Saturday, Leeds Games & Glamourous Trumping

Me: ‘But sex is a big part of  relationship…’

Chica: ‘Yeah but he’s rubbish at it…’

(Sips Cocktail)

Me: ‘Yes, but have you only had sex once…because sometimes it takes a few goes, to get in line with each others ooh laa…?’

Chica: ‘No…it’s just awkward and not in sync. I’m doing these bedroom faces that aren’t true to his work..?’

Me: ‘HAHAHAHAH! Are you good at sex though? As I reckon loads of girls must be shit at sex, because so many men are always on the look out for it. They take really good ‘i’m good at sex’ selfies, but are shit when it comes to the art of it all. Show him what to do?’

Chica: ‘Show him what to do? He’s a grown ass man. Plus, i’m too shy…’

Me: ‘If you’re shy with the man you fancy in the bedroom, then you’re shit at sex.. There’s only you and him there…It’s not like i’m watching on and judging your thrusts??? Lol.’

Then to our disgrace a guy in a group of boys, who were at the bar also watching last night’s Leeds game does the LOUDEST, most GIANT TRUMP, in the history of the world ever…HAHAHAH….Properly.. with no shame, he just lets it blow. It shattered the mirror of stress, everyone paused and then with ‘throw head back’ smiles, laughter burst through the airs…It didn’t even smell of egg….Kinda smelt like Jean Paul Gautier. Impressive.

Random Guy: ‘Steady on Paul! FUCKS SAKE!’

I love trumps when people don’t care. Hahahaha!

Leeds won. Life was great. I admire my friend Kate’s new kitten hair. I had spent the whole day with the children at the fair in Doncaster. (If you didn’t know, Doncaster is my home town…I go there a lot, so The Wunna Babies and I are a hit down at the old Frenchgate. Lol)

They fun housed, rode motorbikes, hooked ducks and then won fucking fish. IF YOU’RE A PARENT….you get how awful this is! We already have a NEW KITTEN. I’m like flipping Noah’s Arc or something? How can I go from nothing, to a kitten and  fish in days!! Then I had carry these fish around in a tank, with people awwing at me, a security man following me, two bags of Lush bath bombs, 2 bags of books from Waterstones, a bloody whistle, emoji cookies and with my hair stuck on my freshly lip glossed lips. Devastating. It should be a children’s book..‘When Mummy is a glamour puss and had to carry your shit home.’ 

I couldn’t take it any more and demanded that we go to Ego for new steak sandwiches and 2 for 1 cocktails. We’ve had lunch there about 4 times this week. To be honest, at the request of Ruby. Yesterday…I needed Ego and I smashed that salted rimmed margarita like a champion, as Junior made me a car with sparkles on, which looked like a clay poo with sequins and brought me a tiny buttercup. I love the ‘Arts & Craft’ table at the restaurant….You’re kids can make clay things, as you recover and drink wine. It’s creative and educational…honest! 😉

Long, but great day! Ruby decided to be a lawyer and Junior decided that be wanted to play football just so he could kick a ball into my boobies all day?  He laughed about it for about 3 hours. (I’m doing everything with a kitten in my arms.)

I then got home, striped down to my bra and frillies, chilled and sent a message to the guy that I ‘heart’ and the world swirled down to a happy magical ending, as day turned to night…and Saturday turned ‘lights out.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boys, Emojis & Fire Talk

Y’know when you just can’t find your way out of a fricking carpark!! No? Just me then. 😉 FFS.

Lord knows what happened, but I got into the carpark with a shimmie, hair toss and maybe even a wink….yet getting out the fucker was like some kind of comedically trippy maze. I drove round and round, up and down, parked up, waved at concerned people, like I totally knew what I was doing, pondered, adjusted my bra, glossed my lips and finally after about 17 minutes, I found my way out. 🙂 Welcome to my world. I’ll definitely make someone a good wife one day. I CAN’T EVEN GET OUT OF CARPARKS. (However, do note, there are other things i CAN DO and well…so bare with me.)

Life is great otherwise. Ruby, Junior and I have a new kitten, after many name changes (Sammi/Beckham/Harry/Sprint…) and after I felt bad from taking it from a weeping child,

Mel: ‘Chrissie…just leave with the kitten. Take it…NOW.’

… we finally all agreed on ROCCO. So Baby Rocco, full name ‘Rocco RoMEo’ is our new kitty addition. Hurrah! He’s amazing. We love him. (We don’t know how to look after pets, so it will be a challenge. I mean how hard can it be? I raised two humans on my own.)

But yes, I’ve been a busy glamour puss, but a chilled one all at the same time. I’ve nothing too hardcore other than posing and pouting for a camera to endure, after a stint of secret filming…until the 21st…so i’m just enjoying the downtown…until i have to step it all up and write a book and tend to a lash line relaunch.. without wine.

I had a chat with my guy friend ‘Marbles’ the other day…and it’s weird how men think? We’re wired so differently….He adores this girl…that he kinda knows…and well this is how our convo went down..

Me: ‘So you fancy her, she’s single, but you’re not gonna tell her?’

Marbles: ‘Yes.’

Me: ‘Hmm…? I can see how that works? NOT! Lol. Girls hate that. We want you to be all masterful..well brave..It makes us feel femme…all of us want some hero, you know that. What was the last message you sent her?’

Marbles: ‘A thumbs up emoji. Lol. And Nah. She might turn me down…I’m flirty but she’s way out of my league…’

WHAT!!! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MEN! We’ve terrified them. There isn’t leagues. (Well maybe there are leagues.) But there isn’t any leagues. Lol. Nothing is hotter than being brave and expressive regardless. A ‘thumbs up’ emoji is odd to a girl. To us, it means you either didn’t know what to say, didn’t have time to say or even worse couldn’t be bothered to say…

You have one life to live, one honey to woo, a wifey to maybe commit to in the end. And I do know that ‘steady treading’ is always very sensible, as I do believe that the guy or girl that stands the test of time, is one that is worth all your love, if you fancy them and they have a snuggled a cosy spot in your heart.

Yet love isn’t sensible, it’s an emotion, it’s not something that calculated logically. It’s something you feel and can’t help but feel, even if you’ve going through a bumpy run or an easy peasy ‘slip n slide.’ I’m always expressive, too expressive…so expressive, that I have zero qualms or fear when it comes to  delivering how I feel about anyone or anything…it’s how I’M wired. It makes me a good blogger and a decent telly personality. 😉 Yet, it’s just struck me that some people are quite willing to forget that they one shot to ‘go for it’ and instead will go for ‘nah, she’s out of my league.’ EH?

Then ‘Marbles’ (and i’m referring to him as that because he’s certainly lost his) went on to say…

‘Like you. Wunna land is a pretty daunting place to approach..’

Me: ‘No, it’s not, not if you have your OWN LAND going on. Then you’re comfy, you feel all confident. It’s normal. I hate it when people are daunted by Wunna land because it makes me feel like they’ve judged me. Aww no. It’s not me is it? HAHAHA… I’m not your Woo Woo am I…cos I don’t..’

Marbles: ‘Hahah…Nope you big headed bitch. Lol. Men aren’t like that. We’re always a bit sketchy, until we fall head over heels and that happens when we know we can trust the girl. When we feel safe.’

