Massages, Kittens & Maybe ‘Nookie’ Please….

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Morning, my little licks of ‘love festival.‘ How are you? I truly hope life is treating you well and if not, I truly hope you have enough ‘dollar’ to buy yourself booze. If not…may ‘The Gods’ look after you, as I send you all my love, from the bottom of my heart…

Is a morning wine acceptable?

I’m calm. I’m at peace. I’m excited for the future. I’m casually stalking swirls online and I need a massage. I really need one. I mean, at this point, I’d date anyone who was good at a rub down, making cocktails and carrying really heavy things.

(I’d also like ‘nookie.’ That would be good too. But not just with anyone…because I’m just not like that and well nothing is worse than wasting your ‘nookie’ time, on someone who wasn’t worth it.) 

Hear me now…

(Why have I called it ‘nookie’ and not just sex? )

Yet, it’s 9.42 am. I’m naked in Yorkshire. I’m wrapped in flamingo bed covers…and i’m blogging on my beaten up pink notebook. (I spent last night doing my Goldfish impression on Insta, simply because  a mad amount of people, kept DM’ing me about it..So it’s anything for the ‘gram.’ Lol)

‘Rocco’ my kitten is sprawled out on the window sill, all comfy, like he’s Joan Collins. Ruby’s laid next to me…STILL ASLEEP, with all of her ‘half fro’ out. She’s looks like she’s out of some kind of swaggy nursery rhyme. She also keeps waking up, opening her eyes and whispering..

‘Instagram…’

(At least I can confirm that she’s mine.)

On a downer…Cos we all love a downer…

Lots of my friends have messaged me recently, all stressed out because their own version of life, isn’t panning out exactly the way they wished it to, right now.

Tough times are temporary. Tough people are forever. Learn from both.

Have faith that everything’s going to be alright. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be..

I mean, I know things can be difficult at times, and i’ve been through some shocking times of ‘ah dee dumbilies.’ Yet, I sent one of my guy friends a message the other day…simply because i hadn’t checked in on them in a while…

It went a bit like this..

Me: ‘Hey! Making sure you’re dandy. How are you, lovely?’

Mate: ‘Awful. Things are shit.’

Lovely!! Nice to see, the cheery juice got passed around.

(When people say that, I always think that their trauma must be over something bad, yet small, because when something BIG happens, something that has shocked your system, so utterly much, that you become kinda numb inside. Well, I’ve always noticed, that my friends, will usually respond with i’m fine.‘ I know I would.)

All on the same page then.

So, being the little beam of ‘warm hearted,’ positive ‘sass,’ that I am…I kinda ‘ducked,’ then ‘weaved’ and did that thing where I pretended that  hadn’t read the message.

And I know that sounds selfish. But it’s actually not.

I couldn’t be MORE compassionate. People develop when they go through testing times. That’s how I became tough. That’s actually glued together and filled world with love. 

Plus, I’m in a really happy place right now and taking on the stress of others, when that stress has nothing to do with me, is not how I got happy.

In the words of my beautiful friend Vicky:

‘Don’t burden yourself with other peoples crazy monkies. It’s not your Circus.’

Safety first.

Anyway, lots of wonderful things are currently happening. I’m obviously working a great deal right now. I’m filming. I’m feeling good. I’m loving being mum. Ruby & Junior make my world complete. However, I have so much whizzing around my mind that I can’t sleep at all.

It’s not a bad thing. I’m just like that.

I’m being asked to influence some of the most beautiful restaurants and exciting cocktail bars…and even though Wunna Land is still growing, I’m feeling pretty lucky. I’m hopefully on my way up.

Plus, I am back on your telly SOON.

You don’t have too long to wait now…

(I’ve just had this weird flash back of KatyP, on a dog lease, at a beer garden and Canadian Lindsey restraining her, from the neck.)

Me: ‘Hmm…cute. Anyway, I’ve had such a busy day.’

KatyP: ‘Wow, it took you literally seconds to make everything all about you.’

Kinky.

I’m also at ‘Singles Night‘ at Kitty Cafe, Leeds, on Sept 21st, in the city centre. You should all come and find love with me…whilst stroking the cutest kittens in all the land. I mean, f all else fails, i got to strut about for insta pics, with a kitten in my hand, right? 😉 Imagine, if I did actually find love there…I feel like I need back up…I need a chick to come with me…

Email: info@kittycafe.co.uk  (Or call them) 

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I had a really lovely ‘bump into,’ the other night. I bumped into old friend ‘Passionate Jaz and ‘Baby Arms Tom.’

Jaz is ace, because she’s warm and lovely, yet filled with a fizz of utter feistiness. (We actually refer to is as ‘passion.’) We’re kinda like cocktails that either smooth’ their way down, or BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE. Depends on how you shook us. 😉

Jaz: ‘I’m like a sinking ship. I’m hit or miss. One end of the ship survives, the other end always dies. Depends on how I wake up…as to what side you get..’

Tom, is like a blond Ken Doll…He is literally the NICEST, most POLITEST human, you will ever meet in your life. YOU CANNOT DISLIKE TOM. It’s impossible.

‘Do you know how hard it is to run to the pub in flip flops..!!’

Anyway…

He got really Peroni pissed, decided he couldn’t see, walked into a door, in the rain, stood in a doorway, pretending to call a taxi, forgot to call a taxi, I called his taxi and then he glazed over in a warm delight, of utter happy Peroni…. numbness?

He definitely slept on the sofa.

Saturday was great!

So much fun.

I can’t wait to do it again.

Heads up…

I have dinner at Teppanyaki & Gusto coming up shortly…I’m in the mood for cocktails…I’m all about Leeds right now (the service is getting better and better)…and well today is a Mummy/Ruby day, as Junior has tottered off to his Papa’s.

Just so you remember…

You are one decision away from a completely different life. Choose wisely. Live largely. Swirl in a buzz of excitement, always.

You really DO only live once. Do not fuck up the merry windows of opportunity that you are presented with…they can change your life…

When you do and that window closes, it is so much harder to crack it back open…

Please believe that anything can happen! All you have to is try….

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life…

Ps/ I must be really happy right now, because you know how I hardly ever eat a lot. I’m a swine for it. I DO eat…but only nibble ‘here and there’ really. I graze. I never fancy a big meal. Yesterday…was the first day, after a really wonderful day, that I actually turned around, looked at my mum (who had popped over to mine) and said…

‘I’m really hungry.’ 🙂

(She beamed.)

It’s literally been months! 🙂

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Because, I can’t stop thinking about you….

Morning!!! Things are great! I’m pumped. I’m busy. I’m excited. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. After a bad news phone call, I received a good news phone call and just like that, I swizzled in a flurry of glee.

Nothing’s better than feeling excited, is it? We live for those moments, always.

The buzz.

Yet, I guess always having faith in life and your own little story, kinda keeps you going. Surround yourself with love and wonderful people, who always have your back, even when you’re at your worst. When that happens, let me assure you that you are ‘ hand walked’ up another rung of the ‘happy’ ladder.

That’s where I am right now.

A lot of great things are happening and sometimes, I have to pinch myself to actually *pause* and realize everything is real.

If i’m being honest…

I can’t stop thinking about someone. Well, I say ‘someone,’ yet it’s the guy that I always referred to as ‘The Swirl.’ I kinda later changed his name to ‘T Bone.’ Yet, just recently almost every minute, of every day, he tinkers through my mind…and it’s great because every single ‘tinker’ is filled with a really happy memory. Not one memory is hideous.

It made me smile. I beamed.

So, I’ve started to look back and remember everything now. I remember it all, like it’s still ‘alive.‘ How can it still feel alive? There’s still a big flicker in my heart.

I remember the way he looked at me. I remember the way he smiled. I remember the way he made the effort to nurture me. I remember how much we laughed out loud to all sorts, for no reason.

I remember the moments when we were just sat on his sofa, making fun of goalies whilst we watched football. I remember us taking the piss out of each other. I remember falling asleep, as we held each others hand.

‘It’s just so perfect…’

‘It’s just so easy…’

‘I’ve loved having you here..’

I remember all of our messages. I remember ALL of our messages. Lol. Even the naughty ones. 

Yet, the funny thing about it, is that i’m still very single and I’m still really calm. I don’t know what I’m feeling? However, right now, if I could have a guy to call my own…based upon how i’m feeling right now….

It would be him…

Everyone seems to pale in comparison…Everyone else seems really dramatic, instead of emotionally stable. Rude, instead of kind. Not the right kind of fun…or just….Well just…

However, of course, in Wunna Land…tales are never that easy, are they? He’s no where around. I mean, he’s a message away, yet certainly not close by.

