But a second hand emotion….

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I don’t even know what’s up with me, but i’m feeling on top of the world. I’m all bubbled with this positive *ooh* ness….and dancing in mirrors with pouts, to tunes from the 90’s, as my babies gallop around me and lip sync along like we’re some kind of failed pop band. I even woke up this morning, IMMEDIATELY grabbed my phone to use the ‘selfie’ mode as a mirror ;)…lol…just to check my teeth, (remember that i’m going through a whitening process that specialist Afsar Hussain at Hatfield Dental has put me on…i still have another week and a half of it, as i’ve been super busy…so i’m on a bit of a delay.) I had no face on, was half naked…with a white quilt appropriately draped across me, at six o clock in the morning and I didn’t even think i looked bad. I thought i looked good! AS IF! What is even happening? I’m just trampoline bouncing, on the spot, in a happy place, where in which i feel really lucky, really positive and emotionally balanced within the world….in eyelashes and boobies. Hurrah!

I’m still single and i’m feeling great! I’m warm, but super independent by nature. I can do togetherness and ‘my own thing’ with ease, without being naggy. It’s mainly because i’m used to it. I’ve been single and worldly long enough enjoy me, myself and I and also in plenty of loving and ‘not quite right’ relationships to get what togetherness is all about.  In my mind, until you have the exact right connection, (and ladies you will know where you stand because guys are pretty good at making it clear via both words and actions…or no words or actions lol,) then you’re wasting your time and in that time you just need to get comfy with yourself and cheer up. He’ll find you and come get you. If a guy likes you, he will not be so stupid as to lose you to some other dude with a quiff. Lol.

I see so many happy couples (like Vicky and Guy…Happy Birthday Victoria, they found each other late in life and are about to get married. Same with Emily & Mark..they did an online Yorkshire/Bermuda relationship for ages, each randomly flew to New York to go on their first date and have been happy ever since.)

But at the same time, and almost more of….so many stressed out chicks, who stress out over, what i see…as nothing. And so many dudes who feel all trapped in the ‘doo daa’ that they’ve chosen to be in. That’s not what love is about…and i’m only rambling on about this because I had one of my close LA guy friends message me yesterday with an ….‘I’m super sad.‘ (I’m am the chick all my guy friends and exes come to for chick advice, because i’m not doo..lally…most days 😉 .)

Now, i’m not going to tell you all about it, but i will say that he’s trapped in a shitty relationship, where in which love is chilling and has taken a back seat and control, mistrust and arguing has decided to shimmie on forward. YIPPEE! To the point where there is no love left..not even a drizzle of ‘yeah baby.’ When that happens…and you don’t have rum…you are doomed. Bottom line, he’s been offered a work opportunity in LA, which is away from where his partner is, yet when i say opportunity….(and LA is where we all grew up, …he is American by the way… so it’s kinda like home) it’s his own TV show opportunity, that he has aspired and work towards his whole entire life. Like this would be his dream come true. Got it? Good! Yet Instead of cheerleading him forward, (as that’s a wacky concept) his chick has turned completely bonkers, she doesn’t want him to take part in his ‘dream come true’ job lol,  she’s emailed his manager & employer a letter, stating how disgusting they are for employing him, because he will have to move away from her, for a bit and basically tried to ruin it. Hahah. (Like, i guess that is okay….like…NEVER! THAT IS NEVER OKAY! LOL!!)  She has fully committed to going down route crazy balls (haha, sorry i shouldn’t laugh, it’s a really stressful time for him lol) …and although i am quite partial to dedication…and Route ‘crazy balls’ is definitely fun if you enjoy a bit of drama… But it’s not like it would’ve been forever. Infact, if she didn’t go nuts, he would’ve just been going to LA to film it, before returning. Now, because of her nuttiness…he’s about to run off, do the show and never ever return. It’s done. He’s not super sad for leaving or the breakup, he’s super sad because he’s still stuck there until he gets to go to LA. Lol.  (Do know that i would never refer to any human as crazy unless i have seen substantial proof of utter irrational nuttiness and i’m the most open minded human on the planet.)

