to romance, we know that the other party is interested, as they will have made time for you.
I’ve chilled all weekend with Ruby and Junior and it’s been wonderful. We’ve laughed, we’ve lunched, we’ve shopped and just seeing their faces beam as made me complete. Junior’s clung onto me with smiles, like i’m his entire world and Ruby has been HILARIOUS. Honestly, she’s the most sarcastic, fun loving five year old ever. I found her stood at the top of the booze isle at our local supermarket on Friday at 7pm, when the isle was FILLED with tired working mums, who were all grabbing wine. Whenever they walked past her, doing that ‘oh it’s kid, I better smile’ thing, Ruby sweetly smiled back and then shouted ‘YOU’RE A DRUNK’ at EACH MOTHER! Hahahahaha! I shouldn’t laugh. But honestly, it was the most hilarious thing ever. Even the Hot Dads that were stood about, were weeing themselves as she scorned each woman that went past with wine. SHE even found it funny. This is why I shouldn’t be left to raise babies by myself. I had to retrieve her and demand that she ‘Abort Mission’ by rushing up (it was a fake rush, just to look like i didn’t know it was happening, 🙂 and say this, whilst taking her hand…
‘Sorry about that. She’s mine. You can obviously probably tell. But know that I’m a functioning alcoholic, so don’t feel bad about the wine..’
Ruby smirked and started shouting,
‘CHRISSIE WUNNA, GET OFF ME.!’ EVIL!
Anyhow, although things have been quite family…I’ve still caught up on bits of work and emailed a bunch of people back. I’m in a busy time of promo and sorting out my cocktail tour. There’s a lot of exciting stuff going on with that…so I’ll be able to tell you all about it, as I go along. especially up to the Valentines run up!
I dropped the babies off with their Dad’s today, as every Sunday they have a ‘Daddy Lunch’ day. Like i’ve always said, even though there have been babies and breakups, Pete, Keiran and I are really close and get along really well and simply to make sure that ‘The Wunna babies’ are raised with love. We co..parent like Superstars and my parents (who are currently away) all chip in, whole heartedly to raise them like pros!
Dropped Ruby off. She was happy as can be. Pete, lovely as can be. He’d washed some of her clothes to give me and filled with love and giggles, he said ‘Bye’ to Junior and they both jogged off into the distant. This last week has been tough with childcare, as will the upcoming week, because we have my Mother missing. The system works, yet if you pull a being out of it…it all goes potty!
However, Keiran and I went through the opposite today. I called him to do the baby drop off, he didn’t realize that he had Junior today, because i had a very busy last week and the schedule had been turned upside down at very short notice. He’s been realy reliable and there for me. Yet Keiran needs order, IN ORDER to function. I am so used to changes that I can function with a wink and a finger point and it can be in ANY direction. But he’s running a company and trying to fit in his ‘social’ bits and for the first time in a long time, because of me, he had to actually make SACRIFICES. Not something he’s used to…as My Mum and I will always have it in the bag.
But yes, a phone bicker occurred, because he got a little cocky for no reason, when all I needed was help. I’m someone that NEVER asks for help unless I really need it and also someone that has sacrificed all sorts for everyone…anyone. I get that trait from my Mother.
Yet, he made me feel as though I was WRONG for ‘doing me’ because he wanted to do HIM. He made me feel, without him knowing, almost GUILTY for trying to hustle, when he had things that HE WANTED to do and because of my busy LAST WEEK (know that it has only been ONE WEEK that has affected him) he almost threw a strop. It upset me, so I simply said,
‘That’s fine, I’ll take Junior with me..’ *Hung up.*
He must’ve got that I was narked off, as the next call was Keiran and he demanded that I brought him over…yet kindly, like he was sorry. (Junior was now kicking off, because he now didn’t want to go and just wanted a chill day with me.)
I dropped Junior off and today being 3, he just didn’t want to go. He cried all the way there and just looked at me with tear dripped eyes asking me for a Mummy day. As a Mum and as a basic human, no matter how much of a ‘Boss/Diva/Hard Worker’ or whatever else you label yourself, in that moment every inch of my entire soul filled with tears…I didn’t cry, as Keiran lifted Junior out the car and Junior glared at me, crying, telling him to make sure I pick him up soon…I sort of had to ‘shut off’ emotionally and not let the moment get me.
I got into my car quickly, I shut the door and I drove off…I just needed to drive…I just needed…
Well..I’ll be honest, the radio had turned into just background noise, as my heart took over and my mind stopped focusing…and as I just drove…my eyes filled up and I cried…I cried all the way… and I don’t if I cried because of Junior’s little face and it made me feel guilty or if I cried because I had felt that Keiran had stressed out over having to sacrifice himself FOR JUST ONE WEEK and tried to make me feel bad for trying to get ahead in work, like I haven’t ever sacrificed!
Are you kidding me! I sacrificed my WHOLE ENTIRE CAREER, because I had no choice, when he left. He sacrificed nothing, not even a party schedule, let a lone a work schedule at that time. I had a 2 year old and a newborn baby at the time, I was at a showbizzy *peak* and I had to let it all go…because I couldn’t manage it all by myself and i was fine with it, because I had to ‘man up’ and deal with it. Even to this day, i’m thankful for it, as it made me strong and it made my blog REAL, which is what made it popular. I told you when I was happy. I told you when I was sad. I told you everything.
I waited for years, working odd little jobs here and there…until Ruby and Junior got older and this year they’re BOTH finally in school and now with the correct approach, good whole heartedly help and determination…I can do this….and I won’t let anyone make me feel bad for trying. I’m doing well….
Regardless, we’re okay again now, we’ve spoken again…we have these little co parenting *blips* and once we’ve shouted it out, we’re fine. After i’ve finished my next meeting, I’m going to pick Junior up, just because I promised him that I would. So we’re all good. I’m happy.
I noticed that when I was in the car and no one was there, I cried, but didn’t really ‘let it all out.’ I stopped myself? Why? No one was there? That’s wrong.
Just now, whilst typing this, I began to fill up (as I didn’t manage to let out my BIG weep lol) and I stopped myself because..well i’m in the middle of a busy Starbucks and everyone would SEE me. That…I get! But when i’m alone, I should be able to cry it out. What is wrong with me?
Anyway, I’m off…I have a meeting and a quick interview to tend to…
Maybe I like to be busy, so I don’t have to *pause* and feel as much, because by nature i’m quite sensitive. I’m warm. I’m thoughtful. Yet, because i’m sassy, people don’t think that I would be?
But like I said…I’ve got my next meeting to get to… 🙂
I just need a Prosecco and a period i’m sure. Lol