Leeds, German Markets, The Homeless & Idiots!!

Literally the best weekend ever. It’s been filled to the brim with life, glamourousity, family, Christmas excitement and a raw reality that keeps all humans balanced.

I tinkered into my weekend after a really busy work week, where I wasn’t ‘Double B’s best life line…

Double B: ‘I have no clue where I am??? There’s a bush, some water and a metal pole. I’m by some nurseries??? Where do I go??’

If you know me, you will know that I have NO SENSE OF DIRECTION. I have no clue where anything is. I can’t walk there. I can’t drive there. I’ll find it in the end, because i’m a natural survivor…Yet let me tell you, it’s a jolly old ball ache. Geography was not my best subject. Luckily, ‘Double B’ is as rubbish at choosing ‘life lines’ as I am and unfortunately called ME, for the answer to her ‘Where am I’ needs.

Me: ‘Don’t get stressed. It’s fine. Calm down. Do you need me to sing to you? Shall I sing to you…I don’t think ya ready, for this jeellly, I don’t think ya ready, for this..’

Double B: ‘There’s a metal pole. I might hit myself with it…Ask Hustle….NOW!!! I’m by some nursery!!!’

Early through the week, ‘Firmonnell’ who is getting thinner and blonder each day and has the most adorable husband ‘Big D,’ who leaves her champagne and fresh cut flowers, before he flies to Barcelona for the weekend with his guy friends, decided to hunt around a building…no…that’s wrong, an ‘ENGINE ROOM’ trying to catch people having sex.

Firmonnell: ‘I don’t know?? It was just in m head. It was creepy. I just couldn’t stop imagining catching people having sex in the engine room???’

Me: ‘What, in that cupboard?’

Fimonnell: ‘NO. The engine ROOM.’

(Cos everybody knows what that is? Lol And one of the beings, that she thought she would find, in her very creative imagination, had just been to Greggs. I saw them with my own very eyes…. So they would definitely be ‘doing it’ with a bacon sandwich in their hand. It’s like the Yorkshire version of ‘Fifty Shades.’ They’ll even stamp ya card afterwards…)

But yes, I rolled into my weekend with beams and smiles, because my Saturday IS ALL about Mummy, Ruby and Junior time. And BOY, did we have a time.

No alarm!

We woke up at the crack of dawn in a fox onesie, a Paw Patrol onesie and one that resembles a Happy Unicorn and within a moments flash, we were showered, changed, (I had a coffee and a Little Mistress faux fur bundled around me,) as we tickled and giggled into a car and *winked* a train into a busy Leeds City Centre.

Believe it or not, neither Ruby nor Junior have ever been on a train before. Well, so they say. Ruby’s actually been on a train to London lots of times. When she tiny and single mummying was hardcore, I used to have to take her with me, with my Mum to appearances and work.

Bottom line, they were both so excited BY LITERALLY EVERYTHING…and it was so sweet because their excitement was infectious. Middle aged ladies and young girls were chatting to them and laughing with them…The train was rammed. It was SO BUSY. But the most lovely lady had saved the children and I seats, just so they could sit down, through all the madness and the bustle. It meant a lot to me. I thanked her profusely.

The rest of the day, (well we were in the City Centre by 10am,) was nothing short of magic. We did everything and anything. We did life. It beamed from us, as we made the city our own. There was buzz in the air. An energy. And as we sauntered through the morning city centre streets of Leeds, Christmas was all around us.

We visited the Candy Mechanics ‘Edible Selfie Station’ where the babies had their faces turned into designer chocolate lollipops, we shopped at Smiggle, we picked out toys, we wrote ‘Dear Santa’ letters, we bought Boba Tea drinks (a Boba tea is one of my favourite non boozy choices, incase you didn’t know) …Our Boba Tea bar of choice was ‘Bubbleology,’ we almost ventured to the cinema, but decided against it, simply because we didn’t want to be stuck inside for hours…and then we grabbed a quick lunch at Yo Sushi. (The one at  Trinity Leeds.)

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, people standing, child and shoes Image may contain: one or more people, people eating, food and text

Image may contain: 2 people, people sitting and outdoor Image may contain: one or more people, people standing and indoor

The pure and utter absolute excitement on their faces, as sushi and sashimi plated delights, sloooooooowly, glided past them on the magical electronical conveyor belt, as they chatted to the chef was…it was just so fulfilling. (So, I celebrated with a wine. 😉 ) We were treated really well in there and I appreciated that. Ruby tried a little bit of everything.  She has an exquisite palette for a six year old. She adores sushi on the whole… Junior chose the closest thing he could get to fish fingers and chips, by picking out the fish tempura and Japanese salted fries. Lol

Junior: ‘I think I prefer the chips at Mcdonalds..’

But we had a blast. It was amazing.

At that point, we were meant to go home. But I guess, home wasn’t ready for us JUST yet, as we found ourselves hand in hand, walking up to Millennium Square, to the German Market, to celebrate Christmas. Ruby was armed with warm roasted chestnuts and Junior with a cup of sweetcorn. It was so busy, we even got lost. Lol. (Told you i’m rubbish at directions.) I had to call Pete (Ruby’s Dad) to tell me the quickest route to Millennium square. Lol

Pete: ‘Where are you?’

Me: ‘By the Victoria Quarter. I’m passing Harvey Nic’s and Louis Vuitton is on my right. Do I just..’

Image result for harvey nichols leeds

Pete: ’…Walk straight up and turn left at the cross road. It’s behind The Light. As if Ruby’s agreed to walk that far. Lol’

And with a blink, we were there, immersed in the magic of a Christmas wonderful land, with fairground rides, mulled wine cabins, hand made Christmas gifts, giant snow globes, merriment, warm fires and just life at it’s finest. Everyone there seemed to be having the most wonderful time…so we went with the mode and embraced it. We went on rides. I did mulled wine, they did hot chocolates, we rescued Rudolph…I don’t think they could believe their little Christmas eyes?

Image result for german market leeds

It was  a swirl of utter merriment. They threw their heads back with laughter. We chatted to pretty much everyone. We sang. We danced down the street. We won teddies. It was almost like everyone around us had committed to having a ‘good time.’ Even the security guard winked at Junior, and told him that his ear piece and walkie talkie was his direct line to Santa. Lol.

He just gazed at him, with his mouth wide open and is face filled with glee. I’ll always remember that face, because one day he won’t be four anymore. He’ll be a grown ass man. But no matter how old he gets…i’ll always be able to see that face in him.

It was still day time, but the air was getting nippier and the day was beginning to turn to night…so I thought i better get them home, even though it was early. Ruby’s nose had turned pink with fun and the open air and they were both still so excited that they needed a lull, a calm, a peace, to warmly settle down to. We were skipping all the way back to the train station. I had bags full of all sorts and they both had giant rainbow slinky’s in their hands, that they had  just won on ‘Hook a duck.’

Ruby: ‘MUM! YOU’RE NOT HELPING ME HOOK IT!!!!’

Junior: ‘I can’t hooker it!!’

The streets were now the busiest streets in all the land…People bustled past, with bags of shopping galore. Leeds was now ALIVE.

The streets were filled with posh couples, teens, students, business men, hip hop clicks, buskers….families…the lot! It was MADNESS!! Delight had fizzled from the air and ‘BUSY’ had taken over. I had all the bags over my wrists, as I held the kids hands tightly and guided them through the crowds….We were gonna go to Gino’s for tea, but I just needed to get them home…

Then Ruby stopped….

Everything stopped.

It was like we had been hurtling through the crowds at a hundred miles an hour, just going with the flow of the bustle, trying to get to the end of the tunnel. She ‘emergency braked’ me.

Me: ‘What’s the matter?’

Ruby: ‘I’ve just got some change left from Hook a Duck…Shall I go give it to that guy?’

(She looks behind us to show me a gentleman, who was sat on the pavement asking for change, with an empty Greggs cup in front of him.)

Junior was already pulling his way towards the guy. (He’s a wild one is Junior. He’ll always do what he wants. Ruby…no she’s older… will always ask.)

Me: ‘Yeah! Absolutely! That’s a great idea. Let’s go see him.’

And we did. We walked back to him, with smiles and a warmth and as he looked up at us, he beamed.

‘Hi, I’m Chrissie…’

‘I’m Junior..’

‘I’m Ruby. What’s your name?’

‘I’m John.’

She looked straight into his eyes, grabbed his hand and placed £2.70 in it.

Now, the next 20 minutes of life, were the most MOVING minutes for me EVER, to the point where I actually filled up with tears  and sat down, on the pavement next to John, to chat.

During these 20 MINUTES, I was the PROUDEST MOTHER ON THIS ENTIRE EARTH. Words cannot even describe to you, how proud I was of my children. I filled up because I couldn’t express how I felt at the time. It was that overwhelming.

Me: ‘I’m sorry i’m crying.’

Ruby: ‘She never cries…’

Here’s snippets of our 20 minutes. There is the heaviest bustle on the Leeds streets. I’m not sat on the pavement with bags of shopping around me, next to John, who is homeless and Ruby and Junior are stood directly in front of him chatting to him….The moment was so magical that the city bustle blurred into the background, almost as if we were cut away in our own little bubble.

Junior: ‘Why dya need money?

John: ‘For food and to buy things that’ll keep me warm.’

Ruby: ‘Are you homeless?’

John: ‘Yes.’

Junior: ‘But why don’t you have a box?’

John: ‘Haha. Aww…I don’t have a box.’

Ruby: ‘Where have you got that bag from?’

John: ‘I bought it, with the money people gave me.. It’s got a change of clothes in it..’

Ruby: ‘Have you seen what we’ve won on Hook a Duck??’

Junior: ‘I can’t work mine.’

John, who is beaming with smiles at this point and probably one of the most eloquent speakers, I had spoken to in weeks, gently looks at Junior and puts out his hand, to see if he’d like help, with his Slinky.

John: ‘I used to have one when I was a kid. You know, if you put them at the top of the stairs, they tumble down them.’

He took Juniors hands and he showed him how to balance the slinky. They were all laughing and filled with an absolute comfort.

Junior: ‘Why don’t you just phone you’re mum? Whenever i’m in trouble. I just get my mum.’

John: ‘My Mum didn’t want me home. That’s why i’m out here. You have a lovely Mum.’

