Being A Bit Northern & Vents…

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Hope you survived the Bank Holiday! Lol. I’m actually SO glad it’s over, because after a week of ‘good times’ with friends and drinking, meshed in with having a job, where in which you are ‘booked out’ to blog at venues….which involves ‘good times‘ and drinking….followed by adding a lot of sunshine (which is always the devil, when it comes to prosecco pours..) and a flipping 3 day weekend for celebrate a day off work….THINGS CAN GET PRETTY MESSY. 🙂

*Reaches for her Bible, Rosary Beads and Holy Water…*

*Makes the Holy Water her mixer, wears the beads for insta likes and places the cocktail on the Bible.*

Tuesday is absolute BLISS. The sun is still out. Everyone else is back at their day job, i’m all on my own and loving every inch of RELAXING. I feel all calm and fabulous.

It’s days like this that you’re glad you’re a blogger and not having to check into on office for a shitty 8 hour shift. Pick a job you love and you’ll always be happy. Pick a partner you love and you’ll never feel lonely.

(Saying that, i’ve already done Barnsley and Sheffield this morning and it’s not even 10am. And I had to go the ‘side streets’ way, which annoyed me, because nothing is more boring that having to figure out 42 roundabouts. But i’m home now…and i’m all about easy work and chills.) 

So okay, I can’t remember too much of the Bank Holiday, not because I was trashed, because I wasn’t, it’s simply because so much seemed to happen, in such short space of time…that it’s all become one happy sunny blur.

(Oh and since my last blog where i stated I was looking for a handsome fun partner….I have been inundated with snapchat pics of guys showing me how fun they are Lol…or ones where they’re waking up in the morning…in bed? I appreciate the pics, even though I haven’t chosen to reply. Lol. And they’re great for perving on, when lonely. Yet, i’m such a hard person to try and snag….because i’m never gonna recieve a pic from someone i don’t know and think ‘Hey yeah, lets go out..’ ever…)

Anyway, I met up with my friend ‘Katy P,’ I went to school with her. We’ve known each other since we were 11…and well we talked boys, life, love…(she had a Yorkshire pudding wrap half way through it all)…and then we drank...EVERYTHING. 

Me: ‘Why you videoing me?’

KatyP: ‘Well why not?’

Me: ‘Your wrap looks suggestive and delicious.’

Katyp: ‘I love food that looks like a penis.’

The sun shone down upon Yorkshire, the beer gardens were filling up with boys in shorts, couples with wine and tables of girls.

A group of Ladies…so fun, looked like WAGS, definitely fabulous, definitely glamourous, came and parked their pretty selves at our table..and from that point, it happily went ‘down hill’ as we swept ‘being sensible‘ under the rug and just went with..

‘Who needs a prosecco…’

I loved these women because they were so down to earth, yet they’d taken the trouble to look AMAZING. All pouty lipped, with great hair, little dresses and full faces and glam. They were great! I mean we all got on so well, we were pissing ourselves, solving the world’s problems and then I started going on about how one of their friends hated me and once started a fight with me at the pub.

Me: ‘She just hates me and thought i fancied her man….But she totally went for me..She WENT FOR IT…and now she’s here…sat over there.’

A few drinks later, a wink and a secret natter, Claire (one of the ladies at our table) came strutting back up to the table, hand in hand with the girl who HATES ME and wanted to punch me for being a ‘patronizing bitch,’ and just like that…In a moment…everything got solved with a…

Girl: ‘Look, i’m really sorry…I was just upset..and well…’

Then we hugged. Then we hugged again because everyone kept making us…Then her lip started bleeding, because I have that effect of humans…and the ever glamourous Claire, came up to me, put her hand in mind and with a wink, (after I thanked her) whispered….

Claire: ‘Don’t be silly. No. You don’t need to thank me.  It’s alright though now..’

And how great was that! I love problem solvers. I was really grateful, because nothing’s more shit than feeling awkward around people.

Dawn: ‘I’m so glad you’ve hugged and made up because I tell ya, I’m related to her and if she touched you….she’d have me to deal with.’

I loved Dawn because she’s so glammy, yet still Yorkshire. She’s one of the most caring women, wrapped up in prosecco pours and sassiness. She’s insightful…and loves a good time. I mean she brought her son’s girlfriend ‘Hannah’ to the bar with her…who looked DIVINE ALSO and she couldn’t have been a better Mother in law. She’s someone that looks amazing, however is not one bit AFRAID of protecting what’s hers, voicing her opinion and standing up to someone, when her heart wants her to.

And I like that. It’s sassy!  Nothing is worse to me than the people who back down.

