Business, Bloggers & Dual Action W******

I’ve ‘quadroupley’ booked myself out. No! That’s a lie. I’ve ‘booked’ myself out six times, in one go. No SEVEN! And yes, that sounds great because it means you’re all glamourous, you’re doing well and popularity is tickling at your tender kitten toes. HOWEVER, it’s a little more complex than that! I mean, ย HOW the absolute jolly BALLS am I going to be in or at SEVEN DIFFERENT PLACES, all across the nation AT ONCE??? It’s humanly impossible and certainly my own daft fault. Ofcourse! Yet, I don’t think boobies, cocktails shakes or charm is going to get me out of my predicament and more than anything that curdles away at my glittery soul. My charm should ALWAYS WORK, even when i’m dead. (And no, I’m not going to have a glamourous death. I’m just going to be 100 years old exactly, take a kip and rest peacefully. Knowing my luck, I’ll be tootling along, in my leopard print faux fur, on my granny mobile, in sunglasses at 100 years old, with a rum in my hand and some Morris Minor will come and run me over, outside a newsagents or something? My LA guy friend Ryan once said that i’d die by being ‘Savaged by Thieves!’ Lord knows why it thought it would be that exciting? I can’t even ‘book’ myself out appropriately for a weekend, let alone let thieves savage me to my death.)

Why am I talking about death, before 7am?

ANYWAY! Let’s get cheery!

So, yes this weekend i’ve said YES to everything, managed to get all my dates a muddled and now SEVEN DIFFERENT PLACES are expecting me to show up, this weekend. IT IS THAT BUSY!

I’m doing really well and people are ‘signing me up’ left, right and centre, to sexily tinker down to their event, new bar, office or restaurant, literally EVERYWHERE, where one can ‘Socialite’ to deliver my dainty little view of life from their glitzy venue. (This is definitely because I went to Gino D’Acampo’s new joint and didn’t wear knickers on the glass floor. It’s pushed me up that lofty ladder of ‘popularity’ overnight. Lol Now everyone wants me on their glass floors in bars. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

But from a real point of view. It’s a really exciting time for me, i’ve worked really hard for this, I’m going for it. I’m feeling SASSY, ON FIRE, UNSTOPPABLE and moderately invincible. I kinda feel like I am the Queen ย of ALL KITTENS. Y’know, totally ‘sought after’ now. The word on the street, via other infamous and rather successful beings in the same field or media is that….

‘Chrissie’s smashed this personal brand/influencer thing down this year.. She picked up the ball and ran with it…’

So there you have it, it’s amazing what a little bit of glamourous street game, a blog, the ability to express via written word, a rummy soul, a case of candid banter, good humour, boobies and a lifestyle can do! I’m not scared of it anymore. More than anything, I’m feeling at my most powerful and it’s only just the beginning. I have lots planned and i’m GOING FOR IT. So strap in… (I love it when i feel like this, it makes me want to bathe in champagne like a ‘Girl Boss’ and shout at people for no reason.)

But… honestly I can’t organise myself for shit. Lol. How am I going to be in SEVEN places at once. This isn’t including my normal ‘non worky’ social commitments. Unfortunately, they get put on the back burner. Lol. Such a great friend. But at the end of the day, you have one shot to grab a bit of ‘opportunity’ and if you drop the ball…well….you lose. The people that care about you, love you, understand what you’re going through, I think you’ll find will always be there.You’ll be in a mad rush, or battling your career, but you’ll pause weeks later, look to your right and their still there, smiling, supporting you and letting you know that everything’s okay.

I’ll sort it all out. I just need to prioritize and get my ‘rejiggle’ on. My guy best friend Theo, who I grew up with in LA, (he’s an actor, model and has created his own TV show. I Know.) Well, he’s coming to London, all the way from LA to see me this weekend, whilst he’s en route to Madrid, so he get’s a priority ‘tick.’ PLUS, I’ve missed him being my bestie. I’ve missed all my LA besties. Yet Theo takes the biscuit! He’s the only male human (and yes he is gay, but buff as hell) to THROW ME OFF HIS ACTUAL ASS IN A GYM, so he could lean on a counter and other gents could ADMIRE HIS BOOTY. Not sure why I was sat on his ass now?

