Weekends, Tears & Life Choices

I’ve had the entire weekend off to just be ‘Me,’ do nothing and enjoy being Mum. I’ve worked so hard and over so many hours over the past month, that just taking a full weekend off where you’re just you and you’re not in a dash to get to your next train, or over thinking your next marketing plan, or running off to meet with the next human, who you’d like to work with, makes all the difference. I don’t need to do it all the time. I just need to do it now. 🙂 Keeps you sane doesn’t it. Plus, it gives me that *pinch* of reality, as sometimes when you’re working so hard, everything becomes a *dash* and you begin to feel like a commodity (which is something you’re actually trying to create for business) and less like an actual human….(which is something that you truly are.) In fact, this also goes hand in hand with love…Often my inbox (mainly my Facebook Inbox and Website email account) will get jammed up with hundreds of messages from guys either being lovely or being dirty, or just being…mainly trying to trick me into chatting to them 🙂 …and in those moments it does make me feel like a commodity and not an actual human being. I mean GOD, if you actually truly liked a girl and wanted her to be yours and you had one shot to make an impression via an inbox message, would to really begin your introduction with…a penis. Even if you simply wanted to *bone* her…the approach you use is vital. A dick pic will never ever work, unless it has been requested! Hahaha! I never request, so don’t get excited! Honestly, all we’ll do is show all our chick friends and laugh at it. (I don’t even have time to do laughing at it! Well I did once, last Summer with ‘Double B’ on a bench in Pontefract. Hahaha. I can’t remember who’s willy it was? Prince someone?) Plus, you’re also a tool if you try to do the charming whoosh of banter, or loveliness, yet with the intention of only wanting to *poke the pie* so to speak. I’m Chrissie Wunna, I don’t fall for that at all. I’ve been there, heard it all, learnt the hard way and charmed my way back all over again. Just be you. The more real you are, consistent you are and the more reliable you are…the more we will *heart* you. To me…thoughtfulness is sexy. (Oh and I guy with an impressively working brain will win over an ‘i’m in the shower’ shot. Don’t get me wrong, I love eye candy…Yet I can’t build an empire with ‘six pack.’ And if you don’t know how to ‘woo’ me, it’ll make me think you either  don’t want me bad enough or you’re brain hasn’t been able to creatively figure out an approach. Lol) Shit! I’m harsh! No wonder i’m single. But it’s true! Hahaha. Be in love or work…There’s a lot of things we palm off with an ‘I don’t have time for…’ Yet in real life if we really really wanted to do it…we’d make time for it. ALWAYS. When we do, in regards to work, we move further up the ladder. When we do, when it comes to romance, we know that the other party is interested, as they will have made time for you.

I’ve chilled all weekend with Ruby and Junior and it’s been wonderful. We’ve laughed, we’ve lunched, we’ve shopped and just seeing their faces beam as made me complete. Junior’s clung onto me with smiles, like i’m his entire world and Ruby has been HILARIOUS. Honestly, she’s the most sarcastic, fun loving five year old ever. I found her stood at the top of the booze isle at our local supermarket on Friday at 7pm, when the isle was FILLED with tired working mums, who were all grabbing wine. Whenever they walked past her, doing that ‘oh it’s kid, I better smile’ thing, Ruby sweetly smiled back and then shouted ‘YOU’RE A DRUNK’ at EACH MOTHER! Hahahahaha! I shouldn’t laugh. But honestly, it was the most hilarious thing ever. Even the Hot Dads that were stood about, were weeing themselves as she scorned each woman that went past with wine. SHE even found it funny. This is why I shouldn’t be left to raise babies by myself. I had to retrieve her and demand that she ‘Abort Mission’ by rushing up (it was a fake rush, just to look like i didn’t know it was happening, 🙂 and say this, whilst taking her hand…

‘Sorry about that. She’s mine. You can obviously probably tell. But know that I’m a functioning alcoholic, so don’t feel bad about the wine..’

Ruby smirked and started shouting,

‘CHRISSIE WUNNA, GET OFF ME.!’ EVIL!