But the great thing about being a Northern girl, is that yes, we’re all ‘big hair, don’t care,’ tiny dresses and no coats in the winter…Lol….But you don’t mess with us. We’re the most down to earth girls on the map, but  we’ll turn around and tell you you’re wrong…when you’re wrong…without fear…and it will be delivered in it’s rawest form.

Then the lady sat next to Kate found a giant chunk of GINGER in her gin.

Lady: ‘It actually tastes lovely… But it does look like I have a massive potato wedge in my drink, Lol. I could save that, take it home and make a curry with it. Shave it into my tea. Here get me another, so i can make a full on meal with it. Hahaha.’

The sun shone, we started talking about the blog. I was encouraging little ‘Hannah’ to have more balls. I mean, if you looked like her and had her talent…You’d GO FOR IT. I never seen a more terrified hottie.

Me:’You’re not gonna get ahead with this beauty influencing or blogging thing, if you don’t put yourself out there. It’s about being ballsy. It’s about not caring what the haters thinks and it’s about building attention..’

Hannah: ‘But, I swear I used to come home from school covered in blood from being bullied every day… It’s my actual friends that hate on me…’

Me: ‘Use it as your motivation… because it doesn’t get better. You just learnt to cope better and you’ll go through a phase that is filled with *haters.* Yet I haven’t yet seen or heard a ‘hater’ that’s doing BETTER than the person they are hating ON. It’ll switch. Plus, there’s always a sense of class to those who end up being the successful…All the friends who hated on you, will one day turn around and tell everyone how they knew you….’

More drinks happened…Life took a twirl and we all had fun in the sunshine…getting drunker…and drunker…

Then something happened to ‘Katy P’ in the meantime…

Me: ‘Whats up? You look..’

Katy P: ‘I’m fucking furious…’

Me: ‘Well let’s go outside and talk about it.’

It was now the end of the night and day had turned to night and we sat on outside patio tables, in a silent air, as people ordered taxi’s into town.

And in that moment SHE VENTED. She had a ‘GO FOR IT’ vent. And having known Kate for such a long time, since being a kid at school, it was hilarious to watch her be furious. Lol.

Katy P: ‘STOP LAUGHING. YOU’RE NOT GETTING IT. Why are you taking someone else’s side..’

Me: ‘I’m not laughing. Haha. You just look cute…I can’t help it. I’m fully on your side… I’m just telling you what was said…because no guy has ever said that about me before and I think it’s sweet that…..

KatyP: ‘It’s not about sweetness, it’s about privacy and trust. I’ve known YOU since you were 11. I know everything about you..and I would never DREAM of betraying YOUR PRIVACY, or YOUR TRUST…Wouldn’t you just DIE, if you woke up one morning and found stuff all this crap in the papers…that you didn’t want people to know about. That’s how I feel. That’s what he’s done!’

Me: ‘You just need to relax. Lol. You’re angry and I get it. I get it. Haha. You just look cute…when you’re angry…’

(She started to giggle a little…because I was lightening the anger. I tend to always do that, unless I’M cross, then it’s all anger…….But then…hahaha.) 

Katy P: ‘NO. I AM JUST FURIOUS…AND NOW WE’VE RUN OUT OF FUCKING WINE. AND i’ve lost my fucking BANK CARD!’

Me: Just go get wine…I owe it you anyway…

I mean what are friends for if you can’t vent over ‘El Pico.’ Lol.

Then we chilled, we laughed, we giggled, we guzzled, we bantered, and just like that, girl magic was restored…

Now, i’m feisty..but I’m calm. Yet, the reason why I was trying to de..sizzle ‘Katy P’ down was simply because we’re grown up girls….and we’re thunderous….We’ve been through lots, we know who were are, what we want…and what we stand for….But we’re good people. We’re fiercely loyal by nature…meaning trust and privacy, when requested is SO IMPORTANT to us.

So I understood..

However, the person who was in her firing line….isn’t emotionally grown yet…and the last thing she needed to do was….

EAT HIM ALIVE. Vent on me..not on him, because he’s not gonna be able to take it, a real life verbal battering of home truths.

So yeah…i was sparing him. I let him run free, before he got eaten by the lions. 

The evening ended up being lovely and true friendship was made more solid over wine.

Messages were then sent to the appropriate people…and life went back to normal…

I did however, look to my left and see a grown boy cry….(I’m soft, so i’ll always feel sad when I see a boy cry. Kate’s not. She’s tough love…so if you’re crying, you’re crying for a fucking reason…hahah.)

Me: ‘Please don’t cry…’

Guy: ‘I’m not..it’s hay fever…

Me: ‘Erm…I’m not an idiot. I know you’re crying.. Hahah.’

Guy: ‘I haven’t cried like this in six years..’

Me: ‘Aww…yeah, but it’s good to get it out..’

KatyP : ‘They’re off to a house party…You might as well go with them…..’

