When Love Terrifies Me & I Get All Inspirey

I cannot even tell you how important it is for you to see the big picture. The big picture is that we’re all just performing our own version of life and doing it the best way we can, as we shimmie upon a giant Earth Ball, as were suspended in the snazzy old universe orbiting the sun.

What I mean is that we only REALLY have one life to live, so fucking live it. You literally have nothing to lose, as at the end of the day, who cares…(and this blog has been inspired after wataching the ‘Everyday Steve’ Vlog,) you should shout the loudest, live the way you’ve always wanted to, say what you what, when you want and behave without fear…

Love who you want, choose work that suits you best and just flipping GO FOR IT! It doesn’t fucking matter who you are, what you are, where you are…? In the end…we all end up at that same junction…shuffling off that jazzy mortal coil… six feet under, passing in our sleep and with no life left to enjoy.

We all end up that way. REGARDLESS! Rich, poor, young, old…? Regardless. So really GO for anything you want without doubt, fear or anxiety…because that’s what life is about. Find your happy. LIVE IT. Don’t give two shits about what other people think of you…as again…you have nothing (if you look at the big picture) to lose. GO FOR IT. Express yourself boldly. Or do nothing and when you’re 80 look back and realize how unhappy you are because you forgot to enjoy your time.

And i’m also saying this because currently my Snapchat stories on my feed seem to be filled with pornstar martini’s, private jets, luxury holidays, helicopter rides, beautiful holiday homes and just my friends doing their version of life. And they’re not doing it to be boasty, as I know each and everyone one of them closely. Well, one of them is doing it because their brand is to ‘show boat.’ However, the intention is to inspire.

But yes, one is ‘Fairytale Blond,’ one is a successful DJ, another a footballer, another business man…and they have ALL worked SO hard, almost every single waking moment of everyday, sacrificed shit loads to make their own dreams come true and it has..So it’s less about the ‘stuff’ and ‘things,’ as I know everyone reading this is emotionally grown up enough to KNOW that ‘stuff‘ and ‘things’ don’t matter. They’re lovely, but they don’t really matter when you’ve found unconditional happiness. We like them…we just don’t live for them or determine our worth by them.

If you’re young and reading this and aspiring for better times…’stuff‘ and ‘things‘ will still matter. I get that…I’ve been there and there was no worse place than Hollywood to be ‘striving.’ But once you have them and have enjoyed them continously…after working hard to get there YOURSELF…without the easy bus ride…I promise you that ‘stuff and things’ will just become ‘stuff and things,’ 😉 Sitting in a luxury five star restaurant, having everyone wait on you, is the same to me as ordering Peri Peri chips in a Yorkshire Nandos. Crying on your own, in an executive suite, is more lonely than trying to figure out how to cook smores by a tent in the woods with a bestie and no fire. (Real life experience. 🙂 )

I’ll be honest and tell you that the only part that I always struggle with, is my love life and it’s because that part scares me. I’m scared of it because i’m sure that I won’t get loved the way I want to be loved. I want to get it right. I don’t know why I keep getting it wrong? I always get it wrong and out of fear, because i’m exceedingly able to love wholeheartedly. I love, love.

Last night, I figured out what I wanted…and this morning…I made the other party aware, because I wasn’t terrified anymore.I decided to just fucking go for it, win or lose. You’ve got to. There’s no rules. If they care they are. If they don’t they don’t? There is nothing you can do. You only live once and I want to live, love and enjoy my time.

I’m an independent girl, you know that. I’m used to saying what I want and when i’m naughty, I’m used to getting applauded for it.  I’m used to getting what I want, when I can be bothered to try. Yet sometimes I lose my confidence over nothing and we shouldn’t because again WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. It’ll be that one thing that throws you. Yet, don’t feel bad if you experience a ‘blip,‘ as it reminds you that you’re not lost, you’re just human.

But the emphasis of all my snapchat story feeds, is the fact that these people are celebrating the hard work that they’ve gone through and these people have worked their SOCKS off to provide themselves with a life that they have always wished for. Their version of ‘happy.’ It’s about living the life you’ve always wished for. They didn’t ‘get lucky.‘ They just worked hard and succeeded on purpose. That’s the formula. You can have whatever you want. Don’t be SCARED of it because there’s loads of people who aren’t terrified and they’ll *steam roll* over you.

I don’t just mean that in regards to’ stuff and things.’ I mean it with anything that you want, be it in love, just life, or with opportunities…Anything. Say your piece and stand by it. Say whatever you want, as long as you believe it. Work hard. Play hard. Enjoy it.

Know that you’re not going to have it forever

..and that it doesn’t matter where you ‘scale’ on the ‘what makes you happy’ charts…All that matters is that you get there.

Last night I gave an American Rabbi advice on Twitter, after he DM’ed me and asked me for the ‘jollies’ on how to perk the interest of brands. He’s a popular one. I found it great and exceedingly hilarious all at the same time, that someone like me… ‘Titty Blog Fest’ was giving a Jewish Rabbi ‘personal brand‘ advice. 🙂 I still find it funny. He was so sweet.

Being ‘Social’ is the future. No matter what job you have, if you want to make dollar, you need to make it ‘social’ for the big bucks. You know that thought, right? You can see it. When i was messaging the Rabbi work advice, I had also guzzled a bunch of wine and had Beenie Man playing in the background. Lol. It’s the smallest things that make my life ace…

YES TO FUCKING WUNNA LAND.

I don’t know what else to tell you, other than I had frantic business calls yesterday, I received a wonderful email from a brand that I am so lucky to be SOON working alongside. (We’re just going to be discussing the important parts and getting deals signed. I love hearing that they’re Chrissie Wunna fans. It makes my happy. It makes me feel like i’m actually making some sort of impact. Lol I LOVE THAT they had actually done their research. They knew a lot about me, to the point that they thought my entertainment CV was hilariously packed.

‘I don’t think i’ve ever been chased by an elephant. Your CV, tops my CV and i’ve done a lot in my life.’

(GOD! I must have been knackered because i’ve just woken up laid on my bed, with my knee high boots still on my phone in my hand and my laptop laid half on me, half off by my side. I’d fallen FAST ASLEEP and didn’t even realize!!!!! I’m such a granny. Who takes a nap MID BLOG.!!??!)

But anyway, I need food now. (I’m on a diet.) I thank everyone who has taken the time to read this. I hope it’s inspired you in some form. OR made you need a rum.

I took control of my love life today and it made me feel really great. Some times you’ve just got to set fire to your kinky boots, throw caution to the wind and with a bit of sass…go for it. Do things your way! Save a horse, ride a cowboy!

As if I just fell asleep!!! Hahaha!

And as if ‘Firmonnell’ has just sent me a message reading..

‘..she just came in and cried…naturally I just looked at my computer screen and pretended it wasn’t happening.’

(Firmonnell, who is one of my BEST CHICK friends and I are RUBBISH when people cry near us. We are not skilled enough to be able to make you feel better. And we don’t want to because we don’t care enough and can’t pretend we do. Lol. I think it’s because we’re ‘no sulking‘ kinda girls. We want you to ‘Man up.’ Once she saw ‘Double B’ crying and politely asked her to leave the vicinity and go make herself a coffee…cos coffee makes pain go away? Lol. What she meant was, ‘remove yourself from opposite me and do tears where it doesn’t make me feel awkward.’ Lol. I love her!

I can’t tell you the rest of what she said, as the intense laughter that you will experience will make you keel over and die and that wouldn’t benefit me, as I totally need blog hits. 🙂

Speak soon,

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is Everyone on Holiday & Willies?

Everyone is DEFINITELY on a *sunny sunny* holiday BUT ME! I’m in this place, that my rather glamourous chick friends and I have labelled ‘B City.’ It’s a terrible place (lol) of hard work, panic and now, now, now. It’s almost like running really fast on a treadmill, whilst people throw things at you, in heels…and without thre being some kind of glorified result at the end of it. Hahah! ‘B City’ JUST KEEPS GOING! It’s hilarious! *Selfie Here.*

I am certainly sure that I should be bobbing around with boobies, in a pool, on some inflatable flamingo lilo, with a fruity cocktail in my hand, sunglasses and as the blistering exotic sun beams down upon my kitty soul, to the peaceful sound of holiday.