Anyhow, although things have been quite family…I’ve still caught up on bits of work and emailed a bunch of people back. I’m in a busy time of promo and sorting out my cocktail tour. There’s a lot of exciting stuff going on with that…so I’ll be able to tell you all about it, as I go along. especially up to the Valentines run up!

I dropped the babies off with their Dad’s today, as every Sunday they have a ‘Daddy Lunch’ day. Like i’ve always said, even though there have been babies and breakups, Pete, Keiran and I are really close and get along really well and simply to make sure that ‘The Wunna babies’ are raised with love. We co..parent like Superstars and my parents (who are currently away) all chip in, whole heartedly to raise them like pros!

Dropped Ruby off. She was happy as can be. Pete, lovely as can be. He’d washed some of her clothes to give me and filled with love and giggles, he said ‘Bye’ to Junior and they both jogged off into the distant. This last week has been tough with childcare, as will the upcoming week, because we have my Mother missing. The system works, yet if you pull a being out of it…it all goes potty!

However, Keiran and I went through the opposite today. I called him to do the baby drop off, he didn’t realize that he had Junior today, because i had a very busy last week and the schedule had been turned upside down at very short notice. He’s been realy reliable and there for me. Yet Keiran needs order,  IN ORDER to function. I am so used to changes that I can function with a wink and a finger point and it can be in ANY direction. But he’s running a company and trying to fit in his ‘social’ bits and for the first time in a long time, because of me, he had to actually make SACRIFICES. Not something he’s used to…as My Mum and I will always have it in the bag.

But yes, a phone bicker occurred, because he got a little cocky for no reason, when all I needed was help. I’m someone that NEVER asks for help unless I really need it and also someone that has sacrificed all sorts for everyone…anyone. I get that trait from my Mother.

Yet, he made me feel as though I was WRONG for ‘doing me’ because he wanted to do HIM. He made me feel, without him knowing, almost GUILTY for trying to hustle, when he had things that HE WANTED to do and because of my busy LAST WEEK (know that it has only been ONE WEEK that has affected him) he almost threw a strop.  It upset me, so I simply said,

‘That’s fine, I’ll take Junior with me..’ *Hung up.*

He must’ve got that I was narked off, as the next call was Keiran and he demanded that I brought him over…yet kindly, like he was sorry. (Junior was now kicking off, because he now didn’t want to go and just wanted a chill day with me.)

I dropped Junior off and today being 3, he just didn’t want to go. He cried all the way there and just looked at me with tear dripped eyes asking me for a Mummy day. As a Mum and as a basic human, no matter how much of a ‘Boss/Diva/Hard Worker’ or whatever else you label yourself, in that moment every inch of my entire soul filled with tears…I didn’t cry, as Keiran lifted Junior out the car and Junior glared at me, crying, telling him to make sure I pick him up soon…I sort of had to ‘shut off’ emotionally and not let the moment get me.

I got into my car quickly, I shut the door and I drove off…I just needed to drive…I just needed…

Well..I’ll be honest, the radio had turned into just background noise, as my heart took over and my mind stopped focusing…and as I just drove…my eyes filled up and I cried…I cried all the way… and I don’t if I cried because of Junior’s little face and it made me feel guilty or if I cried because I had felt that Keiran had stressed out over having to sacrifice himself FOR JUST ONE WEEK and tried to make me feel bad for trying to get ahead in work, like I haven’t ever sacrificed!

Are you kidding me! I sacrificed my WHOLE ENTIRE CAREER, because I had no choice, when he left. He sacrificed nothing, not even a party schedule, let a lone a work schedule at that time. I had a 2 year old and a newborn baby at the time, I was at a showbizzy *peak* and I had to let it all go…because I couldn’t manage it all by myself and i was fine with it, because I had to ‘man up’ and deal with it. Even to this day, i’m thankful for it, as it made me strong and it made my blog REAL, which is what made it popular. I told you when I was happy. I told you when I was sad. I told you everything.

