Frupples, Footy & Martinis

Did you even know that a ‘FRUPPLE’ is the term used for when THREE PEOPLE are in some kind of sexual or romantic relationship! I didn’t either! Fact of the day alert!!!! Wait! I’ve just been told it’s actually ‘Throuple’ not FRUPPLE!! Hahahaha. I like ‘FRUPPLE’ better. I used that instead!

‘Dipper,’ who’s one of my guy friends. Well, he’s just got back from somewhere sunny and decided to tell Firmonnell, Double B and I abut some creepy two part program he likes to watch on ‘Netflix and chill.’ Lol.

Dipper: ‘AW! It’s so good! Two married people are shit together and sex has gone stale, so the husband goes off and has sex with an escort, but falls for her. The wife then finds out and needs to go see who this escort is and then falls for her ….’

Me: ‘Are you sure this isn’t just a porn. No wonder you like it so much.’

Dipper: ‘Honestly, it is the BEST thing on Netflix EVER. They’re all in this weird three way frupple…where they’re all having secret sex, but they’re married.’

I love the word ‘FRUPPLE.‘ It makes something so weird and creepy, so cushion cosy. I’d hate to be in a ‘Frupple.‘ It’d wind me up. I’m not good at making the best out of a bad bargain without just leaving and making cups of tea. Haha. Can’t even remember what ‘Dipper’ said that flipping show was called now? Let’s just go with ‘Something Porny.’ And who even knew that ‘Netflix and chill’ actually does mean ‘Netflix and chill’ and not ‘just some guy trying to invite you over under the false pretences of chilling, when he’s really going to attempt to bone you.’ 

I knew the day would go this way as it began with a series of really shit jokes. Shit jokes are only great when delivered well. When you’ve built up your crowd for just long enough and then BOOM.

We’re all sat in this room…all girls aside from three guys and one of them in a pair of leopard print ‘business’ socks and Lady Shizzle decides she’s going to tell us a really good joke she heard the evening before over drinks. One of those ‘English man, Irish man, Scottish man’ jollies. (DO NOTE, I am AWFUL when it comes to listening to the ‘English Man/Irish Man’ jokes because they just get too long winded and I zone out. So i’ve already mentally prepared myself…which was difficult, as I had definitely had a conversation about ‘wanking’ approximately 4 minutes previous.

Anyway, Lady Shizzle begins her ‘English Man/Irish Man’ joke…something about them being on death row…and having their last meal? Then she changes it half way through, because she forgot the joke…lol (YOU CAN’T DO THAT) and now they’ve been captured by Tonto and  the Indians or something? People had ale, got scalped…You get the jist. The joke was delivered in the same wishy washy fashion. Haha.

Long story short, it ends with the Scottish Man being set free by the Indians because for his last meal he wanted to ‘pieces’ of bread to cum in. I got the joke. I got the jist of what the joke was meant to be about anyway. Lol. Due to the delivery of it…there was sort of dead air and everyone looked puzzled???

‘What’s pieces?’

‘It’s bread in Scotland.’

‘What’s happened?’

HAHAHAHAHA!

Then we have ‘Fairytale Blond.’ Little Innocent won’t get a naughty joke or ANY JOKE (lol) in the world ever. (UNLESS SHE REALLY PISSED AND THEN SAYS RUDE WORDS AND STICKS *TWOS* UP AT EVERYBODY.) Like her Dad used to say that she must have been ‘raised in a cupboard’ because she was so immune to understanding a good bit of ‘joke.’

Lady Shizzle told the joke and ‘Fairytale’ just looked Professionally BLANK. Hahaha.

Fairytale: ‘I don’t get it?’

Me: ‘He’s cum!!’

Fairytale: ‘Well why would he not get scalped for that?’

Me: He’s cum in bread. It’s a joke.

Fairytale: ‘My Dad always said he thought i was raised in a cupboard. I don’t get it at all?

That’s how my day began. Yet whatever, I’m not the joke was delivered that badly now…I mean, how can I put it? A glass of prosecco thrown at you… is just as exciting as a glass of bubbly prosecco poured for you, from a luxurious great height by a hot waiter, because both moments are ‘alive.’

The moment was ALIVE. Lol. YET, GOD why do I have such thick friends. 🙂

I love being Yorkshire because you really can just turn around and say,

‘You’re thick you…’

..and it’s completely acceptable.

Anyway, i have to go get ready for work.

I’m moderately hormonal, but i’m really excited to tinker on down to the new Japanese Issho Restauarant that has just opened. The launch night was 2 days ago…However, I will be going privately and i will be blogging my time there for you.

I’m also excited for the ‘British Style Collective’ in Liverpool, is it next week or in two weeks? Who remembers? It’s over four days, But i’m only going to be doing one…as EVEN MORE EXCITING NEWS, one of my BEST BEST BEST BEST LA FRIENDS ‘THEO BREAUX‘ (he’s an actor, I named a set of my eyelashes after him) is flying out from LA to LONDON for a few days.

I’m really excited. I haven’t seen him in years. We pretty much grew up together in West Hollywood. He’s MODEL hot, black and GAY….and I can’t WAIT to shimmie on down to London to see him. He couldn’t be more excited!

Anyway, I’ve got to go and listen to ‘Double B’ ramble on about how her extensions feel like a ‘Blanket of joy’ and then listen to my guy friends go on about football. (They apparently played Seven/A/Side last night in Leeds. *Wait i might fall asleep.* And let Webbo out because he had to work. LOL)  The chick part of my circle of friends are fun….we waste hundreds of pounds on cocktails..and moderately regret it.

David: ‘Whatever, you lot are dickheads. You spend £90 bar tabs on Pornstar Martinis.’

I think we decided that all men were selfish yesterday, whilst being hormonally imbalanced?

