Back on Northern Soil Dolls….

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(Picture Copyright: Aaron Parfitt/Flynet)

So, I was on my flight back. I flew Ryanair on the way home. I’d passed some Spanish football team en route at Alicante airport, one of them accidentally knocked into me, (which didn’t really bother me…I mean…it’s life, worse things can happen. ) Anyway, he decided to apologize repeatedly and sincerely…which was really well mannered.  Then chat to me….in Spanish? But by this point… I was knackered…and I’d be watching a family of 4, with a really bossy/strict mum control her entire family for a good 20 minutes, as I had a wine and waited for my flight.

I was done.

But I do want to say that the STAFF at Alicante Airport were DIVINE TO ME! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! SO SO MUCH! You couldn’t have been more lovelier!

Flight’s home are wonderful, because no one enjoys waiting around, twiddling thumbs…when they’ve run out of Euros, at airports. Nothing could be more boring. And i’m creative! 🙂 Fights…Fights? I mean Flights….Lol. Flights home are MUCH MORE tedious than flights TO places…as you’re literally just shattered, instead of being filled with excitement. You go on ‘GET ME HOME’ mode…

There was a point, where I just looked up at the blond, scrunchied (they always wear scrunchies,) trolley girl, with sorrow in my eyes, the biggest hair ever and…tits…..:) with two handfuls of change and a pink tshirt that read..

‘YOU DO YOU, BOO’

(LOL)

I was too knackered to converse in any jolly fashion, but i tried to smile, which may have looked like a *wince* and I tried to put on my posh girly voice, that may have sounded like CRUELLA DE VILLE. (Don’t care if i’ve spelt that wrong.) My left had was filled with Euro’s…ALL IN COINS and my right hand was filled with British coins….

‘Hi. I just don’t want to break into any of my notes… I need to use up all this change, especially Euros…Can you pick me out stuff, ANY STUFF….that includes wine and crisps….so I can spend it all?’

Trolley Dolly: ‘Yeah, absolutely. If you want I can mix up the the change for you, so you can pay for it all with both currencies, as one whole payment.’

ISN’T SHE JUST BLISS! 

‘YES, I love you. Please, do that! Thank you so much. Lol.’

She winked at me…I almost became part of the Mile High Club. Lol

And with a wiggle and a giggle….the poor girl stood there merrily and did a whole bunch of MATHS (my worst absolute subject…Actually what am I on about..‘love life‘ is my worst subject. Makes my maths look Einsteiny.) She stood, on the plane, in her scrunchie, with her name badge, as we flew through the clouds, calculating and adding for me….because I couldn’t be arsed to. That’s service! Lol. She counted change out of my hand and began passing me bits off the trolley.

LOTS OF BITS. More bits that i needed. But I couldn’t be more grateful.

After wine, we were home in a jiffy.Landed. Sorted. The gent next to me, told me to..

‘Watch that old mans head…’

As I almost flung my carry bag about like I was Beyonce, because I couldn’t reach it out of those top units. I love the Leeds flight home…It get’s really REAL and really Yorkshire.

Then as I stepped back into Leeds Bradford airport, did all the queues…shimmied through border control….shattered…but listening to two boys infront of me, rambling on about the chicks they’re apparently about to ‘sex up’ with their really little willies.

One of the Random Boys: ‘You…Where you off? You taking me, cos…?’

Me: ‘As if you’ve been on holiday and not managed to get a tan?’

I love butting in on people’s sentences when they’re trying to be ‘swaggy,’ changing the subject and leading it. 😉 You wanna play ‘swag,’ let’s play?

Boy: ‘I was out partying all night. I partied hard, y’know, I slept through the day, all day… I got businesses and shit… So, where you taking me?’

(He said it to me, like I had never ever seen a nightlife in my entire life. 😉 )

Me: ‘I worked the whole time I was there. I shot. I’m a model. I’ve only been in Spain for 2 days.’

Boy: ‘My ex girlfriend’s a model…and..’

Me: ‘What’s her name?’

Boy: ‘You won’t know her… She done lots…She’s been to London and everything.. What stuff have you done?’

