I had such a stressy night. All was well. All was wonderful. The Babies and I were a delight. All was sound, as we gathered in our *comfies* and watched telly, by the Christmas tree, with snacks.
Junior got the ‘Special Mention’ at school, so was filled with happiness. Ruby was overjoyed that it was finally the weekend, so she could relax. They had survived their consecutive day, ‘School Accident Form’ doo/dah and life was simply BLISS. (Junior was cute because when passing, he heard teachers talking about Ruby in the office. She had just had a fall. He stopped and asked if he could go see her in her classroom. Once granted, he went in and hugged her, to make sure she was okay. Aww! Lol)
Bliss! Delight! Let’s Call Disney & Tell Them To Make A Movie!
…my Mum pops around, we have a massive fight, and everything turns to shit. We’re both really strong headed, so it’s annoying, when we bicker. The thing about my Mum is that, she’s about to go on Holiday for 2 weeks. Even though she loves a holiday, (don’t we all,) every single INCH of HER worries about the babies and I, during her absence. She a proper family woman. A great mum. But she’s nuts.
After the sharp bicker, that played almost like a swift, yet verbal knife throw, I got so bored of sitting there awkwardly, (y’know when you just sit there, being silent and pulling faces, so everyone in the room KNOWS your mad, Lol) that I did the only thing I knew how to do, as a daughter.
That was stand up, storm out of the room, perform a giant, angry hair toss, fling my glitter shoes at a wall and strut upstairs, stomping on every step. Haha. I then wet wiped all my face OFF, took off all my clothes OFF and with a *HUFF* went OFF to bed!!
The art of ‘SULKING’ is exhausting. I hate it. I tossed and turned all night.
I’m such a Sasserilla, when I think i’m right, that my opponent has NO CHANCE.
Then I had this dream that I was high in the sky, amongst the clouds , but falling out of a plane, tied to Talique from ‘I’m a Celebrity.’ I’m not sure if it was a ‘losing control’ kinda dream or a sexy one? I can’t quite decide? Haha. But yes, I’ve woken up fine, but stressed…even though everything’s kinda gone back to normal. It’s made me feel unbalanced.
We do this, The Wunna’s….We have these ‘Blow Outs’ and then everything goes back to normal, straight away…and mainly because if not, I WILL SULK FOREVER. 😉 I’m a proper grudge holder, until I hear a sincere apology.
Honestly, I’m awful for a ‘sulk sesh.’ I’m not really good at it, but I FULLY COMMIT to it. I’m loyal and brimming with pride. I’m also vain, so I like to look good when I sulk. Haha. It’s great when you’re sulking, after a fight with a guy who’s attracted to you, because their willies kick into action and you always win the war.
I think there’s a problem with me because there’s no grey area. There’s no fuzzy, static channel. It’s all swift flying emotion, or nothing at all. That’s with BOTH happiness & despair. I’d sort it, if I could be bothered. But there’s cocktails to sip and I kinda like who I am.
(I currently have ‘Thanku, Next’ playing in the background. How is Ariana Grande’s voice so beautiful? She literally sounds like a dream. She can take any song and swirl it with a sound of smooth, angelic empowerment. I wish I could sing. I wish I could ice skate.)
So, I got this strange Snapchat message, yesterday evening. No. It wasn’t strange. It was actually lovely. Really lovely. The kind of message that I adore.
‘You’re so beautiful. X’
I’m classing it as ‘strange’ simply because I didn’t expect it to pop up, (I had to double take) and then I couldn’t decide if it was friendly, suggestive, by accident, all of the above, or even correct of him? I already know the guy closely. I just didn’t expect it, because he’s not in the correct ‘relationship status’ box.
That’s not cool.
However, I understand what he’ll be going through right now, because i’m going through the exact same thing…So he could’ve just had a couple of gins and let a mixture of his memories, his heart and his ‘really big’ willy take the lead.
I saved the conversation on purpose to terrify him…Boys sometimes need to feel terrified. They can’t have their cake and eat it. Even if they think they can…
I’m fine with the message though. I’ve done the ‘ginned up’ message numerous times, through life. So, I get it. My messages are always tragic though, because I don’t have a willy. (I might grow one, for kicks though.)
I wish I could just *blink* and be having fun in a Leeds cocktail bar right now.
‘He doesn’t as much now. He DM’d me the other day, but it was mucky, so I ignored it.’
‘What about the Naughty Swede? Hahaha.’
‘Yeah. He sent me voice notes at the weekend and on Tuesday, saying he has time of work. Hopes to see me sometime. Hopes i’m well..’
‘What did you say?’
‘I just wished him well. What can I say??’
The Swede is always lovely when he voice notes. Yet, it’s strange how other guys can only seem brave enough to talk ‘sexy’ to me. I don’t know whether it’s because they just see me as ‘sex.’ (Which I don’t like. I’m a lot more than a pulsing vagina, whether they like it or not.)
I don’t know whether it’s because THEY THINK, that’s how I’d like a guy to be, after seeing a couple of big boobied pics? I don’t whether it’s because they feel more comfortable emotionally with that approach? I just don’t get it? I just don’t know?
But right now, it’s not a priority. So I don’t seem to care. I don’t have time to aimlessly amuse a guy and ‘tickle his fancy’on lonely nights. I have better things to do.
In this phase of my life, I would only have time for a guy, who made an actual effort.
Everyone else gets chucked in ‘fuck it’ bucket. Cya!
Sacha Not Fierce: ‘You’re such a DIVA!! Haha.’
I had my opening conversation via Whatsapp on my phone, during a foggy school run, this morning. I was strutting through a playground, in glitter heels, my specs and with a bag of shin pads in my hand. Oh! And I also had a little half Asian Baby attached to my leg…Luckily it was mine, which kinda saved any awkward situations.
(I was once in Camden and someone else’s child had got lost and accidentally attached itself to my leopard print faux fur. I hadn’t even had Ruby yet, so I remember looking down in terror. Then I realized it was a small child. So I smiled and said, ‘Life isn’t going to be better with me, Lovely! Let’s find your Mum.’)
Big Kisses! Big Kisses! See you at 3.30pm!!! At 3.30, it’s the weekend, Babies!!!
Junior: ‘I love you MUM.’
Ruby: ‘When i’m older, i’m gonna be rich, just so I can have assistants.’
I’ve got so much going on right now, that i’m kinda just focusing on ME!! It may seem like I do that quite a lot. However, I actually really don’t. I get distracted by things easily. I put other things first. I sometimes give ‘distractions’ unnecessary priority.
But, at the end of the day, I’m a boobied Glamour Puss, not a Sergeant Major. That’ll happen. Yet, it shouldn’t happen ALL the time. I was INCREDIBLY motivated when I was a 20 something. You could see a ‘fire’ in my little Asian eyes. Now you see a ‘giggle.’ But the ‘fire’ is coming back.
It needs to come back, pronto. I think i’ve left under a bed sheet somewhere?
Sasha Not Fierce: ‘I don’t think you get distracted. I think you get bored and when you’re bored, you *hobby* boys, things, drama….anything, just to occupy your brain.’
‘Well, i’m not bored right now, i’m busy….’
Sasha: ‘EXACTLY!’ And that’s why your focus is on YOU, Sassy Pants.’
Me: ‘I think I need botox?’
Old School Friend & School Mum (As i’m running back to my car):
‘CHRISSIE WUNNA!! I was having my cuppa tea this morning and WHO popped onto my screen!?! I nearly I died! I choked on it! Haha. I couldn’t even believe it. I was like OH MY GOD!! It’s…’
Me: ‘Haha. I know. It’s shocked everyone. But yeah, it’s on Dec 3rd…’
‘Well, I’ll DEFINITELY be watching!!! Good luck! Haha.’
Monday, December 3rd, 10pm, Channel 4. ‘First Dates.’ Set ya tellies!
‘I’ve been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ aka ‘T Bone’ a lot. He’s in my head. But he’s in my head because I miss him and i’m inspired by him. I need inspiration right now. He’s someone that’s really GOOD at focusing on what matters to him and balancing it all appropriately.
He sees the big picture and gives everything his all. Now, I look back. I get it…because i’ve kinda found myself in the exact same position as he was in. I hope I see him in the near future….But I kinda probably won’t.
I’m also inspired by Toby, we know I am. He’s a life soldier. He’s a fighter. He’ll smash the upcoming Winter Olympics and again he’s someone who seems to stay very focused, without letting the art of ‘tango’ or ‘distraction’ get the better of him.
I’m glad that I briefly crossed paths with him, because he reminded me to take life and opportunity into my own hands. Like I used to!
It must be one of the keys to success. Both guys are sportsmen though. Maybe they’re taught that mentality, every day…
You’re a product of your environment right?
Saying that, Mike wasn’t at all a sportsmen? My first husband. (My Little Mikey Ray.) I’d already had a few dreams come true, so I knew that anything could happen. MY parents taught me that anything could happen if I tried, because they made THEIR OWN dreams come true. Mum came over here with only £17 in her pocket and built an entire EMPIRE by herself…
As did my Father, who trundled to the UK with his fingers crossed. He ended up being a bone surgeon and building his surgeries, across the lands.