Then he began to explain homelessness to them. I watched him talk to my children and the way he told them the story was beautiful, because it was real, yet he acknowledged that they were six and four and therefore delivered it to them, in an almost ‘fairytale’ fashion. It was so moving.

They asked questions about his life, where he sleeps, how he ended up on the streets, what will make him better…all sorts… There was a dignity to John. He never felt sorry for himself. He told them the facts, then showed them the facts….

‘Watch…’

And as the children stood to one side, (and do know that my kids are used to walking into places and having everyone fuss over them,) he started to ask the busy people passing by, who were inches away from him… for change.

Junior watched EVERY SINGLE PERSON walk straight by John. He watched every single human, not even turn to look towards him. He watched grown mummies and daddies, pull their children away from him and he watched people look towards John, yet pretend he wasn’t even there.

Now, I know my son and he was astonished. He looked uncomfortable. He didn’t even know what to think? He had no clue why everyone was ignoring him. It really made him FEEL. His eyes told a story, in that moment.

Junior: ‘You’re not saying it loud enough. Look. Watch.’

And Junior starts pointing at random people and aggressively shouting,

‘MONEY PLEASE!!!! YOU! MONEY!!’

People looked…. and everyone walked on by.

The kids are now sat around him and  merrily playing with their rainbow slinkies, like the happiest children in the world.

I began talking to John. He asked me about my life and I asked him about his….

So John was newly homeless. He was clean. He was dressed normally. He used to have a full time job, that he lost because the company he worked for went under. He survived with what money he had saved, but couldn’t get another job and missed two payments of rent. The apartment complex that he used to live in…is BOUJI.

He got evicted and had to move back in with his parents. His parents are heavily religious, and didn’t agree with the way he had been living his life….so kicked him out onto the streets. They don’t speak to him. They have nothing to do with him.

Two missing pay cheques changed his LIFE.

Everyone walked past this man like he was invisible. Like he wasn’t even human, wasn’t even there. Not one person in that 20 minutes through him a penny, a look or a smile. John has a DEGREE. He’s expressive. He’s speaks so eloquently. He’s well mannered. He an intellect. He so emotionally and mentally sound that he looked at me and said,

‘Don’t worry. I’m fine. I really am. I know this city like the back of my hand. I’m just learning a new version of it. 🙂  Once I get a job. I’ll be able to turn it all around. I’ll do it. I’m not meant to be here. It’s just circumstance.’

Me: ‘You know tough times are just temporary right? And that tough people are forever…I’ve been exactly where you are! I don’t know what I can even do to help you? How will I ever find you again? Like, do you sit here often, or? I won’t even be able to contact you? I don’t even know how…’

John: ‘How did you get out of it??? Infact, I can tell you how to can help me….All I’ve been wanting to know FOR AGES and I hope you don’t mind me asking, is what time it is and what day it is…?’

Ruby: ‘John. Y’know, if you go down there a bit, there’s swings and wine and stuff…It’s Christmas…’

I pull my phone out…

Me: ‘It’s 2.49pm…and It’s Saturday. It’s November the 18th.’

He looked me directly in the eyes and HE began to fill up. That meant so much to him. It was crazy.

John: ‘I used to be so scheduled. I used to moan about it all the time. I have no clue where i’m gonna go or what i’m gonna do, but just knowing what time it is and what day it is feels good…’

That was it then…I could’ve burst into tears, but I didn’t.

Ruby: ‘Do us a video mum!!!’

Me: ‘I’m a blogger. Do you mind if we take your picture and post it…’

John: ‘Gosh, yeah, course you can. The fact that anyone would even ask to take my picture, has made me feel ten feet tall. Lol.’

(He straighten his hair a bit. 🙂 )

Image may contain: 1 person, child Image may contain: 1 person, sitting, shoes, child and outdoor

The kids loved him, chatted to him more, they played with the flipping slinkies endlessly and it soon began to get really nippy. The air was cold! Really cold.

Me: ‘I’m gonna have to get the kids back home now.’

John: ‘It was lovely meeting you Chrissie.’

Me: ‘ Y’know…I walked straight past you. Ruby stopped me to and asked if she could give you change.’

John: ‘It’s what happened next that mattered….You’re such a great family.’

Junior: ‘I love you John.’

(Junior hugs him.)

Ruby: ‘Me Too’

(Ruby dives on him and hugs him too…)

Image may contain: 2 people, people sitting, child and outdoor

We gather up our bags and as I walk away with the babies holding onto each hand, I look back at him before I leave and simply say,

‘Look after yourself mate…’

He smiles as we walk away….

Then as life goes on, the bustle got heavier….John went back to asking for change and we managed to get caught up and rammed into a giant gang of ‘Furries’ all high fiving Junior as they passed..

Junior: ‘Whoa!!! What’s going on?? What is this place?’

Me: ‘Let’s get home kids!’

 

As some of you will know. Last night, I posted the pictures of my day on Facebook… I posted the pictures that Ruby & Junior had taken with John. I was DEFINITELY a PROUD PROUD Mum, but I didn’t think too much of posting the pics? I do it all the time…

HOLY SHIT!

All my inboxes filled up within seconds. People were making comments. My phone was ringing and this was as my website email was pinging away…MADLY.

The majority of the comments, I’d say 80 percent of them where filled with love, glistened in a positive warmth, dashed with kind words and support from my friends…

Then 10 percent of them were EVIL. I got called a ‘Bad Mum.‘ A ‘Stupid fucking mum.’ I got called an ‘Attention whore.’ I got called ‘fake.‘ I got called an ‘Idiot.’ People were really rude to me. People shouted at me online for letting my children hug a homeless person, because he was unwashed? Some people tried to turn the moment into a some kind of ‘Wunna stunt…’

And in that moment, I realized how narrow minded and judgmental people still were. It shocked me. I’m not by any means naive. I’m sassy. I didn’t think I would have to explain the actual situation to grown adults or justify it to fools. You should be ashamed of yourself for not being able to feel or see compassion. It makes you blind. It makes YOU the problem.

I didn’t at all, FOR ONE SECOND think that posting photos of Ruby & Junior hugging John would cause such an alarm? However, i’m concentrating on the positive responses, because unlike the weird 10 percent…I’m not an idiot.

So what I’ll say is that I am thoroughly grateful to all of you who stuck up for Wunna Land, voiced your opinion and showed the kids some love. They deserved it. ALL of you! It means a lot. (Kate you were awesome.) The support is always wonderful. That 80 percent of you ARE THE PERCENT that make a difference.

Chrissie x

 

 

London, Thai Brides & ‘The Worm’ in Budapest

I arrived at Kings Cross Station at around noon, after getting stuck in Peterborough for a sassy short while, which was after an evening of ‘good times’ with Zanetti at Mission Leeds.

I slept on the way there, so I didn’t feel dodgy at all, to be fair. I did good. I’m pretty good at prioritizing, these days. If I need to be somewhere, no matter where life has taken me the evening before, I’ll be there. It can honestly be the crack of dawn. If it’s important, i’ll be there.

I had a really important meeting in London….so I made it there, in one glamourous piece, after a snuggle with my babies and a snooze on an early morning Sunday train. (Sunday trains are busier than you think. They’re annoying because everyones reserved a seat, meaning you think you have nowhere to sit, However, no one shows up for their seats because they’re hung over or can’t be arsed,….meaning you’re sat or stood somewhere you didn’t want to be and for no real reason at all.)

YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Now, again…I can’t tell you anything about my meeting, other than the fact that it was a PR meeting, a career meeting and that I was greeted outside Platform 3, at Kings Cross Station.

After attempting to chat ‘work,’ at Five Guys, where the music was too loud, the tables were wibbly and with a Corona in my kitten hand.

‘What? It’s the hair of the dog? I’ve been up all night…’

(I love that I can rock up to a meeting, in a giant white faux fur, sit in a burger joint, order a Corona at 12.01 and simply smile with a..

 ‘I did a Launch Party last night. I’m knackered. Everyone was there. I really need this Corona. Anyway…yeah….where’s my career headed, doll?’

‘We need to go somewhere else. I can’t even hear you. It just needs to be quieter, so I can take notes and chat about everything.’

We moved to a much more peaceful venue, where you could talk career, Wunna Land and the art of ‘moving forward.’ I definitely looked like a ‘Mail Order Bride’ (i always flipping do and it’s annoying.) But after 2 hours and after dreams and hopes were bagged up and scheduled, I popped into the Great Northern Hotel for a quick Merlot before my train back onto Northern soil. (I love the GNH because the couldn’t be nicer to me. The service is impeccable, I have hundreds of tales to tell, from that joint, the cocktails are a dream, they decorate their ceilings with giant chandeliers and because it’s right next to my train home, i’m two steps away from safety.)

Yet, these days, things are simple in Wunna land are they?

OFCOURSE a strange woman found me immediately. Ofcourse, she sat with me and wanted to tell me all about how rubbish her love life was because the guy she had been dating, wasn’t over his (believe it or not) Thai Bride. Lol. I listened. I tried to be helpful. But she didn’t want help. She just wanted a moan and a selfie.

My phone rang and it was ‘London Business Man’ and because I actually TOOK the call, and stopped giving her attention for ONE SECOND, she got in a mood and started calling me  a prostitute…because I ‘looked like one?‘ Lol

Cheers, Cuteness!

I was literally ON THE PHONE, to one of my REAL LIFE FRIENDS and she kept talking over me, to me and making me leave the guy (‘Billy’) who apparently doesn’t love her anymore, actual VOICEMAILS.

Me: ‘Billy doesn’t need to talk to me… I’m on the phone.’

It was crazy. She turned crazy. It all went tits up!

She eventually left and I was kinda glad, because I hate rude people. I’ll sit and chat to anyone. I’m great like that. But don’t be a melodramatic twit over nothing…then take it out on me. I didn’t cheat on you with a Mail Order Bride.

By this time, I had moved outside, (like ya do) and  as London traffic whizzed me by…. I just wished I was home. When you’re knackered…travelling is THE WORST. But ofcourse she followed me, with her luggage on wheels…and in her drunken state, just rambled on about how hard done by she was…because of Thai Brides. 🙂

 It felt looooooooooooong.

I eventually got home. I couldn’t wait to get home. I was finally back on Northern soil. I even text my mum from the train (lol) just for comfort….. and that night I went to bed at 9pm and slept like a baby, ready for my next day, my next early morning of work.