Which reminds me…’Hustle Barbie’ is back today!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Chrissie in the city, La Bottega & Ginos with The Girls

Morning! Morning! Hope you’ve shot into you weekend with a rummy *yippeee* and a high kick of victory to the wine Gods. I had a rough yesterday. A looooooooooooooooong work Saturday. It dragged. All of my friends and I did. We were ‘all in.’ It made us retire to our normal home lives and then DRINK GALLONS OF BOOZE until we felt normal. At that point, i cuddled the babies to sleep, talked to ‘the swirl’ (the hottest human I will ever swirl with…I love him, no one beats our banter. He makes my eyes smile….) and then after describing a written book of porn that was gifted to me by a chubby stranger, to review…I resided to my kitten bed sheets and enjoyed a good nights sleep.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

IN THAT TIME …

DRAMA OCCURED. Shit went down…and I missed it.

I don’t know what’s happened, but ‘fairytale’ is all forlorn, so that’s not good. It was her Anniversary last night. Double B was fine…I received a million morning texts from here telling me how much she loved me, whilst fueled by shots and her body weight in red wine. Mel, got in at 2am after a tinseled night on the town in heels and Firmonnell and I bantered about hot pink heels, the best lunch ever and dodgy gimp masks that should only be worn in the bedroom. We laughed so hard we cried, to the point where Hustle Barbie, strutted in looked at us like we were dickheads and left in a strop.

The diets going well. For six days straight I ate zero carbs, just salad and then I had pasta last night and more bags of Wotsits. Lol FUCKS SAKE! I’m gonna send Michelle Keegan a box of wotsits to make her slow her roll.

Y’see in Yorkshire, no one diets during the weekend. No one does. It’s against the rules. On Sunday we have a roast and we drink. That’s it. You’ll meet a Yorkshire girl and she will always tell you that she’s had a few at the weekend and that no one diets during that time. It’s the rules. Like I said. I need to find my Hollywood mentality, but it’s hard when you’re a being a country bumpkin. Lol. I swore that my 23 year old ABS were hiding under my belly fat.

So yeah, I’ve gone and had pasta. I still feel skinny though. In a wibbly kind of glamour puss way. And I don’t care. Fuck it.

Away from all that I have a busy day. A fun day, but a bus one!

I’m all dressed up, in a glammy boobie dress by Jessica Wright and shortly I will be en route to La Bottega Milanese at Bond Court in Leeds, for a morning coffee at the espresso bar with ‘Inadequate Chris.’ (He wants a collabo and well he’s the champion of Snapchat with trophies to prove it. EVERYTHING is social media right now. i mean, Googlebox is now Vlogglebox. Get it? Learn it quickly!)

Straight after my morning breakfast banter with ‘Inadequate Chris’ I will be headed straight to Gino’s (Gino’s My Restauarnt in Leeds, owned by the very sexy D’Acamapo, who I had the pleasure of meeting last month..) as the girls and I are going to celebrate life, friendship and good food, in the name of love. I have a Black card to Gino’s so we’re very lucky to enjoy such a good time. We’re all going to be arriving separately from across the city and tinker into lunch in heels. We’ll be coming ‘up/down/around…and from a meeting.’

We’re also on our last day of texting. For the last 10 days, the girls and I, including Liam in Blackpool, have had our private text messages made ‘live’ to the public for you to read, for an app by Onlookr (onlookr.co.uk) for ‘CHRISSIE IN THE CITY.’

We’ve done really well and enjoyed it and again really lucky as it’s all going be moving forward. You can follow todays actions as we live text from Gino’s.

It’s sort of like ‘Sex and the City’ but in Wunna land, with my friends and the city is Leeds. And it’s been great to let you have insight into what really happens in real time.

We’ll be texting from Gino’s Leeds today, so you can come day ‘Hi’ and be a part of the drama or just download the app and follow our chitter.

I’n really happy. Life is great. I’m in a rush, as I have trains to catch. But thank you. I love you for everything. I’m tanning and rushing. I’ve gotta go.

 

Chrissie x

 

Here Kitty Kitty & Cocktails

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I’m here you delicious treaty treats! So sorry! I’m back! It’s been busy times. Things are AMAZING, almost ‘Dream Come True’ amazing, to the point where I’m having to piss myself (with laughter, not urine…cos who does that on Thursdays) simply because everything is as turned so ‘fast lane.’ I have shoots, and brand deals and shows and all sorts happening. I can’t even believe it. And my love life isn’t even shit! I KNOW!!! When it rains, it pours and i’m certainly not complaining because even though time is taken, hours seem to flitter and i’m rushing around like a sexy headless chicken…it’s all i’ve ever dreamt of…I’m working really hard, I can’t even tell you how lucky I feel (and that is in ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE) and yeah…for the first time in EVER, I feel confident to actually openly say (and i’m a worrier by nature, it’s hidden well by Estee Lauder..)

‘This is my year…’

(There…I said…it felt good!)

Right, I’m gonna skim all that has happened as I couldn’t at all possibly manage to tell you it all in one blog and due to time that’s all I can pull out of my glitter booty right now.

I chilled all Bank Holiday. Enjoyed family time. Thrived off being ‘Mummy’ and added in a cocktail here and there. I hate it when people become Mums and then decide that all of a sudden the have to wear no makeup, buy a rain mac and shuffle around like lost souls. YOU DON’T. The best part of being Mum, is managing to squeeze out babies, or should I say produce delicious humans and after all that ‘hoo haa,’ manage to pull yourself together and find your femininity again, IT’S SEXY! Throw that fucking rain mac out.

Samantha is enjoying her new swirl. It’s certainly been a work out 😉 . But the thing I adore about her is that she’s dipped in absolute ‘ooh laa’ that is dashed around with warmth. She comes across as sassy, but at 40 something…and i’m nearly fucking there…I want to be able to enjoy ‘my swirl’ with a hair toss and wink. LOL. She’s ‘no nonsense,’ she’s loving, she’s ballsy and doesn’t like watered down cocktails. I’m really glad we’ve become so close, as I really can’t imagine not having her in my world.