Mum: ‘Yeah, then we had you. We thought we had it all sorted and you turned around and said you wanted to be a MODEL!! Hahaha! I was like, GOD!! RAY! What are we gonna do?? We know nothing about entertainment!!!??!!!’
(But i’m sure that can’t be true because my dad ABSOLUTELY bought The Sun Newspapers ‘Page 3’ Calendar every year and put it up in the living room. Haha. It didn’t even bother my Mum because she’s cool. Maybe HE inspired me! Lol. )
Whilst he did that, my mum took me around to every single dance class, agent, performing arts school, competition, audition, acting class, ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
You name it…I was there, from being about 7 years old onwards…and this was at the same time as doing school. I went to a Private Boarding School. I had a wonderful time at school. But you kinda had to smash it academically and perform. It wasn’t like you could toss it off and play ‘absent.’ It was competitive. But I liked that, because there was still a warmth!
Plus, all the kids there WANTED to do well. There wasn’t a single pupil there would ever turn around and say, ‘I can’t be arsed to be here.’
We LOVED being at school. It was like a resort, a well protected bubble.
There was no ‘hanging out by the bike sheds, sipping cider.’ It was all. ‘Have you signed up to golf, or pony trekking? I’m bored, do you want a quick round of tennis before tea? ’ Lol.
I remember getting pulled out of class, during my G.C.S.E years, to go shoot a campaign, or audition for a pop band..(lol) Everywhere I went as a child, to compete during this time…Sheridan Smith (who is huge now) was there, with her mum. Doing the exact same thing.
Everything must have been so hectic for my Mum. Yet to me it seemed busy, but it was just so fun and easy. However, I’m now only GOOD at working under pressure. I can only be productive when I have A LOT GOING ON. Otherwise, I get bored…and when i’m bored, you’ll know about it.
Meghan: ‘You’re never home! You’re always out and about.’
I still came out the other ‘G.C.S.E’ end, with 9 A’s, a couple A *’s and a B (for Maths!) I am RUBBISH AT SUMS. I can’t be bothered to add.
Miss. Liddle: ‘Did you see my SEESAW post!!! I’ve found what Junior’s good at! I tested him on his timetables. I put them in front of him, didn’t help him at all…and he got them all right! I was like YES!!!! Look in his bag!’
FINALLY!!!! BLISS! I COULD’VE CRIED! (But really! I could’ve cried!)
So, I have one child that’s a glamour puss and loves poetry, reading, success and beauty. Then another who loves maths, building, codes and logic.
Wait! I’ve got distracted again!
SHIT! I was meant to be talking about how I watched Mike’s dreams come true!!! Haha!
So yes…Forget all that. It must be all lies, because I seem to be good at making everything about ME, most of the time! 😉
BACK TO DREAMS COME TRUE…
Nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough…SOME dreams come true, but I reckon, they come true because people work HARD, and succeed on purpose. They put everything in place, so that one day, when an opportunity for ‘dreams come true’ comes their way…THEY’RE READY!!
That’s all you have to do, right? Put yourself in a good place and the right place. The rest you leave to life magic and keep your fingers crossed. There’s always an element, a force beyond your control.
I WATCHED Mike’s dreams come true, with my very eyes. I watched him go, from wondering how he was going to afford a Burger King, to doing a scene with Tom Cruise, in a movie, as I sat in a cinema.
I watched us never go out, because we had auditions the next day. I watched us once having to run out of The Saddle Ranch without paying our tab, to then a year later being sat at a five star restaurant, at dinner, on Valentine’s Day, next to Tom Hanks and his wife.
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! AT ANY POINT.
That’s why I hate it when people give up, because they stop believing. They run out of ‘fight.’
I mean, there are always moments where I sit with my head in my hands, thinking ‘FOR THE LOVE OF ABSOLUTE GOD!!’
But every time, I just take a deep breath, swig a wine and get on with it.
Don’t run out of hope. Don’t run out of ‘fight.’ Keep karma on your side, always, because HOLY SHIT, it can be a BITCH.
Try not to doubt yourself. Focus on how far you’ve come. It’ll impress you. It’ll stretch you that little bit further over the line, to get you where you want to be.
Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s depressing. Be inspired by them. But don’t compare your life chapter, to theirs. You don’t know what they’re going through behind an Instagram Pic.
Don’t let other people get you down. It’s your version of life, not theirs. Celebrate YOUR story. I’ve never had anyone ‘hate’ on me, who’s actually doing better than me. 😉 Use any ‘hate’ to motivate you.
I call it ‘Operation: Watch Me Now, Boo.’
Make the right choices FOR YOU. After years of sometimes making really bad choices and failing miserably, over and over again, I will actually tell you that it made me smarter. It made me stronger. Made me wiser.
HOWEVER, some of those opportunities were opportunities that really only come around ONCE in a LIFETIME. Lol. I properly fucked them up because I was distracted. I had to find another tunnel and dig my way to the light. Save yourself some time. Haha.
I would’ve preferred to have made the right decision in the first place.
I hear a lot of wise people advising others to ‘fail as much as possible.’ And I get that. It’s true. It makes you mighty in the end. You shouldn’t be scared to’ get back up when you fail,’ I guess is the message. Yet, DO KNOW that whenever i’ve made a GOOD DECISION (yes, that HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED BEFORE) and done something right the FIRST TIME ROUND…. It hasn’t felt bad AT ALL. It’s actually felt WONDERFUL!! Haha.
I feel like Dr.Phil. Wait! No I don’t because i’m about to shoot topless on a space hopper, with a martini glass in my hand, for my birthday Insta pics.
We all have different lives. Do yours well!
I wonder what ‘Fairytale, ‘Hustle Barbie, Mel, Firmonnell and Double B are all doing? I haven’t caught up with them in ages.
I’m getting a Flash back of a time when Double B, Fairytale and I were all sat ON THE PAVEMENT, outside some building in Leeds, after a night out, waiting for Prince Jonny, at around 2am, some morning. Double B had her shoes off and some drunk Ginger guy thought we were homeless and threw change at us!
Only do the things you love. LIVE. Yet, always stay loyal to the things that you believe are right for YOU. They’re the things that will always make you happy. Stay true to what you KNOW you love and that way, you’ll succeed. You’ll go far, provided you always stay grounded and remember where you came from.
So! My good news phone call…everyone’s been messaging me about it. I feel like I can definitely tell you about it now, as the trailer goes out this Friday and it airs December 3rd, on Channel 4.
I will be telling you everything about it as we go along…so do not fret. I will also be referring you back to the time after I had filmed the episode…to actually bring you into the ‘what happened next.’
J: ‘Yeah! I got the call! We’re finally on!’
(I don’t know what’s up with ‘J’ right now. We were really good friends and now he’s all weird and distant.)
Me: ‘I know!!! I’m so excited! I can’t wait!!’
Production Team: ‘Chrissie, you literally sound like the most excited person,i’ve ever heard. It’s nice.’
I’m gonna be back on your telly screens after years of getting married, divorced, growing babies etc….I’ve actually waited over a YEAR, for this to air. (I filmed it August 11th of LAST YEAR!!!)
And i really wanted it to air, because I wanted to relive it. I wanted to feel it again. I wanted it to come ‘alive.’ In life, you only so often get the opportunity to add to your glitter bucket of ‘life experience’ and this experience was probably one of THE BEST experiences, I ever had… in my entire life.
I kinda feel really honoured, really grateful and utterly ‘little girl’ excited…and it’s moments like this, that make me beam.
It’s such a great memory, that’s going to get brought to life. But i’m gonna tell you more about it later, as I go along….
Just know, that i’m back on your telly December 3rd, 10pm, on Channel 4.
I have a ‘Favourite show’ and it’s so surreal, because i’m about to appear on it. I’ve filmed a lot of things, yet this is the best thing i’ve ever had the joy of being a part of.
I have LOTS TO TELL YOU, once it airs….and little bits for you to tinker with before you get to enjoy it.
Always do the things that make you happy and you’ll know if they do, because you’ll feel alive. You’ll feel excited. You’ll FEEL a rush, buzzing through your system. You’ll have this smile on your face that you can’t seem to wipe off…
That’s how you know you’re happy, i guess?
Away from that…
I was talking to some of my LA friends this morning and we were reliving our Hollywood days. I remember waking up, going to the gym, doing brunch, smashing audition, after audition, all around the town, hearing a ‘no,’ more than I heard a ‘yes,’ but feeling ALIVE, whenever that ‘YES’ CAME.
I was ready for it.
I wanted you to Google Toby yesterday, because I admired him for his fight. He’s just like I am. I remember being a kid a young 20 something in LA. I had an acting agent. I actually agent 2 weeks, after arriving from Yorkshire, on my own, with nothing but a suitcase in my hand.
