Life, Marriages & Think They Knows

It’s a funny old thing this life marlarky isn’t it? One minute you can be on the top of the highest mountain ‘star jumping’ to the sound of absolute delight and then all of a sudden, and just like that, The Gods can come and pull that rug from under you and send you off into a spin…a downward spin where you lose your grip.

I’d say i’m quite good at life. I’ve mastered the creative art of it…. In most areas. When I say ‘mastered’ I simply mean that ‘I get it.’ I’m not saying i’m some kind of life champion, I’m just saying that I’m the QUEEN of living my OWN life the way I want to and happily. Even though my love life, seems like it’s been so shit over the years…I can tell you, on the whole, i’ve been quite lucky and been really happy. Happier and luckier than most. It doesn’t seem that way, but I have. Whenever I wasn’t chipper…I changed it, or dealt with it. Made It better. And yeah, there are moments where in which I wish I could ‘moonwalk’ backwards and do things a little differently, simply for closure. Closure that I never received. Yet the fact is that you can’t…so you might as well pull your ankle socks up and get on with it, with a smile. (It doesn’t matter if it’s real or fake…you kinda just have to get on with it. Bad moods, or bad times are really only temporary and people ALWAYS forget that. And yeah I may be coming across as a little ‘Rainbow Brite,’ yet I don’t care because by nature i’m a person who will focus on what is positive about a situation or person, rather than give power to the parts that are negative. Yeah, it can make me look a fool at times. I’ve had my heart and trust broken because of this delicious little manner, a zillion times over. In business and work i’ve trusted people that I shouldn’t have. The shit talkers. J Yet, if you stay true to who you are and stay loyal to what you believe is right…then fuck it….the things or people that ‘stick’ or even more so MAKE THE EFFORT to ‘stick’ are the things and people that are right for you.

(I’m getting this weird flashback of being 24 in LA and running outside in the dark by wheely bins, after an argument with my first husband Mike. It was street lit and the stars were above me. Everything around me was quiet. It wasn’t a big argument. It just felt big at the time. He’d always chase me whenever we fell out, because I would always rush off and leave the room. Only if it was filled with people. It looked to others that ‘the rush off’ was because I was a ‘such a DIVA.’ But really, the ‘rush off’ was always because I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. He always knew that. So as soon as I made an exit dash…he would rush after me. I’ll always take myself away from a negative moment or environment in order to find some kind of positive. He stopped me and turned me around, after chasing me down the street shouting ‘CHRISTINA.’ He never called me ‘Chrissie.’ Infact, his only other nicknames for me were ‘Shorty Doo Wop’ or ‘Baby.’ Anyway, he held my wrist gently and said,

‘INTENT is EVERYTHING and I didn’t intentionally mean to hurt you. I love you. I’ll make it right. INTENT is EVERYTHING CHRISTINA, EVERYTHING. Just stop, a second. Don’t forget who I am!!!!’

It sounds weird him saying that, I know. Lol. Yet this argument was at a time when we were both newly doing very well in our careers, he was on a big US TV show, money and ego has been pouring in and what he meant, or what he needed me to remember in that time, was who he was, on the day we first met, in that acting class….when life was really simple. We were so innocent and he was so happy because we’d been put in the same group. He turned around and whispered to his best friend Tyler, who had come from New York with him and said…on that day…’I’m gonna marry that girl.’ I remembered and he knew that I’d remember. So when I stopped dashing….I just stopped….and just like that…we were okay. Later down the line, we weren’t okay. No one knows why but him and I. Everyone thought they knew why. But they didn’t. Everyone said they knew why…but they didn’t. Neither him and I to this day, ever told anyone why, because we respect one another. Everyone made fun of that time, like it was ‘blip’ of a little marriage…that only lasted around a year. When the truth is, what you saw only lasted a year…it went on for 4 more years behind closed doors. It only ended because I suddenly had to move to England. I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t tell him because I didn’t have chance. Everything was just so quick….He thought I had just changed my number. It was a really traumatic time, that he never forgave me for. We’re ten years on from that time now….Completely different people, with completely different lives, both a success in our own rights. We live in different parts of the world. We’re both the happy with the paths that we chose. The time we were both together was simply a life a chapter. A ten years ago chapter. I learnt, no…we learnt…a lot from one another, in that time. And the best thing about it ALL, is that we could both be in the same room, full of people, look back and with blissful memories, laugh and take the piss out of that time! One of the greatest things about Mike, is that even though he’ll secretly flashback the bad bits, to me he’ll only ever remind me of the good bits.

‘Remember that time, when you came to New York and you were stood shouting outside the bakery at 3am because you needed more bread and I gave you that twig as a gift because I couldn’t afford anything else.’ )

As if i went on that big a tangent.  I’m hormonal right now. I’ll blame the hormones. Just go with it….Where were we? Oh yeah…life…

More than anything, yeah I’d say I’ve lived and it’s all been a very colourful time, with people ‘oohing’ and ‘arring’ at me. (And that doesn’t bother me because at least i’m not DULL. At least i’ve lived some kind of life where in which people have had the chance to ‘ooh’ and ‘arr’ at me, which is what I wanted and therefore it has made me happy. Life is about being happy. Like ‘Diddy’ said, ‘Happy is the new rich.’

But don’t be dull.

Nothing is WORSE TO ME, THAN PEOPLE WHO CAN’T STOP BEING DULL. You know who you are! Don’t do it to me. It gives me a rash. Whenever, I see dull humans, it makes me feel as though they have no grasp of the art of living. And when I say don’t be dull, I don’t mean you need to be hurtling yourself off a cliff on a bungee rope for insta likes. That can still be dull, if you’re dull. It can be anything, from those that daren’t speak their mind. Those that let people walk all over them. Those that can’t stand up for what they believe is right. Or those that try to be ‘goody goody’ and judge others for being fun. AWWWWWWWWWWW! Don’t be dull. Lighten up. It’s the worst.

Know that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. You’re certainly one decision away from a completely differently life…They are quotes that I’ve read that I believe. So, no matter what, even though there is magic in the air, you are ALWAYS in control…..and if I hate anything, I hate a loss of control. You’ll never find me doing anything, that I do not have a handle on. Even as a child I was that way inclined.

Right now, i’ll tell you, that my life feels so filled up. I can’t find space to relax. I can’t find time to do the things I want to do. Just a moment of silence. Just me. Just ‘sshh.’ The kids have put ‘Wannabe’ on repeat, which is sounding out the upstairs of Wunna land, like it’s some kind of 90’s disco. I’m surrounded by people constantly that aren’t relaxing me! Lol. Everyone constantly wants me to do things for them. And I don’t want anyone to come near me unless they’re either going to massage me, deliver good news, love me or peacefully pour me a prosecco.

Tomorrow…will be a good day. I need a chill before it all gets busy.

I have a shoot to organize, infact THREE to organise, an advert to film, a book to write, four auditions to go to….and i’m meant to be in London next week but I just can’t find the time to get there.

Everything will be okay right? Everything will be okay….

Payback’s a REAL BITCH

I’ve had a week’s blog break. My sincerest kitty apologies. However, technically, if I want a week’s blog break, I can pretty much take one. I guess, that’s the beauty of being Chrissie Wunna, in a world that is aptly named WUNNA Land. (So creative of me, I know. Really stretched far to think that one up.) I had the most wonderful weekend, filled with trips to London, dress fittings, new brand deals, interviews, good times, great friends, strangers, cocktail drinking, the Media Awards and then good old Yorkshire fun with my closest  chicas. (Well I say ‘Chicas,’ even though ‘Dipper’ and ‘Jonesez’ from the group are definitely boys. We kinda class them as girls, because they’re certainly having to exist in a world of Sasserillas, where their words don’t seem to count as much, as ours. Lol. Shush, they love it. It turns them on. They’re like the ‘Little Brother’s’ to a BIG GIRL group. Yet the BIG GIRLS are total bitches. Haha. I’m included in that. Yippeeeee!)

