Back on Northern Soil Dolls….

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(Picture Copyright: Aaron Parfitt/Flynet)

So, I was on my flight back. I flew Ryanair on the way home. I’d passed some Spanish football team en route at Alicante airport, one of them accidentally knocked into me, (which didn’t really bother me…I mean…it’s life, worse things can happen. ) Anyway, he decided to apologize repeatedly and sincerely…which was really well mannered.  Then chat to me….in Spanish? But by this point… I was knackered…and I’d be watching a family of 4, with a really bossy/strict mum control her entire family for a good 20 minutes, as I had a wine and waited for my flight.

I was done.

But I do want to say that the STAFF at Alicante Airport were DIVINE TO ME! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! SO SO MUCH! You couldn’t have been more lovelier!

Flight’s home are wonderful, because no one enjoys waiting around, twiddling thumbs…when they’ve run out of Euros, at airports. Nothing could be more boring. And i’m creative! 🙂 Fights…Fights? I mean Flights….Lol. Flights home are MUCH MORE tedious than flights TO places…as you’re literally just shattered, instead of being filled with excitement. You go on ‘GET ME HOME’ mode…

There was a point, where I just looked up at the blond, scrunchied (they always wear scrunchies,) trolley girl, with sorrow in my eyes, the biggest hair ever and…tits…..:) with two handfuls of change and a pink tshirt that read..

‘YOU DO YOU, BOO’

(LOL)

I was too knackered to converse in any jolly fashion, but i tried to smile, which may have looked like a *wince* and I tried to put on my posh girly voice, that may have sounded like CRUELLA DE VILLE. (Don’t care if i’ve spelt that wrong.) My left had was filled with Euro’s…ALL IN COINS and my right hand was filled with British coins….

‘Hi. I just don’t want to break into any of my notes… I need to use up all this change, especially Euros…Can you pick me out stuff, ANY STUFF….that includes wine and crisps….so I can spend it all?’

Trolley Dolly: ‘Yeah, absolutely. If you want I can mix up the the change for you, so you can pay for it all with both currencies, as one whole payment.’

ISN’T SHE JUST BLISS! 

‘YES, I love you. Please, do that! Thank you so much. Lol.’

She winked at me…I almost became part of the Mile High Club. Lol

And with a wiggle and a giggle….the poor girl stood there merrily and did a whole bunch of MATHS (my worst absolute subject…Actually what am I on about..‘love life‘ is my worst subject. Makes my maths look Einsteiny.) She stood, on the plane, in her scrunchie, with her name badge, as we flew through the clouds, calculating and adding for me….because I couldn’t be arsed to. That’s service! Lol. She counted change out of my hand and began passing me bits off the trolley.

LOTS OF BITS. More bits that i needed. But I couldn’t be more grateful.

After wine, we were home in a jiffy.Landed. Sorted. The gent next to me, told me to..

‘Watch that old mans head…’

As I almost flung my carry bag about like I was Beyonce, because I couldn’t reach it out of those top units. I love the Leeds flight home…It get’s really REAL and really Yorkshire.

Then as I stepped back into Leeds Bradford airport, did all the queues…shimmied through border control….shattered…but listening to two boys infront of me, rambling on about the chicks they’re apparently about to ‘sex up’ with their really little willies.

One of the Random Boys: ‘You…Where you off? You taking me, cos…?’

Me: ‘As if you’ve been on holiday and not managed to get a tan?’

I love butting in on people’s sentences when they’re trying to be ‘swaggy,’ changing the subject and leading it. 😉 You wanna play ‘swag,’ let’s play?

Boy: ‘I was out partying all night. I partied hard, y’know, I slept through the day, all day… I got businesses and shit… So, where you taking me?’

(He said it to me, like I had never ever seen a nightlife in my entire life. 😉 )

Me: ‘I worked the whole time I was there. I shot. I’m a model. I’ve only been in Spain for 2 days.’