Last weekend was MAD. One minute I was with Santa, the next I was watching Tom Zanetti throw dwarves at people in Leeds, then I blinked and I was in a huge PR meeting in London with a Corona, and then underneath a chandelier some drunk lady decided to take out her history with Thai Brides out on me, whilst telling me she was a fan of my blog. (Kinda hope you’re not reading this.) 

Luckily, the great thing about life is that things quickly go back to normal, doesn’t it? Let me tell you that my faith in sanity and Wunna Land has now been restored.

I mean anytime you saunter into a room, on the 2nd floor of a building and ‘Hustle Barbie’ says,

‘I woke up in a bikini, after a SPATY (which is a pool party in a spa,) at six o clock in the morning, on the floor… in Budapest, before having to come home to Leeds…..’

…you know all is well.

She actually also performed ‘The Worm’ for a bunch of Hungarian men (which is her party piece when drunk and once they watched her do it, they looked at her and just went with ‘Nah….’

‘You always do the worm…’

‘Yeah, cos EVEYRONE MAKES ME!!!! My arms still hurt.’

I had a phone call yesterday, whilst I was tinkering into Marks & Sparks for a quick salad. This phone call was from the same human, who gave the ‘the shocking phone call’ a couple of weeks back. I hadn’t spoken to them since. I had just left them to do their own version of life.

Last night, I didn’t blog because after a mad weekend and a Parents Evening for Ruby, (fyi/ Ruby’s parents evening was amazing, completely different to the one I had to go through with Keiran, for Junior.  I don’t even know how Juniors teacher and I got through it without having to guzzle 42 wines? But yes, Ruby’s parents evening was an opposite kind of experience . Pete sat there and filled up with ‘I’m so proud of her’ tears, which means a lot doesn’t it? I mean, we’re not together and haven’t been for years, but we co parent with such ease and love for our little one….that it’s magical.

I love Ruby and Junior with every inch of my soul, so after a really busy weekend of work and madness….ALL I WANTED AND NEEDED was to spend my time with THEM. Even tonight, we’ve had the most peaceful yet hilarious evening together….and I just watch them grow up before my very eyes with amazement. I’m a really lucky girl. They make my entire world worth it.  I mean, we may have our ‘ups’ and we certainly have our ‘downs,’ yet regardless there is such a deep love and strong bond between the three of us.  We make each other feel really special.

Anyway,where was I? I keep going on these tangents!!

Today, the guy that I can’t tell you anything about yet, who had made the ‘shocking phone call’ a few weeks ago, had also called me twice last night. I missed the calls because I was in bed early. However, this afternoon, whilst I was in a creepy cellar with a Beth, learning the alphabet, I called him back to see what he wanting.

This human NEVER FAILS to shock me. So i’m there in this cellar, now looking at bottles of prosecco, with the alphabet around my cobwebbed heels, shouting sentences at him, in order to conjour up some form of sense, clarity and ‘now what we gonna do’s?’ It was hilarious. These shocking phone calls are always left with an ambiguous ending , where anything could occur….? In the New Year, I’ll tell you ALL about it. Right now…I’m just not allowed to. Lol But we’re gonna have to meet up and talk through everything…recap and recoup…..The only thing I can tell you about the convo is this….

Guy: ‘My situation’s changed….’

Me: ‘Well you need to sort it out because…’

Don’t hang out in cellars..they’re creepy. EVEN IF, there is unopened Prosecco in there.

Regardless to all that, i’m home. I’m working tomorrow. I’ve chilled all night with the babies. ‘London Business Man’ said he was wanted to take me out to dinner. Junior has become obsessed with the calculator on my phone. Ruby has braided my hair, so that I too can be a unicorn? I’m sipping a wine. I’m really missing someone. My feet hurt. My phone won’t charge. I’m second guessing myself. I’m so proud of Australia for VOTING YES, on marriage equality. I’m learning to concentrate on what I’M DOING and not on what EVERYONE ELSE is doing.

But life on the whole is WONDERFUL.

I’m the luckiest girl in the world!

Tom Zanetti, Dwarves & VIP Piggy Backing

It was the maddest ‘good time’ that any human could EVER have experienced, that Saturday night, as the clock struck 11pm, on Heaton’s Court, Club Mission… Leeds.

It was the More & More launch party.

People had travelled far and wide, through cities, over hills, via trains, on road trips. People had ‘donned’ out the most stylish bits of clobber, owned the widest smiles, rocked out the hottest cleavages and committed to a total head mindset of ‘party.’ 

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, glasses and indoor

We wanted a ‘blow out’ and we got one!

Celebrities had tinkered from all the way over, to get there sassy little arses to Leeds that November 11th and why….I’ll tells ya why….To spend the night with our Tom Zanetti!

TEAM THOMAS! (Ya! Bitches!)

Now, Tom has shot out the ‘success cannon’ this year, with his pants on flames and his name in hottest club vibe lights. I’m from Leeds, so i’ve always known who Zanetti is. The only difference now, is that the rest of the world does too!

This is no joke.  He’s smashing it all about and then some. There’s not a single doubt in my glamour pussy mind, that this is ONLY just the beginning for him….But i’ll tell you about Tom later…Let’s take you back to the event…

So I strut up to Mission and it already has queues of guys and girls, all eagerly waiting in line. Chicks trying to catch Toms eye, as he bustled about outside for a few sexy moments. A tv camera crew followed his every move, a pap began taking photos of red carpet arrivals, a luxury car drove up the entrance to drop someone off and, security guards surrounded the entrance galore.

As I walked by the queue, with one of best guy friends Abeiku Arthur, who owns House of Solo Magazine, I heard chicks trying to strategically plan how they were going to sneak their way into the VIP. (I love that! It reminded me of when I was young girl in LA. We’d always try to sneak our way in. It was always hilarious. We’d come up with the maddest ideas. There’s was ‘Just flirt with Tom.’ Genius! Lol.)

Luckily, these days (wait for the ‘trumpet blowing‘…not that kinda ‘trumpet,’ 😉 ) simply because I own Wunna Land, via the fine art of online diary writing, jiggled with a previous modelling career and a juicy telly stint of ‘Best Pal’in’ with Paris Hilton…for ITV2….I don’t have to strategically plan a VIP entrance anymore. I just have to be there on time and grab myself a cocktail…

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Are you even wearing any pants???’

Me: ‘No. You could see them under my dress.’

(He does one of those faces of utter delight. You know the face. The face that your guy friends do when they know you’re not in any pants. *Rolls Eyes.* But honestly, who wears pants to a Tom Zanetti party? )

Me: ‘It’s actually really annoying that it’s windy because I can feel the wind gush all the way up my fluey.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Hahaha You’re digusting…Let’s get in there.’

On my walk up from the train station, I bump into Tom, who’s briefly organizing the crowds and he shows me through to the red carpet entrance (kinda gentlemanly, but cool) and just like that, I blink and there I was…swirled in the maddest VIP in all of the goddamn land.

It was absolutely RAMMED. It was busy. And that tells you a lot about Tom, right? Everybody wanted to show up for his night. I mean, when you’re in entertainment, you show up to events… POPULAR events, to SEE and BE SEEN.

Don’t let anybody tell you any different! We all know the score. We all do it.

OR you simply show up in support for the person or place throwing the sassy little shindig.

Like I said, he’s a really popular guy and people just adore him. I have never ever seen (and guuurrrl i have seens) A MORE buzzing VIP room in my LIFE.

I mean, let’s forget about the rest of the club, for now…as that was filling up like the world was about to end and Mission was the only safe sanctuary. But the actual VIP itself was JAM packed with famous sportsmen from Boxers to Rugby players. Hot chicks who spent their Summer on ‘Love Island.’ Charming guys from the Geordiest of Shores. Some who ‘Weekender in Ibiza’ and others who had committed to being a few hard months with ‘Big Brother.’

There were models, musicians, famous social media stars and everyone seemed to recognize everyone else in the VIP. (You kinda scan the room to see if there’s anyone you recognize.) It’s weird because even though…you haven’t actually met them in real life before, when you do, you kinda acknowledge them like you have known them for years.

Firstly, you all do the same thing, so  there’s an immediate respect that goes around from person to person.

We all know how difficult the entertainment industry is or can be..and at some point, no matter ‘what list’ your audience places you upon….what we ALL have in common, is that we’ve all had some ambitious creative dream. We all had the balls to go to an audition..and try and make that dream a reality. We all heard ‘no’s,’ but eventually *swagged* it out well enough to finally get the YES….Which placed us on your TV screen, all over the press, or be hailed as a DJ God, be placed on your favourite sports team. We’ve all worked hard and built up an audience, a brand or a career, doing something that we love.

Straight away I ordered a double gin and tonic, *air kissed* a rugby player, said ‘hi’ to some of my old friends, who I haven’t seen in ages, and then took Snapchat videos with Abeiku Arthur. I saw Jordan from ‘Ibiza Weekend’ stood talking to a Geordie Shore guy at the bar and then Charlotte Dawson sauntered in, looking like an absolute DREAM. She looks flawless. Her face was flawless. But she walked straight into the busiest VIP in all the land also, and ended up right in front of me and with the biggest smiles and a ‘hi, how are you,’ she was certainly one of my favourite sightings.

I love that girl. She’s so much fun. I definitely want to birthday go ice skating with Charlotte Dawson. (Random. But true! I do.)

Yeah, it was busy. Yeah it was rammed. We all took VIP breathers at points, just to get some air.

BUT IT WAS GREAT.

It turned BONKERS.

Dancing on tables, booze being guzzled like it was the last drop of fizzle on the Earth. TV cameras, bright lights in dark rooms, playing cards flying through the air, the craziest bustle, the loudest music, people jumping up and down, diving from wall to wall, drinks being spilled over one another, laughter, madness, clothes being ripped off…

Tom: ‘I’m boiling. It’s hot….I’m so hot…’

(Shirt flies off. People follow suit.)

Then the next minute he’s bare back, topless ‘piggy backing’ a friend, whilst being filled with laughter and ‘good times,’ models and pornstars are kissing his cheeks, his face is covered in red lipstick *kiss marks,* everyones phone was out and selfie taking for Snapchat was at it’s finest.

Then sassy masked bunnies in lingerie, casually saunter by..

It was the most bonkers time.

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, hat and close-up

It was like an urban, dance music, ‘circus’ of utter brilliant madness. The VIP was the ‘party version’ of Fight Club. Where the fighting was ‘mad partying’ and the club was in the name of Zanetti.