Me: ‘That sounds very girly to me. It’s like a Backstreet boys track. Yeah she might not fancy you, but you’ll know if she does….she’ll tell you, or even better show you… YEEeeeah!’

Marbles: ‘I hope you die an old lonely cat lady…’

Me: ‘Hahahaha. Not only did my friend Kate TELL ME that i now have a Cat Lady starter pack with Rocco, but fuck you because my love life isn’t even that shit right now. 😉 ‘

Marbles: ‘You’re in a swirl…’

Me: ‘It’s pretty good. Infact so good that I might need a wine to celebrate…’

At the end of the day, you work hard, you play hard and well you’ve kinda just godda have that good old faith in love. If someone adores you, no matter what, where or how, they will always still be stood there..even when the mist has risen. If not, you’re sat in your tight t shirt playing the ‘shoulda woulda coulda‘ game (which is shit) or crying into your Louboutin wearing fruity gin sessions. Faith in love (without you realizing) gets you through shit and I MEAN IT. I mean god my time in LA was so emotionally INSANE that it was almost a work of art. I was happy through it and I sailed it with flying colours unscathed. It was only when I got back home to Yorkshire, did a tv show with Hilton, looked back and reflected on LA and thought shit, how the absolute hell did I get through all that smiling. But I did. And yeah I might be thirty six now…and yeah i’ve shimmied with the best…but let me tell you i have NEVER in my entire life felt as empowered and I do now.

The time i’m going through right now is probably the best time of my entire life…and that’s saying something. Like I don’t have to look back and hold onto my ‘misty watercolours’ wistfully as i’m currently SMASHING IT. Someone close to me always whatsapps me and says, ‘You’re on fire, babe’ and makes me feel good because I never would have imagined it.  Y’know, a lot of hard work, glitter and ‘fingers crossed’ has gone into this year and it will continue until the end of the year. I’ve kinda winged it. But i’ve done it. I’m doing it. You can do anything. Remember that! Just go for it. If people don’t like it, fuck’em.

On the whole…I’m buzzing…and not even needing to do it in a Wonderbra and anytime that happens you know you’re winning at life.

Ps/ I’m up for Blogger/Podcaster of the year for the Diversity in Media awards…I kinda wished i tried harder to make everyone vote for me now. Voting has closed and I tinker to the event in September. There’s hit loads of people up for awards like Graham Norton, Rio Ferdinand…some other folk…I keep needing to blink and think and realize that life is all ace!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve Got My Va Voom Back!

I’m passed the feeling of shitting myself and now i’m utterly EXCITED for my Friday! I had an evening that kinda made me feel really confident about myself…and when a girl feels that way, she glows, she radiates….I know i’m currently radiating because my world right now is filled with inboxes messages from exes, or previous husbands, or new guys with gusto and my strut is currently *paused* every few minutes by a stranger or an old friend giving me the wink. It’s not about the inbox fill up, or playful winks from strangers…as i’m ignoring them all politely. (I’m rubbish like that.) It’s all about the ‘GLOW.’ It’s the GLOW that we chicks get when we feel confident in our strut. I want all girls to feel it, every moment of every day. It makes us attractive. It’s sexy, because that glow radiates makes us super POWERFUL and no matter what ages, shape or size you are, nothing is sassier than that whoosh of of ‘ooh laa.’ (Boys will honestly be tripping over their willies as they pass you by.) Oh and FYI/ NOTHING IS BETTER than exes messaging you, who you now care nothing for, when you have that ‘whoosh’ of ‘ooh laa.’ I’ve looked at the message, said nothing and beamed with my ‘Cya, don’t wanna be ya dance.’ If a guy wanted you that badly, he would’ve made the effort to keep you and HEY, maybe not chosen another girl over you! Lol. I AM GLOWING.

Anyway, yesterday was great because yesterday was the day that my guy friend David (who’s currently auditioning for Celeb Hotels) decided to obtain a mattress from a granny, shove it in his boot and simply for banter because ‘Firmonnell’ told him to, place it on the top of ‘Fairytales’ car (her cream mini) and snapchat it to everyone.

Firmonnell: ‘I don’t know why it’s so funny. But it is!’

IT WAS HILARIOUS! This is how i know i have ace friends. Nothing is better than childish pranks. I actually thought that he’d only plonked the dirty mattress on her car for snapchat picture taking purposes….But no…it sat there ALL DAY.

Hustle Barbie: ‘Fairytale…Why have you got a giant dirty mattress on the roof of your car? ‘

Fairytale: ‘It’s still fucking there!!!!!’

Me: HHHHHHHHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I’m feeling cheeky today! I feel like i want to prank the world and just deal with the consequences afterward! Lol You’ve got to love a laugh. You’ve got to love a bit of banter. And it’s the simpliest things that crack me up.

Last night, after the babies had tinkered to sleep and my mum had come round to cuddle them…I had a bit of work to take care of, for my weekend. I’m excited for my Friday now. I was meant to blog, but instead, i walked down to ‘Ego’ for a quick white wine. I needed a chill, a nightcap and well i’m not really going to be able to have a drink tonight…as i’m sure i’ll be rushing about headlessly. (I’m also excited because i’m about to embark on what feels like a whole bunch OF TIME off work….which means i can fit ‘good times’ in and refuel.)

But anyway, I went to ‘Ego’ in Ackworth. I go all the time. I love it there. I love the staff there. It’s a good place to find me. I always go on my own for a chill and just sit at the bar by myself. Lol.

So, I obviously opened my last blog with Josh (the ‘Ego’ Bartender) who’s great! We chat well. And I love a bit of banter with him. Infact all the staff there are literally ace. It’s a good time. (I’m currently writing this topless and forgot I was topless…need to grab a bra. I don’t want spaniel ears for boobies!) Bottom line, I didn’t reckon he’d read the blog, or anyone he knew would…so he’d never find out that I wrote about him. Right? First thing he mentioned when i walked in was the fact that he featured on the blog! LOL. But he was happy about it. So it was all good. Made me smile. I mean, nothing is worse to me, when i write about someone and they hate that i’ve written about them. It makes me feel uncomfy. Plus, people should love a Wunna Land feature! Hahaha. What better place to have your name splattered all over the internet than here! 🙂 It’s a written word reality show. You CAN in real life, go to ‘Ego’ in Ackworth and find Josh the Bartender. You can all be a part of Wunna Land. My kingdom, not yours! 🙂

Anyway, it was great. I had a wine. I chatted to the staff as they tinkered by me. Some guy in a pink shirt stroked my arm and gave me the last part of his larger, whilst calling me ‘baby.’ I love being called ‘Baby.’ I call people ‘Baby’ when i love them. Didn’t love him. And didn’t really want the spit part of his drink. Yet, I thanked him anyway. (I’m good like that.)

‘Was he gay or straight? I couldn’t figure it out?’

Then randomly my old school friend Nathan, who was on a boys night with his teacher friend, who used to my football for Leeds or something found me at the bar and made me a part of their lads night. Nathan was 3 years below me at school and it’s always ace to bump into him.

‘Am I ruining boys night?’

‘No. You’re making it much better! We need to do this again. Lol’

We chatted school, fishing, Vegas, football, tits, dresses, tv appearances, LA and life.

‘Who can we force to get married, so we can go on a stag do to Vegas?’

I tried to force him to teach me how to fish. He tried to force me to go drinking with him. Josh wanted to live in a log cabin for a bit. And his footballer/teacher friend took off his wedding ring! Hahaha!