So yeah, I had a full on weekend and just needed to spend some time at home, after working all day. I just needed some time to simply enjoy resting up, recovering, tinkering with my hormones, indulging in a ‘no audience’ peace and more than anything, I just wanted to spend deliciously gorgeous Mama time with Ruby & Junior. We’re such a close little family and weirdly, when I have to tango off to go do awards, meetings, train journey’s or work, they just seem to understand and they’re only four and six. The fact that they understand makes me adore them even more, as nothing is worse than HAVING to go off and work hard to provide and in my case also ‘build brand,’ yet in the back of your mind, knowing that the people you care about the most don’t like it. It makes everything harder. Luckily, I’ve have ace kids and luckily I raised them to be ace. (Thank GOD for my MOTHER!) In the end, all will be PERFECT! I promise them that all the time. Lord knows how I’m actually going to pull perfect out of my glittery arse??? I’ve got my fingers crossed, so that works right?

BUT ANYWAY, i’m not going to tell you about the Diversity in Media Awards just yet, or my weekend of drinking games and dancing infront of mirrors with the girls before everyone puked…(that will come later, i’ve kinda got to get ready for work and i’m still sat in bed, butt naked, with a kitten on my left thigh.)

Yesterday, was a great day.

To be fair, I was kinda moody through it. Just throwing myself one of those jolly old ‘pity parties.’ I kept looking around me and thinking ‘Blllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.’ The air around me just felt dead, dull and well, if i’m being honestly….fucking boring. I can’t exist in an environment of that fashion. It needs to be bubbling with excitement… luxury….love……or just plain old laughter. Or wine? Wine works?

Two days ago, my chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie,’ let’s call her Hustle FUCKING Barbie. Has a more appropriate ring to it.

Anyway, she thought she would be ‘Hustle FUCKING Hilarious’ and go on my computer and SEND PEOPLE messages…. from me. Y’know, the awkward ‘shall we go on a date’ kinda ones and to people I didn’t really desire to go on any dates with. (I hate her.)

Ha…ha. (Not laughing.)

VERY CLEVER MY PRETTY.

Now, I knew that something had gone on, because as when I walked back in I could see her sniggering little blond ‘Hustle’ Face….so I left it and waited to fall down the trap door. I fell down the trap door. I got back up. Oooooooooooooh….I got back up!

YESTERDAY, was payback.

YOU DON’T MESS WITH WUNNA LAND.

This is what went down.

Right, so being little me, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to come up with something so MIGHTY, that it would devastate her, in the most appropriate comedic fashion. But I’m smart. I’m really smart.

My guy friend Jonesez, like myself AND Hustle Barbie to be fair, has a hideously inappropriate sense of HUMOUR and because he’s a BOY, he doesn’t have a *stop* button, he will commit to a prank like a HERO. That’s what boys do. They love to be HERO’s. He also has an Asian Girl Fetish…which again works in my favour.

YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So, I go crying to Jonsez about how evil Hustle Barbie has been to me. *Wink.*

He feels sorry for me and therefore agrees to GET HER BACK.

‘Wunna…I LIVE for things like this.’

There’s this really delicious photo of Hustle Barbie that she hates, because she’s SUCKING A FINGER ON IT…Hahahahah….So, as a distraction…a lame distraction, I post that ‘sucky finger’ PHOTO on my Instagram, to make her think that her PAYBACK has been served and was simply completed via the fine art of public humiliation. Lol. (No such luck.)

In the meantime, Jonsez comes up with a plan and my job was to notify him of when Hustle was back in my eyeline.

I saw him photocopying LARGE prints of the ‘sucky finger’ photo. Hahahaha! I knew, payback was about to be performed.

Hustle returns to my eyeline.

A text is delivered.

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, magical comedy fairies must have flown down from the skies with cheeky grins and rolls of red tape? We have no clue how? But let’s just say….

OPERATION PAYBACK HAD BEEN PERFORMED.

You don’t fuck with Wunna Land.

Image may contain: 2 people, car and outdoor

She drove all the way through Leeds and home, with this stuck onto the her car!

HA’ H’HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And it was stuck to her passenger side, so she didn’t even see it when she got into her car. DIZZY! DIZZY!

Genius.

Karma! Karma! (People honked. LOL.)

Hustle: ‘You’re DEAD WUNNA.’

 

Life, Business & Bullshit

I love these early morning blogs. (Not really, but i woke up at 4.08 am by accident. My eyes just opened. I can’t even remember what I dreaming about, but it made me haze back into the real world, as Rocco my kitten pawed me for ‘crack of dawn’ fodder.)

I’ve come to the conclusion that 4.08am is a useless time. No one should wake up or especially still be up at that time ever. Nothing happens. It’s boring. Its pointless. I could tell you it’s peaceful. But when there’s zero energy around you, there’s no magic. I hate no magic. I went back to sleep and simply because i’m not that dull. And well there was no wine.

I’m still half tucked in flamingo bed sheets, with my hair bobbled up in a top knot and a bit of peeky boob out. (WE LOVE PEEKY BOOB.) I stayed up later than usual last night watching/following the football. I got pretty hooked and it all ended with excitement and winners….So, it was kinda great to fill my soul with glee because I rested my head. They say if you go to bed with happy ‘feels’ running through your system, you manifest it into your life, as it’s the last thing you think or feel about at night. (My friends Hustle Barbie & Jonesez think about Murderers coming to get them before bed. Such lovely people. With such lovely thoughts. 😉 )

Anyway, Wunna Land is great right now. Work is great. The babies are amazing. I’m feeling wonderful, almost powerful and fueled with absolute ooh laa. There’s an excitement in my kitten eyes. My Va Voom is on point. I’m happy. I’m positive. I’m feeling unstoppable.

The great thing is that i’m not even having to cut out any bullshit from Wunna Land, simply because there isn’t any. (Well that’s not true. I’m also a liar. 😉 ) What I mean is that as soon as ANY bullshit tries to infiltrate it’s way into Wunna land, some crazy ‘trap door’ before it even gets to me, opens up and drops them back into the gutters. I love it! I am emotionally tough and I hate it when people think that i’m this ‘Doll’ of a softie. I’m fun loving, I’m kind….but i’m not remotely an idiot. I laugh the bad times off and i’m lucky right now to have a world filled with wonderful people, moments, family, friends and love. It couldn’t be better. So i’m guess i’m saying to the people that try and tricky dicky their way into MY world with a bucket labelled ‘bullshit,’ do know that we’re all utterly polite here in Wunna land and my soul is ever warm, but you will get told to fuck off, via the fine art of the imaginary TRAP DOOR. (Then Sumo wrestlers in glitter pants come and sit on you. Then Double B might come and rob you. Then Mel might come and swear at you. Fairytale will make you a brew and Firmonnell will laugh.)

I was also having a conversation with a really good friend of mine Abeiku Arthur who owns House of Solo Magazine and a publication business…well he found it hilarious to take the piss out of me for MEN in business NOT taking me seriously.

‘They all try to hit on you, rather than take you seriously as a business woman because you’re hot.’

(Luckily, he doesn’t have that problem. 😉 )

But it’s true. In the last three business meetings i’ve had, three of the guys have inappropriately tried to ask me out. That’s not good business. I guess it’s sometimes flattering, but it’s more than anything annoying and awkward because to me my work is work, it’s really important to me and i’m on my way up, I talented in my own special way and i’m doing the best I can.

