Auditions, Daffodils & He’s Nothing Like Mary Poppins…

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I’ve a busy day today, so I’m gonna have to keep this sassy, brief and delightful! I’m auditioning and it’s stressful and mainly because I make it stressful. Lol. I put so much pressure on myself because I’m a lunatic. 🙂 (Code for: ‘I just want to do well and have all my dreams come true.’ We all do! But that’s the problem..In my world…everyone wants the same thing.)

Yipppeee!

But, you get what you get and you don’t get what the ‘The Gods’ believe isn’t right for you. I’m actually feeling quite good right now after Whatsapp messages to someone I hold in my highest regard.

I was all pathetic and nervous and trying to sort out my mindset… I’m honest, so i’ll tell anyone exactly how I feel about everything….and he swooshed on in with motivation at the exact right time.

He’s like Mary Poppins…but not nothing like Mary Poppins, AT ALL? Lol. (Bare with me…I’ve gone insane???) What, I’m trying to say is that he spoon fulled me the ‘truth sugar,‘ from one of the most positive angles and in order to gear me up for a ‘smash it,’ bonanza. He did it briefly and real. Not fakey and flourished. (It’s an attractive trait. Kinda made me want to ‘tickle his fancy.’ I love motivational people…not the ones that go on and on… for hours, but the ones that are real and tell you stuff from their own actual life experience…It’s sexy. It always makes me think they’re also really organised…and in the future….I imagine my Knight in Shining Armour to be dead organised….That way they can organise my scattiness.)

ANYWAY….. ( I got distracted…)

Just like that, I felt MIGHTY. The motivational medicine went down a treat…and sometimes it’s all you need…. and with a…

‘Good luck babe…you will smash it…’

I was sorted.

(Why am I currently getting a flash back of Junior misguiding his standup wee?)

‘GET IT IN THE LOO!!! It’s spurting on the floor!’

Monday was great because I got to hang with my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell.’ Miss you Monday turned ‘real life’ and we got to catch up and chat about our world’s combined, as people played with blue and white balls around us and other’s decided to ski.

I always miss her madly, so when we talk, we talk….We get lost it in with a passion. There was a moment where in which we had gotten so ENTHRALLED in our conversation, whilst stood up by a coffee counter…that we forgot we were stood up by a coffee counter and were suddenly awaken by the Barista with a…

‘Do you want chocolate sprinkles on that?’

‘Eh?’

‘Oh shit! Yeah..’

‘Why are you not using the sugars I got you?’

‘I thought they were yours?’

‘What…EIGHT OF THEM.’

‘Let’s sit down..’

Good catch up…Then our other friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ tried to steal my Bestie from me, by presenting her with Daffodils and kindness.

Firmonnell: ‘Hustle’s my new bestie now! She bought me this..’

(Produces photo of daffodils and other loving thoughtful stuff.)

Me: EWW! Why is she stealing my bestie! How dare she be thoughtful. That’s fine. you two can go have a really delightful Vegan time together. I’ll make new friends, with like… Olivia off Love Island.’ Fucking Daffodils.’

Firmonnell: ‘What you buying me?’

Me: ‘Don’t you dare try and game me with the *WHAT YOU BUYING ME’ trick.’

(I’m scarred! It’s not like I haven’t already been on the flipping telly… where I was put through HUGE challenges every single moment of every single day, with a camera in my face…in the name of ‘Hilton.’ Touchy subject, a friendship battle..innit.) 

Anyway, great day with ‘Firmonnell.’

‘See you next week? I’m parked over there…’

Me: ‘Can you at least MAKE LIKE YOU NEED ME…’

Miss you Monday’s‘ are the best!

I’ve actually really super dooper need to go! Shit! My hair needs doing. Just wanted to say..

THANK YOU SO MUCH..

To everyone who is engaging with Wunna Land. My ‘Socials’ have been a delight and i’m grateful. It kinda makes me feel all appreciated. Thank you to those watching my ‘Garden gallop’ video gram. So many people have messaged me asking if it was my actual garden? Random question?

But…yes…I’m not going to gallop, open shirt topless in someone else’s garden. Lol. Well? I might? Depends on where life takes me?

Just quickly, I’ve also noticed that people are getting into ‘banter spats’ on my Facebook Fan Page….Just so you know…regardless. I adore y’all! If it wasn’t for your engagements…this land would not be worth it..and I never take that for granted.

It’s pretty rubbish weather today. It’s almost like the skies can’t decide what to do? I want Summer, or at least Spring to shimmie on in now. I don’t like this inbetweeny weather. I’m not grey. I’m not a fence sitter. I need a choice. It effects my outfits. 😉

Before I tinker off…The other day, after a shoot, I stopped to have a chitter with one of my good friends Scott…It was a phone interview and I was sat in my car, at night, in my pyjamas…. But please to click below and take a listen….We’re talking celeb gossip, my time on the Hilton show, ‘behind the scenes’ glamour modelling and my dating life..

I’ve godda go!

Thank you for following my life….

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Phone, New Chapters & Ace Friends

My phones busted. It’s finally gone kaput and weirdly it feels like bliss. I dropped my phone ages ago at Leeds train station. The screen smashed, but it still worked like a champ for 9 more months. Tried to use it yesterday. It had had enough and gracefully waved *bye bye* to Wunna Land with a ‘Yo Sister. I’m out.

Called EE. My new phone gets delivered to me tomorrow. Infact, let’s give EE a shout out, as whoever dealt with my phone drama was a dream…

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with it? It just keeps deciding not to work, but it IS saying *hello* to me in every different language. That’s about it though? I’m sorry. I know this is the last call you want to deal with at 8pm on a Monday.’

Found out he was 44, single, had been divorced two times and blond. People just like to tell me stuff. I’m weirdly comforting, because i’m not one of those ‘drama’ beings, one of those ‘drama’ calls. I’m chilled and charming….My new upgraded celly glides into Wunna Land tomorrow…and after a stressful two days, it has felt almost DIVINE, to not have my handset, glued to  my palm. It’s been BLISS.

I just need a break. A bit of fresh air. A chill. I need to be surrounded by good vibes constantly, so my soul is giggling with winks and laughter.  I’ve got a lot going on and I’m wanting to cut away from a stressy static, a fuzz, a world that i’m plonked in and change it up,  to a free gallop of love, life and ease.

I can’t wait until it’s the weekend. It couldn’t come quick enough.

I’m feeling fun. I’m always feeling fun. There’s a shimmie to my strut and a smile that beams a gentle warmth, yet a sassy streak that that strikes out when necessary.

Mum: ‘Chrissie. You woke up with a kitten on your head.’

Me: ‘What could be MORE glamour puss than THAT! Should I have another wine?’

I’m looking forward to the future. I have a really exciting New Year. A really exciting 2018. I’ll finally get to concentrate on what I love, without the mundane jiggle of any ‘have toooos.’ You have one big old life to live and it’s too short to toss it all off on feeling unfulfilled. Live it. People always become a slave to the things that don’t matter. Why do we do that? The things that make your eyes smile and your heart blaze, are the things that are filled with the ‘good stuff.’ They empower you with an energy that makes you unstoppable. Happiness is what life is about. I’m filled with it and there’s not one inch of fear running through my glitter veins. Why are people so scared of everything? Be it change, love, life, work….circumstance….