Boy banter is always better than girl banter.

Shit! its 7.30am! I need to get ready and GO!

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Talking Chemistry…

‘If a guy is madly in love with a girl, he will put her on a pedestal, to the point where no other girl in the entire world, comes even NEARLY CLOSE to her… that’s how we as guys, know we’re in love…’

…said Josh the ‘Ego’ bartender to the little Burmese Glamour Puss. He had just been cheated on by his girlfriend, who he had been loyal to for YEARS. It hurt him. He cried in a car. But he’s now dating someone else…and I guess he’s just taking it steady, yet merrily, with his heart on his sleeve. The above statement occurred after I decided to express my views on loyalty and ‘guys with wandering eyes.’ 

Me: ‘If a guy is looking at other girls and seriously actually wanting a piece…then the girl he’s with, can’t be his big love. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with anyone looking at all, yet I know that when I care about a guy i’m with, i always care for them with every thing that I am, so my eyes would NEVER wander. Not ONE piece of me would care for anyone but the guy i love. I’m all fire for them…’

I learnt a lot this weekend…and yeah I may have learnt stuff whilst sipping on the occasional ‘Pornstar Martini.’  However, still the weekend was great. Even Friday rocked. It was fun. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got stressed and the rest of the girls (including myself) just invested in the best time ever and shimmied around her to Kisstory tracks, during the middle of the day. How good is Kisstory on a Friday afternoon!!!

Anyway, I’m having a chilled time and when I say ‘chilled,’ it’s not chilled in the sense of ‘still,’ as a LOT of work is going on behind the scenes in Wunna Land right now. (I have a lot of exciting things happening to me, that I’m unable to tell you about yet. No one even knows about it all except myself and one other human.)  When I say ‘chilled,’ I guess, I mean that my heart is warm and i’m feeling pretty at peace…pretty together. It’s a good feeling because all sorts of madness has swirled around me, over the last couple days…. in the lives of others, in the lives of those close to me and I was kinda able to simply smile, keep myself out of the drama and enjoy my own version of life. Cut away from it all positively. I’m a lucky girl. A really lucky girl. Right now, my life is WONDERFUL. I’m at peace.

But HOLY SHIT. I had friends, who got cheated on, dumped, ditched, pied…and lied to. Yet great things happened like..

Emily: ‘Mark asked me to marry him! I said YES! WERE ENGAGED!’

(Not bad to say they met on the hell hole that I call Tinder. I hate Tinder. I’m not on Tinder. I’d never online date anyone with a swipe. Everything to me is all about a real life connection. Yet flipping heckers…Tinder certainly worked out for them! They even had a long distance relationship and LOOK how well it went! He looked at her, knew he wanted to make her his wife…and he did. NOTHING IS SEXIER THAN THAT MOMENT. It’s hot. It’s when a boy turns to man. And he got her the blingiest rock ever!)

I’m seeing really bad couples and really great couples all all around me. The bad couples will learn. The great couples will be filled with love.

Away from all that, I committed to making rude words out of sequinned arts and crafts. I pictured it and whatsapped it to the appropriate person…followed by a photo of…well i don’t really think i can say what the picture was, without everyone having a go at me for having a rubbish sense of humour, that always gets me done. (See! I’m learning. 😉 ) Lots of good times, lots of fun, time with the babies and maybe a moment when some girl told me a story of how she ‘rimmed’ a guy and punched a guy, before I found myself sat in what looked like an accidental, illegal dungeon, with my old school friend Kate.

Odd moment, but still a good time. I felt really tired though, so I ventured home immediately for bed. I love bed time. As soon as my kitten head hit that pillow, i was ZONKED.

Then I decided to stress out because I couldn’t find the perfect dress. I need the perfect dress for Friday and when you need a good dress…you can’t fricking find one anywhere, can you??? (I have one now. I ordered it today at 7am. I love early morning spends.) I have a big week this week….If i’m being honest, I was kinda nervous for it, until I moaned at ‘Firmonnell.’

Me: ‘I’m nervous. I’m shitting myself. What am I even doing!! Lol’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s too late for this shit now…’

It kinda made me pull glitzy little self together, laugh and get on with it. Lol. You can’t really go hurtling off a glitter cliff and then think ‘oops’ mid soft landing.

I have great friends. Fair enough some of them might be odd like ‘Hustle Barbie’ who has dreams of bald men named ‘Dave’ just because ‘they’re funny.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘You know he’s a virgin…He comes from a really religious family…’

Double B: ‘FUCKS SAKE! THIS STORY IS JUST GETTING WORSE!!! HAHAHA!’

Me: ‘As if he’s an actual real life virgin! You can’t take his virginity. It’s wrong. Hahahaha.’

It’s bizarre because guys love virgins and girls think guy virgins are just weird. Hahah. Apart from ‘Hustle Barbie’ who has completely lost her mind. (I asked her for dress advice and she sent me a picture of some giant rainbow coloured, Cinderella ball gown. Hahaha.)

I think sex is a really big part of a relationship/marriage. I whole heartedly respect ‘Bald Dave and his ‘no sex before marriage’ thing. It’s lovely. But imagine if you married him and you had really shit sex together forever. I’d hate that! I love ‘the bedroom.’ You really do have to have sex with someone before you marry them. Test the goods and all that! Lol. Even if you never have sex again and then decide to wait until the ‘i do’s’…at least you know that the ‘winky winky’ part of your love is AMAZING. That sounds like a ‘tick box’ to Me!

Honestly…’Hustle’ is properly crushing on him. DREAMING about him and everything. Hahaha!

I don’t even know if I can tell you what Mel did at the weekend…I think i might need to ask her permission. It even flipping SHOCKED ME. Lol. She tinkered to Liverpool and had a bizarre Portaloo moment. It is the most hilarious story ever. I’m too scared to tell you it.

Y’know, I don’t even know what to tell you because so much has happened!

But this weekend, I learnt a lot about love. I learnt a lot about myself. It solidified what i wanted by listening to the shit stories of others. Hahaha. It’s strange because to look at, people always guess me wrong. I don’t know what they’d think i’d be like? Yet, it’s certainly not what I am. Lol. When it comes to love, I believe in true love. I believe that sometimes people ‘make do’ with partners. Yet,i’m not that girl. I honestly think there is ONE PERFECT person out there for you, for everyone. You’re perfect person will always find you. They’ll love you. Your chemistry will be magic. Your love will come so easily it will be effortless. You’ll be happy.

I’m a settley down kinda girl. I’m allowed to have a cheeky side. It doesn’t make me unable to love. Lol. It makes me ace. I want ‘forever.’ I’d do ‘forever’ for with my perfect man. But I guess anyone would once they had found their life bestie? It’s just how true love goes….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time, Family & A bit of Shania in Weaves

Yesterday ‘jazzed’ up a bit. I mean fair enough it wasn’t the height of utter excitement. (I’m beginning to think, you have to create your own. Lol) However, it was mildy more ‘buzz’ like.

