Diet Shakers Filled With Cocktail & Everything Peeka Boobied

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Morning! Morning! Happy Royal Wedding Day! I’m not going to be watching it, simply because I’m having to escort Baby Ruby to Gravity, where she will trampoline to her hearts content, in the name of her friend’s birthday party. Whilst she does bouncing, Junior and I will be occupying ourselves around Xscape….Yes….He’ll probably *bounce*  upon things also and we’ll probably grab a Nandos.

A cheeky one.

Yet, I’ll be following the big old wedding day ‘socially‘…and having a couple of celebratory proseccos, because I DO love ‘The Royals’ and I do love being British…and well it gives me another excuse to drink. But honestly, what mum DOESN’T have a wine before a kids birthday party. Not any mum I know. 🙂

(Shush. I’m not arsed about being judged before 10am.) 

Okay, lots going on. I’m starting to ‘busy’ up now. I have shoots and more shoots, lining up. I have my episode of a TV show airing shortly.

I actually forgot to eat healthy for my shoots. Yippppeeee! So now, I do that panic fad diet thing, which is never fun. Lisa (as in ‘Appleton’) has a birthday party on Tuesday, so I’ll be scooting off to Blackpool to play with drag queens at ‘Peek A Booze,’ to celebrate her ‘happy happy.’ I think it’s on the 22nd?

I need my hair doing, I need to buy a dress and I’m bloody sick of my wonky bottom tooth now. I’m too vain for a tooth like that. So I’m sorting it out. I thought I could quit being vain and handle the toothage. But I can’t. So I’m vain. Yet it’s probably one of the best things about me. 🙂

You’ll always wake up to a glamour puss boys! Haha.

I’m glad you’re all loving my piccies. I’ve had an inbox full of deliciousness from all over the world and even a little love letter… I haven’t read it, yet, but I do love a love letter…so I will, this afternoon. And yeah, Ladies, my pics are a bit ‘peeka boobied’ right now. But it’s just me, innit? It’s not like I didn’t grow up being a glamour model my entire life…Lol…Plus, even though i’m an exhibitionist, an attention seeker 🙂 I’m quite body confident, even when i’m wibbly. So I think more women should throw skin to the wind and celebrate what mother nature gave them, without worrying about what other people think!

Let’em think. Watch me now!

I need to stop shouting ‘WATCH ME NOW‘ and doing all kinds of stupid shit that just gets me into trouble. Lol. I say it in real life to my friends…and then do something foolish, right after the sentence has been uttered.

Summer is killing me. It’s making me cheeky. It’s making me naughty..and it’s making me drink looooads. Maybe i’ll crash and calm down? Maybe i’m just playful? But I will say that I went to the loo this morning and a five pence (which was probably stuck to my leg somewhere and somehow…) FELL into the loo, mid squat. Yes! Literally money shot out of my ‘derriere.’

I’m like piggy bank. I can now shoot money out of my arse, which obviously makes me lucky. Lol.

You think i’m going to the loo, when really the loo is my (I was gonna say ‘ATM’ then,) but cos we’re being British today, I’ll go with CASH MACHINE.

But yes, about the naked pics, ladies…It doesn’t bother me, so it shouldn’t bother you. Plus, it doesn’t make a girl less ‘classy(I hate it when people say that.) Yet neither does it make a girl ‘more sexy.‘ No girl is the sexiest girl in the world,‘ because everyone celebrates their own version of the term. People are attracted to different things, looks, personalities. Everyone has something that is sexy about them…and it’s that something‘ that they should embrace.

Don’t put yourself up and compare yourself to other women or men ….You’re different people. What works for them doesn’t necessarily work for you and vice versa.

Be YOU. Don’t be scared to be YOU. It’s better than being a rubbish version of someone else.

Right, what else? I chatted to ‘The Swirl’ yesterday, who’s chilling away in Turkey. We get on pretty easily, so it was a catch up, messed in banter and roasting. I made fun of his shakes,

Me: ‘It’s a shaker FILLED with cocktail mate.’

(This is a diet shake that I was meant to be drinking/promoting)

He made fun of my divaisms.

Swirl: ‘Stop being such a diva! Ahahahahah.’

(After I asked if he even missed me JUST A LITTLE BIT!!?)

Me: ‘Little Asian Girls need love tooo.’

He definitely doesn’t miss me, lol..and i’m definitely NOT A DIVA. It’s literally like getting blood out of the stoniest stone. Hahah.

*Tap! Tap! Anyway emotion in there for me?*

But the good thing is, that we can have a laugh anyway. I guess, our friendship must be quite good. Better than I thought. He did say that my ‘body looked unreal….’ so he scored points for that.

However, later that day, I flew him through a message and link, because i’m quite savvy when it comes to business…But only if the business is creative, otherwise I find it dull. I also used to be a Talent Agent, in LA, and some people don’t know that about me. I LOVED BEING A TALENT AGENT. I loved taking something great.. with further potential and then turning into HUGENESS. It was always a buzz. It still is!!!! I love it.

Anyway, I can clearly see a path that he COULD TAKE, if he knew how. I know how…and I know everyone…so I began to show him…and for the first time ever he actually asked my advice. If I actually called him and talked him through it. He’d get it. he sounded excited, so hopefully, he’ll take that link and fly….

Right. I need coffee now and to moisturize, my feet are flip flopped out. I need wedges. (Not potato ones. 😉 )

ps/ Ruby is currently in her room playing Youtube videos of me on The Paris Hilton show, then MOCKING MY VOICE. Lol. All I can hear is ‘Hi, I’m Chrissie Wunna. Hi, I’m Paris Hilton.’ 

Life, Chicken Outfits & Train Journies

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Hi! I haven’t abandoned you! Just lots going on right now, which is ticking my work boxes off with  ‘deliciousness.‘ I’m learning a lot about people and life right now. I always thought I knew everything. I would wouldn’t I!! 😉 I can be such a cocky little shit at times. But what i’ve treasured from my darling little accidental ‘life learns’ over the past couple days, is that you should never ever be afraid to voice how YOU FEEL about something, someone, or a situation, no matter how awkward it may make you or others feel. By nature, I’m a ‘voicer’ and I stand by being expressive, until the day I keel over in glitter heels. It’s good for everyone!

(Like last night, I sent someone a message because I must’ve kinda doubted myself…I did cringe after I sent it…But it was how I really felt in the moment. I chilled a second..and just like that, this morning… everything was back to dandy.)

Another lesson…Don’t doubt yourself.

(I’m only saying that so I remember… But you always need life lesson reminders.)

The right people will always understand you. The ones who truly care for you, will always still be there. The people who do you wrong, or disappear will always say ‘sorry’ or come back to you whole heartedly…if they’re meant to be in your life. Stay loyal to what you believe is right for YOU and DO NOT go against, what your gut instinct tells you…

Unless, your gut instinct is kinda ‘off par,‘… then you’re kinda fucked. 🙂  Like one of my Straight guy friends, he has the worst ‘Gaydar‘ in the entire world ever! He can never be trusted with it…

Straight Friend: ‘He’s not gay..’

Me: ”We’re in G.A.Y, he said he loved me on the Hilton Show, loves my eyeshadow and then said *i’m gay.*”

Straight Friend: ‘That doesn’t mean he’s actually gay..’

Anyway….busy weekend! I travelled to Manchester. Well I did Stockport and then this other place that began with ‘L,’ for work. I can’t really tell you too much about it other than, I was in trainers…(I KNOW…HELL DIDN’T FREEZE OVER.) Around me there were really bright, almost neon, yellow walls, bright orange, semi circled chairs.. in a sports hall, tons of paperwork everywhere….and humans.

There was even a point where I was trapped in a room, with a ballet bar and a giant mirrored wall…with a black elasticated waist band strapped around me, that had a HUGE, ALMOST GIANT elastic band attached to it. (Could life get any offer.) And to make it worse…I was also in swimming goggles, which pretty much broke my heart.

‘What about my flipping eyelashes…I can’t see a thing. I can’t ACTUALLY SEE!’

Then as a camera filmed, others watched and a panel of humans took notes…the giant elastic band, was slowly pulled back, so it was stretched out, to its absolute tightest…. and then let go on me.

Hurrah!

Did that happen to you on Sunday?

‘Hustle Barbie’ messaged me during the day to see how it was all going…

Me: ‘Aww! Yeah. Such a blast. I have just had a giant elastic band, stretched back and pinged into my fanny!!’

Hustle: ‘Hahaha. I love it! I can’t wait!’