Fear is the only thing that prevents you from moving forward. I am SO TIRED of people BEING SCARED OF EVERYTHING. It’s so unattractive in both girls and guys. It couldn’t annoy me MORE. More people need to Man UP! You’ll feel great afterward. And I don’t mean, ‘Wow, lets bungee, this cliff to show how brave we are.’ I’m talking about the little things. The little things in life that people are always so frightened of!!! It’s the little things that matter and make a bigger version of YOU. MAN UP. Get on with it. Enjoy embracing what you actually believe in.

*Add a wink here.*

I turn thirty seven in just under a month. WTF!!! I know. (But whatever, I still got it. 😉 ) And even though turning thirty seven soon…isn’t plastered on my ‘favourite’ list. I seem pretty chipper? I’m happy. I’m really happy. I’m still the luckiest girl alive…I mean all the changes that happened to me this year and all the new opportunities and people that I have gotten so close to, has made it all perfect. The ‘Wunna Glow’ is rubbing off on folk and it’s awesome. My kids are BEAMING with Mama love, i’ve cocktailed lots and my dreams are pretty much coming true…It’s really  bizarre? (But i’m going with it… You’ve godda, right?)

I’ve done a lot in my life….Yet it feels like it’s only just beginning. I feel young. It’s ACE. But it’s not just the big things, like ‘hey, the world is reading your blog now’ that makes me smile…

Firmonnell bought me a surprise cappuccino today without me asking and more than anything t hat made me beam. I love her. (I’d definitely not be straight for Firmonnell and Ellen Degeneres.)

Which reminds me, I think i’m headed to see Susan Woods on Thursday, who’s one of the most delicious psychics, for a bit of ‘future telling.’  I’m also meant to be off ice skating with ‘Jonesez’ shortly, but i’m refusing to go until he refrains from calling it a ‘date.’

We love him, but he always gets a proper bollocking from my chick friends and I…

‘It’s not a DATE!!’

‘Don’t eat near me…’

‘Why are you a dick…’

‘Stop trying to hit on everyone…. You’ve godda have more swag than that.’

He loves it really.

Even though i keep rambling on about exciting New Years, changes and New Chapters….part of me feels really emotional because  i’m truly gonna miss…well i’m gonna miss a lot of people, who have made my ‘almost’ last two years just wonderful.  That part’s hard and i’ll drink lots of prosecco at first….

But if you don’t take steps forward when opportunity is knocking at your door….then you’re the most foolish human in town…and THAT I am certainly not.

I’m filled with love. I’m ready to adjust my bra and strut forward.

 

Love, Life & Hero’s

I’ve had a really great day. Yeah, gosh there were parts that felt extremely looong, (and you know I hate ‘loooong’ anything. Be it stories….queues…..I even don’t get why sausage dogs are long? They creep me out.) Yet after a *blast* of ‘sat next to each other‘ sarcastic banter with my deliciously darling chick friend Firmonnell….and I LOVE A GOOD DASH OF BANTER, my faith in life, good friends and good times was not only restored, but heightened. (We’ve planned ‘doing drinking’ when everyone does worky social things. Lol)

‘I should be due on soon?’

‘I should be too? But i’m not..’

Firmonnell is utter GREATNESS when it comes to girl banter because I can…well WE CAN …HONESTLY rip each other, everyone else and the world to absolute hysterical, glittery shreds, in the name of absolute good humour, without a single censor and you need that, otherwise everything’s all ‘fakey’ and ‘smiley’ and not very hilarious at all. You know you are good friends or lovers ( I look for that in guys when it comes to romance) when you can handle a good old banter see saw! She can say whatever she wants and I will never judge her. I can literally say WHATEVER I want…and she will be the last human on Earth to judge me. That’s what I adore about her.

Yet saying that, I’m astounding LUCKY because all of us girls, in The Wunna Land circle are so SO close…yet ALL SO entirely different…that we just get along swimmingly. There’s a lot of real love between us. We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we’ve lied for each other. 🙂 And it’s having that wonderful circle of genuine support that not only keeps me grounded, as do note, that I am going through a bit of a showbizzy time right now. I have a lot of dazzling’ bits and bobs’ a going on…and I feel really lucky. Yet having the girls around me every day, makes me focus on the things that matter..and not get lost in a egotistical flare of ‘look at me’ idiocy.

I’m a REALLY confident girl. An honest girl. A sassy one, yes, but a warm one. I’m tender. I’m fun. I’m kind. I’m not a dick. 🙂 I grew up being a model, ended up on a reality show and found myself being doing life as an infamous blogger and a business woman. (How hilarious. LOL.) I’ve worked hard. Yet still…it’s crackers.

I always say that my decade in Hollywood taught me how to ‘hustle.’ How to survive. How to celebrate glamourisity, yet be tough emotionally. That’s both in work and in love.  I’m soft, but not stupid. Even if I play it. I learnt EVERYTHING the ‘Hollywood’ way, so i’m probably one of the most savvy chicks you’ll ever meet. I just do it with charm and a smile. It was a great time and in that time I again made some close close friends for life. Note, that in m circle of LA friends…we were all flipping struggling…and now…right now…we are ALL doing superbly in our fields of entertainment. Two of them have their own show. One is a movie producer. One is a movie star. The other a famous rapper. It’s crazy! We were roommates and we all used to piss ‘before they were famous’ Maroon Five off (who also said they were going to be stars 😉 ) by being drunk neighbours.

But anyway, I learnt focus and making ‘dreams come true’ there, in one of the most toughest places of all, where everyone was out for themselves….It served me well. I smashed it. I can now smell bullshit in a second. But i’d never embarrass you. I’d just nod and let you get on with.

However, I will say that I learnt values, morality and unconditional love…y’know…true respect…all that good stuff, from my family. I LEARNT ALL THE THINGS THAT MATTER. The things that give you worth as a human. I have the best parents and had the most loving upbringing….and even though i’m 100 percent Burmese, (which makes me exotic and magical and very Oriental,) there’s this good old ‘down to earth‘ simplicity to me, that you could only learn in Yorkshire. I’m grateful for that. That never left me. I don’t get lost in showbizzy nonsense.  I control it. I’m a really stable chick. Even when i’m wild. Don’t get me wrong. I am a bit of an EGOMANIAC. A sexy one. I know i’ve done well…or that i’m doing well…I’m aware of the buzz. I don’t like to be treated badly be it in work, just in places, or in love. I’m cocky. I’m playful. I’m not beige. I hate beige. YET, at the same time i’m weirdly so chilled and together.  I could out glam a the finest luxury in all the land…then just kick in my my comfies, whilst sharing a Nandos with ya.

