Worms, Love & Coffee

‘Well i’m gonna have to take it incase I have worms…’ said Firmonnell to a crowd of morning girl besties, as we stood by her for morning coffees, as we waited for the kettle to boil.

‘Fairytale Blond’ was washing coffee cups at the sink, I had already come prepared with a coffee in hand and pencil dress, as I lent on the side, in my specs.

‘Why is there people SKIPPING on the front of the worms box? What’s that got to do with curing worms?’ Said Double B, as she lifted up the box and placed it back down by a microwave, before delivering the news that ‘sex was had’ the evening before and her partner was so excited, that he didn’t even know how to contain himself, as it hadn’t happened in SO long. Lol.

‘It lasted a good……one minute. Then I went to sleep.’ 

Hahaha! I *heart* ‘Double B.’

Boys are always hilarious when they haven’t had sex in ages. I mean, gosh there have been times when i’ve found myself in compromising ‘sexy’ positions ( the last time being in a penthouse months ago in Manchester) and the guy has been all ‘noooo, noooo, I don’t want to cum yet. Wait! Nooo.’ Dying with laughter! That was the evening that ‘Double B’ had.)

‘Ah! Well that’s it then. That’s my entire blog, done before 9am,’ I laughed out loud, whilst sipping coffee.

‘Aww, don’t put about my worms in it, cos I don’t have worms, I’m just having to take this as a precaution….’said Firmonell. She said it, as she poured a shot of worm medicine, moaned that it was a ‘tenner each time’ and then smiled with very mild glee because it was ‘banana flavoured.’

HAHAHAHA!

As if,‘ said Fairytale Blond. ‘Last time, I had apparently had flipping Gonorrhea in the blog, so you’ll definitely get in with worms!!!!’ 

Then as all coffees were poured and as we stood three giant floors up, looking over the whole town, from our glass windowed, walled castle of an office…we paused, pissed ourselves laughing and then just like that, strutted out the door and got to work.

Today was one of those GREAT DAYS! Everything was great today. It was just one of those ‘everything felt right and went right’ days of hustle. We worked it. We owned it! We smashed it! But at the same time, we had the BEST time. It was hilarious! It was just one of those days where nothing was muddled, everything slotted into place, we were totally in control and we got our ‘game’ on…as chicks, doing business.

(Okay, i’ve just poured a gin and tonic, so lets do this.)

Today was one of those days where I randomly achieved because as all the office bustle was going on…my phone kept *pinging* at me with good news, great news, yes, yes, fab news. Everything was so great, that it kinda made me panic. I remember turning to Firmonnell when no one was around or listening and just saying,

‘Okay, I’m feeling nervous..’

‘Why?’

‘Well all this stuff is happening…(and I explained the stuff to her)…and it’s all SO good that I can’t even believe that it’s happening to me right now. It’s too many good things, all at one time and good things don’t happen to me like that! I mean if I marry, I end up divorced. If I have a baby, I end up being a single mum. If I have a work success…something always goes wrong…’

‘No…you need to do it and go with it, as it’s not often that you, or anyone gets opportunities like the ones your getting right now. You need to strike when the irons HOT, as they won’t come around again. SO go with it. This is YOUR time and it hasn’t JUST happened, you’ve WORKED for it, you’ve made it happen and you’ve set it all up to happen..If you don’t do it now, you won’t get the chance to do it again..’

And in that moment, even though I didn’t say much, I smiled internally, because she directly made me feel like I could conquer anything, like I was the luckiest girl alive.

Then I looked down at my phone, as another email came in regarding a work opportunity. So I quietly sauntered outside, before I grabbed a salad and took a very exciting phone call. That made me then, have to MAKE a phone call.

Today was a great day! We were on it, organised and let me tell you, sticking to your strengths… works.

(Awww, the Maltese PE teacher, who was on ‘Last Man Standing’ has sent me a messenger *kissy face* emoji. Lol. He’s sweet. But other guy that chose a different chick over me. 🙂 Tut. Tut. Tut  🙂 )

‘Do know that these guys aren’t choosing other chicks because you’re hideous. It’s actually the opposite. You’re intimating and almost too good to be true. It scares us’ said my guy friend on my *speaker* drive home.