I knew no one..But I found my way so easily. I went to acting school, I found a place to live. I got a job. I made really great friends. I learnt my craft and that town, until I knew it like the back of my hand. I found a way to put myself in every correct place, at every correct time. I worked hard. I got distracted. I married young. I forgot why I was there…
I’ve seen so much. I’ve seen so much, that your heart would skip 40 beats, per view.
Anyway, when I was a kid, I was going out on auditions…Not as many as I was hoping for. I was hearing about the roles, from friends, but not getting out on the casting.
I could’ve sat and twiddled my thumbs. But I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t. But I didn’t. What i did, was find out about every single role going…that I was right for. I managed to find a friend, who had all the breakdowns of all the jobs, that they were casting for daily, for tv shows and movies in LA. I paid him, to send me them, every morning, by 8am.
Every morning, I would head to Kinkos with my headshot, resume and a bunch of envelopes and pay to use the internet (I had a home all of the time, I was there. But there was a couple weeks where I lived out of my car.) It’s sounds harsh. But it wasn’t. Lots of struggling actors do, out there.
Every morning I’d head to Kinkos, by 8am, to recieve the breakdowns on my emails…then I’d pick the roles that I was suitable for, put everything in the correct envelopes and use a direct ‘hand to hand’ mail service to take my headshot, straight to casting, before noon, unde r the guise that my agent had done so.
I was already SAG (you have to be, to work professionally, out there. You need your SAG card. They give you an opportunity to work hard for one.) I did that by doing hours of extra work on E.R daily, at Warner Bros, until I received all my vouchers. You needed 3, to become SAG. It’s not easy. But I had buddied up to the guy in charge of the extras and he gave me my vouchers…one at a time, sporadically….after a few months. (Which is good going.)
Long story short…
I got called in to audition, almost every single day for all tv shows, from my ‘magic mail box’ as I called it. For everything. The O.C, Charmed, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Will & Grace..You name it…
Casting would call my agent, because I had made like they had sent the submission. I used to even call casting, pretending to be my agent, saying that I had this girl, called ‘Chrissie’ that they needed to see.
I already knew a few people in casting, as I had enrolled in classes that they taught, that put me right in front of them…Plus, I had already met load of the gay casting producers, whilst out drinking in West Hollywood at The Abbey.
I knew what I was doing and I did it well.
I also got a job, in a gym where all ‘the importants’ worked out and interned at a Talent agent….to make sure I was always in the loop.
My agent would call me to tell me the auditions that I had got called in on….
They had submitted me, but never got a call back. I submitted myself….called casting and got MYSELF straight in.
So, this is what I mean by seeing your goals, taking your life, rolling it up into a ball and directing it the best way you can, to make it go your way.
I was always out on the scene because I needed to network. I did everything by networking. I probably networked more than I honed by craft. That’s why I never made it as an actress out there.
You have to both. You have to everything.
When I found balance…I nailed it.
I was a rubbish actress back then. But i’m a great actress now, but because i’ve lived and learnt.
Anyhow, modelling took over. It was easy money. I didn’t know that it was going to be the thing that plummeted me further up the ladder of ‘look at me.’ But it did.
I then started writing my blog, after DK at the coffee shop MADE ME.
I didn’t have internet at my apartment. I couldn’t afford it. So every day, I would casually saunter into the Apple Store at the Beverly Centre and write my blog, on their display computers, that they had online.
(I’m not sure if they allow you to do that now. But back in the day they did!)
Well…they saw me everyday. I looked like I was checking a display computer out. I was typing my blog, every day, at the exact same time. I mean, they must’ve known, surely? But they just let me get away with it anyway.
I AM SO GRATEFUL.
DK: ‘I used to watch you come into the coffee shop and hang around the self help section and think, god she’s either a really trendy homeless person or a celebrity??’
Do all of the things that make you happy. Always be powered by love. Always find a way to make something work. Find solutions, instead of making problems. Go for it. You can design your own kind of life…
I’m literally having the most amazing time, dipped in ’30 something’ year old fun, glamourosity and life. I’m single, but i’m crushing, and i’m whole heartedly delighted that we’ve strapped all other festivities under our belts and we’re now getting armed in sequins and getting our ‘shimmie’ on into Christmas.
My absolute favourite time of year!
(And not just because I have a December birthday! Hint Hint! No wonder i’m mental, if I was birthed during a time, when penguins sang songs about reindeers, whilst wrapped in tinsel, by elves, who worship a dude with a giant white beard and have an after work mulled wine!)
It’s just a great time of year, where nothing but tinsel and celebrations matter. Cocktails are poured. Events are a plenty. Cuddles and laughter, meander around cosy city streets & hearts are filled with love, MORE than they are broken at Christmas. You can choose to stay in, or choose to play out. Either way, it is always sweet rum drizzled and delightful!
Memories are made during this time of year.
Memories are also treasured….because we all kinda grab our lip gloss, after a Bailey’s…or look through our ‘ye olde’ phone pics and remember. Your favourite tune will play on the radio, just as you had it in your head. You’ll walk past a restaurant, that will remind you of some guy, or some girl, you once dated. Someone will totter past you in a hurry, in a busy shopping centre and they’ll smell just like the crush, you’ve always wanted to score. Memories are great. They’re not there to dwell on though. Don’t get caught up with memories, until it’s time. Until you’re old and ready. Until you’ve done your absolute back in and you can’t possibly dash, in your glitter heels to ‘Tattu’ on time, for a ‘smokey cocktail’ without feeling the pain.
Until then…just live.
Just LIVE and don’t apologise for doing so.
Guy friend: ‘See, Wunna! It’s THIS shit that makes you beautiful. The tits and all the rest of it, come second fiddle to all this shit.’
Me: ‘I thought you said you loved my boobs?’
Guy Friend: ‘Fucking hell. Haha. Take a compliment.’
Something great will happen to us all, which will make our kitten soul’s beam, before we wave off 2018. Something will also make us cry. But that’s life and that’s why it’s wonderful.
We’re given a story to create. A life to live…and if nothing else, we are giving the opportunity to FEEL. For 10 years this year, i’ve written CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM. It actually started 14 years ago, on Myspace. All I’ll have at the end of the day, as i’m swaying to Britney in my rocking chair, are my memories.
Go get what you want. Don’t let anything, especially fear stop you. You might not win. Yet if you don’t try, you won’t have lived. That’s what we’re here to do.
Don’t get it twisted.
(I can’t believe i’m writing this in a play area. Haha.)
It doesn’t matter whether you spend it with good friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, the people you shouldn’t be playing around with, lovers, old spirits, new crushes or with your next door neighbours cat?
You’ve only got 2 more months LEFT on 2018, so make sure you LIVE IT. Make sure you enjoy it. Do what makes you happy. Find you inner life love and make the end of this year (which has had it’s ups and downs for everyone)WORTH IT.
Create magical moments.
You’re here for a good time, not a long time.
Over the last week, i’ve probably done everything. I’ve cocktailed with old friends, which found me sharing fireworks with them, as we cheered on our favourites on Strictly, discussed my tragic love life and enjoyed time with family, over wine.
Helen: ‘You’re just so pretty.’
Me: ‘Aww! That’s sweet. But everything is literally pinned, sewn or glued on. I mean, let’s face it, you couldn’t put me through the wash, could you!
Gina: ‘I fucking love you… ‘
I’ve talked to strangers, with cucumber drinks at The Botanist, Leeds. (I love The Botanist, Leeds, because it’s so hidden away and freshly cosy. ) Inspired people at Restaurant Bar & Grill. I’ve whizzed and whirled and eaten pear salads, with a fruity umbrella drink in my hand and with my own laughter filling the rooms. I’ve shopped. I’ve loved. I told Matt Goss, that he’s my celeb crush. He pretty much liked it 😉 which made my heart swoon. Lol.
I’ve been a great soul, an even better Mum. But most of all, loved telling you my story. (Your questions have been amazing.)
I don’t know what happens to me in the end. I just know it’s something wonderful.
I don’t ask for much. I just ask for peace. (And the man of my dreams to share life with me. I have everything else, I need.)
Everyone keeps going on about how single I am because it’s apparently so unbelievable?
‘How the hell are you…’
‘How are you, even nearly single..’
I certainly am, and I certainly don’t know why? Haha.
Firmonnell (My chick best friend) : ‘She’s single by choice!’
If I had the answer, I wouldn’t be strutting around with a neon ‘Going Solo’ arrow above my head, would I? I’d be building my white pickett, rum stained fence, to Disney classics.
If you’re a 30 something singleton too. Don’t worry! I hear so many of you worry!
The worrying alone is not seductive. Lol. It’s awkward. It’s thumb twiddly.
In this day, being a single 30 something year old woman (I’m 37,) three marriages down, doesn’t make you rubbishy, like no one wants you. To me, it makes you powerful because you now KNOW what you want and instead of standing at the side of the dance hall, waiting for some guy to ask you to boogie, you’re confident enough to just make your OWN fun, with your gent of choice and leave the party whenever you wish.