Boy: ‘My ex girlfriend’s a model…and..’

Me: ‘What’s her name?’

Boy: ‘You won’t know her… She done lots…She’s been to London and everything.. What stuff have you done?’

And at that point, I couldn’t be arsed anymore. I just got bored. Plus, there’s a time and a place for the answer to that question…and that’s when i’m at work, a casting, an audition, an interview..or if i’m getting to knoew someone personally, who I hope to be with forever. They’re the only times I EVER have to reel out a verbal CV. Not at BORDER CONTROL, in a ‘You do you, Boo’ tshirt. I’D JUST GOT OFF A PLANE FROM WORK. I WAS SHATTERED. I didn’t want to chat ‘my life story.’ 

Luckily, his friend deliberately distracted him…and I clicked both their phones onto CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM 🙂

ALL THE PROMO. Lol. No shame in my game.

When I’m tired, I’m really quiet and I’d rather just have people go to the blog and read up about me, because i’m just really shit, during those times.

Hahahah! Shit! And A SHIT!

When I’m not tired. I’m the exact opposite and you cannot shut me UP! I BUBBLE OVER WITH A CHAMPAGNE GIDDINESS.

Finally got through all the checks and was strutting my way out of Leeds/Bradford (again, the staff there couldn’t have been greater to me. Thank You. Service has been excellent everywhere I’ve been recently?)

I looked down at my phone…

(Whatsapp Msg)

Pitstop Rentals: ‘I’ll be in the carpark in five minutes.’

Then during my plane journey, I’d been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ a lot. Maybe because I was tired and when you are you think of ‘wanting comfort.’ You miss people…

(Whatsapp Msg:)

Me: ‘Hope game day went well babe! I’ve just got off the plane in Leeds. x’

The Swirl: ‘How was ur trip? xx’

Me: ‘Good. Just shattered. I just worked. How was footy?x’

Swirl: ‘We got beat…I got sent off. U doing much tonite? x’

Me: ‘Comfies, relaxing and wine. You? Bet you’re shattered?’

Swirl: ‘Yeah, I am. Nice chilled nite for me tonite too.’

Then I strutted up with my luggage on wheels to the ‘pick up’ stop…A few people were about, chatting to me, waiting around for their mums etc… and a Pregnant girl asked me if I had a lighter!!!!!! (We’re definitely back in Leeds.)

I looked to my right and my driver PITSTOP RENTALS (which is THE BEST chauffeuring service, int he world ever,) was edging up to the curb, in the Range Rover…for pick up.

THANK GOD!!! The car rocked up with a vibe. A hero vibe that saved my soul.

Within seconds, my driver had jumped out of the car, grabbed my bags off me, ignored the folk who were glaring, got me in the car and with the biggest smile and the most STYLISH ATTIRE….SWOOPED me out of Leeds/Bradford airport! It took seconds.

Pitstop Driver: ‘How was it? How did your shoots go?’

Me: ‘It was literally amazing. I don’t think i’ve ever worked as hard though. I can’t even believe I was just there for 2 days for work. I’m SHATTERED.’

Pitstop: ‘You’re  soooo lucky.’

(He always reminds me that I’m lucky when he drives me. And it’s always the people who pass you safely from one destination to another, that have the quiet moments with you…away from ‘the show’ of it all and they remind you that you’re doing great, doing okay and that you’re super dooper lucky.) 

Me: ‘ I look terrible. I look like i’ve been pulled through a bush backwards and run over. I’m so tired’

Pitstop: ‘Well I know you’re hungry…You’ve worked hard. If anything you need to feel cared for and pampered right now. You need to be looked after! Hahah. Why don’t we stop off at the big fish & chip restaurant near the airport…and get something to eat and chill or bit.

Me: ‘PERFECT IDEA! LETS GO. I NEED FOOD, WINE AND A CHILL..’