Before that I was having a conversation with a cabaret act. He was once on the Xfactor Bloopers and wore golden glittery shoes…There was also a Tattooed model, an elderly lady dressed in a CHICKEN OUTFIT, a former Aston Villa pin up girl (who was cool, witty and said she used to be 29 stone,) a guy from Belfast, who thought a bomb or something shifty was under his chair, a guy opposite me who had flown in from Perth and to my right sat a football player…

We had to blow a balloon up and draw whatever we wanted on it…

Football Player: ‘What have you drawn on your balloon?’

Me: ‘Boobs…You’ve drawn a football net… We’re so creative. Lol’

Then he starts reading everything about me. We had these sheets by us, that pretty much stated our lives in 2 pages of A4. I didn’t LET him read it…he just couldn’t stop reading it. (Must be my charm.)

Football Player: ‘You look great! You’re really pretty. You’re soo…’

Me; ‘Thanks. That’s sweet. Lol.’

Football Player: ‘As if your body’s like that and you’ve had two kids.’

(He kept reading notes about me, putting his head up and then making a statement.)

Me: ‘Hahah. Smooth. Scoring all the points.’

Footy Player: ‘So you’re a blogger and model. What’s a glamour model? I’m having to take a break from football…that’s why I’m here. I bought out my contract and..’

Me: ‘Where are you from? Who did you play for?

Footy Player: ‘France. I’m here because of football. It’s my life. I love it. I just hate the other shit that comes with it. I’ve played for lots of clubs…Like Tottenham…*******…..********** but…yeah, I guess I don’t look really professional. I’m not playing right now…I’ve actually moved to Leeds.’

(Then he told me loads of secrets that I cannot possibly tell you)

…and in that moment I actually felt really bad for him…because an unhappiness swirled about him….But we were there to do a job that day and everyone there…did. He was a really open guy…quite quiet… I didn’t fancy him at all….he just wasn’t my type…but he was a good friend during that day. He sort of latched onto me because he trusted me.

I felt bad for him because at one point, all the guys were just stood around him constantly, asking him continuous questions about ‘football this, football that…’ and all the things he didn’t want to talk about…I watched it and just saw him look uncomfortable. Show business, is not something that he is necessarily used to.

I felt bad because you can literally ask me anything. I write a whole online diary about my entire existence. I bloom when a camera is plonked in my face. Opening up about my life, what I think and making a ‘show’ of it, is all is my forte… It’s where I feel comfy. AND I do not LIKE to see other people feeling UNCOMFORTABLE. I wanted to go tell his story for him. Lol.

But then, as life would have it, he too got trapped in a mirrored room, with a giant elastic band strapped onto his waist. Again, like moi….he toooo, had to have it ‘stretched out and pinged back’ upon himself. 🙂 Kinda ‘broke him into’ entertainment.

Just a great day. I had a blast. I met so many people, who were all so different to me. I was fascinated. Sometimes, I found them a bit boring, but other times I found them alright. Lol. Plus, I’m never wearing swimming goggles ever again. I’m a bloody glamour puss…not a…Goggled, boobied… life guard. AND i was in flipping trainers!!! EWW! On the way there, a guy named ‘Trigger’ tried to make me GET IN HIS CAR.

Me: ‘No. You’re alright mate. I’ll just walk.’

Trigger: ‘Well gimme ya numba den..’

Me: ‘My phone doesn’t work. 🙂 Godda go.’

Trigger: ‘Get in my car. Honest. I’ll takes you there. I’m a good person me.’

Me: ‘I am absolutely sure you are. And I am absolutely not getting in your car. Lol But thank you so much, banter was fun…’

I couldn’t wait to get home Sunday evening. Then I went through emailed drama…so I just left it.

Too blessed to be stressed. *Shimmie everywhere.*

On the train there though, this guy…I don’t even know his name? Anyway, he was from Chesterfield, got on my train, had a huge Ikea bag filled with clothes, he was wearing a beanie hat and an oversized jacket. He tooo, was also en route to Manchester and sat on the chair next to me.

Funny guy,  and so different to me, but we got on well. Bless him.

Now, I usually hate talking to strangers on the train. I’m chatty. But i usually like to chill, as I spend my life talking to strangers and selfie posing with or for them. I really liked talking to this stranger because he humored me and right from the moment he sat down he apologized for having the hugest bag in the world.

Him: ‘Are you getting off soon? Should we swap places?’

Me: ‘Yeah, if you want… I’m off at the next stop.’

Him: ‘Stockport’s a good 40 mins away yet. We’ll be fine.’

Turns out he used to work at Tesco’s, hated it so much because it made him feel worthless, just like a number. And that’s like any normal ‘just to make money‘ job really…If you don’t create your own dream and work it, you end up working someone else’s dream, where you are always a number…even when they try and tell you you’re not. And you’re a classed as a ‘number’ because you can quite easily be replaced…even if you think you can’t.

Him: ‘I gave up my job, my everything and just fucked off to Amsterdam really for a month… It was great.’

He said it like he couldn’t feel more liberated. I liked it, because he wasn’t scared to let go of something that made him feel miserable.

Him: ‘I think i just sat in this cafe, the whole time and spend about £1000 in a week doing nothing… I met this couple and they had started up a clothing business…They were travelling around, selling clothes…I liked it, so I told them that I was completely gonna steal their idea and did.’

That’s what he does now…He owns ‘Red & Blue Umbrella’ which is a Vintage clothing company. He’s opened up a store in Manchester (that’s where he was taking the clothes.) It’s four months new and is looking to open up in Leeds, Edinburgh and London? I might have just made London up?

Nicest guy, funniest guy, and now on his way to doing great things…after giving up something that wasn’t true to his heart.

Me: ‘You’re gonna do well.’

Him: ‘Yeah, it’s still early days yet… Plus, I believe that you can FAIL at something YOU HATE, so you might as well give something a go and maybe fail at something you LOVE.’

Me: ‘I love that.’

Him: ‘I don’t even know if I saw that couple in Amsterdam. It was either all the ‘shrooms’ or actual human beings…couldn’t really tell you.’

Either way. Lol. It worked out for him.

I was sat next to him and I was showing him the pics that I had just posted on Instagram…( it was enthralling for him, i’m sure, lol) and he showed me how to work depop.

I will be posting products on my depop this week , for you to buy…at some point.

These were my Instagram pics. 🙂 Lol.

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Me: ‘My stop…Godda go!’

Then I headed on my way. I looked back. He didn’t see me look back, and I saw him looking at his phone and laughing. He looked really happy. Then some middle aged lady asked to sit next to him..He shuffled his Ikea bag over.

Chick Friend Jodie: ‘As if he just randomly got on a train and just so happened to sit next to you. It’s always really awkward for them because you’re someone who they don’t know immediately, but then discover. But they discover it during their time of sitting next to you on the train, or whilst you’re at the bar ordering a gin… It’s crazy for them.’

Me: ‘It’s not crazy. It’s not that good a discovery. Lol. But a guy who came and sat at my table…That New Jersey one, when I went to visit Ronnie…he actually said that he excused himself from the table, went to the toilet, Googled me, saw a bunch of pictures and read my last blog post, before sitting himself back down. I thought he had gone to do a wee. I’m actually oblivious to it I like it though. I like it when they read my blog.’

Happy Tuesday…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robot Husbands, Sex & Miracles..

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Today has been one of those ‘miracle‘ kinda days. I haven’t been able to believe the luck that i’ve had, but i’ve been so grateful for it. I was little galloping around, doing *happy* dances, to no music and total strangers…who definitely now think i’m a lunatic.

I kinda started being positive, after a couple days of feeling worried (cos we do get worried don’t we?) Yet, just like magic, with a *wangle* of a wand and a little bit of a *wink*CONSECUTIVELY amazing things just started to happen….one at a time…ALL morning and hopefully. I even had a prosecco and let my eyes ‘fill up’ a little with glee.

Things aren’t always shit. Remember that. So if you’re going through a case of ‘da blues’ and I really hope you’re not…always remember it IS TEMPORARY. 

You’ve got a whole life to live and no one to answer to.

LIVE IT!

So, I’ve got a lot of shoots lined up and it’s all really exciting. I’m writing. I’m loving the blog and well i’m a ‘show girl’ at heart, meaning shoots are my forte. I love them. I live them…I just find it really fun.

(Hang on a second…I’ve just sat on a pocket rock. No…not a ‘pocket rocket,..’ 😉 that’s a whole different blog post… Junior..The littlest Wunna in all the land…my 4 year old son…Well, he gave every WUNNA in the family a rock , a stone each. They’re ones that he had found on his journies of being Junior. We all actually carry a rock around with us, at ALL times for good luck…I’ve just sat on mine. It’s jiggery jaggery and it KILLS!) 