‘Yeah but, i’m not bothered. My Mr.Right won’t be terrified of me at all. I’ll be his perfect girl and he’ll be brave enough to go for it. I don’t feel bad, I feel confident.’

And I really do mean that! I’m feeling on top of the world and radiating a *magic* right now that it almost irrepressible. I’m filled with a positive glow that is contagious. I’m having a great time during this chapter and i’m feeling really grateful.

So much is happening…and it’s a big change, but a worth it change.

Yes, there are times when I feel nervous about everything and there are times when I worry. But i’m emotionally schooled enough to just get on with it and do it merrily with faith. I literally have the heart of a lion and just believe that if you work hard and put something great out there, you’ll receive great things in return.

Anyway, i’m going to go and enjoy a gin and the weekend.

I have a family day tomorrow and an interview to conquer.

I love you all.

Thank you for following my life.

ps/ Totally weeing myself at the fact that every time I received a call today, I ended up getting this weird fit of the giggles, as I answered, yet for some reason, I didn’t go with it and instead tried to make like I was fine and normal…All I kept saying was…’I’m sorry I just have a cough.’

Why am I a tool?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex, Work, Single life & Genitals?

I cannot even tell you how busy i’ve been and i’ve loved it. I’ve loved every single waking moment of it, like the dewy dripped deliciousness of ‘dreams come true.’ I’ve worked really hard at everything and yeah there have been times where in which it’s been tricky and jingle jangled in obstacles. Yet, I must have downed a wine and jousted through them without truly realizing. Y’know ungracefully *hitched* over the brick wall, only to turn back around, *wink* at it and find it transforming into glitter. This is a year of change for me. That year. The year where I *unzip* out of the old and with my head to the skies smiling… i’m ‘ashes rising.’ It’s almost a ‘sexy’ year. On this day LAST year (and I hardly ever back track, I see it as unhealthy) I received a really hideous ‘hate mail’ message that I glorified with the best comeback blog ever. So great, that that blog post, even to this day is STILL my most viewed blog post of all time. It’s a shame that my ‘highest ranking’ was stemmed from ‘hate mail’ and simply by someone who tried to gain a little ‘look at me’ via making others ‘look at ME’ in a more negative manner. I actually gained a lot of support…and well, this time last year, I quite positively thought that I was doing pretty great career wise. However, if I compare it to where I am at this point THIS YEAR…it’s amazing how FAR I’ve actually come. So, even though i hate to back track, I will say that looking back & reflecting, is beneficial when it comes to *pausing* for a second and realizing that you’ve achieved. You forget to notice sometimes and because you’ve been so busy.

And boy have I been busy. I’ve been so busy that I’ve felt like i’mon  a glittery pink treadmill, that’s been turned up to ‘full speed,’ yet i’m in crystal Loubotuins, ‘yessing’ everyone, ‘no..ing’ those who aren’t quite right and i’m running, i’m tottering so fast that i’m racing against time…with a pina colada in my hand and a *wink* that is sprinkled with charm on repeat. I’ve been working through the day, blogging when i can, single mummying ALWAYS and then in then in the evening flying off to any event of my choice that i’ve been invited to. It’s felt like i’m on some kind of crazy cocktail, picture taking Wunna tour. And the weird thing is…i’m not even complaining. I’m shattered. But it’s felt so right that internally i’m smiling. That’s how you know ‘career wise’ that you’re doing something that you love, something that’s right for you, as you’ll always make time for it, because it makes you happy. It doesn’t feel liek work, no matter how shattered you are.

