Hiya! I know it’s been ages since a blog. You’ve all had a moan at me. Lol. But I’m here! It’s been mental. There’s been all kinds of influencing, work and fun. The babies have been auditioning. I’ve been auditioning. We’ve been keeping our sparkle a float, booz!
I’ve just been enjoying myself really, with friends, family…andyone who wants to join the conga line of fun. The kids go back to school soon, so I wanna make sure I embrace my time with them, which is a tinker of a juggle, due to work and baby daddy exchanges. YET, completely worth it, worth it, worth it!
I’ve still been out and about, i’ve lunched, I’ve shopped, i’ve tippled and loved. Therefore, bit by bit, i’ll shimmie my story of the last few days out to you…because i’ve literally done SO much, that I wouldn’t even know where to begin?
I’ve been everywhere & always with a cocktail in my hand!
I think i’ve also ‘sassed up’ a little bit actually. My inner ‘diva’ seems to be swirling through my system right now. I’m strutting about like a ‘girl boss,’ without a care in the world. But there’s a smile in my heart…and a ‘dolly’ warmth, that you should absolutely be terrified of.
Anyway… *Rein me in*….I’ll start here…
Okay, so, the other evening I got to hang out with my ‘Firmonnell’ and ‘Hustle Barbie.’ We’ve been through so much together. I mean, we’ve watched each other laugh, cry, lie, win and fall. We’re all single. We’re all sexy. We’re all drinkers, thinkers and really good winkers. 😉 They’re now roomies (after hot little breakups) and they’re a couple of my closest chick friends.
I adore them because whenever I hang out with them, a magic happens. We’re alive, with no judgements, no fear…just fun! And just recently, when i’m not at work or with my babies, i’ve been feeling quite bored. I’ve been looking around me and yawning. I’m an exciting girl and I need adventure. So a girls nights with them, was a really good fix of fun. It reminded of me of who I was again…
Sling back that fruity gin & adjust that flipping wonderbra.
‘Are you in pants?’
Me: ‘Don’t be so stupid… It’s a night out. I never where pants.’
The good things is, whenever we’re out…the boys just seem to flock? (It’s a good mixture of boobies, banter, good looks and energy. Lol)
Firmonnell: ‘Well, fill me in then. I don’t wanna talk about your work. Who are you dating? Who you sleeping with?’
Hustle: ‘I feel overdressed. Take a picture of me! A smiling one and a non smiling one. I don’t like that one. You’re shit at picture taking.’
Me: ‘I’ve drank all day since 12.01.’
Remember… ‘Firmonnell’ is literally my bestest, best friend EVER and she is probably the only human in the glittery world, who actually knows EVERYTHING about me. I tell her everything…without censor, or an ‘untruth’ tag, swinging from it.
Laaa Deee Daaa…
I always think, people sometimes assume they know a lot about me…But ‘Firmonnell’ with a* finger snap* and a *hip bump* ACTUALLY does!! Her red stiletto is firmly STAMPED in the heart of Wunna Land…emotionally, physically and mentally. Plus, both Hustle and Firmonnell, are the kind of friends, who just make things easier on you, without drama.
Firmonnell: ‘I found a diary….’
Me: ‘Ooh, I love a diary…’
Firmonnell:….’ of when I lost my virginity.’
She couldn’t tell if she’d lost it or not…? Lol. I mean does 2 minutes count? But honestly, does it? As I’m sure I could go back in time and start crossing boys off my list, if it doesn’t??
Losing your virginity is awful. But the first time you do anything in life, (well, the things that people wrongly underline as a taboo).…You’ll always find is shit. Debauchery really is a habit, one that is created due to consistency…It’s a pastime i’ve nailed over the years.
Hurrah! Sinning for everyone!
Anyway, double gins were poured, I had Peroni’s, before wine because I wanted to line my tummy. I’d been at Clam & Cork in Doncaster (It’s a new trendy seafood & champagne bar, set in the market) and I’d had oysters all day for lunch, before girls night! 😉 I loved the Clam & Cork by the way. You should all go! It’s such a clever little idea and literally the service and food was DIVINE.
There’s a coolness to it.
The oyster thing did kinda worry me though, because I know that oysters are meant to make you horny? I didn’t wanna do GIRLS NIGHT, feeling like I needed to dry hump a lamppost. So I had a Guinness straight afterward, at the nearest pub because I thought it would cancel out any aphrodisiac. I don’t know why, I thought that? Haha. Welcome to my mind. It’s the same logic I use for Bloody Mary’s…
‘Techincally it’s food, because it’s got tomatoes in… You call it cocktail. I call it breakfast.’
(I’ve actually had hundreds of Bloody Mary’s for breakfast before, in my time.)
And chewing gum…
‘Technically, it’s a snack…You’re chewing…’
Back to girls night…..
Before you know it, we sort of went from 0 to hero in seconds, and surrendered to a innocent fun, that was dashed in ‘little girl’ excitement. We’re all so alive right now and young spirited. We’re flirty. Yes. But when were out, we’re kind of in own little bubble of fun, that we don’t really care about what’s going on around us. We’ll talk to everyone…and we did. We’ll sing, we’ll dance, we’ll selfie…we’ll laugh at each other’s pain.