And at that point, I couldn’t be arsed anymore. I just got bored. Plus, there’s a time and a place for the answer to that question…and that’s when i’m at work, a casting, an audition, an interview..or if i’m getting to knoew someone personally, who I hope to be with forever. They’re the only times I EVER have to reel out a verbal CV. Not at BORDER CONTROL, in a ‘You do you, Boo’ tshirt. I’D JUST GOT OFF A PLANE FROM WORK. I WAS SHATTERED. I didn’t want to chat ‘my life story.’ 

Luckily, his friend deliberately distracted him…and I clicked both their phones onto CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM 🙂

ALL THE PROMO. Lol. No shame in my game.

When I’m tired, I’m really quiet and I’d rather just have people go to the blog and read up about me, because i’m just really shit, during those times.

Hahahah! Shit! And A SHIT!

When I’m not tired. I’m the exact opposite and you cannot shut me UP! I BUBBLE OVER WITH A CHAMPAGNE GIDDINESS.

Finally got through all the checks and was strutting my way out of Leeds/Bradford (again, the staff there couldn’t have been greater to me. Thank You. Service has been excellent everywhere I’ve been recently?)

I looked down at my phone…

(Whatsapp Msg)

Pitstop Rentals: ‘I’ll be in the carpark in five minutes.’

Then during my plane journey, I’d been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ a lot. Maybe because I was tired and when you are you think of ‘wanting comfort.’ You miss people…

(Whatsapp Msg:)

Me: ‘Hope game day went well babe! I’ve just got off the plane in Leeds. x’

The Swirl: ‘How was ur trip? xx’

Me: ‘Good. Just shattered. I just worked. How was footy?x’

Swirl: ‘We got beat…I got sent off. U doing much tonite? x’

Me: ‘Comfies, relaxing and wine. You? Bet you’re shattered?’

Swirl: ‘Yeah, I am. Nice chilled nite for me tonite too.’

Then I strutted up with my luggage on wheels to the ‘pick up’ stop…A few people were about, chatting to me, waiting around for their mums etc… and a Pregnant girl asked me if I had a lighter!!!!!! (We’re definitely back in Leeds.)

I looked to my right and my driver PITSTOP RENTALS (which is THE BEST chauffeuring service, int he world ever,) was edging up to the curb, in the Range Rover…for pick up.

THANK GOD!!! The car rocked up with a vibe. A hero vibe that saved my soul.

Within seconds, my driver had jumped out of the car, grabbed my bags off me, ignored the folk who were glaring, got me in the car and with the biggest smile and the most STYLISH ATTIRE….SWOOPED me out of Leeds/Bradford airport! It took seconds.

Pitstop Driver: ‘How was it? How did your shoots go?’

Me: ‘It was literally amazing. I don’t think i’ve ever worked as hard though. I can’t even believe I was just there for 2 days for work. I’m SHATTERED.’

Pitstop: ‘You’re  soooo lucky.’

(He always reminds me that I’m lucky when he drives me. And it’s always the people who pass you safely from one destination to another, that have the quiet moments with you…away from ‘the show’ of it all and they remind you that you’re doing great, doing okay and that you’re super dooper lucky.) 

Me: ‘ I look terrible. I look like i’ve been pulled through a bush backwards and run over. I’m so tired’

Pitstop: ‘Well I know you’re hungry…You’ve worked hard. If anything you need to feel cared for and pampered right now. You need to be looked after! Hahah. Why don’t we stop off at the big fish & chip restaurant near the airport…and get something to eat and chill or bit.

Me: ‘PERFECT IDEA! LETS GO. I NEED FOOD, WINE AND A CHILL..’

Within minutes, we had swung through the restaurant door. I’m stood there directly off my Spanish flight, with my driver…and for the next hour we just sat (he moved us to a booth, cos our other table was wibbly lol) and we enjoyed a mixture of starters,  hearty fish and chip dinners, puddings, wines, coffees and banter.’

We chatted about his life and his work.He kept getting calls from ‘the office’ stating that the Lamborghini had a nail stuck in the wheel. Lol. First World Problems!

I chatted about all that I had done in Spain. He gave me pointers. Stuff, I already knew…but needed to hear. I talked about Simone. For some reason we started talking about ‘One Direction?’ (..because his best friend is Zayn Maliks uncle or something?) 

Then after I did a bunch of wine…which sucks if you’re a driver. (He’s also a good friend now.) He drove a very knackered Glamour Puss, back to her digs….on time and with the finest manner.