I will now say that I did opt for rescheduling my entire work weekend, simply because I felt as though i needed a ‘moment.’ My body was so exhausted that i just needed to refill (…myself with champagne cocktails :). ) Noooo. I just needed a day off, to enjoy the babies, be a mum, not feel the pressure of an audience and only because when i’m knackered I can’t shimmie to the BEST of my ability. It only takes a day or two…then I can replace myself back in that canon and *shoot* myself out again, but with full force. Everything’s been successfully rescheduled, with more on top, so I couldn’t be happier, as I have some really exciting people and places to venture! I can’t even tell you how excited am I. Right now, it’s so bizarre because there are so many places asking me to visit and a bundle of places that I personally are wanting to visit, so i’ve asked…that if i wanted to, I could set up some 300 day tour. Lol. I can’t BELIEVE HOW FAR THIS LITTLE BLOG HAS COME. And I can’t believe that PEREZ HILTON (who I LOVE and i’m completely inspired by) liked the fact that I’m a FINALIST in this years UK BLOG AWARDS! As if!!! AND he sent me cyber kisses, after I stated that his absence in Celebrity Big Brother is…well…I said ‘shite.’ (I know…I put it so poetically. 🙂 ) About 10 years about, I worked at Crunch Gym, just as the check in and ‘give you a towel’ girl. It was one of the best jobs I ever had. It was so much fun and I met so many different, yet familiar faces every day. It was stimulating. But one of those faces that I checked in almost every day, before he became GIANTLY famous, was Perez Hilton…So it’s really great to be 10 years on and able to look back on development. Why am I being so reflective? I need a rum. This is shit.

However, the great thing about this last week, has been the fact that i’ve been surrounded by the greatest chick friends. How any ‘Glamour Puss’ lives life, without her ‘Girl Soldiers’ (cue: Beyonce) is beyond me? You need them. You really do. And yeah, we’re all pretty different and range from the ages of 21 to sixty something…But without that daily check in, ‘Double B’s’ unexplainable banter and Mel’s daily, ‘but i’ve have melon’ announcement (she’s the slim girl that goes to your local Slimming world weigh in, who you despise for being slim because she can chow down half a pack of Rich Tea biscuits, lose weight and justify the *binge* with a ‘But i’ve just had a bowl of melon’ )….Without the balance of one another…we’d all fall to pieces.

I think the problem with me, is that I’m quite ‘boy bantery,’ even though i’m ever much the girl. I’ve always had a lot of guy friends, that now i’m really embracing having chick friends, because it brings out that inner girl, that you need in order to radiate and be a girl. Maybe that’s where i’ve been going wrong on the dating scene, because I never seem to be able to let a guy be a man, without being their hot bantery chick friend, looking after myself financially or taking control of the situation emotionally. What I mean by that is that i’ll chase to get what I want in love… and that’s lame. I’m lame. And it’s only because in business and in life by nature, i’m used to zooming forward with clout in an attempt to get what I want. I’m proactive. Lol. However, now I FEEL more girly and it’s the delicate girliness in me that seems to be bringing the gents forward…I’m playful and i’m divary…yet like i always say, until you meet me, you don’t realise that I have this soft warmth.

It’s funny because i’ve had some people meet me and say,

‘It’s weird because I thought after all the tit pics that you’d be an absolute  nightmare, but you are so much more sophisticated than I imagined.’

YET at the same time, I’ve had people say,

‘I thought you’d be so ultra high maintenance and up your own arse, yet you are literally so down to earth…’ 

So, i guess i’m both? The key is your initial perception of me.

Yet going back to ‘Girl Soldiers’….you don’t have great chick friends, that you see on a daily, unless you are comfy enough to discuss PENIS. If you could read my blog notes from the week, which are literally just quick bullets on the ‘notes’ section of my iphone, (which reminds me i’m due an upgrade,) you would wee yourself a little with laughter. The fact that i’ve executively typed ‘PUBE NATION’ makes into my phone, makes me DIE with belly laughs.

So, I guess I had started a conversation about sex and how I haven’t had any in ages…months….in fact and that it actually felt great. I’m dating no one, i’m single and i’m so happy and so busy that I’m not even plonking legs at ‘ten to two‘ as they say.. on bed sheets…ANYWHERE after cocktails! 🙂 Like i said, I do intend on finding my ideal partner…I want to fall in love. However, right now, unless they did all the chasing and really wanted to date me, or if i really really *hearted* them…I wouldn’t have time to date at all. I’m shattered.