There was definitely a moment where in which ‘Double B’ and I glamourised an outside corner by some church steps. Is it a church or a castle? Who knows? Nice steps though. Far too nice to do your prayers on. Anyway, she’s sat there with her bootilicious derriere, newly plumped lips, big eyelashes and fresh blond extensions and I’m stood by her, (i like to stand, it makes me feel dominant…lol) with my boobies, dark black weave, cougar lips and exotic tan. How we didn’t burst into flames, I don’t even know? 😉

Anyway, most people on steps by churches, would probably ponder life in a normal, more educated fashion…we decided to get ourselves confused over a girls ‘This is how I woke up top,’

Double B: ‘I thought the whole point to wearing that top was the fact that you’re meant to look glam in it, not like a scruff. Not like you really have actually JUST WOKEN UP’ like that.

Then we chatted more shit, ridiculed our good friends and sang Shania Twain tracks that we forgot even existed. We went with ‘That don’t impress me much! 

Double B: ‘What are you even singing? WHAT A BANGER THAT SONG WAS.’

Me: I’ve kinda jumbled all her songs into one and they’re all coming out my mouth at the same time???

Then with a hair toss, a pout, an adjustment of the old bra….we strutted away and back to business.

Not much else happened, apart from making fun of my friend David, who needs to man up and learn the art of ‘the chase.’ He’s about to go on a date with a girl we both know, who’s a great sassy fit for him…and he’s heel clicking to love songs and everything ALREADY. Lol. The sweet thing about it, is that he’s happy. I love happy people. The other sweet thing about it all is that it’s lovely to see a GUY so excited about a girl.

David: ‘I just haven’t been this excited about a date in a long time. ‘

I think it’s lovely, but even ‘Fairytale Blond’ had to tell him to calm down a bit.

Hustle Barbie: ‘David! You need to keep her on her toes. Girls don’t like that full on stuff….’

I’m ALL for a bit of full on. Lol. So i’m with him on that mark. I think he should move with his romantic foot forward! It shows BALLS.

But then talking about balls, we all got distracted, as Ms.White tinkers up to us all mid banter, whops out her phone and shows us a video o a naked dancing man, with a semi on, dancing….

Me: ‘WHo’s that!?!’

Ms.White: ‘My boyfriend, I took it of him last night. Not really…HAHAHAHAHA. IT’S ACE.’

Ms.White’s actually quite funny because she got so burnt sunbathing on holiday, but only ON ONE side, so she kinda looked like an Drumstick lollipop. She said, she had to run away from people all holiday because they kept trying to ‘lick her.’ Hahaha.

A fun day. Good times. I’m mentally chilling before I set off for exciting stuffs, that I can’t tell you about.

I’ve actually been having a few Mummy problems with Ruby and Junior, as they’ve been fighting a lot of recent and when you’re a single mummying it…things aren’t easy, because there’s just you. I have to work hard. I have to make a living. I have to balance it all with love and time. Two nights ago they FOUGHT like they hated each other. That’s never happened before. I never let that happen.

Last night, they couldn’t sleep and I could sense a fight coming. Even Ruby sat crying to me saying, ‘I don’t want anyone to love me ever, but you. Why are you even not married! Why don’t we have a normal life.’

So when all was heated and they were both in their own beds, glaring at ceilings and filled with frustration…ready to take it out on each other….I simply, got changed, put my coat on, walked into each of their rooms and said,

‘Put your coats and shoes on…’

‘What?’

‘Get up! Get coats and shoes on…we’re off out. We’re night owls. Let’s go have some fun, as a family, just us…together…right now.’

And you should have seen their faces. They beamed and dashed and scurried for shoes and giggled with madness.

Last night, when it felt (to them) like all the world was asleep, we enjoyed a late night park session. No one but us…love..and memories being made.

Last night, I had the HAPPIEST CHILDREN IN AL THE LAND. It meant so much to them. They felt loved. They felt excited. They showed loved. They showed excitement.

Under the night stars, as we slid down slides and raced around on merry go rounds….we felt free….

 

 

 

A Ticket To Dullsville

So I spent my first half of Tuesday with one of my chick besties ‘Firmonnell.’ I kinda tottered down the street, in my giant Cruella Deville faur fur, (it wasn’t Dalmatian…it was ‘Little Mistress,’) as she began to pretend that I lived in a caravan and I convinced her that she was pregnant. Lol. It’s how we roll. This was after talks of Prosecco and periods. I get carried away with baby talk, it fills me with excitement. I sizzle over with an utter flourish of ‘ooh laa.’ To me, nothing is more fulfilling than creating humans..Y’know, little ‘Mini Me’s.’ However,  Firmonnell…well… she pretends she hates it. She doesn’t hate it. She just…well… she just hates it. 🙂

We laughed all the way to Wakefield and guided each other to appropriate parking spots…where parking meters didn’t work.

Firmonnell: ‘As if you’ve made me park this far away.’

Me: ‘It’s just around here somewhere?’

Firmonnell: ‘You don’t know where we are, do you?’

Me: ‘It’s by the Bull Ring, or something? What if we take this shortcut? Lol.’

Lots of things happened on Tuesday. It felt fun! It started off with a whatsapp message that made me smile. When you get a good message to start your day, it kinda sets the tone, doesn’t it. It makes the rest of your day that little bit rosier.

There were moments where mini prosecco bottles were guzzled in carparks, in the style of ‘bouji pirates.’Times when ‘Double B’ referred to males as a ‘pink whisky faces.’ Sweeps of time, where in which we watched young girls perform dance routines, by bundles of straw, to Beyonce remixes. (We could’ve shown them how it SHOULD be done.) There was laughter. Good times. Infact, I might have had a weird conversation with a girl, about how they talk to plants to make them grow. Then finally…after my brain had fried itself with hard work..

‘I swear I was built for pleasure and not such mental labour…’

…I got home to the babies and indulged in an early night and WHAT IS BETTER, than an ‘early night’ when you really really need one!

IT WAS BLISS.

TODAY…was boring as hell. Lol. Fucking boring.

It was one of those days, where there’s zero excitement, not juice and no ‘ooh laa’ in sight. One of those days where you scroll through your emails, check your messages, look around you…and everything is simply so beige, it’s dull. Lol. There was no magic in the air. Everything was still. I couldn’t even call the day ‘vanilla,’ as even that would give it a flavour. Now, I’m a positive soul by nature and if i can’t roll a turd in glitter, then NO ONE CAN.

What was today!!!

If i hate anything…I hate dull. I hate ‘still.’ I’m a fast mover. I’m not a patient person. I yearn for excitement, I look for it and enjoy it. I adore buzzy bits of happiness. I live for them, they feed my kitten soul. I don’t know whether it’s because i’m a fire sign or an idiot? Yet either way, I LOVE to feel excited. I love to feel surprised. I love a bit of sassy banter. In work, I smile at a sense of achievement. In love, I love to feel adored. I I love everything that makes me radiate. That’s when any human is at their most powerful.

Today was boring. Haha!

The only exciting parts where the moments where in which I witnessed two of my friends, kinda weirdly ‘fall’ for each other with the most cutest innocence. They’ve decided to go on a date. It made me smile. It’s cute!

I did also watch a video where in which someone batted a tennis ball with a willy. Not by choice. Maybe by choice? Who knows?  It was hilarious, nonetheless. Who knew anyone could do that?

There was also a moment where in which my chicks friends decided to compare the worst looking guys they’ve ever been with. Lol. That certainly passed some time. It soon went back to boring.

Then ‘Fairytale Blond’ and I decided that we were emotionally needy (lol) and had brief chats on how guys were so different to girls. We’re both really different girls, yet both really similar when it comes to love and expression.