ANYWAY …this is where my friends come in…AFTER MY TIME IN HOLLYWOOD….and during THIS TIME where life for me is changing massively…I AM REALLY LUCKY, because I don’t think that many people in my current situation can actual sit down and say, I have THE BEST CIRCLE OF CHICK FRIENDS EVER. They could say they have ‘Alright Acquaintances,’ or ‘Usey Friends‘ or not very many real friends at all. I have the opposite. They’re ace. They keep me focused when I need to be, as they remind me of how lucky I am. YET, all that keeps me grounded, so i’m not an absolute dickhead…because let’s face it…there’s hundreds of ya’ll. 🙂 I don’t suffer fools well. But i’ll tell you with such grace whilst offering you a cocktail that you’ll forgive me and courtesy. Lol. I know some really great people. Not just the girls. I have really good friends all over. I mean, I asked one of my closest friends advice today and she’s in Bermuda. I love her. I remember all that time when I was going through my divorce and I was brave facing it. She could see through the ‘royal wave’ and the forced smile…and the next morning I received something in the post from her…that to this day means SO MUCH. (Thank you EMS!! 🙂 )

‘I don’t think she’s used to people actually caring about her, who don’t have to…be it friends or guys…..70 percent of them fall for *Chrissie Wunna* ….and not just this Burmese chick from Donny, named Christina. When she finds friends or guys who adore both…she treasures them.’

By nature, I’m someone that cares about people, lives and others…a lot more than they maybe deserve…and when I say ‘deserve’ I mean these are the people that haven’t done good by me…The good thing is that i’ve grown out of that. I’m thirty six and raising my own family now. I never focus on the bad past bits. It’s unhealthy. Instead I’m excited for all the good that I have to look forward to in the future. I’m beaming.

Today, if I learnt anything I learnt how important love is to everyone. I asked every single one of my friends around me about their love lives…and they delivered their versions. Each one of them *glistened* with glee as they reminisced and told me stories of how they met their husband, boyfriend, or just boned a date. Lol.

I’m a sassy one. But i’m a hopeless romantic and let’s face it, life hasn’t served me well in the love department at all over the years. But i’ve always been hopeful. I think i’m a bloody good catch. Lol. I’m sure guys have always understood me incorrectly. They’re approach is always odd. I’m someone that believes men should be brave and chase their hearts desire and do it with their romantic foot forward. I’m a girly girl. I LOVE ROMANCE. Yet i’ve had years of just idiots, with a operate their ‘wooing’ via a ‘think they know’ version of me. It came to a time that made me believe that I would never get swept off my feet by some Knight in Shining Armour.

It doesn’t matter who or how the girl is….every chick wants a ‘Hero.’

 

 

 

 

Friday Hoopla, Gino’s & Da Ladies

Yay! Espresso Martini’s for everyone! It is fucking Friday! Technically, this week the Friday ‘Hoopla’ means nothing to me as I’m working ALL Saturday,  (YIPEEEE.) Yet I’ll let you all enjoy your *can can.* I’m one to start the party, not poop at it.

I’m feeling positive and refreshed. I’m smashing my diet, thanks to ‘Fairytale’ and Hustle Barbie. YOU’RE ALL going to jelaous of me in a bikini. I’m not saying that I think i’m fat. I’m saying that I have wibbly bits that might need a *jiggle* off…I’m quite a vain person, so it has nothing to do with my health and everything to do with looking good! Lol. And yeah, you may think that is shit, but it’s not. I did my entire 20’s in Hollywood and my entire career at that point was making money from ‘looking good.’ It’s healthy to shake off ya wibbly bits. Especially when ‘Firmonnell’ says I an have a rum.

‘Honestly, it’s better for you than wine.’

I’ve had to change my mental state of thought, because ‘Hustle’ and ‘Fairytale’ are actually shit at making me just eat leaves. (They’re already skinny, so it doesn’t matter to them.) They’re all..

‘Lets have a bun’ here…’I really need a biscuit’ there…’Chrissie banana bread is just like brown toast with banana on it. It’s good for you.’

‘IT’S FUCKING CAKE!’

So ‘Firmonnell’ and I have made the executive decision TO LET THEM eat cake.

‘Eat it my pretties…’

That way, when we’re supermodel skinny and flouncing around like the happy chick on the Bodyform beach commercials, they’ll be fat…and that will make me happy. 🙂 I’ll look like a Michelle Keegan in a bikini and they’ll look like Stavros Flatley. (Everyone made fun of my Ellen Degeneres Girl Crush yesterday. I don’t get why people don’t see the attraction? If i could marry any woman…it would be HER!)

‘Well yeah, she is funny Chrissie…’

‘NO! She’s hot! It goes waaaaaaaaaay beyond funny. Lol.’

I’ve confused myself really because i’m definitely very straight but GOD, I fancy Ellen. Lol. I’m not even kidding. I adore her. AND she follows me on Twitter!

I’m feeling a bit rough today. I did after work cocktails simply because it was THURSDAY. Not sure why I thought that was such a good idea? However, everyone must have jumped on the bandwagon because the place was RAMMED. In Leeds…everyone votes for cocktails through the week. Which reminds me…I forgot to actually Vote for the Prime Minister. Lol. Fuck it. I voted ‘Pornstars.’

I have lots going on but i’m happy. It feels chilled and in control. This week is a busy one…and during my spits of time off (which is only Sunday) I have a morning coffee with ‘Inadequate Chris’ (he’s a Snapchat star and does these really funny videos.) He messaged me yesterday to see if we could come up with a collabo. We’ll be doing La Bottega Milanese in Leeds, at around 10.30am? Can’t remember what time I said?

THEN I meet the girls, my besties, my dolls (we’ve had our private text messages ‘LIVE’ for the world to read all week and it’s been so fun. We’re almost at the end of our 10 day ‘Chrissie in the City’ stint…Yet we’ve done and are doing so well, that it’s going to get picked up, revamped and moved forward.’ App show here we come. The future is all about Social Media and we’ve accidentally got ourselves a future HIT..if we do it right.)

Anyway, what was I saying? Chris at Bottega? Yes, on Sunday at 1pm, all us girls are meeting up and kicking back to enjoy a prosecco dripped, cocktailed lunch at one of my favoruite Leeds haunts Gino’s. It is owned by the very famous Gino ‘D’acampo. I did his live show. I chatted to him about life. I’m goign to the opening of the Harrogate restaurant. I wrote the infamous blog on his joint (the first time that I visited.) It swirled through the head honchos and D’acampo offices. I now have a Black card…and the girls and I are going to treat ourselves to the finest pasta, cocktails in all the land of Leeds….and glare at delicious Italian waiters…as we get very glamourously pissed.

I want one of Mel’s kittens!

(I love that I’ve just seen a picture of my friend Katty stood by a ‘Polling station’ sign with the words…

THEY SEE ME POLLIN’ ….THEY HATING…’ underneath it. 

Hahahaha! DYING.That’s what life’s about.)

I’ve run out of foundation, had no time to buy any, my hair extensions are falling to pieces and i’ve forgotten to watch Love Island. UGH! FFS! What is life!

 

 

 

 

Sexy Girly life Shite & Moments

I am going through the busiest time at work EVER. It is crazy balls. BIG OLD CRAZY BALLS, that consists of arriving early, finishing late and still not getting everything done with the kinda panache that you wished it was ‘gloried’ with! I’m a driven girl and I adore to win everything. YET, I like to be on top of my game and right now…my sexy kitten hand is almost hitting the panic* button. But i’m dandy. I’m fine. I’ll champion it. HONEST!