Double B: ‘She’ll end up in the  Sex ER.’

Double B is still gyming it. That doesn’t seem too weird. But Double B wouldn’t do such a thing. She craves Turkey Dinosaurs and doesn’t look at a salad twice without having a panic attack. (Wait! I’m making her sound fat! She’s not! She’s 21, blond and extension glamourous with a Kardashian booty.) She’s giving me booty envy. Mine just looks like it got tired and fell down my back.

BUT WHATEVER ‘MY FRONT’ IS GOOD! HAHAHA!

We’re all on diets…and it’s going well but feels like SHIT!

In the space of a few days, ‘Double B’ has managed to decalre that she rather..

‘Suck balls all day than deal with her…’

and that someone dear to our hearts…

‘Looks like speckled meat…’

and that, is she was a…

‘..Prostitute, she’s be a speedy one..like a taxi meter…the quicker they go, the less it’s gonna cost them..’

Firmonnell is all skinny and sassy now. We all couldn’t put our finger on what had changed since her Tenerife return…but i’ve decided and  after a public vote that she’s skinny and sassy now.

Away from all that (i’m running out of time) a really old pervy man came up to me and gave me porn books to read. It’s going to be unfortunate if he ever does find out that I blog and reads this, as I’ve just called him pervy and nearly called him fat. But hey hoe! I read extracts out to the girls, against their wills…On the positive…as least the guy’s expressive and I only had to say the words …

‘Pussy’

and

‘Juices combining’

a couple of times. (Dirty bastard. Lol.) It’s not even the fact that it’s dirty. I love sex and expression. I’ll steal a few of the lines to text over to the swirl on Friday night. Lol. It’s just the fact that he’s tried to be ‘dirty’ and write a ‘dirty book’ to capitalize on the novel raunch that ‘Fifty Shades’ let out into the sassy world. SHE’S ALREADY DONE IT. Write about sex because you love sex. He doesn’t know…as I am sure he doesn’t get it. Lol. (I’m fucked…not literally…if he reads this… ever.)

Anyway, I’ll cut the crap. I’m late for everything now and  still sat in my bra, on the bed trying to type… I NEED A MORNING GIN!

Sometimes in life you just godda kick it and have some fun…so all my friends and I ‘clocked off,’ flung on our jackets…slam shut ‘the work door’ behind us and tottered across town for dinner and cocktails at Ego, In Ackworth,

Eleven of us went and it was delightful. Just a swirl of friendship, wine glasses and laughter. We snapchatted our own versions of the night, so if you missed all that, should should be following. (Chrissiewunna1)

There was a moment where I looked all the way down a long table, filled with the people that I send most of my time with…and for a whole 10 entire minutes every single face was BEAMING. Banter was being made, glasses where being lifted, jokes, life, private whitters and laughter was dancing up and down the table with joy. I watched it because it made me realize how lucky we are to actually aciddentally be so close.

A really great night. at 10pm tood outside Ego waving as ‘Fairytale’ zoomed off with ‘the boys’ in the back of her new mini, whilst shouting..

‘FAIRYTALE BLOND!’

My guy friends then decided to try and make us go out to Biggies lol. I didn’t…But instead of just being normal humans…they (Webbo, Dipper and Double D) made the executive decision to send us all nudes. …yes…of themselves, with the odd picture of chess? Lol. Bare bums everywhere. Hahaha.

I have so much on, but everything is great! I’ve been nominated for the Diversity In Media, ‘Blogger of the Year’ awards…and

‘CHRISSIE IN THE CITY’

Starts TOMORROW…FRIDAY!

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I’m gonna tell you more about it in the next blog this afternoon…I’m gonna try and write it whilst working…

But what I NEED YOU TO DO is

DOWNLOAD THIS APP..But TODAY…like now!

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‘ONLOOKR’

onlookr.co.uk

It takes two seconds…So do it!

You’ll know what i’m talking about if you follow me on any of my social media channels..It’s all over Twitter, you’re all sharing it and thousands of you are ‘liking’ it.

BUT TO BE PART OF THE ACTION…

YOU NEED TO DOWNLOAD THE ABOVE APP!

My best friends and I are going to be giving you ACTUAL REAL LIFE INSIGHT INTO WUNNA LAND, AS WE TAKE ON THE CITY…

We’ve been given our own reality drama show for you to watch…but in  WAY THAT YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

For the first time ever…,my friends and I (and you will know them from this blog) are going to open up our private and personal messages, our entire Onlookr inboxes…24/7 in real time, as we go along….and for everyone in the world to read!! And when we text….WE FUCKING TEXT! LOL.

All in the next blog…Download the Onlookr APP to be part of it.

 

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Ps/ Photo by the beautiful Clare Pritchard www.clarepritchardphotgraphy.com

 

 

 

 

Today I’m talking Love…

It’s Summer right! Let’s have some fun now. We’ve sat in rain. We’ve worked hard all year. We’ve hustled. We’ve loved, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried. Some of us have fallen in love. Some of us and have had our merry hearts broken. Some of us have made our dreams come true and some of us just forgot to try.

Clean slate it!

People get so stressed out about shit that doesn’t matter. Don’t get stressed out about shit that doesn’t matter. One life to live, with nothing to lose. LIVE IT. I’m watching the whinners have a moan about life and the winners just get on with it. Wunna Land is a ‘no sulking’ zone. So if you’re feeling down…cheer up. If you’ve fallen down…get back up. If you’ve got a bikini, throw it on. If your Prosecco glass is empty.. pour a fresh bubbly one, as see it as half full.

The sun’s out now! Let’s have some fun! Fuck it! It’s Sunday!