My personal life is my own separate thing and that has nothing to do with work. The guy I talk about ‘The Swirl’…I adore him. Every piece of me adores him and I have a one track mind. I’m not promiscuous at all. I’m not easily swayed. When I adore. I adore. And no one can come in and tap dance their way into my heart during that time. ESPECIALLY when the focus should be work or business. Come on Boys, you’re able to work with me or any moderately attractive girl, without thinking with your boner first. You’re not that silly. You should have a classiness to you.

One of my best mates Abeiku Arthur (who i’ve known for ages…) finds it hilarious.

‘What are they even thinking!! Hahaha! They don’t know you at all! Plus, surely you’d smash tons of work at you with success, before trying to make you go on a date with them.’

Anyway, it’s mid week, it’s hump day, I have a lot on, i’m starving. I’m ordering dresses, booking hotels, organizing travel and sorting myself out for Friday, where i’ll be at the Diversity in Media Awards in London. I’m up for a award. I won’t win it. But i’m looking forward to just getting to do something out of Yorkshire, for one glittery evening….Y’know, get away from it all for a night.

Hope you have a wonderful day….

 

 

 

 

Work, Success & Sex With Inflatables?

Gosh! It’s such a busy time. I have this mountain of glittery work to get through, in order to get Wunna Land to where it needs to be, for the birth of the New Year. I’m looking at it, in the highest of heels, with a Vivienne Westwood handbag and a puzzled face that can only suggest confusion. 😉

Right now, I have opportunity a knocking and it’s knocking on every door that my kitty kingdom could possibly handle. I’m not really talking about much of it, because i’m on work mode. But there ARE people that I do tell things to in confidence, like ‘Firmonnell’ and ‘The Swirl.’ They’re the two people that I seem to tell everything to….Oh and also my Mum. She’s a diamond. A stress head. But a diamond.

I’m really excited and i’m honestly really grateful to be fair, yet finding the TIME to do well and progress, y’know ‘fitting it all in’ is not that easy and things are much more knackering at thirty something. Haha. Doesn’t matter how glamourous you are! You can still do ya back in. It’s a juggle. A juggle that I CAN quite easily cope with. I love to be busy when it comes to work, just as much as I like to chill. I don’t like pressure, or rushing, But productivity, I enjoy. However, because I’m bloated and feeling moderately hormonal this week, I’m choosing to be dramatic about it all. Best thing about being a girl. If you ARE a girl, you’ll get it. If you ARE a guy…well the sooner you get it the better.

I reckon that no matter what business, profession or ‘Pachinga’ (don’t care if that’s not a word) you’re in…the lead up to the end of the year, is ALWAYS really hectic. IT’S MADNESS, I’ll tells ya! There needs to be more hours in the day.

Last night I literally slept for around 3 hours, just to fit all my work in and then got up at the crack of dawn to get ahead of myself. I KNOW! Lol. Yet, the most wonderful thing, away from all the ‘glitter’ is that my baby Junior smashed his first day of school. He smashed it…and I was so worried, that he would be terrified. I was SO worried, that he’d not adjust. But he loved it. He can’t wait to go again. Ruby troopered her Big Sister role and BOOM…as a mum NOTHING FEELS BETTER. (I did it. They’re both in school.)

Right now, even though i’m busy, i’m feeling like life is good. Pretty good. I’m feeling lucky and I reckon I have you lot to thank for that. I mean, this blog is on its merry way up for some reason and i’m not trying to give the clichéd ‘I love you’ speech. I’m just trying to say ‘cheers’ because if I actually one day wake up and find that Wunna Land has been walloped with some ‘taken over’ stamp of utter superstar success…It honestly will be because of you. You practically will have MADE me. So, yeah, cheers.

If i’m being honest, i’m quite confident that i’ll get there. I’m confident by nature. YET, i’m a hustler….A glamourous ‘grafter,’ as it’s done gracefully ofcourse. My First Husband didn’t use to call me ‘Dynamite’ for no reason. 😉 However, I am by no means delusional. I hate delusional people. I’m a patient girl and I do things correctly, with winks and that’s after learning things the hard way. I don’t strike while the irons hot. I strike when i’m ready and everything is set in place. It’s important for me to build and make impact when all is set in place, MORE than it is, to be fickle with a *whip* and shoot out the canon before i’m ready.

Other than that…Yesterday (and I don’t know how this occurred) Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie & Jonesez decided to have a conversation about humans are in committed relationships with inflatables.

Jonesez: ‘This one guy on Youtube is married to a bunch of inflatables.’

Me: ‘Yeah, But i think that’s funny. I want to be married to a bunch of inflatable people.’

Jonesez: ‘No, they’re not people…they’re random objects, like banana’s and rubber rings and ink flamingos.’

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING WEIRD??? I love it! I do love it. I find it hilarious. But why? I don’t get it??

Firmonnell: ‘I won’t let you say COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP with an inflatable. It’s ridiculous!!’

HOW THE HELL AS AN INFLATABLE RUBBER RING MANAGED TO HAVE A BETTER LOVE LIFE THAT HALF THE WOMEN ON THIS EARTH??? Lol.

(Girls, if a guy can commit and propose to a pink flamingo because he can’t live without it, and you still don’t have a ring on it yet…let me tell you…..you’re fucked. We’re fucked. It makes me lose my faith in mankind. Hahaha. Yet, it can’t stop being hilarious.)

Then Hustle Barbie forced me to watch some video (when i say ‘forced,’ she just showed me it and I watched it…I’m just dramatic today, I told you,) anyway it was a video of a guy making out with his car, THAT HE WAS HAVING A COMMITTED SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH?

Hustle: ‘How do you have sex with a car?’

Jonesez: ‘You sit on the gear stick.’

And it’s the moments like that, that take the pressure OFF you, OFF life, because you just remember how to have a big old laugh, you remember how to love and notice that you have great people and support around you. It’s take the stress of ‘busy’ and reminds you of the fact that shit ain’t so bad. 😉

Then after I moaned…a friend of mine, who again is the most hilarious human that I have ever been lucky enough to have cross paths with….sent me this…(They also stated that it was ‘a bit cheesy but had substance.’)

‘There’s something so beautiful about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she’s capable of doing anything she sets her mind to.’

It made me beam and last night, because of that I slept like a Goddess…..

 

Ruby, Life Lessons & A Big Old Week

Today I’m feeling great. Didn’t think i’d be feeling as great as I do to be honest, as my evening was filled with bad dreams and scary bits of fear. How delicious right?

Funny thing is, I decided to wake up, gleefully chill for a second, relax about life and pressure because being stressed about anything is a waste of your actual time….remember that…. it gets you know where, but in a tizzy…Then I got up and got on with life with a smile.

Yeah, I have a lot of work on, yeah I’m under pressure, yeah it’s going to be a little bit of an emotional week for me, as Junior, my littlest takes on his the ‘First Day of Big School’ on Wednesday. (When that happens to your tiniest, you just ‘well up’ with emotion and you have no clue why? It springs out of nowhere? For me, his entire life will just flashback before me…It’s like a milestone…You can’t believe how time as flown and how you’ve AT ALL managed to keep them in one piece for FOUR WHOLE YEARS! Lol)

But yeah…all of the above….everyone’s going through it. Everyone’s going through the exact same thing. Some of us will do with grace, some of us will do with with a smile, some of us will stress and some of us will not be able to handle it. You decide which path you want to tinker down. It’s like a catwalk…you form your strut and you go for it. But like i said, we’re all going through the same thing…So it makes me less special and more normal. Infact no, it’s makes us all special, as special is the new normal. More people need to appreciate the life that they have. It’s not shit. It’s great. You’re doing better than you think you are!