I waited for years, working odd little jobs here and there…until Ruby and Junior got older and this year they’re BOTH finally in school and now with the correct approach, good whole heartedly help and determination…I can do this….and I won’t let anyone make me feel bad for trying. I’m doing well….

Regardless, we’re okay again now, we’ve spoken again…we have these little co parenting *blips* and once we’ve shouted it out, we’re fine. After i’ve finished my next meeting, I’m going to pick Junior up, just because I promised him that I would. So we’re all good. I’m happy.

I noticed that when I was in the car and no one was there, I cried, but didn’t really ‘let it all out.’ I stopped myself? Why? No one was there? That’s wrong.

Just now, whilst typing this, I began to fill up (as I didn’t manage to let out my BIG weep lol) and I stopped myself because..well i’m in the middle of a busy Starbucks and everyone would SEE me. That…I get! But when i’m alone, I should be able to cry it out. What is wrong with me?

Anyway, I’m off…I have a meeting and a quick interview to tend to…

Maybe I like to be busy, so I don’t have to *pause* and feel as much, because by nature i’m quite sensitive. I’m warm. I’m thoughtful. Yet, because i’m sassy, people don’t think that I would be?

But like I said…I’ve got my next meeting to get to… 🙂

Speak soon…

Chrissie

I just need a Prosecco and a period i’m sure. Lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Sausage Rolls & Fox Onesies

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Well the Fox Onesie Selfie got out of hand didn’t it! My Facebook inbox went a bit silly and my comment list got a bit ‘excited.’ My Twitter tweeted and my instagram message box filed in all sorts. It was kinda meant to be fun, funny and a bit slutty. Lol. Not a way to beckon in madness. Yet whatever! I loved it! i was in a Fox Onesie. Some of you were lovely. my Ponte guy friends jumped to my rescue and you’ll always know who they are during mass ‘comment’ parades as they will be the boys that I always reply to beause i actually know them in real life. Haha. They’ve known me since i was 17, they see me all the time, we’ve all been out loads at some point about town. They’re great!They’re hilarious and will either make fun of me, themselves and well as it was today…YOU! But only if you’re being pervy or if you accidentally set yourself up to be mocked. Even my mum *jumped* in with ‘yadda yadda’ today. I think she called someone a ‘pervert’ because he’s Father’s friend and typed something that was moderately inappropriate! Lol. My inbox kinda made me ‘withdraw,’ as it terrified me off. My own doing…so whatever i can handle it. *Wiggle…Giggle.*

Anyway! IT’S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE. I’ve been at work all day and Monday’s are hard for everyone. You kinda just have to get on with it don’t you and hope for the best. There’s no silver linings, other than being grateful that you made it through in one piece. Like i said, it’s a great day to be alive!

Today I held sausage rolls in the back of taxi as throwback hits from the 90’s played in the background. I also sent ‘Eton Mess’ a picture of the Lego Version of himself. I ate nuts by accident and i’m allergic to nuts, so that hasn’t been fun this evening. An alcoholic version of Santa, who was on the streets of Doncaster sat on a chair, with a rubbish beard on and sack full of cheaply wrapped £2 presents, gave my kids toy GUNS. (They’ve shot me all night, whilst i’m dressed as a fox, by a Christmas tree.) But i have a gin and tonic…and that makes me smile. I’ve actually done lots in this Fox Onesie. Lol. I even took a big blog business call with some executive…whilst I was on the other end of the line, dressed in a giant fox onesie. Life is good! I even have a fucking fur tail.

My facebook newsfeed has been filled with girls and guys rambling on about how awful their love life is and gosh i know that i definitely do that on occasion, but at least i’m funny with it. (And i’m funny with it because i’m REALLY not that sad about my love life. Lol. I’m not emotionally young, i’m kinda okay with being me and being single. They’re are fun parts to it and like i said, i’m one to wait until i find the right match, rather than waste on a mismatch. You’ll know when you find your match, as the connection will grow with ease. ) Young girls should concentrate on ambition and succeeding at what they want to do in life. Not crying over some tragical 20 something year old boy. Lol. Have fun! Lighten up! Enjoy Christmas. Be sexy! Own it.