 

 

 

 

Back on Northern Soil Dolls….

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(Picture Copyright: Aaron Parfitt/Flynet)

So, I was on my flight back. I flew Ryanair on the way home. I’d passed some Spanish football team en route at Alicante airport, one of them accidentally knocked into me, (which didn’t really bother me…I mean…it’s life, worse things can happen. ) Anyway, he decided to apologize repeatedly and sincerely…which was really well mannered.  Then chat to me….in Spanish? But by this point… I was knackered…and I’d be watching a family of 4, with a really bossy/strict mum control her entire family for a good 20 minutes, as I had a wine and waited for my flight.

I was done.

But I do want to say that the STAFF at Alicante Airport were DIVINE TO ME! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! SO SO MUCH! You couldn’t have been more lovelier!

Flight’s home are wonderful, because no one enjoys waiting around, twiddling thumbs…when they’ve run out of Euros, at airports. Nothing could be more boring. And i’m creative! 🙂 Fights…Fights? I mean Flights….Lol. Flights home are MUCH MORE tedious than flights TO places…as you’re literally just shattered, instead of being filled with excitement. You go on ‘GET ME HOME’ mode…

There was a point, where I just looked up at the blond, scrunchied (they always wear scrunchies,) trolley girl, with sorrow in my eyes, the biggest hair ever and…tits…..:) with two handfuls of change and a pink tshirt that read..

‘YOU DO YOU, BOO’

(LOL)

I was too knackered to converse in any jolly fashion, but i tried to smile, which may have looked like a *wince* and I tried to put on my posh girly voice, that may have sounded like CRUELLA DE VILLE. (Don’t care if i’ve spelt that wrong.) My left had was filled with Euro’s…ALL IN COINS and my right hand was filled with British coins….

‘Hi. I just don’t want to break into any of my notes… I need to use up all this change, especially Euros…Can you pick me out stuff, ANY STUFF….that includes wine and crisps….so I can spend it all?’

Trolley Dolly: ‘Yeah, absolutely. If you want I can mix up the the change for you, so you can pay for it all with both currencies, as one whole payment.’

ISN’T SHE JUST BLISS! 

‘YES, I love you. Please, do that! Thank you so much. Lol.’

She winked at me…I almost became part of the Mile High Club. Lol

And with a wiggle and a giggle….the poor girl stood there merrily and did a whole bunch of MATHS (my worst absolute subject…Actually what am I on about..‘love life‘ is my worst subject. Makes my maths look Einsteiny.) She stood, on the plane, in her scrunchie, with her name badge, as we flew through the clouds, calculating and adding for me….because I couldn’t be arsed to. That’s service! Lol. She counted change out of my hand and began passing me bits off the trolley.

LOTS OF BITS. More bits that i needed. But I couldn’t be more grateful.

After wine, we were home in a jiffy.Landed. Sorted. The gent next to me, told me to..

‘Watch that old mans head…’

As I almost flung my carry bag about like I was Beyonce, because I couldn’t reach it out of those top units. I love the Leeds flight home…It get’s really REAL and really Yorkshire.

Then as I stepped back into Leeds Bradford airport, did all the queues…shimmied through border control….shattered…but listening to two boys infront of me, rambling on about the chicks they’re apparently about to ‘sex up’ with their really little willies.

One of the Random Boys: ‘You…Where you off? You taking me, cos…?’

Me: ‘As if you’ve been on holiday and not managed to get a tan?’

I love butting in on people’s sentences when they’re trying to be ‘swaggy,’ changing the subject and leading it. 😉 You wanna play ‘swag,’ let’s play?

Boy: ‘I was out partying all night. I partied hard, y’know, I slept through the day, all day… I got businesses and shit… So, where you taking me?’

(He said it to me, like I had never ever seen a nightlife in my entire life. 😉 )

Me: ‘I worked the whole time I was there. I shot. I’m a model. I’ve only been in Spain for 2 days.’

Boy: ‘My ex girlfriend’s a model…and..’

Me: ‘What’s her name?’

Boy: ‘You won’t know her… She done lots…She’s been to London and everything.. What stuff have you done?’

And at that point, I couldn’t be arsed anymore. I just got bored. Plus, there’s a time and a place for the answer to that question…and that’s when i’m at work, a casting, an audition, an interview..or if i’m getting to knoew someone personally, who I hope to be with forever. They’re the only times I EVER have to reel out a verbal CV. Not at BORDER CONTROL, in a ‘You do you, Boo’ tshirt. I’D JUST GOT OFF A PLANE FROM WORK. I WAS SHATTERED. I didn’t want to chat ‘my life story.’ 

Luckily, his friend deliberately distracted him…and I clicked both their phones onto CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM 🙂

ALL THE PROMO. Lol. No shame in my game.

