Scare Kingdom & Sex Dungeons

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You probably spent your Friday, planning out your cocktail mixers & putting together your outfits, for a jolly lil’ weekend of debauchery. A weekend of blissful safety, under a bouji umbrella of frosted prosecco pours. A weekend where in which you *winked* at strangers and placed your heart on your sleeve, as you stalked your ‘findings’ on Instagram.

Shush! We all do it.

I spent my Friday, doing a morning school run, (Single Mum Alert,) before hopping on a train to meet my gay friend Liam…Once I arrived, I found a Bacardi in my hand, as station security guards stood by my side. Then after a moment in a beauty salon, followed by wine in a Casino, at Blackpool, Pleasure Beach. I found myself getting changed in his living room, with more wine in my hand, after chatting to his agent Zoie and making a really poor shoe selection.

Liam: ‘Honestly, you need to wear trainers.’

Me: ‘I’ll be fine.’ 

Aaron & Kyle showed up and…

BOOM….

We were headed to Blackburn, where I pretty much had to…

RUN FOR MY ENTIRE F****** LIFE.

(I’m a glamour puss. I don’t run for anything, but diamonds. Sistas! I RAN! I ran SO fast, I tripped over my own feet, fell and rolled myself back up again. I felt like a rubbish Vin Diesel. Haha.) 

The UK’s Top Rated ‘Halloween Attraction.’

Yeah that’s where I ended up…

I was invited to Scare Kingdom, Scream Park, to celebrate it’s VIP press launch. It’s opening night. If you know me personally, you’ll know that I can handle, real life scary stuff. I’m good with all that.

But when it comes to fear, tight spaces,mind games, Halloween, horror, ghosts & goolies…(Wahey! 😉 I said ‘goolies’... )

..I am awful for it. I’m terrified of it all. I don’t even like to celebrate Halloween. I close my eyes and pretend it’s not part of the year.

OH MY LORD! 

I got there. It was fine. (I’d already fallen backwards, on my arse, in Liam’s living room, with a wine in my hand, because of my shocking shoe choice.) I was ready for anything… I already had a graze on my arm.

Liam: ‘I swear you’re getting pissed because you’re terrified!!!’

Once, in Blackburn…It started like this…

Which was fine. It’s always great to see ‘Aaron the Pap,‘ in action, who’s actually a really great friend of mine. I love Aaron. He was in our car up…with Kyle. (Who I THANK the GOOD LORD for!)

Next, came another drink…and then this…

Again. I can handle the creepy dude on the red carpet. I even asked him out on a Sushi date. He declined. He obviously has poor taste in women.

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Then…

OH MY ******* KITTENS!!!!

It was time to enter the creepy Scare Kingdom, farm land and go through the TERROR, that awaited our juiciness. We had to go first, because Liam (who’s a singer) had a ‘later on’ gig to get to…Which was delightful, because of course, if you go first, they’re all flipping energized and excited. Lol

Cheers love!

I mean anything that says…

‘Hold on tightly to the rope that guides you, it is your only hope of escape from the hooded hell hole, known as Flesh Market.’ 

Hmm…? Lovely. Something says i’m not at Angelica’s anymore? 

I couldn’t even walk up there because of my shoes. Haha. fell over twice, with Liam and Kyle holding me up on either side. It hadn’t even started yet!! 🙂

Aaron: ‘She’s off to a farm to be chased by zombies and she chooses to wear those shoes!!!’ 

We’re wandering around. All’s calm. It’s raining a little. I hate the rain. We head inside, things turn dark…and then absolute tight spaced, TERROR begins….

All I remember was forcing my friend Kyle, go first (lol), whilst holding his back, (Liam was behind me) and just ******* SCREAMING, FOR MY WHOLE LIFE, into his hood, because I needed my eyes to just stop seeing. Haha.

I don’t even know how Kyle was so brave!?! God, did not make eyes for what we were forced to see…Haha. 

Imagine being tipsy, being shoved into a tight, dark maze, then HAVING to get yourself through it all, simply for your own pride, whilst you wished for the torture & horror to stop.

Imagine doing all of that, on a dark farm in Blackburn (lol.) You knew awful things were about to happen, every time you were being greeted by creepy humans. Human’s that made you feel uncomfortable on every level. Imagine being chased THROUGH some death cage, by them…blind and…

..IN ****** heels.

We got through the first maze. Don’t know how?

I now couldn’t talk, after screaming so madly…We started walking towards the ‘next bit’ of utter terror. I fell over around 7 times, en route, because a mixture of bad shoe choices, wine and fear, kept making me.

Liam: ‘We can’t go through the next maze. It’s too scary and you’re falling over your own feet!’

My trousers were literally covered in mud. My shoes were battered. My makeup had smeared. I had tears in my eyes…I was laughing, in shock. But then I went with…

Me: ‘I can just take my shoes off and of through the rest of us…’

EH?

Liam: ‘Fuck off. You’re not allowed to do that…’

Kyle: ‘She can’t get through it…’

We get to the next maze (i’m determined to ‘muscle’ through, but then Liam, makes the executive decision to kindly ask the ‘greeting ghoul,‘ to call a manager, & get us back to the bar. She came and got us and we were walked straight OUT of the terror, to immediate safety….I had baby ‘panic & dash’ bruises all over me, my knees were covered in soil and yeah…I was still in my shit shoes.

I ruined everything. Haha.

(Saying that, both boys were filled with utter fear anyway. It’s not like, we were okay. Haha. We were drained of utter life and filled with complete fear…and I knew they weren’t okay, because they were trying to ‘swag‘ it out, like were we all safe and dandy.)

WE WERE PANICKED!!!

If ANY HUMAN, ran up to us, at that point (she could’ve been a flippin’ lollipop lady)…..I tell you, I would’ve probably passed out or opted for dying, because it would’ve been a less traumatic. Haha.)

But that’s what Scare Kingdom is about! It ain’t Disney Land….unless you’re a twisted F****.

We’re walked away to safety, back to the bar…which was now filled with ‘newly arrived’ celebs, ready to take on, the terror mazes.

(I just drank because I couldn’t deal with life, at this point.)

The gorgeous Marlie Weekender’ tinkers up to me. (I love Marlie, she makes me smile. I met her at an event in Leeds, in the Summer.) I feel a flick of my hair from behind and there she is, with her ‘Off Big Brother’ boyfriend Sam Chaloner, a cute blond girl, who I think was his sister and Callum Weekender, who’s about to hit our screens on ‘Celebs Go Dating.’ 

I think I was pissed by this point, as everything just seems to be in ‘flash back.’

I talked to the owner? I talked the bartender? I talked to Aaron? I saw tons of people from ‘Lucky7 PR,’ who I watch daily on Instagram …Like Sean Pratt, his girlfriend Jordi, Glamour Model Grace Teal…(He’s fit. They’re beautiful..) I saw Saira Choudry, who’s currently on ‘No Offence.’  I remember her from Corrie.

Then I flipping got pulled over, to what we all called ‘The inside sex dungeon.’ (It’s the epitome of terror, which overrides any terror you’ve experienced so far on the farm…Oh and it’s niche is twisted, psycho sexuality.) 

Kyle’s already headed in. (I love how brave he was. I love brave dudes.) He was the first one in…ever! All these ghouls, who you couldn’t see, where slamming shit and screeching…

‘Come in, little boy, we’re waiting for you…’

..behind a small metal door.

I’d ONLY agreed to go in IF I was able to be photographed/ filmed. Lol. I’m such a diva. Haha. But whatever…I was terrified.

Me: ‘It’s optional. I don’t really want to do it, for the good of my own health. I’m scared. I want a bit of ‘look at me.’

Staff: ‘Wait here…’

Of course, knowing my luck…It was all fine and dandy…and before you know it, i’m stood at the entrance of a horror, SEX dungeon.

Yipppppppppppeeeeee! Happy Friday!

All i could see were my friends stood behind a barrier. A metal doorway, with a flap that had been opened. I heard screams, screeches, evil voices, beckoning me in and saw a creepy looking barbie, human, was looked naked, but was wearing nothing but tights, a blond wig, with sewn on eyes, nose and lips…that didn’t move.

I was not okay. I F****** SHAT MYSELF.

I just stood at the entrance, with my hand over my face shouting..

I CAN’T DO IT. I’M NOT DOING IT. I CAN’T ******* DO IT. 

Everyone’s now *egging* me on…Liam’s shouting…

‘It’s NINE MINUTES CHRISSIE. ONLY NINE MINUTES TO GET THROUGH.’ 

Me: ‘Nine minutes. Nine minutes…’

I looked at Kyle…and said…

‘Was it okay…?’

Kyle: ‘No…It’s…’

Liam: ‘Don’t tell her that!’

Kyle: ‘9 Minutes… You’ll be okay. I did it. It’s harsh. But just do it..’

I’m causing such a delay, that the amazing staff had to tell some of the ‘horror actors’  to ‘calm down, back up and clear the door way…’

Yes, I was that pathetic. Hahah.

A lady then says…

‘You have a SAFE WORD (She tells me it.) You shout it out. Everything stops. We’re all watching.’

Don’t know how it happened?Yet, as life goes…I ended up on all fours, about to crawl through the entrance. (Yes, you had to CRAWL THROUGH IT.) I *paused* but they were already sick of me, I’m sure because I felt a *push* on my bum (lol) and that was it..

..the door *slammed shut* behind me…

The only way out, was to get all the way through the dungeon or shout my ‘safe word.’ (Which of course my northern pride wouldn’t let happen.)

Now, I’m not going to tell you what happened in the psycho, sex dungeon and Scare Kingdom. All I will say, is that I SCREAMED for my life, NON STOP.

Liam: ‘All you could hear for the first minute was Chrissie, screaming her head off, whilst trapped in that dungeon & I was outside.’ 

I went from room to kinky room, madly. Infact almost reluctantly. It felt so fast. So energized. Everything around me was ‘non stop’ and so real. It felt really real, like i’d been kidnapped. I fell over, TWICE.

It was intense. It played with my head. It was a nightmare and all I wanted was for the madness to end. I was in a torture chamber. I didn’t have a gin. My eyes saw the most terrible things…and when 9 minutes must have been up, I found myself running out of a curtain, back to safety…and finally without a mini sack over my head. 🙂

WTF! Hahah. OH MY GOD!!!