This morning, I posted a whole bunch of photos and a video on all my ‘socials’ on me waking up…I’m not gonna lie. I did film it yesterday to post out today. I even sent it to someone last night before it went ‘live.’ Lol.

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Image may contain: 1 person, selfie Image may contain: 1 person, selfie, phone and indoor

Anyway, before 11am (it’s now noon) on my Facebook Fanpage the video had 13,000 views. And the thing that’s been so hilarious about the video is the simple fact that it weirdly shocked people?

I post a lot of pictures…sexy ones…because they’re MY favourite. I post them…People seem to like them, they certainly engage with them and I spend my entire day replying to comments (mainly to gents) around the merry world.

I put my pictures up first and the viewers of Wunna Land, went ahead and ‘liked‘…they ‘commented…’ they ‘engaged.’ It’s always pretty fast on my Facebook..almost like fire….which leads them to a ‘click’ onto my diary, this website…so they can find out more.

But as I posted my video, it was like everything *paused* for a second…Everyone tucked their ‘willies’ back in… put on their Sunday bests, got terrified, realized that I AM actually a REAL LIFE human. and not just a picture on their news feed, or a paragraph on a blog post, that they ‘maybe’ place as some kind of ‘social fantasy….’ (Hahaha. Listen to me talking about myself like i’m some kinda Queen of the world 😉 )

…AND THEY PANICKED.

It all became very real, very quickly…and my inbox has been inundated with the weirdest messages, from people who were shocked that i’m real???

I’M SO CONFUSED?

Who’dya think writes this blog? Lol

I post my own selfies…IT IS ME?

I just thought everyone was going to adore me…Lol…Yet, everyone was more shocked, than anything. And the video’s just morning ‘wake up and stretch’ video? It’s chilled. It’s glamourous. It’s me. (It’s also on my ‘Instagram’ so you can go see it there. 🙂 🙂 Follow me too, because growing an instagram following is harder than...(‘I’ll let you fill in something hard, I can’t think of anything right now…’

But yes, record straight. I’m actually a real life person. I know! How scary! No ones even talking to me today on ‘Insta’...like Twitter…. I’ll just have to wait until the American’s wake up and throw me some..

‘Hey Honey, Love the pics.’

I don’t really have anything else to say, other than the fact that you should totally believe in miracles. I’ve had the most remarkable morning. Eat clean. I’ve been eating ‘fresher than fresh’ and it has served my body delightfully. It’s the cleanest, sexiest rush of goodness. I’m glowing.

I’m also getting really worried because y’know I told you about that woman who married the ghost pirate because he didn’t believe she would ever find a good man….Well, last week i read an article that Robot Husbands were going on sale, so we can purchase and program our futures as women.

Now, I love all social development and I adore the amazing things that the world delivers,

YET, LET’S NOT BE IDIOTS.

Let’s find our *SWAG* a second. (Yes guys, there’s Robot Wives also.)

Surely everyone knows that love isn’t about robots and programming? Surely everyone believes that in the end, they’ll find their perfect match.It’s all about fate, timing and true love. Some find it faster than others…but it’s definitely not a race. Surely everyone in the world is NOT THAT LONELY!!!

I mean can you imagine ME, in my flipping living room listening to some Robot Husband, that i’ve had to get dressed and plonk on some chair, telling me that he ‘loves’ me, whilst we enjoy a homemade skinny cocktail together and watch ‘Dancing on Ice,’ as the kids look at me like i’ve finally COMPLETELY LOST THE PLOT. I mean they’re already like..

Ruby: ‘Can’t wait until I’m married and move to LA, so you don’t moan at me for not going to bed on time.. When are we gonna have a proper family…’

Junior: ‘If you ever get a Prince…Like a real daddy…don’t let him touch your boobs, cos they’re mine.’

And then even worst….when it comes to the ‘nookie’ part of the relationship…The part that as a 37 year old I actually adore. I’m sensual by nature…

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME, HAVING TO UNDRESS MY BLOODY ROBOT, DO SEXY EYES AND BECKONS AT HIM, (whilst he just sits there spewing out his..‘yeah baby you’re hot’ lines that i’ve programmed into him

… AND THEN HAVING TO CLAMBER ON TOP OF HIM FOR SEX. YES WITH MY REAL LIFE ROBOT HUSBAND…

WHAT THE ACTUAL…

Wunna land says it’s a no go….

I even had a conversation with my chick friend ‘Jilly G’ about it..

Jilly G: ‘It’s just like a man shaped dildo.’

Me: ‘No it’s fucking not. It’s not a dildo AT ALL. It has eyes. Creepy ROBOT EYES. My dildo’s don’t have eyes? Do yours?

Jilly G: ‘No..Lol..They don’t speak either..’

Me: ‘Oh? I might have one that speaks? Haha.’

Bottom line…I’ll wait it out, marry a ghost pirate, order 100 cats and cry myself to sleep before I EVER INVEST IN A ROBOT HUSBAND.

Love you,

Chrissie x

 

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Dreams Come True, New Brands & Jelly Babies

I’ve had a great day and it feels so good saying it because if i’m honest, over the last couple days, i’ve felt shit. I’ve really sort of doubted myself and let my kitty mind get into a fucking tizzy. I got myself in a mood and surrendered to an odd case of the blues. (That’s why there was not blog.) Feeling like that is normal. So if you have days of the same kinda fashion..KNOW that you’re not weird, you’re human. But it really is only temporary. It is impossible for you to feel that shit all the time. But by all means, feel it. Have a wine. Feel it some more. Get over it. But be around positive energies. When you’re really passionate about things and want to do well, yet don’t play nicely with the art of patience, it’s hard to stay calm and all ‘coolio.’

But i’m back and i’m ace and I couldn’t be more fucking GLAD. I sent a Twitter DM to ‘Yourfeed Jack’ who is REALLY great at reining Wunna Land in and forcing me to believe and focus.

Jack: You can! What does success look like? You’re getting overwhelmed with all the possibilities and not knowing what the core is.’

I read this as I was stuck in traffic in Pontefract, by the Kings school at 8.34am.

After a few moans and moments of stress..I pulled myself together and with a..

‘Yeah..you’re right, I feel better now I forgot that I knew what I was doing, but yeah…I actually do. Lol. Yay!’

I pulled my sassy socks up and got on with it. From that point on…and whilst surrounded by the best chicks friends ever…i SMASHED IT.

Y’see the thing about this ‘dreams come true’ malarky is that you have to be emotionally sound enough to jolly the ride. I’d say i’ve been lucky enough in life, to have a lot of dreams come true. Not always…it would be a lie to sugar coat it, yet i utterly realize how great i’ve had it at times…and I appreciate it because of the struggly bits. The shit parts. I’ve achieved a lot, so much that I won’t believe it until i’m a granny, rocking and knitting and telling my stories to strangers on streets, with a rum. (I WON’T SMELL OF WEE.)

But you can start off with loads of ‘dreams come true’ early on and then suffer through nothing. OR start off with nothing and experience ‘dreams come true.’ (Which i think is better.) Either way…as long you have a good grasp of life, balance and reality, the ability to adapt and have decent people with you who ‘focus’ you, when you gleefully throw yourself down that panic slide with your arms in the air and a ‘weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,’ you’ll be fine. ADAPT! Get on with it. Get what life is about. Partner up well, so you’re not with a dickhead who makes you emotionally feel like a dollar, instead of a trillion dollar big bucks. You’re gonna need a team mate. Don’t get that part twisted. It’s love that makes the world go around…not a Lamborghini.

After my pep talk, I got into mode…a good mode…a swinging strut mode and fuck it, from that point onwards..I booked all sorts! EVERYTHING! I cleaned up with glitter winks. I had opportunity swinging from my nipples tassels because I believed I could do it. So don’t let anyone tell you that you CAN’T do something. If someone doesn’t believe in you, don’t worry, work hard…they will. THEN YOU’LL have the choice to decide if you can be arsed to to deal with them, when you’re waving your sexy success flag. That relates to work AND love. Be the BEST VERSION of yourself.

I had an exciting 12 noon phone call today. Oddly, I was stood outside part of a castle that was mixed in with a church..and I was on the phone to a new brand that I’m wanting to work alongside. They said that they were huge Wunna fans. ( I love that.) I then looked at what they did, and it shocked me because I BECAME FASCINATED with what they had created. I wanted a deal. They called me at noon, as I stood in a turtle neck in the sun, outside a church..and everything got so exciting, I almost burst. I can’t wait to meet them..

‘So, Chrissie, i’ve just been handed all this paperwork on you, that I feel like I KNOW absolutely everything about your life. I actually can’t believe how much is on my desk about you.’

Me: ‘I just want you  to know that I couldn’t be more excited about what you’re doing and I absolutely WANT to be a part of it all. It’s going to be HUGE.’