The day turned to night…It’s finally turned to night (Boooooooooyaaaaaaah) and all I can say, as i chill on my pretty flamingo sheets is..

‘Cya Wednesday…You were dull.’

Let’s hope tomorrow is glistened over with magic.

Send me excitement…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

That Good News Phone Call

I got a ‘GOOD NEWS’ phone call today. I looked down at my phone twice as it simply rang ‘Unknown’ ( I never answer an *unknown* call as the last time I did was weirdo who wanted  to tell me about his penis demanded my attention) and then like a *whoosh* and a *wonder,* I checked my email, as my voicemail currently doesn’t seem to be working and with an *OH* they quickly gave me a call back.

Just like that, as I stood quietly in an office, after looking left at Firmonnell and saying ‘I really need to take this…’ in a yellow turtle neck jumper, as I rushed up a flight of stairs, I JUMPED UP AND DOWN with excitement. I love excitement and I love it when dreams magically tinker into reality.

‘Chrissie, I have good news…’

Life became bubbled over with a glistening ‘joie de vivre’ and from that point on….and probably because my life energy was bursting at the seams….GREAT THINGS began to consecutively happen to me…almost like some glitzy domino effect. I don’t even get it? But I’m so happy! Everything’s changing and I feel like the luckiest girl alive. I’m an excitable girl. I love good news and good times that peak a shimmie and infact it’s a great way to get me to listen or pull me, if you fancy a try! Lol. I love adventure and my good news call offered me that. From that point on Wunna land was tinseled up with VA VOOM.

(I mean even at the start of the day before the phone call, I won a decent Malbec and a certificate for being ACE, all before 9am…so life wasn’t so bad. But yesterday….on the whole was a great day!)

The evening ended delightfully as I messaged someone via the fine art of picture taking 🙂 who I can’t help but adore, (what a great human) and whilst sipping the wine that I won…out of the bottle in a fuchsia bra, because I couldn’t be bothered to get a glass. Hahaha!

Everything just worked out merrily yesterday and it made my little Oriental heart beam. This is a really good time for me. I swear it’s because I have a decent tan, yet my Mother assures me it’s because yesterday, as I tangoed through my work day she Feng Shui’s my entire home, so bring me luck. Maybe it did work? I’m quite spiritual by nature…so I delight in the idea of a bit of Feng Shui.

What i’m going to go with is the simple old ‘I worked really hard, went for it and seized all opportunities’ excuse….Seems to work for me.

Other than that, Firmonnell is now being glam even with a ‘dragon rash.’ Mel is off to Disney Land Paris and adoring every inch of being a Mother to kittens. Fairytale seems chilled, like her life is plodding along exactly how her text book read wants it too and Hustle Barbie is demanding that we pay her attention and adore her Baby pictures. (Her day ended with a stranger buying her a really expensive bottle of gin and a gorgeous bouquet of lillies. I love it when gents are just lovely for no reason other than being a ‘darling.’ The funny thing is…before she went she was sure he was a ‘stalker.’ But hey, you can be stalkery and whop out the flowers and we’ll all love you anyway for being so cute.)

Anyway. i have to set off for my work day now. I’ve double booked my tomorrow, so I’m gonna have to work all that out….

Things are just wonderful and even though i’m only on what feels like the first step to many, I’ve come a long way…and more importantly…i’m done it all by myself. 🙂

Remember that dreams come true…but only when you have a good tan. 😉

 

 

 

I Smashed A Bit of London Pride.

I had so much fun in London! I smashed Pride. I only did one night, due to Mummy duties and Jenna’s ‘come around to mine for drinks’ night.

But Lord, nothing is better than meeting Theo,  your LA best friend, who you haven’t seen in 11 years and then accidentally realizing that it’s Gay Pride in London (He’s gay. Not straight. And so much fun. We’re really similar.) Anyway weirdly, as soon as I tottered through the ‘Double Tree’ hotel doors in the West end and rushed up to his suite, on the warmest day that I have ever experienced in London, he swung open the door AS I KNOCKED, and it was really really emotional. I didn’t even know what to say!!! I was in shock.

A rush dashed through me and I had to blow out, like I was in labour. But then…within  minutes, everything just went back to how it was 11 years ago….which was GREAT! It was easy! We picked up exactly where we left off….and that’s how you know you have a true friend. He missed me. I could tell by the way his eyes smiled.

Theo:’ OH MY GOOOOOOOOD! YOU LOOK AMAZING!

Me: ‘Gosh! I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you’re here!

Image may contain: 3 people, people smiling, people standing and outdoor

I’d accessorized with a golden clutch and a handbag that had ‘overnight stuff’ shoved in it. (I always pack light, because I hate carrying shit.) Theo out accessorized me, as he had no golden clutch, yet instead brought ‘Jenny from Paris.‘ Yes, an entire American human from Paris. We chatted, we laughed and she napped as Theo and I tinkered to ‘Hercules Pillars‘ for pints and snacks in the sun…and then with a wink we were met by hot gay Daniel from Wimbledon’ in tight white shorts and from the point on, where in which life made us revolve out of those ‘Double Tree’ glass doors….the city was our oyster. AND WE LIVED IT!

It was a heated swirl of London party magic. It was Pride. It was Soho. It was alive. It was a glamourous blow out of testosterone, laughter, new fun with old friends and warm air in a new city. We stopped at ‘Balls & Company’ a cute little date spot where you can grab tapas like balls (all the food is ‘ball’ shaped’) and alfresco dine, in the middle of London as the busy streets and people bustle by you. We ordered every ball on the menu and enjoyed wine, banter and cocktails, as we told stories of our present, relived stories from our past and style watched as we shared our balls. Lol. (I actually just drank the whole way through.) The food was OKAY. It wasn’t superb. But it was a great bouji spot of ‘coolness.’ I mean God, even a homeless guy tottered up and asked to try a ‘ball.’ This was after we offered him a tasty gourmet potato wedge. He shunned it and said, ‘No, i just want that ball.’ I loved it! He then went to try to empty find prosecco bottles for dregs. If I was homeless…I’d be him…but with better hair. Then I forgot about it all and just had more wine whilst refusing to eat. (I don’t like eating when i’m on a drinking mission.)

Dan: ‘I love how well Chrissie just KNOWS her party process.’

Me: ‘Dan! I even know how your night ends. You’re going to stop drinking water, have a few wines and get super sassy…’

Dan: ‘I’m giving my body a break….’

Image may contain: 5 people, people smiling, people standing, night and outdoor

He ended up giving in and getting really drunk on gin and then letting hot men grind on him to hip hop tracks in Freedom bar, before ‘leaving early‘ for sex. Lol.

It was such a fun night and glamour and warm shimmies, in the evening air, under the stars, as the streets just filled itself up with ‘good time’ folk and characters.

It was great for us because we were such a good click. A great team of ‘night out.’ We’re all the least judgmental humans on the planet…all a bit hot…:) ….and all know how to just have a good time without being high maintenance. I honestly felt like I was on holiday. It was that great! It was magical…. Even though my feet killed on the fucking cobbles. They fucking killed. I couldn’t even walk and they ruined my world.

‘Paris Hilton gave me these shoes for getting naked on the telly….they KILL!