As soon as I ran out, I felt an entire RUSH of utter bliss flow through me. I could breathe I was free. It was like I had conquered the world, in 9 minutes. It was the best feeling of achievement. I faced my fear.

I flipping did it.

I could’ve done it again. Funny that? It was THE MOST TERRIFYING Halloween moment EVER, It was SICK. It was twisted. It was naughty! But that’s what it’s there for, so it in my mind, it was done INCREDIBLY WELL. It was created beautifully, by the kings of utter horror.

You just can’t miss this, you have to say you’ve done it….

As I walked out, I saw ‘Real Housewife’ Christine McGuinness (Paddy McGuinness’s wife) on the red carpet, doing her pap pictures, before the run… It ended up in the Daily Mail.

Something tells me, she was about to find out, that she wasn’t in Cheshire anymore…

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As soon as I got back to The New Osborne Hotel, in Blackpool, I drank a bunch of wine, chatted to a guy named Lee, drank loads at a Casino with Liam, Matt and his beautiful girlfriend…and then passed out, in my bed sheets.

That’s how my weekend started…

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Flirts, Single Life & Custard…

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Yesterday was so much fun. Was it yesterday? Yeah…yesterday! I’ve literally been all over the land, working my merry tinker of a booty off and I’m feeling really lucky. I’m knackered though. God! It’s been trains, travel, bars, restaurants people, social media and deadlines…NON STOP. But i’m loving every second and I’m counting my lucky..stilettos?

They say, ‘Hard work pays off,’ and slowly, but surely, when it’s your turn to shine…it will. Everyone’s always in some kind of race…and you don’t need to be. You don’t need to compare yourself to someone else. They may be on Chapter 20, when you’re only on Chapter 1. ..and that’s fine. Just be inspired, hone your talent, enjoy every minute and push forward, whilst concentrating solely on what YOU’RE doing.

People will talk. LET THEM. 

Chrissiewunna.com ONLY became popular via people talking & gossiping about me. 😉

You’ll make your dreams come true, if you give the world something of value.

People never post their failures online…They tend to only talk about them, once they’ve made it big.  The good thing about this little blog, is that you live my triumphs and failures as I go along…

It’s human nature..

But preach over…Let’s chat…

I hardly slept at all yesterday. Ruby’s away on holiday with her Dad. Junior had an evening with his Father last night also.  I was all on my own, with my flipping meditation app and hated every second of not having the kids around me. (I like hearing them screaming in the background.) 

I’m so lucky right now, because I never feel alone, because of them. However, I dread to think what life would be like, when i’m really really old, if I stayed single and alone forever? I’m just not that kind of person. I don’t want that.  I don’t deserve that. I want to feel love and give love always. I’m just not willing to settle for ‘Mr.Anyone,‘ for the sake of ‘just because.’ I’d rather be alone than ever be with someone who wasn’t right!

I want that magic. That unconditional love that swirls through two people, who can’t help BUT be soul mates..

And i’m sure i’ll find it…It’ll pop out of nowhere, when I least expect it to…But like I said, I’m in no race. I’ll do my own story, at my own pace…I have absolute faith in my own version of life. I never know what’s going to happen to me in the end, I just know it’s going to be something wonderful…

I bumped into Passionate Jaz, Baby Tom & No Knicks yesterday afternoon, at the pub.

SUNDAY FUNDAY!

It was ace. Passionate Jaz, was hungover and needing carbs to survive another hour of life. She had fallen asleep on a really comfy bin, in town, enticed ‘Baby Tom’ with her sexiness..

‘You’re definitely *getting some* when we get home. 😉 ‘

Baby Tom, IMMEDIATELY orders a taxi (woo’ed by the debauchery.) He gets them home, straight away, at the speed of ‘I definitely have a boner’ light.  Then ONCE HOME,  Jaz, tells him off….

‘If you dare come near me or in this room…’

(Hahahah)

..and so he ends up just sleeping on the sofa, cuddling a bottle of Jack Daniels. Lol.

I love them. They’re my favourite couple. I love hanging out with them…and watching them eat nachos.

Jaz: ‘I do like custard?’

Me: ‘I like custard..’

Jaz: ‘I like rice pudding with jam on me..’

Tom: ‘Oh yeah. Her ship was leaking..Lol’

Jaz: ‘I was definitely on the sinking ship. His friends didn’t like me…’

Me: ‘I don’t  like Ben because he lied about me..’

No Knicks: ‘My ex cheated on me..’

Jaz: ‘Stop dating people you work with!’

Me: ‘It’s never really a good night if someone isn’t hysterically crying for or kicking off..’

Tom: ‘Owt for Nowt..’

Me: ‘There’s literally A MILLION SINGLE MEN in they city of LEEDS, ALL looking for love. Why can’t you find ONE, that DOESN’T work with you??

Tom: ‘I’ll have a pint of Peroni please..’

Jaz: ‘I want a Jam Roly Poly now…’

No Knicks: ‘I hate that i’m single…Please tell me that it’s going to be okay, because i’m 29, never been married with no kids.’ 

She’ll be fine though. I mean, ’29, never been married with no kids,’ is a much easier sell, than..

‘Hi. I’m Chrissie. I’m 37. Been married 3 times, oh and I have two babies… to two different guys.’

That is my first date banter…because I always feel like I need to get it out in the open STRAIGHT AWAY. I let THEM take it from there..Lol

I remember being sat in ‘The Swirls’ (do I still call him ‘The Swirl’ or should I call him ‘T Bone?) Anyway, it wasn’t this Easter, but the Easter before and I was sat on his sofa, after sex…in his apartment in Ipswich, with ‘Dinner Date’ on as telly background and to our right, was a GIANT canvas picture, with a half naked, abstract artsy lady painted on it. The canvas was LEMON and the lady seemed to be dancing? She looked all FREE….

T Bone: ‘That’s not mine. It was already here when I moved in.. Lol.’

Anyway, I told him the 30 something, married loads of times, two babies, to two different daddies spiel…

I did my usual *pause* afterward…(I always do it, to scan their face…)

The 30 something thing, didn’t bother him. He’s a younger 30 something than me. And even though he did look, a little taken a back, by my story…for a second…

He paused, tried to say something humourously sensible at me…Then pointed at the tv….in fact at Kim Kardashian, because an E Network Advert had come on…and said..

‘It’s only like her. She’s been married a couple of times…I think you’re great girl. I think you’re lovely.’

Smooooth. 😉  It was sweet of him to refrain from being judgemental. The less judgemental a guy is, the more i’m going to fancy him.

Me: ‘Well, it’s my story. I can’t help my story or my past. There’s nothing I can do about it, so people kinda just have to either love me for it or lump it..’

Anyway….

How did I get so distracted???

The rest of the yesterday, I sat with a table of guys…who were all on the gin after the races. A really good set of lads. Some were better at banter than others.. Then ‘Stringer’ sang ‘Hero’ by Enrique Iglesias, IN SPANISH…lovingly, into his fruity gin…

He was actually AMAZING…

He sang EXACTLY THIS…into his gin…whilst ordering Dominos.

Then we talked about Stag Do’s. How I was accidentally on HIS stag do. KatyP came back from a BBQ, with Golfer Jonny, the MOST PISSED I had ever seen her...Lol.

‘Holy shit! What happened to you, in that time???’

I hugged everyone…Then it was home time…I got home. Stripped down naked. Turned out the lights and online stalked the people I fancy, in bed… after Peroni’s. (Haha. Tragic. 😉 )

This morning I woke up from a Snapchat message from Big Brother 9’s Rex Newmark, who’s actually really good friend of mine. He pretty much said my outfit made me look like I was headed to a ‘rodeo’ 🙂 and then we mutually agreed that I looked like a hooker..

Rex: ‘Both good choices. Never a wives favourite though. Haha.’

Me: I’m NEVER a wives favourite!’

Rex: ‘When are you back in London. I want you to visit some of my restaurants…?’

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Lisa’s Blackpool Birthday!! Part 1..

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So, i’ve just got back from the *Maddest* time in Blackpool. It’s been nuts. I was there to celebrate Lisa (as in ‘Appleton’s) big old birthday. Lisa’s been a really dear friend of mine, for a long long time now…and having spent the last 3 years being in the press every single day and being judged for her delicious stunts of ‘ooh laa.‘ I can tell you, that you’ll never meet anyone more loving, more warm or less judgmental.

She’s literally one of my best friends. I adore her madly and I’m so glad that I got to be there on her birthday, as my schedule can get pretty tight. I’ve not been a great friend to any of my friends this year, due to work.

But let’s get on with it, yeah…

STRAP IN! (Not on. 😉 )

I checked into The New Osborne Hotel, in Blackpool. It was arranged for me by the darling that is Liam Halewood and well I always stay there, simply because, I love the suites, I love the staff, the service is impeccable and it’s pretty much in the middle of everything. I’m a service girl. And I adore Matt who owns The New Osborne…I mean he even picked me up from the station.

So, as soon as I got in, I didn’t even go to my room or even see Lisa, because she was getting her hair & face *did* at a nearby salon, he *cracked* open a bottle of prosecco and we sat and drank in the restaurant/bar with great banter, inappropriate laughter and literally for a good couple of hours.

MATT’S ACE!

(I knew Lisa would take FOREVER doing her face. I always think that MUA’s always take forever, don’t they? Lol. Yet, when it comes to ‘getting ready’, it literally only takes me about 10 mins. So i just chilled with Matt and Lisa’s friend ‘Sharon’ over gin and prosseci’s!) 

[Phone Call]

Aaron The Pap: ‘Chrissie, I’m papping at this salon. She wants you to go get her mate Sharon out the room and get her to drink with you…lol’

Anyway, long story short, it’s almost time to get ready. Liam’s all in a panic over the  buffet. He wants everything to be perfect, so all the organizing obviously stresses him out. But, to me, he’s a dream. How thoughtful of him, to put it all together.

Liam: ‘Where is EVERYONE! I’M FUMING! You’re all meant to BE HERE by 7.30pm.’

Me: ‘She’s still getting her face done. I’m not even ready yet. She’ll be another hour. I’ve just spoke to Aaron. We’re not even gonna be there until 9pm.’