The day was ace after that point…so your mindset and having great people, friends or motivators around you mean everything. It changes the way you samba.  I sorted my shit out after that point…and I knew that I could do it.

This year, ‘The Gods’ have shimmied some crazily successful people in my path…People who have all at some point made their dreams come true. I haven’t caught the hint previously, as wine runs through my system…YET, I’m getting it now and i’m certainly not distracted by nonsense. Don’t be distracted my nonsense. Have fun, but keep your eye on the prize. (And maybe buy a kitten. I feel like all good people have a cat.)

I smashed all these random brand deals today because i forced myself to dance to the beat, instead of throwing a pity party. I now have a book relaunch this year. (It’s the same as the one before, yet this time it will be rebranded, reshot, renamed, relooked at and delivered appropriately…and I’m organizing a tour. FUCK IT YEAH! Pull ya socks up dolls. Get with it.)

Then I was forced to hide Jelly Babies from Mel, as Firmonnell put them in my drawer, after sh heard Mel had put on a pound or something at her slimming world weigh in. In the end I gave her them anyway. I mean fuck it..(and i’m currently on a diet) but sometimes a chick’s just got to eat a bag of Jelly Babies. I used to hate them as a kid, but now I love them. It’s weird because when I was a teen, I was a really good ice skater and loved it. (ANYONE who was born in the 80’s and also born in Doncaster is good at ice skating. That’s all we could do for a pastime.)  BUT NOW, i’m terrified of a skate around. I feel the fear. Even my best friend Kat, who I did the Paris Hilton Show with on ITV2, ( yes…she is no longer with us and chose to leave life tragically…We were really similar, but just dealt with things differently..I think about it all  a lot. I’ve thought about her all night. She just wanted to feel love. I remember being fresh off the show and getting that call from Samuel to say that she had killed herself. I was on Edgware Rd in London outside the Hilton…and like the twat that I am, all i could think to do was call her phone continuously, in hope that she would answer. I even left her a voicemail. She wasn’t even alive. I loved her so much…yet I didn’t even cry until 3 months after when it hit me. It was an odd time, as I was living this weird, new celebrity ‘reality star’ lifestyle…and a person that i had just gone through the entire new chapter with…had found it all so difficult. The last thing she ever said to me, face to face, as we didn’t have a phone call afterward, was whilst we were at The Mayfair Hotel in London, with Paris Hilton, in her suite. weeks after filming the show. She couldn’t turn a tap on because she was so trashed and she turned to me, as we discussed my love life and told me that i’d know when I found the man of my dreams because he would re..teach me how to ice skate. I’ve told that story numerous times before. I’ve never yet met a boy who offered to do that. Lol. They offer a lot of things…but not a skate sesh.

I have nothing but good memories of that girl. A girl who was totally misunderstood at times. But I got her. I got it. And I showed her strength..when she felt weak. HOWEVER…not when she needed it the most…because I was so busy being a ‘star.’)

Tonight, I did nothing but enjoy what I have. I laid in bed with my baby buntings Ruby and Junior and like every night, when I snuggle them in, (because they also spend nights with their daddies, which is so important for their balance) everything hits pause for a while, as the world turns and we just talk about life. I ask them both individually about their day, what went on, how things made them feel…how they’re currently feeling…and they’ll ask me questions in return. I’m a laid back Mum, so I let them tell or ask me ANYTHING. I encourage them to express…

‘Mum, are you Chrissie Wunna?’

‘Am I a Youtube Baby?’

‘Why are your boobs like that?’

‘I can’t kiss older boys when i’m only six, can I?’

‘I love you mum..’

If I could give you any advice it would be to believe that you can do anything. Go for anything you want to do! When you doubt yourself, ask for help to get you back to ‘jolly’ so you believe you can. Dreams come true. Not all of them, but most of them if you try hard enough and focus. I see it happen everyday. Be who you want. Embrace it. Love who you want. Hide Jelly Babies. But most of all, DON’T WORRY.. Don’t worry about your future. Go with the natural grain of your talent and where life takes you. Anything can happen. I mean fuck! I’m making a name for myself right now (and i’ve done a lot of things 😉 ) by simply writing a diary of my life…It’s one story our of billions…but it seems to be working?

In this day of age, you can make anything happen….Have great people around you. Believe your not shit.

All will be okay….I can always feel it. There’s a magic in the air.

Message me on Instagram today. Chrissiewunna.

 

 

 

 

 

Double B’s & Love Messengers

‘Chrissie, this is the funniest thing EVER. So my chick friend saw this Silver Fox in Sherwood Forest & sent me a photo of the sighting and 10 minutes later she sent me this message…’

‘This random Silver Fox has just caught me trying to Snapchat him!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’ve had to awkwardly explain myself to him ….Shit Dies with me…I’m smashed. xxx’

THIS is the message that I woke up to this morning. Technically, I wasn’t quite fully awake, but I needed to tinker up and tango with a ‘might need a wee at five o clock in the morning’ dance off. I looked down at my phone…and there she was my ‘I need to stop having blond friends’ chick friend, who has been missing both her Handsome Prince (he’s dashed off on a Stag Do in Spain to Celebrate being ‘not the groom.’ Lol.) She’s also been missing ME, as ofcourse what is life, without a Wunna in it.

I’d say, this is the first time that her ‘handsome’ has been away and she has suffered a case of the ‘missing him’ bug. It’s very HER. It’s VERY sweet and well also very as mushy… Everyone, but ME is building their white picket fences. 🙂 I’ll build mine out of true love and diamonds when I find him.

But fuck that….let me tell you about my random Silver Fox hunt.

Right, so ages ago, I used to fancy Silver Foxes. ANY Silver Fox, from Phillip Schofield to… the newly silver George Clooney? I can’t think of anymore now that i’m on the spot. Hahah! Infact, more than anything it was a joke that got carried away and my friends and I would spot these ‘foxes’  all of the time and point them out..for kicks and because I AM THAT CREEPY. (When I’m talking silver foxes…I am talking MEN, not actual animals in the woods. This is Wunna Land. You’re in the wrong place. :))

Anyway, I’d see these silver foxes everywhere by accident and then decided that I’d do this ‘I heart Silver Foxes’ thing. Where i’d always try and spot one. (Apparently, i’ve had conversations hundreds of them? I can’t for the life of me remember then, as cocktails stole my memories. Yippeee! )

Anyway, this ‘Silver Fox’ game has ended up turning into a dirty version of ‘Where’s Wally.’ Lol. Now, whenever anyone see’s a ‘Silver Fox,’ they stalk him them and report forward to Wunna Land. Lol. It’s so ace, it’s almost got out of hand.

You can literally spot a fox ANYWHERE! They appear like magic, with their short silvery do’s!  Lol.

So my chick friend, received a message from HER chick friend, who jollied off to the woods to play ‘Robin Hood’ for a day and randomly...right there on the ‘i’m smashed‘ Earthly woodland floor, she spots a random SILVER FUCKING FOX! Hahaha! A SIGHTING! A SIGHTING!

The sighting processes through her head..Then after gin…makes it’s way from her phone, to my blond’s friends phone and then into Wunna Land…Where it was picked up at five o clock this Sunday morning by the Glamour Puss herself. Moi! *DYING*

The actual THOUGHT that she had to stand there, IN THE FUCKING WOODS, and explain herself to a random SILVER FOX is HILARIOUS. LITERALLY MAKES ME WEE MY INSIDES WITH LAUGHTER!

‘Hi, I’m sorry Sir. I’m just hunting Silver foxes. I’m a lunatic…yes. I’ve had gin….Selfie?’

AS IF the ‘Silver Fox’ game, has GOT SO FUN, that she got CAUGHT trying to Snapchat one and had to make up BOLLOCKS, so that she wouldn’t get shouted at….IN THE PEACEFUL WOODLANDS.

Now, don’t get it twisted. These days, I don’t actually fancy ANY Silver Foxes at all… I’m a cougar now….Times have changed. Lol. But the invention of the game has made my life worthwhile, for the brief phase that it has lived. IT’S SO FUN after a whisky. It’s flirty after three…There have been times where in which I have literally BOBBED DOWN and HID BEHIND PEOPLE/CARS…all sorts… and then SPIED TO SEE WHAT ‘A FOX’ WAS DOING. I never got caught..and like The Blondie…I would’ve just talked BOLLOCKS to get myself out of trouble. Technically, I have boobs.. GOOD BOOBS! So GOOD that they’re in the Boobpedia…(lol) SO I don’t have to say anything, just do a ‘Whoopsie* face and *wink.*

(Now, before I get all told off. I’m not promoting stalking. If you stalk people you will go to jail and Hell and stuff. It’s a joke. It’s fun. I’m not a real stalker. Just a real idiot. Remember, I said that! 🙂 )

Okay. Sensible part over. 😉

I have great chick friends. I mean the other night Mel stopped to talk to me for half an hour after working a really busy day…(when people do that they love you and want to express) and like I said, it was just lovely to see her *beam* with love. She’s in a magically, romantic swirl and as she stood there and said,

‘I only have eyes for HIM…’ 

It made my heart smile, because at the same time as me adoring to watch her ‘magic’..It sort of brings hope to those who truly feel that they will never find their ‘love.’ I’m someone who is great at being Single. I’m a busy girl and I’m a happy girl.