I STRUTTED UP TO THE DOOR SLOOOOOWLY, CREPT UP THE STAIRS…

AND SURPRISED RUBY AND JUNIOR, (WHO HAD MY FAMILY LOOKING AFTER THEM…)

And with the most excited *SCREECHES,* LAUGHTER, *RUNNING LEAP,* MUMMY CUDDLES and a moment of the most excited madness….Life just made sense again!

Those moments make everything worth it! If you’re a parent…then you get it. You get what i’m saying. I’m working my entire arse off right now and i’m all over the country, all of the time. Yet the most amazing and most fulfilling burst of true love and satisfaction comes, when you walk into the room and their world LIGHTS UP!

Makes my heart BEAM! The moments that matter…I really felt appreciated and sometimes that’s all a girl needs.

Ruby: Mum! Grandma said, a Babarrazi, is it Baba or Papa…was taking pictures of you looking sexy!?!’

Boodee, House of Lily & 3 Pumps For You Sir!

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Me: ‘We’ve all got knickers, as in pants on right?’

Cece: ‘Yeah. I’ve definitely got pants on. We’ve all got pants on…She hasn’t though…(Points at girl.) I mean, we’re old. They’re young and don’t where pants. But there was a young girl, who I was fitting, who clearly said she had spanx on.’

Rocker Lily: ‘I’ve got pants on.’

ALL GOOD! SAFETY FIRST!

Now, before I get into all that, as you ALL know that I was at the Boodee Boutique,Influencers Brunch’ on Sunday, at ‘Cuckoo’ in Leeds. My ‘socials’ and inboxes are going CRAZY CRACKERS over it.

I’ve never ever been to ‘Cuckoo’ in my life and I’m known for socialiting cocktail bars like a champion. It’s absolutely new, a tremendous find and it drips with a chilled out, bouji swirl of swag. It’s… COOL. It’s alive. It’s stylish, glamourous, yet not remotely pretentious and you get a free flipping pizza with your drink!

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Bartender: ‘Are you wanting the free pizza..?’

Me: ‘Noo, course not. I’m fine. Lol.

Bartender: ‘I didn’t think so, somehow. 😉 ‘

There’s just a vibe in that place… and ‘old school/new school’ vibe and if you were a child of the 80’s/90’s you will find the music deliciously swag. I ‘Pon De Replayed’ it…. like I WAS….. RIHANNA. (Don’t hate. You could’ve *swiggled it* too. In fact, Hit *play* to feel like you were there with me. See! Aren’t I nice to you! 😉 )

But let me take you back…The train into Leeds, was the busiest ‘Bank Holiday’ train of madness ever. It was filled with young gaggles of party boys, older couples, girls and a group of posh Geordies. (I’ve decided that Geordies are everywhere.)

I had begun the day feeling like a bit of a plonker, as it was early Sunday morning and I was strutting around life, petrol stations, Xscape, wine bars and Platform 2’s in a GIANT fluffy PINK faux fur, diamante heels, necklace and head to toe in PINK & WHITE.

I knew, I either looked marvellous or ridiculous because everyone was staring at me…constantly….and so much to the point that I’d started to feel moderately insecure. Lol. That’s why I had a wine, in the nearest bar, which was The Winter Seam, before my train. The problem with me is that I’ll feel ‘all the eyes.’ which it will make me very aware of my existence…It’ll then make me feel a bit ‘wibbly.’ but you would NEVER EVER know because I will strut into a place, IN MY GIANT PINK FAUX FUR, like i’m P.Diddy. (In fact, if Paris Hilton, Ru Paul, P.Diddy had a threesome, and did it whilst eating a bag of prawn crackers…THAT’S what I looked like. 🙂 )

Luckily, I looked less like a dickhead 3 minutes afterwards, because guys in budget  ‘Stag Do’ Hawaiian shirts began drizzling in…and then even they were *trumped* by the casual floral dress  ‘rocker’ lady with the bright blue hair. Then another Geordie appeared out of nowhere, said I was ‘stunning‘ and asked me where I was headed? (Told you, they’re everywhere. They’ve infiltrated Yorkshire. They’ve infiltrated Leeds.)