(That never bothers me though. I’m a grown up. I believe in love. And Like I said to Sam Reece, when he was doing my hair, a couple months back….)

‘Love isn’t geography…It’s chemistry.’

And you can always FEEL A CHEMISTRY, if it’s there, even when your a zillion miles apart.

But yeah, about ‘The Swirl.‘ Something tells me, regardless as to where we’re at right now….Something just tells me…that a gust of magic wind, will blow us together and make our life paths cross more closely again.

I can just feel it..

(OR, i’m delusional? lol 😉 Who knows??)

Today i’m on rest, I’m having a chill and a family day, to actually catch up and blog, as I have a busy week of ‘Leeds’ ahead of me, for the Eat Leeds shindig. Sometimes, when you’re out and about all the time, just finding the time to have a sit down and write everything out, is impossible. But i’ve got it. I’m smashing it. I’m literally loving every single second.

Plus, I’m thoroughly grateful for all the support i’m getting and I couldn’t tell you enough. So again, no matter where you are in the world, thank you so so much for finding a moment to click into Wunna Land and follow my version of life.

Message in…

Firmonnell: ‘Are you free for drinks and food at Ego, tonight?’

I’m picking your questions at random and loving answering them all on my Insta Story. (Get following.) It’s fun, even the naughty ones.  However, everyone does keep asking me love life questions, which I don’t mind, (even all my exes, who could simply message me personally.) And right now, my MOJO is on point. It’s crazy. Regardless, to how i’m feeling about ‘The Swirl.’

Y’know, the weird thing is, that over the last year, I’ve noticed that I’ve become more and more ‘hush hush’ about the nitty gritty parts of love life, than I usually am? Even with my friends, in bars over drinks. I’ll blush (I don’t blush) and charm my way out of it with wit.

Yet, I’m a blogger and i’ve always lived my life quite publicly via this diary, this blog, for over 10 years now. So, it’s a big change, to want to keeps things quiet.

I’ve learnt a few lessons of recent and treasuring something that means so so much to me..when it happens, because I am still very single, (my love life always DOES matter to me because firstly I’m a love bunny and secondly it’s a part of my life that I never seem to be able to conquer.)

But more and more, i’m holding things tight to my chest, privately. Not because I’m guarded. I couldn’t be more open. Yet because I want it to be right. I want to find the man of my dreams. He would mean so much to me. And i’m not going to be able to find him, and nurture a relationship around gossip.

Saying that, work wise, I’m influencing a lot, i’m filming ‘Welcome to Wunna Land’ for IG. I’m about to tinker back onto your tellies very shortly…and during those times everything turns public, simply because (if i’m being honest..and anyone in the business will tell you) it’s really good PR.

You kinda have to be out there…and I DO really enjoy every inch of all the *bazinga.*

I’m built for it.

I don’t know what’s happening right now, but like i said, my ‘milkshake’ is accidentally bringing ALL the boys to the yard, right now. Dudes are coming at me, at full force from all angles, and all over the world…with everything they’ve got.

It’s such a funny thing, isn’t it? I mean, when you feel all needy and want love *hashtag* now…ain’t nobody cares to tinker and in and adore you. However, when you’re all chilled and dandy and secure with your singleness…the boys come a thundering, wrapped in charm and that good old snazzy persistence..

I do like persistent though. I also like forward GENTLEMEN. And I say GENTLEMEN, because a dick pic isn’t going to tug on my heart strings ever.

(A random German footballer tried to have a racy shot at Wunna Land, two nights ago, by coming at me, with an offer of sex. Dudes shouldn’t ever offer a girl, their body,as a treat before a ‘Hi, there.’ Lol. It’s the most unromantic thing ever…)

and I am a HOPELESS ROMANTIC.

That was first message he ever sent me and because he step with his romantic foot forward, I just pied it off politely, by pretending I was really tired.

I left him to slide into someone else’s DM’s.

What i’m always looking for is a handsome best friend, a bantery, fun, gentleman, a sexy one, who knows how to have a good time. Someone who can enjoy both the finer things in life, as well as a slummy ‘chill fest.’ A man who at the same time, as all that, is protective, loyal, romantic, knows how to look after a girl and is an utter and complete family man.

IS THAT YOU?

If so, apply within. Lol.

(Where are all the Hero’s at??)

 

Text From Your Ex Boy

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I shocked myself up this morning, after the craziest dream. A dream that was filled, with almost every single ex or sexy fumble, that I could’ve ever encountered. Yet, they were all being lovely and in love with me, but showing up at my door? Then I picked one, who was being the opposite to how he has been of recent…and he decided to love me forever.

Why am I tapped? Who dreams shit like that!!

Then there was a knock at my door!

*Tap.Tap.Tap.*

I looked out the window and Keiran’s van (Junior’s Dad) had just pulled up outside. I’m half naked, so I have to throw together, the most random outfit, put on sunglasses and leg it to the door.

Ruby’s shouting..

‘Junior’s back already??’

I swing open the door. Keiran smiled with his eyes. Junior leapt into my arms, with glee and I just swung the door shut, with my sunglasses on, as Keiran laughed at my ‘just got uppidness.’ and walked away.

No words were even exchanged. Lol

Yet, it was hilarious. The moment was filled with warmth and humour.

Then I got a text from an ex…

‘I miss you.’

Hit play…

Why do exes always miss me? Why didn’t you just love me when you had me? Lol. It’s not that wacky a concept, is it?? This means that I must be the kinda girl that eventually grows on a guy..Y’know, when they’ve got over JUST thinking with their willies.

Always! Always! It’ll be months after..and then they’ll have a rethink, after it didn’t quite work out with some other chick, or they think they’ve made a mistake…Then they come to rekindle.

But it kinda makes me feel good, because it makes me feel empowered. Like I’m a treasure of a chicadee…

I’m not really a rekindler…

UNLESS..

They do it correctly.

I’m looking for a fun, emotionally stable, reliable…not a lost douche, who either thinks i hate men, i’m evil or …you get the picture. lol.

In fact, the other night, a guy kept saying that he felt weirdly starstruck, didn’t know what to say to me, had once read a blog and knew that I hated men??

Me: ‘I really don’t hate men. I love men. In fact if I was honest, if it wasn’t for men… I wouldn’t have built an entire career.’

I definitely feel like I WANT to be loved and adored right now. (Maybe, even a little pampered. 😉 ) Y’know, be someones ‘special chica.’

Yet, that will come, when it comes…I’m lucky enough, to have a pretty good life anyhow. A life that’s filled with love, regardless. I’m a picky girl and this time, I want to get it right. I want to make someone happy, but BE happy at the same time.

But I expect to couple again…

Right now, being single feels good, because i’m not having to sacrifice anything. It’s one less problem. I feel free. Yet, don’t ever get it twisted and think that I don’t like men. I just want to pick well…and I know that a pretty good, love life, is in the stars for me.

I can feel it in my little Burmese bones.

(Always trust your guy instinct. Nothing is more powerful)

Do I fancy someone right now?

Yes.

I’ll say my mind is on someone…Yet not much, in fact, nothing is happening.

It’s kinda making me feel a little deluded. Lol. Yet, wishes come true every single second, on this Earth ball and with all the luck on my side…

I reckon i’m gonna be alright.

I’m about to step into a really exciting time work wise and I’m really happy to have you come with me.

Every single moment, I truly appreciate you clicking on this blog. It’s only the story of my life in diary form..Yet ife is the only thing we have. Your job doesn’t matter. Your car doesn’t matter. Your outfit, house or really shitty girlfriend doesn’t matter. Without the ability to wake up every single morning…YOU HAVE NOTHING.

Please do treasure your existence. This is just MY story. But I LOVE YOUR story…and doing my LIFE, has taught me a lot about people and their own ‘bits and pieces.’ I’m never one to shun, disregard, or be unkind to anyone…I kinda just understand shit. I guess, that’s why I hate it when people refuse to understand, judge or take advantage of me.

I’d never do that. I’d never dream of doing that to someone.

(However, saying that..the 20 something version of me, in Hollywood, would’ve been JUST THAT. I certainly did that to others and learnt karma the hard way. Yet at 37 and a hell of a lot more successful and grown…I would never DREAM of treating anyone, with disregard, disrespect…or malice…unless, ofcourse…they deserved it. 😉 ) 

Chick friend: ‘Wunna’s a really good person..and it’s something people forget, because they so caught up in an image and a set of tits.’

I send you all my love.

Bless ya!

Chrissie x

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ps/ I’m getting loads of messages about the @RubyandJunior instagram thing..and I’m gonna be addressing that tomorrow. I’ll tells you, what went down.