Yet, I’ve always told you that i’m open to bumping into love. I just want to make sure that the *bump in* is worth it and a great match for me…Nothing is worse to me than just settling for just ‘someone,’ when you can have the guy that you REALLY want eventually…if you just wait for the right match. I’d rather go without… than settle. I will marry, who I regards as the GREATEST MAN ALIVE.

Mel is the same way …AND she is in her mid FOURTIES. (She’s a hot mid 40’s. Crew Wunna land, IS in general hot! Hahah! I mean, we’re both life warriors, and agree that we as the female species are quite QUITE…manipulative….We both never really focused on love too much…But out of nowhere, here she is…after 3 years of an absolute single life, serious about not being in another magical ‘love swirl’…. simply on the lookout for just fun…AND BOOM…There he was…  her ‘Handsome’ sat in a car, with Tulips in his hands, telling her that he loves madly. 🙂 See! There’s hope for us all! ( I hope mines holding diamonds. Lol)

Then ‘Double B’ told me off for not listening to some story about God Knows what with Firmonnell…

‘GET INVOLVED YOU ORIENTAL BITCH.‘ Hahaha!

We LOVE ‘Double B’s insults as they are always so weird…I mean, she’ll pick out the littlest things about you and turn into the most evil, yet hilarious phrases…

‘You orange lipped bastard…’

‘You tight ponied, red headed.. scrubber…’

I mean, the other day she did something shit to Firmonnell, but knew she only had seconds before Firmonnell’s *dragon rash* could begin riding up her face, so  ‘Double B’ burst into a chorus of…

‘Oh my Single Ladies. Ooooooh my Single Ladies.’ Lol….

….and just as a distraction from getting told off. IT  FUCKING WORKED! Hahahaha! (She chews paper now because she wants to form a paper mache art piece, inside her body, that she can present at The Hepworth in Wakefield. Lol.)

Anyway, away from that…

I’m currently at Prosecco Pit Stop in Doncaster, blogging from the comfy chairs. The Power table.

I’m loving all the messages you’re sending me, they’re very sweet…and I couldn’t thank you enough for caring enough to drop me a ‘swiggedy’ send…(Don’t know what that means?)

I particularly like this one.. I got it today… This guy sends me messages often and I hardly ever get to reply, but I do always thank him for the message…

‘Thanks for everything you have said to me. It does mean something to me and makes me stop and think. I just can’t stand single life and I’ve gotta admit. It does drag me down at times. How you’re single is quite unbelievable. But I think with you it’s more choice…which is the way it should be. I have no doubt one day I will read your all sorted and you totally deserve the best. Whoever it is you fall for, which ever lucky devil, gets a chance to be with you, will not know what hit him. I think it’s pretty amazing! Keep doing what your doing xx

Ps That was a few too many gins message hope your ok x

Chat conversation end.’
 What I love about you all is that you’ll send me messages about YOUR LIFE and even though I come across as an ego maniac…I’m really the most thoughtful person you could know…it often winds people up, as they want me to be evil…Lol…Yet, I also have a natural interest in the lives of others…so my advice to the above is to feel the shit part of the change, as the quicker you feel it, the quicker you get over it. Once that’s done…forget it, scrub it out and look forward to enjoying your next life chapter…You may have wanted the previous chapter to be your final joy…yet you’re LUCKY ENOUGH, to be given a fresh new side street, that I think you’ll find..in time..once you choose to walk it… will make you smile!

 

 

 

 

Fairytales, Single Life & Inboxes

‘Awww…we need to find you a man Chrissie’ said Mel, as she eased off her headset and sat forward in her swivel chair, with a radiating grin that only EVER occurs in a girl, a lady, or a woman when the ‘love bug’ has got her and she is embracing the magical swirl of it all.

I was flipping rummaging in a cupboard for a key. Glamoruously ofcourse. Yet the key wasn’t to anyone’s heart. Just simply to aid the opening of doors.

David: ‘What about London Business Man?’

See…I would NEVER have thought that David would’ve ever *scroll clicked* into Wunna land? So it surprised me. Yet, at the same time it was hilarious, as he did actually refer to ‘London Business Man’ as ‘London Business Man,’ which always makes me smile.

‘Nothing. We aren’t anything…

Mel: ‘You do right…I mean he can’t just try to come back now…’

‘Well he’s just sent me a Whatsapp reading…*Okay handing in the towel and giving up 🙁 *’

I just looked as David, as he left Mel and I, to dash out the door and start his own work day, in his tie, with is diary…and smiled with a confident eye contact, that would inform anyone that, that particular chapter of ‘last year’ was and is waaaaaaaaaaaay in the past.

‘He can’t just adore me, choose another girl over me…fob me off, yet THEN realize I might have been a better choice and OH LOOK, I’m now doing well and after noticing that… decide to THEN shimmie back in…I’m not soft like that. I will do catch up drinks with him…yet…I just can’t take him seriously…’

I’m the warmest, most forgiving bundle of boobied Oriental that you’ll ever meet…but i’m not foolish. I’m a big girl. I’m grown. In a moment when I utterly adored him, he made me feel utterly rejected because he wasn’t ready to care for me…and anyone can relate to that feeling. Yet…that was a year ago. Time moves on. As soon as I got over that niggly rubbishy feeling, I jollied onward. I’m not weird like that. I’m happy and the best people LIVE their new chapters with love, forgiveness, with smiles and with rum cocktails. (Mel’s going through a huge new chapter right now, where after years of absolute shit…and THREE YEARS of single life….The Big Dude up above has watched her fight back so hard, that he’s got bored of the show, cut her some slack and thrown her a happy ending. Makes me smile. Her ‘Love swirl’ told her that he loves her the other night. 🙂 )

‘CHRISSIE!!!! I’M IN LOVE! OFFICIALLY:) ‘

Watching her made me beam. In fact, they’re all in love right now…’ALL’ meaning my chick friends. They’re all so different. All in different types of love, different stages of love and in different generations of love. Firmonnell with her 2 children and hubby ‘Big D,’ who go through life with smiles and this happy family life. ‘Fairytale Blond,’ in a newish  love that is becoming more and more stable by the day. (She literally does ‘love’ by the book. It’s like one big, moral …Fairytale text book.) ‘Double B’ and Master.G…are young 20 somethings that are all flashy, urban and glamorously ‘gangsta bouji.’  They’re like this hilariously bizarre comedy duo, who were simply made for each other. Lynne has been with Tony for hundreds of years, from being fifteen to sixty!!!  (AS IF) Hot Sarah is all moved in, loved and doing her 4th year Anniversary, yet still seeks adventure. Mel, as you know, is three months in, as soft hearted as they come with a warrior exterior. You don’t mess with her. She’s fallen madly in love, after three whole years of ‘no man anywhere.’

They all kinda give me hope and i’ve been in love, had loads of attention, no attention, been happy, been sad, been married three times, up, down and everywhere, from all angles of that glammy coin.

But i’ve just never found my true love yet and even though I’m the only one that’s single, I don’t seem to mind as right now? Until I find the man of my dreams…that crazy love…that love that takes over me, my soul mate….I’m not bothered. I’m not in the mood to *kiss a bunch of toads.* I’m too old for that…and too egotistical. 😉

I’m going through more life changes this year than ever…and embracing them…I think? Even though there are A LOT OF CAREER THINGS ‘PENDING…’ And it’s awful because it’s like typing a message, hitting ‘send,’ but your wifi connection conks out, as the *swirl* icon buffers around and around and around, going nowhere…PENDING is better than nothing, but still shit. 🙂

Firmonnell: ‘Yeah but Chrissie, that’s exciting, as all the things that are pending are really BIG things.’

‘Yes, but  don’t have them yet.’

Then Double B decided to cast Firmonnell in the pretend film version of chrissiewunna.com, if it was a budget ‘Sex in the City’ with a..

‘You’d definitely be the red haired lesbian one, Chrissie’s *Carrie* and I’m that dirty one that talks shit all the time..’