So far, i’ve actually had a chilled one. I’ve worked hard all week and darted here there and everywhere. My first day into my days off, are always about family time and chill. It’s like the big old recoup after a jolly, but tough game. Plus, I treasure the time that I have with Ruby and Junior, as there’s just me (yes, I have a lot of help, that I appreciate greatly.) But I have to work quite madly in order to provide and ‘Boss it’ for them. (I haven’t been lucky enough in love to hold onto a proper ‘this is mummy…this is daddy…and we’re together forever’ lifestyle…YET. What? I’m hopeful. 🙂 ) Secondly…I have to share them with their Daddies (who I get along with quite wonderfully) and that alone is healthy for them, because they’re immersed in love continuously…However it makes me treasure my time with them. I love being a Mum.

We shopped, we sang, we danced, we face painted, we kicked balls in parks, we had mini manicures, we did family Wunna Lunch at Ego in Ackworth and I winked it all off with cocktails, an ‘at home’ dance off and then treated myself to an early night.

Ponte Races happened! Thousands of people went. I definitely didn’t, as it looked far too busy. But, some drunk chick with crimped hair got so blasted and used MEL’S HEAD to regain her wibbly balance. Hahahaha! When that text came in, I almost DIED. If you know Mel…YOU DO NOT EVER USE HER HEAD to find your balance. You don’t ever use her ANYTHING, without her consent, to find any form of anything! Hahaha! Especially if you chosen to crimp it up. Don’t crimp. It’s bad for you. It makes you look more drunk.

Double B has started going to the gym. I’m shocked, as she doesn’t look gymmy, but she is. I’m noticing that she’s water drinking, fruit eating and now signing up to gym memberships? It’s confusing me? I liked it better when she refused to eat potatoes unless they came in ‘smiley face’ form, or ham, unless it was served with a Billy Bear face on it.

Firmonnell is BACK and thank the fucking LORD. How dare she dash off to Tenerife with her family and leave me to my own lonely devices with no evil text banter to fill my much needed void. I’m so losery, that I even messaged her when I knew that she was on plane and couldn’t text back. But she’s BACK…and YES, I FINALLY FILLED A VOID.

Not sure what’s happening right now, but my inbox is filling up with men? They’re all tapping at my messenger waiting for some kind of response? I’m not good at responding, i know….but it’s because I don’t like lots of pressure from people that I don’t think really know me. It makes me run away, (yipppppeee) as I always believe that they have judged me on a picture and have an incorrect idea of what i’m actually like.

I’m quite traditional when it comes to love..and I have a one track mind. So if i fancy someone, I only really focus of them…that’s something that half of my inbox would never really guess? My persona is flirty, but my soul is loyal. (A bit deep for a Sunday. Lol) So Yes, I did once say that I prefer men to be forward but….

Well..to be honest I have to….

Whatever….Lol I am utterly flattered. So thank you. The lovely messages (and I do read them all, even though I don’t manage to reply) made me smile.

*Runs away and hides.*

Lots of people always ask me about my love life…and well I’m not an easy person to date and I reckon that I match well with other ‘not so easy to date’ people. In entertainment or any career where in which you need to both focus and promote yourself, work hard, be away, or hustle…it’s more difficult to find love. You have to rely on the loving stable other, to just ‘get it’ and understand…..it’s never easy. You yearn for something or someone to ‘get it‘ or for your relationship to just run easily. So when you have it, you grab in both hands and try to hold onto it forever. You treasure it. MADLY.

In LA, it’s really easy, because everyone’s doing the same thing. Everyone’s career focused. That comes first. They achieve everything imaginable and make all their dreams come true. THEN they do love, build a family and do the rest of it….properly. No one is living a normal life over there. Love is unconventional. But everyone gets how it is.

In England, it’s not as simple as that for successful men or ‘boss it’ kinda girls. It’s harder and it’s not a bad thing, as people are more ‘togethery’ in Blighty. They do forever. They love hard. They meet when they’re teens and stay together through eternity. They know what they want and it’s lovely….and i’m understanding it more and more, as days go by…in Hollywood…none of that existed when I was a 20 something. But I don’t dislike that. I loved my time in LA. I love who I am and what I stand for and I love that I never ‘just settled’ for whoever or whatever.

The next time I get married, I will be marrying the most amazing man alive.

The idea is to keep it simple. When you complicate something as pure as love…it dashes it with negative salt shakes, that can often make it meander inappropriately.

Anyway, i hope you all have the most delicious bank holiday weekend!

I’m off on my travels!

I’ll check in later.

Thank you for following my life.

ps/ Exciting things are about to happen.

 

 

 

 

Last Night I Loved The City…

It was 9pm last night, as I walked through Leeds city centre, on my own, over bits of cobbles, passed closed shop and now quiet busy streets, in the warm evening sunshine. It was still light and the air was humid, yet with a gentle breeze that swirled around couples.

To my left there were uni students in love, laid on private park lawns with wine. To my right were stylish 20 somethings hand in hand with ‘first date’ smiles on their faces, as they tinkered in heels and stubble.

Infront of me were lesbian ‘Hello Kitty’ teens who still had a long way to go in life, yet in that moment we’re so in love.

…and then there was me…

I beamed as I gleefully strutted through the calmness of Leeds city centre, on my own, like the world was my oyster. Last night I loved the city and I felt like it was mine! I properly ‘Carrie Bradshawed’ it and scanned everything around me with a wink and a smile.

Drunks boys whistled as I passed..yet politely. Posh boys ‘well heelllooooed’ me as they double took my strut. Grandma’s stop me to tell me that I was a ‘pretty lady,’ and well last night I felt liberated. There was a skip in my step. Last night, I loved Leeds and it felt like one of the Greatest cities to be in. I’m a lucky girl.