 

Summer, Tears & Beer Gardens…

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‘Why are you getting changed whilst we’re walking? You look straggly.’

‘I’m using time wisely. Lol. Keep walking. Why is everything stressy? I’m taking my arms out the dress, to even out my tan!! Where is this place? We’ve got 12 minutes to get there…’

Sassy Latina Marissa has spent her morning keeping me on time, as I venture from place to place convincing folk that Wunna Land, is the place to be! I’m SO stressed, I could explode into glitter fire. It’s one of THOSE days, where you need to look great, but look 2nd rate, where to need to be on time, but you’re running a step too late. If i want to get changed on the street, mid strut…

I FLIPPIN’ WILL.

Watch me now….

(And now i’m getting whatsapp’s from the School Mum’s group, because of a ‘Big String thing’ that I didn’t know was happening? Lol )

If you see me today, at any point feel free to just come up and KICK ME. I’ll probably like you more if you bring me booze, but if you don’t, a kick is just fine.

I NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.

But before I get into today…let me take you back to Tuesday, where life felt so much easier…

(I hate that i’ve run out of foundation. Remind me to get some.)

Right, so Tuesday was about a magical mystery tour and after errand, on top of errand, Golfer Jonny and KatyP picked my sorry (but glammy) arse up from Ego, in Ackworth, celebrated life with a ‘shall we just grab a quick drink’ and after that little ‘swifty,’ we then *swoosh* our way to The Carlton to pick ‘Ginger Brad’ up. (He works with KatyP.)

I get on with ‘Ginger Brad.’ I find him really funny. But ‘Ginger Brad‘ doesn’t want me to call him ‘Ginger Brad’ because he thinks Wunna Land is all about his little Gingery self.

‘You can’t make Asian girl jokes, when ya Ginger… We’re meant to be a team. We’re the minorities. Lol.’

Basically, he has a mini Ginger beard…and I think referring to him as ‘Ginger Brad‘ is quite appropriate. Do you? Thought so..

We found him at the bar…

‘As if you’re late, because you picked the ******* queen up… I nearly walked there…’

..then in the sun, we enjoyed another swift drink, around shirtless men, in diggers. Before leaving to our next ‘magical’ stop…The Rustics…Lol…I like to go there at times, because I find it peaceful. Plus, we just didn’t fancy any Tuesday afternoon drama. (And drama tends to follow me these days, like…I dunno? Toyboys? 🙂 I’m like the Pied Piper of the Toyboy Town.)

Yippppeeeee!

At this point, everything felt so sensible. It felt warm and pleasant, like a delicious cherry pie. I hadn’t posted all day. We’re finding the right kinda of shade, the suns out, we’re discussing swear words, relationships, we’re making polite pleasant banter about dumplings, business plans, footballing brothers, bedroom olympics, how orgasms cure ankles and the beautiful art of ‘fisting.’ Sun scream is squirted. My sunglasses are fixed. Then Golfer Jonny and KatyP, get all cuddly by juicy pints of Carling…

THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED….?

I guess, I can say, we just hit the top of the happiest slippery slope in all of the land…Disney couldn’t have created a better ride.

JUST LIKE THATBOOM! I film my first Insta Story of the day (no one’s shy about it now, so it makes everything easier) and with a..

*BLINK*

(…as as the ‘life volume‘ turns itself up to 10…)

…Kate and I found ourselves shoulder rolling and singing to The Backstreet boys, decorated in Snapchat filters and as ‘Ginger Brad’ fiddled with Golfer Jonny’s buttons.

Brad: ‘I hit the wrong thing, but it kinda worked out.’

[Hit Play. Sing Along.]

Ginger Brad’s the new bantery edition to ‘Team Beer’ (which has been created by ‘KatyP’ and the name of our little Whatsapp group.) ‘The Ginge’ has stepped in with full force. But he’s fun and I like fun…and he’s having a ‘Golfer Jonny’ bromance. So ‘Team Beer’ it is!

Wahey! Let’s play!

Backstreet Boy shoulder rolls. Followed by Aerosmith love songs. We’re happy drunks, so we’ll have a tipple or 10 and commit to songs of romance. Kate and I have beautiful voices. If you put Aerosmith, a football match, Alvin & The Chipmunks, the XFactor bloopers and UTTER excitement (lol) into jiggly bag…YOU would have an idea of what our back seat performance was like.

I don’t know how we fitted it all in, because the ride was literally only around five minutes or so?

It got so intense that the boys started kissing each other lovingly…to this…

Well Golfer Jonny, went in for the kiss (it was a cheek peck before you all start) and ‘Ginger Brad’ tried to style it out, because he’s such a lady. Lol

We’re not all sat in a car park, INSIDE A STATIONARY VEHICLE, with people glaring in from other cars. We have a love song are playing on full blast…We’re SINGING AT THE TOP OF OUR GODDAMN VOICES. The boys are cuddling and shit….Kate & I are pissing ourselves, as i’m filming it all for my Insta story.

Then all of a sudden I snapped out of it…looked around, hit my mental *pause* button, and as I flung my car door open, with a giggle…I moved us along with a…

‘Right, i’ve had enough of this now…’

The rest of the afternoon was enjoyed in the sunshine. We chatted life. We committed to laughter. We tippled and tinkered like the world was our oyster. (I can’t even remember what we were talking about? But at the time it seemed really interesting? Lol)

Then Kate switched our drink to wine…and I don’t know what happened exactly, I just know that ‘Golfer Jonny’ brought up a story…Which turned into tears, mini bickers, daggers, hand holding and all sorts of that good stuff.

I mean as if Kate and I were sat at a table crying. Haha. You know it’s a good time when that happens.

So, a situation was brought up…(one of those situations that you only bring up when you’re drunk.) We all get on really well, but we’re all really different. We all have different opinions on this particular subject…(haha, sorry, i can’t type because i’m finding it too funny..as if we cried.) We’re all really good at VOICING our opinions, standing our ground and then panicking when it goes tits up. We’re all trying to get our point across…

So, I’m shouting at Kate, then cuddling her. Then 3 minutes later, i’m shouting at her again, then cuddling her. Brad’s eating Nachos and watching the show, whilst ‘hand holding.’ Golfer Jonny’s accidentally saying all the wrong things, at all the right times. Kate’s shouting at me, because I make everything about ME. (Which is true.) The boys are panicking. Kate and I are now cuddling and crying. Jonny’s disappeared at some point and returned with a bottle of wine in his hand…

(It was great because in this moment, I saw how each one of us tries to solve a solution…)

Jonny went with ‘buy Kate wine.’ I went with say my piece, cry and cuddle. To be honest, Jonny & I were really rubbish at consoling her.  Haha. He thought changing tables would make it better and it did, because it got us out the way.

So we tinker off and sit on the table next to us, as Nacho eating Brad, actually went in as the ultimate problem solver and CALMED the ENTIRE situation down, with some deep ass, LIFE TALK.

(Haha, sorry i’ve made ‘deep ass‘ sound like he did something completely different. HAHAHAHA. I should’ve said ‘heart felt.’) 

And just like that they come and sit at the new table. Sanity is restored. We’re all tipsy, exhausted but happy….We all blamed the sun. Kate and Jonny tinker home. I get picked up and hit the sack. Brad walks home and drinks and entire bottle of Baileys. 🙂

The following day, we created ‘Team Beer’ and just quietly sat at a corner table, with the occasional glass of water, glaring at each other like wounded soldiers, laughing about the day before, yet sitting quietly as men roamed around us on diggers.

I’m kinda looking forward to the END of Summer. Lol. When do we get to do ‘jumpers & dumplings’ and not turn *wackadoo* because we’ve had a wine in the sun?

I can’t cope with Summer 2018. It’s too much ‘good time‘ for me to handle. You can’t put great friends, heatwaves, football, Love Island and all day beer gardens into ONE LITTLE SUMMER and survive it unscathed.

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Prosecco, Mel & Sunstroke…

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Happy Sunshine. Gosh! It’s Bliss! As if we have an ENTIRE WEEK of blistering warmth, to celebrate our Yorkshire Summer. I don’t know why i’m so chipper about it because ‘sunny times’ are total ‘DANGER ZONE’ for me. The booty shorts come out, the hair flick gets bigger, the ‘sunnies’ get left on any or every bar table in town (i’m awful for saving sunglasses) and worst of all, I get EXTREMELY distracted by ‘good, good times.’ I’m REALLY gonna have to focus on getting work done, as ‘YOLO’ will get the better of me.