But Theo and I have been through a lot together. In LA it’s hard to ‘make it’ but we did, we’re doing it. And that’s something you kinda treasure in your careers. No one can take that away from you.

Theo: ‘Just ignore her….she’s crying over a penis.’

That was his quote the time we both ended up following boys to other States of America because we thought they loved us. I went from LA to New York, for some hideous boy named ‘Tommy’ and He went from LA to …where the fuck did he go? Florida?? I dunno? But yeah, for some other hideous boy…named ‘Eric.’

We both ended up homeless and had to get flights back to Los Angeles immediately. Hilarious. It was all in the name of love. ๐Ÿ™‚ Theo is the most manly gay man you will ever meet. He’s a DIVA, but he knows how to take care of you. Lol.

Can’t wait to see him.

Other than that, I have the British Style Collective in Liverpool, three restaurants, Issho, Leeds, Manchester…..and London….fuck! Just lots.

It’s not the busy part that catches me out. I thrive on it all as it’s exciting and fun. I just hate organizing the busy part. I just like to show up and do my thang…and do it well.

As if I’m Social Media’s Favourite (Kitten Esque ) IT Girl!

I’m accidentally building an empire via just being ME and writing about it. I must have learnt more off ‘Hilton’ than I thought! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, I’ve godda go. I’m sat in Flamingo Sheets writing this with no bra on.. before work starts. I have ‘droopy boob’ fear.

I forgot to tell you, but I was The Carleton the other evening and ran into my old school friend Kate. We went through our entire schooling lives together at the private school in Ackworth…and as we were sat around a table, was the stars shone down on us and ‘Harrys Mum’ was feeling down trodden because her husband had cheated on her, ran off with the other woman and left her holding the baby. She was quite upset about it emotionally, because obviously, it’s not an easy thing to go through and it’s fresh. Breakups are always hard on the heart, when they’re fresh….Yet you do always end up finding the girl or guy of your dreams in the end….

So in her moment of desperate need and support….Kate turns around, completely ignores what she’s saying, fights over who is drinking who’s wine and says…

‘Wouldn’t it be great if all guy’s penises, were like dual action cigarettes and you could just CLICK a button on the side and all of sudden their cum would just taste of mentol, or strawberries.’

HAHAHAHAHA! I love my friends!

I honestly know the best humans!

Ps/ Go check out ย one of my close LA besties Theo Breaux!

 

 

 

 

Wunna Dolls, Rum & Banter

My kitty eyes shot open at 2.47am this morning. YES! At 2.47am…THIS MORNING! I’m totally gonna feel it later when work kicks in and my brain decides to not work. I need a morning mimosa. *Gimme Gimme* Ugh! Cupboard is bare! ๐Ÿ˜‰

When you can’t sleep, you have a troubled mind. That’s exactly what I have. There’s SO much swirling around it, that I pretty much swear that my forehead is ready to curl forward and *boink* the imaginary panic button. Hurrah!

It’s good, because everything is about work & opportunity..and there’s a lot. Yet, bad because i’m obviously not ‘on top‘ of it all. This blogging malarky isn’t as easy as I thought..when it turns into a business. I can’t even sleep. I think i’m gonna go with the ‘i’m a genius and can’t sleep’ line, yet really i’m just human and right now I THINK I ‘can’t do this all by myself ‘ line. BUT I CAN. I mean fuck it. I’ve done everything else by myself…including raising children.

I got up at 3am and worked. I worked. I whopped out my little pink laptop and worked. I planned my entire week and month out, to set Wunna Land into confetti hero showers. Now I just need to execute and not worry. Yet, I’m a creative and what i’ve learnt is that creatives need to JUST BE creative and have someone else deal with the harsh reality of business and building. Their two different things. Two different skills. I want to just be creative and tell my sassy little story. Plus, I learnt from one of my previous bosses ‘The Mighty’ that when one person does too many things, they fuck it all up and give a ‘lot of things 20 percent,’ instead of one thing a juicy 100 percent. IT’S TRUE!

Anyway, enough of all that. It’s boring me. I’ll quit being a walking ‘Sad Act‘ now. (The words of ‘Double B.’)