I’ve never been so chased by boys in my life, than I have in my 30’s. That’s the honest truth and it’s because i’m much more wiser, comfortable and THAT ALONE IS HOT. It’s sexy. I know how I want to feel. I know how I want to look. I know what will make me happy.
Be interested in yourself and others will take interest in you. Give people something of value and they will jump on board. (My LA balcony buddy taught me that, over balcony tea….as we walked the drummer from Maroon Five, do life, through a window. He was our ‘across the way’ neighbour. He once lifted me back into my condo, when passed out drunk, as a gaggle of gay men surrounded me…not to help, but to perv on my hot laywer roommate. Lol
I was in a lime green fedora. Haha. That’s all I remember. I love West Hollywood nights. I got into a state outside ‘The Abbey’ in West Hollywood because Ryan, my crush didn’t love me. (Turns out he secretly did, but treated me badly because he had a girlfriend?)
Ry: ‘I was crazy about you. I didn’t know what to do? So I made a weak decision because i’m a pussy.’
His last name is ‘March.’ I have it tattooed on my right inner arm. J
Friend: ‘You two were going on dates and everything! How fucking weird!!!’
But that was years ago….and at the time it was shit! However now, it’s a fond, funny memory.
Time is like magic….It’s certainly precious, so you should use it to your advantage. Yet at the same time, let it fly, because it heals things without you realizing. 😉
I guess, everything is just about balance….and cocktails.
I have the busiest October. But i’m SO happy. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I’m beaming. I’m brimming over with a ‘rushy’ swirl of glee. It’s not even cocktail infused. It’s bubbling from my lil’ kitten soul.
I have so much going on. I stiletto stepped out of a big audition yesterday. One that came out of nowhere, via an instagram message. (Do not underestimate the power of social media.) I’m influencing a lot. I’m leaving my *Wunna* glitter stamp, wherever I journey. I’m living. I’m loving. I’m still very single. My love life is unfortunate. I’m still the eligible bachelorette. I’m feeling 37 and sexy. But most of all, I’m using my voice, now that I have a voice…to inspire.
The only reason why I write this blog, is to inspire other humans, via my own ‘colourful’ story. You’ll probably do things differently to me. Yet, you’ll feel my story, my journey…and remember.
I’ve documented my existence for 10 whole years on THIS website, (it started on Myspace, but got deleted by a grumpy,) via a diary. This year is my 10th anniversary. I can’t believe i’ve stuck it out.
If you didn’t know, I’m a massive Glamour Magazine fan. It’s a delicious edit of work, that has been my companion on many a train journey, shoot, quiet moment or hotel stay. It’s a written ‘show’ of utter bliss and excellence, to me. It’s glamourous, yet comforting. A somewhat young & modern, *twist* of excitement, that not only makes you see, but FEEL. It’s a magazine that will take you from ‘girl dom,’ to WOMAN hood. It’s a glamourous ‘prep school, ‘ that will give you a solid, yet fun insight, as to ‘what happens next.’
I bought this month’s edition…
I treasured it with my life, because it just felt so good, even before I turned a page. I skimmed through it, because that’s what I always do at first. I need it to ‘flutter,’ through my mind.
YET, mid ‘flutter,’ I *paused.* I stopped a second. I really did stop..and I absorbed.
The ‘Blend Out Bullying’campaign.
Okay, so we all know that i’ve lived a life. If I have nothing else, I have a story to tell. I’ve documented it all, from life as a model, living all over the world, Hollywood nights, being Asian, with a Yorkshire birth, marriages to actors, break ups, time as an actress, my failing love life, motherhood, my ups, my downs, m crushes, my stints on TV and well…my last 10 years has had you follow my existence…daily.
When this happens…people talk. I have my own lil’ patch of Cyberland…and yes, NOW, I have SO much support, it’s incredible. I mean, if ‘Sex and The City’ & ‘The Osborne’s’ was Asian and had a baby…it would be me.
I’ve ended up in newspapers and magazines, which again…made people talk. A lot of wonderful things have been said about me…However, i’ve taken a lot of *FLAK* over the years…and that ‘FLAK’ used to affect me massively, in my 20’s. In my 30’s, now that i’ve graduated to ‘WOMAN,’ it’s ‘shaped’ me beautifully and glamorously. I’ve never let myself be a victim of cyber bullying openly…but I have been ‘labelled’ and named everything under the glitter sun and back.
After the life I’ve lived…It’ll take a lot more than ‘a few words’ to get me down.
But here are some of the NEGATIVE words that people have called me…
‘You should DIE because you’re so ugly. I will kill you. You should get raped. ‘
All this was luckily mingled in with ‘I love yooou’s’ which made all the difference. It balanced it out for me emotionally.
I lost two close friends of mine. Both appeared on reality shows. Both took their own lives, because of cyber bullying.
I was just someone who ‘took it on the chin.’ I was surrounded by love. I hoped, I had a purpose. I still do. It kept me going. Infact being a Mum and having an audience…kept me going.
‘You’re too old to do this…’
I’m not too old. I’m actually doing it. It’s like i’m in my prime.
I saw what Nabela had done. (Please DO make sure you’re reading your editorials in magazines. Being a blogger, I KNOW that they’re not JUST written for kicks. They’re there to INSPIRE you. You’d hate it if you wrote a piece, an article, a blog, or a diary and everyone said that, they ‘only looked at the pictures.’ )
Every inch of me wanted to be involved…
Just like that, (i’m a doer, not a talker…So many people have ‘talked’ at me and done nothing…I’m not that. I’m too ‘sizzle.’)
I JOINED THE ‘BLEND OUT BULLYING’ CAMPAIGN with Glamour Magazine, to help make a difference and strip all bullies of their power.Every day a ‘keyboard warrior’ reckons they’re getting the better of me, I almost become stronger.
How many of you bought Glamour Magazine, this month, read the article, thought it was great, but didn’t bother to do it? Y’know…take action?
No matter what, I honestly believe that every single human, has had someone, somewhere say something negative to them, or about them, at some point, that has hurt them emotionally. Right? Sometimes we bite back. Sometimes we can’t, or we don’t.
HELP DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
I’m 37 and grown. I’ve lived a life, where i’ve heard all sorts said about me. It bounces off me, like a bee sting…and ends in total glitter. I don’t even feel it anymore.
However, being immune to the problem, doesn’t make it better…does it?
Yesterday, I chose 4 hurtful words, that others had labelled me…and I wrote them on my face in concealer.
Then I *BLENDED* them out…into my face.
As I was doing it, I felt EMPOWERED, because I knew I was brave enough to ‘Middle finger’ the peeps who had ‘labelled’ me AND because I felt that I had the backing of my favourite magazine and of those who root for Wunna Land.
Hang on a second…
I’ve just this second, uploaded a video to youtube of my ‘blend.’
After all that, I then posted a picture of the result…Which was this…
I never felt so beautiful. I don’t feel old. (I embrace my time and my age.) I don’t feel fat. (I’ve always felt good about my body.) I don’t feel ugly (I love my lil’ Asian features,) and I’m certainly not fake. (There’s a whole lot of TV to prove it. Haha.)
To anyone who takes the time to red this blog..I firstly THANK YOU, as it’s not like a usual ‘cheeky’ Wunna blog. I have a message today. It’s kinda like ‘The Bible’ but bouji. 😉
It takes ONE MOMENT to simply write a word on your cheek and blend.
You probably spent your Friday, planning out your cocktail mixers & putting together your outfits, for a jolly lil’ weekend of debauchery. A weekend of blissful safety, under a bouji umbrella of frosted prosecco pours. A weekend where in which you *winked* at strangers and placed your heart on your sleeve, as you stalked your ‘findings’ on Instagram.
Shush! We all do it.
I spent my Friday, doing a morning school run, (Single Mum Alert,) before hopping on a train to meet my gay friend Liam…Once I arrived, I found a Bacardi in my hand, as station security guards stood by my side. Then after a moment in a beauty salon, followed by wine in a Casino, at Blackpool, Pleasure Beach. I found myself getting changed in his living room, with more wine in my hand, after chatting to his agent Zoie and making a really poor shoe selection.
Liam: ‘Honestly, you need to wear trainers.’
Me: ‘I’ll be fine.’
Aaron & Kyle showed up and…
We were headed to Blackburn, where I pretty much had to…
RUN FOR MY ENTIRE F****** LIFE.
(I’m a glamour puss. I don’t run for anything, but diamonds. Sistas! I RAN! I ran SO fast, I tripped over my own feet, fell and rolled myself back up again. I felt like a rubbish Vin Diesel. Haha.)
The UK’s Top Rated ‘Halloween Attraction.’
Yeah that’s where I ended up…
I was invited to Scare Kingdom, Scream Park, to celebrate it’s VIP press launch. It’s opening night. If you know me personally, you’ll know that I can handle, real life scary stuff. I’m good with all that.
But when it comes to fear, tight spaces,mind games, Halloween, horror, ghosts & goolies…(Wahey! 😉 I said ‘goolies’... )
..I am awful for it. I’m terrified of it all. I don’t even like to celebrate Halloween. I close my eyes and pretend it’s not part of the year.