I’m chilled by nature…but I understand the stress, because even though it was her birthday, it was still actually work and we certainly had a schedule to stick to. That’s why I don’t like to organize, things. I only like to SHOW UP and drink, without responsibility.

An hour passes, Lisa & Aaron are on their way back to the hotel. Ryan (Ryan Mira) who is my agent, at The Celebrity Management Company is ‘training’ it in from London, because he’d just been doing the ‘Good Morning Britain‘ & ‘Loose Women‘ rounds with Daniella ‘The Westie’ Westbrook. He had to get himself to Blackpool for Lisa’s birthday event. BUT he had to bring giant loads of luggage with him, because the next morning, he had to fly out to Thailand…

STRESSY RIGHT!

Matt shows me to my room… Suite 3. Lisa was in 1. (I think Sharon & I were already a bit pissed by this time 🙂 I loved Sharon, because she’s sassy and direct, but warm, once you get to know her. Plus, she likes the finer things in life, so obviously I adore her.) 

I loved my room, because it was actually a lot huger than I thought it would be. The bathroom was all glittered, modern and utterly ‘darling.’ So in my suite, I had TWO separate bedrooms, but if you walked through the suite, the additional room had two beds in there. Bunk beds…because it was a family suite… There was just me in it though.

All got ready really quickly. Ryan (my agent) showed up in the nick of time, with all of his luggage, that he had to leave in my room. he gets ready. We’ve sozzled all the drinks, in all of the land by this point, as Lisa & I are…

DRINKERS!

Then in a *blink* we all arrive at Peeka Booze, In Blackpool, where we’re greeted by the lovely Liam, who is now all a smiles and probably because he had a drink in his hand.

The place is filled with people, all happy, all fun. Drinks are a flowing, there’s a private VIP area, filled with the yummiest food,  for us all.  Karaoke is going wild. There’s cake. There’s chicken. Lol. There’s loud, loud, madness, that all resonated as..

ONE BIG OLD GOOD TIME.

Now, Aaron (who if you don’t know… is a Pap. A really successful pap & he’s only young. Only 18.) He’s become a really good friend of mine and he shoots me, Lisa, and pretty much everyone…a lot. He was picturing the whole birthday shindig, to sell off to the papers.

Anyway, like I said, drinks were a FLOWING And there was a point where I saw Aaron, put down his camera and with a ‘F*** it* and in the name of fun, joined us, did drinks with us and just celebrated a good old time, in the name of Lisa!

I mean, Lisa’s like I am. She’ll let everyone have fun with her. She’ll love you forever. The door is always open. I mean GOD, when we moved onto ‘Revs,’ she even let a homeless guy (who actually looked quite smart) come sit at the table and drink ginny cocktails with us.

WHICH I THINK IS LOVELY!!!

Manager at Revs: ‘Chrissie, is he bothering you?’

Me: ‘No, not at all.’

Manager at Revs: ‘Lisa… is he harrassing you..’

Lisa, ‘NO!! We’re quite have him sit here with us, thanks. *Points at smart homeless guy* Here drink these cocktails.’

In that moment, he felt really dignified and that’s what I love about Lisa! We’re the same. I don’t care what kinda life you’re walking…I’ll never judge anyone…and neither would she. And we are BOTH SO JUDGED!! 

At the end of the day, we all FEEL things the same way. We all cry. We all laugh. And he was so kind and much older. He deserved dignity. He kinda looked like a homeless Richard Gere/Clint Eastwood.

The bar manager didn’t like him sitting with us though, because obviously he’s running a business and believes it deters others people from wanting to come.

We’d all moved to Rev’s (the next bar) by now, because everyone fancied cocktails.

I’d been hanging out with Ryan (my agent) all night, and between drinks, karaoke songs, pap shots and hugs, we even managed a sit down and a career chat, lol by cocktail sausages, cake, and chicken wings…

Ry: ‘What part of it are we gonna focus on? You choose what it is that you WANT to be, because there’s just so much that you are. I need a contact for ****names a show**** and I’m wanting to fly you off on holiday again, for pictures, in the Summer…You need to choose someone to go with you.’

Me: Where?

Ryan: ‘Anywhere you want. I’ll sort it. So with these pics that Aaron’s done, are we waiting on them…

Me: ‘Yeah, I want them held until the times right…’

Ry: ‘Cool.’

Ryan’s really busy right now and really savvy, but also a really great friend, because he’s such a good time. He’s so happy and so fun! I love that! He’s ace…and now in flipping Thailand!

JEEPERS!

Anyway, cocktails, laughter, birthday wishes…But if you know me personally, you will know that I’m an early leaver. Lol. My best chick friend ‘Firmonnell’ always says it’s my new ‘trademark.’ Lol

I’ll never stay out until the crack of dawn. Once i’m done, i’m done. I have a good time. I love a good time. I’ll live it. I’ll love it. But like ‘Cinders’ herself, by a certain time, i’ll flee..

Because i’m lame, like that…

Keeps me out of trouble. By this time, I wanted a chill. In fact, before I left my hotel room, I’d send ‘Tats’ a whatsapp message, telling him to ‘stay up.’ At midnight I got a…

Tats: ‘You doing?’

And he got a screechy and bustled voice note, that went a bit like this…

‘I’m just getting my last drink at the bar, then i’m off straight back to the hotel.’

The manager of Rev’s was now annoyed that we had the Richard Gere lookalike, homeless dude (lol) sitting with us, ‘Chrissy The MUA’ (yes, the makeup artist had my name, it confused me all night, but she was great), was now calling the manager a ‘stupid b****’...because the manager didn’t like the homeless guy…and well let’s just say, it was fueled by ‘Gin & Juice.’ Lol

They’re all wanting to GO OUT & Stay out and party the night away, in the name of birthdays’ Aaron’s sat with Lisa, they’re both on the cocktails. They’re literally having the bestest of best times…and at this point, seemed pretty soberish? Lol. Matt (who owns The New Osborne hotel) and his beautiful girlfriend Natalia, (who owns her OWN different hotel) had joined us for drinks also…

Ryan had already sloped off to find fun…

Ry: ‘Chrissie, leave me the key, because i’m ff to a club, and my luggage for Thailand is you room. And you always leave early, without telling anyone.’

I looked at Sassy Sharon because she looked like she wanted her comfies on too….and we got a taxi back to Matt’s hotel (he stayed out and gave us the full run of his hotel, whilst he was out,) and by midnight, I had flung until my suite, Room 3, stripped off fully naked and got into bed…

My Premier taxi didn’t turn into a pumpkin…I didn’t lose a glass slipper…and my dress I chose to fling on the floor…

Picked up my phone, had a chill, a quick flirty chat with ‘Tats,’ occurred..but everything was really dark, so i creeped myself out.

Then before you know it,around 1am and with my phone still on my chest, my kitten eyes closes and I drifted off to sleep…

4am

Lisa & Aaron The Pap...come BURSTING INTO MY ROOM….

 

 

 

Tom Zanetti, Dwarves & VIP Piggy Backing

It was the maddest ‘good time’ that any human could EVER have experienced, that Saturday night, as the clock struck 11pm, on Heaton’s Court, Club Mission… Leeds.

It was the More & More launch party.

People had travelled far and wide, through cities, over hills, via trains, on road trips. People had ‘donned’ out the most stylish bits of clobber, owned the widest smiles, rocked out the hottest cleavages and committed to a total head mindset of ‘party.’ 

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We wanted a ‘blow out’ and we got one!

Celebrities had tinkered from all the way over, to get there sassy little arses to Leeds that November 11th and why….I’ll tells ya why….To spend the night with our Tom Zanetti!

TEAM THOMAS! (Ya! Bitches!)

Now, Tom has shot out the ‘success cannon’ this year, with his pants on flames and his name in hottest club vibe lights. I’m from Leeds, so i’ve always known who Zanetti is. The only difference now, is that the rest of the world does too!

This is no joke.  He’s smashing it all about and then some. There’s not a single doubt in my glamour pussy mind, that this is ONLY just the beginning for him….But i’ll tell you about Tom later…Let’s take you back to the event…

So I strut up to Mission and it already has queues of guys and girls, all eagerly waiting in line. Chicks trying to catch Toms eye, as he bustled about outside for a few sexy moments. A tv camera crew followed his every move, a pap began taking photos of red carpet arrivals, a luxury car drove up the entrance to drop someone off and, security guards surrounded the entrance galore.

As I walked by the queue, with one of best guy friends Abeiku Arthur, who owns House of Solo Magazine, I heard chicks trying to strategically plan how they were going to sneak their way into the VIP. (I love that! It reminded me of when I was young girl in LA. We’d always try to sneak our way in. It was always hilarious. We’d come up with the maddest ideas. There’s was ‘Just flirt with Tom.’ Genius! Lol.)

Luckily, these days (wait for the ‘trumpet blowing‘…not that kinda ‘trumpet,’ 😉 ) simply because I own Wunna Land, via the fine art of online diary writing, jiggled with a previous modelling career and a juicy telly stint of ‘Best Pal’in’ with Paris Hilton…for ITV2….I don’t have to strategically plan a VIP entrance anymore. I just have to be there on time and grab myself a cocktail…

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Are you even wearing any pants???’

Me: ‘No. You could see them under my dress.’

(He does one of those faces of utter delight. You know the face. The face that your guy friends do when they know you’re not in any pants. *Rolls Eyes.* But honestly, who wears pants to a Tom Zanetti party? )

Me: ‘It’s actually really annoying that it’s windy because I can feel the wind gush all the way up my fluey.’

Abeiku Arthur: ‘Hahaha You’re digusting…Let’s get in there.’

On my walk up from the train station, I bump into Tom, who’s briefly organizing the crowds and he shows me through to the red carpet entrance (kinda gentlemanly, but cool) and just like that, I blink and there I was…swirled in the maddest VIP in all of the goddamn land.

It was absolutely RAMMED. It was busy. And that tells you a lot about Tom, right? Everybody wanted to show up for his night. I mean, when you’re in entertainment, you show up to events… POPULAR events, to SEE and BE SEEN.

Don’t let anybody tell you any different! We all know the score. We all do it.

OR you simply show up in support for the person or place throwing the sassy little shindig.

Like I said, he’s a really popular guy and people just adore him. I have never ever seen (and guuurrrl i have seens) A MORE buzzing VIP room in my LIFE.