Yesterday was an ace day, ย filled with good times, friends, work and sass. It made Monday less shit. I didn’t even have time to curl my hair in the morning and it didn’t even matter! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I know! Wow wee! ย *Wink*

We decided that I should create ‘Chrissie Wunna’ dolls, so that Firmonnell can give them to her children.

Firmonnell: ‘As soon as the Chrissie Wunna doll comes out, I’m buying them for my kids.’

But honestly, how fabulous would my ‘Chrissie Wunna’ doll be!! It’d have boobies and be all glamourous and when you pressed it’s stomach, it’s shout things like…

‘Fuck it!’

‘Where’s my prosecco…’

‘This is bouji!’

Firmonnell, Double B and Hustle Barbie literally DIED over this idea for a good…well minute… ๐Ÿ™‚ , as then we got distracted because Mel started sauntering in with her ‘stress face’ asking our advice on tidying…Don’t know what happened but…

Mel: ‘How the HELL have I started a conversation about how to find the time to clean my house properly and it’s turned into a conversation about THRUSH???’

Me: ‘I’ve never had thrush.’

Double B: ‘I’ve had thrush and that thing where you have to drink cranberry juice.’

Firmonnell: ‘Y’know you can get nipple thrush from breast feeding.’

Me: EWW!

Mel: ‘Whatever Chrissie. I would’ve thought you would’ve had a a cocktail of STD’s in your time.’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I’ve had thrush in my belly button..

Me: ‘Lovely’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did Prince Jonny put it in the wrong hole?’ Haha’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I need to take these shoes back, I bought them for Monte Carlo tomorrow..’

Me: ‘I wish my belly button looked more SHOCKED and less smiley.’

Firmonnell: ‘Yeah mine looks like it’s just chilling…

Then ‘Double B’ decided to remind me that her beau’s willy looked like..

‘…one of those fun scrubby things you can get to clean dishes with, y’know in your sink….with a fuzzy afro on top.’

He never gets a blowie and she really doesn’t care. Lol. She’s just laughs in the face of blow jobs, adjusts her bra and asks for a pork pie, as she tosses her blond extensions everywhere.

‘Taylors Butchers was shut. I tried to get a pork pie there yesterday!’

Then I’m not sure what happened…But we started taking about old people and how weird it would feel to be a granny and how if I was ON MY OWN and 80, i’d be alright because, I’d

‘…definitely smell of rum and sex.’

Much better option over moth balls. You either smell of Marks & Spencers, Cats, Toffee, Wee or Moth Balls when you’re a granny. That’ll be me one day and I’m gonna make sure I smell of rum whilst being wheeled down the corridors to…. (I have no clue where i’d be wheeled to? Lol) I’m gonna be a RUMMY granny.

Anyway, ass…ass? Lol. AS!!!

As much as I love you, I do need to dash. I have school runs and a full day of work to jolly onto. I have great boobs and a wink in my think, today. I’ll definitely be knackered later on. I swear this blog is like therapy for me. One day you’ll be covering my meltdown…BUT JUST NOT TODAY.

Work hard. Do well! Love lots!

Oh and follow me on everything, so I feel extra adored. Lol.

Snapchat: chrissiewunna1

(I don’t know who chrissiewunna is..but it’s not me and i’m sure she is far more naked or chatty…lol So do make sure you add the right one.)

Tweet me: @chrissiewunna

Instagram: chrissiewunna

Like my Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/chrissiewunnadotcom

 

But where will it land? ;)

Friday was AWESOME. I had the busiest week of business work this, business work that…There were make ups, break ups, good news, the end of struggles, winners, losers and re *pop ins* by our favourite ‘Gingerbell.’ I actually began Friday by sending ‘my swirl’ ย a morning message, which produced a reply that made my eyes smile…(HE IS AMAZING)…then as I was wondering around with a glammy skip in my step and a glint in my eye, I sort of bounced into ย ‘Double D’ doing a cry, because his girlfriend whopped out the..

‘…we’re just going in different directions’ line. ๐Ÿ™

I hugged him…and then made him make everyone a brew. Lol. (I’m shit like that. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

Me: ‘Have you texted her and talked to her about it all? She could change her mind?’

Firmonnell: ‘Don’t text her. It’s good that you leave it, so she has chance to miss you.’