OH MY LORD!
I got there. It was fine. (I’d already fallen backwards, on my arse, in Liam’s living room, with a wine in my hand, because of my shocking shoe choice.) I was ready for anything… I already had a graze on my arm.
Liam: ‘I swear you’re getting pissed because you’re terrified!!!’
Once, in Blackburn…It started like this…
Which was fine. It’s always great to see ‘Aaron the Pap,‘ in action, who’s actually a really great friend of mine. I love Aaron. He was in our car up…with Kyle. (Who I THANK the GOOD LORD for!)
Next, came another drink…and then this…
Again. I can handle the creepy dude on the red carpet. I even asked him out on a Sushi date. He declined. He obviously has poor taste in women.
OH MY ******* KITTENS!!!!
It was time to enter the creepy Scare Kingdom, farm land and go through the TERROR, that awaited our juiciness. We had to go first, because Liam (who’s a singer) had a ‘later on’ gig to get to…Which was delightful, because of course, if you go first, they’re all flipping energized and excited. Lol
I mean anything that says…
‘Hold on tightly to the rope that guides you, it is your only hope of escape from the hooded hell hole, known as Flesh Market.’
Hmm…? Lovely. Something says i’m not at Angelica’s anymore?
I couldn’t even walk up there because of my shoes. Haha. fell over twice, with Liam and Kyle holding me up on either side. It hadn’t even started yet!! 🙂
Aaron: ‘She’s off to a farm to be chased by zombies and she chooses to wear those shoes!!!’
We’re wandering around. All’s calm. It’s raining a little. I hate the rain. We head inside, things turn dark…and then absolute tight spaced, TERROR begins….
All I remember was forcing my friend Kyle, go first (lol), whilst holding his back, (Liam was behind me) and just ******* SCREAMING, FOR MY WHOLE LIFE, into his hood, because I needed my eyes to just stop seeing. Haha.
I don’t even know how Kyle was so brave!?! God, did not make eyes for what we were forced to see…Haha.
Imagine being tipsy, being shoved into a tight, dark maze, then HAVING to get yourself through it all, simply for your own pride, whilst you wished for the torture & horror to stop.
Imagine doing all of that, on a dark farm in Blackburn (lol.) You knew awful things were about to happen, every time you were being greeted by creepy humans. Human’s that made you feel uncomfortable on every level. Imagine being chased THROUGH some death cage, by them…blind and…
..IN ****** heels.
We got through the first maze. Don’t know how?
I now couldn’t talk, after screaming so madly…We started walking towards the ‘next bit’ of utter terror. I fell over around 7 times, en route, because a mixture of bad shoe choices, wine and fear, kept making me.
Liam: ‘We can’t go through the next maze. It’s too scary and you’re falling over your own feet!’
My trousers were literally covered in mud. My shoes were battered. My makeup had smeared. I had tears in my eyes…I was laughing, in shock. But then I went with…
Me: ‘I can just take my shoes off and of through the rest of us…’
Liam: ‘Fuck off. You’re not allowed to do that…’
Kyle: ‘She can’t get through it…’
We get to the next maze (i’m determined to ‘muscle’ through, but then Liam, makes the executive decision to kindly ask the ‘greeting ghoul,‘ to call a manager, & get us back to the bar. She came and got us and we were walked straight OUT of the terror, to immediate safety….I had baby ‘panic & dash’ bruises all over me, my knees were covered in soil and yeah…I was still in my shit shoes.
I ruined everything. Haha.
(Saying that, both boys were filled with utter fear anyway. It’s not like, we were okay. Haha. We were drained of utter life and filled with complete fear…and I knew they weren’t okay, because they were trying to ‘swag‘ it out, like were we all safe and dandy.)
WE WERE PANICKED!!!
If ANY HUMAN, ran up to us, at that point (she could’ve been a flippin’ lollipop lady)…..I tell you, I would’ve probably passed out or opted for dying, because it would’ve been a less traumatic. Haha.)
But that’s what Scare Kingdom is about! It ain’t Disney Land….unless you’re a twisted F****.
We’re walked away to safety, back to the bar…which was now filled with ‘newly arrived’ celebs, ready to take on, the terror mazes.
(I just drank because I couldn’t deal with life, at this point.)
The gorgeous ‘Marlie Weekender’ tinkers up to me. (I love Marlie, she makes me smile. I met her at an event in Leeds, in the Summer.) I feel a flick of my hair from behind and there she is, with her ‘Off Big Brother’ boyfriend Sam Chaloner, a cute blond girl, who I think was his sister and Callum Weekender, who’s about to hit our screens on ‘Celebs Go Dating.’
I think I was pissed by this point, as everything just seems to be in ‘flash back.’
I talked to the owner? I talked the bartender? I talked to Aaron? I saw tons of people from ‘Lucky7 PR,’ who I watch daily on Instagram …Like Sean Pratt, his girlfriend Jordi, Glamour Model Grace Teal…(He’s fit. They’re beautiful..) I saw Saira Choudry, who’s currently on ‘No Offence.’ I remember her from Corrie.
Then I flipping got pulled over, to what we all called ‘The inside sex dungeon.’(It’s the epitome of terror, which overrides any terror you’ve experienced so far on the farm…Oh and it’s niche is twisted, psycho sexuality.)
Kyle’s already headed in. (I love how brave he was. I love brave dudes.) He was the first one in…ever! All these ghouls, who you couldn’t see, where slamming shit and screeching…
‘Come in, little boy, we’re waiting for you…’
..behind a small metal door.
I’d ONLY agreed to go in IF I was able to be photographed/ filmed. Lol. I’m such a diva. Haha. But whatever…I was terrified.
Me: ‘It’s optional. I don’t really want to do it, for the good of my own health. I’m scared. I want a bit of ‘look at me.’
Staff: ‘Wait here…’
Of course, knowing my luck…It was all fine and dandy…and before you know it, i’m stood at the entrance of a horror, SEX dungeon.
Yipppppppppppeeeeee! Happy Friday!
All i could see were my friends stood behind a barrier. A metal doorway, with a flap that had been opened. I heard screams, screeches, evil voices, beckoning me in and saw a creepy looking barbie, human, was looked naked, but was wearing nothing but tights, a blond wig, with sewn on eyes, nose and lips…that didn’t move.
I was not okay. I F****** SHAT MYSELF.
I just stood at the entrance, with my hand over my face shouting..
I CAN’T DO IT. I’M NOT DOING IT. I CAN’T ******* DO IT.
Everyone’s now *egging* me on…Liam’s shouting…
‘It’s NINE MINUTES CHRISSIE. ONLY NINE MINUTES TO GET THROUGH.’
Me: ‘Nine minutes. Nine minutes…’
I looked at Kyle…and said…
‘Was it okay…?’
Liam: ‘Don’t tell her that!’
Kyle: ‘9 Minutes… You’ll be okay. I did it. It’s harsh. But just do it..’
I’m causing such a delay, that the amazing staff had to tell some of the ‘horror actors’ to ‘calm down, back up and clear the door way…’
Yes, I was that pathetic. Hahah.
A lady then says…
‘You have a SAFE WORD (She tells me it.) You shout it out. Everything stops. We’re all watching.’
Don’t know how it happened?Yet, as life goes…I ended up on all fours, about to crawl through the entrance. (Yes, you had to CRAWL THROUGH IT.) I *paused* but they were already sick of me, I’m sure because I felt a *push* on my bum (lol) and that was it..
..the door *slammed shut* behind me…
The only way out, was to get all the way through the dungeon or shout my ‘safe word.’ (Which of course my northern pride wouldn’t let happen.)
Now, I’m not going to tell you what happened in the psycho, sex dungeon and Scare Kingdom. All I will say, is that I SCREAMED for my life, NON STOP.
Liam: ‘All you could hear for the first minute was Chrissie, screaming her head off, whilst trapped in that dungeon & I was outside.’
I went from room to kinky room, madly. Infact almost reluctantly. It felt so fast. So energized. Everything around me was ‘non stop’ and so real. It felt really real, like i’d been kidnapped. I fell over, TWICE.
It was intense. It played with my head. It was a nightmare and all I wanted was for the madness to end. I was in a torture chamber. I didn’t have a gin. My eyes saw the most terrible things…and when 9 minutes must have been up, I found myself running out of a curtain, back to safety…and finally without a mini sack over my head. 🙂
WTF! Hahah. OH MY GOD!!!
As soon as I ran out, I felt an entire RUSH of utter bliss flow through me. I could breathe I was free. It was like I had conquered the world, in 9 minutes. It was the best feeling of achievement. I faced my fear.
I flipping did it.
I could’ve done it again. Funny that? It was THE MOST TERRIFYING Halloween moment EVER, It was SICK. It was twisted. It was naughty! But that’s what it’s there for, so it in my mind, it was done INCREDIBLY WELL. It was created beautifully, by the kings of utter horror.
You just can’t miss this, you have to say you’ve done it….