Me: ‘I’m off to a brunch in Leeds. I’m not just dressed like this for a fry up. Honest…’

He then asked me for my number, after he smirked at my obviously wonderful banter. 😉 So, I did that ‘Chrissie Wunna’ charm face, where I just smile, shrug, slide off my bar stool and laugh it off, like it hasn’t been said, as I giggle out the door.

Next minute I was in Leeds city centre. It was filled with bustle and I didn’t feel as strange anymore as EVERYONE  was dolled up to the heavens and back.

I diamante strutted down the side of the train station, to Call Lane, through busy city streets, car parks, alley ways, puddles, gave a homeless person a light and past a ton of young 20 somethings who were galloping around with excitement….I kinda felt like The Queen of all Leeds, at that point.  Then I walked past ‘Mission’ which reminded me that Zanetti was doing better than Me.

37, Call Lane. I was at ‘Cuckoo.’ The street seemed so quiet, so I carefully tinkered through the door and..

OH MY GOD….

*Camera Flashes, Music, Balloons, Cocktails, Skimpy Dresses, Highest Heels, Giggles, Laughter, Lip Gloss, Selfie Stations, Madness…*

It looked like the most marvellous place on Earth. Literally a Glamour Pusses DREAM. Firstly, it was filled to the brim with the most ‘dolled up‘ beautiful young girls, you will have ever seen in your life…and secondly, as I told you early, the most glamourously ‘cool’ buzz *fast swirled* through that entire place, like wildfire. (And I was only downstairs at first.)

A huge floral wall by ‘Orla Flora’ greeted you….(they’re really IN right now, aren’t they and taking the place of the ‘Media Board’ for a while.) If you have no clue, what I’m on about…. it’s  basically a huge wall made up of flowers, that you picture by, at events…Any event…Weddings, Parties…Whatever….and I LOVE THEM. (I didn’t have my picture taken by the floral wall, whist I was there, because I was too busy drinking and being on the phone to my friend, but I did notice how strikingly beautiful it was.) 

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GIANT PINK bespoke printed balloons (by Instagram @balloonroomx) filled the room, as young influencers and hopeful future influencers selfied, pictured and pouted by them for content..

The balloons were actually really cute, because they were giant and pink, with the words,

‘YOU DO YOU BOO’

..printed upon them.

It was just ace…

So, let me just fill you in. I appeared at the BOODEE BOUTIQUE, ‘Influencers Brunch,’ which is a glamourous afternoon networking event, for all those who are wanting to be ‘Insta Famous,’ an Influencer, a Blogger, Vlogger, those who want to start building their own business or empire, or those who already have….Well, it was a brunch for chicas of that sort…as they could all meet each other, network and at the same time go around the stalls set up by companies & brands (who are currently looking for influencers to promote their lines) and go make themselves known. Pretty much all the brands where looking for ‘the new face of…’ so they were scouting and casting through the crowds of girls. It was dripped in cocktail magic and the dress code was ‘pink & white.’ (And everything about this business, or any business is about MEETING PEOPLE. It is networking.)

Got it?

Cece: ‘Hi, have you been upstairs yet? I saw you walk in. You stuck out like a sore thumb. Here’s a card for House Of Lily. I was just seeing if you wanted to come upstairs and try some of our clothes for pictures….We’re casting for the new face…’

I’m like stood in my pink faux fur, guzzling wine and texting…But there was just something about ‘Cece’ that I loved. It was the fun in her eyes…So I took the card and she disappeared into the crowds.

Then little Baby Doll ‘Charlie C’ (instagram @charliecaitlyn) caught eyes with me and dashed up, with hugs and smiles…(She is as cute as a button and kinda hot as hell.) She pretty much thanked me for coming and within seconds has *whizzed* me upstairs to go and meet everyone….

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Charlie C: ‘I need you to meet Lisa…’

Me: ‘OH! HI! IT’S GREAT TO MEET YOU..’

Charlie C: ‘No…That’s not Lisa…That’s…’

Me: ‘Oh sorry. Hahaha. Nice to meet you anyway…

(We were literally hand in hand, rushing through the crowds of girls….)

Charlie C: ‘Chrissie. Wait here. I need to grab you a candle. It’s a bloggers candle…and you have a gift bag…Here! Take that!….Oh! That’s Lisa…’

Me: ‘Have I just met her downstairs?’