But no..I’m working solid…in ‘B City’ without a paddle but a smile on my face. I mean, look on the bright side. I might not be sunning it up…and yes I am bitter about that. But at least I got to talk about willies for a good 4.2 minutes with ‘Hustle Barbie’ before six o clock.

‘I don’t like small willies.’

‘You can’t marry someone who has a small willy…’

‘But what if they do have a small willy, or are shit at sex?’

‘Well, I’m not 17. I’m thirty six, with a raging libido. Hahaha. I need to see the willy before I commit to doing forever…’

We smiles. We piss ourselves laughing. Life went on.

‘Cya!’

‘Bye!’

‘I’ve a great holiday!’

I adore girl banter. Maybe we girls should pay more attention to the hideous amount of ‘dick pics’ that litter out inbox? I always thought they were a nuisance. They ARE a massive nuisance and i’m an an open minded girl. But it’s only because i’ll be trying to email out a business plan and then some random stranger from Barnsley or wherever, will decide that i need to see his willy inbetween it all. I will have no clue who this human is…yet in his world ‘Chrissie Wunna’ needs to see a picture of his genitals. I really don’t. Yet, if I was smart, I would’ve used them for market research and created some ‘match your soul to the perfect willy’ dating app, for girls. 🙂

I will say that due to my *stamp* of what seems like forever, to the point where I might need to begin choosing the cats that i’m going to order when i’m a lonely 80 year old bat 😉  and still single in a cocktail bar because nobody can be bothered to adore me (do note, I’m only being dramatic, I’m still in a swirl) ….AND the fact that social media fame is labeling me as some kind of ‘eligible bachelorette.’ (Such a catch. 🙂 ) Anyway, all these dating sites are trying to get me to be the face of their ‘dating app’ campaign.

Now, I’m not an online dating fan. I say it all the time. I’ve done specific interviews on how much i dislike the process and I don’t mean when it comes to  chat. I’ve said it’s a great way to find people and get to know someone. Yet I dislike the whole ‘otherside’ to the Tinder/Happn bullshit.

I’m too old for it and unconventionally traditional when it comes to  ‘boy meets girl’ and they fall in love. I don’t wanna see or hear a ‘swipe right.’ It’s dull and robotic. I want that real ‘Knight in shining armour’ love that sweeps me off my feet uncontrollably, that poets have written about for centuries. (Wow. I am dramatic this morning.)

Can’t remember what I was on about now? Lol

Oh yeah…It’s just weird that so many Dating Sites are trying to hustle into Wunna Land with pay cheques and potential deals.Do notice that I haven’t done one yet! Meaning, that I do only chose to do the things that I ADORE. I won’t just sign up to whatever shit for a fee and a smile…but mainly because i’m so busy at work, wallowing in the art of ‘B City’ and with juggling life, that right now, I only have time for the things that I adore. If i said yes to everything…i’d probably be really rich and..well dead. Lol.

WHEN IS IT THE WEEKEND! UGH!

But no. When i have the opportunity to fit it all in. I will. 😉

So yes, as some of my chick friends…Oh and Webbo… head off to exotic lands, sunny sands, sunbathy diaries, filled with cocktailed nights of chill and good memories…I am still here…not on a flamingo lilo.

*Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

Have fun! Happy Wednesday!

Ps: Yesterday I learnt that some boys are bitchy. When did boys turn so Queeny? You’re dudes. Be men. Adore the girls that you’ve chosen to adore and do life your way. I heard loads of boys hating on other boys yesterday and it sounded really really…GIRLY. Don’t do it. Girls talk openly because we’re emotional and need that release. Women (and now i’m old, i’m a a total woman now) well we talk when it’s smart to…as we never feel insecure enough to hate. We’re grown. That’s the difference between boys and men, I guess also?

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL YOU HOT MAMAS!

Mother’s Day means so much to us in Wunna Land, as ofcourse I am a single mum of two, so I *force* the children to praise me on this with love, laughter and gifts. 🙂 They exceeded themselves this year with the designer clutch that I wanted. Lol. They apparently both smiled and fought there way en route to delivering this gift to me, as Grandmas instructed their path.

Junior: ‘RUBY! DON’T TOUCH HAIR!’

Ruby: ‘Ugh! Junior. Shut up and get this to MUM!!’

Raised so well, I know! 🙂 But whatever, I got the designer clutch that I yearned for. (Thanks Mum 😉 )

And on a more sentimental note, I have THE GREATEST MUM ALIVE. In life, I’ve heard all sorts of stories about people and their mums. Good ones. Bad ones. And i’ve remembered them all. Yet, the reason why I do try to remember them all is to remind myself every moment of every day, how lucky I am to have the most wonderfully loving, supportive, ambitious, gentle, hilarious, feisty, yet total ‘boss it’ mum, as MY MUM. She pretty much created this glamourous ‘beast’ of a unicorn that is ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ I’ve laughed with her, i’ve cried with her, she screamed at me over my bad decisions and high fived me with silent oriental *nods of approval* when i’ve done her proud. The one thing she has NEVER DONE, is EVER leave me emotionally stranded…and I couldn’t thank you enough for that! You & Dad are the reason why I always feel loved.

Ruby & Junior…I couldn’t have done it without you Mama. You made single mummying a breeze.They babies have such great Dads, who are there for them lovingly and always, YET I KNOW that both Pete & Keiran would say CONTINUOUSLY….that we couldn’t have done it without you. THANK YOU. I love you.

See you at lunch this afternoon!

This morning my Mum was at mine house, sat in one of the upstairs rooms and I had Baby Junior walk in with a mini bouquet of fresh hand tied peach roses for her. Then I had Ruby walk into the room with a medium sized bouquet of fresh cut lemon roses for her…and then I walked in, all smiles and with all the charm in the world and presented her with a huge and distinctly glamourous bouquet of fresh lillies. Their aroma swirled through the home. I can even smell them now. But I had to go second, as my brother had decided to wake up at the crack of dawn and slide on in with his card/gift first, to claim the ‘favourite child’ trophy.

I’M A GREAT GIFT GIVER. because I genuinely adore buying gifts for people that I know will surprise them and make them smile. I’m naturally generously and there’s a glow about me whenever I have sent a gift to any human that I adore. I was fine with going second. 🙂 I smashed my flowery entrance. Lol. (Get back in lane Bruv.)

But yes! I hope you’re treating your Mums and I hope if you are a Mum you are being treated or spoiling yourself! 🙂

I’m headed to Ego in Ackworth this afternoon, for Mother’s Day lunch and cocktails, with the family. Both babies did their Mother’s day with me yesterday. they took me out to lunch and spoiled me by tormenting strangers. 🙂 Every Sunday is ‘Daddy day’ in Wunna land, Ruby & Junior will head off to lunch with their fathers!

I’m a single mum,  but I just think it is really important for your children to have the healthiest bond with both parents. If you know us personally, you’ll know that Pete, Keiran and I get on so well, we’re like a family. Both boys will come to me and discuss life problems with laughter. I’ll tell them everything…and it’s a blast watching the kids grow up. We were kids when we had them, so watching us play ‘grown ups’ to these little lives that we created (in hotel rooms Lol) is honestly so rewarding. It’s the biggest BUZZ ever. 🙂 Ruby and Junior are my WORLD.

Okay, I’m off to cocktail!

But I will leave you with this…I got a random phone call yesterday at around 4.30pm from ‘Double D’..

I answer, as I know he wouldn’t be calling me if he wasn’t in some kind of emergency…and this is what I heard…

‘WHAT’S THE CODE!!!!!!!!!!’

‘The code for what?’

‘THE CODE!!! I CAN’T…I DIDN’T…’

‘Oh! LOL. It’s **********’

‘Double D‘ had managed to get himself trapped inside a building with the giant ALARM sounding off and with nothing but PANIC.