But let’s rewind right…

Four hours before that I was bundling my life manically into my handbag, trying to find my phone charger, doing wee’s with the toilet door open, because my mind was so busy that I completely forgot to shut it. (Business men watched me wee. Lol) Then with a flash and a ‘see ya’ I darted out the door, hair all a mess, glowing from the heat, rushing in heels and with a blink I was in my car *zooming* myself to a train station to get a train that left Platfrom 2 in 11 minutes.

‘SHIT!’

It was boiling, I had to get naked in the car, whilst parked up outside Xscape (lol) to change my outfit. I tottered as fast as my little kitten legs could take me over a footbridge with the sun beaming down and onto Platform 2….and just like that, BOOM, I was on that train and on my way! (No wine in my system at all…which i always find devastating, because if I ever needed a drink, it was in that moment, I need to hire someone that just rushed by my side all the time, with a cocktail in their hand and a straw ready for me to sip in emergencies.)

I’m not gonna tell you anything about my night because I think i’m gonna tell you a better story later. Yet, I will skim it with sassy clues.

I..with what seemed like the entire female population of Leeds was at Manahatta on Merrion Street last night. It was rammed. I had never seen that place so busy in my life. It was so rammed, that before i walked in, I peeked in and I almost turned around (especially because it took me ages to find the bar in the first place) and went home.

But I didn’t. in life, if you ant something, you’ve just got to push through those glamourous glass doors and go for it. So I did.

Every single one of those girls was single and they’d come from all over. BUT there was a handful of men. (The rest had gone to watch football.) In that handful of men, 4 of them were handsome.

Long story short…there was a warm sweaty magic in the air, filled with hopefuls and light, laughter and cocktails.

My lucky stars were shining on me that night….as I was pulled away from the masses to tell my little Wunna Land story to new people. I did this on a chair, on camera and wished I had better hair all the way through it. Lol. It was AMAZING. And it was really great to see so many people that I knew in the masses. I think EVERYBODY was shocked by how many people had bothered turn up.

I guess love does make the world go around?

Some people were being asked to leave, as others were being escorted through special doorways. I was on special doorway route and at one point I was stood next to the most handsome and stylish, loveliest Leeds guy ever. We kinda had to team up by accident, as everyone kept glaring at us….as we were stood on a stairway, above masses and masses of people….

Him: ‘I feel like i’m on show.’

Me: ‘Really? Lol. I feel fine…I can see what you mean though.’

‘Him: ‘I feel like we’re getting EYE FUCKED.

Me: Hahahah! Yeah…a little bit.’

Him: ‘My  work friends are even outside waiting to take the piss out of me. I’ve come straight from Bar & Grill… You’re the best girl here babe…’

We bantered and I smiled because he was such a gent and obviously great. He’s a guy who wants to get ahead in life, do well…and he deserves it. Handsome guy! Didn’t give a shit that his mates were taking the piss out of him. He was doing what was right for him. I liked that. (And his outfit! Lol) In the 20 minutes that we stood on the stairway, we got on really well.

On the whole, I guess, I didn’t really concentrate on the crowd. I didn’t notice the ‘eye fucks.’ I don’t anymore. I’m kinda used to it. I’m immune to it. Lol. But more importantly I was just concentrating on what I was doing. I chatted to the people next to me. I didn’t sweat the small stuff…and I didn’t have a fricking drink. I needed one. It was boiling,.

But yeah, three hours later, I walked through ‘special doors’ where there was just me…

An hour later…I was gleefully strutting through the peaceful evening city centre streets, with my hand bag swinging in my hand, a smile beaming from my soul and en route to catch the next train to Pontefract.

Last night I learnt that finding love matters to everyone. Be you rich, poor, tall, small, happy, sad, successful or nowhere….No matter whether you believe it matters or whether you believe it doesn’t. It matters to all humans.

I also realised that status, ‘show’ and ‘being someone’ matters to everyone also…but it’s only that little glittery handful of people who are accidentally in the right place at the right time, or the ones that really work hard to get themselves infront of the right people, or the folk who just ‘have it’ that get there.

I loved last night because you couldn’t do anything but be yourself. And if I can do anything…I can fucking do that! Lol.

Enjoy the weather!

 

 

 

London Business Trips & Brambles

Busiest weekend!

I glamorously fluttered from a full week of work, juggled the babies, winked wit a wine and then after a few hours sleep, I was up, getting changed and headed to London on Saturday for a really important meeting. I had another really important meeting that I ended up having to Skype whilst en route to Platform 3A to Kings Cross. It’s always weird doing a work Skype call in really public places, as you feel like a dickhead whilst you’re trying to sell yourself. Everyone glares at you likes you definitely have the lergy. But at least I had gin and tonics in my handbag. I kept shit bouji. It got me over the ‘pretending that I didn’t notice everyone glaring at me.’

Right, I’m just going to skim everything, as far too much has happened and I don’t have time to fit it all in. Plus, I have work in an hour.

Got to London in one sassy stop, was two hours early for my meeting, so I took my blue pin striped self to The Plum & Split Milk (which is one of favourite ‘by a train station’ cocktail joints. It’s delicious and decadent, with good looking waiters and chandeliers. But more importantly..the food and cocktails are DIVINE and made with love.)

This American guy started talking to me at the bar. He had always wished to go to LA, but spent his time in Philly. His sister was getting married in Scotland, which found him in London sat by me at a bar. He was smart and new lots about news and current affairs. Y’know, stuff that I’m shit at. However, I got him talking about men, sex and love…just in general 🙂 and after his eyes kept wandering to my boob line…I knew my time in his world was done and that I had stamped my mark on his life path for probably ever.

‘I feel like i should know who you are?’

‘I’ve got 3 minutes to get to my meeting…Nice meeting you. See ya!’

(I look to the bartender…)

‘Where is the Karpo Grill?’