Within minutes, we had swung through the restaurant door. I’m stood there directly off my Spanish flight, with my driver…and for the next hour we just sat (he moved us to a booth, cos our other table was wibbly lol) and we enjoyed a mixture of starters,  hearty fish and chip dinners, puddings, wines, coffees and banter.’

We chatted about his life and his work.He kept getting calls from ‘the office’ stating that the Lamborghini had a nail stuck in the wheel. Lol. First World Problems!

I chatted about all that I had done in Spain. He gave me pointers. Stuff, I already knew…but needed to hear. I talked about Simone. For some reason we started talking about ‘One Direction?’ (..because his best friend is Zayn Maliks uncle or something?) 

Then after I did a bunch of wine…which sucks if you’re a driver. (He’s also a good friend now.) He drove a very knackered Glamour Puss, back to her digs….on time and with the finest manner.

I STRUTTED UP TO THE DOOR SLOOOOOWLY, CREPT UP THE STAIRS…

AND SURPRISED RUBY AND JUNIOR, (WHO HAD MY FAMILY LOOKING AFTER THEM…)

And with the most excited *SCREECHES,* LAUGHTER, *RUNNING LEAP,* MUMMY CUDDLES and a moment of the most excited madness….Life just made sense again!

Those moments make everything worth it! If you’re a parent…then you get it. You get what i’m saying. I’m working my entire arse off right now and i’m all over the country, all of the time. Yet the most amazing and most fulfilling burst of true love and satisfaction comes, when you walk into the room and their world LIGHTS UP!

Makes my heart BEAM! The moments that matter…I really felt appreciated and sometimes that’s all a girl needs.

Ruby: Mum! Grandma said, a Babarrazi, is it Baba or Papa…was taking pictures of you looking sexy!?!’

My Spanish Getaway, Paps & Geordies….

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Two and a Half hours later, I shimmie onto Spanish soil, feeling sort of relieved, filled with excitement…and maybe a plane wine? I did random selfies at the request of a hen do and a happy ‘flying solo’ dude, who had no clue why they were requesting selfies, but didn’t want to miss out on the action…or boobs?

I met up with a new friend of mine.. Simone. Last  year she spent part of her Summer trapped in the flipping ‘Big Brother’ house and well she caused a bit of a stinker. (And she farted on the plane journey to Spain, yet pretended to be asleep so no one thought it was her. She couldn’t even TELL me the story without pissing herself.)

To me, she’s ace. She’s one hell of a fun loving, GEORDIE. She’s wild without punctuation and we’ve walked really DIFFERENT life paths…

‘I literally grew up on the roughest estate, Chrissie! My life has been hard! Me Mam’s….***&*(*&$. Me Dad’s *&)(*££”$*** But y’know what, I’m grateful that I’m here…and doing well. But I can’t spell for shit.’

‘I love that. You crack me up. You’re gorgeous. I have Doctor parents, tinkered through private school, grew up in Hollywood, then lived with Paris Hilton, after a modeling career. It’s hilarious.’

Her soul is quite kitten soft. She’s like a child, she’s gentle. She has a heart of gold and I love her for it. BUT SHE’S MAD! MY exterior SEEMS child like, but I’m all grown up on the inside. I’m like the responsible one. Yet, no matter what, life brought us together and weirdly…set us in the exact same place…We ended up in the exact same position…at the exact same time…

WE GET ALONG REALLY REALLY WELL! Teamed up! We are the BEST BALANCE of FUN! It’s like a Northern tornado…But not lame….I’ll just ‘Chanel’ your ass with ‘slay’ wit, if you annoy me and she’ll just be really patient..before she slaps you. Lol.

We got straight to the apartment, which had the most beautiful surrounding views.  We were so lucky. Our pad was AMAZING and we were dripped in sunshine. We could see over sandy beaches…from our glossy Spanish heights. It was A DREAM. I couldn’t believe that I’d woken up at 4am in Leeds and hours later blinked myself to Spain.