Hilarious! He was SHITTING HIMSELF! All I could hear when I answered the phone was FLUSTER and this intense panic in his voice. Lol. Behind him…this CRAZY ALARM background noise, which almost sounded like something from some shitty boys movie. It was all very dramatic. I should’ve hung up for *giggles.* But I didn’t I came to the rescue.

I guess, some Saturdays went better than others…:)

ENJOY THE SUNSHINE! My Summer Song…

 

Booty Bum Bursts!

Today was the day when I must have *bent over* without a  kitty care in the world and the ENTIRE BACK SEAM of my dress *RIPPED* open, presenting the *WUNNA BOOTY* to all the land! 🙂

Hurrah! Booties for everyone!

As if i’ve managed to get so fat…Well I like to say ‘Playground’ because I heard it on ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ being used as a term for ‘Being Bootilicious’…But yes, now it’s official… I am absolutely TOO ‘BOOTY’ to wear a pencil dress. You want a Kardashian Bum? You go to Greggs and have a sausage roll and latte EVERY FLIPPING DAY and you’ll own a *booty,* SO BUSTING, that it makes like the ‘Incredible Juicy Hulk’ and glamourously *bursts* out of your pencil dress like it’s Beyonce.

I literally had my bum out all day, because I couldn’t be arsed (excuse my pun) to buy a new dress. I’ve done worse. A bit of bum cheek is fine. 😉 I was infact, the least shocked… out of the entire bunch..and it was MY ASS that was out.

Oh but let me tell you….

What did my ‘ride or die’ glammy chick friends do? Offer me support? Love? Remedies to my problem?

No…

They fucking pointed, laughed out loud, called me a dickhead and showed everybody my freshly ripped *booty peek* whilst snaphatting it!

Me: ‘What? I can’t see anything??’

‘Honestly! Chrissie! The back of your dress is flapped open… like a hospital gown! Hahahahaha!’

‘Is it THAT BAD? Have I got good knickers on?’

‘Yeah, they’re black lace. Hahah!’

I will say that Mel did offer me a moment of…

‘Safety pins? Shall we safety pin or staple you back up? Shit…I don’t have any? Sorry lol.’

Then just to keep things moving, I attempted to make fun of ‘Hot Sarah’ for no real reason really..and she shot it back with a..

‘You can’t make fun of my face when you’re in an ass out dress.’

‘Whatever! Everyone will be doing it tomorrow.’

I was totally like that ‘whatcha m’call her’ chick from ‘Mean Girls’ with the nipple shirt. I ROCKED my ‘ass out‘ pencil dress.

I mean, GOD ‘Webbo‘ and ‘The King of the North’ didn’t seem to mind and I used Webbo’s window as a mirror.

‘I honestly can’t see anything! Can you? Is my bum out?’

They invited such ‘jiggery pokkery’ into their world, with love, Bromantic ‘you’ll not have your Portugal body,‘ hugs and a bottle of Archers in their hands.

Then ‘the new boy’ started singing Ed Sheran songs and telling me that he has a pet bunny….(yes, you heard.) He then went on to explain that he saved his girlfriend from a dodgy life in Hull and dragged her to a dodgy life… just outside of Bradford. Lol.

Me: ‘A bunny? That’s…I’m pretending to be nice. That is actually really weird! LOL.’

All was dandy, all was well and then ‘Feisty Gem’ makes the executive decision to wear white ‘bowling shoes’ with her very dark tights…which caused me to panic a little.

*Panic.Panic.* It’s like acid to the eyes.*

Especially when i’m in my Specsaver Specs. (I’m waiting for my contact lenses to arrive.) Right now I have EXTRA DOUBLE STRENGTH VISION! It’s intense. But, *applause* to her, as  I did laugh at her naughty sassiness today, even though she committed to poor shoe choices.

‘You’re like the naughty rebellious one.’

Then ‘Double B’ piped in with a shake of ‘diva’ and a dazzle of  ferocity, as she was deliciously misheard by Firmonell…

Double B: ‘How rude was that guy! Don’t talk to me like that! GOD! I want to march down there and flick him on his fucking nose.’

Firmonnell: ‘Ewwwwwwwwww! You’re vile.’

Firmonnell thought that Double B had suggested she would *punish* the rude talking male by not ‘flicking‘ his nose, but ‘FUCKING’ his nose. Lol.

‘I said FLICKING!!!! WHY WOULD I EVER TREAT HIM TO THAT!’

As IF the ‘not flicking‘ would EVER be a treat!!! ABSOLUTELY DYING! Being a boy SUCKS. Being a girl is Wunnaful! (‘Wunnaful‘ is a state that surpasses the fine art of something feeling WONDERFUL.)

Then Mel started moderately describing a human, in her natural sassy downgrady but lovey‘ way, to the ‘King of The North,’ who is about to be forced off the Island….

Mel: ‘I mean, I’ve met her… She’s alright, but she’s just hard faced…Y’know, a bit abrupt, tells it how it is…She’s a bit grumpy…WAIT! I’VE JUST DESCRIBED MYSELF!’

King of the North, ‘Chrissie! Bend over again!’

Y’know, today was all about fun. It was bubbled with naughty laughter and was shimmied about in BANTER. You’ve got to have a charming wink of ‘chitter’ in your soul. It’s a weapon I mean, I ADORE a delicious ‘banter trifle,’ where humour kicks in and uncensored wording flies out.  It’s cheeky, it’s naughty. It’s flirty. It’s fun! More than anything it makes life so much more worthwhile. You need those moments in’life,’ as they help keep your spirit alive. Your spirit is that *magic* that radiates from you when you laugh out loud, or your eyes smile, or you surrender into a ‘love swirl.’ It’s your spirit that is attractive to someone like me. I like to feel a chemistry,

(‘Hot Sarah’ …who i now want to name ‘Hustle Barbie’ has just sent me a Snapchat. It’s of her… with her big fluffy cat…and with the ‘teddy leopard ear’ filter! Haha! Love it! Almost as hilarious as ‘Fairytale Blond’ with the  Yorkshire Terrier *plonked* on her head. Lol. Wow! It must be so weird being a blond! 🙂 )

On the whole…

I know some really great people and hopefully i’ll know them forever. Yet if i don’t…i’ll always remember this chapter of my life….

Lady Shizzle: ‘Something tells me that you’re moving onto better times Chrissie… I know it. This is your year…’

 

 

 

Every Second Counts….

So, there I was on Sunday evening, about to fly off an email to Social Chain and JUST BEFORE I hit *send*….almost on some weird *cue* my phone *winks* at me with a Twitter DM.

Now, I’m on my phone a lot, yet when i’m working or blogging, I sort of ignore it and check it occasionally, because as right now, it’s kinda like a revolving digital, never ending, screen fountain of Instagram picture ‘likes,’ Twitter ‘favourites’….Messenger notifications..You know the score…

Anyway, at this precise moment, before I hit *send,* I just so happened to look to my right, down at my phone. It was laid on my bed next to me. I had Juvenile ‘Slow Motion’ playing in the background and I was sat in my bra, wishing that I didn’t EAT my way through February…and with a…

‘Hi Chrissie,

Just came across the work you’re doing! Love it.. You in London much…Let’s set up a date for you to come over to the Yourfeed offices in London..Drop me a note and we can set up…I’ll have my executive assistant have a car sorted from the train station to the office for you. Looking forward to it!’

And just like that…another life ‘side street’ was presented to me.  You never know what’s going to happen at any point. I’ve learnt this always through life. Good things. Bad things. All things! I have opportunities coming from everywhere right now. Some are *zapping* in from above at the speed of light, some are some moving like a tango, other’s are friendly and easy going and there are the ones who are to the point, without ‘faff’ and direct. It’s all money, brands, meet me’s and ‘work with me’s.’

I don’t know what’s happening? Yet the Chrissie Wunna glitter train is no longer *chugging* along on steady yet rickety tracks . It’s now being picked up by giants, sprinkled over with opportunity and flown to the stars like magic…fueled by this little thing called hard work. Well I say ‘hard work’…yet it feels like fun. My previous boss once told me to ‘WORK SMART NOT HARD.’ That stuck with me…The idea is to utilize yourself appropriately to make the most impact.