Shot across the busy London streets by Kings cross, in my mini skirt and shirt, with 1 minute to go and a really big meeting ahead of me. I didn’t bring a coat..I was freezing, but as soon as I got almost outside the ‘Karpo’ door, there was a guy, a fun, warm business guy waiting for me with a smile..

‘Chrissie?’

‘Yeah, yeah…HI!’

‘It’s just straight down there…All the way down…’

Karpo Grill is a great place to chill and have a meeting. As soon as I tottered down, I felt cosy and comfy…Two other members o the team were there, so I ordered a wine and we got chatting…(I LOVE THESE PEOPLE. Their project is amazing…and if it’s done right, it will BLOW UP.)

Obviously, I can’t tell you anything about my meeting, other than banter, maybe naughty natters, a look to the future, sexiness, wine and agreeing business collaborations. There may have been talks about chimps, lovers, chips and peeky train rides. AND I DEFINITELY randomly started CHOKING on my burger, because I kept getting excited and talking with my mouth full. I really did choke. It was embarrassingly hilarious..and they were so polite that they didn’t make my embarassing choke festival a ‘thing.’ It was great! 🙂 More wine!

But yes, four very different people sat at a long Karpo table…yet the perfect elements to help smash one of the biggest projects about to infiltrate your lives…Were all very smart in our own areas of expertise.

I’ve signed and NDA, so that’s all I can wink at ya. But I am SO excited to be part of one of the most exhilarating projects that you WILL BECOME ADDICTED TO. It’s sexy, sassy, so creative and has never been done before! You will be hooked! As like I said, I have never been so excited for a project before, the way I am with this.

STAY VERY TUNED!

Then with five missed calls from my fabulously camp Liam. (He was in London overnight to get ready for filming the next morning for a TV show,) i had to dash off as fast as my kitten feet to take me.

I air kissed everyone goodbye, thanked them…and in a whirl…I swooshed away, out of one glass door, across more busy streets and into another…which lead me to a corner table, in a swooshy cocktail bar, as Liam sat there with a smile, a drink already ordered for me…and a sparkle in his eyes, which meant that we were going to have the best gay/girl banter that you could only have on a Saturday night, over Brambles in London…

That night I agreed to get kidnapped by the Gays…

To be continued…

I need to get to work.

 

 

 

Hormonally Imbalanced Banter

Today was about business and banter. I don’t know what happened, but it was a rainy day in Yorkshire. I was stood outside in my grey pencil dress and faux fur wondering where everyone had got to? One had slept through the alarm, another needed to get cake, the other was ill and Firmonnell decided to take 300 years to go buy milk…

Me: ‘Why has it taken you so long to get milk?’

Firmonnell: ‘I got pants too…’

(She was sassy today…in her slutty specs.)

Then it all went the best way we like it…downhill..as we surrendered to fun and just went with ‘fuck it.’ Sometime s’fuck it’ is such a good option, as we as humans spend so much time being far too serious and far too serious playing ‘game and front’ that we forget to just relax and just adore all that is happening to us in love and work.

I’m a fun girl and in my world, I think there’s ALWAYS TIME for a giggle, ALWAYS TIME for a joke and always time for a champagne and to dance on tables. Even for just a minute…there’s time for a moment of adventure.. always. Be it calm, saucy, busy or hilarious. If you can’t make time for a moment, then you’re doomed, because life will come and post you a ‘shoulda coulda’ memo…and they’re always shit.

Live now. Embrace all the wonderful changes that are happening to you. Make porn out of Jelly Babies and send it to the guy you fancy. (I 100 percentage absolutely did that today. 🙂 I’m such a catch. Obvs! But whatever, I told you, i’m living like i have nothing to lose and this guy is literally the man of my dreams. I like him…A LOT.)

Then all my chick friends decided to either be on a period, endure the week before they get their period or just be period. You’ve got to love chicks when we’re hormonally imbalanced. It’s sassy, it’s sexy…it’s almost fucked up. Lol.

Then went on rants. Rants SO good that there were moments where we were literally all just looking at each other and CRYING with laughter.

Double B: ”Honestly, I could smoke a cigarette and stab it out in his eyes..’

 ‘All i want to do is cry…What’s wrong with me??’

Hustle Barbie: ‘You have to marry your best friend. I mean god! That’s why I HATE him…because i went for someone that I was just relatively attracted to. We don’t even get on Lol..Oh.. and my cat has friends.’

Me: I’m totally in a swirl. I totally send him nudes.’

Double D: ‘Do you want some of this…’

Me: What!! Half eaten disgusting cheesecake! Don’t try and offer me half eaten shit.’

Mel: I hate the word gusset!!! I have mine the the wrong way around today!’

‘You need to try and get that Monday off so you can get away…’

Double B: ‘He can suck my wad!’

Fairytale Blond: ‘Ive Facebooked her. Guess what colour hair she has?

Firmonnell: ‘Blond’

Double B: ‘Green.’

Me: ‘Ginger.’

Firmonnell: BLOND!

Double B: ‘GREEN!’

Me: ‘ I said, GINGER.’

Fairtayle: No, it’s brown…’

Me: ‘Why does that whole conversation feel pointless? Lol’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Why is it that I can’t tell a story without doing the voices.’

‘Not the voices…’

‘Yours start out Irish and then always end Indian.’

Webbo: ‘I was almost late today because I was playing hide and seek with the kids. I just thought they just better hurry up and FIND ME, cos i’ve got to chuffing get to work.’

‘She’s definitely an alcoholic.’

Firmonnel: ‘I think it’s odd that you and Jordan share clothes?? Liek you shouldn’t share clothes with your boyfriend. We’re you in his jacket today?’

Double B: ‘I’ll come home and he’s in my leggings.’

‘You can’t sit with us, we’re models.’

‘I kicked off the last time i went Karting, as I didn’t want to wear the helmet.’