I need to pull myself together….AGAIN

I hung out with my good friend Mel on Friday evening, in the sun, over iced prosecco. She looked amazing. She looked really happy and I love that, because it’s contagious. I like to see her happy. She’s been through a lot.

It was so great to see her, because we’ve ended up being really close friends, which is good going to say we began our rapport by ‘BLANKING’ each other and maybe hitting the ‘dislike’ button on occasion. (I didn’t dislike her. I was terrified of her. She disliked me. 🙂 However, now, she’s one of my closest. I’ve EARNED my way into her heart..and if you know Mel, that takes some ******* doing. lol) 

Any time, your chick friend arrives early, (I was already at The Carlton, having a quick drink after work, with Jodie, Scott, KatyP, Golfer Jonny, Ginger Brad, Our Gav and a ‘boys night.’) But yes, sorry..anytime your chick friend arrives early, with an ice cold bucket and cheeky bottle of ‘ready to pour’ prosecco in her hand, You KNOW it’s noting but true love.

You don’t strut up towards Wunna Land, without a drink in your hand. It’s the rules…

I love a surprise appearance and with a strut and a ‘BEAM’ and a…

‘I’ve messaged you to say I was early and bought us prosecco…’

‘Shit, I didn’t see it.. Firmonnell’s fuming that I’m here. Haha. She hopes we have a shit time…’

…we shimmied over to our own little table and caught up on life, in the Yorkshire sunshine. I was honestly so happy to see her because I’ve missed her so much and sometimes, you don’t realize how much you miss someone, until you see them again… in the sunshine. Everything’s better in the sunshine.

(The last time I saw her I walked through her front door with a bunch of yellow tulips, before people had *dance offs* to Tina Turner tracks, as I sipped berried prosecco out of gold rimmed flutes and nibbled my favourite olives.) 

‘I got you your favourite olives…You love these.’

I’ve always say that this chapter of my life has caused me to be a rubbish friend…Well, no..I’ll take responsibility and say, I kinda chose to be a rubbish friend. I prioritized things differently, this year.

However, I’ve noticed that I’m never a rubbish friend to Mel. (Probably because she won’t have any of it. I respect her for that. Haha. She’s a real life trooper and I have a lot of love for her, simply because you don’t **** with Mel…EVER. She’s kind once she let’s you in…She’s fun, once she lets you in…)

I have loads of close chick friends, yet really different relationships with them all…We’re all close, but completely different girls…But I like that…What we have in common is GREAT SOULS..and hideous drinking habits.

Firmonnell and I can always be rubbish to each other, even though she’s never rubbishy to me, because we’re soulmates. Our souls entwine as one…to the point where she makes me think I only need her and not even a man in my life…Lol. (Real Talk. Aside from my family and KatyP, she’s probably the only person I speak to every single day.) 

Image result for carrie bradshaw quotes girlfriends are soulmates

*I’ve definitely only put the above paragraph up, so she doesn’t feel as **** for me hanging out with Mel. Haha*

Plus, she says she never reads the blog, because she ‘doesn’t have to read this **** as she knows me in real life…‘ Lol. Which I like, because now I can write whatever I want about her and she’ll never know, OR EVEN BETTER have to ADMIT, that she’s read it. 🙂 

Shush! I’m joking. I love her.

So, Mel and I chattered about life, our love lives to be honest. We’ve kinda had a hard time in love, because that’s the way Cupid wanted it to pan out. I don’t know why, we find it so hard to settle down, even suitors appear through the years and wish to ‘settle?’ I always think, I haven’t because i’m happy and I haven’t yet met the right man.

But we’re single, we’re alive, we’re independent women, with our own careers and children, making the best of what we have.

Then I don’t know what happened, but she started to talk to me and as she did, I started to feel dizzy. I started to feel sick? I felt really drunk. Like it *popped* out of nowhere. I’d only had two drinks before she arrived and I’d only had a glass of prosecco. I felt really woozy, to the point where I her face zoned out…and I just couldn’t even sit up for another second. Lol

‘I need the loo…’

So I rushed off and in the loo, and in the cubicle I felt really poorly. So poorly, I was sick. (I always do this when I’m with Mel. Not the last time, but the time before, I puked in her washing up bowl. Lol) 

I got back and I felt moderately better, but still woozy.

Me: ‘I’ve been sick.’

Mel: ‘What? You always do this with me. How much did you have before I got here?’

Me: ‘Nothing. Just two drinks.’

Mel: ‘We need chip butties…’

(You can tell we’re Northern. We don’t wear tights in winter and we always think comfort food solves all life issues.) 

So chip butties came, because Mel, is literally the Hostest with the Mostest.’ She’s sassy, but she’s really good at taking care of people. She’s nurturing…and THANK GOD, cos i’m awful at looking after adults. Lol. I’m also awful if people cry in front of me, because i never know what the appropriate call of duty is….other than ‘Do you need a wine?’

I couldn’t eat my chip butty…I need to eat more. Then ‘Boys Night’ kept coming up to me, a boy at a time and asking for hugs and love.

‘Why are you all hugging me on boys night? Why are you looking at me? Do boys night, at boys table. We’re doing girls night!! Lol’

‘We just want a hug. Why you being boring..?’

So, I hugged, felt ill, then Tanya (Mel’s Friend) came and I got my second wind! It came out of nowhere and I was back on form. We did another two ice buckets of prosecco and yeah, tipsy then happened.

But we were happy tipsy.

Life filled with laughter and chick tales. (And more hugs from ‘Boys Night.’ I’m honestly like a ‘stag do/boys night’ prop. If boys are out, on a boys night, they sight me and want me to join the party. A bit like Sheffield really. I’m back in Sheffield in a couple weeks.) 

Anyway, I thought I was drunk, hence why I was sick? Makes total sense. But it turns out, (according to my little Doctor Mum) that I had sunstroke. I’m a slow drinker. But I’m a good drinker, in the sense that you’ll never see me falling about. I can do three drinks. That’s not going to make me puke ever.

So please be careful in the sun, this week. I’ve been in direct sunlight, all day long, with no water sipping, absorbing those rays and with wine in my hand always. It’s not good for you, if you’re not careful.

Then yesterday it was the football. I didn’t watch it. But I counted our goals on the cheers, that I heard. I caught up with KatyP and Claire, Golfer Jonny and his mates…Then Little Sam and His Blond Buddy Bud of Banter, with JD joined us..

Blond Buddy Bud: ‘Whenever I go to Bigfellas, random boys come up to me in the loos and tell me they can feel their Gaydar.’

Me: ‘It cos you have cherubim hair.’

Blond Buddy Bud: ‘And I have shoes at home, that i’ve named *Fellas.*

Sam: ‘You should go around the bar, in your wet tshirt, stop guys, tell them you can feel your Gaydar & see how long it takes for you to get punched. Chrissie, can we selfie for my Snapchat.’

Golfer Jonny’s friend Barney had a birthday. He doesn’t look like a gin guy, but he ginned it all day and started singing Wham songs. I like Barney because he once told a guy he looked like someone off the ‘Guess Who’ game. (Lol)

Barney: ‘Does he have a beard? No! Does he have hair? No. It’s HANK off Guess Who!!’

He also stated Golfer Jonny’s jeans were so tight, it looked like his bottom was ‘chewing a toffee’ and went to a chick’s loo, during a DATE, sat on her toliet seat and SNAPPED IT IN HALF, with his arse, due to a strong descent. Haha. 

Long story short. Lots of drama then occurred. I didn’t get to selfie. I didn’t stay out of the sun. I got home safe and woke up fine, this lovely morning.

I’ve got a lot of work to do. A book to write. I think i have birthday drinks this afternoon. I’ve got the babies after school. I have an audition. They actually have an audition to film. I’m feeling really lucky. I’m still pretty single.. I need to concentrate on work. Firmonnell’s throwing a BBQ on Sunday. I’m loving every single INCH of being Mummy. The babies are my WORLD. I’m back on your telly shortly…and I think I still have sunstroke? How do I make it better?

All my love,

Chrissie x

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Life, Love & Sports Day

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Morning! Morning! I hope you’re all well. Thank you so much for taking the time to click into Wunna Land. I appreciate it madly. It makes a little oriental chick, from Yorkshire smile. When you make someone smile, they say it comes back to you threefold..with love. (Sometimes, it comes back to you via gin. Either way…you’re looking at a bonus.) 