AS IF THIS FLIPPING ONLINE DIARY HAS GOT THIS CRAZY!

I remember being a kid in West Hollywood, walking into that bookstore every morning, on La Cienega and 3rd, talking to DK who made me coffee every morning and telling him about what I’d got up to the night before. He told me to start a blog on Myspace..and i refused to because I didn’t know what one was…Lol. But I did it…and 10 years later…I’m apparently a ‘sensation.’ 🙂

LORD FUCKING KNOWS, HOW I’VE MANAGED IT???

Yet, the great thing about me, even though i’m really aware of all that is ‘going on’ right now in my career…is that i’m STILL just that girl, who started to write an online diary because some dude at a coffee shop told me to.

Right now, i’m taking ALL the opportunities that I can…because it’s really just the beginning. I hope to build an empire. Did I always think it would happen? Honestly…Yes. Did I doubt myself…at times..yeah. But this year is the actual year where in which I have in my hands…I have it here…in my hands..I can feel it..and it’s happened because at the end of last year I began to knuckle down and focus…I spent my last year chasing boys and after selling myself short, realizing that there was a whole career that I wanted to pursue…and that I was wasting time on things that I didn’t really WANT…my mindset changed…I grew 10 feet tall…I hair tossed, I got my *game face* on, I slipped on a sassier set of heels and I fucking WENT FOR IT.

I’ve only knuckled down for about 3 months and so far SO MUCH HAS CHANGED. In six months….it’ll be even better…by the end of the year…even YOU’LL be shocked. Just so you know, I’m always shocked. I mean I stood infront of my chick friends today with an egg sandwich..

‘Ewww….as if you got egg that’s disgusting. You’re disgusting!’

…and with a shake of my head in confusion, in my faux fur, I just looked at them with a…‘I don’t even know how this has all happened’ face?

I feel lucky. Thank you for following my life. Thank you so much!

Everyone’s asking me about the UK Blog Awards. They’re in April. I’m going to them…OBVIOUSLY. Yet not one part of me believes that I will win it. They’ve already picked the winner…and I don’t know…something just feels like it’s not me. Infact, i had a conversation about this with Abeiku Arthur the other day, after getting back from Manchester that time we did Nandos and went for ‘after chicken‘ cocktails.

Big A: ‘You’ll win it.’

Me: ‘I won’t. I know I won’t.’

Big A: ‘I’m going to the Awards y’know. Are you staying over?’

Me: ‘Yeah. You do know that you’ll have to spend your awards evening listening to me BITCH at you repeatedly because I haven’t won. ..and i’ll be dripped in champagne.’

‘Yeah…and I’m fine with it. Lol. You’ll win it.Why don’t you think you will?’

‘Well…because everyone else’s blog is a serious factual, advice type blog…and well mine is just the story of my life…it’s a diary…’

‘That’s why you’ll win it. There’s not many chicks who just write a  diary that people all over the world READ every day…’

‘If I thought I was going to win it…I’d tell you. I’m not like that. I just know I won’t. But I deserve to. 😉 ‘

So, what i’m saying to you all is to hope for the best yet EXPECT nothing…because from what I’ve learnt in life so far, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN at any point. I’ve almost become immune to under feet ‘rug pulls.’ Embrace changes. Don’t be scared of them. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Look around you…Take a moment to look around you. Do you have everything the way you want it? Is this how you want to spend the next few years of your life? Do you want it to develop? Are you selling yourself short? Obsessing over the wrong things?Are you working your perfect job? In love with the right human? Are you being you? Do you feel AMAZING!!!?!!

If you do ANYTHING tomorrow, I want you to just take that *moment* where in which you *pause* look around you and monitor if you’re living life the way you utterly wish to be…

If you ARE…You’ve nailed it! 🙂

If you’re not…than things can only get better…YOU ARE the driving FORCE behind that change…Commit to it. Go for it! Make your dreams come true! Every second of everyday, someone, somewhere has had a dream come true. Why can’t it be yours?

Okay preach over….

Have rum and splash it in victory winks!

I love you.

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

I’m headed to Social Chain today :)

Wake up! It’s Monday! HURRAH.

Congrats to those of you who took the time to be bothered to get up, get dressed and get your sexy selves to work. You deserve boobie winks for that. (Have no clue what they are?) Bottom line…Without self motivation, you don’t have shit. Well done!

THIS MONDAY, I am the MOST EXCITED that I could EVER BE!! *Happy Dance here.*

And yes, I’m harping on about motivation, and getting a ‘move on,‘ HOWEVER i’m still sat in bra and knickers, with bouncy freshly rollered hair and a pink laptop on my knees….typing away. 🙂 But whatever, i’ve been up since six o clock doing my eye makeup and dressing the children for school. Lol. That alone is a days work.

The best thing about today, is that I DON’T have that shitty Monday morning feeling, I am bubbled over with ‘joie de vivre.’ I could even have a morning Mimosa and do *can can* kicks, if I could find the right music. 🙂 When things make you excited, you are on the right track. Everything is about how something makes you FEEL. Excitement…great feeling.

Today, I am headed to Manchester. I’m actually going to be in Manchester both Monday AND Tuesday, so i’ll be blowing *air kisses* to Yorkshire, as my train leaves the platform for now. I feel rested. I feel glammy…and yeah i’m feeling a bit chubby too, but i don’t care, as I’ve Skinny Tanned…so that helps right. 😉 Everyone is messaging me about wanting a waist trainer. Do it. Love it. Don’t have a ‘filth drawer,’ is my answer to you all. I mean what is sexier than CORSET TRAINING.

But cut all the crap…TODAY… I…. (yes, little glamour puss extraordinaire) HEAD DOWN TO SOCIAL CHAIN in Manchester! I KNOW! How exciting! I could *pop.* (As in ‘burst’ and not as in ‘sing you A1 tracks’ from the 90’s.)

Over the last couple months i’ve talked how much I LOVE Steve Bartlett and his Vlogs. He’s my favourite human. I send out that message ALL THE TIME. I’ve watch his Vlog develop. I’ve been hooked. I’ve watched them on appearances. I’ve watched them in bed. On the loo. I’ve made other people watch them in bars. Lol It’s the kind of Vlog,  (like this blog, ) that you accidentally discover…like treasure. You can come across it at any point of your life journey and when you do….you kinda get hooked and find yourself *tapping* into it all the time. The company & his merry self are pretty much on the route to stardom…

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They’ve been on the cover of The Times, filmed for HBO & Vice, Bartlett’s tinkered on a Power List…all sorts… I once Tweeted him, in my orange fox onesie and asked to head on down…(that sounds rude 🙂 ) ….He went with ‘yep,’ and well at 3pm, i’ll be tapping on their door.

This whole Steven Bartlett, Social Chain thing is popular, isn’t it? Everyone seems to be nattering about it. It seems sexy. It seems cool. I’ve actually known that I would be going now… for about a month… I’ve been listening to what people say about the Vlog, reading what they’re writing about it…and i’m smiling…as it’s clever, it’s fun…it’s pretty much a show. It IS a show.

I’m a massive fan of the of it all…the company, the people, the characters, the office…Steve….the slide…the bar…the dogs….their work….THE WHOLE KITTY SHABAM…..so my frillies are in an utter TWIST! I cannot wait!

‘Chrissie don’t wear that….you look like you’ve just walked onto the Vegas strip and not someones office…Lol.’

Mel: ‘Does he do rants? I’m sure I watched a Donald Trump rant on my newsfeed once and then nudged my friend and said that’s who Chrissie watches..’

I guess everything is like a sexy game of Chinese Whispers.

‘I wondered if they’ve actually read your blog’

‘Are you going out afterwards?’

‘The poor sods, don’t even know what they’ve let themselves in for!’

Basically, I’m *tapping* into THEIR world, THEIR Monday and TO ME, it’s so utterly SURREAL because what is MORE BIZARRE than watching a place and a bunch of people..literally every day, without them knowing…and then waking up one Monday morning and finding yourself *zapped* into that exact world. Crazy shit!