I mean, let’s forget about the rest of the club, for now…as that was filling up like the world was about to end and Mission was the only safe sanctuary. But the actual VIP itself was JAM packed with famous sportsmen from Boxers to Rugby players. Hot chicks who spent their Summer on ‘Love Island.’ Charming guys from the Geordiest of Shores. Some who ‘Weekender in Ibiza’ and others who had committed to being a few hard months with ‘Big Brother.’

There were models, musicians, famous social media stars and everyone seemed to recognize everyone else in the VIP. (You kinda scan the room to see if there’s anyone you recognize.) It’s weird because even though…you haven’t actually met them in real life before, when you do, you kinda acknowledge them like you have known them for years.

Firstly, you all do the same thing, so  there’s an immediate respect that goes around from person to person.

We all know how difficult the entertainment industry is or can be..and at some point, no matter ‘what list’ your audience places you upon….what we ALL have in common, is that we’ve all had some ambitious creative dream. We all had the balls to go to an audition..and try and make that dream a reality. We all heard ‘no’s,’ but eventually *swagged* it out well enough to finally get the YES….Which placed us on your TV screen, all over the press, or be hailed as a DJ God, be placed on your favourite sports team. We’ve all worked hard and built up an audience, a brand or a career, doing something that we love.

Straight away I ordered a double gin and tonic, *air kissed* a rugby player, said ‘hi’ to some of my old friends, who I haven’t seen in ages, and then took Snapchat videos with Abeiku Arthur. I saw Jordan from ‘Ibiza Weekend’ stood talking to a Geordie Shore guy at the bar and then Charlotte Dawson sauntered in, looking like an absolute DREAM. She looks flawless. Her face was flawless. But she walked straight into the busiest VIP in all the land also, and ended up right in front of me and with the biggest smiles and a ‘hi, how are you,’ she was certainly one of my favourite sightings.

I love that girl. She’s so much fun. I definitely want to birthday go ice skating with Charlotte Dawson. (Random. But true! I do.)

Yeah, it was busy. Yeah it was rammed. We all took VIP breathers at points, just to get some air.

BUT IT WAS GREAT.

It turned BONKERS.

Dancing on tables, booze being guzzled like it was the last drop of fizzle on the Earth. TV cameras, bright lights in dark rooms, playing cards flying through the air, the craziest bustle, the loudest music, people jumping up and down, diving from wall to wall, drinks being spilled over one another, laughter, madness, clothes being ripped off…

Tom: ‘I’m boiling. It’s hot….I’m so hot…’

(Shirt flies off. People follow suit.)

Then the next minute he’s bare back, topless ‘piggy backing’ a friend, whilst being filled with laughter and ‘good times,’ models and pornstars are kissing his cheeks, his face is covered in red lipstick *kiss marks,* everyones phone was out and selfie taking for Snapchat was at it’s finest.

Then sassy masked bunnies in lingerie, casually saunter by..

It was the most bonkers time.

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It was like an urban, dance music, ‘circus’ of utter brilliant madness. The VIP was the ‘party version’ of Fight Club. Where the fighting was ‘mad partying’ and the club was in the name of Zanetti.

It was brilliant. It was so much fun. Something you have to do. A Zanetti VIP room, should absolutely be on everyones ‘Bucket List.’ There’s nothing like it…

I mean a flipping DWARF got hurled into the masses, so he could crowd surf! Hahaha. What the actual….I loved it! It was hilarious!

Just bonkers.

I looked around and scanned the room and everyone seemed like they were having the best time. It was crazy. And the good thing about it was that there were no rules. Usually… we are to say the right thing, do the right thing, meet the right people, promote the right thing. No one gave a fuck….they just enjoyed the most inappropriately fun time ever and with absolutely no censor.

The VIP rocked.

(No wonder everyone tried to sneaky peeky in.)

What I did notice about Tom…and I watch people, all people…always. He’s a nice guy…yeah…There’s a sweetness and a sophistication to him dipped in an urban ‘bouji’ twist. But he’s a really determined guy. He’s an ambitious soul. A showman. He knows what he’s doing, but he’s real. He’s down to Earth. He’s a guy who knows what he wants. Wants it his way and isn’t scared to voice his opinion. You don’t mess with Zanetti. He’s hot, right now. He’s really popular, which makes him powerful. People just want to be around him. You can’t help but feel quite ‘cool squad’ when you’re around him.

I watched him behind the bar, making sure people were being treated well. ‘WELL’ the way he seemed fit….which was with utter ‘boujiness.’ He’s an outspoken guy and he’ll tell it how it is. Everyone loves that! It must be his inner Northern…

The party went on and on, but I had to leave for the night at around 2am, simply because I had a 9.23am train to catch to London in the morning. I had an important Wunna Land PR meeting. at noon.

I got home, had an argument with an idiot taxi driver (All Yorkshire people argue with taxi drivers)  and got a few hours sleep, before waking up to my alarm, weirdly feeling ‘fresh as a daisy.’ It was almost like an evening of debauchery never even happened,

I was on a Platform 1, at Doncaster train station, ready to head to London, whilst answering inbox messages from people I met the night before…by 9am. He’s some of my messages…

‘Sorry I didn’t get the chance to chat to you last night. I recognised you, but it was just so mad.’

‘It was great meeting you last night. Let’s grab lunch some time.’

‘Babe, lovely meeting you…’

Before I left, I was sort of in this tunnel part of Mission, mixed in with a mass crowd of selfie taking. This awesome ‘swaggy’ guy in a black furry coat, kept stopping me and asking where ‘Rachel’ was…

‘Where’s Rachel?’

(I don’t even know who Rachel is??? Lol He must’ve asked me about 42 times, during the process of the entire evening.)

Abeiku Arthur was selfie taking with every boobie chick his eyes could ever see. A girl asked if she could selfie with me, but kept hating the picture, so we had to do it at least 17 times at 2am in the morning…The hot bunnies, with the evil ears, were now stood around me and chatting but then people then grabbed THEM for selfies…. and my night was over.

I tinkered out of Club Mission, in the early hours of the morning and when I did, there were STILL queues and queues of people waiting to get inside the club! (I walked straight over the red carpet like it was my Mums living room flooring. Lol.)

Leeds was on FIRE that night!

It was one of those nights, that you know you showed up at, yet because it was littered with utter madness, you can only remember things in ‘flashback form.

BUT…..a

It is one of those nights… that you’ll always always remember….and that’s what he does well!

Some of us in the VIP room, will bloom into Big BIG SUCCESS stories. Some of us will go far. Some of us will chose not to. Some of us will settled down, get married, have babies. Some of us will swirl down that merry plughole. Some of us will be remembered. Some of us will be forgotten. Some of us will make our marks more than we ever imagined we could.

But on November 11th 2017, on that Saturday night…WE ALL….under one roof, shared LIFE together, in the name of our Tom Zanetti!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blackpool, Celeb Makeup Masterclasses & Life

Literally living the most amazing chapter right now, that is sprinkled in hard work, sponged with laughter, dashed with great friendships and glitter snowballed into good times. The energy in Wunna land is currently so positive it’s *beaming.* I’m feeling on top of the world. And yes, i’ve been busy and there have been moments where in which i’ve thrown myself a tiny ‘pity party’ in order to vent out my due shatteredness. And yes, i’m doing ‘baby step’ well and I’ve had to make certain sacrifices for it. However, as long as you’re always loyal to your own kitty beliefs, be it in love, work or play…they you’re always doing well. It’s your life. Live it and do it the exact way you want to. Know that there are consequences to everything action you make when it comes to the art of ‘making impact,’ or ‘living’ and as long as you can either *shrug* them off in Versace or handle them with a *wink,* then Dolly you are dandy. Go for it!

So, what have I been up to?

I still haven’t fallen in love or managed to go on a date. I’ve had ‘London Business Man’ message me, yet I haven’t had time to reply. I will go catch up drinks with him, as his soul is good. But like i said, ambition has got the better of me and work has zoomed into the ‘Priority lane.’ I’ve had a guy that I was talking to before, months and months ago now, who is the hot PE teacher from Malta (also had a moment where he shimmied on the telly, I used to chatter about him before briefly, yet ‘Eton Mess’ got the better of me and well the PE teacher didn’t like me that much anyway then.) He send me a message last night. Again, i haven’t had time to reply. I’ve noticed that the better I do in work and the more attention i gain, more boys who are dipped in ambition come tapping at my inbox. However, the better I do…the less needy for love I become. Lol. Catch twenty two and absolute GIRL POWER is occurring. Like I said my dream man will find me and just like that…he will. We’ll meet. We’ll feel something. Then with a *click of the gel nailed fingers* well decide to do ‘team.’ For me..that’s how it works. I am turned on by action, and anything that is a long drawn out process in love bores me. Yet i’m traditional by manner, so i’d expect him to make the initial move. I mean, how hard can it be to just say,

‘Hey, d’ya wanna grab a drink?’

I’m a functioning alcoholic. I’ll drink with you any time. 🙂

So away from that! I’ve been spinning plates. My parents are away doing Burma for my Mums birthday. I’m on constant daily work mode, yet at the same time travelling around for appearances, events and blogs…I’m also, at the same time organising Ruby and Junior to make sure i’m still doing the school runs and that they’re feeling emotionally adored. And they are! My life isn’t easy. But i love it. I’m the chick that gets things done and right now my hard work is paying off. Once i’m sitting in a ‘pretty kitty’ position where I can breathe, chill by my pool, with my morning mimosa and slow motion *hair toss* on cue, as Wunna land works for me and realise that ‘I’ve come a long way’ then I’ll have a bit of a rest. 🙂

In entertainment, marketing or the business of ‘show,’ people work HARD. So do not underestimate how HARD the industry is. Yet the positive ones with plans, are the ones who cultivate those great relationships and stability. Yet it’s also important to keep your eye on the prize. Even though i’ll go out and maybe get *papped*(which, i’m not gonna lie HELPS to gain attention)…I know where my work is and that’s here on this blog… I don’t let the brief moment of *pap…pap* get the better of me. I’m here to tell the story of my life…and in this chapter…showbiz seems to be part of it. Lucky really, as it came out of nowhere. (After I had planned it. 🙂 )

The other day, felt like the busiest day of my life. I almost lost my swiggedy…which is my word for ‘swag.’ I did the nursery and school runs. I then had a Viking Fm blast and promoted a bit of Gino D’Acampos new restaurant chain, I then rushed over to go hang out with ‘Take Me Out’ Nick Knight, who I know anyway, infact I’ve him known for years. We chattered at his home about EVERYTHING and after we judged people, talked about his weird fascination of saucy ginger chicks, we laughed out loud and I watched him almost do a sick after smelling a fresh cat poo. Then after work chatter…he did the washing up and I left to venture off to Blackpool, via Manchester.