The good thing about everything is that I can’t tell you about all the girl banter and chick friend drama that’s going on right now, as it’s all about fights, ouchy vulvars, sexting, deep expressions of love, new chapters and madness. It’s all quite dramatic, that I can’t even begin to tell you the gossip. But there’s lots going on personally and lots going on with work that it’s fun loving yet mental.

My ENTIRE schedule is BOOKED OUT through the whole of April and I have LOADS of people with ‘please come to my restuarant/event/office/life‘ requests, that i am ABSOLUTELY excited and grateful for.  Thank, you so much. When it comes to the blog part of life and the whole ‘Social Media IT Girl’ shalang…I’m doing well..REALLY WELL. I’m still shocked. I will fit you all in. I promise. I just have so much work and so much more booked in that I’m needing more hours…but i’ll find them. I’m a hustle baby. 🙂 (Just want chu a know…)

I will tell you that I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL IT IS THE WEEKEND! After such a busy work week, I cannot WAIT FOR FREE TIME. As soon as it hits Friday, I have Ruby & Junior loves…which rocks my entire world. THEN on Saturday I have my ‘Mr Footy Player’ time…and I’m looking forward to it, because he just makes me smile. There’s something about him that makes me feel great and it’s those moments that we need to treasure in life and embrace. I won’t say i’m not lucky. I’m lucky. Yet it’s his giddiness that is contagious. The way he expresses boldly and with love. Which is something that I will naturally find attractive in a guy.

I’m a fire sign, so i’m a girl that isn’t going to find much interest in something that ‘twiddles thunbs’ or sits on the fence with fear or wallows in ‘the grey,’

I’m an all or nothing girl…and it’s part of my ‘ooh laa.’ and it seems that ‘Mr’ is quite ‘all or nothing‘ himself. I’ll find out. I don’t really know him at all.

But bottom line…we can’t wait to see do Saturday with each other….regardless. It’s life. Let’s love it. And i think it’s that attitude that we both have, without fear or circumstance that makes it ‘magic.’ He’s a little forward…maybe too forward for what i’m used to. I always harp on about how shy guys are around me, yet when they’re so mighty ‘go for it’ i’m alarmed. It shocks me. But at the end of the day…what have I got to lose? Life is about moments.

You can think about things too much and forget to love, live, express, stand for nothing short of what you believe in and forget to just enjoy. You can calculate things too much, which makes something lose it’s soul.

I’m certainly not that…Told you! Saturday will be AMAZING.

Away from that I will tell you that today I’ve seen one of my friends NURSE an over sexed vulvar to the point where WALKING was an actual issue. I listened to another worry over unsaid loving words. I witnessed a couple of them buy last minute bags of bargain meat, from a very friendly butcher and another decide to stop being evil to the man that she loves because she loves him really. I’ve experienced the ‘magic phone’ which gives you all that you needed but unexpected and had everyone blame me for jinxing their shit love lives  before 10am.

‘Whatever! I haven’t jinxed you. It’s not my fault all your love lives are shite. 🙂  YOU’RE ALL SHITE!’

I literally don’t know how i’m going to get through Thursday. I’m hoping wine will work.

 

 

 

 

Yorkshire Pudding Privates & Louboutin Chills

‘I’d shove a Yorkshire Pudding up you..’

…shouted a random gentleman to my Barbie Lookalike friend ‘Hot Sarah.’ (She’s got Barbie’s boobs and everything. She’s beautiful…She doesn’t want Sunday dinner up her *Whoopsie.* Infact, quite the opposite. She’d prefer to sit at home and make her own Yorkshire puddings, in a land of absolute luxury…as she lunches with other Ladies of Leisure, in Louboutins, by Prosecco Fountains. That is her life goal. Again! It doesn’t involve porn with leftovers from your dinner plate. Hurrah!)

‘Gimme ya number now…I right fancy you…’

…uttered what looked like a 9 year old boy,  who had been ‘egged’ on by a troop of other ‘maybe teens’…to go try his luck at getting ‘Chrissie Wunna’ to date him?

‘YOU’RE NINE! And you did that far too aggressively.’

‘I’m 24, i’m just short for my age.’ 🙂

(We’ll give him points for humour, ballsy little shit. 🙂  At least he DARE talk to me. Most people just breeze past awkwardly and inbox me later on Facebook, stating that they saw me. The older guys become, the less brave them become, I guess? I don’t bite. You can speak to me. I am human. I’ll only bite if i’m in my waist trainer, or if i have a sausage roll….then you’re fucked and not the good kind. 🙂

BUT HONESTLY! Both Males. Decades! Even GENERATIONS have had these males apart! Yet the practice that they used in order to ‘woo the ladies’ was not only weirdly similar, yet also distinctly poor and…well….just made no sense? At least make sense.

I mean, what lady wants you to shove a Yorkshire pudding in her…..? Lol. I’m creative and that even bamboozles ME! I’m open minded and I just can’t seem to fathom the consequences of such? I’m NORTHERN & WE LOVE a Yorkshire Pudding…I guess what i’m saying is… just not in our privates. 🙂

GO BACK TO ‘ROMANCE CAMP.’ Enjoy the art of ‘wooing.’ It’s delicious, simple and refined. More people should be enjoying the art of romance. Be brave, yes. But be lovely.

That guy had  ONE SHOT to approach ‘Hot Sarah’ with something that would make her *pause* and decide that he was ‘The One’…and that’s what he came up with? That was his first shot at love and attention. Hahah!  What would’ve been so hard to just stop, tell her she was ‘beautiful’ and ask her out for a drink? Yes, you got her attention. But only so she could tell me and I could place it on my blog for the entire world to read. Yippee!

‘Is because they’ve got nothing to lose. He’s already assumed that you’re not going to be with him ever…so he just thrown something out there for kicks.’

‘If a guy actually thought he HAD A CHANCE at making you his, he’d be a lot more clever about it..’

I like the clever ones, who are simple, but flashy. Romantic, yet emotionally together. Ambitious, but loving…and with a spirit that plays well with mine.

Unlike ‘Hot Sarah’ who wants to chill in Louboutins and well i’m sure I once heard her say ‘Save the animals?’ 🙂 I’m totally single, but a chick who wants to build an empire with a human and look around in astonishment at what we’ve managed to achieve. I find that sexy. I call that love. I don’t know WHY I imagine being part of an equally balanced ‘Power Couple?’ It’s a bit extreme, I know. But I just find achieving sexy! Yet at the same time, I enjoy softness, commitment and romance with it.

GOD! I’m already bored of listening to myself.

GIVE ME A WINE!

Bottom Line…Don’t offer to ya ‘shove’ dinner in a lady’s privates….

I’m sure ‘Double B’ said…

‘I’d let him, if he bought me the Vuitton Bag.’

Wait no…I’ve made that bit up…

She suggested ‘Sending Nudes.’ 

(Hahahah!)