Over the last couple days, i’ve been pretty stressed. Just wallowing around in it for attention. Lol.  I could hand pity parties out of my pocket right now. 🙂  I’ve laid awake in bed, staring at my ceiling at 2am, because that solves everything, doesn’t it. 😉 I’ve downloaded a meditation app, (the ‘Breethe’ app…) which I do actually think is great. I’m quite a spiritual little swine. (I’m not ‘hippie/save the trees‘ with it though. Just in tune with my tender kitten soul… and all that.) I have quite a busy mind and it needs to be calmed. Maybe that’s why i enjoy a good drink. It quietens the mind madness for a while….well, before I start drunk messaging. 😉

If i’m being honest, I’ve been feeling under pressure because of this book i’ve got to write. My fear of writing this book is so immense that i’m kinda letting everything bundle on top of me, which is an odd way for me to deal with the situation, as I really don’t like the art of bundling. It’s clumsy. I’m sharp. Why am I buffooning about?

But away from that…(as she pretends it’s not happening..)

Yesterday I learnt how precious LIFE is. How important LOVE is. How vital it is to make sure all the people you care about, all the people you love, all the people you forgot to show love to KNOW, HOW MUCH they mean to you.

Life’s really short and within a *blink* it whizzes past you, or even worse get’s taken away from you, without your consent. Basically, if the only problem I have, is the fact that i’m stressing over writing some book, then on the whole i’m pretty lucky lady. I need to pull myself together. I’m being a baby.

Let’s frisbee back to positive…

Life’s pretty great at the moment. I’m happy. I’m not skin to the wind ‘buzzing,‘ but i’m certainly grateful and filled with ‘ooh laa.’ I feel pretty strong and even though I seem to have prioritized work over my social life, I’ve prioritized my family, as in the babies, over everything right now and it’s made me feel really powerful.

I love to keep things simple and loving unconditionally is the easiest thing in the world to me. When I operate in such a way, i’m magic.

Wednesday was great. The kids had Sports Day and I got to catch up with the school mums. (We’re all busy women, who hardly ever get to check in with each other and they’re such a lovely bunch, so it’s always really awesome.) Our kids go to a local Private school in West Yorkshire. I never used to be able to show up to things like Sports Day, or any of the school ‘dilly dallies,‘ due to work.

Yet now, I can. I now never EVER miss anything they do, at all…EVER!!! It means so much to me. More importantly it means SO much to them.

It makes my entire world go around.

Unfortunately, I showed up with some dodgy giant umbrella…It was the size of my entire body…and blue. Urgh! (I don’t like blue, it’s my least favourite colour. My favourite colour is yellow. I like a yellow rose.)

Anyway, when anyone lends me an umbrella, they can never give me a normal flipping shot at life…The last umbrella I borrowed had giant happy PIGS on it and no one can *BOSS* that out, even when the pigs look moderately chipper.

It was the sunniest, most humid day ever. Didn’t even rain. Lol. Don’t know why I thought it was gonna rain, must be the optimist in me? 😉 Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy‘ showed up with a dense floral blanket, which kinda lightened the blow..

Miss.Murphy: ‘I think i’ve illegally parked, in front of some gates??’

Me: ‘It’ll be ‘right.. Lol.’

We rocked up, everyone was already there and well I thought we were moderately organised…

Me: ‘We’re fine, between us we have a giant umbrella, a floral blanket and a faux fur..’

(What more could you need in life?) 

The other Mums had brought things like…. fold up chairs, happy faces, husbands, snacks… and ‘Bobby’ (who had spent the morning filming ‘Victoria’) even brought a flipping POP UP TENT, like we were at Creamfields!

Bobby: ‘Get in it then..’

Me: ‘Nah…You’re alright. Lol.’

She’s a nutter, but I love her. She makes my eyes smile. She’s ACE. I think she may have asked to lick ice creams and told lonely fathers that she was spending the rest of the day…nude.

(I’d never seen a gentleman beam as much.)

The day was great. It was just filled with that good old, real life excitement. I mean, Miss Murphy, Bobby and I may have brought the worse accessories, between us. However our *yells* of competitive encouragement , surely made our style misfortunes, okay?

Let’s just say we weren’t about the ‘taking part‘ and all about THE WIN. Hahaha. (Which is fine if you’re ‘Murphy’ and you’ve birthed some five year old sporting champion. Junior spent the day holding his teachers hand and making her run races with him.) 

Mumma P: ‘To make the Wunna Babies TRY to win anything, you have to have a modelling contract, gifts, or a selfie opportunity at the finish line, so they can at least make it worth their while. Lol’

Me: ‘Yeah..Lol. Ruby did ask me what she would get if she won the races and when I said house points for your team, she just looked at me like I was an idiot. Haha.’ 

BBQ’s, Ice creams and good clean fun occurred and you need spurts of good clean fun, don’t you? I’m kinda loving life right now. I’m feeling all grown up. I’m no longer selling myself short. I’ve got my career on track and I’m chipper.

If you’ve been following any of my ‘socials,’ you’ll know that I received a bunch of messages the other day, from a couple of beings who kept branding me as ‘fake.’ 

I’m polite. But I’m not fake. I get why you may think that though. Yet, let me tells you… I’m literally the warmest little piece of Burmese bunkin’ you’ll ever really run into. It’s only because you haven’t had the delightful pleasure of meeting me in person. 🙂 If you did know me personally, you’d go with ‘immature.’ 😉  You might even add in a ‘beautiful.’ 😉

My chick friends go with ‘dickhead.’ Firmonnell (who is one of my closest chick friends,) called me a ‘dickhead’ at least 9 times in the space of 4 messages yesterday. She had a needy Thursday. 🙂 I love her. I love it when she’s mad at me. Nothing pleases me more. And she can’t just shout at me once, she has to Snapchat Filter shout at me, 40 times in a row and I just can’t take it seriously…All I do is piss myself laughing…which winds her up more.

Then I bumped into ‘Hustle,’ who needed a wee at ‘Ego.’ She walked past me, whilst telling me that her love life was shit and her last date ‘pied her off’ after stealing money out her purse. To make it even better…She actually saw him again and went on another date. I love that about ‘Hustle’ like me, she’s resilient. (Code for: Were both so, so foolish.)

Oh wait? No. He didn’t pie her off. The ‘Date in the woods’ dude, did? (Hahaha…and she’s gonna kill me for saying this…) But she thinks he didn’t want to speak to her again, because she may have accidentally pooed her pants. Lol.

HAHAHAHAHA. I’M DYING. That’s disgusting. Lol.

I love how she wonders why he stopped messaging? It’s only funny because she’s so beautiful. I’m so delighted she may have excreted in her own jeans.

We always get pied.

With me, I’m a ‘grower.’ I’m someone who may catch your eye initially…Then you’ll judge me and decide to not like me…..Then you’ll have a little think, date far less awesome chicks and realize i’m actually the girl of ya dreams. 😉

God! How long was this blog? Lol. Sorry!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 8 Hour Panic

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Right! Gosh! Yesterday was a jolly little nightmare. 🙂  Today, I was gonna go on about, how much of a nightmare it was. I don’t think I had ever been as stressed, in quite a  little while? I felt deserted and I was SO utterly stressed because i’m SO FAR up my own arse, it’s unbelievable.

However, it’s weird how when you sleep on something…as in close your eyes and let the world take a turn. It’s weird how, you can wake up, rub those fresh kitten eyes and see the funny side to it all. Be okay again.

I lived to tell the tale..and when you’re a blogger, who chats about life… that’s all that matters. 😉

So, all i’m going to say is, don’t get a lift somewhere and then leave your handbag, which holds everything you will need for the day, in someone else’s car by accident. It was my own fault, (even though I did initially try to blame my mistake, on everyone else.)

My purse, my money, my ID, my phone, my laptop, my life, any form of communication..my everything….went on a merry trip without me. I was left stranded, without being able to get a hold of anyone, with nothing at all, but the clothes on my back…

For a good 8 hours..

(And like I said, I struggled because I was SO UP my own arse.)

However, I know it doesn’t seem that bad, right? It isn’t that bad….until you LIVE IT and without notice.

For the first 2 hours, I was FUMING. It sucked balls. I was LIVID. But once you’ve done something, you can’t back track and make it right, can you!?!  You just have to deal with what’s going on, in the ‘right now.’ I mean, people saw me THUNDERING DOWN STREETS, in a mist of Wunna rage. Lol.  I couldn’t get a taxi, I couldn’t message anyone for help. I couldn’t make a phone call. I couldn’t buy myself out of trouble. I went to the library, to try and use their internet. I didn’t have fifty pence, to be able to use the computers. Lol.

I didn’t even have anything on me, to make myself look less ‘on my own’ and like I had a purpose. (This is what I found the hardest, because i’m someone who will always try to look fine, in the heat of trouble.) 