As I walked out, I saw ‘Real Housewife’ Christine McGuinness (Paddy McGuinness’s wife) on the red carpet, doing her pap pictures, before the run… It ended up in the Daily Mail.
Something tells me, she was about to find out, that she wasn’t in Cheshire anymore…
As soon as I got back to The New Osborne Hotel, in Blackpool, I drank a bunch of wine, chatted to a guy named Lee, drank loads at a Casino with Liam, Matt and his beautiful girlfriend…and then passed out, in my bed sheets.
Right, so in case you didn’t know, growing up through my entire life, I was a model. Not a fashion model (I’m only Five foot four) or a commercial model (I have the weirdest ‘non commercial’ features,) I wasn’t an Influencer (we didn’t do ‘social media’ back then)….I was a glamour model.
I didn’t find IT. IT found me….as I was sat outside a coffee shop, on 3rd & La Cienega, by The Beverly Centre in LA. (Which is where I did my entire 20’s.)
And with being a model..when you DO grow up and become an ‘oldie,’ you kinda miss ‘glamorousity,’ madly and at the same time, you kinda lose your ‘va voom’ a bit. You look at your shoot pictures and think…‘I’m sure I used to look better than that!’ Lol.
I do still model. Yet it’s nothing It was ‘back in the day’ when I was living in Hollywood, on three flights a day, being booked, shot and dashed to different states, every few hours, simply for a bit of sexy picture taking. It was my job. I remember landing at airports and messaging my THEN husband, to see how his auditions or filming for the day had gone?
It was a dream.
When I was a little girl, it was was all I wanted to do. (Well, I wanted to be in show business…) and I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to. So, I’m grateful for that. I’ve lived the most wonderful life. I still am. I’m just in a different chapter. And I always say that I’m the luckiest girl in the world, because no one is more determined than I, to ENJOY LIVING, whilst making any dream I can.. come true, for both children and myself.
Literally, no one is MORE GRATEFUL than I, for every single piece of life, love, family and opportunity I’ve been given.
Of recent, when it’s come to the writing, the blogging, the influencing, I’ve felt on top of the world, almost in a ‘hero’ excitement of ‘I’m smashing it.’ And it’s important to enjoy the moments that you’ve rightfully worked hard for. You can be humble all you want. Yet, I don’t believe that any successful human, doesn’t do a cheeky ‘happy dance,’ or boast a bit of a flaunt, in the name of celebration.
It’s natural. We need to hold on to and celebrate all happy moments in life.
However, when it’s come to the modelling front, and I have shot recently….and i’m still shooting now….I’m kinda feeling a little insecure. I now have ‘wibbly’ bits that weren’t there before and that never used to bother me. Now..it does. Especially when young ‘just turned 20 year olds’ are wiggling on it and OWNING THEIR niche, rightfully. (Which I love. Yet it does make me feel OLD.)
You will have seen my posts recently and if i’m feeling this way, then I think many women are also! So i’m wanting to help the 30 something year old woman, celebrate her own WOMANHOOD. I’m wanting to inspire, bring confidence and encourage us 30 something chicks to not be afraid to ‘wave the flag’ in the name of ‘sexy.’
SO, in order to sort myself out (because I need to find my own internal ‘ooh laa’ and quench my thirst of glamour pussing, in front of a camera, i’ve been on a hunt. (And I fancy myself in front of a camera, so DO know I have HUNTED, to find something perfect.)
I’ve literally been searching our delicious world wide web, for the absolute BEST photog to shoot me, and get me back to feeling beautiful again. I feel sexy. I don’t feel beautiful. It’s taken me months to find someone to help me celebrate my WOMANHOOD, and I was looking for a FEMALE photographer.
I’m about to venture back on the telly and I don’t want to sail through all the PR… looking rubbishy.
Two weeks ago when I came across ‘Doll House Photography.’
If you didn’t know, I adore ‘old school’ glamour. A proper boudoir shoot. A glamourous, luxury themed shoot. A picture that tells a story. Be it cheeky, or delicious. It’s kinda hard to find these days. But it’s my favourite type of glamour shoot and that’s what I wanted to do. That’s what I’ve been looking for…And I’m stubborn, so if that’s what I want …that’s all I do. 🙂
I went through their ‘socials,’ their pics, their lives, their everything…I’m awful for it…Haha. Plus, of course, I absolutely loved that the infamous Chrissy Sparks was the photographer. If you aren’t aware, Chrissy is mind blowing. She’s award winning. She knows how to get the shot out of you. I looked through the results and thought they were out of this world.
The women looked divine, yet, classy. So SO sexy. They oozed a swirl of magic. They dripped empowerment and a decadent luxury. I loved it. I wanted it.
*Pass me my Prosecco!*
I then read that if you shot with them, you had the full range of dressing rooms, filled with wardrobes and wardrobes of lingerie, corsets, which is any glamour pusses dream. They have pieces to delight everyone, IN ALL SIZES, waiting there for you, to shoot in. (I like that. I hate having to take everything with me. I hate luggage on wheels.) Whilst you’re there, you get the absolute five star treatment. You hardly get that on a shoot. 😉 Behind the scenes of modelling is a lot less glamourous than you think.
But the thing that moved me the most, whilst looking at the ‘results,’ was the fact that ‘Doll House’ didn’t service models. (You’d assume that ONLY models alike would be shooting with ‘Doll House’ photography. You’d assume that you’d have to be a size 8, or some kind of Pageant Queen, to be shooting with Doll House Photography. That can often can be intimidating.)
Yet no…I looked online and found a ton of before and after pictures of real women, of all ages… who wanted to do or feel the same as I!
Take a look…
They had their hair & make up done. They had help picking out their outfits and they were shot by one of the best female photographers on set, in the UK.
The women are given control of their ‘ooh laa.’ Their shoot. Yet, directed appropriately by the best of the best!
That’s what sold it for me. The simple fact that firstly it was fun. Happiness makes girls look hotter and the fact that the studio went out of their way to empower women. Y’know, make us FEEL beautiful. (How something makes you feel is all that matters.)
That’s what I want. That’s what i’m looking for. I mean my love life has been shocking of recent. I’m not bothered about feeling or looking *blah* right now. Haha.
Give me GLAMOUR.
I’m stepping up my game…
…sometimes, when you’re a chick and when you’ve been through all sorts…Y’know, ‘walked a life.’ Be you young or old….Sometimes you just NEED THAT MOMENT, where you kinda feel feminine again, alive again, beautiful again, POWERFUL AGAIN….
And that ONE moment alone….acts as a graduation of your kitten soul, from little girl to WOMAN, as you embrace all that is YOU…and show the world what you’re made of.
I’ve shot with so many people, all around the world and I have never met an actual company that goes out of their way to personally celebrate women, on a ‘one to one’ level, from the moment you walk in terrified to the glorious picture result! They represent women represent SO WELL and they pretty much take a girl, who is still hiding in her cocoon, onto her next ‘BUTTERFLY’ level.
So if you’re looking to be that ‘butterfly,’ or need a bit ‘ooh laa’ in your life…. I’ll tell you right now, I’ve found you the most beautiful place, to celebrate being a woman!
It’s a Wunna Land pick!
Look at some of these result pics, where real woman found their ‘magic’ and celebrated their pwn version of WOMANHOOD.
Woke up to the most beautiful message from one of my old LA guy friends ‘Raffi,’ who I adore more than anything, because he’s always filled with Wunna Love. He produces music and when I was a mid 20 something year old girl, in West Hollywood, we recorded a couple tracks together, that his brother had whammed up.
His brother was working with the likes of Britney Spears, N’sync, R.Kelly, Michael Jackson…His grandfather, worked with Elvis. So, let’s just say producing beats runs through his soul. He’s a ‘brother,’ and he’s swag.
But all that to one side…We had the most amazing friendship. We’d hang out all the time. He’d come around to my condo, after being at the studio and we’d just sit in his car, chill and chatter, under the LA night stars. It was great!
When he was a young 20 something he looked at me and said,
‘I’d be so happy, if I woke up to you every morning…But at fifty, you’d probably piss me off. Haha.’
Then he drank a Red bull, it gave him wings and he drove over my wheely bins, en route to drop by ‘Neyo’s. (Yeah…the ‘So sick of love songs’ Neyo.)
Raffi’s always been such a good friend to me. In fact ALL of my LA friends are to this day, SO SO close to me. We tell each other how much we love one another, literally all day long and that’s because growing up…we went through SO, SO MUCH together, in one of the toughest towns emotionally, to try and make it in showbusiness.
This morning, I woke up to an insta DM from ‘Raffi’ after i posted the above picture…All he said was…
‘You are so beautiful.’
So 13 years on, and now on entirely different sides of the world, he is still so utterly lovely and goes out of his way to try and make a glamour puss smile. 🙂
(Thank you for that! I love you so dearly. May the night stars guide you bro.)
I’m still filled with anxiety and panic and I have no clue why, really? I’m getting on with it though. I’m good at that. I’m doing it with a ‘100 watt’ smile and hoping it’s just hormones.