Yesterday was great. I had a lot of work to do, an audition and all my book to write. The babies were off to ‘Sunday with their Daddies.’ Junior got to Keiran with easiest of ease and as Pete (Ruby’s Daddy) was running late…Ruby tugged at my arm, beckoned me down to her mouth for a whisper and simply said in the most gentlest manner,

‘Mum….do you think it would be okay, if I didn’t go to my Dad’s just yet and instead do lunch somewhere with you. I’d really like that.’

I think she needed that. We go back a long way Ruby and I. 😉 We’re life team mates. We’ve both been through a lot emotionally. And sometimes, she just needs a moment with me….where there is just us, no one else and the world a blur around us.

Yesterday, Ruby and I had our ‘Mummy/Daughter’ day and it was perfect. We sat, we lunched, we chatted about life, with laughter. I mean, I just looked at her as she asked me questions about life and the world, and she just looked like the most perfect little lady.

‘So boys can fancy boys Mum?

‘Yeah totally. And girls can fancy girls to.’

‘Oh? I fancy Justin Bieber, so I must fancy boys, right? Why do you have big round boobies and some women have thin floppy boobies?’

‘Oh, cos my boobs are *boob job* boobs and some women have normal boobies..’

‘Are me and Junior only half brother and sister because we have different dads?’

‘You’re brother and sister. I’ve raised you that way. I’m ya mum. You’re my babies. We don’t do half of anything. We’re a family..He’s your brother…’

‘My Dad says that Junior and I were with the birds and the bees and then I pushed him and he fell out of your tummy?’

‘ERm….Hahaha. Well you know that didn’t happen. When you’re older i’ll tell you what happened? Haha. That did not happen.’

‘Are you gonna get a mojito?’

‘Noooo….just a wine.’

‘Mum…I love you…’

‘I love you to baby…You’re beautiful…’

Infact, there was a moment where she just paused, went quiet and then started to giggle to herself.

‘What are you giggling at?’

‘I’m just so happy.’

And as a mum, that’s all you need to hear.

Then the world took a turn, I got on with some work, Ruby spent some time with her Daddy and although i had a moment of panic about all the work I have to conquer…I just decided to go to bed early and relax. If there’s an obstacle, I’ll go around it. If there’s a wall, I’ll glamourously throw a glitter rope over it and start climbing. If there’s a dickhead…well I don’t deal with dickheads.

Resting, worked wonders.

Today I feel great.

Don’t let the shitty bits of stress get to you. Think positively. I’m a huge ‘law of attraction’ believer. Like attracts like and all that shimme. Do it, because once you surrender to stress, it spreads like wildfire to everyone around you, those that you care about….and all around like germs. It’s not good for you, or them…

Cheer up. Get on with it! Happy Monday.

Oh and thank you for following my life!

Girl Banter, Wine & Dance Routines

Firmonnell: ‘I just love it. Whenever I hear it, it makes me feel like I want to make up some kinda dance routine. Haha.’

(We’re in our thirties…this is not normal.)

Me: ‘Lol. That’s exactly what I said, when I first heard it?’

(Because i’m just as immature.)

Double B: ‘What song is it…?’

And unfortunately for life, Firmonnell and I proceeded to perform the song..well attempt to sing it for Double B, just so she could get which song we were on about? We’d totally forgot what it was called? But it’s that ‘Instruction’ song by Demi Lovato.

Double B: ‘What song? I don’t get it?’

(Her 21 year old ears don’t even work.)

Me: ‘We’re not even singing it shit!!! GOD!!!’

She finally got it. Sanity was restored. The world became a shimmie and well she might have delivered the sentence…

‘Get on my tits’

…as she Sumo Wrestler, knee bended, during the ‘morning part’ of the day.

Then i wished we had prosecco. Kisstory played on in the background….and Russian Roulette was the only game that our phones would allow us play.

Nights out were reconfirmed. Liars were worshipped. Then the girls decided to imagine what i’m next wedding would be like. All the laughs. *Rolls Eyes.* 🙂

Firmonnell: ‘We would be in the SLUTTIEST bridemaids dresses that anybody would have ever seen!!!’

(Who said they’d be wearing dresses? I might make them adorn their crotches with fig leaves, or a single peacock feather. Naked isle strutting! Wahey!)

Double B: ‘I want you to walk down the isle and do an outfit change half way down…I want your first outfit to just slip off your body magically, to reveal your second outfit…Hahaha.’

Me: ‘Hahaha. It’s like the Britians Got Talent Bloopers! I wanna walk to the top of the isle, forget to look at my husband and strike a pose for a  selfie… just for ‘Insta’ likes.’

We had a great day. I was surrounded by the best chick click ever. I’m so lucky. I love my girl besties. But we totally gave zero fucks today and laughed off all danger with sarcasm, lies and should i get that ‘coconut, chilli chicken salad today’ questions.

Sometimes in life, you just have to give zero fucks about things. Have fun. God! We’re a long time dead. If you can’t cut an atmosphere with a burst of good times, then you certainly are not living right.

Then ‘Hustle Barbie’ saunters in, all glamourous, hot and blond. She’s off to her fancy dress party tomorrow night….as ‘Sandy from Grease.’ Luckily she’s going as Sandy, when she’s all ‘skin tight leggings and hip wiggles’ and not the crying in a giant nighty version.

Do remember that in that movie… when Sandy’s all pure and demure,  ‘Zucko’ pretends to not give 2 shits, as he’s far too busy ‘pussy wagonning’ with the boys. Yet when she’s all Sassy and ‘look at me bitch’ he’s all of a sudden got ‘chills that are multiplying’ and a boner that will love only her forever. Interesting!!!

Anyway, back to the story….I got distracted! I’m not sure what happened, because I was just rocking from side to side on an orange swizzle chair and not listening to anyone in my turtle neck, but Double B, did state that ‘Hustle B’ would be totally fucked because see was certainly about to meet someone, where in which the ability to ‘sign language’ would be an absolute must….

Double B: ‘But you don’t know sign language, so you’re just gonna have to make it up. Lol. Is that a dictionary?’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Eww! No…It’s eyelashes.’

Welcome to my world.

Then as I continued to swizzle about on a chair and not listen to much, as ‘No Scrubs’ played on the radio and no one could find a pen… Firmonnell retold the story of the moment Double B sauntered in and looked…well she described her as this…

‘She came in like a 1920’s washer woman, no face on, her skin transparent…and with a messy top knot in. Hahaha. She looked like someone from Downtown Abbey…but who lived in the cellar!’

Hahahaha. I love that!!!!! You know you have great friends when you can refer to each other as cellar gremlins.Just a great day!

Not sure what else happened? Aside from Firmonnell deciding that she didn’t like her hubby ‘Big D’ in a vest…Apparently the only way she can get him to not wear one is if they have sex…

‘At least, he’d take it off then.’

Hahaha.

YES! I’m all for her ‘let’s have sex so you don’t fashion crime around me’ policy. Why is she not Prime Minister?

To be honest, my day ended up being a long one, a busy one, a stressy one…You know the score… I’m just glad it’s the weekend! I’m so excited for peace. I’m gonna chill, enjoy family time, have a wine and write the rest of my book. (It’s out in the New Year. I’ve had people read extracts and apparently it’s rude but okay.)

I mean, on the whole i’ve had a good day, it just ended mentally, which doesn’t help relaxation mode.. I just wanted to get home. I couldn’t wait to get home. But if we (the girls and I) didn’t see adult twins in matching outfits, the cast of Gangman style, a young wannabe ‘heart throb’ use our window as a ‘hair doing’ mirror and a weird dude in an S & M biker hat and nipple vest walk by…I don’t know what we would’ve done all afternoon?