(During this middle time, I did an audition also. But that’s a secret.)

I was already running late and trying to get ready. I was dashing about madly in heels, squeezing into leather skirts, spraying hair and trying to do up pinstripe shirts over boobies. (Pinstripe shirts are my favourite thing to wear.) Swearing and no wine happened at this point and i think that if i had wine…i wouldn’t have been so fucked off. Lol. I’m a glamour puss, I HATE TO RUSH. I like to do everything gracefully and ON TIME. I don’t like being late to anything, it winds me up. But rushing around without a plan, devastates me.

I Snapchatted all the stress, if you haven’t added me, you should, as I seem to *snap* stuff more than anything right now, but yes I swore a lot, but got on that train…ON TIME! 🙂 With an Echo falls train wine. 🙂 I was also forced to do a wee in a grubby train loo and nothing makes me weep more, simply because I stand by the fact that toilets ANYWHERE in ANY ENVIRONMENT even Zoo’s should be kept sparkling. Train loos are yucky and whilst you’re sat down on then with your thong down by your ankles, you’re terribly unstable and sort of unsteadily wibbling along…Grubby train loo’s are Hell on Earth.

I finally got to Leeds, then to Blackpool via Manchester and in that time I was still rushing about as I seemed to have so much to organise. It’s literally non stop. My inbox was filling up with meeting opportunities, brands that wanted to collaborate an dick pics. Then i realised that I hadn’t turned my notifications off…and I don’t like to incase someone I might fancy 🙂 or want to meet for work sends me a message. Lol. I had over 40,000 new, unread messages to my inbox, that i hadn’t managed get through so far. That was my train journey.

So, the reason why I was headed to Blackpool was because I had been invited to attend the Celeb Makeup Masterclass with Sean Maloney at House of Halteres. I was headed there to meet Liam Halewood, who I’ve spoken about before…he had a stint on the Xfactor.Xtra Factor as Tranny Minogue and I was also meeting the gorgeous Celeb Blogger Ryan Mira and Lisa…as in Appleton, who we know has the press all over her right now.

Now, i know Lisa and God she’s great fun. We’re both great fun and when we get together we almost have to attempt to ‘rein in’ being idiots, for a bit of the ‘look at me.’ It’s not easy. But what an I say, it’s hard for fun girls to be gracious at times, as we’re loosely moralled about most things and too cheeky to be too serious. Fun girl. I hope she gets everything she wants.

I will say that when she walked around the corner, of an Italian restaurant where she had been doing pasta with Ryan, to meet Liam and I in the car (and note Aaron the ‘Pap’ Photographer was already there waiting, I had already been *papped,*) that was the first time i looked at her and said out loud to Liam,

‘GOD! SHE LOOKS LIKE A STAR!’ And she did. That night, there was a *GLOW* about her, like she’d taken the next step up the ladder and she’s going through a lot right now that most wouldn’t know about. Fun girl, great laugh, so soft, yet ambitious. However again, do not underestimate how hard she has to work. All anyone sees is a picture of her taking out the bins in her undies in The Sun and straight away the comments fly with judgement. YET, if you were to actually know her, you would adore her. I think she’s great anyway, however from a work, showbizzy side, I get it and I understand how it all, which means i understand her and really that’s all it takes. I’m actually pretty impressed at how far she’s come. When we had a chat later over Prosecco, she looked at me and said,

‘I know why Paris would like you. You’re very tell it how it is. You’re very fun.’

Meaning…there’s a mutual respect going down.

So, we get to House of Halteres and we’re a bit late, which we all hate, none of us like lateness. Britain’s Got Talent had been going on all night in Blackpool and we’re getting *papped/papped/papped* outside by Aaron the celebrity photographer. We’re playing up to it, we’re loving it and we’re eager to get inside and see what makeup tips Sean Maloney has to teach us, as BOY do I need makeup tips. The busier i’m getting the less time i’m having to primp. IT KILLS MY SOUL! Lol.

Fabulous night filled with champagne flutes, canapes, good bags and celebs. At first we were in a back room because we were being noisy and well…we were really hungry. I hadn’t managed to git in eating all day. So we thought that we’d let the people who were taking the masterclass, do it undisturbed at first, as lets face it, we’re distracting and I’m a fidget bum.

In a back room we all Tweeted, Snapchatted, videoed each other and caught up on the gossip. Ryan and I are by nature naughty, so we’ll just do whatever we want…and did, hence why our Snapchat videos were on point. I kept chanting

‘Ryyyyaaan, ohohoh…..RYAAAAaaaaaAAAN!’ (Whilst slut dropping)

And he kept singing,

‘W’w’ You Wunna.. Wunna…W’w..You Wunna Wunna?’ (Whilst slut dropping.)

Then we all slagged people we didn’t like off, ate some crisps, Liam took selfies, Ryan and I played and wink, Lisa had work messages to tend to on her phone and then we all went in to be part of the Celeb Makeup Masterclass.

AMAZING. SEAN IS AMAZING. I need to have him with me constantly! I don’t know how he does what he does, but he could make look like a gem with a few quick brush flicks. HE IS GODLY!

I was actually explaining to Lisa that Paris has a makeup artist by her side constantly called Fredrick. He’s little, Asian and amazing. He literally covers up any tiny imperfections as she simply does…existing. Lol. I took Fredrick out to GAY once in London, during free time on a massive glamour puss, piss up. He needed it, he works hard.

THAT WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER!

But yes, House of Halteres was filled with bright glamourous makeup studio lights, top brands, good bags, life and crowns. A girl was there who won a Miss Teen competition and everyone (as in from our bunch) kept grabbing her crown of her and posing in it. The poor little Miss Teen was so stressed out, because if this crown actually broke, she’d be in MASSIVE TROUBLE. (Couldn’t even get it off Ryan and Lisa’s heads. Lol)

I didn’t try it on. I don’t need a crown to tell me i’m a QUEEN. 🙂

Now, my evening was fabulous but short lived, as I had been working all day, at the Celeb Makeup Masterclass all night, I had travelled, I had taken mental blog notes, made sure the kids were fine, messaged all my work contacts and pouted and posed for Paparrazzi shots. WHICH IS VITAL, when you are in entertainment and you have something to promote.

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However, i had to get straight back for work in the morning. I had already MISSED the train I needed to be on. So as we left and Lisa, Ryan and Liam headed off to see a fortune teller and as Aaron *papped* them, I was dropped off at the train station to make my journey home. It was hilarious as at one point there was Lisa Appleton, Ryan Mira, Liam Halewood and I all rammed into the a little red corsa. I loved it! Hahahaha.

Then HOLY FUCKING NIGHTMARE

I’m there looking line a glamour puss in Blackpool, as every single train got cancelled and the one i eventually got on, broke down.

I FINALLY ENDED UP at Manchester Piccadilly Station about 2 hours later..from BLACKPOOL.. which isn’t very far at all…ON MY OWN, at midnight, with a bunch of angry people and a bunch of ‘getting arrested people’ as I waited for my next train, which was at ONE O CLOCK IN THE MORNING. I know!  So whilst you were all tucked up in bed. I was stood, in glamour bits, at Manchester Piccadilly FREEZING my lashes off. 🙂 *Cue Pity Party.*

When the train drama died down, as everyone was cross that they hadn’t managed to get on a train home and had to ‘bus’ it. The train station was quiet, empty, almost like a shell and there was just me. I had an hour to kill and lonely Platform 14. Everything had closed. There were literally just security guys and cleaners were around me, making sure i was okay every 3 minutes. The place was deserted and it’s in that time, when you’re on your own that you think.

I’ve been working really hard and i’ve not necessarily  been keeping it balanced. I’ve had a lot of fun. Yet it’s still work. To get to where i want to be, I have to thunder forward. But i don’t like boring train stations at 1am in the morning that are empty. It makes you feel empty. I kept looking at tall Manchester apartment buildings and wondering what the people who still had their lights on were doing? Everything went from so busy to DEAD. It was bitter sweet.

My train came, I got back to Leeds at 2am. A good friend of mine ‘Christian’ (as i’m ace at cultivating relationships) came to pick me up at 2am from Leeds train station to make sure that I got home safely and so i didn’t have to take a dodgy taxi. I couldn’t thank him enough. It really did take off a lot of pressure. It was the kindest thing ever. I appreciated it massively. I mean who would do that for someone? Well..I would.

I got home at 2.19am…Fell asleep at 3am.

Got up for work the next morning at 7am.

HOWEVER, I AM STILL THE HAPPIEST CHICK ALIVE.

Watch this space! Here I come.

Next morning,

We were in the…

 

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Busy Times, Balance, Good News & Stress

Busy day, so busy that it sort of border lined on the edge of stressy. I stayed positive through it all because let’s face it, I don’t have it bad and nor do I ever partake in letting stress get the better of my kitten self. However, on the whole, I just believe that things should be dealt with positively, as stressy manners are ungraceful. It can turn ‘pretties’ into animals with a quick dash. When it comes to love or life, taking educated baby steps seems to always work and keep you out of trouble. So, to those of you who are fumbling through mayhem, be it physical, mental, emotional or financial…work smart and not hard, that is the key to all success. Yet makes sure that everything you are giving is of value…then of course have a rummy cocktail and share the positive glow with others. I mean, fuck it form a joyous conga line and you know how much I hate conga lines. They always seem so awkward at the end, when the fun is drizzling out and people don’t know if the ‘conga’ part of the line is still going or has come to an ‘everyones gone to the bar instead’ end? Plus when your eyes follow down the line, you will notice that everyone isn’t really having fun. They’re sort of just ‘going through the motions’ and pretending that good times are occurring. Honestly, watch one closely, it’s only the one at the front of the line that is actually have an ‘arms up and everything’ blast.