We kinda couldn’t check in for around 20 minutes though. So in that time, as I looked over views….that let me spy oldies on a NUDIST BEACH. It’s always the oldies that love a skinny dip, innit! 😉

Yipppppppppppeeee!

Simone, stripped off STARK NAKED, in the middle of glass walls, got changed, whopped on some tunes, selfied, happy danced, then decided to dance on coffee tables. Lol. She was the Happiest Geordie IN ALL OF THE LAND. Then I moaned because my wifi wasn’t working….I hate no wifi…and i’m a DIVA. 🙂

Me: ‘How the fuck can you post everything and my Snapchat won’t even work!’

Simone: ‘Take a selfie of me in this fucking MINT light!’

(Say the above in your best Geordie accent.)

An hour later and we were both in bikini, poolside, greeting Scottish people and dying for a wine.

Me: ‘I need a drink me…’

Simone: ‘Well i’ve put 20 euro in my bag.’

After messing around by the pool. (We had so much fun. We’re cheeky!) Twin shower blitzing, pool splashing with winks, sun bathing with our sexy bits out, selfie taking, banter, binter…All things ‘GIRLS…’ All things LIFE….Anyway, we then figured we’d head down to the beach.

We didn’t think to put any clothes on though? (We’re both naturally exhibitionists.) Like I don’t care one bit, if i have a boob out, or a nip slip. I’m immune to it. She’s pretty much the same. She could only have a fig leaf on her crotch and not notice. I love that about her, because it’s awkward for me if others are all ‘ooh, not my body’ this….or ‘oooh, not my body’ that…because i’m so, naturally, ‘Yay,  everything nudie.’

We walk down to the beach…in our bikinis. I’m in the cheetah, two piece by Pretty Little Thing. We’re Insta Storying, so people are staring at us, as we pass. We’re not good at doing anything quietly, or away from oncoming traffic. Yet, we’re not deliberately ‘LOOK AT ME’ loud, we’re far too busy being caught up, in our own giant bubble.

A war could’ve started and we wouldn’t have even noticed…We’d still be selfie taking. Is this why I’m not married? Lol.

When we finally find our sandy little spot. We start talking life, we played in the sea….We basically just chilled and had the most fun EVER. And even though the beach was packed. It felt like there was no one, but us there! We notice anything else. It was blissful. Every single second, we couldn’t stop repeating how lucky we were! It felt like the ‘getaway’ of all ‘getaways.’

We enjoyed the sun. We settled…and then as we laid down towels to sunbathe….out popped Aaron...(Aaron is Britian’s Youngest Pap.) He has shot some of the UK’s biggest celebs via *papping,* for the national press.) We both know him really well, as he’s photographed us BOTH, at some point.. separately. In fact, he *papped* my last night out with Lisa (as in ‘Appleton,’) in Blackpool and to be honest, he’s actually become a really good friend now.

I have every respect for an 18 year old boy, working his arse off for a buck, a living and to make something for himself, in the future. I find it honourable. He’s doing better than some actual grown ups! Lol.

Anyway, from that point of ‘towel sunbathing,’ which was around 3pm…..on our very first day in Spain…to around 4pm… 2 days later….

…Our ENTIRE SPANISH HOLIDAY WAS *PAPPED.*

The whole thing, from beginning to end. From nine o clock in the morning, to six o clock at night..every day.

And to be honest, we’re natural show offs. We adore Aaron, so it didn’t really bother us one bit. In fact, I felt honoured. They don’t waste their time, if they don’t think they may have a shot that’s worth something? It kinda made me feel a bit special. And everyone loves feeling a bit special, don’t they. It’s the simple things.

But yeah, it was fun. It turned up the holiday heat. It made our time even more exciting. And I love excitement. I love adventure. I love a laugh. It made it that more playful. We were a really great team!