I’m lucky because in my world i’m on constant mode of ‘hide it well’ stress. Yet, it almost doesn’t absorb because it’s completely dissolved by the best chick friends, a girl could ever HAVE, who inject my stress with the most hilarious girl banter and laughter. I love them. 🙂 You should too. They’ll send you nudes.

‘Prince Jonathan’s completely changed since he’s met Fairytale Blond. He’s found his one.’

‘I mean yeah, look at Master G and I, he used to be a massive coke head and now he’s lovely.. It’s like a fairytale in itself.

HAHAHA.

‘Once upon a time, there was a….’

At the end of the day I can’t control any of the ‘pending,’ so I just have to let life decide for me…

I mean GOD, I’m a finalist in the UK Blog Awards this year. Over 97,000 people voted, through a public vote, which landed me in the TOP 8 ‘most voted for’ blogs in my category. WHAT? That shocked me. That was in December and I found out I was finalist in January. I HONESTLY COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. It was glorious! 🙂 I happy danced.

THEN, and obviously I KNEW the whole time, that I was a finalist, yet sort of made the executive decision to forget about it all and just get on with doing what I do best and that’s tell my story. Yet even though I couldn’t be more honoured. Like it feels just SO SPECIAL, as this is MY LIFE. It’s not a review site, an advice site, or anything…It’s literally just my story….and fortunately a journey that so many of you, all over the world have tuned in to. It’s unbelievably humbling.

Today I got a reminded that the event was in April (I can’t wait for it but i’m terrified and I DO EVENTS ALL THE TIME. BIG ONES. The email said that the JUDGES had now handed in their winning results? WHAT!!! That ALONE, really shit me up for a bit, because I had FORGOTTEN that I was being judged by  the judges through FEBRUARY!! JESUS!

So, now there’s nothing I can do, but pour a wine, keep ‘Dear Diarying’ it , show up in April, STILL FLIPPING SINGLE..and not win. Hurrah!

Ps/ Thank you for all the support 😉

PPS/ Thank you to the guy that inboxed me this message today…

‘Love your blog & ffs, 99 percent of males would love to have you in their life…I think you’re amazing..xx’

The reason why i’m thanking you, is because there was a moment today when I might have been a little fed up…and I just happened to glimpse down at my phone and that message popped up randomly…But it was so positive and so lovely that it made me FEEL chipper. So I thank you for that and send you my love.

PPS/ The dude that send me the video in his builders uniform…plastering…Always a treat! Lol. Cheers! 🙂

A Reason, A Season, Or a Lifetime

‘Chrissie…I sent my sister a gingerbread man because she’s been going through a really hard time right now,’ said Hot Sarah, as I worried over the fact that my lips were being puffy because the previous evening, I had consumed nuts. (Not those kinda nuts. 🙂  Actual hazelnuts that were hidden inside chocolate. In case you didn’t know…I AM ALLERGIC TO NUTS. Crazy shit happens. Everything swells and then I *POP* into a glittery confetti explosion.

‘Anyway, Chrissie…I sent her this gingerbread man, to make her feel better, BUT instead.. I accidentally posted it TO MYSELF. Lol. Oh! And you’ve spelt carpeted wrong and put crapeted. 🙂 ‘

That was a moment of my life today! Lol.

Gosh! We are almost there! We are almost at the end of what has felt like a really LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG WEEK. To be honest, it hasn’t been that long, as it’s been filled with moments of laughter. Yet there’s just been so much going on, with additional ‘plate spinning,’ that it’s felt like a sprint, a fast constant dash to the finish line… in heels. (Good job I wore a sports bra! 😉 )  But i’m happy! I’m almost there and FRIDAY’S, no matter what, are always about FUN! If you can’t make Friday FUN, you’re shit.

As soon as I got in and poured a wine,  I laid on my bed, put on some tunes and just for a second chilled and scrolled through dresses on my phone. I watched a Steven Bartlett Vlog and i’m loving that he’s posting them every day now. YET, GOD, I can’t keep up. I’m gonna have to save them all, for a giant Bartlett Vlogathon at the weekend. But i’m loving them. He’s doing a great job.

After my moment of chill…I feel great! Yet, I’m definitely in NEED of a big old glamour pussy *juggsh.* I want my nails done, a tan, a weave put in, a pedicure, to lose a couple pounds, some new outfits, a soft massage to pan pipe music and maybe a moment of meditation, with a cocktail in my hand and as I lay in my new fancy waist trainer. (YES! IT’S HERE! I’m wearing it all day tomorrow, as I go about my day! 🙂 I won’t be able to breathe after a week of bacon sandwiches. But by the end of the month, you will all be jealous. Honest! I’m gonna have to go with hour glass, as my days of skinny are over. My belly button is doing a *smiley* face and I kinda more want it to look *shocked.* :0 Operation ‘Stop eating shit’ has started.

I’ve got a lot of events coming up, as I told you previously, so I need to start stepping up my game, as I don’t want to show up at places and have people think that I look like a glittery bag of ‘she doesn’t look as good as she does in her pictures.’ Lol.

I want to rock up and have people do what ‘Gym Jake’ in LA said a decade ago in a taxi, after he had only seen pictures of me on Myspace. He had travelled all the way from Palm Spring,s just to buy me a drink…I didn’t actually think he would randomly travel up, but he did. I didn’t even know that he WAS travelling up. When he arrived in Hollywood, he simply sent me a text. That’s some good going! Shows balls!

When I dashed out of my condo to meet him and got into the taxi, the first thing he said to me was ‘Oh god….you look even better than you do on your pictures.’ (Awwwwwwwwwwwww! I wonder what happened to Jake?)

Now, that I’m old and I’m feeling old, I WILL TELL YOU, it is SO much harder, (especially as life has got busier and there’s so much more to do,) to look GREAT. Luckily, my vanity gets the better of me on occasion…and it kicks in with a giant kitty *BOOM.* If it wasn’t for vanity, I’d kick it in a onesie ALL DAY with half my face on. Instead, I’m still over dressing and still over ‘dollying’ and loving every single minute of it. You can’t keep a good kitten down. But I DO NEED TO LOSE GOOD FEW POUNDS.

I want an early night, so i’m gonna keep it short. But I received messages today….instead of pin pointing them…let me just generalize….

This is what SHOULDN’T HAPPEN. If you’re a guy and you fancy a chick, you SHOULDN’T  leave her text messages, Whatsapp messages, ANY messages that are what I refer to as ‘neg bombs.’

‘Neg bombs’ are those little moaney messages you get from a girl or guy, which are never positive because they’re feeling like they’ve lost your attention. Those little messages that tap at your inbox leaving that little bit of negativity.

ALL MESSAGES SHOULD BE POSITIVE if you want someone to fancy you. You’re not going to impress anyone with whines or a brief sentence that shows them that you don’t understand who they are or what they’re doing. That last message you send, is how they will remember you. It’s the energy that you will give off into their world.

Like, I said, I got one today and it just made me feel lucky and get on with my work.

You know in life…I’m always going on about people and how our life paths cross with one another when they’re supposed to. There’s a time for everything

And I do genuinely believe that you meet the people who you have in your life (look around you) for a reason, a season or a lifetime. There are going to be people that you haven’t yet met, who you’re meant to meet shortly.

AND I know that life paths cross and *pause,* when they’re supposed to.. because as I was driving home tonight and as my car passed every other car at 7pm…during that moment my life path had crossed with many. YET, those  paths  that I crossed weren’t meant to *pause* and play with mine. They just drove on and got on with their version of life as I got on with mine.

That’s how I know that when you meet someone and your path has *paused* it’s for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. So take note of that and pay attention to what makes you happy. Be present and embrace all that life throws in front of you, but be smart enough to be able to categorize and see where that human you are ‘life path crossing’ with… lies.

Reason. Season. Lifetime.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My New Years Resolutions….

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Gosh! All this time off is making me go bonkers. It’s hilarious! I’m tottering around pestering and annoying innocent folk, just so my brain has something to do. Hahah! I’m like the kid that gets kicked out of glitter class (Wait? Hold up! I’d never get kicked out of glitter class? What the actual fuck IS glitter class? Lol Whatever it is? I wouldn’t get  kicked out of it.) But you get the picture, my system needs to get back to work mode in order to feel satisfied. I’m really excited because i’m about to go into a *juggle,* which is when you have lots to conquer all at once. It’s challenging, it’s fun.  Yet, right now all i’m doing is thinking and planning it all (which actually makes me panic as you can ponder things far too much) and being a FIRE sign, all the *pondering* gets boring after a while, when you have to wait to move forward. I’m an action girl…and therefore now, because i’m impatient…you are receiving a rant. Lol.