A lot has happened today, people suffered from ‘Blue Monday,’ other’s bought rose gold candle holders, some thought that chicken and bacon toasties lessened in calories if they were microwaved and my other chick friend, who is of an extreme girly nature, was FORCED TO DRIVE a giant yellow ROOFING VAN to work, after reading a note that said,

‘I’ve gone to work without you, but left you the van.’ 

All i heard as she burst through the door was..

‘Chrissie! It’s digusting! I’m driving a giant yellow van and it’s filled with bits of food, cigarette buds and all kinds of crap. I’M HAVING TO DRIVE THAT AROUND.’

I pissed myself laughing simply because it’s not every day you get to make like you’re a glammy roofing service.

‘Hey, I wear heels and can fix roofs and shit.’

However, I will tell you that I am a GERMAPHOBE! I would’ve literally DIED if I had to drive in a ‘bits of food everywhere’ van. I’d have to close my eyes and not touch anything, which would be rather awkward when trying to operate a moving vehicle. The van and I would have to contemplate one another’s existence and it’s a simple fact, we just wouldn’t get along.

‘Drive me!’

‘You’re mucky!’

Okay, away from that, I am mentally busy as well as physically busy. I’m going through ‘ups and downs’ that i’m choosing to worry about. Yippee! Lol. I need to chillax a bit instead of stressing my glamourous self out. I’m hoping for the best and expecting nothing. But yes, I need to worry less about the things that I can’t control. Once you’ve batted that glitter ball out of the ball park, you’ve just got to let it fly until someone jumps and *catches* it.

HOWEVER, along with the stress, i’ve blessed with a balance of really great news. I’ve received some wonderful emails today, that have again ‘shimmied me up rung’ that little bit higher. And to be fair, there was more great news, than ‘blue’ news…so on the whole, I’ve done pretty well. I always think it’s important to notice your personal ‘achievements’ (and it’s hard when you’re highly ambitious) because your goals are so far stretched. But if you can’t *pat* YOURSELF on the back once in a while, then your soul is never satisfied and to me… that’s highly unattractive. Be ambitious, but smell the roses.

I have a few things coming up this week. I’m setting up for a Chrissie Wunna ‘Cocktail Tour.’ There’s more about that later and you’ll hear about it, because i’ll force it upon you. 🙂 but basically there are now so many places that are inviting me over to ‘tinker’ that I might as well go on tour. But i’m not stupid, at least it’s a tour where I can get …pissed. 🙂 The good thing about this tour,  is that you will have the opportunity to join me…as days out with moi, are going to be up for grabs.

I have a few interviews with magazines that ‘wave the flag’ for the things that I love and represent. I’m getting booked up and i’m getting booked up fast and for some reason i’m not able to keep up with my social media? It’s hard, as when you’re busy, finding time to constantly post ain’t easy. You’re my audience and my current success has been frisbeed from both the ‘social’ world and all things Cyberland. I owe you everything. I never take ti for granted. So yes, I need to post more socially.

On Wednesday I’m headed to a Celebrity Makeup Masterclass and I’m going to be finding time to hang out with the lovely Lisa Appleton and Liam Halewood, who I did Blackpool with last week, as we comitted time to Mexican cocktail

Lisa’s just got back from Spain, after holidaying with my other buddy Mark Byron. (I’ve just seen the pictures of it all in the Daily Mail today and it just makes me giggle. Lord knows what those two got up to, on Spanish soil as they are literally the funnest people that I have ever encountered. If they see a ‘good time,’ they will go forth and embrace it.)

But yes, I have a lot to tell you however I can’t do it now.

Life has changed fast.

I love you…I’ll chat tomorrow.

(I’ve just recieved a whatsapp message…?’ )

London Business Man: ‘You’ve forgotten about me.’

 

 

 

My Birthday Shimmie To Manchester

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Woke up on December 20th at 6.08am, completely naked, on top of the sheets, half my face on and my GIANT, glammy hair piece still ON MY HEAD in full glory, like it was some kinda of BIRTHDAY crown. I was in Room 825 (really nice room) of the Macdonald Manchester Hotel and Spa. I had just turned THIRTY SIX the day before and I chose to do it with good friends Big Brother Star Lisa Appleton and Celebrity Blogger, Ryan Mira, in Manchester. I had a train to catch, that would get me back to Leeds, well Pontefract at 6.57am. I had work at 8.45am and had to get there on time. I did it! But Lord knows how???  Infact, i will ALWAYS MAKE WORK, no matter how! My tummy felt like i hadn’t eaten in ages, so i did a mini (and somewhat glamourous puke) on the hotel bed (so sorry)…and then just like that, got up, got ready, got to Piccadilly train station and got on my flipping train….COMPLETELY ON TIME! In my mind, if you’re gonna *juggle* things, than you better *juggle* them well, without letting anyone down and most importantly … yourself. I smashed it! *Wiggle…Wink.*

But let’s rewind to the day before…

I had spent the entire day with my babies Ruby and Junior, doing lunch with my family…My Mum, Dad &Brother at Ego, In Ackworth. We had so much fun, that time flew and before you know it, I was rushing home to pack a bag, in a panic and getting dashed off and dropped at Barnsely train station (as it was the only station to get me to Manchester on time) in literally moments.

Boom! On a train. The 17.00 to Manchester, a bit flustered, excited for my birthday evening, ready to check into the hotel and then rush into a taxi, to go meet Lisa and Ryan at Menagerie for my birthday.

Once I hit Manchester, I had about 20 minutes to get ready and be at the joint. (I was there early. 😉  The trainee hotel ‘check in’ girl laughed as I dashed past her with a ‘She’s just checked in, in jeans and a jumper and in about a minute, she’s ready and shooting out the door dressed like Pussycat Doll.’

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I’ll fast forward, so i don’t bore you.

But i got to Menagerie, Lisa and Ryan arrived 10 minutes after me. I had called them to see how far they were, then..

*Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/* …

…as photographers basically took our picture, as we tottered into the new place. It was quiet because it was Monday. But it was my birthday and all three of us are of a drunky, fun, nature, so we didn’t even care! Within seconds we had the most delicious Pornstar Martini’s in our hands and we’re chatting away about, life, career, love, what we hoped and where we hoped, in the most glamourous location every. We even had a Kardashian conversation, which led to Ryan teaching me what a dirty ‘Jimmy Choo’ was. Lol.

‘I’m gonna call it that ALL the time now!’ Lol.

‘But she did Chrissie. She *Jimmy Chooed* him ans leaked it everywhere!’

Menagerie is utterly creative, decadent, modern, with an almost sexy twist of burlesque. It’s very current. But there’s lots going on…like champagne poured from chandeliers, dancers dangling and spinning in hoops above your table, cocktails that you share in giant swans for £100 or single drinks with fake £20 notes, burning from them. It’s very clever. Everything is presented well. Everything’s very bouji and unique. Everything in that place is ‘rich,’…and it costs.

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Anyway, we a needed air, we needed a moment. We’d laughed, gossiped, they gave me a bath bomb (that i’ve lost!! I think i left it in a bar on Canal Street??) Ryan’s shot outside already and Lisa and I are stood at the entrance Menagerie.

Couldn’t open the door for shit! It was LOCKED. Like it really was. We couldn’t move it, we were stuck and we’re sort of just looking around, trapped in this little entrance way, puzzled and laughing. Then Lisa decides to ‘hit’ a button on the side, next to the door. Y’know how some places have a ‘Press to Exit’ button, to make the door slowly ease open.

SHE HITS THE FUCKING FIRE ALARM. Hahahaha!

It’s my birthday, we’re still trapped in the entrance way, an alarm is now going off, we’re pissing ourselves laughing, the manager on duty looked all fed up with us, so we stopped laughing, so he didn’t get more annoyed. He began opening up a large doorway box and pressing all the buttons in all the land, to stop the alarm…and then this host girl walks up to the door… and just opens it. Lol. SO we weren’t even stuck. 🙂 Oops!

We were glad to get outside though, especially after Pornstar Martini’s  and were determined to enjoy my birthday night, as we swung around trees, piggy backed each other, kissed giant Polar Bears, seductively chatted up bollards and measured boobie sizes. Ryan got really into it also…As Lisa and I literally danced around a car park, HE found a ‘Santa Stop Here’ sign, started pretend hitting Lisa with it, but then dashed behind her and unzipped the back of her PVC skirt…. (In that moment, out of nowhere *Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/*)

Anyway, we decide to go back inside for food and more cocktails. Ryan’s now flirting with an Australian Waiter, with a Doctor Boyfriend, we’re telling everyone to come out with us and following them on Twitter (you always do that when you’re pissed don’t you. Lol.) I hadn’t eaten all evening, so i was feeling MERRY, looking great, sprinkled in ‘SEXY’ and then Lisa and I started talking about love, our lives, how we’re both single, good friends and then our careers. (I always say that I have it easy, as my life is an open book, you just have to Google it, open up a blog and read on…What you read is what I am…It’s my life…and you get a good grasp of who I am from it. There’s less guessing.)

And you know, away from what people THINK they may know of Lisa, if you were to know her and meet her in the flesh, she’s literally beautiful, the funniest, most genuine, down to earth, chick you’ll ever meet. But she’s ambitious and hard working. Yes, she’s an entertainer…as am I. Yet she’s been through her fair share of hard times…and you know what, after speaking to her so closely sat down with cocktails, in the middle of mood lighting and Menagerie…She deserves her moment. We gossiped about everything frankly. All the secrets in all the land.  She wants to do well…and is.

Then I had to tell her off with an..

‘EWW NO! YOU CAN’T FANCY HAIRY MEN! I HATE THAT! IT’S GROSS!’ (This was after the waiter was referred to as ‘Pretty.’)

Now, i don’t mind a GQ gent. A pretty one. Or one that has his own creative take on style. I love it. My favourite type of guy, is a guy with a great mind, intelligent, funny, fun, thoughtful, sexy and ambitious. I don’t focus on looks a much as people may think. I love eye candy, don’t get me wrong, but i’m mostly mentally and emotionally stimulated. But ofcourse, I love to feel attracted to a guy. YET Lisa loves a ‘mans, mans.’ A big rugged, muscle bound hero. Hairy even!!! Lol. I DON’T LIKE HAIRY. And i know you can’t help it. But i can’t help being a tool also, so there. 🙂

So we’re pissing ourselves laughing with Ryan, as we’re sat in a GIANT GLAMOUROUS BIRDCAGE, that has feathers entwined in it and pretend birds flying out of it, opposite a wall that has a giant electronic ‘Selfie Magic Mirror’ and a pink neon sign that says something like ‘Trade your wings in for mine.’ We’re eating olives and sipping ‘Pornstars’ and Lisa and I are actually having a conversation about porn and how it’s ruined some peoples sex lives.