As soon as I got home, I stripped down to comfies, adored my little babies, ordered in a ‘take out’ and watched a motivational video that my Mentor sent me.

Unfortunately i have a short attention span….I like short bursts, rather than long winded stories. Which is weird because I tell long winded stories on here constantly. Lol. But I kinda watched the beginning and fast forwarded it to the end.  🙂 That’s how impressively studious I am. It just got too dramatic and boring. I just don’t need a shouty American to tell me to be driven. I AM driven. I just do it my way…which is calmly… with a cocktail. My eye is NEVER not on the prize. Don’t get it twisted. I’ve not done that bad in life. 😉

I even sent the video on. have no clue why? I just felt like it. But it seems that if you’re already driven and already successful, you’re not too arsed about a motivational video because you don’t really need one. If I can watch it and be bored, then I must be in a good place.

Right…I need wine…

 

 

 

Hollywood Flashbacks, Swirls & Life

I’m feeling quite wonderful. Everything in my life right now, at thirty six is changing… and believe it or not…. for the absolute better. I’m growing up. No, that’s the wrong way to put it. I’ve grown up. And as the world is following my entire existence online via this diary. I can honestly say that I’ve never ever felt more together, more comfortable, more positive and kinda like the girl..the woman, that i always wanted to be. It took a long time…but for the first time, in that ‘long time,’ I can look back on my life. Look at everything i’ve tinkered in and tonkered with and actually SEE how far i’ve come, how much i’ve developed and how proud I am of the person I am today. I’m finding my ‘happy place.’ No.I’ve found my ‘happy place.’ And just to know that I’ve fought all the fights. I’ve danced with all the danger. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve been thrown down the ‘life stairs’ a million times over. Every time, I got back up. Even when I didn’t think I could. And every time I did, I took a deep breathe and marched forward (glamorously ofcourse 😉 ) with all the hope, all the faith and a smile on my face that knew everything, no matter WHAT, was going to be okay.

I’ve literally woken up all over the world and gone through the exact little procedure each time. I’ve worked so hard. I’ve loved and had my kitten heart broken over and over again. I’ve won some. I’ve lost some. But I’ve enjoyed every single little piece of my life so far. I’ve been thankful for it. Even the shit bits.

I’ve achieved so much, yet at the same time conquered all the rubbish that comes with the ‘ouchy’ parts. The parts of life, when the rug just gets pulled from under you, without warning and when you still have a prosecco in your hand. It made me who I am today. It made me mates with life. Best mates. And today in return, because of the friendship i’ve had with life, it kinda decided to cut me some slack.

So today, i’m gonna tell you, that you can be whoever you want to be, if you just make mates with life. It doesn’t matter how easy or hard you have it. See it. Believe. Make it yours.

It’s bizarre that i’m being so preachy, as my day started off hilariously. I sent ‘the swirl’ my usual morning message. I do every morning to wish him love. If I love or care about someone, it’s important for me, to make sure I tell them every day. Anything can happen. So i make sure the people I appreciate, KNOW that I do.

Anyway, I had texted out these really rubbish arrows as pointers with the words ‘this much’ typed between them. He replied with a..

‘Just that much. Haha.’

🙂

The rest of the conversation went…

‘Don’t get me started, you know what i’m like. I’ll end up sending you a truck load of dwarves dressed as Cupid, with I LOVE YOU tattooed on them.’

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ll go for it with ‘skin to the wind.’ I’m embarrassing on every level. But to me, things are perfect with ‘The Swirl.’ He’s just…well, I think he’s wonderful. I can’t stop thinking he’s wonderful…and that… on it’s own… is just so great. He makes my soul smile.

Then Mel sent me a group whatsapp picture of her giant bum bruise. She fell over the other night at the bar, stone cold sober, because the building was apparently made dodgily. Lol.

‘Those bloody steps at ABA.’

Hustle Barbie graced my world with a ‘Sandy from Grease’ wig. It arrived via post at around 10am and just chilled by her side like some creepy pet.

 ‘Alex said I look more like Margaret Thatcher.’

‘You look like Lily Savage.’

Then ‘Lady Shizzle’ informed us that she too was headed to a fancy dress party….as a..what’s it called? Those chicks that you see serving beer at the Bierkeller. Lol.

I don’t know where all these flipping ‘Fancy dress’ parties are coming from?

Me: ‘That’s fine. You all go to your parties. I’ll just show up at Firmonnells in fancy dress for kicks on a Saturday night.’

Firmonnell: ‘You need to do that. I have friends over Saturday night. I’ll text them all and make them all come in Fancy dress. Lol’

I do adore a bit of dress up. But I only really ever shimmied out a fancy dress number, in LA. And when I did, I was only ever a slutty cave girl or a belly dancer? So odd?

*FLASHBACK*

Remember the time I told you that I saved Gay Brandon’s life, after climbing to the top of a West Holywood apartment ROOF, DRESSED in my full slutty cave girl attire and WITH A FUCKING MANGO MARGARITA IN MY HAND. I properly saved his life. I really did!! He didn’t even want to live, until I showed up on that merry rooftop…to chill with him, under the stars…with my cocktail banter and stream of life lessons. Everyone was just sort of muddling around being worried. Understandably, ofcourse. I mean, they weren’t TOO worried. Let’s face it. It was Hollywood. We all had auditions ad early shoots we had to get to in the morning.

I don’t even know what came over me, but i just took it upon myself to go save him. Lol. Half way up, I was like…‘Ewww, I should just leave him up there.’ Haha. Great friend! But once you’ve tried to play ‘hero,’ you’ve just godda with it, don’t you…

Me: ‘You don’t really want to jump off this roof, do ya? Let’s just sit, have a drink, have a chat and well…if you do jump, i’m not coming with you. I’m at Warner Bros at 8.30am. Hahaha.’

Brandon: ‘Thank God your here. I’ve missed your face. I knew you’d come up. You’re stupid like that.’

Me: ‘Are you jumping because you’re gay, troubled, or sick of LA?’

Brandon: ‘Lol…because I don’t know who I am or what I am anymore? And I might even be BI?’

Me: ‘Oh, so you like girls AND guys. Cool. Great news. Can we go back down now…. And don’t be dramatic over the sick of LA thing. We’re all sick of it here, but we’re living it to the world like we love it…cos that’s what we do. We’re entertainers. Get off my drink.’

I don’t know why I went on that tangent? Brandon and I are still really good friends to this day. I remember that moment so vividly. I guess being a 20 something Angeleno wasn’t all it was cracked up to be at times. To be honest. I actually loved it. You could say i was made for it. Not because i was oh so ‘Hollywood.’ I was always a little girl from Yorkshire who had moved to the City of Angels, young..with nothing but an eye for stardom and a suitcase. I was made for that town because I was tough. Emotionally tough. I thank Hollywood for everything, because it sort of turned me into a solid adult.

I can’t even describe how great I feel today. I’m loving this blog, I’m whirled in opportunity, I’m loving being a mum, my love life isn’t rubbish, work is great, I’m settling in and settling down. I’m loving being a grown up. I look forward to being a wife one day, building a bigger family, feeling fulfilled and being happy. I’m counting all my blessings as they’re tinkering in and i couldn’t be more grateful for them.

Today I feel unstoppable.

So each time you fall…please promise me that you will AT LEAST TRY to get back up…..