Yet away from that..it was really great to see the end of Friday approaching and simply *WHACK* on the radio, sing a long to some old school tunes and indulge in Wunna Land GIRL BANTER, with my favourite chick sidekicks, in all of the land.

I always tell you, that we’re all glamourous, all sassy, all DIFFERENT, all ages, yet we all seem to have the same DISTURBING sense of humour. I love a laugh. I am a laugh and when it all turns inappropriate with a…

‘You’re not gonna let him actually CUM IN you, are ya!!!’

We all armed up, got our giggle heels on and WENT FOR IT…and when we go for it…WE ARE AWFUL…because only WE FIND IT FUNNY…

(If you’re about to head to Church…I apologize for the rest of this blog…’)

Me: ‘Boys just don’t CUM IN YOU, you idiot. They’re more cautious these days…They don’t do it, unless they want to make a baby…’

‘They might assume you’re on something when you’re not and just go for it.’

(Dipper randomly walks down and finds himself thrown into our conversation….and with a…

‘The banter down here is AMAZING. I might need to drill a hole through my floor to see and hear you all! But yeah, it’s really hard to not CUM in a girl when you’re in the moment.’

Me: ‘Drill a hole in your floor. HAHAHA! That’s the perviest thing ever! As IF you want a perv cam, so you an just hear about us talk about sex…’

Gingerbell: ‘So what’s going on with you Chrissie? You’ve always got news…I’ve been really boring and sensible…I went to the Doctors and he asked if I was pregnant. Lol. A FUCKING CHANCE WOULD BE A FINE THING…lol.’

Dipper: ‘Yeah, I wanna hear it…I’m married I never get any…Lol.’

Fairytale Blond, *BLUSH/BLUSH/BLUSH*

Double B: ‘I DID TELL HIM THAT I WILL SUCK A DICK IF HE GETS ME MY…’

Firmonnell: ‘Ooh i’m excited! I have date night tonight! AND every week now I come onto Big D…’

(I love Firmonnell for that, as Big D…who is her husbands… expressed how it’d be nice for HER to ‘sass’ on up to HIM once in a while, instead of him coming on to her…She listened…she smiled…and every week she now hits forwardly on her man, without him initiating the ‘ooh’ and they get busy…the good old fashioned way. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ย THAT IS HOT!)

Fairytale Blond then read a not so expressive text…and simply replied with an ..

‘ok.’

Hahahaha!

Then and because it was FRIDAY we took it upon ourselves to play a game. Previous games we’ve played have been called, ‘Bitch or Booked?’

Friday’s game was called…

‘Where will it LAND?’

Oh my LORD, the funniest time we have had in ages…We were literally crying in stitches, as we all decided to place bets on where any cum will land on a being who was about to have sex! DYING.

Me: Tits! ยฃ3 on Tits.

Gingerbell: ยฃ3 on tummy

Fairytale Blond *BLUSH*

Double B: Belly button There’s nothing like a belly button cum shot.’

People even WHATSAPPED IN with bets, as banter got that stupid! Lol

Mel: ‘FACE’

Prince Jonny: ‘Hair.’

Double D: My life savings on ALL IN.

Me: You don’t have any life savings????’

I mean who needs the fucking Grand National! Where will it land? A much better wager. Lol.

Then Gingerbell, who i’ve missed goes out of her way to mention that she would probably DO ANYTHING for ยฃ25,000,ย if it wasn’t Illegal. So we obviously got distracted and started giving her options…(Gingers are saucy.)

‘Would yooooooou….Take two…………..’

‘Would yooooooou……’

(Ill let you fill in the blanks. ๐Ÿ™‚ We were far too disturbing on all sorts levels. It got so bad, we had to stop playing.But on the up, we obviously have very vivid imaginations. Hahah! It’s a plus. Honest!)

Double B, then decided to inform me that there’s some middle aged lady who can’t stop orgasming ALL OF THE TIME, because it’s an illness.

‘No, like literally…just can’t stop orgasming. I don’t mean needs sex all the time. I mean, she’ll be at the shop and just randomly start orgasming. Lol’

Then I enlightened the bunch by sharing my ‘no cum in mouth’ blowjob technique.