Now i’m vocal in the bedroom, i’m a senusual person and well i’m not screamy, but a ‘show man’ Lol. However, Lisa says we (as in girls) get the best orgasms when we’re quiet and stay really still… and she’s right. I mean porn has made boys and men think that girls ‘get off’ by doing slutty ‘ooh’ faces at them and voicing champion ‘screeches.’ Lol. We don’t. 🙂

Wait, I’m getting distracted. 😉

We’re in Menagerie, the mood lighting is all pink, purple and dark, with bright white furniture in our booth and we’re now pissed and celebrating my birthday.

Ryan’s now thinking about Canal street, after flirting with the hot waiter. Lisa’s determined to get on with my birthday celebrations and i’m ‘Pornstar Martini’ delighted. Don’t get me wrong, things were beautiful in Menagerie, but when you’re sat in one place for ages, and you’re ‘firecrackers’ like the three of us are…it can kinda make a place feel ‘flat.’ So i simply turned my little kitten head to them, whilst sat in a bloody feathered birdcage (lol) and said,

‘Let’s fuck it off and go to canal street.’  (I am the Queen)

There was glint in our eye, laughter and we left.

As we left…and we’re NOW DRUNKIES.

*Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap/Pap*

Yet, we’re loving it now, playing up to it, picking each other up, posing, pouting, swearing, dancing. We didn’t even care! We were on birthday mode, doing Manchester, boobies under the stars and GOING FOR IT! If i’m turning thirty six, i’m lucky to be well, alive and still be able to love life!

It was like we almost *blinked* and BOOM, we were on the cobbles of Canal street…and this is when the fun happened!

Straight away, dancing under lights, posing and selfie taking with red sequinned, drag queens,bumping into other Big Brother stars, letting a Drag queen, dressed in a Sexy Santa Suit, be a DIVA  at us because she didn’t have time for our shit. Lol.

We’ve gone for it now and ended up at some bar called Churchills, because they offered us free wine (lol) and before you know it, they’re calling us on stage to sing karaoke and I feel like i sort of just blinked with my boobies and i’m stood on a stage with Lisa, as Ryan is filming it, with a microphone in my hand, SINGING ‘Wannabe’ by the fucking Spice girls, for an audience. LOL.

Honestly, we were shite. But oh my God, we gave it some welly. They loved us. Everyone was videoing and camera phoning the moment. We even got called ‘Iconic.’ HAHAHAHA. But let me tell you, being a Spice Girl is EXHAUSTING. How the HELL Mel B got through that rap section sober, I don’t know? (I was totally Mel B. 🙂 )

We get off the stage. We’re wanting wine, everyone else is wanting selfies. We’re loving it though, as we now have birthday fever. Girls and guys kept calling me ‘beautiful’ and ‘a Queen’ and when you’re dead old, you kinda adore it, don’t you. 🙂 Hahaha! It makes you feel good.

Then a group of straight boys come in. It’s now quite late and Ryan and Lisa have to head home to get the last train. I DECIDE TO STAY OUT. So, i’m now on my own, with the masses, in this bar on Canal Street, guzzling buckets of wine, with a ton of people now asking for selfies and the ‘straight ‘ boys head straight over and begin to DANCE OFF, HIT ON ME, in order to win my ‘only girl straight girl in the bar’ affection. It got so crazy that the manager had to keep pulling me out the way, or pulling them off me.

I then started having a conversation with a girl, as one guy is trying to flirt with me, by sexy dancing to Nelly and lifting up his top …and out of nowhere this other guy, darted in and started butting the ‘Nelly Dancing Guy’ out of the way to make HIS move. He was literally standing right infront of my face and giving me the ‘come ons.’ The manager (who was in a cowboy hat Lol…pulled me away again.)

I’m pissed by now, so i’m just tottering around smiling and selfie taking with those who adore Wunna land! (I followed you on Twitter Mickey Daniels! 🙂 )

Then it all just went mental!

The straight boys are now really drunk and now forcing themselves into Wunna land. A girl starts chatting to me and tells one of the boys, who’s asking me out that..

‘We’re together. She’s with me.’ 

He dances off somewhere and she turns around and says,

‘You’re too good for him.’ 

He dances his way back and then JESUS CHRIST, OUT OF NOWHERE, some other straight guy, that wasn’t even playing ‘Love Wunna,’ comes up behind him and fricking HITS HIM IN THE FACE and SMASHES A FUCKING BOTTLE OVER HIS HEAD.

Screaming happens, everything’s gone mental. He’s dragged him outside to beat him up. The girl that was ‘saving’ me from men, turns around and smashes my wine bottle on the BAR SIDE to go out and join the fight.

I’m out the way at this point, as i’ve been pushed to one side and sheltered.

THE POLICE CAME and Churchills (the bar) gets shut down for the rest of the evening,

What the absolute fuck!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED???

The cowboy dressed manager, (who was also once on Big Brother) walks up to me, makes sure i’m alright and says,

‘God! Lol! What a storm. We shouldn’t have let them in really, but we did. We’ve had to close now, as the police are here and let me tell you, THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED, IN THE HISTORY OF ME WORKING HERE.’

Then she walked me out, to another bar. Just so i’d get there safely. Lol. Yet after a drink, I left and got in a taxi. It was just too strange and a guy in a Pokeman shirt was dancing around me. He as with his Ozzie best friend, who kept telling me that she had a boyfriend, but wouldn’t say no to trying out a relationship with a girl.  Lol. They were actually lovely. So i really shouldn’t make fun of them. But i was tired now and i’d stopped having fun now, so i lied and said i needed the loo…and left them.

Got to my hotel…wiped half my face off, stripped off totally starkers, put my phone on charge, set it for five o clock in the morning, (It was 3 o clock in the morning,) and CRASHED in what felt like the comfiest bed known to mankind, in Room 825 at the Macdonald Manchester Hotel.

Missed my alarm. Shocked myself up, after feeling sick at 6.08am. 

That’s how i sailed into Tuesday. I fell asleep on my train and again just at the right time, *shocked* myself up, at the exact right station, just as people were getting off at Leeds. Missed my connection though, so I ended up in a taxi to the office.

Made it to work, bang on time, in Pontefract. Had no clue what time it was really? But ran up to the office door, with all my stay over bags, over my shoulders. I swung open the door a jar and ‘The Mighty’ looked me right in the eyes, smirked (like she had ‘been there’ herself) and in a stern, commanding, yet friendly manner, she simply says…

‘GO TO GREGGS NOW AND GET YOURSELF A COFFEE…..’

 

Lisa Appleton flashes her bum as the zip breaks on her skin tight PVC skirt

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Be A Dick & Life Choices

 

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I’ve had a couple of gin and tonics so were gonna have to watch it and you’re gonna have to bare with me. 🙂 I’ve put ‘blog writing’ off all evening, as i’ve been playing with Rubes and just neglecting the art of expression via written word long after she had decided to get some kip.

In my mind it’s Christmas time now and yes we all have a ton of work. I’ve been at work all day. But come on now, let’s have a bit of fun, or decent old chilled time, where we can kick off our kitten heels and just pour ourselves an after work tipple to relax and celebrate the year!

I have a birthday in FIVE DAYS, so i have all the excuses in the world to ‘tick box’ a sack load of fun. I mean, God, life is about filling ya cup, as you can’t pour from an empty one! So let’s enjoy it, whilst we still can. (I’ve just read this scary quote that states that if we as humans slept or 8 hours per day and we live to be sixty….we will have slept for 20 years of our lives. It apparently gives us a reason to get up the first time our alarm goes off in the morning? I don’t count in any of this, as being a single mum, with full time work, if i EVER slept for 8 hours on ANY DAY, it would be a blessing.)

I’ve had a decent time today as i’ve worked hard and enjoyed banter. Apparently my blog is so good that it SENDS PEOPLE TO SLEEP! Lol.

‘Chrissie, I love reading your blog and hate it when you don’t write one, as i read it before i go to bed and it sends me to sleep!’

Hahaha! I love it! Be it comforting or boring. Or be you sixteen or sixty….I adore that you have clicked into a bit of Wunna land, before you’ve gone to ‘n’nights.’ Makes me smile! My mum also reads my blog every night before she goes to bed and then screams at me the next morning if i’ve been a dick. 🙂 It’s all about how you’ve raised your kids. 😉 LOL.)

My friend ‘The Mighty’ is about to give birth in the coming months and is preferring to surround herself with fun ‘drink too much’ friends, rather than nice stalkery ones, who we don’t know are actual normal humans or Guardian Angels? I believe in Guardian Angel pop ups. So i’m going with that. Plus, it makes more story more magical than just saying ‘stalker.’

For some reason it made me flash back to a time when a gay guy, stopped me in a club, (I think it was Pre Bar in London) and wanted to name his cat ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ in my honour. Instead he went with ‘Jackonory’..and told me this on the dance floor, as Kylie played in the background. (I had just come off the telly, trying to be best friends with Paris Hilton, at the time.) I mean, JACK…A…FUCKING …NORY! When does that ever *trump* naming your kitten ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ (That was the night Mark Byron, who’s now a Big Brother Telly Presenting Star, asked me to hide his rent money cash in my knickers so he didn’t spend it all on booze. Lol. At that time he used to give out flyers to make people venture into clubs. Now…he’s ‘Off the telly’ Mark and currently doing Panto in Liverpool, dressed as a Genie.)

Today’s ‘Bone to pick’ is this. I had some blogger chick, slag off my ‘Nominated for a UK Blog Award’ moment because it’s apparently ‘not a popularity contest and should be purely based on content.’ (She’s nominated also.)

HANG ON A SECOND MISSY! LET’S JUST TAKE THAT ‘PRINCESS’ IN YOU AND PIPE IT DOWN A NOTCH.