OOh! I’ve just got a message from Mel. She sent me a lovely one the other night, as I guess you’d never put us together as people who would end up being close friends…We’ve even shocked ourselves…Lol. But we’re ended up being close and I’ve found that we’re more similar than you’d think. But yes, she told me she ‘loved me.’ :) 🙂 Made me beam!

HAHAHAHAH! Wait!

This message is wishing me well for today and then all about blowjobs!

HAHAHAHA! I LOVE MEL.

Anyway…I’ll be Tweeting, Facebooking and Snapchatting everything and tomorrow there will be a big old blog on it all. So…keep up and add me to everything. Lol.

They’ve already made my Monday better…so hey….

Chick friend:

‘It can only go downhill from here..Hahahah!

WHAT A BITCH.

HAHAHAHA!

(That laugh was fake. 🙂 )

Ps: If you’re so behind on everything and don’t know what I’m talking about…Today you need to make it your mission to find out what Social Chain are…and who Steven Bartlett is….

Happy Monday! x

Cue: Alexandra…..

Dates, Mates & Hippie Fucks

Happy Sunday morning! I’ve been up since the crack of dawn rushing around trying to fit everything into the correct life slots. I had a wonderful family day yesterday with the babies,which was filled with treats. But today, I have A LOT of work to get through, my fingers crossed and ‘The Mighty’s’ Baby Shower to shimmie to.

And just like that, when i’ve set my mind on getting through it all with a hair toss and a wiggle. AND when i’m sort of excited to have that unsettled ‘pending’ work part of my brain opened and ready to conquer…in jollies a text from Keiran, (Junior’s Dad,)

‘I’m not going to be able to come get Junior as I’m having to be in London all day at the last minute…but i’m gonna try and get back…’

Hurrah! Lol. *Schedule Changes!*

So, I have a green tea latte by my side, I’ve just gracefully nibbled a smoked salmon/spinach and cream cheese, wheat bagel..(I’m at Starbucks, Doncaster by the way) and I’m blogging. Quickly.

I have a huge tumble of interview questions to get through and they’re important questions, not the usual *Wunna Winky * ones, so I HAVE to make sure that I deliver them appropriately…and they’re for a feature that I’m doing for a magazine. (I can’t tell you about it yet. But I have the questions next to me and they’re so good that they’re intimidating.)

I recently did my Celeb ‘Working Mum’s in Business’ interview..That came out at the end of Jan and it went  really well, as I gained a great deal of feedback from it and as a business THEY also had new interest *peeking into* their space. I like that! 🙂

I also have my feature in House of Solo magazine swinging out next week! It’s all very high fashion…and i’m naked in it…:) and I’m representing all things…Well, i’ll be doing a blog on it when it comes out and I have one on my lap, so you’ll know all about it. I’m excited about it all!

Then there’s a quick event this Tuesday that I’ve promised that I will pop up at, I’ve pushed to get ‘the cover’ of another editorial and I have the interview questions by my side for a different feature that is again REALLY exciting for me. They are the questions that I don’t want to balls up, as it’s an opportunity to inspire. That’s my week from now, pretty much booked up…as Saturday I’m scheduled out also.

I’ve just looked to my left and there’s this beautiful, intellectual looking couple. Couple? I don’t know if they’re a couple or just friends, but I’m obsessed with them, so i’ve made them a couple in my head because they’re sat in the corner of Starbucks, with their eyes smiling at each other, with shy *flirts* all a glow…and they’re playing chess. Aww! Mental stimulation. Couldn’t be sexier! Love them. The girl half of the pair, just looked above her geek chic glasses and smiled at me. I hope my green tea latte hasn’t turned my teeth green? And I hope she doesn’t mind that I’m obviously glaring at her with my over done eyeshadow, big hair and quite ‘not very subtly‘ writing about her. Hahaha.

To my right are hippies. They’re a bit weird and not adoring my shoe game, so i’m not feeling them. But I do like the really old Australian *sweary* woman amongst them. Lol. She’s said the word ‘FUCKING’ almost 92 times in a 8 minutes. I’m impressed. Totally goes with her hippie rainbow jacket.

I can’t look behind me because i need a massage and i’ve done something to my neck, so it kills. How the ‘hippie FUCK’ 🙂 am I going to be a cougar in training, if I can’t even look around to see what’s behind me, without cricking my neck. Toy boy’s aren’t gonna dig that! And people do ask me about my love life always…YES, I’m single. But no, i’m not ageist. You could be 20 something or 40 something. If your spirit plays well with mine, you’re in. Lol.

I will say that out of all the.. on paper.. ‘age appropriate’ gents that I dated last year…Wait? Oh yeah, it was last year….And i’m talking men in their mid thirties….All with great jobs. All with great manner. All with rubbish luck with women…I did notice that because they had experienced such a shitty time with chicks the last time they dated and break ups had sort of come up and *surprised* them…they were a little more jaded, a little more fearful and a little more ‘I’ll do me now,’ than the guys that I had dated the year before that , who were in their mid twenties.

Those guys still had a ‘passion’ in their eyes and a warmth in their soul. There wasn’t anything lonely about them and they weren’t so selfish or terrified enough to ‘try.’ That, I’ve decided is sexy…so I’m totally going to be a Cougar…Yet hopefully get 24 massages by then, so I can at least turn my head around without breaking my back. (I’m never going to be able to ‘reverse cowgirl’ it.)

Yet the beautiful thing about my 2016 story of Eton Mess, London Business Man and The PE teacher from Malta. (He sent me more *kissy face* emoji’s last night. I then sent him a brief reply reading, ‘Hope you’re well,’ to make sure he knew that I was listening, because i’m not rude...and….. he didn’t reply. Hahaha!

‘London Business man,’ well he’s now just bought himself a new Jag, as he posted it on Instagram a day ago and then ‘liked’ one of my pictures. We get on really well as friends now, because we’re similar in some aspects. Yet when it comes to love, he’s more needy than I am. Yet, that’s because my mind is still fresh and going, because I not only have so much more to achieve in my life and I feel like i’ve already achieved A LOT, but right now I’m in an exciting time where in which I’m actually doing it and doing it well! *EEeek!!!* London Business Man is a man who would want me to put him first. I feel like if we ever dated, now that i’m quite busy and on the elevator up…He would constantly try to make me jump through hoops to make me prove that I care. (Like KEIRAN. Note: They are both Aries boys.) If you are a Sex in the City fan…and i’m currently being hailed as the ‘U.K’s Carrie Bradshaw’ he is the equivalent to ‘Big’ in Wunnaland.

And ‘Eton Mess’….One of those really great souls, who has been through some unfortunate times in life, yet regardless he’s happy, so smart and so funny…and no matter what, he always stays on the ‘sunny side of the street.’ You’ll never truly know what this guy is thinking and nothing harsh ever happened between us, yet we don’t really talk now. Our life paths crossed the whole entire way in opposite directions, cutting communication. However, I know that he’s more than happy, which makes me smile…because he deserves peace…

Right now, he’s away doing this…

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But that was all LAST YEAR and I always say that people talk about their ‘yesteryear’ when they don’t have anything going on in their ‘PRESENT,’ in a particular area that they’re rambling on about.

And that’s SO TRUE. As this year there have been zero boys, zero dates and lots of work. I’m loving it. I’m just one of those emotionally ‘happy when i’m single’ chicks and until I bump into the RIGHT guy who I CAN’T HELP but fall for, that’s how i’ll stay. However this single time has been fruitful, as it’s made me sexier. I’m sexier now because when I do bump into my Mr.Right, i’ve spent so much time being comfortable as Little Miss Independent, getting to know myself better and finding my ‘happy place’ that i’m emotionally ready for him…I’m not ‘half full,’ lets say.

I will also say, that I adore my chick friends madly right now.