But anyway, ‘Double B’ decided to tell everyone that she didn’t want to give blow jobs anymore because her ‘Beau’ has a penis that (wait for it) LOOKS LIKE ME! HAHAHA.

‘Honestly, Chrissie! It looks like YOU when you’re in your GIANT PARTY WEAVE. I can’t even look at it!’ 

HAHAHA. If you are unaware as to what my ‘Party Weave’ IS, know that it is the most biggest and most intense piece of head wear, ANY GIRL could endure on a night out. It is the BIGGEST AMOUNT OF HAIR… ON A HAIR PIECE… EVER MADE. That’s what her boyfriend’s willy looks like. I wonder whether it *pouts* too and takes Selfies?

Then, like that wasn’t enough, she then went on to tell me a story about how she knew this guy who hadn’t had sex or wanked off in THREE ENTIRE YEARS. (Odd news, when you’re about to calmly eat a pasty.) Anyway, he got lucky and manged to *bone* (‘Firmonnell’ always tells me off for saying *Bone*) a girl who just so happened to be ‘Double B’s’ friend…

‘Honestly Chrissie, she had just had sex with him, came over to mine and when she took off her top, to get in the bath, IT SMELT LIKE ROTTEN EGGS. His spunk had stayed in him for SO LONG that it had turned ROTTEN. I’ve never smelt anything like it!!!’

Hahahaha! She makes my blog too easy on me.

But does that happen? Spunk doesn’t turn rotten. It doesn’t have a ‘best before end’ date, does it? However, I do think that it’s unhealthy to have it stashed in you, going ‘rotten’ for years on end. Lol. Boys can’t win. They’re mucky if they always *splurge* it out and they’re mucky if they decide to hold it all in. It’s rubbish being a gent. Poor sods!

Men are just weird creatures in general. No wonder, why i haven’t managed to come across my perfect find. This morning I had Twitter banter with Tom Zanetti over a video he had received from a middle aged gentleman, who had taken a moment of his life to plonk a blond wig and make up on and place TWO cut out pictures of TOM on his nipples. HAHAHAAH. He sent Tom the video on twitter…and it was so funny that you couldn’t cry for laughing. We’ve been pissing ourselves about it non stop. I mean, it takes some balls doesn’t it, so i’ll give him a high five for that, as he succeeded in the art of gaining Tom’s attention. Yet it did make me consider burning my own eyes out..and i’ve been, seen and done it all. Lol. But hey ‘potatoe/pottato,’ some people wake up on a Sunday morning and praise the Good Lord Jesus Christ. Others glue Zanetti to their nipples for Twitter videos and hit ‘send.’ Lol. I love it!

I’m always going to be single aren’t I!

Maybe it’s a blessing.

There’s a whole lot of ‘city’ and for once, I’ll tell ya, i’m thankful that there’s not that much sex. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Single Life at 30 & A Dash of Co..Parenting

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I cannot even tell you how wonderful it feels right now to be a 30 something ‘Singleton’ with a glow of warmth and love, yet without this bizarre ‘NEED’ for it in return and I don’t mean all this in an ‘Ooh I can get sexy with any handsome i want and be their bed warmer for kicks and no strings.’ (I’m a chick, it’s just not how we roll emotionally. We’re not wired that way. There’s always something else going on in our heads isn’t there. Lol. Tragic but true. I am naturally an unconventional traditionalist. 🙂 I like things to be done the correct way, but with a happy/funny/or positive Wunna Twist.) What I mean by all the ‘Happy Singleton’ things is that my world is utterly and COMPLETELY DRAMA FREE because of it and gosh that is BLISS!

I hearing, watching and seeing partnerships be filled with ‘smog,’ …and not that i’m smug or anything….but i’m totally smug and everything 🙂 because i have none of those negative vibes dancing around my bubble and instead it is shimming through with light, love and fun. This Christmas I am all about The Wunna Babies, life and family and let me tell you my boat is fully afloat! 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m beaming! I’ve had a great year, I’ m on a 9 day birthday countdown and i’m smashing it!