What am I terrified of?
This morning I posted the above pic, because I always thought that growing up a model and one that sold ‘sexiness‘….I always thought that I wouldn’t feel ‘sexy’ when I grew older.
The opposite has happened and at 37, I probably, right now, feel at my SEXIEST. It’s so crazy? I don’t know whether it’s because I’m more comfy in my own skin, or i’m just laid back with my natural ‘Va Voom.’ I’ve got nothing to prove now. I’m cool.
But again, my LA guy friends the other day, were saying that they hung out with me, as a young 20 something year old and back then they thought i was ‘Ooh laa…Ferocia.’
Yet now, almost 20 years on..(they fly in to visit me on occasion,) they’ll just look at me and say,
‘We still cannot believe how beautiful you are. It’s like you’re getting hotter and hotter.’
How nice is that!!!! Everyone needs to hear it. It’s positive and positive vibes are contagious. I’m so lucky to have such wonderful friends…Real friends. Real ‘life soldiers.’ Hopefully, that will put me in good stead for the future. Hopefully, you’ll take a moment today, at some point, just to tell someone that they’re beautiful.
It makes their day….
Everyone should embrace and adore their beauty. Both inner and out.
But y’know, there’s just something about being older, that FEELS SEXIER, than being young. I find, that, when you’re older your ‘SEXY’ comes from your soul, your life experience. It’s in your eyes. It’s your beauty. Your story.
Everyone has a story, even when you’re young. You just ‘own it‘ better when you’re grown. When you’re really young, your ‘sexy,’ is still only pinned, glued and stuck on. It’s not real yet. Even in your 20’s, when you think you’re grown.
That’s what i’ve learnt through my 30’s. I’ve also realised that you mellow out, and grown emotionally. You become a wiser human and that alone is SEXY.
(A young friend of mine sent me a message yesterday, and it put me off them, because… well he used a very young, 20 something year old term, to describe a group of people…in a derogatory fashion. He referred to them as ‘beggy’ and I don’t like that because I think it’s rude. I think it’s judgmental and something that a 30 something would never ever say..Lol. And I guess that’s that’s the difference, between being young and old.)
I’ve learnt so much about people and myself in this last 2 weeks.
All sorts has been happening to my friends. I have some finding their ‘bouji,’ and others clinking prosecco glasses. ‘Hustle Barbie’ (who’s Vegan) actually stole a PIG. A REAL PIG from a Butcher, because she didn’t want it to get slaughtered. Shenamed it ‘Elvis’ and it’s now in her house. Lol.
Everyone apparently loves the pig. Yet, I am not a piggy fan. I find their snouts intrusive. Lol. Yet, I admire her love and conquest. She’s filled with utter compassion.
Plus, I adore that she’s going to go out, get drunk, bring back a hot dude, forget she has a pig named ‘Elvis’ and suddenly remember he’s there, when he pops onto her sofa, mid ‘sexy time.’
If a pig came near me during sex, I would DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’d grab my boobies and RUN FOR THE HILLS…NAKED.
I am terrified of animals of the farmyard variety.
TERROR SCREECHES THROUGH MY SOUL.
But on the up, there’s also been new love. My gay friend Liam, (he’s just tinkered off ‘The Extreme Diet Hotel’ show on Channel 4.) Anyway, he recently broke up with his beau and has hit the dating scene with his heart on his sleeve and it’s good to see him happy. He called me before his last date, with a beautiful looking man. They met at ‘Velvet’ in Manchester, for the date and he saw him sat outside drinking a latte.
Me: ‘A latte!!!! On a date!!!!’
Liam: ‘I didn’t want it to be a slaggy date. We’ve spoken loads & really like him. It’s a non drinking date.’
(I don’t do ‘non drinking’ dates. 🙂 I get so nervous. I need to drink.)
He called me before his date because he was a little nervous. But dates are kinda like that, aren’t they?
Liam: ‘I’ve dressed really casual. is that okay??’
I’m glad, that I was his ‘make me not nervous‘ call. I’m good in those moments.
But they had the most beautiful time. I actually saw a picture of his date, whilst on the train to MY OWN date in Manchester. He was ‘sizzle.’ Really handsome. Really well groomed. They loved their time together. It was all chatter and leg strokes. Cuddles over calamari. It was a classy afternoon date. But then they had to rush off home, because ‘twinges’ and testosterone kept kicking in…If the date went on any longer….the pleasantries would’ve been X Rated.
I always think that chicks sometimes get offended when a guy wants to ‘sex you up’ on the first date. Yet, you shouldn’t. (I know, it makes you think that they only want sex.) Yet DO KNOW, that they can’t help it. If they fancy you, the WANT, WANT, WANT you. It’s how they’re wired and they don’t mean it offensively. Their willy pops up and that’s it. They go ‘boz eyed’ and need to ‘jab for goals.’
So you can IMAGINE, what it must be like if you’re two GUYS on a date…and you fancy one another!
Grab ya best nipple tassles and get ya *shimmie* on point!! (Ruby, my daughter, would probably say that.)
It is THE WEEKEND!!(Well, almost.) But it’s important to have a weekend mentality, before it kicks in, because otherwise, you’re not only dull, like the broken custard cream at the bottom of the biscuit tin. You’re also not embracing the excitement, to come and that alone, in Wunna Land…
is a SIN!!
I love Fridays. I don’t know why, because it’s not like I have a Monday to Friday kinda job? I reckon I just enjoy celebrations of any kind. So fuck it. It’s FRIDAY! I’m in. I’m there!
Shake ya…*I’ll let you fill in the blank.*
I’m on rest today, due to my body being on the mend. I know, from my Insta story, it looks like I rest all the time. Hahah. But believe me, they’re just snippets of moments, that are filmed for YOU, either on the spot, but more often than not, FILMED PREVIOUSLY. 😉 A lot of work is going on behind the scenes in Wunna Land right now, with the old glammy career and the jazzy business of life.
That is my business…LIFE.
(..ofcourse done glamourously, with a dash of wit and showbusiness.)
There’s telly, there’s modeling, running a company and influencing. Now that the babies are beginning to do their ‘ting,’ it’s doubley busy…But by the end of the month, they should be signing up to an agent, which will take a lot of pressure of MOI!
I have so much to do and I didn’t even have my morning GIN!!
‘It’s not like you to do a morning school run, without a wine in your hand, Chrissie. Haha..’
‘Wow, you parked like shit…’
Lots of you already know from following my ‘socials..’ But recently, there was a Wunna Fan, that wanted to get my attention, so offered up a game of dares, on my insta story, during my daily ‘Ask Me Anything’ thing. I went in all ‘Big Balls’ and dared him to get my initials tattooed upon him…
Yesterday morning, I found out that HE ACTUALLY DID IT. Hahah. I saw a video sitting in my inbox the evening before. I think it was Wednesday. I didn’t dare even look, so I left it until Thursday morning. Lol.
YESTERDAY, was actually a really good day. I felt really fun! I felt really sexy! I felt really appreciated by everyone. My Insta stories are getting really popular now, because i’m being more playful and putting my back into it, a little more.
And as the tale goes, it seems the best thing you can do, is be yourself. I know that sounds cliched. But like I always say, no one in the entire world can do it better. Plus, at 37, I don’t want to be someone who’s always so worried about saying the wrong thing, or censoring the juicy bits, that make me who I am. Some brands don’t like it. Some do.
Therefore, I’m full blown committing to just letting loose and well, knowing what I’m doing. I don’t think people should tell people HOW TO influence something…They already know what works for them, their niche and their audience.
Fuck! I was meant to tell you about the Tattoo guy.
Yes! He wanted to win a date with me…and totally got my INITIALS tattooed on his thumbs!
Chick friend: ‘You literally have the best life…I can’t get my own husband to do the fucking dishes, let alone a stranger TATTOO ME on his thumbs!!’
Hahaha! Love it! Well done, Boy!
So, now I can either go on a date with him, or subject myself to a dare. (One that he has already given to me, as an option.)
I don’t ever learn do I? Fun, just gets the better of me…and that’s it. I’m a swine. But, to me, that’s what life is about. No one does it quite as well. Hahaha. I showed Ruby his tattoo and her face just dropped! 🙂 Junior said…
‘Why is he nuts?’ 🙂
But, I think, it’s amazing. I was talking to my friend Liam about it yesterday. He’s just come off ‘The Extreme Diet Hotel’ show. I was doing the school run, with my phone to my ear in the playground, waiting for the kids, as I was telling him.
He was telling me about how he met some guy (he’s gay by the way,) in Bristol, bar labelled ‘OMG…’
Liam: ‘Chrissie, it was called OMG! for fucks sake! I saw this guy, he looked young, had a lip ring, so I ordered a jager bomb to be down with the kids and all that. I had to walk off afterward, because when I kissed him, all his friends cheered and I thought gosh, how young is everyone in here? He wasn’t even my type.’