So obviously my last blog was all about them and when you’re a glamour puss, a single one, you NEED your chick friends. They’re your soldiers, your help, your saviour through it all, alongside gossip and wine. (I’m mean they’re all messaging me now, because we’re all meant to be headed to ‘The Mighty’s’ Baby Shower, but I’m stuck in Doncaster, waiting for Baby Daddies and all sorts. I’ve just seen the word ‘wine’ in the Whatsapp Group appear, so I might NEED to read it all.

Anyway, you’d think they’d love being in the blog, now that’s it’s all up in lights with readers galore….(and they do really.) But oh GOD! These were some of the messages I received from them, once I hit ‘publish.‘ 🙂

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The other message was a *middle finger* emoji! Lol. There needs to be a Glamour Puss WUNNA emoji, where it’s just my little bitchy Oriental face, smiling and pouting at you, with a middle finger up.

Anyway…I love them! 🙂

Yet, saying ‘THEM’ it was just ‘Firmonnell’ who got terrified, incase I told everyone she may of had worms in her ever so glamourous booty. 🙂 HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I mean look at ‘Double B,’ she loves it. She’ll straight up come in with a ‘but his penis looks like you with your party weave on Chrissie, so I can’t give him a…’

Right, I need to go sort myself out. Looks like Keiran won’t be on a train back soon…

Interview questions with my toddler on my lap it seems is a coming….

 

 

Love Squeaks, Glamourous Charity Bags & Life

If you ever make a girl *squeak* you have made her happy.

Now, when I say *squeak,* I don’t mean a *squeak* for no real reason. Nor do I mean, a *squeak* out of shock, surprise or when someone squeezes your love handles without your consent. I don’t even mean it muckily…not that mouse noises are really a speciality in the bedroom for most.

When I say *squeak* I mean the moment where in which an adoring guy, tells an adoring girl something and it makes her SO happy, that it fills her entire soul with love and excitement, SO much to the point that in a split second, her world becomes a swirl, her emotions swizzle all the way up her body, and an uncontrollable, yet innocent euphoric moment of ‘happy dance’ occurs and *squeak*…There you have it….she beams.

I looked to my left today and watched ‘Firmonnell’ *squeak* and it kinda made me smile, as watching people during those moments makes the moment ‘live.’ It’s contagious. She was on the phone to ‘Big D’and he totally made her *squeak.* So gents, you know, if you ever make a girl happy, it’s that moment where her heart skips a beat, her hands delicately fist up and crunch against her mouth, her eyes smile because they can’t help it and she *squeaks* with simple excitement. I told you…it made me smile. (Even though I annoyed her all the way through the phone call.)

‘What’s he saying? What is it? Tell me NOW! No honestly..what??’

It made me notice that I haven’t *squeaked* over a boy in ages. Work, excitement and achievements have made me *squeak,* MORE than *squeak,*  yet it’d be nice to have some other chick, look to her left, whilst i’m on the phone to someone who adores me…and have her notice my *squeak* with smiles. 🙂

I’ve had a really busy day, but a great day! Again! I couldn’t be a happier being right now. I’m beaming and you can see it in my strut and my smile. Everything is slotting into place, as i’ve got it now, I have my balance and system SORTED.

Work is fabulous. Home life with the babies is a wonder. I’m emotional this week and definitely must be getting my period soon. (I think all my chick friends are. We must all be on the same cycle, as I noticed today that we were ALL on a very unglamourous HUNT for substance, in what we call the ‘FILTH DRAWER.’ The ‘Filth Drawer’ contains forbidden chick goodies, like sugary delights, sweets, chocolate, carbs, biscuits…you name it. It’s good dirty filth. It never ends, until the drawer is depleted of goodies. You couldn’t get us OUT of that fucking drawer today. 🙂 It was like it was filled with 100 dollar bills, diamonds and marriage proposals in it. Lol.)

But my day has just been getting better and better! I mean to say it started of shit at 7am, whilst Keiran (Junior’s Dad) came to pick the littlest up and decided to moan at me because ‘I’m a woman’ and I don’t know how to appropriately De Ice a car. *I roll my eyes.*

I shouted at him because he was lingering and I was in a rush. I had places I needed to be and school runs before that.

‘What? I’m just trying to be helpful??? I’m sorry you’ve taken it that way.’

‘I don’t think just being stood there, doing nothing and simply being critical is the art of being helpful.’ (Add Wunna scowl here.)

Surely being helpful involves helping? Lol. Don’t stand there and moan at someone because you know a better route to success, yet without you being bothered to help.

I De Iced my car MY WAY. I got in it. I dashed off with a pout, a hair toss and  with my glammy first born in tow. SO THERE. 🙂

Yet, from that point on….my day turned wonderful. 🙂 Yes, again..it was BUSY. Yes, again…felt a little nagged by naggers. (I don’t like naggy folk, they give me a rash. I’m focused, yet laid back and find naggy types ungraceful.

Chill. Listen. Get it sorted. Boss it out. Then smile. Peace

However, anyway, I ended up leaving the office today with a giant white plastic bag with Leukemia Care printed on it in red,

‘I don’t know why I gave you a Leukemia bag, as I don’t know anyone with Leukemia,’ said ‘Double B.’ Lol

(She was super tanned today and rocked the top knot once more. She got confused by South Africans and still doesn’t know how to spell ‘poach.’ However today she gifted me with an ENTIRE STACK LOAD OF Ah i just don’t want them House of CB dresses to wear..

‘Well they’re better for you to wear and get papped in, then me to wear in Wakey. If you don’t like them just bin’em.

What?? Now, you always have to becareful with ‘Double B’ as her warped sense of judgment can get the better of her. (‘Firmonnel, Fairytale Blond, Hot Sarah’ and I were all super skeptical over a cup of tea that she was potentially going to make, earlier on in the day)

But once I got home and had a peek in my Leukemia bag…What I literally FOUND was the MOST AMAZING House of CB dress choices, IN THE WORLD EVER. And i’m not even joking.

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It was literally every single dress choice that I would’ve picked. Sequins, and lace, dark green, pink and boobie sexiness. In fact, I already own one of them…so now I have two. *COULDN’T BE HAPPIER.* As if she was going to take them to the tip. As if she just gave them to me, to give them a glitzier life. Lol. As if they came in a leukemia bag, like they were ill. Haha.

‘There’s £100 dresses in there that I haven’t worn…you can have them… I’m having a clear out..’

WHAT?

Utterly the sweetest chica ever…Under layers of orange tan. (Thank you 🙂  I loves you mucho! (I honetsly have the greatest chick friends! They buy we flowers, cakes with my own face on, booze, bake me cottage pies, gift with me leukemia bags filled with House of CB dresses! Your ‘300 days of the year’ friends are  shit in comparison to mine. Lol.)

Then to top it all off, when I first arrived home, I had a postman card wedged through my letter box,

‘Parcel left with neighbour at 17.’

So, I leave Ruby inside at door step, to beable to peek at me, yet mainly to make sure she’s safe and warm and then I totter off to number 17, which was only 2 doors away (I make it sound like i’m off on an adventure) in my *clippety cloppety* heels and giant grey and black faux fur. I ‘Catwalked’ it there.

I ring the door bell, wait and a tiny, little, grey haired granny, with the warmest smile and green pinny on looks up at me, with my parcel in her hand. Awwww!

I thank her ever so graciously, she makes sure I know that it was ‘no problem at all Chrissie,’ and I saunter back with the funnest baby pink and black, package known to mankind? It was filled with ‘Girl Power’ quotes saying things like ‘Girl Gang’ and ‘Boys are shit.’… LOL…and well…

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…there was a note….

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Surely I’m not so lucky to get TWO surprise girly parcels in ONE DAY! AND ON A TUESDAY! Nothing fun ever happens on a Tuesday!!

But yes…My little Missy Empire treats arrived on my door step today! Can’t wait to show you want Wunnaland ordered! 🙂 I think they deserve a weekend debut!

Inbetween the ‘Double B’ gift bag of House of CB and the Missy Empire door step knocks was a moment…and it was a moment where in which Ruby and I simply sat across a table from one another in a restaurant having a casual dinner…Nothing big, nothing fancy…but just special. The one on one time that I have with both bambinos matters to them massively. Ruby was filled with glee and I just watched her..I wondered with warmth what she would be like as a 20 year old, what she would become, who would she date, what job would she had. It was the first time I really looked at her and saw just how grown she was becoming.