I read this piece today stating that we apparently fall in love three times in our entire lifetime. It already put me off, as i had previously read that it was twice, years ago in some book about soulmates. But it says that we need each of the 3 loves for a reason…

The first love is the young teen love. It plays out in an idealistic fashion. It’s ‘fairytale’ and in this day and age, you’re definitely not going to stay with them forever. Lol. But the magic is that you ill believe you will. My first boyfriend at school was Dan (Danny) Shaw Town. He’s actually an amazing and popular artist now. Look him up. Great work. I loved him and cried on a loo when i was fifteen when we broke up. Haha.

The second love is supposed to be the hard love, it tests us, teaches us and makes us stronger. It shows us who we are, when it comes to matters of the heart, what we want and what we need in order to feel loved. (And when i’m talking love, i’m not talking about the people you end up in relationships with, only the ones that you have TRULY LOVED.) It’s usually unhealthy for us in the end, unbalanced and well the article said ‘narcissistic.’ Yippppeeee!  It’s the love that we wished was right, but deep down know it’s far from perfect and ‘ouchy.’

The third love is the love that we don’t see coming. It comes as a surprise, packaged all wrong, destroys the norm of what we thought would be peeking around the corner. It changes everything and fills our soul with ACTUAL love. That person that you never thought would happen, but did and you deep down love it. You try to avoid it, yet you find yourself right back there because it just feels right. It’s the one that lasts forever.

Now i don’t know how true all this is….and i never really overthink it, as i simply believe that if a girl goes about enjoying life, herself and the world, Mr.Right just finds her, falls in love with her and that’s it…sorted. I do however find the art of love interesting, yet never understand why people complicate it so much…as it’s the simpliest thing in the world ever.

I’ve had a great family night tonight. The kids are amazing. They make me so happy. I came home, to find that Ruby had got mad with grandad and therefore in a moment of rebellion opened every single one of her Advent calendar ‘doors’ and thrown the contents all over the floor. This year i had bought the children the calendar’s that have Playmobile toys in them instead of choccies and SHE KNEW that she wasn’t allowed to even start opening the calendar.

When i walked, in she was hiding on the stairs and i saw the mess, didn’t say anything and simply started putting each piece back in the box. My calmness confused her…so she poked her head around the door and said ‘Grandad said i could do whatever i wanted.’ (Then RAN off.)

I beckoned her back in and told her that i had put everything back in the calendar, like it was new. She looked at me sheepishly. Yet i didn’t have to tell her that she had done something wrong, because she already knew. She knew that I trusted she wouldn’t do what she did. I didn’t HAVE to say anything. I wasn’t even angry with her or ‘off.’ I just carried on.

She got on with her evening, we were all fine, playing, laughing, joking and then an hour later, she slowly snook up to me, when she was alone, gave me a cuddle and whispered ‘i’m sorry’ in my ear.

In life, you just have to understand people, what they do, why they do and deal with situations and in a calm, positive manner, before immediately coming up with solutions. If you trust people, you’ll find that they don’t always let you down and will in the end, whisper that ‘sorry’ in your ear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Should All Move To Manchester & Do ‘The Robot’

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YOU HAVE 34 DAYS LEFT OF 2016! Yes you do! Yes you do! And it is SO important that you make the MOST of these last 34 days that we have. If you’ve worked hard all year, embrace the last jolly days of the year with fun, silliness and rummy cocktails. Give yourself a break. If you’ve been a total waster all year :)…take this time to maybe put together a better and more productive plan for the year ahead. If you’ve suffered from breakups, enjoy love. If you’ve been loved up…commit to independent good times. WE WILL ALL START NEW CHAPTERS in 34 days!