It was brilliant. It was so much fun. Something you have to do. A Zanetti VIP room, should absolutely be on everyones ‘Bucket List.’ There’s nothing like it…

I mean a flipping DWARF got hurled into the masses, so he could crowd surf! Hahaha. What the actual….I loved it! It was hilarious!

Just bonkers.

I looked around and scanned the room and everyone seemed like they were having the best time. It was crazy. And the good thing about it was that there were no rules. Usually… we are to say the right thing, do the right thing, meet the right people, promote the right thing. No one gave a fuck….they just enjoyed the most inappropriately fun time ever and with absolutely no censor.

The VIP rocked.

(No wonder everyone tried to sneaky peeky in.)

What I did notice about Tom…and I watch people, all people…always. He’s a nice guy…yeah…There’s a sweetness and a sophistication to him dipped in an urban ‘bouji’ twist. But he’s a really determined guy. He’s an ambitious soul. A showman. He knows what he’s doing, but he’s real. He’s down to Earth. He’s a guy who knows what he wants. Wants it his way and isn’t scared to voice his opinion. You don’t mess with Zanetti. He’s hot, right now. He’s really popular, which makes him powerful. People just want to be around him. You can’t help but feel quite ‘cool squad’ when you’re around him.

I watched him behind the bar, making sure people were being treated well. ‘WELL’ the way he seemed fit….which was with utter ‘boujiness.’ He’s an outspoken guy and he’ll tell it how it is. Everyone loves that! It must be his inner Northern…

The party went on and on, but I had to leave for the night at around 2am, simply because I had a 9.23am train to catch to London in the morning. I had an important Wunna Land PR meeting. at noon.

I got home, had an argument with an idiot taxi driver (All Yorkshire people argue with taxi drivers)  and got a few hours sleep, before waking up to my alarm, weirdly feeling ‘fresh as a daisy.’ It was almost like an evening of debauchery never even happened,

I was on a Platform 1, at Doncaster train station, ready to head to London, whilst answering inbox messages from people I met the night before…by 9am. He’s some of my messages…

‘Sorry I didn’t get the chance to chat to you last night. I recognised you, but it was just so mad.’

‘It was great meeting you last night. Let’s grab lunch some time.’

‘Babe, lovely meeting you…’

Before I left, I was sort of in this tunnel part of Mission, mixed in with a mass crowd of selfie taking. This awesome ‘swaggy’ guy in a black furry coat, kept stopping me and asking where ‘Rachel’ was…

‘Where’s Rachel?’

(I don’t even know who Rachel is??? Lol He must’ve asked me about 42 times, during the process of the entire evening.)

Abeiku Arthur was selfie taking with every boobie chick his eyes could ever see. A girl asked if she could selfie with me, but kept hating the picture, so we had to do it at least 17 times at 2am in the morning…The hot bunnies, with the evil ears, were now stood around me and chatting but then people then grabbed THEM for selfies…. and my night was over.

I tinkered out of Club Mission, in the early hours of the morning and when I did, there were STILL queues and queues of people waiting to get inside the club! (I walked straight over the red carpet like it was my Mums living room flooring. Lol.)

Leeds was on FIRE that night!

It was one of those nights, that you know you showed up at, yet because it was littered with utter madness, you can only remember things in ‘flashback form.

BUT…..a

It is one of those nights… that you’ll always always remember….and that’s what he does well!

Some of us in the VIP room, will bloom into Big BIG SUCCESS stories. Some of us will go far. Some of us will chose not to. Some of us will settled down, get married, have babies. Some of us will swirl down that merry plughole. Some of us will be remembered. Some of us will be forgotten. Some of us will make our marks more than we ever imagined we could.

But on November 11th 2017, on that Saturday night…WE ALL….under one roof, shared LIFE together, in the name of our Tom Zanetti!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Off To Zanetti’s Shindig…

Tonight i’m at Tom Zanetti’s Album Launch part at Mission Leeds. It doesn’t even start until 11pm (which is definitely going to kill me,) yet ‘ve had an amazing day with Ruby, Junior, Santa and every childs character,from Pikachu, to Chase from Paw Patrol, that right now watching them beam has kinda put me in the greatest of moods. I’ve even had ‘before me meet Santa’ cocktails. *Wiggle, Wink.*

But yes, even though i am absolutely not used to an 11pm start, i’m feeling quite fun tonight. I’m in the mood for a good ‘couple hours’ blow out.

Abeiku Arthur: ‘You do know that is is a full blown club night at Mission??’

Me: ‘Haha. Yeah I know. I love that we’re actually going to Mission for a club night. Lol. I’m in London in the morning, so we’ll just go for a bit and head back.’

I don’t stay anywhere until 9 o clock in the morning, unless it’s a guy that putting a ring on it. 🙂 I’ll have the best time. But liek I said…I’ve got work in the morning and a train to catch.

But yes, if you’re heading down, i’m looking forward to seeing you. I’m a huge Zanetti fan. He’s worked really hard to get where he is right now and right now, he’s smashing it all over. He’s Leeds. He’s here. He’s on his way up that glitzy ladder of success. He’ll appreciate you being there.

Y’know, Leeds is no joke. We don’t play! I’m watching us all creep up from under the wood works now, after years, no decades…of hard, hard work….

Tonight, I’ll GO and  celebrate his night. It’ll be completely and utterly RAMMED, but technically, who cares…I’m in the VIP, so i don’t have to get squashed by Zanetti fans, who will definitely be sweaty and screamy. (There’s not a more popular male in Leeds. I tells ya!)

My ‘Plus 1’ is Abeiku Arthur, who had Tom on the cover of his High Fashion mag ‘House of Solo’…The night is going to flooded with a mix of reality stars, models, sportsmen and his besties….and I’m going to blog what goes on in a Zanetti VIP. He’s bouji. He’s funny. He got into a bicker with Katie Price. I love a bit of Tom. I’ll celebrate anyone who’s smashing it!

I’m on chills right now, because like I said, this morning I delighted with Ruby and Junior. We shopped, we sang, we did Christmas in Doncaster. I tried to get a new phone, but instead ended up with new hair, shoes and handbag.They came back with bags full of gumball machines and weird techy toys.

Then we drove down to Ackworth Garden Centre to watch Santa arrive on his sleigh and I have never IN MY LIFE, seen the two of them MORE excited, than they were at that point. Ruby was squeaking and Junior was hugging everyone with glee. I’ really proud of them… It filled me with absolute joy.

Talking about JOY, the fact that ASK Italian, now do cocktails in a Disco Ball, has completed my life with bells on. Why, I don’t own my own cocktail bar is beyond me! Disco Ball cocktails wouldn’t just be for Christmas, they’d be FOR LIFE. 🙂

I did a late lunch at Ego after chilling it with Santa. Gino D’acampo was at Gino’s Leeds last night. I think right now, I deserve to SLIP INTO my tiny sliver dres,s from the Kourtney Kardashian line, for Pretty Little Thing (it was delivered to me this morning) and go have some ‘party party’ fun with our Zanetti in Leeds, right?

I told you. I’m dedicated the rest of my year to good times, as I have a really exciting 2018 ahead of me.

I’m only gonna go for a bit. Well a couple hours, as the shindig goes on until 9am. (I’m a sleeper. I need a nights sleep. Sleepin’ isn’t cheatin’ in my world. Lol.) Infact, i’m actually on a train to London at 9.23am tomorrow morning. So a few celebratory drinks for Tom, a boogie and well who knows who i’ll meet!!! 😉 Then i’m home to get a couple hours shut eye, before travelling to London to meet my PR in the morning. (It’s a really important meeting.)

I should start getting ready, it’s nearly 7pm and I’m  Abeiku Arthur at Xscape at 9.30pm, so we can head to Leeds early.

 

 

 

 

Biology, Ice Rinks & Prada

I definitely sat in a room today, with each one of my girl besties and took part in what I would call a somewhat glamourous ‘biology class.’ ou would never have thought that I was the product of not ONE but TWO Doctors, as Biology, has certainly never been a forte of mine. However, now..I feel much better, because the rest of my chicks friends are even more SHOCKING, when it comes to the rules of science.

So in the group….Some of us have had babies. Some of us… have not. I noticed that the ones who haven’t quite yet produced ‘Mini Mes’, didn’t know how or where babies come from? Lol. Yes, they’re all grown twenty something adults. 🙂 Glamour Pusses, to be exact. All ambitious. All driven. All hard working.

It went a bit like this..

‘Well, they say that if you have a baby later on in life, you’re more likely to have a boy, because more girls are produced by accident.’

‘Wait! So girls are becoming extinct???’

‘No, You’re just more likely to have a boy.’

‘Yeah, but in school we learnt about the X/X chromosomes and the x/y chromosomes, which would mean…’

‘I didn’t learn that in school…’

‘Wait, so I can only get pregnant, two days of the month?’

‘It’s weird how people just fall pregnant after a one night stand…’

‘You’re period has to be regular…’

‘Well i had an ovulation app…and i lived by it…’

‘Where do babies actually come from… Like i don’t actually know??’

‘Yeah, but Double B isn’t on the pill and she…’

‘She never has sex…’

‘It’s SCIENCE! OBVS!’

Then we quit playing ‘biology,’ as we had better things to do with our time. (Surprisingly.)

Mel decided that she needed to see a Doctor and an Optician all in the space of three hours, incase she had a brain tumour.

Mel: ‘Fucking’ell. I don’t want an injection in my eye. I’m having to go to Pinders tomorrow! Is it normal for Opticians to touch you?’

Me: ‘What d’ya mean, touch you? Lol. They do get close to your face.’

Fairytale: ‘They have too!’

Mel: ‘He was fit anyway…It’s just a bit weird that…’

 

Then ‘Fairytale’ and ‘Hustle Barbie’ decided to indulge in Kurt Geiger boot drama.

Fairytale: ‘These aren’t as comfy as they were in the shop.. I just wanna go home me…’

Hustle: ‘Well yeah, because everyone else has tried them on in the shop. I just need good boot for Budapest on Saturday.’

And ‘Firmonnell,’ ….my very best chica ‘Firmonnell’…dyed her hair pink. 🙂

(Haaaaa H’HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! What an idiot!)