We went from bar to bar and drank ourselves silly with love. We danced, we chatted to strangers….we lived. One gay even did my hair outside Circa. My favourite thing is someone playing with my hair, so secretly it was BLISS. Touch my hair always. I love it. Especially when it comes with grooming advice.

Once we got to Freedom bar, I did notice that everything turned testosteroney. Gay dating is REALLY different to straight dating. It is men and heated hormones….It is CRAZY. At this point, all the gay men in London had ‘gone for it‘ and this was their hour to pull!

‘Jenny from Paris’ and I just danced and let them do their do. The odd straight boy would find us and come gyrate around us or try to hip hop tracks, whilst trying to feel our bums…but I couldn’t be arsed with it really. I just wanted enjoy my time with Theo and friends and this was the latest I had stayed out in AGES!

I am a cocktail bar and ‘chill it’ kinda girl. A good balance of both. I love fun. I love that flirty wild energy. I’m a lot of fun. But i’m a glamourous soul, aren’t I! After a certain hour, nothing is glamourous anymore…that’s when the real pissheads are out. And yes, that night…I was out. 🙂 We all got so drunk. And for the first time ever…I ordered water at a bar to sober up. Lol.

Early hours, we jump in an Uber. Everyone around us in London now seems to be wasted, hooking up or falling out with each other, around us at this point. I’m shattered by this point. I had an early start to my day with Mummy duties etc, so I fall asleep in the cab and shock myself up when we get to the hotel…and just like that, whilst Theo and Jen tried to banter free cookies out of concierges…I passed out in tiredness in a giant hotel bed. I’m too old for late nights. Lol. I need and LOVE my sleep. But I had so much fun!

AND WEIRDLY I HAD THE BEST NIGHT’S SLEEP EVER.

I slept like I had never slept before, so deeply and for hours straight without a wink or wiggle, for a whole EIGHT HOURS.

We all did.

The next morning Jenny from Paris woke up hungover, to the point where she was unsure as to whether she could participate with the rest of the day. I felt fine, but wished i had brought flat shoes. Theo was fine. We went to brunch and had wine for breakfast. He smashed a whole PIZZA in a cafe for BRUNCH Lol, i had humus and Jenny looked at her soup….then looked at it again before feeling sick because we had ordered wine.

Me: ‘You really should eat that. You will feel so much better in an hours time for doing so. I used to do it all the time in LA before work after nights out.’

Jenny: ‘I love how you just KNOW the party process…’

AGAIN! Another human who said the exact same thing. I should write books on it.

The sun was out. The sunglasses where on. Then due to Mummy duties and because Junior was distraught because his new pet caterpillars hadn’t arrived I had to sweep up my handbag and jump into an Uber to the Kings Cross station. I messaged my mum all the way, after saying my ‘good byes’ and then jumped on the 14.08 train from Platform 0 to Doncaster.

Got home, felt shattered, played with the babies who i’d missed so madly and whilst telling my mum stories of my evening. I can tell my mum anything, she’s great like that. Then as Ruby and Junior settled  and laid to sleep for the evening, now utterly content that Mama was home, I then tinkered over to see Jenna, Danielle and my old work friends, for casual night time drinks on the terrace, with a whole bunch of close beings, who i’ve known for years, again under the evening stars but this time on chilled Yorkshire soil.

It was again the most brilliant time, filled with laughter and memories. We’re like one big happy family, who can just sit and take the piss out of each other over cocktails.

Jenna was kinda proud that I made it. I’m a good friend. I’ll fit an entire work week in, and bloggers schedule, mummyhood and travel, even party the night away in the capital with the gays and STILL make it to your chilled drinks on the terrace.

To be fair, it got a bit rowdy. Lord knows who her neighbours are, but they are ‘da bomb.’ I mean GOD, imagine listening to us lot singing really badly… to every old school 90’s pop song, by every boyband imaginable, at the top of our voices, after midnight, like we were auditioning for the Xfactor. We loved it. We lived it. We went for it. People were being sick, taking naps, crying and sliding down stairs on their bellies.

I simply sang and danced to Blue and Backstreet boys.

Then I took my pretty ass home.

Again! I slept better than I ever had and weirdly today, i felt great. I think it’s because i had championed a really busy time, a stressy time, where in which I just needed a blow out. We all did. Everyone working alongside me, needed a blow out. I got that and it made me feel free. It made my weekend feel like a holiday, I mean I did so much…and as a result…it sort of made me a better human because I felt like a refreshed happier human.

Today was great! Everything’s been great! I’ve chatted to the girls and loved it. ‘Double B is back, and everythings back to normal. They all seem chipper, but probably because we all just did our own thing at the weekend and went for it. We drank loads and blew out ALL our stress balls. I definitely came back to work feeling better. It proves that you need balance. You can never be a successful human without a little bit of everything in your life. Even if you think you are…you’re not. Constant work stress killed me….I just needed a break…and once I got it…I felt free again on my return.

I really wish I had a foot rubber.

Who wants to be in charge of Wunna Land foot rubbing?

Right, I’m shattered now. I’m going to bed.

Hope you’ve started your week well. If not, you’ve got plenty of

time left to fix it. 😉

Love you!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Business, Bloggers & Dual Action W******

I’ve ‘quadroupley’ booked myself out. No! That’s a lie. I’ve ‘booked’ myself out six times, in one go. No SEVEN! And yes, that sounds great because it means you’re all glamourous, you’re doing well and popularity is tickling at your tender kitten toes. HOWEVER, it’s a little more complex than that! I mean,  HOW the absolute jolly BALLS am I going to be in or at SEVEN DIFFERENT PLACES, all across the nation AT ONCE??? It’s humanly impossible and certainly my own daft fault. Ofcourse! Yet, I don’t think boobies, cocktails shakes or charm is going to get me out of my predicament and more than anything that curdles away at my glittery soul. My charm should ALWAYS WORK, even when i’m dead. (And no, I’m not going to have a glamourous death. I’m just going to be 100 years old exactly, take a kip and rest peacefully. Knowing my luck, I’ll be tootling along, in my leopard print faux fur, on my granny mobile, in sunglasses at 100 years old, with a rum in my hand and some Morris Minor will come and run me over, outside a newsagents or something? My LA guy friend Ryan once said that i’d die by being ‘Savaged by Thieves!’ Lord knows why it thought it would be that exciting? I can’t even ‘book’ myself out appropriately for a weekend, let alone let thieves savage me to my death.)

Why am I talking about death, before 7am?

ANYWAY! Let’s get cheery!

So, yes this weekend i’ve said YES to everything, managed to get all my dates a muddled and now SEVEN DIFFERENT PLACES are expecting me to show up, this weekend. IT IS THAT BUSY!

I’m doing really well and people are ‘signing me up’ left, right and centre, to sexily tinker down to their event, new bar, office or restaurant, literally EVERYWHERE, where one can ‘Socialite’ to deliver my dainty little view of life from their glitzy venue. (This is definitely because I went to Gino D’Acampo’s new joint and didn’t wear knickers on the glass floor. It’s pushed me up that lofty ladder of ‘popularity’ overnight. Lol Now everyone wants me on their glass floors in bars. 🙂 )

But from a real point of view. It’s a really exciting time for me, i’ve worked really hard for this, I’m going for it. I’m feeling SASSY, ON FIRE, UNSTOPPABLE and moderately invincible. I kinda feel like I am the Queen  of ALL KITTENS. Y’know, totally ‘sought after’ now. The word on the street, via other infamous and rather successful beings in the same field or media is that….