‘Charlie C’ was one of the girls running the event. She’s young, beautiful, Leeds and bubbly and was dashing about like some kind of stunning ‘headless’ chica of ‘ooh laa.’ She did REALLY WELL, as that event was DIVINE. To the point where I even stopped her at the end…to see if she’d throw me an event..

That girl is so young, but so good at what she does..She is the future Queen of Party Leeds.

Anyway, I felt like a glamourous Veteran at the Boodee event, as everyone around me was so young, I’d say from 18 upwards…There were SO MANY GIRLS, all done up and brimming with hopefulness and it was made me realise how many young people in this actual day and age want to be ‘Influencers.’ It’s the new dream job. I can’t believe how competitive it was, well IS and the girls were every INCH stunning.

They were immaculate.

I agree, that they’re all under really great pressure and I can see the pressure on their faces and I agree that it’s such a hard time for them to grow up in, with everything seeming so ‘social media’ perfect. Their stars and inspirations are the popular bloggers, vloggers and Instagrammers of today. And I feel like, they feel as though, they have a lot to try and accomplish, to get to where they want to be. I’m sure it makes them feel insecure, yet it’s the CONFIDENT ONES that smash through the barriers.

(And I can pick those girls right out of a crowd.)

Yet, the thing that made me smile was the fact that RIGHT NOW, INT HIS TIME, being a BLOGGER/Influencer is such a THING.’ When I started my blog 10 years ago in Hollywood...NOT A SINGLE SOUL was blogging, or giving any shits about blogging…People were making FUN OF for writing an online diary….

NOW! It’s one of the MOST LUCRATIVE CAREERS you can have! (IN YOUR FACE!) So firstly, I’m lucky because I accidentally built by blog up over 10 years, so didn’t really have to start from scratch..I did it all the way through my modeling & tv career…Secondly, I’m old….and so to be smashing it about ‘socially’ at 37 is huge, because you just wouldn’t have thought it could happen. But it has.

Anyway, whenever I go to an event, I do the room scan, I chat to everyone I want, I try to meet everyone and then whilst drinking all the cocktails, in all the land, I’ll then just do what I want. 🙂

Me: ‘I kinda just wanna get pissed now..’

I found Lisa, the owner of ‘House Of Lily.’ She was casting for the new faces of her brand. They had a shoot set organised for the girls, who were choosing something to try on, being fitted into it and then being photographed.

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I loved watching the girls, because it reminded me of being young at model casting days. It was far less glam though and I never heard this:

House of Lily: ‘Make sure the girls are tucking their tops in properly…I don’t want any boobs out…’

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I looked through all of ‘House Of Lily’s’ pieces and they were absolutely beautiful. She’s so talented. I mean, tweed fitted jackets, stunning long sequin dresses, patterned jump suits, see through lace Pussy bow blouses….Each piece was so special and so unique…I was in love!  There is so much that is just SO ME from that brand. I’m gonna meet up with Lisa again and take a look through everything properly with her personally, because her line is remarkable and at an event, it’s really difficult after prosecco.

From that point….my afternoon changed. I don’t know what happened, but I kinda brought the *jiggy* (like I do, I mean lets face it, i’m a chip off the ‘Hilton’ brand, I’ve been raised to ‘party’ and do it fucking well.

Me: ‘I need to drink my body weight in wine..’

Rocker Lils: ‘Shall we get sambuca shots.’

Cece: Chrissie, get in an outfit and picture with it please.’

Me: ‘I honestly can’t be bothered to take ALL OF MY CLOTHES OFF at 37, to put them all back on again right now.’

Then fresh wine was poured and our beautiful cup caked, lily vased, booth…turned into a party. 🙂

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So, I basically ‘lowered the tone…’ glamourously of course! Lol.

Me: ‘We’ve all got knickers or pants on right?’

Cece: ‘Yeah. I’ve definitely got pants on.

I ‘d already decided to ‘get comfy,’ at this point, because I loved the girls. I started drinking, and dancing in the booth, and multi tasked it with selfie and videoing taking for my insta/facebook.snapchat stories. ‘PR Lauren’ sat pissing herself at me, in awe. (I went with ‘awe,’ but she was again either staring at me like I was amazing or nuts? You decide.) We might have had a ‘pose off’ also for selfies.

