So, i’ve got a calendar shoot, an audition to present a music show for MTV, i’m contracted to a traditionally well known enterprise for a bunch of glamour shoots, i’m on a show that airs next year, I have a few snazzy brands that have ever so kindly asked me to blog for them and i’m currently writing my book.
I’m doing all this whilst working constantly and being a mum…but i’m loving it because something feels right this time around. Something just feels right….
Mentor: ‘How do ya know you’re about to set fire to the place?’
Me: ‘…because this time…I can feel it. It’s not a dream anymore…I can feel it.’
‘Firmonnell’s’ just text me a picture of my girl crush…who if you didn’t know is Ellen DeGeneres. Lol. It really is! If I was a lesbian…The only woman I would ever want to date is Ellen. I love her, that much. I don’t even know how her sending me a picture of Ellen even occured, as I’ve kinda just forced Firmonnell (who’s pretty much one of my best chick friends) to read an extract of my book, to make sure it’s not ‘too much.’
Firmonnell: ‘OMG, just read your extracts and fucking laughed out loud. It’s fucking hilarious. Love it!’
Me: ‘…but is it too much, because i’m really open, so to me it’s fine, yet I don’t know how other people will react to it?’
Firmonnell: ‘I think anyone would see the funny side to that! Honestly…it’s great.’
And she wouldn’t lie to me, because she’s a bitch like that. One of those good friends. However, Mel did make me a lasagne for my lunch today and I adore her for it, as LORD KNOWS how anyone can figure out how to make a lasagne…So technically, they’re in competition to be my bestie. Lol. It’s getting tight. They’re both too great. Approach me with honesty or pasta and you’re onto a winner. I’m that easy.
I’ve also got to film the advert for my blog…I’m setting the dates for it now and I have to shoot for the website also…There’s just so much, but i’m really grateful for it all and really excited. Everything is changing and it’s weird because the more everything changes, the more I keep flash backing to my LA days.
They say that when you ‘flash back,’ like when you hear a song that suddenly reminds you of something in the past…it hasn’t got anything to do with a THOUGHT (it’s not a mental process) and instead apparently has EVERYTHING to do with how something made you FEEL. So when something happens…like for example, I received a personal message today…It wasn’t a good message, it was a shit one…but immediately within seconds…my mind shot back to a past memory that made me FEEL the exact same way. It’s crazy how life works…and how the past triggers back in little blurs. What i’m good at is moving forward. I’ll have a moment, privately and then i’ll decide to not dwell on it and keep on merrily moving. 😉 I don’t bottle things up, which makes me healthy, I’m expressive, I let it all out. In fact, have for years and you’ve been following it. Writing this blog, even when it was simply on Myspace and it didn’t have a home…has always been my therapy.
LA Friend: ‘Remember that time on Sunset when you went to see that psychic for a laugh and you thought she was a weirdo…’
Me: ‘Yeah, she was weird…I didn’t like her at all. She tried to make me sing for her, for no reason…’
LA Friend: ‘Well she TOLD YOU that you would end up writing something for a living that would be HUGE and take the world by…’
Me: ‘I DO remember that. I know that. I was there. I was just modelling at the time, so i couldn’t imagine it…But yeah, I remember everything…I remember that exact moment… ‘
LA Friend: ‘Do you remember walking down Hollywood Blvd, drinking Malibu out the bottle, telling Catwoman to not be a druggie and stalking that weird break dancer with me..Lol.’
Me: ‘I remember everything. Haha. Kinda makes me glad that i’ve balanced all that shit out with a bit of Yorkshire. 🙂 ‘
I’ve kinda had a good night as I’ve been chatting to a whole bunch of my friends and simply reminiscing. I love a good tinker down memory, yet i’m not ready to delve into it all just yet. I’ll save that for when i’m 80 years old, when that’s all i have left…I’ve still got a lot of life to live, a lot to look forward to, work, love…family…the works. I’m excited for what lies ahead, in ALL OF those areas…So right now, the past is the past and even though i’ve had a colourful one (and I don’t regret any of it, as it established who I am today,) more than anything, i’m enjoying right now and looking forward to the future.
One of my chick friends scrolled through my Facebook Inbox this evening just to see what some of you were saying…and I guess, knowing me personally, she was SHOCKED at how men approached me.
‘It’s like they don’t know you at all?’
‘Well they don’t. They just see a picture of me or follow a social profile and think they do… Then they guess how i am and get it wrong…But i’m not bothered because…’
‘You’re not bothered because you’re all a flutter about *The Swirl.’
‘I don’t feel fluttery. I feel pretty stable.’
I guess what people don’t imagine or don’t know is that i’m a hopeless romantic and I adore a romantic partner…so whilst men believe that filling a girls inbox with pictures of genitals etc will work in the art of ‘the pull,’ when it comes to me…it never ever will. I’m a romantic girl, but my romance is dashed in fun.
Yeah, I may have dated a lot in my past and been married three times, but each time I did marry and all three men are completely DIFFERENT to one another….they had ONE THING IN COMMON and that ONE THING was that they approached me romantically. I must like that…
Yet like my friend said, right now my heart is all about ‘The Swirl.’ (I’m rubbish like that. Lol I just have a one track mind. It’s hilarious.) But like I’ve said to him…I’m quite embarrassing, yet ah well, i just wear my hear on my sleeve. There’s nothing wrong with that in my book…
Talking about books, my old LA roommate sent me a message today saying..
‘Please don’t tell the story of the donkey porn…I’ll die…’
‘You mean that time I went through all your drawers for no reason, after you had had sex with that random Farrah girl and found your secret stash of Animal porn. 🙂 ‘
‘Fuck it…Tell the story. It’s hilarious. But give me a good nickname.’
‘You have to earn a good nickname dude. LOL.’
And just like that, it went out globally… 😉
Love you all,
Thank you for following my life.