‘Chrissie’s smashed this personal brand/influencer thing down this year.. She picked up the ball and ran with it…’

So there you have it, it’s amazing what a little bit of glamourous street game, a blog, the ability to express via written word, a rummy soul, a case of candid banter, good humour, boobies and a lifestyle can do! I’m not scared of it anymore. More than anything, I’m feeling at my most powerful and it’s only just the beginning. I have lots planned and i’m GOING FOR IT. So strap in… (I love it when i feel like this, it makes me want to bathe in champagne like a ‘Girl Boss’ and shout at people for no reason.)

But… honestly I can’t organise myself for shit. Lol. How am I going to be in SEVEN places at once. This isn’t including my normal ‘non worky’ social commitments. Unfortunately, they get put on the back burner. Lol. Such a great friend. But at the end of the day, you have one shot to grab a bit of ‘opportunity’ and if you drop the ball…well….you lose. The people that care about you, love you, understand what you’re going through, I think you’ll find will always be there.You’ll be in a mad rush, or battling your career, but you’ll pause weeks later, look to your right and their still there, smiling, supporting you and letting you know that everything’s okay.

I’ll sort it all out. I just need to prioritize and get my ‘rejiggle’ on. My guy best friend Theo, who I grew up with in LA, (he’s an actor, model and has created his own TV show. I Know.) Well, he’s coming to London, all the way from LA to see me this weekend, whilst he’s en route to Madrid, so he get’s a priority ‘tick.’ PLUS, I’ve missed him being my bestie. I’ve missed all my LA besties. Yet Theo takes the biscuit! He’s the only male human (and yes he is gay, but buff as hell) to THROW ME OFF HIS ACTUAL ASS IN A GYM, so he could lean on a counter and other gents could ADMIRE HIS BOOTY. Not sure why I was sat on his ass now?

But Theo and I have been through a lot together. In LA it’s hard to ‘make it’ but we did, we’re doing it. And that’s something you kinda treasure in your careers. No one can take that away from you.

Theo: ‘Just ignore her….she’s crying over a penis.’

That was his quote the time we both ended up following boys to other States of America because we thought they loved us. I went from LA to New York, for some hideous boy named ‘Tommy’ and He went from LA to …where the fuck did he go? Florida?? I dunno? But yeah, for some other hideous boy…named ‘Eric.’

We both ended up homeless and had to get flights back to Los Angeles immediately. Hilarious. It was all in the name of love. 🙂 Theo is the most manly gay man you will ever meet. He’s a DIVA, but he knows how to take care of you. Lol.

Can’t wait to see him.

Other than that, I have the British Style Collective in Liverpool, three restaurants, Issho, Leeds, Manchester…..and London….fuck! Just lots.

It’s not the busy part that catches me out. I thrive on it all as it’s exciting and fun. I just hate organizing the busy part. I just like to show up and do my thang…and do it well.

As if I’m Social Media’s Favourite (Kitten Esque ) IT Girl!

I’m accidentally building an empire via just being ME and writing about it. I must have learnt more off ‘Hilton’ than I thought! 😉

Anyway, I’ve godda go. I’m sat in Flamingo Sheets writing this with no bra on.. before work starts. I have ‘droopy boob’ fear.

I forgot to tell you, but I was The Carleton the other evening and ran into my old school friend Kate. We went through our entire schooling lives together at the private school in Ackworth…and as we were sat around a table, was the stars shone down on us and ‘Harrys Mum’ was feeling down trodden because her husband had cheated on her, ran off with the other woman and left her holding the baby. She was quite upset about it emotionally, because obviously, it’s not an easy thing to go through and it’s fresh. Breakups are always hard on the heart, when they’re fresh….Yet you do always end up finding the girl or guy of your dreams in the end….

So in her moment of desperate need and support….Kate turns around, completely ignores what she’s saying, fights over who is drinking who’s wine and says…

‘Wouldn’t it be great if all guy’s penises, were like dual action cigarettes and you could just CLICK a button on the side and all of sudden their cum would just taste of mentol, or strawberries.’

HAHAHAHAHA! I love my friends!

I honestly know the best humans!

Ps/ Go check out  one of my close LA besties Theo Breaux!

 

 

 

 

When I Tinkered to Gino’s Harrogate….

Last night I did Gino’s in Harrogate.

I mean, everyone knows that I am a regular adorer of the Gino D’Acampo restuarants. The Leeds spot is one of my favourite haunts. You can always find me at the Prosecco bar, with a hair toss, a wink and that good old saucy banter.

Infact, I love everything that is going on in Leeds right now, as it seems the city is being sprinkled with new life. We are hosting some of the most stylish and creative bars in the North. And when you’re Blogger/Socialite nothing could be MORE DIVINE. My niche is ‘bouji’ and bouji is now right on my kitten door step.

But wait, yesterday I decided at the very last minute to tinker away from the darlings of Leeds, where life is laid back, yet wild and filled with what I call ‘Heels & Handsomes.‘ And instead, have a car drive me into Harrogate to celebrate the launch of the new D’Acampo restaurant, for their opening weekend. I like new. I like different towns and cities, fresh lifestyles, all social situations. (However not today because I feel rough. 🙂 ) Plus, I kinda wanted to just be somewhere different.

As soon I pulled, up, tottered in, adorning my little red dress and heels and as security pulled the door open for me….

WOW!

The atmosphere of that entire place was filled with live bustle and laughter and a stylish, yet devilishly delicious ambiance of ‘busy.’ It was glamorously packed and I was greeted with a smile, poured a Prosecco immediately and well like I said, I go to the Leeds Gino’s a lot, so I saw a lot of familiar faces who took a moment to show me around the new digs and introduce me to everyone and everything. I’d gone on my own. (I love going places on my own because it prevents you from being ‘cut away’ of everything and everyone and invites people to cross life paths with you. When you’re in a ‘click’ you stay within that ‘click’ and sometimes don’t see all that is going on around you.) It gave me the opportunity to mingle and chitter and really see, taste and hear all that was surrounding me.

To start with the place is huge, but filled with stylish excitement. From open kitchens to roof top terraces, where you can actually dine, look upward and have the sky blanketing over you. The DJ was playing. The upstairs prosecco bar was full of GQ looking Harrogate men and women who had either married well or made something of themselves. It was really bright on the roof terrace and I loved it. I felt free. Harrogate is a very different crowd to Leeds, everyone is distinctly more ‘showey’ and posher. Lol. They adore bouji but expect it. Things is not ‘laughed’ off in Harrogate….(I was stood next to a 20 something lady in the loos, who was moaning because she had to ‘wait for the loo’…There was literally no one infront of her…LOL..so she was kinda waiting for no reason at all, but forgot to check. Hahah! What an idiot! I simply smiled and opened up a door…She blushed and well I assume, went forth and wee’d. 🙂 )

Regardless, the staff at Gino’s that evening won everyone’s heart over with their impeccable service and Italian charm. Plus, they kept giving everyone prosecco. That helped. In fact that was HILARIOUS, because I was stood at the top of the stairs, in the bouji GAMES area, (yes it has one) which is right next to the glass windowed Private Dining room, which you can ‘curtain off‘ so the ‘riff raff’ can’t watch you ‘Lady & The Tramp‘ your pasta.