Cece: ‘Look at you. Please tell me it’s real! You have some life. I want it. I want you meet my daughter.’

(She has the most eye catching mixed raced daughter, who floors it in the beauty stakes. I saw a picture of her on her phone and I was blown away.)

Cece: So, you’ve done Playboy….Have you been to mansion and met Hefner?’

Me: ‘Yeah course. Gosh. I wasn’t a *girlfriend,* I modelled for the brand, which is really different…As the *girlfriends* had to pump him. Lol. I think it was something like *3 pumps* and then the next one?

Cece: ‘Hahaha. There’s me thinking he was some kind of Don, when he could only manage 3 pumps and you’re off.’

Me: ‘Well he’s old int’ he and he has to have them ALL pump him, one at a time and watch…I’m sure they were fine with it, it’s only 3 pumps and a weekly allowance. Hahahaha! It was like a grand a week or something.’

Cece: ‘Y’see, I don’t hate on them at ALL for that. A girl’ll do what a girl will do. I’d 3 pump him for that.

Me: ‘Lol. Me too. I just didn’t have the opportunity too. ‘

Cece: ‘Would you?’

Rocker Lils: ‘Noooo, I couldn’t.’

PR Lauren: *BLUSHES*…I don’t know if…’

Rocker Lils: ‘Actually, now I think about it, I might… I’d do more than 3 pumps though. I’m gonna with yeah…

Me: ‘You’d end up bloody married to him!’

And that was the tone of the rest of the evening. It was THE BEST…WE WERE IN FITS OF LAUGHTER and we’re all Yorkshire, so we’re properly down to Earth, don’t care, say whatever we want kinda gals and it’s amazing!

House of Lily: ‘We might have found the girl/girls for the brand….There was one girl that I can’t find…Go find her Cece…’

Cece: ‘Go find her! You go find her. I don’t know what she looks like or where she’s chuffing gone. It’s packed in here. Lol.’

I just LOVE northern bits of tinker…because if I was in LA I would’ve heard…

‘Honey, can you go get me that gurl already.’

If I was in London… They would’ve have been ‘darling darling’ posh.

In Yorkshire, they’re like..

‘For chuffs sake…’

…and I love it.

Literally the most amazing afternoon brunch of wild girly madness….swirled in a fantasy red lighting, with unicorn balloons and giant carousel decor surrounding me.

All the girls that day looked amazing and the all did so fantastically. Well, I hope they did. I hoped they networked well.

I WILL SAY HOWEVER, that I did notice that even though the girls were immaculately beautiful, a lot of the girls did look ‘samey.’ (I actually got told off for saying that out loud. Lol)

Me: They all look the same. I’m trying to scan through the crowd for something different or someone who tries to POP OUT.’ They look the same, but they’re all different girls? And they’re wearing the same…

Cece: ‘It’s a bloody themed dress code you idiot.’

I’m a personality girl and yes, the glam thing always works, it’s part of the job. I do it at 37 and i’ve done it all the way through my teens until now. And being in LA at the time, we took it to the next level. Yet, through that crowd of girls, there needed to be a ballsy, sassy, ‘stand out’ girl, who strutted in, didn’t care what anyone thought, looked amazing, was of great character and someone who was just unforgettable. Someone who oozed so much confidence that she OWNED THAT ENTIRE ROOM…Someone who you spoke to and was completely and utterly taken by!

A STAR! (‘Types’ SMASH IT.)

I did actually see one, but I can’t tell you who… (No, it wasn’t me, you twats…Lol.)

Great night. Ended up going to Gino’s for a quick wine, which was filled with Italian waiters and a suited party of gents who were all talking about boring things like football and how much they reckoned Rugby players got paid. (I watched them and ate pink wafers out my goody bag.)

Got the train home. Slept through my stop. Absolutely fucking nightmare. (A little lovely Geordie lady nudged me away with a ‘Petal’ and I shocked up with a ‘OH SHIT!!!’ She just smiled and like a Guardian Angel solved all my life problems…Told you, they’re everywhere.)

I ended up having to walk for ages, in my giant pink faux fur and as soon as I got home, I collapsed in a heap on my bed.

Hope you had a phenomenal Easter! Thank you for following my life. Thank you for following my ‘socials.’

Two days and I fly to Spain.

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