Chrissie: ‘You need a man…not a kid. I like A MAN. I’ve dated too many, not grown yet…..boys…’
Liam: ‘Put it this way, he wasn’t worth jeopardizing my type for…Hahah. I love you guys, Chrissie…*Well, he’s not really successful and he definitely doesn’t look like he’s stepped off the cover of GQ magazine, but he seems lovely…* Hahahah!’
Chrissie: ‘This is why i’m always single…’
Liam: ‘Shit! You have that date next week, don’t you!?!’
And YES, I DO. But i’m not gonna call it a date, because I don’t know him? In fact, like HE first suggested…It’s a ‘Friendly’ meet up. Makes it sound lovely and less intense. You never really know, until you meet them, do you? A personality is KEY to me and it’s something that you can’t hide in person…even when you try to.
Can’t believe i’ve only just caught this clue…Lol.
I’m a personality girl now, in my old age. Lol. Yes, i’m still shallow. 😉 Yes, I LOVE ROMANCE. However, as long as I find them sexy, i’m good. I’m always gonna go on, how well someone treats me. How they make me feel. He’s been great, so far…He’s really humble and really ..decent to me…
(T Bone, IGNORED my last two messages. Cute. Lol. He keeps posting photos on his ‘story’ …of views. I’M A REALLY GOOD VIEW!!!! Open your eyes! Open your heart! Open…ANYTHING! HAHAHA. 🙂 )
Tuesday will be fun! It’s like an adventure and i’ll be heading to Liverpool.
‘The Gent’ (as i’ve been calling him,) has been quite attentive. He sent me a couple voice notes yesterday simply saying that he was looking forward to seeing me. Then he and caught me up, with what he did during the day with his son. (Awww.)
All good! Roll on Tuesday.
I’m in Doncaster all day tomorrow with Ruby & Junior…at The Frenchgate Centre. Hopefully, i’ll be seeing you there!
Ps/ Ruby saw a ‘sexy’ photo of me online this morning, by accident. It was just the one I posted this morning on my Instagram…She I only had stockings and a white faux fur on…and she said…
Thank you for following my diary. Be you. Live it! Do you! Be happy!
Aw, I ‘tiny’ cried last night…as I watched my little boy, Junior fall asleep. The last words he uttered that night…were..
‘I love you so so much Mum.’
So, Junior finds the academic side of school, really difficult. He’s great at everything else. Just not with his literacy. Ruby FLIES. She’s like a whizz kid and excels at everything, above & beyond. Junior struggles to read and write fluently & now he’s older, he’s watching everyone around him grow & conquer their troubles. It’s really frustrating him. But he’s a being who keeps his real problems (even at five years old) to himself…
He laid in my bed last night, looking glum. I asked him what the matter was…
‘How’s school? Do you like your new teacher?’
Then for the first time, he really opened up and said…The room was dark and it was quiet…
‘All the words that my teacher is telling me at school, are really tricky. I’m finding it tricky Mum. I’m not good at them…and I think they only do tricky, at school. It’s really hard.’
‘Don’t worry baby.. The school already know you find it hard. I promise you, you’ll get it. One day, it’ll just happen & you’ll be able to read everything! You won’t even believe it! Everyone’s good at different things, and I know lots of things that you’re amazing at, so don’t worry…I used to be scared when I was younger and I never dare read out loud, incase I got things wrong….Now look! So no matter what…We’ll work through it all…’
‘I love you so so much Mum.’
Then he fell asleep…in my bed…as a tear trickled down my left cheek.
It’s weird isn’t it, when the people you care so much about, are privately struggling? The kids tell me everything. We’re such an open family. Yet Junior DOES find it hard to show his version of weakness…which I find weird? He’s only five years old? So, when he privately opened up to me, last night, it filled my soul, with joy and relief.
I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
A lot of people think they know, so so much about our little family…But what they don’t know is literally how close we truly, truly, are…and how we really couldn’t exist without each other. Our love for one other, runs so deep…it’s crazy! It’s fun, but it’s intense. Lol.
My kids are SO emotionally grown because even though they’re only seven & five, they’ve been through a great deal. (I have also, therefore, I know exactly how to help them adjust. I know how to make them feel great.) So, in a way, and like all Mums, i’ve become their rock. They’re best friend. They’re light. They’re fun! The only person that no matter what, understands them.
I just got overwhelmed with emotion over Junior, last night…But he woke up a brand new boy…and that’s what my role as ‘Mama’ and bestie is.
Ruby: ‘Mum, I heard you tell Grandma about Junior being upset last night. I was doing that pretend sleeping thing, this morning…’
Me: ‘Just don’t mention it..’
She didn’t mention it, instead I watched her sneak off and totter into his room, half changed for school, where she then proceeded to make him laugh. He laughed so loud, he rolled on the floor in a fit of giggles..
Junior: ‘She always makes me smile.’
I think, I wrote about that, because I always want people to remember that i’m still human and that even though I’m ‘glamour pussing’ about. Y’know, ‘dollying‘ here, winking there and ‘living my best life’ as I selfie…I’m still just me and i’m still just a single mum, hoping to make all my dreams come true. Hoping that the babies live the most wonderful lives & hoping to one day fall in love…and be utterly treasured.
So, yeah, I’m working a lot, i’m shooting, i might be filming shortly. I’m running a business. I’m blogging. I’m sorting out my love life. My work life. I’m enjoying it all. I’m lucky as hell.
A couple of idiots decided to troll me last night on Twitter, simply because I influenced a bottle of water…Just Water UK. Owned by Jaden, Will Smith’s son.
‘Trolls’ are annoying because they’re never passionate about what they’re saying. (I like passion. A bit of Bazinga!) They’re simply ‘saying’ for a reaction. They try to find *niggles* in your manner, in hope to wind you up…in order to get a bit of attention.
Give you an example, I grew up being a Model, so people would assume that I care about the way I look. (And that would be true.) Therefore, they’ll go ahead and call me ‘ugly,‘ for kicks, in hope that I ‘bite.’ .
I don’t need to BITE, Honey!
I’m grown & laughing at ya.
The guy last night, was going on about the amount of makeup I wear…for no reason, just because he hates ‘Just Water.‘ He said he’d rather ‘drink his own piss’ than sip on my water of choice. Lol. (Beautiful.) Don’t take it out on me, because you hate water. And you can’t go on about how much makeup i’m wearing, when YOU look like you might need to borrow some! 😉
However, it was just a ‘your ugly’ traditional (lol) jab.
Unfortunately for you, I made AN ENTIRE LIVING out of my attractiveness …So I’m pretty secure, when it comes to that department…In fact. I’m sorted, Boo. 😉
Byyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee! Just Water for EVEREERRRYONE!
Why don’t you play ‘Just Water Uk‘ phone tag, with my kids also! They’d appreciate the engagements. @rubyandjunior (Head over to their Insta.)
‘Trollings’ just a bad way to get attention. Especially if you don’t mean what you’re saying. There’s like 3 million others ways to get attention…like have a talent, maybe? Wear a bikini? Be a success? Save the world? Cure the sick? Marry a Royal? Go on an Island to find love? Be beautiful? Be bold? Be sporty? Write interesting stuff?
The list is endless..
A ONCE good friend of mine, who wanted to do well, be on tv and be some superstar blogger…once ‘trolled’ me hideously. She properly went for it…after we did drinks one time, because she got too hungry for a bit of ‘look at me.’ Well, she actually got her friend to go ahead and ‘Troll’ me, yet thought i would be stupid enough to not fathom the plot. (I’m not stupid. I’ve lived this life for decades.)
I actually said nothing and sat back…after the ‘trolling..’(You kinda have to, even though you should be able to stand up for yourself.)
Luckily, I didn’t NEED TO. I didn’t need to say anything because from the moment she posted..I reposted……and it BACKFIRED ON HER...
Hundreds of comments littered in, like wild, cyber fire, ALL in support of Wunna Land ..and it made me feel great because I didn’t realise I had so much support? Everyone had my back. All my friends had my back, without me having to NEARLY ask, for support.
It was overwhelming…
I never spoke to that girl again, even though she denied it…If i saw her today, i would blank her…and i’m not like that. There’s only 3 people in the entire world who I would blank. One will remain nameless, the other is Ben (who I used to date years ago) and the trolling girl…because to me, they’re just not good people. I can’t be arsed with that.
I’m all glitter…
In a way, that little ‘moment’ where she tried to embarass me for attention…did nothing but show ME how much support I had and therefore made HER feel even more insecure about herself.
That’s why trolling isn’t great!
I’m not weak, i’m strong. (Especially when it matters!) I’m good friends with life. We’ve been through a lot. You come at me…Life saves me every time…
I was upset that she would’ve actually, sat down and thought about it all. THEN, in her heart, go with trying and use me, in a thoughtless & deceitful manner, in an attempt to gain ‘look at me.’
Tut! Tut! Me no likey!
That was a rant…
I’m off now, i’ve gone on too much, haven’t I! Haha.
I’m headed to my insta to answer your questions. I’ve kinda smashed today. I’m waaay ahead of schedule and I likey!