Yet, these guys had shown up…
Hustle: ‘Ron’s coming with his mates… Can we all just be lovely and say nothing please…’
I LOVE HER.
(Hasn’t Hustle just had her Vagina BLESSED in Bali? I swear that makes it’s squeaky clean and innocent with a cherry on top? I’m sure the Bali Gods, erased all vagina history.)
Basically…’Hustle Barbie’ invited a guy, who she fancies...(which is always fun)…for drinks.
One minute he was called ‘Anthony.’ The next minute his name was ‘Ron’ (because he’s apparently so obsessed with ‘Harry Potter.’)
Me: ‘Ewww! NO! I hate that! Don’t date a crazy Harry Potter fan.’
Firmonnell: ‘He’ll always be Ron and never Harry.’
Me: ‘That’s too much for me…’
He was thoughtful though, because he tended to ‘Hustle’s’ vegan values. He didn’t want her to witness his friends ripping chicken off the bone, with their teeth, like savages, during a late dinner…So he *paused* their rendezvous, until no drippy, ‘finger licking’ chicken munching, could be ever seen. So romantic of him!
Thoughtfulness is the new sexy.
Last year, I kept trying to be vegan….Well, not Vegan…more veggie… with Hustle Barbie. Yet I caved and had a bag of pork scratchings…. because i’m such a good support system. 🙂
TEAM GLAM SQUAD. That’s life!
Anyway, ‘Ron’ brought two mates with him….I didn’t know them? They were quite quiet. ‘Firmonnell’ tried to make one of them guess her name…and he went with…
Firmonnell: ‘Errrugh! As if you think I look like a JANE.’
Firmonnell: ‘I like Autumn. Autumn Costello.’
Me: ‘You look like an Autumn!!! ‘
Hustle: ‘We look like Autumn, Summer & Winter. You look so Asian today Chrissie?’
Me: ‘I am Asian???’
Anyway, that guy got bored and left Firmonnell & I outside, after we told him how shit he was at name guessing… So we found new friends to play ‘banter’ with. ..and it was so much more good fun, than just sitting….and nodding…..around appalling name guessing games, tits, red lipstick and muscles.
It turned into the best time!
When it comes to guys, I like you to look good, sure! YET, I adore a good solid bit of banter! Or someone who is smoooooth with the charm. I want them to care for me, look after me and make me laugh. A six pack can’t do that!
Hustle: ‘Why have you taken your hands out of your hand bag??? Keep them in there, bitch!’
(Just one of their sick, twisted roomie wife games.)
Me: ‘My wine’s gone straight to my head.’
Firmonnell: ‘Is that the guy who you went in the bush with??? The anal guy! Haha’
Firmonnell: ‘Good! Let’s go talk to him…I love that I called him poor..’
Me: ‘Haha. Well, He shouldn’t go on my phone, if he can’t handle the banter..’
We all chatted, as Hustle began to sophisticatedly seduce ‘Ron’ in the distance, …then Firmonnell decided to call the bush boy ‘poor’ AGAIN…and after laughs, he stated that he was gonna ‘Piss on her house.’
Drinking, drinking, selfie taking….
Hustle: ‘Shall we go to Tap & Barrel?’
Boys: ‘Girls! Come!’
Me: ‘I’m not going into town..’
Firmonnell: ‘I’m not leaving yet!’
Boys: ‘We’ll go to that gin bar…’
Then Hustle and Ron decided to have private words of love over gin, in some corner…So we all went outside. Then ‘Firmonnell’ told Reece & Ben that they were being so boring.
Boys: ‘What! You left to go sit somewhere else!’
Firmonnell: ‘Yes….ON AN EMPTY TABLE BECAUSE IT WAS MORE FUN THAN YOU.’
Hahah. I love her.
Boys: ‘We’re not the boring ones. HE IS, inside..’
Firmonnell: ‘You’ve just been sat there with ya muscles, being dull and square..’
Boys: ‘ Well, I’ll not train shoulders for a week then, so I look fun, shall I!!!’
Then weirdly, the stars twinkled above us and because ‘Firmonnell’ has a way of just knowing how to win people over….ALL of sudden, the tight tshirted, muscle bound toyboys, were our besties??
They were laughing and bantering, flirting and shirting…and the world had taken a turn..
Reece: ‘Where’s Bruce?’
Me: ‘Who’s Bruce?’
Firmonnell: ‘We call him Ron… Don’t tell him though…’
Me: ‘Why is he called Anthony, Ron AND Bruce??’
Reece: ‘When he was young, he was really chubby and we called him Bruce because he had a stutter?’
I’m not sure how that makes ANY sense at all? Yet, they did then try to force us to call Ron, ‘Bruce’ and make him feel awkward, because then he would stutter.
AAAAAWWWwwwwwwww! Noooooooooo! I’m a NO BULLY ZONE.
We couldn’t be arsed…
Anyway, they all ventured to play ‘party’ on new razzly pastures…and ended up at the new cocktail bar, Mxyology. I stayed in the pub and chilled with a different Antony…who ended up with a red studded dog lease around his neck, before he tried to then go on to steal the actual dog. This was a lady named Marie told me thather husband where’s her under garments…
I had a good news phone call today!