 

 

 

 

 

Inboxes, Romance & Donkies…

So, i’ve got a calendar shoot, an audition to present a music show for MTV, i’m contracted to a traditionally well known enterprise for a bunch of glamour shoots, i’m on a show that airs next year, I have a few snazzy brands that have ever so kindly asked me to blog for them and i’m currently writing my book.

I’m doing all this whilst working constantly and being a mum…but i’m loving it because something feels right this time around. Something just feels right….

Mentor: ‘How do ya know you’re about to set fire to the place?’

Me: ‘…because this time…I can feel it. It’s not a dream anymore…I can feel it.’

‘Firmonnell’s’ just text me a picture of my girl crush…who if you didn’t know is Ellen DeGeneres. Lol. It really is! If I was a lesbian…The only woman I would ever want to date is Ellen. I love her, that much. I don’t even know how her sending me a picture of Ellen even occured, as I’ve kinda just forced Firmonnell (who’s pretty much one of my best chick friends) to read an extract of my book, to make sure it’s not ‘too much.’

Firmonnell: ‘OMG, just read your extracts and fucking laughed out loud. It’s fucking hilarious. Love it!’

Me: ‘…but is it too much, because i’m really open, so to me it’s fine, yet I don’t know how other people will react to it?’

Firmonnell: ‘I think anyone would see the funny side to that! Honestly…it’s great.’

And she wouldn’t lie to me, because she’s a bitch like that. One of those good friends. However, Mel did make me a lasagne for my lunch today and I adore her for it, as LORD KNOWS how anyone can figure out how to make a lasagne…So technically, they’re in competition to be my bestie. Lol. It’s getting tight. They’re both too great. Approach me with honesty or pasta and you’re onto a winner. I’m that easy.

I’ve also got to film the advert for my blog…I’m setting the dates for it now and I have to shoot for the website also…There’s just so much, but i’m really grateful for it all and really excited. Everything is changing and it’s weird because the more everything changes, the more I keep flash backing to my LA days.

They say that when you ‘flash back,’ like when you hear a song that suddenly reminds you of something in the past…it hasn’t got anything to do with a THOUGHT (it’s not a mental process) and  instead apparently has EVERYTHING to do with how something made you FEEL. So when something happens…like for example, I received a personal message today…It wasn’t a good message, it was a shit one…but immediately within seconds…my mind shot back to a past memory that made me FEEL the exact same way. It’s crazy how life works…and how the past triggers back in little blurs. What i’m good at is moving forward. I’ll have a moment, privately and then i’ll decide to not dwell on it and keep on merrily moving. 😉 I don’t bottle things up, which makes me healthy, I’m expressive, I let it all out. In fact, have for years and you’ve been following it. Writing this blog, even when it was simply on Myspace and it didn’t have a home…has always been my therapy.

LA Friend: ‘Remember that time on Sunset when you went to see that psychic for a laugh and you thought she was a weirdo…’

Me: ‘Yeah, she was weird…I didn’t like her at all. She tried to make me sing for her, for no reason…’

LA Friend: ‘Well she TOLD YOU that you would end up writing something for a living that would be HUGE and take the world by…’

Me: ‘I DO remember that. I know that. I was there. I was just modelling at the time, so i couldn’t imagine it…But yeah, I remember everything…I remember that exact moment… ‘

LA Friend: ‘Do you remember walking down Hollywood Blvd, drinking Malibu out the bottle, telling Catwoman to not be a druggie and stalking that weird break dancer with me..Lol.’

Me: ‘I remember everything. Haha. Kinda makes me glad that i’ve balanced all that shit out with a bit of Yorkshire. 🙂 ‘

I’ve kinda had a good night as I’ve been chatting to a whole bunch of my friends and simply reminiscing. I love a good tinker down memory, yet i’m not ready to delve into it all just yet. I’ll save that for when i’m 80 years old, when that’s all i have left…I’ve still got a lot of life to live, a lot to look forward to, work, love…family…the works. I’m excited for what lies ahead, in ALL OF those areas…So right now, the past is the past and even though i’ve had a colourful one (and I don’t regret any of it, as it established who I am today,) more than anything, i’m enjoying right now and looking forward to the future.

One of my chick friends scrolled through my Facebook Inbox this evening just to see what some of you were saying…and I guess, knowing me personally, she was SHOCKED at how men approached me.

‘It’s like they don’t know you at all?’

‘Well they don’t. They just see a picture of me or follow a social profile and think they do… Then they guess how i am and get it wrong…But i’m not bothered because…’

‘You’re not bothered because you’re all a flutter about *The Swirl.’

‘I don’t feel fluttery. I feel pretty stable.’

I guess what people don’t imagine or don’t know is that i’m a hopeless romantic and I adore a romantic partner…so whilst men believe that filling a girls inbox with pictures of genitals etc will work in the art of ‘the pull,’ when it comes to me…it never ever will. I’m a romantic girl, but my romance is dashed in fun.

Yeah, I may have dated a lot in my past and been married three times, but each time I did marry and all three men are completely DIFFERENT to one another….they had ONE THING IN COMMON and that ONE THING was that they approached me romantically. I must like that…

Yet like my friend said, right now my heart is all about ‘The Swirl.’ (I’m rubbish like that. Lol I just have a one track mind. It’s hilarious.) But like I’ve said to him…I’m quite embarrassing, yet ah well, i just wear my hear on my sleeve. There’s nothing wrong with that in my book…

Talking about books, my old LA roommate sent me a message today saying..

‘Please don’t tell the story of the donkey porn…I’ll die…’

‘You mean that time I went through all your drawers for no reason, after you had had sex with that random Farrah girl and found your secret stash of Animal porn. 🙂 ‘

‘Fuck it…Tell the story. It’s hilarious. But give me a good nickname.’

‘You have to earn a good nickname dude. LOL.’

And just like that, it went out globally… 😉

Love you all,

Thank you for following my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fights, Willies & Wunna Land

Life is currently great! I am in THE BEST mood ever. Technically, last week I was a jazzy bit hormonal, however now i’m all roses and winks. I’ve surfed the wave, had a word with myself and now i’m  back on the winners track. Things are great! I’ve had a lot on my mind over the last few weeks. Those niggly things that need to get sorted, that you box and ‘pretty bow’ to the back on your head in merry ‘trying to not deal with’ storage.

‘I’ll deal with them later.’

After a chat, a sprinkle of finally taking my life by the reins again and committing to only doing the things that make me smile, I kinda felt like an entire burden had been lifted from me by ‘The Gods’ (hot ones in togas)…and it came as a shock, because I didn’t think that brief moment of chat or decision making would make me feel as happy as it did. I as kinda scared of it. Yet if anything, in that moment I PROVED that you should only do the things that you love. The things that you were made for. If you don’t or if what you’re doing doesn’t eventually lead or guide you to where you see your future…If it doesn’t help your future at all…then not only are you wasting your time, but you’ll never feel fulfilled. You’ll miss your happy place. I’M actually talking about work in this case, yet this goes for literally anything..be it work, love or life…which we all seem to take for jolly granted.

This year, I’ve committed myself to taking chances, doing what I love, focusing on work and falling in love. I’ve changed a lot and it’s been nothing short of amazing. It makes you feel powerful. And it’s that feeling of internal POWER that makes you successful. Why? Well, because you’re happy IN ALL AREAS of your life. If you don’t have the ‘snazzle’ of everything, in balance, then you are wibbly. And when you’re wibbly, you fall much faster. 😉

Let me take you back to Friday….

Me: ‘Who is she even messaging…?’

Double B: ‘Some guy…she’s stalking him…’

Me: ‘Why are you secretly stalking him…Lol? You’re literally rewatching his Snapchats lovingly, with gentle creepy smiles.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I can’t help it! Haha. He’s so…He’s just a baby though. Too young.’