I will say that there WAS a point,  where we DID have to LEAVE the beach, because all these crowds had now bundled around us, a guy who did videos for the Spanish press had sauntered up to film us, on his phone and Whitby stag do’s had decided to sit on the wall and cheer at tits. And then an angry Spanish woman started screaming at Aaron and scowling at the fact that Simone had a bit of a boob out!

ARE YOU KIDDING! He properly stood his own though!

Me: ‘Shall we go get a drink?’ (Diffuses the drama.)

Simone: ‘Yeah, lets go…’

So, like the coolest douches in town, knowing that we had caused a commotion, we popped on our ‘sunnies’ and strutted like ‘we gave zero fucks ‘ Lol…to the nearest bar that sold cocktails.

We took Aaron with us for a drink and a chill…I mean, we couldn’t leave him there to get bollocked by the Crazy Spanish Lady. Plus, he needed a chill, he’d worked hard. However, he did state that he wouldn’t mind if inflatables or balls, were accidentally kicked in the Angry Spanish Ladies way…. 🙂 Or was it face? 😉

Simone ordered a Pina Colada…and I ordered a Long Island Ice Tea. Your first drink of the day, has to be as strong as… a bull’s knackers. I do Pina’s when i’m bored or need to sober up. She loves them because they’re girly.

THEN WE BOTH GOT BOLLOCKED AGAIN…LOL.

Everybody just decided to turn on us, because we were in bikinis??

Waitress: ‘Can you wear clothes please??’

Simone: ‘We’re IN CLOTHES..!!!!’

Me: ‘How is us in a bikini ANY DIFFERENT TO THEM IN SWIMMING SHORTS!!!!’

So we had to sit with towels wrapped around us…which in my mind looked more risque. It looked like we’d just had a kinky bath. Simone refused to ‘towel wrap..‘ so she got bollocked again Lol…But this time, by the owner…who had a flipping MOP in his hand. Lol.

( I only find that funny, because he ruined our Spanish dreams. You can’t bollock people holding a mop, because you can’t be taken seriously. We’re meant to be in Spain, bollock us in a like a hardcore Latino. I was once married to a Latin man, he came with a temper, not a whiff of floor cleaner.)

Anyway, I got away with my towel wrap, because I did that ‘swweeeeet little girl voice,‘ thang, that I do. It’s all posh, gentle, apologetic and filled with charm.

Simone did the Geordie…‘Hard as nails’ thing. Lol.

The rest of the holiday was great. I can’t really tell you to much about it, but I will as time goes along. We spent loads of time with Aaron, who was nothing but lovely to us….and after dinner that evening, we revisited out cocktail cravings together, by the beach and just told life tales.

It was bliss!

We walked about where life had taken us, dating, men…sex tapes, love, other people on tv shows…all sorts. We talked about how tough we had found relationships at times and how we sometime think that guys don’t like it when they’re partner tries to become or even so, ends up becoming a success, because it makes them feel insecure.

Is that true? I know it’s true with some guys. I know that for sure. I’ve experienced that. Yet, I reckon, no matter where you are in the worl, no matter what walk of life you tinker, your soulmate, your ideal match, with adore you madly, support you sincerely and stand by you through thick and thin, as he protects his wife, family with the heart of a lion.

Simone: ‘Let me sip it! That wine’s strong!’

Me: ‘I like strong. I’m not spending money on a glass of cream with an umbrella jabbed in it.’

Aaron: ‘You girls are hilarious!’

Aaron became a bit of what I called a ‘Colada Expert.‘ He had enjoyed so many, over the evenings, that he ‘connoisseur ed‘ the flavours. He could win ‘blind folded Colada competition’ trophies.

Aaron: ‘I much prefer the Mango. It’s better! Are they real life nuns?’

We actually had a really wonderful evening of banter with Aaron, the evening before I left, by the beach, with wine…..It showed how close friends we’d all become over time.