‘Hahaha….I love it. Proper Diva.’

That was how the morning began until it just got boring and I spent the day messaging ‘the swirl’ because i’m all ‘nothing to lose,’ was completely on top of all business and well I just find him delicious. I can’t help it.

Glad you had a good one…

Why haven’t you followed me on Instagram?

chrissiewunna

Ps/ My chicks friends are currently on Whatsapp discussing the words ‘MOIST…MUSHROOM & CRUSTY!’ 

 

 

 

Don’t look like a sausage roll…

I’ve just been living. So my apologies for the ‘no blog.’ I kept meaning to write one, then I’d opt for a beautiful fruit gin instead, as I hovered the dairy in’pending’ before another gin tinkered in.

I’ve worked through the weekend, so I pretty much only had Sunday to *kapow* it. As usually I’d KAPOW Saturday and take a massive luxury chill on Sunday. It’s like i had to *binge* fun into a day with friends, cocktails, family and love. I don’t like *binge* fun, cos now…it’s Monday and I feel fucking shattered. I’ve also decided that anything that begins with the words ‘ALL IN….’ is shit. 🙂

Lots is happening. My world is spinning, it’s a really exciting time and I feel like i’m about to wink my way to everything i’ve  always dreamed of. I had a few last minute glitches at the end of last week work wise. Some people kind. Some people… RUDE as hell. (Don’t be rude, i’ll think you’re a dick. I don’t know where people get off being ‘no reason’ rude…especially when they look like an ice goat from the Narnia cupboard. You can’t be a goat, have poor shoe game and then try and spit out bastardy behavior. It will not work for you…even if you’re wearing my Little Mistress faux fur.

Saturday was ‘work Saturday.’ And it was rubbish. I hated Saturday because I could’ve thought of 900 other things that I would rather be doing, than what I was having to be doing. I kept looking at the window sighing for more eventful times. I wanted to karate kick out my cage. Lol.

If my chick friend ‘Double B’ didn’t state that some looked like a… (wait for it..)

‘…a sausage roll with a wig on..’

Hhahahah! Life would’ve be shit. And because it was THE ONLY funny thing to have happened, I clung onto the thought for hours and it tickled me all day.

‘What are you laughing at?’

‘I’ still not over the sausage roll thing..’

‘It’s because she does actually look like one…lol.’

I LOVE ‘Double B’s insults because they’ll always be the most comedically odd, bitchy bits of ‘hoo haa.’ Like if ‘Mean Girls’ was Yorkshire and dipped in a silly whore sassiness…you would have what my ears hear on daily, from this chicks mouth. And then she’ll always top off the worse bits of insult off with her, ‘PAY THE FEE’ cheerleader dance.

‘Pay the feeee. Pay the feeeeeeeeee. Peace out. A Town.’

Firmonnell’s still happily married to ‘Big D’ and he’s totally stepped up his game. First he introduced a sex step, THEN he got a promotion…AND NOW he obtains these bags of jelly babies for free.

Big D and I used to go ice skating when we were kids at The Dome…as that all you could do in Doncaster… or ‘Dancing School.’ I mean who on EARTH gets to be married to Willy Wonka. AND SHE CAN’T EVEN ICE SKATE. I did the polite thing and told her that I might love or feel up her husband now that he has jellies.

She told me to ‘BACK THE FUCK OFF‘ Hahaha!

‘What? the dude’s got sweets and shit?’ 🙂

I’m loving this new ‘nothing to lose‘ outlook on life that i’m totally A* ..ing. I’ve got the reins to my world now and i’m flying baby, FLYING! Yes, i’m being a bit sassy, a bit annoying, a bit of a ‘doo daa’ at times…but i’m loving it and it’s ace and this is my patch of cyberland…so there! Prosecco for everyone!

(Hustle Barbie says it’s MY fault that she didn’t tidy her house because she went to do a blog catch up and ended up on this blog for hours. I assured her that there would be hot toyboys who would offer to clean her home for her…and that she could then leave her beau to date Gino D’Acampo. Great solution! I should have a therapy show!)

I’m in a swirl. God! This guy, ‘the swirl’ has got me going CRAZY!

Me: ‘I can’t hake you out my head. You’re in there. Always. I like it.’

‘Yeah me too..it feel ssoooooooo good.’

It’s thrown me a bit as you know how much I distrust my own judgements on anything ‘love or lust‘ related. This weekend, i just thought ‘fuck it’ (as I just can’t quit swirling about him) and with the whole ‘nothing to lose‘ mantra strapped onto my dildo…:) I WENT FOR IT.

He might have sent me a *spacky bum bum* emoji at one point. Lol.

I like this guy (but i’ve been treading cautiously..of previous)…We already get on well, so we don’t really need to try at that, as it’s just the way our personalities jigsaw. That part is a biggie, so we’re lucky like that.

So after picture taking, messages and him having a mild moan that they wasn’t much video content…Lol

‘Work your magic. 🙂 xx

‘You work your fucking magic. I’ve deleted every single SELFIE IN THE WORLD!!!!!’

We pissed ourselves, he went off on his night out and I got dressed, went to the bar and asked a guy to delete all my read emails so that I could video. Hahahaha! And he did! Very grateful!

Video galore was made on Sunday. It started sweet and just turned x rated. I couldn’t help it. The guy gets me going like that. Then like a magical flowing trail of saucy digital content…I proved that I had ‘nothing to lose.’ 🙂

It felt liberating. It felt sexy.

It was received with the upmost appreciation and messages to assure me that it was divine. Lol

I should get trophies for it! Yet, the art of sexy and seduction is knackering. I needed a warm bath and a ‘straight to bed’ afterward. Knowing my luck, I probably got him all juiced up and filled with spunk, so he could go bone some ‘first girl there’ chick because his willy couldn’t help it. Hahaha! I DID ALL THE FUCKING LEG WORK!!!! 🙂 Whatever, I’m Miss Wunna…ain’t no girl gonna beat my sauce. 🙂

Joking aside. I’m happy and like i said, you have to cling onto those moments of happy, don’t you? They keep things exciting and we (I hope) have exciting times ahead. The swirl is good because it weirdly has a magic to it, a magic that i’m labelling ‘substance.’ Like it could go really well..if we wanted it to.