She saw me glaring at her and cheekily said,

You know…I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world.’ 🙂 

‘That’s strange, because I KNOW YOU’RE the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world.’ 🙂 

‘I love you Mum.’ 

‘I love you Baby.’

‘Mum…we’re all living different worlds, but doing it in one big world.’

As if that came out of my five year old! I was so proud! How amazing! It made me quietly and internally *squeak.* 🙂

Then we ate sweet potato fries and giggled the night away.

Now if you were to slowly zoom up and away from us, until we were only tiny little *dots,* on this BIG GIANT Earth ball, surrounded by zillions of other tiny little dots…ALL doing life…Living ‘Our world’ in one ‘big world.’

Tonight you’d see that  we were the HAPPIEST TINY DOTS in the ENTIRE Glittery Universe.

Y’know, right now, I feel like the luckiest person alive 🙂 and it’s not even down to me, it’s simply down to the people that I’m accidentally surrounded by. It’s funny how  your surroundings can completely change your *beam.* If you do anything after reading this blog, make sure you try to make someone *squeak.*

Love you,

Chrissie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Busy Times, Cottages Pies & Chocolate Trains

Busy day! I’ll tell you that there was a moment where in which everything was a bustle, every phone was ringing, every email was swooshed into cyberland and the madness of ‘catch up’ was upon me and well everyone around me.

You see the thing about doing this bit of ‘glitz’ is that it’s worth nothing apart from a bit of ‘ooh look at me’ unless you are smashing that ‘bread and butter’ bell with giant mallets with a smile.

Today was about that…the bread and the butter…and even though the nitty gritty work is busy and quite difficult right now, it’s great because i’m thankful for it. It’s the ‘behind the scenes’ that makes the ‘show’ work. So yes, not everything is a *pout & a pose* in Wunna land there is hard work going down.

But I will firstly say and with mild laughter…THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH for the gzillion messages that I recieved from you all in regards to my weepy Mummy melt down. Lol. Honestly, it was just a moment and then it flew by. That’s why having ex husbands is great because you can always vent out at them. 🙂 It wasn’t so bad. I just needed a rant. I didn’t cry a stream of rivers, or as ‘Double B’ would say,

‘Cry into a cup and drink my own tears.’ Lol

Keiran came around yesterday and with a smile made sure I was fine and everything went back to normal with laughter. Well he kinda said,

‘I’ve made sacrifices too,’ 

..which i’m going to take as boy talk for ‘I’m sorry, you had a melt down.’ Lol.

Co parenting is never easy…but after a prosecco and good friends it really is wonderful. The Wunna land ‘pity party’ train has left the station.

If it makes you feel better, when I cried on my drive to the coffee shop, a chirpy in appropriate for my mood ‘Little Mix’ song was playing in the background, sort of demeaning my utter pain really. Lol. I didn’t tell you that bit because I wanted you to feel how I was feeling. But i’ll tell you now, as I’m weeing myself at the tantrum.

However, I will say, clever, clever to the boys who thought ‘ah she’s feeling weak’ and messaged straight in with a ‘I’ll be your shoulder to cry on’ approach.

Even though it didn’t work. I found it great, because at least you used your initiative and charm to attempt to get what you wanted. Lol. Yipppeee! I find that sexy.

All’s well because i’m been around my chick friends today. ‘Double B’ rocked a Vogue Top Knot at 9am and if anything made me smile it was that. 🙂 I relooked over the messages that ‘Fairytale Blond’ had sent me in regards to her visit to ‘Spooky Sue,’ (she’s our local physic Lol.) After hearing the results, I want to go see her. But only because she delivered ‘Fairytale Blond’ great news. My reading i’m sure will be filled with confusion. It will make me drink until she tells me what I want to hear. Hahaha.

Then I remembered (and this was all in the mist of the busiest day ever) that I had really wonderful chick friends that I spent 300 days with a year. I mean, you know you’re both Northern and have people who look out for you, when on their DAY OFF, they spend the morning HOME COOKING A COTTAGE PIE, portioning it into lunch boxes and THEN bring it into work for you to devour at your desk with a fork. NO ONE IS BETTER THAN THAT HUMAN. (I love you Mel.) I didn’t even bother waiting to be graceful, I snapped that shit open and stuffed it in my face faster than Speedy Gonzales on cheese wonder pills. That’s what good friends and good people do. They make you cottage pie.

Fuck the diet. I’ll start it in 2019. 🙂

Like I said, everything was so busy that I can’t even begin to tell you where the day went. Yes, it was stressful, but i got through it and when you smash things the best way you can, you don’t feel as bad when you get home, do you?

I had to dash away from work early to go grab my first born (Ruby) from school. I was kinda running late to say that I set off early and even though she’s a regular in her ‘after school’ click, she seemed as happy as can be.

SO HAPPY, that she decided to not rush off and instead show me everything that she and her classmates had made. (They get homework. Lots of it. I never have time to really sit down and do it all with her as much as I should do.)

Anyway, they have these weekly projects where you’re child can score points and you have to pick things to make and present once a week, like ‘Make a pair of binoculars/Kiddie Transport/An Adventure Land/ Write a diary for a week.’ Things like that. Its been running for a while and all Ruby and I have managed to come up with is ‘make a pair of binoculars’ which we did at the last minute on a Sunday night.

YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT SOME OF THE OTHER MUMS HAVE DONE.

Vicky (who is the Mama of one of Ruby’s favourite classmates) ended up dashing in late to the ‘after school’ club pick up, like moi and even HER face in passing was astonished at the work of ‘the others.’

Let’s put it this way, Ruby made TIN FOIL/TOILET ROLL binoculars. Her class mates had made giant half a wall rabbit burrow adventure lands that you could SELL in craft stores. Lol. ONE EVEN MADE AN ENTIRE REAL LIFE LOOKING TRAIN OUT OF FUCKING CHOCOLATE. And to round that chocolate train up (and it wasn’t a kiddie train, it was a full on detailed adult train) IT CAME WITH A POWER POINT PRESENTATION WITH PICTURES!! BY A FIVE YEAR OLD!

Ruby has NOT LUCKED OUT in the Mum department when it comes to homework. But hey, I was in the Daily Mail the other day for drinking? Does that score her points? Lol.

Ooh? I have another Whatsapp message…

London Business Man: ‘You really HAVE forgotten me..’

 

 

 

 

 

Sex, Work, Single life & Genitals?

I cannot even tell you how busy i’ve been and i’ve loved it. I’ve loved every single waking moment of it, like the dewy dripped deliciousness of ‘dreams come true.’ I’ve worked really hard at everything and yeah there have been times where in which it’s been tricky and jingle jangled in obstacles. Yet, I must have downed a wine and jousted through them without truly realizing. Y’know ungracefully *hitched* over the brick wall, only to turn back around, *wink* at it and find it transforming into glitter. This is a year of change for me. That year. The year where I *unzip* out of the old and with my head to the skies smiling… i’m ‘ashes rising.’ It’s almost a ‘sexy’ year. On this day LAST year (and I hardly ever back track, I see it as unhealthy) I received a really hideous ‘hate mail’ message that I glorified with the best comeback blog ever. So great, that that blog post, even to this day is STILL my most viewed blog post of all time. It’s a shame that my ‘highest ranking’ was stemmed from ‘hate mail’ and simply by someone who tried to gain a little ‘look at me’ via making others ‘look at ME’ in a more negative manner. I actually gained a lot of support…and well, this time last year, I quite positively thought that I was doing pretty great career wise. However, if I compare it to where I am at this point THIS YEAR…it’s amazing how FAR I’ve actually come. So, even though i hate to back track, I will say that looking back & reflecting, is beneficial when it comes to *pausing* for a second and realizing that you’ve achieved. You forget to notice sometimes and because you’ve been so busy.

