Life, Drinks & Mexican Blow Jobs

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna

Happy Bank Holiday! Suns Out! Funs Out! Let’s get playing! (Can you tell i’m doing shit at this ‘staying in and not drinking when it’s sunny’ thing? But who cares? I had a chilled one yesterday and let’s face it, I’m hear to live with my full face on, not twiddle thumbs in a knitted cardy.) Its important that we stick to our strengths.

If you’re in LA! (And a lot of my closest friends are! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.) Hope you had an AMAZING ‘CINCO DE MAYO!’ Any excuse to enjoy a tipple, even if we do it in sombreros and celebrate the fact that I invented the ‘Mexican Blowjob.’ (You need to ‘back track’ blog for that information. But it’s totally flipping worth it.)

It’s basically, the art of giving someone a blow job…yet at the same time HUMMING the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance.‘ And before you all get narky. I’m allowed to say this, because *many moons ago,* I had a Mexican Husband, and that’s when I decided to invent this treat…So THERE. I’m not a floozy. Just a great ‘at the time’ wife? Yay! Divorce!!!  Lol. (Good Save.)

If you’re weird and you don’t know the theme tune to the ‘Mexican Hat Dance‘ IS… Hit *Play* bitches now…  🙂 And yes…I did!

Okay, so i’ve been whining on about my love life for a bit now, and I do want you to know that it IS actually deliberate..and you’ll find out why shortly. However, our  Love lives, be you a girl or boy.. is such an important thing to us, isn’t it? Even if we play it down. I always find it strange when guys or even girls don’t have the time or ability to love. Maybe because i’m the opposite way. But I just couldn’t live a life with someone who was numb to emotion or FUN.

DON’T BE DULL. LIVE. BE FUN. HAVE A LAUGH. I MEAN I DON’T WHY PEOPLE TAKE THEMSELVES OR LIFE SO SERIOUSLY AT TIMES? RELAX. ENJOY IT. I’m someone who just KNOWS how to LIVE…and i’ll go to my grave happy because of it.

*Throws you a life line. Boomerangs you a chance*

Yesterday was super sunny, but I had a chill day kinda day, dedicated to family. I was in INSTA JAIL for the majority of the day and it was fine at first, until i got frustrated, sweaty and ran out of gin…then it wound me up. I’m going off gin. It doesn’t give me the gusto,t he spunk, the ‘Ooh laa’ that I need. Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy’ who I adore, (i’m starting to adore her madly,) sat with opposite me with a..

‘*Like* something and let me screenshot it.’

‘WHEN AM I OUT OF INSTA JAIL. Like i have shit to promote through the week!!’

‘ Miss. Murphy’ does PR for a living, in Leeds but our kids go to school together and what I adore about ‘The Murph’ is that I see her in snippets and when I do, I literally tell her everything, without her permission…sort of like she’s confession box. Whatever that is? 😉 My heart lights up when I see her, because I’ll either get to repent, or she’ll join in with the verbal Tom Foolery, without judgement.

Today, I want drinks and i’m certainly gonna get them. it’s me time. I’m choosing ‘The Carleton’ as my haunt…and well I’ll know everyone there, so I’ll only need to rock up with a smile and bump into EVERYONE. I’m sorted!

Life is great. It’s almost like i’m trying to pretend that.. NOT MUCH is going on, when A LOT of really serious stuff is occurring. I don’t know why i’m doing that?  Maybe i’m worried and I don’t like you to know that? Or maybe I just can’t believe my luck..and i’m absorbing it quietly? Or Maybe I just want you to think life can be easy? I dunno? Yet, it seems to be working. Haha.  So ‘whatevers.’ You’ll hear about it soon, so don’t worry. I’m really excited and like I always say, I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

THINGS ARE CHANGING. NEW PEOPLE ARE SHIMMINING IN..New opportunities are occurring…

(Hahaha. I can’t at all concentrate because ‘The Mexican Hat Dance’ song keeps playing on my laptop and I can’t turn it off. How do I make it stop? It’s putting me off!! Lol Plus, that Husband once through me across a restaurant by accident in LA..so he didn’t even deserve my treat. Don’t get all stressed. He picked me up when drunk and attempted a baby fling…but I FLEW ACROSS TABLES, because I’m light like that? 😉 I was in a tshirt that read ‘I break hearts on a daily basis’ I was 20 something, crying lol and then some other dude called ‘Mickey,’ who has now passed away, tried to comfort me in a strip club. Hahaha.) 

I’m really missing my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell’ right now. You need a good chick team, don’t you and she’s certainly one of THE BEST girls I know. In a world where you live your life publicly online, there’s actually always secrets and well… she certainly knows all mine. She’s the only person I tell EVERYTHING TO, honestly, without censor.

Me: ‘I don’t even know why he didn’t  evenlove me?’