Nothing makes me more delighted, than the fact that she tried to dye her OWN HAIR BLOND and instead she managed to lift her pretty head up from the sink and find that it was PINK. (Well, I say pink. No. She says PINK. It’s not pink. It just glows pink from a blondish head of hair.)

‘IT’S PINK! It’s fucking PINK.’

‘It’s really not.’

‘I thought i’d just go to sleep, let the world take a turn and wake up in the morning to see if i’d like the colour. I laid in bed for about 3 minutes and like a lunatic was back in the mirror to see if it had magically changed colour. If Double B was here, she’d tell me the truth. She’d tell me that I looked like i sold…’

Moderately dramatic. Yet, I love it when she’s all drama and evil. That’s why we ALL get along. ‘Firmonnell’ and I are on a really good banter stream with each other right now. Our banter, cannot even be competed with.

Firmonell: ‘Ooh, it makes me feel so good! I can feel the evil running through…’

Me: ‘…my soul.’

Anyway, fifty little pounds later and a £90 cancelled booking, ‘Big D’ (her delightful husband, who was probably sick of her moaning) had found her a trip to a rather bouji hairdressers, to change her life ‘back to blond.’ I love ‘Big D’ for that. He scores HIGH in the ‘Husband stakes.’He’s doing EVERYTHING RIGHT, right now. Where’s my ‘Big D???’ Wait! Hahaha. That sounds so rude!

Yipppeee!!!

Then I got bored and started Googling Prada. Shoes to be exact. Not because I particularly need any. Just simply because it makes the world a safer place. We’re committing to all things that makes us happy, right? Like the mesmerizing glow of the Dior makeup stand in ALL department stores…scrolling through the Prada or Jimmy Choo website….just makes me happy.

Then our guy friend ‘Jonesez’ who definitely needs to find himself a girlfriend, decided to make loving assumptions, as he carefully strutted passed each one of us, with caution. (He’s like a thoughtful, annoying, little brother to us all. But we love him madly because he buys us sweets.)

To Fairyatle: ‘Can I have some of your lip balm? It’ll be like we’ve kissed then.’

(Reply: Why are you so weird?)

To Me: ‘Yeah. I’ll definitely go ice skating with you. It’ll be like we’re on a date.’

(Reply: It’s not a date dude.)

To Hustle: ‘I thought you said *give head* then.’

(Reply:  *BLANK*   )

He’s such a Love Bunny. He can’t even help it! He’s cute! 🙂 To be fair. He’s a nuisance. But he’s fun and probably one of the most thoughtful boys ever.  We love him really.

But away from all that. I’m really busy. I’m trying to book a stay at a Forest Cabin, for the week before Christmas. For Ruby, Junior, my Mum, Dad..you get the picture. The Wunna’s.

I’ll also have a birthday around that time. I’ll be blogging from the cabin, through that week. It’s one of my favourite places. I haven’t booked it just yet. But I’ve been chatting back and forth with Forest Holidays all day today, because the cabin that I wanted is so popular, that it’s already booked up.

Firmonnell: ‘You can’t just have people chucked out of a cabin for you. Lol.’

Me: ‘ No. I know.I’m not trying to… I just…STOP TRYING TO RAIN ON MY PARADE!! Lol.’

I’m also trying to find a place where I can ‘open air’ ice skate during the festive months? Have Millennium Square in Leeds stopped doing the open air ice skating thing or something? I wanna go with the kids. I wanna go with my friends. I need it in my life and it’s nowhere to be found?

I was under the fond misconception, that it always appeared, as soon as the whole German Market affair tinkered to light? I’m wrong! I’ve fantasized about ‘open air,’ Christmas ice skating, in Leeds. Now, my dreams are shattered. 🙂

How can I have a ‘open air’ ice skating birthday, if there isn’t anything to skate on?

‘No! I don’t want to go to an ice rink. It has to be OPEN AIR!!!!’

(Lol. I’m feeling quite high maintenance today. I’m flipping demanding cabins, Prada and ice skating rinks. It’s the girls, they’ve evoked my inner Diva.)

But yes, it’s a busy time of merriment for me, or any blogger really, right now. I’m headed into such a fun season. It’s my favourite season and it’s so much better than Summer, because there’s an emotional warmth to Christmas isn’t there?

It’s not just a bikini pout, a poolside sun lounger and a instagram pic of you and an inflatable flamingo. There’s a magic to this season. A real magic. And this magic meanders around, until every single one of us, smiles and enjoys a warm apple cider, tinsel dripped December.

It’s that ‘magic’ that makes us feel good and when we feel good…. we can conquer the world!

Adam & Steve…

I’m headed to Liverpool today, to shimmie in a ‘Whinge of The Week’ with Ian Walker. I don’t even know what i’m going to do or say? But i know they’ll be prosecco, so i’ll show up and love it. Infact, he’s just messaged me and I think i’ve got all my times mixed up.

I’m currently sat on the edge of my bed, with Pink ‘So What’ playing in the background, the brightest, most misleading sun beam is thrashing it’s way through my window and onto my laptop screen, so I actually cant’ SEE anything i’m typing and i’m having a bad face and hair day. (One of those days where your face goes wrong and your hair follows suit. Yipppeee.)

It’s freezing. I’m freezing. Rocco the kitten is galloping around me. I’ve knocked over a random can of Pepsi that one someone has accidentally left by my bedside table FLOOR and everythings ‘chappy.’ You’ll have no clue what I mean. Infact I’m surprised I do right now. But all my face is dry and my lips are chapped. I’m  CHAPPY. I need a big oily ‘once over.’ (Now Rocco, the kitten has leapt onto my dressing table and kicked foundation all over the floor!

What is today!

I’ve just done the school run and the positive is that nothing was sweeter than showing up with Ruby and hearing Junior shout with GLEE, when he saw us. (He stayed at his dad’s last night.)

‘MAAAAAAAAAMA! RUBY!!!’

I had Junior’s parent’s evening last night. It was a nightmare. I mean, Keiran and I (Keiran is Junior’s Father,) we’re divorced and we co parent the best way we know how. BUT GOSH, we have COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY different views, on how our child should be raised. Keiran’s turned into this massive Jehovah’s Witness (yes) and tenderly FORCES that lifestyle onto Baby Junior.

Junior has been raised in WUNNA LAND. My Land. A land where in which fun, glamourosity, no judgement and cosy Mama Love fills the air. And to me…the two worlds are so different, that it’s all a bit nuts…and that is affecting my son, his education and his basic lifestyle beliefs. He’s 4. It’s too much for him. I’m not having it. Let him be 4! I let Junior be 4! There’s no pressure in Wunna Land. He loves it.

It’s nearly Christmas and Junior, Ruby, The Wunna’s and I are gonna dedicate it to family fun, traditions and the festive season…not praising Jehovah, not pulling him away from school, to worship Jehovah..NOT reading the Bible instead and ‘Christmas Dance Offs’ with Ruby, FOR Jehovah. NO Jehovah!

MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmKAY!

I mean anytime you have uttered these sentences in a PRIVATE Parents evening….

‘Adam and Eve were the original humans created by GOD…’

‘Adam and Eve! What if it was Adam & STEVE….You’d have to be okay with that! Junior might turn around one day and tell you that he’s gay!’

‘HE WON’T.’

‘Adam and Steve. That’s gonna be the title to my next blog!’

‘I don’t believe in Christmas. I don’t want him to do anything Christmassy.’

‘No! I want him to do Christmas. He loves the play. He’s so excited for it all. I don’t want him to miss that! I don’t want him to miss Christmas Jumper day, or cracker making. Or anything!!!!’

‘I don’t pull him out of school for anything entertainmenty, so you can’t pull him out of school for anything religious.’

‘What are your views on Sexual preferences?’

‘He’s behind in school.’

‘That Bible was so badly written…’

‘I love your blog.’

‘Your blog is written by Satan. IT’S ALL SATAN.’

‘You’ll be sorry. You’ll BOTH know i’m right, when the world ends and you don’t go to paradise. You’ll both remember this day and be like AH! KEIRAN WAS RIGHT!’

‘I can’t even imagine you two EVER being married to one another.’

‘All this must be a lot of pressure on Junior. He’s only four and already is learning to be one way in Wunna Land and one way with Keiran.’

‘What! It’s cos he’s a boy. I was just the same.’

‘It’s got nothing to do with gender Keiran!’

‘I’m gonna have to agree with Chrissie.’

‘You’re focusing on the wrong thing Keiran. Just seeing him happy and smiling because he’s so excited about Christmas is what matters!’

‘It used to be a lot worse than this. This is the best we’ve got along.’

‘Do you actually even KNOW what Christmas is ABOUT. It’s satanic. Halloween is the worst!!

‘I’m not religious. Christmas is more of a fun tradition to me.’

‘I am SO SORRY. I bet this is the worst parent’s evening you’ve ever had. Haha. It’s like a flipping show.’

‘You need to flash card him. I mean you’re lucky he’s in a private school because I can sit with him personally and help him.’

‘I’m not against him being in a private school. I just didn’t have the same upbringing. It’s fine for Chrissie. She came to this school. I only got a GSCE in PE. School didn’t interest me.’

‘ I think you need to do your meetings separately from now on. It might be best.’

‘I never have to go through this with Pete, when it’s Ruby’s Parents Evening.’

I MEAN HONESTLY! How crazy can a simple Parents Evening be! Keiran get’s so ‘gun ho’ about things with a passion that not even the strongest soul of a lion could tame. His passion makes him forget to focus on what matters sometimes and that..to us……is Junior.

Then it was sad, because when parents evening was over and we had both walked outside, back into the carpark. It was now the dark of night. My mum had waited in the car with Junior and Ruby the whole time. Tuesday night,’is a night where Junior sleeps over at Keirans.

Ruby & Junior had been having so much fun with Grandma in the car, that when Keiran came to take him, he didn’t want to go. He cried, he screamed and looked at me whilst shouting,

‘Just take me home Mum. Just take me home!!’

And it’s in those moments at night, where you’re stood in the cold, at thirty six, with your two children, your mum, in a giant faux fur, on the 7th of November, by a coal grey Mercedes, in a Private School car park, in Ackworth, Yorkshire…and all you want to do is cuddle your baby son..but you can’t because you have to watch him be picked up and pulled away to go to Daddy’s, as he looks at you and cries.

Those moments are hard. Those moments are really hard. Yet i’m taught myself to champion them.