Sending Nudes feels so ‘2011’ now, even though i’m sure it’s ever so current.

I wouldn’t flipping know! I send people Gucci Hats just to say ‘THANK YOU’…Not photos of me braless in exchange for a Yorkshire Pudding session. I’m sure there’s a fee for that! Lol. Is there a fee for that? 😉

 

 

 

 

he poorest advice, when it came to the distinct art of ‘wooing the ladies.’

HOW

 

Fairytales, Single Life & Inboxes

‘Awww…we need to find you a man Chrissie’ said Mel, as she eased off her headset and sat forward in her swivel chair, with a radiating grin that only EVER occurs in a girl, a lady, or a woman when the ‘love bug’ has got her and she is embracing the magical swirl of it all.

I was flipping rummaging in a cupboard for a key. Glamoruously ofcourse. Yet the key wasn’t to anyone’s heart. Just simply to aid the opening of doors.

David: ‘What about London Business Man?’

See…I would NEVER have thought that David would’ve ever *scroll clicked* into Wunna land? So it surprised me. Yet, at the same time it was hilarious, as he did actually refer to ‘London Business Man’ as ‘London Business Man,’ which always makes me smile.

‘Nothing. We aren’t anything…

Mel: ‘You do right…I mean he can’t just try to come back now…’

‘Well he’s just sent me a Whatsapp reading…*Okay handing in the towel and giving up 🙁 *’

I just looked as David, as he left Mel and I, to dash out the door and start his own work day, in his tie, with is diary…and smiled with a confident eye contact, that would inform anyone that, that particular chapter of ‘last year’ was and is waaaaaaaaaaaay in the past.

‘He can’t just adore me, choose another girl over me…fob me off, yet THEN realize I might have been a better choice and OH LOOK, I’m now doing well and after noticing that… decide to THEN shimmie back in…I’m not soft like that. I will do catch up drinks with him…yet…I just can’t take him seriously…’

I’m the warmest, most forgiving bundle of boobied Oriental that you’ll ever meet…but i’m not foolish. I’m a big girl. I’m grown. In a moment when I utterly adored him, he made me feel utterly rejected because he wasn’t ready to care for me…and anyone can relate to that feeling. Yet…that was a year ago. Time moves on. As soon as I got over that niggly rubbishy feeling, I jollied onward. I’m not weird like that. I’m happy and the best people LIVE their new chapters with love, forgiveness, with smiles and with rum cocktails. (Mel’s going through a huge new chapter right now, where after years of absolute shit…and THREE YEARS of single life….The Big Dude up above has watched her fight back so hard, that he’s got bored of the show, cut her some slack and thrown her a happy ending. Makes me smile. Her ‘Love swirl’ told her that he loves her the other night. 🙂 )

‘CHRISSIE!!!! I’M IN LOVE! OFFICIALLY:) ‘

Watching her made me beam. In fact, they’re all in love right now…’ALL’ meaning my chick friends. They’re all so different. All in different types of love, different stages of love and in different generations of love. Firmonnell with her 2 children and hubby ‘Big D,’ who go through life with smiles and this happy family life. ‘Fairytale Blond,’ in a newish  love that is becoming more and more stable by the day. (She literally does ‘love’ by the book. It’s like one big, moral …Fairytale text book.) ‘Double B’ and Master.G…are young 20 somethings that are all flashy, urban and glamorously ‘gangsta bouji.’  They’re like this hilariously bizarre comedy duo, who were simply made for each other. Lynne has been with Tony for hundreds of years, from being fifteen to sixty!!!  (AS IF) Hot Sarah is all moved in, loved and doing her 4th year Anniversary, yet still seeks adventure. Mel, as you know, is three months in, as soft hearted as they come with a warrior exterior. You don’t mess with her. She’s fallen madly in love, after three whole years of ‘no man anywhere.’

They all kinda give me hope and i’ve been in love, had loads of attention, no attention, been happy, been sad, been married three times, up, down and everywhere, from all angles of that glammy coin.

But i’ve just never found my true love yet and even though I’m the only one that’s single, I don’t seem to mind as right now? Until I find the man of my dreams…that crazy love…that love that takes over me, my soul mate….I’m not bothered. I’m not in the mood to *kiss a bunch of toads.* I’m too old for that…and too egotistical. 😉

I’m going through more life changes this year than ever…and embracing them…I think? Even though there are A LOT OF CAREER THINGS ‘PENDING…’ And it’s awful because it’s like typing a message, hitting ‘send,’ but your wifi connection conks out, as the *swirl* icon buffers around and around and around, going nowhere…PENDING is better than nothing, but still shit. 🙂

Firmonnell: ‘Yeah but Chrissie, that’s exciting, as all the things that are pending are really BIG things.’

‘Yes, but  don’t have them yet.’

Then Double B decided to cast Firmonnell in the pretend film version of chrissiewunna.com, if it was a budget ‘Sex in the City’ with a..

‘You’d definitely be the red haired lesbian one, Chrissie’s *Carrie* and I’m that dirty one that talks shit all the time..’

I’m lucky because in my world i’m on constant mode of ‘hide it well’ stress. Yet, it almost doesn’t absorb because it’s completely dissolved by the best chick friends, a girl could ever HAVE, who inject my stress with the most hilarious girl banter and laughter. I love them. 🙂 You should too. They’ll send you nudes.

‘Prince Jonathan’s completely changed since he’s met Fairytale Blond. He’s found his one.’

‘I mean yeah, look at Master G and I, he used to be a massive coke head and now he’s lovely.. It’s like a fairytale in itself.

HAHAHA.

‘Once upon a time, there was a….’

At the end of the day I can’t control any of the ‘pending,’ so I just have to let life decide for me…

I mean GOD, I’m a finalist in the UK Blog Awards this year. Over 97,000 people voted, through a public vote, which landed me in the TOP 8 ‘most voted for’ blogs in my category. WHAT? That shocked me. That was in December and I found out I was finalist in January. I HONESTLY COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. It was glorious! 🙂 I happy danced.

THEN, and obviously I KNEW the whole time, that I was a finalist, yet sort of made the executive decision to forget about it all and just get on with doing what I do best and that’s tell my story. Yet even though I couldn’t be more honoured. Like it feels just SO SPECIAL, as this is MY LIFE. It’s not a review site, an advice site, or anything…It’s literally just my story….and fortunately a journey that so many of you, all over the world have tuned in to. It’s unbelievably humbling.

Today I got a reminded that the event was in April (I can’t wait for it but i’m terrified and I DO EVENTS ALL THE TIME. BIG ONES. The email said that the JUDGES had now handed in their winning results? WHAT!!! That ALONE, really shit me up for a bit, because I had FORGOTTEN that I was being judged by  the judges through FEBRUARY!! JESUS!

So, now there’s nothing I can do, but pour a wine, keep ‘Dear Diarying’ it , show up in April, STILL FLIPPING SINGLE..and not win. Hurrah!

Ps/ Thank you for all the support 😉

PPS/ Thank you to the guy that inboxed me this message today…

‘Love your blog & ffs, 99 percent of males would love to have you in their life…I think you’re amazing..xx’

The reason why i’m thanking you, is because there was a moment today when I might have been a little fed up…and I just happened to glimpse down at my phone and that message popped up randomly…But it was so positive and so lovely that it made me FEEL chipper. So I thank you for that and send you my love.