January always goes really fast! I don’t mean the ‘waiting for a pay day’ part, as I realize that most have spazzed their fine earned pences on cocktails. Yipppeee! Yet, when you have goals that you’re trying to fit in, in the first month, it’s always hard, as it *zoom* by without you consent and you have to double up in Feb.

I slept last night. I never can sleep, so that’s a good thing. But weirdly, I watched Chloe Khan’s snippets (lots of naked bits, boobie bits and sex bits) from her time in the Celebrity Big Brother House. Now, i don’t know whether she did that on purpose to gain ‘attention?’ If she did, well done, it worked and it took some fucking balls. It made her newsworthy. So the result, good or bad, was an attention winner. OR if she’s just like that as a human? Then I had a wine and wasn’t bothered anymore and fell asleep. It kinda made me learn that it’s what you do AFTER the snippets of attention have occurred that set task of longevity. My mind and soul must’ve been content with that knowledge and just conked out peacefully.

How was your New Year! I actually ditched my Slutty Sailor Girl outfit and Cockpit Pilot sexy wear, to simply stay home, with my babies. To the ‘Party Goers’ (and i am one to indulge in a good time, if it’s done right and in some form of luxury lol) that may sound dull. But to ME, it was heaven sent, peaceful, loving and bubbled my sail into 2017 with love. Their faces alone we’re adorable.

I will go on to tell you that LOVE MATTERS. It’s what makes you strong. Gives you a purpose. I’m a single mum, so the LOVE that I have for my children power me forward. Nothing compares to that! I’m ambitious, so the LOVE that I have for my ‘dream come true’ job and work radiates from my kitty soul like fire. The LOVE that I have for my parents, the people that gave me a foundation to grow, is deep rooted and dashed with the most sincere respect. The love that I have for having such hilarious friends, keeps my system light, filled with laughter and keeps me being a functioning alcoholic. Lol. It’s a fun love, as you need your ‘soldiers’ right by your side. They’re the people you tell everything to without *censor.*

We all know that i’m SINGLE and i’ve been single by choice because I just haven’t been able to find the correct male human to partner up with. Hahaha! Yes, i’ve been on dates, as usual, as they’ve come, and learnt a lot. Yet, i haven’t had that ‘chemistry’ that is essential to the way i think, move, or see the future…swing by me. Where i cn just be me and the get it! All great guys. All phenomenal people. But just not right for me. And i mean that both ways. As, I am also just not right for them. (Even if some of them haven’t seen that yet. 🙂 )

I get loads of messages from guys, as any girl would on social media, who may tickle anyones fancy, who read my blog and say that I haven’t have such a hardcore *tick list.* There isn’t a *tick list.* I just know what i like, need and want in another human being, that is so much more than a simple list, as it’ll be something i feel, when i see them and meet them. (HAHAHAHAH….That makes me sound pervy!) Just because i’m not willing to ‘just settle’ for ‘a bit right’ doesn’t mean i’m being tight. It just means that i’m doing what’s right for ME…and you can’t change that, because it’s working for me and i’m quite toolish and strong headed. HOWEVER, if YOU WERE Mr.Right, you wouldn’t want to change that would you? 🙂 As firstly, you’d be IT and secondly, trying to change a partner means you’re not getting it. You’re not accepting them for who they are with love and support. Nonetheless, I’m always quite willing to go on dates! Well…some dates. Lol. I LOVE meeting people.

I’ve gone on a rant haven’t I!

New Years Resolutions! What’s Yours?

I never usually make them, as I’m not good at confining myself to rules that i make personally. The little rules that I make for myself. If i find that i’m only answerable to myself, then there’s no hope, as I can handle Me telling myself off. Lol. I just end up hitting the glitzy *fuck it* button and having fun. (When i say ‘fun’ I simply mean doing the things that I love.) But if someone else gives me rules, I seem to be pretty obedient. It’s weird. Maybe because i feel more responsible and i’m not in the business of letting people down by nature. It makes me feel awkward.

But here they are anyway..

Wunna’s New Year’s Resolutions.

. EVERY DAY THIS YEAR do something proactive big or small that will help me get closer to my big goal. Work harder at it, basically.

. 20 minutes exercise every day. (I’m shit at going to gym, or signing up to groups, so it won’t be that. So it’ll just be some ‘show up to whenever’ class, or some run or something? I reckon i’ll be into Pilates. Lol

.EVERY DAY (because Karma’s ace) do a good deed for someone. Doesn’t have to be massive, as it’s the little things in life that make a difference. Hopefully it’ll come back on me threefold. If not, i’m not doing it again next year! HAHAHA. EVIL!

That’s it! As everything else in my life i do well. 🙂

I need a massage and to get my nails done today.

I’m back to work tomorrow. The sun is shining. The babies and my Mum and I are all off to The Frenchgate centre in Doncaster.

I’m excited to tell you about the stuff that I have going on in 2017. There will be a blog about it all. I’ll be telling you where i’m going, why I’m going and when as I go along also.

Do remember that you are able to cross life paths with me at ANY SINGLE POINT. Maybe life will just naturally guide you my way. But if not…purposely *bump* into Wunna land, have a good time with me and find yourself in this blog the next day! *The 2017 cast 😉 ) But this year, chrissiewunna.com will be becoming more interactive, as we all do life together.  I’m going to be focusing a lot on getting another rung up that success ladder…so bare with me.

Like i said there’s a plan, yet in life you never quite know what’s going to happen, do you? But everything i have ‘intended’ sounds pretty good. Lol.

Feel Free to bob on any of my social media profiles and share your New Years Resolutions with me.

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER : @chrissiewunna

‘Like’ my Facebook Fan Page

Follow me on Instagram. (I’m ‘Insta’ game is not on point as i’ve just restarted it.)

Add me on Snapchat: chrissiewunna1

 

Breast Milk Pancakes?

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‘Yeah, but honestly i was mental. I was involved in some kind of group, where all my friends came over and made things like breast milk pancakes,’ said ‘Firmonnell to the Little Burmese, ‘just got back into work after shimming at The Clothes Show, with the likes of Joey Essex’ Glamour Puss.

(It felt good to be back to normality.)

Hahaha! What the actual FUCK! I literally know the BEST humans alive. Nothing, (and I do mean this honestly) made my life worth living today, as much as that statement. Not even my own children. Lol. I mean, who is ACE enough to have actually joined a group where in which women, (who had just had babies) squirted milk out of their post preggo boobs, added eggs and made pancakes with it. I AM DYING!!! HAHAHAH. We all actually know a ‘Preggo Princess’ right now and let me tell you, nothing would make me happier, than the reassurance of knowing that she also, followed the likes of ‘Firmonnell’ and made breast milk pancakes with odd, other post birth chicks and simply for kicks. Hahahaha. The evil breast feedy *force* groups terrify me. They’re like smiley, angelic looking HITLERS. They all need to get kicked when the knock at your door…with Louboutin heeled DIVA feet. I bet they all have husbands. Husbands who never get sex. See! This is where i’m going wrong. All the relationships I end up in… include sex. I’ve been a wife THREE FLIPPING TIMES…and they all took a U Turn. I need to ban sex from my love life and start forcing men to breast feed. Pancake groups for everyone!

Then the focus went onto talks of how i keep taking slutty pics in Disney/Primark Onesies and posting them all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. 🙂 In the words of Lisa ‘The zippers seem to have broken off them all.’ Lol.

I didn’t explain myself too well…as i always figure you never have to explain yourself really, when you’re Me and you have charm and winks that speak for themselves…But the actual story behind the slutty onesie pics is this…

I was shopping with my kids around Doncaster. Ruby really wanted me to look like a Kangeroo and a Fox, so we bought the equivalent Onesies from Primark. I wore them at home. The kids loved it, as it was like i was a fun toy. They went to bed. I had a whole bunch of Prosecco…the zipper came down and BOOM, that was the birth of the ever so popular ‘slutty onesie’ Wunna pics. It should trend. You all should do it. When i take them, i really do think i’m some kind of Burmese Pamela Anderson.

Is this why i’m single? Why am I a tool?

Even Keiran (Junior’s Dad) text me the other night with a casual ‘How’s Junior’ and he followed it up with an ‘I thought you’d be keeping busy posting half naked pictures of yourself.’

Blah! I don’t take playful criticism from people with giant beards. I simply stated that i looked great, hundreds of people agreed…(I WILL GET OVER MYSELF,) he ‘monkey emoji’ed’ me and then we laughed it off. At least we can have a laugh.

I mean, ‘The Mighty’ even said ‘It’s just funny because you’re doing it in a Disney, Monsters Inc Onesie.‘ Hahaha.