As soon as I got into the car, Ruby looked at me and smiled…

Ruby: ‘I know your heart is breaking mum. I’m sad too. I miss Junior. But you still have ME tonight!!!’

(She beams at me.)

I pause.

My mum is looking at me, through the front mirror of the car. I’m in the back. Then as I breathe out, I too BEAM with the warmest smile, look to my left at Ruby and simply say, like the happiest, most excited person in all the world…

‘Yeah Babe. You’re right. I love you Roo. Let’s have some fun. How was school today??’

..Cos that’s what Mum’s do.

The car engine started and as my Mum smiles at me through the front mirror, we drive home.

It was GREAT seeing Junior this morning!

I’m off to Liverpool. Shit! And i’ve got a phone call to make. Don’t let me forget! Oh no! I thought it was an afternoon Liverpool thing, but it’s an evening!

Are the Northern Trains dodgy today?Why are they all cancelled??

Godda go.

Gino’s, High Fashion Mags & Loading Bays

Gino’s was great on Friday. It was the perfect treat to celebrate my soul, after a trip to Candy Mechanics. As soon as I pushed through that magical glass entrance and into the stylish, baby blue, sanctuary of Italian life, light and love…I was immediately greeted with warmth, a gust of ‘part of the family’ and a distinct zap of (what I call) ‘boujiness.

‘Hi Chrissie! How ARE you! Great to see you again!’

(Almost like i’d never left.)

The beautiful hostess beamed with ‘Wunna’ delight and stylish Italian manager came over, for hugs and ‘welcome back’ kisses. I always feel at home, whenever I walk through those doors. There’s no place like it for me. It’s cosy and immaculate, yet filled with a fun, sophisticated, Italian vibe. Whenever I go, I’m treated so well, that all that’s left to do is to enjoy a freshly frosted glass of prosecco. It’s m perfect. ‘relax after a busy work day’ haunt.

Me: ‘I’m just gonna grab a drink, if that’s okay? I’m on my own.’

Hostest: ‘Do you need me to take your coat?’

Me: ‘No, no, i’m fine thank you. I’ll just head down to the Prosecco bar.’

She smiled like I knew my way…(and I know my way to any Prosecco bar…blind) and as I sauntered down the stairway, I cheekily glimpsed around the restaurant.

It was all a bustle, almost every table filled with good times, families and friends. Infact, it was really quite busy for 2pm on a Friday! I couldn’t see an empty table. Even when I got down to the Prosecco bar for a quiet drink (the prosecco bar was peaceful, I was the only one sat at the bar) the downstairs restaurant was also full. It was filled with a party of handsome, excited, stylish young men. Guys! The boys! They looked like they were celebrating something? But who knows? They had fun! They ordered THE BEST of everything in the entire place! Their bill actually came to a shocking amount and the great thing about them, was that they didn’t care one bit because they had spent it on ‘good times’ and memories.

I looked over at the lady behind the bar, who had already asked me what I’d like..and with a wink and a smile…my frosted glass of prosecco was right there in front of me.

*Looks down at phone.*

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where you at? I’m in Leeds.’

Me: ‘Ginos. You coming? I’ve only got 7 percent battery life…My phone’s gonna die.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Yeah. Cool. Stay there. Be there in 20 mins. No. 30 mins.’

Incase you’ve forgotten, Abeiku Arthur is one of my good, good friends. He owns the high fashion magazines, ‘House of Solo’ and ‘Pentagon.’ I love our impromptu catch ups, as we always end up talking business, work and banter. We have these personas of swag, style and grace….(well my ‘grace’ is dipped in moderate SASS,) yet if you were to actually sit in, on one of our conversations, you’d probably DIE of actual ‘holy shitness.’ Nothing is more OPEN than our conversations. He brings the ‘gangsta’ our in me.

Anyway, i’m sat at the bar, sipping prosecco by myself, happily taking selfies and snapchatting life at Gino’s. I’m running out of charge because of this Tom Foolery, and if i HATE anything, I truly dislike running out of charge. (If you know me personally, you will know that I ALWAYS carry a charger.)

Luckily, whilst I was sat at the bar, I noticed a guy sat at the end of the bar, on a laptop, that had a wire that mysteriously disappeared under the bar.

I followed the magical wire with my eyes…and BOOM, I ungracefully plonked my head rapidly under the bar and OH MY LORD, HAVE ALL THE MERCY, to my absolute DELIGHT, under the bar, was charger point HEAVEN. Hundreds of sockets. Life! Light! My heart may have skipped a beat. I plugged in and charged up…Yet weirdly I did it sneakily, because you do don’t you for some reason, when you’re charging your phone in public places? There’s a sense of ‘am I meant to be doing this’ about the whole situation. But you do it anyway?

Abeiku Arthur shows up, with some vintage camera that he’s bought from some vintage store, and takes photos of me to adjust his flipping focus.

We talk work. We talk life. We talk banter. We have some many stories that would shock your soul, it’s almost hilarious. We’re both hustlers. We’re both determined. We both have businesses that have accidentally done well. I love ‘House of Solo’ because I know how hard he works and how bad he wants success. Were both hustlers by nature. I do it glamorously. He does it dipped in a swaggalicious dash of ‘high fashion.’ He loves ‘Wunna Land’ and chrissiewunna.com because, who flipping doesn’t? 😉 But really, to him, i’m amazing because i’m honest. I’m real. We always have these bets on with each other and there has NEVER been ANYTHING SO FAR that I have SAID i’m going to do, that I haven’t done YET! Well..apart from ONE THING.

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Where’s my money! You ain’t done that at all!’

Me: ‘Fuck off. It isn’t Christmas yet. I said CHRISTMAS! Anyway, I have a tab open, order a drink if you want.’

‘Nah, it’s cool. I’ll get mine.’

‘You do know, i’m getting a cocktail after this…’

‘You’re not, i’ve parked in a loading bay, so we’re on a timer. You have to come with me to see this chick, who’s got  some camera lights that I need to look at…Oh! I have PR now.’

‘Really who…?’

We finish our drinks, we chat about our next career stop offs. We snapchat and get annoyed at the fact that the double ‘bunny ears’ filter, only commits to one. ME! 🙂  It plays with you doesn’t it?

One face ALWAYS has the ‘bunny ears’ and the other face has to tilt and meander in order to get a ‘look in.’ But it lies to you and tells you that you can BOTH ENJOY ‘bunny ears’ at the exact same time with EASE. There’s no ease about it. You end up in the most awkward head alignment, for absolutely no other reason, than showing people that you’re in a place, with someone or no one, with ‘bunny ears’ on your head…and even worse, we only use a filter because it makes us look better!

Abeiku Arthur: ‘MAN! Where are my bunny ears!!!!’

Me: ‘Ugh! Are we really gonna do Autumn Leaves now…!!’

(He’s doing really well right now. I mean, from Interviews with ‘The Script’ and the guy who sings the ‘She my Bestie, Bestie, she may Bestie’ song 🙂 , dashed with Gucci, Prada, Vogue writers, and Fashion week galore. He could’ve done a lot worse or himself. Lol.)

Abeiku Arthur: ‘And you’re the girl that’s managed to turn the story of her life into big bucks.’

Me: ‘As if you’ve parked in a loading bay.’

Life was great! All was great! I felt really positive all weekend. It was bliss.

The rest of my time was filled with family and baby love. I took the kids out. We had the best time of merriment. We bought toys, played out. We just swirled in Wunna land love. Our brunch of choice was at Patisserie Valerie in Doncaster and simply because Junior need banana pancakes and Ruby needed poached eggs. (It is the only place that does both.)

We met up with my Mum and had the best family weekend ever. Family’s really important to me. Growing up we were always close and throughout my 20’s due to work, I lived away in LA for years and years and years…but we were still REALLY REALLY CLOSE. We tell each other everything. Were a really open family. It’s filled to the brim with loyalty and love. Almost anything goes….and I just feel really lucky to have them.

I mean even this morning, I had to have a business meeting with my mum before I set off to work and she just looked at me, beamed and said,

‘ I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t believe in you. I believe in you more than anyone…’

(And she’s not soft like that is my Mum. She’s real. She’s ‘tough love’…But she has a kitten soul. She’s a ‘tell it how it is,’ kinda gal. J I love her more than life.)

She teaches me how to be a GREAT Mum and that I am. I mean look at this…Over the weekend…Ruby finds graffiti on the wall that reads the letters ‘BT’

Ruby:  ‘Mum? What’s that??’

Me: ‘It’s just graffiti babe..’

Ruby: ‘It’s like Ted Baker, but backwards.’

YES! MY CHILD ROCKS! BOOYAH! ALL THE TROPHIES!

We ended up doing a quick dinner at ‘Ego’ and then just enjoying Bonfire night, as the skies were littered with bitty burst of colour and excitement. I love everything about driving through the streets on bonfire night. The skies celebrate your existence and the airs smells of a warm, burnt whisper. It soothes any fire sign with comfort.

Saturday night I slept like a baby…

Then Keiran text me, at the crack of dawn, to see if I could drop Junior off at 8.30 am on Sunday morning….

One day, when i’ve chimed my ultimate success bell…I’ll be able to enjoy those blissful ‘good times’ and those glorious moments of ‘lay in’ without being suddenly woken up by ‘life alarms.’ I mean, I hate nothing worse than ‘alarms.’ Be it metaphorical or literal. I can’t stand waking up every single morning to the *bleep bleep* of my phone. It’s bad for my soul and sort of ‘off starts’ my day, because it forces me to get  up against my will. Surely my body should wake whenever  it wants to?

The only alarm I ever adored, was when I slept over at Samuel’s apartment in London, (I was on the Paris Hilton Show with him, back in the day.) He’s gay and his ‘Wake up’ alarm song was the ‘Part of That World’ by ‘The Little Mermaid.’ J

Now, i’m a Sasserilla and i’m not remotely ‘Disney’ by any means, but let me tell you, TO THIS DAY, (and do note that I have  been woken up by MANY an alarm, all over the WORLD… in a zillion hotel suites, a bundle of odd people’s bedrooms, my own personal delicious bed sheets and homes across the mighty globe..) DO NOTE, THAT TO THIS DAY, that SONG has been THE BEST ALARM WAKE UP CALL, I have ever had the pleasure to rise to! You really should try it! It’s bliss!

2009 Throwback Convo: (After we had returned from an evening out with Paris at Jalouse.)

Me: ‘You actually have Ariel has your wake up alarm.’