PPS/ The dude that send me the video in his builders uniform…plastering…Always a treat! Lol. Cheers! 🙂

Stupid Cupid…

GOD!!! If i’m that ‘beautiful’ or that ‘mind blowing’ or that ‘talented’ or that ’10’ you’ve always been looking for, then why the am I single?

I don’t get it? I’m the most loving, love bunny in all of the goddamn lovey land. I make an awesome partner. So, if my inbox is filled with ‘I think you’re amazing’s’…I mean JEEZE, random ‘Tom from Hertfordshire thinks i’m…(and this is an exact quote)

‘like some weird science project, where the perfect girl has been created…’

Honestly! If  am I THAT delicious, than why is Cupid fucking me over continuously…A dude in a diaper is fucking me over.

Chick friend: ‘Because you’re far too picky and far too shallow. 🙂 ‘

Hahaha! 🙂 Cheers!

If ANYTHING, I need to be FAR MORE picky and far more shallow. I love romance, treats, eye candy and the finer things in life, yet I will always judge EVERYTHING on ‘chemistry’ and all through my life to date, I’ve always got it wrong. I have never managed to find that perfect ‘chemistry’ with anyone…No…aside from one guy.

But i’m not bothered. I’m just having a ‘had gin’ rant because I can. I’m not gonna just date ‘the next guy’ simply because. I’m rather wait it out, even if he never finds me and I end up residing with 100 cats, in the most glamourous bachelorette pad.

I will say that I’m watching Mel, Fairytale Blond, Firmonnell, Double B, Hot Sarah and Lynne and noticing how they’re all VERY paired up and in love. And I adore watching them in their girly ‘love swirls.’

YET…It did sort of dawn on me today that I was super single and I don’t quite like it. Let alone GET IT?

I’m an ace human. I’m fucking brilliant. I’m that glittery slice of life that you wished you could spread on your toast. That ‘Mmm’ noise you make after your favourite bite of cookie.Why am I NOT loved up??

*Massive confusion alert*

‘Wunna! Obviously. People read your blog. Google search you. Come up with a version of you, a WRONG VERSION, that they think you are… and mess it all up…’

‘Yeah, and this whole confident, independant thing that you are… is off putting..It scares them…It means that they could lose you….hence why they put a ring on it a lot…’

‘And when they actually meet you, they are so in shock at how you actually are, that they create their own swirl, and they don’t actually know what to do & start acting like an unusual version of themselves.’

Lovely!

Where’s just all the normal humans? My Knight in shining armour? No more Twats in Tin foil please! Where are all the authentic ‘make my eyes smile’ men? This game of ‘hidey go seek’ is totally one sided?? I’ve counted to 10 and coming to find you and you’re no where.

My LA guy friends are like..

‘Just come back here, where we all love you…’

My British chick friends…’find it funny.’

Then one girl messaged me, who I went to school with..she reads my blog daily…

She said,

‘I think you’re going to find that love is about to creep up to you, find you and sweep you off your feet really, really soon…’

Hmm? Really?

How can my love life be so shite. Yet my work life be so wonderful? I have brands and collabo’s filling up my inbox like wild fire. I mean, GOSH, I’ve always wanted to work alongside ‘Onch Movement’ (who appeared in Forbes and designed for Sanrio…Hello Kitty,) casually Tweeted him this evening…and within a minute, he tweeted back, and within five minutes, we sorted out a collabo. He’s in LA and I’m in the UK.

I guess, the ace thing about growing up in West Hollywood, is that everyone I know growing up… as a young one, is now super successful in the career that they chose to dabble in. Makes it all a little easier. I mean Little Raffi, who used to wish to be some giant producer…whilst dreaming about success, with Red Bulls, outside my condo, after reversing into my wheelybin every night…before he went to go hang out with ‘Neo’ for kicks. He ended up producing for R Kelly, working with Britney and even Michael Jackson. All of them, ended up doing so well and because they were all so driven.

YET, they’ve all managed to sustain loving long term relationships…AND IN FRICKING LA, where FOREVER means TEMPORARY.

I’m weeing myself laughing, but I have no clue why?? Lol

Cupid and I will be mates one day. But just not today.

(Now, I want you to all go back and read this through with an Irish accent. My chick friend, ‘Double B’…will always force these ‘accents’ that she does, upon us without fear and no matter where you’re from…be you black, white, Japanese, cockney, Jamaican or American…She will do your accent and it will be IRISH. Lol. She can’t even help it. It will sound nothing like you…but she’ll go for it… 🙂 )

‘You still sound Irish???’

‘Oh? That was my granny voice??’

OOh, Two Whatsapp…

Firmonnell: ‘I’ve started drinking through the week now.’ (HAHAHA! Yes! I hope she’s on the rum!)

London Business Man: ‘I know you’re busy and doing all this cool stuff, like going out and getting papped, having fun etc…I get it. You’re busy. But don’t you want to just get real for a minute and come see me? We’ll go out and about…and…’

I guess, the fact that I haven’t managed to find the time to go see him yet, means that my heart isn’t so bothered. Work comes before him…and when I fall in love….I want to feel as though i’m in a magical uncontrollable ‘happy swirl,’ where all is dandy and I’ll never have to compromise my journey…my ambitious, yet loving quench for success..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeffrey! Jeffrey!

‘Jeffrey! Get them OFF our land!’

‘Jeffrey! Jeffrey! Set the DOGS on them! The Hooligans!’

(Hope you did that in your poshest British twang.)

Oh my LORD, did Firmonnell and I PISS ourselves laughing at the fact that we were going to send our friends, our glamourous dainty ‘Hot Sarah’ (who looks like a posh Barbie) friends, to places where in which they were either going to be quite heavily verbally abused, shot at OR eaten by  actual hound dogs!

HAHAHAH!

So funny! Nearly died! I love Firmonnell. It was just the moment when we looked at each other, flung back our heads with utter glee and OUT LOUD  uncontrollably SCREAMED with LAUGHTER at the fact that our friends could potentially be EATEN BY DOGS because we had guided them to the exact incorrect places. LOL! ND JUST FOR KICKS!

Then we got interupted by the ‘King of the North,’ which we didn’t mind, as we al love a bit of boy banter..

Firmonnell: ‘You should sit with us more often.’

ANYWAY, the ‘King of the North,’ is young, very stylish and happily married with 12 chihuahuas gent….and when he gets home, after his long day of ‘doing his hair‘ his WIFE has a red wine AND a gin and tonic freshly prepared FOR HIM, INCASE he fancies a drink. Being a guy, he apparently never wants EITHER and only ever asks for a ‘PEACH CORDIAL.’

HAHAHAHAHAH!

Firmonnell: ‘A PEACH FUCKING CORDIAL! THAT IS THE CAMPEST CHOICE OF CORDIAL EVER!’

We all pissed ourselves laughing WITH him, not at him and then Hot Sarah and I (as girls do) discussed his marriage…But not infront of him…as we’re far more polite than that. 🙂 Totally behind his back. Lol.