If I could give you any advice from what I’ve learnt from my weekend, it would be to GO FOR IT. Express yourself. Be loving. Be open. be honest. Don’t give two shits about fear and get what you want…or at least have a go at trying…

‘Once upon a time..Mummy sent Daddy Nudes….and they lived happily ever after! 🙂 ‘

Oh and try not to look like a sausage roll..

Shit, i’ve got to dash…

Working ALL DAY.

 

 

Wunna Dolls, Rum & Banter

My kitty eyes shot open at 2.47am this morning. YES! At 2.47am…THIS MORNING! I’m totally gonna feel it later when work kicks in and my brain decides to not work. I need a morning mimosa. *Gimme Gimme* Ugh! Cupboard is bare! 😉

When you can’t sleep, you have a troubled mind. That’s exactly what I have. There’s SO much swirling around it, that I pretty much swear that my forehead is ready to curl forward and *boink* the imaginary panic button. Hurrah!

It’s good, because everything is about work & opportunity..and there’s a lot. Yet, bad because i’m obviously not ‘on top‘ of it all. This blogging malarky isn’t as easy as I thought..when it turns into a business. I can’t even sleep. I think i’m gonna go with the ‘i’m a genius and can’t sleep’ line, yet really i’m just human and right now I THINK I ‘can’t do this all by myself ‘ line. BUT I CAN. I mean fuck it. I’ve done everything else by myself…including raising children.

I got up at 3am and worked. I worked. I whopped out my little pink laptop and worked. I planned my entire week and month out, to set Wunna Land into confetti hero showers. Now I just need to execute and not worry. Yet, I’m a creative and what i’ve learnt is that creatives need to JUST BE creative and have someone else deal with the harsh reality of business and building. Their two different things. Two different skills. I want to just be creative and tell my sassy little story. Plus, I learnt from one of my previous bosses ‘The Mighty’ that when one person does too many things, they fuck it all up and give a ‘lot of things 20 percent,’ instead of one thing a juicy 100 percent. IT’S TRUE!

Anyway, enough of all that. It’s boring me. I’ll quit being a walking ‘Sad Act‘ now. (The words of ‘Double B.’)

Yesterday was an ace day,  filled with good times, friends, work and sass. It made Monday less shit. I didn’t even have time to curl my hair in the morning and it didn’t even matter! 😉 I know! Wow wee!  *Wink*

We decided that I should create ‘Chrissie Wunna’ dolls, so that Firmonnell can give them to her children.

Firmonnell: ‘As soon as the Chrissie Wunna doll comes out, I’m buying them for my kids.’

But honestly, how fabulous would my ‘Chrissie Wunna’ doll be!! It’d have boobies and be all glamourous and when you pressed it’s stomach, it’s shout things like…

‘Fuck it!’

‘Where’s my prosecco…’

‘This is bouji!’

Firmonnell, Double B and Hustle Barbie literally DIED over this idea for a good…well minute… 🙂 , as then we got distracted because Mel started sauntering in with her ‘stress face’ asking our advice on tidying…Don’t know what happened but…

Mel: ‘How the HELL have I started a conversation about how to find the time to clean my house properly and it’s turned into a conversation about THRUSH???’

Me: ‘I’ve never had thrush.’

Double B: ‘I’ve had thrush and that thing where you have to drink cranberry juice.’

Firmonnell: ‘Y’know you can get nipple thrush from breast feeding.’

Me: EWW!

Mel: ‘Whatever Chrissie. I would’ve thought you would’ve had a a cocktail of STD’s in your time.’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I’ve had thrush in my belly button..

Me: ‘Lovely’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Did Prince Jonny put it in the wrong hole?’ Haha’

Fairytale Blond: ‘I need to take these shoes back, I bought them for Monte Carlo tomorrow..’

Me: ‘I wish my belly button looked more SHOCKED and less smiley.’

Firmonnell: ‘Yeah mine looks like it’s just chilling…

Then ‘Double B’ decided to remind me that her beau’s willy looked like..

‘…one of those fun scrubby things you can get to clean dishes with, y’know in your sink….with a fuzzy afro on top.’

He never gets a blowie and she really doesn’t care. Lol. She’s just laughs in the face of blow jobs, adjusts her bra and asks for a pork pie, as she tosses her blond extensions everywhere.

‘Taylors Butchers was shut. I tried to get a pork pie there yesterday!’

Then I’m not sure what happened…But we started taking about old people and how weird it would feel to be a granny and how if I was ON MY OWN and 80, i’d be alright because, I’d

‘…definitely smell of rum and sex.’

Much better option over moth balls. You either smell of Marks & Spencers, Cats, Toffee, Wee or Moth Balls when you’re a granny. That’ll be me one day and I’m gonna make sure I smell of rum whilst being wheeled down the corridors to…. (I have no clue where i’d be wheeled to? Lol) I’m gonna be a RUMMY granny.

Anyway, ass…ass? Lol. AS!!!

As much as I love you, I do need to dash. I have school runs and a full day of work to jolly onto. I have great boobs and a wink in my think, today. I’ll definitely be knackered later on. I swear this blog is like therapy for me. One day you’ll be covering my meltdown…BUT JUST NOT TODAY.

Work hard. Do well! Love lots!

Oh and follow me on everything, so I feel extra adored. Lol.

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(I don’t know who chrissiewunna is..but it’s not me and i’m sure she is far more naked or chatty…lol So do make sure you add the right one.)

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