Like i said before in a previous blog, i seem empowering because i’m positive. I believe i’m powerful because of my thoughts and the fact that i can express them. I’m always one to believe that being single doesn’t THESE DAYS mean that you’re ‘no good.’ It means that you know what you want and you are not willing to just settle or tie yourself down to something that isn’t exactly right for you, and instead be smart enough to wait for the right human with the right soul. It no longer means standing at the back of a gymnasium, by the rail because no one wants to dance with you. TODAY, being a single 30 something means you can just leave whenever you feel because the party wasn’t good enough. 🙂 And feeling powerful makes you a million times more attractive. 🙂 My mojo is great right now, i should bottle it up and sell it to you. 😉

Anyway, preach over. Life!

Lot’s has happened. I have four days off work. I’m at Tiger Tiger Leeds tonight to celebrate achievements via the fine art of cocktailing and good times! I’m excited as I adore a good time in any shape or form.

Junior’s got a snotty nose. Ruby has broken up from school for Christmas and her Daddy (Pete) and I did Posh Lunch with her yesterday at Ego to make her smile. If anything Pete, Keiran and I co parent those kids like champions. Yes, it’s odd, but no one does it better than us and it’s a really hard thing to understand unless you know us personally. But we parent the children together. To be honest, both boys are going through their own dramas right now, be it in life or love…but when all’s said and done, we’re a family (and incase you have just tuned in, they are the two daddies to my two babies) and there’s a great deal of respect, laughter and love that it shared between us. I mean we’ll have our ups, downs and inbetweens at times, not often, as we get on so well. We have boyfriends and girlfriends venture in and out of the bubble…again…not often. I mean, when I dated Ben ages ago, he was great with Junior, yet rubbish with Ruby, he just didn’t understand and always tried to be her friend, yet would ‘naughty step’ her when HE couldn’t handle the situation. It got to a point where Ruby didn’t even want to be in the home around him…so immediately he was ‘Voted off the island.’ And that’s how it sort of works in Wunna land.

Harsh I know. It’s hard to date us as individuals….even without all this parenting stuff sprinkled on. Lol.

But what we do well is prioritise the children in our lives. What they want and what they need comes first and mainly because neither Pete, Keiran or I are that ‘needy’ really when it comes to love. All three of us are quite independant which makes putting Ruby and Baby J first, really easy.  I took Ruby to the park after lunch yesterday and there was a moment when she was swinging on the swing, I was pushing her, she was laid back in this orange swing, with her face looking up to the sky and her eyes closed. I watched her and asked her how she felt? How life was? And her simple reply, as she looked in utter peace and overwhelmed with glee was ‘I don’t feel good Mum. I feel GREAT! I’m really happy.’ (Her eyes still closed, her face still smiling up to the sky as she swung merrily.)

And that’s how we know that we’re doing an alright job….

A great thing about yesterday was that I bumped in my good friend Vicky. She found me on the street, adopted me and took to school (we have kids in the same school) for Christmas market trinket shopping and coffee. I’m a Prosecco Mum not a PSA Mum so i never know that things like this are going on. But it was good to see her and she’s always so filled with love and banter. We had a giggle, she borrowed my pen, wrote out my own Christmas card with it, infront of me, sealed it, signed it to me and handed it over. Lol. HAHAHA. I love it! Hilarious.

There was a glow about her yesterday as Vicky in her 40’s, found love in her 40’s (she looks like she’s just about to turn 30) and she is about to marry the man of her dreams. So she’s glowing. She asked HIM (Guy) to marry her. Sexy isn’t it! And if that isn’t girl power than i don’t know what is!! She’s always told me to hold out and wait for the ‘life enhancer.’ The guy that comes in, sweeps you off your feet, fixes things positively, lives with you, enjoys the world the way you do, loves you how you want to be loved and enhances your life. If you’re in a relationship and you do not have that, then you are with the wrong human and selling yourself short.

I’ve got a really busy day today, so i need to head off!

I’m at Tiger Tiger Leeds tonight!!

See ya. x