But OH MY GOD, I was chatting to people and watching Ladies and Gents play table football…well I watched an actual real life footballer  ‘Adam Clayton’ play table football against his ‘soon to be’ wifey and another guy, who was determined to win the game by impressive table football wrist action…

Sorry, i got distracted….

Anyway, whilst sitting at the top of the stairs… ALMOST FOUR TIMES IN A ROW, I watched a different glamourous human (HAHAHA, I’M DYING, IT’S HILARIOUS, YOU HAD TO BE THERE) walk up the first level of stairs towards me, SKID and SMASH INTO THE WALL (HAHAHAHA) because they had accidentally got SO DRUNK and the utter giddiness of all that was going on around them, had just got the better of them. Lol. It was so hilarious that it was almost like a PRANK STAIRWAY.

I started weeping with laughter…and funnily enough, when I did..they did to.

THEN OFCOURSE….The Gods got me…

When I tinkered up that glamourous baby blue lit stairway, I got onto the next level and realized the flooring was PURE GLASS. YES, a glass floor! YES. An absolutely delicious idea. Yes. You can watch all that is going on below you.

YES! I DIDN’T FUCKING HAVE ANY PANTS ON!

UGH! Lol.

I took them off because no one likes VPL line. Visible panty lines are weird and 90’s. So I had my little red dress on….heels…an espresso martini in my hand, a glass FLOOR and no knickers. Hahahah!

To be honest…I’m a confident girl. I’m not terrified of such a treat. I was almost delighted. It was a game in itself. Lol. I turned around and told every managerial looking body that I didn’t have any pants on….I told anyone who would listen and laugh, just for banter and then I committed to the cause and EMBRACED IT.

It is the funnest and most sauciest flooring I have ever seen. You should all go in short dresses and no pants and see if anyone catches you. 😉 After a few Prosecco’s, it’ll work wonders for any stale marriage. I was snapchatting and posting my entire time there and I got a HUGE Snapchatty/Twitter/Stagrammy repsonse to this picture…

Image may contain: one or more people

It got retweeted over five hundred times. Imagine if he looked up! Hahahaha! It’s a game you can all play. Don’t tell Gino I told you that. We’ll just keep it between us. 😉 Giuseppe won’t mind though. I’m sure he’d let me get away with a Wunna Land game.

Great night. Such wonderful staff. Strange Men kept coming up to me and asking for Selfies with me. But it was weird because they wouldn’t know much about anything ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ I wouldn’t think. Yet for some reason they kept wanting selfies? By this point I was sat at the downstairs bar, chatting to the the bartenders, who couldn’t of been more polite during what must have been such a stressful time.  The place was all ‘alive’ with ‘busy’ and to still be able to charmingly banter and whiz out every cocktail order under the sun with such panache…I mean LORD…How they coped I don’t even know. But they did and well! What a dynamic team!

Then…and now it’s almost 11pm, some guy struts up to me to try his luck with ‘The Glamour Puss.’ I wasn’t out looking for love. I was out to swirl madly in a glorious ‘D’Acampo bubble and just enjoy my night, in a new town before the clock struck midnight. (That’s when my car was picking me up.) I KNOW!! SO CINDERELLA OF ME.

He struts up all confident and like he thinks he’s got this in the bag…and simply starts telling me i’m beautiful and that he’s going to take me out and show me a good time in Manchester. (He said it like I has quite possibly never been out anywhere in my entire life before…) Infact, this was went down…(You’ve got the ‘beautiful’ blah, blah introduction lines…)

‘Where do you like to go. I’ll show to the best places in Manchester. I’ll take you out. Show you around. What places do you like? You’re beautiful.’ (Tries to hold my hand.)

‘I’ve done Manchester quite a lot. Yeah. I love it there. And well it’s less about where I go and more about who I go with…’

‘I LOVE THAT YOU’VE SAID THAT. You’re a DREAM. Give me your number.’

‘No. Nice try.’

‘I can give you the world.’

‘Why are you just pouring out line after line…’

‘Come to Manchester with me…’

‘Nah..’

By this point, he’s trying to ‘barmy smarmy‘ all the way around me, whilst trying to flirty touch me and impress me with ‘money talk.’ He does marketing and all sorts of things. Lol. Runs a company. Knows Steven Bartlett. Lol. He sort of resembled everything that I dislike about men when they try it on….and well…after drinks..I’m sassy one. I’ll let you know that i’m not interested.

AND let me tell you how good the bartenders where…I had been talking to them all night, so they knew I was there and why I was there…and as soon as they saw him ‘smarming’ about me personal space they clocked it to make sure the situation was okay. That’s sweet. Even the women next to me, where like..

‘Who is that dickhead.’

Anyway, he writes his number down and tells me to put it in my phone. I’m not even listening now and just flicking through various Snapchat stories. He’s so pissed he can’t even tell. Lol. But tells me that I can do whatever I want with his number. The ‘balls in my court.’

I just reeled off a mega bunch of extremely sassy ‘no thankyous.’ But he just found it more appealing. He must have, as most boys would then get it, right?

What he chose to do in that moment was

GO IN FOR A KISS!

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

HAHAHAHA!

He tried to snog me and before he reached my face, I performed the most delightfully graceful version of the

DUCK AND WEAVE.

It was hilarious. He totally missed because I weaved around him..whilst still on a barstool and then his friends found him and took him home. Lol.

His friends: ‘I’m so sorry about that. We’re grabbing him now and getting him home.’

First of all, If I don’t like you, you probably shouldn’t try and smooch me in PUBLIC, without my consent. Lol. I will duck and weave and you will look silly. I mean, GOD I never kiss boys in bars. EVER! NEVER! Let alone strangers who I don’t fancy. LOL. At least he was confident. I’m always moaning that men hardly make the first move and chicken out. He certainly was no ‘chicken.’ He just chose the wrong ‘dream girl.’

Told ya, Gino’s got the better of everyone last night. It swirled into souls with magic and fun.

Then I got the..

‘Your car is outside ready’

text…and BANG ON MIDNIGHT!

And just like Cinders…after the best night ever….I thanked everyone for having me, cuddled staff ‘bye bye,’ left a gin and tonic on the bar, but ate the cucumber…(You know you’ve had enough to drink when that happens…) and with both ‘glass slippers’ in tact (Cinders leaving a shoe at the ball is beyond me, no one does that, she wasn’t in a rush, she was probably just really pissed and recovered from smashing into the upstairs wall ) and yeah…

…I left the ball.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

. I felt for them last night. It was a busy one! That operation was run like a dream. You saw headsets and power strutting, but not once did they ever refuse to *pause* and help someone who maybe looked lost. Lol.

All I remember seeing amongst the divine bustle was lots of gentlemen in tight white trousers and blue and white pin striped shirts, that was swirled amongst glamourousity and women who were waiting to see Gino. (He had been in Harrogate, went to Leeds and was due back in Harrogate that evening. He must’ve been SHATTERED. He’s currently at his Manchester restaurant. So shoot down if you want to catch him quickly. I left Harrogate at midnight last night and he was still going strong…and I feel as rough as a donkey. But saying that i did treat my delicate system to endless cocktail shaken espresso martinis and bubbly proseccos. I went for it. You only live once.