Firmonnell: ‘It’s been done for a long time. It was good FOR the TIME…THAT time…but just move forward. He’s so dull.’

I kinda felt free…

The reason why I love a bit of ‘Firmonnell’ (who needs a better blog name) is because when I don’t tell her the truth, she sees right through me…Yet, she doesn’t make me feel bad for it. Lol.  I messaged her the other day, because I was feeling ‘needy af.’ I just needed advice…this is what she said…

Firmonnell: ‘Find someone who takes your breath away, who can look after you, who makes you laugh, who makes you shine and doesn’t hold you back.’

And from different sides of the city….that’s all I needed to hear. Two chicks, from two different walks of life, threw each other a life line, because they saw the world through the same eyes…

I’d love someone to take my breath away, yet I want them to be bantery and fun, at the same time. I love a ‘handsome’ cheeky chappy. One that can make fun of you, but love you madly. Lol. But to be honestly, i’m pretty happy, because I don’t have to really look…they’ll step forward. It’s what men do.

Anyway, i’m off for breakfast with my daughter, before I drop her off at her daddies…and tinkle down to a beer garden for Bank Holiday. I’m like it’s 9.17am? Is the pub open yet? Hahah.

But enjoy it. Do, DO LIVE!!

It’s Summer right! If you follow this blog religiously, you’ll know that I usually regard Summer time, as a season where people just ‘fling.’ They never seem to fall in love…they ‘crush’ and ‘fling’…as Winter is when the ‘coupling up’ happens., people are more lonely during that time and Christmas kinda fills hearts with merriment and all that jazz. Lol

This Summer is different, because this Summer i’ve grown into a woman. So as you’re drinking out of coconuts (because honestly how many more people can I see on my newsfeed, drinking out of coconuts this year. Last year it was the ‘flamingo/unicorn inflatable..’ Lol) I’m gonna find me some REAL FUN, that fun that LASTS a lifetime…

Chrissie x

Thank you for following my life…

Image may contain: Chrissie Wunna

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sassy, Bank Holiday Sexiness…

I’M HAPPY!

I’m sprinkled in a confetti fun, dazzled with a giddy charm. I’m feeling flirty, fun rebellious. I’m enjoying my life to the max. I’m laughing with my chick friends, tinkering in the art of business and winking at strangers who deserve a bit of love from Wunna Land. Right now this weekend…even though i’m feeling a bit chubby, I’m totally on top of my game and DOLLS it feels FUCKING GREAT!

I’m enjoying every waking inch of my Bank Holiday weekend. You only live once. I’m loving it.I’m living it and doing everything that I want, when I want. I think there might even be sunshine! I’ve loved, danced and done candy flossed ‘toy store’ openings with my GORGEOUS little Wunna babies. They rinsed me. I didn’t care. If you work hard and can’t spend your money on the people and things that you love, then you’re doomed. I’ve lunched with family. I’ve drank salted rimmed margaritas at Ego in Ackworth. I’ve Pornstar Martini’ed it at city centre pitstops ( I LOVE A POP UP BAR) and over the finest wine, the most delightful lunches and VIP tables that I couldn’t turn up to, I’ve had fun. I’m happy and the great thing is that this weekend, I’m not suffering fools. I’m taking not shit. No nonsense and embracing every part of me that feels powerful.

IT FEELS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD!

I’ve had lots of my chick friends ask me a great deal about love and how it all works, how men work, how life works with them etc…and FIRSTLY…I’M DEFINITELY NOT YOUR BEST BET. I don’t win stars in that category. I’ve had my heart break and heal so many times that nowadays, each time new love comes striding into Wunna land, I smile, go with it and just keep my fingers crossed with hope good intentions and laughter. That’s all you can do. I know girls like to ‘fuss.’ But i like to keep things simple. If a dude likes you, he’ll like you..and he’ll come get you and if he doesn’t…he won’t. You don’t have o put your life on hold, or worry for nothing. If he adores you…he won’t lose you. Yet, I will say that I have noticed from some of my closest chickdaees that once a guy does ‘get you’ and feels all ‘slipper comfy’…which don’t get me wrong is lovely…sometimes…they forget that to make sure their girl is feeling adored, appreciated and loved. We’re weird ones, us girls. It’s something we always need to feel. Even when we feel it ourselves. When we love, we love whole heartedly, don’t we? We come shooting out that canon head first, in a swirl of love madness. It’s nutty. But hilarious.

Men aren’t the same. They’re growers. *Wink wink* They grow to love…after an initial infatuation..which is pretty sensible, on the whole..Lol. My LA friend Dylan, once explained this to me whilst chucking pasta to a wall, in strips, to see if it was cooked,as a really rummed up Magician decided to get really drunk because no one loved him? Anyway he told me, that men where like trains… and that they needed to *chug* along merrily, with no pressure before they eventually decide to THEN go through the tunnel… slooooowwwwwwlllllllyy…. and once they do and the come out the other end…. they’re apparently hooked, ready and at that point will love you more than anything? He must’ve been pissed? What the fuck was she on about? Dickhead? And that pasta wasn’t cooked. Lol.