Now i’m a pretty good person to ask about things of this nature, as i’m a ‘you don’t mess with peoples dreams. ambition and careers’ kind of girl, it’s not fair to ‘ultimatum’ people, so i’ll see it from the girl and guys point of view and although warm, i’m honest and positive about the future.  PLUS,  my LA guy friends will come to me for advice on this, as when i was with Mike and he had nothing but a dream….he auditioned for everything, all day, everyday and finally got his break….He was ambitious and wanted to do well…and was an actor. Successful actors are away for ages. They could be flying to another state or country for weeks or months if they’ve booked a movie. It’s normal, it’s part of the job. It’s like with anybody in entertainment. And during that time, instead of being selfish, i supported him all the way with excitement…I was excited for him, it never really bothered me, as i wanted him to do well and i knew how much it meant to him…which showed LOVE and because he felt that he had a stable home life, that guy who couldn’t afford Burger King, with a headshot in his hand, at audition number 702…ended up feeling like he could conquer anything…and did. Three years ago he filmed a movie with Tom Cruise, he’s been on every tv show ever and has lots in his pipeline, with dollars in his bank. Now he could buy a million double whoopers. Lol.

And i don’t say it to sound one sided, as the LA guy friend who asked my advice is close to me. But people don’t ask for my advice unless they want a laugh, a power pep talk, positive honesty or to hand hold them through the tunnel into their next chapter, because they have already made up their mind.  PLUS, I have LEFT men, who have been negative in regards to support of any success that I may have had or want to have. Y’know what I mean, the ones that try to *squish* it, so that you won’t do well, out of their own insecurity, because if you do well, you might run off and leave them. Whereas it’s more, if they were confident, supportive and trusting…then they would now be building an empire with me. But hearts heal so much faster then they break. Break ups draaaaag. New love is quick and inspiring.

Anyway, he’s voted himself off the island and headed for pastures…Hollywood. Lol. And I don’t one bit blame him. He hasn’t done it yet…but he’s about to. ‘I’ll just leave her a letter that she can contemplate.’ (Oh Lord.) They’re not bad people, they just no longer understand each other…and once he hits LA, he’ll easily meet a completely different girl, with utterly different views, who understands his ambition, the nature of his work and more than anything…him. It happens all the time. I mean, i did tell him that it wasn’t going to be easy, as when you’re with someone that…how do we put it…’passionate’ lol…you better strap in, as that rollercoaster of ‘bye bitch bye’ isn’t going to be fun. He just laughed and said that he was good at getting away from things. Hahaha.

I guess guys need to achieve their goals, yet be more loving along the way, so their chicks know how much they mean to them. And girls need to be less controlling and have more faith in ourselves and our men. Love doesn’t have to be roses and chocolates, as it seems support, trust, loyalty and positive blessings go much further. And even though i’m girly, i’m quite ambitious and masucline when it comes to work, i’m a workaholic, i enjoy to make money, so i can see both sides of the coin .

Away from that, the BOTOX that i had done at Hatfield Dental has been AMAZING!!! It worked right away, first time and now i can’t frown. No wrinkles, nothing. I did feel my muscles paralyzing and it was odd. Yet now i’m used to it, it is quite frankly a remedy sent from the good Lord himself. So now i know, when i’m super old, BOTOX is the answer. Honestly, I swear, it is a miracle. I have never been more amazed in my life, aside from that time i actually woke up with a traffic cone parcel taped to my head. I was impressed and amazed that morning for sure. Lol. I’m surprised i even Goddamn woke up.

I have lots going on right now. The babies, work, Leeds Lifestyle Awards, Made in Leeds, a photoshoot and my NSPCC Tshirt campaign that i’m going to tell you about in my next blog. So get your piggy banks out and get ready to feel charitable. Nothing is going on in my love life….no one fancies me….

(Wait Keiran’s calling and he has Junior…one sec…)

I’m back, it was just about the dentist.

I’m feeling super chipper, super sexy, happy, but clumsy because i’m having to wear my glasses all day, as i forgot to order my contact lenses on time. I don’t know how anyone does anything in specs. They’re a nuisance. I’ve tripped up 40 times and got scared whilst driving everywhere. Such a girl. Lol. The last time i wore them, i was too busy looking at myself in a shop window that i tripped over a grate and fell on my face. A PROPER GOOBER. Lol. I’m a geek wrapped in tits. AND they keep falling down my nose. I don’t even look smarter. I walking around over cautiously like an absolute moron. Like the floor is about to open up and swallow me whole. 🙂

Shredding, Accents & Quality Street Choices

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Sometimes in life you’ve just got to ‘shred’ shit. Y’know, take all the stuff that doesn’t mean too much to you and with courage, a smile and a whole lot of ‘Va voom’, group it into a bundle and shove it through the shredded.