Prosecco made me do it girls. They should give it to people in church. (Have i officially offended everyone now? Lol)

(Oooh, i’ve just rushed to put my pink laptop on charge, as it’s running out of juice and the best smelling swirl has just danced under my nose. I’ve got this bag stuffed with bath bombs, like i’m some kind of greedy LUSH thief. They’re for Ruby’s teachers. We couldn’t think of things to get them, so we just went with bath bombs. SHIT LOADS OF BATH BOMBS.)

Lots of gents are hitting on me right now and i’m feeling so ‘whole’ that i’m not really bothered by it? It’s weird because i’m looking for love, my Mr Right. Yet, I can’t be really as I just seem to be all happy as i am and not concerned with it, until it smacks me in the face and I get swept off my feet.

In life there’s only been ONE guy that has swept me off my feet romantically. The rest have liked me, but not really. Infact, no Mikey Ray my first hubby loved me. I’m glad he’s gone on to do so well in life. He’d be dead proud of me now. But we don’t speak.

Talking about ‘no speaky!’ Get this, ‘Eton Mess’ and I aren’t even talking anymore. He hasn’t messaged me to say ‘hi’ or anything in a couple weeks. How weird. I haven’t messaged either yet girls shouldn’t have to. Boys should do the leg work and they nly do it if they’re truly into you. (And yes, i do get that lots of you are hitting up my inbox with ‘leg work.’ But, with girls, we have to properly fancy you in the first place to appreciate. We are SWINES like that.

I’ve said it before. It’s sweet getting messaged lovely ‘advances’ (at times,) when you’re not being pervy. I’m flattered. Utterly flattered. Especially as i’m smashing into thirty six on the 19th of this month. It makes me feel fanciable and i appreciate that. HOWEVER, we as girls wait for that one message fro that guy that we adore…and it’s when we get THAT message that our kitten hearts skip a beat.

I do mean that in general, as i’m totally single. There is no apple of my eye. I reckon i’m the most eligible Bachelorette going. 🙂 But i would wouldn’t I, because i’m a glamourous… plank.

 

The way I see it is that THIS YEAR, more than ANY year in my entire life and BOY HAVE I DATED ALL OVER THE GLOBE. Hundreds of times. Lol. I’ve romanced many a man. (That’s the problem, it should be the other way around.) But this year, i have had the honour of meeting some of the greatest guys, that i’ve ever gone on dates with in my life. Such handsome, fun, sweet, sassy gents. I’ve had a great time.

But now i’m headed for better times. Times that i deserve!

Come at me life!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating as a 30 Something & Gin.


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Today began in a more stressy fashion when taxi companies lied to me with ‘just around the corners…it’ll be five minutes.’ An hour and a half later, with big hair, the new Estee Lauder bronzer on my kitty cheeks and a change of work coats, I took matters into my own diva hands, called another company and got to work in fifteen minutes. Still late, which I HATE. If i despise anything it’s being late for anything, or people being late for me. 🙂 Yet with understanding words and an ‘in taxi’ resting bitch face that could win awards…things panned out alright, as hey…it’s Christmas…the season of working hard, playing hard and not letting the niggly shit that you can’t help get to you.

THEN part of my life was spent knelt on the floor, with scissors and cardboard, in jumper boobs and work trousers…as I wrapped a Christmas tree in tin foil, as onlooking colleagues mocked my existence and talents. LOL. I almost had a meltdown, as it seems i don’t have the patience for such Tom Foolery. Tin foil is not your friend. It hates you. But I survived it. I just remember looking up at ‘Firmonnell’ and saying:

‘Is this part of my life over yet?’

And hey..It was! Yipppeeee! So again…not so bad. At least i looked good doing it.

Away from that and with a hair toss…

I’m getting LOADS of messages in regards to my love life. You all want to know what’s going on and if i knew myself, i’d tell you?

Dating at 30 something is hard, be you a guy or a girl, as you pretty much have your life and ways set. SO SET that you become more choosy when it comes to letting new folk in to ‘do forever,’ with ya. Plus, 30 somethings are now looking good, making money and if they’re not already settled down and single, they’re either not bothered as life is dandy anyhow, jaded, or fretting about having no lover. It kinda goes in waves, doesn’t it? I know that I’ll dip in and out of each box…in heels.

I’m really great on a date, as i’m chatty and fun, sexy and…(i can’t think of anything else?) Yet, i will say sometimes, i’ll feel nervous and when i do (like i’m a guy) I’ll delicately and glamourously push a ‘panic button’ and a GIANT pink, transparent force field will slowly and sexily raise around me, until i feel 90% comfy. It can take a bit of beckoning from the other party….even if it seems as though i’m being more than confident. (I remember when I bumped into a guy in LA and I told him that I was a total loon and 90% a mess. I’d just gotten divorced. He looked, smiled and said, ‘90% a mess? That’s 10% all good honey, I’m in!! ‘ 😊 )

But moving on, as it’s making me feel weird…

I’ve said it once and i’ll say it 42 times, I AM NOT ON TINDER or any such sites. If you believe you are sexy chatting with me, on any random or popular dating site…you really are not. It’s not me.  I’m sure the Tinder version of me is much naughtier via written word. I can’t type dirty, i find it too hilarious. It doesn’t feel real, it feels more funny. Like a prank. Doesn’t mean that i’m not ‘naughty’ when i’m meant to be ‘naughty,’ so to speak. *Wink here.* I’m sensual by nature.  But no, i’m not on Tinder or POF or any of that diddly dum. I find it the most awful way find ‘true love.’ To me it all seems like ‘hook ups’ and unserious talking to people for no reason, or boredom. It’s dull. It’s definitely for some people, but for me at thirty five, with all my shit together, a bit of glitz, a whole lot of glam and a ‘Wunna’ tag, I see it as the most unromantic way to potentially find love. *SWIPE*

I’m a chemistry kinda gal. I need to be in front of  you face to face, body to body, mind to mind…with cocktails (ofcourse) in order to feel something more than ‘bants.’ I HAVE to be able to feel something. (That sounded fun. 🙂 ) To be honest, I don’t have enough time to Tinker on Dating sites. The easier a guy makes it on me the better. I don’t like boys that are too challenging. I like to get my own way. 😃 Don’t get me wrong, LOADS of my friends have found love on plenty of dating sites.Yet for me it just doesn’t work. I can’t be bothered. It’s dull. I’d rather be single in the city until Mr.Right taps me on the shoulder and smiles.

Plus, I have this theory that boys who want to date you tend to hide behind an online bravado don’t they? They can talk the talk, yet often are unable to walk the walk. I mean surely a real man would connect with you somehow, call you/message  you and then just ask you out on a drink/date or meet up. It’s called being NORMAL and being a GENTLEMAN. If they can’t do that…then they’re too scared and obviously need to sup a can of ‘Man Up.’ Why have men stopped being brave?

God! I went on a rant then and i have no clue why? I need gin. It shuts me up and refreshes me like a ‘Ctrl+Alt+Del.’

‘Spanish Doctor’ Whatsapp’d me today. It was bizarre because i had forgotten about him. I had to even think if it was even this year or last year when i met him? AGES AGO! I shouldn’t have met him really, as he only wanted to try and bone me, however silly me didn’t realize at the time and when i didn’t ‘put out’ he got narky. But i just couldn’t find it in myself to be attracted to him enough to want to get sexy…and I’m not like that. His personality sucked and it concerned me. Lol.  I remember being sat away from him, with my arms crossed pulling moody faces because I didn’t feel comfortable around him in the end. I know, lol! Very mature of me.  BUT IF YOU HAVE EVER HAD THE ABSOLUTE PLEASURE OF GOING ON A DATE WITH ME 🙂 YOU WILL KNOW THAT SUCH BEHAVIOUR DOES NOT OCCUR. Hahaha!

I just ignored his message. He’s a strange one…Yet he served a purpose as it was a time where in which i had come out of a relationship with Ben, who wasn’t really fulfilling my soul and I needed to just feel again, as my heart was just soaked in absolute utter boredom. I felt like a baby sitter. I felt like the guy in that relationship,

It’s weird isn’t it, because you have to be with someone who’s exactly GREAT for YOU. I was having this convo with ‘London Business Man’ the other day, in regards to him picking a chick to date. It’s like they can’t be so ‘cherry pie,’ as being a being like i am….it really doesn’t stimulate you. Yet they can’t be an absolute crazy nut job, always depressed or down or an absolute dickhead either. There has to be a balance where in which they’re a bit of everything, your best friend, expressive, fun, loving, thoughtful, but you are so physically attracted to them that your sex life is decent and you’re not just dull *high five* buds.

I’ve rambled. I’m off to have gin.