And i’ll definitely say that even though, that was probably THE MOST PICTURES, THAT I HAVE EVER HAD, TAKEN OF ME IN THE SPACE OF 2 AND A HALF DAYS.(and I grew up being a model, where my job was having my picture taken…) it was literally THE BEST TIME EVER! And i’m not joking, having your picture taken, pretty much 24/7, for 2 days straight… is not easy, as you think. It’s great. Always great! But without booze treats afterwards, you’d just be knackered. We were knackered. 

All three of us enjoyed really peaceful times, sat by the beach, as palm trees swayed over us and day turned to night. That’s what life is about. We deserved it because we’d worked SO SO HARD.

I couldn’t have felt luckier. The air swirling around me, even felt lucky.

Aaron: ‘Let me try and snapchat them nuns.’

It was THE BEST TIME!

Fair enough there were dodgy moments, where you could find Simone in comfies, with me sat next to her…. in this giant double bed, with no face on, a nighty and with multi coloured rollers in my hair.

‘Why do we look like an awkward married couple??? It’s really funny because we both have our own lingo. You’re all Geordie and i’m all Yorkshire…and I don’t know how we understand each other, but we do!’

And there were times, when she kept repeating Spanish… at Spanish people….having no clue what she was saying, whilst being Spanish…which probably wasn’t the best Geordie plan! Lol.

Me: ‘Stop doing that! Cos we’ll get into a fight and then we’re gonna have to turn around land pretend that we’re ten men, when we’re not.’

Simone: Shut up!’

Aaron: ‘Hahaha.’

Long Spanish story short, our sneaky getaway, actually turned into immense and thorough, full time, millions of sets….’picture taking.’ But we loved. We felt lucky. I had the best time!

By Saturday April 7th….

….As I got into my taxi, to make my way back to the airport….after a quick sunshine wine.

( Before I left, I spent some time on my own….I always need that. I love that. It reminds me that i’m still independent and that the world is my oyster. It reminds me of what life is about. The decisions we make and how okay it is, to just BE, just LIVE….and not give a shit about what other’s think about you, if they judge.)

Some of us have hard lives. Some of us have easy lives. But what we have in common IS LIFE….and out story is the most important story we’ll ever experience….

Enjoy it! Any way you wish!

But like I was saying, Simone tinkered, back to the airport, as her flight to Newcastle was earlier than mine….(It was actually really sad when she left, because she’s a girl that leaves a giddy atmosphere when she leaves you. She does that on purpose, because she’s a people pleaser…She loves to make you happy and excited.)

I’m playful, honest….but sassy….I leave a diamond mist of warmth and excitement… I like to call it a ‘swag.’ (‘The Swirl’ actually says that there’s a ‘swag’ about me.) 

Aaron stayed in Spain, to catch any other people, to maybe *pap* for the press. What a hustler. He works so hard for a 18 year old. I have great respect for him. He has the best job ever for a young boy! I’d do a few more coladas with him.

But like I said, as I stepped into MY taxi to travel back to the airport…As I did….I passed shoulders, with Survival of The FittestGeorgie’ and Ex on the Beach ‘Sophia,’ as they stepped out of theirs, to enjoy their own adventure.

Lucky Aaron, eh!

Within an hour, I  found myself at Alicante Airport….waiting with a vino, at a wine bar… for my plane to Leeds/Bradford airport. This time I was super early….I wasn’t having the Security shit go down on me again!

I remember everyone being super nice at the airport, or glaring at me, because I looked weird. I was knackered. I’ll tell you that! I was exhausted. I kinda just let my body surrender. Lol.

Straight away my driver (Pitstop rentals) whatsapped me to make sure I knew that he was going to be there for pick up…and to reconfirm my flight times…

I must’ve been moaney because i remember just feeling shattered and stating that I needed 100 wines, food and just to feel pampered…

Half an hour later….I was boarding my flight….

Alicante to Leeds/Bradford Airport… I was shattered but life felt wonderful!

 

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