I was embarrassed.

I didn’t know what time it was? I didn’t know, how I was eventually going to get found? I threw a silent pity party…But I must’ve not wanted help, because people did stop and offer TO help…They stopped to help me a million times over. However, every single time they did, I refused it, with a..

 ‘no, no, no…i’m absolutely fine.’

I WAS NOT FINE.

It was a nightmare. Lol. I went from park bench, to park bench, to long pointless walks, to little sit downs, at each local…for 8 hours straight. There’s only so much you can find to do, without looking like a lost soul. I even made a daisy chain to kill time.

It was kinda like being homeless, yet with the comfort of knowing it was all nearly over and you did actually have a home to go to. (In fact, I never got complimented MORE, than I did yesterday.)

So, ofcourse, I felt sorry for myself…and I was actually more annoyed that I couldn’t work (which is something that I find comforting.) I couldn’t write the book, (after finally feeling motivated.) Yet, as time went by and the wind swirled around me…I realised how shallow I was being. I grew up a little. (This week, so far, has been horrific. The Gods, are trying to make me learn lessons, or something? It’s shit.)

But yes, people go through my yesterday…on a daily…Without being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I actually went through this in my 20’s in New York, remember? It was weird because during that time, which was much much harder, I never actually ‘pity partied’ once. Yet, that was because I was genuinely terrified. There was no time to waste of ‘worry.’ I had to find safety.

Yesterday, was great because it made me realise that I wasn’t actually in touch with real life, anymore. Which is something I harp on about all the time, right?

Knowing about something, is different to FEELING something. The text book version of an event, never offers you the same kind of value. You have NOT experience something AT ALL, until you yourself have lived it, walked that particular path and worn the shoes. No one is in a position to judge anyone, until they have actually experienced what it is like, to be them.

And as the saying goes and i’ve seen this posted a million times over, by some of my friends…

‘You only know my name, not my entire story. You know what you’ve heard, not what i’ve actually been through. If you were to walk in my shoes, you’d absolutely trip at the first step, mate.’ 

Not really too relevant to my ‘yesterday,’ as that was nothing. However, it’s always a great life lesson to learn.

My Mum found me nine hours later.

That’s what I love about Mums.. and to be honest the last few hours were completely fine. It was ace. I had the greatest banter, with the most hilarious people. We talked bloomers with Jill, who is so happy all of the time, she looked like she could be married to Santa. Then I talked about ‘boys holidays’ and how a ‘pants only’ party in Zante was probably not a good idea, with dudes called ‘Sam.’

Sam: ‘Well Todd says, he’s throwing a ‘Pants Only’ party in Zante. But he hasn’t thought it through, has he? I mean, what chicks are gonna show up to that? None. It’ll just be a massive sausage fest…. just a group of lads..’

Me: ‘..in speedos and tight undies.’

Sam: ‘He’s Southern though, in’t he! He’s soft. Haha.’

I loved it!

When my Mum did actually find me and I had every faith that she would! You’d think she’d ‘baby’ me and treasure my sorry ass soul.

TOUGH LOVE MUCH!

Mum: ‘I don’t feel sorry for you. (Cheers!)  I knew you’d be okay. (Oh! Dandy!) You always are. (Today was shit.) I never have to worry about you. (Please do worry. I’m even worried.) You’re resourceful, once you’ve had your initial DIVA strop. (I’m fuming.) I’ve always said, I could catapult you to Timbuktu (please don’t) and you’d still find your way back home, or make a life for yourself there, with bells on.. But hurry up, i’ve got to pick up your brother (my darling, adored, little brother…) He needs me.’

I nearly exploded, like  a RAGING, CONFETTI GLITTER BOMB. But I didn’t. I’m swaggier than that. I’m coooool. I took life on the chin and ordered a cocktail.

Got home. Enjoyed every single second of, just being MUM. Let it all go. I posted a couple of ‘pity party’ Insta stories, to make myself feel better. After baby bed time. I cracked open a giant bottle of wine, got into the comfiest of comfies and flicked on ‘Love Island.’

That was yesterday.

Today, I’m meant to start my book. Instead the kids have Sports Day.

This week, is a nightmare.

 

Doing Life, Ambition & Stress

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Hope you  ALL had the most beautiful day with your Fathers, or celebrated ‘fatherhood’ in any way you felt necessary, be they still here with you, away with life ‘dandies,’ or even if you’re a father yourself. I hope it all went well. If it didn’t, never mind, eh! As long as you’re positive or honest, about your situation, you’re always gonna be okay. 😉 That can take time. But once you’ve got it, you’re sailing!

Yippppeeee!

I had a big old ‘lunch off’ and family day with my delicious Pops. The Wunna’s are a really close family and well, i’d say that i’m the ‘apple’ of my little Daddy’s eye.

(He once visited me in LA, many years ago and told my lawyer/party boy roommate to look after me, because if anything happened to his ‘Pride & Joy’ he would hold him directly responsible. Lol Yet, on the softer side, when I returned home ,after a huge Hollywood spell of ‘almost decade,’ he burst into tears because he was so happy I was safe and well.)

Y’know, my Dad, has never ever shouted or raised his voice at me once. He’s either talked me through things, so laid back that he’s horizontal,  or just pretended that the bad things have never happened….I can’t decide which one? My Mum, on the other hand, makes up for his lack of ‘shouty.’

I really ‘lucked out’ in the ‘Parent Department.’ I know that. And every single minute of every day, even when we wind each other up, i’m truly grateful for them. I dread to think of a life without them! They’re my little ‘ninja’ parents..My absolute rocks. It’s the same with Ruby & Junior. ( If you follow this, you’ll know I’m a single mum. But I LOVE being a single mum. It makes me feel powerful and I like to feel MIGHTY. Both babies spent the day with their Daddy’s. Junior was somewhat reluctant to shimmie over to his. Ruby, however adored it.)

I missed them both…MADLY. (The babies, not the daddies. Haha.)

Just so you know, I’ve bloody worn tiny shorts and no sleeves today, with ‘sunnies,’ because my phone told me that it was going to be a SCORCHIO. I’m sat on a bench, in a park, with a pink laptop on my knee, pretending to be nice to dogs that look like sausages, in the freezing, windy cold! I can’t even style it out. I look like a rebellious and somewhat constipated Geisha, that’s been dipped in Hawaiian Tropic and got caught up in a casual Hurricane.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Why can I never get it right! I hope for sun soon. I’m far too exotic and scowly today, for even an occasional GUST of wind. It’s so windy, I could DIE of shivers.

Okay,  i’ll cut crap…

So, yesterday, you’d think.. with all my free time, I’d spend the day attempting to write that book. I keep rambling on about. The one that I only have 2 months in total, to complete. I didn’t do it, did I? I know it’s there and has to be done. Yet I keep pretending it’s not ‘PENDING’ away…If i’m honest, I have NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING. I even have a Tutor and been threatened with a ‘Writers Colony.’ J It’s not like I don’t write, or haven’t written a book before?? I just can’t find my *swing.* I can’t find my *swagger.* Maybe I left it at Issho, after table sake?

But ah well…Even bit of me is confident that I’ll find it. HONEST.

Instead, I took selfies, (agent’s nightmare.) Went on walks. Almost bought ceramic unicorns. Stared at a pond. Shunned the advances of boys. Added to my Insta story. Dropped my  phone on my face, mid selfie, (it caused me to bust my lip a little.) I scrolled Twitter for ‘Love Island’ updates. I swung garden chimes, with my Mum, simply because we were bored. I baked a cake (did I **** bake a cake…haha.) Rode a donkey (that might have happened) and THEN BALANCED half a can of Fosters ON MY LITTLE BURMESE HEAD!!

I KNOW!  Skillz! How am I single!!

This was totally inspired by my good friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ who decided to send me a *Snap* of her balancing a PINEAPPLE on her head. (Cos’ we’re normal like that. I mean, for such so called ‘pretty girls,’ you’d think we’d have better things to do, like ignore DM’s from shirtless boys. 😉 ) But no. During HER free ‘still single’ time, she dedicated it to Tom Foolery.

However, being the competitive swine that I am, I didn’t watch and adore, with simple giggles. I decided that I could do it too.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO IT…..TIPSY.

I flipping, did it though! 13 minutes later, my ‘socials’ were filled with videos of me balancing a Foster’s Can, on my head, like a champion. (I did send ‘Hustle’ a personal video. I don’t respond to my real life friends via public story. Honest! lol..Well, unless, it’s by accident, a bit rude and maybe involves a Toberlone.) I had a Toberlone ice cream yesterday and it ruined my life, because my head was dazed with Katy P’s, MADE UP ‘Duty Free Toberlone’ story, that involved my vagina.