And boy have I been busy. I’ve been so busy that I’ve felt like i’mon  a glittery pink treadmill, that’s been turned up to ‘full speed,’ yet i’m in crystal Loubotuins, ‘yessing’ everyone, ‘no..ing’ those who aren’t quite right and i’m running, i’m tottering so fast that i’m racing against time…with a pina colada in my hand and a *wink* that is sprinkled with charm on repeat. I’ve been working through the day, blogging when i can, single mummying ALWAYS and then in then in the evening flying off to any event of my choice that i’ve been invited to. It’s felt like i’m on some kind of crazy cocktail, picture taking Wunna tour. And the weird thing is…i’m not even complaining. I’m shattered. But it’s felt so right that internally i’m smiling. That’s how you know ‘career wise’ that you’re doing something that you love, something that’s right for you, as you’ll always make time for it, because it makes you happy. It doesn’t feel liek work, no matter how shattered you are.

I will now say that I did opt for rescheduling my entire work weekend, simply because I felt as though i needed a ‘moment.’ My body was so exhausted that i just needed to refill (…myself with champagne cocktails :). ) Noooo. I just needed a day off, to enjoy the babies, be a mum, not feel the pressure of an audience and only because when i’m knackered I can’t shimmie to the BEST of my ability. It only takes a day or two…then I can replace myself back in that canon and *shoot* myself out again, but with full force. Everything’s been successfully rescheduled, with more on top, so I couldn’t be happier, as I have some really exciting people and places to venture! I can’t even tell you how excited am I. Right now, it’s so bizarre because there are so many places asking me to visit and a bundle of places that I personally are wanting to visit, so i’ve asked…that if i wanted to, I could set up some 300 day tour. Lol. I can’t BELIEVE HOW FAR THIS LITTLE BLOG HAS COME. And I can’t believe that PEREZ HILTON (who I LOVE and i’m completely inspired by) liked the fact that I’m a FINALIST in this years UK BLOG AWARDS! As if!!! AND he sent me cyber kisses, after I stated that his absence in Celebrity Big Brother is…well…I said ‘shite.’ (I know…I put it so poetically. 🙂 ) About 10 years about, I worked at Crunch Gym, just as the check in and ‘give you a towel’ girl. It was one of the best jobs I ever had. It was so much fun and I met so many different, yet familiar faces every day. It was stimulating. But one of those faces that I checked in almost every day, before he became GIANTLY famous, was Perez Hilton…So it’s really great to be 10 years on and able to look back on development. Why am I being so reflective? I need a rum. This is shit.

However, the great thing about this last week, has been the fact that i’ve been surrounded by the greatest chick friends. How any ‘Glamour Puss’ lives life, without her ‘Girl Soldiers’ (cue: Beyonce) is beyond me? You need them. You really do. And yeah, we’re all pretty different and range from the ages of 21 to sixty something…But without that daily check in, ‘Double B’s’ unexplainable banter and Mel’s daily, ‘but i’ve have melon’ announcement (she’s the slim girl that goes to your local Slimming world weigh in, who you despise for being slim because she can chow down half a pack of Rich Tea biscuits, lose weight and justify the *binge* with a ‘But i’ve just had a bowl of melon’ )….Without the balance of one another…we’d all fall to pieces.

I think the problem with me, is that I’m quite ‘boy bantery,’ even though i’m ever much the girl. I’ve always had a lot of guy friends, that now i’m really embracing having chick friends, because it brings out that inner girl, that you need in order to radiate and be a girl. Maybe that’s where i’ve been going wrong on the dating scene, because I never seem to be able to let a guy be a man, without being their hot bantery chick friend, looking after myself financially or taking control of the situation emotionally. What I mean by that is that i’ll chase to get what I want in love… and that’s lame. I’m lame. And it’s only because in business and in life by nature, i’m used to zooming forward with clout in an attempt to get what I want. I’m proactive. Lol. However, now I FEEL more girly and it’s the delicate girliness in me that seems to be bringing the gents forward…I’m playful and i’m divary…yet like i always say, until you meet me, you don’t realise that I have this soft warmth.

It’s funny because i’ve had some people meet me and say,

‘It’s weird because I thought after all the tit pics that you’d be an absolute  nightmare, but you are so much more sophisticated than I imagined.’

YET at the same time, I’ve had people say,

‘I thought you’d be so ultra high maintenance and up your own arse, yet you are literally so down to earth…’ 

So, i guess i’m both? The key is your initial perception of me.

Yet going back to ‘Girl Soldiers’….you don’t have great chick friends, that you see on a daily, unless you are comfy enough to discuss PENIS. If you could read my blog notes from the week, which are literally just quick bullets on the ‘notes’ section of my iphone, (which reminds me i’m due an upgrade,) you would wee yourself a little with laughter. The fact that i’ve executively typed ‘PUBE NATION’ makes into my phone, makes me DIE with belly laughs.

So, I guess I had started a conversation about sex and how I haven’t had any in ages…months….in fact and that it actually felt great. I’m dating no one, i’m single and i’m so happy and so busy that I’m not even plonking legs at ‘ten to two‘ as they say.. on bed sheets…ANYWHERE after cocktails! 🙂 Like i said, I do intend on finding my ideal partner…I want to fall in love. However, right now, unless they did all the chasing and really wanted to date me, or if i really really *hearted* them…I wouldn’t have time to date at all. I’m shattered.

But anyway, ‘Double B’ decided to tell everyone that she didn’t want to give blow jobs anymore because her ‘Beau’ has a penis that (wait for it) LOOKS LIKE ME! HAHAHA.

‘Honestly, Chrissie! It looks like YOU when you’re in your GIANT PARTY WEAVE. I can’t even look at it!’ 

HAHAHA. If you are unaware as to what my ‘Party Weave’ IS, know that it is the most biggest and most intense piece of head wear, ANY GIRL could endure on a night out. It is the BIGGEST AMOUNT OF HAIR… ON A HAIR PIECE… EVER MADE. That’s what her boyfriend’s willy looks like. I wonder whether it *pouts* too and takes Selfies?

Then, like that wasn’t enough, she then went on to tell me a story about how she knew this guy who hadn’t had sex or wanked off in THREE ENTIRE YEARS. (Odd news, when you’re about to calmly eat a pasty.) Anyway, he got lucky and manged to *bone* (‘Firmonnell’ always tells me off for saying *Bone*) a girl who just so happened to be ‘Double B’s’ friend…

‘Honestly Chrissie, she had just had sex with him, came over to mine and when she took off her top, to get in the bath, IT SMELT LIKE ROTTEN EGGS. His spunk had stayed in him for SO LONG that it had turned ROTTEN. I’ve never smelt anything like it!!!’

Hahahaha! She makes my blog too easy on me.

But does that happen? Spunk doesn’t turn rotten. It doesn’t have a ‘best before end’ date, does it? However, I do think that it’s unhealthy to have it stashed in you, going ‘rotten’ for years on end. Lol. Boys can’t win. They’re mucky if they always *splurge* it out and they’re mucky if they decide to hold it all in. It’s rubbish being a gent. Poor sods!

Men are just weird creatures in general. No wonder, why i haven’t managed to come across my perfect find. This morning I had Twitter banter with Tom Zanetti over a video he had received from a middle aged gentleman, who had taken a moment of his life to plonk a blond wig and make up on and place TWO cut out pictures of TOM on his nipples. HAHAHAAH. He sent Tom the video on twitter…and it was so funny that you couldn’t cry for laughing. We’ve been pissing ourselves about it non stop. I mean, it takes some balls doesn’t it, so i’ll give him a high five for that, as he succeeded in the art of gaining Tom’s attention. Yet it did make me consider burning my own eyes out..and i’ve been, seen and done it all. Lol. But hey ‘potatoe/pottato,’ some people wake up on a Sunday morning and praise the Good Lord Jesus Christ. Others glue Zanetti to their nipples for Twitter videos and hit ‘send.’ Lol. I love it!

I’m always going to be single aren’t I!

Maybe it’s a blessing.

There’s a whole lot of ‘city’ and for once, I’ll tell ya, i’m thankful that there’s not that much sex. 🙂