Sam: ‘Yeah obvs! What do you have?’

Me: ‘Usually just some guy telling me he’s not looking for a serious relationship. Lol’

 

 

 

 

 

When I flirted with Candy Mechanics….

So Friday I went down to Trinity Leeds, after being invited to take a tinker at the new Candy Mechanics ‘Edible Selfie’ station. I’m the Queen of ‘The Seat my friends call the ‘lobster arm.’

Double B: ‘She can’t take a selfie of herself without putting one arm up into her hair.’

Firmonnell: ‘The lobster arm.’

Me: ‘I don’t look like a lobster. Lol. I can’t help it. The phone whops out, the arm goes up. It’s life. You’ll all be doing it.’

Double B: ‘Does the carpet match the curtains?’

Me: ‘What’s that got to do with anything? Haha. And Yeah! I’m not a secret ginger…’

Double B: ‘I just didn’t know if when you took a selfie, but  of your vagina, if it had a weave on also…?’

Firmonnell: ‘….and an amazing lobster arm that protrudes out from underneath , to take it’s official position for the photo?’

Hahaha. Why do I have shit friends!!!

To be honest…they’re amazing. Your BEST friends. Your favourites.. are always the ones where in which you can commit to nonsense banter and take a bit of roasting. I mean, Firmonnell and I listened to ‘Hustle Barbie’ randomly sing a chant, about boobs at us, on Thursday afternoon.

It was really creative…it went like this..

‘Titties! Titties! Titties! Titties.’ 🙂

( It was so funny at the time, that we cried. I obviously can’t tell you why it was so funny because we’d get into trouble. But we were talking about sex and ham. 😉 )

But anyway…on Friday I tinkered into Leeds city centre. My favourite of favourites. And yes, I went try out the ‘Edible Selfie’ Station by Candy Mechanics, that has currently opened in Trinity Leeds.

The whole magical concept of Candy Mechanics , swirls the delicious art of old school confectionery into the modern time, where all things ‘social’ take the lead.

(I love ALL BRANDS that take something ‘old school’ and meander it to the sound of a ‘modern day twist.’ Kinda like this blog. The art of the written words and ‘diary keeping’ has been going on for centuries…This is the exact same thing, but with a modern day twist…and it’s now one of the most read blogs in Britain, in its niche and I like to think, i’ve made ‘diary keeping’ cool. Lol)

So I arrived at Trinity Leeds, in my white faux fur and my eyes filled with glee, ready to tinker my kitten self into a world of magical sweet treat. I find myself stood infront of what is practically the most glamourously modern, ‘Edible Selfie’ station in all the land. It’s surrounded by bustle, life, creative energy and grand, well lit window boxes, honouring your face in chocolate lollipop form.  They rotate around like glorious trophies…Almost like a chocolate Oscar.

Caz the PR girl was there. Sassy, fun and informative…and she introduces me to everyone, who have worked all night to make this launch as amazing as it can be. (I appreciate hard work. Things are never as easy as they seem.) There’s another blogger in before me…So whilst she’s doing her do…I’m filling my Snapchat and Facebook newsfeed with the wonder of my personal experience.

No automatic alt text available. Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, close-up

Image may contain: one or more people Image may contain: one or more people and people standing

 

Now, as you know. I like the story of the moment, the behind the scenes, the ‘how you got to your glory,’ tale. I’m inspired by those stories, so I never just want to know about the product…I want to know how someone got there. The hardship.

What I can tell you is that the owner of the company, the creator (who you can see on my pics) came up with the idea, as part of his dissertation at Uni. He handed in a piece of work, yet because he was (and still is) dyslexic, instead of typing the word ‘LIKEABLE,’ he made a spelling mistake and accidentally typed the word ‘LICKABLE.’ It was a big joke in Uni, but his Tutor told him to go with it…

He did…

Two years later, he is now the PROUD OWNER of Candy Mechanics, which is taking over the nation by storm, as one of the most innovative sweet treat concepts of our time. He’s created a bespoke online service and new POP UP Stations across the UK..Not only are they even on tour right now, but he is currently being hailed as one of the finest confectioners in the nation and the Britain’s social ‘Willy Wonka.’

He was there to meet me…and unlike most CEO’s he was working at the station, just like the rest of them. He sat me down infront of a GIANT selfie screen, that resembled an iphone screen, to my right was the rotating gloriously lit ‘Chocolate Trophy’ stand and with a..

‘Stay still. I’m just gonna scan your image.’

He raised a very modern looking appliance around my face, slooooooooooooooowly. It was almost like a work of art. Then just like that, a giant 3D computerised, moving image of my head, my actual selfie, materialised in the GIANT SCREEN. Now, this wasn’t just any old picture of my face. My had had now been turned into 3D chocolate and I could use the TOUCHSCREEN to move it around, choose what flavour I wanted to me and make sure I was happy with the product. The experience of it all was DIVINE. It was modern, glamourous and….well I just felt so trendy and important when I was going through the process of it all. Lol

Then, to the left, a white chocolate lollipop, which was in a half globe shape was placed into a glass box, that had the most hardcore technical machinery fitted into it. These machines, the candy robots, are so precise that they are usually used to cut through wood and brick….all sorts. They are that DRAMATIC. He has used the machinery to carve his delicate selfies into chocolate lollipops. The temperature of the machine is monitored, as obviously unlike wood, chocolate melts in seconds under such heat…and THE SPEED of the drill is monitored.

No automatic alt text available.

‘You need to speed it up for the next one…’

…I heard him state to the chocolate mechanics.  (I love that.)

Now, I stood and watched a globe of luxury white Belgian chocolate (yes, it’s luxury chocolate, not rubbish ‘run of the mill’ type silliness and because the owner used to work for Green & Blacks & Marks & Spencers, in product and taste development) slowly, yet efficiently be gracefully carved into my face. I cannot even describe to  you HOW THERAPEUTIC, it was watching that drill, almost scientifically dance and flirt with the art of confectionery carving. It was mesmerizing. I was enthralled by it all. It was better than sex.

In that moment, nothing else mattered. The art had lulled me in. People stopped by to watch the process and adored it so much, they sat down and began their chocolate selfie moment. It’s crazy how you slowly start seeing your face appear in the chocolate…as it’s brought to life. It’s magic. It’s beautiful.

Straight after the carving…my Selfie Lollipop was then passed to the ‘Gold Duster,’ where just that occurred. My 3D lollipop of my face, was taken by hand and again, like it was the most precious piece of confectionery in all the land, it was dusted over in edible gold dust.

Image may contain: one or more people, people sitting, drink and food

Once it was dusted, they handed it to me to take a look at and to selfie with and I was astonished at how fantastic the entire process was, to produce such a cute little luxury lolly of my own face. My own head! A lot of work goes into it and it’s addictive. I already need to go again and will be taking both Ruby and Junior next Saturday to go have THEIR faces turned into chocolate lollipops…

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, food

I selfied with mine and Snapchatted the whole thing. It was such a remarkable experience and it’s bizarre because it takes you back to feeling like you’re a kid again…But Willy Wonka has designed a lollipop, of YOU. YES YOU! I beamed with delight. There was distinct glow to my kitty smile.

It’s the most modern treat. The most delicate gift and the most magical experience that I have ever taken part in. Words don’t even do it justice, as you’re very much a PART of this creative process. Like I said, I’ll be going back there this Saturday with my babies, simply so they can experience it to. This is one of the most trendiest gifts or i’d say ‘Thank yous’ that you can give someone this Christmas.

I walked away from the Candy Mechanics air clicking my heels with glee. I kept showing everyone my lolly and treasuring it like the world had created a Masterpiece. Lol.

Then because I was in such a good mood…I thought fuck it…

I missed my next train, flung my kitten bag over my shoulder and merrily strutted through the busy, city streets of Leeds. It was around 2pm. I popped my head up. I smiled and then I pushed through the gloriously glass doors  revolving doors to (as you know) one of my favourite daytime *haunts* in Leeds…Gino D’Acampo’s.

 

Hear Me Now………

Let’s have some fun now, hey!

We’ve all worked really hard all year. We’ve made sacrifices. We’ve sweated blood, tinkered tears and danced out a few melodramatic tantrums. Things have gone right. Things have gone wrong. We’ve won. We’ve lost. We’ve learnt. We’ve all probably flirted a little. Fallen in love. Fallen in lust. Or even fallen straight down that jolly old plug hole.

*WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

We’ve made up. We’ve brayed up. We’ve found some new strangers, who have probably become really great friends. We got tans through the Summer. Tried to take up new hobbies. We’ve ALL been on a diet, at some point. We’ve earned a bunch of money. We’ve spent it all on rubbish. J Some dipped into their past. Some are looking forward to the future. Some put our stepping stones in place, to march boldy into 2018.

We’re in November of 2017. It’s been a great one for me so far (and yes it’s still going,) but it’s been a tough one. Not just for me, but for everyone. You’ve either made changes, or committed to non glitzy ruts.

Let’s have some fun now, hey!

I’m bored of being anxious. I’m bored of being stressed. I feel BOUJI AS HELL, right now. I feel like the world is my oyster. It all feels so glitzy, that I could even *wink* it as ‘magical.’ I am the luckiest girl in town.

For the rest of 2017, and we only have a few weeks, i’m just gonna commit to art of ‘good times.’ I’ve made all my appropriate changes now (I still have one left,) to guide me merrily into the New Year. I’m happy. I’m really happy. I’m excited. I have a new chapter a dawning in January. I’m just gonna fling on a jumper, slip on a pair of knee high boots, whop out a smile and with giant Skinny Prosecco in my hand, I’m gonna celebrate life and the 11 months that 2017 has brought me so far.

I’ve worked my arse off this year. No one can take that away from me. But, without balance, you’ve have nothing. The most successful humans have everything. Not just riches. Not just love. They have everything. They’ve stayed true to what they’ve always wished for and they got it. They’re HAPPY. They have their dream job and make money from it, handsomely. They’ve found their ideal partner, who loves them whole heartedly without condition. They have fun. Lots of it! They’re raising a family. They do everything and manage it ALL, SO WELL, that it’s actually MORE than BLISS. It’s EASY. They wake up every morning and feel ALIVE.

 That is SUCCESS to ME.