Luckily for him, it was in utter admiration. So let’s not get it twisted.

After a brief debate we came up with the fact that…’Hot Sarah’ thinks it’s cute that he has a beautiful wife, who waits for him, longs for him and serves him appropriately.

I think it’s a CLEVER that he picked so well…I mean, who has a wife that is that doting??? Who has a wife that yearns for their husbands arrival?  Well done him for picking well, blagging how great he is, or training well. LOL.

Then we both *paused* and after I shouted..

‘BUT I SAID PEACH CORDIAL GODDAMMIT…’

…we realised that INSTEAD of wishing that we were The King of the North’s WIFE, we both looked at each other and said,

‘I wish I had a guy that looked after ME that well.’ Lol.

I’ve decided..This is an executive Wunna Land decision…

I’m gonna pick WELL next time.

I mean JEEZE, us girls by nature always end up being all lovely and sacrificey and it’s cute because it’s in our nature to nurture.

However, to the ones of us, that are constantly working busy days, long hours, or building empires…we kinda want a guy to step in, sweep us off our feet and simply look after US for once. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!

I’ve never dated a guy that has been able to do that…aside from one…(Oh! And London Business Man would, if I chose to be with him. Yet, I’m not so sure that I could bank on him being there for the long run.)

HOWEVER, when it comes to love, I’m more traditional than most tend to believe. The only thing that is different, is that I work hard and have ambitious goals.So someone who understands my world, my passion, will win me, won’t they? And I know that sounds one sided but it’s not, as I’m a girl who understands the work load, ambition and love of ANY guy. So in that area emotionally, I KNOW, I’m sorted, as I know me well.

I mean gosh, I used to have these actors boyfriends who had to fly away for months on end to film movies, for work. I get it. Yet, with chicks, it’s weird. GUYS never get it, we either compromise greatly, or have to drop a zillion *hints* before they tune in. Lol.

But yes, I’m looking for a team mate to do forever with, more than I am ‘just some guy.’

Mel was hilarious today, as I found out that she finally gave her Valentines Day card to her new ‘love swirl’ who is still making her *beam* with excitement.

It was hilarious, because she bought him TWO cards, one sweet, one mushyish, exactly like she said she would, a week ago….She’s certainly ‘swirled’ over and cares about him madly. Yet she didn’t want to come across all ‘lovey dovey’ via Valentines cards just yet, so she bought a funny ‘i like you’ kinda card. 🙂

‘Chrissie. Honestly. I thought the card was BLANK on the inside. But i’ve opened it, to write it and it said….I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!’

We both pissed ourselves laughing at her distress. But any normal girl would just go with it. But no…Mel (lol) went with…

‘I thought about covering it up, sticking something over it, cutting it out…ALL SORTS. Even just crossing it out!’

HAHAHAHA!

‘Mel, you can’t just send someone a Valentines cards and CROSS OUT, the *I LOVE YOU* part! Lol. I love that you thought that was acceptable!’ HAHAHAH!

By this point, I was literally dying with laughter, as she ate millionaires shortbread and continued telling me the story via whispers.

Anyway, she came up with a solution, where in which she ever so romantically wrote him a fairytale, about how they met…using the ‘I LOVE YOU SO MUCH’ words on the card (it basically went through their love story and stated that she was a twat for picking a card that ended up being so mushy Lol) and when she told me the story, I looked at her and she was beaming.

It’s always about how ‘beaming’ this guy makes her feel. It’s magical and even more so, because by nature Mel is NOT someone who is openly ‘wooey.’ Yet you get little snippest of her softness, when you watch her and she thinks your not looking. Her daughter Alex walked by me today, all pretty, sassy and hilarious and Mel was the sweetest Mum ever…yet dashed in fun. It was great.

But today showed me how romantic she was, how happy she was and how fucking HILARIOUS she was!

YOU can’t CROSS OUT ‘I love you‘ in a Valentines card, because you’re not ready to say it yet. LOL

Men should always say it first. (If you do, that’s your quickest route to extra blow jobs. Be smart.)

I would be the smoothest guy on the planet. God! I mean you hear these horror stories of guys who just don’t get it! Love isn’t that hard, it’s just two compatible people who promise to take care and look out for one another, because their ‘magic’ can’t help it.

Everyone keeps asking me about my love life. I’m still single, nothing is happening…and i’m CASUALLY on the look out.

I was talking to these little tiny boys in a dark alley way tonight, who were being all sweary at passing by folk and trying to ‘play naughty’ when people walked by them.

It was funny because when I actually stopped to stand by them, as it was chucking it down and I didn’t want to get wet. I started talking to them and 3 minutes after their naughty ‘get ya tits out, fuck this ‘ banter had stopped…and I gave them ‘Wunna’ advice…they were hilarious and sort of sweet.

I was asking them what they wanted to be when they grew up and teaching them that chick hate it when you talk shit to them, when you really mean something else. You’d think by looking at the scruffs, that they’d be total dickheads, but they weren’t, they were actually super soft and all lovey dovey. Lol.

Then I walked off because I got bored and the rain had stopped…:)

They told me how ‘sexy’ I was as I left. Then tried to make me bum them cigs. I just looked, laughed, reminded them of how old they were…and then said,

‘Look…if I was sixteen and wanted a cig, I would’ve already managed to bum one myself. Quit trying to make other people get you what you want, because you’re too scared to try.’ 

‘He fancies you…’

‘Doesn’t everyone..’

HAHAHA! And that’s how I left it. Lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filth, Sex, Boys & Hilarious Girl Power

Sorry, I didn’t blog last night. I had a really busy day which ended up with me glamourously guzzling entire bottle of red, dancing to gangsta rap, then pretending I was P.Diddy and passing out. I did WANT to blog, yet was quite smartly advised for me not to 🙂 because as we know, i’m quite outspoken and ‘out’ spilly on ‘fun mode.’ It all gets the better of me doesn’t it. Plus, I thought I was gangsta. So I left it. 🙂 (And passed out.)

I have definitely learnt that letting people have your phone for a second is certainly DEVASTATING. Lol. All sorts of hilarious ‘jiggery pokery’ happened, that I had to promptly clean up with a terrified ‘ooh’ face! It’s a lesson I never learn. I’m far too trusting. 🙂 The last time I lent my phone to someone for maybe 3 minutes, they went on my Instagram and ‘love hearted’ a guy’s entire pictured life. His notifications will have ALL BEEN FROM ME, about 40 in a row Lol…and all on his smutty gym pics. Hahaha! And to make it worse, they even wrote comments from me, really cheesy ‘lovey ones about dogs and love and how I wished i was laid next to him! HAHAHAHAH! Another time, someone went through my Facebook inbox, which as you can imagine is a treat, if treat meant ‘absolute horror’ and saw that a guy had sent me hundreds of dirty messages that I had never replied to. My guy friend took it upon himself to reply to him with the words,

‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up…’

Hahahah! Yet, my guy friend got what he derserved, as with almost a cyber *wink* of an eye, the guy sent back numerous videos of his willy and then a picture of him doing this weird hand dance with it? 😉 (Told you, you shouldn’t have done it. Lol)

Today has been a great day. I’m feeling stimulated, motivated, and fun! The girls and I have worked our socks off today but still managed to have literally THE BEST LAUGH EVER. In fact, the best laugh over the last TWO days. I’ve been in creases. Girls definitely fun the world.