Firstly, you should concentrate on your own bit of cyberland and not chirp off at mine. This space ain’t rented it’s bought and it’s blooming right now, so enjoy it doll face and pour yourself a cocktail.

Secondly…BEFORE I WAS ANYTHING…I was a blogger. I wrote a blog daily in LA for years and have done for the last 10 years. EVERY DAY and when not a single soul read it! I wrote a diary for years before that, before my life story ever became ‘live.’ I wrote and documented my on goings, before ‘having a blog’ and being social media savvy was popular and that was before i became a model…a party queen Lol….before i accidentally moved back to the UK and got on the TV with Paris Hilton…before I had a book out….before i created a range for Ann Summers on the telly….before, before…before it all.

Now, i’m not stupid…All that did make my blog more popular. Yet if anything, i’ve always simply documented my life, the good bits, with the bad. You’ve heard my heart break, you’ve seen me victory dance,  you’ve listened to my make ups, breakups, watched births, my life journey, raw pain and laughter. I’ve told the story of it all. Like God, that moment when my husband left me and he did it by moving all his stuff out of the home when i was out. I came home with my 2 year old daughter and a newborn…and he was gone…All i got was a text. I told that story..and that had nothing to do with a world of limelight or a popularity contest. That was life.

Yet there have been times when i’ve partied with Leonardo Di Caprio and gone out on dates Matt Dillion and been shut in a house with Paris Hilton for a month straight as ITV2 filmed every waking moment of fun for public entertainment.

Just the same as the story above it…It was all still part of my life.

So i’m not  reality star turned blogger. I’m a writer. And i might have been ace enough to make the UK Blog Awards ‘Trend’ on Twitter. But i can’t help being that awesome. 🙂 AND that DOESN’T MEAN THE CONTENT ON MY BLOG IS SHITE.

I’ve said it once and i’ll say it again…BILLIONS OF PEOPLE are doing life, right now as we speak…I’ve simply chosen to document my version of it…Everyone’s life is important. We’re all in it together. Just these little soul dots, chilling on a giant Earth ball as we orbit the sun.

So whilst i’m being hailed as the ‘Real life Carrie Bradshaw,’ YOU are being gummy stickered with a sexy ‘Hater’ slap badge.

Okay, i’ve sipped more gin and tonic. I’m better now!

I will tell you that this Saturday, ‘House of Solo’ Mag owner Arthur and I will be headed for lunch at Gino D’Acampos new joint ‘My Restaurant’ in Leeds. I’m so excited as i’ve heard great things about it and…well i know that Gino was there himself, last night, cooking dinner for everyone! Arthur at ‘House of Solo’ and I have ended up being ace buddies. We’re both passionate about our goals, where we want to be and our own bit of business. He shot Tom Zanetti the other night for the front cover of his mag. I met Tom at the Leeds Lifestyle Awards, as he gave out the award for ‘Best Club.’ I’m definitely going to make him my new Leeds ‘hang out’ mate. As i’m sure (even though i’m doing Manchester a lot of recent) that all three of us going to help put Leeds on the map! 🙂

See! Northerners are known for having a good time. Yet we can also do business quite well to. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leeds Lifestyle Awards Part 1

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Five o clock, Wednesday October 5th, I swung out of a ‘pull towards you’ door, in a black & white pinstripe shirt, black trousers, heels and big hair. Dashed over cobbles, armed with a hand bag and a giant ‘get changed into’ bag, that was filled with diamante Louboutins, a gold sequin dress, makeup, knickers and kitten winks. Hopped into a waiting taxi, that’s mission was to dash me straight from Pontefract and onto a red carpet at The Royal Armouries in Leeds, for the Lifestyle awards. I had a busy week..so my scheduling was on point. I got dressed for the event, IN THE BACK of the cab and stepped out of it…at the other end…. looking divine. *Pout*

Poor Rob (The driver that I use for everything, that I need driving to) had to put up with my manic tinkering, as I began shuffling around madly in the back of his darling vehicle. I unfortunately 🙂 had to get FULLY NAKED to get into my dress, (I hadn’t wore pants all day lol,) so all i could do was piss myself laughing… as bronzer, hair spray and sequins flew around behind him and the other cars, on their ‘drive home’ next to us wondered what was going on? 🙂 I even found a canned gin and tonic in my bag. 🙂 That’s what glamour pusses do. We pack emergency supplies without realizing. Lord knows how it got there? But thank Christ for it…then this happened,

‘Rob, is it okay if I drink this in your car??’ *Shoves gin in his face*

‘Chrissie! You’ve just fully got naked! Lol. A flipping gin is mild! Lol.’

And WHAT A NIGHT! I stepped out of the taxi, got there early, saw men in actual armour having cans of Pepsi, before the big event. LOVED THEM. Said ‘Hi’ and giggled, as I admired the glitzy  chandelier draped red carpet. I had hugged Jonathan who was running the ‘Made in Leeds’ live broadcast, before hand and sauntered straight in…after I had finished my gin. 🙂 (The GREAT thing about the Made in Leeds crew was the simple fact that were all fantastic at their jobs. They literally knew who everyone was and why they were there! As soon as you tottered onto that red carpet and through the doors for your picture posey moments, you felt honoured and welcomed. And we like a bit of that, don’t we. 🙂 )

 

I got to do my posey pouty moments early…which is always good as i can fit all my selfies and ‘look at me’ Tweets in. Haha.

   

 

Met loads of people during and after pictures, the Prosecco was everywhere, almost at the ready like glassy bubbles of excitement, with smiles, waiting for us to all indulge. I skipped over to the VIP area in my golden mermaid dress, drank loads and watched Harrison ‘The Perceptionist’ (who is the most amazing mind reader,) …warm up, do his thang and get into it all…at the same time as put up with my shit and banter. 🙂 He’s charming. He’s fun. He’s ace. I’d hire him. I’d hire anyone who could put up with my shit jokes. 🙂 He’s gonna do well! I watched him ‘warm up’ with a lady who was nominated for ‘The Leeds Legend’ award. She was more graceful than I, as she refrained from delivering smutty jokes. HOWEVER did kept bringing over more Prosecos. TOTAL LEGEND!! 🙂 *Heart*

 

I was having all these conversations with people before it all began and before we went live on the telly. And it was hilarious because there were the owners of all the greatest bars, hotels and businesses in the city, under one roof and they’ve all had me tinker in their spots previously and a great number of times…yet i’ve always been drunk! SO it was nice to see them with a pair of ‘fresh’ kitten eyes. Lol. I was in a good position, as they all had a case of the nerves, as they had award hopes…and well i could just do cocktails and chat to folk, on camera, off camera and take a million selfies.

 

 

It got busy fast! That place filled up. Paps and picture taking everywhere. People from Big Brother, Sports guys, Bloggers, Xfactor, Radio shows, Popular DJ’s, Owners of Magazines, Press, all sorts…filled the initial reception room and mingled in with all the owners of all the BEST businesses in LEEDS. There was a magical glitz in the air, an excitement, a buzz, cameras, schedules, Jason the Lifestyle Awards creator, with Sinitta and all the Made in Leeds guys rushing around trying to get everything ready and sorted for the live broadcast! I was waltzing around with my hair toss and pout and with a Prosecco in my hand, before it was time to go into the main room for dinner, drinks and the start of the AWARD SHOW.

I was really excited. I almost skipped into the main room in my mermaid sequins, where i bumped into Nino Lopes. Now, Nino owns The Maven (which is a fabulous Leeds cocktail bar, like he said there are even people in New York, who know of his bar) and I had actually nominated The Maven to be shortlisted. I’ve tinkered there LOTS in my time and i have always had THE BEST TIME! I clocked him straight away and  he clocked and knew me immediately. We greeted, we chatted and he bought me a vino before it all madness all began. He was all suited and sexy and i wished him loads of luck. He was with the owner of La Bottega Milanese, who up for BEST COFFEE SHOP. He was also divine and dashing, with an exotic twist and straight away wanted to exchange details, as he has a big launch event coming up that he’d like me to go to. AND I COULDN’T BE MORE EXCITED for it, I’m there! I wished him luck also and spotted DJ Tom Zanetti strutting by with his ever so quiffy quiff, all styley and cool. I spotted Austin from Celeb Big Brother and some Xfactor folk. I hugged a guy who owns a Vivienne Westwood, Sinitta, saw Stephanie Hirst, bumped into my old pal Alex Simmons, a whole bunch of other people and business owners that I knew and then saw Cleo Rocos, who I ADORE more than life itself, as not only did she do the Kenny Everett show for years, but she’s a glamour puss, so much fun and the owner/creator of AquaRiva, which is the purest Tequila in all of the land. The only tequila in the kingdom where in which you will not get a hangover, because of it’s purity. TO ME, SHE IS GOD. We’re similar…super fun, super warm, glammy ‘good time’ girls. She was rustling up cocktails as I was getting seated with the owner of House of Solo (a fashion magazine.)

Everything was exciting, there was a buzz, a magic, a starlight vibe of winners and as we sat down, had meals brought to us and wine poured for us and chatted to others, (I was sat next to another blogger,) a whole bunch of presenters, the Made in Leeds crew and well we slamdunked that bread basket like carbs were our only true love. 🙂

The room was a purple lit dark, beamed by film cameras, excited people and letters that spelt out the word ‘LEEDS’ in giant alphabet lights. TV’s were around us, I’m sure people were shitting themselves with nerves, as it was all about to be broadcast live and there were presenters not wanting to fuck it all up and nominees all wanting to take home the big old juicy prize..for delicious bragging rights (which we all love) and a merry sense of achievement.

Y’know, one of the good things that happened before the awards went live on air was the fact that a gentleman up on the stage had said this,

‘Could everyone that is the OWNER of a business that is nominated and shortlisted for an award stand up at their table please.’

And when they did, there was this moment of absolute of pride, a real pride, away from the glitter…it felt really wonderful, because these people were people from all walks of lives, who had put in so much hard work for a dream that they had…and they made it work…and now they were stood infront of an applauding crowd, who were wishing them the entire BEST for the rest of the evening. It was a good feeling. I took stalker snappy pics of all their faces in that moment.

I sat, I drank, I smiled…and then we had a 30 second countdown, where we were told that even though we were going live on air at 9pm, which means that we would be allowed to swear and all sorts, we were advised to ‘ease into it.’ Lol.

The AWARDS began…

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