Double B: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

‘Me: ‘It’s the anticipation that terrifies me…I’m gonna cum….i’m gonna cum….i’m gonnna…*&$*”*’

Gingerbell: ‘It’s at the point where you just need to gulp! Don’t think. Just gulp.’

Me: Lol. Don’t be silly. I do that sly wanky off/ sucky thing, when they’ve ‘merried’ in our mouth, yet you sneakily let it run out the side of your mouth, without them noticing and pretend you’ve swallowed it. LOL.

That was Friday.

Today…I have lunch and cocktails.

I have THE BEST CHICK FRIENDS EVER. I mean, sometimes you just need a giggle, a banter, a bit of free chat in the name of utter humour, in order to keep you all ALIVE. It keeps you from going stale. Keeps the air around you juicy. AND makes you feel like you’re living instead of simply JUST existing.

The best thing about that banter…wasn’t the fact that we were being mucky for kicks…it was the LAUGHTER, the happiness, the magic, the atmosphere, the energy, the hilarity and the smiles on our faces as we threw our heads back in absolute fits of GIGGLES.

I have GREAT CHICK FRIENDS.

 

 

 

Lawyers, Grannies, Blow jobs and Slut Drops

 

Yesterday, I taught a bunch of young, suited, booted, well educated, 20-something lawyers….to ‘Slut drop.’ If you are unaware of such a move, then you just don’t have swag, or haven’t had the opportunity to be around indecent women. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s a sudden booty drop to the floor, in the name of sexy whilst you’re dancing, with a *ping* back up like you’re a vixen, with an uncontrollable sex drive. Stupid really. yet drunk men can’t get enough of it. Any man that you can pull, after performing this move, is not husband material. ๐Ÿ™‚ Now, I might be aware of the art of ‘slut dropping,’ yet I don’t ever have to pull one out of my bag of tricks…and well simply because…I’ve had 5 minutes on the telly, then a few more minutes in a Lads mag… and then of course, the trusty old faithfuls… boobs. *Applaud here.*

I was sat in an office, a big one, listening to young lawyers throw themselves bit of a pity party, due to the fact that they want ‘proper girls, who went to school, who have a good job and who haven’t thought it was amazing to spent part of this Summer in Ibiza.’ (Men love a pity party, don’t they?) I just looked at them, smiled and with a ‘Yeah, life must be really hard for you all, being so intelligent, successful and wealthy. Chick must hate you. ๐Ÿ™‚ I completely understand your pain,’ย I had won them over with charm and two seconds later, when ‘going home‘ time had almost occured, BA BOOM…I taught them how to ‘slut drop. (If you still don’t know what that is, just Google it because I can’t be bothered to baby step you through indecency. I’m not Madonna in the 80’s. I’ve just spent too much time in Hollywood. ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

Anyway so, yesterday ended up being one of those amazing ‘GOOD NEWS’ days. I never really get so many of them, so I was shocked. However yesterday was the day, that I was to be showered with non-stop GREAT FLIPPING NEWS! I couldn’t be happier, because it kept streaming in like the beavers forgot to build the dam! ย I’m positive that I deserve some kind of reward, right? *Bounces up-do, with hand.* So, instead of being modest, i’m just going to celebrate with champion arms and maybe do an ‘in you face’ shout of ‘Yahoo!’ ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’ll tell you more about it next week, as right now it’s still too fresh for me to deliver. However, it’s good to feel excited and I certainly do feel that.

Oh…then I got a random text from a manager asking me if I wanted 10k to be cast in a small film, as the main chickola, who’s a business woman or something? Then came the ‘But there’s a fully nude sex scene in it, sort of like the one off Basic Instinct,’so you would have to be comfortable with that. Interested?’

Now, due to me having a past of nudity, people always want to roll me over a ‘look at’ when it comes to roles that require the art of sexy. Yet, even though I wave the flag for the celebration of the human body, I need to make sure that it is actually an ACTING JOB…and not some kind of dodgy PORN. I was married to and have dated a gzillion actors, so I completely get nudity and sex scenes in the name of film and telly…However, if it’s not an actual acting job and just a dodgy porn, then it’s an absolute NO GO. This is obviously something that, I will have to make sure of. So, i’ll fill you in on the hokey pokey of it later. Ten thousand pounds isn’t bad though. ๐Ÿ™‚ Cha-ching!