So much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin..? Mel walked into the office and called me FAT! Lol.

‘Have you got your waist trainer on today?’

‘No..’

‘Oh, good, cos I see all your over hang!’

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Then I HAD to eat everything out of our FILTH drawer with Fairytale Blond and Hot Sarah (who was sick and dying today, but suggested that I have her germs, so i could get skinny too) simply out of sympathy. All of us, including Firmonnell and Double B are SHIT with a filth drawer A drawer just filled with filth. We an’t stop ourselves and rummage in until we have it completely DESTROYED!

‘OOh look, I’ve found a chewy mint hidden in the bottom of the drawer’

Which fat fuck has eaten all the sweets?’

‘I’ve just got no will power.’

Then Mel took it upon herself to make sure that Hot Sarah knew that a certain room had been ‘stunk out’ by Firmonnell…

‘Becareful when you go up there?’

‘Why?’

‘Stinks of fish…’

‘Why?’

‘Dunno, Firmonnell did it, she forgot to wear pants today.’ 

HAHAHAH! Dying!

Firmonnell: ‘I’m paranoid now, it must’ve been my cous cous???’ 

Then like life couldn’t get any better ‘Double B’ hears some great news, that added to her new great £300 Rapunzel hair..The Vogue Top Knot, has DIED…

‘Oh my god! We’ve done it! He’s done it for us! I’m definitely giving him a blow job. Definitely sending him nudes, to thank him.’ 🙂 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Guys are ace, as we as girls could really send nudes to thank them if we really wanted. Lol. Smashed a business deal. Here’s in with no bra on.

Then she went on about how she once got so drunk that she made a sandwich on a door. I once got so drunk that I woke up with a traffic cone celotaped to my head and passed out on a West Hollywood merry..go..around in a lime green fedora, after tequila. (All because a guy named Ryan didn’t love me. Was it Ryan? Lol.)

BUT, Hot Sarah then steams in with a..

‘Well..my friend, has a friend, who she shared a room with in Uni and whenever girls were drunk and around, she would beckon them into a room, tell them she had an enlarged vulva (hahahaha, sorry i’m dying)…and then get it out to show them.’ 

‘Was she a lesbian?’

‘No, she just liked getting her massive vulva out and showing it to people…and it WAS really enlarged.’

HAHAHAHAHAH!

The previous day Hot Sarah, Firmonnell and I had had a conversation about whether we’d marry Ed Sheran. I obviously admire his work, yet just don’t find him sexy. I just couldn’t get jiggy with him. But he could play me love songs and i’d adore him.

Hot Sarah reckoned that she could marry him, but then changed her mind because his face was piggy like.

Firmonnell went for it with a ‘I’d marry him. I love him. He’s amazing. So down to earth, so sweet, so talented..I think he’s sexy!’

Hot Sarah: ‘Yeah, he seems so romantic and just lovely…’

Firmonnell: ‘But would you fancy him if he just worked at Greggs?’ (HAHAHAH DYING! SORRY.)

Me: ‘Would YOU marry him, if he worked at Greggs?’

Firmonnell: ‘No. Lol. I only like him as Ed Sheran, as he is…NOW..because it’s like he’s a celebrity who is so down to earth and that never happens…’

Hot Sarah: ‘So you like him with world wide fame, talent and millions….’

We all LAUGHED..but then we all paused, thought about it and then said ‘Yes.’ 🙂

Sheran is too studenty looking for me. I like a ‘swarvo.’ Then they made fun of the celebs that I fancy, like Ronaldo and Lewis Hamilton.

‘So you only have to be the BEST IN THE WORLD at something for Chrissie to fancy you.’

(Note: That is not the case….when tipsy. 🙂 )

Then we went on about how it was weird that people could talk to me online, yet if they were to see me in a public place, they sort of fill themselves up with terror and daren’t even look at me. A girl did that to me in a bar recently. I don’t bite. Well,I might when i’m in my piece of shit waist trainer that makes me viscous.

Both Firmonell and Hot Sarah said this,

‘Well if I didn’t know you as a person in real life, and just read your blog, I would think you’re a completely different type of person..’

Yeah, but i don’t  get that, as it’s still me, i’m writing it…just being me?’

‘Yeah, but if i didn’t actually know you, I wouldn’t have guessed how down to earth you are..’

My brain must be high maintenance and scary. Or I talk so much shit that I terrify you. (Send nudes.)

Double B then decided that she wanted a colonic.

Mel: ‘What? Are you going to buy a douche…’

Double B: ‘NO! A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL ONE. I don’t fancy self douching myself.’ 

HAHAHAHAH! I was just in creases from the start of this conversation. I couldn’t even contain myself at the thought of Double B self douching. HAHAHA. DYING!

*Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your…WHAT THE FUCK!?!’

London Business Man sent me a Whatsapp, moaning that I haven’t managed to do catch up drinks with him yet. But i really am busy. He told me my ‘waist training’ selfie was ‘insane’ and that he HAS to see me. I haven’t really seen him in half a year. Lol. It’s amazing what a waist trainer can do. Doesn’t make me feel good AT ALL, but totally pulls….EVERYONE. My Facebook comments are *tippy tapping* over this picture…

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My waist trainer is a bitch. I’ve called her Veronica, because that sounds like a bitchy name. (If that’s your name, sorry….Keep reading. 🙂 )

But to end all this doo dah, let me tell you a nice story.

Well to be fair it started off shit…I watched someone close to me, who’s a big girl, have secret little girl tears. We all do it and the great thing about being a strong girl, is that when we’re around our chick friends, we’re comfortable enough to have a big cry, open up, talk about our love lives, call each other fat, talk about sex and say our privates smell like fish.

YET, as soon as work, business or men are infront of us the banter quits, the brains work, the tears dry and we stand tall like the hottest Sasserilla’s who have ever seen.

But what I will say that is was heartbreaking to see someone you care about, a strong, tough girl, shed proper ‘little girl’ tears. What I mean by ‘little girl tears’ is that moment when you look at a grown women and she is so sad that you need to give her a cuddle because her face, at that moment, reminds you, that on the inside at times,  she’s still a girl a little girl, who HAS to be a warrior. I get that! I’ve been there.

Yet, the wonderful thing about that moment, was that it had something to do with her past that was muddling with her present….

However, when she travelled home, to her little amazement, her ‘future’ was sat, in a car, outside her house, with a bunch of tulips, (which is her FAVOURITE flower) and with them he solved all her problems with love, smarts and a warmth that makes us women melt.

It made me smile when she told me the story because any girl who is lucky enough to be with a guy, who remembers her favourite flower and is waiting  outside her home to surprise her, with the intentions and solutions to ‘sort out’ all her problems, is more than a God Send, but a miracle..and she deserves it.

Romance is alive….