But more importantly, YOU ALL HAVE MY BIRTHDAY TO SAVE UP FOR, 🙂 so start emptying those piggy banks and gathering those coppers, as i have me a list that could roll out and blanket half the entire universe with glitter. Lol. (The fact that i’m actually kidding hurts me. If ONLY life was as simple as a ‘get me’ list. It’d make things so much easier. I guess i don’t focus as much on ‘stuff.’ Don’t get me wrong, I do love ‘stuff.’ I have a lot of stuff and i adore it all. But now that i’m in this certain position that i’ve found myself in life, experiences are important to me, as they create memories, thoughtfulness i always find sexy, so you can go far with me with that one…and well the things that i actually want or need for my birthday, if birthdays were magical and THEY ARE, are things that people wouldn’t be able to buy for me, as they are things that i’d have to work for and find….myself.) BUT DO SEND ME STUFF. I LOVE STUFF. It makes me think you care.

I’ve done so much this weekend that i don’t even know where to begin. Swung out of work on Friday, after we all decided that we all have everything else, in life be it babies, love, or whatever it is that ‘tree huggers’ harp on about, that matters…and that the only things we all have missing is SHIT LOADS OF CASH. I work really hard and i’m grateful for the little things, the big things, family, love, life and all sorts, but don’t you get me wrong, i am a girl who strongly BELIEVES that money matters. It makes life better. Not just easier. Yes you need balance. But with the money that you’ve made, you can do all of the things that you WANT to do in life. You can LIVE without having to make sacrifices. And in this current day and age…being able to do that, is down to an accumulation of dosh. IT MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE. Then i remembered that i promised a girl that i’d be her lesbian girlfriend, if i didn’t find love by 40 and left to start the weekend on a high note.

Anyway. This weekend i was in a random bar in Manchester, (i’ve been going to Manchester a lot, spend almost half my time there. ) I can’t even to this moment remember what this bar was called? It wasn’t one of the usual popular cocktail bar haunts, that i’m quite the fixture at, yet just some place that you run into to stay out of the cold, for one quick one, before your get to your bouji destination.

Now, i don’t know what happened? But one drink ended up being loads and my chick friend seems to be able to guzzle drinks down like some kind of booze baboon. Everyone was around us, everyone wanted to chat to us, it was like a fun, Christmas blur of the best good times ever. People, laughter, music ATTENTION. 🙂 I’d been explaining to her that she wasn’t an alcoholic, because my friend Sarah and I had come up with the conclusion over salads, that even though we have a drink every night, we are DEFINITELY NOT alcoholics, because i once met a guy who opened his door to me in cold sweats, pj bottoms, looking like he was about to die, with his ENTIRE BODY SHAKING from withdrawal symptoms, to the point where he couldn’t speak for shaking and she once saw a guy falling about drunk at 8am one morning, who then went on to take off his shoe and puke in it. I’ve never puked in a shoe, or shook in pj bottoms in a sweat…Means i’m not an alcoholic. 🙂

Long story short, i let my rubbish tool of a personality and good times get the better of me and before you know it i had gotten myself involved in this comedy dance off, with some random dude who was trying to make me commit to such foolery. The way my friend tells it is like this:

‘She sort of just started giggly moon walking backwards into a crowd, with her boobies and BOOM she turned around, the crowd had parted and she found herself involved in this bizarre Manchester dance off. YET unlike a normal human being, she didn’t just politely walk off with a smile, SHE FUCKING COMMITTED TO IT. And i couldn’t piss myself more.’

From my point of view, i knew i was going for it mid moonwalk, as fuck it, we need silly fun times to feel alive. I only have 34 days left of the year. 😉 I just didn’t realize how intense my opponent was. Lol. I thought it was going to be a laugh! Not the flipping ‘Britains Got Talent’ finals. Then my Pride kicked in and i couldn’t be shit, even though i was laughing it off…so i went for it. I went for it like a dickhead who over tries on the karaoke, when they can sing a bit, but  can’t actually sing that great, however, they think the can. That was me…in some bar…in boobs…in my House of CB dress…in Manchester.