(Sorry, i’m writing this and half watching Jersey Shore clips on Youtube. So, i’m getting distracted by their naughtiness. I used to get loads of mail from people who thought that I may have the same kind of personality as Snooki. ๐Ÿ™‚ Oh Lord, have mercy! Now, I love Snooki a lot and I think she does a great job at entertaining the young masses. ย However Snooki, probably isn’t even like Snooki in real life. I assure you that I AM the EXACT OPPOSITE. Remember when I was on that talk show and Dom Jolly said I reminded him of her! Evil twat! ๐Ÿ™‚ I was pregnant tooo! I think I was raised much better that people can imagine. Lol. I had love and everything. I promise. But i’ll get to that later. Here’s what I’m watching…)

 

Okay, away from that! One of my new favourite shows to watch is obviously ‘Educating Yorkshire.’ I’m a Yorkshire girl, I currently reside here and well it’s good that we’re on the telly. However, it’s bad that we’re shown in such a dodgy light! Lol. I adore the show because it’s obviously hilarious, but OH MY GOSH, as I Tweeted last night, I don’t remember school being ANYTHING LIKE ‘Educating Yorkshire?’ It was nothing like that at all! It was sort of completely and utterly..absolutely different. I mean, even the way the teachers talk to the pupils, shocked me. Pahaha! ‘You’re a pain in the arse you!’ WTF?

But yes, @Wazza (who hosts this merry site and all of my Cyberland, hoo-haa) and I (as his beautiful ‘other half’ Hannah stated last night, went to ‘Posh School,’ so we never really got to experience ‘Georgia’ type characters and we never really even talked in class or even thought to be disrespectful to our teachers or even one another. ๐Ÿ™‚

Wazza was in fact the class clown, the sort of ‘bully-in a funny way’ type of jolly when it came to school and well he’s nothing like the boys on that show. He’s probably the nicest, funniest gentleman, you’ll ever meet. Lol. So, it’s really interesting for me to watch. I’m loving it and now extremely grateful that my parents PAID for me to learn my ‘A,B,C’s.’ I would’ve got my head kicked in! I would’ve been terrified to go to school. I think going to ‘Posh school’ is something that you appreciate more when you’re older and when you witness what it may have been like if you didn’t. ๐Ÿ™‚

Now, I don’t want to come across as a snob (even though I am a bit of a snob,) as it really doesn’t matter where an individual schools, as successful people ย have sprouted from all kinds of rural beginnings…Some of them didn’t even make it to a school, in the first place. Yet I will say that the environment and the people are extremely different in a private school. It’s sort of made easier on us, because we don’t have to be as self motivated in order to have a good education, as everything around us is catered and groomed to give us the best shot at being successful in life. And the environment is only of that manner, simply because our parents paid for it to be that way. It’s sort of like a business. A snotty business that keeps your children around good other children, who come from successful families..in order to help them to excel or simply be decent grown ups.

Ugh! I feel like this is all too boring and political. I need to bring in the ‘Dancing Girls,’ for a ‘snap back’ to fun!

*Can-Can Here*

I almost put up my Christmas decorations at home yesterday. I go through these zany moments of needing to throw everything out in order to feel free. Once that was done, I sort of looked around and noticed a distinct lack of warmth. ๐Ÿ™‚ The only thing that could’ve cured it would have been red and gold tinsel. Luckily, I ran out of baby formula, so I had to dash off to the supermarket to get some before the nursery run.

When I got there, the granny that i’ve adopted, (an old lady who I always talk to because her husband died and she feels lonely) told me to ‘bugger off’ because I had a sore throat and get this…if she ‘was going to have a sore throat,’ she would want aย ‘bloody good reason for having one.‘ Then she performed the dirtiest of LAUGHS, known to mankind. Grannies and blow jobs. HOLY INAPPROPRIATENESS! I truly love it! Everyone needs to adopt a lonely granny. They’re hilarious and all inappropriate, when you least expect it.

She then told me that I had given her a new lease of life. Although it brought a big warm smile to my face, that meant I no longer needed tinsel…I still told her off for insinuating that she wanted to give ‘head.’ *Wiggle-wink*

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