Yet, anyway, we as chicks have become so independent, that we’ve cut the guys so much slack when it comes to making them BE MEN. We’re all self sufficient and bouji and can do love, business and life all by ourselves now, can’t we? All that’s great, as I wave the flag for a hard working kitten. I am one. BUT I like to keep love ‘old school’ in a modern day world. It’s hard isn’t it? I’m unconventional, fun and wild, yet i’m a sucker for a guy that knows how to love, goes for what he wants and as he beams, makes her beam like there’s nothing in the world more precious. Like a whirlwind of sensual, magical, yet innocent stars swirl around you both…it’s filled with  trust, loyalty, fun, sex and romance. It pisses all over Tinder. I hate all that shit.

But enough about love! It’s Bank Holiday Sunday! YEAH DOLLS! 2 for 1 cocktails for everyone!

Y’know why i’m feeling so great? It’s because i’ve pulled my kitty socks up and got shit done. I’ve had fun, met up with friends, lunched, drank and had the most divine time with my babies…BUT THIS WEEKEND, after a long week of work (and I did feel sorry for myself all last week) I’VE MANAGED TO GET BE SO PRODUCTIVE AND ACTUALLY GET SHIT DONE.

I’ve smashed it and loved it. No feeling is better to me than that feeling of actually committing to being productive and seeing the results from it. I know!!!

I’ve made sure that i’m all over your news feeds, i’ve replied to all of my messages, I’ve drawn you to fan pages, instagram pages, Tweeted my way into your lives and Snapchatted bits of life, to beckon you into Wunna land like I have Haribo in my pocket or something. 🙂 It’s worked and right now, you’re being a great audience. It almost turns me on. Lol. I mean, I only put in a BIT OF WORK to see what would happened. So if I got my glitter elbow grease out….I’d nail it. I’m feeling really confident. It’s crazy. I’m on FIRE! It’s sexy. I’m feeling sexy. 😉 I mean, I might have even felt so sexy that I Googled Porny Gifs to utilize my feeling of ‘sexy’ into ‘expression. LOL. Just me. No one else. Keeps you out of trouble. What? It’s good for you! 🙂 I’m like a dog on heat right now. I don’t know what’s up with me? I need 24 cold showers…and a seat belt. I’m feeling ‘more than usually’ kinksville. I need to slow my libido roll down.

I love these moments where I put down my daiquiri and make hay whilst the sun’s still shining. I’m ambitious so when I see results..I love it. I’m brimming over with this cheeky prosecco bubbliness. I feel amazing and I hope you do to!

My mind works weirdly, so as Jack Parson’s had told me I’m getting ideas, jotting my them down, whacking them on my walls on Post It’s and slowly putting together a plan. I’m NOT business minded. I’m a creative. I’m really creative. I’m an entertainer. So its almost like I have to approach business creatively or with more thought…OR just work with/hire the right people.

I hope you’re going to enjoy today?I have a few errands to run, before cocktails in Leeds. My friends are either out or doing date night, home life lunches or babies….I mean ‘The Mighty’ (who has managed to produce a second child) text me last night determined to FIND FUN in Leeds, when we were all at home. Lol. I knew that Mel was out, as I met her, Alex & Esme at Ego whilst they lunched and I handed them Garden Centre soap. Lol.

‘Are you trying to say I smell?’

‘Does Esme want a Mocktail. Ruby’s getting one?’

Anyway Mel went off and did hotel night with ‘Her Gary.’ I want a hotel date night. They’re always so much fun. There’s something so sexy sounding about them, right?

But yeah, I’m tired of typing now….

Enjoy the sun…as i’m definitely sure that I want to be laid on some inflatable cactus lilo right now, with a fruit umbrella drink in my hand, about some sunny pool, in a hot pink or leopard string bikini.

I have a shoot tomorrow…I boudior shoot so to speak with Claire Pritchard. She’s an AMAZING photog. I can’t WAIT to be a ‘fallen angel.’ What could be sexier? AND as you may tell…I’m feeling somewhat sexy right now. I’m embracing it as it’s my thing. It’s how I feel and where I feel most comfortable. I love sensuality. I love sexiness…in all forms. More than anything I love being a girl…We should embrace our womanhood more. It’s so powerful, it’s scary. I’m looking forward to filming my Vlog.

Ps/ I’ve spend the morning being obsessed with David Beckhams Instagram page. It’s amazing. You can’t help but love The Beckhams can you? I adore them. They’ve smashed it.

Ppps/ I love that someone actually Googled ‘Sumo Porn’ yesterday and found themselves here on this blog. You dirty bastard. Hilarious.