Me: ‘What happened to funny Bald Dave or whatever he’s called?’

Hustle B: ‘No, i’ve gone off him now. He’s not being responsive! HAHAHAH!’

(It’s hilarious because Hustle Barbie is an extremely attractive blond. She’s hot. Guys fancy her. They buy her gin and lillies. And Funny Bald Dave…who she stalked for a bit because he was…well funny… DON’T ASK…in my mind… would be PUNCHING AND THEN SOME….So if Hustle Barbie was to send you a message…you’d probably respond immediately…Surely you would? I don’t get it Bald Dave. She’s going through this weird phase of internet stalking the lesser male. Hahahah.)

Double B: I had sex last night. First time in FOUR MONTHS.’

Me: ‘Look at you! Hahaha. You actually gave him some? Why? What happened?’

(Double B has been in this longterm 3 year relationship with ‘J’, who I think is hilarious. They are both so ideally suited, and part of a young ‘let’s spend thousands of pounds at *Ralphies* in 3 hours’ couple. Such a great match. She never gives him sex though…and he still adores her madly. EVEN THOUGH, he definitely wants a bit of nookie.)

Double B: ‘I dunno. I just felt sexy…’

Hustle Barbie: ‘…because we were all talking about sex yesterday.’

Double B: ‘ I wanted it , so just grabbed his willy. It’s put me in a good mood. I should do it more often.’

Me: ‘Why don’t you have sex with him?’

Double D: ‘Cos it usually lasts about a minute..’

Me: ‘Cos you never give him any…’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I always know when Alex wants sex, because he’ll come out the shower and leave his clothes off and then lay on the bed butt naked…It’s normal to not have sex when you’ve been together for a long time.’

Me: ‘No it’s not! Lol. The longer you’re with them, the better sex gets.’

Double B: ‘I’m definitely having sex more often. He’s just text me to tell me that he’s taking me out to dinner now.. Did you know that when men get older their willies get darker…!!’

Me: ‘No they don’t….Haha.’

Hustle B: ‘What dya mean darker? How old?’

Double B: ‘Like at 70…the older they get, the darker their willy gets.’

Me: ‘How do you know what a 70 year olds will looks like? They’re not white and all of a sudden have a big black willy. Lol’

Hustle B: ‘I’m snapchatting this…. Say it again…’

And she did…that’s what I love about Double B….she’s ever the showman…as am I!!!! She’ll perform in the name of humour and it’s GREAT!

Me: Ugh…I’ve got to try and build my Instagram following….’

Double B: ‘Is that why you’re posting so many selfies…Lol..’

Me: ‘Yes…Hahaha. Add me! Add me! Love me! Love me!’

I sailed into the weekend…The suns out….It’s now Sunday, but I sorted another little ‘niggly’ mind box out before the weekend sprung…and again felt much better for it. I’ve made loads of decisions, ‘cut and dry’ ones over the last 2 days…and It’s made me BEAM because i chose to stay loyal to what I believe is right.  I’m quite composed and I’ll never really let people see what’s going on when they’re around me if i DO have ‘niggly’ bits going on in my head. That’s why I find it easy to write things out, because you can’t actually see me. Lol. In person i’m fun loving, laid back and pretty much always positive…I’m a laugh…Yet, I never left people see me ‘not okay.’ But one of the great things about me, is that I make decisions quickly. I always know what i want and when I know, I will whole heartedly commit to it.

Saturday morning felt wonderful. I was gleefully wallowing in the happiest of moods. I felt glamourous. I felt powerful. I felt like I had everything under control. I had a meeting, went through the Wunna Land plan. I never tell you my plans, as I always think you shouldn’t…as in a ‘Social’ climate you have to be able to meander and change plans accordingly at a drop of a stiletto. I’m fluid like that. But I’ve been patient and i’m not always too patient. I’ve learnt to be. I now don’t strike before i’m ready. I’ve spent a good amount of time ‘building’ Wunna land and make sure, I’m mot steady on my heels, but SOLID on them, so I stay on my feet. I sipped a couple cocktails. I’ve concentrated on what I’m doing and not what anyone else is doing…

Meeting: ‘Who else do you know…that you can name off the top of your head, literally off the top off your head, who is doing what you’re doing…as well as you’re doing it…..right now?’

Me: ‘Well…

Meeting: ‘And I don’t mean bloggers and all sorts…There’s tons of people trying their luck at it all …and I don’t even mean people who are different to you, who are doing it extremely well…I mean IN YOUR NICHE…’

Me: ‘Well no one…I can’t think of anyone at the top of my head. I mean there must be someone? I just haven’t really searched for a rival of sorts. I’ve just been zoning in on what I’m doing, not what they’re doing…and the shit thing is, I don’t read anyone else’s blog. That’s not true, I read one and i’ve been reading a whole bunch of memoirs. But there’s room for everyone…it’s Cyberland…There isn’t just one good blog about this one thing…on the whole of the internet.’

Meeting: ‘In Cyberland….in life in general….that’s true. In business….and you’ve turned your life into a business…IN YOUR NICHE…there is only room for ONE. You’ve done it the exact same way, that I did, you found your own way…again in a niche that is unique to yourself. You’ve made something old school, like diary writing.. MODERN.  In business, there’s room for one…there’s always a Bride and a Bridesmaid.’

Luckily, I’ve been a Bride millions of times…Lol…so I think I have this down.

A great meeting with my mentor. He is a very successful person, a very famous person, I knew them personally waaay before anyone did, when they began their own little blog, that they turned into a multi million dollar business. It’s good to have someone who has done what you’re , believe in you madly. Not only does it make you feel guided, but it makes you strong.

Then I got dressed, sent a Whatsapp message to ‘The Swirl’ wishing him good luck and better ribs…I like him. I find him really interesting….I’m hooked…..and with a stroke of my new baby kitten Rocco, I ventured into the world…to live!

It’s now Sunday. I watched the Mayweather/McGregor fight. I rooted for Mayweather all the way. I love a champion and I kinda didn’t want his Champion title to get smudged. He’s really the only one that had anything to lose. McGregor is good at what he does, they’re both great at what they do. Yet he’s not a boxer and well he was GREAT PR when it came to getting folk excited. They both made a shit ton of money and life is still great.

I love the Live  Celeb quotes from the fight that night…Like 50 Cent who watched McGregor cuddling Mayweather from behind, for a moment, was like, 

‘What the fuck is going on…..Haha….Okay Floyd, just knock this fool out.’

I like that he went in for a bit of a cuddle. He’s hard out there in that ring. Lol. Wait…I’ve made that sound rude by accident.

But even better, Jamie Foxx (who once gave me advice in LA on ‘how to handle boys, now i was bouji’ lol) posted an ace Instagram video about his choice of Fight Shoe, which was a  Gucci Fur Slipper. Lol. You need to watch it. It’s hilarious and fricking FOLLOW ME, whilst you’re at it.

Bloody hell. 🙂

 

Your Questions & Answers

Q: Are you Thai?

A: No, I’m Burmese. But good guess. I always say people are either from the sophisticated part of Asian where they do skyscraper business, play violins and invent ipods. I’m from the slutty part of Asian, where it’s all golden palaces, magic and lagoons.

Q: Worst thing that’s ever happened to you on a date?

A: I could write a book on this. Once this weird guy tried to feel me up on display furniture in LA. He said he wanted to ‘spit in my mouth’ too! Haha! I had to get my guy roommate to show up and pretend he was my boyfriend. That was on a first and last date. Another time I got thrown across an entire Mexican restaurant Lol…I’m laughing but it was actually awful. Funny cos we’re good friends now. That night I accessorised with a blood stained clutch. Another time I got stood up…and that by far was the worse….Just chilling…on my own…on what looked like my PRETEND date….lol. TRAGIC.