Every bite made me gip. You can still enjoy one though because your mind is CLOUDED with filth.

Hustle: ‘We’re like the perfect girls. We have boobs AND we’re good at balancing things..’

Me: ‘Well..sort of..’

Later through the evening, ‘Firmonnell’ sent me a video of ‘Hustle,’ on her sofa.. attempting to balance a FULL wine glass of GIN, equipped with floating berries… ON HER HEAD. The video was SO worrying, that I was tense with anxiety and screaming…

DON’T YOU DARE SPILL THE GIN….

..at my phone. (She always has to take it one step too far. I don’t think I can be her friend anymore? ‘Almost’ spilling gin, is as foolish as the art of ‘always telling the truth.’ It breaks the Wunna Land code of conduct. It’s not cool and it’s certainly not ‘gangsta.’ ‘Ere me now.)

However, life is there to be played with. It’s such a wonderful thing, even the bad times. They say the bad times, make you tougher. They keep you in good stead for whatever lies ahead. You never know what’s gonna happen to you? However, be it good or bad, if you ‘skill’ yourself up emotionally, you’ll be able to handle your next step, your next chapter, with the vigor of RuPaul.

Even if it’s utterly harsh, the quicker you feel it, get back up and then proceed to be play, with the tough times… the better. As soon as you enjoy life, understand life and don’t let it suck the *b’jeebies* out of you…The sooner you’ll find your ‘happy.’ Your strength.

‘Hustle’ actually posted a quotey paragraph yesterday. (Y’know how people do. I posted ‘Lovers Gonna Love’ on Saturday. My gay friend posted ‘Soup of the Day is Tequila.’ Blah. Blah. Jollies.)

Well Hustle, posted a paragraph. It stated that our own development as a human, is what made us happy. How we progress as a human. How we actually learn life. That’s what makes us proud of ourselves, in the end. It also suggested that we not place our happiness in the hands of others. People do it all the time…don’t they? I have, at times. Y’know, whether they’re waiting for a proposal, a job acceptance letter, trying to impress the masses, worrying about being judged, or pining for simple praise, or attention from a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent…Anything!

When you do that…you no longer have control of your happiness. You pass it on, like a parcel, yet the music never stops.

Now, I always ‘twicker’ on about how POWERFUL I feel. And like I said earlier, I’m someone who loves to feel powerful. Yet, that power, doesn’t come from anything material. ( I do love the finer things in life, yet I don’t LIVE FOR THEM. I’m actually a girl who loves the simple things, just as much. I couldn’t be more in touch with the real world.) I mean,  I could also make tons and tons and tons of money. (It wouldn’t make me feel powerful at all. No matter what, I’ll always get by. I work really hard.)  I could be so in love. (I’m single…and still, I couldn’t be happier.) Or so so successful,l that I couldn’t even nearly shake fame off me. (What i’ve learnt from life is that recognition for your talent and hard work, feels great. That isn’t ‘FAME.’ That’s personal accomplishment. The ‘fame game’ brings you more problems than it’s worth, at times… unless you play it well, use it wisely and benefit from it financially. Even then, you’ll still go through shit.)

I feel powerful because at 37, I feel like a successful human. I wasn’t always a successful human. Yet, that’s the point. I grew…and Karma IS a bitch. But Boy, have I DEVELOPED. I’m really happy with who I am now. I feel comfy, in my own skin. What I like what I am and what I stand for! I chose my own ‘happy.’ No one can take that away from me and because of that FEELING, I can walk into a room and RADIATE, almost GLOW of an energy, that swirls through the souls of others, like magic.

I understand people. (I’ve been people.) I understand life. (I’ve experienced so many different walks of it.)  I really LOVE being me and truly LOVE every piece of my world, because I picked it myself. I’m an alright person. I can see loneliness in others, even when they have that ‘100 watt’ smile on. (I’ve been there. We all have.) I can see kindness in people, when the masses have ruled them out as a ‘villan.’

I understand that… no matter what….I’m still just this tiny little dot….on a GIANT EARTH BALL of gazillions, doing this ‘shimmie’ called life. I always see the bigger picture and when you TRULY do, you quit letting the ‘niggles’ stress you out.

So if I could leave you with two lil’ tings of what I know about life right now, it would be to make the most of your time, WITHOUT WORRY…BEFORE you have no time left. We can worry about anything, everything, can’t we? It literally makes NOTHING better, at all. It creates stress. Both my folks are Doctors and even THEY say, you can break every bone in your body and nothing hurts more than a broken heart, a broken soul, or being lost in a fuzzy gather of stress.

And if you DO anything today…..Be the reason somebody smiles…

The smallest things, make people BEAM.

( I tried to teach Ruby that yesterday…But she kept ignoring me and telling me she was going to be a psychic.)

ps/ I live for ‘Love Island’ this year and i’m so excited by the ‘fresh girl meat’ and thrilled with my personal winner Adam Collard!

ALL THE FIRE! Let’s play love!

 

 

Retail Therapy & Writing Books on Dating..

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A bit of ‘Retail Therapy.‘ A bit of ‘buying me some love.‘ A bit of filling my soul with the beautiful art of ‘purchase.’ A bit of swanning around a department store, Dior counter, in order to feel lost in a powdery haze of well lit glamour, is on the cards for me today.

It’s a treat ya’self. Don’t cheat ya’self kinda weekend.

(A boy once slid me a note that read exactly that, when we were on a modelling gig in Palm Springs, back in the day. he had a really bog ‘fro.’ I can’t at all remember his name. He was actually a decent human and the note was a joke. Plus, he had exceptional ‘comedy timing’ as he noted me, when I was IN THE SHOWER and naked.)

To say yesterday could’ve ended up somewhat ‘rubbishy,’ (and the result was ‘rubbishy,’)  I actually had a really great time. I took it all on the chin and pretty much managed to get some work done, catch up with friends, by inflatable unicorns and wooden panels and spend the rest of my day waiting…. in a cocktail bar.

Life could’ve been worse.

Anyway, to ease my pain, i’m filling my purchasey pockets with wondrously girly…shite today. I need lots of little treats that will save my soul from a mental breakdown.

I couldn’t at all sleep last night, because my minds under this crazy pressure. I know that I said that I like working under pressure, but I obviously lied.  I’ve now got 2 months to write, a completely different book and like I was saying to ‘Newly Married‘ Vicki…. (I love you by the way, thank you so much for believing in me always.) Anyway, she dashed me with bright ideas, encouraged me with all of her strength and then bloody left me to swim to some pool bar, during her honeymoon…

I KEEP running away from writing the book because i’m intimidate by it.

I don’t know where to start? But I should know where to start…I’m a writer?

Vicki: ‘Start from the middle and go from there..’

Any excuse that I can find to distract myself from book writing I will. And maybe it’s because I don’t believe I can do it? But i’m not like that by nature. So technically, I don’t know what’s up with me? Maybe all the Peroni’s have literally meandered through my soul and made me feel real life? Lol. Maybe I feel ‘one my own’ with this project? Maybe, I am scared that it won’t do well…? But I’m not scared of anything? (Except, sausage dogs.)

The first book to get ‘shopped’ will be a DATING book. A ‘How to‘ book. Not that I qualify ‘on paper.’ Yet, I certainly qualify when it comes to experience…and in my mind THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. The reason for it being a ‘dating book,’ will become apparent to you shortly…Yet, at the same time, I write about life every day and to me, our love lives are such an important part of our existence.

My newly single, chick bestie ‘Firmonnell’ has moved ‘Hustle Barbie’ into her home temporarily. They’re both really close friends of mine…and ‘Hustle’s’ actually single now too. I think she went on some date with a dude in the woods or something?

Wow! That sounds safe! 🙂

We’re obviously such catches. Lol. Whenever ‘Hustle’ goes out with the girls, she comes home mud riddenly filthy. I don’t even know how? She would’ve been to Angelica’s not Old Macdonald’s goddamn farm. So i’m sure her date in the woods, went well. Sure she looked like a Pagent Queen…TO BE BEGIN WITH.

Anyway, ‘Firmonnell’ was seeing if I wanted to hang out with her yesterday…Yet, she knew that I couldn’t or wouldn’t…so presented it to me like this…

‘Are you doing anything Friday, because you can come to mine for drinks? I thought i’d message you first, so you could give me the first brush off..’

And I did. Successfully. Lol. I even replied with a..

‘Brush off complete..’