Today there was an air of stress, it was calm, it was for no real reason, yet there was an air that swirled slowly, meandering, wandering, looking for bait. It danced around each being that surrounded me and as it passed, it touched each kitty soul causing that being to be caught up in a case of ‘grey fuzz.’ No one knew why, no one knew how, but it caught us all, like a grey glitter cold that couldn’t be shaken off.

Now, by nature, I’m a positive soul and I am a being who can shake ANYTHING OFF. Anything. So i focused on lightening the mood with foolish wit even I myself felt the stress. But I refused to fully commit to a grey ‘limbo’ of uncertainty. Instead, i swung home, breathed it out and got on with life merrily.

*Cue SHREDDER…Lip gloss here.*

Away from all that, life is pretty great. I’ve got a lot going on and i’m balancing it in heels. I’m feeling powerful. I’m feeling shattered. But i’m feeling like a support system and i am at my BEST when i am in a role of support.

I definitely got described as ‘Attitude with Umph’ today and I’ve certainly made the executive decision to choose the next guy i commit to, by assessing his choice in Quality Street. (If you do not know what that is…a Quality Street is a foiled wrapped English choccie, that is shaken into a tub or box and the sold to us for our delight.) Everyone has a favourite, everyone knows the ones that they avoid and i’m a being who will JUDGE YOU on your choice. Lol. It’s vital.

I saw a blond walk away wondering why ‘everyone has left the Strawberry creams?’ I witnessed  an ‘about to go to Marbs’ Blond state that ‘she would eat any really’ but her favourite would always be a Brazil nut and then a Brunette proclaim that she was ‘definitely a Golden Barrel kinda girl.’

I’m a girl who will go for the blue foiled wrapped coconut Quality Street, every time. EVERYTIME. I don’t enjoy the messiness of a Golden Barrel, or Srawberry cream. I’ll eat them if i have to, yet i never HAVE to, so i’m safe. I’m allergic to nuts. So that’s a ‘no go’ and so, the coconut blue foiled choccie choice is my favourite. If you like that too…we should date. Lol

I’ve got so much going on with Mummyhood, work and blogging. I’ve got a social schedule that i daren’t even *peek* at, as incase i can’t fit it in. I do feel stressed, but i know it won’t stick, so i’m fine.

I’m looking forward to a ‘just me’ break and when i say ‘just me’ i mean time where in which i do what I want. I’m booking a trip away for a weekend. I only need a weekend as i’d miss the children far too much and quite frankly, i’d get bored on my own. I like breaks in small doses, as i’m not used to them.

I’ve got the Leeds Lifestyle Awards, the Blogoshpere Magazine thing, I’m currently working with this amazing company where in which ‘celebrities’ (i’m not a celebrity, i’m just infamous) and well when summoned upon we get to design our very own tshirt, for a charity of our choice and with each tshirt sold, all the pennies from that sale head towards helping the cause that you have handpicked. How lovely right! I feel honoured! As if! What a brilliant idea! I love things of that sort. A creative way to raise awareness.

Life is currently great. I’m focused on getting things right and accurate and organized in my head. When you write things be it for a living or for pleasure, work, or play, in any form…you always have DEADLINES and i’m someone who works even better under pressure and when the going gets tough.That’s when my ‘ooh laa’ flourishes and i nail it. So i’m all good. Deadlines…eat cha heart out.

Today i got asked why i like guys with accents? Do i? I didn’t think i had a preference, but i must if someone noticed it, right?

I enjoy people from other places, so i enjoy an American accent, a Southern accent…the list is endless, which means i’m not too picky. Yet it’s less about the accent and more about the fact that it’s different to Me, so it’s interesting. They’re from another place, they have a story to tell that’s different to my normality. I find them more interesting, i guess subconsciously? It’s definitely not deliberate. However i will say that you will lose me at ‘Ey yup!’ 🙂 Not because i’m not down with a Yorkshire boy. I AM YORKSHIRE. It’s just really normal to me…that it’s a bit less interesting than what my mind is accidentally seeking?

Enough of the banter.

I need a wine.