He was popping and locking and busting and thrusting. He was all over it, but kinda shit too. So it made my job easier, as the crowd focused on looks and the funnest being and i totally won that war. 😉 I went for it. Then i had him, because there’s only a point where in which a guy an actually contain himself, around a girl who has all her focus upon him and is BEING EXTREMELY SEXY & FLIRTY TO WIN infront of him, in the form of gyratey dance moves. 🙂 After that point, testosterone kicks in and all sorts happen to their ‘parts’ and their minds and BOOM they become weak.

I could see him thinking it through mid body pop…

‘Does she fancy me? Would i actually be able to get my end away? Nooo, she just wants to the win the dance off? Wait? Does she fancy me?’ 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

He lost his cool, he ended up falling to pieces, I WHOPPED OUT ‘THE ROBOT!’ Yes, i didn’t even know i could DO ‘The Robot’ but i committed to the basic yet fulfilling art of it, like a demon.

Everything *paused* and like i was Rocky Balboa, the crowd cheered and I won the Dance Off. He even offered to buy me a drink afterward, but I smiled, patted him on the back and tottered off. Then I tickled away to Tattu as it was so much better than hooligans and boners in bars. LOL. I’ve done lots this weekend. I’ve been everywhere, Manchester, Doncaster, Leeds. I hit The Botanist the other evening in Leeds with friends. I feel like i’ve lived a little.

It’s weird, as even though there’s this very apparent ‘up for a laugh’ adventure streak in me…there’s an odd swirl of sophistication that dances around with that…I’m a hard chick to read. Most people get it wrong. But i hope you don’t.

The next morning i was back with the babies, doing Santa’s Grotto’s at The Frenchgate shopping centre in Doncaster, we did Toy R Us, lunches, we did the Prosecco Pit Stop 🙂 , lights, rides, fun, CHRISTMAS and I pretty much gave them the most wonderful weekend that we have probably ever had as a family, in a really LONG time. I spoilt them rotten. I let them have whatever they wanted, do whatever they wanted and just live. (They’re not crazy, so it wasn’t so hardcore.) But they loved it so much because they’re eyes beamed when they smiled at me and their little Wunna hearts beated with excitement. You could just SEE that they felt so special, which made so happy.

The evening was spend in pj’s cuddling up, by the Christmas tree, watching telly and eating popcorn. BLISS! Even though i’ve been out and about, i’ve been blessed with so much of the very best family time.

This morning, i had ‘Daddy drop off’s.’ Like I’ve always said, Pete, Keiran and I co/parent so well with one another. We have our ups and downs, but the thing we have in common is the one thng we focus on and that’s the love of our children. I mean this morning, Ruby, Junior, My Mum, Keiran and I did breakfast at Ackworth Garden Centre, which was a place that was filled with love and Christmas. The kids LOVED IT. I loved it as i got to banter with old friends. And Keiran loved it as he felt part of a family. There was something about him today that made me want to care for him, as i guess when you’re the Dad part of the ‘separated parents’ malarky, Christmas isn’t as fun. On my end, it’s busy and joyous, exciting and wild. The babies are everywhere and we’re enjoying it loudly with bells on. Today he was happy, we got along great, but he had something missing from his soul…and that was everything that i had…The family. He misses it. I know him better than anyone…he misses it. He’s watching the kids grow up and that’s hard on him. He’s watching me grow…and that’s hard on him. He’s not a bad guy, bless him.

Always one to make people cheery, with smiles and laughter I looked at him and said,

‘Gosh! You’ve got to put a tree up Keiran. You don’t hate Christmas. You LOVE Christmas. You love getting gifts! You have Ruby and Junior! You can come spend Christmas with us. It’s not just another day. You’re not alone!!’

After that we laughed, chatted, played with Ruby and Junior and did the baby exchange. Then Ruby, my mum and I, met my dad and brother for lunch together at The Mallard. Where i did wine. Yipppeee!

Right now, i’m in a Fox Onesie and i don’t even know how that’s happened?? I was moderately moany about it at first…Yet now that my boilers broken and not getting fixed until tomorrow, the Fox onesie is a marvel.