Like I said, this year, i’m such a shit friend. But not really ‘in heart,’ because I love them all so madly, I treasure them… but certainly when it comes to actual real life appearances. Haha.

Yet, your good friends and your perfect boy/girl love matches will always understand that.

I’ve got a goal and a lot of work I need to do to get there and i’m much closer than I thought I could be to that goal again…So right now, like I always say, i’m going back IN, to not only take what’s mine, but to take all the things that everyone said I could never have.

That’s fighting talk to say i’m a kitten.

(Did, I say ‘kitten?’ Sorry…I meant BITCH.)

Talking about bitchiness…I’m really glad Hayley’s been booted off ‘Love Island.’ Not because she was nasty, but because she was having a bit of free telly ride, without playing the game. You can’t go on Love Island and not DO the ‘love’ part. You can’t shun every single boy and think you’re gonna stay on the show. It’s not, ‘I can’t find a connection’ island and it’s certainly not how reality tv works. Cya Darling!

Glad that i’ve got that off my chest.

Big family day today. I’m really close to my family and with it being Father’s day tomorrow, we’re gonna celebrate being The Wunna’s ALL weekend. It’s what we do. Both Ruby and Junior will be with me all day and I think, as per usual…we’re headed to Doncaster. Ruby’s still bandaged up. (She had a bicycle accident.) And Junior is embracing his family time, with all of his heart. For some reason now, he’s always scared to go to his Dads?

Junior: ‘Please don’t send me there tomorrow. It’s Father’s day and Dad hates Father’s day. I’m scared.’

Luckily the kids are dandy because they have MASSIVE Wunna Land back up. It’s certainly a land run by woman, where the guys are always the bit parts, waiting in the wings.

I’m actually going through another new chapter right now, where you’re going to get to see a really different side to me…Operation ‘Clean Up My Act’ is en route…

Firmonnell: ‘Sounds really dull.’

Hahah. 😉 Love her.

See ya soon!

Thank you for following my life…

FYI/ I’ve written all of this BLIND and without my contact lenses in. I’ve looked like a half naked, 90 year old, horny bat, all the way through it.

Hope that’s made you feel sexy!

Cheers.

 

 

‘Hustle’ is a vegan, she has a pineapple on her kitchen table.

Me: ‘Aww. That’s so cute. She can ***can’t tell you what I actually said*** and then cute to raw pineapples slices afterward.’

 

Robot Husbands, Sex & Miracles..

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Today has been one of those ‘miracle‘ kinda days. I haven’t been able to believe the luck that i’ve had, but i’ve been so grateful for it. I was little galloping around, doing *happy* dances, to no music and total strangers…who definitely now think i’m a lunatic.

I kinda started being positive, after a couple days of feeling worried (cos we do get worried don’t we?) Yet, just like magic, with a *wangle* of a wand and a little bit of a *wink*CONSECUTIVELY amazing things just started to happen….one at a time…ALL morning and hopefully. I even had a prosecco and let my eyes ‘fill up’ a little with glee.

Things aren’t always shit. Remember that. So if you’re going through a case of ‘da blues’ and I really hope you’re not…always remember it IS TEMPORARY. 

You’ve got a whole life to live and no one to answer to.

LIVE IT!

So, I’ve got a lot of shoots lined up and it’s all really exciting. I’m writing. I’m loving the blog and well i’m a ‘show girl’ at heart, meaning shoots are my forte. I love them. I live them…I just find it really fun.

(Hang on a second…I’ve just sat on a pocket rock. No…not a ‘pocket rocket,..’ 😉 that’s a whole different blog post… Junior..The littlest Wunna in all the land…my 4 year old son…Well, he gave every WUNNA in the family a rock , a stone each. They’re ones that he had found on his journies of being Junior. We all actually carry a rock around with us, at ALL times for good luck…I’ve just sat on mine. It’s jiggery jaggery and it KILLS!) 

This morning, I posted a whole bunch of photos and a video on all my ‘socials’ on me waking up…I’m not gonna lie. I did film it yesterday to post out today. I even sent it to someone last night before it went ‘live.’ Lol.

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Anyway, before 11am (it’s now noon) on my Facebook Fanpage the video had 13,000 views. And the thing that’s been so hilarious about the video is the simple fact that it weirdly shocked people?

I post a lot of pictures…sexy ones…because they’re MY favourite. I post them…People seem to like them, they certainly engage with them and I spend my entire day replying to comments (mainly to gents) around the merry world.

I put my pictures up first and the viewers of Wunna Land, went ahead and ‘liked‘…they ‘commented…’ they ‘engaged.’ It’s always pretty fast on my Facebook..almost like fire….which leads them to a ‘click’ onto my diary, this website…so they can find out more.

But as I posted my video, it was like everything *paused* for a second…Everyone tucked their ‘willies’ back in… put on their Sunday bests, got terrified, realized that I AM actually a REAL LIFE human. and not just a picture on their news feed, or a paragraph on a blog post, that they ‘maybe’ place as some kind of ‘social fantasy….’ (Hahaha. Listen to me talking about myself like i’m some kinda Queen of the world 😉 )

…AND THEY PANICKED.

It all became very real, very quickly…and my inbox has been inundated with the weirdest messages, from people who were shocked that i’m real???

I’M SO CONFUSED?

Who’dya think writes this blog? Lol

I post my own selfies…IT IS ME?

I just thought everyone was going to adore me…Lol…Yet, everyone was more shocked, than anything. And the video’s just morning ‘wake up and stretch’ video? It’s chilled. It’s glamourous. It’s me. (It’s also on my ‘Instagram’ so you can go see it there. 🙂 🙂 Follow me too, because growing an instagram following is harder than...(‘I’ll let you fill in something hard, I can’t think of anything right now…’

But yes, record straight. I’m actually a real life person. I know! How scary! No ones even talking to me today on ‘Insta’...like Twitter…. I’ll just have to wait until the American’s wake up and throw me some..

‘Hey Honey, Love the pics.’

I don’t really have anything else to say, other than the fact that you should totally believe in miracles. I’ve had the most remarkable morning. Eat clean. I’ve been eating ‘fresher than fresh’ and it has served my body delightfully. It’s the cleanest, sexiest rush of goodness. I’m glowing.

I’m also getting really worried because y’know I told you about that woman who married the ghost pirate because he didn’t believe she would ever find a good man….Well, last week i read an article that Robot Husbands were going on sale, so we can purchase and program our futures as women.

Now, I love all social development and I adore the amazing things that the world delivers,

YET, LET’S NOT BE IDIOTS.

Let’s find our *SWAG* a second. (Yes guys, there’s Robot Wives also.)

Surely everyone knows that love isn’t about robots and programming? Surely everyone believes that in the end, they’ll find their perfect match.It’s all about fate, timing and true love. Some find it faster than others…but it’s definitely not a race. Surely everyone in the world is NOT THAT LONELY!!!

I mean can you imagine ME, in my flipping living room listening to some Robot Husband, that i’ve had to get dressed and plonk on some chair, telling me that he ‘loves’ me, whilst we enjoy a homemade skinny cocktail together and watch ‘Dancing on Ice,’ as the kids look at me like i’ve finally COMPLETELY LOST THE PLOT. I mean they’re already like..

Ruby: ‘Can’t wait until I’m married and move to LA, so you don’t moan at me for not going to bed on time.. When are we gonna have a proper family…’

Junior: ‘If you ever get a Prince…Like a real daddy…don’t let him touch your boobs, cos they’re mine.’

And then even worst….when it comes to the ‘nookie’ part of the relationship…The part that as a 37 year old I actually adore. I’m sensual by nature…

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME, HAVING TO UNDRESS MY BLOODY ROBOT, DO SEXY EYES AND BECKONS AT HIM, (whilst he just sits there spewing out his..‘yeah baby you’re hot’ lines that i’ve programmed into him

… AND THEN HAVING TO CLAMBER ON TOP OF HIM FOR SEX. YES WITH MY REAL LIFE ROBOT HUSBAND…

WHAT THE ACTUAL…

Wunna land says it’s a no go….

I even had a conversation with my chick friend ‘Jilly G’ about it..

Jilly G: ‘It’s just like a man shaped dildo.’

Me: ‘No it’s fucking not. It’s not a dildo AT ALL. It has eyes. Creepy ROBOT EYES. My dildo’s don’t have eyes? Do yours?

Jilly G: ‘No..Lol..They don’t speak either..’

Me: ‘Oh? I might have one that speaks? Haha.’

Bottom line…I’ll wait it out, marry a ghost pirate, order 100 cats and cry myself to sleep before I EVER INVEST IN A ROBOT HUSBAND.

Love you,

Chrissie x

 

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