Anyway, let me cut the jigglies…

Wait…i’ve just got a Whatsapp Message from ‘London Business Man.’ He’s in Hong Kong. I think he’s been doing something crazy like five flights in four days. It’s great because we’re really good friends now and you would’ve never thought that because obviously I had ‘London Business Man’ drama a couple of years ago. We were never together. But at the time, years ago… I did want to be. He didn’t. He just fancied me, had just got out of a relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious.

Long story short…my life changed. I left him to it and I stopped speaking to him. We fell out. He dated someone else. They broke up. I fell for a completely new ‘swirl’ who had me head over heels, in excitement…for most of this year. That swirl calmed down… I don’t like that it ‘calmed down.’ I like the guy a lot. But what can you do? Just it’s life….

Why have I gone on such a massive rant…?

Basically…’London Business Man’ says he misses me.

Firmonnell (My best chick friend): ‘You need to not bother…He just likes the chase..and it’s not like you’re actually going to chose to be with him now.’

I have a busy next year and I think on the whole, he maybe wouldn’t understand my work commitments.

Inadequate Chris: ‘That’s why people in entertainment, usually date people in entertainment.’

Yet i’m not one to judge. I sometimes ACT needy, because i think it’s how i should act, but in real life, i’m quite the independent chica. Don’t get it twisted. I’m tough as bricks.

So yeah, I actually don’t know him romantically. He’s just a good friend. But i’ll definitely do cocktails with him next time i’m in London. The rest of the year’s about fun right. I have a lot to fit in. I mean my BEST LA Baby Brother, Ronnie is flying in from LA to see me in December. (It’s so cute, because when we were young we’d play ‘doing photoshoots’ and tell each other everything. We both ended up being real life models. I got on the telly. I started this blog. He ended up leaving the catwalk to become a Celebrity Chef in LA, and have his own show.

To this day…we are still the best of friends and all from us working part time, in a gym together, when he was 19, in West Hollywood. We have so many memories. But I’ll tell you about them when he arrives.

(I’m currently trying to find my Lypsal, as my lips are dry as hell! Are yours?)

Anyway, I’m currently writing this whilst sat on my bed in a faux fur. I’ve completed the school run with Ruby and Junior. I didn’t have an early start. I’m off to find coffee and because this afternoon, I’ll be at Trinity Leeds, with Candy Mechanics. They’re gonna turn me into a chocolate lollipop today for their live launch, as their super robotic, modernised candy making stall, opens up in Leeds, in a couple weeks for Christmas. If you’ve been at events…You may have found their novelty stands, as entertainment and gift favours. If not….you can order online and be turned into chocolate yourself. I’m so excited. I really honoured that they wanted me to go down and take a peeky. The kids were mean to go, but they’re in school today, so I promised to take them down when the Pop UP officially opens.

Love you lots.

I need coffee…

Cue: Random Tune that I ADORE

 

Have a great FRIDAY!!!

 

We’ve Made It To Thursday….

Image may contain: 1 person, close-up

I’m feeling great! I mean there is STILL part of my life that is lulling in the ‘dull ‘ zone, however soon that ‘grey’ will be dashingly done and dusted. The rest of my life is ‘ooh laa.’ It’s magical.

Right….Many great things are happening to me right now and I can’t even believe it. My friends can’t even believe it.

Firmonnell: ‘I cannot actually believe that you’re going to be doing that! Lol.’

Me: ‘I know, it’s CRAZY.’

I guess opportunity has come a knocking and it’s certainly come threefold. Opportunity didn’t use to knock. I’d chase and chase and it still never knocked. For some reason now…it’s not only knocking, but i have a ‘bell’ that buzzes you straight into Wunna Land with automatic glitter doors, as big beefy security jiggles through the masses to pick the best pieces to the ‘Chrissie Wunna’ jigsaw.

I’d like to say it was luck, but to be fair, i’ve worked really hard, not as hard as I could’ve done, but come the New Year, i’ll now have that time to smash it. Work hard for what you want. It happens. And girls…please don’t feel downtrodden by others…be it men, life, the way you look etc..Normal chick issues. You can do anything. You really can. I am living proof of that. If i could empower every women in the entire  world, i’d be a happiest glamour puss in all of the land.

At the same time as hard work, I’m a big believer in fate. You get what you’re meant to get. You miss out on the things that aren’t right for you. You learn lessons along the way. No meeting is ever worthless. You encounter and cross paths with the people you’re supposed to. And If something’s meant to be, it will always come to you, or find its way back to you.

HOWEVER, if you don’t try to pursue the things that make you feel magical in life, then you’ll never get anywhere. You’ll always find yourself sat in your ‘why am I here’ rut. I’m Wunna Land. That’s not how I play drinking games. 🙂 A fire doesn’t start without a spark. And if anyone can spark a ‘gusto’ it’s moi!

Feel empowered. Be excited. Only do the things that you LOVE. Take the reins of your existence and shimmie it with everything that you stand for. Be the very best version of YOU.

A guy stopped me yesterday, as I was walking down a top flight of stairs with a Pot Noodle in my hand. (It was beef and tomato.) He’s Geordie, he tells ‘grandad’ type jokes and dresses up as 101 Dalmations at parties. Anyway, he stopped me and simply said,

‘The only thing that dissolves fear is ACTION. There’s something about you Chrissie. Something tells me you’re gonna be in a great place and never look back.’

Me: ‘Yeah. I’m not scared. I’m ready now. I actually feel held back.’

He smiled, like he was proud…and then I tottered off to eat my Pot Noodle. Yippeee!

Around Wunna Land, other shit was happening. ‘Hustle Barbie’ had decided to send suggestive messages to girls, from our guy friend Jonesez. She never learns that you don’t prank Jonesez because he lives for revenge and his excitement for it, is hardly ever punctuated. He don’t give no ‘hoot in hell.’ Bottom line…you’re fucked. So as she sat all smuggly, with her ‘i’ve sent messages’ head up in the air. He went to her car and smeared moisturiser all over the door handle of her car. She thought it was bird poo. I watched the snapchat an thought it was hummous….and what is honestly worst than innocently trying to get into your car and having your hand dolloped and smeared in a gooey, unknown substance. I’m a germaphobe, so to me…that is devastating. Hustle Barbie’s a vegan…She just got on with life.

I’m getting loads of love from ‘da ladies’ right now. My inbox is usually filled with messages from gentleman, who fancy their chances at adoring a glamour puss. Lol. Right now and because i’ve recently done one f the most uplifting interviews, that you’ll all see shortly, I have a jolly…if jolly meant ‘sexy’ bundle of chick ‘yahoos.’ Girls are naughty. Some have gone beyond the ‘you’re such a queen, I love you.’ To ‘I can’t even tell you what i want to do to you. *Devil face emoji.*

It’s hot. I love it. And it’s all because I said, that my Girl Crush (and if you know me or read this blog, you should  already know) that my GIRL rush is ELLEN DEGENERES. No one loves this women more than me…and I do mean sexually and not just in a ‘fan girl, oh yeah she’s funny’ kinda way. I need Ellen in my life! She’s my perfect woman.

Obviously….I’m straight. (I have an unfortunate and somewhat colourful history that pin points this. I’ve romanced a lot of gentleman. 😉 ) Yet. OH MY GOD, I properly fancy Ellen Degeneres with even inch of my heart and loins…that I don’t think that I could live without stalking her Instagram, every second. J This crush hasn’t recently occurred. This crush occurred in my mid 20’s whilst I was living in LA.

The quote from my interview, which comes out shortly is…

‘I could meet any guy in the entire world and not feel a single piece of the nerves. If I meet Ellen Degeneres. Like she was just right there infront of me, I might possibly DIE and then try and snog her after cocktails.’

Now, cos they do….all my real life chick friends are trying to steal my crush.

Hustle Barbie: ‘I think i’ve stolen your girl crush.’

(Then she posts a screenshot that tells me how Vegan Ellen Degeneres is. Do know that ‘Hustle’ has gone from ‘I really fancy a sausage sandwich to the absolute height of VEGANISM. She’s recruiting. Be warned.)

So yeah, now she fancies my Girl Crush, because my girls crush doesn’t eat animals in any way shape or form.

Hustle Barbie: ‘She’s mine now.’

Me: ‘I will only become a Vegan if Ellen tells me to. Back of Blondy, she loves me not you. Lesbians love me, even though I eat bacon.’

Me to Firmonnell: ‘Hustle is trying to steal my girl crush. Ellen’s vegan.’

Firmonnell: ‘Ha..ha..Does she fancy ALL vegans now????’

It’s weird how when we love something we try and make everyone else love it to. Hustle with her ‘don’t eat meat’ club. Me with my ‘Live life like you have nothing to lose’ thing. Keiran with his ‘I follow Jehovah….now you should too.’ All the girls with ‘Let’s go to the gym and eat healthy.’  It must be passion, or this sincere need to be *pom pommed* onto a more positive path.

Junior was so cute last night. he wanted to sleep in my bed with me, because he missed me when he went to his Dad’s.

‘Mum, i really need a snuggly something.’

‘I don’t have your blankey.’

‘I REALLY NEED A BLANKEY. Get me one of your jumpers. A snuggly one, that smells like you.’

I produced my thin peach jumper, the one that has a swan on it. I’d just chucked it in my wardrobe so it radiated a mummy glow.

He rolled it up into a ball and with utter bliss in his eyes, cuddled it like his life was now complete!

Why can’t all guys be like they were when they’re young and still adorable??

Saying that my first husband used to do the same. I was living in LA working. He’s an actor, but was living in New York at the time, before he was making his move to LA. We were  moving in together, and had just met. During that time, we had to be apart. It wasn’t bad at all really. We were fine. I’m used to living apart from my counter male. Schedules, careers and busy times usually prevail. Anyway, he’d always grab an item of my clothing, like a tshirt or a nighty and take it with him, to sleep with, whenever he left to be back in New York? (I’ve just made that sound creepy. But it was actually really innocent. Hahaha.)

Anyway, I’m off. I have a really exciting next couple of weeks, where i’ll be meeting some amazing faces, who will tinker into Wunna Land. I’m going to be in Leeds, London and then Liverpool.

I’m working all day, but my next thing is tomorrow.

Tomorrow i’m be celebrating with Candy Mechanics at Trinity Leeds, as they magically turn me into a chocolate lollipop. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to be there. It’s the big old live launch, for the ever so magical pop up stall that will open in Leeds later