When I’m tired, I’m really quiet and I’d rather just have people go to the blog and read up about me, because i’m just really shit, during those times.

Hahahah! Shit! And A SHIT!

When I’m not tired. I’m the exact opposite and you cannot shut me UP! I BUBBLE OVER WITH A CHAMPAGNE GIDDINESS.

Finally got through all the checks and was strutting my way out of Leeds/Bradford (again, the staff there couldn’t have been greater to me. Thank You. Service has been excellent everywhere I’ve been recently?)

I looked down at my phone…

(Whatsapp Msg)

Pitstop Rentals: ‘I’ll be in the carpark in five minutes.’

Then during my plane journey, I’d been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ a lot. Maybe because I was tired and when you are you think of ‘wanting comfort.’ You miss people…

(Whatsapp Msg:)

Me: ‘Hope game day went well babe! I’ve just got off the plane in Leeds. x’

The Swirl: ‘How was ur trip? xx’

Me: ‘Good. Just shattered. I just worked. How was footy?x’

Swirl: ‘We got beat…I got sent off. U doing much tonite? x’

Me: ‘Comfies, relaxing and wine. You? Bet you’re shattered?’

Swirl: ‘Yeah, I am. Nice chilled nite for me tonite too.’

Then I strutted up with my luggage on wheels to the ‘pick up’ stop…A few people were about, chatting to me, waiting around for their mums etc… and a Pregnant girl asked me if I had a lighter!!!!!! (We’re definitely back in Leeds.)

I looked to my right and my driver PITSTOP RENTALS (which is THE BEST chauffeuring service, int he world ever,) was edging up to the curb, in the Range Rover…for pick up.

THANK GOD!!! The car rocked up with a vibe. A hero vibe that saved my soul.

Within seconds, my driver had jumped out of the car, grabbed my bags off me, ignored the folk who were glaring, got me in the car and with the biggest smile and the most STYLISH ATTIRE….SWOOPED me out of Leeds/Bradford airport! It took seconds.

Pitstop Driver: ‘How was it? How did your shoots go?’

Me: ‘It was literally amazing. I don’t think i’ve ever worked as hard though. I can’t even believe I was just there for 2 days for work. I’m SHATTERED.’

Pitstop: ‘You’re  soooo lucky.’

(He always reminds me that I’m lucky when he drives me. And it’s always the people who pass you safely from one destination to another, that have the quiet moments with you…away from ‘the show’ of it all and they remind you that you’re doing great, doing okay and that you’re super dooper lucky.) 

Me: ‘ I look terrible. I look like i’ve been pulled through a bush backwards and run over. I’m so tired’

Pitstop: ‘Well I know you’re hungry…You’ve worked hard. If anything you need to feel cared for and pampered right now. You need to be looked after! Hahah. Why don’t we stop off at the big fish & chip restaurant near the airport…and get something to eat and chill or bit.

Me: ‘PERFECT IDEA! LETS GO. I NEED FOOD, WINE AND A CHILL..’

Within minutes, we had swung through the restaurant door. I’m stood there directly off my Spanish flight, with my driver…and for the next hour we just sat (he moved us to a booth, cos our other table was wibbly lol) and we enjoyed a mixture of starters,  hearty fish and chip dinners, puddings, wines, coffees and banter.’

We chatted about his life and his work.He kept getting calls from ‘the office’ stating that the Lamborghini had a nail stuck in the wheel. Lol. First World Problems!

I chatted about all that I had done in Spain. He gave me pointers. Stuff, I already knew…but needed to hear. I talked about Simone. For some reason we started talking about ‘One Direction?’ (..because his best friend is Zayn Maliks uncle or something?) 

Then after I did a bunch of wine…which sucks if you’re a driver. (He’s also a good friend now.) He drove a very knackered Glamour Puss, back to her digs….on time and with the finest manner.

I STRUTTED UP TO THE DOOR SLOOOOOWLY, CREPT UP THE STAIRS…

AND SURPRISED RUBY AND JUNIOR, (WHO HAD MY FAMILY LOOKING AFTER THEM…)

And with the most excited *SCREECHES,* LAUGHTER, *RUNNING LEAP,* MUMMY CUDDLES and a moment of the most excited madness….Life just made sense again!

Those moments make everything worth it! If you’re a parent…then you get it. You get what i’m saying. I’m working my entire arse off right now and i’m all over the country, all of the time. Yet the most amazing and most fulfilling burst of true love and satisfaction comes, when you walk into the room and their world LIGHTS UP!

Makes my heart BEAM! The moments that matter…I really felt appreciated and sometimes that’s all a girl needs.

Ruby: Mum! Grandma said, a Babarrazi, is it Baba or Papa…was taking pictures of you looking sexy!?!’