Q: You’ve been pretty successful so far…How successful are you hoping to be?

A: I’m ambitious and driven. I want to be the hugest success in my ‘niche,’.. EVER. I want to smash it! Glamourously ofcourse….

Q: Is being a mum of two hard, when there’s just you?

A: It’s been great so far. Yeah, ofcourse it’s not easy but I have so much help and our world ‘Wunna Land’ as we call it … is filled with so much love that i’m really lucky. If anything it’s made me more organized, more determined…and made me feel like i have a purpose. It keeps me young, shows me what love is, helped the wine industry threefold and made me grow up…..fast. J

Q: What couldn’t you live without?

A: Family. Music. Love

Q: Worst physical feature?

A: My Feet. I hate them. I hate feet. They’re weird.

Q: What are you scared of?

A: Crossing roads. Sounds loopy. But honestly, I’m terrified. I once got run over outside Sushi Roku in West Hollywood. I weirdly just got back up, giggled and walked on. I remember looking at the guy, who had rushed out of his car, after hitting into me. He had his baby daughter in the car….He turned white with shock and was shaking. It made me feel bad for him, so I just looked up, got up and said ‘I’m fine, don’t worry’ and walked on. IT FUCKING KILLED. I flashback it whenever I cross a road.

Q: How will you know if you have found your Mr.Right?

A: You know when you know. I’ve had loads of experience at Mr.Wrongs. I’m thirty six. I know what i’m doing these days. J With me it’s always a chemistry, a friendship, a lover, someone who sees the world through the same eyes, a family man, someone who can stand the test of time and a real man who knows how to love a woman.

Q: If you could go back in time and be anything what would it be?

A: A Spice Girl .

Q: Favourite colour?

A: Was yellow, now it’s pink

Q: Motto you live by?

A: That dreams come true…

Q: Reality show you’d most like to be on?

A: Strictly Come Dancing. God! I’d love it. Plus, I’d feel challenged so I’d work hard at it. I already have loads of experience in bantery reality tv…I find it easy, so I’d like to be put through my paces, so to speak.

Q: Everyone says you’ve written the new ‘Sex And The City?’ How does that make you feel?

A: Yeah, I love it. I’m currently be hailed the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw. I read that in an article. It’s obviously amazing, such an honour and such a shock. One of my favourite shows of all time. So well written. If ‘Sex And The City’ & ‘The Bridget Jones Diary’..had a baby…it would be chrissiewunna.com.

Q: Weaknesses?

A: I love a cocktail far too much.

Q: Strengths?

A: I’m great at making people feel good. I’m also great when it comes to BIG LIFE PROBLEMS. I handle them with ease. I’m also totally non judgemental, you can literally tell me anything and i’ll understand you.

Q: Before the modelling, the blogging…the TV shows….what was your background?

A: I have a back ground in PR and I was a talent agent. I’ve been an Elf at a Grotto. A receptionist. All sorts. Before that the BEST JOB I HONESTLY EVER HAD was being the ‘Meet & Greet’ girl at Crunch Gym on Sunset in West Hollywood. I loved it. I’d go back and do it today….

Q: One of the girls or one of the guys?

A: Definitely one of the girls. I have the best chick friends. I love them more than they know. Plus, they always let me write about them, and I heart them for that! Haha. Saying that, i’m quite happy to kick it with the guys. My sense of humour is boyish. I have loads of guy friends.

Q: Do you still go clubbing?

A: No. I love a cocktail bar but I never enjoy heading to a club now that i’m an oldie. I’m really really social, so i love going out, yet i’m never at a club until 8am unless it’s a really special occasion.

Q: Your favourite genre of modelling?

A: Pin up/Boudior easy! I love all the ‘Old Hollywood’ glamourous pin up shoots. They’re dripping with decadence. They’re divine. I see so much beauty in them.

Q: What made you want to be a glamour model?

A: I don’t even know? I was just sat at a coffee shop in LA and got scouted and i thought it would be a good way to make money.That’s how it happened. Yet, stemming back into my childhood, I remember by Dad always used to have the annual Page 3 calendar and he loved the girls on it. (My mum was always cool with it. Lol) It kinda installed in my subconscious that they were the most beautiful girls in the world, whether they were or not, and simply because my Dad loved them. Hahaha.

Q: Would you let Ruby be a Glamour Model?

A: Absolutely not! It’s a no go. If she chose to be a lingerie model when she was older, then that’s fine, but nothing more than that. I’d be fuming. I’ve worked really hard all my life in order to provide for both children, meaning Ruby wouldn’t need to consider that as a job option. 🙂 I grew up needing to make money. She has the opposite case scenario. I’ve lived that life….and well it’s not something that I’d necessarily want her to go through. (I went on a rant then. Lol)

Q: Your relationship with the art of Attention?

A: I’m an attention whore. I’m not gonna lie to you and pretend i’m not. I love really peaceful moments, when i want peaceful moments, but only because I know ‘Wunna’ attention is going on somewhere. It’s a bad habit. But in the industry that I grew up in…if you didn’t gain the most attention you didn’t work. It mattered. Now with the blog, attention to it is vital because it’s become a business. Yet, i’m quite loyal to my morals so i’d never just do anything for a tiny bit of ‘look of me.’ I see that as ‘young.’ There’s a fun classiness to the 30 something version of me.

Q: Your idols?

A: My parents. They both did so well and started with nothing. They’ve kinda accidentally made me attracted to successful humans. I am so inspired by all successful people. I have so much respect for how much they’ve worked to get where they are. It’s not easy. They just make it look easy.

Q: Why do you love your blog?

A: I’ve documented my life daily for years. When i’m 80 years old, i’ll be able to look back on my time on this Earth and relive it all. I’ll cry into my brandy. (I hate brandy.)

Q: In your blog you give everyone fake names….are they real people? Why do you use fake names, if everything is so real?

A: Firmonnel, Fairytale, Double B, Hustle Barbie, The Swirl, Eton Mess etc…all of them are real people. They’re people who I have in my life daily, they’re not made up. I use ‘label names’ because as humans they’re entitled to their own privacy. Plus, I can freely write about them under their ‘alias names’ which keeps it ‘sexy’ and mysterious. I know who they are. They know you they are. To you…they could be anyone. It’s magical like a sassy fairytale. I hate it when people don’t think they’re all real humans and real stories….but only because I know that they are. I told you. I leave more out of my blog than I put in. So much more happens. I wouldn’t even dare tell you.

Q: Are you confident?

A: yes

Q: Are you insecure?

A: Yes..ofcourse

Q: Are you the girl who has everything?

A: No, I wish.

Q: In love you are…

A: Alive. I’m a hopeless romantic. I’m funny with it though. Not lame. Well…a bit lame.

Q: I take it you’re making a comeback….How is 2018 looking for you?

A: Well if all goes accordingly…wonderfully. Lol. I can’t even believe how well it’s all going right now. Opportunity kinda sprung up at me, out of nowhere…at the end of LAST year, something changed in me…I sorted myself out and worked really hard. Something happened that made me see life differently. I grew 10 ft tall.

Q: Life is…

A: To be enjoyed…I want everyone to find their ‘happy’ because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Q: It’s important to…

A: Be grateful for all that you have and where you currently are in life. You might not have tomorrow, so appreciating your current situation is important, as you are exactly where you’re meant to be and there’s definitely something positive going on in your life, even if you can’t see it. There’s a magic in the air. Some people are so blinded by what they don’t have, that they forget to see and maybe take for granted the things that they do have. It’s a bad habit.